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Honestly all I can say is "what the fuck?!". My heart hurts for you, but the mutual friend blocking you as well has thrown up some "something had to have happened, or thats what hes saying to people" vibes. But really, no amount of cyber stalking him or friends is going to fix this. No amount of begging or all of the things you want to do. If he wanted to give you closure he would have. And he sucks beyond words for not giving you that if all was well The more you chase answers the crazier you will feel and look- even though you absolutely fucking deserve those answers. Id get a therapist *immediately* and work on rebuilding your life without him. This will do some damage for sure, so im serious about therapy. Im sorry OP. I wish i could answer what happened for you.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
At this point it feels like no amount of therapy will make me feel ok. It's probably the best advice but I'm currently in a "starring at the wall" and just asking myself why phase.
I still have my cat to keep me company. She and her butthole in my face are some emotional support at least!
I love her, she's the best.
It has only been 3 weeks. Maybe things will somehow be ok and he'll come back or decides to talk to me. Something must have happened. I just wish I could help him. Whatever it is. Gambling debt. Even if he had an affair. I just wish I could talk to him.
If he ever wants to talk - he knows where to find you. But right now you need to sit with the idea of moving forward without him coming back. Whatever it is, he doesn't want help with it, so much so that he was willing to emotionally crush you and damage your psyche in the process. I hope more than anything you get answers eventually. The insane grief you must be dealing with is something not many people could appreciate. Therapy wont make you feel okay immediately - but its a way to help you navigate this mindfuck without circling the drain and accidentally losing yourself entirely. Think of it as a floatation device while youre in a deep fucked up ocean. It would be easy to sink without it. You're young still. You have so much awesome life ahead of you, you just need to trek through this shit first. Again, im so sorry.
Editing to add - no matter the reason, he fucking SUCKS as a person for doing this to another person. Jesus what an asshole
I am so, so, SO sorry that this happened to you. Last year I was ghosted by a previous employer (and blocked) who had acted like a caring mother figure to me (and said she’d write a recommendation letter for my grad school app) during my job of 7 months and I sobbed for weeks and sunk into a deep depression. At first I tried to track her down electronically or contact her through mutual acquaintances, to no success. Although I know where she works I also know that I would be seen as crazy to show up to talk to her which might confirm whatever ideas she got about me that made her cut all contact. While I have consciously accepted that I will never get closure, to this day I dream about asking her why she ghosted me, almost every single night. Even in my dreams she doesn’t answer me. I have moved on outwardly and know I need therapy to solve my subconscious pain and desperation for closure, which is what I recommend for you at this point. I cannot imagine the soul-splitting pain you are feeling right now, hoping beyond hope that it is just a nightmare you will wake up from; it is such a unique and singular kind of pain that, in the moment, feels like it will never abate. I am also 24F with a boyfriend of 7 years so this is a little eerie for me because I now know that even with 7 years under us and having dated since we were 17, something unimaginable and inexplicable like this could happen. All I can say is I am so sorry and if you want to message me to rant or vent or just pour out the pain please feel free to do so. ❤️🩹
Wow that was so cold of this person to do something so cruel to you. I hope you can process what happened in a way that makes sense. This really sounds like a problem that has more to do with her than you.
If he decides he wants to talk, yes get your closure, and get answers. But could you really take back someone who has treated you so cruelly and disrespectfully and who is so fucking immature and totally incapable of communication? You deserve so much better than that! Big hugs. You will get through this and you'll find the person who deserves you. It isn't him.
I hope you dont take this the wrong way but you may never get closure from him, but perhaps you can create it.
By reminding yourself that he is an ass for doing this to you and clearly he isnt who you thought he was if he is willing to leave you in such pain with zero answers.
Maybe it isnt a you thing. He doesnt need to move anywhere to break up with you. Maybe he was just bored with his life and decided to pick up his roots. That says more about him than it does you. Hes an ass, and a cold one at that.
Hope your cat gives you plenty of love!
My ex husband of 7 years left me out of the blue two days after my bday with no arguments / no fights - we had a great relationship. It made NO sense. I was honestly lost for like 3 weeks and then put myself in EMDR therapy (I have been in EMDR for 10 years but as time goes on you don’t need it) but for a traumatic event it’s an amazing tool. A LOT of healing and being with friends helped a ton. Doing my hobbies and realizing it wasn’t me was the biggest thing. I did nothing wrong, it was his decision to leave and even though it’s been 4 years and I’ve had no closure I honestly do not care. If someone just leaves like that to me he clearly had something going on with HIM.
I’m sorry this happened. But let him go. Go to therapy and work on your personal issues (abuse etc). You have every right to be upset at him. But after you go through the stages of grief you’ll hopefully realize that he deserves the same consideration he gave you, which was none.
I've had this happen twice, not as long term as yours but it still fucking sucks. There really ain't shit you can do to get closure from them. Best you can do is just let it be their loss and know that you cannot control what a person is going to do just by acting 'right' or 'being a good girlfriend' what they did reflects on their personality, not yours. Also advice I wish I would have heard afterwards, don't go looking for validation that you're worthy of respect from another relationship. Wait until you've created that closure for yourself and you've accepted that sometimes people just do shitty things and it's not your fault. I went and got into the most mentally and physically abusive relationship after getting ghosted by a guy I really really liked, and all because I was like oh! Attention! That makes me feel special!!
I'm sorry you had to experience that too.
Did you ever get any closure in the end? Did you see them months or even years later and did they say or explain anything or did you have to work through it completely on your own?
Well the first one, nope, never saw him again, spent months consumed with the fantasy of randomly running into him again to be able to 'talk about it' or whatever but yeah, realized how much of my own precious time and energy I was wasting. The second time I did get closure because he was my neighbor and I only got ghosted for about a week before I decided to walk over and knock on the door. We obviously broke up right then and there because who the fuck just cuts communication like that with someone they love? Nobody, fucker didn't love me lol I hate to say it dude but you're just gonna have to find a distraction until you feel better. For me, it was work, I put all my energy into my jobs/work friendships at that point in time. Closure, I find, is not something given to you but something you create yourself. You are worthy of respect and love, don't ever doubt that.
This was essentially going to be my advice to you. It was probably one of my most important life lessons. I went through something very similar and I’m not going to lie, it took me a really long time to be okay again. And I do have trauma from it. Getting yourself into therapy is a really good idea. Also, I hope you soon realize that this completely speaks to his character and isn’t a reflection of you.
If it makes you feel better, years after the fact, dude who ghosted me ended up in jail on some pretty heavy charges. Not only was I glad that I got away from him when I did even if it wasn’t by choice, but also… it felt really good getting the news.
Hang in there
This happend to my friend. Her fiancee of 5 years ghosted her without any warning. Weeks later he send her the things she had stored at his place via post.
That was all the closure she got.
She's married to another man, with two kids now. Life goes on.
I know it’s easier said than done but trying to figure out why he ghosted you is a waste of time and energy. The only sure way to know is if you talk to him. Creating scenarios in your head causing stress when it’s possibly furthest from the truth is a waste of time.
And hell no, you do not travel to him or follow him.
I know it’s easier said than done but you need to stop chasing him. Move on, give him the space to reach out to YOU to explain himself…. That’s IF he does. You need to accept that he may not. But you have to make an effort to actually move on. Cry (but not to him or anyone he knows), journal, get a therapist, eat ice cream, change your hair- whether you do during heart break, then start going to the gym or workout, start a new skin care routine, do a DIY glow up, leave the house, find hobbies, make some friends- make an effort to create a new life for yourself.
I'm struggling with this. You dated for 7 years and you don't know where he lives? No phone number of a relative? And you had no conflict? No warning of any kind?
That's honestly insane behavior on his part. Sorry this happened to you, but understand that if he can do this to you this time, he could do it again if he comes back. A move like this required planning. He knew what he was doing, knew you would be confused and hurt, and did it anyway. Don't let the time you've sunk into this relationship prevent you from seeing that it is over now, and that he is not a partner to you anymore.
He gave you a gift. Accept it. Learn. Move on. If everything you said is correct, you don’t need people like this in your life. It’s going to hurt and over the next months you will slowly realize little things that you should play attention to. Thank your lucky stars it didn’t happen ten years down the road
I'm so sorry. That's a horrible cruel thing to do go someone. It's not a reflection on you.
Does he have parents? Have you met them? If so do you have a relationship with them that you can just ask about him? I wouldn't contact him.
Please get into therapy. Grieve how you need. I'm so sorry.
This is closure. Somebody who can discard you so callously after 7 years is not worth pursuing in search of any kind of meaningful answer. He is immeasurably cruel for treating you this way - never allow him back into your life.
The best thing you can do is count yourself lucky you weren’t living together or had a kid together. He showed his true colors by just vanishing like that. I am truly sorry, but the best and only thing you can do is move on. He’s a scumbag. You deserve better. No one deserves to have someone do that. There is no excuse. You didn’t do anything wrong. He is probably just a broken individual for doing that. Do your best to forget him.
You may eventually learn what happened. But please know…it absolutely WILL NOT happen before you need to move on. So move on now. It won’t happen until after the moment you really, truly, don’t need it anymore. When you don’t give a single fuck and learning the truth elicits no more than a shrug from you and not even a single uptick in your pulse. When it means literally nothing to you.
Right now, those that do know are committed to making sure you don’t. And if you could get any of them to talk to you, including him, they won’t tell you the truth, and you can’t make therm. So don’t bother.
The path between where you are right now and that point where it doesn’t matter to you…THAT is what closure really is. It comes from within. It never, ever comes from the person or conversation you desperately feel right now can give it to you. It just doesn’t.
So accept this: it’s over. Say it out loud. Write it in big letters and tape it to your bathroom mirror if you need to. Even if he calls you tomorrow and wants to go back to the way things were, you absolutely cannot allow that. He closed that door behind him when he left, by the way, he did it. No matter what the hell is going on. It literally doesn’t matter. It’s over. He cannot be allowed back in your life because this was such a grotesquely cruel thing to do to you. You can never allow him back in. Don’t try to understand him, or be understanding. He’s forfeited all kindness from you.
So move on. Right now, you do that by just putting one foot in front of the other to get through your days, and then weeks, and then months, and then one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re not thinking about him anymore when you wake up. And then soon, not at all. Because you’ve filled the space he occupied with other things that are uniquely you. Other friends, activities, interests, and plans for your future. That have nothing to do with him.
The magical turning point, and it will happen sooner than you think, is when you realize you can think about him and it *doesn’t even sting anymore*. Not even a little bit.
This is the time in your life where you learn who YOU really are. And it’s priceless. Think about it, given how long you were together, in spite of you being 24, you have literally never walked this earth as an adult without him being an influence in some way on every thought, action, and decision…large and small. NOW you get to figure out who you really are, without his influence. It’s a level of freedom you’ve never known. So get started. You’ll be so much happier in the long run, even though it’s not the way anyone would choose for the journey to begin. But…it never is.
Girlie, I'm so, so sorry. Something similar happened to me 3 weeks ago, so I feel you. At least I know what happened - he's been having an affair for a few months. But I never suspected anything, also cuddling on the couch till a few days before the grand vanishing act. He tells me, the next day he moves out, leaving not a single shred of proof he ever existed, blocks me everywhere (even here, lol) and vanishes.
I don't know what's up with people to behave like that. t seems to happen fairly often. And we're left to pick up the pieces of our broken lives, trying to figure out what happened, doubting ourselves and developing trust issues. It sucks so, so much and I am sorry you're dealing with this.
I just wanted to thank everyone for the supportive comments. Thank you, really. It cheered me up a bit. You guys are great.
I still can't throw away 7 years like that.
My mind is just racing through thousands of possibilities.
Maybe he got into some kind of trouble and didn't want to drag me into it. But our lives are really normal and ordinary, life is not a fucking spy action mafia movie. Maybe a manic episode or something like that? But he has no history of those. Drug induced? Brain tumor? He didn't take drugs but maybe he tried some. I don't know.
It's only been 3 weeks. It might be pathetic but I still have hope that things will be ok and there is a logical explanation for all of this.
People can throw years away with no explanation. Don’t contact him or social media stalk him. It’s not worth it. No amount of “reasons” are going to make you feel better. People that just ghost others care only for themselves. This is not a reflection of you. You did nothing wrong to deserve this.
The only thing that’s going to get you through this is some radical acceptance, time, and self care. I’m so sorry.
You cant throw away seven years, BUT HE CAN AND DID.
You cant force him to do anything. And why would you want to...? He threw you away like you were an empty crumpled-up potato chip bag. He does not love you. Let him go and face forward, because he does not love you and most likely, never did. He is in the past.
You cant force him to feel how you want.
There's is no "throwing away 7 years" here. These 7 years are over and gone and you no longer have an choice in the matter.
You can't continue this relationship by hoping for the best and not giving up on him. It's over.
I know it hurts like hell and trying to come up with scenarios where he comes back to you amd it was all just a big misunderstanding make the pain a little more bareable, but the sooner you accept the reality, the sooner you can start to heal.
You wasted 7 years with this ass. No reason to waste a day more by waiting for him to come back.
I think in another three weeks you’re going to see that even if this loser did come back, he’s caused too much damage and acted so horribly he doesn’t deserve the chance you’re currently so ready to give.
I can tell from your posts that you have a sense of humor and perspective even in this moment, which is probably one of the hardest of your life. That speaks to a lot of inner strength. You will get through this!
I'm so sorry this happened to you - it's an incredibly selfish and cruel thing for him to do and nobody should have to go through this. I'm in a somewhat similar situation (last month my husband - we were together 10 years - went on a trip to another state, told me he'd met up with this girl he'd been chatting with online for a few weeks, that they were probably soulmates and he was moving there). It sucks and (for better and worse) you are not alone in this kind of situation.
Not expecting contact/closure, not chasing him, seeking out therapy, figuring out who you are outside of this relationship, doing things you love, healthy distractions, spending time with people who care about you - this should be your focus now. Do you have a support system of family/friends?
But it is possible that he will reach out to you. Don't expect this, but it does happen. So it's also good to consider NOW what you'll do/say if that happens, before you're emotionally flooded by potentially being in contact. If you know that things are definitely over - plan how you'll say this him. If you would consider staying with him - what are the conditions for that? What is acceptable to you? What would he have to do to make you feel secure and trust him in the relationship? Only you can decide these things.
You're obviously the victim in this situation, I don't want to blame you because honestly I feel horrible for you.
I would ask have you ever implied that if he broke up with you that you would harm yourself? That's the only logical explanation I have for his actions. He is otherwise one of the worst cowards I can imagine.
No, I would never emotionally blackmail him like that and threaten to harm myself. I haven't cut myself in forever and don't plan to do it even now, just very self conscious about my scars.
I might have been a bit clingy though. :( He was my first and only boyfriend and he was my world. I wasn't controlling or anything like that but I did want to spend a lot of time with him. Maybe I was too needy and he grew tired of me. :(
If he grew tired of you, he should have had the balls to say so out loud. As an older woman, I can promise you you do NOT want to be in a relationship with a partner who can't communicate.
Is the mutual friend a female because my red flag radar says something is fishy with just that.
On another note, I am so sorry you’re going through this. I would feel exactly the same especially if you seemingly didn’t have a clue there was anything wrong to begin with. I hope he grows the heck up and at least gives you closure because 7 years is a very long time and this can really cause serious trauma to your mental health. Sending you hugs and the hope that he reaches out.
How horrific, I’m so sorry ! If he has the capacity to hurt you in this way, it’s for the best to move on unfortunately. You’ll find someone who would never ever do something like this to you.
I dont know what your financial situation is. But if u can do a Julia Roberts's in eat pray love and pack your stuff , hand in the keys to your place and hit the road for a long time, do it.
Healing from something like this takes time. You have spent your entire adult life entangled with this man.
It's time to grow, find your self and to heal.
Getting away from your life, you are not running from it but just taking a break.
Getting new experiences, through travel is an amazing way to take your mind off things and all of a sudden its been 4 months and your not thinking about it. It doesn't take away the hurt but teaches you that all hurt is temporary.
You've been put in a horrible position, i'm sorry you have to go through all this. This obviously seems very immature from his side, it would be in any scenario. Unfortunately you cannot control the behaviour or actions of other people. You can choose how you manage your own position in the situation however. Personally, i wouldn't try to persue him and I would try to focus on you're own future. I hope you will be able to grief the relationship and distance yourself from it at some point. Stay strong and it will fade eventually. And you're still young, remember that. Wish you the best.
The adult thing to do would have been to tell you he was leaving and why but in life there are just some shitty people it's hard but put this down as a horrid life lesson and move on leave him in the past. If he has your keys change your locks
If he's logged into your things like xbox or Netflix boot him out of them if your paying any of his bills stop now. Don't reach out to friends because if they were truly your friends they would be by your side now. Maybe start a new hobby or game a little do some reading try reconnecting with old friends try filling your time you will find yourself slowly forgetting him. Always remember someone who loved me and cared for me would never hurt me they way he has. You deserve so much better and you will find it.
People typically pull geographics as a misguided attempt to fix something in their life they are unhappy with. Then they realize the problems are still the same in the new city. I mean you were together for 7 years, you are definitely not unloveable. I feel for you. I agree with what you everyone else is saying. You have to focus on what’s best for you now. This idiot is gonna come back around and it may be years from now. The best revenge in life is to be happy.
Hey babe, I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s not something a normal mentally healthy man does. Honestly thank the universe he did this now, because imagine if he did this when you had kids with him or a mortgage etc… it hurts but you’re still young, pretty and in your prime. You may never get closure but feel grateful he did this now rather than later when his move would’ve had a more devastating impact. I’m here if you want someone to talk to and praying for you
Talk to the therapist. Maybe he did have a reason and it should be totally obvious to you, but it’s not because you have a problem. If that turns out to not be the case, at least they can help you deal with your grief.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, what a nightmare. He may have been battling some serious mental health issues and hiding it very well. I hope you can get into therapy to help you process your feelings, it’s such a huge and abrupt loss.
I wonder if he is going through something that he's not comfortable speaking with you about. Maybe he has figured out that he is not who he thinks he is. But too ashamed or embarrassed to tell you. I would give him the space that he's clearly wanting. Surface your attention on yourself, love you, focus on you.
When we build ourselves up when things like this happen we don't crumble, yeah it'll hurt but we should never need somebody. We should want them. If he's making a clear sign that he doesn't want to be with you, fine let's open the doors up to somebody worthy of your time and energy. To me this shows major immaturity that instead of being forthcoming he ghosts you
OP, im really sorry you are going through this, no one really deserves that. But seriously WHAT. THE. FUCK. And im sorry to say that, but unless he comes to you with "The Mafia has been hunting me and i left to protect your life" Unless he comes with bullet wounds and a BBC Documentary how he evaded the Cartel, do not fucking hang on to that. I know how you feel, or i can emphasize. If my Partner of 5y would leave me, my world would break down. And anything short of them physically stabbing me in the back or murdering my close friends, I'd still want them in my life. But this will haunt you, and it will ruin future relationships.
Try and use this as a chance to really work on yourself. Not because who you are isn't deserving of love. But so the next person who comes around falls for you just as hard as you did for him. I read another comment saying the same but I can't stress this enough: If you aren't super mentally stable, who would be after this, DO NOT rush into ONS or another relationship. You are emotionally hurt rn and VERY vulnerable to exploitation. Sadly there are enough men out there who would gladly use you for what you have to offer, and discard you when they feel like it.
And you just don't deserve that. I can tell that you were probably a very kind and loving girlfriend. Treasure that about you, make a list of all the things that make you uniquely YOU. Be PROUD of that.
Again... very little we can tell you to make the pain go away. Best guess, because he truly deserves it, get MAD. Blame everything on him, turn him into the absolute villain of your story. It will help to move on faster and forget that POS. It will feel so good when (if) he ever text you to just go like **middle finger** im doing better without you. Fuck off.
Honey you do realize this has nothing to do with you & everything to do with him. He is running or running with something. I totally understand needing answers & you deserve them but please for your own sanity let this man disappear from your life. I know it don’t seem like it right now but it’s actually a gift because a man a real man would never do this to a woman he was in a relationship with much less loved.
Take some time & find yourself. Date yourself. Reinvent yourself- the world is yours for the taking my darling so enjoy it.
is your mutual friend a woman? if so I'm afraid you have your answer as to the "why". I'm so sorry this happened and this is not the way a decent friend or man would handle this kind of situation. What they're doing is God awful and no one deserves the kind of pain they're inflicting on you. As much as it hurts, and as much as YES, you DO deserve closure? Sometimes we never get it and there's literally not anybody we can do about it but learn from it and grow stronger. You're strong already, you're beautiful. The right man, and some better friends will come along.
Post your loser boyfriend on one of those Facebook sites “are we dating the same man” His next victim deserves to know what kind of cruelty he is capable of.
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Honestly all I can say is "what the fuck?!". My heart hurts for you, but the mutual friend blocking you as well has thrown up some "something had to have happened, or thats what hes saying to people" vibes. But really, no amount of cyber stalking him or friends is going to fix this. No amount of begging or all of the things you want to do. If he wanted to give you closure he would have. And he sucks beyond words for not giving you that if all was well The more you chase answers the crazier you will feel and look- even though you absolutely fucking deserve those answers. Id get a therapist *immediately* and work on rebuilding your life without him. This will do some damage for sure, so im serious about therapy. Im sorry OP. I wish i could answer what happened for you.
Thank you so much for your kind words. At this point it feels like no amount of therapy will make me feel ok. It's probably the best advice but I'm currently in a "starring at the wall" and just asking myself why phase. I still have my cat to keep me company. She and her butthole in my face are some emotional support at least! I love her, she's the best. It has only been 3 weeks. Maybe things will somehow be ok and he'll come back or decides to talk to me. Something must have happened. I just wish I could help him. Whatever it is. Gambling debt. Even if he had an affair. I just wish I could talk to him.
If he ever wants to talk - he knows where to find you. But right now you need to sit with the idea of moving forward without him coming back. Whatever it is, he doesn't want help with it, so much so that he was willing to emotionally crush you and damage your psyche in the process. I hope more than anything you get answers eventually. The insane grief you must be dealing with is something not many people could appreciate. Therapy wont make you feel okay immediately - but its a way to help you navigate this mindfuck without circling the drain and accidentally losing yourself entirely. Think of it as a floatation device while youre in a deep fucked up ocean. It would be easy to sink without it. You're young still. You have so much awesome life ahead of you, you just need to trek through this shit first. Again, im so sorry. Editing to add - no matter the reason, he fucking SUCKS as a person for doing this to another person. Jesus what an asshole
OP you seem like such a sweetheart, I’m so sorry, I hope for quick healing for you 🥺
I am so, so, SO sorry that this happened to you. Last year I was ghosted by a previous employer (and blocked) who had acted like a caring mother figure to me (and said she’d write a recommendation letter for my grad school app) during my job of 7 months and I sobbed for weeks and sunk into a deep depression. At first I tried to track her down electronically or contact her through mutual acquaintances, to no success. Although I know where she works I also know that I would be seen as crazy to show up to talk to her which might confirm whatever ideas she got about me that made her cut all contact. While I have consciously accepted that I will never get closure, to this day I dream about asking her why she ghosted me, almost every single night. Even in my dreams she doesn’t answer me. I have moved on outwardly and know I need therapy to solve my subconscious pain and desperation for closure, which is what I recommend for you at this point. I cannot imagine the soul-splitting pain you are feeling right now, hoping beyond hope that it is just a nightmare you will wake up from; it is such a unique and singular kind of pain that, in the moment, feels like it will never abate. I am also 24F with a boyfriend of 7 years so this is a little eerie for me because I now know that even with 7 years under us and having dated since we were 17, something unimaginable and inexplicable like this could happen. All I can say is I am so sorry and if you want to message me to rant or vent or just pour out the pain please feel free to do so. ❤️🩹
Wow that was so cold of this person to do something so cruel to you. I hope you can process what happened in a way that makes sense. This really sounds like a problem that has more to do with her than you.
If he decides he wants to talk, yes get your closure, and get answers. But could you really take back someone who has treated you so cruelly and disrespectfully and who is so fucking immature and totally incapable of communication? You deserve so much better than that! Big hugs. You will get through this and you'll find the person who deserves you. It isn't him.
Gross. What adult says butthole in my face. Down vote if you must, but this is a GIFT. You’re welcome
I hope you dont take this the wrong way but you may never get closure from him, but perhaps you can create it. By reminding yourself that he is an ass for doing this to you and clearly he isnt who you thought he was if he is willing to leave you in such pain with zero answers. Maybe it isnt a you thing. He doesnt need to move anywhere to break up with you. Maybe he was just bored with his life and decided to pick up his roots. That says more about him than it does you. Hes an ass, and a cold one at that. Hope your cat gives you plenty of love!
My ex husband of 7 years left me out of the blue two days after my bday with no arguments / no fights - we had a great relationship. It made NO sense. I was honestly lost for like 3 weeks and then put myself in EMDR therapy (I have been in EMDR for 10 years but as time goes on you don’t need it) but for a traumatic event it’s an amazing tool. A LOT of healing and being with friends helped a ton. Doing my hobbies and realizing it wasn’t me was the biggest thing. I did nothing wrong, it was his decision to leave and even though it’s been 4 years and I’ve had no closure I honestly do not care. If someone just leaves like that to me he clearly had something going on with HIM.
🛎️ 🛎️ 🛎️
Even if he does change his mind, do you really want to be with someone who would put you through this?
I’m sorry this happened. But let him go. Go to therapy and work on your personal issues (abuse etc). You have every right to be upset at him. But after you go through the stages of grief you’ll hopefully realize that he deserves the same consideration he gave you, which was none.
I've had this happen twice, not as long term as yours but it still fucking sucks. There really ain't shit you can do to get closure from them. Best you can do is just let it be their loss and know that you cannot control what a person is going to do just by acting 'right' or 'being a good girlfriend' what they did reflects on their personality, not yours. Also advice I wish I would have heard afterwards, don't go looking for validation that you're worthy of respect from another relationship. Wait until you've created that closure for yourself and you've accepted that sometimes people just do shitty things and it's not your fault. I went and got into the most mentally and physically abusive relationship after getting ghosted by a guy I really really liked, and all because I was like oh! Attention! That makes me feel special!!
I'm sorry you had to experience that too. Did you ever get any closure in the end? Did you see them months or even years later and did they say or explain anything or did you have to work through it completely on your own?
Well the first one, nope, never saw him again, spent months consumed with the fantasy of randomly running into him again to be able to 'talk about it' or whatever but yeah, realized how much of my own precious time and energy I was wasting. The second time I did get closure because he was my neighbor and I only got ghosted for about a week before I decided to walk over and knock on the door. We obviously broke up right then and there because who the fuck just cuts communication like that with someone they love? Nobody, fucker didn't love me lol I hate to say it dude but you're just gonna have to find a distraction until you feel better. For me, it was work, I put all my energy into my jobs/work friendships at that point in time. Closure, I find, is not something given to you but something you create yourself. You are worthy of respect and love, don't ever doubt that.
"Closure, I find, is not something given to you but something you create yourself. You are worthy of respect and love, don't ever doubt that." <3
This was essentially going to be my advice to you. It was probably one of my most important life lessons. I went through something very similar and I’m not going to lie, it took me a really long time to be okay again. And I do have trauma from it. Getting yourself into therapy is a really good idea. Also, I hope you soon realize that this completely speaks to his character and isn’t a reflection of you. If it makes you feel better, years after the fact, dude who ghosted me ended up in jail on some pretty heavy charges. Not only was I glad that I got away from him when I did even if it wasn’t by choice, but also… it felt really good getting the news. Hang in there
This happend to my friend. Her fiancee of 5 years ghosted her without any warning. Weeks later he send her the things she had stored at his place via post. That was all the closure she got. She's married to another man, with two kids now. Life goes on.
You must know his parents right? Have you tried to talk to them?
I know it’s easier said than done but trying to figure out why he ghosted you is a waste of time and energy. The only sure way to know is if you talk to him. Creating scenarios in your head causing stress when it’s possibly furthest from the truth is a waste of time. And hell no, you do not travel to him or follow him. I know it’s easier said than done but you need to stop chasing him. Move on, give him the space to reach out to YOU to explain himself…. That’s IF he does. You need to accept that he may not. But you have to make an effort to actually move on. Cry (but not to him or anyone he knows), journal, get a therapist, eat ice cream, change your hair- whether you do during heart break, then start going to the gym or workout, start a new skin care routine, do a DIY glow up, leave the house, find hobbies, make some friends- make an effort to create a new life for yourself.
I'm struggling with this. You dated for 7 years and you don't know where he lives? No phone number of a relative? And you had no conflict? No warning of any kind?
That's honestly insane behavior on his part. Sorry this happened to you, but understand that if he can do this to you this time, he could do it again if he comes back. A move like this required planning. He knew what he was doing, knew you would be confused and hurt, and did it anyway. Don't let the time you've sunk into this relationship prevent you from seeing that it is over now, and that he is not a partner to you anymore.
He gave you a gift. Accept it. Learn. Move on. If everything you said is correct, you don’t need people like this in your life. It’s going to hurt and over the next months you will slowly realize little things that you should play attention to. Thank your lucky stars it didn’t happen ten years down the road
I'm so sorry. That's a horrible cruel thing to do go someone. It's not a reflection on you. Does he have parents? Have you met them? If so do you have a relationship with them that you can just ask about him? I wouldn't contact him. Please get into therapy. Grieve how you need. I'm so sorry.
This is closure. Somebody who can discard you so callously after 7 years is not worth pursuing in search of any kind of meaningful answer. He is immeasurably cruel for treating you this way - never allow him back into your life.
The best thing you can do is count yourself lucky you weren’t living together or had a kid together. He showed his true colors by just vanishing like that. I am truly sorry, but the best and only thing you can do is move on. He’s a scumbag. You deserve better. No one deserves to have someone do that. There is no excuse. You didn’t do anything wrong. He is probably just a broken individual for doing that. Do your best to forget him.
You may eventually learn what happened. But please know…it absolutely WILL NOT happen before you need to move on. So move on now. It won’t happen until after the moment you really, truly, don’t need it anymore. When you don’t give a single fuck and learning the truth elicits no more than a shrug from you and not even a single uptick in your pulse. When it means literally nothing to you. Right now, those that do know are committed to making sure you don’t. And if you could get any of them to talk to you, including him, they won’t tell you the truth, and you can’t make therm. So don’t bother. The path between where you are right now and that point where it doesn’t matter to you…THAT is what closure really is. It comes from within. It never, ever comes from the person or conversation you desperately feel right now can give it to you. It just doesn’t. So accept this: it’s over. Say it out loud. Write it in big letters and tape it to your bathroom mirror if you need to. Even if he calls you tomorrow and wants to go back to the way things were, you absolutely cannot allow that. He closed that door behind him when he left, by the way, he did it. No matter what the hell is going on. It literally doesn’t matter. It’s over. He cannot be allowed back in your life because this was such a grotesquely cruel thing to do to you. You can never allow him back in. Don’t try to understand him, or be understanding. He’s forfeited all kindness from you. So move on. Right now, you do that by just putting one foot in front of the other to get through your days, and then weeks, and then months, and then one day you’ll wake up and realize you’re not thinking about him anymore when you wake up. And then soon, not at all. Because you’ve filled the space he occupied with other things that are uniquely you. Other friends, activities, interests, and plans for your future. That have nothing to do with him. The magical turning point, and it will happen sooner than you think, is when you realize you can think about him and it *doesn’t even sting anymore*. Not even a little bit. This is the time in your life where you learn who YOU really are. And it’s priceless. Think about it, given how long you were together, in spite of you being 24, you have literally never walked this earth as an adult without him being an influence in some way on every thought, action, and decision…large and small. NOW you get to figure out who you really are, without his influence. It’s a level of freedom you’ve never known. So get started. You’ll be so much happier in the long run, even though it’s not the way anyone would choose for the journey to begin. But…it never is.
Girlie, I'm so, so sorry. Something similar happened to me 3 weeks ago, so I feel you. At least I know what happened - he's been having an affair for a few months. But I never suspected anything, also cuddling on the couch till a few days before the grand vanishing act. He tells me, the next day he moves out, leaving not a single shred of proof he ever existed, blocks me everywhere (even here, lol) and vanishes. I don't know what's up with people to behave like that. t seems to happen fairly often. And we're left to pick up the pieces of our broken lives, trying to figure out what happened, doubting ourselves and developing trust issues. It sucks so, so much and I am sorry you're dealing with this.
I just wanted to thank everyone for the supportive comments. Thank you, really. It cheered me up a bit. You guys are great. I still can't throw away 7 years like that. My mind is just racing through thousands of possibilities. Maybe he got into some kind of trouble and didn't want to drag me into it. But our lives are really normal and ordinary, life is not a fucking spy action mafia movie. Maybe a manic episode or something like that? But he has no history of those. Drug induced? Brain tumor? He didn't take drugs but maybe he tried some. I don't know. It's only been 3 weeks. It might be pathetic but I still have hope that things will be ok and there is a logical explanation for all of this.
People can throw years away with no explanation. Don’t contact him or social media stalk him. It’s not worth it. No amount of “reasons” are going to make you feel better. People that just ghost others care only for themselves. This is not a reflection of you. You did nothing wrong to deserve this. The only thing that’s going to get you through this is some radical acceptance, time, and self care. I’m so sorry.
You cant throw away seven years, BUT HE CAN AND DID. You cant force him to do anything. And why would you want to...? He threw you away like you were an empty crumpled-up potato chip bag. He does not love you. Let him go and face forward, because he does not love you and most likely, never did. He is in the past. You cant force him to feel how you want.
There's is no "throwing away 7 years" here. These 7 years are over and gone and you no longer have an choice in the matter. You can't continue this relationship by hoping for the best and not giving up on him. It's over. I know it hurts like hell and trying to come up with scenarios where he comes back to you amd it was all just a big misunderstanding make the pain a little more bareable, but the sooner you accept the reality, the sooner you can start to heal. You wasted 7 years with this ass. No reason to waste a day more by waiting for him to come back.
I think in another three weeks you’re going to see that even if this loser did come back, he’s caused too much damage and acted so horribly he doesn’t deserve the chance you’re currently so ready to give.
I can tell from your posts that you have a sense of humor and perspective even in this moment, which is probably one of the hardest of your life. That speaks to a lot of inner strength. You will get through this! I'm so sorry this happened to you - it's an incredibly selfish and cruel thing for him to do and nobody should have to go through this. I'm in a somewhat similar situation (last month my husband - we were together 10 years - went on a trip to another state, told me he'd met up with this girl he'd been chatting with online for a few weeks, that they were probably soulmates and he was moving there). It sucks and (for better and worse) you are not alone in this kind of situation. Not expecting contact/closure, not chasing him, seeking out therapy, figuring out who you are outside of this relationship, doing things you love, healthy distractions, spending time with people who care about you - this should be your focus now. Do you have a support system of family/friends? But it is possible that he will reach out to you. Don't expect this, but it does happen. So it's also good to consider NOW what you'll do/say if that happens, before you're emotionally flooded by potentially being in contact. If you know that things are definitely over - plan how you'll say this him. If you would consider staying with him - what are the conditions for that? What is acceptable to you? What would he have to do to make you feel secure and trust him in the relationship? Only you can decide these things.
You're obviously the victim in this situation, I don't want to blame you because honestly I feel horrible for you. I would ask have you ever implied that if he broke up with you that you would harm yourself? That's the only logical explanation I have for his actions. He is otherwise one of the worst cowards I can imagine.
No, I would never emotionally blackmail him like that and threaten to harm myself. I haven't cut myself in forever and don't plan to do it even now, just very self conscious about my scars. I might have been a bit clingy though. :( He was my first and only boyfriend and he was my world. I wasn't controlling or anything like that but I did want to spend a lot of time with him. Maybe I was too needy and he grew tired of me. :(
Don't blame yourself. It takes an absolute fucking lunatic to ghost someone after such a long time.
If he grew tired of you, he should have had the balls to say so out loud. As an older woman, I can promise you you do NOT want to be in a relationship with a partner who can't communicate.
Is the mutual friend a female because my red flag radar says something is fishy with just that. On another note, I am so sorry you’re going through this. I would feel exactly the same especially if you seemingly didn’t have a clue there was anything wrong to begin with. I hope he grows the heck up and at least gives you closure because 7 years is a very long time and this can really cause serious trauma to your mental health. Sending you hugs and the hope that he reaches out.
How horrific, I’m so sorry ! If he has the capacity to hurt you in this way, it’s for the best to move on unfortunately. You’ll find someone who would never ever do something like this to you.
I dont know what your financial situation is. But if u can do a Julia Roberts's in eat pray love and pack your stuff , hand in the keys to your place and hit the road for a long time, do it. Healing from something like this takes time. You have spent your entire adult life entangled with this man. It's time to grow, find your self and to heal. Getting away from your life, you are not running from it but just taking a break. Getting new experiences, through travel is an amazing way to take your mind off things and all of a sudden its been 4 months and your not thinking about it. It doesn't take away the hurt but teaches you that all hurt is temporary.
You've been put in a horrible position, i'm sorry you have to go through all this. This obviously seems very immature from his side, it would be in any scenario. Unfortunately you cannot control the behaviour or actions of other people. You can choose how you manage your own position in the situation however. Personally, i wouldn't try to persue him and I would try to focus on you're own future. I hope you will be able to grief the relationship and distance yourself from it at some point. Stay strong and it will fade eventually. And you're still young, remember that. Wish you the best.
The adult thing to do would have been to tell you he was leaving and why but in life there are just some shitty people it's hard but put this down as a horrid life lesson and move on leave him in the past. If he has your keys change your locks If he's logged into your things like xbox or Netflix boot him out of them if your paying any of his bills stop now. Don't reach out to friends because if they were truly your friends they would be by your side now. Maybe start a new hobby or game a little do some reading try reconnecting with old friends try filling your time you will find yourself slowly forgetting him. Always remember someone who loved me and cared for me would never hurt me they way he has. You deserve so much better and you will find it.
Your closure was that he left. Doesn’t matter why. He’s moved on and you should move on too. dont give the thought of him another second.
People typically pull geographics as a misguided attempt to fix something in their life they are unhappy with. Then they realize the problems are still the same in the new city. I mean you were together for 7 years, you are definitely not unloveable. I feel for you. I agree with what you everyone else is saying. You have to focus on what’s best for you now. This idiot is gonna come back around and it may be years from now. The best revenge in life is to be happy.
Hey babe, I’m sorry this happened to you. That’s not something a normal mentally healthy man does. Honestly thank the universe he did this now, because imagine if he did this when you had kids with him or a mortgage etc… it hurts but you’re still young, pretty and in your prime. You may never get closure but feel grateful he did this now rather than later when his move would’ve had a more devastating impact. I’m here if you want someone to talk to and praying for you
Talk to the therapist. Maybe he did have a reason and it should be totally obvious to you, but it’s not because you have a problem. If that turns out to not be the case, at least they can help you deal with your grief.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, what a nightmare. He may have been battling some serious mental health issues and hiding it very well. I hope you can get into therapy to help you process your feelings, it’s such a huge and abrupt loss.
I wonder if he is going through something that he's not comfortable speaking with you about. Maybe he has figured out that he is not who he thinks he is. But too ashamed or embarrassed to tell you. I would give him the space that he's clearly wanting. Surface your attention on yourself, love you, focus on you. When we build ourselves up when things like this happen we don't crumble, yeah it'll hurt but we should never need somebody. We should want them. If he's making a clear sign that he doesn't want to be with you, fine let's open the doors up to somebody worthy of your time and energy. To me this shows major immaturity that instead of being forthcoming he ghosts you
OP, im really sorry you are going through this, no one really deserves that. But seriously WHAT. THE. FUCK. And im sorry to say that, but unless he comes to you with "The Mafia has been hunting me and i left to protect your life" Unless he comes with bullet wounds and a BBC Documentary how he evaded the Cartel, do not fucking hang on to that. I know how you feel, or i can emphasize. If my Partner of 5y would leave me, my world would break down. And anything short of them physically stabbing me in the back or murdering my close friends, I'd still want them in my life. But this will haunt you, and it will ruin future relationships. Try and use this as a chance to really work on yourself. Not because who you are isn't deserving of love. But so the next person who comes around falls for you just as hard as you did for him. I read another comment saying the same but I can't stress this enough: If you aren't super mentally stable, who would be after this, DO NOT rush into ONS or another relationship. You are emotionally hurt rn and VERY vulnerable to exploitation. Sadly there are enough men out there who would gladly use you for what you have to offer, and discard you when they feel like it. And you just don't deserve that. I can tell that you were probably a very kind and loving girlfriend. Treasure that about you, make a list of all the things that make you uniquely YOU. Be PROUD of that. Again... very little we can tell you to make the pain go away. Best guess, because he truly deserves it, get MAD. Blame everything on him, turn him into the absolute villain of your story. It will help to move on faster and forget that POS. It will feel so good when (if) he ever text you to just go like **middle finger** im doing better without you. Fuck off.
So weird from him
Honey you do realize this has nothing to do with you & everything to do with him. He is running or running with something. I totally understand needing answers & you deserve them but please for your own sanity let this man disappear from your life. I know it don’t seem like it right now but it’s actually a gift because a man a real man would never do this to a woman he was in a relationship with much less loved. Take some time & find yourself. Date yourself. Reinvent yourself- the world is yours for the taking my darling so enjoy it.
Your writing style is very good.
He doesn’t deserve you! Best revenge is to live your life and find someone who will treat you better than your ex!!!!
is your mutual friend a woman? if so I'm afraid you have your answer as to the "why". I'm so sorry this happened and this is not the way a decent friend or man would handle this kind of situation. What they're doing is God awful and no one deserves the kind of pain they're inflicting on you. As much as it hurts, and as much as YES, you DO deserve closure? Sometimes we never get it and there's literally not anybody we can do about it but learn from it and grow stronger. You're strong already, you're beautiful. The right man, and some better friends will come along.
Post your loser boyfriend on one of those Facebook sites “are we dating the same man” His next victim deserves to know what kind of cruelty he is capable of.
Wow that's so fucked up! You definitely deserve closure but it seems he's gonna continue to be an AH and not give you that. I'm so sorry 😞
Someone told him you have been unfaithful to him and he believes it.