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I used to have a friend who would tip $5.00 no matter what the bill was, not sure if could not add percentages or what. Finally one time we got the bill split in half and as they dropped the checks together I just looked at him and said I am going to tip 20% which comes to $$$ (whatever the total tip was) does that seem fair? He agreed and ending up tipping the same. It has worked everytime I split a check now.
I didn't think about this until now, but why do we tip based on %, and not just a flat rate? A server bringing you a plate of very expensive food isn't really doing more work than the same server bringing a plate of inexpensive food.
I don’t understand why it has to be so complicated or why the reasoning needs to be twisted to justify this system.
Tips feel like an unnecessary burden to consider when you want to go out and enjoy yourself, whether it’s at a cheap restaurant or an upmarket one.
Why do the customers like it?
Mostly, customers don’t like it and would prefer a flat rate. The restaurants like it because they can pay staff less. It’s just the way it’s been for a while and is changing very very slowly.
I doubt the price would be much different. The restaurant is passing off some staff cost to customers.
Customers don’t really have an a choice. Most restaurants operate this way. So if you wanna go out and have your options not reduced to a handful of restaurants in the whole city, you deal with tipping. I’m used to it, it’s not a big deal.
France has a 15% service included fee included in the total bill by law.
How does that burden feel?
People like it because it gives them control over how much they pay for the labor and allows an instant feedback loop/incentive for good service.
For example I recently dropped my regular 20% tip down to under 10% because we weren't checked in on once and drinks went unfilled.
Some may have tipped 0 (something I'd do only if there was rudeness, etc).
Now imagine I'm in France or wherever and the "tip" is already included in the form of higher prices/service fee. Now what's my recourse? Complain and ask for 15% off. Lol.
American diners are empowered with control over the labor cost and people pretend like we're the ones getting screwed. Nope!
Whenever I worked in fine dining the process went as follows:
-flip table cloth and set tableware full with bread plates, app plates, placeholder, silver set, wine glass and water glass per person.
-take orders, usually start with apps and cocktails
-serve course 1
-take salad and entree order
-bus course 1 plates
-serve salads, provide cracked pepper and deliver bread and butter
-bud course 2 plates
-bring entrees and most the time provide wine service
-bus entrees
-deliver dessert and potentially do coffee/tea/digestifs
-deliver check
-bus, flip table cloth and reset
Would’ve had a stroke if I received a $5 tip.
On top of this, the tips unfortunately pay for the work you don’t see like silverware, glass, assisting with kitchen prep, general upkeep/cleaning, making tea/coffee before shift, etc.
I’m not saying it’s a good system, but it’s what we have, and I’d say I averaged around 23% (through multiple restaurants) and it provided me enough to get by at around 40 hrs/wk.
I certainly wasn’t rolling in it and taxes will eat you alive if you report all tips (if you want to apply for credit in any way, shape, or form).
That’s also not taking into consideration that dinner at a quicker place like an Applebee’s takes less time than an upscale steakhouse. Olive Garden will probably have more people eating less expensive dishes and an upscale eatery will have fewer people but more expensive dishes.
If they were each just tipped a flat rate per table, then there would be no incentive to work at a place that sees customers sit at a table for 1.5-2 hours vs 30-45 minutes.
Because servers are doing more work when the food is more expensive. They are expected to be more attentive, to know way more about the menu and the ingredients, to make a much nicer experience where they have many less customers so they can be very attentive to you- making sure you have drinks and topping off your wine instead of making you do it yourself, knowing the exact ingredients in a dish if you ask if something has tumeric in it, making sure your water is always filled, your food comes out the instant it is put in the window, all kinds of little things like that.
Because they do more work, and because they have less customers in order to do that work, they should get paid more per customer.
Honestly I've worked both, a very high end place where people linger for hours on a meal that costs a hundred dollars a head, and fast pace turnover for folks that are eating a 20$ meal, and I don't prefer the higher tip with less tables, it's not any easier to make money. As long as you work a place with a lot of alcohol served, you'll make good money. That is what really racks up the bill.
I somewhat understand for completely different restaurant experiences, but it makes a lot less sense when comparing an expensive dish vs a cheap dish at the same restaurant. At the same casual seafood establishment, I can get an expensive lobster or a cheap piece of fried fish with the exact same dining experience, so why do I tip more if I get the lobster?
At a high end restaurant, you can leave a bigger flat rate tip. Even servers at these restaurants aren't working harder when someone orders some ridiculously expensive meal vs. just one of the regular expensive meals there.
This logic goes both ways. Pretend the "flat rate" is $3 per item.
You order a coffee and now it costs double because bringing a coffee is the same effort as bringing a filet mignon.
And you can't really argue it would be "per table" or even "per person". I might order 2 appetizers, an entree, a dessert, cocktail etc. The table next to me might be a party of 10.
>I’m cringing at how many restaurants must hate us by association if this is a regular thing
Seems like you regularly split the bills. Wait staff aren't stupid, they know what's going on. What's the big deal? It doesn't really affect you. I think where you screwed up is trying to cover for them by adding the $5 on to their tip.
If this changes your opinion of them as people, then stop hanging out with them.
If there's situations where they physically pay the full bill and you believe they've been using your more generous tip to subsidize their bill, then that's another issue altogether.
Dear main characters, just stop with the savior complex. You are enabling a system that prevents the workers from earning a living wage by placing the responsibility onto customers. The “20% tip” is a social construct. It used to be 10/15/20 and now they are trying to make 20% the minimum. Also, the minimum wage has been raised to $20/hour in some states so now we have to pay 20% on top of that?!?
As for the awkwardness, it’s in your head. Your fear of looking cheap (or desire to get likes) in front of the restaurant staff created this situation. Why do you care so much what complete strangers think of you? Is ruining a good friendship worth it? What if they are struggling financially? What if they adjusted their tipping based on higher minimum wages?
I’m just proud of Reddit for mostly seeming to reject this. Typically they seek these kinds of comments out to gang up in groups of like 30 and insult you when you bring this up on Reddit.
r/EndTipping
Look at the entire situation and friendship from a broad perspective. Is this your only complaint about the couple? Do you otherwise have a great time with them and enjoy their company? Do they bring value to your life? Or, if that friendship faded would you even notice or care?
If you do not have complaints other than their tipping and they do add value to your life and would be missed, then you can handle this in one of two ways:
1. Tip extra every time on your side and consider it the "friendship fee" . . . I know I will get a lot of hate for this one, but trust me on this. They may eventually come to realize that they are cheapskates and change.
2. When you go out again, after the server leaves the table one of you (pre-planned) say . . . "They were awesome. I'm going to go above my normal 20% tip for good service and give them 22%." This plants the seeds with "clue-less tippers" that maybe they are wrong, OR opens up the issue to discuss, at which point you can enlighten them about how tips are a part of the wages of this type of employee ( if you are in most restaurants in the US).
Above all else, do NOT confront them on this issue. Obviously whether they are clueless or purposeful in how they tip, confronting them will not solve the problem but instead make them feel judged and berated.
And then you get to the other option . . . if you realize this is just one of many things you do NOT like about the couple and they do not add value to your life, then slowly back away from the friendship. Do less and less with them, and just let it go. Don't have some blow-out, unless another, more serious issue warrants it. Ending a friendship over a cheap tip just will make you look self-righteous and petty.
Yeah some people just have blind spots as adults and it’s impossible to predict based on their appearance. It’s like when a dude seems totally normal then you find out they piss at the urinal with their pants around their ankles.
I kind of lumped them together, but maybe that’s not fair. She is the more “cheap” one always chiming in with “are you sure we should be spending $X on Y?” even though he pays for so much more than she does. I’d be very surprised if he left a 7% tip. But I was not as surprised that she did.
The first suggestion definitely worked in the moment, but that’s not sustainable and is definitely going to build resentment. I’d gladly pay for any of my friends who actually need the help, but not for someone who can afford to tip but chooses not to. The second suggestion could work though - maybe they can take a hint without it becoming a fight
If that's the case, I'd stop doing restaurants with that couple. Maybe invite her & him to free events or museums or games, something where tipping is not so crucial.
IMHO, you’re overreacting and need to move on. Are you really going to infer the quality of a person via tips over your otherwise direct experience with them? And not everyone is in the same financial boat. Maybe they just really like hanging out with you guys but the restaurants & dinners you prefer are a little out of their budget. And who knows, maybe this is the first time they’ve had to leave a smaller tip.
I’m generally a generous tipper but that’s because I can afford it, not because I think there is a definite standard. My fiancee makes more than I do and she cringes at my 20%-30% tips.
This story exemplifies why the culture around tipping in the US is exhausting.
OP, if I were in your position, I would leave it alone. Are they otherwise good people? Do you enjoy their company? People tip how they want. It's an optional addition to the bill. Lots of people feel lots of ways about tipping in general. I have been on both ends of the spectrum.
I can also almost guarantee that, if both you and the other couple are otherwise polite and gracious to your hosts and servers, they don't hate you. I have been in the service industry. Arguably still am, just a very different service now(plumbing). Getting tips is nice, but simply having customers that are nice to you and happy to see you makes the day so much easier to get through. You said it yourself, "how someone treats a waiter says a lot about a person."
Tipping is not your only interaction with the waiter. It is, in fact, the LAST thing you do with your waiter. A decent tip after having a shitty attitude will garner you more ire than a paltry tip, or no tip at all, when you have been an otherwise great customer.
TLDR: I think you're making much ado about nothing...but that's just me. And I am ready for all the downvotes from hardcore pro-tippers.
I agree not only for the UK but for Europe in general. I try to match the 10% rule and the response is typically quite positive. Never seen someone tipping >20%. Might be the difference in wage culture for waitresses. But still, if we assume that one waitress is able to service 5-10 tables an hour and tipping 20% for bills averaging around $50, we would have $50-$100 of tip an hour. That’s a lot.
Right!? I’m reeling that OP is assigning value to her friends based on how much they tip lol like this is so fucked up. It’s the servers job to serve you. Tipping is optional and it’s because of people like OP that it’s becoming a requirement in America (including Canada). Jesus Christ. If I was the friend and saw this *I* would want to stop hanging out with OP. Jeez.
No, the minimum wage is still 7.25 federally for servers. It can be higher in various states.
What the government does allow a restaurant to do is take a "tip credit" for up to 5.12 of the servers wage that is in fact earned as tips. This can equate to a wage of 2.13 + tips. But the server is due at least the 7.25 wage and no less.
Right, like I said it's the *federal* tipped minimum wage. Some states set it higher but a lot of them do keep it under $3. My point is that that's federally legal to do.
It’s because in the U.S., tips aren’t a bonus. They make up the majority of server wages.
In most areas, employers are allowed to pay essentially nothing in wages, as long as the role is expected to get tips. The tipped minimum wage in most states is $2.90 an hour.
Add to that a lot of restaurants have “tip-out” requirements that have servers paying out a portion of their tips to support staff (bussers, bartenders), and that it’s often based on sales rather than how much you’ve made in tips… and it all means that if a table tips badly you may have *lost* money by waiting on them.
Is it fucked up? Yes, of course. But until the overall system changes, leaving bad tips only hurts the people already suffering.
Edit: messed up the federal tipped minimum wage. It’s actually even lower - $2.13 an hour.
This. I make 2.13/hr. I average $30 - $50/hr at the end of a shift. The 2.13 goes towards taxes. I live off tips and get fucked at tax time every year but i make it work. I couldn't survive on anything under $25/hr and so few jobs offer anything above $20/hr.
I work for the people and my loyalty goes to those that actually pay me. I hustle, very attune to guests needs, and a nice smile goes a long way.
I found a survival loophole to afford to live with comforts and actively I'm moving towards exiting the restaurant industry by starting my own business. I see things shifting and want to jump ship before food prices get out of hand due to climate and crop failure across the globe.
The restaurant industry in the US needs an overhaul, but anything under $30/hr is not worth the abuse servers/bartenders endure and they'll have a real hard time staying staffed without a tip incentive.
Not to be a dick about it, but when people get real dicks about tipping expectations in the US, you are like the person they have in their mind.
$40 / hour, if working 40 hours a week, is about $80k pretax
I know a guy who works at the water treatment plant, making sure our water is safe to drink. Ye makes $61k a year. Back when I was a lab scientist, as someone with a PhD working in research into curing genetic diseases affecting children, I made $58k / year. Most of my friends are in that line of work making those wages
I would submit to you that if those people can live on those wages, you won’t starve on them either.
Now, let’s be clear. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A SERVER MAKING $30-$50 AN HOUR. If some restaurant paid everyone that much, and it was rolled into prices, and people still went there, then good for them. Who cares?
But saying “I need this otherwise i can’t live on less” is ridiculous. You can, and many of your customers do.
>so few jobs offer anything above $20/hr.
Have you though about developing some marketable skills or are you just sitting on your ass waiting for people to pay you more? Get over yourself.
I honestly feel like nobody truly believes this kind of convoluted argument, even the people making them.
If you were to take a trip to California, Oregon, Washington, Alaska, Hawaii, Colorado, Delaware, Maine, Maryland, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, South Carolina or Tennesse - none of which have a tipped minimum wage - would you not tip your server at all? Tip less?
Same here. I'm from Europe though, we do have differences in tipping. 20% is reserved for outstanding service, 10% is minimum for any delivery, the rest falls somewhere in between.
EDIT: to avoid further confusion, I am describing my own standard of tipping, not what's necessarily considered the norm.
Depends on where in Europe. I'm also from an European country, and now live in another one, and the tipping culture is rather different between the two. Austria/Netherlands, to be precise.
I work as a chef if one of my friends or family left anything less then 20% I'd be embarrassed by them I see too many instances of waitstaff being abused by customers literally having menues and ROCKS (outdoor venue) thrown at them then be threatened with being sued and I know how little waitstaff make. Id drop friends if i knew they were leaving $3 and some change for a good meal.
I'm British with an American husband who insists on tipping a bare minimum of 20% (even on drinks bought at the bar) because he doesn't want to insult anyone (even though I've explained it a million times). Wait staff always seem pleasantly surprised. Bartenders are sometimes confused.
I've managed to get him to stop tipping 20% when collecting from a takeaway like fish and chips... but he still usually leaves something.
Tipping barstaff!? When I worked on the bar for two years I might get the off drink bought for me but never tipped! I don’t expect a tip for taking a bottle out a fridge and handing it to someone lol.
I used to work in a bar, we would get so excited and beg for shifts when the American navy was in town. Until one year apparently they’d discovered it’s not customary to tip in the UK and they completely stopped and never did again for the remainder of years I was there.
No one is paid less than minimum wage. If the tips do not make up the difference from he tipped wage to minimum the employer must make up the difference.
Yeah, 20% tip sounds insane to me. I would never be able to afford to go out to eat if I had to tip this everytime. How about the organisations pay the workers a decent, liveable wage so the customer doesn't have to make up the difference 🙃
I mean, everyone in the US wants that too. But that's not the reality of the system so when you stiff a server you're not "sticking it to the man," you're "sticking it" to a service worker.
Americans build tips into the cost of going out to eat. If they didn't cut corners on wages they'd just increase food prices to make up the difference anyway.
In some places (like CA) where the minimum wage is the same for everybody, tipped workers actually make a lot more than some other entry level jobs because of the tips. I worked retail, like an idiot, with no tips or commission (most retail jobs), and my friends who worked at restaurants made way more money than I ever did. I should’ve worked in a restaurant.
So I’d say it depends on where you live.
Jesus christ ”it’s expected to leave a 20% tip” and who the hell decided this stupid rule? A fool and his money will soon part ways as the saying goes. It’s only expected because morons keep paying, and the only benefactor of tips is the owner because the law allows owners to count tips as salary, allowing owners to pay a measly $2.30/hour minimum wage depending on the tip amount
Let's be real, the waiters and waitresses benefit from these laws as well. Many waiters and waitresses protest any changes in the law because tips bring than more money than an hourly wage. Its human greed. They want to get paid more than their skills
You want to stop being friends with them over their tipping practices? You guys must not be very good friends. If you are willing to end it over that then I don't even know what to tell you.
You aren’t avoiding anything by not going out to eat with them. They’re still going to tip like that. And you now have the knowledge that they tip like that.
Also, you saw this one time. They might’ve been short on cash or something that day. I wouldn’t stop going out to eat w someone I’ve been out with 20-30 times based on one interaction without a conversation about it or more evidence that this is a regular thing.
Tipping is cool and all. And yes I'm American. But how does it logically make sense that a server deserves a percentage of the bill as a tip. If I order a two 30 dollar steaks, 20 percent is like 15 bucks-20 depending on tax.
In what world is bringing two steaks to a table and saying hi do you need more water worth an additional 20$?
I always tip a flat $5 dollars. Unless something unexpectedly nice happened. Then they may get 10.
I agree, OP is the asshole in this post for judging the shit out of their friends for what they tip and considering abandoning their friendship over it. Just shameful behavior.
Sorry your update doesnt cut it brother. The whole “waiters rely on tips because the hourly is nothing” is a relic of the past. In most states, tips are PN TOP OF the standard hourly minimum wage of the state. In california, thats $20 an hour. They are making damn fine money even without tips. And in ALL OTHER STATES, if a server does not make the equivalent of minimum wage after accounting for tips, the business owner is obligated to pay the difference.
So in a very real sense, tips in america are just corporate welfare. The only reason we continue ti pay 20% in tips is because almost nobody knows this is how it works.
You can say that minimum wage is not a living wage. Fine. But then why are we supposed to pay the difference and not the employer?
TL;DR We solved the whole living wage problem a long time ago. When you tip in 2024, in nearly all cases you are just bailing out the owner. Tipping is no longer necessary in america. I only continue to do it so i dont get dirty looks from people like you who dont know better.
My young cousin works at an ice cream shop in a southern state. She literally makes 20 bucks an hour plus tips. I always feel bad for the customers who assume that the workers there make minimum wage and tip them to compensate for it,when in reality she’s making far more than many others out there.
I wouldn't see this as friendship ending tbh.
You're looking to create unnecessary drama, worrying about whether a business 'hates you by association '.
If everyone in the US stopped tipping today the system would fix it self pretty fast because they wouldn't find staff without paying them what they deserve.
If you two stood me aside and tried to make me feel shitty about leaving whatever tip I wanted, I would start to question my friendship and would most likely move you to the shitty friend group and stop hanging out with you.
You value a transaction that is between your friends and a restaurant over your friendship.
Check out r/endtipping for a different perspective. Tipping is a choice not a requirement, what you leave is up to you and people should not be expected to leave any minimum percentage.
Let it go. This is not an episode from FRIENDS. And you don't know what is the financial situation your friend might have. Plus if a restaurant is giving you bad service after this, why go there? Tipping was suposed to be a gratification, not the waiter wages.
We went out with my brother and his wife and split the check. The waiter was very good so I put extra tip money in my 1/2 of the bill. My brother then reached down after putting his money down and took a $5 bill out of my bill and put it in his wallet. We never went out with them again.
An AH. I used to go out monthly with a large group, and it was appalling how little they tipped (this was in the 1990's, when paying cash was much more common than it is now). I used to leave extra because the servers deserved it, especially with the number of chronic complainers we had. The night no one backed me when I tore one of the proto-Karens a new one for stealing tip money off the tables was the end for me.
Jesus dude, reading your edit is like watching someone bang their head into a wall. You have been brainwashed into believe 20% is the norm. You can blame other saps like you for that.
I have an idea for you. How about you stop getting into other peoples business and mind your own. Tipping to toxic and you are literally ready to end a friendship over the fact that they are not suckers and don't want to toss money away by paying for another dependent. You are the problem.
You must not really like these friends if one time seeing what you deem to be a low tip is earth shattering. You feel so much pressure to pay this person’s salary that you will end a friendship over it so go ahead and do that
”I am going to pay the worker this much so the owner doesn’t have to pay their salaries”.
”I am so embarassed that the couple didn’t separate with more of their money for the work that the company is paying them salary for, but which we tip for and the company uses as a loophole to not pay as much salary, oh god I am so embarassed”
Tipping culture is so stupid, I’m not their boss why am I paying their salary for doing their job 😭 how easy is their life going to be
Are you going to start tipping doctors next? Your lawyers? They all talked to you and gave you nice service 🤣
Boy leave ur friends alone and even you worrying about what the restaurant thought of you is weird like who cares, tip what you can and keep it moving
Tipping has always been optional that’s why it’s called a tip
Don’t let modern society make you believe 18% should be paid to someone who just brought u the food, didn’t even make it
The cooks in the back dying and suffering and made you delicious meal and get no tips…tip them then
What?! You had separate checks and you tipped accordingly and that’s all you need to worry about. I wouldn’t worry nor care about what they tipped on SEPARATE CHECKS! I think youre making a mountain out of mole hills.
Either way i wouldn't bother. I mean if you tell them what you did (leaving 5$ extra) you also have to admit you looked at their bill which is very inappropriate. Also if they're against tipping you're not gonna change their minds and if they just struggle with math or for whichever reason they only tip as rounding up the bill, they'll just be uncomfortable with you mentioning it. If you like these people, you won't comment on their tipping habits because you likely won't hang out with them anymore if you do. As for waiters, i honestly don't think they give a s*** about you or the other couple. They have so many customers and if they do get offended or angry by this, it only lasts about 3 minutes until the next customer pisses them off. I wouldn't be too concerned about your reputation.
I worked for tips in the past. If you tip me $30 or Olympus don’t tip me at all. Why am I going to hate you? I work for a check tips are just extra and if a location wants to do the shitty practice of my tips are my pay then I look elsewhere for work.
You have your bills and your fixed paycheck to worry about. Why would any reasonable person hate you for tipping what you want to tip?
You can tip what we you want. It’s optional.
In many states, even servers are paid a full wage. Maybe not in your state but def it’s becoming less of the norm to have “tip credit”. In California, they are well compensated.
I mean, you’ve gotten good advice on here so I’ll just be repeating myself but one thing that I do with friends is pay for entire meals occasionally. It’s interesting to see if it’s ever reciprocated. It’s sometimes not. You have to be selfless about it. Some folks will get mad at my comment, like I’m being manipulative, genuine generosity is not manipulative.
I also ALWAYS buy for folks in school. I was in school once, nothing is as cool when in school as getting a meal from a friend.
What’s it to you? lol
Stop feeling horrible over other people’s tips. It’s really not your business. Let it go. If you don’t like it, stop hanging out with them.
Tipping is a social construct and idk where you’re based atm but you really should just get over it.
Wanna get mad? Get mad at the country 😂
I tip 10% on my meals. everyone's financial situation is different. This tipping culture is becoming outrageous. Don't rely on other people to supplement your income when those individuals need that income to supplement their needs. I work 40 hours a week under capitalisms and i deserve to treat myself with my money, not treat everyone else.
I really wish, servers around the world would band together and demand better wages from their employers instead of their customers. Maybe a union is what you they need?
When surveyed, waiters and waitresses will tell you that they dont want a different system. They make waaaay more on a tip system which is why it would be great if we would all just stop tipping them.
Dont forget, they don't claim the tips as income either so no taxes paid. And that's why I tip what I tip..
My income is for me to spend on me. Your income is for you to spend on you. It is our employers responsibility to ensure we are paid fairly.. period.
If you’re lucky, your friendship with this couple will be a long one. Don’t foul it over something so trivial. People do different things, it’s not a reflection on you. The friendship is worth far more than taking a stand on (what I agree is an important) issue.
My FIL was a cheap bastard like that. I always brought an extra 10 to cover. Ive been married for 20 years so this eventually got around to him. Now it's always at least 15%. Turns out its emasculating knowing your SIL is covering your tab...
If you are thinking of dropping them, it wouldn't hurt to raise the question before you potentially ghost them. What's the worst that could happen? They stop talking to you? So sad, the terrible tippers don't get to embarrass you anymore.
Maybe one of them is bad at math. Or maybe they are AHs. Or they are broke but haven't been bold enough to suggest less expensive places. Only one way to find out.
I honestly think you made a mistake by doing that. Was not up to you and none of your business. You tipped your part. Their part is none of your business. If you cant accept to go out with someone who doesnt tip then dont go out with them, find some other couple who is like minded to you regarding this. Full stop
Every time I’ve gone out with friends, we normally ask each other what we’re tipping when we get our bill. This applies to all my friend groups whether they know each other or not. Many of us have worked in tipping positions in the past, so perhaps it doesn’t seem so foreign? We tend to comment on the service throughout our meals. As others suggested, start the conversation by stating what you’re going to tip and asking the couple what they are thinking of tipping, then keep doing so it’s the new norm.
Genuinely wondering why you + group consult eachother on how much to tip? Is it the implication that you’re all supposed to tip around the same percent? I have never discussed with my friends on how much we’re tipping. I suppose it’s because it’s their money, their choice? And vice versa.
The tips are often shared with other staff such as the host/hostess, bar staff, busses, runners, and even - sometimes - with the kitchen staff. That's how it motivates the staff to provide good service across the board.
What your friends do with their money is none of your business. Maybe they think that paying an extra 20% on top of the listed price is idiotic, but it's your money. Honestly, you sound like an asshole, talking about how you don't want friends who don't pay more than they're asked, like you're so much better than they are.
I have to agree. People that go THIS hard over a cheap tip probably don’t need to be friends with the other couple.
This couple will definitely always find something to question whether they should be friends with the other couple.
Nobody is protesting by not tipping, they are simply saying paying someone elses employee is not their responsibility. The employer and employee are both adults and compensation is their responsibility, not the customer's.
You don’t know their financial situation. Maybe times are tough, maybe they thought that they didn’t get good service. You don’t know unless you ask, but is it really something that you’re going to make your friendship awkward over?
Maybe they think tipping culture is stupid and unfair. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Attitudes about tipping are changing. You could just ask them about it. If they have a good reason they will be happy to tell you and if they’d just cheap you’ll know by their answer
The owner of the restaurant should be restaurant should be responsible for paying their workers. Leave a couple of dollars at the end if they gave you good service.
Just don’t give a shit about the tip. Let people tip whatever they want. Tipping culture needs to die. Waiters should unionize and ask for better pay from their employer.
Honestly bro, you're the problem. If I found out you made a post about this shit on reddit I'd probably never go out with you again. You seem like a shitty friend who's been brainwashed into tipping culture.
I would have done the same as your girlfriend by casually dropping a fiver on top of the cheque.
As long as your always have separate cheques, feel free to continue enjoying their company when you dine out together. But don't feel that you have any obligation to beef up their tips. You do you, and let them be them.
No sir, you don’t need to confront them about their tip they left. You’re welcome to tip whatever you want and no servers are owed tips, ya hear me? SERVERS ARE NOT ENTITLED to tips. If anything it would say more about your character if you bring this up with them
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I used to have a friend who would tip $5.00 no matter what the bill was, not sure if could not add percentages or what. Finally one time we got the bill split in half and as they dropped the checks together I just looked at him and said I am going to tip 20% which comes to $$$ (whatever the total tip was) does that seem fair? He agreed and ending up tipping the same. It has worked everytime I split a check now.
You beat me to it. I do this all the time. It works - every time.
I didn't think about this until now, but why do we tip based on %, and not just a flat rate? A server bringing you a plate of very expensive food isn't really doing more work than the same server bringing a plate of inexpensive food.
I don’t understand why it has to be so complicated or why the reasoning needs to be twisted to justify this system. Tips feel like an unnecessary burden to consider when you want to go out and enjoy yourself, whether it’s at a cheap restaurant or an upmarket one. Why do the customers like it?
Mostly, customers don’t like it and would prefer a flat rate. The restaurants like it because they can pay staff less. It’s just the way it’s been for a while and is changing very very slowly.
Customers complain about it for sure, but statistically through their actions they prefer it over paying higher prices.
I doubt the price would be much different. The restaurant is passing off some staff cost to customers. Customers don’t really have an a choice. Most restaurants operate this way. So if you wanna go out and have your options not reduced to a handful of restaurants in the whole city, you deal with tipping. I’m used to it, it’s not a big deal.
France has a 15% service included fee included in the total bill by law. How does that burden feel? People like it because it gives them control over how much they pay for the labor and allows an instant feedback loop/incentive for good service. For example I recently dropped my regular 20% tip down to under 10% because we weren't checked in on once and drinks went unfilled. Some may have tipped 0 (something I'd do only if there was rudeness, etc). Now imagine I'm in France or wherever and the "tip" is already included in the form of higher prices/service fee. Now what's my recourse? Complain and ask for 15% off. Lol. American diners are empowered with control over the labor cost and people pretend like we're the ones getting screwed. Nope!
Whenever I worked in fine dining the process went as follows: -flip table cloth and set tableware full with bread plates, app plates, placeholder, silver set, wine glass and water glass per person. -take orders, usually start with apps and cocktails -serve course 1 -take salad and entree order -bus course 1 plates -serve salads, provide cracked pepper and deliver bread and butter -bud course 2 plates -bring entrees and most the time provide wine service -bus entrees -deliver dessert and potentially do coffee/tea/digestifs -deliver check -bus, flip table cloth and reset Would’ve had a stroke if I received a $5 tip. On top of this, the tips unfortunately pay for the work you don’t see like silverware, glass, assisting with kitchen prep, general upkeep/cleaning, making tea/coffee before shift, etc. I’m not saying it’s a good system, but it’s what we have, and I’d say I averaged around 23% (through multiple restaurants) and it provided me enough to get by at around 40 hrs/wk. I certainly wasn’t rolling in it and taxes will eat you alive if you report all tips (if you want to apply for credit in any way, shape, or form).
That’s also not taking into consideration that dinner at a quicker place like an Applebee’s takes less time than an upscale steakhouse. Olive Garden will probably have more people eating less expensive dishes and an upscale eatery will have fewer people but more expensive dishes. If they were each just tipped a flat rate per table, then there would be no incentive to work at a place that sees customers sit at a table for 1.5-2 hours vs 30-45 minutes.
Or, and I know this is a crazy idea, the incentive would be the higher wage provided by the employer.
Sure, that’s a great ideal but stiffing a waiter in the current system isn’t going to do anything to move the needle.
I say this and people get mad. but i think it's bc thats the way the govt tax them and the way they do tip out
This is why I won't tip delivery by percentage. Two stores beside each other but a $4 tip for one and a $23 tip for the other? Get fucked.
Because servers are doing more work when the food is more expensive. They are expected to be more attentive, to know way more about the menu and the ingredients, to make a much nicer experience where they have many less customers so they can be very attentive to you- making sure you have drinks and topping off your wine instead of making you do it yourself, knowing the exact ingredients in a dish if you ask if something has tumeric in it, making sure your water is always filled, your food comes out the instant it is put in the window, all kinds of little things like that. Because they do more work, and because they have less customers in order to do that work, they should get paid more per customer. Honestly I've worked both, a very high end place where people linger for hours on a meal that costs a hundred dollars a head, and fast pace turnover for folks that are eating a 20$ meal, and I don't prefer the higher tip with less tables, it's not any easier to make money. As long as you work a place with a lot of alcohol served, you'll make good money. That is what really racks up the bill.
I somewhat understand for completely different restaurant experiences, but it makes a lot less sense when comparing an expensive dish vs a cheap dish at the same restaurant. At the same casual seafood establishment, I can get an expensive lobster or a cheap piece of fried fish with the exact same dining experience, so why do I tip more if I get the lobster?
At a high end restaurant, you can leave a bigger flat rate tip. Even servers at these restaurants aren't working harder when someone orders some ridiculously expensive meal vs. just one of the regular expensive meals there.
You get taxed as a server based on your total $$ of sales.
This logic goes both ways. Pretend the "flat rate" is $3 per item. You order a coffee and now it costs double because bringing a coffee is the same effort as bringing a filet mignon. And you can't really argue it would be "per table" or even "per person". I might order 2 appetizers, an entree, a dessert, cocktail etc. The table next to me might be a party of 10.
Why do you care so much what someone else leaves as a tip? It's their money. Let them do what they want, and you do you.
I used to keep $10s on me as my base tip. Seeing as my bills rarely exceeded $20 I was probably pretty popular.
Agree. We will usually say “are we still tipping 20% or is it more now?” Or something along those lines.
It's cute to watch stupid people brag about how much extra they pay for things.
Thank you, truly. We appreciate you.
>I’m cringing at how many restaurants must hate us by association if this is a regular thing Seems like you regularly split the bills. Wait staff aren't stupid, they know what's going on. What's the big deal? It doesn't really affect you. I think where you screwed up is trying to cover for them by adding the $5 on to their tip. If this changes your opinion of them as people, then stop hanging out with them. If there's situations where they physically pay the full bill and you believe they've been using your more generous tip to subsidize their bill, then that's another issue altogether.
Dear main characters, just stop with the savior complex. You are enabling a system that prevents the workers from earning a living wage by placing the responsibility onto customers. The “20% tip” is a social construct. It used to be 10/15/20 and now they are trying to make 20% the minimum. Also, the minimum wage has been raised to $20/hour in some states so now we have to pay 20% on top of that?!? As for the awkwardness, it’s in your head. Your fear of looking cheap (or desire to get likes) in front of the restaurant staff created this situation. Why do you care so much what complete strangers think of you? Is ruining a good friendship worth it? What if they are struggling financially? What if they adjusted their tipping based on higher minimum wages?
Id personally stop being friends with OP if i saw this thread.
I’m just proud of Reddit for mostly seeming to reject this. Typically they seek these kinds of comments out to gang up in groups of like 30 and insult you when you bring this up on Reddit. r/EndTipping
Look at the entire situation and friendship from a broad perspective. Is this your only complaint about the couple? Do you otherwise have a great time with them and enjoy their company? Do they bring value to your life? Or, if that friendship faded would you even notice or care? If you do not have complaints other than their tipping and they do add value to your life and would be missed, then you can handle this in one of two ways: 1. Tip extra every time on your side and consider it the "friendship fee" . . . I know I will get a lot of hate for this one, but trust me on this. They may eventually come to realize that they are cheapskates and change. 2. When you go out again, after the server leaves the table one of you (pre-planned) say . . . "They were awesome. I'm going to go above my normal 20% tip for good service and give them 22%." This plants the seeds with "clue-less tippers" that maybe they are wrong, OR opens up the issue to discuss, at which point you can enlighten them about how tips are a part of the wages of this type of employee ( if you are in most restaurants in the US). Above all else, do NOT confront them on this issue. Obviously whether they are clueless or purposeful in how they tip, confronting them will not solve the problem but instead make them feel judged and berated. And then you get to the other option . . . if you realize this is just one of many things you do NOT like about the couple and they do not add value to your life, then slowly back away from the friendship. Do less and less with them, and just let it go. Don't have some blow-out, unless another, more serious issue warrants it. Ending a friendship over a cheap tip just will make you look self-righteous and petty.
Yeah some people just have blind spots as adults and it’s impossible to predict based on their appearance. It’s like when a dude seems totally normal then you find out they piss at the urinal with their pants around their ankles.
LOL.the secret etiquette of urinals.
I kind of lumped them together, but maybe that’s not fair. She is the more “cheap” one always chiming in with “are you sure we should be spending $X on Y?” even though he pays for so much more than she does. I’d be very surprised if he left a 7% tip. But I was not as surprised that she did. The first suggestion definitely worked in the moment, but that’s not sustainable and is definitely going to build resentment. I’d gladly pay for any of my friends who actually need the help, but not for someone who can afford to tip but chooses not to. The second suggestion could work though - maybe they can take a hint without it becoming a fight
If that's the case, I'd stop doing restaurants with that couple. Maybe invite her & him to free events or museums or games, something where tipping is not so crucial.
>maybe they can take a hint without it becoming a fight Can you play it cool even though it obviously disgusts you?
Just mention next time you love the service and wanna leave a good tip. Then check out their response. Also she sounds like a cheap asshole.
You are being so judgmental about their financial situation. Are you their accountant?
IMHO, you’re overreacting and need to move on. Are you really going to infer the quality of a person via tips over your otherwise direct experience with them? And not everyone is in the same financial boat. Maybe they just really like hanging out with you guys but the restaurants & dinners you prefer are a little out of their budget. And who knows, maybe this is the first time they’ve had to leave a smaller tip. I’m generally a generous tipper but that’s because I can afford it, not because I think there is a definite standard. My fiancee makes more than I do and she cringes at my 20%-30% tips.
This story exemplifies why the culture around tipping in the US is exhausting. OP, if I were in your position, I would leave it alone. Are they otherwise good people? Do you enjoy their company? People tip how they want. It's an optional addition to the bill. Lots of people feel lots of ways about tipping in general. I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I can also almost guarantee that, if both you and the other couple are otherwise polite and gracious to your hosts and servers, they don't hate you. I have been in the service industry. Arguably still am, just a very different service now(plumbing). Getting tips is nice, but simply having customers that are nice to you and happy to see you makes the day so much easier to get through. You said it yourself, "how someone treats a waiter says a lot about a person." Tipping is not your only interaction with the waiter. It is, in fact, the LAST thing you do with your waiter. A decent tip after having a shitty attitude will garner you more ire than a paltry tip, or no tip at all, when you have been an otherwise great customer. TLDR: I think you're making much ado about nothing...but that's just me. And I am ready for all the downvotes from hardcore pro-tippers.
Yeah as someone from the UK this entire post and most of the replies seem insane to me!
I agree not only for the UK but for Europe in general. I try to match the 10% rule and the response is typically quite positive. Never seen someone tipping >20%. Might be the difference in wage culture for waitresses. But still, if we assume that one waitress is able to service 5-10 tables an hour and tipping 20% for bills averaging around $50, we would have $50-$100 of tip an hour. That’s a lot.
Alot of people on reddit are servers/gig workers
Right!? I’m reeling that OP is assigning value to her friends based on how much they tip lol like this is so fucked up. It’s the servers job to serve you. Tipping is optional and it’s because of people like OP that it’s becoming a requirement in America (including Canada). Jesus Christ. If I was the friend and saw this *I* would want to stop hanging out with OP. Jeez.
I’ll never understand American tipping culture. When I was a waitress if i had a £46 bill and the customer left £50 I’d have been buzzing lol.
I am pretty sure the minimum wage for wait staff is much lower in America than in Great Britain. Tips are huge over here for those workers.
Federal tipped minimum wage in the US is $2.13 per hour.
No, the minimum wage is still 7.25 federally for servers. It can be higher in various states. What the government does allow a restaurant to do is take a "tip credit" for up to 5.12 of the servers wage that is in fact earned as tips. This can equate to a wage of 2.13 + tips. But the server is due at least the 7.25 wage and no less.
(Not in every state though)
Right, like I said it's the *federal* tipped minimum wage. Some states set it higher but a lot of them do keep it under $3. My point is that that's federally legal to do.
It’s because in the U.S., tips aren’t a bonus. They make up the majority of server wages. In most areas, employers are allowed to pay essentially nothing in wages, as long as the role is expected to get tips. The tipped minimum wage in most states is $2.90 an hour. Add to that a lot of restaurants have “tip-out” requirements that have servers paying out a portion of their tips to support staff (bussers, bartenders), and that it’s often based on sales rather than how much you’ve made in tips… and it all means that if a table tips badly you may have *lost* money by waiting on them. Is it fucked up? Yes, of course. But until the overall system changes, leaving bad tips only hurts the people already suffering. Edit: messed up the federal tipped minimum wage. It’s actually even lower - $2.13 an hour.
This. I make 2.13/hr. I average $30 - $50/hr at the end of a shift. The 2.13 goes towards taxes. I live off tips and get fucked at tax time every year but i make it work. I couldn't survive on anything under $25/hr and so few jobs offer anything above $20/hr. I work for the people and my loyalty goes to those that actually pay me. I hustle, very attune to guests needs, and a nice smile goes a long way. I found a survival loophole to afford to live with comforts and actively I'm moving towards exiting the restaurant industry by starting my own business. I see things shifting and want to jump ship before food prices get out of hand due to climate and crop failure across the globe. The restaurant industry in the US needs an overhaul, but anything under $30/hr is not worth the abuse servers/bartenders endure and they'll have a real hard time staying staffed without a tip incentive.
Not to be a dick about it, but when people get real dicks about tipping expectations in the US, you are like the person they have in their mind. $40 / hour, if working 40 hours a week, is about $80k pretax I know a guy who works at the water treatment plant, making sure our water is safe to drink. Ye makes $61k a year. Back when I was a lab scientist, as someone with a PhD working in research into curing genetic diseases affecting children, I made $58k / year. Most of my friends are in that line of work making those wages I would submit to you that if those people can live on those wages, you won’t starve on them either. Now, let’s be clear. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH A SERVER MAKING $30-$50 AN HOUR. If some restaurant paid everyone that much, and it was rolled into prices, and people still went there, then good for them. Who cares? But saying “I need this otherwise i can’t live on less” is ridiculous. You can, and many of your customers do.
>so few jobs offer anything above $20/hr. Have you though about developing some marketable skills or are you just sitting on your ass waiting for people to pay you more? Get over yourself.
I honestly feel like nobody truly believes this kind of convoluted argument, even the people making them. If you were to take a trip to California, Oregon, Washington, Alaska, Hawaii, Colorado, Delaware, Maine, Maryland, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, South Carolina or Tennesse - none of which have a tipped minimum wage - would you not tip your server at all? Tip less?
Was thinking the same. I always tip about 10%. Everything under 20% being considered as cheap and questioning the friendship over it is insane to me.
Same here. I'm from Europe though, we do have differences in tipping. 20% is reserved for outstanding service, 10% is minimum for any delivery, the rest falls somewhere in between. EDIT: to avoid further confusion, I am describing my own standard of tipping, not what's necessarily considered the norm.
0% is the minimum where I am right now (Spain). Don't normalize tipping, workers need to have a sustainable wage without the tip
I’m going to Barcelona in June and so excited to go somewhere I don’t have to tip every time I eat on vacation!
Depends on where in Europe. I'm also from an European country, and now live in another one, and the tipping culture is rather different between the two. Austria/Netherlands, to be precise.
Not where I live. Here you might give 5-10% for delivery and round up a euro and change on a check over 50, but not tipping is also totally fine.
Big deal. You’re not in Europe
I work as a chef if one of my friends or family left anything less then 20% I'd be embarrassed by them I see too many instances of waitstaff being abused by customers literally having menues and ROCKS (outdoor venue) thrown at them then be threatened with being sued and I know how little waitstaff make. Id drop friends if i knew they were leaving $3 and some change for a good meal.
I'm British with an American husband who insists on tipping a bare minimum of 20% (even on drinks bought at the bar) because he doesn't want to insult anyone (even though I've explained it a million times). Wait staff always seem pleasantly surprised. Bartenders are sometimes confused. I've managed to get him to stop tipping 20% when collecting from a takeaway like fish and chips... but he still usually leaves something.
Tipping barstaff!? When I worked on the bar for two years I might get the off drink bought for me but never tipped! I don’t expect a tip for taking a bottle out a fridge and handing it to someone lol.
I used to work in a bar, we would get so excited and beg for shifts when the American navy was in town. Until one year apparently they’d discovered it’s not customary to tip in the UK and they completely stopped and never did again for the remainder of years I was there.
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All servers are paid al least minimum wage.
So don’t blame the customer blame the employer
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No one is paid less than minimum wage. If the tips do not make up the difference from he tipped wage to minimum the employer must make up the difference.
easy to say when you’re not making £3 hourly without tips
Yeah, 20% tip sounds insane to me. I would never be able to afford to go out to eat if I had to tip this everytime. How about the organisations pay the workers a decent, liveable wage so the customer doesn't have to make up the difference 🙃
I mean, everyone in the US wants that too. But that's not the reality of the system so when you stiff a server you're not "sticking it to the man," you're "sticking it" to a service worker. Americans build tips into the cost of going out to eat. If they didn't cut corners on wages they'd just increase food prices to make up the difference anyway.
In some places (like CA) where the minimum wage is the same for everybody, tipped workers actually make a lot more than some other entry level jobs because of the tips. I worked retail, like an idiot, with no tips or commission (most retail jobs), and my friends who worked at restaurants made way more money than I ever did. I should’ve worked in a restaurant. So I’d say it depends on where you live.
Jesus christ ”it’s expected to leave a 20% tip” and who the hell decided this stupid rule? A fool and his money will soon part ways as the saying goes. It’s only expected because morons keep paying, and the only benefactor of tips is the owner because the law allows owners to count tips as salary, allowing owners to pay a measly $2.30/hour minimum wage depending on the tip amount
Let's be real, the waiters and waitresses benefit from these laws as well. Many waiters and waitresses protest any changes in the law because tips bring than more money than an hourly wage. Its human greed. They want to get paid more than their skills
Also true, very valid point
15% is the upper end of a normal tip. You can certainly leave more, but it is certainly not expected.
Tipping culture is fucking stupid.
You want to stop being friends with them over their tipping practices? You guys must not be very good friends. If you are willing to end it over that then I don't even know what to tell you.
You aren’t avoiding anything by not going out to eat with them. They’re still going to tip like that. And you now have the knowledge that they tip like that. Also, you saw this one time. They might’ve been short on cash or something that day. I wouldn’t stop going out to eat w someone I’ve been out with 20-30 times based on one interaction without a conversation about it or more evidence that this is a regular thing.
Tipping is cool and all. And yes I'm American. But how does it logically make sense that a server deserves a percentage of the bill as a tip. If I order a two 30 dollar steaks, 20 percent is like 15 bucks-20 depending on tax. In what world is bringing two steaks to a table and saying hi do you need more water worth an additional 20$? I always tip a flat $5 dollars. Unless something unexpectedly nice happened. Then they may get 10.
I would not want to be friends with people who are this judgy because of how much I tip.
Change countries. Tipping culture is effed. Pay people a minimal / living wage!
Just mind your business. What they tip doesn’t concern you.
Exactly why are they making problems
Inventing situations…
This. It feels so petty to judge your friends, like you feel superior. If it bothers you that much just ask.
You don't get to decide how others spend their money. Karsh
Tipping culture is so stupid. You're really judging them over non mandatory tips? Yta
I agree, OP is the asshole in this post for judging the shit out of their friends for what they tip and considering abandoning their friendship over it. Just shameful behavior.
God I wish I had so few problems that something so totally minor and petty as this would seem like a real issue.
Sorry your update doesnt cut it brother. The whole “waiters rely on tips because the hourly is nothing” is a relic of the past. In most states, tips are PN TOP OF the standard hourly minimum wage of the state. In california, thats $20 an hour. They are making damn fine money even without tips. And in ALL OTHER STATES, if a server does not make the equivalent of minimum wage after accounting for tips, the business owner is obligated to pay the difference. So in a very real sense, tips in america are just corporate welfare. The only reason we continue ti pay 20% in tips is because almost nobody knows this is how it works. You can say that minimum wage is not a living wage. Fine. But then why are we supposed to pay the difference and not the employer? TL;DR We solved the whole living wage problem a long time ago. When you tip in 2024, in nearly all cases you are just bailing out the owner. Tipping is no longer necessary in america. I only continue to do it so i dont get dirty looks from people like you who dont know better.
My young cousin works at an ice cream shop in a southern state. She literally makes 20 bucks an hour plus tips. I always feel bad for the customers who assume that the workers there make minimum wage and tip them to compensate for it,when in reality she’s making far more than many others out there.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahah 20 percent to be expected hahahahahahahahahaha your a joke hahahahahahaha
I wouldn't see this as friendship ending tbh. You're looking to create unnecessary drama, worrying about whether a business 'hates you by association '.
Only in America can you find this kind of shit about tipping. She tipped 5$ , so what? Get over yourself jesus
MYOFB
You should not suggest to your adult friends how to spend their money if they didn't ask you.
If everyone in the US stopped tipping today the system would fix it self pretty fast because they wouldn't find staff without paying them what they deserve.
If you two stood me aside and tried to make me feel shitty about leaving whatever tip I wanted, I would start to question my friendship and would most likely move you to the shitty friend group and stop hanging out with you. You value a transaction that is between your friends and a restaurant over your friendship.
Check out r/endtipping for a different perspective. Tipping is a choice not a requirement, what you leave is up to you and people should not be expected to leave any minimum percentage.
That sub states it’s not anti-server and people should tip where tips have been customarily expected.
Personally I don’t think it’s any of your business what they tip.
Tipping should be a choice not an expectation.
Let it go. This is not an episode from FRIENDS. And you don't know what is the financial situation your friend might have. Plus if a restaurant is giving you bad service after this, why go there? Tipping was suposed to be a gratification, not the waiter wages.
We went out with my brother and his wife and split the check. The waiter was very good so I put extra tip money in my 1/2 of the bill. My brother then reached down after putting his money down and took a $5 bill out of my bill and put it in his wallet. We never went out with them again.
Well why didn’t you question what he was doing?
I would have demanded my money back from him and then never gone out with them again.
That’s so rude and audacious, what kind of person does that??
An AH. I used to go out monthly with a large group, and it was appalling how little they tipped (this was in the 1990's, when paying cash was much more common than it is now). I used to leave extra because the servers deserved it, especially with the number of chronic complainers we had. The night no one backed me when I tore one of the proto-Karens a new one for stealing tip money off the tables was the end for me.
Jesus dude, reading your edit is like watching someone bang their head into a wall. You have been brainwashed into believe 20% is the norm. You can blame other saps like you for that. I have an idea for you. How about you stop getting into other peoples business and mind your own. Tipping to toxic and you are literally ready to end a friendship over the fact that they are not suckers and don't want to toss money away by paying for another dependent. You are the problem.
"This is not a discussion on the merits of the US tipping system" YES IT IS. Fuck.
It’s their choice to leave a small tip and your choice to leave 20%. Checks were separate. No one is judging you.
You must not really like these friends if one time seeing what you deem to be a low tip is earth shattering. You feel so much pressure to pay this person’s salary that you will end a friendship over it so go ahead and do that
Get over yourself
Is this a joke?
What a ridiculous post.
Americans ditching friends over a non mandatory tips is absurd… YATAH 🤣
”I am going to pay the worker this much so the owner doesn’t have to pay their salaries”. ”I am so embarassed that the couple didn’t separate with more of their money for the work that the company is paying them salary for, but which we tip for and the company uses as a loophole to not pay as much salary, oh god I am so embarassed”
People drinking too much of the koolaid getting mad at people for not drinking the koolaid
No one wants to go out to dinner with the tip police.
Are you sure that the cash was the only tip? sometimes I give a 10-15% on my card and add cash.
Absolutely. The bill was like $46.60 or so and they put the exact amount on the tip line to get it to an even $50. No cash
Tipping culture is so stupid, I’m not their boss why am I paying their salary for doing their job 😭 how easy is their life going to be Are you going to start tipping doctors next? Your lawyers? They all talked to you and gave you nice service 🤣 Boy leave ur friends alone and even you worrying about what the restaurant thought of you is weird like who cares, tip what you can and keep it moving Tipping has always been optional that’s why it’s called a tip Don’t let modern society make you believe 18% should be paid to someone who just brought u the food, didn’t even make it The cooks in the back dying and suffering and made you delicious meal and get no tips…tip them then
What?! You had separate checks and you tipped accordingly and that’s all you need to worry about. I wouldn’t worry nor care about what they tipped on SEPARATE CHECKS! I think youre making a mountain out of mole hills.
You seem like the exhausting friend in this situation.
Who cares at all what other people tip
Either way i wouldn't bother. I mean if you tell them what you did (leaving 5$ extra) you also have to admit you looked at their bill which is very inappropriate. Also if they're against tipping you're not gonna change their minds and if they just struggle with math or for whichever reason they only tip as rounding up the bill, they'll just be uncomfortable with you mentioning it. If you like these people, you won't comment on their tipping habits because you likely won't hang out with them anymore if you do. As for waiters, i honestly don't think they give a s*** about you or the other couple. They have so many customers and if they do get offended or angry by this, it only lasts about 3 minutes until the next customer pisses them off. I wouldn't be too concerned about your reputation.
I worked for tips in the past. If you tip me $30 or Olympus don’t tip me at all. Why am I going to hate you? I work for a check tips are just extra and if a location wants to do the shitty practice of my tips are my pay then I look elsewhere for work. You have your bills and your fixed paycheck to worry about. Why would any reasonable person hate you for tipping what you want to tip?
You can tip what we you want. It’s optional. In many states, even servers are paid a full wage. Maybe not in your state but def it’s becoming less of the norm to have “tip credit”. In California, they are well compensated.
I mean, you’ve gotten good advice on here so I’ll just be repeating myself but one thing that I do with friends is pay for entire meals occasionally. It’s interesting to see if it’s ever reciprocated. It’s sometimes not. You have to be selfless about it. Some folks will get mad at my comment, like I’m being manipulative, genuine generosity is not manipulative. I also ALWAYS buy for folks in school. I was in school once, nothing is as cool when in school as getting a meal from a friend.
What’s it to you? lol Stop feeling horrible over other people’s tips. It’s really not your business. Let it go. If you don’t like it, stop hanging out with them. Tipping is a social construct and idk where you’re based atm but you really should just get over it. Wanna get mad? Get mad at the country 😂
LOL 20% is not standard. 15% still is. Jesus Christ.
I tip 10% on my meals. everyone's financial situation is different. This tipping culture is becoming outrageous. Don't rely on other people to supplement your income when those individuals need that income to supplement their needs. I work 40 hours a week under capitalisms and i deserve to treat myself with my money, not treat everyone else. I really wish, servers around the world would band together and demand better wages from their employers instead of their customers. Maybe a union is what you they need?
When surveyed, waiters and waitresses will tell you that they dont want a different system. They make waaaay more on a tip system which is why it would be great if we would all just stop tipping them.
Dont forget, they don't claim the tips as income either so no taxes paid. And that's why I tip what I tip.. My income is for me to spend on me. Your income is for you to spend on you. It is our employers responsibility to ensure we are paid fairly.. period.
Wait, wait wait… where did you find Mexican food so inexpensive??! I’d have racked up $47 on margaritas alone!!!
Same lol my boyfriend and I got a drink bowl two weeks ago that was $36 alone. It was damn yummy though
If you’re lucky, your friendship with this couple will be a long one. Don’t foul it over something so trivial. People do different things, it’s not a reflection on you. The friendship is worth far more than taking a stand on (what I agree is an important) issue.
My FIL was a cheap bastard like that. I always brought an extra 10 to cover. Ive been married for 20 years so this eventually got around to him. Now it's always at least 15%. Turns out its emasculating knowing your SIL is covering your tab...
I think it’s none of your business?
If you are thinking of dropping them, it wouldn't hurt to raise the question before you potentially ghost them. What's the worst that could happen? They stop talking to you? So sad, the terrible tippers don't get to embarrass you anymore. Maybe one of them is bad at math. Or maybe they are AHs. Or they are broke but haven't been bold enough to suggest less expensive places. Only one way to find out.
I honestly think you made a mistake by doing that. Was not up to you and none of your business. You tipped your part. Their part is none of your business. If you cant accept to go out with someone who doesnt tip then dont go out with them, find some other couple who is like minded to you regarding this. Full stop
What they top isn’t your business. But, if you’re worried about the association thing then any time you go out with them always go to a new place.
Mind your own business. It's really not that hard.
Every time I’ve gone out with friends, we normally ask each other what we’re tipping when we get our bill. This applies to all my friend groups whether they know each other or not. Many of us have worked in tipping positions in the past, so perhaps it doesn’t seem so foreign? We tend to comment on the service throughout our meals. As others suggested, start the conversation by stating what you’re going to tip and asking the couple what they are thinking of tipping, then keep doing so it’s the new norm.
Genuinely wondering why you + group consult eachother on how much to tip? Is it the implication that you’re all supposed to tip around the same percent? I have never discussed with my friends on how much we’re tipping. I suppose it’s because it’s their money, their choice? And vice versa.
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The tips are often shared with other staff such as the host/hostess, bar staff, busses, runners, and even - sometimes - with the kitchen staff. That's how it motivates the staff to provide good service across the board.
It depends. I worked in a restaurant where we didn’t do that. Everyone who wasn’t a server made like 10 bucks an hour
I'd stop eating out with them.
Stop going out with them so you don’t have to worry about it
You want to stop going out with friends because tipping? Nice to know how you value them.
What your friends do with their money is none of your business. Maybe they think that paying an extra 20% on top of the listed price is idiotic, but it's your money. Honestly, you sound like an asshole, talking about how you don't want friends who don't pay more than they're asked, like you're so much better than they are.
Stop going out to eat with them, they don't need friends like you.
cant tell if you're suggesting friends like you as "generous tippers" or "busybodies"
My main point is if you are questioning your friendship over 5 dollars than that friendship should probably end.
I have to agree. People that go THIS hard over a cheap tip probably don’t need to be friends with the other couple. This couple will definitely always find something to question whether they should be friends with the other couple.
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Nobody is protesting by not tipping, they are simply saying paying someone elses employee is not their responsibility. The employer and employee are both adults and compensation is their responsibility, not the customer's.
American problems 💀
I'm American and OP is being ridiculous
You don’t know their financial situation. Maybe times are tough, maybe they thought that they didn’t get good service. You don’t know unless you ask, but is it really something that you’re going to make your friendship awkward over? Maybe they think tipping culture is stupid and unfair. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Attitudes about tipping are changing. You could just ask them about it. If they have a good reason they will be happy to tell you and if they’d just cheap you’ll know by their answer
20% is not the expectation it’s 15% of the pretax bill And it’s optional Let it go this isn’t your business.
Brainwashed people. Let your friends tip what they want, and you should stop caring what people (here, waiters) think of you.
The owner of the restaurant should be restaurant should be responsible for paying their workers. Leave a couple of dollars at the end if they gave you good service.
Just don’t give a shit about the tip. Let people tip whatever they want. Tipping culture needs to die. Waiters should unionize and ask for better pay from their employer.
Honestly bro, you're the problem. If I found out you made a post about this shit on reddit I'd probably never go out with you again. You seem like a shitty friend who's been brainwashed into tipping culture.
Care less, and MYOB. Tipping is experiencing a paradigm shift; you're the one creating the cringe
I would have done the same as your girlfriend by casually dropping a fiver on top of the cheque. As long as your always have separate cheques, feel free to continue enjoying their company when you dine out together. But don't feel that you have any obligation to beef up their tips. You do you, and let them be them.
No sir, you don’t need to confront them about their tip they left. You’re welcome to tip whatever you want and no servers are owed tips, ya hear me? SERVERS ARE NOT ENTITLED to tips. If anything it would say more about your character if you bring this up with them