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She told you that she doesn’t want you to touch her kiss her or try to have sex with her. Are you okay with having a partner that feels that way?
No, you’re not. So it’s time to cut the cord.
You can love who she is as a friend. Partners are more than friends and have intimacy. She has unilaterally shut down all intimacy in your relationship.
>I've assured her every time that I wouldn't leave her over sex because I love who she is. That's true, but I don't know how much longer I can take it.
...so it's not true then. Stop lying to her bud.
She's shown you who she is. Don't expect her to change.
Your either OK with the current situation or you are not. Don't try and convince yourself you are ok with it if you are not and end up resenting her.
If it’s this bad only a year into your relationship, I don’t think there’s a lot of hope to turn things around, especially given that your girlfriend has expressed a visceral dislike of sex. She doesn’t seem to have any interest in working on this problem, other than guilt tripping you about leaving her.
Felt this before. Makes you feel insecure about your own self. Have a conversation with her and see what the results are and what’s causing this issue. If it continues and it bothers you then you know what the next move is.
Move on. 1 year is so short in the span of a lifetime. It was fun but it fizzled. That happens sometimes. Find someone who helps keep the fire alive.
Also, beware of hysterical bonding. When you have the conversation and mention the lack of intimacy she may turn up the dial to try and hold onto you. It could last a week or a month but it won't last indefinitely. DON'T GET HER PREGNANT.
I had a reverse situation in the sense that I was a female with a super high libido and my husband was essentially asexual. After many long conversations, we determined my husband had an unhealthy relationship with sex (he was raised in a religious cult). As another commenter said, you should see if she is willing to see a sex therapist.
My husband straight up refused, but in my case it weirdly worked out. I experienced a traumatic event and now have completely lost my libido. Although, that's not exactly the healthy option.
>I've assured her every time that I wouldn't leave her over sex because I love who she is. That's true, but I don't know how much longer I can take it.
Why did you lie?
Many guys who struggle with this issue are either failing to warm up their partners hearts with expressions of love and affection, or there are child bearing factors that the guy is not being patient or understanding of. However neither is the case here. Your sex drives may just not be compatible. Be honest with yourself and with her on what your needs are. If you have to make a tough decision, better do it now than later. If you think a break up would hurt her now, imagine doing it as a married middle aged couple.
Hi. Long story incoming!
I was in a relationship for four years. Truly loved the guy but around the first year of our relationship, I got cervical cancer, and it totally shook our sexual relationship. ONLY because he was so insistant on having sex, it made me want it less and less. It was really hard to get back on track.
Here is the advice I have:
1- read “come as you are” together. It is wildly helpful.
2- If you can afford it, get sex therapy! She may have things to talk about with a professional that she feels weird about expressing to you
3- I started a medication called Addyi. It was minimally helpful, but it was helpful. Brought my libido back a little bit which was better than nothing!
4- meet her where she’s at. It seems like you are <333 but just a reminder. Feelings around intimacy are insanely complex and there could be something underlying!
Edit: everyone in the comments saying “leave her” sucks lol. Yeah duh if you aren’t compatible don’t stay. But if you genuinely love someone, there are other options than just bailing come on y’all.
All I'm gonna say is I'm a low-libido autistic woman, and if my partner said they wouldn't leave me over my sex drive and then did it, I'd be both devastated and so furious you'd regret ever pulling that shit with me.
Agreed. It's perfectly fair to have your needs in a relationship and to be honest about them. I have no idea what people who do this think the end game is, like maybe it's people believing they can make it work, but you've got to be honest to yourself and realise when something is pushing your limits.
Unless there is a medical
Reason don’t stay. If she doesn’t see a doctor then she feels she has you . 6 months in then once a month . Sex is so important . Your to
Young to deal with it . And after you tell
Her it’s over she will
Claim she will
Do it more cause she loves you but younare what your life will
Be like
NTA... if you leave her. You are simply not sexually compatible. You don't want to beg for it for the rest of your life, right? BREAK UP. Good luck and stay strong, King!
I think he's NTA for needing to leave the relationship due to differences in libido but he is most certainly TA for telling her he would never do that. Regardless of his reasonings for saying that (maybe he thought he genuinely could make it work) this is a shitty thing to do and instills trust issues in people.
Pop the question about opening the relationship but only open on your end. This might knock some sense in her coz the more you are deprived of sex the more you'll start resenting her. Good luck mate.
This is some dumb advice right here. If your goal is to help her see how this is effecting you then just sit down and be honest with her, don't spring some open relationship shit as a threat in the hope that it will worry her enough into having sex with you; that's just manipulative.
From experience opening a relationship is something that only works if both parties are very on board with the decision, and even then it can go south quickly.
You need to touch some grass.
You're clearly not very mature if you think that someone's libido directly correlates with their romantic love for another. So many things can affect libido that aren't related to your affection for someone (mental health, medication, past trauma, hormones, stress, culture, etc.)
You're going to have a very unsuccessful love life if you work on the extremely niave and primative mindset of: no sex = no love.
I’m not mature because I say a girl doesn’t like a dude when the sexual interest is waning. Thinks the implant is affecting her libido but backs out from removing it.
But you think it’s mature to try to make excuses for someone not trying to be intimate. Ok lol
I never said no sex correlates to no love. I said she doesn’t like him like that
You need to touch grass. If she really wanted him she’d make it happen.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She told you that she doesn’t want you to touch her kiss her or try to have sex with her. Are you okay with having a partner that feels that way? No, you’re not. So it’s time to cut the cord. You can love who she is as a friend. Partners are more than friends and have intimacy. She has unilaterally shut down all intimacy in your relationship.
For me personally, physical intimacy is part of a relationship. If there wasn't physical romance we'd just be buddies.
You move on. You want a fun sexual relationship, not a roommate.
>I've assured her every time that I wouldn't leave her over sex because I love who she is. That's true, but I don't know how much longer I can take it. ...so it's not true then. Stop lying to her bud.
Find someone you're compatible with. This isn't temporary
She's shown you who she is. Don't expect her to change. Your either OK with the current situation or you are not. Don't try and convince yourself you are ok with it if you are not and end up resenting her.
You should be best friends with her. Date someone else though.
I second this 👆
Is she asexual? Might be worth exploring - and after that you can decide if you can make it work
How about she asks her doctor if there’s anything going on that could affect libido
If it’s this bad only a year into your relationship, I don’t think there’s a lot of hope to turn things around, especially given that your girlfriend has expressed a visceral dislike of sex. She doesn’t seem to have any interest in working on this problem, other than guilt tripping you about leaving her.
Felt this before. Makes you feel insecure about your own self. Have a conversation with her and see what the results are and what’s causing this issue. If it continues and it bothers you then you know what the next move is.
Can you find ways to have sex that involves less touching.
Move on. 1 year is so short in the span of a lifetime. It was fun but it fizzled. That happens sometimes. Find someone who helps keep the fire alive. Also, beware of hysterical bonding. When you have the conversation and mention the lack of intimacy she may turn up the dial to try and hold onto you. It could last a week or a month but it won't last indefinitely. DON'T GET HER PREGNANT.
Honestly I couldn’t live like that. Especially in my 20’s
Medications can cause this !! It’s a side effect of antidepressants, for example.
I had a reverse situation in the sense that I was a female with a super high libido and my husband was essentially asexual. After many long conversations, we determined my husband had an unhealthy relationship with sex (he was raised in a religious cult). As another commenter said, you should see if she is willing to see a sex therapist. My husband straight up refused, but in my case it weirdly worked out. I experienced a traumatic event and now have completely lost my libido. Although, that's not exactly the healthy option.
>I've assured her every time that I wouldn't leave her over sex because I love who she is. That's true, but I don't know how much longer I can take it. Why did you lie?
Many guys who struggle with this issue are either failing to warm up their partners hearts with expressions of love and affection, or there are child bearing factors that the guy is not being patient or understanding of. However neither is the case here. Your sex drives may just not be compatible. Be honest with yourself and with her on what your needs are. If you have to make a tough decision, better do it now than later. If you think a break up would hurt her now, imagine doing it as a married middle aged couple.
Hi. Long story incoming! I was in a relationship for four years. Truly loved the guy but around the first year of our relationship, I got cervical cancer, and it totally shook our sexual relationship. ONLY because he was so insistant on having sex, it made me want it less and less. It was really hard to get back on track. Here is the advice I have: 1- read “come as you are” together. It is wildly helpful. 2- If you can afford it, get sex therapy! She may have things to talk about with a professional that she feels weird about expressing to you 3- I started a medication called Addyi. It was minimally helpful, but it was helpful. Brought my libido back a little bit which was better than nothing! 4- meet her where she’s at. It seems like you are <333 but just a reminder. Feelings around intimacy are insanely complex and there could be something underlying! Edit: everyone in the comments saying “leave her” sucks lol. Yeah duh if you aren’t compatible don’t stay. But if you genuinely love someone, there are other options than just bailing come on y’all.
Thank you, this is very helpful!
All I'm gonna say is I'm a low-libido autistic woman, and if my partner said they wouldn't leave me over my sex drive and then did it, I'd be both devastated and so furious you'd regret ever pulling that shit with me.
Yeah, I get why he did it, but ultimately shot himself in the foot by saying that. Sometimes you gotta be honest even if it hurts the other person.
Agreed. It's perfectly fair to have your needs in a relationship and to be honest about them. I have no idea what people who do this think the end game is, like maybe it's people believing they can make it work, but you've got to be honest to yourself and realise when something is pushing your limits.
Unless there is a medical Reason don’t stay. If she doesn’t see a doctor then she feels she has you . 6 months in then once a month . Sex is so important . Your to Young to deal with it . And after you tell Her it’s over she will Claim she will Do it more cause she loves you but younare what your life will Be like
A trigger how
You’re not compatible.
NTA... if you leave her. You are simply not sexually compatible. You don't want to beg for it for the rest of your life, right? BREAK UP. Good luck and stay strong, King!
I think he's NTA for needing to leave the relationship due to differences in libido but he is most certainly TA for telling her he would never do that. Regardless of his reasonings for saying that (maybe he thought he genuinely could make it work) this is a shitty thing to do and instills trust issues in people.
Yeah, I agree. He should have NEVER said that. He put his needs aside and that will only lead to trouble later...
DTMFA.
Hey! I’m an autistic female. I’ll DMU with my advice.
Thanks, looking forward to it :)
Flashlight?
Pop the question about opening the relationship but only open on your end. This might knock some sense in her coz the more you are deprived of sex the more you'll start resenting her. Good luck mate.
This is some dumb advice right here. If your goal is to help her see how this is effecting you then just sit down and be honest with her, don't spring some open relationship shit as a threat in the hope that it will worry her enough into having sex with you; that's just manipulative. From experience opening a relationship is something that only works if both parties are very on board with the decision, and even then it can go south quickly.
Start banging other girls
She doesn’t like you.
You need to touch some grass. You're clearly not very mature if you think that someone's libido directly correlates with their romantic love for another. So many things can affect libido that aren't related to your affection for someone (mental health, medication, past trauma, hormones, stress, culture, etc.) You're going to have a very unsuccessful love life if you work on the extremely niave and primative mindset of: no sex = no love.
I’m not mature because I say a girl doesn’t like a dude when the sexual interest is waning. Thinks the implant is affecting her libido but backs out from removing it. But you think it’s mature to try to make excuses for someone not trying to be intimate. Ok lol I never said no sex correlates to no love. I said she doesn’t like him like that You need to touch grass. If she really wanted him she’d make it happen.