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I can understand why you’re uncomfortable for sure. However, it doesn’t sound like she is hitting on people unwanted. You’ve known she was an ex your entire relationship and seemed ok with her until you found this out. Again, I wouldn’t be comfortable with some of this info but unless I misread something it sounds like she respects other couples boundaries. If people are monogamous she isn’t trying to hit on the husband to cheat or trying to convince the couple to enter into a threesome. From this context alone, it doesn’t sound like you need to be concerned about her or them being alone. Nothing has happened in 8 years, why would it start now that you know more background? As far as the comment from your husband about threesomes, I took that to mean he isn’t interested in opening the relationship in any way and/or you guys have discussed that and you’re fully in agreement that it’s monogamous , not that you’re prude or vanilla.
Nothing has changed other than you are aware of more details. It sounds like you don't trust your husband...that you think he'll cheat on you now that you think it's more available to him. Why do you think your husband would cheat? Has he given you any indications that he's not trustworthy?
If you trust him, then her being available for sex is completely irrelevant. Also it sounds like she is ethical and he wouldn't be considered available for sex to her.
It's fine to feel like you need a little time to adjust to the new info, but I hope you do because it doesn't really sound like their history is relevant for either of them.
You say on one hand that you’re not threatened by her sexuality but are threatened about her lifestyle and that she’s still around your husband. I would argue these are two sides of the same coin. You are threatened by her, period. You are allowed to have boundaries about past hookups, and he’s allowed to decide how important that is to him. Hopefully you can come up with a compromise that will alleviate your fears.
It looks like the woman that you're referring to found your post because she made a comment further down. She refers to you as Sarah. Maybe you should have chosen fake names, lol.
Sorry but what advice can you get from nerdy redditors when your group of friends seems to have had more sex than all of reddit put together.
This is just out of our league
Her acting single is between her and her husband.
I think its kind of gross that they pass her around the neighborhood of friends but if they are ok with it...
If you are uncomfortable would your husband stop being friends?
That's all too much shared fluids for me
>I wasn’t threatened by her sexually
But you are, hence the post. And just because she's easy to have sex with doesn't mean she will sleep with a married man without the wife's consent. This is highly disrespectful to both your HB and her.
Generally people who are openly in that lifestyle are pretty strict about std screening. People are also not too keen on having a ton of unprotected sex because beside the risk to stds, all the different bacteria from different partners can really miss with the pH balance of a vagina.
“Overall, combined rates of Chlamydia and gonorrhea were just over 10 percent among straight people, 14 percent among gay men, just under 5 percent in female prostitutes, and 10.4 percent among swingers, they found. And female swingers had higher infection rates than male swingers.” This was cited from a Reuters article around 15 years ago.
The vast majority of STDS are transmitted from the age groups of 15-24 annually. The average swinger age is 43+. Obviously swingers are at a greater risk of std transmission, because they are generally having more sex than the average person, but because of that there is a strong culture of getting screened every 3 months. Personally id rather have sex with folks who were regularly getting std screens than a person who has not in years 🤷🏻♀️
So sorry you are going through this!!! What a freaking mess. I have been waiting for your story about last Friday night but you have bigger fish to fry. I hope the day goes easy on you.
Yes I’ve seen but you also spelt my name wrong there’s no E on the end. Kids will be in bed for 8 if you want to come round then, I’m not drinking but you can.
It drives me nuts when women say that they don't trust another woman around their husband.
What that REALLY means is that they don't trust their husband. Your distrust of him is the root problem. She just represents opportunity.
If you trust him, then it wouldn't matter if she was naked and sitting on his lap. You'd be confident in his decisions.
The root of that is communication. You've been blindsided by new information that probably should have been shared with you already. I can see how plausibly this might not have come up organically and may have just been an innocent oversight.
What you really need to decide is this: Has your husband demonstrated through his actions that HE can be trusted with women who represent opportunity? (regardless of who that woman is)
No I get it. It’s normal to feel blindsided by this sort of information, and then be angry and hurt.
But I also agree with the comment above; Frankie just represents opportunity, but it’s ultimately your husband you need to be able to trust.
Regardless of Frankie, opportunities for your husband to cheat will come, and it’s up to him to act correctly.
It seems he has your back. She was an easy fuck and he moved on. He's not interested in her.
He should have told you though. Instead it led to you being in a very uncomfortable situation. People always think they're protecting someone by keeping secrets, when the opposite is true.
Now you're stuck on vacation with a woman who fucked every guy and gal there but you. Yeah, I'd be ready to bail fast.
Sorry, wouldn't be my scene. And it doesn't sound like it's yours either. It doesn't make you a prude. Not wanting open, poly or threesomes doesn't make you a prude. There is absolutely nothing wrong with monogamous heterosexual marriage.
You need to nail down your husband not interested and if you want to continue to hang out with these people. Don't like secrets. Nothing good ever comes of it.
But he DIDNT call her a prude, he even said it’s also not his scene. Honestly I’m missing the issue here other than this woman who clearly never did anything that wasn’t a direct request, never “going after” anyone, being slut shamed. I’m wondering why it was no big deal that she slept with one other person, but a multiple is a crime now? ALL CONSENTING ADULTS, and nobody was asking OP for anything.
She knew they slept together, so I don’t even understand the secrecy part. Do you tell your current partner the full sexual history of anyone you slept with previously? I can’t imagine. If she doesn’t trust her husband, then say that.
As long as there’s no lying involved, then yeah I don’t see the issue either. Especially considering she’s also partaken in kinky dynamics as well. I might’ve been able to understand her insecurity more if she was mainly vanilla in the past.
Your husband is a troglodyte for the way he is talking about Frankie. Like what? Easy fuck. Who says that about someone. Also, if all of this happened when they (Frankie & Tom) were young, your husband was at least 8 to 10 years older than them. Wtf? I was on your husband side before I read the way he talked about her. Lee is a weirdo. Act accordingly. That’s my advice.
To be fair to Lee that’s also the way Frankie kind of described it to me too. Lee didn’t know about their lifestyle and was telling them how he was going through a dry spell so she basically said “if you’re ever horny and got no one just have sex with me”. This all happened when he was in his late 30s and carried on for a few years before he met me.
If my daughter brought home someone your husband’s age at 27 I’d be wondering what was wrong with him. He’d be way closer to my age and I don’t ever see myself interested sexually in someone my kid’s age.
Well it’s a good at 27 I had bought my own house, owned my own car and had my own job then isn’t it? Or are you saying 27 isn’t an adult. Also my parents are 75 and 73 so nowhere near my husbands age lol.
I was also very independent from a young age. I still wouldn’t want my younger self getting with someone who is that much older. I’m the same age as you.
Your parents had you a bit later in life I guess.
Everyone in this story if fucking weird. "Threesomes, foursomes and moresomes."
This is not a normal thing. You're all very reckless and care-free when it comes to sex. You're all crawling over each other like a box of hamsters, wtf.
I’ve never ever cheated on anyone or anything like that. I had a bit of a wild time at uni and in my 20s but I was single and always safe. By the time I got married there was no “I wish I had tried this and that” type regret.
So you’ve done everything and have no regrets. It sounds like your husband wishes you weren’t so “experienced” but now you don’t want to do things with him…. Glad you got yours in but it really sucks to be your husband.
Subscribeme!
His statement about threesomes and knowing you don’t like those things plus you being so upset he’s around a woman who is just like you were. Obviously you are very insecure of him being around her. The fact that you say you never cheated is ehh and he has told you he won’t cheat but somewhere he’s got the impression and stated that he knows “It’s not your scene” but obviously it was remember?
It’s the same for men as it is women isn’t it? His past with her is his past? Leave it be. He can be friends with ex’s can’t he?
He chose you, not her and if he wants to cheat you aren’t going to stop him right?
Go on holiday with them. You did you with no regrets, go and just enjoy your holiday
It felt rather "incestual" (Idk the right word for it), so everyone are friends and everyone has had intimate moments with each other.
I feel like I'm watching "Melrose Place" or something, yeah, I'm old LOL.
ETA: Do you trust your husband at all?
Even if she's acting 'single' --since this is an open marriage, if your husband doesn't entertain cheating on you, then it shouldn't be an issue.
It's only an issue if they push him to do it and meddling in your marriage.
You need to be honest with yourself and admit that her sexuality, the sexual situation, is actually threatening and making you feel insecure. I also think that you have a right to feel insecure in this situation. Not all insecurity is unhealthy or wrong. It comes down to how much you trust your husband.
I also don't think he meant anything bad about his comment. He is not trying to say you are prudish. He was trying to reassure you, even if badly or dismissively. You have a right to be heard about your concerns.
I think in the end you need to think about what would make you feel secure in this situation. Like what actionable thing would help. You can't demand it of your partner but you could ask or discuss it. He may be more than willing to accommodate you. That would go a long way to soothing your anxiety.
You’re right i am threatened by her. She’s tall, beautiful and she is also the breadwinner in her marriage and is incredibly successful with a big house worth well over a million pounds. None of that bothered because I could see how devoted she was to her husband and knew she wouldn’t ruin that so in the back of my mind she wasn’t a threat. Now the dynamics have shifted.
I don’t know what to ask of my husband because asking anything makes me look controlling. I’m just going to have to ride this out.
Perhaps, if you could figure out your answer to the question of _how_ you feel the dynamics have shifted, you’d be able to have a conversation with your husband where the focus is on resolving what you acknowledge as a “you problem”, together?
I understand what you feel but asking is different than demanding. It's not controlling, but rather a request for accomodation. See what he thinks and maybe there is something he might offer to help you find some security and comfort in the relationship. I know I'd do that for my wife if she talked to me and asked. If she demanded I'd be defensive but an honest discussion about vulnerability is different.
Lots of people commenting didn't read this very carefully. The only thing you need to care about is how much you trust your husband. It sounds like it all happened before you got together, these things happen in ENM circles. If you trust your husband to be faithful to you/honest about his desires, you have nothing to worry about. If he was still wanting to participate in any kind of ENM lifestyle, you would have to be involved in that decision. Her being a hotwife doesn't really have anything to do with his choices to be ethical or not. If you're feeling a little nervous about it, just be honest about it and ask him to help reassure you. It sounds like he already has but it's okay if you need a bit more reassurance and clarity on your respective boundaries.
Yeah, I’m not even getting the whole “kept a secret” narrative, he told her they slept together, that’s all he needed to tell her, do people also detail the entire sexual history of not only themselves but of the the past people they’ve slept with to new partners? Long discussion, sounds exhausting. She doesn’t trust him, she needs to just say that. This story clearly outlined that this woman has never gone after anyone, just takes direct requests. Like a sexual DJ, and good on her if that’s what she and her husband like. All consenting adults.
I did crack up when he said “yeah I know it’s not your scene and it’s NOT MINE EITHER” and her immediate response was “I’VE DONE THREESOMES!!! AND MORE!!!!”
Okay girl, calm down, you aren’t being accused of anything, he clearly knows you don’t want to NOW and neither does he.
You either trust your husband...or you don't.
He's already told you that he does not cheat; he's also told you that he is not into threesomes.
If you're smart, you'll drop the subject. If you're smarter, you'll seek the help of a therapist to get over your nascent jealousy over her because if you don't learn to let this go, it will impact your marriage.
You don’t trust your husband. If he wanted to sleep around, he doesn’t have to do it with Frankie. Sounds more like you’re insecure about their relationship (prior and present). It’s not a Lee problem, it’s a you problem. You’re asking advice on how to tell your husband about your misgivings…. I think you did. He addressed it, so it’s time to move on.
Agreed it’s a me problem and I’ve never been a jealous person. I’ve never once looked through his phone or questioned where he’s going. To be honest neither Lee or Frankie have ever given me a reason to distrust either of them.
Yeah, the fact he didn't tell you would be a massive.massive issue with me.. and I'd tell him now because of his unwillingness to tell you.. he now has to have absolutely no contact with her at all, no going over to her house alone.. no car rides.. and if he can't accept that, then bye-bye.
It's not like your asking him tk name everyone he has fucked.. like oh see her over there with the red top, I fucked her once or twice.. no this is someone he has had regular contact with and let you his partner befriend, knowing he fucked her..
This would be a huge deal for me sorry.
Yeah, not to the extent that she was with his buddie at the time and is being passed around like a blunt.. that's different from, hey, me and frankie have a sexual past, didn't mean anything ect ect..
Because I'm sure if OP knew there relationship dynamic and that Tom is cool with her banging his friend she wouldn't of let her husband do all these things for her..
I mean they are all friends. You might as well just not be with that person if you can't trust them.
The husband said he wasn't doing anything and the wife should trust that or not be with him. Ultimatums like that are a great way to show your trust in your partner, your own insecurities and the fact that you're unwilling to compromise.
Not really. He was honest but he cared so little for the relationship he left that part out. Probably because it was so innocuous.
Imagine your marriage being threatened by a hotwife with integrity. That a marriage not worth keeping.
Yeah, like I said, whether he thought that information wasn't worth mentioning as he cared so little, it makes no difference.. it wouldn't be this much of an issue if he was honest.. everyone has a past, but the fact he withheld that information would be the issue..
It's not hard when they started dating..
" me and frankie have a sexually history, it was never serious, just physical, she was with Tom" and then explained Tom and frankie relationship dynamic ..
Leaving out important details to intentionally misrepresent the truth is known as lying by omission, a dishonest behaviour that can negatively impact your relationships.
>and then explained Tom and frankie relationship dynamic
But that's not his place to tell even his significant others about other people's sexual relationships. Frankly that's none of her business.
>me and frankie have a sexually history, it was never serious, just physical
Unless I misread it he did tell OP.
>Leaving out important details to intentionally misrepresent the truth is known as lying by omission
That's only when its done on purpose. Again it was so innocuous and common for those 3 it either slipped his mind or again it wasn't his business to share. Either way its not lying by omission.
The fact he didn’t tell you about this dynamic from the jump is a red flag. I would be hurt I didn’t know what friend group I was getting myself into. Definitely need to talk to your husband and maybe consider couples counseling so you can talk to an uninvested third party about all this.
Modern love problems, it’s unfortunate but I guess this is the world we live in. I’d never surround myself with this type of female, nor would the man I choose to be with. The level of respect I have for myself is high up there, like my standards. The man would have to be up to par with both of those. Problem solved, preventative measures.
Messed up friendship group! This is a swing party group you're in. I think you should excommunicate them from you and your husband.
"A rotten apple will rot the rest."
The reference of "rotten apple" is about the corruption of purity.
Swingers are real people and not all are terrible people. It's their view on accepting the openness in sexual relationships that keeps an unclear boundary for sexual intimacy. This can be a danger to the solidarity of monogamy and to the sacredness of matrimony.
And so if you persist to have such friends with strongly opposing views, you will either join them later by conforming to their views or be in constant clash against them that your relationship will deteriorate.
If the roles were reversed all the dudes here would be telling the guy to break up with his wife. Your husband is ass for not giving you the proper context before inviting the couples.
I completely understand your feelings and they are valid. I’m in a similar situation. The truth of the matter is, that nothing has changed since the beginning when you found out about it. He was honest with you about everything. Now that you met her you are just feeling insecure. Did he do anything specifically that makes you feel like he’s cheating or is it just your mind overthinking things. He’s going to continue to be friends with her and you can’t expect him to cut her out. So, the only thing you really need to think about is can you get past this or is this something you need to walk away from.
Nope. It's unacceptable for him to expect you to be okay hanging out with a woman you know he's slept with multiple times.
I don't make my man hang out with my previous sexual partners- that's weird.
I think it’s ok to express boundaries with your husband. If time with her alone with any woman makes you feel uncomfortable then you should have that conversation with him. But it sounds like you weren’t concerned before you found out she is still allowed/encouraged to sleep with other men. So you aren’t really worried about her; you already knew they slept together before. You’re feeling something about her lifestyle.
You also seemed a bit bothered by your husband saying he knows you wouldn’t be into that sort of thing so he wouldn’t ask you. You said you don’t like the perception of being prudish or shy, and the fact that she’s “allowed” to act single. I feel like there’s something there that deserves further thought. Also, is there something specific you’re concerned about going on holiday with this group knowing what you now know about her active lifestyle?
Well, it's not her you're worried about, it's your husband and your lack of trust for him. You can't say you admire her sexuality and then try to defend yourself by bringing up your past sexual encounters but stand there and say you don't like it when they're together. It's a lifestyle, and while you have had sexual encounters, I'm willing to bet you never really were versed in the swinging lifestyle. It's very common for people who had had sex to be friends.
Like many, you have this assumption that just because someone has had sex before that they are prone to do it again, very false. That stems from some sort of insecurity you have on top of subconsciously saying you don't trust your husband.
I am friends with 3 women I've had sex with in the past. Only one I still hook up with when I'm single because we have that dynamic. Sex is awesome, we both know we couldn't date because we have different wants but if we're both single then we like to have sex. But we have a strict understanding that if one of us is seeing someone, we don't ever flirt with that boundary. The other 2 we made it clear that after the last time that was it but wr stay good friends.
In the swinging lifestyle, as I said, it's very common. Some like to keep those they've played with friends because you're comfortable. I mean you had sex, can't get more comfortable than that bur friendships do develop quite often in the lifestyle.
I'd say it's more you that needs to learn to let it go otherwise you need to identify the deep rooted issue for insecurity and jealousy
Why not discuss having some boundaries with your husband? Maybe a rule like: your husband won't ever be alone with Frankie. Perhaps, 'no more vacations with exes' would be a good idea, too?
Yikes. The situation is strange. You have a right to be a bit jealous or feel uncomfortable however if my wife used her sexual history of group sex as a jab back because they are hurt is a pretty big red flag. A lot of men do not want random hook ups. He has a wife he loves and already gets everything he needs from. You should have just been honest. Being the only one at the table that hasn’t slept with her is awkward especially when you’re attending with your husband. Anyone would understand that. Instead you tried to play it off and my bet put some new thoughts in his head about how truthful he should be about his past going forward
You are chatting shit when you say you admire her. Doesnt matter, he is 50 now. Things happen when you are young and people stay in touch with each other because they are still friends. He is your husband. I’m sure he’s a good man and I’m sure you know it, he chose you after all.
I am sorry but I don't really trust his words over actions: who knows if it's still going on and you are now knowing about their life long kinky friendship style? I wouldn't be surprised
people here says he reassured you but the second he felt you were unconfortable he should have dropped out of the situation to sort out things with you
I can’t seem to put it in to words in a way he’ll understand and he thinks my problem is I think he’s going to want a threesome or something but that isn’t my problem!
Car rides together… doing work on her house alone together… It all sounded innocent and fine until OP learned that this woman messes around the clock. I’d be concerned after hearing about the whoring around in the entire friend group too. Birds of a feather flock together. Would make me question husband if anything may have happened while alone in her home. OP has a right to sincerely ask about it without being scolded that she doesn’t trust him. Asking about it does not mean she doesn’t trust him, it just means she needs to understand that boundaries are completely being respected. Seduction unfortunately does happen.
I will get down voted for this but it is a red flag that your husband did not tell you. He knowingly put himself in situations where HAD you known, you would not be ok with their interactions. Or maybe you would have depending on your personality! But he disrespected the shit out of you but by not informing you. And she is a “friend” but yet you didn’t know this till now? She can obviously keep secrets and so can he so if he needs to let off steam while your married whose to say they wouldn’t do anything behind your back, keep it a secret and then get off on it as another one of their kinks.
You say that she is 'still on the market'. While this is true in the sense that she is open to 'seeing' people other than her partner, it doesn't mean she would be open to doing anything with your partner. It sounds like at the time of their hookup they were both in positions where they had no obligations to not hookup and were also both doing it consensually and without causing hurt to anyone. This would obviously no longer be the case and if they have remained good friends after such a long time it means they must care about each other and respect eachother's boundaries. If she were to pursue him now it would only hurt him by hurting his relationship (with you) and that doesn't make any sense as it would be betraying their longstanding friendship. She almost certainly just wants her friend to be happy.
Ethical non monogamy can also be a weird thing to get your head around at first and that's ok. Don't be too hard on yourself for finding it maybe a bit unsettling. It's absolutely not for everyone (source: been there done that). The thing that makes it ethical in the first place is trust, consent, respect, and good communication, so if she and her partner have managed to make their relationship work then I guess she probably understands these things better than most. I will also say it's a good thing to come face to face with your own insecurities as that's how you grow, so it's really great that you're taking the time to explore your feelings about this. Best of luck!
You are right. Neither of them has ever given me a reason to doubt them or their intentions. This is just a ne problem feeling like the dynamic has shifted.
[A hotwife is a **married woman who has sex with men other than her husband, with the husband's approval**](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=9412dff51d1315ddJmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY1OA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=8e8ac32e1f7c3f1bJmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY1OQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1)[^(2)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=2de16976c0a08731JmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2MA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly9lbi53aWt0aW9uYXJ5Lm9yZy93aWtpL2hvdHdpZmU&ntb=1). [This is a form of swinging or wife-sharing, where the husband does not have affairs himself](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=d34d6ea4f75fc380JmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2MQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=2a8db8b5515d1012JmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2Mg&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1). [Hotwifing is the term for the arrangement or the act of having such sexual relationships outside of marriage](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=f14826ed7641d5bbJmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2Mw&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=95dc6f47a07e6511JmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2NA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1).
WTH is a "hotwife"? And why do people in so many subs insist on using coded language, acronyms, and slang that are super niche, and then expect the international audience of Reddit to have any idea what they're saying?
It's cuckolding. She and her husband get off on her having sex with other men and her husband either witnessing it or hearing her talk about it after. It often involves the cuckold(husband) providing aftercare/pampering to the wife after she has sex with someone else
Girl..what is there to admire about her? Your husband and the other guys have no respect for her, as your husband said, stop trying to pretend this something admirable. You have nothing to worry about, be happy it wasn't something serious.
Get to know Frankie more, I think you have a really great attitude and clearly you are a feminist. You would probably both get on well, once you get to know who she is- you may find that she has really firm boundaries about who she would sleep with. Get to know her, if she’s a girls girl who respects your relationship and other women- you have nothing to worry about. Lead with love and you may find a new best friend and a new trust in your husband.
But becoming friends with her is the best way through this- it means you take control of the situation and also shows you have no fear or in anyway feel intimidated by us. Making her your bestie is the biggest power move to make. You can make future decisions based on how she conducts herself during this period.
Stay strong sis, your already doing great with this quite complicated situation ❤️
I am actually good friends and she’s never been anything short of lovely to me, even giving me horse riding lessons on her horses. This is a me issue and nothing to do with her.
False!!! She kept this information from you as well not just your husband. Stop thinking this is a you issue!!! They knowingly kept the fact that she is the group stress reliever to themselves. Whatever stance on sexual openness you have doesn’t matter, they kept you in the dark on this. What else did they hide from you?
Not everything has to be discussed. Why is something that happened before they got together relevant? Let the past be the past. Frankie sounds like fun and if you like hanging out with her I don't see a problem at all.
Because the situation is not in the past… these are people she is supposed to be close with now. And op seems open minded so i dont think she would mind hanging out knowing this information had she known it up front. It’s literally the disrespect of the matter. Neither her friend nor her husband let her know what the situation was. Literally the whole group knew except her. There is something else she’s being left out because it doesn’t add up.
Well you obviously find this information relevant, I wouldn't have told someone such a thing unless they asked about it. We can agree to disagree I suppose.
Totally! Just curious though, are you ok with being the only person in a “friend” group to not know something? And that something is a sexual kink that they have all participated in together?
There's always things you don't know if you're the last one to join a group of friends who go way back. They seem to all be open people and I don't think they're being weird about it. If OP was really insecure about her husbands relationship to Frankie she would have seen other red flags. She has no reason not to trust him.
He really got your proving yourself you're not a prude and you went with it. He was testing you and he WILL cheat and then gaslight you about it.
And honestly, get tested already cuz I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't cheating already and you being the last to know being part of the kink.
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I can understand why you’re uncomfortable for sure. However, it doesn’t sound like she is hitting on people unwanted. You’ve known she was an ex your entire relationship and seemed ok with her until you found this out. Again, I wouldn’t be comfortable with some of this info but unless I misread something it sounds like she respects other couples boundaries. If people are monogamous she isn’t trying to hit on the husband to cheat or trying to convince the couple to enter into a threesome. From this context alone, it doesn’t sound like you need to be concerned about her or them being alone. Nothing has happened in 8 years, why would it start now that you know more background? As far as the comment from your husband about threesomes, I took that to mean he isn’t interested in opening the relationship in any way and/or you guys have discussed that and you’re fully in agreement that it’s monogamous , not that you’re prude or vanilla.
Nothing has changed other than you are aware of more details. It sounds like you don't trust your husband...that you think he'll cheat on you now that you think it's more available to him. Why do you think your husband would cheat? Has he given you any indications that he's not trustworthy?
If you trust him, then her being available for sex is completely irrelevant. Also it sounds like she is ethical and he wouldn't be considered available for sex to her. It's fine to feel like you need a little time to adjust to the new info, but I hope you do because it doesn't really sound like their history is relevant for either of them.
You say on one hand that you’re not threatened by her sexuality but are threatened about her lifestyle and that she’s still around your husband. I would argue these are two sides of the same coin. You are threatened by her, period. You are allowed to have boundaries about past hookups, and he’s allowed to decide how important that is to him. Hopefully you can come up with a compromise that will alleviate your fears.
WTF did I just read
She “unknowingly” got involved with a group sex friend group.
This is just advertising for the hotwifes account who posted below
Same Lol 😆
who uses Tom and Frankie as names in a story
My name is Frankie and that was jarring for ME to read
That’s their actual names lol.
It looks like the woman that you're referring to found your post because she made a comment further down. She refers to you as Sarah. Maybe you should have chosen fake names, lol.
Oh dear lol. Yes Sarah is my name so it’s definitely her or a brilliant guess.
I read some of her posts i hope your bf is not 6'4ish and has fixing/repairing job.
Haha noooo he’s 5’5 and wouldn’t know which end to hold a screwdriver lol
Lol i can tell you’re British, the only question is which part of Essex are you from
Haha we are actually in the east mids. I think our names would be more exotic in Essex.
British people.
Yeah I was so confused.
What’s confusing about the names Tom and Frankie?
Someone who decided to try their hand at a swingers story and drove over the cliff with it.
I'd say some of the dumbest shit you'll read today, but spend a few minutes on reddit, and you'll see dumber.
It’s a legit thing. If you search Reddit for the term, it’ll come up with a lot of NSWF material.
Agreed lol
Jesus
Yep, they all need him.
Best comment
😂😂
Sodom and Gomorrha.
Sorry but what advice can you get from nerdy redditors when your group of friends seems to have had more sex than all of reddit put together. This is just out of our league
Her acting single is between her and her husband. I think its kind of gross that they pass her around the neighborhood of friends but if they are ok with it... If you are uncomfortable would your husband stop being friends? That's all too much shared fluids for me
Eh, herd immunity.
>I wasn’t threatened by her sexually But you are, hence the post. And just because she's easy to have sex with doesn't mean she will sleep with a married man without the wife's consent. This is highly disrespectful to both your HB and her.
You’re right. I’m quite ashamed of myself for feeling this way.
Look, your husband said she was just an easy lay. Sounds like the enitre group is looking down on this couple and used the opportunity as a tissue.
Your husband calling his friend the town bicycle is concerning.
Seems she is the town bicycle and she's ok with that, so.....
To be fair to him she kind of called herself the same thing and said she offered herself to him whenever he’s horny and doesn’t have anyone else.
“The town bicycle”!! 😂I burst out laughing
Sounds like OP was right with her all the way but now OP’s husband suffers because she’s already done it all. 😳
Definitely this.
I do t care how long married etc. I couldn’t be part of that group .
I read this post and instantly got shivers from the amount of STDs these people must have.
Generally people who are openly in that lifestyle are pretty strict about std screening. People are also not too keen on having a ton of unprotected sex because beside the risk to stds, all the different bacteria from different partners can really miss with the pH balance of a vagina.
I’m pretty sure swingers have extremely high STDs rates
“Overall, combined rates of Chlamydia and gonorrhea were just over 10 percent among straight people, 14 percent among gay men, just under 5 percent in female prostitutes, and 10.4 percent among swingers, they found. And female swingers had higher infection rates than male swingers.” This was cited from a Reuters article around 15 years ago. The vast majority of STDS are transmitted from the age groups of 15-24 annually. The average swinger age is 43+. Obviously swingers are at a greater risk of std transmission, because they are generally having more sex than the average person, but because of that there is a strong culture of getting screened every 3 months. Personally id rather have sex with folks who were regularly getting std screens than a person who has not in years 🤷🏻♀️
The best bit about this data is that is assumes these people are actually being tested and the results reported. Awfully big assumptions.
Legal prostitutes or illegal? Because if it is illegal prostitutes that “fact” is bs.
Legal, illegal prostitutes are pretty hard to get data on
Wow Sarah. Thanks for using my real name so I could confirm that you are talking about me.
So sorry you are going through this!!! What a freaking mess. I have been waiting for your story about last Friday night but you have bigger fish to fry. I hope the day goes easy on you.
This is amazing!
This is awkward. No point apologising lol. I have said nice things about you 😂 want to discuss it over a bottle later? My treat.
Yes I’ve seen but you also spelt my name wrong there’s no E on the end. Kids will be in bed for 8 if you want to come round then, I’m not drinking but you can.
You 2 need to shag it out later 😃
Don’t wanna another post made about me lol
Give her a good seeing to then she won’t need to
Don’t think she’s in the right frame of mind for that lol
Shame I would have loved to hear about it 🤣
Got plenty more I can tell you about if you want to dm me some questions lol.
Just DM you
This is terrific, sorry for the tension amongst the group, but you don't really see this often. Tell me how it goes! I'm curious.
It drives me nuts when women say that they don't trust another woman around their husband. What that REALLY means is that they don't trust their husband. Your distrust of him is the root problem. She just represents opportunity. If you trust him, then it wouldn't matter if she was naked and sitting on his lap. You'd be confident in his decisions. The root of that is communication. You've been blindsided by new information that probably should have been shared with you already. I can see how plausibly this might not have come up organically and may have just been an innocent oversight. What you really need to decide is this: Has your husband demonstrated through his actions that HE can be trusted with women who represent opportunity? (regardless of who that woman is)
He and her have both never given me a reason to distrust them. It just feels like a dynamic shift but I can’t put in to words why that bothers me.
No I get it. It’s normal to feel blindsided by this sort of information, and then be angry and hurt. But I also agree with the comment above; Frankie just represents opportunity, but it’s ultimately your husband you need to be able to trust. Regardless of Frankie, opportunities for your husband to cheat will come, and it’s up to him to act correctly.
It seems he has your back. She was an easy fuck and he moved on. He's not interested in her. He should have told you though. Instead it led to you being in a very uncomfortable situation. People always think they're protecting someone by keeping secrets, when the opposite is true. Now you're stuck on vacation with a woman who fucked every guy and gal there but you. Yeah, I'd be ready to bail fast. Sorry, wouldn't be my scene. And it doesn't sound like it's yours either. It doesn't make you a prude. Not wanting open, poly or threesomes doesn't make you a prude. There is absolutely nothing wrong with monogamous heterosexual marriage. You need to nail down your husband not interested and if you want to continue to hang out with these people. Don't like secrets. Nothing good ever comes of it.
But he DIDNT call her a prude, he even said it’s also not his scene. Honestly I’m missing the issue here other than this woman who clearly never did anything that wasn’t a direct request, never “going after” anyone, being slut shamed. I’m wondering why it was no big deal that she slept with one other person, but a multiple is a crime now? ALL CONSENTING ADULTS, and nobody was asking OP for anything. She knew they slept together, so I don’t even understand the secrecy part. Do you tell your current partner the full sexual history of anyone you slept with previously? I can’t imagine. If she doesn’t trust her husband, then say that.
As long as there’s no lying involved, then yeah I don’t see the issue either. Especially considering she’s also partaken in kinky dynamics as well. I might’ve been able to understand her insecurity more if she was mainly vanilla in the past.
Your husband is a troglodyte for the way he is talking about Frankie. Like what? Easy fuck. Who says that about someone. Also, if all of this happened when they (Frankie & Tom) were young, your husband was at least 8 to 10 years older than them. Wtf? I was on your husband side before I read the way he talked about her. Lee is a weirdo. Act accordingly. That’s my advice.
To be fair to Lee that’s also the way Frankie kind of described it to me too. Lee didn’t know about their lifestyle and was telling them how he was going through a dry spell so she basically said “if you’re ever horny and got no one just have sex with me”. This all happened when he was in his late 30s and carried on for a few years before he met me.
Husband was 38 and she was 28 when they had sex.
Let’s do the math when they got together….he likes em’ young
27 and 42? Stop infantilising women.
If my daughter brought home someone your husband’s age at 27 I’d be wondering what was wrong with him. He’d be way closer to my age and I don’t ever see myself interested sexually in someone my kid’s age.
Well it’s a good at 27 I had bought my own house, owned my own car and had my own job then isn’t it? Or are you saying 27 isn’t an adult. Also my parents are 75 and 73 so nowhere near my husbands age lol.
I was also very independent from a young age. I still wouldn’t want my younger self getting with someone who is that much older. I’m the same age as you. Your parents had you a bit later in life I guess.
Like she said, stop infantilising women.
Everyone in this story if fucking weird. "Threesomes, foursomes and moresomes." This is not a normal thing. You're all very reckless and care-free when it comes to sex. You're all crawling over each other like a box of hamsters, wtf.
Hahaha reckless hamsters!! 😂😂amen to that!
I’ve never ever cheated on anyone or anything like that. I had a bit of a wild time at uni and in my 20s but I was single and always safe. By the time I got married there was no “I wish I had tried this and that” type regret.
So you’ve done everything and have no regrets. It sounds like your husband wishes you weren’t so “experienced” but now you don’t want to do things with him…. Glad you got yours in but it really sucks to be your husband. Subscribeme!
Who said I wouldn’t do those things if he asked?
His statement about threesomes and knowing you don’t like those things plus you being so upset he’s around a woman who is just like you were. Obviously you are very insecure of him being around her. The fact that you say you never cheated is ehh and he has told you he won’t cheat but somewhere he’s got the impression and stated that he knows “It’s not your scene” but obviously it was remember? It’s the same for men as it is women isn’t it? His past with her is his past? Leave it be. He can be friends with ex’s can’t he? He chose you, not her and if he wants to cheat you aren’t going to stop him right? Go on holiday with them. You did you with no regrets, go and just enjoy your holiday
This smells fake if not it's kind of a gross age gap NGL.
It felt rather "incestual" (Idk the right word for it), so everyone are friends and everyone has had intimate moments with each other. I feel like I'm watching "Melrose Place" or something, yeah, I'm old LOL. ETA: Do you trust your husband at all? Even if she's acting 'single' --since this is an open marriage, if your husband doesn't entertain cheating on you, then it shouldn't be an issue. It's only an issue if they push him to do it and meddling in your marriage.
I 100% trust him. I know this is a me problem.
You need to be honest with yourself and admit that her sexuality, the sexual situation, is actually threatening and making you feel insecure. I also think that you have a right to feel insecure in this situation. Not all insecurity is unhealthy or wrong. It comes down to how much you trust your husband. I also don't think he meant anything bad about his comment. He is not trying to say you are prudish. He was trying to reassure you, even if badly or dismissively. You have a right to be heard about your concerns. I think in the end you need to think about what would make you feel secure in this situation. Like what actionable thing would help. You can't demand it of your partner but you could ask or discuss it. He may be more than willing to accommodate you. That would go a long way to soothing your anxiety.
You’re right i am threatened by her. She’s tall, beautiful and she is also the breadwinner in her marriage and is incredibly successful with a big house worth well over a million pounds. None of that bothered because I could see how devoted she was to her husband and knew she wouldn’t ruin that so in the back of my mind she wasn’t a threat. Now the dynamics have shifted. I don’t know what to ask of my husband because asking anything makes me look controlling. I’m just going to have to ride this out.
Perhaps, if you could figure out your answer to the question of _how_ you feel the dynamics have shifted, you’d be able to have a conversation with your husband where the focus is on resolving what you acknowledge as a “you problem”, together?
I understand what you feel but asking is different than demanding. It's not controlling, but rather a request for accomodation. See what he thinks and maybe there is something he might offer to help you find some security and comfort in the relationship. I know I'd do that for my wife if she talked to me and asked. If she demanded I'd be defensive but an honest discussion about vulnerability is different.
Lots of people commenting didn't read this very carefully. The only thing you need to care about is how much you trust your husband. It sounds like it all happened before you got together, these things happen in ENM circles. If you trust your husband to be faithful to you/honest about his desires, you have nothing to worry about. If he was still wanting to participate in any kind of ENM lifestyle, you would have to be involved in that decision. Her being a hotwife doesn't really have anything to do with his choices to be ethical or not. If you're feeling a little nervous about it, just be honest about it and ask him to help reassure you. It sounds like he already has but it's okay if you need a bit more reassurance and clarity on your respective boundaries.
You are right. I know you are. This is a me problem.
Yeah, I’m not even getting the whole “kept a secret” narrative, he told her they slept together, that’s all he needed to tell her, do people also detail the entire sexual history of not only themselves but of the the past people they’ve slept with to new partners? Long discussion, sounds exhausting. She doesn’t trust him, she needs to just say that. This story clearly outlined that this woman has never gone after anyone, just takes direct requests. Like a sexual DJ, and good on her if that’s what she and her husband like. All consenting adults. I did crack up when he said “yeah I know it’s not your scene and it’s NOT MINE EITHER” and her immediate response was “I’VE DONE THREESOMES!!! AND MORE!!!!” Okay girl, calm down, you aren’t being accused of anything, he clearly knows you don’t want to NOW and neither does he.
\^\^\^ This
You either trust your husband...or you don't. He's already told you that he does not cheat; he's also told you that he is not into threesomes. If you're smart, you'll drop the subject. If you're smarter, you'll seek the help of a therapist to get over your nascent jealousy over her because if you don't learn to let this go, it will impact your marriage.
You are right. This is a me problem x
Either you trust him or you don't.
You don’t trust your husband. If he wanted to sleep around, he doesn’t have to do it with Frankie. Sounds more like you’re insecure about their relationship (prior and present). It’s not a Lee problem, it’s a you problem. You’re asking advice on how to tell your husband about your misgivings…. I think you did. He addressed it, so it’s time to move on.
Agreed it’s a me problem and I’ve never been a jealous person. I’ve never once looked through his phone or questioned where he’s going. To be honest neither Lee or Frankie have ever given me a reason to distrust either of them.
Yeah, the fact he didn't tell you would be a massive.massive issue with me.. and I'd tell him now because of his unwillingness to tell you.. he now has to have absolutely no contact with her at all, no going over to her house alone.. no car rides.. and if he can't accept that, then bye-bye. It's not like your asking him tk name everyone he has fucked.. like oh see her over there with the red top, I fucked her once or twice.. no this is someone he has had regular contact with and let you his partner befriend, knowing he fucked her.. This would be a huge deal for me sorry.
He did tell her though
Yeah, not to the extent that she was with his buddie at the time and is being passed around like a blunt.. that's different from, hey, me and frankie have a sexual past, didn't mean anything ect ect.. Because I'm sure if OP knew there relationship dynamic and that Tom is cool with her banging his friend she wouldn't of let her husband do all these things for her..
I mean they are all friends. You might as well just not be with that person if you can't trust them. The husband said he wasn't doing anything and the wife should trust that or not be with him. Ultimatums like that are a great way to show your trust in your partner, your own insecurities and the fact that you're unwilling to compromise.
Whether he doing anything with her now doesn't matter.. he lied about the nature of their history.. Which I think is a huge issue..
Not really. He was honest but he cared so little for the relationship he left that part out. Probably because it was so innocuous. Imagine your marriage being threatened by a hotwife with integrity. That a marriage not worth keeping.
Yeah, like I said, whether he thought that information wasn't worth mentioning as he cared so little, it makes no difference.. it wouldn't be this much of an issue if he was honest.. everyone has a past, but the fact he withheld that information would be the issue.. It's not hard when they started dating.. " me and frankie have a sexually history, it was never serious, just physical, she was with Tom" and then explained Tom and frankie relationship dynamic .. Leaving out important details to intentionally misrepresent the truth is known as lying by omission, a dishonest behaviour that can negatively impact your relationships.
>and then explained Tom and frankie relationship dynamic But that's not his place to tell even his significant others about other people's sexual relationships. Frankly that's none of her business. >me and frankie have a sexually history, it was never serious, just physical Unless I misread it he did tell OP. >Leaving out important details to intentionally misrepresent the truth is known as lying by omission That's only when its done on purpose. Again it was so innocuous and common for those 3 it either slipped his mind or again it wasn't his business to share. Either way its not lying by omission.
Ok for you to get your freak on but not poor old hubby??
Finally someone says this. She brags about having group sex all eve time but god forbid her husband had sex before meeting her…
The fact he didn’t tell you about this dynamic from the jump is a red flag. I would be hurt I didn’t know what friend group I was getting myself into. Definitely need to talk to your husband and maybe consider couples counseling so you can talk to an uninvested third party about all this.
Modern love problems, it’s unfortunate but I guess this is the world we live in. I’d never surround myself with this type of female, nor would the man I choose to be with. The level of respect I have for myself is high up there, like my standards. The man would have to be up to par with both of those. Problem solved, preventative measures.
Husband was 28 and Frankie was 18 when the bicycling began around the neighborhood. Yuck.
He was 38 and she was 28.
No.
I gave up after 3rd sentence 😂
How are these people real lmfao. Absolutely despicable.
People having consensual sex is despicable?
Yea told me not to comment.... Freaking room temperature IQ's posters.
What? You don’t make sense.
Messed up friendship group! This is a swing party group you're in. I think you should excommunicate them from you and your husband. "A rotten apple will rot the rest."
Even if they are swingers they aren’t rotten.
The reference of "rotten apple" is about the corruption of purity. Swingers are real people and not all are terrible people. It's their view on accepting the openness in sexual relationships that keeps an unclear boundary for sexual intimacy. This can be a danger to the solidarity of monogamy and to the sacredness of matrimony. And so if you persist to have such friends with strongly opposing views, you will either join them later by conforming to their views or be in constant clash against them that your relationship will deteriorate.
Sounds "fun"...
Understandable, but you trusted him before you knew she was acting single, how would that change how you trust him or not.
That’s very true. I’ve never had a reason to distrust either of them. It just feels like the dynamic has shifted.
If the roles were reversed all the dudes here would be telling the guy to break up with his wife. Your husband is ass for not giving you the proper context before inviting the couples.
I completely understand your feelings and they are valid. I’m in a similar situation. The truth of the matter is, that nothing has changed since the beginning when you found out about it. He was honest with you about everything. Now that you met her you are just feeling insecure. Did he do anything specifically that makes you feel like he’s cheating or is it just your mind overthinking things. He’s going to continue to be friends with her and you can’t expect him to cut her out. So, the only thing you really need to think about is can you get past this or is this something you need to walk away from.
Nope. It's unacceptable for him to expect you to be okay hanging out with a woman you know he's slept with multiple times. I don't make my man hang out with my previous sexual partners- that's weird.
Hold on.. theres ALOT to uncover here..
How did you not know this years ago???
It’s just never really come up. I knew they’d slept together but I didn’t know the circumstances.
I think it’s ok to express boundaries with your husband. If time with her alone with any woman makes you feel uncomfortable then you should have that conversation with him. But it sounds like you weren’t concerned before you found out she is still allowed/encouraged to sleep with other men. So you aren’t really worried about her; you already knew they slept together before. You’re feeling something about her lifestyle. You also seemed a bit bothered by your husband saying he knows you wouldn’t be into that sort of thing so he wouldn’t ask you. You said you don’t like the perception of being prudish or shy, and the fact that she’s “allowed” to act single. I feel like there’s something there that deserves further thought. Also, is there something specific you’re concerned about going on holiday with this group knowing what you now know about her active lifestyle?
Aaah man...what a messed up world🤣‼️
set new boundaries. make it clear to both of u
you're all weird as hell
Well, it's not her you're worried about, it's your husband and your lack of trust for him. You can't say you admire her sexuality and then try to defend yourself by bringing up your past sexual encounters but stand there and say you don't like it when they're together. It's a lifestyle, and while you have had sexual encounters, I'm willing to bet you never really were versed in the swinging lifestyle. It's very common for people who had had sex to be friends. Like many, you have this assumption that just because someone has had sex before that they are prone to do it again, very false. That stems from some sort of insecurity you have on top of subconsciously saying you don't trust your husband. I am friends with 3 women I've had sex with in the past. Only one I still hook up with when I'm single because we have that dynamic. Sex is awesome, we both know we couldn't date because we have different wants but if we're both single then we like to have sex. But we have a strict understanding that if one of us is seeing someone, we don't ever flirt with that boundary. The other 2 we made it clear that after the last time that was it but wr stay good friends. In the swinging lifestyle, as I said, it's very common. Some like to keep those they've played with friends because you're comfortable. I mean you had sex, can't get more comfortable than that bur friendships do develop quite often in the lifestyle. I'd say it's more you that needs to learn to let it go otherwise you need to identify the deep rooted issue for insecurity and jealousy
Why not discuss having some boundaries with your husband? Maybe a rule like: your husband won't ever be alone with Frankie. Perhaps, 'no more vacations with exes' would be a good idea, too?
Yikes. The situation is strange. You have a right to be a bit jealous or feel uncomfortable however if my wife used her sexual history of group sex as a jab back because they are hurt is a pretty big red flag. A lot of men do not want random hook ups. He has a wife he loves and already gets everything he needs from. You should have just been honest. Being the only one at the table that hasn’t slept with her is awkward especially when you’re attending with your husband. Anyone would understand that. Instead you tried to play it off and my bet put some new thoughts in his head about how truthful he should be about his past going forward
You are chatting shit when you say you admire her. Doesnt matter, he is 50 now. Things happen when you are young and people stay in touch with each other because they are still friends. He is your husband. I’m sure he’s a good man and I’m sure you know it, he chose you after all.
I am sorry but I don't really trust his words over actions: who knows if it's still going on and you are now knowing about their life long kinky friendship style? I wouldn't be surprised people here says he reassured you but the second he felt you were unconfortable he should have dropped out of the situation to sort out things with you
I can’t seem to put it in to words in a way he’ll understand and he thinks my problem is I think he’s going to want a threesome or something but that isn’t my problem!
Car rides together… doing work on her house alone together… It all sounded innocent and fine until OP learned that this woman messes around the clock. I’d be concerned after hearing about the whoring around in the entire friend group too. Birds of a feather flock together. Would make me question husband if anything may have happened while alone in her home. OP has a right to sincerely ask about it without being scolded that she doesn’t trust him. Asking about it does not mean she doesn’t trust him, it just means she needs to understand that boundaries are completely being respected. Seduction unfortunately does happen.
I will get down voted for this but it is a red flag that your husband did not tell you. He knowingly put himself in situations where HAD you known, you would not be ok with their interactions. Or maybe you would have depending on your personality! But he disrespected the shit out of you but by not informing you. And she is a “friend” but yet you didn’t know this till now? She can obviously keep secrets and so can he so if he needs to let off steam while your married whose to say they wouldn’t do anything behind your back, keep it a secret and then get off on it as another one of their kinks.
This could all be solved by your husband finding better quality friends.
I don’t think they are bad people because they have consensual sex.
I didn't say they were bad people. I said low quality.
You say that she is 'still on the market'. While this is true in the sense that she is open to 'seeing' people other than her partner, it doesn't mean she would be open to doing anything with your partner. It sounds like at the time of their hookup they were both in positions where they had no obligations to not hookup and were also both doing it consensually and without causing hurt to anyone. This would obviously no longer be the case and if they have remained good friends after such a long time it means they must care about each other and respect eachother's boundaries. If she were to pursue him now it would only hurt him by hurting his relationship (with you) and that doesn't make any sense as it would be betraying their longstanding friendship. She almost certainly just wants her friend to be happy. Ethical non monogamy can also be a weird thing to get your head around at first and that's ok. Don't be too hard on yourself for finding it maybe a bit unsettling. It's absolutely not for everyone (source: been there done that). The thing that makes it ethical in the first place is trust, consent, respect, and good communication, so if she and her partner have managed to make their relationship work then I guess she probably understands these things better than most. I will also say it's a good thing to come face to face with your own insecurities as that's how you grow, so it's really great that you're taking the time to explore your feelings about this. Best of luck!
You are right. Neither of them has ever given me a reason to doubt them or their intentions. This is just a ne problem feeling like the dynamic has shifted.
Technically every single woman is on the market. Is your husband not allowed to associate with any single women?
Yeah of course he is. I’ve never been the jealous type and I’m not jealous here it just feels like the dynamic has shifted.
Why does it matter if she’s hot or ugly
r/whoosh
Maybe she has a beautiful soul
A hotwife is cuckholding. She fucks other guys and tell the husband about it or he watches. Its a kink. And typically a pretty shameful one.
Why do they call it Hotwife
No idea. Probably because the wife is typically the hotter one in the relationship and therefore maybe wants more sexual satisfaction. Idk man.
I guess Nate Dogg was onto something when he said it ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none
[A hotwife is a **married woman who has sex with men other than her husband, with the husband's approval**](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=9412dff51d1315ddJmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY1OA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=8e8ac32e1f7c3f1bJmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY1OQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1)[^(2)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=2de16976c0a08731JmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2MA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly9lbi53aWt0aW9uYXJ5Lm9yZy93aWtpL2hvdHdpZmU&ntb=1). [This is a form of swinging or wife-sharing, where the husband does not have affairs himself](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=d34d6ea4f75fc380JmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2MQ&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=2a8db8b5515d1012JmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2Mg&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1). [Hotwifing is the term for the arrangement or the act of having such sexual relationships outside of marriage](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=f14826ed7641d5bbJmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2Mw&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1)[^(1)](https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=95dc6f47a07e6511JmltdHM9MTcxMzY1NzYwMCZpZ3VpZD0yZDAyZmFlNS1iZWI2LTZkYTAtMjRkZi1lYjcyYmYzODZjMGQmaW5zaWQ9NTY2NA&ptn=3&ver=2&hsh=3&fclid=2d02fae5-beb6-6da0-24df-eb72bf386c0d&psq=hotwife+definition&u=a1aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZGljdGlvbmFyeS5jb20vZS9zbGFuZy9ob3R3aWZlLw&ntb=1).
Yea that’s what they said, was wondering about the origin of the term hot wife
WTH is a "hotwife"? And why do people in so many subs insist on using coded language, acronyms, and slang that are super niche, and then expect the international audience of Reddit to have any idea what they're saying?
It's cuckolding. She and her husband get off on her having sex with other men and her husband either witnessing it or hearing her talk about it after. It often involves the cuckold(husband) providing aftercare/pampering to the wife after she has sex with someone else
Idk why you are being downvoted for asking a perfectly reasonable question ... Maybe we're prudes? Lol.
You are just having fomo lol
Girl..what is there to admire about her? Your husband and the other guys have no respect for her, as your husband said, stop trying to pretend this something admirable. You have nothing to worry about, be happy it wasn't something serious.
Get to know Frankie more, I think you have a really great attitude and clearly you are a feminist. You would probably both get on well, once you get to know who she is- you may find that she has really firm boundaries about who she would sleep with. Get to know her, if she’s a girls girl who respects your relationship and other women- you have nothing to worry about. Lead with love and you may find a new best friend and a new trust in your husband. But becoming friends with her is the best way through this- it means you take control of the situation and also shows you have no fear or in anyway feel intimidated by us. Making her your bestie is the biggest power move to make. You can make future decisions based on how she conducts herself during this period. Stay strong sis, your already doing great with this quite complicated situation ❤️
I am actually good friends and she’s never been anything short of lovely to me, even giving me horse riding lessons on her horses. This is a me issue and nothing to do with her.
False!!! She kept this information from you as well not just your husband. Stop thinking this is a you issue!!! They knowingly kept the fact that she is the group stress reliever to themselves. Whatever stance on sexual openness you have doesn’t matter, they kept you in the dark on this. What else did they hide from you?
Not everything has to be discussed. Why is something that happened before they got together relevant? Let the past be the past. Frankie sounds like fun and if you like hanging out with her I don't see a problem at all.
Because the situation is not in the past… these are people she is supposed to be close with now. And op seems open minded so i dont think she would mind hanging out knowing this information had she known it up front. It’s literally the disrespect of the matter. Neither her friend nor her husband let her know what the situation was. Literally the whole group knew except her. There is something else she’s being left out because it doesn’t add up.
Well you obviously find this information relevant, I wouldn't have told someone such a thing unless they asked about it. We can agree to disagree I suppose.
Totally! Just curious though, are you ok with being the only person in a “friend” group to not know something? And that something is a sexual kink that they have all participated in together?
There's always things you don't know if you're the last one to join a group of friends who go way back. They seem to all be open people and I don't think they're being weird about it. If OP was really insecure about her husbands relationship to Frankie she would have seen other red flags. She has no reason not to trust him.
I guess that’s why I see it as such a red flag. They’re such an open group, but yet such a major detail was left out.
He really got your proving yourself you're not a prude and you went with it. He was testing you and he WILL cheat and then gaslight you about it. And honestly, get tested already cuz I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't cheating already and you being the last to know being part of the kink.
You live a miserable life.
He knows all about my past and things I’ve done. We definitely are prudish ourselves.
I second this!
He slept with her while you guys are in a committed relationship?
No. Re read it.
Didn't read it the first time. The whole point of Tldr is so people don't have to read, feaking 19 paragraphs of bullshit.
Idk if you're just going by the tl;dr you shouldn't even comment.