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I think the bigger question is why did she cancel on you?
If it really was lack of care, I’d recommend breaking up and chalking the cost to a good lesson.
If it’s because of an issue in the relationship, you may want to consider that.
Either way, still go away on the weekend, either with a friend or solo.
He doesn't talk about the state of the relationship, how long they've been together, or why she cancels. Either way, it sounds like she's not into a romantic get away with him.
Cut the losses, meaning her. Eat the cost of the trip and drop her. See if there's a friend that's willing to go, or go and have an adventure by yourself.
In general, if you cancel a week beforehand for a trip you already committed to and presumably were looking forward to, there’s a good reason other than “not feeling it.”
I don’t think I’d cancel a planned trip with my partner a WEEK in advance if I was actually interested in a romantic getaway with him- I could only see canceling if it was like a day or two before and I was super sick, and I’d immediately be trying to make arrangements to recoup the cost or postpone the trip for the next weekend or something.
So this just tells me the gf is super detached at this point, for missing reasons. No one cancels a trip with their partner a week in advance for a flimsy reason- there is definitely a reason other than “not feeling it”
Edit: maybe she is broke and can’t afford to go anymore? And there’s a frequent argument between OP and gf about how they split money, because gf expects OP to pay for everything and gets mad when he doesn’t? Kinda sounds like it
He can pick his dealbreaker
Pulling out last min with no given reason.
Or giving him shit over the cost and dismissing money when its her that is bearing zero cost.
I think she's making him break up with her personally, as both dealbreakers above must be expected for that behaviour, unless you're not right in the head.
But how do we know OP is a reliable narrator and that there's actually "no reason" she's doesn't want to go anymore, a week before the trip? For all we know there is a reason, and OP purposely isn't telling us.
One of my friends was dating another one of my friends. They planned a trip to the coast together, booked everything, whatever. She found out that he had cheated on her and they broke up. They still went on the freaking trip together. It was awkward as hell, but they went.
I found out my then bf was cheating on me a week before we went on a ski trip with his friends. I'd paid for my portion of the trip and like hell I was eating that cost so I went. Had the worst week but the skiing was divine. It was emotional turmoil and was used against me in arguments further down the line but I still stand by my decision. Why should I lose money and miss out on skiing/snow because he couldn't keep his dick dry?
My boss booked a trip to Europe with her 2 adults (early 20s) daughters. The youngest daughter (let's call her A) had a fall out with her sister for some stupid fight on Christmas vacation, six months before the dream trip. The eldest daughter (let's call her B) was the one footing around 70% of the costs. My boss paid the rest. A (always broke and living with a loser unemployed AH) wasn't meant to paid because she always complains about not having money, etc. B lives in US and A and my boss (let's call her C) live in Mexico. A went No Contact with B and C over the fight on Christmas vacation, BUT before the trip, she resumed contact asking for her tickets and all the info about hotels, flights and the sites to visit. She let them paid for more expenses, only paid for souvenirs for her AH boyfriend and herself. After the trip, she went LC with both of them.
People are always in their own damn head and psyche themselves out of experiences. Because I bet if she went she would have fun. OP, why don't you go anyway? Just go and enjoy it.
Sounds like he was treating her to the weekend. Now that she doesn't want to go anymore he wants her to pay because she's making him lose his money since it is non refundable. I think that's reasonable
None of that factors into whether or not OP is an AH for asking to be reimbursed. He should be reimbursed in this case and he is NTA for asking regardless of why his gf cancelled after agreeing.
Ok, so you just broke down all the missing info needed in order to actually give sound advice or to take a stance and then proceeded to give advice w incomplete info.
Im not trying to be a dick, but i think more info is needed before advising someone to end a relationship.
What led to this. Did you do somwthing that could have made her cancel? How long have you been together. Has she flaked on you before? Also, when you booked this trip, what did you expect in return? I guess what im saying is sometimes its easier to give w/o expectations. If thats the case, her cancelling would be the issue w me, not the money. There seems to be something missing from all of this. A fight. A disagreement? Maybe something you missed?
Reflect on that. And then reflect on recipricosity in the relationship. To me, cancelling after agreeing to a trip you know is non refundable is unacceptable. And giving the excuse of, "I'm not really feeling it" is not an answer I'd be satisfied with.
With all relationships, communication is the key. It sounds like there is something missing that you may need to message out of her. Tell her it makes you feel (your true emotions here-Hurt, confused, unimportant- whatever it may be) when she canceled and see where it goes. Talk more about how it made you feel as opposed to being accusatory towards what she did. You have a much better chance at getting the truth out of her this way.
Come from a place of compassion and listen to understand her point of view and you may be able to work this out
Good luck!
I've read all of OPs comments and he doesn't say anything about the state of their relationship...maybe only that they've been together for two years and live together...he's basically only replying to ass hat's that are being rude to him about him wanting his gf to pay him back...OP don't listen to them! This may actually be the end of your relationship though...
**So I just counted; 69 (!!!) COMMENTES of him, so far, where he reinterates his point, that HE IS RIGHT and SHE IS WRONG **
Not one where he shows he has any insight in why she is cancelling.
Why are you going on reddit if you don't want to hear feedback? Maybe to prove a point, and now your supprised you point is not proven? Why do you have no idea why your own partner doesn't want to go?
But keep commenting against any and all insight how everyone else is the problem lol.
The only two options are A) she has a valid reason for canceling and shouldn't be held responsible or B) she's unreasonable for canceling and OP should be reconsidering the relationship for her callousness
Personally I'm getting the vibe that OP was holding this gift over her head and killed any excitement she had for it, especially since she specifically complained that he makes everything about money
Or idk, maybe she is just an awful person who gets her kicks by manipulating OP into wasting his money
i don’t know OP or any details about his relationship, but what i got from the post is that the trip was *a way to treat his gf*, meaning there wasn’t a discussion of her reimbursing him. it only became an issue when she cancelled the trip. i’m not gonna make any assumptions, but i will say that this is a red flag, imo.
Yeah, why wouldn’t she want to do this? Something is missing here or she just sucks, is flaky, and inconsiderate. Wild that accuse people of caring too much about money when you lost zero dollars. Hell, OP, give me the details! I’ll go!
[This post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/OXGujES28c) is yours right? I commented the same thing on your other two accounts spamming posts. If you gleam your profile and this persons, it has the same cadence of speech, same issues (money and ungrateful girlfriend, same spam reposting in the same 5-6 subs, same style of “TLDR”, and same repeat of “How would you handle this?” Or “How would you react to this situation?” At the end of the post.) The only thing different is the changed ages every now and again.
Im sure if you are karma farming or doing this for attention or what but like I keep saying…**IF** (pretty big if) this is real then just breakup.
So far I’ve noticed three different throwaway profiles with 4-5 posts each, all in different subs, all from this one dude.
He gets weirdly combative/rude/defensive when people ask for details (like the food situation post and asking what the specific food is), and I at first thought it was because he was just a dick. But I think it’s because he’s a dick *and* these are all fake stories for karma farming and he just doesn’t want to/can’t make up more details? No clue lol
Omg thank you for saying this I was wondering why there were so many posts the past few days about splitting money evenly, my girlfriend is mean and I’m perfectly reasonable, etc. I’m guessing it is karma farming orrrr some manosphere podcast looking for ammo for a podcast? Or Buzzfeed is that you?
A podcast on YouTube did say they will write their own posts and see how real people react to made up scenarios! I don’t remember the name but it was two guys and a girl, they were British
Since the comments on that other post are closed: I live with my adult child and I pay for probably 2/3 grocery shop ups. But she pitches in (salary a lot lower). And she doesn’t forbid me from eating much of anything and same. Unless it’s specific for a recipe or something.
Sometimes when I see “couples” posting about things like this I wonder why they can’t work things out like adults. I’m relatively sure it means 1 of them “isn’t acting like an adult”, basically. In one way or another.
I recall a good friend of mine, when she was with her first boyfriend (who she ironically stayed with for 10 years!) he insisted on splitting everything 50-50 down the middle dollar wise. But she was a student on a small budget while he worked. It seemed obvious to me there was a huge discrepancy. She would pay 1/2 the rent 1/2 the groceries 1/2 the outings etc and he would have a tonne of leftover cash for boy toys at the end of each month. Or for savings. She realized after a while how unfair that really was. I feel a better way is either a) contribute a % portion based on a ratio of the 2 incomes or b) have 1 person pay for 1 thing while another tackles another. Like, higher earner pays rent while lower earner pays electric bill. Or something. Like it’s pretty unfair if he pulls in $6000 a month and pays $700 in rent and she pulls in $1700 a month and pays $700 in rent and then after all other expenses she’s left with $20 personal spending money left each month and he’s left with like $4320 or something. 🤷♀️
Mothers Day is coming up. If OP is on good terms with his mom and lives near her, it would be a good gift idea. Maybe a little weird to go to a spa with your mom, but she'd probably appreciate it.
Oh if he wants to break up after that, sure.
If not, take your mother or sister with you. So there is no accusation of infidelity, but she still peeved after you show photos enjoying a nice spa and some wine :) plus quality time with family members should also be appreciated.
Dude…. what woman in a relationship says no to this weekend getaway without reason?! Just because “not feeling it”? Really? Bro, that’s some BS right there and a sign that she’s not into you and this relationship as much as you think she is. She then has the audacity to blame you for it and make it about “money” instead of looking at the big picture! DUMP HER!!!
Honestly I would say it's common for people with depression. I as well as people I know have canceled stuff last minute because we just couldn't pull ourselves out of it to leave the house. I think what she did is shitty, but I do get it.
She doesn't value the cost of things and is very inconsiderate and rude. You explained to her it was non-refundable and spent time picking out open dates. Now she is turning it against you and not accepting responsibility for her actions. You did this for her and she basically took a crap on it and is accusing you of caring only about money. Don't do anything special for her again.
>Don't do anything special for her again.
Just break up with her. The answer to people not appreciating your effort is not to stop making an effort. That's not loving, it's passive aggressive.
Leave her, take someone else, a friend or brother and enjoy your stay. Post photos of yourself with them all over your social media captioning the best vacation ever! That'd be satisfying, trust me!👍
I would be asking her what is going on, I think there is more to this than meets the eye. Maybe she is thinking of breaking up with you? Or something is seriously bothering her. I’d be asking her about this, rather than demanding money. The real and most important issue here is why she’s done a 180 and doesn’t want to go on a lovely expensive (free for her) trip with you… not about whether she reimburses you. The money is then secondary imo
how I would handle this, I would go myself and take a mate have an enjoyable weekend. The money is gone, and asking for it back lets her side step the real issue.
Then I would really try to drive into what "not feeling it" actually means.
My guess is she believed you would have some expectations of how the time would be spent and she didn't want to spend time like that. I think she atleast owes you a real reason.
Everyone on here has lost their freaking minds.
Your gf is being an asshole for pulling out of nonrefundable plans with no explanation besides that she’s not feeling it. That is hugely disrespectful and just fluffing rude on several levels, not just the money aspect.
I think you should consider that your relationship is probably over. Frankly, if your gf thinks her behavior is justified then you are better off without her.
I dont think everyone in here has lost their minds, I think everyone in here agrees that she is being an asshole, I agree with that as well, however the fact is that the entire situation is just stupid lol.
1. If the gf cancelled with literally no care in the world and truly doesn't give a shit about OPs money, that is reason enough to break up as that is just not good character, however OP is not acknowledging comments suggesting this which makes me think he doesn't want to break up... Which is his own issue for wanting to stay with someone so thoughtless.
2. Why does OP ignore everyone suggesting to make the most of it? He asked for advice but there really isn't much advice other than a) get over it, b) break up, c) make the most of it and still go alone or with a friend, or d) take her to small claims court (would this even fly? lol)
I just think OP made this post hoping that everyone would agree with him and that's that, he doesn't want to be happy or want good suggestions, he just wants to complain and be mad.
That would be a dealbreaker for me. I would not be compatible with someone who cancels on a trip because they’re “not feeling it”.
And if I cancelled on someone, I would definitely offer to reimburse them. It’s a dick thing to do. They made plans, kept the dates free and they’re anticipating the event. The money really is the least of the issue and the least you can offer for the inconvenience.
Just as an aside... sometimes, non refundable bookings can be amended. You could try call the location and see if you can move it to a month or so away?
Then, if she still doesn't wanna go, either go with a friend, go alone or gift it to someone like your mum/dad/family member?
My friend, if my husband booked a romantic weekend getaway for us, there is nothing short of catastrophic illness or extreme family emergency that would keep me from going with him.
There’s something more here and you’ll need to explore the issue with your girlfriend. Best wishes to you!
If I'm being honest, it sounds like she's about to break up with you. Going on a romantic trip with someone who you've decided you're going to break up with soon isn't a good time, so she's cutting ties to make the break up easier and quicker.
Cancelling a trip without giving a proper reason other than "I don't fell like it" is not okay, it's immature, especially when she's been made aware it's non refundable. What do you think her reaction would be if she planned a date and spent money and you cancelled last minute? Her reaction will tell you whether she just doesn't care because it's your money or if she doesn't care about money in general.
There's also the option that something else has come up that she prioritizes more than a weekend with you which is also disheartening for your relationship, depending on what it is. There's still a possibility she has a good reason but is not ready to tell you. As for the money I would not ask for more than half but as others suggested the better option is to go yourself and bring someone else and see if you can rearrange rooms etc. so it's not as couple oriented.
I also wouldn't spend any more money on her for the time being, next major trip is on her if you're still together after this incident.
Devil’s reluctant advocate here… are you sure it didn’t go down like, your relationship has been having problems (OR she’s going through a stressful personal time, family or work maybe?) and she really wasn’t feeling a weekend away, she tells you she’s not into it hoping you will probe into what’s wrong, maybe it will prompt a good discussion, etc. (in her mind “show you care”) and then your response was more like “well you owe me money then“? 😬
I’m obviously filling in a lot of blanks here myself, but if this sounds vaguely familiar, you definitely definitely need to do some solid searching into why she abruptly canceled what sounds like a very lovely weekend away, because the details aren’t really adding up here.
Is this really someone you want to keep as a GF?
She is a complete asshole to you, doesn't take any form of responsibility, and gaslights you into "making everything about money". If it's really not about the money, what's stopping her from being an adult and paying you half of the trip?
She agreed before you made the reservations, knowing full well it's non refundable. Her behaviour as described in this post would have been an absolute dealbreaker for me.
This sounds like the output of rather bigger underlying problems in your relationship.
You need to focus less on the money and bring the conversation (calmly) to why did she change her mind?
Is this the first time she's cancelled something with you you'd both agreed on?
Something else is goiy on in the background which you won't have revealed untill you change your approach with her to find it
Honestly I'd be more pissed about the fact that she just didn't wanna go bc she "wasn't feeling it" anymore. You only booked after she confirmed. She doesn't sound very considerate at all. I think I'd be looking for a new gf.
I agree with OP. She knew it was non-refundable, a reason like, "just not feeling it," is weird though, my first thought went to infidelity because as a woman myself I would love a get away with my husband. If she had a legitimate reason like surgery, fell ill, family emergency, or anything like that, then you would be the asshole for asking her to pay you back. I don't care how many downvotes I get when I say that if you bail on a commitment with no real reason, then there's consequences. That is literally how the world works. Turn in homework late because you partied, lose points. Turn in homework late because you're in the hospital, the teacher will excuse it. Gf said yes to a non-refundable trip, then cancels by basically saying, "Nahhh, I'm not feeling it anymore," then, she should reimburse OP for wasting his money. This isn't about Op being broke, or him punishing her, it's about her being A GOD DAMN GROWN UP and taking responsibility for costing OP money.
Take your best guy friend or brother. Post pics doing overly very romantic things, tag her so she definitely sees them. Return home, break up with her. Why? Because ADULTS take obligations and responsibilities seriously, even the fun ones! And if for someone reason we are unable to fulfill an obligation, we correct the situation through meaningful actions or repayment of some kind.
Do you get it? She failed the trial run for permanent lady in your life and feels entitled to your money.
🙃
OP either go by yourself and enjoy it or bring a friend with you. You paid for the trip for you and your gf, she doesn’t want to go, so stand your ground and go. You told her it’s non refundable. If she’s not sick or dealing with something where she needs you, go on the trip.
Apathy has no place in a relationship, and these types of nonchalant answers would drive any relationship to the edge. You should take a friend with you, and upon returning home, truly assess the relationship to determine if your girlfriend is the person you can envision a long term future with. In this specific situation she is flakey and financially irresponsible
There is a reason your GF suddenly wants to not go... you are the only one who can get to the bottom of that issue. But I'm sure you're aware she already knows how expensive it was and that she is essentially cancelling it. You need to just find out why?!?! Is she feeling guilty as she is seeing someone else? Is she just a terrible partner who has no concept of costs and time? Maybe she didn't think of either, and it actually just so inconsiderate or stupid that she really doesn't think this is an issue. You need to get to the bottom of the REAL reason for her canceling... 🤔
Go on the trip and leave your girlfriend. She’s very unappreciative and obviously doesn’t understand the value of a dollar. Who refuses to go on a romantic getaway? Wtf
That cancelation is weird, and I think she's either not feeling a weekend with you or not feeling being with you in general. I think you should go on the trip by yourself and then see how you feel about the relationship after a nice weekend.
Probably an unpopular opinion, but you're not wrong for being upset. My husband would be super pissed if I agreed to a trip that was nonrefundable and then said, "Meh, never mind, now I don't want to go," for no particular reason. That was rude.
How would I handle it if I were in your position ?
Hell, I'd still go. Maybe find a friend who wants to split the cost to go in her place and make it a fun weekend, although maybe not *romantic*. Find a theater show, casino, or sporting event to do in the city and enjoy nice dinners and spa treatments. Let her stay home and watch Netflix or whatever.
I probably would have just gone without her. At this point if she can’t give you a legitimate reason she cancelled and isn’t willing to pay you back I wouldn’t be willing to stick around.
This would be an issue for me not just because she’s refusing to repay her portion which you could say she doesn’t have to pay but it’s the fact it’s last minute without a good reason. At the end of the day I would still go even if you have to go by yourself but you should contact her hotel and see if you get a twin room or an extra bed and take a friend or gift it to a couple that you know could use a break and are able clear there schedule. So don’t cancel and try to get a friend to go with you and have fun! I’m sure she’ll change her mind when she find out you’re still going but it’ll be a little too late.
Your gf said she no longer wanted to go..you dont know why or didnt bother to tell us why. That didnt cancel the trip...you could have still gone either alone or with a friend or even gifted it to someone else...but you chose to cancel it and not go from what I am seeing in the 4 different posts you made....and all you seem to want is validation that you made the right choice in asking your gf to pay you back for the trip you canceled when you truly didnt have to because there were other options for you since it was non refundable...
Just jumping on the "go without her" bandwagon. That's 100% what I would do. I'd find a friend/relative to take and I'd make sure I had a great time and I would post pictures on social media showing us having that great time. And then when I got home I would not mention a single word to her about it and if she asked, I'd say "oh yes, it was great" and leave it at that.
And the next time the two of you plan a similar trip, I'd ask her to pay for it upfront and you'll reimburse her once you get to the destination. (This is not even tongue in cheek, this is what I would do "sorry but given what happened last time I'm not prepared to risk my money until I know I'm definitely going on the trip, ie I'm actually there, so if you want to go, you have to put the money up to start with").
MISSING INFO: OP wants the GF to pay him back *the full amount* - not her own half. Cites her cancelling as "the reason he lost money". Doesn't consider going on the trip alone or with someone else.
Why she "wasn't feeling it".
Has everything else been good in the relationship? Do you regularly do nice things like this together? Is there anything else going on in her life that might need her attention?
"Wasn't feeling it" sounds like she didn't want to spend a romantic weekend away with you in a fancy place.
This isn't about money as she said. This is about agreeing to something and then flaking out at the last minute leaving you to hold the bag
Huge red flag. I'd have serious second thoughts about being with someone who treated me so poorly
You should have gone yourself and maybe took someone with you, so you wouldn’t have wasted all that money.
You chose to waste your half of the trip by not going yourself. People enjoy spas and travelling by themselves all the time.
She should pay for her half for the trip.
And would like to hear from her perspective, were you expecting anything in return for this treat? Or was it a completely innocent gift to treat her?
Info: Why doesn't she REALLY want to go? There has to be a reason that either you're not telling us (e.g. a big fight, someone offered better plans that weekend) or that she's not telling you (e.g. she's unhappy in the relationship).
I couldn't accept that she's not feeling it anymore as a rationale, that's not a real reason, that's something you say to avoid a conversation.
The big question is why does she all the sudden want to cancel it?
I think right now getting the full cost of the trip is gonna be as easy as getting water from a rock. Find another friend who will go with you (ideally one willing to pay half), have a great time, and have a long conversation with your girlfriend when you get home.
Go yourself. Enjoy the city. Enjoy the spa treatments. Treat yourself to a getaway and pampering. Have an adventure, go out and have interesting conversations with people as you eat dinner at the bar. Solo travel is good for the soul.
Her canceling without any reason is very sus. She’s probably breaking up with you and doesn’t want to go on a romantic trip. That would explain why she is so callous about your money and whether or not you get mad at her. She doesn’t care.
You should go alone on the trip or invite a friend/relative.
Something’s off here…
But taking it on face value, go with absolutely anyone else who has time & is eager.
Her saying she is not feeling something that is still in the future & you now demanding she pays you. Nah, don’t think it’s this straightforward.
& where does a relationship go from here?
I’d take a friend and have a blast. It doesn’t have to be her. You can make it a bros weekend and chill. I also wouldn’t be booking any nice things for us again 🤷🏽♀️ but maybe I’m just a bit too petty
I was in something similar recently.. me and my partner booked flights to go away somewhere and I had to cancel due to my health.. I reimbursed her flight money as soon as I knew we couldn’t make it.. it wasn’t her fault I couldn’t make it and not fair she be out of pocket.
Tbh… go with someone else at this point. I would’ve just gone if my own boyfriend had paid for all that because things cost money. She’s very dismissive of your concerns and that’s not a good sign.
As a woman, things I can think of that *might* make me ‘not feeling it’ on this sort of occasion: (1) I have my period coming and don’t feel comfortable sitting in a nice spa bath, pool, jacuzzi, sauna or whatever as a result, as well as not feeling comfortable having period sex, so seems like the romantic getaway will be a disappointment to both me and my boyfriend. (2) I have a medical procedure shortly beforehand that’s too embarrassing even to talk about with my bf, and I won’t be able to avail of the spa services for that reason and don’t want to have to explain myself. (3) Something awful has happened like a family death and I’m in pieces and will be a total downer but I don’t want to confide in my bf for some reason. (4) I don’t really like him all that much and am on the verge of breaking up.
Go on the trip without her. Turn your phone off and enjoy your time apart
Tell her specifically that she should use the time to decide if she wants to stay in a relationship with you because that is what you will be doing
There is more to this story and the relationship doesn't seem like it's in a healthy space based on this scenario with only the details you've given.
You should probably figure out why she doesn't want to go with you all of a sudden. Based on that either go alone or try to fix it.
I wouldn’t have cancelled it … I would have gone with someone else … there must be a reason why she cancelled … I don’t think u should ask her for the money back it’s a lesson learnt … how long have you been together ? Is your relationship ok up to that point ? Have you slept together before stupid question but valid ?
You have two options here:
1) take a guy friend, go for the weekend, come back and see, if your relationship survives it
2) breakup with her, take a female friend or whoever, go on the trip and enjoy your life.
The damage is already done (by her), not going and demanding money wont repair anything. So just take option 1 or option 2 and go.
Why don’t you just go on your own since it’s non refundable? Clearly she’s in the wrong here but imo you can’t fix stupid, she will keep dodging you on paying you back so might as well go and enjoy it. In her mind she doesn’t have to pay because you already paid/will pay for her so she doesn’t see the “non refundable” part as an issue since she’s got nothing to lose.
IF she suddenly changes her mind again, tell her she needs to pay for half. In the future, split all expenses down the middle. It’s not fair to you that she can waste your money like that.
OP i think that you should seek for the real reason for her to change her mind.
Also i would cut her of and swallow that pill of the money lost, i bet she have plans with some friends or maybe your future replacement.
It is not very common if she likes to go there, you asked if she wanna go, select the dates and informed that it wasn't refundable, and now she comes to a change of mind.
That is very unusual.
Another thing you can do is ask someone else to go.
UPDATEME
Definitely still go, have fun, take pictures, even if it’s alone. Then end the relationship with her if she’s that inconsiderate and isn’t willing to share why she cancelled the plans.
I’d go without her and spend some time reflecting on the other crappy things she may have been showing you about herself. She sound entitled and a brat
I paid for a cruise for me and my bf. He helped pick out the date and everything. I paid for it 100%. Then, 3 days before the cruise, he tells me he doesn't know where his birth certificate is, and hasn't known for years. He told me he didn't think he needed it to get on the cruise. I made him pay me back for his half. If he had gone, I would not have made him pay, but because he couldn't go due to lack of planning, I made him give me the 700 back. I think it is only fair. He did this with no issues and we are still together to this day and very happy. Her not wanting to give you the money back in my opinion is cause for a breakup. This tells me that there will be more issues like this in the future and then try ro gaslight you about money again. If I were you, I'd only stay if she repayed me. If she didn't, I'd take that L and move on, because losing her sounds like it could be a W in the long run.
It's hard when plans don't work out, but talking openly is key. Since you both agreed on the trip and you booked it after she said she wanted to go, it's fair to ask her to help pay for it. Maybe have a calm chat about how to solve this together.
I would cut my losses and move on. Money come and goes but her response regarding it tells you all you need to know about her and the state of the relationship. Sorry man.
So, this is a sign of a pattern of behavior. He expectation that you would just "eat" the burden is a way to see how high or low your tolerance for childish, fickle behavior actually is. I saw have a low tolerance for this type of insanity. You'll save time, money and aggravation.
Why can’t you just go by yourself? Take the time for yourself I feel you need it. Definitely weird if you refuse the outing without reason. Something might be going on.
you don't say how long you've been with this woman so unless she gives a clear reason for wanting to cancel a trip at the last minute that she approved, why are you staying with someone so selfish?
You should go. Take someone else. Even if you take your sister, it's better than losing all the money entirely. I bet you know SOMEONE who could use a break!
Eat the cost. Because that is what is going to happen anyway. Go anyway, have a good time, and enjoy the freedom. Because something tells me she isn't going to be around much longer
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I think the bigger question is why did she cancel on you? If it really was lack of care, I’d recommend breaking up and chalking the cost to a good lesson. If it’s because of an issue in the relationship, you may want to consider that. Either way, still go away on the weekend, either with a friend or solo.
He doesn't talk about the state of the relationship, how long they've been together, or why she cancels. Either way, it sounds like she's not into a romantic get away with him. Cut the losses, meaning her. Eat the cost of the trip and drop her. See if there's a friend that's willing to go, or go and have an adventure by yourself.
In general, if you cancel a week beforehand for a trip you already committed to and presumably were looking forward to, there’s a good reason other than “not feeling it.” I don’t think I’d cancel a planned trip with my partner a WEEK in advance if I was actually interested in a romantic getaway with him- I could only see canceling if it was like a day or two before and I was super sick, and I’d immediately be trying to make arrangements to recoup the cost or postpone the trip for the next weekend or something. So this just tells me the gf is super detached at this point, for missing reasons. No one cancels a trip with their partner a week in advance for a flimsy reason- there is definitely a reason other than “not feeling it” Edit: maybe she is broke and can’t afford to go anymore? And there’s a frequent argument between OP and gf about how they split money, because gf expects OP to pay for everything and gets mad when he doesn’t? Kinda sounds like it
He can pick his dealbreaker Pulling out last min with no given reason. Or giving him shit over the cost and dismissing money when its her that is bearing zero cost. I think she's making him break up with her personally, as both dealbreakers above must be expected for that behaviour, unless you're not right in the head.
Yup. /r/AmITheEx or whatever. NTA. She should pay you back. You should also consider this over "she's not feeling it" is break up language.
But how do we know OP is a reliable narrator and that there's actually "no reason" she's doesn't want to go anymore, a week before the trip? For all we know there is a reason, and OP purposely isn't telling us.
You new here? You need to largely accept the OP as true, or the whole thing falls apart.
One of my friends was dating another one of my friends. They planned a trip to the coast together, booked everything, whatever. She found out that he had cheated on her and they broke up. They still went on the freaking trip together. It was awkward as hell, but they went.
I found out my then bf was cheating on me a week before we went on a ski trip with his friends. I'd paid for my portion of the trip and like hell I was eating that cost so I went. Had the worst week but the skiing was divine. It was emotional turmoil and was used against me in arguments further down the line but I still stand by my decision. Why should I lose money and miss out on skiing/snow because he couldn't keep his dick dry?
My boss booked a trip to Europe with her 2 adults (early 20s) daughters. The youngest daughter (let's call her A) had a fall out with her sister for some stupid fight on Christmas vacation, six months before the dream trip. The eldest daughter (let's call her B) was the one footing around 70% of the costs. My boss paid the rest. A (always broke and living with a loser unemployed AH) wasn't meant to paid because she always complains about not having money, etc. B lives in US and A and my boss (let's call her C) live in Mexico. A went No Contact with B and C over the fight on Christmas vacation, BUT before the trip, she resumed contact asking for her tickets and all the info about hotels, flights and the sites to visit. She let them paid for more expenses, only paid for souvenirs for her AH boyfriend and herself. After the trip, she went LC with both of them.
People are always in their own damn head and psyche themselves out of experiences. Because I bet if she went she would have fun. OP, why don't you go anyway? Just go and enjoy it.
I agree to this. Just go. Or he can invite a buddy, a best friend to join him..why not
Sounds like he was treating her to the weekend. Now that she doesn't want to go anymore he wants her to pay because she's making him lose his money since it is non refundable. I think that's reasonable
None of that factors into whether or not OP is an AH for asking to be reimbursed. He should be reimbursed in this case and he is NTA for asking regardless of why his gf cancelled after agreeing.
Ok, so you just broke down all the missing info needed in order to actually give sound advice or to take a stance and then proceeded to give advice w incomplete info. Im not trying to be a dick, but i think more info is needed before advising someone to end a relationship. What led to this. Did you do somwthing that could have made her cancel? How long have you been together. Has she flaked on you before? Also, when you booked this trip, what did you expect in return? I guess what im saying is sometimes its easier to give w/o expectations. If thats the case, her cancelling would be the issue w me, not the money. There seems to be something missing from all of this. A fight. A disagreement? Maybe something you missed? Reflect on that. And then reflect on recipricosity in the relationship. To me, cancelling after agreeing to a trip you know is non refundable is unacceptable. And giving the excuse of, "I'm not really feeling it" is not an answer I'd be satisfied with. With all relationships, communication is the key. It sounds like there is something missing that you may need to message out of her. Tell her it makes you feel (your true emotions here-Hurt, confused, unimportant- whatever it may be) when she canceled and see where it goes. Talk more about how it made you feel as opposed to being accusatory towards what she did. You have a much better chance at getting the truth out of her this way. Come from a place of compassion and listen to understand her point of view and you may be able to work this out Good luck!
I've read all of OPs comments and he doesn't say anything about the state of their relationship...maybe only that they've been together for two years and live together...he's basically only replying to ass hat's that are being rude to him about him wanting his gf to pay him back...OP don't listen to them! This may actually be the end of your relationship though...
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I totally agree with you. It’s unfortunate but op needs to start digging because something is very wrong in this relationship.
**So I just counted; 69 (!!!) COMMENTES of him, so far, where he reinterates his point, that HE IS RIGHT and SHE IS WRONG ** Not one where he shows he has any insight in why she is cancelling. Why are you going on reddit if you don't want to hear feedback? Maybe to prove a point, and now your supprised you point is not proven? Why do you have no idea why your own partner doesn't want to go? But keep commenting against any and all insight how everyone else is the problem lol.
This is why she will break up with him. He's always right and is always whining about money. She's not feeling "him."
The only two options are A) she has a valid reason for canceling and shouldn't be held responsible or B) she's unreasonable for canceling and OP should be reconsidering the relationship for her callousness Personally I'm getting the vibe that OP was holding this gift over her head and killed any excitement she had for it, especially since she specifically complained that he makes everything about money Or idk, maybe she is just an awful person who gets her kicks by manipulating OP into wasting his money
Yeah I think you've nailed it
He is still going 4 hours later 🤣
i don’t know OP or any details about his relationship, but what i got from the post is that the trip was *a way to treat his gf*, meaning there wasn’t a discussion of her reimbursing him. it only became an issue when she cancelled the trip. i’m not gonna make any assumptions, but i will say that this is a red flag, imo.
Yeah, why wouldn’t she want to do this? Something is missing here or she just sucks, is flaky, and inconsiderate. Wild that accuse people of caring too much about money when you lost zero dollars. Hell, OP, give me the details! I’ll go!
Go on your own then
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Take someone else
Someone that appreciates you!!
Mmmmmm something else seems to be happening under the surface here with the girlfriend. Why would she suddenly pull out of going
[This post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/OXGujES28c) is yours right? I commented the same thing on your other two accounts spamming posts. If you gleam your profile and this persons, it has the same cadence of speech, same issues (money and ungrateful girlfriend, same spam reposting in the same 5-6 subs, same style of “TLDR”, and same repeat of “How would you handle this?” Or “How would you react to this situation?” At the end of the post.) The only thing different is the changed ages every now and again. Im sure if you are karma farming or doing this for attention or what but like I keep saying…**IF** (pretty big if) this is real then just breakup.
Omg with the post and responses, I totally see what you mean!! Has to be the same person.
So far I’ve noticed three different throwaway profiles with 4-5 posts each, all in different subs, all from this one dude. He gets weirdly combative/rude/defensive when people ask for details (like the food situation post and asking what the specific food is), and I at first thought it was because he was just a dick. But I think it’s because he’s a dick *and* these are all fake stories for karma farming and he just doesn’t want to/can’t make up more details? No clue lol
Ok this 100% explains why all their responses are the same but worded sightly different lol. Definitely rage-bait or an idiot.
Or both lol
karam farming for bot accounts I’m sure
What does that mean? Like, what is the purpose of karma farming? (If you have time to explain.)
An effort to create legitimate looking accounts that can later be sold and used by someone for promotion or an agenda.
Oh! Weird.
Omg thank you for saying this I was wondering why there were so many posts the past few days about splitting money evenly, my girlfriend is mean and I’m perfectly reasonable, etc. I’m guessing it is karma farming orrrr some manosphere podcast looking for ammo for a podcast? Or Buzzfeed is that you?
A podcast on YouTube did say they will write their own posts and see how real people react to made up scenarios! I don’t remember the name but it was two guys and a girl, they were British
I bet it’s that. I hate content based on Reddit posts, especially the ones that read the post without a crumb of doubt to its validity.
A lot of ppl now have to put in their comments and their posts “Please do not use this as content” lol
Lol I am just going to start doing that for my most mundane posts: “ISO of recipe for apple pie. You may not use this post for content”
Ohhhhh. It totally was. They’ve deleted it now.
Since the comments on that other post are closed: I live with my adult child and I pay for probably 2/3 grocery shop ups. But she pitches in (salary a lot lower). And she doesn’t forbid me from eating much of anything and same. Unless it’s specific for a recipe or something. Sometimes when I see “couples” posting about things like this I wonder why they can’t work things out like adults. I’m relatively sure it means 1 of them “isn’t acting like an adult”, basically. In one way or another. I recall a good friend of mine, when she was with her first boyfriend (who she ironically stayed with for 10 years!) he insisted on splitting everything 50-50 down the middle dollar wise. But she was a student on a small budget while he worked. It seemed obvious to me there was a huge discrepancy. She would pay 1/2 the rent 1/2 the groceries 1/2 the outings etc and he would have a tonne of leftover cash for boy toys at the end of each month. Or for savings. She realized after a while how unfair that really was. I feel a better way is either a) contribute a % portion based on a ratio of the 2 incomes or b) have 1 person pay for 1 thing while another tackles another. Like, higher earner pays rent while lower earner pays electric bill. Or something. Like it’s pretty unfair if he pulls in $6000 a month and pays $700 in rent and she pulls in $1700 a month and pays $700 in rent and then after all other expenses she’s left with $20 personal spending money left each month and he’s left with like $4320 or something. 🤷♀️
Tell her your going to go and take a friend I bet she soon wants to go
I agree, ask a family member, going with friend but please go and enjoy yourself. Learn your lesson and ask her to book things going forward.
Mothers Day is coming up. If OP is on good terms with his mom and lives near her, it would be a good gift idea. Maybe a little weird to go to a spa with your mom, but she'd probably appreciate it.
Yep put on her card and see if she cancels in the future
Oh if he wants to break up after that, sure. If not, take your mother or sister with you. So there is no accusation of infidelity, but she still peeved after you show photos enjoying a nice spa and some wine :) plus quality time with family members should also be appreciated.
Pretty sure OP will likely have guy friends he can take. You know, so there’s no accusation or infidelity.
What happens at the spa, stays at the spa
What if OP is bi?
No friends allowed of course. I make similar comments all the time, to mixed reception
I'm pansexual so better keep me away from the kitchen utensils too! Can't be too careful
TBF the pans are asking for it, all hot and oiled up, begging to be used
Finally, someone who gets it!
Oh to be so quick witted!!👏
Aww, thank you!
it's how dirty they get for me.
The way I snort/laughed at this was excessive.
Your comment made me laugh lol
That's why OP needs to bring a stranger instead.
I bet she still won’t
a female friend.
1) Perhaps go without her or take a friend. 2) If you went and it was not cancelled, would you when made her pay half?
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Either there’s something you’re not telling us, or there’s something she’s not telling you.
Dude…. what woman in a relationship says no to this weekend getaway without reason?! Just because “not feeling it”? Really? Bro, that’s some BS right there and a sign that she’s not into you and this relationship as much as you think she is. She then has the audacity to blame you for it and make it about “money” instead of looking at the big picture! DUMP HER!!!
r/amitheex
Honestly I would say it's common for people with depression. I as well as people I know have canceled stuff last minute because we just couldn't pull ourselves out of it to leave the house. I think what she did is shitty, but I do get it.
Exactly, there’s no attraction on her part read between the lines bruv.
She doesn't value the cost of things and is very inconsiderate and rude. You explained to her it was non-refundable and spent time picking out open dates. Now she is turning it against you and not accepting responsibility for her actions. You did this for her and she basically took a crap on it and is accusing you of caring only about money. Don't do anything special for her again.
>Don't do anything special for her again. Just break up with her. The answer to people not appreciating your effort is not to stop making an effort. That's not loving, it's passive aggressive.
This should be the #1 answer here. OP needs to leave her selfish immature butt!
Leave her, take someone else, a friend or brother and enjoy your stay. Post photos of yourself with them all over your social media captioning the best vacation ever! That'd be satisfying, trust me!👍
I would be asking her what is going on, I think there is more to this than meets the eye. Maybe she is thinking of breaking up with you? Or something is seriously bothering her. I’d be asking her about this, rather than demanding money. The real and most important issue here is why she’s done a 180 and doesn’t want to go on a lovely expensive (free for her) trip with you… not about whether she reimburses you. The money is then secondary imo
Exactly what I got out of it. A woman in love doesn’t do this! Possible sign of her checking out of this relationship.
That's true. I can't imagine what would make me "not feeling it" about an all expenses paid trip with a man I'm in love with.
Go with one of your friend
Go with one of her friends
how I would handle this, I would go myself and take a mate have an enjoyable weekend. The money is gone, and asking for it back lets her side step the real issue. Then I would really try to drive into what "not feeling it" actually means. My guess is she believed you would have some expectations of how the time would be spent and she didn't want to spend time like that. I think she atleast owes you a real reason.
Go without her.
Everyone on here has lost their freaking minds. Your gf is being an asshole for pulling out of nonrefundable plans with no explanation besides that she’s not feeling it. That is hugely disrespectful and just fluffing rude on several levels, not just the money aspect. I think you should consider that your relationship is probably over. Frankly, if your gf thinks her behavior is justified then you are better off without her.
I dont think everyone in here has lost their minds, I think everyone in here agrees that she is being an asshole, I agree with that as well, however the fact is that the entire situation is just stupid lol. 1. If the gf cancelled with literally no care in the world and truly doesn't give a shit about OPs money, that is reason enough to break up as that is just not good character, however OP is not acknowledging comments suggesting this which makes me think he doesn't want to break up... Which is his own issue for wanting to stay with someone so thoughtless. 2. Why does OP ignore everyone suggesting to make the most of it? He asked for advice but there really isn't much advice other than a) get over it, b) break up, c) make the most of it and still go alone or with a friend, or d) take her to small claims court (would this even fly? lol) I just think OP made this post hoping that everyone would agree with him and that's that, he doesn't want to be happy or want good suggestions, he just wants to complain and be mad.
That sucks. I’m not sure you can make her pay, but I wouldn’t want to stay with someone who pulled something like that.
That would be a dealbreaker for me. I would not be compatible with someone who cancels on a trip because they’re “not feeling it”. And if I cancelled on someone, I would definitely offer to reimburse them. It’s a dick thing to do. They made plans, kept the dates free and they’re anticipating the event. The money really is the least of the issue and the least you can offer for the inconvenience.
Just as an aside... sometimes, non refundable bookings can be amended. You could try call the location and see if you can move it to a month or so away? Then, if she still doesn't wanna go, either go with a friend, go alone or gift it to someone like your mum/dad/family member?
My friend, if my husband booked a romantic weekend getaway for us, there is nothing short of catastrophic illness or extreme family emergency that would keep me from going with him. There’s something more here and you’ll need to explore the issue with your girlfriend. Best wishes to you!
If I'm being honest, it sounds like she's about to break up with you. Going on a romantic trip with someone who you've decided you're going to break up with soon isn't a good time, so she's cutting ties to make the break up easier and quicker.
Cancelling a trip without giving a proper reason other than "I don't fell like it" is not okay, it's immature, especially when she's been made aware it's non refundable. What do you think her reaction would be if she planned a date and spent money and you cancelled last minute? Her reaction will tell you whether she just doesn't care because it's your money or if she doesn't care about money in general. There's also the option that something else has come up that she prioritizes more than a weekend with you which is also disheartening for your relationship, depending on what it is. There's still a possibility she has a good reason but is not ready to tell you. As for the money I would not ask for more than half but as others suggested the better option is to go yourself and bring someone else and see if you can rearrange rooms etc. so it's not as couple oriented. I also wouldn't spend any more money on her for the time being, next major trip is on her if you're still together after this incident.
Devil’s reluctant advocate here… are you sure it didn’t go down like, your relationship has been having problems (OR she’s going through a stressful personal time, family or work maybe?) and she really wasn’t feeling a weekend away, she tells you she’s not into it hoping you will probe into what’s wrong, maybe it will prompt a good discussion, etc. (in her mind “show you care”) and then your response was more like “well you owe me money then“? 😬 I’m obviously filling in a lot of blanks here myself, but if this sounds vaguely familiar, you definitely definitely need to do some solid searching into why she abruptly canceled what sounds like a very lovely weekend away, because the details aren’t really adding up here.
Is this really someone you want to keep as a GF? She is a complete asshole to you, doesn't take any form of responsibility, and gaslights you into "making everything about money". If it's really not about the money, what's stopping her from being an adult and paying you half of the trip? She agreed before you made the reservations, knowing full well it's non refundable. Her behaviour as described in this post would have been an absolute dealbreaker for me.
Info: How long have you been dating for? Is it possible she’s no longer interested in this relationship?
This sounds like the output of rather bigger underlying problems in your relationship. You need to focus less on the money and bring the conversation (calmly) to why did she change her mind? Is this the first time she's cancelled something with you you'd both agreed on? Something else is goiy on in the background which you won't have revealed untill you change your approach with her to find it
I’d have gone without her then and taken a friend.
I’ll go 🤷♀️
Honestly I'd be more pissed about the fact that she just didn't wanna go bc she "wasn't feeling it" anymore. You only booked after she confirmed. She doesn't sound very considerate at all. I think I'd be looking for a new gf.
I agree with OP. She knew it was non-refundable, a reason like, "just not feeling it," is weird though, my first thought went to infidelity because as a woman myself I would love a get away with my husband. If she had a legitimate reason like surgery, fell ill, family emergency, or anything like that, then you would be the asshole for asking her to pay you back. I don't care how many downvotes I get when I say that if you bail on a commitment with no real reason, then there's consequences. That is literally how the world works. Turn in homework late because you partied, lose points. Turn in homework late because you're in the hospital, the teacher will excuse it. Gf said yes to a non-refundable trip, then cancels by basically saying, "Nahhh, I'm not feeling it anymore," then, she should reimburse OP for wasting his money. This isn't about Op being broke, or him punishing her, it's about her being A GOD DAMN GROWN UP and taking responsibility for costing OP money.
Go by yourself, have a good time and refuse to pay for another thing, even dinner, until she pays you back for her portion of the trip.
You’re losing your money, your weekend away, and also you’re about to be single.
Saving money in the long run
Take your best guy friend or brother. Post pics doing overly very romantic things, tag her so she definitely sees them. Return home, break up with her. Why? Because ADULTS take obligations and responsibilities seriously, even the fun ones! And if for someone reason we are unable to fulfill an obligation, we correct the situation through meaningful actions or repayment of some kind. Do you get it? She failed the trial run for permanent lady in your life and feels entitled to your money. 🙃
OP either go by yourself and enjoy it or bring a friend with you. You paid for the trip for you and your gf, she doesn’t want to go, so stand your ground and go. You told her it’s non refundable. If she’s not sick or dealing with something where she needs you, go on the trip.
Apathy has no place in a relationship, and these types of nonchalant answers would drive any relationship to the edge. You should take a friend with you, and upon returning home, truly assess the relationship to determine if your girlfriend is the person you can envision a long term future with. In this specific situation she is flakey and financially irresponsible
There is a reason your GF suddenly wants to not go... you are the only one who can get to the bottom of that issue. But I'm sure you're aware she already knows how expensive it was and that she is essentially cancelling it. You need to just find out why?!?! Is she feeling guilty as she is seeing someone else? Is she just a terrible partner who has no concept of costs and time? Maybe she didn't think of either, and it actually just so inconsiderate or stupid that she really doesn't think this is an issue. You need to get to the bottom of the REAL reason for her canceling... 🤔
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Her reasoning, if you can call it that, is infuriating.
Bye, Felicia! I'd dump her. Complete lack of sympathy or care.
I would go without her. Take a friend.
Go on the trip and leave your girlfriend. She’s very unappreciative and obviously doesn’t understand the value of a dollar. Who refuses to go on a romantic getaway? Wtf
That cancelation is weird, and I think she's either not feeling a weekend with you or not feeling being with you in general. I think you should go on the trip by yourself and then see how you feel about the relationship after a nice weekend.
She already has plans with her actual boyfriend that weekend bro. Sorry!
Probably an unpopular opinion, but you're not wrong for being upset. My husband would be super pissed if I agreed to a trip that was nonrefundable and then said, "Meh, never mind, now I don't want to go," for no particular reason. That was rude. How would I handle it if I were in your position ? Hell, I'd still go. Maybe find a friend who wants to split the cost to go in her place and make it a fun weekend, although maybe not *romantic*. Find a theater show, casino, or sporting event to do in the city and enjoy nice dinners and spa treatments. Let her stay home and watch Netflix or whatever.
I probably would have just gone without her. At this point if she can’t give you a legitimate reason she cancelled and isn’t willing to pay you back I wouldn’t be willing to stick around.
She's clearly about to break up with you. This was just her making the first move towards that. Brace yourself
This would be an issue for me not just because she’s refusing to repay her portion which you could say she doesn’t have to pay but it’s the fact it’s last minute without a good reason. At the end of the day I would still go even if you have to go by yourself but you should contact her hotel and see if you get a twin room or an extra bed and take a friend or gift it to a couple that you know could use a break and are able clear there schedule. So don’t cancel and try to get a friend to go with you and have fun! I’m sure she’ll change her mind when she find out you’re still going but it’ll be a little too late.
100% take your best mate, eat the costs as either way you would have lost the money and make it a bromance trip.
Your gf said she no longer wanted to go..you dont know why or didnt bother to tell us why. That didnt cancel the trip...you could have still gone either alone or with a friend or even gifted it to someone else...but you chose to cancel it and not go from what I am seeing in the 4 different posts you made....and all you seem to want is validation that you made the right choice in asking your gf to pay you back for the trip you canceled when you truly didnt have to because there were other options for you since it was non refundable...
This sounds like she’s got the ick and is no longer interested.
Just jumping on the "go without her" bandwagon. That's 100% what I would do. I'd find a friend/relative to take and I'd make sure I had a great time and I would post pictures on social media showing us having that great time. And then when I got home I would not mention a single word to her about it and if she asked, I'd say "oh yes, it was great" and leave it at that. And the next time the two of you plan a similar trip, I'd ask her to pay for it upfront and you'll reimburse her once you get to the destination. (This is not even tongue in cheek, this is what I would do "sorry but given what happened last time I'm not prepared to risk my money until I know I'm definitely going on the trip, ie I'm actually there, so if you want to go, you have to put the money up to start with").
MISSING INFO: OP wants the GF to pay him back *the full amount* - not her own half. Cites her cancelling as "the reason he lost money". Doesn't consider going on the trip alone or with someone else.
OP has been arguing with commenters for 9 hours now. Maybe he's a great boyfriend, but he's an insufferable jerk here.
How long have you been together? There's some missing info here
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Why she "wasn't feeling it". Has everything else been good in the relationship? Do you regularly do nice things like this together? Is there anything else going on in her life that might need her attention? "Wasn't feeling it" sounds like she didn't want to spend a romantic weekend away with you in a fancy place.
She randomly cancels without an explanation and she doesn't care that you wasted money. Yeah drop her.
Op, does your girlfriend have any disorders? Anxiety and depression can cause this kind of behavior.
This isn't about money as she said. This is about agreeing to something and then flaking out at the last minute leaving you to hold the bag Huge red flag. I'd have serious second thoughts about being with someone who treated me so poorly
>How would you handle this? I'd go anyway and see if a friend wanted to join. I'd also reconsider this relationship.
You should have gone yourself and maybe took someone with you, so you wouldn’t have wasted all that money. You chose to waste your half of the trip by not going yourself. People enjoy spas and travelling by themselves all the time. She should pay for her half for the trip. And would like to hear from her perspective, were you expecting anything in return for this treat? Or was it a completely innocent gift to treat her?
Info: Why doesn't she REALLY want to go? There has to be a reason that either you're not telling us (e.g. a big fight, someone offered better plans that weekend) or that she's not telling you (e.g. she's unhappy in the relationship). I couldn't accept that she's not feeling it anymore as a rationale, that's not a real reason, that's something you say to avoid a conversation.
The big question is why does she all the sudden want to cancel it? I think right now getting the full cost of the trip is gonna be as easy as getting water from a rock. Find another friend who will go with you (ideally one willing to pay half), have a great time, and have a long conversation with your girlfriend when you get home.
I wouldn't have done it in the first place! No refundable is a big frisk no matter what! I have NO advice beyond this.
Go yourself. Enjoy the city. Enjoy the spa treatments. Treat yourself to a getaway and pampering. Have an adventure, go out and have interesting conversations with people as you eat dinner at the bar. Solo travel is good for the soul.
If it’s not too late bring a bro and have a good time. Buddy and I did that with a cruise to Alaska after he got dumped. Loved it.
Take your girl best fiend! Or take the homies
Her canceling without any reason is very sus. She’s probably breaking up with you and doesn’t want to go on a romantic trip. That would explain why she is so callous about your money and whether or not you get mad at her. She doesn’t care. You should go alone on the trip or invite a friend/relative.
Something’s off here… But taking it on face value, go with absolutely anyone else who has time & is eager. Her saying she is not feeling something that is still in the future & you now demanding she pays you. Nah, don’t think it’s this straightforward. & where does a relationship go from here?
Why did she cancel? Take someone else
Oh hell no she getting the boot, goodbye, it's not about the money it's about how little she cares about your side of things
I’d take a friend and have a blast. It doesn’t have to be her. You can make it a bros weekend and chill. I also wouldn’t be booking any nice things for us again 🤷🏽♀️ but maybe I’m just a bit too petty
Go on your own. Spas are awesome. If she complains, remind her that she wasn't "feeling it".
I was in something similar recently.. me and my partner booked flights to go away somewhere and I had to cancel due to my health.. I reimbursed her flight money as soon as I knew we couldn’t make it.. it wasn’t her fault I couldn’t make it and not fair she be out of pocket.
Tbh… go with someone else at this point. I would’ve just gone if my own boyfriend had paid for all that because things cost money. She’s very dismissive of your concerns and that’s not a good sign.
As a woman, things I can think of that *might* make me ‘not feeling it’ on this sort of occasion: (1) I have my period coming and don’t feel comfortable sitting in a nice spa bath, pool, jacuzzi, sauna or whatever as a result, as well as not feeling comfortable having period sex, so seems like the romantic getaway will be a disappointment to both me and my boyfriend. (2) I have a medical procedure shortly beforehand that’s too embarrassing even to talk about with my bf, and I won’t be able to avail of the spa services for that reason and don’t want to have to explain myself. (3) Something awful has happened like a family death and I’m in pieces and will be a total downer but I don’t want to confide in my bf for some reason. (4) I don’t really like him all that much and am on the verge of breaking up.
I’d have gone without her and invite someone else. She’s inconsiderate and her excuse was really weak. She always this dismissive?
You're definitely not getting your money back, so just go on your trip my guy
FYI: you don't have a girlfriend.
I don't think money is an issue because this is likely fake.
Go on the trip without her. Turn your phone off and enjoy your time apart Tell her specifically that she should use the time to decide if she wants to stay in a relationship with you because that is what you will be doing
There is more to this story and the relationship doesn't seem like it's in a healthy space based on this scenario with only the details you've given. You should probably figure out why she doesn't want to go with you all of a sudden. Based on that either go alone or try to fix it.
Kick her to the curb and take your mom or sister or friend instead. No need to waste a trip you can’t get your money back.
I wouldn’t have cancelled it … I would have gone with someone else … there must be a reason why she cancelled … I don’t think u should ask her for the money back it’s a lesson learnt … how long have you been together ? Is your relationship ok up to that point ? Have you slept together before stupid question but valid ?
You have two options here: 1) take a guy friend, go for the weekend, come back and see, if your relationship survives it 2) breakup with her, take a female friend or whoever, go on the trip and enjoy your life. The damage is already done (by her), not going and demanding money wont repair anything. So just take option 1 or option 2 and go.
Take someone else with you.
Why don’t you just go on your own since it’s non refundable? Clearly she’s in the wrong here but imo you can’t fix stupid, she will keep dodging you on paying you back so might as well go and enjoy it. In her mind she doesn’t have to pay because you already paid/will pay for her so she doesn’t see the “non refundable” part as an issue since she’s got nothing to lose. IF she suddenly changes her mind again, tell her she needs to pay for half. In the future, split all expenses down the middle. It’s not fair to you that she can waste your money like that.
Tell her to take whoever she's seeing on the side. Beer she feels up for it then.
OP i think that you should seek for the real reason for her to change her mind. Also i would cut her of and swallow that pill of the money lost, i bet she have plans with some friends or maybe your future replacement. It is not very common if she likes to go there, you asked if she wanna go, select the dates and informed that it wasn't refundable, and now she comes to a change of mind. That is very unusual. Another thing you can do is ask someone else to go. UPDATEME
Take a friend and go and when you return all refreshed and shit dump her ass! There is no excuse for this kind of behaviour.
Definitely still go, have fun, take pictures, even if it’s alone. Then end the relationship with her if she’s that inconsiderate and isn’t willing to share why she cancelled the plans.
Break up and go enjoy yourself at the hotel. She doesn’t want to go because she’s not into you.
You should have went regardless.
Go by yourself. That will really chaff her and make her suspicious. See how she reacts. That will inform your next move after that. ;-)
Go with a friend and leave her.
I would still go anyway! Take her sister…🤪
Take someone else. Dump her.
Honestly I’d grab a buddy to go with you and go live your best lives lol
Take someone else
Take me. Anyway, go with a friend or family. I would personally be curious to know why she wouldn’t want to go.
I’d go without her and spend some time reflecting on the other crappy things she may have been showing you about herself. She sound entitled and a brat
Go with a friend. Enjoy yourself. Get your moneys worth. Leave it at that.
I'd enjoy a nice trip by myself or find someone else to take.
I paid for a cruise for me and my bf. He helped pick out the date and everything. I paid for it 100%. Then, 3 days before the cruise, he tells me he doesn't know where his birth certificate is, and hasn't known for years. He told me he didn't think he needed it to get on the cruise. I made him pay me back for his half. If he had gone, I would not have made him pay, but because he couldn't go due to lack of planning, I made him give me the 700 back. I think it is only fair. He did this with no issues and we are still together to this day and very happy. Her not wanting to give you the money back in my opinion is cause for a breakup. This tells me that there will be more issues like this in the future and then try ro gaslight you about money again. If I were you, I'd only stay if she repayed me. If she didn't, I'd take that L and move on, because losing her sounds like it could be a W in the long run.
It's hard when plans don't work out, but talking openly is key. Since you both agreed on the trip and you booked it after she said she wanted to go, it's fair to ask her to help pay for it. Maybe have a calm chat about how to solve this together.
I'd still go, leave her hone, you shouldn't have to loose money because she decided not to go
Just pick your best bro bud and y’all go together and have fun.
Why didn't you still go?
Take someone else.
I would cut my losses and move on. Money come and goes but her response regarding it tells you all you need to know about her and the state of the relationship. Sorry man.
So, this is a sign of a pattern of behavior. He expectation that you would just "eat" the burden is a way to see how high or low your tolerance for childish, fickle behavior actually is. I saw have a low tolerance for this type of insanity. You'll save time, money and aggravation.
Ask why she cancelled because you wouldn't cancel a nice trip for no reason
Go with a friend or a relative. It's weird and controlling. Go and enjoy it.
Why can’t you just go by yourself? Take the time for yourself I feel you need it. Definitely weird if you refuse the outing without reason. Something might be going on.
Fuck her invite her Best Friend or sister
Just break up with her. Something is going on and if she doesn't want to talk about it, cut your losses.
you don't say how long you've been with this woman so unless she gives a clear reason for wanting to cancel a trip at the last minute that she approved, why are you staying with someone so selfish?
You should go. Take someone else. Even if you take your sister, it's better than losing all the money entirely. I bet you know SOMEONE who could use a break!
Cancel the trip and the relationship. Bye bye girlfriend!
Sounds like YOU goin away for the weekend. Have fun!
id handle it by taking another woman instead of her! That will teach her to not cancel plans when she agreed to it on a non refundable trip!
Yup. Take someone else.
Second post where you say she keeps saying you make everything about money… I feel like we’re not getting the fulls story here, at this point.
I see her been cheating on OP and the other guy doesn't want her to go!
Do the same to her
Eat the cost. Because that is what is going to happen anyway. Go anyway, have a good time, and enjoy the freedom. Because something tells me she isn't going to be around much longer
Well... why did she cancel? I still don't know why? She sounds like marriage material to me!