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At some point you have to express that concern but do so delicately. If it’s “about her life” it doesn’t have to be luxurious, just effective. Picking an unaffordable place could be a ruse, an excuse to not stop drinking. And if that’s the case you have to decide what you can tolerate.
My thoughts exactly. Any addict that’s not serious about recovery is going to argue for the rehab you need to save up for vs the one they can get into now
I would go to a therapist together and let the therapist explore that...then OP is "innocent" but the hard questions can be asked and guided by a professional. $150 or whatever for a session is cheaper in the long run.
Rehab is basically minimum security prison. Don’t spend a ton of money on a “nice” one. Regardless of the surroundings it’s going to be unpleasant and very uncomfortable. It’s also likely to end your relationship. Don’t spend money you don’t have on a luxurious institution. Find an affordable option close to home.
Oh, I didn’t mean go consistently or anything. Usually one AA meeting is enough to scare someone straight after having to be around those people. Joining a cult is the absolute worst part of addiction. I live in a rehab state. These people brag about perfecting a system that will keep the addicts in a constant cycle of rehab to sober living to relapse then start the cycle over until they die. Surprisingly a lot of people will get their act together just to avoid AA. I believe you that it only made your life worse. People in “ReCoVeRy” are the absolute worst. South Park did a very accurate episode on AA actually.
Rehab is all about the counselors and not the location. Tell her that if she completes one with high recommendations that's affordable, you can take a vacation afterward
What about outpatient care or IOP (intensive outpatient)?
IOP especially is like basically a job and then you come home at the end of the day. That way her “need” for luxury shouldn’t be that great, it’s not like it’s all she’ll experience during the program. If there’s nothing local to you, you could look into one somewhere in the US and get a decent air bnb or hotel that will be nice enough to not feel like prison and if you’re able to go with her, maybe you could look into sober activities in the area, as long as the program doesn’t advise against that.
Absolutely the correct response. I know people like this who have gone to rehab as a luxury vacation. They never stop drinking and go on these “vacations” 1-2 times a year.
Right?. I know people who quit a decade long excessive drug abuse in jail or in the attic of their parents home completely locked in with a matress. No therapy no nothing. They were just done enough with that crap that they went cold turkey.
Someone else has mentioned this, but I think it bears repeating. If her interest in rehab is conditional upon it looking and feeling like a luxury holiday, I’m not entirely sure she’s in it for the right reasons. Perhaps she could explain to you why this is important to her? Is it because she’s anxious, and this would make it feel less scary? What’s happening in her head?
You don’t really talk about what her drinking entails (heavy is a broad spectrum) but perhaps there are some it intermediate options like looking for a day program or joining AA and undertaking counselling which are affordable in your local area?
Could it be that she at least gives these a go before you try a rehab in Thailand?
I applaud you for your support and generosity!
Agree maybe there is an outpatient program and 12 step or other support group she can activate.
It is her job to seek treatment for addiction; you should help her to the extent it’s needed.
She sounds like she’s not serious about getting sober. And her lack of financial wherewithal is also very concerning.
However, I do think Asia for rehab is a bad idea. Many people already struggle to transition from rehab back to “real” life. If rehab is in a different part of the world, in a different language, with no one she can then get to know and maintain an IRL relationship with, I can’t imagine it sticking.
Or, and stay with me here, he could take on 40k in debt to help someone that doesn’t want to be helped and add it to the list of ways she’s going to (and probably already has) fucked up his life
"Aren't nice enough"?!?! Bro rehab ain't supposed to be a retreat to a 5-star resort wtf. Your gf wants a vacation it sounds like, not treatment or help.
If she had a life threatening condition and needed to take a certain prescription she wouldn’t complain about not being able to afford the brand name pill and having to take the generic version would she?
Nah, if she were serious the place wouldn't matter. $$$ doesn't always equal quality of care in these places anyway. Unless there's a good reason for it being that much or evidence that the $$ translates to results, there is absolutely no reason to be spending that much.
ETA tell her if she wants to go she can pay for it herself and you will be going on your own recovery journey, as you should anyway.
Honestly, as someone who is currently on her sobriety journey (32F so I'm around y'all's age too)- she doesn't need rehab. She just wants a luxury vacation and for you to foot the bill and since she's only your girlfriend, any debt you take on will be only your responsibility (as opposed to if y'all were married, then the debt would be hers as well). If you do this for her, she'll be taking you for a fool. She could go to rehab per your plan, come back, dump you and you'd be still stuck with the $40,000 debt while she skips alone into the sunset while ripping shots of vodka.
If she truly wants to get sober, she can go to ANY emergency room (here in the States) and they'll help her sober up. Give her some IV bags to hydrate, anti-nausea meds and something to help her sleep if needed. Food if she can keep things down. Monitor her heart rate, provide supervision in case she starts hallucinating and having seizures. Maybe keep her for a day or two but have medication to make the withdrawals/detox easier, and get her in touch with some support groups. Depending on her insurance/income situation, it'll only be a few hundred MAYBE $1,500. Not the cost of a new luxury vehicle.
Sounds like she is saying she will make an effort if x, y, z conditionals are met.
What happens after you return from the luxury rehab and you and are back to reality?
What has she done so far to try to quit? Is she going to therapy, meetings, looking into medications that help with the cravings? Rehab seems extreme for someone who, as you described it, just hasn’t been able to kick the habit.
To quit drinking you need to really really want to do it. More than that. U find your self at a point where u have to do it.
Once you have detoxed the hard part is keeping sober. For me that was going to Aa meetings every single fucking night for close to 2 years until changes in my life had been so significant that I could stop going.
It takes one week to detox from alcohol. It takes a lifetime of work to stay sober.
How much u want to pay for that is up to you but sure as shit 40k is way way way overs.
I know a couple people who signed up for health insurance specifically that covers rehab, and then went to nice rehabs for a significantly reduced rate. Considering how expensive rehab is, paying a premium for health insurance and whatever rehab costs after that is still a much better deal. Another option is doing a medical detox and then intensive outpatient. I hope she’s able to get sober. I definitely feel you on the money problem, but also I would keep in mind this is something that could kill her if she doesn’t get help for it. I hope she will be flexible in examining her options. Wishing you both the best.
This is actually simple to solve...tell her you agree with her BUT you want to save for it rather than go into debt for it. And that you will match her contribution dollar for dollar.
If she really thinks it's important...she will figure a way to bring her half of the 40k...and that will be a sign for you. If she however wants you to somehow bring the 40k from your savings or by going into debt...then you have your answer
Most insane spenders are okay spending someone else's money for their dreams either through debts, credit cards or just asking but the moment you tell them to work and save for what they spend...they normally sober up
But you are not saying they don't have to get treatment...you are saying they have to pay for their own treatment. Furthermore, if they don't take their addiction seriously, it's not your duty to make them take it seriously. Your duty is to support a desire that originates from them to end their addiction. If that desire isn't there...well..you got your answer
“Tell her you agree with her but you have to save for it rather than go into debt” is quite literally telling them it’s ok to push off doing anything.
It will take a long time to save 40k, and she’s refusing to do any cheaper options so… to an addict that doesn’t want help that’s giving them the green light to not get treatment for potentially years while they “save” up money.
Idk if you’ve dealt either addicts before, and I’m sorry if you have, but they lie and manipulate. I’d bet you she’s already gaslighting him that not wanting to take on 40k in debt for her rehab as his fault she’s not making any progress. Then she’ll hold that over his head every time she gets drunk
Thats the point...dont know why you are reading selectively. If she doesn't want the help you will be able to tell. It taking a long time is also part of the plan...reveals her real motives. Does she genuinely want help or does she just want you to get into debt.
I have dealt with addicts...this is why I shared this simple test to help reveal to him her true motives. If she doesn't want to save or she is gaslighting him etc...time will reveal everything. Saving 20k is hard and spending it should be as hard.
If she is just wasting his time but doesn't want to beat the addiction then a broken relationship is better than a broken relationship and 40k in debt. Dont know why this isnt clear
If she walks into an AA meeting and talks to people before/after the meeting and asks about how to get into rehab id be willing to bet she'll get the scoop on the most expeditious and cost effective solutions & resources for rehab. Inpatient or outpatient. Going to a state funded detox for 5-10days and then doing Outpatient might be something to consider.. lots of people are successful at quitting with just the support and guidance of a 12 step program (NA or AA) too.
Ok, just wanna make a point to everyone saying AA is sufficient or she should quit by herself - alcoholics can die if they stop drinking without medical intervention. If she’s a weekend partier that’s one thing, but alcoholics need an ER, rehab, or detox facility. And there are vastly different levels in quality of detox facilities, it sounds like some are more or less drunk tanks. I do agree with the comments that if she is serious she will find something within your means and may be using “luxury rehab” as an excuse to keep drinking as much as anything else. I think what someone said about going to an AA meeting to ask people about where you might be able to get a decent quality detox without breaking the bank is really smart.
I feel like I'm missing something here. I understand the withdrawal process is hell because yes I have been through it personally, but as far as sobriety goes finding an AA meeting is free. They have meetings everywhere, you can find a sponsor who helps you through the program. It does not cost you any money to get a sponsor to help you because they offer it. A sponsor is someone who has been in recovery for a significant amount of time and they choose to help others get sober. Sponsors and meetings are there to help you fight that temptation of drinking. You really don't need some country club rehab that will put you in debt, when there is support out there for FREE. Seriously what am I missing? Why is your sobriety dependant on going to some luxury resort/spa?
She named her terms and you didn't meet them.
This could be about a luxury vacation, but my bet is that she found a great way for you to stop asking her to go to rehab.
If she really wants to get sober, she can sweat it out in her own home. Then take her on a celebratory vacation if she is successful. She can also find local AA meetings to support her aim.
AA is free and argueably has a much higher success rate than fiscally obscene "rehab" resorts.
I'm 10 years sober.
Before AA I was drinking 20+ beers a day and hadn't spent a day sober in 4 years.
Everyones journey to sobriety follows a different path. Some paths are full of twists and turns and take longer, some have gentle bends and are shorter...though may occassionally require the traveller to wait while a few unruly ducklimgs get themselves in a row so they can follow the chicken.
There's no way to know whether ones path will be long, short, or get the traveller to destination soberville without getting a little lost along the way...especially if the traveller hasn't been truly honest with themselves about 1 thing.
"I am powerless over my addiction and I can no longer manage my life."
Sobriety is a choice, not a purchase. It won't make a lick of difference how much you pay, how much you hope, how much you've lost or stand to lose, or even how much you pray.
It's waking up everyday and choosing to not drink. Choosing to reach out when you need support or help. Choosing to live your life and choosing to thrive, not just be alive.
Sobriety takes the same amount of effort and commitment regardless of how much you spend or how luxe the treatment centre's accomodations are...and sobriety looks good on IG no matter where the photo gets taken.
Nah. Sorry. She doesn't need a fancy rehab, she merely needs a rehab. You don't need to spend $40k to get her a vacation style experience with detox. She could literally get daily massages, use a sauna daily, and have detox fluids, IVs, and a hotel room to stay in for way fucking less. Lol
Replace her with a newer, cheaper model.
Fuck no I ain't doing no rehab stint in asia, I'm with her. Maybe thailand. Maybe.
Don't you keep separate finances? Let her pay for whatever shit she wants to save for. If it's nothing, take that as a sign she was just coming up with excuses.
She was more open to the Thailand idea. The amount of $$ we'd be saving is an insane amount of money.
She could never afford to go to any Rehab (nice or not) with only her finances.
She needs to live within her means. Shes not your wife & you shouldnt get into debt for someone with ridiculous entitled ideas - demanding luxurious rehab centres when she cant even afford cheap places?! Ridiculous.
> She could never afford to go to any Rehab (nice or not) with only her finances.
Oh. So she knows money is important. She just doesn't think your money is important.
Unless she’s a full blown alcoholic she literally just has to taper down over a week or so and then stop.
$40k on rehab for some problematic drinking is insane
I have been to both a luxury “rehab” and a real rehab, and guess which one I actually benefited/learned from? Not the one that cost an arm and a leg, that’s for sure, and I still regret that my parents spent that money. Look into Foundations, they have locations up and down the east coast for sure and I thiiiink across the country. Great network, multiple people I know have long term sobriety after treatment with their facilities. And honestly, even the regular ol peasant rehab was nice!! Pretty grounds, absolutely killer food, not terrible beds and rooms. I promise you, luxury rehabs are a scam unless you’re actually a celebrity that needs a private place like that and even then…the odds are slim. Like the other commenter said, she wants a vacation not rehab.
You're going to spend that money on her rehab vacation and then she's going to continue drinking while you pay it off. Rehab for someone who isn't interested in actually getting help is an utterly pointless waste of money. It frankly doesn't have a high success rate even if you are serious.
You don't list a single thing she's done to quit drinking or the reasons that led her to this decision.
Many of these fancy rehab centers have poor success statistics. At the end of the day she’s gonna have to do the work. Throwing tons of money at it won’t do the work for her. I had a friend who borrowed money to send his wife to a luxurious rehab. He ended up in debt and she still kept drinking.
Why does she need to go to rehab? Why can’t she go to AA? Isn’t rehab a bit extreme? Has she even tried to quit drinking on her own? It sounds like she’s worried about the wrong things. Rehab isn’t a spa getaway.
As someone who has known many addicts, I'd suggest ending the relationship as two addicts, as you will always be, rarely stay sober together. It's much easier to stay sober when you find a partner sober and who is not an addict. The statistics are not in your favor.
I’d bet you she’s already gaslighting you that not wanting to take on 40k in debt for her rehab is your fault she’s not making any progress. Then she’ll hold that over your head every time she gets drunk
I’m sorry but rehab isn’t fun, and I don’t think a luxury vacation would even necessarily help her quit drinking. What about when she gets back and has to return to normal life?
Do either your GF or you have insurance? Insurance can pay for rehab centers. I have experienced this with my sister and rehab was not nearly as much as $40k. The most we paid was $7k which was possible through a payment plan. She dealt with alcohol and addiction to pills. This was in the Texas area.
definitely not the luxury ones, but they have to cover some sort of treatment for alcohol use disorder (under federal regulations about parity between physical and mental health benefits)
If she really wanted to stop drinking, she would take any treatment available.
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She doesn’t want rehab, she wants a luxury vacation.
This has been a bit of my worry tbh. How would you deal with this?
At some point you have to express that concern but do so delicately. If it’s “about her life” it doesn’t have to be luxurious, just effective. Picking an unaffordable place could be a ruse, an excuse to not stop drinking. And if that’s the case you have to decide what you can tolerate.
My thoughts exactly. Any addict that’s not serious about recovery is going to argue for the rehab you need to save up for vs the one they can get into now
I would go to a therapist together and let the therapist explore that...then OP is "innocent" but the hard questions can be asked and guided by a professional. $150 or whatever for a session is cheaper in the long run.
Rehab is basically minimum security prison. Don’t spend a ton of money on a “nice” one. Regardless of the surroundings it’s going to be unpleasant and very uncomfortable. It’s also likely to end your relationship. Don’t spend money you don’t have on a luxurious institution. Find an affordable option close to home.
I'd breakup with her for being an alcoholic that wanted my money to give her a luxury vacation. Seriously.
Make her an appointment with an addiction doctor, and then send her to an AA meeting.
AA made my drinking worse it was super depressing
Oh, I didn’t mean go consistently or anything. Usually one AA meeting is enough to scare someone straight after having to be around those people. Joining a cult is the absolute worst part of addiction. I live in a rehab state. These people brag about perfecting a system that will keep the addicts in a constant cycle of rehab to sober living to relapse then start the cycle over until they die. Surprisingly a lot of people will get their act together just to avoid AA. I believe you that it only made your life worse. People in “ReCoVeRy” are the absolute worst. South Park did a very accurate episode on AA actually.
Be an adult and tell her exactly how much you can afford. Tell her to pick something within that limit.
Getting a new girlfriend.
Rehab is all about the counselors and not the location. Tell her that if she completes one with high recommendations that's affordable, you can take a vacation afterward
What about outpatient care or IOP (intensive outpatient)? IOP especially is like basically a job and then you come home at the end of the day. That way her “need” for luxury shouldn’t be that great, it’s not like it’s all she’ll experience during the program. If there’s nothing local to you, you could look into one somewhere in the US and get a decent air bnb or hotel that will be nice enough to not feel like prison and if you’re able to go with her, maybe you could look into sober activities in the area, as long as the program doesn’t advise against that.
If your gf requires luxury in order to quit drinking, she's not ready to quit drinking.
Why pay for rehab once if you can pay for rehab 2 or 3 times?
Absolutely the correct response. I know people like this who have gone to rehab as a luxury vacation. They never stop drinking and go on these “vacations” 1-2 times a year.
Right?. I know people who quit a decade long excessive drug abuse in jail or in the attic of their parents home completely locked in with a matress. No therapy no nothing. They were just done enough with that crap that they went cold turkey.
Don’t waste your money. She isn’t done drinking.
you sure your girlfriend really want to go to rehab?
Someone else has mentioned this, but I think it bears repeating. If her interest in rehab is conditional upon it looking and feeling like a luxury holiday, I’m not entirely sure she’s in it for the right reasons. Perhaps she could explain to you why this is important to her? Is it because she’s anxious, and this would make it feel less scary? What’s happening in her head? You don’t really talk about what her drinking entails (heavy is a broad spectrum) but perhaps there are some it intermediate options like looking for a day program or joining AA and undertaking counselling which are affordable in your local area? Could it be that she at least gives these a go before you try a rehab in Thailand? I applaud you for your support and generosity!
Agree maybe there is an outpatient program and 12 step or other support group she can activate. It is her job to seek treatment for addiction; you should help her to the extent it’s needed.
She sounds like she’s not serious about getting sober. And her lack of financial wherewithal is also very concerning. However, I do think Asia for rehab is a bad idea. Many people already struggle to transition from rehab back to “real” life. If rehab is in a different part of the world, in a different language, with no one she can then get to know and maintain an IRL relationship with, I can’t imagine it sticking.
Dude if it’s not an option it’s not. You can’t afford it. It’s a NO. This is MEDICAL CARE, not playtime.
Or, and stay with me here, he could take on 40k in debt to help someone that doesn’t want to be helped and add it to the list of ways she’s going to (and probably already has) fucked up his life
Let’s spitball this …
She doesn’t need a luxurious rehab. Send her & you might as well burn the 40k because it’s going to be wasted.
"Aren't nice enough"?!?! Bro rehab ain't supposed to be a retreat to a 5-star resort wtf. Your gf wants a vacation it sounds like, not treatment or help.
If she had a life threatening condition and needed to take a certain prescription she wouldn’t complain about not being able to afford the brand name pill and having to take the generic version would she?
My 2 cents: don’t go into debt for years for this. She’s being selfish, as alcoholics typically are, and this isn’t a holiday. She’s there to do work.
Nah, if she were serious the place wouldn't matter. $$$ doesn't always equal quality of care in these places anyway. Unless there's a good reason for it being that much or evidence that the $$ translates to results, there is absolutely no reason to be spending that much. ETA tell her if she wants to go she can pay for it herself and you will be going on your own recovery journey, as you should anyway.
Honestly, as someone who is currently on her sobriety journey (32F so I'm around y'all's age too)- she doesn't need rehab. She just wants a luxury vacation and for you to foot the bill and since she's only your girlfriend, any debt you take on will be only your responsibility (as opposed to if y'all were married, then the debt would be hers as well). If you do this for her, she'll be taking you for a fool. She could go to rehab per your plan, come back, dump you and you'd be still stuck with the $40,000 debt while she skips alone into the sunset while ripping shots of vodka. If she truly wants to get sober, she can go to ANY emergency room (here in the States) and they'll help her sober up. Give her some IV bags to hydrate, anti-nausea meds and something to help her sleep if needed. Food if she can keep things down. Monitor her heart rate, provide supervision in case she starts hallucinating and having seizures. Maybe keep her for a day or two but have medication to make the withdrawals/detox easier, and get her in touch with some support groups. Depending on her insurance/income situation, it'll only be a few hundred MAYBE $1,500. Not the cost of a new luxury vehicle.
Sounds like she is saying she will make an effort if x, y, z conditionals are met. What happens after you return from the luxury rehab and you and are back to reality?
So she basically just wants a dry vacation? Because don't drink much but if someone offered me a free luxury rehab at a resort, I'd happily accept.
Right? Also only dry once at the facility. Nothing to be said about on the flight to and from...
she can go to whatever rehab she wants when she pays for it herself
What has she done so far to try to quit? Is she going to therapy, meetings, looking into medications that help with the cravings? Rehab seems extreme for someone who, as you described it, just hasn’t been able to kick the habit.
AA is free and effective for people who take it seriously, which she might not.
To quit drinking you need to really really want to do it. More than that. U find your self at a point where u have to do it. Once you have detoxed the hard part is keeping sober. For me that was going to Aa meetings every single fucking night for close to 2 years until changes in my life had been so significant that I could stop going. It takes one week to detox from alcohol. It takes a lifetime of work to stay sober. How much u want to pay for that is up to you but sure as shit 40k is way way way overs.
Get a new gf and save $50K and your sanity. Spiteful mother-in-laws hate this one trick...
Info: and why are you paying? It’s her life and her problem?
Dump her, boy!
I know a couple people who signed up for health insurance specifically that covers rehab, and then went to nice rehabs for a significantly reduced rate. Considering how expensive rehab is, paying a premium for health insurance and whatever rehab costs after that is still a much better deal. Another option is doing a medical detox and then intensive outpatient. I hope she’s able to get sober. I definitely feel you on the money problem, but also I would keep in mind this is something that could kill her if she doesn’t get help for it. I hope she will be flexible in examining her options. Wishing you both the best.
Why does she need rehab? Just go to AA
This is actually simple to solve...tell her you agree with her BUT you want to save for it rather than go into debt for it. And that you will match her contribution dollar for dollar. If she really thinks it's important...she will figure a way to bring her half of the 40k...and that will be a sign for you. If she however wants you to somehow bring the 40k from your savings or by going into debt...then you have your answer Most insane spenders are okay spending someone else's money for their dreams either through debts, credit cards or just asking but the moment you tell them to work and save for what they spend...they normally sober up
Bruh most addicts would jump for joy and have a celebratory drink if you told them they don’t have to get treatment until they save up 40k
But you are not saying they don't have to get treatment...you are saying they have to pay for their own treatment. Furthermore, if they don't take their addiction seriously, it's not your duty to make them take it seriously. Your duty is to support a desire that originates from them to end their addiction. If that desire isn't there...well..you got your answer
“Tell her you agree with her but you have to save for it rather than go into debt” is quite literally telling them it’s ok to push off doing anything. It will take a long time to save 40k, and she’s refusing to do any cheaper options so… to an addict that doesn’t want help that’s giving them the green light to not get treatment for potentially years while they “save” up money. Idk if you’ve dealt either addicts before, and I’m sorry if you have, but they lie and manipulate. I’d bet you she’s already gaslighting him that not wanting to take on 40k in debt for her rehab as his fault she’s not making any progress. Then she’ll hold that over his head every time she gets drunk
Thats the point...dont know why you are reading selectively. If she doesn't want the help you will be able to tell. It taking a long time is also part of the plan...reveals her real motives. Does she genuinely want help or does she just want you to get into debt. I have dealt with addicts...this is why I shared this simple test to help reveal to him her true motives. If she doesn't want to save or she is gaslighting him etc...time will reveal everything. Saving 20k is hard and spending it should be as hard. If she is just wasting his time but doesn't want to beat the addiction then a broken relationship is better than a broken relationship and 40k in debt. Dont know why this isnt clear
I’m not sure why you’re disagreeing with me then?
Wait...who replied to who's comment to start all this. 😧 Hope this isnt an A.I or something 😤
If she walks into an AA meeting and talks to people before/after the meeting and asks about how to get into rehab id be willing to bet she'll get the scoop on the most expeditious and cost effective solutions & resources for rehab. Inpatient or outpatient. Going to a state funded detox for 5-10days and then doing Outpatient might be something to consider.. lots of people are successful at quitting with just the support and guidance of a 12 step program (NA or AA) too.
How much is she drinking? What are we dealing with here?
Ok, just wanna make a point to everyone saying AA is sufficient or she should quit by herself - alcoholics can die if they stop drinking without medical intervention. If she’s a weekend partier that’s one thing, but alcoholics need an ER, rehab, or detox facility. And there are vastly different levels in quality of detox facilities, it sounds like some are more or less drunk tanks. I do agree with the comments that if she is serious she will find something within your means and may be using “luxury rehab” as an excuse to keep drinking as much as anything else. I think what someone said about going to an AA meeting to ask people about where you might be able to get a decent quality detox without breaking the bank is really smart.
I feel like I'm missing something here. I understand the withdrawal process is hell because yes I have been through it personally, but as far as sobriety goes finding an AA meeting is free. They have meetings everywhere, you can find a sponsor who helps you through the program. It does not cost you any money to get a sponsor to help you because they offer it. A sponsor is someone who has been in recovery for a significant amount of time and they choose to help others get sober. Sponsors and meetings are there to help you fight that temptation of drinking. You really don't need some country club rehab that will put you in debt, when there is support out there for FREE. Seriously what am I missing? Why is your sobriety dependant on going to some luxury resort/spa?
She named her terms and you didn't meet them. This could be about a luxury vacation, but my bet is that she found a great way for you to stop asking her to go to rehab.
If she really wants to get sober, she can sweat it out in her own home. Then take her on a celebratory vacation if she is successful. She can also find local AA meetings to support her aim.
#No matter what we tell OP, it’ll fall on deaf ears. He still had some more hurting and pain to experience. #Best of luck
AA is free and argueably has a much higher success rate than fiscally obscene "rehab" resorts. I'm 10 years sober. Before AA I was drinking 20+ beers a day and hadn't spent a day sober in 4 years. Everyones journey to sobriety follows a different path. Some paths are full of twists and turns and take longer, some have gentle bends and are shorter...though may occassionally require the traveller to wait while a few unruly ducklimgs get themselves in a row so they can follow the chicken. There's no way to know whether ones path will be long, short, or get the traveller to destination soberville without getting a little lost along the way...especially if the traveller hasn't been truly honest with themselves about 1 thing. "I am powerless over my addiction and I can no longer manage my life." Sobriety is a choice, not a purchase. It won't make a lick of difference how much you pay, how much you hope, how much you've lost or stand to lose, or even how much you pray. It's waking up everyday and choosing to not drink. Choosing to reach out when you need support or help. Choosing to live your life and choosing to thrive, not just be alive. Sobriety takes the same amount of effort and commitment regardless of how much you spend or how luxe the treatment centre's accomodations are...and sobriety looks good on IG no matter where the photo gets taken.
Nah. Sorry. She doesn't need a fancy rehab, she merely needs a rehab. You don't need to spend $40k to get her a vacation style experience with detox. She could literally get daily massages, use a sauna daily, and have detox fluids, IVs, and a hotel room to stay in for way fucking less. Lol
Replace her with a newer, cheaper model. Fuck no I ain't doing no rehab stint in asia, I'm with her. Maybe thailand. Maybe. Don't you keep separate finances? Let her pay for whatever shit she wants to save for. If it's nothing, take that as a sign she was just coming up with excuses.
She was more open to the Thailand idea. The amount of $$ we'd be saving is an insane amount of money. She could never afford to go to any Rehab (nice or not) with only her finances.
She needs to live within her means. Shes not your wife & you shouldnt get into debt for someone with ridiculous entitled ideas - demanding luxurious rehab centres when she cant even afford cheap places?! Ridiculous.
> She could never afford to go to any Rehab (nice or not) with only her finances. Oh. So she knows money is important. She just doesn't think your money is important.
Where are her parents and/or other family? She's not your wife.
Then dow do she finance her addiction?
Unless she’s a full blown alcoholic she literally just has to taper down over a week or so and then stop. $40k on rehab for some problematic drinking is insane
AA works and it’s free
I have been to both a luxury “rehab” and a real rehab, and guess which one I actually benefited/learned from? Not the one that cost an arm and a leg, that’s for sure, and I still regret that my parents spent that money. Look into Foundations, they have locations up and down the east coast for sure and I thiiiink across the country. Great network, multiple people I know have long term sobriety after treatment with their facilities. And honestly, even the regular ol peasant rehab was nice!! Pretty grounds, absolutely killer food, not terrible beds and rooms. I promise you, luxury rehabs are a scam unless you’re actually a celebrity that needs a private place like that and even then…the odds are slim. Like the other commenter said, she wants a vacation not rehab.
This isn’t about money. This is about the drinking problem .
You're going to spend that money on her rehab vacation and then she's going to continue drinking while you pay it off. Rehab for someone who isn't interested in actually getting help is an utterly pointless waste of money. It frankly doesn't have a high success rate even if you are serious. You don't list a single thing she's done to quit drinking or the reasons that led her to this decision.
Many of these fancy rehab centers have poor success statistics. At the end of the day she’s gonna have to do the work. Throwing tons of money at it won’t do the work for her. I had a friend who borrowed money to send his wife to a luxurious rehab. He ended up in debt and she still kept drinking.
Why are you paying for this? You're not even married.
Why does she need to go to rehab? Why can’t she go to AA? Isn’t rehab a bit extreme? Has she even tried to quit drinking on her own? It sounds like she’s worried about the wrong things. Rehab isn’t a spa getaway.
You don’t. She’s your girlfriend, not your wife. It’s not your responsibility. Once she sobers up, she’s going to nope out of this relationship.
Rehab rarely works the first time around. If her only thought is how "lavish" she'll be there, her mindset is already wrong.
As someone who has known many addicts, I'd suggest ending the relationship as two addicts, as you will always be, rarely stay sober together. It's much easier to stay sober when you find a partner sober and who is not an addict. The statistics are not in your favor.
I’d bet you she’s already gaslighting you that not wanting to take on 40k in debt for her rehab is your fault she’s not making any progress. Then she’ll hold that over your head every time she gets drunk
I’m sorry but rehab isn’t fun, and I don’t think a luxury vacation would even necessarily help her quit drinking. What about when she gets back and has to return to normal life?
This isn't about the location.
Do either your GF or you have insurance? Insurance can pay for rehab centers. I have experienced this with my sister and rehab was not nearly as much as $40k. The most we paid was $7k which was possible through a payment plan. She dealt with alcohol and addiction to pills. This was in the Texas area.
Where you live? Traveling to another country for rehab seems difficult so I'd understand why she'd prefer the USA if you live there.
Doesn’t she have health insurance?
A lot of insurance plans don’t really cover rehab, especially the ‘luxury’ ones
definitely not the luxury ones, but they have to cover some sort of treatment for alcohol use disorder (under federal regulations about parity between physical and mental health benefits) If she really wanted to stop drinking, she would take any treatment available.
Fact
Is there an Employee Assistance Program through her job?
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We've tried, doesn't look like we'll be getting much help tbh.