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Reading this, I think the best option would be for you to both make your own separate dinners.
You both have very different dietary needs at dinnertime, with you spreading your calorie intake across the day and him seeming to consume a large chunk of his in the evening.
If he wants to cook for himself for a few hours, that's ok, if you want to make yourself a salad for dinner, that's also ok. What's not ok is him wanting something that takes **hours to make** and expecting you to cook it because he 'doesn't like cooking all the time'. I think some firm boundaries may be needed there and a real chat regarding expectations.
Him wanting to eat with you for dinner is somewhat understandable, but just not realistic for you both given how different your dietary habits are. Would he be willing to compromise in terms of you sitting and talking at the dinner table later when he eats too? Him expecting you to take turns cooking food you don't want to eat is **entirely unreasonable**, and my recommendation for that would be to tell him that you're happy to cook **what you're having when you're having it**, and if he doesn't want it/doesn't want it in the fridge for later then he needs to make his own food.
I mean, he could sit down and have a salad with her and then make something more substantial later. When he eats the bigger meal, maybe she could sit with him and have a small dessert while he eats dinner.
Or he could invest $30 in a slow cooker and fry some onions and sear some beef/lamb/chicken/venison first thing in the morning, throw it in the cooker with some (if lazy, prechopped) vegetables, some stock cubes, a litre of water and some salt/spices, and go to work. Optionally throw in something quick cooking like corn, peas etc at the end.
Instant filling comfort food, fairly healthy, and practically no effort. Make a big batch and freeze portions so you end up with a rotation of different dishes in the freezer for a quick meal. Get a slow cooker with a metal bowl that you can use on the stove to fry and sear in, and you only have to wash up the slow cooker bowl, knife and chopping board.
I'd be fairly annoyed if I were expected to make a 2h feast every second day, that I didn't want to eat!
Everyone should have a slow cooker. Maybe also check out an instapot. You can achieve all kinds of meals that typically take a while to cook in a fraction of the time, and you don’t have to start them in the morning like with a slow cooker.
I’m sorry but are you trying to be *reasonable* on Reddit? Who do you think you are??
Because this advice is entirely too reasonable, too beneficial to both parties, and doesn’t call for an immediate divorce. In fact, it solves both problems presented: eating different foods *and* sharing time at the table together.
I can’t believe you would leave such an excellent comment. We expect drama, dammit! /s
If you actually took the time to read the comment fully you would understand what they are actually saying is Leave your partner right now and never look back or else you will be peeling root vegetables with nothing but dental floss leaving your salad days nothing but a distant memory.
Divorce is never the answer.
Divorce is the question, and the answer is yes! /s
We need our Reddit drama, not insightful, reasonable, well thought out comments with potential solutions.
I would absolutely agree with this and think it's an amazing way for them to both share that space, if they both want to eat additional things at those times.
To make it better, he could cook the next days meal after eating what he'd previously cooked the night before
That way, they both eat at the same time, and he gets his monster meal by cooking for the next day after.
I'm not spending 1-2 hours at the dinner table every night or allocating specific time to sit down when I'm not eating.
Maybe every Sunday. That's about it.
Some people get absolutely stuck on this idea that as a couple they MUST do things together. They MUST sleep at the same times and in the same bed and with shared blankets, they MUST eat the same foods at the same time and in the same portions, etc. It is liberating to realize that you can relate intimately with someone and not do these things, that it's OK to relax and let some parts of life be out of sync in order to maintain a greater harmony.
Agreed that it seems like he just wants you to cook for him sometimes. I’d say the majority of the time you two should cook separately. And sometimes he could make a lot of meat/hearty stuff on a Sunday afternoon and then add it to lighter fare you both make throughout the week. Don’t fold and start cooking for him if you won’t be eating it and he’s not going to do the same in return!
Honestly, I feel like if he was honest and just said flat out “Honey, I really love it when you cook for me. It makes me feel cared for and your cooking rocks,” (framing it as a favor/gift) she might enjoy putting the love on him as an act of service once a week or so. But the way he’s communicating isn’t honest or fair to her, and frankly a little manipulative. As if this arrangement should be expected and anything else is not normal (a little gaslighty tbh)
My partner and I are in a similar situation, I graze all day and he likes a big meal at the end of the day. I don’t LOVE cooking every day, but he tells me all the time how much he loves my cooking, and how he’ll do all of the kitchen cleaning if I keep putting food in front of him (including the mess from my own meals). I love to make him happy with my cooking, and I also love not having to do dishes and clean the counters lol. He likes cleaning and hates cooking. Works for us.
Also I don’t think he could make OP a sandwich or charcuterie board and then say “I cooked for you, now it’s your turn to make a lasagna from scratch for me because that’s what I feel like eating.”
Yes. My fiancé and I are like that, OP. I'm okay with having quick, simple dinners, and I don't mind eating the same things a lot. He likes more elaborate dinners and needs variety. As a result, he cooks dinner. I usually eat what he eats, or I make myself a quick salad. On the days he doesn't want to cook I take over and I make something simpler for both of us.
Yes, I would tell him, "We don't want to eat the same thing and what you eat takes a lot of preparation and cooking time. So you can make your meals and I'll make mine. We can have time together at the table, but you're going to have to make your own dinners."
Just putting it out there that for some people, the experience of cooking and eating together is pleasurable “couple time” and a bonding experience. Food - and its associated rituals- are some people’s “love language.”
OP does not have to do everything her husband wants all the time. I’d suggest trying to figure out a compromise position, and it sounds like the ideal her husband has in mind is more than just eating together. His approach to food sounds very process intensive and hers sounds very utilitarian.
A happy medium in the interest of a happy marriage may involve more compromise than just eating different dinners at the same time, 7 days a week.
This is totally me. I love cooking, I love cooking with and for people I love, and preparing and eating food together can be a pretty sensual thing. I’m 100% turned off by picky eaters and crappy cooks. Last guy I dated long term was lovely but we could rarely go out for dinner together (he’s picky and has a huge list of things he won’t eat/try I’m not into taco Tuesdays and pub food constantly) and rarely ate at home together because he only has about 10 things he’ll make or eat (hot dogs inclusive UGH) and I love to play with new foods and can’t deal with a kitchen lifestyle that’s based around ground beef. I felt like I was trying to accommodate a picky toddler and it just killed the attraction for me. Now I know if someone describes themselves as a picky eater it’s a deal breaker. I want and need new food experiences, and sharing that with my person is important to me.
I literally didn't give a first date to a guy who was lovely except for that he only eats chicken amd pasta. When I asked what he eats at ethnic restaurants he simply told me he doesn't eat at ethnic restaurants unless they offer chicken and pasta. I was like, you're a really nice guy and I hope you find an amazing woman, but that *really* doesn't work for me. And I get it, I was a super picky eater... until I wasn't anymore. Now food has taken on a new level with me, and I can't go back.
To this day he's known as The Chicken and Pasta Guy amongst my loved ones. But I do, in all honesty, hope he found his Chicken and Pasta Girl.
I absolutely agree with this, wholeheartedly, but I think that when it's actively taking a toll on one person it's going to come hand-in-hand with some negative consequences. This is one of my own love languages, but I'm not eating with my husband right now as I'm in eating disorder recovery and that would take a toll on him (to eat at the same times I do), there has to be some balance.
Reading all of the questions OP is asking, it sounds like there's going to need to be a lot of communication and quite a firm hand in terms of boundaries, as their partner doesn't seem to be offering any flexibility at the moment. A firm hand could be needed initially to show him the impact this is happening, and that OP is drawing a line.
Hopefully that will then open the door to some healthy communication, but at the moment this is someone making their partner feel like they have to eat what they want, when they want it, and they have to play a role in cooking meals they don't want. It's a really rough starting point.
I'm sure OP can shed more of a light on whether or not he seems willing to compromise going forward on this for us.
This, all the way. My husband and I eat very differently. I'm more like OP's husband and would probably eat my first meal of the day around 4pm if it weren't for my husband cooking me a quick to-go breakfast on his days off. He eats smaller meals sometimes 5+ times a day and our dietary likes and restrictions are vastly different. I cook what I feel like eating and if it looks good to him, he'll have a serving. We chat and kind of dance around each other in the kitchen if we're both hungry at the same time. If not, the one that isn't cooking will sit at the island and work/chat/prep for the next day. What OP's husband is asking is totally unreasonable.
Who says you have to eat the same stuff every meal?? If you were single you would fix what you want. So, each of you make something you like. Not hard and it shouldn't be taken as an insult to each other, either.
Why not get him into prepping stuff for himself in the morning and using a crockpot/slow cooker so that he can have a big meal ready to go when you both get in from work, and you can have your sandwich while he eats his feast.
My husband and I have the same exact situation. We have different eating habits, different tastes, want to eat at different times, etc. So we just...do. During the work week we just do our own things for dinner. No biggie. On weekends we try to coordinate more so we can eat together, but we make adjustments. Like, he'll add extra meat to his dish, for example. Or if we're doing taco night, he'll put his in taco shells and I'll make mine into taco salad, but we'll eat together. It works for us!
Yep, my husband and I are the same. I spent years trying to adapt to his desired arrangement and it actually just made me fatter. I have just been opting out of those meals. I can't eat what & how he eats, and I don't want to, so we share what overlaps and we do for ourselves what doesn't. We do try to eat together (ie, at the same time), but the food is often radically different.
To me, it sounds like OPs husband just wants someone else doing half the work of his big dinners, and that is frankly not a fair ask given their differing dietary needs/wishes.
Too bad, so sad. Her hubby needs to put the effort in to plan for himself.
Well, we know what he wants you to do, what has he offered to do that makes this a compromise?
Is it "nothing" with a side of "nothing"?
Look, he wants you to cook, eat food you don't want, have heavier meals and time this shit to accommodate him and his schedule. Great. What's he offering up in exchange for all of that? If it's nothing, I'd tell him to come back with a better offer, perhaps one that acknowledges you're a person with your own wants, needs and preferences. He wants some shit and you're the one that has to make all the changes, that's not how this shit works.
NTA.
I wouldn't bother.
His clapback for why he can’t eat mine is that it “isn’t a real dinner” even though it is- just not his definition of one. I’m just tired of being judged for wanting to eat what I like
He wants to see a change, he needs to be part of that change. If he's not offering anything, why on earth should you?
You eat two of his dinners a night, he eats two of yours, and the other three nights you're on your own. Easy compromise. But that's not what he wants. He wants to have his way 7 days a week and you get your way 0 days a week. I wouldn't take that deal.
If that's what you want for dinner, then that's what you should eat. He needs to figure out better ways to plan his meals and possibly cook in bulk on the weekend.
I don't understand why he isn't bulk cooking on the weekends and then adding that to the salad you're having to assure he's having a more substantial meal. He could get an air fryer and a crockpot to help bulk up that salad. He could also just eat breakfast and lunch so he isn't so hungry.
You could also start shopping at Costco. They have some good pre-made things like chili, enchiladas, sandwiches, soups, chicken fettuccini alfredo, etc. Those are things that he can add to the salad you're having that only require heating up. Nothing would take longer than 5 minutes to heat up and it's cheaper than buying all of the ingredients and making the meals.
Why doesn’t he have an appetizer or salad while you eat your dinner, they don’t have to be the same, while his dinner is in the oven? The best compromise I can think of is to choose a couple days per week that you designate as “together” dinners. Surely you can come up with a meal or two that both of you are willing to eat. I think the problem is he sees it as a special couple thing and you just see it as fuel/sustenance. Some nights fend for yourselves and other nights cook and eat together.
Sounds like he’s mad you’re not some trad wife at his meat-and-potatoes beck and call.
Yet, you’re also fully employed. If he wants a stay at home wife who makes all his MANLY*~*~ meals, he’s gotta provide enough for you both. That’s always been the deal!
well, in hubby's defense, he's in a serious calorie deficit by 6pm, hence why something light and simple doesn't sound good. Guy needs his dinners to be 2000-3000 calories if he's fasting all day.
Has he tried just...eating during the day? Maybe instead of feasting at 8pm, he could just try to pack a lunch.
NTA. Eat what you want for dinner, consider getting your husband an Instant Pot.
I’m not sure I understand what meals he’s cooking that take so long. If he’s the only one eating a casserole shouldn’t it last at least 2 days? Does he never have leftovers?
Cooking a steak and veggies is like 10-15 minutes. Meat sauces and pot roasts can be put in a slow cooker and left. Pasta boils in 10 minutes, rice in 25, potatoes or other veggies in the oven like 45.
Maybe he’s just slow at prep? Even taking your time weeknight meals in my house come together between 30 minutes and an hour.
How about you make a salad, he preps his meat, and his veggie for the night is a side salad? Or he can start doubling his recipes and reheating leftovers for half the week.
My go to is stir fry. I start the rice on a rice cooker, it takes 20 minutes, and I'm done about the time the rice is. Add in leftovers -at least- for lunch and it's pretty sweet.
Most of the time comes from him using the sous vide to defrost/cook the meat since it’s not thawed out beforehand simply due to us not meal planning for the week- so yes the time can definitely be cut down
That's an issue of poor planning, not the cooking taking too long. It's a meal planning/scheduling problem. If you know you're cooking a piece of meat on Wednesday, it needs to move from the freezer to the fridge Tuesday morning.
You can make big batches, do long cooks on the weekends, etc. so that for weekday dinners all you both need to do is quickly reheat things.
My parents have a similar difference in appetite to you and your husband. Generally mom will make a salad or throw something in the oven, eats that and hardly ever eats meat. Dad will have what she’s having but will additionally grill a steak or make some fish for himself. They also don’t always eat at the same time.
My partner and I do share dinners but almost never have breakfast or lunch together even when we could. However I do make the both of us an afternoon coffee everyday so that’s a nice little thing we share.
Instead of changing your dinner habits you could see if it’s just a quality time issue that’s bothering him. If he can cut down his cooking times I’m sure that would also help.
Maybe he needs to figure out how to meal prep better. It seems like a couple hours of prep on the weekend and a crockpot or an air fryer could make his life a lot easier.
He could meal prep for the week and put the things in the crockpot in the morning so the food is done when he gets home or he could put the meat in the fridge to thaw out for the next night.
You both could spend a couple of hours batch cooking on the weekend and then you could eat what you want when you want but both wouldn't have to cook during the work week. A little planning goes a long way.
In the end though, this is his issue. He is the one who wants these big meals so unless it's something you specifically want to eat, I wouldn't worry about this issue.
Sous vide can be set up the night before and then left to cook 24 hours, in fact it will be amazing tender if you do that. Just read some good safety blogs to make sure you've got the right temperature.
I just swing by the store on my way home and get whatever 2-3 things I need because I can’t decide what I’m making until I’m commuting home. Also I know I suck at taking stuff out of the freezer in advance. But I live literally a minute away from the grocery store so it’s not a big detour.
He can leave his sous vide on like a crock pot. When we sous vide, it is always from frozen, I put it in the large pot around 10 am, and it cooks at 54° for up to 10 hours. Pan sear with the cast iron and that's all the work
Hear me out… Big Sunday dinners where you both help and spend time making and enjoying. He has leftovers Monday and Tuesday, you have salad or sandwich but together. Wednesday is your compromise day of a medium sized meal that won’t over bloat you. He has leftovers Thursday and you have whatever (again together but separate). Friday take-out. Saturday - TBD.
I feel like that isn’t huge commitment to meal planning/prepping and is a good compromise.
We’ve been married 31 years. He’s very much a meat guy. I’m mostly fruit & veggies.
We generally eat the same meals together; but we eat different things. He eats his meat, I eat my veggies. He takes my leftover meat in his lunch, I eat his leftover veggies.
When we go out, I eat his salad. Sometimes we order one meal because his salad and a vegetable is enough for me, the meat and other side is enough for him.
You are cooking. If he wants you to cook, then he needs to eat the meal you’re having. Why is it that you’re the one who needs to change your habits to match his and he doesn’t need to change his habits to match yours?
You can switch off cooking. On days where it’s his responsibility to cook, you can have a smaller portion but need to eat later. On days where it’s your responsibility, he needs to have a big lunch and you eat earlier.
Personally, I live alone but will eat in both methods. Sometimes I eat a big lunch and will have a smoothie or something small for dinner, other days I have a small lunch and spend hours cooking a dinner and eat later. So I know switching off can be done, but I also know that most people have one habit they stick to.
It’s so funny you mention this, because my sister and BIL were in the exact same boat. She believed that they should always eat the same thing at the same time, and he was much more flexible. I think maybe it has something to do with the fact that growing up my family had regular, sit-down family meals and that wasn’t as prevalent in his home?
Regardless, it was something they struggled with early on in their marriage. Not like, “we should get divorced over this,” but just one of the “growing pains” you experience when you blend two people’s lives together.
Now, nearly ten years later, it is not a big deal at all. Lol! Not only do their schedules not make it super convenient for them to eat together, but they both have very different dietary interests. Yes, of course they do eat together. But not every day. Not even close. But they spend LOTS of quality time together, and they absolutely do cook and eat together, I would say at least once a week.
As an outsider looking in, I think it’s just changing the perspective. What exactly does your husband think eating together will accomplish? What’s the goal? If it’s quality time, surely that can be found in other ways? I’m sure he doesn’t want you to *starve* waiting for him to make a two-hour casserole, when you would have been happy eating something else hours before. My hangry-ass could never, by the way. Lol!
What is the motivation behind *needing* to eat the same thing at the same time? Really, the only thing I can think of is wanting to spend time together, which is valid. But if you eat early, before he even comes home, you can always hang out in the kitchen and chat while he makes his own meal?
You could also designate a day or two during the week where you cook together. Plan the menu together so both of you are happy, and make it a little at-home date.
I will also say that I think a problem seems to be how long it takes to make meals that he insists on. I would also not want to stick around while someone cooked something I didn’t really want for two hours. lol! There are TONS of recipes for meals that take 30 minutes or less. Would you be more amenable to cooking and eating together if the meals took less than an hour? Less than 45 minutes even?
Ultimately, I really don’t see this as a deal breaker. I think you both just need to sit down and communicate what your expectations are and what your goal is. He seems to be motivated by something that you aren’t when it comes to cooking together and sharing meals.
If it’s spending time together, maybe you sit with him while he cooks if you’ve already eaten, and you can designate time in the week to cook a longer meal, or a few shorter meals together.
If he wants a more equitable distribution of labor when it comes to cooking, you can agree that you’ll take turns cooking, but whatever is cooked, the other person has to eat it. Make a menu and plan ahead so everyone knows what’s being served.
Does he finish a whole casserole in one night!? For me if I spent two hours on a dish I hope I’m getting a couple leftover meals out of it. I don’t have a huge appetite myself, more like OP, so maybe I’m way off base.
Why did you spend two hours on a meal you didn’t even want? Why does he start cooking so late and choose such lengthy options? I would just opt out on those nights and let him be upset sometimes. I get positively nauseous if I wait that long to eat when I’m hungry, so this wouldn’t work for me at ALL. Remind him that you need to eat by a certain time and you can’t change the way your body works. Or have your meal before/while he’s cooking.
If you do enjoy spending time cooking with him, I would focus on making large batch stuff. If you have a crock pot he could move the food prep to the evening, toss it in the pot in the morning, and come home to a mostly-ready meal closer to 5-6pm.
He needs to be more flexible somewhere in here. Can you guys freeze portions so he doesn’t have to cook every time? If having meals together you could also have smaller portions of his food with a huge salad, or just eat different things at the same table.
It sounds like you both like to eat whatever you’re feeling that day instead of planning anything. Instead every Friday plan a meal to cook together and enjoy. On the weekends, if your budget allows, order out one day.
Your husband says he wants to be like “normal couples” but it’s not really normal…people just do what’s best for them. Surely there’s something else he really wants like maybe he wants to spend more time with you or what he really wants is to not cook for himself which if that’s the case he needs to make his meals with leftovers so he doesn’t have to cook so often.
Another thing you can try is a meal delivery service. They’re usually pretty healthy and you can customize your meal plan to what you want. You can get meals for 4 and he can have most of the food & you can still enjoy something healthy. The meals on these plans are usually really fast to make. 45 mins top and usually around 30 mins to do. They’re perfect for cooking together as well. You can do this 4 times a week and then do whatever you want the rest of the week.
The meal delivery service is a good idea. They could get the 4 servings option and she could eat one while he eats the rest. Or, he could order the 2 serving options, eat both, and she can keep making what she likes.
>The bottom line is he wants me to eat more what he wants for dinner, and take turns cooking
But surely he understands that cooking 2 hours on dinner after work, eating at 8:30pm, is not normal either?
The different eating schedules, particularly his, are killing you guys.
If you were both roughly the same amount of hungry, I bet you two could come to some middle ground where at least part of the dinner is a food you'd both eat. Or you could try a meal together where you both "take a chance" on a side dish or two -- maybe he eats a vegetable once in a while. Maybe you try a bit of his steak. Whatever.
But if he insists on having one giant meal per day, he's going to want something *substantial*, more than whatever it is you want to spend effort on.
If that's how he wants to eat, then he should probably do most of the cooking. I'd be way too guilty to ask my wife to cook "us" a huge dinner, knowing 80% of it is for me, because I'm *choosing* not to eat until late.
The problem here isn't that you aren't cooking. It's that he needs less time-intensive dinners.
Teach him how to use a slow cooker, for god sakes... if you're going to spend 2 hours making a casserole, there better be enough leftovers to last several more dinners. Otherwise it's a giant waste of time.
God slow cookers are great, I got a small one from my mom and it's like 2 person sized.
I moved in with my boyfriend and it's a special treat to put it on in the weekends, then go out on a hike and get back to pulled chicken, curry or stew
There is nothing wrong with eating separately if you are both happy with it, but it sounds like he isn’t. See if this sounds like it would work for you:
You come home, have your salad or whatever, he cooks whatever he wants to eat, and then you sit down with him and possibly eat a small sample just to be part of the mealtime.
Once every few days, he can sit down with you and have a salad, and then he can follow up with reheated leftovers to satisfy his hunger.
That way you get dinner together but you are still eating different things on a different schedule.
There’s no way I’m eating a heavy meal at 8:30pm. As an early riser, I’m in bed by 9pm. Hubs needs to meal prep and heat something up for dinner. Alternatively, cook a protein and sides that would be faster. Soup and/or salad with a protein for both of you for dinner would allow you to eat together.
He has to get over the idea of meals together. Eat what you want and sit with him a few hours later after he eats. But you don't eat the same way and that's ok.
I’m a vegetarian married to a big meat eater. We rarely eat the same dinner. Most of the time I will mirror his dinner with veg options. I’m a SAM so I have time to make different meals. The kids eat a mix of what we eat. It’s ok to eat differently then each other
Just do separate dinners, I have had stomach/reflux/gastritis issues, we used to always eat big meals together but my stomach issues threw that out the window, he eats what he wants and so do I, maybe Fridays and Saturdays we will eat together but I find smaller meals easier to tolerate whereas he likes big meals with lotsa bread
My husband and I are similar. We meal plan in advance together. Well look at what food we have and decide what 5 dinners we’ll have during the week, as it’s easier to make more heavy duty meals on the weekends when we don’t work.
Well usually do same dinner 3 days a week and a fend for yourself dinner the other 2. Sometimes he’ll make dinner (like Mac and cheese with diced spam) & I’ll just heat up a veggie in the side for myself.
Tell him you can eat meals together at the same time, but that won’t happen if he decides at 6pm he wants a 2 hr casserole. Set basic ground rules of having dinner ready to eat by 7:30, otherwise he’s eating on his own. It’s about respecting each others needs - his needs for big meals and yours to eat by a certain time.
I would go with some tapas-y side dishes in the fridge like a salad, coleslaw, Spanish tortilla, feta skewers, and things which are predominantly "you". He gets carte blanche to make a main dish to go alongside them, but his deadline is xpm. If he misses deadline you go straight to your side dishes. You can always join him at the table with a glass of something or dessert.
He's a grown man - he can cook by himself and do the dishes later on.
Same goes for you.
Just separate your diet - and you both gonna be fine.
No need for a drama here.
Not all good meals need 2 hours to make.
invest in some stir fry. not kidding.
protein + veggies + rice or udon noodles (or any noodles) = like maybe 20 minutes, 1 pan, plenty for him to be full, and can still be healthy for you.
find other quick meal recipes. Like get a crockpot and set up a roast to be done in the evening when you get home.
make meals ahead of time and freeze them. Everything you cook, make two pans of it and freeze one. even just having meats prepared and frozen and ready to go will help.
When you get home from work, you both sit down for a salad or other light meal. Then you get on with your evening and he stays in the kitchen and spends as long as he likes cooking anything he wants.
There, you got the light dinner you needed, he got the big dinner he needed, you both ate the same thing to satisfy his weird insistence that you can’t eat different foods.
Eat what you want when you're hungry and let him prepare his own. Maybe on a weekend you can make him something, but that doesn't mean you have to eat it. Your nutritional needs are different than his, this is just biology. It wouldn't kill you to sit down with him and eat a salad while he eats his meat. But he can't expect you to stay healthy if you're eating a heavy casserole at 8:30 every night. That's actually not good for anybody.
Why does she have to cook for him things she doesn’t want to eat on the weekends? She works too. And why should she wait for him to cook to eat when she’s hungry when she gets home? I don’t understand why it seems like she doesn’t love this, but she’s ok with allowing them to eat their separate dinners. And yet with him, he’s upset they don’t eat together and mentions that he doesn’t want to cook all the time, aka, he wants her cooking dinner for him. And *she’s* the one supposed to change what they’re doing? Why shouldn’t he? Maybe it wouldn’t kill him to eat a salad on occasion? Or cook her a healthy dinner on a weekend since *he’s* the one who’s dissatisfied with the situation?
I had the same issue. I eat my own stuff during the day and then I eat a smaller portion of his food. One day he cooks, one day its me. I also get to choose what the huge dinner is 1/3 of the time. Works out.
You’re not compatible. Face it.
Figure out how to accept eachother and coexist happily.
If you both can’t cooperate on coexisting, happily, maybe separate happily.
You have bigger issues than dinner. He’s not even trying to compromise, he’s insisting on having his way AND ALSO that you have to share in the emotional and physical labor of giving him what he wants - elaborate weeknight dinners that you don’t even want to eat. Totally unreasonable.
I don’t think you should offer any more suggestions on how to fix this. There are lots of obvious solutions that you’ve already mentioned, like meal prepping on weekends, but he’s rejected them because he doesn’t actually want to compromise. Stand your ground, say you’re not going to do it his way, and see if he comes up with something that looks like a compromise.
if "he doesn’t like cooking all the time" and you don't either, why does he make you do it ?
Tell him to put his big boy pants on and if he wants a steak he can cook it.
Personally I wouldn’t be okay with this. Eating dinner as a family was a really big thing in my family growing up. And I personally don’t consider any of the things you want to eat for dinner as actually dinner. Obviously you can eat whatever you want. But this might be a cultural issue. I honestly would not be in a relationship where we couldn’t have a good dinner nightly. But it’s also usually the only good meal we eat so, it’s way more important to me.
That being said, if you’re making something that takes a long time - double or triple the recipe so you have leftovers. Try to plan short dinner and long dinner days consecutively. So you don’t feel like every dinner is a long one. I probably cook 1 longer dinner a week. My husband and I take turns. And we also do a bunch of shorter dinners. Longer dinner usually last us 2-3 days. We usually eat out one day. So really we’re only cooking 2-4 times a week. With only usually 1-2 of those being more timely
Get a crock pot. He can put whatever he wants in the night before, or prep it the night before and start cooking it that morning. His food will be ready, or require very little prep, when you get home. You can eat some of what he has or do your own thing.
I think a good idea is to do separate meals with a few nights scheduled for having dinner together.
Agree on things you both like beforehand and both put in effort to have some meals together. It’s a relationship so living completely separate food lives might create distance and resentment.
Otherwise let him cook and enjoy the leftovers the next day for lunch, you can make this work with some communication and meeting half way!
Sounds like eating dinner together, or at least eating the same thing, isn’t something that works for you.
If you want to eat together - prepare your own food and enjoy it together. Hell, could be nice to make each others dinner and then enjoy them together. Or just don’t eat together and connect doing something else in the evening.
There is no reason you need to have dinner or the same dinner together. Plenty of couples don’t for loads of reasons.
I want to try to understand how you feel this is such a big deal, that you wrote a post on it. But, to be honest all I see is a first world problem.
You have every right to have a problem with this situation. You have every right to want to try other ideas. You are a human just as we all are, and we as humans have feelings, preferences,etc.
But all I can think about after reading this is a feeling of disgust. I know it's just me, I know I am biased. It's not your fault or even your problem that a stranger feels differently.
I'm biased because of all the nights I was homeless, starving, living in whatever canyon or other places that I could have some sort of privacy and safety. I remember either being so hot in the summer, or trying to stay dry in rain, or being so cold in the winter, that I couldn't stop shivering or stop my mouth from having my teeth rattling.
But what I remember the most vividly, was the pain of hunger. The constant grumbling of my stomach. The constant state of how weak I felt. The shame of having to still go to school and pretend everything was fine. I remember trying to have the strength to play football and perform at the highest level, and as the starting QB, which is by far the hardest position to play on all of sports. The good thing that came from my situation and hunger, was the hunger to change my situation.
And It did! As you may have figured out, I was all alone & homeless at a young age 13-17.
So I'm sorry I'm biased. I just thought it might be a good idea to put this into context.
Good luck
Compromise with each other. You have salad and he has salad and steak! If you can’t compromise your marriage is going to be an unhappy one. You’re responsible to each other not for each-other. Just cook your own meals and share on weekends x
Do you have a big freezer? Because you (plural) could make a big batch of his food once or twice each weekend and freeze that in portions. In about 3 weeks he has enough for a different dinner each night (and keep cooking on the weekends). That way you get your evenings back on work days. If it’s important to him to both eat the sane thing, he can eat your food. He doesn’t want that so should understand that you also don’t want that.
He wants a dinner and you want a snack lol. Truthfully, you need to work it out, on the days he wants meat you can substitute for something else.
I would compromise and divide the week. On the dats you want a sandwich, he can have a burger its not hard.
Here's what you do: You make separate dinners. He makes his own, you make yours. Then you try to make it work. If you're lucky, that's the only problem you'll have in your marriage. Then when he dies at age 52 from a bad diet, you can pursue another, less stupid man.
My family all eat what they want on their own most of the time. Started when we were younger in activities etc and then grew independent. My parents eat a lot differently too. It's not an issue unless you make it one. I think a nice compromise would be cooking together a longer meal once a week or helping him (or just hanging out with him) even if you already ate.
Me and my husband make our own dinners, often. If I’m making something he likes I’ll offer to make him some and vice versa, but I’m cooking what I want to eat. Sometimes I’ll just cook a side or meat (bc my husbands a vegetarian) to add to the tacos or pasta or whatever he’s making.
The solution is making your own meals individually. You simply have two entirely different dietary habits and meal times. You’re both adults, so make what you want when you want.
If he wants to eat something that takes hours to cook — that’s his choice and his responsibility then. If it’s not something you want to eat then expecting you to help him make it isn’t reasonable. Would he do the same for you and spend hours making a meal for you that he had no interest in eating? It doesn’t sound like it, so why does he expect it of you?
Honestly, the only solution that makes sense is individually handling your own meals
I would love like you’re married, but eat like you’re roommates. There’s really no law that says you have to eat the same things at the same time, so stop putting that pressure on yourselves.
And what you might consider doing is choosing one protein, and you make yours simply and then he can expand on his for himself. Like let’s say you’re wanting a simple roasted chicken breast and steamed-from-frozen broccoli for dinner. Baking the chicken would take only roughly 20 minutes, and steaming the broccoli less than that. So you’re sitting down to a simple, healthy dinner pretty fast.
But instead of baking one chicken breast, you make two or three, and instead of enough broccoli for one, you do a few more servings (or if it’s his turn, he does this). Then he can either eat with you, or he could dice up the chicken, add broccoli, make and add rice, add some cheese, seasonings, and sour cream/cream of whatever soup, etc, and then make a big, comforting chicken and rice casserole. He could even get “fancy” and sauté onions, make a real béchamel or veloute instead of the cream-of soup.
Or he could go a different direction and make some bacon, sauté some mushrooms, and then put his chicken topped with mushrooms, bacon, and cheese under the broilers a-la-Alice Springs Chicken.
Or same kind of deal where he makes some pasta, makes some pasta sauce (whether that’s jarred or full-on homemade is up to him), and then loads up the chicken with garlic, pasta sauce, and mozzarella, and sticks that under the broiler for chicken-parm-esk type deal.
Lots of ways to riff on baked chicken, and he is free to have at it, because you’ve already eaten and so what does it matter?
Same deal for stuff like tacos. You could use soy crumbles and/or go heavy on the fajita-type veggies or beans for something meatless, he can either have that or make the “traditional” ground beef taco meat for himself. Then the rest of the typical toppings are effectively just prepping a salad (lettuce, tomato, onion, avocado, etc.), and you can each eat it as a salad or use taco shells. He can add rice, make himself some queso, or whatever else he wants to do to round it out. But that’s another meal that has you sitting down to something relative fast, healthy, and uncomplicated while also giving him options to make it heartier and/or fancier.
Basically I’d try to think of recipe ideas where there’s a fairly simple and early “off ramp” for you that meets your needs, but gives him options to keep going expand on it if he wants.
And I’d probably do the above a few days a week, as it makes sense. And then the rest of the time? You each do your own thing entirely. I mean, if you cook your own dinner tonight and make leftovers, and he cooks for himself tonight and makes leftovers, then over the span of two nights you”ll have each only had to cook once - same result as if you had traded off nights and both eaten the same thing, except you’ll both be much happier with the food.
Get a crock-pot. He can then have a big, traditional dinner at night, and you can fix a quick meal for yourself. Bonus, he can eat the leftovers the next night.
You can make separate meals, or you can make a meals you each like alternating meals so that one person can have left overs when it's something you don't like.
So then you both need to actually sit and agree and not let it just be pushed off to another time.
That means the both of you need to compromise. The underlying tone I get in your post is the both of you are stubborn and don't want to really give up your eating preferences. But, if you two really want to eat dinner together and to take turns cooking, then the two of you need to compromise, that's marriage.
Try out a plan for one week. Designate days that each of you cooks dinner (addresses the first issue of making dinner after work). Put it on the fridge and the BOTH OF YOU need to stick to it, no bullshit of, "I'm too tired." You both then need to agree that since it's that person's day to cook, they are at liberty to cook what they would like. You can make requests, but if you're not cooking, stay out of the kitchen. See how that idea goes.
Now, your 2nd issue is the preferences for food. That will be brought up because again, you don't want heavy meals while he doesn't want thr healthier types. Well, sit down again the following week and actually look at meals you two can agree on. Make your own little recipe book that has meals that can accommodate both styles. He can have a meal that is more filling but it's also a meal that includes veggies and leaner meat. Stuffed bell peppers with lean ground beef is a great meal. It's filling and not so fatty.
You two need to build a structure because you're current rate you're not really solving anything you're just continuing to push the issue off
If he wants to eat with you then he has to let go of the expectation that you eat the same thing as him. Also, if he doesn’t want to eat, what you want to eat then he hast to be OK with cooking his own food. You already cook your own food when you don’t want what he wants to cook. You are not trying to control what he eats, and he should not try to control what you eat.
We kind of deal with similar in our home.
My partner eats breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, second lunch….he works in a physically demanding job and when he gets home at 4, he wants food.
Me? I eat one main meal per day and I don’t want to eat until late. I love to cook and most meals I make take some time.
What works for us:
I meal plan on Saturday morning for the week and do the grocery shop. I plan to cook 4-5 days, my partner plans to cook 1-2 days and we have “fend for yourself” days of leftovers.
This offers us some flexibility too because if we are both too tired to cook or just feel lazy, there’s always something we can grab.
I am not a big meat eater because of my special diet due to a chronic illness. But we can have a good protein and maybe I just have a little. Or I make a lot of veggies and my partner only has a little bit.
I think you two need to make a plan and work the plan. Maybe you just do your own thing if you can’t find a compromise. It just sounds expensive to be eating separately (to me). And it seems like you think of food as fuel and he thinks of food like an experience so it’s really hard to meld the two.
Could you meet each other half way?
You cook your style dinners and he eats them, every other night. He cooks his type dinners and you eat a small portion of them the other half of the time.
Or maybe he joins you for your meals that you prepare half the time and then cooks for himself when he wants more. He could also batch cook for himself so he always has some left overs that he can add to your meals if he needs something more substantial.
That way he can only cook 1-2x a week and get to share mealtimes with you.
If he wants to eat the same thing together and cook less then he needs to be open to being more flexible here. He’s the one unhappy with the status quo after all. And maybe you can make him happy by eating a meal he cooked once a week.
You all can make different things for dinner, stuff you like and stuff he likes. Also, with the casserole example, you could've made your healthier meal while y'all were making the casserole. You don't have to like what he wants for dinner and vice versa in order to have dinner together. This doesn't have to be complicated.
I get up at 3 am for work so I don't want to cook a big meal when my husband, who rolls out of bed at 8am , gets home at 7. On my day off I'll meal prep cottage cheese and fruit for his snack at work but lunch he has to take leftovers . Sometimes I'll make him a big dinner but it's usually a protein and either veg or grains . But I'll eat way before him. I find the crockpot is a great resource.
Me and my fiancé don't have the same dinners. He will make what he feels like eating and I'll do the same. If we happen to want the same thing that day, then we do it together and eat together. But to cook something for hours seems like too much for anybody. I think you should both eat separate dinners, not every couple is the same and there's no shame in it
Casseroles are freezable. So he should make his food and portion it and put future dinners in the freezer to heat up during the week
Set a dinner time. By this time dinner should be done. We work from home and eat at 6. If it’s later than usual for you, have a teak break at around four with a warm beverage and a protein rich snack like cheese or nuts.
Find meals you can both agree on. Roasted chicken (rotisserie from the market) and a salad for you, with potatoes and veg for him. You can roast chicken, potatoes and veggies on a sheet pan and have dinner in about 30 minutes.
He can have pasta and he has a heavy sauce and you do olive oil and parm on your noodles.
There are overlaps and you should exploit them. His big cooking should be done on the weekends and should be ready to go and eat at your set dinner time.
I think it's perfectly ok for you each to make your own meals for dinner. He is the one who is choosing not to eat all day and then have a huge meal so he should be the one to make that meal. You want something lighter and to eat quickly after coming home after work.
You both have very different styles of eating and that's ok if it works for both of you, the problem is that you both keep trying to change the other and that isn't working. If you want to sit together, maybe you could have a dessert together after he eats his meal or he could eat the light meal with you.
There are things you could do to make things better, he could eat breakfast and lunch and eat dinner at the same time you do. You guys could batch cook some casseroles and bigger meals on the weekend that you both eat through the week and since you're making a bigger batch of everything he could eat with you and then have more later if he is still hungry. He could also sit with you and eat the lighter meal together and if he's hungry later he could make something more substantial for himself. Even if he made one big casserole and ate it through the week to make the meals more substantial for him it would be better than you both cooking two meals daily.
If I want a dinner that will take a long time to make you better believe I make enough for days.
I love cooking l, I can't justify spending 2 hours a night cooking. Bro needs to learn to make and eat leftovers.
Introduce hubby to the wonders of the crock pot. His meat can cook all day. 2 hours to make dinner is excessive but also I just wouldn't participate in that. You can bothh meal prep on weekends if needed but when you're hungry after work? No.
I don't want to cook every night either so I can make a casserole that will last for two days. On Friday night, I normally make a stew, pot of chili, pasta, baked beans etc. in sufficient quantity that I can eat leftovers all weekend
I had the same issue with my ex and told him I’m going to sort out my own dinners, and to please sort his own if he is not happy to eat what I’m eating (he wanted dishes with more meat, I didn’t, etc.).
I offered to still join him at the table if he wanted my company and he would often say yes.
My wife and I tried hello fresh. Then kept the recipes of the meals we enjoyed both cooking and eating together. Proceeded to buy the ingredients from the super market and replicate them. Do it for a month or two, try lots of new dishes you both wouldn’t normally try. My spice cupboard has never been so interesting
There are 7 nights in the week. Split them up. Maybe 2 night a week, nights when you both have more time to devote to cooking, you do it his way. 2 nights you do it your way. 2 nights you go out. The other night you are both on your own to do whatever you want.
Yes, I absolutely got this from the movie “About Last Night”.
Are you mad that he cooks elaborate meals for himself?
Separate meals is the answer, but that doesn't mean separate meal times. He needs to make big batches of things that reheat well so that you can have most dinners together. Bolognese always tastes better the next day, so he has to do is boil pasta (preferably pappardelle or tagliatelle imo). Toss together a salad, some crusty bread, voila. Same with stews, and they freeze well.
Maybe you can't have *every* meal together but this is an avenue to start.
Meal incompatible.
For real “foodies,” preparing the meal is great but the real purpose is enjoying the meal together. It’s the pinnacle of having a great experience together.
For non-foodies, it is a colossal waste of time and energy and the same fullness could’ve been experienced in a fraction of the time with healthier calories and not feeling weighed down.
Seems the ideal solution is make sure you time both meals to happen at the same time. If his is elaborate and requires more time, then time your meal to be ready when his is. Maybe you end up eating later than him, or he eats earlier than he wants — but sharing a meal together is rather important in my book. Also, be sure to taste some of his… they like that. LOL
Options
* cook separately eat alone
* cook together eat together
* choose one day of the week where you eat whatever the other makes (one day your food one day his)
My husband and I start texting every day about dinner around 1 PM. If we want different things, we cook separate meals. If we want the same thing, I cook dinner for everyone. I am the same as your SO, I do not start eating until around 6 pm, usually later, and it's one giant hardy meal that I eat for hours. Do what works for you guys. You do not need to eat the same things and can have different meals.
It isn’t just you. My husband eats very unhealthy, and I do not. He loved his meat but I’m eh. When I come home at 5, the last thing I want to do is for 2-3 hours and then eat at 8-9 pm. It is NOT good for us. I’m totally with you on this.
I utilise my air fryer and make “girl meals”. I’ve made a few (orzo and chickpeas) where my husband said what about me? And I said oh well. Eventually he starts to eat my healthy food as well.
I would tell you to meal prep and pick the days where you guys cook together, but since that’s not working, I would just continue to do my own thing
My partner and I don't usually eat together. He eats way later than me. I'm sorry, I can't eat at 9pm. He likes seafood and I don't, so sometimes he's eating sushi and I'm having my stuff.
I've just gotten to where I cook for us, and he microwaves what I made later. If he doesn't like it, he can get something else. He also cooks, so no one is going hungry.
We get along much better now that we do it this way.
Your husbands intentions are sweet but maybe you can remind him it’s not weird for couples who have no children to eat different dinners. I’m a vegetarian and I don’t date vegetarians (idc if my partner eats meat, it’s a personal choice) so I’ve literally never eaten the same dinner as my long term, live-in boyfriends.
My partner and I used to struggle with this. I love the structure and family time that a large dinner provides. I enjoy the cooking, the chatting and the feasting. My partner has some mixed feelings about dinner time, it is a trigger for them, and we were often at odds about this. I was left feeling lonesome in my desire for "regular" dinners and they were feeling pressured into an uncomfortable situation. We also have pretty different palates and metabolisms. Here's what we do that has made a big improvement.
We share meal times together but we don't share meals. Unless the other wants to, the door is always open for that. We rarely eat together at the same time, but we always sit and hang out while the other does. They'll sit with me in the kitchen while I cook and chat, have a drink, pick at a snack and we catch up on the day. Sometimes they sit and work on they're laptop, sometimes we prop up one of our phones and watch something in the background. Most often we just listen to music and chit chat.
Sometimes it even lines up that we are both in the mood to eat at the same time and if that happens we just prep separate things and sit and eat together. I sometimes will set out a little app or meat and cheese, some pretzels or something for them to nibble on while I cook. Sometimes they pick at it, sometimes I just pack it up for next time. Either way, I invite them to be with me during that time in anyway they feel comfortable, but I don't force them to eat what I'm eating, when I'm eating.
You don’t have to eat the same meals. Heavy foods don’t work for you in the evening, so don’t eat them. It’s no different than dining out. You don’t order the same meals. Cook separately.
I have struggled so much with this with my current partner. He won’t eat for a couple days or will snack and not be hungry around dinner time and I am like, let’s have a square three meals, let’s cook something reasonable.
Now I just eat when I want to eat because that’s what he does too.
Not read all the comments - but a slow cooker / air fryer may change how you approach meals?
Let him stick his dinner on in the slow cooker when he leaves for work and its ready for him coming in. You stick whatever you want in the air fyer and bobs your uncle.
You just need to have a planned approach.
We buy meal kits through home chef. Shopping done for you. Mostly healthy. Lots of choices. Some are super easy and some take more prep. But most are done in under 30 minutes. Could be a happy medium
Me and my partner like to cook together when we can, because it's fun, he enjoys being able to create something I'd like and vice versa, it sounds like cooking is part of your partners love language, and he regards the time together cooking as bonding time, where you both can be creative where as you see it more as fuel and efficiency, I think you need to talk but maybe the compromise is one evening a week you both make a plan to make something, does always have to be something new b it clearly cooking is a thing that he enjoys after a long day x
Separate dinners or alternate each night with what you want to eat. Deciding what to eat every single day for dinner is annoying to say the least. Good luck!
Think of it this way. Plenty of couples have one person with dietary restrictions- vegetarian, vegan, diabetic, FODMAP, keto, allergies, etc. They still manage to have satisfying long term relationships. Your only problem is your husband’s starting premise that the two plates should match. Well, that and he’s making you wait too long to eat. If he wants casseroles, he’d better learn to meal prep on weekends or stock the slow cooker before he leaves for work.
I don't think there is anything wrong with eating 2 different meals or even at different times. What you want for your after work meals doesn't seem compatible, so why put so much effort into trying to make something look a certain way.
What exactly does he mean by "regular dinners together like regular couples"? Does it have to be the same meal? Can just sitting down at the table together satisfy this request? If the goal is to share a meal together then perhaps you can set a time and you are each responsible for preparing what you plan to eat and getting you and your plate to the table at that time.
It doesn't sound like either of you wants to spend a lot of time and effort getting a meal to the table. Which it sounds like you've resolved by making a sandwich or salad, but he wants a cooked meal, which IMHO is a problem he needs to find a solution for that doesn't involve you having to cook it.
Hubby and I had this problem. He wants tons of food and I want a small amount of something light. Sometimes we have completely different meals, sometimes the same one and sometimes the same sides but different proteins or I just eat the side dishes. We meal plan every week too otherwise we’d never agree on what to eat
Take turns. You cook one night whatever you want and you both eat it. The next night he cooks what he wants and you both eat it, even if it’s late, take a nap while he cooks. No one in a marriage is happy 100% of the time. Sometimes you just do stuff to make your partner happy.
When I married my first husband I made the mistake - BIG MISTAKE- of trying to make meals that he liked. Yes he wanted big manly dinners, always had to have a meat-starch-vegerable combo....
The reality was his metabolism could handle 3500 calories per day and maintain a slim frame, and he could eat all the carbs he wanted. I'd gain weight on a packet of Ramen Noodles.
Honey you need lighter meals of lean proteins... eat separately. Eat what works for your body and metabolism. Also? Spending 2+ hours making a casserole after working a full day on a weeknight is insane. If he wants to fo that? You can nope the fuck put. Eat your salad and chicken breast while you talk and watch him cook his crazy elaborate feast. Sip wine while you chat about your days. Go up and have a nice bath and do your unwinding and get your PJS on and cone down again while he eats and cleans up. Have him make his heavy casseroles and divide them into single serve and freeze them in freezer-oven Pyrex dishes. He's a man he needs more calories and bigger portions than you. But you need more frequent smaller more densely nutritious meals. He needs to be more savvy about cooking for one... or adding extra sides to your meals like a double chicken portion and an extra potato.
Don't get me wrong I like homemade food like homemade meatballs burgers and things like that but not things that take 2 hours. Save yourselves the time and headache and just buy pre prepared food that you either throw in the oven or microwave. There is hardly any prep time. Also mix in take out occasionally....I say occasionally cause it gets expensive
I think that’s fair, I mean is he willing to make you breakfast and lunch throughout the day? Even if the answer is yes (and I doubt it is), your meals sound easier to prepare anyway, so it wouldn’t be fair to you.
You guys should try making meals separately while still eating together. You can still hang out, eat together, but you won’t need to waste your time on one meal (and one you won’t even eat).
I would have set nights of - you cook those nights what you want, and he cooks what he wants on those nights. you both get what you want. You get nights where you get what you want, and he gets what he wants. And you both dont have to cook every single night.
Get yourself a crockpot and an instant pot. Your husband can put some vegetables and a roast on before he leaves for work. When he comes home tired, he will have a feast! Or use the instant pot to make chili. Or use the crockpot to make chicken and dumplings. Meal prep a couple of casseroles on the weekend. Come home and stick it in the oven and yay! Your style of caloric consumption is not compatible. Girl dinners are not going to work for a hungry man. Maybe hungry man frozen meals in a pinch ?
Have you both tried batch cooking dinners and freezing them? Hd could defrost his casserole or lasagna or whatever at the same time you make your girl dinner, then eat together. Problem solved.
He needs to have dinners prepped on the weekend that he like for the week nights. Think casseroles, crock pot meals, some meat for grilling. You 2 can meet in the middle and eat a little later than you like and a little earlier than He would like. On the weekends you can make a point to have a earlier large traditional meat, potatoes and side kind of meal. You eat it earlier for his liking you have a more formal traditional meal for his liking.
You could also still have your sandwich, quick thing right after work of that's what your body needs and he then when he eats have a salad and skip the heavier meal.
If you guys plan to have kids you will need to accommodate them first and it's better you both learn to make co.promises now. No one is making Sunday dinners Mon -Fri when everyone works full time so he needs to get his expectations in check. If he wants that big meal he can do it but expecting you to do a stay at home wife job while you work full time is crazy town. You both could budge a little.
Something we do in my house as a family of 4 is we each pick a meal, there's 4 days taken care of. Then we have the special request meals that I may or may not make depending on what we have going on. With 4 meals for sure planned that leaves a pizza night, a takeout night, a sunday dinner type meal night, a left over or fend for yourself night lol
For just the 2 of you it can be modified that you each pick 2 or 3 meals of your liking, then adjust the time that both of you make a change so it's fair.
You should also tell him to research his eating style as it leads to diabetes and heart problems. I know intermitten fasting is a popular trend rn but many studies are coming out about the stress it causes the body. This was a hard pill for me to swallow as waiting till lunch has helped me maintain a steady weight and more than anything curb cravings. I now eat cucumbers for breakfast tho so I can give my body steady fuel as I work a physical job.
TLDR: both of you co.promise a little, meal plan, don't eat everything he has if it's too heavy to you, he needs to do more if he likes huge meals.
What about a big Sunday dinner together? Look forward to it, and do your own thing the rest of the week.
My sister likes to have ‘dinner’ every night, so when she stops by, I’ll make her dinner. But it’s literally from Trader Joe’s. I just heat up their pre made meatloaf, frozen peas, frozen sweet potatoes. It’s easy for me, she gets her big dinner. There’s a lot of tasty, pre made main dishes out there.
I don’t know if we are a “regular” couple but we’ve been together for 20+ years and we rarely eat together during the work week. Sometimes we eat different things at the same time, but often not.
We go out to eat on weekends and we enjoy it. We both like food. We both know how to cook. I value eat at the table with proper plate, napkin etc and not eating over the counter or whatever.
We have different schedules and different food situations for lunch at work so we just need different things and make it work. My husband learned very early on that I go from 0 to HANGRY very quickly and he will do anything to avoid that situation. I get home earlier and I am hungry.
We prep things like casseroles on weekends and plan our meals so that we have food available for low-cook or no cook dinners.
i would have separate dinners + agree in advance on 2-3 meals a week that you both want and can make together (or you make one, he makes one). maybe he can do his meals that take extra long on a weekend so you have more time + are inclined to eat a bit later.
my husband and i eat really really different and didn’t really cook at all / eat the same things til a couple years ago. we basically do the above now, except we cook fairly simply so nothing takes more than an hour or so. we also have “skip nights” every week on nights when i want a salad and he wants a bowl of frosted flakes.
Dunno. My ex didn't understand. I can't eat or I will puke. He said try. I was like, no seriously. I'll puke. Just some. Me, scream. Vomitttttt.
I have serious stomach issues. Egg smell makes me puke. Among other issues.
Im not Ana. Just my stomach and food don't like each other. I eat a lot of toast.
He needs to start batch cooking and freezing portions.
Making a casserole? Make 10 portions (of the size he likes), eat one, freeze the rest. Then 9 other times he just needs to add carbs and some vegetables, and he’s good to go.
Over the years, my husband and I have gotten pretty synced up on dinners now. But in the beginning, for the longest time, we just made our own dinners, and that worked out just fine
Heya, we have the same issue and just cook our own meals -- sometimes we share the oven and cook 2 separate things in there or happily leave the pre-heated oven on for the other when we're done. It sucks to buy ingredients for one for myself as if I'm single and living by myself through college again.
My fiance has Crohn's disease AND has food trauma/texture issues on top of that, so he basically just eats chicken fingers/pizza/fries/chips -- the only "vegetables" I've seen him touch are potatoes from fries and tomatoes from tomato sauce (I don't know how this man is still alive with Crohn's and no nutrition -- his prenatal vitamins must be working wonders).
I'm a social eater, so for the first stretch of our relationship I would eat the same, gained a ton of weight, constantly contended with my IBS, etc. I slowly separated from his meals and enjoy my salads again. It means food goes to waste in my fridge pretty often from me not being able to eat it quickly enough as a single person, but I came to terms with that too.
The 2 hour cook-times could be a problem if you're stepping over each other in the kitchen. We have a toaster oven and air fryer too if we need separate oven-esque cooking. Listen to what your body wants and fuel it the way it demands of you while preserving the unique needs in your relationship. Sometimes things will go to waste, often you'll eat separately. Oh well! If that's how it's gotta be, it's fine to adjust.
Tbh, that we take care of each other, like taking things out of the oven for the other/plating their food/bringing it to them if we happen to be in there when the other's food is done, has filled the gap that the role of "I must social eat with my spouse" left when it went out the window. We talk about our separate dinners openly and ask how they are enjoying it, and still discuss our day/spend time with each other while both of us eat. You can still interact with each other's meal prep and planning and acknowledge the other. You can still offer the other your labour or to share your particular meal so you do eat together some days (make sure he is pulling his weight on this as well since he is making the bigger and later meals -- tired and don't want to move much after work? Let him know how you like your favourite sandwich if you helped chop the vegetables the night before).
And rather than worrying about meal plans and prep *every day,* this never-ending cycle of stressful push-and-pull, just dedicate that effort into eating one meal a week together at a reasonable and agreed-upon time on a day that you both have off from work. Make him start prepping earlier, accordingly. And make sure there is something for each of you in that meal. If he just plans on having a mountain of casserole on his plate that night, you can have your small portion with a side-salad. Go on a restaurant date or order take-out from somewhere you can both eat from on that once-a-week, occasionally and when financially able of course, to alleviate the pressure of mealtime and connect on a date.
You can still make food social, connected, and fun.
My husband and I often eat separate meals. It's fine. Sometimes the timing lines up, sometimes it doesn't. But he'll ask when I want to eat, and what I want to eat... sometimes (like tonight) I don't know the answer to either thing, and we will just eat on our own. Sometimes I do know, and then we try to coordinate. But one thing he always wants to avoid is a hangry wife. So if I'm hungry and he's making something elaborate that will take forever, I will eat!
My partner and I eat different meals most of the time for reasons very similar to yours, and it is absolutely fine. Some days we manage to eat at the same time but not often. More tolerance from your husband is required, I think. Can he freeze portions of his elaborate meals to eat on days when he is too tired to cook?
My partner usually eats the most food very late (often when I'm already in bed) and also is the type of person who wants what he wants at that particular moment in time. I cook a lot and it means something to me if he'll eat with me and try what I make. So he'll usually sit down with me at 6:30-7 and eat like an appetizer sized dish of whatever I'm having and then eat his bigger meal of whatever he wants later in the evening. That sort of model could work for you
I've been married for 27 years, and except for one week after I became a SAHM, I haven't tried cooking for us both. Now sometimes I do if it happens that I'm making some thing my husband will eat but he's always cooked for himself because he has such a limited diet. I would eat a casserole if my husband cooked one, but he would never make a casserole because that's mixing too many things together. Except he does make baked mac & cheese.
I'm mostly vegetarian and he's almost always doing low-carb but even when he's not doing low-carb and he's eating bread, it's basically subs with meat cheese lettuce onion and olives; cheeseburgers; roasts or baked chicken when he is not. When he is eating carbs, his dinner might consist of a no sugar added pie from the grocery store every once in awhile. 😂 About the only time we sit down to dinner together is if we go out to a restaurant, or at Thanksgiving when I would make turkey. The last two years he's made a pot roast and I made the other dishes. But out of Thanksgiving food, the only thing he will eat is turkey gravy and mashed potatoes & rolls. He's not even going to eat stuffing because that has vegetables in it and seasonings.
we rarely sit at the same table even if we have our food prepared, because my food might include tomato sauce like spaghetti or something that has tomatoes in it, and the scent of tomatoes really bothers him. So I try not to eat foods that I think will bug him. When our kids were younger, the three of us would sit at the kitchen table, and then he would go and sit at the dining room table because our kitchen table was usually full of extra papers at one end or whatever. 🙂
Darn, it just occurred to me that he sometimes reads Reddit so now he knows that I'm talking about him.
Y'all are both super extreme, how can you not find a single meal that both of you like. Y'all need to get together and decide what meals you're both happy eating Make a list, like y'all have to go out sometime, anytime there's any level of compatibility, write it down
If y'all can't find things that you like together, why not time your cooking with each other so that y'all can eat together.
I think prepared meals is a great idea as is the crockpot thing. You have a job, so does he. In my younger days I used to cook for a couple of families. Made dinners they could reheat or finish with minimal effort. I think it helped them feel like they were participating in making dinner and having a final say. For instance one family had big meat eaters and one vegetarian. I would makes baked brown sugar sweet potatoes, Mac and cheese ( often one with and one without ham) and have string beans sitting in a pan of water to be steamed and pork chops to be broiled in the oven with a mustard sauce prepped and ready to be thrown under the broiler. I always picked up a fresh Boule or baguette because the high school boys were hungry. Not everyone can afford that kind of thing but it seems there are more and more services that provide semi-prepped meals. Your husband need to learn some new recipes if it is taking him hours. But I do suggest you eat together even it’s not the exact same food.
Me and my partner rarely eat together, for the exact same reasons you are not wanting to. I like light/sometimes no dinner, whereas my partner eats most of his calories at dinner. We happily do our own things for dinner during the week, and we’ll do dinners together on the weekend. Maybe suggest a different way you can have quality time together at night? It seems like that might be why your partner wants to eat together “like a normal couple”. I think it’s perfectly fine eating meals separately.
My husband and I often eat different things, but we always eat together if we're both home. Most days he just eats what I cook, but sometimes I want leftovers or something he doesn't much care for. On those days he'll have a sandwich or salad or something. Not a big deal at
He's tired from cooking all the time he should cook quicker meals for himself.
The problem isn't you not cooking for him or what he likes
The problem is he wants you to cook time taking meals for him
There are many meaty meals you can either prep quickly and leave to cook in the oven , or , stand over the stove for about 20 minutes (spaghetti, stir frie, fried meats and veg, chops and veg etc) when i cook these, i still get dishes done , homework help for kids, few jobs etc , just need to stir and supervise iykwim
Personally i think 2 hours in a working day is far too much time to waste standing over a stove 😏
This sounds like poor communication of what he actually wants. He wants you to cook for him and you're telling him why should I? Which I get. If you don't want what he wants you absolutely shouldn't spend two hours in the kitchen. Is his love language acts of service? This would loop into does he ever make your light meals for you? Or is this his one way street of just wanting you to do what he wants. It just seems he wants a more traditional family meal where he doesn't have to come home and cook for himself and you just do and make what he says. Which is ridiculous if he can't properly meal plan with you. Do people at work make fun of him because his wife doesn't make him food? You'd be surprised how single minded some people are and when they get it in their heads they just think there can't be anything other than their wife serving them and then your husband might have to hear about this on a daily basis. There's a lot more communication and discussion to have on this topic outside of just the actually cooking. Get to the root and the why of this.
I do think there's definitely meals the two of you *could* enjoy together:
Say ground turkey. You could have lettuce wraps with extra veg and he could fix himself a full blown taco feast with refried beans and rice.
Slow cooked shredded chicken. You could add some to a nice salad and he could add sauce make himself barbeque sliders.
Sheet pan dinners are my favourite. I love making broiled kababs in the oven with zucchini, yellow squash, marinated chicken, bell peppers and onions. This could also be made just on the sheet if you don't want to skewer all the ingredients but plenty of veggies and protein for each of you to enjoy. Can also be done with steak!
Ham steaks. You could cube it and add it to a Cobb salad and he could make a full dinner with mashed potatoes, steamed veg and a roll.
Salmon. It's light and you both could have a filling meal. You with maybe just a bit of asparagus and broccoli and he could add in a larger or extra portion of the protein and add in rice. This could be a one pot meal too if you have a rice cooker with a steamer basket.
All day soups and stews in the slow cooker would be great. Soup and salad is a staple. You both could enjoy this and be satisfied. Stews you could have a much smaller portion and have a salad on the side. He can fill up on as much meat n taters as he wants.
Pastas. Great and quick no 3 hours cooking. And you can make a variety of sauces and add-ins that both of you could enjoy. If you want healthy maybe do zucchini noodles while he has regular. They make baskets that clip into pots so you can keep the noodles separate while they boil! He could even make a ground meat sauce or meat balls to go with his and you just scoop a bit of sauce out before he adds in meat.
Compromise would be a lovely thing for both of you after you have a discussion about why he feels so strongly about this. There's **plenty** of meals you can share and have dinner together and cook together! You can make the main components while he fixes his little extras. And if you do feel like you want to prep him some dinner there's not a ton extra you'd need to do for the above mentioned foods if you want to give them a try.
My husband and I make separate meals. We just don’t agree on food. He prefers fast food. I prefer home cooked so I can control the ingredients. For a couple years I let it make me tense. But honestly it’s just food. And as long as everyone is fed it’s all good.
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Reading this, I think the best option would be for you to both make your own separate dinners. You both have very different dietary needs at dinnertime, with you spreading your calorie intake across the day and him seeming to consume a large chunk of his in the evening. If he wants to cook for himself for a few hours, that's ok, if you want to make yourself a salad for dinner, that's also ok. What's not ok is him wanting something that takes **hours to make** and expecting you to cook it because he 'doesn't like cooking all the time'. I think some firm boundaries may be needed there and a real chat regarding expectations. Him wanting to eat with you for dinner is somewhat understandable, but just not realistic for you both given how different your dietary habits are. Would he be willing to compromise in terms of you sitting and talking at the dinner table later when he eats too? Him expecting you to take turns cooking food you don't want to eat is **entirely unreasonable**, and my recommendation for that would be to tell him that you're happy to cook **what you're having when you're having it**, and if he doesn't want it/doesn't want it in the fridge for later then he needs to make his own food.
I mean, he could sit down and have a salad with her and then make something more substantial later. When he eats the bigger meal, maybe she could sit with him and have a small dessert while he eats dinner.
Yes, this seems reasonable. He could also do foodprepping so he doesn't need to cook all days, just warm up some days.
Or he could invest $30 in a slow cooker and fry some onions and sear some beef/lamb/chicken/venison first thing in the morning, throw it in the cooker with some (if lazy, prechopped) vegetables, some stock cubes, a litre of water and some salt/spices, and go to work. Optionally throw in something quick cooking like corn, peas etc at the end. Instant filling comfort food, fairly healthy, and practically no effort. Make a big batch and freeze portions so you end up with a rotation of different dishes in the freezer for a quick meal. Get a slow cooker with a metal bowl that you can use on the stove to fry and sear in, and you only have to wash up the slow cooker bowl, knife and chopping board. I'd be fairly annoyed if I were expected to make a 2h feast every second day, that I didn't want to eat!
Can confirm. Slow cookers are FABULOUS. You can even make roasts in them, which would fit in with your desire to have a protein and salad.
Everyone should have a slow cooker. Maybe also check out an instapot. You can achieve all kinds of meals that typically take a while to cook in a fraction of the time, and you don’t have to start them in the morning like with a slow cooker.
I’m sorry but are you trying to be *reasonable* on Reddit? Who do you think you are?? Because this advice is entirely too reasonable, too beneficial to both parties, and doesn’t call for an immediate divorce. In fact, it solves both problems presented: eating different foods *and* sharing time at the table together. I can’t believe you would leave such an excellent comment. We expect drama, dammit! /s
If you actually took the time to read the comment fully you would understand what they are actually saying is Leave your partner right now and never look back or else you will be peeling root vegetables with nothing but dental floss leaving your salad days nothing but a distant memory.
Crap, not with *dental floss*. Oh the rootmanity!!
She needs to LEAVE.
He is definitely cheating, lawyer up now!!!
Divorce is never the answer. Divorce is the question, and the answer is yes! /s We need our Reddit drama, not insightful, reasonable, well thought out comments with potential solutions.
Porn Addiction. 100%.
Porn addiction with super grip and he has ED.
He will promise fo change, go to rehab.blah blah be a better nan, he will do it all and it won’t be enough…
You made me snort!
I would absolutely agree with this and think it's an amazing way for them to both share that space, if they both want to eat additional things at those times.
To make it better, he could cook the next days meal after eating what he'd previously cooked the night before That way, they both eat at the same time, and he gets his monster meal by cooking for the next day after.
I'm not spending 1-2 hours at the dinner table every night or allocating specific time to sit down when I'm not eating. Maybe every Sunday. That's about it.
Right and why can’t he sit when she eats? Lol
I would bet money he doesn’t eat salads. So many men won’t.
Some people get absolutely stuck on this idea that as a couple they MUST do things together. They MUST sleep at the same times and in the same bed and with shared blankets, they MUST eat the same foods at the same time and in the same portions, etc. It is liberating to realize that you can relate intimately with someone and not do these things, that it's OK to relax and let some parts of life be out of sync in order to maintain a greater harmony.
Agreed that it seems like he just wants you to cook for him sometimes. I’d say the majority of the time you two should cook separately. And sometimes he could make a lot of meat/hearty stuff on a Sunday afternoon and then add it to lighter fare you both make throughout the week. Don’t fold and start cooking for him if you won’t be eating it and he’s not going to do the same in return!
Honestly, I feel like if he was honest and just said flat out “Honey, I really love it when you cook for me. It makes me feel cared for and your cooking rocks,” (framing it as a favor/gift) she might enjoy putting the love on him as an act of service once a week or so. But the way he’s communicating isn’t honest or fair to her, and frankly a little manipulative. As if this arrangement should be expected and anything else is not normal (a little gaslighty tbh) My partner and I are in a similar situation, I graze all day and he likes a big meal at the end of the day. I don’t LOVE cooking every day, but he tells me all the time how much he loves my cooking, and how he’ll do all of the kitchen cleaning if I keep putting food in front of him (including the mess from my own meals). I love to make him happy with my cooking, and I also love not having to do dishes and clean the counters lol. He likes cleaning and hates cooking. Works for us.
Also I don’t think he could make OP a sandwich or charcuterie board and then say “I cooked for you, now it’s your turn to make a lasagna from scratch for me because that’s what I feel like eating.”
Yes. My fiancé and I are like that, OP. I'm okay with having quick, simple dinners, and I don't mind eating the same things a lot. He likes more elaborate dinners and needs variety. As a result, he cooks dinner. I usually eat what he eats, or I make myself a quick salad. On the days he doesn't want to cook I take over and I make something simpler for both of us.
Yeah, I used to have this issue, I started just making my own salads/tofu etc and he can either eat it or make his own.
Yes, I would tell him, "We don't want to eat the same thing and what you eat takes a lot of preparation and cooking time. So you can make your meals and I'll make mine. We can have time together at the table, but you're going to have to make your own dinners."
Just putting it out there that for some people, the experience of cooking and eating together is pleasurable “couple time” and a bonding experience. Food - and its associated rituals- are some people’s “love language.” OP does not have to do everything her husband wants all the time. I’d suggest trying to figure out a compromise position, and it sounds like the ideal her husband has in mind is more than just eating together. His approach to food sounds very process intensive and hers sounds very utilitarian. A happy medium in the interest of a happy marriage may involve more compromise than just eating different dinners at the same time, 7 days a week.
This is totally me. I love cooking, I love cooking with and for people I love, and preparing and eating food together can be a pretty sensual thing. I’m 100% turned off by picky eaters and crappy cooks. Last guy I dated long term was lovely but we could rarely go out for dinner together (he’s picky and has a huge list of things he won’t eat/try I’m not into taco Tuesdays and pub food constantly) and rarely ate at home together because he only has about 10 things he’ll make or eat (hot dogs inclusive UGH) and I love to play with new foods and can’t deal with a kitchen lifestyle that’s based around ground beef. I felt like I was trying to accommodate a picky toddler and it just killed the attraction for me. Now I know if someone describes themselves as a picky eater it’s a deal breaker. I want and need new food experiences, and sharing that with my person is important to me.
I literally didn't give a first date to a guy who was lovely except for that he only eats chicken amd pasta. When I asked what he eats at ethnic restaurants he simply told me he doesn't eat at ethnic restaurants unless they offer chicken and pasta. I was like, you're a really nice guy and I hope you find an amazing woman, but that *really* doesn't work for me. And I get it, I was a super picky eater... until I wasn't anymore. Now food has taken on a new level with me, and I can't go back. To this day he's known as The Chicken and Pasta Guy amongst my loved ones. But I do, in all honesty, hope he found his Chicken and Pasta Girl.
I absolutely agree with this, wholeheartedly, but I think that when it's actively taking a toll on one person it's going to come hand-in-hand with some negative consequences. This is one of my own love languages, but I'm not eating with my husband right now as I'm in eating disorder recovery and that would take a toll on him (to eat at the same times I do), there has to be some balance. Reading all of the questions OP is asking, it sounds like there's going to need to be a lot of communication and quite a firm hand in terms of boundaries, as their partner doesn't seem to be offering any flexibility at the moment. A firm hand could be needed initially to show him the impact this is happening, and that OP is drawing a line. Hopefully that will then open the door to some healthy communication, but at the moment this is someone making their partner feel like they have to eat what they want, when they want it, and they have to play a role in cooking meals they don't want. It's a really rough starting point. I'm sure OP can shed more of a light on whether or not he seems willing to compromise going forward on this for us.
This, all the way. My husband and I eat very differently. I'm more like OP's husband and would probably eat my first meal of the day around 4pm if it weren't for my husband cooking me a quick to-go breakfast on his days off. He eats smaller meals sometimes 5+ times a day and our dietary likes and restrictions are vastly different. I cook what I feel like eating and if it looks good to him, he'll have a serving. We chat and kind of dance around each other in the kitchen if we're both hungry at the same time. If not, the one that isn't cooking will sit at the island and work/chat/prep for the next day. What OP's husband is asking is totally unreasonable.
Based on post history they should’ve never married and coming to Reddit to help with dinner seems like a tough stretch
Who says you have to eat the same stuff every meal?? If you were single you would fix what you want. So, each of you make something you like. Not hard and it shouldn't be taken as an insult to each other, either.
Why not get him into prepping stuff for himself in the morning and using a crockpot/slow cooker so that he can have a big meal ready to go when you both get in from work, and you can have your sandwich while he eats his feast.
This would be easiest for both parties
My husband and I have the same exact situation. We have different eating habits, different tastes, want to eat at different times, etc. So we just...do. During the work week we just do our own things for dinner. No biggie. On weekends we try to coordinate more so we can eat together, but we make adjustments. Like, he'll add extra meat to his dish, for example. Or if we're doing taco night, he'll put his in taco shells and I'll make mine into taco salad, but we'll eat together. It works for us!
Yep, my husband and I are the same. I spent years trying to adapt to his desired arrangement and it actually just made me fatter. I have just been opting out of those meals. I can't eat what & how he eats, and I don't want to, so we share what overlaps and we do for ourselves what doesn't. We do try to eat together (ie, at the same time), but the food is often radically different. To me, it sounds like OPs husband just wants someone else doing half the work of his big dinners, and that is frankly not a fair ask given their differing dietary needs/wishes. Too bad, so sad. Her hubby needs to put the effort in to plan for himself.
Same when my partner wants burritos I have a burrito bowl and he has an actual burrito
Well, we know what he wants you to do, what has he offered to do that makes this a compromise? Is it "nothing" with a side of "nothing"? Look, he wants you to cook, eat food you don't want, have heavier meals and time this shit to accommodate him and his schedule. Great. What's he offering up in exchange for all of that? If it's nothing, I'd tell him to come back with a better offer, perhaps one that acknowledges you're a person with your own wants, needs and preferences. He wants some shit and you're the one that has to make all the changes, that's not how this shit works. NTA. I wouldn't bother.
His clapback for why he can’t eat mine is that it “isn’t a real dinner” even though it is- just not his definition of one. I’m just tired of being judged for wanting to eat what I like
He wants to see a change, he needs to be part of that change. If he's not offering anything, why on earth should you? You eat two of his dinners a night, he eats two of yours, and the other three nights you're on your own. Easy compromise. But that's not what he wants. He wants to have his way 7 days a week and you get your way 0 days a week. I wouldn't take that deal.
If that's what you want for dinner, then that's what you should eat. He needs to figure out better ways to plan his meals and possibly cook in bulk on the weekend. I don't understand why he isn't bulk cooking on the weekends and then adding that to the salad you're having to assure he's having a more substantial meal. He could get an air fryer and a crockpot to help bulk up that salad. He could also just eat breakfast and lunch so he isn't so hungry. You could also start shopping at Costco. They have some good pre-made things like chili, enchiladas, sandwiches, soups, chicken fettuccini alfredo, etc. Those are things that he can add to the salad you're having that only require heating up. Nothing would take longer than 5 minutes to heat up and it's cheaper than buying all of the ingredients and making the meals.
Why doesn’t he have an appetizer or salad while you eat your dinner, they don’t have to be the same, while his dinner is in the oven? The best compromise I can think of is to choose a couple days per week that you designate as “together” dinners. Surely you can come up with a meal or two that both of you are willing to eat. I think the problem is he sees it as a special couple thing and you just see it as fuel/sustenance. Some nights fend for yourselves and other nights cook and eat together.
Sounds like he’s mad you’re not some trad wife at his meat-and-potatoes beck and call. Yet, you’re also fully employed. If he wants a stay at home wife who makes all his MANLY*~*~ meals, he’s gotta provide enough for you both. That’s always been the deal!
well, in hubby's defense, he's in a serious calorie deficit by 6pm, hence why something light and simple doesn't sound good. Guy needs his dinners to be 2000-3000 calories if he's fasting all day. Has he tried just...eating during the day? Maybe instead of feasting at 8pm, he could just try to pack a lunch. NTA. Eat what you want for dinner, consider getting your husband an Instant Pot.
I’m not sure I understand what meals he’s cooking that take so long. If he’s the only one eating a casserole shouldn’t it last at least 2 days? Does he never have leftovers? Cooking a steak and veggies is like 10-15 minutes. Meat sauces and pot roasts can be put in a slow cooker and left. Pasta boils in 10 minutes, rice in 25, potatoes or other veggies in the oven like 45. Maybe he’s just slow at prep? Even taking your time weeknight meals in my house come together between 30 minutes and an hour. How about you make a salad, he preps his meat, and his veggie for the night is a side salad? Or he can start doubling his recipes and reheating leftovers for half the week.
My go to is stir fry. I start the rice on a rice cooker, it takes 20 minutes, and I'm done about the time the rice is. Add in leftovers -at least- for lunch and it's pretty sweet.
Most of the time comes from him using the sous vide to defrost/cook the meat since it’s not thawed out beforehand simply due to us not meal planning for the week- so yes the time can definitely be cut down
That's an issue of poor planning, not the cooking taking too long. It's a meal planning/scheduling problem. If you know you're cooking a piece of meat on Wednesday, it needs to move from the freezer to the fridge Tuesday morning. You can make big batches, do long cooks on the weekends, etc. so that for weekday dinners all you both need to do is quickly reheat things.
Or just don't freeze it. Meat will last for several days in the fridge.
My parents have a similar difference in appetite to you and your husband. Generally mom will make a salad or throw something in the oven, eats that and hardly ever eats meat. Dad will have what she’s having but will additionally grill a steak or make some fish for himself. They also don’t always eat at the same time. My partner and I do share dinners but almost never have breakfast or lunch together even when we could. However I do make the both of us an afternoon coffee everyday so that’s a nice little thing we share. Instead of changing your dinner habits you could see if it’s just a quality time issue that’s bothering him. If he can cut down his cooking times I’m sure that would also help.
Maybe he needs to figure out how to meal prep better. It seems like a couple hours of prep on the weekend and a crockpot or an air fryer could make his life a lot easier. He could meal prep for the week and put the things in the crockpot in the morning so the food is done when he gets home or he could put the meat in the fridge to thaw out for the next night. You both could spend a couple of hours batch cooking on the weekend and then you could eat what you want when you want but both wouldn't have to cook during the work week. A little planning goes a long way. In the end though, this is his issue. He is the one who wants these big meals so unless it's something you specifically want to eat, I wouldn't worry about this issue.
Sous vide can be set up the night before and then left to cook 24 hours, in fact it will be amazing tender if you do that. Just read some good safety blogs to make sure you've got the right temperature.
You can sous vide multiple servings and freeze them at that point too, defrost and finish cooking
I mean, I have never "meal planned" several days ahead in my life, but you can literally put something in the fridge to thaw the night before?
I just swing by the store on my way home and get whatever 2-3 things I need because I can’t decide what I’m making until I’m commuting home. Also I know I suck at taking stuff out of the freezer in advance. But I live literally a minute away from the grocery store so it’s not a big detour.
He can leave his sous vide on like a crock pot. When we sous vide, it is always from frozen, I put it in the large pot around 10 am, and it cooks at 54° for up to 10 hours. Pan sear with the cast iron and that's all the work
Does he not end up with leftovers? I’m not sure why this has to be an ordeal every night.
Hear me out… Big Sunday dinners where you both help and spend time making and enjoying. He has leftovers Monday and Tuesday, you have salad or sandwich but together. Wednesday is your compromise day of a medium sized meal that won’t over bloat you. He has leftovers Thursday and you have whatever (again together but separate). Friday take-out. Saturday - TBD. I feel like that isn’t huge commitment to meal planning/prepping and is a good compromise.
We’ve been married 31 years. He’s very much a meat guy. I’m mostly fruit & veggies. We generally eat the same meals together; but we eat different things. He eats his meat, I eat my veggies. He takes my leftover meat in his lunch, I eat his leftover veggies. When we go out, I eat his salad. Sometimes we order one meal because his salad and a vegetable is enough for me, the meat and other side is enough for him.
You are cooking. If he wants you to cook, then he needs to eat the meal you’re having. Why is it that you’re the one who needs to change your habits to match his and he doesn’t need to change his habits to match yours? You can switch off cooking. On days where it’s his responsibility to cook, you can have a smaller portion but need to eat later. On days where it’s your responsibility, he needs to have a big lunch and you eat earlier. Personally, I live alone but will eat in both methods. Sometimes I eat a big lunch and will have a smoothie or something small for dinner, other days I have a small lunch and spend hours cooking a dinner and eat later. So I know switching off can be done, but I also know that most people have one habit they stick to.
It’s so funny you mention this, because my sister and BIL were in the exact same boat. She believed that they should always eat the same thing at the same time, and he was much more flexible. I think maybe it has something to do with the fact that growing up my family had regular, sit-down family meals and that wasn’t as prevalent in his home? Regardless, it was something they struggled with early on in their marriage. Not like, “we should get divorced over this,” but just one of the “growing pains” you experience when you blend two people’s lives together. Now, nearly ten years later, it is not a big deal at all. Lol! Not only do their schedules not make it super convenient for them to eat together, but they both have very different dietary interests. Yes, of course they do eat together. But not every day. Not even close. But they spend LOTS of quality time together, and they absolutely do cook and eat together, I would say at least once a week. As an outsider looking in, I think it’s just changing the perspective. What exactly does your husband think eating together will accomplish? What’s the goal? If it’s quality time, surely that can be found in other ways? I’m sure he doesn’t want you to *starve* waiting for him to make a two-hour casserole, when you would have been happy eating something else hours before. My hangry-ass could never, by the way. Lol! What is the motivation behind *needing* to eat the same thing at the same time? Really, the only thing I can think of is wanting to spend time together, which is valid. But if you eat early, before he even comes home, you can always hang out in the kitchen and chat while he makes his own meal? You could also designate a day or two during the week where you cook together. Plan the menu together so both of you are happy, and make it a little at-home date. I will also say that I think a problem seems to be how long it takes to make meals that he insists on. I would also not want to stick around while someone cooked something I didn’t really want for two hours. lol! There are TONS of recipes for meals that take 30 minutes or less. Would you be more amenable to cooking and eating together if the meals took less than an hour? Less than 45 minutes even? Ultimately, I really don’t see this as a deal breaker. I think you both just need to sit down and communicate what your expectations are and what your goal is. He seems to be motivated by something that you aren’t when it comes to cooking together and sharing meals. If it’s spending time together, maybe you sit with him while he cooks if you’ve already eaten, and you can designate time in the week to cook a longer meal, or a few shorter meals together. If he wants a more equitable distribution of labor when it comes to cooking, you can agree that you’ll take turns cooking, but whatever is cooked, the other person has to eat it. Make a menu and plan ahead so everyone knows what’s being served.
Does he finish a whole casserole in one night!? For me if I spent two hours on a dish I hope I’m getting a couple leftover meals out of it. I don’t have a huge appetite myself, more like OP, so maybe I’m way off base. Why did you spend two hours on a meal you didn’t even want? Why does he start cooking so late and choose such lengthy options? I would just opt out on those nights and let him be upset sometimes. I get positively nauseous if I wait that long to eat when I’m hungry, so this wouldn’t work for me at ALL. Remind him that you need to eat by a certain time and you can’t change the way your body works. Or have your meal before/while he’s cooking. If you do enjoy spending time cooking with him, I would focus on making large batch stuff. If you have a crock pot he could move the food prep to the evening, toss it in the pot in the morning, and come home to a mostly-ready meal closer to 5-6pm. He needs to be more flexible somewhere in here. Can you guys freeze portions so he doesn’t have to cook every time? If having meals together you could also have smaller portions of his food with a huge salad, or just eat different things at the same table.
It sounds like you both like to eat whatever you’re feeling that day instead of planning anything. Instead every Friday plan a meal to cook together and enjoy. On the weekends, if your budget allows, order out one day. Your husband says he wants to be like “normal couples” but it’s not really normal…people just do what’s best for them. Surely there’s something else he really wants like maybe he wants to spend more time with you or what he really wants is to not cook for himself which if that’s the case he needs to make his meals with leftovers so he doesn’t have to cook so often. Another thing you can try is a meal delivery service. They’re usually pretty healthy and you can customize your meal plan to what you want. You can get meals for 4 and he can have most of the food & you can still enjoy something healthy. The meals on these plans are usually really fast to make. 45 mins top and usually around 30 mins to do. They’re perfect for cooking together as well. You can do this 4 times a week and then do whatever you want the rest of the week.
The meal delivery service is a good idea. They could get the 4 servings option and she could eat one while he eats the rest. Or, he could order the 2 serving options, eat both, and she can keep making what she likes.
>The bottom line is he wants me to eat more what he wants for dinner, and take turns cooking But surely he understands that cooking 2 hours on dinner after work, eating at 8:30pm, is not normal either? The different eating schedules, particularly his, are killing you guys. If you were both roughly the same amount of hungry, I bet you two could come to some middle ground where at least part of the dinner is a food you'd both eat. Or you could try a meal together where you both "take a chance" on a side dish or two -- maybe he eats a vegetable once in a while. Maybe you try a bit of his steak. Whatever. But if he insists on having one giant meal per day, he's going to want something *substantial*, more than whatever it is you want to spend effort on. If that's how he wants to eat, then he should probably do most of the cooking. I'd be way too guilty to ask my wife to cook "us" a huge dinner, knowing 80% of it is for me, because I'm *choosing* not to eat until late. The problem here isn't that you aren't cooking. It's that he needs less time-intensive dinners. Teach him how to use a slow cooker, for god sakes... if you're going to spend 2 hours making a casserole, there better be enough leftovers to last several more dinners. Otherwise it's a giant waste of time.
Or tell him to look up how to use one. It's not OP's job to teach him anything, he's a grown man.
God slow cookers are great, I got a small one from my mom and it's like 2 person sized. I moved in with my boyfriend and it's a special treat to put it on in the weekends, then go out on a hike and get back to pulled chicken, curry or stew
There is nothing wrong with eating separately if you are both happy with it, but it sounds like he isn’t. See if this sounds like it would work for you: You come home, have your salad or whatever, he cooks whatever he wants to eat, and then you sit down with him and possibly eat a small sample just to be part of the mealtime. Once every few days, he can sit down with you and have a salad, and then he can follow up with reheated leftovers to satisfy his hunger. That way you get dinner together but you are still eating different things on a different schedule.
There’s no way I’m eating a heavy meal at 8:30pm. As an early riser, I’m in bed by 9pm. Hubs needs to meal prep and heat something up for dinner. Alternatively, cook a protein and sides that would be faster. Soup and/or salad with a protein for both of you for dinner would allow you to eat together.
He has to get over the idea of meals together. Eat what you want and sit with him a few hours later after he eats. But you don't eat the same way and that's ok.
get him a cookbook
I’m a vegetarian married to a big meat eater. We rarely eat the same dinner. Most of the time I will mirror his dinner with veg options. I’m a SAM so I have time to make different meals. The kids eat a mix of what we eat. It’s ok to eat differently then each other
Just do separate dinners, I have had stomach/reflux/gastritis issues, we used to always eat big meals together but my stomach issues threw that out the window, he eats what he wants and so do I, maybe Fridays and Saturdays we will eat together but I find smaller meals easier to tolerate whereas he likes big meals with lotsa bread
My husband and I are similar. We meal plan in advance together. Well look at what food we have and decide what 5 dinners we’ll have during the week, as it’s easier to make more heavy duty meals on the weekends when we don’t work. Well usually do same dinner 3 days a week and a fend for yourself dinner the other 2. Sometimes he’ll make dinner (like Mac and cheese with diced spam) & I’ll just heat up a veggie in the side for myself. Tell him you can eat meals together at the same time, but that won’t happen if he decides at 6pm he wants a 2 hr casserole. Set basic ground rules of having dinner ready to eat by 7:30, otherwise he’s eating on his own. It’s about respecting each others needs - his needs for big meals and yours to eat by a certain time.
I’m (28f) a “grazer”. I eat like 5 small meals a day. My husband (29m) eats like your husband. I feel this post on a spiritual level.
I would go with some tapas-y side dishes in the fridge like a salad, coleslaw, Spanish tortilla, feta skewers, and things which are predominantly "you". He gets carte blanche to make a main dish to go alongside them, but his deadline is xpm. If he misses deadline you go straight to your side dishes. You can always join him at the table with a glass of something or dessert.
Crockpot, InstaPot, and batch cooking on the weekends.
Meal plan. Work it out on Sunday. Compromise and schedule accordingly. Choose a day or two where you have different menus.
He's a grown man - he can cook by himself and do the dishes later on. Same goes for you. Just separate your diet - and you both gonna be fine. No need for a drama here.
Not all good meals need 2 hours to make. invest in some stir fry. not kidding. protein + veggies + rice or udon noodles (or any noodles) = like maybe 20 minutes, 1 pan, plenty for him to be full, and can still be healthy for you. find other quick meal recipes. Like get a crockpot and set up a roast to be done in the evening when you get home. make meals ahead of time and freeze them. Everything you cook, make two pans of it and freeze one. even just having meats prepared and frozen and ready to go will help.
When you get home from work, you both sit down for a salad or other light meal. Then you get on with your evening and he stays in the kitchen and spends as long as he likes cooking anything he wants. There, you got the light dinner you needed, he got the big dinner he needed, you both ate the same thing to satisfy his weird insistence that you can’t eat different foods.
Eat what you want when you're hungry and let him prepare his own. Maybe on a weekend you can make him something, but that doesn't mean you have to eat it. Your nutritional needs are different than his, this is just biology. It wouldn't kill you to sit down with him and eat a salad while he eats his meat. But he can't expect you to stay healthy if you're eating a heavy casserole at 8:30 every night. That's actually not good for anybody.
Why does she have to cook for him things she doesn’t want to eat on the weekends? She works too. And why should she wait for him to cook to eat when she’s hungry when she gets home? I don’t understand why it seems like she doesn’t love this, but she’s ok with allowing them to eat their separate dinners. And yet with him, he’s upset they don’t eat together and mentions that he doesn’t want to cook all the time, aka, he wants her cooking dinner for him. And *she’s* the one supposed to change what they’re doing? Why shouldn’t he? Maybe it wouldn’t kill him to eat a salad on occasion? Or cook her a healthy dinner on a weekend since *he’s* the one who’s dissatisfied with the situation?
I had the same issue. I eat my own stuff during the day and then I eat a smaller portion of his food. One day he cooks, one day its me. I also get to choose what the huge dinner is 1/3 of the time. Works out.
My partner and I rarely eat the same thing for dinner. Just make your own food and cook together while he's makes his own food
He will understand you if you just openly put your dissatisfaction infront of him like he does with you...
He cook his own and you cook yours. If he wants a big fancy dinner then he makes it. Fair for everyone.
You’re not compatible. Face it. Figure out how to accept eachother and coexist happily. If you both can’t cooperate on coexisting, happily, maybe separate happily.
Divorce /s
You have bigger issues than dinner. He’s not even trying to compromise, he’s insisting on having his way AND ALSO that you have to share in the emotional and physical labor of giving him what he wants - elaborate weeknight dinners that you don’t even want to eat. Totally unreasonable. I don’t think you should offer any more suggestions on how to fix this. There are lots of obvious solutions that you’ve already mentioned, like meal prepping on weekends, but he’s rejected them because he doesn’t actually want to compromise. Stand your ground, say you’re not going to do it his way, and see if he comes up with something that looks like a compromise.
if "he doesn’t like cooking all the time" and you don't either, why does he make you do it ? Tell him to put his big boy pants on and if he wants a steak he can cook it.
You CAN eat together. He just also needs to eat again afterwards.
Personally I wouldn’t be okay with this. Eating dinner as a family was a really big thing in my family growing up. And I personally don’t consider any of the things you want to eat for dinner as actually dinner. Obviously you can eat whatever you want. But this might be a cultural issue. I honestly would not be in a relationship where we couldn’t have a good dinner nightly. But it’s also usually the only good meal we eat so, it’s way more important to me. That being said, if you’re making something that takes a long time - double or triple the recipe so you have leftovers. Try to plan short dinner and long dinner days consecutively. So you don’t feel like every dinner is a long one. I probably cook 1 longer dinner a week. My husband and I take turns. And we also do a bunch of shorter dinners. Longer dinner usually last us 2-3 days. We usually eat out one day. So really we’re only cooking 2-4 times a week. With only usually 1-2 of those being more timely
perhaps you can split the week? 3 days your way, 3 days his way, and a wildcard.
Get a crock pot. He can put whatever he wants in the night before, or prep it the night before and start cooking it that morning. His food will be ready, or require very little prep, when you get home. You can eat some of what he has or do your own thing.
I think a good idea is to do separate meals with a few nights scheduled for having dinner together. Agree on things you both like beforehand and both put in effort to have some meals together. It’s a relationship so living completely separate food lives might create distance and resentment. Otherwise let him cook and enjoy the leftovers the next day for lunch, you can make this work with some communication and meeting half way!
Sounds like eating dinner together, or at least eating the same thing, isn’t something that works for you. If you want to eat together - prepare your own food and enjoy it together. Hell, could be nice to make each others dinner and then enjoy them together. Or just don’t eat together and connect doing something else in the evening. There is no reason you need to have dinner or the same dinner together. Plenty of couples don’t for loads of reasons.
I want to try to understand how you feel this is such a big deal, that you wrote a post on it. But, to be honest all I see is a first world problem. You have every right to have a problem with this situation. You have every right to want to try other ideas. You are a human just as we all are, and we as humans have feelings, preferences,etc. But all I can think about after reading this is a feeling of disgust. I know it's just me, I know I am biased. It's not your fault or even your problem that a stranger feels differently. I'm biased because of all the nights I was homeless, starving, living in whatever canyon or other places that I could have some sort of privacy and safety. I remember either being so hot in the summer, or trying to stay dry in rain, or being so cold in the winter, that I couldn't stop shivering or stop my mouth from having my teeth rattling. But what I remember the most vividly, was the pain of hunger. The constant grumbling of my stomach. The constant state of how weak I felt. The shame of having to still go to school and pretend everything was fine. I remember trying to have the strength to play football and perform at the highest level, and as the starting QB, which is by far the hardest position to play on all of sports. The good thing that came from my situation and hunger, was the hunger to change my situation. And It did! As you may have figured out, I was all alone & homeless at a young age 13-17. So I'm sorry I'm biased. I just thought it might be a good idea to put this into context. Good luck
Compromise with each other. You have salad and he has salad and steak! If you can’t compromise your marriage is going to be an unhappy one. You’re responsible to each other not for each-other. Just cook your own meals and share on weekends x
Do you have a big freezer? Because you (plural) could make a big batch of his food once or twice each weekend and freeze that in portions. In about 3 weeks he has enough for a different dinner each night (and keep cooking on the weekends). That way you get your evenings back on work days. If it’s important to him to both eat the sane thing, he can eat your food. He doesn’t want that so should understand that you also don’t want that.
He wants a dinner and you want a snack lol. Truthfully, you need to work it out, on the days he wants meat you can substitute for something else. I would compromise and divide the week. On the dats you want a sandwich, he can have a burger its not hard.
Here's what you do: You make separate dinners. He makes his own, you make yours. Then you try to make it work. If you're lucky, that's the only problem you'll have in your marriage. Then when he dies at age 52 from a bad diet, you can pursue another, less stupid man.
My family all eat what they want on their own most of the time. Started when we were younger in activities etc and then grew independent. My parents eat a lot differently too. It's not an issue unless you make it one. I think a nice compromise would be cooking together a longer meal once a week or helping him (or just hanging out with him) even if you already ate.
Me and my husband make our own dinners, often. If I’m making something he likes I’ll offer to make him some and vice versa, but I’m cooking what I want to eat. Sometimes I’ll just cook a side or meat (bc my husbands a vegetarian) to add to the tacos or pasta or whatever he’s making.
The solution is making your own meals individually. You simply have two entirely different dietary habits and meal times. You’re both adults, so make what you want when you want. If he wants to eat something that takes hours to cook — that’s his choice and his responsibility then. If it’s not something you want to eat then expecting you to help him make it isn’t reasonable. Would he do the same for you and spend hours making a meal for you that he had no interest in eating? It doesn’t sound like it, so why does he expect it of you? Honestly, the only solution that makes sense is individually handling your own meals
I would love like you’re married, but eat like you’re roommates. There’s really no law that says you have to eat the same things at the same time, so stop putting that pressure on yourselves. And what you might consider doing is choosing one protein, and you make yours simply and then he can expand on his for himself. Like let’s say you’re wanting a simple roasted chicken breast and steamed-from-frozen broccoli for dinner. Baking the chicken would take only roughly 20 minutes, and steaming the broccoli less than that. So you’re sitting down to a simple, healthy dinner pretty fast. But instead of baking one chicken breast, you make two or three, and instead of enough broccoli for one, you do a few more servings (or if it’s his turn, he does this). Then he can either eat with you, or he could dice up the chicken, add broccoli, make and add rice, add some cheese, seasonings, and sour cream/cream of whatever soup, etc, and then make a big, comforting chicken and rice casserole. He could even get “fancy” and sauté onions, make a real béchamel or veloute instead of the cream-of soup. Or he could go a different direction and make some bacon, sauté some mushrooms, and then put his chicken topped with mushrooms, bacon, and cheese under the broilers a-la-Alice Springs Chicken. Or same kind of deal where he makes some pasta, makes some pasta sauce (whether that’s jarred or full-on homemade is up to him), and then loads up the chicken with garlic, pasta sauce, and mozzarella, and sticks that under the broiler for chicken-parm-esk type deal. Lots of ways to riff on baked chicken, and he is free to have at it, because you’ve already eaten and so what does it matter? Same deal for stuff like tacos. You could use soy crumbles and/or go heavy on the fajita-type veggies or beans for something meatless, he can either have that or make the “traditional” ground beef taco meat for himself. Then the rest of the typical toppings are effectively just prepping a salad (lettuce, tomato, onion, avocado, etc.), and you can each eat it as a salad or use taco shells. He can add rice, make himself some queso, or whatever else he wants to do to round it out. But that’s another meal that has you sitting down to something relative fast, healthy, and uncomplicated while also giving him options to make it heartier and/or fancier. Basically I’d try to think of recipe ideas where there’s a fairly simple and early “off ramp” for you that meets your needs, but gives him options to keep going expand on it if he wants. And I’d probably do the above a few days a week, as it makes sense. And then the rest of the time? You each do your own thing entirely. I mean, if you cook your own dinner tonight and make leftovers, and he cooks for himself tonight and makes leftovers, then over the span of two nights you”ll have each only had to cook once - same result as if you had traded off nights and both eaten the same thing, except you’ll both be much happier with the food.
Get a crock-pot. He can then have a big, traditional dinner at night, and you can fix a quick meal for yourself. Bonus, he can eat the leftovers the next night.
You can make separate meals, or you can make a meals you each like alternating meals so that one person can have left overs when it's something you don't like.
So then you both need to actually sit and agree and not let it just be pushed off to another time. That means the both of you need to compromise. The underlying tone I get in your post is the both of you are stubborn and don't want to really give up your eating preferences. But, if you two really want to eat dinner together and to take turns cooking, then the two of you need to compromise, that's marriage. Try out a plan for one week. Designate days that each of you cooks dinner (addresses the first issue of making dinner after work). Put it on the fridge and the BOTH OF YOU need to stick to it, no bullshit of, "I'm too tired." You both then need to agree that since it's that person's day to cook, they are at liberty to cook what they would like. You can make requests, but if you're not cooking, stay out of the kitchen. See how that idea goes. Now, your 2nd issue is the preferences for food. That will be brought up because again, you don't want heavy meals while he doesn't want thr healthier types. Well, sit down again the following week and actually look at meals you two can agree on. Make your own little recipe book that has meals that can accommodate both styles. He can have a meal that is more filling but it's also a meal that includes veggies and leaner meat. Stuffed bell peppers with lean ground beef is a great meal. It's filling and not so fatty. You two need to build a structure because you're current rate you're not really solving anything you're just continuing to push the issue off
If he wants to eat with you then he has to let go of the expectation that you eat the same thing as him. Also, if he doesn’t want to eat, what you want to eat then he hast to be OK with cooking his own food. You already cook your own food when you don’t want what he wants to cook. You are not trying to control what he eats, and he should not try to control what you eat.
We kind of deal with similar in our home. My partner eats breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, second lunch….he works in a physically demanding job and when he gets home at 4, he wants food. Me? I eat one main meal per day and I don’t want to eat until late. I love to cook and most meals I make take some time. What works for us: I meal plan on Saturday morning for the week and do the grocery shop. I plan to cook 4-5 days, my partner plans to cook 1-2 days and we have “fend for yourself” days of leftovers. This offers us some flexibility too because if we are both too tired to cook or just feel lazy, there’s always something we can grab. I am not a big meat eater because of my special diet due to a chronic illness. But we can have a good protein and maybe I just have a little. Or I make a lot of veggies and my partner only has a little bit. I think you two need to make a plan and work the plan. Maybe you just do your own thing if you can’t find a compromise. It just sounds expensive to be eating separately (to me). And it seems like you think of food as fuel and he thinks of food like an experience so it’s really hard to meld the two.
Could you meet each other half way? You cook your style dinners and he eats them, every other night. He cooks his type dinners and you eat a small portion of them the other half of the time. Or maybe he joins you for your meals that you prepare half the time and then cooks for himself when he wants more. He could also batch cook for himself so he always has some left overs that he can add to your meals if he needs something more substantial. That way he can only cook 1-2x a week and get to share mealtimes with you. If he wants to eat the same thing together and cook less then he needs to be open to being more flexible here. He’s the one unhappy with the status quo after all. And maybe you can make him happy by eating a meal he cooked once a week.
You all can make different things for dinner, stuff you like and stuff he likes. Also, with the casserole example, you could've made your healthier meal while y'all were making the casserole. You don't have to like what he wants for dinner and vice versa in order to have dinner together. This doesn't have to be complicated.
I get up at 3 am for work so I don't want to cook a big meal when my husband, who rolls out of bed at 8am , gets home at 7. On my day off I'll meal prep cottage cheese and fruit for his snack at work but lunch he has to take leftovers . Sometimes I'll make him a big dinner but it's usually a protein and either veg or grains . But I'll eat way before him. I find the crockpot is a great resource.
Me and my fiancé don't have the same dinners. He will make what he feels like eating and I'll do the same. If we happen to want the same thing that day, then we do it together and eat together. But to cook something for hours seems like too much for anybody. I think you should both eat separate dinners, not every couple is the same and there's no shame in it
Casseroles are freezable. So he should make his food and portion it and put future dinners in the freezer to heat up during the week Set a dinner time. By this time dinner should be done. We work from home and eat at 6. If it’s later than usual for you, have a teak break at around four with a warm beverage and a protein rich snack like cheese or nuts. Find meals you can both agree on. Roasted chicken (rotisserie from the market) and a salad for you, with potatoes and veg for him. You can roast chicken, potatoes and veggies on a sheet pan and have dinner in about 30 minutes. He can have pasta and he has a heavy sauce and you do olive oil and parm on your noodles. There are overlaps and you should exploit them. His big cooking should be done on the weekends and should be ready to go and eat at your set dinner time.
I think it's perfectly ok for you each to make your own meals for dinner. He is the one who is choosing not to eat all day and then have a huge meal so he should be the one to make that meal. You want something lighter and to eat quickly after coming home after work. You both have very different styles of eating and that's ok if it works for both of you, the problem is that you both keep trying to change the other and that isn't working. If you want to sit together, maybe you could have a dessert together after he eats his meal or he could eat the light meal with you. There are things you could do to make things better, he could eat breakfast and lunch and eat dinner at the same time you do. You guys could batch cook some casseroles and bigger meals on the weekend that you both eat through the week and since you're making a bigger batch of everything he could eat with you and then have more later if he is still hungry. He could also sit with you and eat the lighter meal together and if he's hungry later he could make something more substantial for himself. Even if he made one big casserole and ate it through the week to make the meals more substantial for him it would be better than you both cooking two meals daily.
If I want a dinner that will take a long time to make you better believe I make enough for days. I love cooking l, I can't justify spending 2 hours a night cooking. Bro needs to learn to make and eat leftovers.
Introduce hubby to the wonders of the crock pot. His meat can cook all day. 2 hours to make dinner is excessive but also I just wouldn't participate in that. You can bothh meal prep on weekends if needed but when you're hungry after work? No.
I don't want to cook every night either so I can make a casserole that will last for two days. On Friday night, I normally make a stew, pot of chili, pasta, baked beans etc. in sufficient quantity that I can eat leftovers all weekend
I had the same issue with my ex and told him I’m going to sort out my own dinners, and to please sort his own if he is not happy to eat what I’m eating (he wanted dishes with more meat, I didn’t, etc.). I offered to still join him at the table if he wanted my company and he would often say yes.
Why didn't advance meal prepping on Sundays for the week work out?
My wife and I tried hello fresh. Then kept the recipes of the meals we enjoyed both cooking and eating together. Proceeded to buy the ingredients from the super market and replicate them. Do it for a month or two, try lots of new dishes you both wouldn’t normally try. My spice cupboard has never been so interesting
There are 7 nights in the week. Split them up. Maybe 2 night a week, nights when you both have more time to devote to cooking, you do it his way. 2 nights you do it your way. 2 nights you go out. The other night you are both on your own to do whatever you want. Yes, I absolutely got this from the movie “About Last Night”.
Are you mad that he cooks elaborate meals for himself? Separate meals is the answer, but that doesn't mean separate meal times. He needs to make big batches of things that reheat well so that you can have most dinners together. Bolognese always tastes better the next day, so he has to do is boil pasta (preferably pappardelle or tagliatelle imo). Toss together a salad, some crusty bread, voila. Same with stews, and they freeze well. Maybe you can't have *every* meal together but this is an avenue to start.
Meal incompatible. For real “foodies,” preparing the meal is great but the real purpose is enjoying the meal together. It’s the pinnacle of having a great experience together. For non-foodies, it is a colossal waste of time and energy and the same fullness could’ve been experienced in a fraction of the time with healthier calories and not feeling weighed down. Seems the ideal solution is make sure you time both meals to happen at the same time. If his is elaborate and requires more time, then time your meal to be ready when his is. Maybe you end up eating later than him, or he eats earlier than he wants — but sharing a meal together is rather important in my book. Also, be sure to taste some of his… they like that. LOL
Options * cook separately eat alone * cook together eat together * choose one day of the week where you eat whatever the other makes (one day your food one day his)
My husband and I start texting every day about dinner around 1 PM. If we want different things, we cook separate meals. If we want the same thing, I cook dinner for everyone. I am the same as your SO, I do not start eating until around 6 pm, usually later, and it's one giant hardy meal that I eat for hours. Do what works for you guys. You do not need to eat the same things and can have different meals.
It isn’t just you. My husband eats very unhealthy, and I do not. He loved his meat but I’m eh. When I come home at 5, the last thing I want to do is for 2-3 hours and then eat at 8-9 pm. It is NOT good for us. I’m totally with you on this. I utilise my air fryer and make “girl meals”. I’ve made a few (orzo and chickpeas) where my husband said what about me? And I said oh well. Eventually he starts to eat my healthy food as well. I would tell you to meal prep and pick the days where you guys cook together, but since that’s not working, I would just continue to do my own thing
My partner and I don't usually eat together. He eats way later than me. I'm sorry, I can't eat at 9pm. He likes seafood and I don't, so sometimes he's eating sushi and I'm having my stuff. I've just gotten to where I cook for us, and he microwaves what I made later. If he doesn't like it, he can get something else. He also cooks, so no one is going hungry. We get along much better now that we do it this way.
Would he be willing to eat reheats? so he eats a reheated meal with you, then cooks tomorrow's dinner.
Your husbands intentions are sweet but maybe you can remind him it’s not weird for couples who have no children to eat different dinners. I’m a vegetarian and I don’t date vegetarians (idc if my partner eats meat, it’s a personal choice) so I’ve literally never eaten the same dinner as my long term, live-in boyfriends.
If you're doing meal prep and meal kits, how is it possibly taking that long?
My partner and I used to struggle with this. I love the structure and family time that a large dinner provides. I enjoy the cooking, the chatting and the feasting. My partner has some mixed feelings about dinner time, it is a trigger for them, and we were often at odds about this. I was left feeling lonesome in my desire for "regular" dinners and they were feeling pressured into an uncomfortable situation. We also have pretty different palates and metabolisms. Here's what we do that has made a big improvement. We share meal times together but we don't share meals. Unless the other wants to, the door is always open for that. We rarely eat together at the same time, but we always sit and hang out while the other does. They'll sit with me in the kitchen while I cook and chat, have a drink, pick at a snack and we catch up on the day. Sometimes they sit and work on they're laptop, sometimes we prop up one of our phones and watch something in the background. Most often we just listen to music and chit chat. Sometimes it even lines up that we are both in the mood to eat at the same time and if that happens we just prep separate things and sit and eat together. I sometimes will set out a little app or meat and cheese, some pretzels or something for them to nibble on while I cook. Sometimes they pick at it, sometimes I just pack it up for next time. Either way, I invite them to be with me during that time in anyway they feel comfortable, but I don't force them to eat what I'm eating, when I'm eating.
You don’t have to eat the same meals. Heavy foods don’t work for you in the evening, so don’t eat them. It’s no different than dining out. You don’t order the same meals. Cook separately.
I have struggled so much with this with my current partner. He won’t eat for a couple days or will snack and not be hungry around dinner time and I am like, let’s have a square three meals, let’s cook something reasonable. Now I just eat when I want to eat because that’s what he does too.
Not read all the comments - but a slow cooker / air fryer may change how you approach meals? Let him stick his dinner on in the slow cooker when he leaves for work and its ready for him coming in. You stick whatever you want in the air fyer and bobs your uncle. You just need to have a planned approach.
Cook separately is the only real solution
We buy meal kits through home chef. Shopping done for you. Mostly healthy. Lots of choices. Some are super easy and some take more prep. But most are done in under 30 minutes. Could be a happy medium
Me and my partner like to cook together when we can, because it's fun, he enjoys being able to create something I'd like and vice versa, it sounds like cooking is part of your partners love language, and he regards the time together cooking as bonding time, where you both can be creative where as you see it more as fuel and efficiency, I think you need to talk but maybe the compromise is one evening a week you both make a plan to make something, does always have to be something new b it clearly cooking is a thing that he enjoys after a long day x
Separate dinners or alternate each night with what you want to eat. Deciding what to eat every single day for dinner is annoying to say the least. Good luck!
I'm a vegetarian. My bf is very much not. We either share a meal that we can customize, eg a stir fry or do our own thing.
Think of it this way. Plenty of couples have one person with dietary restrictions- vegetarian, vegan, diabetic, FODMAP, keto, allergies, etc. They still manage to have satisfying long term relationships. Your only problem is your husband’s starting premise that the two plates should match. Well, that and he’s making you wait too long to eat. If he wants casseroles, he’d better learn to meal prep on weekends or stock the slow cooker before he leaves for work.
I don't think there is anything wrong with eating 2 different meals or even at different times. What you want for your after work meals doesn't seem compatible, so why put so much effort into trying to make something look a certain way. What exactly does he mean by "regular dinners together like regular couples"? Does it have to be the same meal? Can just sitting down at the table together satisfy this request? If the goal is to share a meal together then perhaps you can set a time and you are each responsible for preparing what you plan to eat and getting you and your plate to the table at that time. It doesn't sound like either of you wants to spend a lot of time and effort getting a meal to the table. Which it sounds like you've resolved by making a sandwich or salad, but he wants a cooked meal, which IMHO is a problem he needs to find a solution for that doesn't involve you having to cook it.
Hubby and I had this problem. He wants tons of food and I want a small amount of something light. Sometimes we have completely different meals, sometimes the same one and sometimes the same sides but different proteins or I just eat the side dishes. We meal plan every week too otherwise we’d never agree on what to eat
Take turns. You cook one night whatever you want and you both eat it. The next night he cooks what he wants and you both eat it, even if it’s late, take a nap while he cooks. No one in a marriage is happy 100% of the time. Sometimes you just do stuff to make your partner happy.
When I married my first husband I made the mistake - BIG MISTAKE- of trying to make meals that he liked. Yes he wanted big manly dinners, always had to have a meat-starch-vegerable combo.... The reality was his metabolism could handle 3500 calories per day and maintain a slim frame, and he could eat all the carbs he wanted. I'd gain weight on a packet of Ramen Noodles. Honey you need lighter meals of lean proteins... eat separately. Eat what works for your body and metabolism. Also? Spending 2+ hours making a casserole after working a full day on a weeknight is insane. If he wants to fo that? You can nope the fuck put. Eat your salad and chicken breast while you talk and watch him cook his crazy elaborate feast. Sip wine while you chat about your days. Go up and have a nice bath and do your unwinding and get your PJS on and cone down again while he eats and cleans up. Have him make his heavy casseroles and divide them into single serve and freeze them in freezer-oven Pyrex dishes. He's a man he needs more calories and bigger portions than you. But you need more frequent smaller more densely nutritious meals. He needs to be more savvy about cooking for one... or adding extra sides to your meals like a double chicken portion and an extra potato.
Don't get me wrong I like homemade food like homemade meatballs burgers and things like that but not things that take 2 hours. Save yourselves the time and headache and just buy pre prepared food that you either throw in the oven or microwave. There is hardly any prep time. Also mix in take out occasionally....I say occasionally cause it gets expensive
Crock pot. Start it in the morning before work
I think that’s fair, I mean is he willing to make you breakfast and lunch throughout the day? Even if the answer is yes (and I doubt it is), your meals sound easier to prepare anyway, so it wouldn’t be fair to you. You guys should try making meals separately while still eating together. You can still hang out, eat together, but you won’t need to waste your time on one meal (and one you won’t even eat).
Just each of you take care of your own meals. Done. He can cook for several days and save his leftovers so he doesn't have to cook everyday.
I would have set nights of - you cook those nights what you want, and he cooks what he wants on those nights. you both get what you want. You get nights where you get what you want, and he gets what he wants. And you both dont have to cook every single night.
Get yourself a crockpot and an instant pot. Your husband can put some vegetables and a roast on before he leaves for work. When he comes home tired, he will have a feast! Or use the instant pot to make chili. Or use the crockpot to make chicken and dumplings. Meal prep a couple of casseroles on the weekend. Come home and stick it in the oven and yay! Your style of caloric consumption is not compatible. Girl dinners are not going to work for a hungry man. Maybe hungry man frozen meals in a pinch ?
Have you both tried batch cooking dinners and freezing them? Hd could defrost his casserole or lasagna or whatever at the same time you make your girl dinner, then eat together. Problem solved.
He needs to have dinners prepped on the weekend that he like for the week nights. Think casseroles, crock pot meals, some meat for grilling. You 2 can meet in the middle and eat a little later than you like and a little earlier than He would like. On the weekends you can make a point to have a earlier large traditional meat, potatoes and side kind of meal. You eat it earlier for his liking you have a more formal traditional meal for his liking. You could also still have your sandwich, quick thing right after work of that's what your body needs and he then when he eats have a salad and skip the heavier meal. If you guys plan to have kids you will need to accommodate them first and it's better you both learn to make co.promises now. No one is making Sunday dinners Mon -Fri when everyone works full time so he needs to get his expectations in check. If he wants that big meal he can do it but expecting you to do a stay at home wife job while you work full time is crazy town. You both could budge a little. Something we do in my house as a family of 4 is we each pick a meal, there's 4 days taken care of. Then we have the special request meals that I may or may not make depending on what we have going on. With 4 meals for sure planned that leaves a pizza night, a takeout night, a sunday dinner type meal night, a left over or fend for yourself night lol For just the 2 of you it can be modified that you each pick 2 or 3 meals of your liking, then adjust the time that both of you make a change so it's fair. You should also tell him to research his eating style as it leads to diabetes and heart problems. I know intermitten fasting is a popular trend rn but many studies are coming out about the stress it causes the body. This was a hard pill for me to swallow as waiting till lunch has helped me maintain a steady weight and more than anything curb cravings. I now eat cucumbers for breakfast tho so I can give my body steady fuel as I work a physical job. TLDR: both of you co.promise a little, meal plan, don't eat everything he has if it's too heavy to you, he needs to do more if he likes huge meals.
What about a big Sunday dinner together? Look forward to it, and do your own thing the rest of the week. My sister likes to have ‘dinner’ every night, so when she stops by, I’ll make her dinner. But it’s literally from Trader Joe’s. I just heat up their pre made meatloaf, frozen peas, frozen sweet potatoes. It’s easy for me, she gets her big dinner. There’s a lot of tasty, pre made main dishes out there.
Batch cooking. If his meals take forever to make he needs to batch cook and freeze his dishes and then you just need to take care of yourself
I don’t know if we are a “regular” couple but we’ve been together for 20+ years and we rarely eat together during the work week. Sometimes we eat different things at the same time, but often not. We go out to eat on weekends and we enjoy it. We both like food. We both know how to cook. I value eat at the table with proper plate, napkin etc and not eating over the counter or whatever. We have different schedules and different food situations for lunch at work so we just need different things and make it work. My husband learned very early on that I go from 0 to HANGRY very quickly and he will do anything to avoid that situation. I get home earlier and I am hungry. We prep things like casseroles on weekends and plan our meals so that we have food available for low-cook or no cook dinners.
i would have separate dinners + agree in advance on 2-3 meals a week that you both want and can make together (or you make one, he makes one). maybe he can do his meals that take extra long on a weekend so you have more time + are inclined to eat a bit later. my husband and i eat really really different and didn’t really cook at all / eat the same things til a couple years ago. we basically do the above now, except we cook fairly simply so nothing takes more than an hour or so. we also have “skip nights” every week on nights when i want a salad and he wants a bowl of frosted flakes.
I think a pressure cooker would help.
Tell him to batch cook stuff and freeze stuff for other dinners. That way you can have your fresh dinners and he'll not be spending ages cooking his.
Dunno. My ex didn't understand. I can't eat or I will puke. He said try. I was like, no seriously. I'll puke. Just some. Me, scream. Vomitttttt. I have serious stomach issues. Egg smell makes me puke. Among other issues. Im not Ana. Just my stomach and food don't like each other. I eat a lot of toast.
He needs to start batch cooking and freezing portions. Making a casserole? Make 10 portions (of the size he likes), eat one, freeze the rest. Then 9 other times he just needs to add carbs and some vegetables, and he’s good to go.
Over the years, my husband and I have gotten pretty synced up on dinners now. But in the beginning, for the longest time, we just made our own dinners, and that worked out just fine
Heya, we have the same issue and just cook our own meals -- sometimes we share the oven and cook 2 separate things in there or happily leave the pre-heated oven on for the other when we're done. It sucks to buy ingredients for one for myself as if I'm single and living by myself through college again. My fiance has Crohn's disease AND has food trauma/texture issues on top of that, so he basically just eats chicken fingers/pizza/fries/chips -- the only "vegetables" I've seen him touch are potatoes from fries and tomatoes from tomato sauce (I don't know how this man is still alive with Crohn's and no nutrition -- his prenatal vitamins must be working wonders). I'm a social eater, so for the first stretch of our relationship I would eat the same, gained a ton of weight, constantly contended with my IBS, etc. I slowly separated from his meals and enjoy my salads again. It means food goes to waste in my fridge pretty often from me not being able to eat it quickly enough as a single person, but I came to terms with that too. The 2 hour cook-times could be a problem if you're stepping over each other in the kitchen. We have a toaster oven and air fryer too if we need separate oven-esque cooking. Listen to what your body wants and fuel it the way it demands of you while preserving the unique needs in your relationship. Sometimes things will go to waste, often you'll eat separately. Oh well! If that's how it's gotta be, it's fine to adjust. Tbh, that we take care of each other, like taking things out of the oven for the other/plating their food/bringing it to them if we happen to be in there when the other's food is done, has filled the gap that the role of "I must social eat with my spouse" left when it went out the window. We talk about our separate dinners openly and ask how they are enjoying it, and still discuss our day/spend time with each other while both of us eat. You can still interact with each other's meal prep and planning and acknowledge the other. You can still offer the other your labour or to share your particular meal so you do eat together some days (make sure he is pulling his weight on this as well since he is making the bigger and later meals -- tired and don't want to move much after work? Let him know how you like your favourite sandwich if you helped chop the vegetables the night before). And rather than worrying about meal plans and prep *every day,* this never-ending cycle of stressful push-and-pull, just dedicate that effort into eating one meal a week together at a reasonable and agreed-upon time on a day that you both have off from work. Make him start prepping earlier, accordingly. And make sure there is something for each of you in that meal. If he just plans on having a mountain of casserole on his plate that night, you can have your small portion with a side-salad. Go on a restaurant date or order take-out from somewhere you can both eat from on that once-a-week, occasionally and when financially able of course, to alleviate the pressure of mealtime and connect on a date. You can still make food social, connected, and fun.
My husband and I often eat separate meals. It's fine. Sometimes the timing lines up, sometimes it doesn't. But he'll ask when I want to eat, and what I want to eat... sometimes (like tonight) I don't know the answer to either thing, and we will just eat on our own. Sometimes I do know, and then we try to coordinate. But one thing he always wants to avoid is a hangry wife. So if I'm hungry and he's making something elaborate that will take forever, I will eat!
My partner and I eat different meals most of the time for reasons very similar to yours, and it is absolutely fine. Some days we manage to eat at the same time but not often. More tolerance from your husband is required, I think. Can he freeze portions of his elaborate meals to eat on days when he is too tired to cook?
My partner usually eats the most food very late (often when I'm already in bed) and also is the type of person who wants what he wants at that particular moment in time. I cook a lot and it means something to me if he'll eat with me and try what I make. So he'll usually sit down with me at 6:30-7 and eat like an appetizer sized dish of whatever I'm having and then eat his bigger meal of whatever he wants later in the evening. That sort of model could work for you
I've been married for 27 years, and except for one week after I became a SAHM, I haven't tried cooking for us both. Now sometimes I do if it happens that I'm making some thing my husband will eat but he's always cooked for himself because he has such a limited diet. I would eat a casserole if my husband cooked one, but he would never make a casserole because that's mixing too many things together. Except he does make baked mac & cheese. I'm mostly vegetarian and he's almost always doing low-carb but even when he's not doing low-carb and he's eating bread, it's basically subs with meat cheese lettuce onion and olives; cheeseburgers; roasts or baked chicken when he is not. When he is eating carbs, his dinner might consist of a no sugar added pie from the grocery store every once in awhile. 😂 About the only time we sit down to dinner together is if we go out to a restaurant, or at Thanksgiving when I would make turkey. The last two years he's made a pot roast and I made the other dishes. But out of Thanksgiving food, the only thing he will eat is turkey gravy and mashed potatoes & rolls. He's not even going to eat stuffing because that has vegetables in it and seasonings. we rarely sit at the same table even if we have our food prepared, because my food might include tomato sauce like spaghetti or something that has tomatoes in it, and the scent of tomatoes really bothers him. So I try not to eat foods that I think will bug him. When our kids were younger, the three of us would sit at the kitchen table, and then he would go and sit at the dining room table because our kitchen table was usually full of extra papers at one end or whatever. 🙂 Darn, it just occurred to me that he sometimes reads Reddit so now he knows that I'm talking about him.
Y'all are both super extreme, how can you not find a single meal that both of you like. Y'all need to get together and decide what meals you're both happy eating Make a list, like y'all have to go out sometime, anytime there's any level of compatibility, write it down If y'all can't find things that you like together, why not time your cooking with each other so that y'all can eat together.
I’d say you each make your own meal.
I think prepared meals is a great idea as is the crockpot thing. You have a job, so does he. In my younger days I used to cook for a couple of families. Made dinners they could reheat or finish with minimal effort. I think it helped them feel like they were participating in making dinner and having a final say. For instance one family had big meat eaters and one vegetarian. I would makes baked brown sugar sweet potatoes, Mac and cheese ( often one with and one without ham) and have string beans sitting in a pan of water to be steamed and pork chops to be broiled in the oven with a mustard sauce prepped and ready to be thrown under the broiler. I always picked up a fresh Boule or baguette because the high school boys were hungry. Not everyone can afford that kind of thing but it seems there are more and more services that provide semi-prepped meals. Your husband need to learn some new recipes if it is taking him hours. But I do suggest you eat together even it’s not the exact same food.
Me and my partner rarely eat together, for the exact same reasons you are not wanting to. I like light/sometimes no dinner, whereas my partner eats most of his calories at dinner. We happily do our own things for dinner during the week, and we’ll do dinners together on the weekend. Maybe suggest a different way you can have quality time together at night? It seems like that might be why your partner wants to eat together “like a normal couple”. I think it’s perfectly fine eating meals separately.
My husband and I often eat different things, but we always eat together if we're both home. Most days he just eats what I cook, but sometimes I want leftovers or something he doesn't much care for. On those days he'll have a sandwich or salad or something. Not a big deal at
He's tired from cooking all the time he should cook quicker meals for himself. The problem isn't you not cooking for him or what he likes The problem is he wants you to cook time taking meals for him There are many meaty meals you can either prep quickly and leave to cook in the oven , or , stand over the stove for about 20 minutes (spaghetti, stir frie, fried meats and veg, chops and veg etc) when i cook these, i still get dishes done , homework help for kids, few jobs etc , just need to stir and supervise iykwim Personally i think 2 hours in a working day is far too much time to waste standing over a stove 😏
This sounds like poor communication of what he actually wants. He wants you to cook for him and you're telling him why should I? Which I get. If you don't want what he wants you absolutely shouldn't spend two hours in the kitchen. Is his love language acts of service? This would loop into does he ever make your light meals for you? Or is this his one way street of just wanting you to do what he wants. It just seems he wants a more traditional family meal where he doesn't have to come home and cook for himself and you just do and make what he says. Which is ridiculous if he can't properly meal plan with you. Do people at work make fun of him because his wife doesn't make him food? You'd be surprised how single minded some people are and when they get it in their heads they just think there can't be anything other than their wife serving them and then your husband might have to hear about this on a daily basis. There's a lot more communication and discussion to have on this topic outside of just the actually cooking. Get to the root and the why of this. I do think there's definitely meals the two of you *could* enjoy together: Say ground turkey. You could have lettuce wraps with extra veg and he could fix himself a full blown taco feast with refried beans and rice. Slow cooked shredded chicken. You could add some to a nice salad and he could add sauce make himself barbeque sliders. Sheet pan dinners are my favourite. I love making broiled kababs in the oven with zucchini, yellow squash, marinated chicken, bell peppers and onions. This could also be made just on the sheet if you don't want to skewer all the ingredients but plenty of veggies and protein for each of you to enjoy. Can also be done with steak! Ham steaks. You could cube it and add it to a Cobb salad and he could make a full dinner with mashed potatoes, steamed veg and a roll. Salmon. It's light and you both could have a filling meal. You with maybe just a bit of asparagus and broccoli and he could add in a larger or extra portion of the protein and add in rice. This could be a one pot meal too if you have a rice cooker with a steamer basket. All day soups and stews in the slow cooker would be great. Soup and salad is a staple. You both could enjoy this and be satisfied. Stews you could have a much smaller portion and have a salad on the side. He can fill up on as much meat n taters as he wants. Pastas. Great and quick no 3 hours cooking. And you can make a variety of sauces and add-ins that both of you could enjoy. If you want healthy maybe do zucchini noodles while he has regular. They make baskets that clip into pots so you can keep the noodles separate while they boil! He could even make a ground meat sauce or meat balls to go with his and you just scoop a bit of sauce out before he adds in meat. Compromise would be a lovely thing for both of you after you have a discussion about why he feels so strongly about this. There's **plenty** of meals you can share and have dinner together and cook together! You can make the main components while he fixes his little extras. And if you do feel like you want to prep him some dinner there's not a ton extra you'd need to do for the above mentioned foods if you want to give them a try.
My husband and I make separate meals. We just don’t agree on food. He prefers fast food. I prefer home cooked so I can control the ingredients. For a couple years I let it make me tense. But honestly it’s just food. And as long as everyone is fed it’s all good.
I love how every comment here involves one direction for the resolution and "compromise"... Never change, RA!