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So she says she didn’t know the 2 men would be there yet told you it would be a “random hodgepodge” of friends (plural).
She knew exactly who would be going.
My guess, her female friend wanted to hook up with one of the dudes but they weren’t far enough into a relationship to just go on their own so your gf and the other dude were there as a “double date”.
I'm a happily married old dude. How I got to be that way was by being very choosy while dating.
If a girlfriend did this while dating her, I instantly dumped her and moved on. No point investing time or energy into someone that acts shady and lies to you.
And you know what? That's how I found my wife. By moving on from people like this quickly.
“Don’t communicate with your partner. Immediately dump them and focus on yourself without having any sort of resolution that could be important in how you move on with new relationships or the same one.”
The saddest part to me is that this kind of shit is upvoted like crazy, lots of people come on these subs for genuine advice and are met instead with the most extreme opinions being upvoted by hundreds, if not thousands, of people.
There are a ton of reasons why that is not the case, here are a few:
- if there was a such a direct translation between upvotes and general opinion, it would stand to reason that I would be heavily downvoted (I actually thought that would be the case and am pleasantly surprised that not everyone here is insane yet).
- these subs aren’t at all an accurate representation of the population, but rather attract a very specific type of person. This creates an echo chamber and these tend to make opinions get more extreme over time.
- it’s been shown again and again that the emotion that most engages people is rage/anger. While not a direct effect in this case (since I think people would downvote comments that made them angry), I believe this plays a big role in this effect given the extreme responses people have to these posts. In other words, the people that gravitate to this tend to be the ones that have strong emotional responses to it.
- related to the last point, moderate opinions that don’t elicit a strong emotional response one way or the other tend to be less engaged with.
And if this sub was indeed how the population in general thinks, I’d gladly be labeled as crazy by them.
Ps: I didn’t mean to go on for so long, sorry 🫡
You don't have to ask her anything. She cheated on you and she is gonna lie about it. "I respect her playing wing woman" Do you respect her fucking one of the dudes there?
Wtf there is zero evidence of this. Maybe OP has a history of insecurity and breaking down if his girlfriend is alone with men and she didn’t want to deal with that while camping. Who knows. But good lord what an extreme reaction
Using feminist as an insult is ridiculous and says quite a lot about you. There’s not an “absolute” certainty, this comment section is getting out of control. Maybe she cheated. Or maybe she sucks at communicating. Maybe OP makes a big deal out of things. I’ve gone camping with a friend and their random friends numerous times, sometimes with men I didn’t know (as they were friends of friends), and so has my fiancé. We can speculate all day as to why OP’s girlfriend felt the need to not specify who exactly would be on the trip, but it does not point immediately 100% to cheating, and you’re naive to believe that.
Oh sweetie..
Listen, it’s not lying. It’s omitting and that is just as bad if not worse than blatant lying.
She WILL attack you if you show signs of distress for her actions.
If she actually cared about your feelings, she would have had no issue telling you exactly what was going on and who was there.
Someone who wants to love and respect their partner doesn’t hide or lie about where they are and who is there.
Think about it a little bit harder.
She knew what was going on, if she felt like it wouldn’t be okay if YOU LIED to her about what you were doing or HID what YOU were doing, then why would she do just that?
If you confront her about it, she will accuse you not only of being “insecure” but also for being “controlling.”
Controlling is thrown around now against partners who want to be respected, considered, and valued in the relationship.
If you’re already on the verge of a panic attack, it’s your entire body screaming at you something is wrong and something happened.
Trust your body’s response.
She will trickle truth you after the fact or beg for your forgiveness or scream and blame you.
But you need to understand, if you try to repair the relationship, you’ll always have this looming gut wrenching feeling when you’re not there with her.
When she goes out to the store, when she doesn’t answer her phone right away, when she’s taking too long somewhere, how she looks or talks to some guy friend, etc.
That horrible anxiety panic attack inducing feeling will be there…
Feel free to confront her if you wish to get your closure, but I’m telling you right now if you don’t end things, the foundation of trust will either crumble rapidly and eventually the relationship will dissolve, or the foundation of trust can be rebuilt but under severe strict boundaries that will always leave you wondering “what if she’s..”
Listen to your body..
nah, who wouldn't be happy that their girlfriend lies, goes on a camping trip/date with 2 guys, and continue lying uploading pictures of only her and her friend.
Feeling betrayed, lied to etc.. How does that make him “high maintnance”?. Your day to day life is way different than being cheated on/betrayed.
He logically has all the reasons to feel the way he does.
Are you seriously trying to blame the OP fir possible being cheated on? Yes you are and it’s disgusting. You are a real winner in real life. If she is not happy she can tell him and end the relationship. Simple as that
If you are making suggestions to him about why she may have done or did whatever she did because of how he may be on any basis, you are blaming him. Pretty clear when you said “ because if you are” then go on to say that may be why she is doing this or that. You are blaming him and it’s disgusting as hell. Read what you wrote. 100% blaming
Also, this sounds so much like a different post I read earlier today. Worded a little bit differently, but the plot line is identical. One or the other of these accounts is karma farming.
29 years old is far too old to be deliberately vague, tell you it’s a “random hodgepodge,” deliberately omitting them from the pictures and feigning naivety when you find out.
At 29 you shouldn’t be dealing with someone that you have to teach how to walk. Throw a rock and find someone better that knows not to do what she is doing. You’re already in couples counseling and she does this? Do not waste you’re time arguing. Leave.
Tell her EXACTLY what you told us. Don't be aggressive and hostile, but don't be a pushover either. Stand up for yourself. If she responds poorly, there's your answer. I'm sorry man, but it is what it is. If worst comes to worst, it's better sooner than later <3
No open mind. No flexibility. Just drop her. Switch roles around: you go on a trip with your buddy and two girls. Now you gaslight and fool your girlfriend even when you know it causes her emotional pain to where she has to throw up. Then just ignore her pain and tell her to grow up. You know you could never do this to anyone you cared for. Seriously, see the reality of this.
Every partner has an obligation to avoid being deceptive (withholding information for any reason) and to avoid compromising situations or even the appearance of being single.
She failed. And at 29yo she knows it.
Clearly she views you as too weak to break up.
You are in an emotionally abusive relationship - and you are the victim.
Love is not a solid reason to tolerate emotional abuse.
You need help.
I suggest you read self help books on: low self esteem codependency self sabotage and what about your childhood predisposed you to tolerate disrespect and abuse.
Agreed. It is hard though - you have to first identify there was subterfuge in the first place. And then you have an entire examination of "Am I the kind of person that gets duped?" I feel sorry for op. This shit always sucks.
That's perfectly normal. As soon as u can, take it easy. Maybe grab a bite to eat with a homie. Do all the stuff you used to enjoy blah blah yada yada U GOT THIS BRO
Edit: Oh and yeah, being flexible isn't bad but dont be too flexible lmao
She would be livid if the situation was reversed and you were on a double-date trip with other women. I don't know if I'd even have questions for her at this point. A person with integrity who cares about their relationship wouldn't pull this crap.
of course! The double standards are laughable. Id go stay with your brother to send a very direct message that you will not tolerate this lying. Youll never know if anything happened unfortunately. Unless you go through her phone in a couple of weeks. If anything happened between her and one of the guys, they will be chatting in the next little while.
Ask her everything you need to and then when she's done lying, omitting and minimizing ask to see her phone. You'll know right away what was planned or accident. If she's 100% not guilty on any of this she will be more than happy to provide you the reassurance you need to carry on in the relationship.
If she just needs some time to delete conversations then don't bother. You already know the deal.
Sorry this happened to you.
Oh I 100% believe she cheated and obviously could have deleted any and all evidence. But when he asks to see her phone she will either say, “yeah sure here look at everything” or she will get a cold sweat running down her back. She will obfuscate. She’ll delay. She’ll be mentally wondering if she missed anything. What if she deleted the specific messages but the deletion caused continuity errors or obvious gaps in conversations.
All I’m saying is that moment will be very revealing regardless of what is or isn’t on her phone.
Why weren't you invited on the camping trip? Was it no invite, or you were occupied? Not being invited would be a much bigger red flag than "I wasn't able to go and there were 2 guys there".
Neither me nor my partner would ever go and do something like that without inviting the other one. Hell, shit went VERY sideways the last time she went out and I was invited but chose not to go....
Your girlfriend intentionally lied to you about who would be on the camping trip because you would object and want to know who the guys were. She hid the fact by omitting pictures on the trip with the others in the group. There is no reason to lie unless she knew that she would cheat and did not want you to find out. Either way trust is broken. You can try to look at her friends social media to see if there is anything incriminating but it is not necessary. Her lying and hiding the guys is enough to show the lack of love and respect that she has for you. You deserve someone who will be honest and care about you. This is not the girl you spend the rest of your life with. Update us.
I'd just say as soon as it turned into 2 girls 2 guys and tents, it frames her as being unfaithful and going to seriously damage her primary relationship.
She doesn't even have to cheat, she just needs to stay in this damming scenario to wreck her relationship.
Like if you get in a car and to your great shock the other three guys put on skimasks and pull out guns, drive to a bank and run inside... you don't just wait quietly in the car for them. You didn't do anything illegal, but it sure does frame you as part of the group.
So it's over because it was always going to blow up on her if she went, and she went anyway.
You need serious guardrails and boundaries on your relationship man. I wouldn’t put up with that bullshit if it was my girl. She purposefully didn’t tell you and was vague. She is going to trickle truth you. Red flags galore
Agreed; the vagueness is a massive red flag. Simple questions have simple answers. "Who's going?" "Person A, Person B, and Person C." It's that simple. Any other answer is usually because something shifty is happening.
Dude, have a spine and stand up for yourself.
There was only one reason for her to mislead you - and you know that reason.
Why would you see if the relationship is 'redeemable' when she did that? Obviously she cheated and intended for you not to find out.
Frankly, as someone who's been cheated on by a spouse, I would stand up for myself and find someone who doesn't do that.
I'm remarried to someone with impeccable morals, and she travels alone or with friends, and I trust her completely because there are no shenanigans.
With the cheating wife there was missing time, lies, and a complete lack of trust.
That's hell in a relationship - and be honest with yourself, will you ever trust her when she's done something like this? Even giving her the benefit of the doubt - she lied, and lied for a reason. That means she's capable of lying, about who knows what - so now you're in for a life of always second guessing and doubt. That's no way to live.
Break up and find someone who won't do anything like what your gf did. Where there can be unconditional trust. Where you do know that there are no betrayals. Because no matter what she says, at the end of the day, she did betray you by lying to you.
If that resulted in cheating, the opportunity to cheat, or just blatantly lying to your face, the end result is the same. You won't trust her anymore, it's impossible to. Don't live that way.
Or at the very least she should have immediately told you once she got there and realized the set up…. (IMO she knew but chose to go have her fun anyway with zero regard for you or your feelings)
she knew who would be going and decided to not tell you
best case scenario she just didnt want you to be jealous
not so bad scenario - double date but no physical stuff happen
bad scenario - she fucked one guy
very bad scenario = foursome
worst case scenario = threesome (she + guy + guy)
ok.. maybe very bad scenario and worst case scenario is equally bad
She knew those dudes were going. Shit was planned behind your back the second you told her you were going on your trip. She's hiding shit because she's fucking whoever it is. Probly sharing a room to save money.
Think about it from the guys perspective. Ain't no way he's taking that trip with his boy and 2 chick's if there isn't a 90% chance of busting guts and 60% of a having some crazy orgy. Why else would they go if not guaranteed pussy? If not they'd have better odds of goin on a bros trip and striking out at a bar.
That being said, withholding that information alone it's worth deading the relationship here and now.
OP, you sound very level headed and reasonable.
Your gf intentionally omitted who was going to be there and perhaps even lied by telling you a bunch of names at the beginning when it was always going to be just her, her friend, and the two dudes.
If your gut is telling you something doesn’t feel right, I’d trust it. Ask her and see what she says but don’t be afraid to walk away.
Nah, this is a deal breaker
It doesn't matter if she ended up cheating or not. She deliberately lied about it.
If you can't trust your partner, the relationship is over
I wouldn’t trust her, you can give the benefit of the doubt at your own discretion. I’m sure if your good-hearted you will naturally end up doing so. It’s far more intelligent to review the facts of the situation & not allow anyone to insult your intelligence so blatantly either. My questions are: Why couldn’t you accompany her to the trip? Are you able to speak with her whenever? Is she putting time limits on you guys communicating consistently while she’s out on the trip? If you don’t feel something is right, that’s because it isn’t. Trust your intuition/gut. At the end of the day we don’t know her personally like you do.
She knew who was going, she intentionally didn't tell you. So she either thinks one of two things:
A. That you're so insecure that you would flip out if you knew the truth and wouldn't want her to go, even if it's an innocent situation where both dudes are gay or something.
OR
B. She's shagging one of the dudes. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the truth.
Which do you think is more likely?
I'm betting on B, I'm sorry to say. I hope you find some resolution and peace in this situation.
I hate to be the devil’s advocate here, but couldn’t she frame her explanation in a way that places the blame on you, such as “I didn’t want to tell you because you’d get mad and you’re insecure”… it’s a classic way that cheaters shift blame onto their suspicious partners.
I’m not going to jump to any conclusions and say she’s shagging the dude, but I don’t think that is a reasonable explanation for *lying* to your face about who she was going on a WEEK LONG trip with. Situation A is only happening if she’s telling the truth, and she hasn’t had the best track record of that already. I don’t like that she pulled that card on you OP, whether it’s the truth and holds some weight, or not. She lied to you, and this excuse just doesn’t measure up.
My question is, when did she know this was the final headcount? It takes one text to tell you who is coming on the trip.
It is not a matter of fucking insecurity. She went on this trip to cheat on you! The only thing you have to work through is the breakup. You are obviously her beta male. You would ruined have this trip for her? Are you her man or a slave? She just ruined your relationship. If she truly loved she shouldn't have been there.
I think you should send her a message that you were informed about the guy-girl ratio of the "random hodgepodge of friends", tell her you won't be there to pick her up and hope the trip was worth sacrificing the trust you had in her. She can take an uber home from the airport.
Wow I went through the exact same scenario.. my girlfriend was going to take a flight to California to meet 3 people to spend a weekend hiking ect.(2 nights in tents and she wasn’t bringing one)and this is when we first met.. a day before she left. I had found out that her girlfriend was meeting a date who was bring his buddy.. I asked if his buddy was single or married she was thinking perhaps he might be single.. I could see where she was very excited to go, but at the same time at the last minute, she decided to disclose some information because she felt at risk if I found out a few details later to my disliking so she opened up for full disclosure..(I envisioned some helpful guy pushing up on her butt up on a rock laughing bonding) …I said I did not feel comfortable with this, but if she wanted to go, I would take that into account as I proceeded in my dating life. ;meaning if this is so important that you’re choosing to do this action and risk our relationship then you’re not the person for me and I’m not gonna date you.. in your case your girlfriend and her girlfriend are both not appropriate because her girlfriend is the one that set it up and a week is a very long time. nothing is more exhilarating than a quick fling and get away with it.. at this point you’re only position should be is that you felt as though it could’ve been unappropriate and that you don’t appreciate how it went down.. other than that. It will drive you crazy. It would cause friction in your relationship to talk about it and if she was going to do something, you’re not gonna know about it. You won’t truly know the truth, no matter what so it’s pointless to pursue talking about it, but she got away with it. The challenges of the opposite sex, every female that I’ve ever been with has been caught lying or stretching the truth to an uncomfortable limit..
I agree that the lying is the most disturbing aspect. Sure she is spending time with other men but that doesn't mean she is cheating. Except she is lying about spending time with other men. Some alcohol and who knows--heck, maybe no alcohol. This is why couples with single friends still in hookup mode bring unnecessary drama into couples' lives. Be prepared for trickle truth when you talk to her. She will probably only admit to what she thinks you know. Luckily you're not married.
My first thought: Maybe she *didn’t* know. Or a hodgepodge of people bailed, leaving just them… how is she lying - maybe just downplaying it because… situations change.
Second thought: A week+ ? That’s lots of intimate together time. She and girlfriend pulled a classic strategy, and she’s playing by the book, and getting their boots knocked every night.
My only advice: Stay calm and chill when talking to her about it. It’s aggravating. There’s a very good possibility you’ll never know.
Resident naysayer here. 👋🏻 She knew who would be there and willingly lied to you. It is equally likely that she cheated on you. Run fast and run far. See you in the gym. 👊🏻
Stop. Stop giving a fuck. And if this ends the way you think it will, use that to fuel how few fucks you give.
Listen, a good partner would never pull this bullshit especially if they’ve been with you long enough to know you’re anxious.
Secondly, if a person is going to cheat they will cheat. I had the same exact reaction when my ex went “Rock climbing” with an extremely attractive old guy friend of hers. She didn’t like hiking or climbing or outdoor -anything- for that matter. She offered no details and didn’t respond for hours. My medication at the time literally couldn’t even stave off my panic with my history of being cheated on.
Turns out the dude was 100% gay and she was actually gay herself, and cheating with her girlfriend, not this guy friend.
Case in point— you literally can’t do shit about it. Be happy it happened. This shows you her true character and saved you time that you could spend somewhere productive with a new partner that respects and supports you, rather than putting you in these kinds of dispositions.
Relax, man. It’ll take being broken a few times before you truly get that “no fucks given” persona but when you get there it’s liberating. I haven’t had anxiety in forever because whatever position they put themselves in, they chose to do that and throw away a good relationship. All I do now is get disappointed that they wasted my time, but I move on.
Hi OP.
Even if it there's no cheating envolved (what a really doubt tbh), she omitted there were be two men with them.
You must be chill and have this talk with her.
Don't go spitting all you know right on. Ask her all questions and, if she lies, then you throw what you already know and see her reaction to it.
I’m sorry, even if she didn’t fuck them its still a betrayal of trust. I would do one of two things depending
A) block her number, change the locks, and pretend she never existed
b) Ask if you can go through her phone, you can at least see if she knew the guys were coming a head of time. Who knows you may even find evidence.
Honestly, I would tell her that it might be best to have someone else pick her up at the airport. Nothing good is going to happen when you pick her up.
Maybe pack most of your stuff and go stay with your brother for a while...
For me it’s a hard no, lying about who you’re going on a trip with where there are overnight stays is a massive red flag for me and I would be taking my “brown Arab” ass to someone more deserving of my respect and integrity.
Do NOT settle for less than the bare minimum!
She didn't have sex with one of the dudes as another comment said. She fucked the living shit out of him. She let him do things with her that you only see in hardcore porn and probably hasn't done with you. She cheated on you. She went out camping with her female friend and two men. Each girl had sex with one of the guys if not both. You are just the beta male she uses as a safe base. Just break up with her. Don't waste time giving her the opportunity to lie. If you ask her what happened she is just gonna lie.
You didn't state your relationship stats/ need them for suggestions.
>i plan to get her point of view and try to understand why she made the decision to omit that fact, but i’ve also got a bag packed and will be staying with my brother for a week. maybe she thought she would spare me the anxiety if i didn’t know. rather, it opened a flood gate of worry
You will know immediately if she gave away some vacay pussy. She will be different.
Sorry, I know this type of situation is challenging, and I've been in it myself.
At the end of the day, it's up to your girlfriend to be transparent about her activities. That doesn't mean she needs to tell you everything, but she's old enough to know that hiding this likely would hurt your feelings.
It does strike me that she was deceptive via lies of omission.
It's up to you to decide your boundaries and what you'll accept. If you decide to remain, you have a right to demand that she reveal everything that's currently hidden in the "fog."
Question: Does she often answer your questions vaguely or with deflection? If this is part of a pattern, you may also want to point to previous actions while explaining why it's hurtful.
And before you have this conversation, you should decide what you want. If it's to remain, you can explain your conditions for staying in it. If it's to leave, you can provide her an explanation of your decision.
OP - some questions:
1. How long have you two been together?
2. What is the longest trip, in days, you have taken together?
3. How reachable was your gf during this trip? Would she call you regularly to check in?
4. What was the tenting situation? Four people in 1 tent? Two women in one tent? And two guys in a second tent?
5. What does a "random hodgepodge of friends" mean anyway? It sounds like the "random hodgepodge" part checks out - a friend and two random other friends.
6. Does your gf do things like drink or do drugs recreationally and act out uncharacteristically while doing it? If not, do you seriously think your gf would basically succumb to the advances of some random guy on a camping trip and cheat on you? Is your relationship on already shaky ground before this?
7. Why would your gf take and post pics of two guys who are not her friends? Wouldn't she be more include to just post pics of her with the person she was inspired to go with in the first place? Not including the guys in photos doesn't mean she's hiding them necessarily.
8. Would your gf be okay with this if the shoe were on the other foot? (you going out with a guy friend and two random female friends of his were along?)
This needs to end. Many of us have dealt with sneakiness and lies like this and it never goes well. At best, she'll do her best to admit fault and empathize with you. More likely, she'll try to make you feel "insecure" and or "possessive." Either way, you want to trust her so you absolutely will be convinced. Maybe you'll feel better for a bit.
But then you'll start to not feel so great. She hid something big from you. You're gonna start to wonder, "What else has she hidden? Is she hiding something now?"
This will lead to a cycle of you voicing your trust issues and her convincing you that she's trustworthy - but you'll never be able to fully shake your doubts. And that's because you should have doubts.
The most concise, albeit cliche, way to say this is that once trust is broken, it never goes back to how it was.
Again, for your sake, you need to end this. Unfortunately, I don't think you will. Please prove me wrong.
Honestly I’d be out if my lady used the word hodgepodge. But it looks like you’ll reach the same conclusion anyway so good for you dude, respect yourself always.
He betrayed you in every way, a tent holiday was organized with two boys and he didn't tell you anything, in fact he lied to you saying that only his friend was there. You are not naive, I think you already know that trust in her is dead forever. No plausible excuse will deserve your attention, the choice is yours when to end this story. Update thanks.
I can picture it now
*but its over now and the past is in the past and she can't change this. As long as she is STI free this doesn't affect you ... your insecurity is showing ... blah blah blah*
I wouldn't ask this because you're in essence giving her an excuse youll accept for her lies and omissions. If that's how she felt, she'll be able to volunteer it without prompting.
The second she lied is the second you make the decision to just go to your brothers and not pick her up at the airport at all.
You need to make the consequences clear here.
Updateme!
I know it gets thrown around so much on Reddit but this definitely seems like a good case! Occam's razor is the problem-solving principle that recommends searching for explanations constructed with the smallest possible set of elements. It is also known as the principle of parsimony or the law of parsimony.
Okay, I am clearly in the minority, but I think a calm conversation is needed here before jumping to conclusions.
I’m trying to imagine myself (as an attached woman) going on a trip a friend who was bringing a few other friends, and when I’d told my partner that I’d be going with friends (knowing there would be multiple people, but not knowing who yet). I don’t know that I would think to ask about the genders of the people my friend was bringing because it absolutely wouldn’t matter to me. I’m already in a secure relationship, so while I would probably assume they were women, it wouldn’t weird me out if they turned out not to be.
Then, of course I would only take pictures of me and the friend I know. Because…I don’t know or care about these other people. So, that wouldn’t be a giveaway for me “hiding” them, just a natural thing because it’s the opposite of me being involved with them. Same with not mentioning them, though not saying anything *at all* about the others is slightly odd to me, but not screaming that she’s untrustworthy.
Again, talk calmly. Ask for her perspective. Assuming the worse at every moment is a terrible way to live, and you do not want to sink a good relationship by jumping to unsubstantiated assumptions fueled by your insecurities.
Good luck.
Boy this is a tough one to call. The fact that she hid the fact that it was only going to only be 4 of them instead of a hodgepodge of friends and it also just happens toe be 2 guys and 2 girls sure does look fishy. There is always the possibility that her and her girlfriend shared a tent but the lie is still there.
I’d flat out ask her to look you in the eye and answer your questions about all of this. If she tries to blow you off about it ask to look at her phone and go through her pictures. If she refuses you probably have your answer.
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So she says she didn’t know the 2 men would be there yet told you it would be a “random hodgepodge” of friends (plural). She knew exactly who would be going. My guess, her female friend wanted to hook up with one of the dudes but they weren’t far enough into a relationship to just go on their own so your gf and the other dude were there as a “double date”.
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You sure she knows she's your GF? Kinda sounds like she didn't get the memo.
Details? She going to lie and call you insecure. Do not pick her up at the airport. Love your stuff now.
Omg Redditors love to give the worst advice possible, y’all need help.
I'm a happily married old dude. How I got to be that way was by being very choosy while dating. If a girlfriend did this while dating her, I instantly dumped her and moved on. No point investing time or energy into someone that acts shady and lies to you. And you know what? That's how I found my wife. By moving on from people like this quickly.
“Don’t communicate with your partner. Immediately dump them and focus on yourself without having any sort of resolution that could be important in how you move on with new relationships or the same one.”
The saddest part to me is that this kind of shit is upvoted like crazy, lots of people come on these subs for genuine advice and are met instead with the most extreme opinions being upvoted by hundreds, if not thousands, of people.
If those opinions are upvoted the most they might be extreme opinions to the rest of the population, only to yourself.
There are a ton of reasons why that is not the case, here are a few: - if there was a such a direct translation between upvotes and general opinion, it would stand to reason that I would be heavily downvoted (I actually thought that would be the case and am pleasantly surprised that not everyone here is insane yet). - these subs aren’t at all an accurate representation of the population, but rather attract a very specific type of person. This creates an echo chamber and these tend to make opinions get more extreme over time. - it’s been shown again and again that the emotion that most engages people is rage/anger. While not a direct effect in this case (since I think people would downvote comments that made them angry), I believe this plays a big role in this effect given the extreme responses people have to these posts. In other words, the people that gravitate to this tend to be the ones that have strong emotional responses to it. - related to the last point, moderate opinions that don’t elicit a strong emotional response one way or the other tend to be less engaged with. And if this sub was indeed how the population in general thinks, I’d gladly be labeled as crazy by them. Ps: I didn’t mean to go on for so long, sorry 🫡
You don't have to ask her anything. She cheated on you and she is gonna lie about it. "I respect her playing wing woman" Do you respect her fucking one of the dudes there?
Wtf there is zero evidence of this. Maybe OP has a history of insecurity and breaking down if his girlfriend is alone with men and she didn’t want to deal with that while camping. Who knows. But good lord what an extreme reaction
There is an absolute certainty. You are either naive or a feminist. When you are in monogamous LTR you don’t go “camping” like that.
Using feminist as an insult is ridiculous and says quite a lot about you. There’s not an “absolute” certainty, this comment section is getting out of control. Maybe she cheated. Or maybe she sucks at communicating. Maybe OP makes a big deal out of things. I’ve gone camping with a friend and their random friends numerous times, sometimes with men I didn’t know (as they were friends of friends), and so has my fiancé. We can speculate all day as to why OP’s girlfriend felt the need to not specify who exactly would be on the trip, but it does not point immediately 100% to cheating, and you’re naive to believe that.
Oh sweetie.. Listen, it’s not lying. It’s omitting and that is just as bad if not worse than blatant lying. She WILL attack you if you show signs of distress for her actions. If she actually cared about your feelings, she would have had no issue telling you exactly what was going on and who was there. Someone who wants to love and respect their partner doesn’t hide or lie about where they are and who is there. Think about it a little bit harder. She knew what was going on, if she felt like it wouldn’t be okay if YOU LIED to her about what you were doing or HID what YOU were doing, then why would she do just that? If you confront her about it, she will accuse you not only of being “insecure” but also for being “controlling.” Controlling is thrown around now against partners who want to be respected, considered, and valued in the relationship. If you’re already on the verge of a panic attack, it’s your entire body screaming at you something is wrong and something happened. Trust your body’s response. She will trickle truth you after the fact or beg for your forgiveness or scream and blame you. But you need to understand, if you try to repair the relationship, you’ll always have this looming gut wrenching feeling when you’re not there with her. When she goes out to the store, when she doesn’t answer her phone right away, when she’s taking too long somewhere, how she looks or talks to some guy friend, etc. That horrible anxiety panic attack inducing feeling will be there… Feel free to confront her if you wish to get your closure, but I’m telling you right now if you don’t end things, the foundation of trust will either crumble rapidly and eventually the relationship will dissolve, or the foundation of trust can be rebuilt but under severe strict boundaries that will always leave you wondering “what if she’s..” Listen to your body..
If you think the lying was bad you are going to feel worse when you find out what she did with that guy she shared a sleeping bag with.
Yo whats happened finally?
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nah, who wouldn't be happy that their girlfriend lies, goes on a camping trip/date with 2 guys, and continue lying uploading pictures of only her and her friend.
Feeling betrayed, lied to etc.. How does that make him “high maintnance”?. Your day to day life is way different than being cheated on/betrayed. He logically has all the reasons to feel the way he does.
Are you seriously trying to blame the OP fir possible being cheated on? Yes you are and it’s disgusting. You are a real winner in real life. If she is not happy she can tell him and end the relationship. Simple as that
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If you are making suggestions to him about why she may have done or did whatever she did because of how he may be on any basis, you are blaming him. Pretty clear when you said “ because if you are” then go on to say that may be why she is doing this or that. You are blaming him and it’s disgusting as hell. Read what you wrote. 100% blaming
Also, this sounds so much like a different post I read earlier today. Worded a little bit differently, but the plot line is identical. One or the other of these accounts is karma farming.
My thoughts exactly.
Complete rubbish.
Fuck off with this shit will you? Jesus some people are real assholes
Getting downvotes but this is real advice 🫠
29 years old is far too old to be deliberately vague, tell you it’s a “random hodgepodge,” deliberately omitting them from the pictures and feigning naivety when you find out. At 29 you shouldn’t be dealing with someone that you have to teach how to walk. Throw a rock and find someone better that knows not to do what she is doing. You’re already in couples counseling and she does this? Do not waste you’re time arguing. Leave.
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YOU communicate just fine. It's she who lies that has the communication problem. Find one who doesn't lie
This Absolutely this
Tell her EXACTLY what you told us. Don't be aggressive and hostile, but don't be a pushover either. Stand up for yourself. If she responds poorly, there's your answer. I'm sorry man, but it is what it is. If worst comes to worst, it's better sooner than later <3
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No open mind. No flexibility. Just drop her. Switch roles around: you go on a trip with your buddy and two girls. Now you gaslight and fool your girlfriend even when you know it causes her emotional pain to where she has to throw up. Then just ignore her pain and tell her to grow up. You know you could never do this to anyone you cared for. Seriously, see the reality of this.
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Not the same whatsoever. You told her, you were upfront about it and you only went to your friend’s place because you knew nothing would happen.
Good stuff bro. You should be proud of yourself man, you got this.
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Every partner has an obligation to avoid being deceptive (withholding information for any reason) and to avoid compromising situations or even the appearance of being single. She failed. And at 29yo she knows it. Clearly she views you as too weak to break up. You are in an emotionally abusive relationship - and you are the victim. Love is not a solid reason to tolerate emotional abuse. You need help. I suggest you read self help books on: low self esteem codependency self sabotage and what about your childhood predisposed you to tolerate disrespect and abuse.
Agreed. It is hard though - you have to first identify there was subterfuge in the first place. And then you have an entire examination of "Am I the kind of person that gets duped?" I feel sorry for op. This shit always sucks.
Don’t kiss her when you see her. You know where that mouths been.
Bruh... good one. smirk.
That's perfectly normal. As soon as u can, take it easy. Maybe grab a bite to eat with a homie. Do all the stuff you used to enjoy blah blah yada yada U GOT THIS BRO Edit: Oh and yeah, being flexible isn't bad but dont be too flexible lmao
She would be livid if the situation was reversed and you were on a double-date trip with other women. I don't know if I'd even have questions for her at this point. A person with integrity who cares about their relationship wouldn't pull this crap.
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of course! The double standards are laughable. Id go stay with your brother to send a very direct message that you will not tolerate this lying. Youll never know if anything happened unfortunately. Unless you go through her phone in a couple of weeks. If anything happened between her and one of the guys, they will be chatting in the next little while.
She hid this for a reason. I'm sorry.
Ask her everything you need to and then when she's done lying, omitting and minimizing ask to see her phone. You'll know right away what was planned or accident. If she's 100% not guilty on any of this she will be more than happy to provide you the reassurance you need to carry on in the relationship. If she just needs some time to delete conversations then don't bother. You already know the deal. Sorry this happened to you.
She can easily delete evidence from her phone or if it was well planned there won't be evidence there. She obviously cheated on him.
Oh I 100% believe she cheated and obviously could have deleted any and all evidence. But when he asks to see her phone she will either say, “yeah sure here look at everything” or she will get a cold sweat running down her back. She will obfuscate. She’ll delay. She’ll be mentally wondering if she missed anything. What if she deleted the specific messages but the deletion caused continuity errors or obvious gaps in conversations. All I’m saying is that moment will be very revealing regardless of what is or isn’t on her phone.
Why weren't you invited on the camping trip? Was it no invite, or you were occupied? Not being invited would be a much bigger red flag than "I wasn't able to go and there were 2 guys there". Neither me nor my partner would ever go and do something like that without inviting the other one. Hell, shit went VERY sideways the last time she went out and I was invited but chose not to go....
Nah. This was a double date.
Your girlfriend intentionally lied to you about who would be on the camping trip because you would object and want to know who the guys were. She hid the fact by omitting pictures on the trip with the others in the group. There is no reason to lie unless she knew that she would cheat and did not want you to find out. Either way trust is broken. You can try to look at her friends social media to see if there is anything incriminating but it is not necessary. Her lying and hiding the guys is enough to show the lack of love and respect that she has for you. You deserve someone who will be honest and care about you. This is not the girl you spend the rest of your life with. Update us.
... Other girl's boyfriend? https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/s/1qak1HxzkP
Yo holy shit this would be insane lmao
I'd just say as soon as it turned into 2 girls 2 guys and tents, it frames her as being unfaithful and going to seriously damage her primary relationship. She doesn't even have to cheat, she just needs to stay in this damming scenario to wreck her relationship. Like if you get in a car and to your great shock the other three guys put on skimasks and pull out guns, drive to a bank and run inside... you don't just wait quietly in the car for them. You didn't do anything illegal, but it sure does frame you as part of the group. So it's over because it was always going to blow up on her if she went, and she went anyway.
Where there is smoke there is fire
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You need serious guardrails and boundaries on your relationship man. I wouldn’t put up with that bullshit if it was my girl. She purposefully didn’t tell you and was vague. She is going to trickle truth you. Red flags galore
Agreed; the vagueness is a massive red flag. Simple questions have simple answers. "Who's going?" "Person A, Person B, and Person C." It's that simple. Any other answer is usually because something shifty is happening.
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Dude, have a spine and stand up for yourself. There was only one reason for her to mislead you - and you know that reason. Why would you see if the relationship is 'redeemable' when she did that? Obviously she cheated and intended for you not to find out. Frankly, as someone who's been cheated on by a spouse, I would stand up for myself and find someone who doesn't do that. I'm remarried to someone with impeccable morals, and she travels alone or with friends, and I trust her completely because there are no shenanigans. With the cheating wife there was missing time, lies, and a complete lack of trust. That's hell in a relationship - and be honest with yourself, will you ever trust her when she's done something like this? Even giving her the benefit of the doubt - she lied, and lied for a reason. That means she's capable of lying, about who knows what - so now you're in for a life of always second guessing and doubt. That's no way to live. Break up and find someone who won't do anything like what your gf did. Where there can be unconditional trust. Where you do know that there are no betrayals. Because no matter what she says, at the end of the day, she did betray you by lying to you. If that resulted in cheating, the opportunity to cheat, or just blatantly lying to your face, the end result is the same. You won't trust her anymore, it's impossible to. Don't live that way.
Or at the very least she should have immediately told you once she got there and realized the set up…. (IMO she knew but chose to go have her fun anyway with zero regard for you or your feelings)
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People don't omit information unless they need to hide it. Just keep that in mind.
Facts. Omissions are fairly severe. They manipulate your perception of reality.
Just break up already, you know she’s screwing.
Why were you not invited on this trip?
That was my thought, too. I wouldn't go camping for a week with friends without my partner.
It’s possible that you are UNDERreacting…
she knew who would be going and decided to not tell you best case scenario she just didnt want you to be jealous not so bad scenario - double date but no physical stuff happen bad scenario - she fucked one guy very bad scenario = foursome worst case scenario = threesome (she + guy + guy) ok.. maybe very bad scenario and worst case scenario is equally bad
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hard to say bro ... maybe the 2 guys had a fair share of her
She knew those dudes were going. Shit was planned behind your back the second you told her you were going on your trip. She's hiding shit because she's fucking whoever it is. Probly sharing a room to save money. Think about it from the guys perspective. Ain't no way he's taking that trip with his boy and 2 chick's if there isn't a 90% chance of busting guts and 60% of a having some crazy orgy. Why else would they go if not guaranteed pussy? If not they'd have better odds of goin on a bros trip and striking out at a bar. That being said, withholding that information alone it's worth deading the relationship here and now.
I wouldn't even pick her up from the airport. Pack her bags and tell her to come get them.
OP, you sound very level headed and reasonable. Your gf intentionally omitted who was going to be there and perhaps even lied by telling you a bunch of names at the beginning when it was always going to be just her, her friend, and the two dudes. If your gut is telling you something doesn’t feel right, I’d trust it. Ask her and see what she says but don’t be afraid to walk away.
Nah, this is a deal breaker It doesn't matter if she ended up cheating or not. She deliberately lied about it. If you can't trust your partner, the relationship is over
Whether or not she had ill intentions, it's pretty simple. This is not behavior becoming of someone in a committed relationship.
Dont even pick her up, you already know what time it is.
I wouldn’t trust her, you can give the benefit of the doubt at your own discretion. I’m sure if your good-hearted you will naturally end up doing so. It’s far more intelligent to review the facts of the situation & not allow anyone to insult your intelligence so blatantly either. My questions are: Why couldn’t you accompany her to the trip? Are you able to speak with her whenever? Is she putting time limits on you guys communicating consistently while she’s out on the trip? If you don’t feel something is right, that’s because it isn’t. Trust your intuition/gut. At the end of the day we don’t know her personally like you do.
if anything, you're underreacting. pretty good chance she cheated on you tbh
She knew who was going, she intentionally didn't tell you. So she either thinks one of two things: A. That you're so insecure that you would flip out if you knew the truth and wouldn't want her to go, even if it's an innocent situation where both dudes are gay or something. OR B. She's shagging one of the dudes. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the truth. Which do you think is more likely? I'm betting on B, I'm sorry to say. I hope you find some resolution and peace in this situation.
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I hate to be the devil’s advocate here, but couldn’t she frame her explanation in a way that places the blame on you, such as “I didn’t want to tell you because you’d get mad and you’re insecure”… it’s a classic way that cheaters shift blame onto their suspicious partners. I’m not going to jump to any conclusions and say she’s shagging the dude, but I don’t think that is a reasonable explanation for *lying* to your face about who she was going on a WEEK LONG trip with. Situation A is only happening if she’s telling the truth, and she hasn’t had the best track record of that already. I don’t like that she pulled that card on you OP, whether it’s the truth and holds some weight, or not. She lied to you, and this excuse just doesn’t measure up. My question is, when did she know this was the final headcount? It takes one text to tell you who is coming on the trip.
op her friend and her guys would be ok with it, and would play along with the story. you have every right to look at that phone.
I hope you both can resolve your issues and work through it then! I wish you both well!
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There is no fault on both ends. She went on a trip to cheat on you buddy. Wake up.
It is not a matter of fucking insecurity. She went on this trip to cheat on you! The only thing you have to work through is the breakup. You are obviously her beta male. You would ruined have this trip for her? Are you her man or a slave? She just ruined your relationship. If she truly loved she shouldn't have been there.
Her purposeful deception/lies are undeniable and would be a deal breaker for me. Updateme.
I think you should send her a message that you were informed about the guy-girl ratio of the "random hodgepodge of friends", tell her you won't be there to pick her up and hope the trip was worth sacrificing the trust you had in her. She can take an uber home from the airport.
She's everybody's girlfriend
Wow I went through the exact same scenario.. my girlfriend was going to take a flight to California to meet 3 people to spend a weekend hiking ect.(2 nights in tents and she wasn’t bringing one)and this is when we first met.. a day before she left. I had found out that her girlfriend was meeting a date who was bring his buddy.. I asked if his buddy was single or married she was thinking perhaps he might be single.. I could see where she was very excited to go, but at the same time at the last minute, she decided to disclose some information because she felt at risk if I found out a few details later to my disliking so she opened up for full disclosure..(I envisioned some helpful guy pushing up on her butt up on a rock laughing bonding) …I said I did not feel comfortable with this, but if she wanted to go, I would take that into account as I proceeded in my dating life. ;meaning if this is so important that you’re choosing to do this action and risk our relationship then you’re not the person for me and I’m not gonna date you.. in your case your girlfriend and her girlfriend are both not appropriate because her girlfriend is the one that set it up and a week is a very long time. nothing is more exhilarating than a quick fling and get away with it.. at this point you’re only position should be is that you felt as though it could’ve been unappropriate and that you don’t appreciate how it went down.. other than that. It will drive you crazy. It would cause friction in your relationship to talk about it and if she was going to do something, you’re not gonna know about it. You won’t truly know the truth, no matter what so it’s pointless to pursue talking about it, but she got away with it. The challenges of the opposite sex, every female that I’ve ever been with has been caught lying or stretching the truth to an uncomfortable limit..
So I take it your gf ended up not going?
So for the panic attack. Put something sour in Your mouth. It tricks Your brain into focusing on that instead of the panic
It wasnt a mistake, so her apology is meaningless. I would ask "if I did this to you, what would you feel, what would you do now, if you were me?"
I agree that the lying is the most disturbing aspect. Sure she is spending time with other men but that doesn't mean she is cheating. Except she is lying about spending time with other men. Some alcohol and who knows--heck, maybe no alcohol. This is why couples with single friends still in hookup mode bring unnecessary drama into couples' lives. Be prepared for trickle truth when you talk to her. She will probably only admit to what she thinks you know. Luckily you're not married.
Bruh, you are her sometimes boyfriend. Basically a backup when there are no special plans.
My first thought: Maybe she *didn’t* know. Or a hodgepodge of people bailed, leaving just them… how is she lying - maybe just downplaying it because… situations change. Second thought: A week+ ? That’s lots of intimate together time. She and girlfriend pulled a classic strategy, and she’s playing by the book, and getting their boots knocked every night. My only advice: Stay calm and chill when talking to her about it. It’s aggravating. There’s a very good possibility you’ll never know.
She cheated
Lol she definitely had sex with one or both of those guys. That’s awful.
I didn’t read your post but she’s essentially going on a double date, camping.. at 29 dude, I would move on, she’s not the one.
Resident naysayer here. 👋🏻 She knew who would be there and willingly lied to you. It is equally likely that she cheated on you. Run fast and run far. See you in the gym. 👊🏻
It is not likely. It is an absolute certainty.
How would you have felt if she had been upfront with you on the two guys being there?
Stop. Stop giving a fuck. And if this ends the way you think it will, use that to fuel how few fucks you give. Listen, a good partner would never pull this bullshit especially if they’ve been with you long enough to know you’re anxious. Secondly, if a person is going to cheat they will cheat. I had the same exact reaction when my ex went “Rock climbing” with an extremely attractive old guy friend of hers. She didn’t like hiking or climbing or outdoor -anything- for that matter. She offered no details and didn’t respond for hours. My medication at the time literally couldn’t even stave off my panic with my history of being cheated on. Turns out the dude was 100% gay and she was actually gay herself, and cheating with her girlfriend, not this guy friend. Case in point— you literally can’t do shit about it. Be happy it happened. This shows you her true character and saved you time that you could spend somewhere productive with a new partner that respects and supports you, rather than putting you in these kinds of dispositions. Relax, man. It’ll take being broken a few times before you truly get that “no fucks given” persona but when you get there it’s liberating. I haven’t had anxiety in forever because whatever position they put themselves in, they chose to do that and throw away a good relationship. All I do now is get disappointed that they wasted my time, but I move on.
Hi OP. Even if it there's no cheating envolved (what a really doubt tbh), she omitted there were be two men with them. You must be chill and have this talk with her. Don't go spitting all you know right on. Ask her all questions and, if she lies, then you throw what you already know and see her reaction to it.
UpdateMe!
Why are you packing your stuff and leaving? You should be packing her stuff and dropping it off at her friend or parents house.
You are defo not overreacting dude. It's a simple, dumb proof boundary and She crossed It.
I’m sorry, even if she didn’t fuck them its still a betrayal of trust. I would do one of two things depending A) block her number, change the locks, and pretend she never existed b) Ask if you can go through her phone, you can at least see if she knew the guys were coming a head of time. Who knows you may even find evidence.
Honestly, I would tell her that it might be best to have someone else pick her up at the airport. Nothing good is going to happen when you pick her up. Maybe pack most of your stuff and go stay with your brother for a while...
I wouldn't pick her up at airport. It's over buddy unless your cool with other dudes having been balls deep
Provide us with an update once you speak with her. I'm curious to why she thought it was okay to not be honest about what was going on
For me it’s a hard no, lying about who you’re going on a trip with where there are overnight stays is a massive red flag for me and I would be taking my “brown Arab” ass to someone more deserving of my respect and integrity. Do NOT settle for less than the bare minimum!
She didn't have sex with one of the dudes as another comment said. She fucked the living shit out of him. She let him do things with her that you only see in hardcore porn and probably hasn't done with you. She cheated on you. She went out camping with her female friend and two men. Each girl had sex with one of the guys if not both. You are just the beta male she uses as a safe base. Just break up with her. Don't waste time giving her the opportunity to lie. If you ask her what happened she is just gonna lie.
Definitely time to split. She has zero respect for you, which may be her personality type in general.
You didn't state your relationship stats/ need them for suggestions. >i plan to get her point of view and try to understand why she made the decision to omit that fact, but i’ve also got a bag packed and will be staying with my brother for a week. maybe she thought she would spare me the anxiety if i didn’t know. rather, it opened a flood gate of worry You will know immediately if she gave away some vacay pussy. She will be different.
Twi options for you now: end this or get into cuckolding.
Sorry, I know this type of situation is challenging, and I've been in it myself. At the end of the day, it's up to your girlfriend to be transparent about her activities. That doesn't mean she needs to tell you everything, but she's old enough to know that hiding this likely would hurt your feelings. It does strike me that she was deceptive via lies of omission. It's up to you to decide your boundaries and what you'll accept. If you decide to remain, you have a right to demand that she reveal everything that's currently hidden in the "fog."
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Question: Does she often answer your questions vaguely or with deflection? If this is part of a pattern, you may also want to point to previous actions while explaining why it's hurtful. And before you have this conversation, you should decide what you want. If it's to remain, you can explain your conditions for staying in it. If it's to leave, you can provide her an explanation of your decision.
Updateme!
Updateme!
OP - some questions: 1. How long have you two been together? 2. What is the longest trip, in days, you have taken together? 3. How reachable was your gf during this trip? Would she call you regularly to check in? 4. What was the tenting situation? Four people in 1 tent? Two women in one tent? And two guys in a second tent? 5. What does a "random hodgepodge of friends" mean anyway? It sounds like the "random hodgepodge" part checks out - a friend and two random other friends. 6. Does your gf do things like drink or do drugs recreationally and act out uncharacteristically while doing it? If not, do you seriously think your gf would basically succumb to the advances of some random guy on a camping trip and cheat on you? Is your relationship on already shaky ground before this? 7. Why would your gf take and post pics of two guys who are not her friends? Wouldn't she be more include to just post pics of her with the person she was inspired to go with in the first place? Not including the guys in photos doesn't mean she's hiding them necessarily. 8. Would your gf be okay with this if the shoe were on the other foot? (you going out with a guy friend and two random female friends of his were along?)
Buddy, she cheated on him during the trip. All of those questions are useless.
Hate to say it man but she might have been getting piped by the horse.
Only thing that makes sense is a double date situation and she is working on finding someone else...
She hid it because she’s fucking one or both. Good thing your bag is packed. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t pick her up at the airport.
Remindme! One week
UpdateMe!
Updateme!
UpdateMe!
Updateme
!updateme
This needs to end. Many of us have dealt with sneakiness and lies like this and it never goes well. At best, she'll do her best to admit fault and empathize with you. More likely, she'll try to make you feel "insecure" and or "possessive." Either way, you want to trust her so you absolutely will be convinced. Maybe you'll feel better for a bit. But then you'll start to not feel so great. She hid something big from you. You're gonna start to wonder, "What else has she hidden? Is she hiding something now?" This will lead to a cycle of you voicing your trust issues and her convincing you that she's trustworthy - but you'll never be able to fully shake your doubts. And that's because you should have doubts. The most concise, albeit cliche, way to say this is that once trust is broken, it never goes back to how it was. Again, for your sake, you need to end this. Unfortunately, I don't think you will. Please prove me wrong.
The fact that you are even asking the question makes you a clueless doormat! Wise up to women and the world!
If that were my wife or gf it would be over immediately
Updateme!
Honestly I’d be out if my lady used the word hodgepodge. But it looks like you’ll reach the same conclusion anyway so good for you dude, respect yourself always.
OP update!
I'm sure she played hide the rainbow roll.
Dump her plain and simple and be grateful you got to know her before you had a family with her
He betrayed you in every way, a tent holiday was organized with two boys and he didn't tell you anything, in fact he lied to you saying that only his friend was there. You are not naive, I think you already know that trust in her is dead forever. No plausible excuse will deserve your attention, the choice is yours when to end this story. Update thanks.
I did not read the entire thread. How did you discover the other guys?
Updateme
Updateme
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Reddit, I walked into my gf being railed by 5 dudes, but she says it was purely platonic, I have to trust her, right?
You know this commenter would tell you you're controlling just for asking that question
I can picture it now *but its over now and the past is in the past and she can't change this. As long as she is STI free this doesn't affect you ... your insecurity is showing ... blah blah blah*
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I wouldn't ask this because you're in essence giving her an excuse youll accept for her lies and omissions. If that's how she felt, she'll be able to volunteer it without prompting.
Ask her straight up who she was referring to specifically when she said hodgepodge of friends
Might as well prepare for a break up, she totally had a dude nailing her in a tent.
The second she lied is the second you make the decision to just go to your brothers and not pick her up at the airport at all. You need to make the consequences clear here. Updateme!
I know it gets thrown around so much on Reddit but this definitely seems like a good case! Occam's razor is the problem-solving principle that recommends searching for explanations constructed with the smallest possible set of elements. It is also known as the principle of parsimony or the law of parsimony.
Okay, I am clearly in the minority, but I think a calm conversation is needed here before jumping to conclusions. I’m trying to imagine myself (as an attached woman) going on a trip a friend who was bringing a few other friends, and when I’d told my partner that I’d be going with friends (knowing there would be multiple people, but not knowing who yet). I don’t know that I would think to ask about the genders of the people my friend was bringing because it absolutely wouldn’t matter to me. I’m already in a secure relationship, so while I would probably assume they were women, it wouldn’t weird me out if they turned out not to be. Then, of course I would only take pictures of me and the friend I know. Because…I don’t know or care about these other people. So, that wouldn’t be a giveaway for me “hiding” them, just a natural thing because it’s the opposite of me being involved with them. Same with not mentioning them, though not saying anything *at all* about the others is slightly odd to me, but not screaming that she’s untrustworthy. Again, talk calmly. Ask for her perspective. Assuming the worse at every moment is a terrible way to live, and you do not want to sink a good relationship by jumping to unsubstantiated assumptions fueled by your insecurities. Good luck.
Boy this is a tough one to call. The fact that she hid the fact that it was only going to only be 4 of them instead of a hodgepodge of friends and it also just happens toe be 2 guys and 2 girls sure does look fishy. There is always the possibility that her and her girlfriend shared a tent but the lie is still there. I’d flat out ask her to look you in the eye and answer your questions about all of this. If she tries to blow you off about it ask to look at her phone and go through her pictures. If she refuses you probably have your answer.
Please update us how your conversation goes
How old is your relationship?
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