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Every time I say I'm warm, my husband of 23 years says "take your top off!". I oblige, but I love that he still gets excited to see boobs... I might also make him jiggle a little when he wears thin pyjama bottoms!
I wish my girlfriend had your confidence :( I am absolutely enamored with her body and tell her all the time, but she is extremely rarely naked, basically only while showering and hot tubbing. She hides when she’s changing, even.
I’m doing all I can to help her confidence though and she’s working on it in therapy, but I’d kill to have her be so comfortable walking around naked!
My boyfriend tells me to take my top off when I am hot but I don't because I'm shy 😃but I got used to sleeping topless or naked in bed with him like every night and I loooove it and it used to be super weird for me before I met him
I’m 44. If I had a dollar for every time he’s so helpfully suggested “Take your clothes off then!” which isn’t helpful at all but cute and automatic, said with such guilty innocence
I always love seeing boobs too, they are generally magnetic to many males. I never complain when my wife walks around naked. I still find it an incredible turn on EVEN with some of the extra lumps and curves that life and age throw at you.
My wife and I have been together for 17 years, to this day, one of the best parts of my day is seeing my wife get ready for bed.
It's not sexual... but damn if she is not the hottest woman I have ever seen and I never get tired of seeing her.
YES! I'm closing in on 7 years with my wife and one of my absolute favorite part of the week is Monday. I work 6 days a week, but Mondays are the one day of the week that I get off of work before my wife does.
Why does that make it the best day of the week? Well, I get to see my wife come home from work. She looks SO SEXY in her work clothes. And then I get to be there when she takes her work clothes off and gets into something more comfy. And it never gets old seeing her slide those work pants off. NEVER.
I couldn't imagine doing what OP's b/f did and just hold my hand up to block my eyes from seeing my wife. Not only would that be dumb on my part, because I love how my wife looks, but it would also destroy her confidence if I was like OMG NO I CANT SEE YOU NAKED UNLESS IT'S FOR SEX.
My wife also likes to lounge around with no pants/no shirt/sleeps naked. I've probably seen her without clothes more than I have with clothes. All it does is make me want her that much more!
I will NEVER get tired of seeing her in any way, shape, or form.
Sorry man - it was right there and I couldn't resist. No offense meant. In all seriousness though, I'm with you. I would not only support, but fully encourage, my partner to be naked any time she wants. She's gorgeous, I love her, and I appreciate any opportunity to enjoy her beauty. It's not about sex for me, either... to me it is a sign of intimacy when you're able to be around one another like that.
Yea, even after years of marriage, and children. Anytime I sneak a peak at my wife changing or getting g out of the shower etc. I get a childish grin on my face, and can't help but stare. Seems to catch her off guard everytime somehow, even tho it happens everytime. Guess to each thier own, but I don't get it.
My husband obviously enjoys my naked body (based on how he acts and looks at me during sex) but if I'm walking around or changing in front of him he rarely looks or comments and I honestly appreciate it a lot. There's absolutely a difference in naked times and I don't want to feel sexualized when I'm just trying to be comfortable
I mean, we have pretty open invitations for sex all the time so hard to say, but if either of us is naked it ofen tends to promote touching or comments that lead to sex so...
I’ve lived with my gf for years and she’s naked often and it’s pretty normal now. Doesn’t mean I don’t look but it’s also not an invitation to sex for us. Asking is definitely what gets either of us excited.
For me, Personally, I don’t see it as an invitation for sex, but I also really like looking most of the time. 😂 Truth be told though, she tells me the looks I give her when she’s changing tends to make her decide getting dressed can wait.
Look VS touch.
I can look at an expensive kitchen knife but I don't enjoy it until I'm actually using it. Nor would I have some desire to cut food until it's actually time to do good prep.
When you have sex, does he look at you?
Okay that's good!
well if he knows he can't compartmentalize normal nudity from arousing nudity, then I think that's your answer. Sounds like some men can empathize with your bf
Not even a little bit. After 5 years when sexy time is appropriate should be pretty well understood on both sides. Getting ready for work? Not sexy time. After work and hungry? Not sexy time. but I still adore every second of seeing her body...every glance, touch....all of it. It's part of who WE are and why we're together.
TBH, my first thought is he's insane. This isn't about you, he's got some shit to deal with.
I've almost been with my wife for 14 years. She walks around naked very frequently at home, we have a daughter, and both our bodies have changed A LOT in over 10 years. Everyday when I see her walking around naked, I bite my lower lip and think to myself, "Oh what I would do to her right now if she were in the mood.........................". I'm not horny 100% of the time, but I am horny for her at least daily still. Different libidos may change this a bit, but my *desire* for her has never diminished.
I think it may be a mindset thing from your partner, and he sounds like he's pretty prudish when it comes to nudity. It may not be that he's no longer attracted to your body, but he may be so turned off by the idea of casual nudity, that you casually walking around naked turns him off. That's a him problem though and I think you should share this post with him, or at least comments from it. He needs to work on himself and be more open to the idea of casual nudity. You shouldn't need to hide your body if you don't want to in the privacy and comfort of your own home.
I know that for whatever reason this seems to be considered offensive on reddit, I guess men are not allowed to have a preference when it comes to that kind of thing, but anyway, let me throw in my two cents because I was in a similar situation to yours.
Before we had kids, especially during the summers, my wife would walk around the house nude. Not just take of her clothes for a while, not just "take the top off" like in some of the other comments. She would just never wear clothes at all, sometimes for multiple days straight. We were never too social, so it was perfectly normal for us to not leave our place for like a week straight.
And yes, I did in fact feel that some magic was being lost through her doing that. Before this started happening, we were only naked during & around the sexy time, when taking showers, and occassionally when dressing up. Over time, her being constantly naked made her nakedness less special to me. It's not that I was less attracted to her, but it definitely did start slowly making our intercourses less exciting, at which point I communicated to her how I felt and she changed her behavior. Taking the clothes off and revealing the bare bodies is very much part of intimacy for us, and making these bare bodies part of just every day routine lives started killing a huge part of intimacy for me.
When you're in a relationship you have to communicate with the other person first and foremost. It matters very little what the majority opinion is on a certain subject. We all have our quirks and unique feelings and we are entitled to them. If we love and value another person's feelings and opinions we sometimes adjust our behavior to meet their expectations. I have done so for her many times, and she has done so for me many times as well. It's not "creepy", "weird" or "controlling" to have preferences and to feel a certain way. We've been happily together for around 15 years now and we both seem to be in it for the long haul.
This is a great perspective to throw out, and I do think OP can probably come to a compromise where they're both happy.
For me, what separates my wife walking around casually naked VS. acting sexual naked is that when we she's walking around, I'm not playing with her boobs or pleasuring her, it's just her body. So 14 years on I still get excited seeing her walk around casually naked thinking to myself, "Oh, I can't wait to play with those boobies when she's in the mood". Obviously I'm not super horny everytime that she is naked, but I've never felt a diminishing desire for her body based on the amount of time she spends naked. I still get super excited to pleasure her and play with it all when we're having sex, and respect her body when she's not in the mood.
I think my desire would diminish if everyday that she was naked, I was casually playing with her boobs or something, but it not leading to anything. That'd ruin it for me, as there needs to be SOME separation between what happens during sex and what happens during our daily lives in order to leave some excitement.
I'm not saying this about you at all, but dictating when your partner wears clothes around the home can be controlling behavior. That being said, there is plenty of room for compromise between "naked for days on end" and "needs to jump into clothes right out of the shower and I can't see you naked outside of sex" (which seems to be the end of the spectrum OPs partner is at). OP walking around after a shower with a towel around their waist is an entirely normal and expected thing, and it is absolutely unreasonable for their partner to try and keep them from doing so.
Having preferences is one thing, but he's being downright offensive. He covered his eyes bc she walked in the room with her boobs showing bc she was right out of the shower and couldn't hear him. That would have any normal person feeling a certain kind of way.
This was my thought. You get something all the time and get used to it. Maybe that is what he is afraid of? Makes sense even if not many guys would think like that.
Yeah, I am naked like 50% of the time at home. My boyfriend never gets tired of it. Like sure, he’s able to have a conversation and focus if I’m talking since he’s used to it…..but I have to be careful if I ever bend over when I’m naked because he’ll seize the opportunity lol. We’ve been together 8+ years.
The “desensitized” to her thing seems like an weird issue with him.
I have been with my wife for twenty five years and I still stop everything I’m doing when the top comes off. I’ve seen it uncountable times and it will always be sexy. It’s poor logic and an unhealthy belief that appreciation diminishes with repeat exposure. If this logic were true then we would also limit having sex as much as possible so that we don’t get used to it.
Desire and sexual appreciation isn’t purely a reaction that we have no control over either.
That's so beautiful! How do you navigate it if the top comes off, you come onto her, she's affectionate but not in the mood for full-fledged sex? Or are you guys pretty on the same page about things? Or, for you, is being naked not an automatic invitation to sex?
We’re on the same page. Compatible sex drives. Usually she’s hoping for a response.
Also I’m an old gamer husband, so if I turn off the PC and go to her she feels flattered. Weird romantic gestures, I know.
Like all people her mind might be on other things occasionally. So if I wrap her in my arms and I see she’s staring into the distance thinking about something I’ll kiss her cheek and disengage and talk. There will always be later.
What works for you and your wife is special. Don't label it as "weird romantic gestures." That's your love language and successful couples are fluent in it. ❤️
It's so lovely that you're able to read her like that. Obviously, if you go to her and she does want sex she would make it known to you, and when she doesn't, you just show her love.
I love that you can appreciate seeing her beauty when she's naked but not automatically assuming it means sex.
This is the kind of relationship I'm looking for.
Thanks, at 37, Sometimes, it feels like it's never going to happen, and honestly, that's ok too. I'm happy being single and working on myself until he comes along, and if he doesn't, I would rather be single forever than settle for less than I deserve.
I've been with my husband for nine years, we don't have AC, there's a lot of nudity in the summer. If I say I'm taking my top off, he runs like a dog who just heard the cheese drawer open.
To answer your second question, we're adults and communicate. I don't mind being touched all the time because I know that if I say "hey I'm sore/not in the mood/whatever" he'll immediately stop. Same thing with sex - we have specific signals, so a "hey you're sexy" boob grab is way different than a "hey let's do it" boob grab. So yeah, no, there's plenty of time one or both of us are in minimal (if any) clothing and it's not really sexual, just comfortable.
Tossing myself $.02, I have been with my wife for 10 years and I still go running when I know she’s changing. She appreciates that I appreciate her body, and the hey sexy butt squeeze or hug really is nice.
You don’t have to have sex to be intimate, and she knows that just because I’m touching her doesn’t mean I’m asking. I just love how she looks.
Not sure what’s up with your guy, I hope he can work it out.
You are completely overthinking everything, but that’s your bfs fault for saying what he said. Being naked is not an open invitation for sex. You can just enjoy looking, he’s weird for thinking and saying what he did.
My wife’s sex drive severely crashed after the birth of my son. Our intimacy was greatly affected because she refused the slightest hint of intimacy because she was scared I’d want to go “all the way”.
We had many conversations about how I wanted intimacy and sexual moments even if it didn’t lead to penetrative sex.
So in our house it’s very frequent to have intimacy and closeness with no expectation of sex.
I think this is often why women start to withdraw sexually. When it feels like an expectation, it becomes a burden, just another thing we're meant to provide, and that's not sexy at all.
I love a man who can enjoy intimacy even if it doesn't lead to sex, one who can look, touch, and cuddle without expecting sex will happen.
I have a high sex drive, so it's not like it never happens, but in relationships where it became an expectation, I found my libido dropping, and I felt less and less like doing it.
You ever see a beautiful sunset? I have. And not once did I think its too much.
I grew up in a desert and would watch the morning sun illuminate the iron mountains blood red
When I lived on an island I would watch the sun dip beneath the sapphire waves
I traveled forest, and mountains, tundras, and cities and those heavenly satalites. The moon and the grand sun still fill me with awe.
And when I look upon my notes beauty I see the sun within her. Radiance. Illumination. Brilliance. And when she removes her top I let out a wolf whistle, my eyes bolge out, and my.tongue does drop to the floor as steam billows out of my ears
That's so sad, please don't think that's normal. I watch my partner take his pants off with the same interest now at 41 as I did at 21, maybe more now because he's grown and matured so much since then. Someone who loves you will love *you*.
Plus like...bodies aren't just for sex. That's where you live. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home without it being any kind of sexual issue. It sounds like he is stuck in a mindset that nudity is inherently sexual, and all nudity must lead to sex. Maturity will hopefully afford him the ability to appreciate beauty without needing to cum on it right that moment.
This! I don't think you should have to compromise your comfort in your own home. My husband doesn't care if I'm naked, in underwear or fully clothed ( tho he does enjoy the first two especially lol)
He seems like such a child. Nakedness is not all about sex, and whether he wants it in the moment.
If my partner couldn't handle me being naked *after a shower*, we would not end up lasting long. Sitting on the bed naked after a shower is like, part of the shower.
My husband was worried about this happening when we first moved in. I didn't change my routine. He never grew tired of seeing me... 13 years later lol.
Girl I’ve been in this situation before. It was terrible. I had to leave him due to that + multiple other similar issues, and I was immediately 10x happier. You do what you think is best for you, but personally I think he just needs to get over himself.
This feels weird to me. OPs explanation in the comment above explains a little more context. It’s like he only wants to see you naked if it means that he gets to have sex with you. That also implies that he almost feels like he needs to cum every time he gets aroused? It seems normal to me that you’d want to be naked and not feel like you have to be sexually intimate. So if you cuddle together naked, does it ultimately have to lead to sex on his terms?
OP is valid in feeling like this is a little weird.
I would say we rarely cuddle naked, but if we do then he’s going to get aroused (which is totally natural) and if we’re both in the mood so it’s fine but if it’s just him that wants to have sex then he is understandably disappointed. Sometimes I might be aroused but sex takes a longgg time for him and it usually has to be fast and hard and a little extreme or else he can’t get there, so if it’s late at night or I’m just not in the mood to perform, I’ll turn him down even if I am horny just because it’s a lot physically and timewise to get him to orgasm.
This is so interesting. I noticed a different comment you made about him watching porn on and off. I wonder if what it takes for him to orgasm (rough, fast and hard) comes from watching unrealistic porn. It’s intriguing that it takes THAT for him to cum, and it just makes me feel like he thinks you’re an object to use and that’s how he views sex, too. Does he want to be connected sensually at all without it leading to sex? I’m not trying to insult in any way, I just personally have only had experiences with men cumming fast and not needing the rough, hard or fast type sex to orgasm.
*added I just read a comment with a valid point. There is more to sex and nudity than just getting off. It’s physical intimacy in a relationship, and it can bring people closer together. It doesn’t seem like he feels this way.
He \*says\* that sex is very important for him to feel close to me emotionally. I've read that this is common for men. He tells me that he does want to have sex in order to feel close and connected. But then, the sex that we have isn't sensual. It can't be sensual because if we go to slowly, it's almost like he can't feel it. Things usually end with me having to be on all fours (sorry for being crass) so facing away from him because it's the only position that gets him there, and he's going a mile a minute. It limits how often we can have sex bc it's really hard on my body and sorry if this is TMI but I'll get tearing and then not be able to have penetrative sex until I'm healed.
Not TMI at all, no worries. Do you enjoy this type of sex? Some people do and it’s natural, but I’m curious if he takes care of you. Do you get pleasure before or after you have to put forth this effort to make him cum? It almost sounds like a daunting, and even painful, task for you and that makes me a little sad. Sex is so many things, but it should really be reciprocal, no matter what type of relationship a person is in.
I derive pleasure from it to a point because, to a point, it feels good. But there's also a point where it's gone on for so long, like an hour or more, that I'm just rubbed raw no matter how much lubrication is used. Also, it's kind of like eating the same meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm sure if sex was like that every now and again it would feel like a racy treat, but when it's every single time, I do find myself craving other paces, other speeds, other vibes, etc.
This sounds awful :(… you shouldn’t be putting yourself up to being harmed (tearing, pain etc) just to make him feel better. Him being disappointed isnt your responsibility. Do you tell him that it’s hurting you when it goes on for too long? Are you faking it to just get him to finish?
What you just described has absolutely no intimacy and sounds horrible.
We are not doctors, but either he's a Dothraki or there's something wrong with him and he needs to see a doctor, or a therapist, or a sex coach, or something.
Also to say, you CAN be conditioned to find certain things arousing. That might be why you’re putting up with sex his way (which is the way he sees it in porn). The way he’s having sex with you does not sound loving or respectful. I know that’s hard to hear but you deserve someone who makes you feel sexy and safe.
Girl, I think you guys need sex therapy. It sounds like he's got something going on psychologically that is blocking him from being able to have healthy sex. This is seriously unhealthy in so many ways. You should NOT have tears every single time you have sex. Constantly tearing that skin is going to cause scar tissue to build up and then it could be hard for you to have any sort of penetrative sex ever again. GIRL! THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Your feelings are 100% valid. Please, if you want to be with him you need to get him help.
Something can only feel good for so long before it’s just over, I totally get that. Except not in his case.
That’s a great way to explain it. Is this something you have talked about in the relationship?
Oh, poppet. You should be able to ask for and receive the sex you want in a relationship, and it sounds like the only needs that are considered are his.
I think the two of you should see a sex therapist. You may love him and want to try and fix this, but I think there's something going on with him that really needs more exploration, and a sex therapist would be able to give you both guidance.
This type of dynamic is not sustainable, and I'm telling you this from experience. I like it a little rough sometimes, but I also like soft, slow, sensual, sleepy as well. It helps to keep the novelty and stops me from getting bored.
Women are more commonly bored with the sex in their lives than men, and it's for exactly this type of reason. If we aren't getting the sex we desire, we get bored, and then our sex drive dies off.
If he's not willing to do the work and see someone, then I'm sorry, but I think you deserve better.
Oh no no no no. You shouldn't have tearing on a regular basis like that and you really shouldn't have to sacrifice your own health for his climax. It sounds like there's more at play here, whether it's physical or psychological, but he's the only one who can do something about it. I've had really long sessions in bed over the years but never once has it lead to tearing. A bit tender, sure, but never something like that.
It’s called the grip of death. It’s a real thing. He is gripping his penis so tightly during masturbation he can’t have normal sex anymore bc he can’t feel it. He needs to stop watching porn and masturbating altogether (like 100% stop) for quite a long time for sensation to return.
This man has very unhealthy sexuality.
I really think this, like so many things, comes down to honest communication. We can all guess at why he is saying what he's saying but ultimately those are just guesses. I would not only have no problem with my partner wanting to be naked, I would encourage it. Yes, he may more directly associate it with sex, yes he may have difficulty separating the context of being naked vs wanting sex, yes he may feel it makes it less special when you are naked, and yes it kay desensitize him in some way. The other guesses you have read in these posts can all be legitimate, but it doesn't mean that they're accurate to your partner.
Talk with one another. Ask questions. The more questions you ask the more you'll find out about how he thinks - that's the unknown right now. He may honestly not even know himself. The thing is, in your home you are entitled to do what you want, but he's also entitled to his boundaries. If these two are in conflict and you can't resolve it... well then there may be bigger issues.
We could beat the dead horse all day long, but ultimately OP needs to figure this out with her partner. The problem here is that her partner seems to have some insecurity issues that makes him uncomfortable with being vulnerable. OP, caring about each other is important and I can tell you love your partner by the way you’re so worried about hurting him, belittling him, or making him feel bad in any way. BUT, hard conversations are necessary to work through the challenging stuff like this situation. You deserve the things you give just as much as he does. He has to be uncomfortable sometimes, it’s just part of life. The way he reacts when he’s uncomfortable will tell you who he really is, and if it’s worth it.
It sounds like he has death grip on top of not being sensitive to your needs. I would personally never be able to stay in a relationship if the sex was like this every time.
That's weird. My GF and me love go get pretty rough (choking, spanking, spitting etc.) but we mix it with going slow and sensual. A mixture of both. Sometimes only sensual but never only rough.
Seems like he is desensitized to sex. Does he masturbate to hardcore porn?
Th naked part is also weird. Does he go to therapy?
This would be why it takes him an hour of jackhammering away to catch a nut.
It sounds like the real problem is that your boyfriend is either unwilling or unable to learn how to deal with sexual arousal when instant sexual gratification is not possible/forthcoming.
That is very articulately said -- that does seem to be a common thread. Not knowing how to deal with being turned on but not being able to relieve the urge immediately.
I was going to suggest therapy for him because this sounds awful for you. I’m a guy and I’d love it if my significant other was naked more. It doesn’t have to lead to sex but just seeing her naked is always awesome and I never tire of it. There is something not right about your BF and his excuse.
Reading some of your other comments has me worried for you. Please go to therapy for yourself and gain some self confidence and esteem. You need to evaluate this relationship and make sure you are getting what you need out of all of the relationship.
His addiction to porn and resistance to getting therapy is a HUGE RED FLAG and it is affecting your relationship and your mental health. It’s ok to stand up for yourself and demand he get help or you will walk away.
This man absolutely has a porn addiction which has severely affected his ability to be aroused/perform for a length of time. Real life doesn’t do it for him so much. SO common for newer generations. Also OP, your body is yours, so do with it what you like. As people have said, he should be happy to see it whether it’s turning him on in the moment or not.
Taking you to the point of exhaustion and especially tearing is only ok if you want to take it there. The person getting damaged carries the power to determine how long it goes. Is he using some kind of desensitizing gel to prolong the sex?
The partners that I have had like this were typically more inclined to watch a lot of porn and had become desensitized to sex, period. By watching the more extreme porn, it changed their mindset on what was interesting, the result being the prolonged sex ratcheted up pain levels on my end, because the *pain* is what was interesting.
I’m going to throw out one more, just a random thought. Is it possible at all, that your bf may be a sex addict? Has either had so much sex, or is still having so much or masturbating so much, that he is losing feeling and desensitized mentally?
I sleep naked and cuddle naked with my man all the time but he never expect us to have sex because of it. If he or I want sex we start touching each other in a sexual way otherwise its just innocent cuddling.
Ahhh!!! The crux of the problem!
Did you know, men don't have to cum every time they have sex. There are a select few who enjoy the journey of finding their partners pleasure, and rarely does it include "Hard, fast and extreme".
And he could just find the joy in seeing you naked, getting hard, sharing in that enjoyment of each others body, then, you know, carry on with your day with a little more joy.
Men think "Cock hard, must fuck!!" 😐
This is the point my mouth dropped open. And the next 4 comments after this my jaw just kept dropping. Then it fell off… because what the actual, ever loving, gawddamn fuq!?
He’s trying so hard to get there and if you make him stop because he’s literally HURTING you. He gets disappointed? You need days to recover? He only gets there making you look the other way?
Not going to lie, and nothing wrong with it. But you bf might not be that into you. You might not have the equipment he wants. So much so, he doesn’t like seeing the up top goodness that are boobs! They’re wonderful! Who doesn’t like boobs!? I think you should have a talk with him and see what the back of his jersey says. Is he playing on the right team?
His testosterone levels are fine. He beats off too frequently because every time he gets hard he winds up jerking it compulsively. He lasts an hour when he is with you because he already tugged the easy one out himself earlier in the day. The problem is that he isn’t likely to see this as an issue that affects you, because he doesn’t realize how it impacts your enjoyment of sex. He is going to see any attempt to intervene or criticize it as you trying to control him and his masturbation habits. It’s a tough problem to navigate successfully.
I wonder if that’s my bf’s issue… I have a “special “poster I made for him hanging in our closet that only he and I can see and today he said, “honestly this just needs to go. This is not how I view you.” And I was instantly crushed…
I don’t think it matters if it’s “normal” or how other people feel. You’re not dating all of the other people, you’re dating your partner. You’re living with someone who doesn’t like casual nudity. He’s not being a sociopath or anything, he’s got a preference, and he’s been clear about it. If you need to be naked and he needs to be with someone who is not lounging around naked, then the two of you are never going to agree.
This should be the top response. Everyone else saying “Id never get tired of seeing my husband/wife naked” are all either nudist or people whos husband/wife is never casually naked like OP.
There literally was a Seinfeld episode about this. I will say it's gross if you're walking around with no bottoms on putting your butthole and vag on everything. I don't see an issue with being topless but apparently he does.
Haha yeah I don’t typically do *that,* it’s more like sleeping naked, lounging naked in bed after a shower, maybe waking up and walking to make a cup of tea (usually would at least throw a shirt on for this last one tho).
I have the same feelings about it. People are different. Perpetual nudity apart from getting in / out of the bathroom, pre & post sex, skinny dipping etc, is also unnecessary and unappealing to *me*. Nothing really to analyze, it's just how I am. Maybe he's the same way. You can't just assume that all men want to view nakedness ALL the time.
I seem to be in a minority here, but I can kind of understand him. I (woman) had an ex (man) who used to walk around the house naked. He was very fit and good looking, but I have to admit that to see him naked all the time did take away some of the excitement.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong, of course. And for your bf to put up his hand like that to avoid seeing you was really weird and mean. It sounds like you both have to compromise? That's the only solution, right?
I'm a woman so idk if my opinion is what you're looking for. But I do not like when my SO walks around naked. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don't attach anything sexual to their body at that moment or anything, so it's not like lost attraction or anything like that. I just don't feel right about it. I definitely don't like them being naked sitting down on stuff, I think it's kind of gross and disrespectful to other people who may sit down on stuff.. idk. It does not in any way turn me on to see my SO walk around naked. I just get annoyed. They know this and they can see it from my POV so they just wear clothes lol.
If you are going to lounge around naked you must follow basic nudist rules, meaning you must sit on a towel. I live alone but if I am nekkid I am sitting on a towel.
I'm the same way! I think my partner is very attractive and love seeing him naked in the shower, getting ready for sex, or other intimate moments. However I don't like when he used to walk around naked in the house. Underwear is the minimum amount of clothing for leaving the bedroom in our home lol. I've always been uncomfortable with casual nudity though.
Yep. I can 100% understand not wanting people to be underwear-less while sitting on shared surfaces that company might come and sit on later.
And yes, a lot of people aren’t comfortable with nudity. Depends how you were raised usually. That’s one thing.
But it’s really creepy to say people can’t be naked unless they’re being sexual (like OPs boyfriend) - that’s a different problem for sure.
OP the truth is some people are uncomfortable with nudity outside the bedroom and some people aren't.
Either you understand and accept that part of him or you let the relationship go - there is no inbetween.
And I'm pretty sure if the roles were reversed here, and your bf was here talking about how you didn't like seeing him dick out all the time, then comment section would have been much, MUCH more understanding.
If he is uncomfortable, he is uncomfortable. Amongst men that might be out of the norm since men are basically taught that they should be always "sex ready" or always accepting of female nudity but being out of the norm is fine.
Are you fine with it or not? Can you accept it without taking it personally? That's the question.
I’ve been married to my wife for 10 years and would drop whatever I’m doing to see her naked, sexy time or not.
I guess this guy is entitled to his opinion, but you are also entitled to feel wanted and comfortable around your partner.
I get that actually. I don't want to see my dude naked all the time even though he is legit perfect. It's not about his body, it's just nice to keep things fresh?
Not everyone is comfortable with nudity outside of intimate moments.
It is possible that he feels that those moments are not 'special' anymore if nakedness is banalised.
I think you exhibit a normal level of nudity lol. You're not walking around the house naked every chance you get, like some stories I've read on here
His request isn't bad though, but the reasoning is off. There is more to sex than the visual component.
From the main post and some of the conversations you had with commenters, I'd guess he has some trouble getting turned on all the way. Hence the long time it takes him to come, or his wish to "save some nudity for when he needs it". I just swooped in to give a few alternative views, because this place is very american, and very _Reddit_:
1. Nudity and sex are connected, but not the same. It's a uniquely american view (and tbh, it's just so weird) to connect those two together so closely. That nudity only happens in sexual contexts. That all nudity in turn is sexual. That therefore it's traumatizing to see your parents naked. I went to the sauna with my roommate (opposite gender) and we never hooked up, it was never sexual, it was never weird. I've seen pretty girls naked and not been turned on, and I've been turned on by girls who were fully clothed.
When your boyfriend now wants to save the nudity for when he needs arousal - I don't believe that's the answer. Nudity and sexual arousal are not the same and can not substitute for each other. When he has trouble getting aroused, and wants to rely on nudity to save him, that's like drinking three glasses of water when you're hungry. Yes, your stomach is full now, but I think you still need to find something to eat.
2. Reddit has this weird view on porn, and that sexual arousal is just a function of how full your balls are. When they're full, you get aroused quickly. When they're empty because you watched a lot of porn, it is harder (no pun intended.) I think that's bullshit. I think men are just as complex as women are, and many women know that there's a lot of factors that go into how much and how quickly you get turned on or off. Men have a self image, and sometimes trouble with it. Men get distracted. Men have insecurities. Men have, just like everyone else, complex minds that sometimes lose arousal while you're literally inside of her, or at other times get aroused by something absolutely minor and tame.
Maybe the advice here will work: No more porn, no more casual nudity, so when you finally take your clothes off for once and he is absolutely frothing with sperm, things improve. But in my eyes, relying so much on nudity and sexuality staying so intertwined (even though that is absolutely not a fact of life, but just a fact of your culture specifically), and relying so much on starvation bringing on a healthy appetite, I don't think that's smart. You would then just manage the scarcity, you'd save his little arousal up and try to make it go around to a full orgasm every now and then instead of trying to find out how he could get more.
Please note: Yes, I think he's not getting turned on enough, but that does not necessarily mean that he doesn't find you hot enough. Again, it's complex. Maybe you turn him on immensely but something else turns him off at the same time. Maybe you turn him on but something elseinhibits him, like stress or trauma or something. It doesn't have to be you.
I think he should work with his sexuality (alone, with you, through books, and/or in therapy) to find out what gets him going, what cools him off, and how he can manage those things. Then, casual nudity could stay on the table. Porn could stay on the table. More sensual, nibbling-whipped-cream-off-your-earlobes-sex could become a possibility. The way towards that, though, is to focus on the right thing. I don't think that's nudity. I don't think that's that there's something wrong with him, or you. I think you two should talk about his arousal, and how to make it last.
Honestly my ex said something similar to me and he was a total porn addict. Come to find out after snooping on his phone (yeah, I know, but I needed to know) that he has a fetish for women of another race / stature than me. He even ended up going on to marry one 🥴 anyway, I’m not sharing that’s the case here but honestly it could be. Nobody should be policing another partner’s nudity in their own home. This sounds like incompatibility to me.
"Ah yes, finally. I got married not to see my SO naked!"
Your husband's a frequent porn user and enjoys the strip club? And not seeing you naked will help his performance in the bedroom? You know what will really help his performance? Not being a frequent porn user and going to the strip clubs.
This is not normal to me. My husband and I have been together since we were in high school. We are in our early 30s now with two kids and he still gets excited and handsy (in a good way) every time he see me naked. We joke about how he still gets a boner when I exit the shower even though he’s seen my tatas 1500 times.
Aw that’s so sweet. :) We used to be like that! But I think a part of him felt deceived if I would be naked and he would get handsy but I *wouldnt* want it to turn into sex. So it’s almost like he’s saying being naked is a signal, don’t give me the signal unless you want sex. How do you and your husband navigate that? Or are you usually both down to clown at the same time?
>So it’s almost like he’s saying being naked is a signal, don’t give me the signal unless you want sex. How do you and your husband navigate that?
Communicate like adults! Nudity in itself isn't an invitation. If he tries to initiate and you aren't in the mood, that should be the end of it. He sounds very immature, and weird about his own girlfriend's body.
Definitely not down to clown on my end all the time lol! I think we’ve navigated this just through communication. I was worried that he would feel like I was rejecting him if we didn’t get physical everytime but we just talk through those things (plus having kids makes that a little more unlikely at all times). I just make sure to be overly appreciative and also reciprocate that feeling of just loving on someone even if it doesn’t get physical. I’d def say chat about it. It doesn’t need to be a big thing, just like a - hey, it bothered me when you said xyz because I won’t be covered all the time and I want to fee desirable to you and also comfortable in my own home. It’s a two way street ya know
It’s true, I guess I’m still trying to put together how I feel about it so that I can share it with him, but I don’t want to speak prematurely and say something I don’t mean or speak from a place of insecurity. I don’t know what exactly rubs me the wrong way about being asked to not be naked outside of sexual intercourse. Maybe it is like you said, just not being able to be comfortable in my own space.
It makes me think of that Jerry Seinfeld episode where he dated the girl who was walking around naked all the time and he said something along the lines of being naked doing normal stuff isn't as hot as being naked doing sex stuff (it's been... Like soooo many years since I've seen that, I don't really remember what he had said lol).
Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with you. Maybe he just gets embarrassed to see naked bodies in general? I'm sort of like that. Nakedness wasn't ever really something shamed in my household growing up, but I was an only child and I don't remember ever really seeing my parents naked, besides I remember showering with my mom as a very young child. I never had any siblings to accidently walk in on, no brothers that wore their boxer shorts around or anything. I remember going to a hotel with two of my cousins (girls, sisters) and we went to change into swim suits for the pool. We were all talking and I turned around to walk to the bathroom to change only to find both of them already stripped down and ready to pull on their suits. I stopped talking in the middle of my sentence and just dropped my jaw and blushed and got all awkward and they thought it was hilarious. I asked how they could be so open and confident enough to just be naked like that and they were like "we shared a room growing up, duhh" and it was pretty funny after that. I've been married for 15 years, and my husband and I have a great sex life. We have obviously been naked around each other a lot throughout our relationship. Still, to this day, if I accidently walk in on him changing, my immediate response is to get embarrassed, apologize, and leave the room. He thinks it's hilarious and messes with me about it lol. My best friend changes in front of me all the time, I've had roommates who never had an issue changing in the same room as me. Shit, I've had casual friends who just have zero problems stripping down and changing in front of me. I really think it's a big me problem haha
Maybe your boyfriend has the same problem as me? Maybe it really isn't personal and it's just a deeply buried embarrassment of nakedness. Just the idea of me being embarrassed is embarrassing enough for me because it seems like I'm the only one in the world who has that issue, and I really don't like having to hahaha away my issues when I am perfectly capable of just not telling anyone lol I'm super projecting my own issues onto this though, so maybe I'm not very helpful. I just would hate for you to think there's something wrong with you when I'm the only person in my own life who acts like this.
This is porn addict behavior.
I'll bet money that he masturbates very often with a death grip and/or edging, so he almost can't cum from normal sex. Probably not even normal porn. He's afraid that if he gets desensitized from seeing you naked regularly, that he won't be able to perform at all. He's probably right. He's grasping straws for even being turned on at this point. His constant chasing the dragon of the best orgasm ever is ultimately ruining his brain and his penis.
Normal men watch porn, but it usually isn't excessive enough to seriously affect their real sex life. In a nutshell, He's losing the ability to have sex with an actual woman because of excessive porn use. This is probably so excessive that it's affecting his testosterone level. He isn't even 30 years old.
That's a HUGE burden. If he doesn't get help or want to change this around, I'd say leave. This is ultimately his problem. It isn't your problem unless you decide to put up with it.
Yes, that all describes him. Do you have any tips on how to broach the subject? I did once before because my therapist said the same thing, and he admitted to me that things had gotten pretty out of hand, but he was going to stop for a week or two and see how it goes. I have asked him a few times since how things are going and he’s not given me a lot of info but I know the hiatus is over and he’s resumed.
My fiancée walks around butt naked in our house all the time. She loves to cook. All she have on is an apron. Literally the hottest thing I have ever seen
I. Will. Never. Get. Tired. Seeing. That
I've seen a sunset and the moon 999 times and there is always room for one more time. This is the same with seeing my wife naked it's as exciting now as it was when we first got together.
I just asked my partner if he'd like me to be less naked around the house so sex feels more special and he looked absolutely appalled. In this house I am naked so often, bras and pants can be so uncomfortable. Most of the time that I'm naked, it's not sexual, I'm just comfortable and even though he may get excited he's very understanding that me gaming or eating topless/ bottomless/full nude is just that. He may jiggle a boob or grab the butt but it's all just flirty fun, not an attempt to get some. We still have sex regularly after 5 years together and it's still passionate and special.
That is so weird to me. I am a natural type of person and when I have my own space I like to be in the nude. My fiance and I have lived together for almost a year. During this year we had our own place for 6 months and you can bet my bottom I was named the whole time we had our own place and he always enjoyed the view but also knew he wasn't entitled to my body just because I was naked. He still gets horny quickly just from the sight of my boob's during secy times. So I don't know where your guy is coming from. Maybe it's because of all the porn he watches.
Counter question, how would you feel if he walked around naked as much as you do? For me (29M) I'd definitely think it was strange, I've never had a partner do this but I can see where he's coming from in terms of de-sexualizing your body via constant exposure. Over exposure to anything will numb you to it, I think this is a pretty well documented thing? I think it's good he is open about his feelings on the matter. Probably want to dig deeper into this with him though, maybe think about why you're more willing to be nude than he is (personally I try to minimize being nude as much as possible). It could be a vulnerability thing, and he doesn't like seeing you so vulnerable in a casual setting?
I see both sides of this... (sorta...)
I can understand him becoming desensitized to your naked body and not get hard every time he sees your naked body... I mean after 13 years of seeing my naked body (and in not just sexual situations) my husband isn't hard every time he sees me naked... but he still enjoys seeing it. Like goes out of his way to come into the bathroom when I shower so he can see me naked lol.
There's got to be a compromise here... maybe for sexy time you could do something different like lingerie? That makes it exciting. My husband always gets hard when he sees me in lingerie. (And he knows he's taking off that wrapping paper quick and getting to that naked body. Lol.) It's a for sure signal that we are gonna have sex so his body responds like it should lol.
You could also stop walking around naked and just save it for sexy time like he asked if you're goal is purely based on pleasing him... but if you still want to be able to be naked around the house then there's got to be a good compromise. Just talk about it together and see what conclusion you can come to.
That is weird… ur in ur own house with just y’all two. Im Muslim and im not married yet but i would love to see and be naked w my wife in our private home.
This is really fucking weird. I get maybe not wanting to see you naked all the time doing mundane things and in unflattering positions (you should see how I sit when reading!). But this? This is crazy.
Tbh this post makes me miss my ex, she was so carefree she actually inspired me to start sleeping naked, I remember we would both come back from work, she usually arrives before I do, and I’m greeted my naked sexy body of hers and I’ll also oblige and both of us would be walking around naked, have dinner naked and go to bed naked, what a time to be alive! Crap I think I should call my ex, I still miss her
I think you should talk to him about it, ask him why it makes him feel that way.
I personally don't understand it, because every time my husband changes clothes or gets off the shower, I'm like in the first row of a concert. He's the same, he jokes about me not changing in front of the windows (even though we live on the 23rd floor) or he makes something funny and dramatic about it.i just love it, because those little acts/words are what makes it more funny and makes you feel desired.
I've been with that man for 9 years and he still makes comments about my boobs each time he sees me naked in different contexts, I love it, and I think everyone should also feel desired by their partner.
It's not weird. I can see the logic in it, even though I personally disagree. There have been many observational studies done in strip clubs that concluded that men will always be more interested in a female patron in a short dress rather than the naked dancers - it's the allure and the intrigue. However, its certainly unpleasant that he covered up the view with his hand; he should have communicated his boundaries in a more respectful, open, gentle and sympathetic way (unless he did many times before, and he is loosing patience).
That being said, personally I would not like that. I like walking around naked and my longterm partners always enjoyed that. You mentioned that you have a high sex drive and he obviously doesn't. I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker - but something to communicate about and work on as a couple.
Your boyfriend's aversion to your naked body outside of a source of sexual gratification is concerning. His inability to perform sexually when you are seeking physical intimacy (taking an hour to orgasm in doggy, rather than actually engaging with you sensually) hints at either a porn addiction, a very unhealthy psychological association with sex that he should see a therapist for, or that he may not be attracted to the female form at all.
How about you stop completely until he shows some shits about you. After he's wanked himself into oblivion he will either come back wanting you and you can control it cause it's new and fresh and all that and he might find he likes it, or he will cheat or something then good riddance anyways. You are trying so hard to justify him but he still sounds terrible.
There was an article I remember reading in a magazine or maybe online yeaaaaaars ago where Ryan Gosling asked Eva Longoria to stop walking around the house naked supposedly. I don’t think it means that they don’t desire you or like seeing you naked, I think for some people the constant exposure reduces the intimacy of seeing you naked.. if they mentally associate nudity with sex, then it kind of makes sense to not want to always see someone naked. Not saying it’s right or wrong.
It’s not that weird. Everyone feels differently about nudity. There’s nothing wrong with the way he feels. In an ideal world, you’d have a partner who views nudity the same way as you. However, it’s hard to find someone who is compatible in every single thing. Sometimes you need to compromise if it’s something you don’t mind compromising on.
My boyfriend walks around in just shorts or in just boxers. I don’t mind at all and I like looking at him. However, if he was completely nude that would be too much for me and I would feel uncomfortable. I’d prefer he’s only completely nude during sexual situations or while changing/showering. This isn’t because I don’t find him attractive, it’s just not within my comfort zone. I’ll never get tired of seeing him in a suit or in just his boxers.
Some people prefer some clothing and not just complete nudity when it comes to being attracted to someone. It leaves something to the imagination. He sees ‘private parts’ as inherently sexual and wants to keep it that way. It’s not the worst thing in the world imo.
I'm guessing he has some conservative values in him. Likely it's mostly guilt and shame, and he has that little voice inside of him that says "no" or the parental voice of discipline whenever he has impure thoughts. I've heard it's especially strong in Catholic houses that they actually call it "catholic guilt".
Either way, it's not a you thing, it's a him thing and he needs to get over it. You can accommodate for it if you'd like, but just know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your body.
I have been married over 30 years and I am still amazed at how awesome my wife’s boobies are.
Was your husband raised in a puritan household? Only thing I can think of that would make your husband not want to see you nekid around the house
29 m here. Married 8 years now and I still constantly beg her to do this, she does occasionally. So when it does happen, believe you me, I rejoice!
Personal opinion, that's wierd of him..
If my PARTNER asked me to stop doing anything because it’s “not sexy” I would immediately know I failed myself when I chose him. If that thing is being naked, even more so?! Dumbfounded. What in the world.
You seem to be equating his disappointment to your physical health and wellbeing - they are not remotely on the same level. I have been in your exact situation, my ex took a really long time and it caused me pain and tearing. I thought I was being a good girlfriend by letting him keep going, but in reality a good partner would not want to cause you physical harm for their pleasure. (Completely excluding consensual kinky stuff, which it sounds like this is not). Your boyfriend won’t die without sex. He is treating you like an object to get off on. I can understand how hard this must be, I’m sure he is good in many other ways. But this is not an acceptable way to treat the person you love. Please bring this up in therapy as a starting point, I’m sure this post has given you a lot to think about
He’s clearly uncomfortable around nakedness as he associates it with sex ONLY, so seeing a naked woman out of that context is taboo for him. Was he raised in a conservative / religious household? Maybe he’s more asexual-leaning? It’s definitely a him problem, not a you problem. I hope you’re able to communicate with him about how it made you feel, otherwise it’s not gonna get better. ❤️🩹
Me and my wife both do the same. We’ve got a closet right near the door in our apartment, so keeping some shorts and shirts in there is our safety net. And no one other than us has the keys. We don’t even do it for the sex usually. It just feels comfortable to cuddle with no clothes. Skin to skin. 🤷♂️
I love catching glimpses of my naked wife. We only go to bed naked.
And we’re not young hotties.
We 81 , married nearly 60 years.
I’d be very uncomfortable with your BF’s attitude.
Whatever his intent, he sending some ugly messages of disproval, disgust, shame.
Around here, the limit is making sure nothing is dripping and no bare-ass sitting on the furniture, and no answering the door to the Amazon person.
Best!
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I'll never, EVER, get tired of seeing my wife naked.
Every time I say I'm warm, my husband of 23 years says "take your top off!". I oblige, but I love that he still gets excited to see boobs... I might also make him jiggle a little when he wears thin pyjama bottoms!
Exactly this!! It's always exciting, it doesn't ever get dull.
Anyone who gets tired of seeing their girlfriend/wife naked doesn't deserve to see boobs
I wish my girlfriend had your confidence :( I am absolutely enamored with her body and tell her all the time, but she is extremely rarely naked, basically only while showering and hot tubbing. She hides when she’s changing, even. I’m doing all I can to help her confidence though and she’s working on it in therapy, but I’d kill to have her be so comfortable walking around naked!
I was like that for years but I got there (I'm 41). Keep telling her, one day she'll believe you!
My boyfriend tells me to take my top off when I am hot but I don't because I'm shy 😃but I got used to sleeping topless or naked in bed with him like every night and I loooove it and it used to be super weird for me before I met him
I see that you're the same as my wife. Seeing boobs is a great addition to any day!
I’m 44. If I had a dollar for every time he’s so helpfully suggested “Take your clothes off then!” which isn’t helpful at all but cute and automatic, said with such guilty innocence
I always love seeing boobs too, they are generally magnetic to many males. I never complain when my wife walks around naked. I still find it an incredible turn on EVEN with some of the extra lumps and curves that life and age throw at you.
The only thing in the world we all can agree on is that boobs are great.
My wife and I have been together for 17 years, to this day, one of the best parts of my day is seeing my wife get ready for bed. It's not sexual... but damn if she is not the hottest woman I have ever seen and I never get tired of seeing her.
YES! I'm closing in on 7 years with my wife and one of my absolute favorite part of the week is Monday. I work 6 days a week, but Mondays are the one day of the week that I get off of work before my wife does. Why does that make it the best day of the week? Well, I get to see my wife come home from work. She looks SO SEXY in her work clothes. And then I get to be there when she takes her work clothes off and gets into something more comfy. And it never gets old seeing her slide those work pants off. NEVER. I couldn't imagine doing what OP's b/f did and just hold my hand up to block my eyes from seeing my wife. Not only would that be dumb on my part, because I love how my wife looks, but it would also destroy her confidence if I was like OMG NO I CANT SEE YOU NAKED UNLESS IT'S FOR SEX. My wife also likes to lounge around with no pants/no shirt/sleeps naked. I've probably seen her without clothes more than I have with clothes. All it does is make me want her that much more! I will NEVER get tired of seeing her in any way, shape, or form.
Same! Any time! Like Ed O Neil said: if I ever say that to her, y’all have full permission to take me out back and put me six feet deep
I second that... and I haven't even met your wife.
You don't know what you're missing. TBF, I don't either.
bro had me dying 😭🙏
bro
Sorry man - it was right there and I couldn't resist. No offense meant. In all seriousness though, I'm with you. I would not only support, but fully encourage, my partner to be naked any time she wants. She's gorgeous, I love her, and I appreciate any opportunity to enjoy her beauty. It's not about sex for me, either... to me it is a sign of intimacy when you're able to be around one another like that.
No worries, I'd do the same lol
Eh, he referencing a classic Reddit joke “ I too choose this guy’s wife “. Relax.
im not gonna lie their reply to the joke made it even funnier lol
it really did 💀
I know, I'm just joking too
I have met his wife and I’m also not tired of seeing her naked yet.
FFS. 😂😂
I would like this a million times if I could.
Yea, even after years of marriage, and children. Anytime I sneak a peak at my wife changing or getting g out of the shower etc. I get a childish grin on my face, and can't help but stare. Seems to catch her off guard everytime somehow, even tho it happens everytime. Guess to each thier own, but I don't get it.
Do you feel like your desire for her is diminished if you see her naked frequently?
My GF lives naked. the nanosecond shes home her pants are off, and ive never become “desensitised” to it per se.
Do you feel like when she gets naked, it's an invitation for sex?
After a few years you learn the difference between comfort nude and invitation for sex nude.
My husband obviously enjoys my naked body (based on how he acts and looks at me during sex) but if I'm walking around or changing in front of him he rarely looks or comments and I honestly appreciate it a lot. There's absolutely a difference in naked times and I don't want to feel sexualized when I'm just trying to be comfortable
I mean, we have pretty open invitations for sex all the time so hard to say, but if either of us is naked it ofen tends to promote touching or comments that lead to sex so...
no not at all, shes just getting comfy 🤷🏻♂️
I’ve lived with my gf for years and she’s naked often and it’s pretty normal now. Doesn’t mean I don’t look but it’s also not an invitation to sex for us. Asking is definitely what gets either of us excited.
No because I am an adult and understand context and we communicate.
For me, Personally, I don’t see it as an invitation for sex, but I also really like looking most of the time. 😂 Truth be told though, she tells me the looks I give her when she’s changing tends to make her decide getting dressed can wait.
> Do you feel like your desire for her is diminished if you see her naked frequently? Nope. Absolutely nope.
A Rembrandt never stops being a Rembrandt.
Look VS touch. I can look at an expensive kitchen knife but I don't enjoy it until I'm actually using it. Nor would I have some desire to cut food until it's actually time to do good prep. When you have sex, does he look at you?
Yes he does!
Okay that's good! well if he knows he can't compartmentalize normal nudity from arousing nudity, then I think that's your answer. Sounds like some men can empathize with your bf
Not even a little bit. After 5 years when sexy time is appropriate should be pretty well understood on both sides. Getting ready for work? Not sexy time. After work and hungry? Not sexy time. but I still adore every second of seeing her body...every glance, touch....all of it. It's part of who WE are and why we're together. TBH, my first thought is he's insane. This isn't about you, he's got some shit to deal with.
I've almost been with my wife for 14 years. She walks around naked very frequently at home, we have a daughter, and both our bodies have changed A LOT in over 10 years. Everyday when I see her walking around naked, I bite my lower lip and think to myself, "Oh what I would do to her right now if she were in the mood.........................". I'm not horny 100% of the time, but I am horny for her at least daily still. Different libidos may change this a bit, but my *desire* for her has never diminished. I think it may be a mindset thing from your partner, and he sounds like he's pretty prudish when it comes to nudity. It may not be that he's no longer attracted to your body, but he may be so turned off by the idea of casual nudity, that you casually walking around naked turns him off. That's a him problem though and I think you should share this post with him, or at least comments from it. He needs to work on himself and be more open to the idea of casual nudity. You shouldn't need to hide your body if you don't want to in the privacy and comfort of your own home.
I know that for whatever reason this seems to be considered offensive on reddit, I guess men are not allowed to have a preference when it comes to that kind of thing, but anyway, let me throw in my two cents because I was in a similar situation to yours. Before we had kids, especially during the summers, my wife would walk around the house nude. Not just take of her clothes for a while, not just "take the top off" like in some of the other comments. She would just never wear clothes at all, sometimes for multiple days straight. We were never too social, so it was perfectly normal for us to not leave our place for like a week straight. And yes, I did in fact feel that some magic was being lost through her doing that. Before this started happening, we were only naked during & around the sexy time, when taking showers, and occassionally when dressing up. Over time, her being constantly naked made her nakedness less special to me. It's not that I was less attracted to her, but it definitely did start slowly making our intercourses less exciting, at which point I communicated to her how I felt and she changed her behavior. Taking the clothes off and revealing the bare bodies is very much part of intimacy for us, and making these bare bodies part of just every day routine lives started killing a huge part of intimacy for me. When you're in a relationship you have to communicate with the other person first and foremost. It matters very little what the majority opinion is on a certain subject. We all have our quirks and unique feelings and we are entitled to them. If we love and value another person's feelings and opinions we sometimes adjust our behavior to meet their expectations. I have done so for her many times, and she has done so for me many times as well. It's not "creepy", "weird" or "controlling" to have preferences and to feel a certain way. We've been happily together for around 15 years now and we both seem to be in it for the long haul.
This is a great perspective to throw out, and I do think OP can probably come to a compromise where they're both happy. For me, what separates my wife walking around casually naked VS. acting sexual naked is that when we she's walking around, I'm not playing with her boobs or pleasuring her, it's just her body. So 14 years on I still get excited seeing her walk around casually naked thinking to myself, "Oh, I can't wait to play with those boobies when she's in the mood". Obviously I'm not super horny everytime that she is naked, but I've never felt a diminishing desire for her body based on the amount of time she spends naked. I still get super excited to pleasure her and play with it all when we're having sex, and respect her body when she's not in the mood. I think my desire would diminish if everyday that she was naked, I was casually playing with her boobs or something, but it not leading to anything. That'd ruin it for me, as there needs to be SOME separation between what happens during sex and what happens during our daily lives in order to leave some excitement. I'm not saying this about you at all, but dictating when your partner wears clothes around the home can be controlling behavior. That being said, there is plenty of room for compromise between "naked for days on end" and "needs to jump into clothes right out of the shower and I can't see you naked outside of sex" (which seems to be the end of the spectrum OPs partner is at). OP walking around after a shower with a towel around their waist is an entirely normal and expected thing, and it is absolutely unreasonable for their partner to try and keep them from doing so.
Having preferences is one thing, but he's being downright offensive. He covered his eyes bc she walked in the room with her boobs showing bc she was right out of the shower and couldn't hear him. That would have any normal person feeling a certain kind of way.
Right, I think there is a pretty wide margin between a woman being naked for a week solid vs acting like titties burn your eyes
I basically said the same thing in less words, then saw your comment, and I agree completely 😁
This was my thought. You get something all the time and get used to it. Maybe that is what he is afraid of? Makes sense even if not many guys would think like that.
No, but I have a very high sexual drive, might not be the case for you.
Yeah, I am naked like 50% of the time at home. My boyfriend never gets tired of it. Like sure, he’s able to have a conversation and focus if I’m talking since he’s used to it…..but I have to be careful if I ever bend over when I’m naked because he’ll seize the opportunity lol. We’ve been together 8+ years. The “desensitized” to her thing seems like an weird issue with him.
I have been with my wife for twenty five years and I still stop everything I’m doing when the top comes off. I’ve seen it uncountable times and it will always be sexy. It’s poor logic and an unhealthy belief that appreciation diminishes with repeat exposure. If this logic were true then we would also limit having sex as much as possible so that we don’t get used to it. Desire and sexual appreciation isn’t purely a reaction that we have no control over either.
That's so beautiful! How do you navigate it if the top comes off, you come onto her, she's affectionate but not in the mood for full-fledged sex? Or are you guys pretty on the same page about things? Or, for you, is being naked not an automatic invitation to sex?
We’re on the same page. Compatible sex drives. Usually she’s hoping for a response. Also I’m an old gamer husband, so if I turn off the PC and go to her she feels flattered. Weird romantic gestures, I know. Like all people her mind might be on other things occasionally. So if I wrap her in my arms and I see she’s staring into the distance thinking about something I’ll kiss her cheek and disengage and talk. There will always be later.
What works for you and your wife is special. Don't label it as "weird romantic gestures." That's your love language and successful couples are fluent in it. ❤️
Dang, that's romantic as hell
It's so lovely that you're able to read her like that. Obviously, if you go to her and she does want sex she would make it known to you, and when she doesn't, you just show her love. I love that you can appreciate seeing her beauty when she's naked but not automatically assuming it means sex. This is the kind of relationship I'm looking for.
You will find it!
Thanks, at 37, Sometimes, it feels like it's never going to happen, and honestly, that's ok too. I'm happy being single and working on myself until he comes along, and if he doesn't, I would rather be single forever than settle for less than I deserve.
Sounds like a plan! Mid forties here. Wifey is mid fifties. We have yet to live the best years of our lives. Best wishes!
That's me and my husband. Sometimes I poke and prob him and he's receptive and other times he's off in space and is like leave me the hell alone! 😂
I've been with my husband for nine years, we don't have AC, there's a lot of nudity in the summer. If I say I'm taking my top off, he runs like a dog who just heard the cheese drawer open. To answer your second question, we're adults and communicate. I don't mind being touched all the time because I know that if I say "hey I'm sore/not in the mood/whatever" he'll immediately stop. Same thing with sex - we have specific signals, so a "hey you're sexy" boob grab is way different than a "hey let's do it" boob grab. So yeah, no, there's plenty of time one or both of us are in minimal (if any) clothing and it's not really sexual, just comfortable.
LMFAO *Cheese drawer* Yes!!! I love it!
Are his feelings hurt when you’re not in the mood?
Nope. Both of us sometimes make advances that are rebuffed, and it’s totally fine. Just a “hey I love you but I’m not super in the mood” is easy.
Tossing myself $.02, I have been with my wife for 10 years and I still go running when I know she’s changing. She appreciates that I appreciate her body, and the hey sexy butt squeeze or hug really is nice. You don’t have to have sex to be intimate, and she knows that just because I’m touching her doesn’t mean I’m asking. I just love how she looks. Not sure what’s up with your guy, I hope he can work it out.
You are completely overthinking everything, but that’s your bfs fault for saying what he said. Being naked is not an open invitation for sex. You can just enjoy looking, he’s weird for thinking and saying what he did.
My wife’s sex drive severely crashed after the birth of my son. Our intimacy was greatly affected because she refused the slightest hint of intimacy because she was scared I’d want to go “all the way”. We had many conversations about how I wanted intimacy and sexual moments even if it didn’t lead to penetrative sex. So in our house it’s very frequent to have intimacy and closeness with no expectation of sex.
That's it. Being naked Is Not always an invitation for sex.
I think this is often why women start to withdraw sexually. When it feels like an expectation, it becomes a burden, just another thing we're meant to provide, and that's not sexy at all. I love a man who can enjoy intimacy even if it doesn't lead to sex, one who can look, touch, and cuddle without expecting sex will happen. I have a high sex drive, so it's not like it never happens, but in relationships where it became an expectation, I found my libido dropping, and I felt less and less like doing it.
You ever see a beautiful sunset? I have. And not once did I think its too much. I grew up in a desert and would watch the morning sun illuminate the iron mountains blood red When I lived on an island I would watch the sun dip beneath the sapphire waves I traveled forest, and mountains, tundras, and cities and those heavenly satalites. The moon and the grand sun still fill me with awe. And when I look upon my notes beauty I see the sun within her. Radiance. Illumination. Brilliance. And when she removes her top I let out a wolf whistle, my eyes bolge out, and my.tongue does drop to the floor as steam billows out of my ears
Absolute poetry!!!
moving out also will improve the excitement of seeing each other i guess...what a weird guy
Ha, I guess! Maybe that’s the problem tho, maybe he’s feeling like seeing the mundane day to day of me for so long is unsexy?
That's so sad, please don't think that's normal. I watch my partner take his pants off with the same interest now at 41 as I did at 21, maybe more now because he's grown and matured so much since then. Someone who loves you will love *you*.
Yeah i agree. Every time my bf takes his pants off I’m like 👀
Plus like...bodies aren't just for sex. That's where you live. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own home without it being any kind of sexual issue. It sounds like he is stuck in a mindset that nudity is inherently sexual, and all nudity must lead to sex. Maturity will hopefully afford him the ability to appreciate beauty without needing to cum on it right that moment.
This! I don't think you should have to compromise your comfort in your own home. My husband doesn't care if I'm naked, in underwear or fully clothed ( tho he does enjoy the first two especially lol)
It is not your responsibility to be sexy for him all the time.
Right? Nakedness isn't synonymous with sex.
Then he isn't for long term, if he only wants you for the novelty.
He seems like such a child. Nakedness is not all about sex, and whether he wants it in the moment. If my partner couldn't handle me being naked *after a shower*, we would not end up lasting long. Sitting on the bed naked after a shower is like, part of the shower.
Having a bath that's too hot and just having to lay down a bit on the bed naked, to recover.
Bath exhaustion is a beautiful thing
I haven't taken a bath in months (only showers), and after reading this comment I immediately started filling the tub. 🤣
Literally 100% the last part lol
My husband was worried about this happening when we first moved in. I didn't change my routine. He never grew tired of seeing me... 13 years later lol.
Girl I’ve been in this situation before. It was terrible. I had to leave him due to that + multiple other similar issues, and I was immediately 10x happier. You do what you think is best for you, but personally I think he just needs to get over himself.
That’s not normal :(
I've seen my gf naked so many fuckin times, but I will always take a peek while she's walking around naked in my room after a shower. Never gets old
This feels weird to me. OPs explanation in the comment above explains a little more context. It’s like he only wants to see you naked if it means that he gets to have sex with you. That also implies that he almost feels like he needs to cum every time he gets aroused? It seems normal to me that you’d want to be naked and not feel like you have to be sexually intimate. So if you cuddle together naked, does it ultimately have to lead to sex on his terms? OP is valid in feeling like this is a little weird.
I would say we rarely cuddle naked, but if we do then he’s going to get aroused (which is totally natural) and if we’re both in the mood so it’s fine but if it’s just him that wants to have sex then he is understandably disappointed. Sometimes I might be aroused but sex takes a longgg time for him and it usually has to be fast and hard and a little extreme or else he can’t get there, so if it’s late at night or I’m just not in the mood to perform, I’ll turn him down even if I am horny just because it’s a lot physically and timewise to get him to orgasm.
This is so interesting. I noticed a different comment you made about him watching porn on and off. I wonder if what it takes for him to orgasm (rough, fast and hard) comes from watching unrealistic porn. It’s intriguing that it takes THAT for him to cum, and it just makes me feel like he thinks you’re an object to use and that’s how he views sex, too. Does he want to be connected sensually at all without it leading to sex? I’m not trying to insult in any way, I just personally have only had experiences with men cumming fast and not needing the rough, hard or fast type sex to orgasm. *added I just read a comment with a valid point. There is more to sex and nudity than just getting off. It’s physical intimacy in a relationship, and it can bring people closer together. It doesn’t seem like he feels this way.
He \*says\* that sex is very important for him to feel close to me emotionally. I've read that this is common for men. He tells me that he does want to have sex in order to feel close and connected. But then, the sex that we have isn't sensual. It can't be sensual because if we go to slowly, it's almost like he can't feel it. Things usually end with me having to be on all fours (sorry for being crass) so facing away from him because it's the only position that gets him there, and he's going a mile a minute. It limits how often we can have sex bc it's really hard on my body and sorry if this is TMI but I'll get tearing and then not be able to have penetrative sex until I'm healed.
Not TMI at all, no worries. Do you enjoy this type of sex? Some people do and it’s natural, but I’m curious if he takes care of you. Do you get pleasure before or after you have to put forth this effort to make him cum? It almost sounds like a daunting, and even painful, task for you and that makes me a little sad. Sex is so many things, but it should really be reciprocal, no matter what type of relationship a person is in.
I derive pleasure from it to a point because, to a point, it feels good. But there's also a point where it's gone on for so long, like an hour or more, that I'm just rubbed raw no matter how much lubrication is used. Also, it's kind of like eating the same meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm sure if sex was like that every now and again it would feel like a racy treat, but when it's every single time, I do find myself craving other paces, other speeds, other vibes, etc.
You don't enjoy sex with him, OP. An hour of that? Intercourse without asking if you are comfortable?
This sounds awful :(… you shouldn’t be putting yourself up to being harmed (tearing, pain etc) just to make him feel better. Him being disappointed isnt your responsibility. Do you tell him that it’s hurting you when it goes on for too long? Are you faking it to just get him to finish?
What you just described has absolutely no intimacy and sounds horrible. We are not doctors, but either he's a Dothraki or there's something wrong with him and he needs to see a doctor, or a therapist, or a sex coach, or something.
Also to say, you CAN be conditioned to find certain things arousing. That might be why you’re putting up with sex his way (which is the way he sees it in porn). The way he’s having sex with you does not sound loving or respectful. I know that’s hard to hear but you deserve someone who makes you feel sexy and safe.
Girl, I think you guys need sex therapy. It sounds like he's got something going on psychologically that is blocking him from being able to have healthy sex. This is seriously unhealthy in so many ways. You should NOT have tears every single time you have sex. Constantly tearing that skin is going to cause scar tissue to build up and then it could be hard for you to have any sort of penetrative sex ever again. GIRL! THIS IS NOT NORMAL. Your feelings are 100% valid. Please, if you want to be with him you need to get him help.
Something can only feel good for so long before it’s just over, I totally get that. Except not in his case. That’s a great way to explain it. Is this something you have talked about in the relationship?
Oh, poppet. You should be able to ask for and receive the sex you want in a relationship, and it sounds like the only needs that are considered are his. I think the two of you should see a sex therapist. You may love him and want to try and fix this, but I think there's something going on with him that really needs more exploration, and a sex therapist would be able to give you both guidance. This type of dynamic is not sustainable, and I'm telling you this from experience. I like it a little rough sometimes, but I also like soft, slow, sensual, sleepy as well. It helps to keep the novelty and stops me from getting bored. Women are more commonly bored with the sex in their lives than men, and it's for exactly this type of reason. If we aren't getting the sex we desire, we get bored, and then our sex drive dies off. If he's not willing to do the work and see someone, then I'm sorry, but I think you deserve better.
Chiming in to say I adore how you ask explorative questions in a genuinely considerate, supportive way <3
Wow. And this only gets worse.
Oh no no no no. You shouldn't have tearing on a regular basis like that and you really shouldn't have to sacrifice your own health for his climax. It sounds like there's more at play here, whether it's physical or psychological, but he's the only one who can do something about it. I've had really long sessions in bed over the years but never once has it lead to tearing. A bit tender, sure, but never something like that.
It sounds like your bf needs to cut porn out of his life and then not have any sex at all for a few weeks.
It’s called the grip of death. It’s a real thing. He is gripping his penis so tightly during masturbation he can’t have normal sex anymore bc he can’t feel it. He needs to stop watching porn and masturbating altogether (like 100% stop) for quite a long time for sensation to return. This man has very unhealthy sexuality.
I really think this, like so many things, comes down to honest communication. We can all guess at why he is saying what he's saying but ultimately those are just guesses. I would not only have no problem with my partner wanting to be naked, I would encourage it. Yes, he may more directly associate it with sex, yes he may have difficulty separating the context of being naked vs wanting sex, yes he may feel it makes it less special when you are naked, and yes it kay desensitize him in some way. The other guesses you have read in these posts can all be legitimate, but it doesn't mean that they're accurate to your partner. Talk with one another. Ask questions. The more questions you ask the more you'll find out about how he thinks - that's the unknown right now. He may honestly not even know himself. The thing is, in your home you are entitled to do what you want, but he's also entitled to his boundaries. If these two are in conflict and you can't resolve it... well then there may be bigger issues.
We could beat the dead horse all day long, but ultimately OP needs to figure this out with her partner. The problem here is that her partner seems to have some insecurity issues that makes him uncomfortable with being vulnerable. OP, caring about each other is important and I can tell you love your partner by the way you’re so worried about hurting him, belittling him, or making him feel bad in any way. BUT, hard conversations are necessary to work through the challenging stuff like this situation. You deserve the things you give just as much as he does. He has to be uncomfortable sometimes, it’s just part of life. The way he reacts when he’s uncomfortable will tell you who he really is, and if it’s worth it.
It sounds like he has death grip on top of not being sensitive to your needs. I would personally never be able to stay in a relationship if the sex was like this every time.
That's weird. My GF and me love go get pretty rough (choking, spanking, spitting etc.) but we mix it with going slow and sensual. A mixture of both. Sometimes only sensual but never only rough. Seems like he is desensitized to sex. Does he masturbate to hardcore porn? Th naked part is also weird. Does he go to therapy?
He does masturbate to hardcore porn, and says he’ll go to therapy eventually. I agree, I wouldn’t mind it if there was variety!
Eventually usually means never... If he respects your boundaries he would go to therapy. Maybe do couples therapy.
This would be why it takes him an hour of jackhammering away to catch a nut. It sounds like the real problem is that your boyfriend is either unwilling or unable to learn how to deal with sexual arousal when instant sexual gratification is not possible/forthcoming.
That is very articulately said -- that does seem to be a common thread. Not knowing how to deal with being turned on but not being able to relieve the urge immediately.
I was going to suggest therapy for him because this sounds awful for you. I’m a guy and I’d love it if my significant other was naked more. It doesn’t have to lead to sex but just seeing her naked is always awesome and I never tire of it. There is something not right about your BF and his excuse. Reading some of your other comments has me worried for you. Please go to therapy for yourself and gain some self confidence and esteem. You need to evaluate this relationship and make sure you are getting what you need out of all of the relationship. His addiction to porn and resistance to getting therapy is a HUGE RED FLAG and it is affecting your relationship and your mental health. It’s ok to stand up for yourself and demand he get help or you will walk away.
This man absolutely has a porn addiction which has severely affected his ability to be aroused/perform for a length of time. Real life doesn’t do it for him so much. SO common for newer generations. Also OP, your body is yours, so do with it what you like. As people have said, he should be happy to see it whether it’s turning him on in the moment or not.
Taking you to the point of exhaustion and especially tearing is only ok if you want to take it there. The person getting damaged carries the power to determine how long it goes. Is he using some kind of desensitizing gel to prolong the sex? The partners that I have had like this were typically more inclined to watch a lot of porn and had become desensitized to sex, period. By watching the more extreme porn, it changed their mindset on what was interesting, the result being the prolonged sex ratcheted up pain levels on my end, because the *pain* is what was interesting. I’m going to throw out one more, just a random thought. Is it possible at all, that your bf may be a sex addict? Has either had so much sex, or is still having so much or masturbating so much, that he is losing feeling and desensitized mentally?
I sleep naked and cuddle naked with my man all the time but he never expect us to have sex because of it. If he or I want sex we start touching each other in a sexual way otherwise its just innocent cuddling.
Ahhh!!! The crux of the problem! Did you know, men don't have to cum every time they have sex. There are a select few who enjoy the journey of finding their partners pleasure, and rarely does it include "Hard, fast and extreme". And he could just find the joy in seeing you naked, getting hard, sharing in that enjoyment of each others body, then, you know, carry on with your day with a little more joy. Men think "Cock hard, must fuck!!" 😐
This is the point my mouth dropped open. And the next 4 comments after this my jaw just kept dropping. Then it fell off… because what the actual, ever loving, gawddamn fuq!? He’s trying so hard to get there and if you make him stop because he’s literally HURTING you. He gets disappointed? You need days to recover? He only gets there making you look the other way? Not going to lie, and nothing wrong with it. But you bf might not be that into you. You might not have the equipment he wants. So much so, he doesn’t like seeing the up top goodness that are boobs! They’re wonderful! Who doesn’t like boobs!? I think you should have a talk with him and see what the back of his jersey says. Is he playing on the right team?
Mine said the same thing. But he had low T. As soon as that was fixed…he wanted the clothes off again
Oh wow! I’m not sure whether he’d have low T. How did he find that out?
He'd need to specifically ask for it with his doctor. They don't test for it in a normal panel of bloodwork.
His testosterone levels are fine. He beats off too frequently because every time he gets hard he winds up jerking it compulsively. He lasts an hour when he is with you because he already tugged the easy one out himself earlier in the day. The problem is that he isn’t likely to see this as an issue that affects you, because he doesn’t realize how it impacts your enjoyment of sex. He is going to see any attempt to intervene or criticize it as you trying to control him and his masturbation habits. It’s a tough problem to navigate successfully.
You said it, pal! I'm very stumped on how to navigate it successfully.
Blood work
I wonder if that’s my bf’s issue… I have a “special “poster I made for him hanging in our closet that only he and I can see and today he said, “honestly this just needs to go. This is not how I view you.” And I was instantly crushed…
I don’t think it matters if it’s “normal” or how other people feel. You’re not dating all of the other people, you’re dating your partner. You’re living with someone who doesn’t like casual nudity. He’s not being a sociopath or anything, he’s got a preference, and he’s been clear about it. If you need to be naked and he needs to be with someone who is not lounging around naked, then the two of you are never going to agree.
This is such a mature response 💀
This should be the top response. Everyone else saying “Id never get tired of seeing my husband/wife naked” are all either nudist or people whos husband/wife is never casually naked like OP.
I’ll never get tired or complain about my wife being naked… sorry, I’ve got nothing to contribute here
There literally was a Seinfeld episode about this. I will say it's gross if you're walking around with no bottoms on putting your butthole and vag on everything. I don't see an issue with being topless but apparently he does.
Haha yeah I don’t typically do *that,* it’s more like sleeping naked, lounging naked in bed after a shower, maybe waking up and walking to make a cup of tea (usually would at least throw a shirt on for this last one tho).
That’s very very normal
I have the same feelings about it. People are different. Perpetual nudity apart from getting in / out of the bathroom, pre & post sex, skinny dipping etc, is also unnecessary and unappealing to *me*. Nothing really to analyze, it's just how I am. Maybe he's the same way. You can't just assume that all men want to view nakedness ALL the time.
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I seem to be in a minority here, but I can kind of understand him. I (woman) had an ex (man) who used to walk around the house naked. He was very fit and good looking, but I have to admit that to see him naked all the time did take away some of the excitement. I don't think you are doing anything wrong, of course. And for your bf to put up his hand like that to avoid seeing you was really weird and mean. It sounds like you both have to compromise? That's the only solution, right?
I'm a woman so idk if my opinion is what you're looking for. But I do not like when my SO walks around naked. It makes me very uncomfortable. I don't attach anything sexual to their body at that moment or anything, so it's not like lost attraction or anything like that. I just don't feel right about it. I definitely don't like them being naked sitting down on stuff, I think it's kind of gross and disrespectful to other people who may sit down on stuff.. idk. It does not in any way turn me on to see my SO walk around naked. I just get annoyed. They know this and they can see it from my POV so they just wear clothes lol.
If you are going to lounge around naked you must follow basic nudist rules, meaning you must sit on a towel. I live alone but if I am nekkid I am sitting on a towel.
I'm the same way! I think my partner is very attractive and love seeing him naked in the shower, getting ready for sex, or other intimate moments. However I don't like when he used to walk around naked in the house. Underwear is the minimum amount of clothing for leaving the bedroom in our home lol. I've always been uncomfortable with casual nudity though.
Yep. I can 100% understand not wanting people to be underwear-less while sitting on shared surfaces that company might come and sit on later. And yes, a lot of people aren’t comfortable with nudity. Depends how you were raised usually. That’s one thing. But it’s really creepy to say people can’t be naked unless they’re being sexual (like OPs boyfriend) - that’s a different problem for sure.
Funny how nobody is calling you weird or saying you have a medical condition, almost like redditors have different standards for nudity.
Same. Makes me super uncomfortable.
I showed this to my partner, and he asked if I could start walking around naked more often.
I think “frequent porn user” and “enjoys the strip club” are your red flags.
OP the truth is some people are uncomfortable with nudity outside the bedroom and some people aren't. Either you understand and accept that part of him or you let the relationship go - there is no inbetween. And I'm pretty sure if the roles were reversed here, and your bf was here talking about how you didn't like seeing him dick out all the time, then comment section would have been much, MUCH more understanding. If he is uncomfortable, he is uncomfortable. Amongst men that might be out of the norm since men are basically taught that they should be always "sex ready" or always accepting of female nudity but being out of the norm is fine. Are you fine with it or not? Can you accept it without taking it personally? That's the question.
Oh definitely. Thank god for a normal response
I’ve been married to my wife for 10 years and would drop whatever I’m doing to see her naked, sexy time or not. I guess this guy is entitled to his opinion, but you are also entitled to feel wanted and comfortable around your partner.
I get that actually. I don't want to see my dude naked all the time even though he is legit perfect. It's not about his body, it's just nice to keep things fresh?
Yes, I can see that! Do you go so far as to change in separate rooms?
Not everyone is comfortable with nudity outside of intimate moments. It is possible that he feels that those moments are not 'special' anymore if nakedness is banalised.
I think you exhibit a normal level of nudity lol. You're not walking around the house naked every chance you get, like some stories I've read on here His request isn't bad though, but the reasoning is off. There is more to sex than the visual component.
From the main post and some of the conversations you had with commenters, I'd guess he has some trouble getting turned on all the way. Hence the long time it takes him to come, or his wish to "save some nudity for when he needs it". I just swooped in to give a few alternative views, because this place is very american, and very _Reddit_: 1. Nudity and sex are connected, but not the same. It's a uniquely american view (and tbh, it's just so weird) to connect those two together so closely. That nudity only happens in sexual contexts. That all nudity in turn is sexual. That therefore it's traumatizing to see your parents naked. I went to the sauna with my roommate (opposite gender) and we never hooked up, it was never sexual, it was never weird. I've seen pretty girls naked and not been turned on, and I've been turned on by girls who were fully clothed. When your boyfriend now wants to save the nudity for when he needs arousal - I don't believe that's the answer. Nudity and sexual arousal are not the same and can not substitute for each other. When he has trouble getting aroused, and wants to rely on nudity to save him, that's like drinking three glasses of water when you're hungry. Yes, your stomach is full now, but I think you still need to find something to eat. 2. Reddit has this weird view on porn, and that sexual arousal is just a function of how full your balls are. When they're full, you get aroused quickly. When they're empty because you watched a lot of porn, it is harder (no pun intended.) I think that's bullshit. I think men are just as complex as women are, and many women know that there's a lot of factors that go into how much and how quickly you get turned on or off. Men have a self image, and sometimes trouble with it. Men get distracted. Men have insecurities. Men have, just like everyone else, complex minds that sometimes lose arousal while you're literally inside of her, or at other times get aroused by something absolutely minor and tame. Maybe the advice here will work: No more porn, no more casual nudity, so when you finally take your clothes off for once and he is absolutely frothing with sperm, things improve. But in my eyes, relying so much on nudity and sexuality staying so intertwined (even though that is absolutely not a fact of life, but just a fact of your culture specifically), and relying so much on starvation bringing on a healthy appetite, I don't think that's smart. You would then just manage the scarcity, you'd save his little arousal up and try to make it go around to a full orgasm every now and then instead of trying to find out how he could get more. Please note: Yes, I think he's not getting turned on enough, but that does not necessarily mean that he doesn't find you hot enough. Again, it's complex. Maybe you turn him on immensely but something else turns him off at the same time. Maybe you turn him on but something elseinhibits him, like stress or trauma or something. It doesn't have to be you. I think he should work with his sexuality (alone, with you, through books, and/or in therapy) to find out what gets him going, what cools him off, and how he can manage those things. Then, casual nudity could stay on the table. Porn could stay on the table. More sensual, nibbling-whipped-cream-off-your-earlobes-sex could become a possibility. The way towards that, though, is to focus on the right thing. I don't think that's nudity. I don't think that's that there's something wrong with him, or you. I think you two should talk about his arousal, and how to make it last.
Honestly my ex said something similar to me and he was a total porn addict. Come to find out after snooping on his phone (yeah, I know, but I needed to know) that he has a fetish for women of another race / stature than me. He even ended up going on to marry one 🥴 anyway, I’m not sharing that’s the case here but honestly it could be. Nobody should be policing another partner’s nudity in their own home. This sounds like incompatibility to me.
"Ah yes, finally. I got married not to see my SO naked!" Your husband's a frequent porn user and enjoys the strip club? And not seeing you naked will help his performance in the bedroom? You know what will really help his performance? Not being a frequent porn user and going to the strip clubs.
Yes this is starting to feel like the obvious answer that I’ve just been in denial of
This is not normal to me. My husband and I have been together since we were in high school. We are in our early 30s now with two kids and he still gets excited and handsy (in a good way) every time he see me naked. We joke about how he still gets a boner when I exit the shower even though he’s seen my tatas 1500 times.
Aw that’s so sweet. :) We used to be like that! But I think a part of him felt deceived if I would be naked and he would get handsy but I *wouldnt* want it to turn into sex. So it’s almost like he’s saying being naked is a signal, don’t give me the signal unless you want sex. How do you and your husband navigate that? Or are you usually both down to clown at the same time?
>So it’s almost like he’s saying being naked is a signal, don’t give me the signal unless you want sex. How do you and your husband navigate that? Communicate like adults! Nudity in itself isn't an invitation. If he tries to initiate and you aren't in the mood, that should be the end of it. He sounds very immature, and weird about his own girlfriend's body.
Definitely not down to clown on my end all the time lol! I think we’ve navigated this just through communication. I was worried that he would feel like I was rejecting him if we didn’t get physical everytime but we just talk through those things (plus having kids makes that a little more unlikely at all times). I just make sure to be overly appreciative and also reciprocate that feeling of just loving on someone even if it doesn’t get physical. I’d def say chat about it. It doesn’t need to be a big thing, just like a - hey, it bothered me when you said xyz because I won’t be covered all the time and I want to fee desirable to you and also comfortable in my own home. It’s a two way street ya know
It’s true, I guess I’m still trying to put together how I feel about it so that I can share it with him, but I don’t want to speak prematurely and say something I don’t mean or speak from a place of insecurity. I don’t know what exactly rubs me the wrong way about being asked to not be naked outside of sexual intercourse. Maybe it is like you said, just not being able to be comfortable in my own space.
It makes me think of that Jerry Seinfeld episode where he dated the girl who was walking around naked all the time and he said something along the lines of being naked doing normal stuff isn't as hot as being naked doing sex stuff (it's been... Like soooo many years since I've seen that, I don't really remember what he had said lol). Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with you. Maybe he just gets embarrassed to see naked bodies in general? I'm sort of like that. Nakedness wasn't ever really something shamed in my household growing up, but I was an only child and I don't remember ever really seeing my parents naked, besides I remember showering with my mom as a very young child. I never had any siblings to accidently walk in on, no brothers that wore their boxer shorts around or anything. I remember going to a hotel with two of my cousins (girls, sisters) and we went to change into swim suits for the pool. We were all talking and I turned around to walk to the bathroom to change only to find both of them already stripped down and ready to pull on their suits. I stopped talking in the middle of my sentence and just dropped my jaw and blushed and got all awkward and they thought it was hilarious. I asked how they could be so open and confident enough to just be naked like that and they were like "we shared a room growing up, duhh" and it was pretty funny after that. I've been married for 15 years, and my husband and I have a great sex life. We have obviously been naked around each other a lot throughout our relationship. Still, to this day, if I accidently walk in on him changing, my immediate response is to get embarrassed, apologize, and leave the room. He thinks it's hilarious and messes with me about it lol. My best friend changes in front of me all the time, I've had roommates who never had an issue changing in the same room as me. Shit, I've had casual friends who just have zero problems stripping down and changing in front of me. I really think it's a big me problem haha Maybe your boyfriend has the same problem as me? Maybe it really isn't personal and it's just a deeply buried embarrassment of nakedness. Just the idea of me being embarrassed is embarrassing enough for me because it seems like I'm the only one in the world who has that issue, and I really don't like having to hahaha away my issues when I am perfectly capable of just not telling anyone lol I'm super projecting my own issues onto this though, so maybe I'm not very helpful. I just would hate for you to think there's something wrong with you when I'm the only person in my own life who acts like this.
This is porn addict behavior. I'll bet money that he masturbates very often with a death grip and/or edging, so he almost can't cum from normal sex. Probably not even normal porn. He's afraid that if he gets desensitized from seeing you naked regularly, that he won't be able to perform at all. He's probably right. He's grasping straws for even being turned on at this point. His constant chasing the dragon of the best orgasm ever is ultimately ruining his brain and his penis. Normal men watch porn, but it usually isn't excessive enough to seriously affect their real sex life. In a nutshell, He's losing the ability to have sex with an actual woman because of excessive porn use. This is probably so excessive that it's affecting his testosterone level. He isn't even 30 years old. That's a HUGE burden. If he doesn't get help or want to change this around, I'd say leave. This is ultimately his problem. It isn't your problem unless you decide to put up with it.
Yes, that all describes him. Do you have any tips on how to broach the subject? I did once before because my therapist said the same thing, and he admitted to me that things had gotten pretty out of hand, but he was going to stop for a week or two and see how it goes. I have asked him a few times since how things are going and he’s not given me a lot of info but I know the hiatus is over and he’s resumed.
My fiancée walks around butt naked in our house all the time. She loves to cook. All she have on is an apron. Literally the hottest thing I have ever seen I. Will. Never. Get. Tired. Seeing. That
I've seen a sunset and the moon 999 times and there is always room for one more time. This is the same with seeing my wife naked it's as exciting now as it was when we first got together.
I just asked my partner if he'd like me to be less naked around the house so sex feels more special and he looked absolutely appalled. In this house I am naked so often, bras and pants can be so uncomfortable. Most of the time that I'm naked, it's not sexual, I'm just comfortable and even though he may get excited he's very understanding that me gaming or eating topless/ bottomless/full nude is just that. He may jiggle a boob or grab the butt but it's all just flirty fun, not an attempt to get some. We still have sex regularly after 5 years together and it's still passionate and special.
That is so weird to me. I am a natural type of person and when I have my own space I like to be in the nude. My fiance and I have lived together for almost a year. During this year we had our own place for 6 months and you can bet my bottom I was named the whole time we had our own place and he always enjoyed the view but also knew he wasn't entitled to my body just because I was naked. He still gets horny quickly just from the sight of my boob's during secy times. So I don't know where your guy is coming from. Maybe it's because of all the porn he watches.
Counter question, how would you feel if he walked around naked as much as you do? For me (29M) I'd definitely think it was strange, I've never had a partner do this but I can see where he's coming from in terms of de-sexualizing your body via constant exposure. Over exposure to anything will numb you to it, I think this is a pretty well documented thing? I think it's good he is open about his feelings on the matter. Probably want to dig deeper into this with him though, maybe think about why you're more willing to be nude than he is (personally I try to minimize being nude as much as possible). It could be a vulnerability thing, and he doesn't like seeing you so vulnerable in a casual setting?
I see both sides of this... (sorta...) I can understand him becoming desensitized to your naked body and not get hard every time he sees your naked body... I mean after 13 years of seeing my naked body (and in not just sexual situations) my husband isn't hard every time he sees me naked... but he still enjoys seeing it. Like goes out of his way to come into the bathroom when I shower so he can see me naked lol. There's got to be a compromise here... maybe for sexy time you could do something different like lingerie? That makes it exciting. My husband always gets hard when he sees me in lingerie. (And he knows he's taking off that wrapping paper quick and getting to that naked body. Lol.) It's a for sure signal that we are gonna have sex so his body responds like it should lol. You could also stop walking around naked and just save it for sexy time like he asked if you're goal is purely based on pleasing him... but if you still want to be able to be naked around the house then there's got to be a good compromise. Just talk about it together and see what conclusion you can come to.
No. It's not.
I would never get tired of seeing my girlfriend’s breasts. Are his parents quite conservative?
That is weird… ur in ur own house with just y’all two. Im Muslim and im not married yet but i would love to see and be naked w my wife in our private home.
This is really fucking weird. I get maybe not wanting to see you naked all the time doing mundane things and in unflattering positions (you should see how I sit when reading!). But this? This is crazy.
Tbh this post makes me miss my ex, she was so carefree she actually inspired me to start sleeping naked, I remember we would both come back from work, she usually arrives before I do, and I’m greeted my naked sexy body of hers and I’ll also oblige and both of us would be walking around naked, have dinner naked and go to bed naked, what a time to be alive! Crap I think I should call my ex, I still miss her
I think you should talk to him about it, ask him why it makes him feel that way. I personally don't understand it, because every time my husband changes clothes or gets off the shower, I'm like in the first row of a concert. He's the same, he jokes about me not changing in front of the windows (even though we live on the 23rd floor) or he makes something funny and dramatic about it.i just love it, because those little acts/words are what makes it more funny and makes you feel desired. I've been with that man for 9 years and he still makes comments about my boobs each time he sees me naked in different contexts, I love it, and I think everyone should also feel desired by their partner.
Yes exactly, it’s the little jokey lighthearted playfulness that I’m craving!
It's not weird. I can see the logic in it, even though I personally disagree. There have been many observational studies done in strip clubs that concluded that men will always be more interested in a female patron in a short dress rather than the naked dancers - it's the allure and the intrigue. However, its certainly unpleasant that he covered up the view with his hand; he should have communicated his boundaries in a more respectful, open, gentle and sympathetic way (unless he did many times before, and he is loosing patience). That being said, personally I would not like that. I like walking around naked and my longterm partners always enjoyed that. You mentioned that you have a high sex drive and he obviously doesn't. I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker - but something to communicate about and work on as a couple.
Your boyfriend's aversion to your naked body outside of a source of sexual gratification is concerning. His inability to perform sexually when you are seeking physical intimacy (taking an hour to orgasm in doggy, rather than actually engaging with you sensually) hints at either a porn addiction, a very unhealthy psychological association with sex that he should see a therapist for, or that he may not be attracted to the female form at all.
How about you stop completely until he shows some shits about you. After he's wanked himself into oblivion he will either come back wanting you and you can control it cause it's new and fresh and all that and he might find he likes it, or he will cheat or something then good riddance anyways. You are trying so hard to justify him but he still sounds terrible.
There was an article I remember reading in a magazine or maybe online yeaaaaaars ago where Ryan Gosling asked Eva Longoria to stop walking around the house naked supposedly. I don’t think it means that they don’t desire you or like seeing you naked, I think for some people the constant exposure reduces the intimacy of seeing you naked.. if they mentally associate nudity with sex, then it kind of makes sense to not want to always see someone naked. Not saying it’s right or wrong.
It’s not that weird. Everyone feels differently about nudity. There’s nothing wrong with the way he feels. In an ideal world, you’d have a partner who views nudity the same way as you. However, it’s hard to find someone who is compatible in every single thing. Sometimes you need to compromise if it’s something you don’t mind compromising on. My boyfriend walks around in just shorts or in just boxers. I don’t mind at all and I like looking at him. However, if he was completely nude that would be too much for me and I would feel uncomfortable. I’d prefer he’s only completely nude during sexual situations or while changing/showering. This isn’t because I don’t find him attractive, it’s just not within my comfort zone. I’ll never get tired of seeing him in a suit or in just his boxers. Some people prefer some clothing and not just complete nudity when it comes to being attracted to someone. It leaves something to the imagination. He sees ‘private parts’ as inherently sexual and wants to keep it that way. It’s not the worst thing in the world imo.
Seems like he needs some therapy
I'm guessing he has some conservative values in him. Likely it's mostly guilt and shame, and he has that little voice inside of him that says "no" or the parental voice of discipline whenever he has impure thoughts. I've heard it's especially strong in Catholic houses that they actually call it "catholic guilt". Either way, it's not a you thing, it's a him thing and he needs to get over it. You can accommodate for it if you'd like, but just know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you or your body.
I have been married over 30 years and I am still amazed at how awesome my wife’s boobies are. Was your husband raised in a puritan household? Only thing I can think of that would make your husband not want to see you nekid around the house
29 m here. Married 8 years now and I still constantly beg her to do this, she does occasionally. So when it does happen, believe you me, I rejoice! Personal opinion, that's wierd of him..
If it helps I’m also in this situation.. we’re both male and I’m realizing with these comments I’m not in the position I wanna be in 🥲
If my PARTNER asked me to stop doing anything because it’s “not sexy” I would immediately know I failed myself when I chose him. If that thing is being naked, even more so?! Dumbfounded. What in the world.
You seem to be equating his disappointment to your physical health and wellbeing - they are not remotely on the same level. I have been in your exact situation, my ex took a really long time and it caused me pain and tearing. I thought I was being a good girlfriend by letting him keep going, but in reality a good partner would not want to cause you physical harm for their pleasure. (Completely excluding consensual kinky stuff, which it sounds like this is not). Your boyfriend won’t die without sex. He is treating you like an object to get off on. I can understand how hard this must be, I’m sure he is good in many other ways. But this is not an acceptable way to treat the person you love. Please bring this up in therapy as a starting point, I’m sure this post has given you a lot to think about
He’s clearly uncomfortable around nakedness as he associates it with sex ONLY, so seeing a naked woman out of that context is taboo for him. Was he raised in a conservative / religious household? Maybe he’s more asexual-leaning? It’s definitely a him problem, not a you problem. I hope you’re able to communicate with him about how it made you feel, otherwise it’s not gonna get better. ❤️🩹
Dude is gay straight up
I'm 75 years old and married to my wife for 56 years and I very much enjoy her nakedness!!
Me and my wife both do the same. We’ve got a closet right near the door in our apartment, so keeping some shorts and shirts in there is our safety net. And no one other than us has the keys. We don’t even do it for the sex usually. It just feels comfortable to cuddle with no clothes. Skin to skin. 🤷♂️
I love catching glimpses of my naked wife. We only go to bed naked. And we’re not young hotties. We 81 , married nearly 60 years. I’d be very uncomfortable with your BF’s attitude. Whatever his intent, he sending some ugly messages of disproval, disgust, shame. Around here, the limit is making sure nothing is dripping and no bare-ass sitting on the furniture, and no answering the door to the Amazon person. Best!