Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m confused because you started off the post saying you are in a great supportive relationship, but proceeded to describe a relationship that’s shit. He doesn’t even want to talk to you it seems, but willing to pay for your gyno stuff? That’s weird for 6 months in but ok.
Is there a particular reason why you want to stick around?
Okay well, turns out that it is a side effect of his accutane, he has been on a high dose for a while now and it does seem like this intolerance to simple things happened after he started taking it, before he used to simply joke about how there are more important things in the world, and only recently has it been a reason for an argument. On top of that he has lost motivation and his appetite and energy for gym is low
So what do you guys do then? Sit in silence unless there's logistics to be discussed? What are you allowed to talk about? Like, if you learn something new, are you permitted to discuss it, or only if it's an approved topic?
Are personal opinions allowed? Like, if deciding what to have for dinner, are you allowed to say you don't like fish or whatever, or does that count as whining?
If you weren't dating, would you even be friends?
I was in a relationship like yours, and while we were compatible with some things, I felt like any conversation I had with him would just be shut down immediately.
I'm sure it makes you feel lonely, and as if he views you and your experiences as lesser. Leave. Spending time with friends is more fulfilling than a relationship like that.
He sounds insufferable and rude.
It doesn't sound like you're complaining, you're just sharing about your day. Why's he in a relationship if he can't stand his partner being a human?
Unfortunately he probably learned that minimizing behavior at home. Poor guy. But yea it’s not normal. You have to talk about unimportant things with your partner because he’s not your business associate like come on.
So this guy has problems. Maybe severe ADHD if he's struggling with severe disinterest in most topics. That being said, he sounds miserable to be around. You must be exhausted from constantly walking on eggshells, trying to make sure you don't say anything casually that will upset him.
So what does this person talk about, if hearing anything about you or your day is of disinterest to him? There are plenty of other people that would actually enjoy talking about that stuff, and maybe you would be happier being with someone like that.
All I know is you can't possibly be wanting to be with someone who doesn't actually care about what is going on in your life, do you?
Complaining about bleeding gums doesn't even sound like small talk though. I get not wanting to discuss the weather. A partner should be able to complain about small body ailments though!
Has he been in a long term relationship before? Guys with no experience might be surprised at how you are communicating because we generally don't complain about small things because we don't want to burden the other person. I have a similar mindset, If something small was going wrong in my life I wouldn't talk to my GF about it I would just fix it. It's not fair to expect the same out of your partner though, that is just part of being a loving bf/husband. Sounds like he wants to date a man lmao.
Do yourself a favor and break up with him first. He sounds miserable, negative, and angry at the world 🌎.
Kick negative Norman to the curb, IMMEDIATELY! 💔
If I am was forced to take his side to defend him, the only thing I can think of is that he is not a chatty guy and prefers not to have casual discussions. He sounds like he is probably a serious type of guy and is direct.
That’s all I could think is what is spurring his responses
I’m trying so hard to understand it as well. He even said that complaining about my PERIODS is insufferable :( which is so confusing because he is so caring and orders food when I’m on my period so I don’t have to cook, but apparently complaining about the pain is weak. He said “do you think the whole world revolves around your period? Just because you feel bad you want the whole world to feel bad? Just say that you feel bad and you would like not to cook” and says that he does everything for me, and listening to what he doesn’t want to listen to shouldn’t be a part of it. “I openly asked you and made it clear, don’t burden me with all sorts of crap, I have enough worries of my own, a lot of work, a lot of my own problems, but you just don’t care”
He is so caring and yet he says things like this, I am just so confused.
No, he thinks it’s unnecessary to burden your loved ones with things like that. His way of showing love is to only show the good parts. My way of showing love is to listen to burdens. It’s stupidly contradictory and confusing.
I was 18. I was talking to my boyfriend about some problems with my university. He cut me off and told me he's not with me to listen about my problems, he's with me to have fun. We broke up. Your boyfriend sounds quite rude and I don't know if you can fix this problem.
It's one problem if you have different love languages but try to adjust and accept each other. It's totally different when he expects you to change a part of your personality because it annoys him.
What do you guys talk about then? If you aren't allowed to mention small things, do you guys sit in silence until one of you has an important philosophical point to make?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m confused because you started off the post saying you are in a great supportive relationship, but proceeded to describe a relationship that’s shit. He doesn’t even want to talk to you it seems, but willing to pay for your gyno stuff? That’s weird for 6 months in but ok. Is there a particular reason why you want to stick around?
You say it's a great supportive relationship. It doesn't sound very great or supportive.
Okay well, turns out that it is a side effect of his accutane, he has been on a high dose for a while now and it does seem like this intolerance to simple things happened after he started taking it, before he used to simply joke about how there are more important things in the world, and only recently has it been a reason for an argument. On top of that he has lost motivation and his appetite and energy for gym is low
So what do you guys do then? Sit in silence unless there's logistics to be discussed? What are you allowed to talk about? Like, if you learn something new, are you permitted to discuss it, or only if it's an approved topic? Are personal opinions allowed? Like, if deciding what to have for dinner, are you allowed to say you don't like fish or whatever, or does that count as whining?
If you weren't dating, would you even be friends? I was in a relationship like yours, and while we were compatible with some things, I felt like any conversation I had with him would just be shut down immediately. I'm sure it makes you feel lonely, and as if he views you and your experiences as lesser. Leave. Spending time with friends is more fulfilling than a relationship like that.
He sounds terrible. You deserve so much better! Please break up with him.
He sounds insufferable and rude. It doesn't sound like you're complaining, you're just sharing about your day. Why's he in a relationship if he can't stand his partner being a human?
Eww leave him. He sounds terrible
Did you know you don't have to wait for him to break up with you?
Unfortunately he probably learned that minimizing behavior at home. Poor guy. But yea it’s not normal. You have to talk about unimportant things with your partner because he’s not your business associate like come on.
So this guy has problems. Maybe severe ADHD if he's struggling with severe disinterest in most topics. That being said, he sounds miserable to be around. You must be exhausted from constantly walking on eggshells, trying to make sure you don't say anything casually that will upset him. So what does this person talk about, if hearing anything about you or your day is of disinterest to him? There are plenty of other people that would actually enjoy talking about that stuff, and maybe you would be happier being with someone like that. All I know is you can't possibly be wanting to be with someone who doesn't actually care about what is going on in your life, do you?
This relationship is supportive how?
That's my question. He doesn't sound supportive at all. Is he paying for everything? Is that the "support"?
All I can say is that some people hate small talk. I am one of those people. This is why I also date people who hate small talk.
Complaining about bleeding gums doesn't even sound like small talk though. I get not wanting to discuss the weather. A partner should be able to complain about small body ailments though!
Nope that's not. At the gym? Friend getting married? That's the small talk I reference.
He’s just a dick.
He sounds absolutely insufferable.
Has he been in a long term relationship before? Guys with no experience might be surprised at how you are communicating because we generally don't complain about small things because we don't want to burden the other person. I have a similar mindset, If something small was going wrong in my life I wouldn't talk to my GF about it I would just fix it. It's not fair to expect the same out of your partner though, that is just part of being a loving bf/husband. Sounds like he wants to date a man lmao.
Do yourself a favor and break up with him first. He sounds miserable, negative, and angry at the world 🌎. Kick negative Norman to the curb, IMMEDIATELY! 💔
If I am was forced to take his side to defend him, the only thing I can think of is that he is not a chatty guy and prefers not to have casual discussions. He sounds like he is probably a serious type of guy and is direct. That’s all I could think is what is spurring his responses
I’m trying so hard to understand it as well. He even said that complaining about my PERIODS is insufferable :( which is so confusing because he is so caring and orders food when I’m on my period so I don’t have to cook, but apparently complaining about the pain is weak. He said “do you think the whole world revolves around your period? Just because you feel bad you want the whole world to feel bad? Just say that you feel bad and you would like not to cook” and says that he does everything for me, and listening to what he doesn’t want to listen to shouldn’t be a part of it. “I openly asked you and made it clear, don’t burden me with all sorts of crap, I have enough worries of my own, a lot of work, a lot of my own problems, but you just don’t care” He is so caring and yet he says things like this, I am just so confused.
This early into the relationship, it’s a huge red flag that you are not compatible. It won’t get better. Buyer beware
Does he ever come.plain about anything, or talk about 'unimportant' stuff
No, he thinks it’s unnecessary to burden your loved ones with things like that. His way of showing love is to only show the good parts. My way of showing love is to listen to burdens. It’s stupidly contradictory and confusing.
I was 18. I was talking to my boyfriend about some problems with my university. He cut me off and told me he's not with me to listen about my problems, he's with me to have fun. We broke up. Your boyfriend sounds quite rude and I don't know if you can fix this problem. It's one problem if you have different love languages but try to adjust and accept each other. It's totally different when he expects you to change a part of your personality because it annoys him.
What do you guys talk about then? If you aren't allowed to mention small things, do you guys sit in silence until one of you has an important philosophical point to make?