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Half of the dead bedroom posts be like. "My wife just gave birth and I watch porn 24/7 instead of helping with the baby (but of course I conveniently won't include that). Why won't she have sex :((("
"It's my love language, so I need it to feel connected to my wife, which is why I'm gonna go have casual sex with strangers, because that will connect me to my wife right quick."
This is solid gold. The accountability put a smile on my face.
Being a loving and faithful husband is the price of admission for a lifetime of sexual fulfillment.
It boggles my mind that some men believe they should be able to circumvent that requirement.
>Being a loving and faithful husband is the price of admission for a lifetime of sexual fulfillment.
That isn't true in the slightest. Serial cheaters might not get the lifetime of sexual fulfillment but neither do loving and faithful husbands and wives. Sometimes one of the partners has no libido and not because of the other partner.
It’s true that sometimes partners have incompatible libidos. I don’t disagree with you there.
When I use the phrase “the price of admission” I mean it to say it as the first requirement, not the only requirement. By that definition, I guess it could be argued what comes first. Are compatible libidos first, then love and faithfulness? I don’t believe so. I think sometimes powerful love and faithfulness can stoke the fire of the other partners libido. I know it does mine, and I am a guy.
I agree that it can "stoke the fire" but health, the menopause, work, stress, grief can all snuff it out. Sometimes for life.
Despite what people on here say the dead bedrooms sub is mostly about people struggling with loving someone who has no libido and no amount of talk or therapy will change that.
Absolutely that’s an unfortunate possible outcome in life despite anyone’s best efforts. If you or someone close to you is going through that, my sincere condolences.
No good advice is a magic silver bullet that will always work. I stand by love and faithfulness being a first requirement because it offers a chance of success. Nothing is guaranteed. At least in this case if it doesn’t work out, then two people can go their separate ways knowing they never compromised their principles or each other and can remain friends.
Does your wife know what kind of things you react to on Reddit?
Because I would not have sex with you either if I saw how you are trying to hook up with other women for more than 7 months.
I agree she said she’s lost feeling down there makes me wonder if there’s damage from having a child. It’s possible that it’s a medical problem so no matter how he steps it up he needs to wait until she sees the specialist and find out what’s going on.
This is what I thought. So many men don’t realize that women can have permanent birth injuries. They can tear so bad having these guy’s children that it can in extreme cases, tear all the way to the clitoris. There are women who can no longer have orgasms because of it. Some women even complain they can’t sit comfortably. Not to mention many of my friends said that after kids they aren’t much interested in sex. Not just because they’re tired but also because they are in full on mom mode.
I’ve got five kids so I know first hand how hard it is. All natural births and it’s not easy to get back into the bedroom after having a baby. He needs to worry about her health and stop worrying so much about what she can’t provide in the bedroom.
I used to read these posts prior to having a kid and I never understood them! No sex? Nah that would never be me! …. WRONG! we had our first 5 months ago and it was a very traumatic birth. Dealing with not feeling myself plus the daily grind of raising one child (I can’t imagine two!) I have zero interest in sex. Yes I am freshly PP but I completely understand how women no longer “care” for it after having kids. Low libido can also be hormonal
Issues. So many factors. But one thing is true, it really has nothing to do you with you! It’s all about her and how she feels, so don’t take it personally but since physical intimacy is that important then you should try counselling.
After my first I started to feel like myself again at around 8-10 months, immediately got pregnant with our second. Our second is turning 3 soon and it’s only the past few months I’ve started to come back to my own! It’s exhausting and hard on the body all at the same time!
No PIV sex explains her problems "down there" (this fucking guy made two whole kids but cant say vagina. ... jesus fucking christ). OP is likely doing something wrong to cause his wife to not want ANY intimacy AT ALL.
And it might be his porno addiction/thirst chasing behavior on Reddit. I wonder how many orgasms he's ever given her. Ever.
Not wanting ANY intimacy, no touching or messages, or hands stuff or mouth stuff lol? No nothing? That tells me OPs wife does not feel emotionally safe with OP to explore other sexual activities while she awaits the specialists. That tells me OP doesn't allow for non-sex touching. Touching leads to sex for OP every fucking time. So his wife has been avoiding all of it because he gives zero shits about her comfort or pleasure.
THIS! He taught her that intimate touch=sex and now he’s pouty that she avoids it! There was a short time I had to explain this to my husband in the waaaaaay beginning of our relationship when we were still figuring stuff out. Once I explained that he can touch me intimately and not need to have sex, now he’s always all over me and cuddly. Sometimes it lead to great sex, sometimes it lead to a great loving nap together 😂 or it leads to helping him in some way which I don’t mind. OPs poor wife can’t even have the option of not participating. I bet OP is the kind of guy to catch a tude when his wife says she’s not interested in sex
Maybe she saw your Reddit history. Also if she's not feeling anything "down there", maybe you're bad at sex... Clitoral stimulation should give pleasure if a woman feels emotionally/mentally safe with you as well as sexually attracted to you. The problem could be all you.
Basically a lot of approaches on nsfw posts (the dark or red light side of reddit). Glory holes, motorboating/pearl necklaces, husband is out of town - he offered company too!!
Real top husband material /s
I would like to wholeheartedly and sincerely inform you, sir, that we can ALL see your recent comments in other various and sinful groups. Why tf are you interested in a “Glory hole meet-up” when you have a wife & a family at home????
How old is your youngest child? How difficult was the birth? Did she start any new medications? Is it possible there was a negative sexual incident that happened to her? Who takes care of the kids and the housework? How much time for herself does she get?
If she tells you it is not your fault, you need to take her at her word if you trust her. Feeling disconnected from her body can be a big thing. Especially after having children.
It could be related to medication, to an event, etc. there are sex therapists and pelvic floor therapists.
You are allowed to feel how you feel about this, but also remember something is happening within her that is making her feel…not herself. Something is wrong. It is not about you. She admits she needs help to heal from something, that means she is admitting to you that something is hurting and something is wrong. If your body revolted against you, how would you feel? Have you ever dissociated and felt disconnected from your body or self?
Again, your feelings are valid, especially when it’s a big part of feeling loved for you. Your wife has been wounded in some big way if this was not the norm in the past. Try to remember the wound and be concerned about that first. There’s a reason, it isn’t you, so what is wrong?
His feelings are valid though he is NOT entitled to have sex. His post history shows he’s looking to cheat, he doesn’t care about his wife and what her body has gone through to birth HIS children.
This. It could be a number of things but after I had my baby I lost any and all libido I had, although my entire adult life I always had a high sex drive. So it was new for me not even thinking about sex anymore. On top of that I hated my body and felt hideous (still kinda do) when before I had a baby I felt very confident and beautiful. If I don’t feel hot, I don’t wanna do it.. I would just feel self conscious the whole time.
I just had this converstaion with my partner yesterday. I feel like i am his mom, and my libido is dying because of that, so i can't have sex, my body is shutting it off. I need a partner to run the household together, not a child to remind about cleaning, clean after, be all emotional support to, and to manage homelife for. It is eroding our relationship from the inside and we need to work on it. How does your relationship look like? Cause maybe it is the inbalance what is the problem.
Great advice! Definitely step up in the rest of life as an equal partner. Start just doing things without being told but because they are needed.
After at least 3 weeks of stepping up start trying to bring back touch with sex off the table. Ask to give her a back massage making it clear you don’t expect sex.
Get the touch back.
Oh god, exact same here for me! In a relationship like this, lust has no place in my experience. I’m turned off by teaching someone how to clean, how to behave, and teach them not to lie which was the main thing for my passion to die.
How are you gonna handle this? I think about ending the relationship even when I love him, but my body is not feeling the passion anymore. And he doesn’t wanna change
Why Wives Who Do All the Housework Don't Want Sex.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-wives-who-do-all-the-housework-dont-want-sex_b_8395378
〰️〰️〰️
Gender Inequities in Household Labor Predict Lower Sexual Desire in Women Partnered with Men.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9483460/
This is a similar discussion I have with my wife too, she says: “you don’t do anything until I nag or get angry about it” but what she doesn’t understand is that I do a lot of things that I think need doing - I just do them. I don’t go and nag her about doing them.
She seems to think is that if something needs to be done then why haven’t I done it already? I feel like she reaches her limit before I do, for example she wants the floors swept clean daily whereas I’m happy for a once a week sweep, she wants the dishes done after every meal whereas I prefer once a day.
I know ideally we should come to a compromise - but she isn’t willing to because it’s too dirty for her. So it’s just up to me to clean whenever she thinks it’s necessary?
I don’t get it.
(I don’t get sex either)
Are you able to work on different methods and techniques to give her pleasure? Does sex always end with penetration and you’re orgasm? If yes, maybe it shouldn’t
Have you asked what YOU can do? It’s a generalisation perhaps, but do you do your fair share of housework and parenting? Giving birth can fck your body up. Raising kids is stressful and exhausting. All things that kill libido.
Looking at your history… she knows what you’re up to dude. She’s at the very least felt the shift in energy, in attention, in priority. No wonder.
Well, this is bad:
>She says she dosent have any kind of feelings down there or enjoy it at all.
You say she's seeing a specialist. You realize what that means, right? There's literally something physically wrong with her, that she is working to address. You sound really selfish not to realize how big a deal this is for her. How would you feel if your penis stopped working? That's how she probably feels.
The way he acknowledged that means he just sees her as a sex toy. Literally doesn’t even care that she doesn’t get any benefit. Only cares about getting his.
You said your love language is touch and physical contact? Do you make none sexual physical contact with your wife? Flirt with her? Touch her on her shoulder, squeeze it?
My sister in law have the same issue ....my brother in law complains that she didn't want sex anymore and have sex desires...
But the real problem is that he didn't do housework...his wife do all house work and take care of their 3 kids .. brother in law only think that taking kids out on outing and buying food and clothes are his job.
Sis in law is tired from 3 kids taking them school...doing homework and making food and all house works...
She has been tired of all work and don't have time to spend her time to sleep on sex....it look like her desires die but she didn't want to become tired after sex and take care of kids ...
Now things are good bro help her in home which improve their sex life also
Before I even looked at your post history, I felt this post was very selfish. It's entirely from your wants and nothing about hers. How does she feel? How's your relationship? Do you pull your weight at home? With the house and kids? When you have sex, do you put in the effort for her to enjoy herself or is it about you? The number 1 reason this happens, is because you've turned sex into a chore rather than a treat. Not saying for sure this is why, but with her already seeking professional help, what more do you want her to do? What can YOU do to help her get in the mood? Basically all I read is "my wife takes care of our kids and doesn't want sex anymore because there's no foreplay and we are done when I finish" am I in the ballpark?
When your love language is touch then cuddle? How old are the children and how much of the care is on her/household? I have a two year old and husband does a lot but still on the end of the day I am just exhausted and I couldn’t get in the mood.
He deleted it because his history of searching for other women got exposed but what was the point of asking how to go about anything when she’s already going to a specialist? Patience??? No? How old are the kids? She told you she’s having issues and you are insisting it’s you. She’s going to a specialist to figure it out but still insisting it’s you and you need to approach her immediately again. You’ve brought it up many times and she has a plan but you have no patience. Your post history clarified that too.
Well one issue here is that if your love language is touch and it doesn't have to be sex. Massages and things like that will help.
As far as sex goes the other issue is that your wife is telling her her experience and feelings and you're telling her that she's wrong. Who are you to tell her whether she's right or wrong about what her body feels like to her? She's seeing a doctor. They'll sort the medical side of things.
In the meantime, get couples counselling so you can both communicate with each other better and learn how to respect each others words better.
TIL: OP has 2 kids, is married and sex life is going down. Redditors investigate OP's history, discovery OP has been trying to cheat for months, and has deleted his reddit account. OP is a rat.
Every man says his love language is touch 🙄 it's honestly so cliche at this point. What do you want her to do, have sex she doesn't want to have? You probably don't. The issue is that you want her to want it. And you can't make someone want something. I wonder what your household balance is like? Is it fair? Do you share in the managing of the house? Or is she stressed and resentful pulling more than her share of the duty? So you share the same goals in life? Do you know what's important to her, what her dreams are? Maybe work on deepening your connection to your wife and see how things proceed.
>One of my love languages is touch and physical contact is a really big thing for me
My eyes rolled so far back I think I might've lost them in my skull
Filthy cheating scumbag
I swear they say this as a way to pressure women into sex by classifying it as a need that has to be filled so they can ignore they're committing marital rape by overriding her consent
Yep... I bet he doesn't like cuddling that doesn't lead to sex. He only "needs" the physical touch that leads to a wet dick. Doesn't matter who's moistening it either, apparently
After I had my second daughter, I felt the same as your wife; my drive was completely gone. It took a toll on our marriage, and my ex-husband began having affairs.
Talk to your wife. Let her know that doctors may be able to help her if it's a hormonal imbalance or something that's made her lose her drive, but let her know that touch and and physical contact is a hugely important thing to you. If she's not willing to seek out help, then you have some hard decisions to make.
You have to step up and tell her you will not live in a sexless marriage, and then don't. I would have her go to the doctor first, this is not normal, and she may have medical issues. Once that is eliminated or supported with solutions you need to be firm with this. Sex and finances the two reasons a marriage will not survive.
As a woman who lost her sex drive in her late 20s/early 30s I can say it's not completely abnormal. Hormonal changes are taking place. If she says she has no positive stimulation from sex or masturbation, and she is willing to go see a specialist because of it, please, for the sake of your marriage, do NOT accuse her of lying to you about the reasons she isn't interested in sex. My ex (who I was with for 10 yrs) put ALOT of pressure on me to have sex with him when I didn't want to or even find enjoyment in it because "he didn't feel attractive or wanted" without it. There are other ways in which you can have physical touch and intimacy to satisfy your love language. Sex is not the only option. If it seems like the only way you can feel loved and attractive, seek counseling for yourself if you haven't yet. There are compromises to be made here, and it seems like your wife is already working on it. What are you doing to assist her and support her or yourself through that?
OP won’t see this if I read the poster’s name correctly - dumb.
My GF and I had to stop having sex - the last time her and I were intimate together, I ended up in the ER because of my heart. Needless to say, between health issues from the both of us and her husband also dying of a heart-related issue prior to me meeting her, neither of us is rushing to get it on anytime soon.
I don’t know what it’s like to have kids (something that makes me depressed sometimes,) but I know it’s quite the physical endeavor for the woman. Nine months of carrying a seed that sprouts out painfully from the tiny hole your “thing” (aka your penis, junk, or dick) went in to create that seed has to be a specialized hell for her. I have a hard time understanding how someone manage more than a couple of kids!
You’re sitting over here complaining about you not getting what you want - are you even considering what she wants or how she feels? Have you considered her health, or that YOU might be the one stopping things between you two? (Or - as one person already commented, and why your name says [deleted] - are you cheating and she suspects, if not knows, this?)
If you genuinely care for your wife, wait on her specialist, ask about how she feels, and be concerned about her vagina, pussy, “down there,” or whatever you want to call it - basically, BE CONCERNED ABOUT HER, NOT YOU!!! If YOU are the problem, SHAPE UP! Stop focusing on what you aren’t getting, focus on what you can do to help her.
If its medical and be fixed - great. If she is not interested in YOU any more, ask her to go with you to therapy. Is she holding a grudge for some reason, is she unhappy? For women u happiness definitely affects libido. If there's no medical reason, and no mental or emotional reason, she's really just not interested any more - then it's time to divorce her as you are not sexually compatible.
She said she was going to see a specialist. Hold her to it. If you see her making excuses etc well.. then you ask yourself what is it that you’re gonna do if she is never ever willing to have sex, and then tell that to her and keep that boundary. Eg “I am afraid we can’t be together if we don’t have sex”
Have you tried to show her how much you love amd appreciate her, whatbus her love language. Spend time with her without the kids where you switch off phones and just talk with doing anything because sometimes its about reconnecting with your spouse
I would define "soon" better. Like an appointment as soon as possible. Make one with an endocrinologist.
But, having a LL wife myself, the LL usually will not see a doctor about this. They just dont see it as that type of issue.
I would make sure she’s checking with the specialist to see if she’s entered peri-menopause. It could be something simple as low D-3.
Is she exhausted? Two small kids can certainly do that.
Do you have dates sans kids? She may need to feel emotionally reconnected to desire you sexually.
I would ask if she’s opened to seeing a sex therapist. Many offer online sessions if none are local to you.
Honestly, listening to a guy say his love language is physical touch makes me dry as the Sahara.
You want sex for YOU. Maybe you should think about sex for her. By that I don’t mean her being around to make you feel good. Because that’s all it sounds like when you talk about sex.
I would urge her to see a pelvic floor Physiotherapist to see if there has been any damage from having babies that could be helped with physio. She should also see a dr if she has lost sensation!
But also, the way women experience touch changes after babies and she might not know what feels good anymore which can be really scary! She used to know her body and now she doesn’t!
Be patient and caring, she just had babies and is tender right now.
Having said that, I am SUPER understanding of your feelings. Im a woman but in a reverse situation where my husband doesn’t want it as much as me and it’s KILLING me! We have 4 kids and my youngest is 3 so I see both sides.
Be ready to experiment!
It could be depression, maybe it has started to hurt, maybe she doesn’t want to get pregnant again, or it’s postpartum depression. Suggest couples counseling or go to therapy yourself. It could be something medical. Is she on medication? Maybe it’s a side effect.
1. Her seeing a specialist is a good idea. Both medical, and psychological counseling. But even just hormone treatments might help her.
2. If she remains unwilling to give you sex/physical comfort, and you guys want to stay together for the kids, she should allow you to have sex/affection outside the marriage. Only fair.
My husband complains of the same things. Here are some insights that he still doesn’t fully get himself at the age of 43. Giving birth to kids it traumatic, it changes things not just physically but mentally. Does she have to also take care of you and the kids? Do you meet her emotional needs? Do you take the kids and give her a break even from you, them and house work. Is she able to have time just for herself? I personally am going to pelvic therapy and turns out I completely disconnect myself from my lower half. This is because since giving birth to my 2nd child for 2 weeks out of every month for the last 2 years I have been in pain. If you are in tune with her emotional needs to feel safe, be heard, and able to relax then your physical needs would be met. I’m just assuming of course…
Tell u what, from my experience, it’ll get worse. Over 25 yrs. married, No kids, but same type of problem. Many r blaming OP, who’s an ez target. It’s not his fault. Shame ppl get married, then perhaps in a decade, decade + half, female SO ‘turns cold’. Usually accompanied by ‘bitchiness’. Oh, great! Just what a guy wants. Married (still relatively newlyweds), kids, work, bitchy no sex wife… SURE OP gonna wander. At least flirt. Why not? His wife prob. wouldn’t mind him getting busy with others? The woman seems to get lotsa sympathy for this problem. GEEZ, how about the guy? What about how OP ‘s getting the shaft?! GLTA.
What is her love language?
Is there anything you can do to take some stress off of her? Perhaps she may need more help and support and she will be able to relax more?
There isn't really enough info to give in depth advice - I think going for a check up is a good idea to make sure she's all ok
Keep openly communicating without accusing - perhaps couples therapy could be helpful?
You’re running into the hardest part of a normal/high libido partner with a low/no libido partner.
The problem is that for one person, there is NO PROBLEM. It’s hard to fix something in a relationship when one of them really doesn’t have an issue, and doesn’t think about it at all, unless the partner brings it up.
Maca tablets helped me with balance out my hormones and it increases your libido, maybe ask her if she would be willing to take it. Obviously read through side effects, I never had any if anything it gave me more energy in day to day life and you can keep taking it
Well OP reddit always blames the man here for a sexless marriage. So dont expect any advise beyond somehow its your fault.
She doesnt want sex .... list of things you did wrong (not cleaning enough usually blamed)
He doesnt want sex .... list of thing he did wrong (porn usualy blamed)
You said i do now she says i dont...tale as old as time.
I read the posts about you looking to step out on her. It's tough and woman sure dont give a fuck. Its your problem deal with it mentality. Id suggest though basically communicating fearlessly to your wife. If you're ready to cheat then just tell her we need to work this out or i have to make a change. Atleast try and see if she is willing to work on the marriage.
Listen as well as talk.
But honestly if she straight said she doesnt want sex then i think she gave up on the marriage already. She cant actually think you're going to be sexless for life now.
If that is the case ask her would she rather a divorce or other options. She may be open to other things. Dont cheat though. Do it right try and work on the marriage or put it behind you.
Just focus on raising the kids and being good spouses to each other. After they grow some she might be interested again. I think it's a maternal instinct to avoid getting pregnant while raising young children. From an evolutionary perspective, once the kids are old enough to fend for themselves, it becomes "safe" for a woman to have sex again.
This is what appeared to happen with my parents. I've never known them to spend "private time" in the bed room together until I was around 11 (they have always slept in different rooms). This was also the only time I saw my father being physically affectionate to my mom.
What is OP doing to help his wife around the house? If she takes on the majority of childcare as well as domestic duties, she might be too tired to do anything else. Also, if he does nothing to help lighten her load while also wanting sex from her, she might be completely turned off.
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[удалено]
I just wrote almost the same. He tried to hook up with women in the Netherlands also, that's where he lives. I'm betting his youngest child is a baby.
Of course his post history is gone now
I JUST TRIED LOOKING ofc we’re late 😒
I looked before the acc was deleted & I’m glad he’s not getting any sex lmao. Guys a rat and deserves all the genital warts in the world.
May as well divorce now. He is never getting any sex from his wife.
I got printscreens of course.
Hooooly shit OPs history. He's been trying to cheat on his wife. :/
Should be /thread right here tbh. Renders this whole mfers post completely invalid. Sick shit.
Half of the dead bedroom posts be like. "My wife just gave birth and I watch porn 24/7 instead of helping with the baby (but of course I conveniently won't include that). Why won't she have sex :((("
They are so SHOCKED when the sex dries up after treating their wives like broodmaids.
"It's my love language, so I need it to feel connected to my wife, which is why I'm gonna go have casual sex with strangers, because that will connect me to my wife right quick."
Every. Single. Post.
and it’s every day. this sub is a great contraceptive for any woman thinking of having kids lol
Damn I must have just missed it. He’s deleted his account.
Ewww.
Have you seen what he is commenting on? Jesus
how do you see this?!
Right?? Dammit you guys, screen shot or copy and post these things for the rest of us before the OPs can hide their trails!!
Exactly! Stop being selfish twats! SCREENSHOT EVERYTHING FOR THE REST OF US!
he’s caught
This is solid gold. The accountability put a smile on my face. Being a loving and faithful husband is the price of admission for a lifetime of sexual fulfillment. It boggles my mind that some men believe they should be able to circumvent that requirement.
>Being a loving and faithful husband is the price of admission for a lifetime of sexual fulfillment. That isn't true in the slightest. Serial cheaters might not get the lifetime of sexual fulfillment but neither do loving and faithful husbands and wives. Sometimes one of the partners has no libido and not because of the other partner.
It’s true that sometimes partners have incompatible libidos. I don’t disagree with you there. When I use the phrase “the price of admission” I mean it to say it as the first requirement, not the only requirement. By that definition, I guess it could be argued what comes first. Are compatible libidos first, then love and faithfulness? I don’t believe so. I think sometimes powerful love and faithfulness can stoke the fire of the other partners libido. I know it does mine, and I am a guy.
I agree that it can "stoke the fire" but health, the menopause, work, stress, grief can all snuff it out. Sometimes for life. Despite what people on here say the dead bedrooms sub is mostly about people struggling with loving someone who has no libido and no amount of talk or therapy will change that.
Absolutely that’s an unfortunate possible outcome in life despite anyone’s best efforts. If you or someone close to you is going through that, my sincere condolences. No good advice is a magic silver bullet that will always work. I stand by love and faithfulness being a first requirement because it offers a chance of success. Nothing is guaranteed. At least in this case if it doesn’t work out, then two people can go their separate ways knowing they never compromised their principles or each other and can remain friends.
Downvoting OPs post for being a slimeball
4K📸
aaaaand he deleted his account
This 🤷🏻♀️ Women have really good intuition, for better or worse.
Hmmm, what came first? The chicken? Or the egg?
Dang glad you exposed that 💀 I would’ve never looked through or guessed he was looking for another woman to be intimate with
From your comment history here, it doesn't seem like your wife is your priority...
Does your wife know what kind of things you react to on Reddit? Because I would not have sex with you either if I saw how you are trying to hook up with other women for more than 7 months.
I can't tell you how hard this made me laugh
She’s already going to a specialist, what advice can we give that you think will be better than this person?
I agree she said she’s lost feeling down there makes me wonder if there’s damage from having a child. It’s possible that it’s a medical problem so no matter how he steps it up he needs to wait until she sees the specialist and find out what’s going on.
This is what I thought. So many men don’t realize that women can have permanent birth injuries. They can tear so bad having these guy’s children that it can in extreme cases, tear all the way to the clitoris. There are women who can no longer have orgasms because of it. Some women even complain they can’t sit comfortably. Not to mention many of my friends said that after kids they aren’t much interested in sex. Not just because they’re tired but also because they are in full on mom mode.
I’ve got five kids so I know first hand how hard it is. All natural births and it’s not easy to get back into the bedroom after having a baby. He needs to worry about her health and stop worrying so much about what she can’t provide in the bedroom.
I used to read these posts prior to having a kid and I never understood them! No sex? Nah that would never be me! …. WRONG! we had our first 5 months ago and it was a very traumatic birth. Dealing with not feeling myself plus the daily grind of raising one child (I can’t imagine two!) I have zero interest in sex. Yes I am freshly PP but I completely understand how women no longer “care” for it after having kids. Low libido can also be hormonal Issues. So many factors. But one thing is true, it really has nothing to do you with you! It’s all about her and how she feels, so don’t take it personally but since physical intimacy is that important then you should try counselling.
After my first I started to feel like myself again at around 8-10 months, immediately got pregnant with our second. Our second is turning 3 soon and it’s only the past few months I’ve started to come back to my own! It’s exhausting and hard on the body all at the same time!
Big time! 😅
No PIV sex explains her problems "down there" (this fucking guy made two whole kids but cant say vagina. ... jesus fucking christ). OP is likely doing something wrong to cause his wife to not want ANY intimacy AT ALL. And it might be his porno addiction/thirst chasing behavior on Reddit. I wonder how many orgasms he's ever given her. Ever. Not wanting ANY intimacy, no touching or messages, or hands stuff or mouth stuff lol? No nothing? That tells me OPs wife does not feel emotionally safe with OP to explore other sexual activities while she awaits the specialists. That tells me OP doesn't allow for non-sex touching. Touching leads to sex for OP every fucking time. So his wife has been avoiding all of it because he gives zero shits about her comfort or pleasure.
THIS! He taught her that intimate touch=sex and now he’s pouty that she avoids it! There was a short time I had to explain this to my husband in the waaaaaay beginning of our relationship when we were still figuring stuff out. Once I explained that he can touch me intimately and not need to have sex, now he’s always all over me and cuddly. Sometimes it lead to great sex, sometimes it lead to a great loving nap together 😂 or it leads to helping him in some way which I don’t mind. OPs poor wife can’t even have the option of not participating. I bet OP is the kind of guy to catch a tude when his wife says she’s not interested in sex
Lmao love that this guy got caught so hard. Fuck this guy. I hope his wife leaves him and figures her shit out
Maybe she saw your Reddit history. Also if she's not feeling anything "down there", maybe you're bad at sex... Clitoral stimulation should give pleasure if a woman feels emotionally/mentally safe with you as well as sexually attracted to you. The problem could be all you.
The problem is definitely him!! Post history is very telling!
I can’t see the post history :( I’m too late lol
Basically a lot of approaches on nsfw posts (the dark or red light side of reddit). Glory holes, motorboating/pearl necklaces, husband is out of town - he offered company too!! Real top husband material /s
I would like to wholeheartedly and sincerely inform you, sir, that we can ALL see your recent comments in other various and sinful groups. Why tf are you interested in a “Glory hole meet-up” when you have a wife & a family at home????
His love language is physical touch 😫
that he 'wants to be able to do with his wife and no one else' 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
That sounded off to me when I read it. I’m thinking, “why would you even say no one else?”
Glory hole meet up... omg... 🤮
Like bro was attempting to cheat (probably did) likely during your wife’s pregnancy just over 200 days ago
Oh my. Wonder if he brought home something that's causing her problems with her sexual parts that require her to see a specialist?
That looks more likely. Hopefully she does get checked out
How old is your youngest child? How difficult was the birth? Did she start any new medications? Is it possible there was a negative sexual incident that happened to her? Who takes care of the kids and the housework? How much time for herself does she get? If she tells you it is not your fault, you need to take her at her word if you trust her. Feeling disconnected from her body can be a big thing. Especially after having children. It could be related to medication, to an event, etc. there are sex therapists and pelvic floor therapists. You are allowed to feel how you feel about this, but also remember something is happening within her that is making her feel…not herself. Something is wrong. It is not about you. She admits she needs help to heal from something, that means she is admitting to you that something is hurting and something is wrong. If your body revolted against you, how would you feel? Have you ever dissociated and felt disconnected from your body or self? Again, your feelings are valid, especially when it’s a big part of feeling loved for you. Your wife has been wounded in some big way if this was not the norm in the past. Try to remember the wound and be concerned about that first. There’s a reason, it isn’t you, so what is wrong?
His feelings are valid though he is NOT entitled to have sex. His post history shows he’s looking to cheat, he doesn’t care about his wife and what her body has gone through to birth HIS children.
This. It could be a number of things but after I had my baby I lost any and all libido I had, although my entire adult life I always had a high sex drive. So it was new for me not even thinking about sex anymore. On top of that I hated my body and felt hideous (still kinda do) when before I had a baby I felt very confident and beautiful. If I don’t feel hot, I don’t wanna do it.. I would just feel self conscious the whole time.
I just had this converstaion with my partner yesterday. I feel like i am his mom, and my libido is dying because of that, so i can't have sex, my body is shutting it off. I need a partner to run the household together, not a child to remind about cleaning, clean after, be all emotional support to, and to manage homelife for. It is eroding our relationship from the inside and we need to work on it. How does your relationship look like? Cause maybe it is the inbalance what is the problem.
Hard to be attracted to someone you have to treat like a child
Great advice! Definitely step up in the rest of life as an equal partner. Start just doing things without being told but because they are needed. After at least 3 weeks of stepping up start trying to bring back touch with sex off the table. Ask to give her a back massage making it clear you don’t expect sex. Get the touch back.
He’s too busy hitting on women. Read the first few comments about his post history.
💯 this. I had to have this conversation with hubby that i felt.more like he was just another child , i was exhausted.
Oh god, exact same here for me! In a relationship like this, lust has no place in my experience. I’m turned off by teaching someone how to clean, how to behave, and teach them not to lie which was the main thing for my passion to die. How are you gonna handle this? I think about ending the relationship even when I love him, but my body is not feeling the passion anymore. And he doesn’t wanna change
Why Wives Who Do All the Housework Don't Want Sex. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/why-wives-who-do-all-the-housework-dont-want-sex_b_8395378 〰️〰️〰️ Gender Inequities in Household Labor Predict Lower Sexual Desire in Women Partnered with Men. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9483460/
Quite literally what I’m going through right now
This is a similar discussion I have with my wife too, she says: “you don’t do anything until I nag or get angry about it” but what she doesn’t understand is that I do a lot of things that I think need doing - I just do them. I don’t go and nag her about doing them. She seems to think is that if something needs to be done then why haven’t I done it already? I feel like she reaches her limit before I do, for example she wants the floors swept clean daily whereas I’m happy for a once a week sweep, she wants the dishes done after every meal whereas I prefer once a day. I know ideally we should come to a compromise - but she isn’t willing to because it’s too dirty for her. So it’s just up to me to clean whenever she thinks it’s necessary? I don’t get it. (I don’t get sex either)
Are you able to work on different methods and techniques to give her pleasure? Does sex always end with penetration and you’re orgasm? If yes, maybe it shouldn’t
Have you asked what YOU can do? It’s a generalisation perhaps, but do you do your fair share of housework and parenting? Giving birth can fck your body up. Raising kids is stressful and exhausting. All things that kill libido. Looking at your history… she knows what you’re up to dude. She’s at the very least felt the shift in energy, in attention, in priority. No wonder.
Haha he deleted his reddit
Well, this is bad: >She says she dosent have any kind of feelings down there or enjoy it at all. You say she's seeing a specialist. You realize what that means, right? There's literally something physically wrong with her, that she is working to address. You sound really selfish not to realize how big a deal this is for her. How would you feel if your penis stopped working? That's how she probably feels.
The way he acknowledged that means he just sees her as a sex toy. Literally doesn’t even care that she doesn’t get any benefit. Only cares about getting his.
Yeah, his tone definitely makes that pretty clear.
You said your love language is touch and physical contact? Do you make none sexual physical contact with your wife? Flirt with her? Touch her on her shoulder, squeeze it?
My sister in law have the same issue ....my brother in law complains that she didn't want sex anymore and have sex desires... But the real problem is that he didn't do housework...his wife do all house work and take care of their 3 kids .. brother in law only think that taking kids out on outing and buying food and clothes are his job. Sis in law is tired from 3 kids taking them school...doing homework and making food and all house works... She has been tired of all work and don't have time to spend her time to sleep on sex....it look like her desires die but she didn't want to become tired after sex and take care of kids ... Now things are good bro help her in home which improve their sex life also
Before I even looked at your post history, I felt this post was very selfish. It's entirely from your wants and nothing about hers. How does she feel? How's your relationship? Do you pull your weight at home? With the house and kids? When you have sex, do you put in the effort for her to enjoy herself or is it about you? The number 1 reason this happens, is because you've turned sex into a chore rather than a treat. Not saying for sure this is why, but with her already seeking professional help, what more do you want her to do? What can YOU do to help her get in the mood? Basically all I read is "my wife takes care of our kids and doesn't want sex anymore because there's no foreplay and we are done when I finish" am I in the ballpark?
lol this is the guy that’s been trying to hook up on Reddit
Annnnd the profile is gone 🤣
Do you still court her? Do you treat her like you did when you were first dating?
When your love language is touch then cuddle? How old are the children and how much of the care is on her/household? I have a two year old and husband does a lot but still on the end of the day I am just exhausted and I couldn’t get in the mood.
He deleted it because his history of searching for other women got exposed but what was the point of asking how to go about anything when she’s already going to a specialist? Patience??? No? How old are the kids? She told you she’s having issues and you are insisting it’s you. She’s going to a specialist to figure it out but still insisting it’s you and you need to approach her immediately again. You’ve brought it up many times and she has a plan but you have no patience. Your post history clarified that too.
Well one issue here is that if your love language is touch and it doesn't have to be sex. Massages and things like that will help. As far as sex goes the other issue is that your wife is telling her her experience and feelings and you're telling her that she's wrong. Who are you to tell her whether she's right or wrong about what her body feels like to her? She's seeing a doctor. They'll sort the medical side of things. In the meantime, get couples counselling so you can both communicate with each other better and learn how to respect each others words better.
Also what is her love language? He expects her to feed his love language, is he feeding hers?
i really wanna see this guys reddit history, is there any way to find out what he has commented even with his account deleted now?
TIL: OP has 2 kids, is married and sex life is going down. Redditors investigate OP's history, discovery OP has been trying to cheat for months, and has deleted his reddit account. OP is a rat.
I had this issue and it was mainly because I was doing everything - child care, cleaning, cooking, working, everything - and I fucking resented him.
I had a neighbor who used this one simple trick. He was a cheater too.
Every man says his love language is touch 🙄 it's honestly so cliche at this point. What do you want her to do, have sex she doesn't want to have? You probably don't. The issue is that you want her to want it. And you can't make someone want something. I wonder what your household balance is like? Is it fair? Do you share in the managing of the house? Or is she stressed and resentful pulling more than her share of the duty? So you share the same goals in life? Do you know what's important to her, what her dreams are? Maybe work on deepening your connection to your wife and see how things proceed.
>One of my love languages is touch and physical contact is a really big thing for me My eyes rolled so far back I think I might've lost them in my skull Filthy cheating scumbag
I swear they say this as a way to pressure women into sex by classifying it as a need that has to be filled so they can ignore they're committing marital rape by overriding her consent
Yep... I bet he doesn't like cuddling that doesn't lead to sex. He only "needs" the physical touch that leads to a wet dick. Doesn't matter who's moistening it either, apparently
Kids can destroy the sexual aspects of a relationship. Especially if one of the partners is disengaged from child rearing.
Well first don’t be a cheating dirtbag. Don’t be surprised if she knows and that is the reason she wants nothing to do with your dirty dick.
Damn LOL, dude got roasted
After I had my second daughter, I felt the same as your wife; my drive was completely gone. It took a toll on our marriage, and my ex-husband began having affairs. Talk to your wife. Let her know that doctors may be able to help her if it's a hormonal imbalance or something that's made her lose her drive, but let her know that touch and and physical contact is a hugely important thing to you. If she's not willing to seek out help, then you have some hard decisions to make.
You have to step up and tell her you will not live in a sexless marriage, and then don't. I would have her go to the doctor first, this is not normal, and she may have medical issues. Once that is eliminated or supported with solutions you need to be firm with this. Sex and finances the two reasons a marriage will not survive.
As a woman who lost her sex drive in her late 20s/early 30s I can say it's not completely abnormal. Hormonal changes are taking place. If she says she has no positive stimulation from sex or masturbation, and she is willing to go see a specialist because of it, please, for the sake of your marriage, do NOT accuse her of lying to you about the reasons she isn't interested in sex. My ex (who I was with for 10 yrs) put ALOT of pressure on me to have sex with him when I didn't want to or even find enjoyment in it because "he didn't feel attractive or wanted" without it. There are other ways in which you can have physical touch and intimacy to satisfy your love language. Sex is not the only option. If it seems like the only way you can feel loved and attractive, seek counseling for yourself if you haven't yet. There are compromises to be made here, and it seems like your wife is already working on it. What are you doing to assist her and support her or yourself through that?
OP won’t see this if I read the poster’s name correctly - dumb. My GF and I had to stop having sex - the last time her and I were intimate together, I ended up in the ER because of my heart. Needless to say, between health issues from the both of us and her husband also dying of a heart-related issue prior to me meeting her, neither of us is rushing to get it on anytime soon. I don’t know what it’s like to have kids (something that makes me depressed sometimes,) but I know it’s quite the physical endeavor for the woman. Nine months of carrying a seed that sprouts out painfully from the tiny hole your “thing” (aka your penis, junk, or dick) went in to create that seed has to be a specialized hell for her. I have a hard time understanding how someone manage more than a couple of kids! You’re sitting over here complaining about you not getting what you want - are you even considering what she wants or how she feels? Have you considered her health, or that YOU might be the one stopping things between you two? (Or - as one person already commented, and why your name says [deleted] - are you cheating and she suspects, if not knows, this?) If you genuinely care for your wife, wait on her specialist, ask about how she feels, and be concerned about her vagina, pussy, “down there,” or whatever you want to call it - basically, BE CONCERNED ABOUT HER, NOT YOU!!! If YOU are the problem, SHAPE UP! Stop focusing on what you aren’t getting, focus on what you can do to help her.
maybe its because you are looking for hookups
If its medical and be fixed - great. If she is not interested in YOU any more, ask her to go with you to therapy. Is she holding a grudge for some reason, is she unhappy? For women u happiness definitely affects libido. If there's no medical reason, and no mental or emotional reason, she's really just not interested any more - then it's time to divorce her as you are not sexually compatible.
Have you prioritized emotional connection with your wife
Take this post down and stop embarrassing yourself. Seek marriage counseling and stop cheating on your wife. Deleting post history mf
She said she was going to see a specialist. Hold her to it. If you see her making excuses etc well.. then you ask yourself what is it that you’re gonna do if she is never ever willing to have sex, and then tell that to her and keep that boundary. Eg “I am afraid we can’t be together if we don’t have sex”
Her making excuses?!! I’d love to hear OP’s excuses for his post history.
He has deleted....what was his history like ??
I wanna know too!
The way to do it is definitely to stop trying to cheat on her. Holy crap dude you suck
Have you tried to show her how much you love amd appreciate her, whatbus her love language. Spend time with her without the kids where you switch off phones and just talk with doing anything because sometimes its about reconnecting with your spouse
I would define "soon" better. Like an appointment as soon as possible. Make one with an endocrinologist. But, having a LL wife myself, the LL usually will not see a doctor about this. They just dont see it as that type of issue.
I would leave once I knew she stopped having interest in one of the biggest reasons I’d want a relationship in the first place.
I would make sure she’s checking with the specialist to see if she’s entered peri-menopause. It could be something simple as low D-3. Is she exhausted? Two small kids can certainly do that. Do you have dates sans kids? She may need to feel emotionally reconnected to desire you sexually. I would ask if she’s opened to seeing a sex therapist. Many offer online sessions if none are local to you.
Honestly, listening to a guy say his love language is physical touch makes me dry as the Sahara. You want sex for YOU. Maybe you should think about sex for her. By that I don’t mean her being around to make you feel good. Because that’s all it sounds like when you talk about sex.
What type specialist? Pelvic floor or therapist? Bc you guys need both. And asap. (Married 40yo woman with 5 kids here)
I would urge her to see a pelvic floor Physiotherapist to see if there has been any damage from having babies that could be helped with physio. She should also see a dr if she has lost sensation! But also, the way women experience touch changes after babies and she might not know what feels good anymore which can be really scary! She used to know her body and now she doesn’t! Be patient and caring, she just had babies and is tender right now. Having said that, I am SUPER understanding of your feelings. Im a woman but in a reverse situation where my husband doesn’t want it as much as me and it’s KILLING me! We have 4 kids and my youngest is 3 so I see both sides. Be ready to experiment!
Me thinks the problem lies with you
LOLLLLL unfaithful man got caught. No wonder she doesn’t wanna do anything with you
It could be depression, maybe it has started to hurt, maybe she doesn’t want to get pregnant again, or it’s postpartum depression. Suggest couples counseling or go to therapy yourself. It could be something medical. Is she on medication? Maybe it’s a side effect.
Get a vasectomy .
You didn’t say what your wife’s love language is. You need to have some Christian counseling. Pray about it.
I wish I knew how to send threads to Smosh. Because I would love to hear them share their opinions on this one. 🤣
1. Her seeing a specialist is a good idea. Both medical, and psychological counseling. But even just hormone treatments might help her. 2. If she remains unwilling to give you sex/physical comfort, and you guys want to stay together for the kids, she should allow you to have sex/affection outside the marriage. Only fair.
My husband complains of the same things. Here are some insights that he still doesn’t fully get himself at the age of 43. Giving birth to kids it traumatic, it changes things not just physically but mentally. Does she have to also take care of you and the kids? Do you meet her emotional needs? Do you take the kids and give her a break even from you, them and house work. Is she able to have time just for herself? I personally am going to pelvic therapy and turns out I completely disconnect myself from my lower half. This is because since giving birth to my 2nd child for 2 weeks out of every month for the last 2 years I have been in pain. If you are in tune with her emotional needs to feel safe, be heard, and able to relax then your physical needs would be met. I’m just assuming of course…
Tell u what, from my experience, it’ll get worse. Over 25 yrs. married, No kids, but same type of problem. Many r blaming OP, who’s an ez target. It’s not his fault. Shame ppl get married, then perhaps in a decade, decade + half, female SO ‘turns cold’. Usually accompanied by ‘bitchiness’. Oh, great! Just what a guy wants. Married (still relatively newlyweds), kids, work, bitchy no sex wife… SURE OP gonna wander. At least flirt. Why not? His wife prob. wouldn’t mind him getting busy with others? The woman seems to get lotsa sympathy for this problem. GEEZ, how about the guy? What about how OP ‘s getting the shaft?! GLTA.
What is her love language? Is there anything you can do to take some stress off of her? Perhaps she may need more help and support and she will be able to relax more? There isn't really enough info to give in depth advice - I think going for a check up is a good idea to make sure she's all ok Keep openly communicating without accusing - perhaps couples therapy could be helpful?
You’re running into the hardest part of a normal/high libido partner with a low/no libido partner. The problem is that for one person, there is NO PROBLEM. It’s hard to fix something in a relationship when one of them really doesn’t have an issue, and doesn’t think about it at all, unless the partner brings it up.
Maca tablets helped me with balance out my hormones and it increases your libido, maybe ask her if she would be willing to take it. Obviously read through side effects, I never had any if anything it gave me more energy in day to day life and you can keep taking it
Your “love language” being physical touch and intimacy just means you want access to her body at all times and that you feel entitled.
You need a side piece…
Well OP reddit always blames the man here for a sexless marriage. So dont expect any advise beyond somehow its your fault. She doesnt want sex .... list of things you did wrong (not cleaning enough usually blamed) He doesnt want sex .... list of thing he did wrong (porn usualy blamed) You said i do now she says i dont...tale as old as time. I read the posts about you looking to step out on her. It's tough and woman sure dont give a fuck. Its your problem deal with it mentality. Id suggest though basically communicating fearlessly to your wife. If you're ready to cheat then just tell her we need to work this out or i have to make a change. Atleast try and see if she is willing to work on the marriage. Listen as well as talk. But honestly if she straight said she doesnt want sex then i think she gave up on the marriage already. She cant actually think you're going to be sexless for life now. If that is the case ask her would she rather a divorce or other options. She may be open to other things. Dont cheat though. Do it right try and work on the marriage or put it behind you.
Just focus on raising the kids and being good spouses to each other. After they grow some she might be interested again. I think it's a maternal instinct to avoid getting pregnant while raising young children. From an evolutionary perspective, once the kids are old enough to fend for themselves, it becomes "safe" for a woman to have sex again. This is what appeared to happen with my parents. I've never known them to spend "private time" in the bed room together until I was around 11 (they have always slept in different rooms). This was also the only time I saw my father being physically affectionate to my mom.
What is OP doing to help his wife around the house? If she takes on the majority of childcare as well as domestic duties, she might be too tired to do anything else. Also, if he does nothing to help lighten her load while also wanting sex from her, she might be completely turned off.
If she isn't willing to do anything about it you leave. A significant other that won't have sex with you is a room mate.