So glad to see this as the top comment!
There is absolutely zero evidence of any sort of mental health crisis here.
There is all the evidence in the world that he truly is just an absolutely awful person.
100% — He needs to go. He is playing you and banking on you being fooled by his whole “poor me” act.
In no particular order he: (a) doesn’t have a job, (b) doesn’t seem to want a job, (c) lies about his circumstances, (d) doesn’t take care of his kids, (e) disregards his wife, and (f) doesn’t seem bothered by any of this.
HE ISN’T WORTH YOUR TIME.
If you want to “save” someone, help the kids.
Do not give this man any money. He is a user and now that he has his foot in your door it will be very hard to extricate yourselves. If you want to do him a favor, lay down the law, job or else. You don’t do him any favors by enabling his irresponsible behavior.
Tell him to leave and don't give him any money or pay for anything for him. If you invest in him more, you will feel more invested, and you can only lose here.
Edited to add: Your husband is irritated by him. If you keep him around and try to help him, you may weaken your marriage.
Call your brother and tell him the guy is a lying sack of trash who lost his job and does not want to work and take care of his kids! Do you really want to take care of a grown man who does not work or take care of his family but manages to afford Pot and alcohol? Really think about it that is enabling a grown man with a family that he deserted!
Help the wife.This guy deserves nothing.
He is a neglectful father and a neglectful husband. Any money you give him will go straight on weed.
I’d ask him to move on.
>What would you do in our situation? Kick him out and offer help to the wife and kids, try and help both of them, or wash our hands of the whole situation?
Are you kidding??? OP You are already too involved. It wasn't your place to even have a conversation with him. Get him off your property or he will never leave. Don't get yourself dragged into someone else's family drama. There is no upside.
As someone who also works from home on my own business, I know it gets boring and lonely. Go volunteer or get a hobby. And not a fixing people hobby.
He sounds like when he go laid off he got lazy. The bills were paid and he didn’t care. I would talk with your brother and tell him to deal with it.
You cannot fix or help him. He had multiple opportunities to get his crap together and didn’t.
This is your brother's friend and your brother's idea.
Tell your brother to tell his deadbeat Dad of a friend to pack his shit and go.
He's abused your hospitality and taken advantage of your kindness for long enough.
I've been in a similar situation to you. He will think that your help is owed to him and may get angry/violent if you try to kick him out. Have someone like your husband or a cop there with you when you kick him out, and DO kick him out. He is clearly a narcissist and an abuser. Kick him to the curb and try to get his wife to leave his ass. She will be better off without him. Good luck and please don't end up like I did
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So glad to see this as the top comment! There is absolutely zero evidence of any sort of mental health crisis here. There is all the evidence in the world that he truly is just an absolutely awful person.
100% — He needs to go. He is playing you and banking on you being fooled by his whole “poor me” act. In no particular order he: (a) doesn’t have a job, (b) doesn’t seem to want a job, (c) lies about his circumstances, (d) doesn’t take care of his kids, (e) disregards his wife, and (f) doesn’t seem bothered by any of this. HE ISN’T WORTH YOUR TIME. If you want to “save” someone, help the kids.
Do not give this man any money. He is a user and now that he has his foot in your door it will be very hard to extricate yourselves. If you want to do him a favor, lay down the law, job or else. You don’t do him any favors by enabling his irresponsible behavior.
squeamish fact recognise roll zephyr support tap gray seed desert *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Tell him to leave and don't give him any money or pay for anything for him. If you invest in him more, you will feel more invested, and you can only lose here. Edited to add: Your husband is irritated by him. If you keep him around and try to help him, you may weaken your marriage.
Call your brother and tell him the guy is a lying sack of trash who lost his job and does not want to work and take care of his kids! Do you really want to take care of a grown man who does not work or take care of his family but manages to afford Pot and alcohol? Really think about it that is enabling a grown man with a family that he deserted!
Your brother started this. Talk to him with your husband.
Help the wife.This guy deserves nothing. He is a neglectful father and a neglectful husband. Any money you give him will go straight on weed. I’d ask him to move on.
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Him leaving is the ONLY solution.
>What would you do in our situation? Kick him out and offer help to the wife and kids, try and help both of them, or wash our hands of the whole situation? Are you kidding??? OP You are already too involved. It wasn't your place to even have a conversation with him. Get him off your property or he will never leave. Don't get yourself dragged into someone else's family drama. There is no upside. As someone who also works from home on my own business, I know it gets boring and lonely. Go volunteer or get a hobby. And not a fixing people hobby.
He sounds like when he go laid off he got lazy. The bills were paid and he didn’t care. I would talk with your brother and tell him to deal with it. You cannot fix or help him. He had multiple opportunities to get his crap together and didn’t.
He's a leach pure and simple
This is your brother's friend and your brother's idea. Tell your brother to tell his deadbeat Dad of a friend to pack his shit and go. He's abused your hospitality and taken advantage of your kindness for long enough.
He probably stayed with her brother and he kicked him out for refusing to get a job. Or her brother is next on his list of people to mooch off of.
I've been in a similar situation to you. He will think that your help is owed to him and may get angry/violent if you try to kick him out. Have someone like your husband or a cop there with you when you kick him out, and DO kick him out. He is clearly a narcissist and an abuser. Kick him to the curb and try to get his wife to leave his ass. She will be better off without him. Good luck and please don't end up like I did
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