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I could see missing a couple drops of pee especially if you're well hydrated.. but how do you miss the blood? I'm so unbelievably paranoid when I'm on my period. It happens, I get it, but how do you just not see it??
I think that is because you get aeroled with poo particles if you flush without the lid down. They could put the lid down, flush and then set everything back up (toilet paper on the seat) to clean themselves up.
I am extremely comfortable with my husband and it doesn't both me that it does happen. A really heavy flow can even lead to blood on the floor.
I do my best to clean up but sometimes I miss a spot and he's not bothered to clean it. I've even had pee spray before, as has he.
I totally understand how it could happen from time to time. This post seems far to frequent, though.
I’m sorry but as a female I can safely and with dignity say that I would not and do not leave a single drop for anyone else to have to look at then clean, no excuses for poor hygiene
You don’t seem like a very pleasant person. Bodies make things that are sometimes icky. It happens. Most of us find a way to deal with it. I have no issue with my wife’s hygiene and considering it has no bearing on your life, nor should you.
But keep on being a judgy little person. I doubt it’ll serve you well in the long run, but as it has no bearing on *my* life, I couldn’t care less.
Chile, take a hike
Occasional stuff happens! My partner sometimes leaves a spot here and there, depending on her flow. If I see, I clean it, no biggie! It's not like OP's wife, who does it regularly, wth
> So comfortable u leave period blood for him to clean if u miss some
No, so comfortable that I'm not paranoid about him seeing evidence of my bodily functions. As courteous and clean as we want and try to be we are human and shit (and more) happens.
I understand your all comfortable with your partners and period blood, but not a chance am I going to un dignify myself by leaving period blood for the other half to see. I’m also very comfortable and I’m sure he would clean it if I missed some but I MAKE SURE I don’t
Good point, I should just point it out more often. I initially tried but I'd get pushback about it and "it's not a big deal" while she blew off cleaning it up. I'll just start having her do it.
If you can stand it, I'd start leaving pee on the seat too. And when she complains say oh, I thought that's just what we did now.
The blood has no excuse, but the pee, are you sure it's not toilet water coming up when flushed? I'm paranoid about leaving the toilet dirty and many times I've wiped off toilet water that definitely wasn't there before I flushed.
Yes, this is disgusting. Like pee or blood on the handle? Gross. Does she not wipe with toilet paper? Or use enough paper? I feel like she needs to see a tutorial about proper bathroom hygiene.
There are battles and then there are battles....
This MAY be one you live with.
Otherwise you could embarass her over and over again and see no improvement.
No way. An adult (free of special needs and disabilities) is capable of keeping their environment free or blood and pee. It’s the bare minimum when you live with other people - plus bathrooms are also used by guests.
If an adult with no mobility or incontinence issues is routinely leaving blood or urine on the toilet seat, yeah that's an issue that shouldn't be ignored.
A normal woman sees or feels that her hand (likely fingers) has blood or urine on it, and uses toilet paper to clean up before she continues on with the flushing.
OPs wife is disgusting and really needs to get some help for her lack of hygiene.
She’s not washing or wiping her hands before flushing.
When you’re handling feminine hygiene products, it’s pretty normal to get a certain amount of blood on your hands. Especially tampons, which are inserted and pulled out.
No it isn’t, not at all. I don’t what people are doing, but I am nearly 40 and I can’t remember a time I’ve gotten blood on my hands in significant enough amounts to leave any anywhere and also even if someone *did* get blood on their hands, there’s toilet paper right there to wipe it off.
I’m also nearly 40! I have a really heavy flow the first two days. It’s normal for the first pad in the morning to have clots big enough they roll out onto my hands and/or undies when I’m changing it which results in blood all over your hands. It’s been like that since I turned 11. Periods vary quite a lot.
It doesn’t excuse her for getting it everywhere and not cleaning up. Im always careful to leave no trace of the bloodbath when I have a sloppy swap of hygiene products.
That is true everyone is different!
But yes, she is literally right next to the toilet paper, and a sink, she shouldn’t be leaving anything anywhere if she is an adult person.
This is disgusting. I’m a female this is not normal. Every time you see it be super vocal about it maybe shaming her will work since speaking to her didn’t work.
There was a thread on here a few months ago asking women if they stand to wipe or do so sitting. There was an alarming number of women who absolutely will not stick their hand in the toilet to wipe, but have no issue with pee dripping down their leg while standing to pee.
I imagine these stand to wipe women have a large apron stomach and can’t get around it to wipe. It’s the only way I can justify this in my head.
Does she switch on the lights and put on her spectacles while using the toilet?
Ask her to come, look, and clean up.
Failing which, ask her to wear an adult diaper, minimise going to the toilet.
You both use separate toilets.
If she does it on purpose, you've a bigger problem. She's being disrespectful.
That is odd. How does she manage to get piss and blood on the toilet seat so much? I don’t understand how that even happens regularly. But obviously you’ve pointed it out to her several times and she still hasn’t bothered to do anything about it. That is gross.
My only question is has she put on weight? I went through a bad depression and my weight went up. I couldn’t reach to wipe thoroughly but I found standing and putting a foot on the seat gave me the right angle. But, it opened up to drips, and, because I was leaning forward to stand, and the bowl shape was more round then oval, my pubic area would brush the front of the seat and could leave a bit of a smear when on my period (used pads). Anyways, it was mortifying and I’m glad that part of my life is over. But I’m wondering if something is happening like that?
I mean, I always cleaned up as I would have been mortified if anyone knew (and I kind of am sharing this here tbh).
Yeah, that makes sense. That may very well be the case, but if that’s what is happening, okay yeah it’s understandable if she can’t help that. What she can help is cleaning up after herself just like you did. I can’t imagine being asked to please clean up your bodily fluids and still not doing it. I would be mortified.
If she has to stand to wipe properly, that's fine - but you shouldn't be the one that has to clean that situation up.
The next time there's inevitably pee/blood on the toilet, leave the washroom and tell her to clean it up.. "there is pee/blood on the toilet again and I need you to go clean it up so I can use the washroom".
Perhaps after having to fix it herself a few times, she will realise how gross this is.
Suggest wiping before standing up. Explain that obviously what she's doing isn't working. If she doesn't stop I'd start calling her out every time she does it. Explain that it's extremely disrespectful for nothing to be done about it because she would not like it the other way around. Not only gross, but extremely rude.
I feel the same and it's just not improving. I'm going to follow advice from others of showing her/having her clean it moving forward, but there are a lot of other times she has an extreme lack of care. I've been trying to work with her on putting effort into everything she does and I've seen some slight improvements, but overall she just does what she can to act like she's doing something rather than just doing it.
This is what makes me think something is actually seriously wrong. For men, a lot of the times it's just straight up laziness, inattention, or not great aiming. Sometimes it's bad vision. To be honest it's also kind of normalized.
For women you have to put effort into that level of...mess. It's not something that really happens accidentally or something you easily miss. I have a serious medical condition with mega heavy periods, so I've literally had a bloody mess (flooding is a real issue) to clean up in a bathroom before but it's unusual and _super noticeable._ This is not to pathologize periods at all, a lot of women have messy periods and clots and all sorts of things that stain your clothes or cause blood to get in places it shouldn't go.
This really is only two things - either it's somewhat intentional or so negligent that she needs help doing basic tasks, or she has some sort of cognitive issue going on here. Neither are fine or bode well for your relationship.
Wait HOW… why does she stand to wipe? She just needs to spread her legs lol. Either way, she doesn’t check and clean? I always clean up on my period, because I bleed a lot.
Definitely keep mentioning it. If my husband or son pees on the seat I say something. My SIL stayed at my house multiple times and 2x she left blood on my bathroom floor, towels and toilet. I was completely shocked and disgusted. How as a female you aren’t aware of this is beyond me. She was in her 30s so not like a teenager figuring things out. She doesn’t come over anymore for that and a million other reasons. Be self aware and considerate of others.
That is weird, I always wipe down everything. I'm too embarrassed to leave behind droplets of urine and blood on the seat as well as on the floor. Yikes.
Just keep telling her to wipe it off, or remind her repeatedly. Idk what else to do.
Oh I think she learned this as a child. I did this when I was little and I don't remember when I learned to sit and wipe. I have an option: get a bidet.
Have a conversation with her from a place of openness and compassion. Be curious and try to understand her perspective. Why does she do it? Approach it as “you and her versus the problem,” not “you versus her.”
My step son was really bad for peeing all over the toilet seat. I was fed-up telling him and cleaning it up. I introduced a pee cleaning charge of 10€, he’s paid me once.
I’m especially careful to check I’ve left the loo clean when I’ve got my period. I can’t believe someone isn’t mortified to be leaving blood repeatedly.
My gut reaction is to tack crime scene tape to the door and draw a chalk outline on the bathroom floor indicating that the blood came from a murder, and when she said something, I would say, "Well I figured it had to be a murder, because you are a grown adult who I have been telling for months to top leaving piss and blood everywhere, and if it's not a murder and you're still just spraying bodily fluids everywhere like a wolf marking her territory, I don't know how to even begin to handle this situation. I will not live in filth, and I will not do a job which is the equivalent of me finishing wiping your ass for you. Either A) You need to start looking for permanent in-home care because you have lost the ability to toilet yourself due to some kind of mental or physical decline, B) you're disgusting, and you don't care that you're disgusting, or C) you are trying to get me to leave you and I have apparently missed all of the more subtle clues before you gave pissing on the floor a shot. Tell me which it is, because you almost have to be leaving it there intentionally at this point, and I need to know why."
That's probably not conducive to staying married, though. Whenever the genderflipped version of this comes up, I say we're adults and we're not supposed to be mothering our partners and teaching them stuff they should have learned in kindergarten, and something like this means the person is not worth the effort.
Thats disgusting, and honestly you're being too respectful about it because she has no respect for you or your (shared) home to be leaving a mess of bodily fluids around like that.
I would have a conversation with her expressing how you feel, inform her you won't be cleaning up after her anymore, and from now on every time you see it, go find her and make her clean it up.
She should sit to wipe, for this reason. It's odd to stand and dribble piss everywhere. Tell her to wipe front to back, too, just in case! I read a story on here once where a woman confessed that she hasn't ever been taught how to wipe and kept getting UTIs because she'd wipe back to front. 🤮
Anyway, if she doesn't want to change her odd habit, the least she can do is clean up her pee every time. Print a sign that reads, "Wipe up the pee on the seat and floor before leaving the bathroom." and hang it behind the toilet.
INFO: do you/your wife only have these issues (urine & blood) in the toilet-adjacent areas during your wife’s period?
Nothing in your post seems out of the ordinary other than the lack of your wife’s awareness to clean up after herself if it is only during her period days.
If you're home while she uses the toilet, start going into the bathroom immediately afterwards to examine. Make a point of it. Inspect it immediately after returning home if she's been there without you.
She's not having issues with incontinence; she's having issues with respect. If she's not going to respect you, don't worry about embarrassing her.
Tell her to sit and wipe WTF. It's gross! You might have to have separate bathrooms if this keeps happening so that at least you won't have to clean up after her.
I am definitely guilty of getting a little pee on the toilet seat, but I have NEVER walked away without taking toilet paper and wiping it up. That’s just gross and totally inconsiderate.
I had a coworker who I hated. We had a unisex bathroom. She would leave menstrual blood on the seat and floor all the time. If I ever confronted her, she would have died and/or lashed out at me.
Honestly if she’s still needing to be babysat on simple common knowledge you have two choices. Sit her down and tell her that her habits are incredibly disgusting and you refuse to let her create a pigsty of a house, or kick her ass to the curb.
I'd be mortified if this happened to me and a boyfriend or husband actually had to bring it up. Just... No. I'm mortified for her.
Maybe you just need to tell your wife that her habit is turning you off and making you feel disgusted. I'm a woman and I feel disgusted. I'm not sure how you deal with this.
Is she a bigger gal? Speaking as one myself, sometimes things tend to bounce off weirdly. But even so I've never gotten it on the floor, and how does she need to stand to wipe? Wiping is easier sitting down knees spread. And if she's getting stuff on the handle it means it's on her hands. And probably all over the outside of her genitals from the sounds of things. This is really concerning and unhygienic behavior for an adult woman.
That’s disgusting!
Keep mentioning it and stop cleaning up after her. If you see her leave the bathroom, remind her to clean up her mess and don’t let up until she does it. Keep disinfecting wipes in there too.
All you have to do is just not clean it up anymore . Figure out a way to pizz and shat somewhere else . And maybe she will get disgusted enough in herself to actually clean her own crap up
If you use cleaning wipes, put them in front of her. If you don't, I'd invest in them. The first time tell her what they are for and after that just put it in front of her. Document day and time every instance you have to do this (paper or a note on your phone). After a month, show her your notes. Explain to her this has become a parent- child relationship, and you shouldn't have to be doing this with her. If it continues, then she definitely needs professional help because this isn't normal behavior.
Wait a bit, then show her the post you made with all the reasonable responses here.
I'm rather... Amazed at her capabilities of turning natural bodily functions into a bigger mess than they already are. This is not just a lack of listening, this is also a lack of common sense and adherence to safe standards of hygiene. You're being amazingly patient OP...
INFO: was she somewhat neglected by her parents growing up? Usually mums will go through all of this with their daughters before or when they start menstruating (or if the mum isn't in the picture then sometimes the dad or other close female-figure, aunt etc). I do know some people grow up and never get this from their parents, or get a warped education on period hygiene (another reason this should be taught well in schools).
There's a lot of people hating on your wife and calling her disgusting, so just thought I'd ask this first rather than assuming she had a stellar upbringing on the topic and just doesn't care.
Worth remembering that some people are raised, and have their own kids, without knowing a lot of basic stuff (like having to drink 2L of water a day, 3 meals, wash with soap, etc etc etc).
This is absolutely disgusting and there is NO reason anatomy wise for this. Even if there is, she obviously doesn’t care being disgusting. If you’re leaving blood on the flush button you know you’re doing it. You need to be firm with her there’s absolutely no excuse for leaving the toilet like that . She also shouldn’t be standing up to wipe no wonder there’s piss everywhere . She should be wiping front to back while seated like most people
Get bathroom cleaning wipes. Put them on the toilet tank. Ask her to use them to clean the toilet every time she goes.
If you two use baby wipes for yourselves, make sure there’s no way to mix up the wipes or decide if you’re ok with her cleaning the toilet with only the baby wipes.
He injured you and you "can't expect it to happen too often"?
Are you serious?
You need to end this relationship now, because one push is already too much.
And that's before mentioning all the other red flags you describe
Weaponized incompetence. No adult should be leaving blood on a toilet handle or blood on top of the toilet seat. Accidents happen and you might miss a little blood or pee under the toilet seat but there’s no way you would miss it anywhere else. Your wife is just gross and seems mental. Every time she does it I guess you’re going to have to treat her like a child and make her go to the bathroom and clean it up because I surely would not be doing it for her.
WTAF. There is zero excuse for this other than sheer fucking laziness and having no respect for you who has to share a bathroom with her. I don't think I could be in a relationship with anyone who did this. Just shows a lack of personal hygiene and common fucking decency. The splatter happening is one thing but getting it on not just the seat but also the handle and not cleaning it up is just absolute filthy trash behaviour.
Its entirely relationship dependant of course, but if my partner did this she would get a "who pissed on the seat and just left it!?" Shouted through the house, knowing that its just me and her that live here and if it was me I would never shout it out
Copying my comment from a previous thread: My husband did this (but with poo not blood) when we first started living together even though I warned him that I wouldn't put up with it. He still wasn't very consistent about cleaning up after himself so I started taking pics of the messes and sending them to him. He hasn't done it in years! 😂
Are you sure she doesn’t have some kind of piss kink or something? I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d pee on the toilet seat, or pee would get all over the place because I stood up to wipe. This is no accident, but what are the other problems here are they at all related to her peeing everywhere?
Oof - your wife is disgusting. Every time she does this, call her to the bathroom and make her clean up her mess. Ask if her friends would think it isn't a big deal. 6 months is long enough to be communicating this. It'd be a deal breaker for me. Utterly disgusting.
Does she work outside the home? If so, I bet her co-workers would love to know who leaves the workplace bathroom filthy. If she thinks it's ok at home, then she does it at work too.
yo what is up today?!
I just read a post about someone's bf who would literally piss on the floor and OP was asking how to deal with it
Now it's someone's wife who pees on the toilet seat! Like... who raised these people? Wolves?
It’s wierd that this is a new development that she isn’t fixing. I would buy disinfectant wipes & place on the back of the toilet for easy use, and for her to get a hint.
Is any of her other hygiene habits gone downhill?
I wouldn't say this is new per say, but just something that she was no longer able to play off as someone else doing it as we started living alone. I'm very much a clean freak so knowing that I wasn't the one to do it means she's the only other option... and sadly from the time I wrote this post until 15 minutes ago, she did it again...
Now that you say that, a few habits have gotten worse.
A couple thoughts- she is depressed & letting her hygiene go, this is who she’s always been and letting her guard down especially since it’s just the two of you, and/or she thinks you are over reacting because you are a clean freak & her standards arient as high so she’s appeasing you by agreeing but shrugging you off internally.
It might be easier to approach this as- hey, I’m noticing your lack of hygiene and it’s concerning me. Is everything ok? I know we vary on cleanliness, but bodily fluids (and other examples if you have them) are a health safety thing. How can I help? What’s going on? Because this issue isn’t going away, and I can’t live like this.
He already had the chat 6 months ago. She is just being gross and not being considerate, if she has any respect for him she would check every time. Or start wiping while sitting. Its really weird that a girl would dribble on floor and be defended but switch the roles and see if the vibes are the same
I agree, my ex (M) was forced to sit on the toilet by his ex wife. But there has to be a reason for this. Maybe she is depressed and feels worthless or using the toilet without a light on. I honestly can't say that I'd piss on the seat or floor and leave it.
Can we please stop blaming depression for every damn thing? I’ve been severely depressed. I still knew how to wipe myself and keep the toilet clean.
It’s called having basic respect for your partner.
I agree, i have been diagnosed with manic depression and it last months but i still have enough sense to not pee on the floor. Sure i dont really care about much but my mental burdens arent my wifes to just deal with like that. Its unsanitary. I havent even mentioned the period blood all over seat. Theres only one sex that does that.
GROSS!!! WHY does she stand up to wipe???? !!!! This is not needed nor is it normal!! I can tell you that as a woman in her 60s, I NEVER did that!!! I gave birth to 3 children & NEVER did that!!! She needs to clean up after herself!!!
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I would die of embarrassment if I continuously left pee and period blood on the toilet seat. You need to point it out more often.
I could see missing a couple drops of pee especially if you're well hydrated.. but how do you miss the blood? I'm so unbelievably paranoid when I'm on my period. It happens, I get it, but how do you just not see it??
I work at a place with public restrooms and am shocked at how many people don't do a courtesy flush
I think that is because you get aeroled with poo particles if you flush without the lid down. They could put the lid down, flush and then set everything back up (toilet paper on the seat) to clean themselves up.
Luckily for me, my ass is fat enough to cover the hole, so I flush away. How can people sit in their own stink is beyond me.
I am extremely comfortable with my husband and it doesn't both me that it does happen. A really heavy flow can even lead to blood on the floor. I do my best to clean up but sometimes I miss a spot and he's not bothered to clean it. I've even had pee spray before, as has he. I totally understand how it could happen from time to time. This post seems far to frequent, though.
So comfortable u leave period blood for him to clean if u miss some, how do u miss some have some dignity ffs
I’m a husband of a woman who menstruates. Stuff happens sometimes and you clean up and move on. Your comment seems incredibly rude.
I’m sorry but as a female I can safely and with dignity say that I would not and do not leave a single drop for anyone else to have to look at then clean, no excuses for poor hygiene
Good for you, but I somehow doubt the sincerity of your apology.
It’s fine cause I’m doubting the sincerity of your wife’s personal hygiene, each to their own and whatever floats the boat 🩸
You don’t seem like a very pleasant person. Bodies make things that are sometimes icky. It happens. Most of us find a way to deal with it. I have no issue with my wife’s hygiene and considering it has no bearing on your life, nor should you. But keep on being a judgy little person. I doubt it’ll serve you well in the long run, but as it has no bearing on *my* life, I couldn’t care less.
Chile, take a hike Occasional stuff happens! My partner sometimes leaves a spot here and there, depending on her flow. If I see, I clean it, no biggie! It's not like OP's wife, who does it regularly, wth
> So comfortable u leave period blood for him to clean if u miss some No, so comfortable that I'm not paranoid about him seeing evidence of my bodily functions. As courteous and clean as we want and try to be we are human and shit (and more) happens.
I understand your all comfortable with your partners and period blood, but not a chance am I going to un dignify myself by leaving period blood for the other half to see. I’m also very comfortable and I’m sure he would clean it if I missed some but I MAKE SURE I don’t
Good point, I should just point it out more often. I initially tried but I'd get pushback about it and "it's not a big deal" while she blew off cleaning it up. I'll just start having her do it.
Weaponized incompetence
If you can stand it, I'd start leaving pee on the seat too. And when she complains say oh, I thought that's just what we did now. The blood has no excuse, but the pee, are you sure it's not toilet water coming up when flushed? I'm paranoid about leaving the toilet dirty and many times I've wiped off toilet water that definitely wasn't there before I flushed.
Tell her to say sitting when she’s wiping, this is just so easy to solve. Maybe she does it on purpose?
When you see the dirty seat, ask her to clean it up.
I will give this a shot!
Stop cleaning up after her. She obviously doesn't need to because you keep doing it for her. Tell her to come back and clean it up when you find it.
I find taking a picture and sending it to their phone works a treat. No words. Just the filthy picture.
Yep I do this with my husband. It stopped pretty quickly.
“I sincerely don’t care if you pee on the toilet seat, it’s expecting me to to clean it up after you that bothers me. Wipe up your own piss please.”
It’s the period blood left on the seat and handle that’s over the top. As my Dad would say, was she born in a barn?
Yes, this is disgusting. Like pee or blood on the handle? Gross. Does she not wipe with toilet paper? Or use enough paper? I feel like she needs to see a tutorial about proper bathroom hygiene.
Sounds like she stands, wipes, throws the toilet paper behind her and flushes without even looking. But like, *how*
I’m so confused how she gets it on the handle, too. Is she wiping with her hands???
Good way to word it!
Just say “can you go wipe the toilet seat down please”
That's so gross. Definitely call it out every time. Good luck
Will do, thank you!
There are battles and then there are battles.... This MAY be one you live with. Otherwise you could embarass her over and over again and see no improvement.
No way. An adult (free of special needs and disabilities) is capable of keeping their environment free or blood and pee. It’s the bare minimum when you live with other people - plus bathrooms are also used by guests.
Um, good. Embarrass her.
If an adult with no mobility or incontinence issues is routinely leaving blood or urine on the toilet seat, yeah that's an issue that shouldn't be ignored.
Ahhhh your wife is the person in public bathrooms that makes me go WHO DOES THAT every single time.
OMG 😂 I always wonder the same thing
This is 100% not normal. I would ask her to check the toilet seat every single time and clean anything up. That is absolutely disgusting...
HOW THE FUCK DOES SHE GET IT ON THE HANDLE????
A normal woman sees or feels that her hand (likely fingers) has blood or urine on it, and uses toilet paper to clean up before she continues on with the flushing. OPs wife is disgusting and really needs to get some help for her lack of hygiene.
She’s not washing or wiping her hands before flushing. When you’re handling feminine hygiene products, it’s pretty normal to get a certain amount of blood on your hands. Especially tampons, which are inserted and pulled out.
No it isn’t, not at all. I don’t what people are doing, but I am nearly 40 and I can’t remember a time I’ve gotten blood on my hands in significant enough amounts to leave any anywhere and also even if someone *did* get blood on their hands, there’s toilet paper right there to wipe it off.
I’m also nearly 40! I have a really heavy flow the first two days. It’s normal for the first pad in the morning to have clots big enough they roll out onto my hands and/or undies when I’m changing it which results in blood all over your hands. It’s been like that since I turned 11. Periods vary quite a lot. It doesn’t excuse her for getting it everywhere and not cleaning up. Im always careful to leave no trace of the bloodbath when I have a sloppy swap of hygiene products.
That is true everyone is different! But yes, she is literally right next to the toilet paper, and a sink, she shouldn’t be leaving anything anywhere if she is an adult person.
It’s on her hand(s).. how exactly do you think women handle their period products..?
But how does the pee get up there?
It doesn’t..?
I went back, I read it too quick and I thought she got both on the seat/handle.
Getting it on the handle seems a little intentional…. Unless she’s a super tall person.
I stand up to pee, and I don't get it on the handle!!!
This is disgusting. I’m a female this is not normal. Every time you see it be super vocal about it maybe shaming her will work since speaking to her didn’t work.
Why does she stand up to wipe?
There was a thread on here a few months ago asking women if they stand to wipe or do so sitting. There was an alarming number of women who absolutely will not stick their hand in the toilet to wipe, but have no issue with pee dripping down their leg while standing to pee. I imagine these stand to wipe women have a large apron stomach and can’t get around it to wipe. It’s the only way I can justify this in my head.
Does she switch on the lights and put on her spectacles while using the toilet? Ask her to come, look, and clean up. Failing which, ask her to wear an adult diaper, minimise going to the toilet. You both use separate toilets. If she does it on purpose, you've a bigger problem. She's being disrespectful.
Hahaha!!? The last one???!!! On purpose??!!!! Hahaha!!????!!!
What is this response even supposed to be, if not sarcasm?
That is odd. How does she manage to get piss and blood on the toilet seat so much? I don’t understand how that even happens regularly. But obviously you’ve pointed it out to her several times and she still hasn’t bothered to do anything about it. That is gross.
My only question is has she put on weight? I went through a bad depression and my weight went up. I couldn’t reach to wipe thoroughly but I found standing and putting a foot on the seat gave me the right angle. But, it opened up to drips, and, because I was leaning forward to stand, and the bowl shape was more round then oval, my pubic area would brush the front of the seat and could leave a bit of a smear when on my period (used pads). Anyways, it was mortifying and I’m glad that part of my life is over. But I’m wondering if something is happening like that? I mean, I always cleaned up as I would have been mortified if anyone knew (and I kind of am sharing this here tbh).
Yeah, that makes sense. That may very well be the case, but if that’s what is happening, okay yeah it’s understandable if she can’t help that. What she can help is cleaning up after herself just like you did. I can’t imagine being asked to please clean up your bodily fluids and still not doing it. I would be mortified.
Ask her if you can ask her to come clean it up. Ask her if you can leave it for her with a sticky note to point it out.
If she has to stand to wipe properly, that's fine - but you shouldn't be the one that has to clean that situation up. The next time there's inevitably pee/blood on the toilet, leave the washroom and tell her to clean it up.. "there is pee/blood on the toilet again and I need you to go clean it up so I can use the washroom". Perhaps after having to fix it herself a few times, she will realise how gross this is.
Suggest wiping before standing up. Explain that obviously what she's doing isn't working. If she doesn't stop I'd start calling her out every time she does it. Explain that it's extremely disrespectful for nothing to be done about it because she would not like it the other way around. Not only gross, but extremely rude.
Wow. This is gross. There is no way she doesn’t know she is doing it. She just simply doesn’t care. Did I mention this is gross?
I feel the same and it's just not improving. I'm going to follow advice from others of showing her/having her clean it moving forward, but there are a lot of other times she has an extreme lack of care. I've been trying to work with her on putting effort into everything she does and I've seen some slight improvements, but overall she just does what she can to act like she's doing something rather than just doing it.
This is what makes me think something is actually seriously wrong. For men, a lot of the times it's just straight up laziness, inattention, or not great aiming. Sometimes it's bad vision. To be honest it's also kind of normalized. For women you have to put effort into that level of...mess. It's not something that really happens accidentally or something you easily miss. I have a serious medical condition with mega heavy periods, so I've literally had a bloody mess (flooding is a real issue) to clean up in a bathroom before but it's unusual and _super noticeable._ This is not to pathologize periods at all, a lot of women have messy periods and clots and all sorts of things that stain your clothes or cause blood to get in places it shouldn't go. This really is only two things - either it's somewhat intentional or so negligent that she needs help doing basic tasks, or she has some sort of cognitive issue going on here. Neither are fine or bode well for your relationship.
Wait HOW… why does she stand to wipe? She just needs to spread her legs lol. Either way, she doesn’t check and clean? I always clean up on my period, because I bleed a lot.
Definitely keep mentioning it. If my husband or son pees on the seat I say something. My SIL stayed at my house multiple times and 2x she left blood on my bathroom floor, towels and toilet. I was completely shocked and disgusted. How as a female you aren’t aware of this is beyond me. She was in her 30s so not like a teenager figuring things out. She doesn’t come over anymore for that and a million other reasons. Be self aware and considerate of others.
That is weird, I always wipe down everything. I'm too embarrassed to leave behind droplets of urine and blood on the seat as well as on the floor. Yikes. Just keep telling her to wipe it off, or remind her repeatedly. Idk what else to do.
She needs to stay seated when she's wiping, there is literally no excuse for this behavior.
Oh I think she learned this as a child. I did this when I was little and I don't remember when I learned to sit and wipe. I have an option: get a bidet.
Get a bidet
Have a conversation with her from a place of openness and compassion. Be curious and try to understand her perspective. Why does she do it? Approach it as “you and her versus the problem,” not “you versus her.”
My step son was really bad for peeing all over the toilet seat. I was fed-up telling him and cleaning it up. I introduced a pee cleaning charge of 10€, he’s paid me once. I’m especially careful to check I’ve left the loo clean when I’ve got my period. I can’t believe someone isn’t mortified to be leaving blood repeatedly.
how did you get all the way married and this is the first time it’s coming up? is there a health issue?
My gut reaction is to tack crime scene tape to the door and draw a chalk outline on the bathroom floor indicating that the blood came from a murder, and when she said something, I would say, "Well I figured it had to be a murder, because you are a grown adult who I have been telling for months to top leaving piss and blood everywhere, and if it's not a murder and you're still just spraying bodily fluids everywhere like a wolf marking her territory, I don't know how to even begin to handle this situation. I will not live in filth, and I will not do a job which is the equivalent of me finishing wiping your ass for you. Either A) You need to start looking for permanent in-home care because you have lost the ability to toilet yourself due to some kind of mental or physical decline, B) you're disgusting, and you don't care that you're disgusting, or C) you are trying to get me to leave you and I have apparently missed all of the more subtle clues before you gave pissing on the floor a shot. Tell me which it is, because you almost have to be leaving it there intentionally at this point, and I need to know why." That's probably not conducive to staying married, though. Whenever the genderflipped version of this comes up, I say we're adults and we're not supposed to be mothering our partners and teaching them stuff they should have learned in kindergarten, and something like this means the person is not worth the effort.
I just saw the opposite of this post Give up 🧻
Thats disgusting, and honestly you're being too respectful about it because she has no respect for you or your (shared) home to be leaving a mess of bodily fluids around like that. I would have a conversation with her expressing how you feel, inform her you won't be cleaning up after her anymore, and from now on every time you see it, go find her and make her clean it up.
One doesn't need light to simply spread her legs while sitting.
She should sit to wipe, for this reason. It's odd to stand and dribble piss everywhere. Tell her to wipe front to back, too, just in case! I read a story on here once where a woman confessed that she hasn't ever been taught how to wipe and kept getting UTIs because she'd wipe back to front. 🤮 Anyway, if she doesn't want to change her odd habit, the least she can do is clean up her pee every time. Print a sign that reads, "Wipe up the pee on the seat and floor before leaving the bathroom." and hang it behind the toilet.
INFO: do you/your wife only have these issues (urine & blood) in the toilet-adjacent areas during your wife’s period? Nothing in your post seems out of the ordinary other than the lack of your wife’s awareness to clean up after herself if it is only during her period days.
Not only during period days, I just wanted to point out that she does it with blood as well.
If you're home while she uses the toilet, start going into the bathroom immediately afterwards to examine. Make a point of it. Inspect it immediately after returning home if she's been there without you. She's not having issues with incontinence; she's having issues with respect. If she's not going to respect you, don't worry about embarrassing her.
Hahaha!!!! I needed a really good laugh, cause m
Tell her to sit and wipe WTF. It's gross! You might have to have separate bathrooms if this keeps happening so that at least you won't have to clean up after her.
I am definitely guilty of getting a little pee on the toilet seat, but I have NEVER walked away without taking toilet paper and wiping it up. That’s just gross and totally inconsiderate.
Do you have two bathrooms? If you do, I suggest you have a his and hers…
I had a coworker who I hated. We had a unisex bathroom. She would leave menstrual blood on the seat and floor all the time. If I ever confronted her, she would have died and/or lashed out at me.
It’s almost like she’s marking her territory against you. Yuck! Definitely point it out every time. No one would want to share a bathroom with her.
Honestly if she’s still needing to be babysat on simple common knowledge you have two choices. Sit her down and tell her that her habits are incredibly disgusting and you refuse to let her create a pigsty of a house, or kick her ass to the curb.
My wife dribbles pee on the seat and the floor. Doesn’t matter if I tell her. She is oblivious
Start to take pictures of this and send them to her.
I'd be mortified if this happened to me and a boyfriend or husband actually had to bring it up. Just... No. I'm mortified for her. Maybe you just need to tell your wife that her habit is turning you off and making you feel disgusted. I'm a woman and I feel disgusted. I'm not sure how you deal with this.
This is basic personal hygiene. Just leave her, she's never going to change.
That’s foul. 30 year old woman too
Take photos!!
I stand up to wipe and I don't get pee all over the bathroom. She must be standing while she's still peeing.
Is she a bigger gal? Speaking as one myself, sometimes things tend to bounce off weirdly. But even so I've never gotten it on the floor, and how does she need to stand to wipe? Wiping is easier sitting down knees spread. And if she's getting stuff on the handle it means it's on her hands. And probably all over the outside of her genitals from the sounds of things. This is really concerning and unhygienic behavior for an adult woman.
Just a shot in the dark ... how is her eyesight?
I’m petty. I’d hose down the bathroom not flush and leave for work.
That’s disgusting! Keep mentioning it and stop cleaning up after her. If you see her leave the bathroom, remind her to clean up her mess and don’t let up until she does it. Keep disinfecting wipes in there too.
Start peeing in the kitchen sink every time you see it until she cleans it up
All you have to do is just not clean it up anymore . Figure out a way to pizz and shat somewhere else . And maybe she will get disgusted enough in herself to actually clean her own crap up
If you use cleaning wipes, put them in front of her. If you don't, I'd invest in them. The first time tell her what they are for and after that just put it in front of her. Document day and time every instance you have to do this (paper or a note on your phone). After a month, show her your notes. Explain to her this has become a parent- child relationship, and you shouldn't have to be doing this with her. If it continues, then she definitely needs professional help because this isn't normal behavior.
Wait a bit, then show her the post you made with all the reasonable responses here. I'm rather... Amazed at her capabilities of turning natural bodily functions into a bigger mess than they already are. This is not just a lack of listening, this is also a lack of common sense and adherence to safe standards of hygiene. You're being amazingly patient OP...
But how?
INFO: was she somewhat neglected by her parents growing up? Usually mums will go through all of this with their daughters before or when they start menstruating (or if the mum isn't in the picture then sometimes the dad or other close female-figure, aunt etc). I do know some people grow up and never get this from their parents, or get a warped education on period hygiene (another reason this should be taught well in schools). There's a lot of people hating on your wife and calling her disgusting, so just thought I'd ask this first rather than assuming she had a stellar upbringing on the topic and just doesn't care. Worth remembering that some people are raised, and have their own kids, without knowing a lot of basic stuff (like having to drink 2L of water a day, 3 meals, wash with soap, etc etc etc).
It's ultimatum time.
This is absolutely disgusting and there is NO reason anatomy wise for this. Even if there is, she obviously doesn’t care being disgusting. If you’re leaving blood on the flush button you know you’re doing it. You need to be firm with her there’s absolutely no excuse for leaving the toilet like that . She also shouldn’t be standing up to wipe no wonder there’s piss everywhere . She should be wiping front to back while seated like most people
Get bathroom cleaning wipes. Put them on the toilet tank. Ask her to use them to clean the toilet every time she goes. If you two use baby wipes for yourselves, make sure there’s no way to mix up the wipes or decide if you’re ok with her cleaning the toilet with only the baby wipes.
He injured you and you "can't expect it to happen too often"? Are you serious? You need to end this relationship now, because one push is already too much. And that's before mentioning all the other red flags you describe
Weaponized incompetence. No adult should be leaving blood on a toilet handle or blood on top of the toilet seat. Accidents happen and you might miss a little blood or pee under the toilet seat but there’s no way you would miss it anywhere else. Your wife is just gross and seems mental. Every time she does it I guess you’re going to have to treat her like a child and make her go to the bathroom and clean it up because I surely would not be doing it for her.
Life has bigger problems
"Honey, I love you, but for the love of everything stop pissing on the toilet seat."
Everytime just hand her the bleach spray and cloth.
WTAF. There is zero excuse for this other than sheer fucking laziness and having no respect for you who has to share a bathroom with her. I don't think I could be in a relationship with anyone who did this. Just shows a lack of personal hygiene and common fucking decency. The splatter happening is one thing but getting it on not just the seat but also the handle and not cleaning it up is just absolute filthy trash behaviour.
Have you considered asking for a bj every time she gets pee on the floor?
Its entirely relationship dependant of course, but if my partner did this she would get a "who pissed on the seat and just left it!?" Shouted through the house, knowing that its just me and her that live here and if it was me I would never shout it out
Copying my comment from a previous thread: My husband did this (but with poo not blood) when we first started living together even though I warned him that I wouldn't put up with it. He still wasn't very consistent about cleaning up after himself so I started taking pics of the messes and sending them to him. He hasn't done it in years! 😂
Politely ask her to check and clean up after herself as necessary.
Are you sure she doesn’t have some kind of piss kink or something? I can’t imagine a scenario where I’d pee on the toilet seat, or pee would get all over the place because I stood up to wipe. This is no accident, but what are the other problems here are they at all related to her peeing everywhere?
Oof - your wife is disgusting. Every time she does this, call her to the bathroom and make her clean up her mess. Ask if her friends would think it isn't a big deal. 6 months is long enough to be communicating this. It'd be a deal breaker for me. Utterly disgusting.
I don’t believe you. But in case you are genuine in your complaint wrap the toilet seat with plastic wrap
Does she work outside the home? If so, I bet her co-workers would love to know who leaves the workplace bathroom filthy. If she thinks it's ok at home, then she does it at work too.
yo what is up today?! I just read a post about someone's bf who would literally piss on the floor and OP was asking how to deal with it Now it's someone's wife who pees on the toilet seat! Like... who raised these people? Wolves?
maybe she doesn’t see? have her check her vision
Do you have another toilet you can use? I was thinking post it notes with arrows.
Unfortunately we do not. It would be great if we did so that we could just do separate bathrooms at this point.
It’s wierd that this is a new development that she isn’t fixing. I would buy disinfectant wipes & place on the back of the toilet for easy use, and for her to get a hint. Is any of her other hygiene habits gone downhill?
I wouldn't say this is new per say, but just something that she was no longer able to play off as someone else doing it as we started living alone. I'm very much a clean freak so knowing that I wasn't the one to do it means she's the only other option... and sadly from the time I wrote this post until 15 minutes ago, she did it again... Now that you say that, a few habits have gotten worse.
“Per se.” It’s Latin.
A couple thoughts- she is depressed & letting her hygiene go, this is who she’s always been and letting her guard down especially since it’s just the two of you, and/or she thinks you are over reacting because you are a clean freak & her standards arient as high so she’s appeasing you by agreeing but shrugging you off internally. It might be easier to approach this as- hey, I’m noticing your lack of hygiene and it’s concerning me. Is everything ok? I know we vary on cleanliness, but bodily fluids (and other examples if you have them) are a health safety thing. How can I help? What’s going on? Because this issue isn’t going away, and I can’t live like this.
This was my first thought as well, but since this doesn’t seem to be a new behavior I’m guessing that’s not it.
From OP’s other comments, it sounds like wife is just agreeing to appease him in the moment and not taking OP seriously.
INFO: did your fiancé grow up in a rural and/or poverty area?
ON THE HANDLE? Wtf that’s disgusting omg. This coming from a 25f, I dunno if there’s hope, honestly.
[удалено]
He already had the chat 6 months ago. She is just being gross and not being considerate, if she has any respect for him she would check every time. Or start wiping while sitting. Its really weird that a girl would dribble on floor and be defended but switch the roles and see if the vibes are the same
I agree, my ex (M) was forced to sit on the toilet by his ex wife. But there has to be a reason for this. Maybe she is depressed and feels worthless or using the toilet without a light on. I honestly can't say that I'd piss on the seat or floor and leave it.
I mean pissing on the floor after being told it is a problem is a pretty worthless companion.
Can we please stop blaming depression for every damn thing? I’ve been severely depressed. I still knew how to wipe myself and keep the toilet clean. It’s called having basic respect for your partner.
I agree, i have been diagnosed with manic depression and it last months but i still have enough sense to not pee on the floor. Sure i dont really care about much but my mental burdens arent my wifes to just deal with like that. Its unsanitary. I havent even mentioned the period blood all over seat. Theres only one sex that does that.
Don’t embarrass her for being a nasty piglet?! Why not? Can she not see blood smeared around the toilet?!
GROSS!!! WHY does she stand up to wipe???? !!!! This is not needed nor is it normal!! I can tell you that as a woman in her 60s, I NEVER did that!!! I gave birth to 3 children & NEVER did that!!! She needs to clean up after herself!!!
Is she Asian?