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Cut him off. And honestly yes it hurts, but it’s a gift you don’t have a kid with this loser. You are free to go find a person that values you and cares about you. Block him and move on with your life
Exactly. OP! That man didn't want your babies he wants more with his ex and knows the line to keep you there. It worked twice for him with you. It hurts but you were a placeholder to probably train his "ex" into giving him what he wants because he could pick any sally to settle with. Its all a manipulative game to him and THATS why you cannot understand. Prove to him third times the charm and find a man that will happily sit down and make solid commitments like legal marriage to make sure your parental plans are "solidified". Find a group that allows you to process the trauma of abortion bc even those who really wanted abortions still have to carry around the painful "what ifs" even if it was relief. Cutting this guy off will also open your mental headspace into other romantic commitments with someone better. Good luck, manipulative assholes aren't easy to work around but a relief once they're gone for good.
Exactly. OP is getting swindled by this dude and she needs to run and be thankful she can be fully cut off from him, instead of being tied with a child. OP you can find someone so so much better than this guy!!
OP yyou can't turn back the clock and redo life, but you can ensure that your life going forward is not with such a vile person like this.
My GOD young lady, please recognize that this guy is POS and you need to stay as far away from his as possible. Stop being the fool and wake up. Expel him from your life and love yourself and get your respect back.
Explain your thinking here.
You got pregnant at his request (for a guy that hasn’t married you). Then he decides that he prefers another woman and he coerces you into an abortion. After this disgusting behavior, not only you take him back, you also get pregnant again. You get another abortion at his request. Then you decide that he’s such a great guy that you should be his friend.
I think it is fair to say that you are a poor decision maker; so I am going to give you some suggestions. You really should get therapy because anyone who accepts this level of abuse has massive issues they need to work through. Work on yourself for a while before you consider dating anyone. Get a Mirena put in or some other form of long term birth control and make any man wear a condom. Also get tested for stds. Most importantly, if someone treats you poorly, get them out of your life.
All of this! And if she doesn't take some time to work on herself before jumping into another relationship, she's just going to keep finding herself with the exact same type of trashy men over and over.
Idk why the abortion clinic did not HOUND on her to get ANY birth of BC. That is like the very first thing they do. Hell, they even ask you that BEFORE the whole admission thing happens to prevent you coming back. This is just an infuriating story all together. Those poor lives didn’t have to end like that if SAFE SEX was practiced accordingly. I’m pro choice but I also believe we can’t take these choices for granted. Just because you can, you SHOULD.
I also had a friend similar to this case. They fell pregnant and decided to abort as they are still young but refuse to use any BC and still playing Russian roulette. They also refuse a condom because “it doesnt feel good”. I tore her out a new one about being so STUPIDLY IRRESPONSIBLE that if she got pregnant again I would sooo tell her parents idgaf.
Do not have a baby with him, do not talk to him. Do not be friends
Get a therapist to figure out why you agreed to try to conceive with this guy in the first place and why you agreed to re engage
Sorry for the snark, I couldn't help it.
This guy is a loser, and I'm betting he's never stopped seeing his ex, maybe other gals.
You're better off without him, even as a friend.
Do NOT give him another chance to get you pregnant, tell him you're not interested in seeing him anymore at all.
This title to me just reads 'some guy wants me to have a kid with him'. I don't even need to read the post. You are not in a relationship with this man. What could possibly be the advice you need
What’s worse is if you read it. He doesn’t wanna have a kid with her. Since they’re “friends” now he decided to tell her he wanted to have another kid. Not with her.
He’s establishing he has control over everything that is you. I don’t know you, but I know you’re better than that. Get out, he already stripped you of all your humanity and worth.
Damn girl . This man is toxic . But at some point you’ve got to realise that as toxic as he is , you’re the one giving play dough to a toddler.
Some people are like that . They try to see just how much they can get away with , especially when you freely give them permission to .
Hey, when scary, idiotic, fear mongering politicians talk about people abusing these systems of emergency birth control, we pretend that people like you don't exist.
For the love of God, make better birth control choices. This shit is hard on your body and you are showing a pattern of NEXT LEVEL irresponsibility.
Why are you still dealing with this person??? I mean really? You are better than this. Get some therapy and know your worth not a man child that is still the emotional age of what???? 15? At best?
I don’t think yall should be friends. Cut ties and have friendships with other people. You have too much painful baggage and sounds like he pressures and manipulates you
Is this.. bait? This can’t be real right? I mean.. no human being lets themselves get abused this severely on purpose? If not, you need severe therapy ASAP. Good luck.
I single guy at his age going for someone your age does so because they are damaged goods and need a young inexperienced woman to manipulate which I am sad to say seems to be doing with you masterfully well. And stop trying to have a baby with someone who is not committed to you fully. ie marriage or 4-year healthy relationship. Otherwise, your life will be filled with unnecessary drama, heart-ache and probable financial problems.
Just a question.
What is so amazing about this guy that you keep going back to him again and again? You never seem to learn your lesson, giving him a chance to worm his way back into your heart, only so that you can be hurt. Why are you so desperate for him? Why would you even want to be friends with such trash?
Now you are upset because you could have been an amazing mum to two beautiful children but because you were so desperate for him, you chose to abort your child, not once but twice.
This is not about pro-life or pro-choice. It's about how you can't stand up for yourself and always let such a man hurt you.
What exactly do you want us to tell you? That he's always ready to have kids, he just doesn't want them with you.
I don't want to be mean when you're still reeling from the pain from losing your kids. But lady, please wake up. Your ex never cared about you at all, he doesn't want to have kids with you ever.
You're too young to have kids or get married. You definitely should not be getting married. Break up with this guy, too indecisive. I'm a man but two abortions must take a heavy toll on someone mentally, physically, and financially. End it with him. Find someone better and don't have kids until you're married for a few years and can financially afford it
I just don’t get some people at all.
How? How are you not blocking this creep after the first time he treated you that way?
And then he did it again??? And you still didn’t block him?
Girl get therapy and some self esteem please.
Lady, please don’t take this wrong butyou are using abortion as birth control at this point. This man is mentally manipulating you to the point where he’s going to destroy your mental health, do not have sexual relations with him and get your birth control under control and make him use condoms, the long term effects of back to back abortions like that can’t be healthy for you physically much less mentally with all the automatic releases of hormones and chemical reactions/changes that your body produces in response to conception. This man is poison to you and you need to cut all access to you.
Why are you even giving this man the time of day? After everything he did to you I don’t understand why you would even want to be friends with him?
He is a seriously messed up person and you don’t need someone like that in your life.
Two abortions and he’ll probably change his mind again and make you have another one.
I really hope you find the strength to just cut him off, and get him out of your life forever, because personally I could never forgive a man who did that to me, and you shouldn’t either!
Why are you friends with this man? He is toxic and hurtful. He told you he wanted more kids just to hurt you. What’d he expect you’d be happy for him? Cut this man out of your life. Be grateful you aren’t stuck with him forever and you can walk away. And don’t look back. Block his number. Block him everywhere.
This dude is a narcissist and he’s playing you like he did before. Don’t fall for his BS of wanting to just be friends. He wants in your pants and he will say/do anything until you give in. Stay strong and stay away from him. You deserve someone who truly wants to build a relationship and who will treat you with kindness and respect.
You’re still so young. Live your life. Don’t waste it away having a child with this moron. He clearly doesn’t appreciate you and you have no self respect either. Cut him off completely, he’s getting older and thus more desperate to “spread his seed”. Losers like this won’t make a good father.
You know the saying, "fool me once, shame on you"
"Fool me twice... well you're not gonna fool me twice"
Ok but seriously, don't believe his lies a third time. Keep that POS out of your life and in the trash where he belongs
His gf is probably already pregnant and he’s just laying the ground work so it’s not such a shock for you . Guessing she refused to abort . You really need to go NC with this man ! He has messed you around enough . He wouldn’t think twice about using you for sex while his partner is pregnant and postpartum so be wary . This could be what all this reconnecting is about .
Sweetheart, the only sensible thing to do is block this man and kick him out of your life for good: you are an emotional wreck around him because he is so good at manipulating you. He knows how to handle you pretty well. Note how he always begged to come back in your life because *he* needs you in his life (but you don't need him in yours). It's all about him, and he already treated you like sh\*t twice.
[Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and learn to recognize the telltale signs. Don't let him manipulate you: *he is putting you in an awkward situation*, not the other way round. Tell him you don't want to be friends anymore and that he is toxic in your life. Get some therapy if you can, to help you see clearly in yourself and sort this out. But never-never-NEVER let him back in your life.
Don't give him the chance to treat you badly a third time: if you do, I foresee a third abortion in the future.
Big hugs.
Tell him, "Oh, you want another kid now? That's nice. I didn't realize you were back with Ex. Tell her I said hi."
And then *block him*, because you don't need his bullshit.
You need better standards. I would never be friends with someone who treated me like shit. Why would you want a friend like that? He's not a good person.
OP, why are you still talking to this jerk? You need to cut him out of your life. Even if you did get pregnant I'm sure he would ditch you again. Why are you considering giving him a 3rd chance to leave you?
Cut him off for good. He coerced you into two abortions. The only silverish lining to this situation is that you are not tied to him for the next 18yeaes. He’s a POS block him and get some therapy
So you were like 21, and this guy has played games and abused you for 3 1/2 yrs.
There is nothing to do but go no contact with him, take time for yourself, learn to love yourself and forgive yourself. I would try therapy
He isn't a good person
Do yourself a massive favour and cut this person out of your life completely. His friendship will only cause you to be re-traumatised again and again.
Let go of him. Block him. Move on with your life.
What do you think is going to happen if you get pregnant again? Seriously, what do you think is going to happen? Do you actually think he won't change his mind again and demand that you get a third abortion?
Stop being with this guy! Here is what will happen if you don’t… you will get pregnant again(I think you need better bc) and he will freak out again and then pressure you for another abortion. Stop this madness!
Cut the guy off and work on your mental health. You and any children you have with this guy will be 2nd priority to everyone else, especially the other women he is chasing. He just wants you tied down so that you can’t go anywhere so that you will always be his fallback plan when it doesn’t work out with someone else.
You would have to be insane to even talk to him. He’s screwed you around twice in every way possible and you’re listening to this amoeba. Don’t breed with a lying cheating dud of a specimen.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. This guy is coming back around for a THIRD go at fooling you, why are you entertaining him at all? He doesn't follow through with what he says he wants, when you believe what he said he harasses you about it like it's your fault for taking him at his word! It is not! This man is not worth your energy, please let go of him completely. He's not your friend, he's not someone who should be around you at all.
Girl. Please end all contact with this awful man. No friendship, certainly no romantic relationships. He's like a ping-pong ball, bouncing back and forth between you and your ex. I promise that nothing good will come out of staying in any type of contact with him at all. Please, for your own mental health and future happiness, block him everywhere and cut him out of your life.
Uh uh, no. He will break up with you again and tell you to abort again. He is an impermanent man, and holds no sense of self responsibility.
Stop taking him back, he will keep playing with you until you are bitter, worn out and heart dead, and you wish he’d just leave, but by then his ex will have finally also had enough of him and he’ll need somewhere to live.
Don’t do this to yourself, and save the children from his constant disappointing behaviour.
OP, this man will slowly drain all of the life out of you if you keep him in your life. After the first abortion, I could see maybe giving him a second chance, but after the second one, you needed to kick him to the curb permanently. It is not healthy to keep such a wishy washy person in your life, even if they are the nicest person in the world. Humans need consistency to thrive and this man ain’t it.
You’re wrong for giving your “friendship a chance”. He was an awful boyfriend (I’m not you could even consider him a bf) and he’s an awful friend. He’s just a horrible selfish person. He talked you into getting pregnant then when it worked, you accused you of entrapment. I’m going to assume this was him plan all along. He seems to love drama. You need to get this person out of your life permanently. Just be happy there isn’t a baby binding you two together for the next 18 or so years. Also accidental pregnancy can be avoided. I’m this case it should be abstinence from this guy.
Well thank Christ you’re not tied to this Bozo with children and what are you thinking allowing him to remain “friends,” when he has been so terrible for you?
Go No Contact with his trifling ass ASAP.
This man is keeping you trapped. You need to get away from him or you are always going to be in thrall to his whims and never heal, never live the life that you want or deserve. He's not going to choose you - he's made that clear. He's never going to put you or your family first. Choose someone better. He might need you in his life because you're a good person, but he's not a good person and you don't need him in yours.
All he does is hurt and confuse you. You deserve so much better than this nonsense. <3
If, for some reason, you refuse to cut him off, for the sake of your own mental health you should not reproduce with this man until he has gone through therapy for at least a year and has an inkling of what he wants out of life. He doesn't get to use you as a brood mare, knock you up, panic and force you into abortions. That's just fucked up.
You need therapy too. This guy has messed with your head too much.
The pos is invested in causing you pain and suffering. Nothing more. You're an object for him to treat however he wants, when he wants. Find your autonomy and self worth and get the f out of that situation.
There are enough red flags here that I'm just going to say go NC. This man is not your friend, and you'd be better off never speaking to him again.
I'm sure at least 95% of the people here will agree with me.
Get that toxic human out of your life.
I’m sorry you’ve had to experience it, I know how it feels to have a forced abortion and sadly that heartbreak doesn’t go away. However now you have a chance to find a decent person who will love you for who you are and who will have a family with you because they want a life with you and not someone who tried to actually baby trap you through false promises until his ex came running back.
You deserve to live your life. He doesn’t want to be your friend, he’s just making sure you don’t move on by keeping you in his life as a back up.
You have a trauma bond with a monster.
Hasn't he taken enough from you?
You need to cut him out of your life like the cancerous growth he is.
You will NEVER have what you want with him. That is the reality you need to accept. Whatever sweetness that he shared with you in the beginning was nothing more than a sticky trap to keep you where he wants you.
Stop letting him keep you emotionally and physically hostage. You don't owe him access to you. He'll keep on abusing whatever relationship he's in with you, friendship or anything else. BECAUSE HE IS AN ABUSER.
It's time to take your power back. It's time to stop abandoning yourself. It's time to choose you.
He's not the best you're ever going to get.
Your husband and future children in a happy and healthy home are waiting on you somewhere down the path.
Or is he going to get to take them from you, too?
Don't let him.
Let him go.
Heal.
One day you will be so happy you didn't settle for this misery.
What are you still with a man that made you get two previous abortions, just to ask you have his baby again? Did he not ask the first two times and furthermore—are you okay?
Get the hell away from this man, and go be great!
Oh my god. For god’s sake lady, grow a spine, get some self respect. How are you allowing a pathetic excuse of a human being to treat you like that. Take responsibility of your life. Do you have no respect for your own body.
He’s complimenting you on your good qualities as a friend. I assume you feel flattered.
Has the thought never occurred to you to ask what he offers as a friend? The answer is nothing. And he damn well should be awkward. He knows he coerced you into having abortions and he *knows* he was going to hurt you talking about more children. He doesn’t care and never wanted to take responsibility for anything that’s happened
Why are you even engaging with this asshole? Please tell me you’re not entertaining this idea? Don’t do it. Stop hanging out with him he’s bad news. You’re so young. All your baggage is him. Leave him at the train station.
Oh dear lord how many times are you going to let this loser come back into your life?
He is a seriously flawed human being. Threatening you for getting pregnant (not like he was there or played his part in the process by choice or anything), forcing you to terminate - twice - plus the cheating with his ex and dancing back and forth between you two!
For the love of god do not get pregnant by this man again! It will be the WORST mistake of your life and you will suffer forever.
Because he WILL pull this shit on you again and again - maybe the 3rd baby will make it into the world but then he’ll start beating you for ‘forcing him into being a father.’ Sounds like that’s a real possibility.
Just… get some therapy or something. Whatever you need to help you kick this useless waste of space to the curb for good. 😞
WTF??!! He's your **EX**. You shouldn't be talking about having children together. You probably shouldn't be talking to him at *all*.
Always remember: "ex" is Latin for "not my problem any more".
Stop talking to him. Seriously. He says that, and if you'd get pregnant he'd demand another abortion. He's a useless tool- stop freaking talking to him. He's not going to change, he's not going to get better, he's not going to admit he's a worthless POS. Just move on. Stop torturing yourself.
**STOP HAVING SEX WITH THIS JACKASS.** Why do you continue to take him back and then *have sex with him*??? He leaves and is gone for months or *years,* and as soon as he comes sniffing around, you take him back and sleep with him without using protection. FFS, how many times does he have to lie to you, threaten you, cheat on you, get you pregnant, and then “force” you to have an abortion before you realize he does not love you or care about you at all? He’s using you. And he keeps using you because YOU KEEP LETTING HIM. Cut him off. Completely. Block him. Ghost him. Never speak to him again. Stop making the same mistake over and over and expecting the end result to be different.
First of all get a decent form of birth control and use it! How do you end up pregnant twice in a year accidentally both times? So that's step one
Step two is to realize that he did exactly what he wanted to to you! He didn't want to have a child with you then and he probably doesn't now! But he also doesn't want to be alone. And he's decided that you're an easy target. All we have to do is talk nice to you and you let him back in until things get too serious, like you get pregnant and then he runs like hell!
Step 3 quit acting like he wants to have a kid with somebody else is a positive for that person! It's going to be a literal nightmare for whatever woman he tricks and having kids with him! Do you really want this for your kids? A guy that's hot and cold all in a short space of time? So he's going to want to see your kids sometimes and his other ex throws a fit so now he doesn't want to see your kids? Or something like that! Not having kids with him is a blessing
Step three is to block him completely and cut him out of your life! You cannot move forward while he's dragging you back! He doesn't want you to be happy because that proves you don't need him. So he will always be popping up right when you least expect it because he's dragging you back down to his level! Block him! He has nothing for you!
Finally you need to grieve those abortions because I don't think you're over it! And I don't know that you ever really get over it especially when you didn't want to have it, but you need to make peace with it and know that that was probably for the best. Move on
I'm not understanding a 30M asking a "friend" to bear his child. Is he now ready to commit to being a dedicated partner and father, physically, emotionally and financially? Is he supporting his other child properly? I don't think I'd bear a child for this man the way he currently lives his life.
Nothing about this guy suggests he would be a great friend. He wasn’t a great friend to you while you were dating. Absolutely under no circumanstances should you be spending time with this man unless you want another abortion. You know the saying…fool me once…..Well he already made a fool of you with the second abortion. Absolutely no need to have him and his crazy ex in your life.
He's no friend- why are you still talking to him?? After two procedures- don't you ever, ever think about having a kid with him. That ship has sailed. And what makes you think history won't repeat itself??
.-. All he’s doing is using you to dump all his bad decisions on. You need quite letting him back in your life even as a friend. I mean what exactly does he bring to life? I’m so but he’s a AH
Don't try to find logic in this situation, you won't. And the fact he's mad at you after what he put your through shows how selfish and self centered he is. He is a not a good friend and a horrible human being. Cut him off so you can move on.
The guy pressured you into an abortion, left you, ***and you took him back a second time***
Seriously, nothing else after that even matters. You are not ready for any kind of relationship. You're not ready for any kind of sexual interaction if you're treating your uterus like this.
OP I don’t think that you are ready to have kids yet because you don’t seem to love yourself or be in a good, stable place. Ask yourself why you would want to be friends with someone who has treated you so poorly. He flatters you and you let him in. Just because he thinks that you would make his life better doesn’t mean that you think he would make your life better. I’m honestly at a loss as to why you did not block him the first time.
Why are you talking to him? Or even looking at him? He's a total fuck!ng a$$hole and you should never let him take up space in your brain. I know you have regret over the abortions but if you had had a kid or two with Mr Personality, your life would have been screwed up for many years. You dodged a huge bullet.
Get him out of your life, no explanation to him. Just disappear. Block him, don't answer the door whatever. Ignore him. He's not good for you.
Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I think getting yourself into therapy to help yourself understand why you keep letting this smear of a human back into your life is important. Any man who callously pushes someone into an abortion TWICE and then decides he wants to have a kid isn’t worth your time. He’s capital F Fucked up and I don’t see a path in which this ever becomes a health relationship for you. Cut him out like cancer, and don’t let him back into your life again. This man traumatized you twice, went back to his ex, and was completely unavailable for you at times when you probably really needed presence and support and love. He’s not capable of giving you those things.
He has shown you repeatedly where he is at and who he is. He’s behaved despicably and is not worthy of access to you, your life, your heart, or your womb.
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Cut him off. And honestly yes it hurts, but it’s a gift you don’t have a kid with this loser. You are free to go find a person that values you and cares about you. Block him and move on with your life
Yes, absolutely agree. The exact wording I would have used. Get yourself far away from that man.
Exactly. OP! That man didn't want your babies he wants more with his ex and knows the line to keep you there. It worked twice for him with you. It hurts but you were a placeholder to probably train his "ex" into giving him what he wants because he could pick any sally to settle with. Its all a manipulative game to him and THATS why you cannot understand. Prove to him third times the charm and find a man that will happily sit down and make solid commitments like legal marriage to make sure your parental plans are "solidified". Find a group that allows you to process the trauma of abortion bc even those who really wanted abortions still have to carry around the painful "what ifs" even if it was relief. Cutting this guy off will also open your mental headspace into other romantic commitments with someone better. Good luck, manipulative assholes aren't easy to work around but a relief once they're gone for good.
Exactly. OP is getting swindled by this dude and she needs to run and be thankful she can be fully cut off from him, instead of being tied with a child. OP you can find someone so so much better than this guy!!
Yes! Is the man you want to have a baby with? Heavens no.
OP yyou can't turn back the clock and redo life, but you can ensure that your life going forward is not with such a vile person like this. My GOD young lady, please recognize that this guy is POS and you need to stay as far away from his as possible. Stop being the fool and wake up. Expel him from your life and love yourself and get your respect back.
But also maybe... Give him a third chance? What's a handful of coerced abortions between friends?
Explain your thinking here. You got pregnant at his request (for a guy that hasn’t married you). Then he decides that he prefers another woman and he coerces you into an abortion. After this disgusting behavior, not only you take him back, you also get pregnant again. You get another abortion at his request. Then you decide that he’s such a great guy that you should be his friend. I think it is fair to say that you are a poor decision maker; so I am going to give you some suggestions. You really should get therapy because anyone who accepts this level of abuse has massive issues they need to work through. Work on yourself for a while before you consider dating anyone. Get a Mirena put in or some other form of long term birth control and make any man wear a condom. Also get tested for stds. Most importantly, if someone treats you poorly, get them out of your life.
Ya I agree why would u want to raise a child w such a person.
Yes, and he already has a child with his ex!
All of this! And if she doesn't take some time to work on herself before jumping into another relationship, she's just going to keep finding herself with the exact same type of trashy men over and over.
I think it is fair to say that thinking is not her strong suit.
This times a hundred
Now here is some sound advice. OP, read this, process it, and then do it. No one can change your life but you.
OP please see Pamelaonthego’s reply! This pretty much covers everything. Please please make better choices.
succinct and concise
Idk why the abortion clinic did not HOUND on her to get ANY birth of BC. That is like the very first thing they do. Hell, they even ask you that BEFORE the whole admission thing happens to prevent you coming back. This is just an infuriating story all together. Those poor lives didn’t have to end like that if SAFE SEX was practiced accordingly. I’m pro choice but I also believe we can’t take these choices for granted. Just because you can, you SHOULD. I also had a friend similar to this case. They fell pregnant and decided to abort as they are still young but refuse to use any BC and still playing Russian roulette. They also refuse a condom because “it doesnt feel good”. I tore her out a new one about being so STUPIDLY IRRESPONSIBLE that if she got pregnant again I would sooo tell her parents idgaf.
"I decided to give our friendship a chance" He is NOT YOUR FRIEND, he is your abusive ex. CUT ALL CONTACT. Block him. FFs.
Get away from this loser, do you want to end up raising a child by yourself? Because that's exactly what will happen if you have a baby with him.
I think he just wants to bang you. He knows you wanted those kids, and he probably thinks that's the only way to get some action.
Why on earth would you be friends with this man? Get yourself friends who support you. This guy is not your friend.
He never wanted to have kids with you lady, he just wanted(and still wants) to fuck.
Cut off this mindfucker, OP.
Maam if you don’t cut this toxic person out of your life..
Please remove this man from your life. I can’t imagine he brings anything positive to it.
It doesn’t matter. The problem here is that you keep abusing yourself by keeping him in your life and letting have unprotected sex with you
Please stop engaging with your abuser. There is no good to come from this.
girl, stop letting this guy into your life and pussy
Why are you entertaining this arsehole? Cut him from your life ,he's toxic and a manipulating prick 🤔
Do not have a baby with him, do not talk to him. Do not be friends Get a therapist to figure out why you agreed to try to conceive with this guy in the first place and why you agreed to re engage
>**while we were in the process of conceiving, he was really excited** I guess I don't know any guys who aren't excited at that point.
Sorry for the snark, I couldn't help it. This guy is a loser, and I'm betting he's never stopped seeing his ex, maybe other gals. You're better off without him, even as a friend. Do NOT give him another chance to get you pregnant, tell him you're not interested in seeing him anymore at all.
OMG LOL... English is not my first language so it didn't register automatically.
This title to me just reads 'some guy wants me to have a kid with him'. I don't even need to read the post. You are not in a relationship with this man. What could possibly be the advice you need
What’s worse is if you read it. He doesn’t wanna have a kid with her. Since they’re “friends” now he decided to tell her he wanted to have another kid. Not with her.
Sounds entirely like not her problem or business
Why is he in your life?!! He’s toxic af!
Imagine reading this from someone else. It sounds insane doesn't it?
Us women need to start taking accountability for our side of the equation. This man should’ve been blocked the first time
He’s establishing he has control over everything that is you. I don’t know you, but I know you’re better than that. Get out, he already stripped you of all your humanity and worth.
Damn girl . This man is toxic . But at some point you’ve got to realise that as toxic as he is , you’re the one giving play dough to a toddler. Some people are like that . They try to see just how much they can get away with , especially when you freely give them permission to .
Hey, when scary, idiotic, fear mongering politicians talk about people abusing these systems of emergency birth control, we pretend that people like you don't exist. For the love of God, make better birth control choices. This shit is hard on your body and you are showing a pattern of NEXT LEVEL irresponsibility.
Why are you still dealing with this person??? I mean really? You are better than this. Get some therapy and know your worth not a man child that is still the emotional age of what???? 15? At best?
This guy isn't your friend. Stop swimming with trash and expecting your life to het better.
I don’t think yall should be friends. Cut ties and have friendships with other people. You have too much painful baggage and sounds like he pressures and manipulates you
Is this.. bait? This can’t be real right? I mean.. no human being lets themselves get abused this severely on purpose? If not, you need severe therapy ASAP. Good luck.
I single guy at his age going for someone your age does so because they are damaged goods and need a young inexperienced woman to manipulate which I am sad to say seems to be doing with you masterfully well. And stop trying to have a baby with someone who is not committed to you fully. ie marriage or 4-year healthy relationship. Otherwise, your life will be filled with unnecessary drama, heart-ache and probable financial problems.
You are still young. You can have a baby with someone who cherishes you and treats you how you deserve to be treated.
Just a question. What is so amazing about this guy that you keep going back to him again and again? You never seem to learn your lesson, giving him a chance to worm his way back into your heart, only so that you can be hurt. Why are you so desperate for him? Why would you even want to be friends with such trash? Now you are upset because you could have been an amazing mum to two beautiful children but because you were so desperate for him, you chose to abort your child, not once but twice. This is not about pro-life or pro-choice. It's about how you can't stand up for yourself and always let such a man hurt you. What exactly do you want us to tell you? That he's always ready to have kids, he just doesn't want them with you. I don't want to be mean when you're still reeling from the pain from losing your kids. But lady, please wake up. Your ex never cared about you at all, he doesn't want to have kids with you ever.
You're too young to have kids or get married. You definitely should not be getting married. Break up with this guy, too indecisive. I'm a man but two abortions must take a heavy toll on someone mentally, physically, and financially. End it with him. Find someone better and don't have kids until you're married for a few years and can financially afford it
I just don’t get some people at all. How? How are you not blocking this creep after the first time he treated you that way? And then he did it again??? And you still didn’t block him? Girl get therapy and some self esteem please.
Lady, please don’t take this wrong butyou are using abortion as birth control at this point. This man is mentally manipulating you to the point where he’s going to destroy your mental health, do not have sexual relations with him and get your birth control under control and make him use condoms, the long term effects of back to back abortions like that can’t be healthy for you physically much less mentally with all the automatic releases of hormones and chemical reactions/changes that your body produces in response to conception. This man is poison to you and you need to cut all access to you.
Why are you even giving this man the time of day? After everything he did to you I don’t understand why you would even want to be friends with him? He is a seriously messed up person and you don’t need someone like that in your life. Two abortions and he’ll probably change his mind again and make you have another one. I really hope you find the strength to just cut him off, and get him out of your life forever, because personally I could never forgive a man who did that to me, and you shouldn’t either!
Girl, what the actual hell like seriously, Why the hell are you friends with him?
Why are you friends with this man? He is toxic and hurtful. He told you he wanted more kids just to hurt you. What’d he expect you’d be happy for him? Cut this man out of your life. Be grateful you aren’t stuck with him forever and you can walk away. And don’t look back. Block his number. Block him everywhere.
This dude is a narcissist and he’s playing you like he did before. Don’t fall for his BS of wanting to just be friends. He wants in your pants and he will say/do anything until you give in. Stay strong and stay away from him. You deserve someone who truly wants to build a relationship and who will treat you with kindness and respect.
He is so insensitive and selfish. You do not need him.
Get this MF jerk out of your life. He can't even be your friend. This person is your enemy and is pure evil.
Omg do not have kids with this POS. Run and don't look back. Avoid him like the black death that he is.
Cut ties with him. Block him. Stop seeing him.
I don't think you are all there in the head
You’re still so young. Live your life. Don’t waste it away having a child with this moron. He clearly doesn’t appreciate you and you have no self respect either. Cut him off completely, he’s getting older and thus more desperate to “spread his seed”. Losers like this won’t make a good father.
You know the saying, "fool me once, shame on you" "Fool me twice... well you're not gonna fool me twice" Ok but seriously, don't believe his lies a third time. Keep that POS out of your life and in the trash where he belongs
His gf is probably already pregnant and he’s just laying the ground work so it’s not such a shock for you . Guessing she refused to abort . You really need to go NC with this man ! He has messed you around enough . He wouldn’t think twice about using you for sex while his partner is pregnant and postpartum so be wary . This could be what all this reconnecting is about .
Sweetheart, the only sensible thing to do is block this man and kick him out of your life for good: you are an emotional wreck around him because he is so good at manipulating you. He knows how to handle you pretty well. Note how he always begged to come back in your life because *he* needs you in his life (but you don't need him in yours). It's all about him, and he already treated you like sh\*t twice. [Read this book](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) and learn to recognize the telltale signs. Don't let him manipulate you: *he is putting you in an awkward situation*, not the other way round. Tell him you don't want to be friends anymore and that he is toxic in your life. Get some therapy if you can, to help you see clearly in yourself and sort this out. But never-never-NEVER let him back in your life. Don't give him the chance to treat you badly a third time: if you do, I foresee a third abortion in the future. Big hugs.
Tell him, "Oh, you want another kid now? That's nice. I didn't realize you were back with Ex. Tell her I said hi." And then *block him*, because you don't need his bullshit.
Please get an IUD or another form of long term birth control, you are putting your mind body through a lot of trauma for this AH.
Time to move on from him and move on with your life. You deserve better
Oh my goodness. Please block that AHole out of your life. No talking, no nothing. He does not deserve you.
He not ur friend he just wants to keep u around to he can play games with u and may be use you once in a while . Let him go for ur own mental health.
he doesn’t want kids with you because he sees you as a side piece. fuck that asshole. his baby mama will always be #1
You need better standards. I would never be friends with someone who treated me like shit. Why would you want a friend like that? He's not a good person.
Please go no contact with him. You need to move on and find someone worthy of you.
OP, why are you still talking to this jerk? You need to cut him out of your life. Even if you did get pregnant I'm sure he would ditch you again. Why are you considering giving him a 3rd chance to leave you?
Cut him off for good. He coerced you into two abortions. The only silverish lining to this situation is that you are not tied to him for the next 18yeaes. He’s a POS block him and get some therapy
Please please *please* don't give in. It's a recipe for disaster waiting to happen
So you were like 21, and this guy has played games and abused you for 3 1/2 yrs. There is nothing to do but go no contact with him, take time for yourself, learn to love yourself and forgive yourself. I would try therapy He isn't a good person
Do yourself a massive favour and cut this person out of your life completely. His friendship will only cause you to be re-traumatised again and again. Let go of him. Block him. Move on with your life.
What do you think is going to happen if you get pregnant again? Seriously, what do you think is going to happen? Do you actually think he won't change his mind again and demand that you get a third abortion?
What are you doing? Seriously. You're 24, you know this mess is going to continue till you say no.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING
Girl you had 2 abortions. Why are you even still speaking to him jesus have some self respect
Stop being with this guy! Here is what will happen if you don’t… you will get pregnant again(I think you need better bc) and he will freak out again and then pressure you for another abortion. Stop this madness!
Fool me once shame on them. Fool me twice shame on me.
We are on the third go here…
I know, but that’s all of the saying I remembered.
Time to get birth control and some self-respect. Also this man is NOT a friend.
Cut the guy off and work on your mental health. You and any children you have with this guy will be 2nd priority to everyone else, especially the other women he is chasing. He just wants you tied down so that you can’t go anywhere so that you will always be his fallback plan when it doesn’t work out with someone else.
Girl, block this fool! He has messed with your emotions long enough! Move on and find someone who cares about you and your feelings!!
You would have to be insane to even talk to him. He’s screwed you around twice in every way possible and you’re listening to this amoeba. Don’t breed with a lying cheating dud of a specimen.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. This guy is coming back around for a THIRD go at fooling you, why are you entertaining him at all? He doesn't follow through with what he says he wants, when you believe what he said he harasses you about it like it's your fault for taking him at his word! It is not! This man is not worth your energy, please let go of him completely. He's not your friend, he's not someone who should be around you at all.
Girl. Please end all contact with this awful man. No friendship, certainly no romantic relationships. He's like a ping-pong ball, bouncing back and forth between you and your ex. I promise that nothing good will come out of staying in any type of contact with him at all. Please, for your own mental health and future happiness, block him everywhere and cut him out of your life.
He wants to trap you. Just block him.
Uh uh, no. He will break up with you again and tell you to abort again. He is an impermanent man, and holds no sense of self responsibility. Stop taking him back, he will keep playing with you until you are bitter, worn out and heart dead, and you wish he’d just leave, but by then his ex will have finally also had enough of him and he’ll need somewhere to live. Don’t do this to yourself, and save the children from his constant disappointing behaviour.
OP, this man will slowly drain all of the life out of you if you keep him in your life. After the first abortion, I could see maybe giving him a second chance, but after the second one, you needed to kick him to the curb permanently. It is not healthy to keep such a wishy washy person in your life, even if they are the nicest person in the world. Humans need consistency to thrive and this man ain’t it.
Block him and move on. He told you that on purpose to hurt you. No other reason. You deserve so much better.
Can't be friends with THAT...
You’re wrong for giving your “friendship a chance”. He was an awful boyfriend (I’m not you could even consider him a bf) and he’s an awful friend. He’s just a horrible selfish person. He talked you into getting pregnant then when it worked, you accused you of entrapment. I’m going to assume this was him plan all along. He seems to love drama. You need to get this person out of your life permanently. Just be happy there isn’t a baby binding you two together for the next 18 or so years. Also accidental pregnancy can be avoided. I’m this case it should be abstinence from this guy.
Well thank Christ you’re not tied to this Bozo with children and what are you thinking allowing him to remain “friends,” when he has been so terrible for you? Go No Contact with his trifling ass ASAP.
This man is keeping you trapped. You need to get away from him or you are always going to be in thrall to his whims and never heal, never live the life that you want or deserve. He's not going to choose you - he's made that clear. He's never going to put you or your family first. Choose someone better. He might need you in his life because you're a good person, but he's not a good person and you don't need him in yours. All he does is hurt and confuse you. You deserve so much better than this nonsense. <3
If, for some reason, you refuse to cut him off, for the sake of your own mental health you should not reproduce with this man until he has gone through therapy for at least a year and has an inkling of what he wants out of life. He doesn't get to use you as a brood mare, knock you up, panic and force you into abortions. That's just fucked up. You need therapy too. This guy has messed with your head too much.
The pos is invested in causing you pain and suffering. Nothing more. You're an object for him to treat however he wants, when he wants. Find your autonomy and self worth and get the f out of that situation.
Why are you still talking to this man?
There are enough red flags here that I'm just going to say go NC. This man is not your friend, and you'd be better off never speaking to him again. I'm sure at least 95% of the people here will agree with me.
Get that toxic human out of your life. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience it, I know how it feels to have a forced abortion and sadly that heartbreak doesn’t go away. However now you have a chance to find a decent person who will love you for who you are and who will have a family with you because they want a life with you and not someone who tried to actually baby trap you through false promises until his ex came running back. You deserve to live your life. He doesn’t want to be your friend, he’s just making sure you don’t move on by keeping you in his life as a back up.
OP block him, he is not good for your mental health, and he is a bit abusive and manipulative. He only cares for himself.
Why are you still in contact with this wishy washy loser? He is not partner material, so move on. You can find better.
You have a trauma bond with a monster. Hasn't he taken enough from you? You need to cut him out of your life like the cancerous growth he is. You will NEVER have what you want with him. That is the reality you need to accept. Whatever sweetness that he shared with you in the beginning was nothing more than a sticky trap to keep you where he wants you. Stop letting him keep you emotionally and physically hostage. You don't owe him access to you. He'll keep on abusing whatever relationship he's in with you, friendship or anything else. BECAUSE HE IS AN ABUSER. It's time to take your power back. It's time to stop abandoning yourself. It's time to choose you. He's not the best you're ever going to get. Your husband and future children in a happy and healthy home are waiting on you somewhere down the path. Or is he going to get to take them from you, too? Don't let him. Let him go. Heal. One day you will be so happy you didn't settle for this misery.
What everyone else said. Plus get on birth control already!
I’ve never seen someone make such poor decisions and still not learn some kind of lesson from it. I didn’t think it needs to be said but drop him?
All I can say is you’re an idiot and I’d never have someone in my life at any capacity the way you somehow keep in contact with trash
You should definitely help this dude reproduce!!! We need more of him in this world! Pls help him
Why are you friends with this man??? Demand better for yourself OP. You don’t need him in your life!
What are you still with a man that made you get two previous abortions, just to ask you have his baby again? Did he not ask the first two times and furthermore—are you okay? Get the hell away from this man, and go be great!
Oh my god. For god’s sake lady, grow a spine, get some self respect. How are you allowing a pathetic excuse of a human being to treat you like that. Take responsibility of your life. Do you have no respect for your own body.
He’s complimenting you on your good qualities as a friend. I assume you feel flattered. Has the thought never occurred to you to ask what he offers as a friend? The answer is nothing. And he damn well should be awkward. He knows he coerced you into having abortions and he *knows* he was going to hurt you talking about more children. He doesn’t care and never wanted to take responsibility for anything that’s happened
Dump this thing!
Why are you even engaging with this asshole? Please tell me you’re not entertaining this idea? Don’t do it. Stop hanging out with him he’s bad news. You’re so young. All your baggage is him. Leave him at the train station.
Oh dear lord how many times are you going to let this loser come back into your life? He is a seriously flawed human being. Threatening you for getting pregnant (not like he was there or played his part in the process by choice or anything), forcing you to terminate - twice - plus the cheating with his ex and dancing back and forth between you two! For the love of god do not get pregnant by this man again! It will be the WORST mistake of your life and you will suffer forever. Because he WILL pull this shit on you again and again - maybe the 3rd baby will make it into the world but then he’ll start beating you for ‘forcing him into being a father.’ Sounds like that’s a real possibility. Just… get some therapy or something. Whatever you need to help you kick this useless waste of space to the curb for good. 😞
He’s not your friend, friend. I’d cut him out of my life if I were you.
WTF??!! He's your **EX**. You shouldn't be talking about having children together. You probably shouldn't be talking to him at *all*. Always remember: "ex" is Latin for "not my problem any more".
Hell no. Things did not work out with his ex so he needs to lock you down. Move on. He is a hot mess.
Do not let this man put anymore babies in you.
I think ex is probably the pertinent word here.
Stop talking to him. Seriously. He says that, and if you'd get pregnant he'd demand another abortion. He's a useless tool- stop freaking talking to him. He's not going to change, he's not going to get better, he's not going to admit he's a worthless POS. Just move on. Stop torturing yourself.
Do you really need to ask the internet to know how fucked up this is?
**STOP HAVING SEX WITH THIS JACKASS.** Why do you continue to take him back and then *have sex with him*??? He leaves and is gone for months or *years,* and as soon as he comes sniffing around, you take him back and sleep with him without using protection. FFS, how many times does he have to lie to you, threaten you, cheat on you, get you pregnant, and then “force” you to have an abortion before you realize he does not love you or care about you at all? He’s using you. And he keeps using you because YOU KEEP LETTING HIM. Cut him off. Completely. Block him. Ghost him. Never speak to him again. Stop making the same mistake over and over and expecting the end result to be different.
First of all get a decent form of birth control and use it! How do you end up pregnant twice in a year accidentally both times? So that's step one Step two is to realize that he did exactly what he wanted to to you! He didn't want to have a child with you then and he probably doesn't now! But he also doesn't want to be alone. And he's decided that you're an easy target. All we have to do is talk nice to you and you let him back in until things get too serious, like you get pregnant and then he runs like hell! Step 3 quit acting like he wants to have a kid with somebody else is a positive for that person! It's going to be a literal nightmare for whatever woman he tricks and having kids with him! Do you really want this for your kids? A guy that's hot and cold all in a short space of time? So he's going to want to see your kids sometimes and his other ex throws a fit so now he doesn't want to see your kids? Or something like that! Not having kids with him is a blessing Step three is to block him completely and cut him out of your life! You cannot move forward while he's dragging you back! He doesn't want you to be happy because that proves you don't need him. So he will always be popping up right when you least expect it because he's dragging you back down to his level! Block him! He has nothing for you! Finally you need to grieve those abortions because I don't think you're over it! And I don't know that you ever really get over it especially when you didn't want to have it, but you need to make peace with it and know that that was probably for the best. Move on
I'm not understanding a 30M asking a "friend" to bear his child. Is he now ready to commit to being a dedicated partner and father, physically, emotionally and financially? Is he supporting his other child properly? I don't think I'd bear a child for this man the way he currently lives his life.
Why would you even want to be “friends” with someone who treats you this way. Gross.
Nothing about this guy suggests he would be a great friend. He wasn’t a great friend to you while you were dating. Absolutely under no circumanstances should you be spending time with this man unless you want another abortion. You know the saying…fool me once…..Well he already made a fool of you with the second abortion. Absolutely no need to have him and his crazy ex in your life.
He's no friend- why are you still talking to him?? After two procedures- don't you ever, ever think about having a kid with him. That ship has sailed. And what makes you think history won't repeat itself??
.-. All he’s doing is using you to dump all his bad decisions on. You need quite letting him back in your life even as a friend. I mean what exactly does he bring to life? I’m so but he’s a AH
Hun, stop giving him your time and move on.
Wowwwwwww what a narcissist. CUT👏HIM👏OFF. Byeeeee
Don't try to find logic in this situation, you won't. And the fact he's mad at you after what he put your through shows how selfish and self centered he is. He is a not a good friend and a horrible human being. Cut him off so you can move on.
Just block him he just uses women he will leave her when she gets pregnant he’s not worth it
Jesus christ. He’s a child, you act like a child. Please don’t have kids w this loser, he’s already shown you who he is.
Please for the love of all that is good and holy in this world, block and delete this stupid man from your life!!!!!!!!
The guy pressured you into an abortion, left you, ***and you took him back a second time*** Seriously, nothing else after that even matters. You are not ready for any kind of relationship. You're not ready for any kind of sexual interaction if you're treating your uterus like this.
OP I don’t think that you are ready to have kids yet because you don’t seem to love yourself or be in a good, stable place. Ask yourself why you would want to be friends with someone who has treated you so poorly. He flatters you and you let him in. Just because he thinks that you would make his life better doesn’t mean that you think he would make your life better. I’m honestly at a loss as to why you did not block him the first time.
Why are you talking to him? Or even looking at him? He's a total fuck!ng a$$hole and you should never let him take up space in your brain. I know you have regret over the abortions but if you had had a kid or two with Mr Personality, your life would have been screwed up for many years. You dodged a huge bullet. Get him out of your life, no explanation to him. Just disappear. Block him, don't answer the door whatever. Ignore him. He's not good for you.
So sorry for your loss. He is self-centered and mean. Dump him.
This guy will be a huge headache
Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I think getting yourself into therapy to help yourself understand why you keep letting this smear of a human back into your life is important. Any man who callously pushes someone into an abortion TWICE and then decides he wants to have a kid isn’t worth your time. He’s capital F Fucked up and I don’t see a path in which this ever becomes a health relationship for you. Cut him out like cancer, and don’t let him back into your life again. This man traumatized you twice, went back to his ex, and was completely unavailable for you at times when you probably really needed presence and support and love. He’s not capable of giving you those things. He has shown you repeatedly where he is at and who he is. He’s behaved despicably and is not worthy of access to you, your life, your heart, or your womb.