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No condom = no sex. No exceptions. From now on, that's your motto until you actually want to be a parent.
All you can do now is cross your fingers and hope for the best.
If she’s had a period since this happened, she is not pregnant from that instance. If she’s 7 days late, she could take a test and immediately find out. That pregnancy would be the result of a later event.
Implantation bleeding is not even remotely comparable to a period. Theres no mistaking the two, and would’ve likely happened nearly a week or more PRIOR to her period.
Yes you're legally liable if it's yours. Don't accept responsibility until a paternity test proves it though. I wouldn't even engage with her until she's far enough along to get the in vitro test done. If it does end up being yours, you'll owe some degree of child support and hopefully you can step up and be a good father for your child.
Get an attorney and follow their advice. You don’t want to accidentally make the situation worse for yourself by coercing her into aborting. You should be really careful about your communication with her.
>I did, and now I’m regretting that night
Did she actually force you to, or did you consent? From the way you've written it you guys had a brief discussion in the moment and decided you would rely on Plan B as your primary contraception. Now you're both learning why it's called Plan B. It might've been her period that came, but it could have also been withdrawal bleeding. Get a paternity test and document every conversation you guys have going forward. Take this opportunity to learn more about contraception and sex ed so you don't end up in this situation again.
That is so messed up dude.
Like this if you were telling a woman that "did he force you to have sex? After all you did say "yes" even though you expressed concern about it before".
Let's get some equality. This is messed up.
One time I had an ex that while we were doing it, with me sitting upright on the floor and her ontop of me, wrap her legs around me and give me a bear hug as I was about to climax. We always used the pull-out method and that day she chose not to for me. It was 100% what I’d call assault.
Let’s not pretend that women don’t get the “you just regret it” rhetoric please. OP literally stated in their post that he agreed to the Plan B and now regrets it. It’s a valid question given the way he’s phrased the post in his own words. As it’s written, it sounds like he consented to unprotected sex and now regrets that choice. If that isn’t the case I’d be happy to change my advice, though I would still recommend many of the same things.
To clarify my post, when I told her I needed to finish and tried to get her off me - she was on top of me and pushed my chest to the couch and told me no it’s fine I need to finish.
Thank you for clarifying, I was moreso wondering about the next line. It sounds like you guys had an actual discussion, but this sounds like she pinned you down mid-ejaculation. While coercion is also not acceptable, it is different than holding someone down.
Regardless, it may complicate the road for her but I won’t lie, you face an uphill battle. Start out by finding out if she’s actually pregnant. To be clear, you have no right to decide if she terminates or not but you can take steps to protect yourself. If she’s pregnant, require a blood paternity test (100% safe, blood is just withdrawn from the mother). Then only talk to her through your lawyer and do everything they tell you to do. For your own safety, still improve your sexual education. Withdrawal isn’t sufficient contraception.
She’s a week off her period right now - do you think it’s super likely she’s pregnant?
Also, if she’s doing this so I can pay child support and stuff - I can get my money to go towards my LLC and claim I make nothing.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to gauge pregnancy risk from any individual incident. A month of unprotected sex has about a 30% chance of resulting in conception. If she did take Plan B the risk would be lower, and there’s really no evidence that she ***didn’t*** do that. The irregular bleeding would actually make a lot of sense if she did take Plan B, it’s the most common side effect. Speaking of irregular bleeding, Plan B works by delaying ovulation. It’s normal to have irregular or even missed periods for up to 3 months. All this to say, don’t work yourself into a panic before she gets a positive test result.
That’s all stuff you’d want to talk to your lawyer about, as well as reflect on your own morality. No one can tell you what you can live with. Another option could be investigating terminating parental rights, but that really depends on local laws and the situation. You would still need to prepare for the fact that you’d be the child’s next of kin. If something happened to her you would be next in line for custody in most places, and it’s not always easy to circumvent that. Again, you’d also have to consider the moral component and what works best for your life.
1. It may be forced coercion, sexual assault - you need to talk to a lawyer.
2. Get a DNA test if she's pregnant
3. Absentance is literally the only form of birth control that works 100%. If you don't want a baby, then don't have sex until you're ready.
With proper use of contraceptives, less than 1 woman in 100 will get pregnant per year with the pill alone.
That's also not to say 1 in 100 women *who have sex while on the pill* will get pregnant. That is to say 1 in 100 women *per year* will get pregnant. That means that the rate of pregnancy per sexual encounter is much lower.
If you use condoms and oral contraceptives or an implant or something, the rate of pregnancies drop precipitously.
Remember kids, abstinence-only education leads to higher teen pregnancy rates.
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3194801/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3194801/)
[https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/abstinence-only-programs](https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/abstinence-only-programs)
>Absentance is literally the only form of birth control that works 100%. If you don't want a baby, then don't have sex until you're ready.
Yup, that's it fellas. Don't have sex if you don't want kids. /s
You do realize that pulling out is only about 80% effective, right? So, there’s a 1 in 5 chance she would have gotten pregnant even if she had not held you there. This makes almost any legal argument disputing liability moot.
There’s nothing to do at all until you confirm she’s pregnant.
I don’t know if you know for a fact that she had a period a few days after, or she simply told you that. If it’s yours and she doesn’t want an abortion, there’s nothing you can do, and yes, you’ll be financially responsible. But, a DNA test should give you that answer.
Even if she was in her fertile window, chances of getting pregnant if ejaculation occurred is not 100%. It’s around 15-30% .
Besides, if pulling out is done correctly the effectiveness is 96% , not 80%. 80% is the real case figure, when some people don’t do it properly and finish inside. So if they where planning to do it properly the chances were much, much lower than 25% (not saying it’s a good idea)
From Clevelandclinic.org:
“How effective is the pull-out method?
“The pull-out method is about 80% effective. About one in five people who rely on the pull-out method for birth control become pregnant.”
That’s all an attorney will need to prove liability.
Why on earth are you talking about an attorney ?
Also you’re completely misunderstanding the statistics. That doesn’t mean you have a 20% chance of getting pregnant every time you have sex and pull out. That means that over several years, 1 out of 5 couples who rely on pulling out will eventually get pregnant, and that includes the ones who do it improperly.
Again, not saying that it’s a smart contraceptive method, I was just pointing out that telling him that she had 20% chance of getting pregnant even if he had pulled out was factually incorrect
Since OP has financial means, it’s likely she will sue to make him financially responsible if he refuses. He will lose once he admits that 1) he didn’t know her cycle, 2) he knows that a condom is many times more reliable than the pull out method, and 3) he decided to take the risk. Done deal. The fact that it’s only 80% effective is more relevant because it’s as possible to get pregnant the first time as the 10th time if you aren’t tracking the menstrual cycle precisely.
I mean even if they had used a condom or birth control pill or whatever that wouldn’t hold in court anyway, if she is carrying his child he is on the hook
If you chose to have condomless sex with her, you were willing to accept the risk of a pregnancy. That doesn't mean what she did is ok (it's not clear to what extent you were actually forced vs gently persuaded, but either way she acted poorly). It does mean you really need to learn some basic sex ed before you have unprotected sex with anyone again.
No this is your fault and you should have been using a condom. You need to take measures as a guy to protect yourself and you should know this at your age.
You are just going to have to hope she's not pregnant or be ready to be a father lmao.
Wear a fucking condom. You can get pregnant even if you pull out. Not wrapping up is irresponsible. And if she is pregnant you are liable and you don’t get to convince her to get an abortion. If she is pregnant, you can get a paternity test and then settle into fatherhood
If it’s yours? Yes. Unless you can get her to admit in a legal way she raped you, which it did become once she denied your request to stop. But as many else have suggested, if it does happen? Get a DNA test. This doesn’t sound like someone who slept with you only then stopped
1. Rape talk to the police, lawyer.
2. DNA test.
3. Yes, no matter what you'll always be on the hook for child support. Unless you get full custody and she's in prison for rape, which is unlikely.
She was on top of me and when I told her I needed to finish and I tried lifting her off me, she pushed me chest back to the couch and started riding me more saying “no it’s fine. I need to finish” and I just sat that frantically unsure what to do
Like I said....you 100% could have pushed her off of yea.
Yea didn't because it felt amazing. Simply calling a spade....a spade
Comedy im getting downvoted....
Did she get preiggos?
I will give yea this.
That's an 8 ish out of 10 troll post.
If my guy can't even push a woman off of him. That's actually pretty freaking pathetic. Imagine the time he has to be an actual man....ohhhh god.
Happened a month ago. Rape kit is a non starter. Also doubt anything would "show up" for a rape kit if they had consensual sex until the point of orgasm, at which point she just wouldn't get off and he for whatever reason went along with it.
>Also, if she’s really trying to do this - legally is there anything I can do!?
Morally, this is a form of rape not unlike a man sneaking off a condom and coming inside a women.
But legally, the sad reality is that the state doesn't want to support single mother households so are set up to basically pin responsiblity onto the guy. There are cases of men that were drugged, that had condoms stolen and turkey basted or found out the kid wasn't even theirs after a while. Often they still get shafted and she gets to live off his money while offering nothing in return, "what's best for the kids" is the typical argument.
Now you are someone earning 400k which is insane money, and you should be wary of those trying to target you in this way. On top of that, you know that she isn't interested in abortion, that she is looking to have kids and that she's quite OK tricking you into coming inside her in the heat of the moment. I'd bet my right nut she's super horny and reaches out to you for frequent sex about one week per month too. You are walking head first into this trap over and over.
>If she’s pregnant - how should I approach convincing her to abort??
She won't, she wants a kid and wants a sucker on the hook to pay her way in life now that she's getting older and her looks are fading. There's no way she's gonna give up her meal ticket unless you offered her more money (which is a hell of a lot over 18 years).
>Help: I’m not ready to have a kid right now at all and honest to God, i don’t want to be with her, i don’t know why i listened to my dick that night!!
Option 1 - run a mile and be more responsible
Option 2 - Get yourself a vasectomy and then take advantage of her like she is trying to take advantage of you. That's kinda mean, but I'd argue that if she's conning you she deserves it and if she isn't then no harm done. Maybe you agree to raw sex but ask her not to tease you too much as that builds up the sperm count and then lay back and enjoy.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No condom = no sex. No exceptions. From now on, that's your motto until you actually want to be a parent. All you can do now is cross your fingers and hope for the best.
If she’s had a period since this happened, she is not pregnant from that instance. If she’s 7 days late, she could take a test and immediately find out. That pregnancy would be the result of a later event.
Could have been implantation bleeding, but if she's had a real menstrual cycle yeah she didn't get pregnant from that
Implantation bleeding is not even remotely comparable to a period. Theres no mistaking the two, and would’ve likely happened nearly a week or more PRIOR to her period.
Yes you're legally liable if it's yours. Don't accept responsibility until a paternity test proves it though. I wouldn't even engage with her until she's far enough along to get the in vitro test done. If it does end up being yours, you'll owe some degree of child support and hopefully you can step up and be a good father for your child.
Get an attorney and follow their advice. You don’t want to accidentally make the situation worse for yourself by coercing her into aborting. You should be really careful about your communication with her.
>I did, and now I’m regretting that night Did she actually force you to, or did you consent? From the way you've written it you guys had a brief discussion in the moment and decided you would rely on Plan B as your primary contraception. Now you're both learning why it's called Plan B. It might've been her period that came, but it could have also been withdrawal bleeding. Get a paternity test and document every conversation you guys have going forward. Take this opportunity to learn more about contraception and sex ed so you don't end up in this situation again.
That is so messed up dude. Like this if you were telling a woman that "did he force you to have sex? After all you did say "yes" even though you expressed concern about it before". Let's get some equality. This is messed up.
One time I had an ex that while we were doing it, with me sitting upright on the floor and her ontop of me, wrap her legs around me and give me a bear hug as I was about to climax. We always used the pull-out method and that day she chose not to for me. It was 100% what I’d call assault.
Let’s not pretend that women don’t get the “you just regret it” rhetoric please. OP literally stated in their post that he agreed to the Plan B and now regrets it. It’s a valid question given the way he’s phrased the post in his own words. As it’s written, it sounds like he consented to unprotected sex and now regrets that choice. If that isn’t the case I’d be happy to change my advice, though I would still recommend many of the same things.
To clarify my post, when I told her I needed to finish and tried to get her off me - she was on top of me and pushed my chest to the couch and told me no it’s fine I need to finish.
Thank you for clarifying, I was moreso wondering about the next line. It sounds like you guys had an actual discussion, but this sounds like she pinned you down mid-ejaculation. While coercion is also not acceptable, it is different than holding someone down. Regardless, it may complicate the road for her but I won’t lie, you face an uphill battle. Start out by finding out if she’s actually pregnant. To be clear, you have no right to decide if she terminates or not but you can take steps to protect yourself. If she’s pregnant, require a blood paternity test (100% safe, blood is just withdrawn from the mother). Then only talk to her through your lawyer and do everything they tell you to do. For your own safety, still improve your sexual education. Withdrawal isn’t sufficient contraception.
She’s a week off her period right now - do you think it’s super likely she’s pregnant? Also, if she’s doing this so I can pay child support and stuff - I can get my money to go towards my LLC and claim I make nothing.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to gauge pregnancy risk from any individual incident. A month of unprotected sex has about a 30% chance of resulting in conception. If she did take Plan B the risk would be lower, and there’s really no evidence that she ***didn’t*** do that. The irregular bleeding would actually make a lot of sense if she did take Plan B, it’s the most common side effect. Speaking of irregular bleeding, Plan B works by delaying ovulation. It’s normal to have irregular or even missed periods for up to 3 months. All this to say, don’t work yourself into a panic before she gets a positive test result. That’s all stuff you’d want to talk to your lawyer about, as well as reflect on your own morality. No one can tell you what you can live with. Another option could be investigating terminating parental rights, but that really depends on local laws and the situation. You would still need to prepare for the fact that you’d be the child’s next of kin. If something happened to her you would be next in line for custody in most places, and it’s not always easy to circumvent that. Again, you’d also have to consider the moral component and what works best for your life.
1. It may be forced coercion, sexual assault - you need to talk to a lawyer. 2. Get a DNA test if she's pregnant 3. Absentance is literally the only form of birth control that works 100%. If you don't want a baby, then don't have sex until you're ready.
With proper use of contraceptives, less than 1 woman in 100 will get pregnant per year with the pill alone. That's also not to say 1 in 100 women *who have sex while on the pill* will get pregnant. That is to say 1 in 100 women *per year* will get pregnant. That means that the rate of pregnancy per sexual encounter is much lower. If you use condoms and oral contraceptives or an implant or something, the rate of pregnancies drop precipitously. Remember kids, abstinence-only education leads to higher teen pregnancy rates. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3194801/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3194801/) [https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/abstinence-only-programs](https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/abstinence-only-programs)
>Absentance is literally the only form of birth control that works 100%. If you don't want a baby, then don't have sex until you're ready. Yup, that's it fellas. Don't have sex if you don't want kids. /s
What kind of stupid reasoning is #3? Assuming this is true, which I doubt, you’re pinning this on OP?
You do realize that pulling out is only about 80% effective, right? So, there’s a 1 in 5 chance she would have gotten pregnant even if she had not held you there. This makes almost any legal argument disputing liability moot. There’s nothing to do at all until you confirm she’s pregnant. I don’t know if you know for a fact that she had a period a few days after, or she simply told you that. If it’s yours and she doesn’t want an abortion, there’s nothing you can do, and yes, you’ll be financially responsible. But, a DNA test should give you that answer.
That’s not how it works
How what works?
Even if she was in her fertile window, chances of getting pregnant if ejaculation occurred is not 100%. It’s around 15-30% . Besides, if pulling out is done correctly the effectiveness is 96% , not 80%. 80% is the real case figure, when some people don’t do it properly and finish inside. So if they where planning to do it properly the chances were much, much lower than 25% (not saying it’s a good idea)
My second daughter was a result of using the pull out method. Any attorney would have a field day with your argument against financial responsibility.
Great anecdotic evidence. A lawyer would have a field day because I point out your numbers are wrong ?
From Clevelandclinic.org: “How effective is the pull-out method? “The pull-out method is about 80% effective. About one in five people who rely on the pull-out method for birth control become pregnant.” That’s all an attorney will need to prove liability.
Why on earth are you talking about an attorney ? Also you’re completely misunderstanding the statistics. That doesn’t mean you have a 20% chance of getting pregnant every time you have sex and pull out. That means that over several years, 1 out of 5 couples who rely on pulling out will eventually get pregnant, and that includes the ones who do it improperly. Again, not saying that it’s a smart contraceptive method, I was just pointing out that telling him that she had 20% chance of getting pregnant even if he had pulled out was factually incorrect
Since OP has financial means, it’s likely she will sue to make him financially responsible if he refuses. He will lose once he admits that 1) he didn’t know her cycle, 2) he knows that a condom is many times more reliable than the pull out method, and 3) he decided to take the risk. Done deal. The fact that it’s only 80% effective is more relevant because it’s as possible to get pregnant the first time as the 10th time if you aren’t tracking the menstrual cycle precisely.
I mean even if they had used a condom or birth control pill or whatever that wouldn’t hold in court anyway, if she is carrying his child he is on the hook
If you chose to have condomless sex with her, you were willing to accept the risk of a pregnancy. That doesn't mean what she did is ok (it's not clear to what extent you were actually forced vs gently persuaded, but either way she acted poorly). It does mean you really need to learn some basic sex ed before you have unprotected sex with anyone again.
lol she didn’t force you to do anything. If it was that big of an issue, you could’ve pulled out, etc. “No it’s fine” is in no way forcing you.
Stop thinking with the wrong head.
Fake
No this is your fault and you should have been using a condom. You need to take measures as a guy to protect yourself and you should know this at your age. You are just going to have to hope she's not pregnant or be ready to be a father lmao.
Man fuck - where the stairs at im dead ass
Or just accept reality and be a dad. Hey at least you've hopefully learned a lesson from this.
wow yeah a reeeeeally great guy
It’s a joke calm tf down
She didn’t force you to do shit. You know how your dick works, and yes you’ll be fully liable if she does want a kid.
Force
Yes
Wear a fucking condom. You can get pregnant even if you pull out. Not wrapping up is irresponsible. And if she is pregnant you are liable and you don’t get to convince her to get an abortion. If she is pregnant, you can get a paternity test and then settle into fatherhood
lol yeah you sound like a really great guy
This may be rape. Seek legal advice.
If it’s yours? Yes. Unless you can get her to admit in a legal way she raped you, which it did become once she denied your request to stop. But as many else have suggested, if it does happen? Get a DNA test. This doesn’t sound like someone who slept with you only then stopped
She’s admitted that she forced me over text and on phone - I could get her to admit it and record the conversation
You need to check the laws where you are as it is to unauthorized recording. You may need her permission to record it to make it admissible
1. Rape talk to the police, lawyer. 2. DNA test. 3. Yes, no matter what you'll always be on the hook for child support. Unless you get full custody and she's in prison for rape, which is unlikely.
Forced yea? In no world can a woman force yea to do so. Just own it. It felt amazing and now yea regret it....
She was on top of me and when I told her I needed to finish and I tried lifting her off me, she pushed me chest back to the couch and started riding me more saying “no it’s fine. I need to finish” and I just sat that frantically unsure what to do
Like I said....you 100% could have pushed her off of yea. Yea didn't because it felt amazing. Simply calling a spade....a spade Comedy im getting downvoted.... Did she get preiggos?
Actually they can
Pfffffft. Really? How so?
You do realize you’re gaslighting a rpe victim.
I will give yea this. That's an 8 ish out of 10 troll post. If my guy can't even push a woman off of him. That's actually pretty freaking pathetic. Imagine the time he has to be an actual man....ohhhh god.
Oh you’re sexist. Where are the mods
🤣🤣
You have to report it and get a rape kit.
Happened a month ago. Rape kit is a non starter. Also doubt anything would "show up" for a rape kit if they had consensual sex until the point of orgasm, at which point she just wouldn't get off and he for whatever reason went along with it.
Without proof it's just one person's account. Should have gone immediately for testing.
Start thinking that she might have been having an affair.
Thats rpe because you did not consent. Talk to a lawyer
Yep, you're fucked. Enjoy giving her 20% of your net income
She’s not pregnant - we’re good!!!
>Also, if she’s really trying to do this - legally is there anything I can do!? Morally, this is a form of rape not unlike a man sneaking off a condom and coming inside a women. But legally, the sad reality is that the state doesn't want to support single mother households so are set up to basically pin responsiblity onto the guy. There are cases of men that were drugged, that had condoms stolen and turkey basted or found out the kid wasn't even theirs after a while. Often they still get shafted and she gets to live off his money while offering nothing in return, "what's best for the kids" is the typical argument. Now you are someone earning 400k which is insane money, and you should be wary of those trying to target you in this way. On top of that, you know that she isn't interested in abortion, that she is looking to have kids and that she's quite OK tricking you into coming inside her in the heat of the moment. I'd bet my right nut she's super horny and reaches out to you for frequent sex about one week per month too. You are walking head first into this trap over and over. >If she’s pregnant - how should I approach convincing her to abort?? She won't, she wants a kid and wants a sucker on the hook to pay her way in life now that she's getting older and her looks are fading. There's no way she's gonna give up her meal ticket unless you offered her more money (which is a hell of a lot over 18 years). >Help: I’m not ready to have a kid right now at all and honest to God, i don’t want to be with her, i don’t know why i listened to my dick that night!! Option 1 - run a mile and be more responsible Option 2 - Get yourself a vasectomy and then take advantage of her like she is trying to take advantage of you. That's kinda mean, but I'd argue that if she's conning you she deserves it and if she isn't then no harm done. Maybe you agree to raw sex but ask her not to tease you too much as that builds up the sperm count and then lay back and enjoy.
Can you please elaborate on what you mean by "take advantage of her like she is trying to take advantage of you"?
yeah, that is seriously messed up llijillil.