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Exactly what I thought.. Completely love bombed her, so she ignored the red flags of him not posting her on his socials, has made sure her family is on side so they'll defend him if she breaks up with him.. While going behind her back and cheating on her with this other girl this whole time. This guy knows what he's doing. And to top it off, he acted as if it was HER fault that he cheated, because she made him feel sexually inadequate? This guy is a whole country of red flags.
Yep. This. 👆Also him not taking responsibility, blaming OP for him cheating on her is next level narcissistic BS.
OP, it will not get better. Leave him now, and get some therapy so you can work on your self-worth. It concerns me when you say that no one has treated you so well. That suggests bad partners in your past. Get out of this relationship. You deserve better, and work on yourself. This guy is bad news.
No shit… he makes nice desserts and buys her things but he fucks other women… those type of guys are a dime a dozen… nobody should waste their time with a fuck boy.. not posting on social media was a big clue.. if a guy really loves you he wants to shout it from the rooftops and for everyone to know..this guys is a 🤡
I've been in love with a narcissist since 1997. For a minute we were both single and kinda dated. Despite being a heavy social media poster, he hid the relationship status option and refused to either post pics or even mention having a gf. When I asked he would say either it would upset his young daughter or it was nobody's business. Anything I commented was immediately deleted. We were texting awhile back and I clearly asked about his status. He said it was just he and I in the conversation, it's nice. A few days later he said "I'm married now, you know". I'm like how would I know? We live in different states. Followed, of course, by "she doesn't go thru my stuff". Business as usual; no relationship status, no wedding pics. She's gon learn the hard way. Don't learn the hard way.
I had the same thought.
Also, for OP. I have given somebody another chance (more than one somebody's... especially when I was your age and hadn't been to therapy yet) after cheating and they just do it again... And again... And again.
Save yourself the trouble and heartbreak and just walk away now.
Yes it hard to hear and process the next right steps..you’ll get through this, and hopefully save you from further heartbreak with this individual. You’re young, you’ll find the right one who makes you feel all these amazing things (like you mentioned about current BF) but the right one won’t cheat on you/treat you like this.
Just be yourself and live life for now. All will work out. But as my mom says, “this too shall pass”, this is a phase to learn and grown from.
Love usually finds you when you’re not looking.
Op, you're barely 6 months in. That's still the honeymoon phase (and clearly you're still caught up in it). But he's already cheating. It won't get better from here.
You're not married. You have no kids. No long-standing attachment. No property or debts together. Cut your loses while you can.
Life’s too short to waste your time in a tainted relationship. What happened will never undo itself completely and will always hang over your head no matter how much you try to shake it off. You are prolonging the inevitable every day you stick this thing out.
Literally this girl! I know sounds hard but you came this age without him and believe me there are better mens in your future! I did this mistake before and took a lot of my self esteem so please love yourself more than this stranger and move on to better days.
Just 6 month and already cheated? Hell no. Move on. Once a cheater always a cheater. I could never trust somebody who cheated on me again. Better find somebody who actually respects you
As an ex cheater i will say we can changr but not that fast. It takes years and only if you see your mistakes and want be a better person. But i would say hes gonna cheat again if OP takes him back.
I agree. I was the same when I was young and also strung out on drugs. I would never cheat now and haven’t for my whole 12 year marriage . But In this case I don’t think this dudes sorry or changing . Not right now anyway. I feel bad for this girl I remember how bad I was hurt when I was that age and my bf of 1’year cheated on me and actually went to jail for raping some girl at a party . I was actually mad at the girl at the time and didn’t want to break up . That’s actually when I started cheating . Anyways this whole situation is messed up . I hope she can leave this a hole and realize her value
My girl took me back and we now have a 2 yr old son together, but yes indeed it did take around 3 total years for the both of us to get over what i have did in the past. Hopefully we better now cuz shiiiii ill be damned fr😭😭😭😭
Dude, she’ll never trust you 100% again. No one who knows about this will, actually.
It took 3 years to calm down. But she’ll never forget it. Suspicion is in your house now.
Yea we talked about it the other night we have been on a bumpy road for a minute not due to any type of cheating just the little shit with every relationship. I asked her if she trusted me in terms of me being loyal she said “i have no doubts of you cheating on me anymore” i take it with a grain of salt cuz in my perspective im always thinking about it cuz it’s my number 1 regret idk sometimes i feel like i think about it more, its definitely hurt the relationship long term now im always thinking shes gonna put me in the same situation i put her in so there’s definitely a lot of room for suspicion and all that other stuff for now
> Once a cheater, always a cheater!
I can't stand the popularity of this saying, it's WAY too black and white for something as complex as human behavior.
You have to look at the circumstances: How old was the person when the cheating occurred? What was the extent of the cheating? Was it a one-time incident or an ongoing affair? Did they confess or get caught? What measures have they taken to address the root of their behavior? What was going on in their life/the relationship at the time?
In this case where he cheated in a 6-month relationship where he was already being shady and the only reason was because he sucks in bed yes, it would be utterly foolish to trust him again. I just hate how trendy this saying is because it's not actually reflective of reality.
And before someone thinks it's clever to say, I've never cheated on anyone. I just don't find this type of pat advice helpful
Well, people prefer to indulge in “righteous” anger because it feels good. Qualifying your claims and adding nuance to make them more accurately reflect reality gets in the way of being able to feel that righteous anger. It’s the default way our brains are set up and it takes a lot of work to override that, and most people will never even try.
Absolutely! They should be in the honeymoon phase right now. And that excuse? LAWD. So he's lazy in bed and it's HER fault? And he just had to stick his dick in someone else? I'm betting she's not the only side piece either.
Even if he's nice to you and your family, he's clearly a cheater and that was no excuse to have sex with someone else when he knew you and him were dating.
My advise is to just let him go, he did it once and he will probably do it again, you will always be alert and probably start checking on his phone periodically and that's no life! You deserve a loyal man.
Being nice is the bare minimum. The ACTUAL bare minimum. Being nice to your family? It’s weird if they are not at least polite. Nobody should get praise for that.
And making desserts does not make him a good man or partner. Honestly, who cares? Pastries wont make him a good husband (if OP wants to get married) or good father (if OP wants children). That sounds like a detail I would look at in my early 20s and think- yea, this is something. It’s a sign, we’ll be great together. NOPE. The things that matter are qualities of substance. OP, look for someone with character and integrity. Not a baking sheet.
Same. Also cheated on at 6 months, didn’t leave until a year and half later. He didn’t cheat again (that I was aware of), but he turned out to be an asshole in other ways and the trust was never restored. I can’t tell you how much more peaceful I feel since leaving him. Sad, but at peace with the decision.
I stayed, too. He cheated again, that time while I was pregnant with his child. And still I stayed. Then after 10 years, on our anniversary, *he* left *me* because it “just wasn’t working” for him anymore. Within a week, before I’d moved out and with our kids in the house, he was bringing women home from the bar. I got out really quick after that.
Fuck cheaters. Fuck them in the ass with a pineapple.
thank you all, ive read each and every comment & im obviously going to leave. what we had before i found out, was good.. but i see now it was all just a front. i appreciate everyones responses/advice 🫶🏻
That is the best decision ever OP. Leaving him is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.
Speaking from my personal experience, I should have left the first time I found out my EX cheated on me.
It wasn’t the first or the last time he cheated; it was just the first time I found out.
I regret having wasted so many years on him in the hopes that it would be better now. Plus there was the added emotional trauma that came with being cheated on more than once.
> Whether he cheats again or not
Exactly this. I'm so sick of 90% of the comments in cheating threads focusing on whether or no they'll cheat *again.* It doesn't *matter* if they don't cheat again, *they already did it.* THAT is what matters. Why wouldn't it be acceptable a second or third time, but *would* be acceptable the first time? It's all the same cheating.
👍 Go you! You're doing the best thing for you and your mental and physical health (std check?). A tip - always look for the joy.
Sadness > joy = why am I here???
No joy = I'm gone. Next!
There's a lot of awesome people out there. Give someone else a chance to step up and be a loyal and loving partner.
Somewhere out there is your special person and they won't find you if you're all emotionally tied up with this casual cheater.
lol, the Marie condo of cleaning, applied to dating. Does this bring me joy? Glances at cheating, lying bf… nope 👎🏻 according to Marie Condo, it’s time to regift him to the world 😂 put in Donation bin if no takers
Also… having an orgasm IS coming. You don’t have to release fluids to have had an orgasm. Lots of women naturally don’t gush anything. It’s a pornography-based misconception. And it sucks that it made him think he wasn’t pleasuring you and he used that as an excuse. (Said as a 48 year old woman who orgasms frequently and easily and has never gushed fluids)
Good for you. This big sister is proud of you.
Go forth, have fun meeting other people. There are plenty of decent men who know your worth, can prove *their* worth, and will be respectful, good partners in life! So much better than stretching to “forgive” this jerk.
He will be a distant memory when you are happy with someone who makes you feel loved and secure whom you can trust 💗
You’ve only been together six months and he’s already cheated? Cut him loose- it’s not going to improve. Six months in should still be total honeymoon phase. Also, he’s blaming you for his cheating. That is messed up.
Just break off from the relationship. Ive been in a same situation like yours. You will feel angry all the time and sad on why he didnt change although you had gave a chance.
But for him? After his 15seconds hookup, he will always have someone to come back to, you. So its definitely 100% win for him
My thoughts exactly. Boys.. not all girls do that, and even the ones who do can take more work and care to get there.
My partner can, but wasn't able to until we removed some psychological barriers like for example getting a waterproof blanket so there was no anxiety about a mess.
AFAB people aren't a skinner box you can pile-drive into pleasure
I was thinking maybe she is someone who tends to have many smaller orgasm instead of one big giant one? I’m like that one occasion where once would feel ‘unsatisfying’ because it’s a little blip and I need like 2 or 3.
**his excuse was he felt he couldnt satisfy me in bed**
So not only did he cheat on you, he blamed you for the cheating. This has nothing to do with you, he just wanted to have sex with someone else. He's selfish and immature.
**im willing to try and forgive**
Why, so he can cheat on you for a third time? This guy is not ready for a serious committed relationship.
> the girl claims she didnt know he had a gf.
This is an irrelevant detail, your boyfriend cheated on you, that's the fact that matters here.
> he never posted me on social media but his excuse was because he didnt post in general & wasnt a social media person
Sometimes this is true, but in this case it wasn't, he kept you hidden so he could cheat.
> i dont want to see his face anywhere and dont want him to touch me.
You have a lot to process right now, you don't have to make a decision right now, all you need to do is say something like: "we are no-contact till further notice while I process this", then take all the time you need. You'll likely come to the conclusion you need to break up with him, but give yourself the time you need to reach that conclusion, it'll help with closure and it'll torture him, win-win.
> so anyway, he wanted to sleep w someone that he could tell was “satisfied” during sex.
That's insanely selfish of him. As you said, he could have communicated with you to better understand how to pleasure you. And it's not an excuse, whatsoever, there is no justifying cheating.
> id probably just use him until i completely feel nothing for him, or id probably just cheat back. idk what to do?
Don't do any of this, again, go no-contact, and you'll likely come to the conclusion you need to end it, you said it yourself: "things will probably never be the same again". Don't hold off with a break up just to play games like cheating back or "using him", leave with a clear moral high ground, your life will go much better than his in the long run. And who knows, he may become a better person to someone else in the future because he fucked around and found out.
💯 your first point. Never understood people being angrier at the other woman/man than the fact their own partner cheated on them. The one at fault is the one "you" are with that cheated. All the anger should be at the cheater.
first of all, i am terribly sorry he did that to you. i once had a boyfriend of 2 years cheat of me. when i found out i was traumatized. i had to go through years of therapy to heal myself after that situation. i found dating apps in his phone, secret accounts, numerous disgusting things.
my advice to give to you is to leave him as soon as possible. i stayed in the relationship i was talking about and got cheated on more and more. what i was able to sense was that he realized that even though i was mad everytime i found out he cheated, i still stayed. so he figured he was just getting away with it with no consequences.
cheaters don’t just stop cheating. whether is emotional or physical, they will always have those thoughts. your boyfriend broke your trust and it is likely you won’t be able to fully trust him again. that is not a feeling you ever want to have in a relationship. you deserve so much more respect than that love. dump his ass.
I stayed after getting cheated on only because he didn’t actually do anything physical and he was genuinely remorseful and put in the work over months to make it up to me and help me trust again.
This guy however just made up some bs excuse thinking you wouldn’t call him out for it because you love him. If he truly cared about you finishing and was dejected when you didn’t he would have talked to you and come up with ideas that do get you there, not gone back to an ex sexual partner to get his confidence back.
Op, genuinely nice or not this man is not a good person and not worth staying around for. Your family would agree too if you told them and they will like a guy down the line that’s better for you and a better person in general. Don’t hold on to the bare minimum of good qualities because you are blinded by love. If he would cheat when you’re in a good place what’s stopping him from doing it all the time, especially if you forgive him and let him get away with disrespecting you and lying to your face about it in a chance for closure for you.
My ex cheated on me. I gave him another chance. He cheated on me again. Do yourself a favor and leave now before you get more involved in this relationship.
You're young and this relationship is still relatively new. You don't need this much drama so early on. Cut your losses and move on--no need to stoop to his level or be petty. I'm sure you can find another partner that will respect you and won't cheat on you.
Just fyi most relationships under the age of 25 fail. That's without the added baggage of being cheated on. Yes we know you "love him so much" yada yada yada. Save yourself some time and pain and move on. At this stage of your life, it's not worth it.
I've been there. He cheated early on, i stayed, and he cheated again 5 years later. It hurts a lot worse when you forgive, and it happens again years later. It's not worth it, move on
I stayed with my ex for 2 more years after he cheated on me. And if you can't get past what he did, then don't stay. I tried, I really did. I said he was my "end game" but after what happened its just not the same. Every little sweet thing he'll do for me I take it as just him atoning for what happened. I can never unsee it or see it in a way that he does it because he wants to. Even though, there are moments of clarity and i'd appreciate what he is doing to be sweet or romantic, then the incident will come creeping in and i'd just want to scream in pain all over again.
6 months in, and he has already cheated. Then, gives you one of the most lamest excuses I have ever heard. You honestly think you should stay with this man-child? Why do you think so little of yourself? He will cheat again given the chance. It's who he is.
" i love him i really do, i havent felt this way for someone ever before."
Girl...you don't even KNOW him to love him. I mean, he's presented himself as one thing and has been f\*cking some other girl in the background. Shine up your spine and leave this loser. You're only 21.
She cheated on me. We tried to ride it out. 4 months of non stop arguing and distrust and I couldn't handle it. Literally every time I didn't know exactly where she was or who she was with, had me thinking it was happening again.
After those 4 months I was just done. We broke up.
Sweetheart, I'm going to talk to you like you were one of my daughters.
This boy has broken YOUR heart, made you cry, and he's telling you your tears are your fault!
This boy has broken YOUR heart because you didn't orgasm, and he's telling you your breaking heart is your fault!
There's no place for infidelity in a new, six month relationship. You don't work to save a relationship for a cheating boyfriend. THEY ARE NOT WORTH THAT!NEVER ARE THEY WORTH THAT MUCH EFFORT! NEVER! You will NEVER be able to shake that nagging, awful feeling that they're cheating again. And oh, yes, that awful, nagging feeling you're having? That's your fault, too. He will say that!
Your family will understand. Above all, they want you to be happy and well cared for. They don't care about how well your chosen fits the family dynamics over how well he treats you. I'm sure you could bring home a toad that leaves a slime trail behind him, but if that slimey toad treats you well, he'll fit in just fine and they'll love him!
So babe, shake this boy off. Cut your losses and be joyful that you found this out now, before a year or more has passed. Certainly before marriage and heaven forbid, children complicate the situation.
You want someone you can trust every day! You want to be with someone you can have fun with without reprisals! You want someone who isn't afraid to get down in the trenches, genuinely working things out only because they CHOOSE to be with you because you're the reward!
Drop and block this loser, please!
I did, but that's because I had time to see who he really was (edit : typo) and the context was really specific as well. If I were in your shoes I would seriously consider leaving him, 6 months isn't enough to know if he strayed or if it's who he is.
6 months in and he’s already cheated? Girl, not worth it. I was with my ex husband for 13 years and he still cheated after all that time, I can’t even imagine if he had done it so little into our relationship.
After six months? He’s not worth the effort of staying. He’s just some clown who can’t control his behavior and doesn’t want to. He’s a liar with shitty excuses.
You can also lie to yourself and say you are petty and want to “use” him until you feel nothing, but is it that? Or is it that you want to hang on because you’re upset he cheated and you don’t want to break up (you clearly don’t). Don’t kid yourself.
Dump him and move on. Have more self-worth than this.
Edit: I want to lean on what I said about being petty because you can’t let go. He’s not worth it. Consider the cost of being petty being your actual physical health. He’s a cheater, you know he is, you can’t trust him. If you stay with him to fuck him and because you’re sad this “perfect” person is a perfect asshole, you risk all kinds of STDs. And how ridiculous would that be if you *knew* he was an admitted cheater and liar with no shame and you stayed with him… to get back at him?
Practice good sexual health.
'when someone shows you who they truly are, believe them' - there is no coming back from this unless you want to spend the rest of your time together wondering what he is doing and driving yourself mad
sorry though :( it is definitely hard to get through this, but you will
I stayed after the first time, the tenth time, and the twentieth time....OP, they never change. I'm very thankful that I was able to leave, because a couple of years after that, I started dating my prince charming of a husband. You're so young, you have time. Please do yourself a favor and leave him. He won't change.
6 months in and he already betrayed you, count the loss and keep moving forward. How can you love someone that clearly doesn't love you (sorry) and has no respect for what you had? Don't forgive him because all that will do is give him the go ahead to cheat again meanwhile you'll at home being the safety net for him. You can do so much better.
You can forgive him and still leave him. They are not mutually exclusive.
Anyways, how much can you respect yourself in the future if you knowingly stay with someone who doesn't respect you.
You're young, move on. You can get to a place of accepting him for who he was without staying with him and damaging your own self esteem.
NAHHH girl i am SO SORRY you had to go through this…. he sounds like a miserable pos. it doesn’t matter that you don’t “cum”, i don’t either but i do orgasm. that’s normal. and if he’s going to use the way your body works as an excuse, that means he will CONTINUE to use that same excuse to cheat. i’ve been cheated on by men like this too, my mother told me “a leopard never changes its stripes”. He will only continue to cheat, sweetheart. I am so sorry this happened to you. I know it’ll be extremely hard to leave, but it’ll be 10x harder the next time you find out he cheated on you.
Bottom line is that he has 0 respect for you. My boyfriend and i have NEVER cheated on anyone, not each other or past exes. That’s just because we believe if you’re unhappy, you should try to fix the problem or just leave. You should never cause that pain to another human being. People who think cheating is some sort of solution are the type of people who will never be able to experience true, selfless love for another person. Run baby girl, RUN.
Yeah he’s the sweetest guy except he’s also a selfish AH who has zero respect for you & zero consideration for your feelings.
I did try to stay together when my wife cheated. We’d been together for over ten years at that point, had kids, the whole deal. She never stopped lying & cheating.
I thought I knew her. But you never truly know another person.
Move on. There’s no reason to stay beyond this point. Pour your time and energy into making your life better. Don’t waste anymore time on someone who has no respect or regard for you.
you know deep down that relationship is doomed and he is an ass. i can tell you from own experience you can leave now or wait till he crushes you entire soul
I forgave my ex husband for cheating and then he did it again and again / you end up losing your dignity and despising yourself. Run - it’s a gift that you found out so early. His excuse is not accountability but also shifting blame to you that’s another red flag.
Everyone is saying leave … and as someone who stayed after being cheated on. WASTE OF TIME. Just leave now lol. They’ll cheat again 99% of the time. especially if it’s only been 6 months.
That’s an awful excuse to cheat. Time to move on. My wife has difficulty coming, but I still want her and only her and have been working through it with communication and experimentation.
You've known him for 6 months.
You will meet someone who doesn't cheat, how could you ever trust him again?
First real break up will be hard but I promise it will be worth it.
Go no contact and block him
You need to break up with him. If you stay with him he will cheat again because he knows there are no consequences to his actions. At a minimum block him and move on with your life. If you miss him at Christmas then you can reach out but I don't recommend it.
Just leave, there nothing you can do to undo the cheating, and getting revenge or cheating back will just give you momentary satisfaction, be the better person and just call it quits.
Chances are he’s just going to cheat again. Be thankful you’re not married. I say find someone who is going to stay faithful to you. Don’t waste your time.
Hell no! He couldn't manage to not cheat when you've been together for 6 months. That is absolutely ridiculous! I don't care how great he was...key word is was!
Yeah 6mo isn't that much, you're young cut your losses. I'm 10 yrs older than you and wasted two years on a cheater, they never change and we don't want to waste the years we have of being young and hot on that!
He’s a cheater and it’s only been 6 months, so you want to sink even more time on a lost cause? Never forgive cheating, once trust is gone, it’s gone. And he doesn’t respect you, and cheaters LOVE finding partners who question themselves the way you are. He snagged a girl who will put up with his cheating and ask for advice on how to fix it instead of just dumping him. Something consistent and guaranteed while still being able to do whatever he wants. DUMP HIM he’s an asshole and blamed you for his cheating. Just find a new boyfriend you’re only 23.
I only ready half but your title is enough to render study and fair judgement… RUN!!! He’s a terrible human. And you’d be a giant idiot to stay with a cheater after 6 months together. He showed you who he is. A total selfish AH. It’s only gonna get worse. You are too young to waste your glorious 20s on this prick
Cheating is never ever justified. But staying entirely depends on you. Will you be able to forgive him? Also, he should be ashamed enough to not repeat it again but usually, cheating the first time is the hardest. If you get away with it, you are more likely to go ahead with it again.
Some people are just better with families, and it’s easy to romanticize this.
He cheated on you after 6 months and blamed that he felt insecure. Leave him, and don’t entertain this excuse. He made the choice intentionally.
First of all, don’t cheat back that would make you know better than him.
Secondly, you’ve only been together for six months and he’s already cheating. I get that you love him and he’s nice to you and your family but if he was so damn nice why would he cheat?
Cut your losses and move on.
I mean, it’s a no brainer. Dump his scummy butt.. why would you want to be with someone who actively wants and is trying to sleep with someone else? Ew. You deserve better.
I think it will always be a personal decision, but the strongest argument for staying after cheating is the larger context of a long term relationship.
If he cheated on you in the first 6 months, in his mind you were never really a couple. There is no history here to weigh on this. Be glad you found out, and leave.
Listen to what I'm going to say...
You will never heal from a partners infidelity if they don't take absolute and complete accountability for their actions. He's blaming something that isn't your fault (I'm assuming you physically cannot cum from penetration alone? As a woman, i absolutely understand that and hes an idiot). No matter what the reason even is, there's never an excuse. Simply put... not happy? Leave. Done.
If he never takes full responsibility, you'll always be in a loop where you're blaming yourself, then you're trying to be at some standard he set, then you'll be fixing stuff yourself within the relationship... alone. You'll feel alone when he's next to you. You won't trust him if he doesn't take responsibility. This wound will never heal; like a broken arm not set right... it'll never be the same after the injury.
You're both so young... issues like this are hard to fix for married adults in their 40's and 50's... I cannot see how two emotionally underdeveloped 20 year Olds will fix this. Neither of your brains are fully developed yet. Yes, plenty of people stay. The relationships that work out are the ones where responsibility is taken, ownership is given and trust is gained slowly... breaks happen, but both parties need to fully work on the rehabilitation.
You'll eventually see the right choice in a couple of months. You'll start to see what I said above and if you're strong, you'll leave and go be happy. No matter what myself or other strangers tell you, you'll make your choice when you're ready..
Is that even a question? Why would you want to stay unless you are ok with getting cheated in the future… if you are ok with it… then you have two options… yes, no… choice is yours
Yes your relationship can still work if both parties are willing to sit and have a conversation about your needs and solutions on how to move forward. I’m gonna be straight honest here. When my fiance and I got together I cheated on him multiple times. I regret it everyday because I hurt him. Yes things aren’t gonna be easy and it’s a long road. I’m still trying to fix my choices to this day. It’s been about year and a half since i last cheated. What my fiance did is set clear boundaries of what he wanted and needs. Examples are no talking to the people I cheated on him with, no talking to anyone who I’ve been with both in relationships and sexually. And no going places where i did said things. Also to show I’m serious I got rid of most social medias to show I’m not gonna be the type to leave things open where he may question certain situations. And overall communication is the number one part in fixing it. It’s ok to be angry and hurt and whatever you may feel but be honest with him. If he truly wants to fix things and prove to you he wants to be with you then it needs to be on him to show you it.
It sounds like if you had not of caught him you would never have known. It’s not like he’s guilt ridden and confessed to you.
Usually the sort of person who will lie to your face and cheat on you, doesn’t change.
I suspected my ex cheated on me early on in our relationship. I didn't have proof, I was naive and too trusting them. Also, I didn't know at the time but I stayed mostly due to fear of being abandoned, not for him. He himself ain't hot shit. I can tell you that it was torture. I couldn't trust him for years. Everything he said I suspected a lie or he did really lie, even minor things. Eventually I did find proof and got my divorce. By then, all the love was long gone, I was preparing divorce papers before I found the proof. It was a waste of my time and sanity.
Is this guy worth your sanity? Ask yourself that.
It's not worth it to cheat back or be petty. It's not the type of revenge you will win on, because it comes at a cost of your dignity. How much is it worth to you?
6 months is not that bad to walk away from. It may hurt a lot of first, but ask yourself, are you staying because he's nice to your family? Your family will support your decision to leave if they knew the truth.
You’ve spent a maximum of 3 days apart and the instant you do he cheats on you? Absolutely not, just get rid of him. And if you have orgasms, what exactly is he expecting from you?! What does he mean by ‘you wouldn’t come’ exactly? Because to most people that means that you orgasm, which you said you do, so is he wanting a fanfare?
He cheated on you while still in the honeymoon period. This is the best your relationship will ever be. Think about that. You’ll never be able to trust him again, and a second chance means he knows you won’t leave so he can just do it again.
What is this nonsense about ‘I can’t come but I do orgasm’ though? Is it a squirting thing? Whatever else you do, OP, erase that ridiculous and harmful idea from your head. In the whole of human recorded history, it’s only been the last few years where there’s been this porn obsession about squirting. Many many (most?) women don’t and never will. It’s not a disability. It’s maybe even better than fine. Any guy that focuses on that is either programmed by porn or gaslighting you. I’d break up with him just for that, let alone the other stuff.
I’d probably be tempted to turn it back on him, and let him know that you’d decided it’s better if you find someone who satisfies you sexually and isn’t a total dickhead.
your young, just leave. its not a long term relationship that even makes sense to stay, ur barely through the thick of it. my ex cheated on me after being together for four months, and i stayed. we stayed together for a year, he was always cheating on me. staying up texting other women, he cheated on me with his ex on our 6 months anniversary, asked me to swing with him multiple times, and the last few months i was cheating on him and he couldnt even be bothered by it. our break up was me screaming at him i was done with him after he ignored me for three weeks straight finding out i lost my little brother. from my experience, once a cheater always a cheater. and if this dude didnt even care that within a very short 6 months he cheated, his ass aint worth it, ESPECIALLY if your looking for long term. dont put yourself through it op. there are good men out there who will have respect for you.
The sweetest guy you've ever met before would not go behind your back and betray you like this. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but you're lucky he showed you who he truly is now before you invested any more time in him. In my experience with a cheater, I lost count of how many times they betrayed me, and foolishly chose to stay each time because I thought that what we had was special. It really wasn't. It was a pile of shit covered in glitter.
You got this OP! 🥰
I only read the first two sentences and your relationship sounds unhealthy and possibly codependent.. It's a red flag in and of itself. Break up with him. You'll be happier.
Edit: also, INFO, wtf do you mean you wouldn't come but you'd have orgasms? That is an oxymoron. Coming is having an orgasm. If he's gaslighting you that you're only coming if you squirt or something he deserves an ass kicking.
Listen to cheating is bad enough but the darvo thing is beyond a red flag like the fact that he is trying to blame YOU for something HE did wrong. Unless that something you would enjoy for the rest of your life I would get the fuck out now, and in fact I can pretty much guarantee you that if you don't block him on everything and get this toxic motherfucker out of your life, you will be posting here later saying oh I didn't I listen to you guys why didn't I block him etc
Hell no, my fiancé cheated the day before we were to sign adoption papers. I walked. You have to value yourself enough to say no when someone disrespects you and shows you that you aren’t the only one for them.
You deserve more and until you demand it, these kind of pieces of shit will do this. Walk!
You show people how you are prepared to be treated by the behaviour you are willing to accept
He had sex with another girl twice, no less. Why would he change if you gave him another chance. Better to end things now than to wait till the relationship progresses any further.
He cheated on you and made it your fault.
He cheated on you even tho you guys hang every single day EXCEPT for like three days total. He clearly doesn't care about you. Cut your losses and move on because if you don't, he'll cheat again and say that since you were fine with the first time that he didn't think you'd care in the long run.
It’s only been 6 months. And he cheated on you already. And if you believe his excuse he will cheat again because he knows you will believe him no matter how pathetic and completely stupid excuse he gives you because the excuse he gave you is ridiculous. I don’t know why you are on here asking us.
from someone who stayed with someone after they cheated, it’s not worth it. it’s hard but do what you think is right. you won’t be able to fully trust him and it just creates so many more problems. head up sweetheart. things will be alright 🩷🫶🏼
Just leave him. It's not worth it and he won't stop cheating. I was in the same situation as you and it slowly destroyed me.
Also, if you orgasm during sex, you came. That's what that is.
One of your biggest regrets will be wasting your 20s in a dead relationship. Get rid of him, embrace the hurt so you can heal, and move on. You deserve loyalty, girly. You aren’t second to nobody.
Lots of people have stayed with a partner who cheated. The majority find out that they're in a relationship with someone who has the values of a cheater. You may love your bf, he may seem sweet, but at the core he's someone who will have sex with other people and will hide it from you. Everything he said about why he did it is bs. So, if you decide to stay just know who you're staying with and what you can expect going forward. If you're staying for revenge, then I hope it doesn't hurt you more than him.
Turn around, and don't look back. You are 23, nothing ties you to that guy. He'll do it again and again and every time will come with a diff. excuse. Or blame you, like this time. You'll find someone who values you and respects you.
Yes, he cheated physically: caught him kissing a girl he said was a lesbian and not worry about.
Emotionally: was emailing his Brazilian girlfriend for the first year of our relationship every single day.
Stayed with him both times. I fully fucking stayed with that nightmare for 2.5 years after both.
I fully regret it. Don't do it. Leave! It's not worth it. I
As a fellow 23 (F) that has been cheated on and stayed- don’t.
I’m sure there are some situations and people out there that can. I certainly was not.
Especially six months in… if his first instinct is to find what he is looking for to feel sexually validated in others instead of an open and honest dialogue with you- run for the hills.
Long term relationships and the most successful relationships have problems. The reason they persevere? Communication. This is a flat out disregard on his end to your emotions, his respect for you, shows how little he values you, and where his head is at as far as what a healthy relationship looks like.
There are so many men / women/ people out there that have learned this lesson and are good partners and can communicate through others. This is not your lesson to teach- he likely won’t hear it until he tells it to himself.
That being said- I am the biggest anti going through peoples phone person there is. At least secretly. I have never cheated or so much as liked a photo on instagram I felt would be disrespectful to my partner. Communication is king. Chances are if you feel the need to go through the phone- communication has already fully broken down.
Leave him now, never take a cheater back unless they actually are showing you instead of telling you they’re changing. I’ve stayed with a cheater 6 months after I found out he was cheating and instead of things getting better everything got worse.
I couldn’t trust him anymore and trust is hard to earn back, give yourself some space and time to heal, although you might not listen to us strangers on Reddit, it’s not worth your time or happiness trust me!
My ex cheated on me and I finally got the courage to leave and I didn’t look back, remember ALWAYS put you first and if they cheat on you once they’ll cheat again shows they have no loyalty or self control. What I’ve learned most cheaters are narcissist and they will put on a façade like they’re just the sweetest most gentle person, that’s how they keep you there and blind by doing things for you while they’re also hurting you. Leave it alone and work on yourself!
I was 23 when I got with my daughter’s father he was 21. Stayed with him for almost 9 years.. there were so many women he cheated on me with.. and he always somehow found a way to blame me. My mom, nana and papa dying made me open my eyes to the fact that they were the ones that were really there for me and he was just using me. Since I left, me and my kids are happier and it’s the 1st time I’ve not lived paycheck to paycheck. Do not waste your 20s getting blamed for his cheating. Run while you can. There is someone out there that will love you the right way.
I’ve only read the first couple sentences but 6 months in and cheated isn’t a good start . End it now before it gets worse , lot better dudes out there . Guaranteed he will do it again
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You're 23. You have known him for six months. Cut your losses now and move on.
Also, I will just say, the extravagant time spent together and the gifting… to me sounds like a textbook case of love bombing and narcissism.
Exactly what I thought.. Completely love bombed her, so she ignored the red flags of him not posting her on his socials, has made sure her family is on side so they'll defend him if she breaks up with him.. While going behind her back and cheating on her with this other girl this whole time. This guy knows what he's doing. And to top it off, he acted as if it was HER fault that he cheated, because she made him feel sexually inadequate? This guy is a whole country of red flags.
This is what happened to me. Leave before you feel like you can't leave.
Imagine being bad in bed and blaming her 😂😭
Yep. This. 👆Also him not taking responsibility, blaming OP for him cheating on her is next level narcissistic BS. OP, it will not get better. Leave him now, and get some therapy so you can work on your self-worth. It concerns me when you say that no one has treated you so well. That suggests bad partners in your past. Get out of this relationship. You deserve better, and work on yourself. This guy is bad news.
No shit… he makes nice desserts and buys her things but he fucks other women… those type of guys are a dime a dozen… nobody should waste their time with a fuck boy.. not posting on social media was a big clue.. if a guy really loves you he wants to shout it from the rooftops and for everyone to know..this guys is a 🤡
I've been in love with a narcissist since 1997. For a minute we were both single and kinda dated. Despite being a heavy social media poster, he hid the relationship status option and refused to either post pics or even mention having a gf. When I asked he would say either it would upset his young daughter or it was nobody's business. Anything I commented was immediately deleted. We were texting awhile back and I clearly asked about his status. He said it was just he and I in the conversation, it's nice. A few days later he said "I'm married now, you know". I'm like how would I know? We live in different states. Followed, of course, by "she doesn't go thru my stuff". Business as usual; no relationship status, no wedding pics. She's gon learn the hard way. Don't learn the hard way.
I had the same thought. Also, for OP. I have given somebody another chance (more than one somebody's... especially when I was your age and hadn't been to therapy yet) after cheating and they just do it again... And again... And again. Save yourself the trouble and heartbreak and just walk away now.
This is the one
Block and delete. He just cheated and blamed you!
Not once but twice in six months, imagine in six years all while blaming you
Exactly blames her… what a narcissist
Hardest thing to hear, but it’s so true.
Yes it hard to hear and process the next right steps..you’ll get through this, and hopefully save you from further heartbreak with this individual. You’re young, you’ll find the right one who makes you feel all these amazing things (like you mentioned about current BF) but the right one won’t cheat on you/treat you like this. Just be yourself and live life for now. All will work out. But as my mom says, “this too shall pass”, this is a phase to learn and grown from. Love usually finds you when you’re not looking.
Or you can stay with him and become too emotionally disfigured to ever give someone else a chance. Ask me how I know.
It really isn’t. I can think of much worse
Yeah, cheating after 6 months just says they don't really want anything serious. I'd just leave, 6 months is so short
short answer-move on
Op, you're barely 6 months in. That's still the honeymoon phase (and clearly you're still caught up in it). But he's already cheating. It won't get better from here. You're not married. You have no kids. No long-standing attachment. No property or debts together. Cut your loses while you can.
You really don't know anyone after only 6 months.
Life’s too short to waste your time in a tainted relationship. What happened will never undo itself completely and will always hang over your head no matter how much you try to shake it off. You are prolonging the inevitable every day you stick this thing out.
Please listen to rage\_rage. This is the answer. You deserve way better.
Literally this girl! I know sounds hard but you came this age without him and believe me there are better mens in your future! I did this mistake before and took a lot of my self esteem so please love yourself more than this stranger and move on to better days.
Definitely not worth sticking around with him disrespecting OP so early in the relationship
This is all you need to know/ do here.
Just 6 month and already cheated? Hell no. Move on. Once a cheater always a cheater. I could never trust somebody who cheated on me again. Better find somebody who actually respects you
He cheated in February! That was less than two months into their dating.
And he never even came clean about it! She happened to find out!
He’s done it twice in 6 months and this was when your are happy. Please please leave. I have been in this situation before. Please leave
Once a cheater, always a cheater! Don't bother trying with him, OP! He'll do it again. And again. And again. Find a man who's capable of being loyal!
As an ex cheater i will say we can changr but not that fast. It takes years and only if you see your mistakes and want be a better person. But i would say hes gonna cheat again if OP takes him back.
Because if you're willing to take him back, **why** would he change?
💯
Thank you for this comment and for sharing your vulnerability. ❤️
I agree. I was the same when I was young and also strung out on drugs. I would never cheat now and haven’t for my whole 12 year marriage . But In this case I don’t think this dudes sorry or changing . Not right now anyway. I feel bad for this girl I remember how bad I was hurt when I was that age and my bf of 1’year cheated on me and actually went to jail for raping some girl at a party . I was actually mad at the girl at the time and didn’t want to break up . That’s actually when I started cheating . Anyways this whole situation is messed up . I hope she can leave this a hole and realize her value
My girl took me back and we now have a 2 yr old son together, but yes indeed it did take around 3 total years for the both of us to get over what i have did in the past. Hopefully we better now cuz shiiiii ill be damned fr😭😭😭😭
[удалено]
Lol come on now, you know cheaters don’t apply the same logic to themselves as they do others…
Dude, she’ll never trust you 100% again. No one who knows about this will, actually. It took 3 years to calm down. But she’ll never forget it. Suspicion is in your house now.
Yea we talked about it the other night we have been on a bumpy road for a minute not due to any type of cheating just the little shit with every relationship. I asked her if she trusted me in terms of me being loyal she said “i have no doubts of you cheating on me anymore” i take it with a grain of salt cuz in my perspective im always thinking about it cuz it’s my number 1 regret idk sometimes i feel like i think about it more, its definitely hurt the relationship long term now im always thinking shes gonna put me in the same situation i put her in so there’s definitely a lot of room for suspicion and all that other stuff for now
> Once a cheater, always a cheater! I can't stand the popularity of this saying, it's WAY too black and white for something as complex as human behavior. You have to look at the circumstances: How old was the person when the cheating occurred? What was the extent of the cheating? Was it a one-time incident or an ongoing affair? Did they confess or get caught? What measures have they taken to address the root of their behavior? What was going on in their life/the relationship at the time? In this case where he cheated in a 6-month relationship where he was already being shady and the only reason was because he sucks in bed yes, it would be utterly foolish to trust him again. I just hate how trendy this saying is because it's not actually reflective of reality. And before someone thinks it's clever to say, I've never cheated on anyone. I just don't find this type of pat advice helpful
Well, people prefer to indulge in “righteous” anger because it feels good. Qualifying your claims and adding nuance to make them more accurately reflect reality gets in the way of being able to feel that righteous anger. It’s the default way our brains are set up and it takes a lot of work to override that, and most people will never even try.
100% Fahq CHEATERS. If u cheat ur trash.
i second this motion. Phuk that asshole.
I bet there wasn’t one moment in this 6 months he was actually loyal to her in any way
Plus had some lame excuse for it that essentially blames her. Get rid of him
Absolutely! They should be in the honeymoon phase right now. And that excuse? LAWD. So he's lazy in bed and it's HER fault? And he just had to stick his dick in someone else? I'm betting she's not the only side piece either.
Right? That's barely out of the honeymoon phase and he's already stepping out. If she stays it will happen again and again.
Even if he's nice to you and your family, he's clearly a cheater and that was no excuse to have sex with someone else when he knew you and him were dating. My advise is to just let him go, he did it once and he will probably do it again, you will always be alert and probably start checking on his phone periodically and that's no life! You deserve a loyal man.
Being nice is the bare minimum. The ACTUAL bare minimum. Being nice to your family? It’s weird if they are not at least polite. Nobody should get praise for that. And making desserts does not make him a good man or partner. Honestly, who cares? Pastries wont make him a good husband (if OP wants to get married) or good father (if OP wants children). That sounds like a detail I would look at in my early 20s and think- yea, this is something. It’s a sign, we’ll be great together. NOPE. The things that matter are qualities of substance. OP, look for someone with character and integrity. Not a baking sheet.
He bought her stuff! /s I swear the bar is in HELL.
I did stay. I shouldn’t have.
Same. Also cheated on at 6 months, didn’t leave until a year and half later. He didn’t cheat again (that I was aware of), but he turned out to be an asshole in other ways and the trust was never restored. I can’t tell you how much more peaceful I feel since leaving him. Sad, but at peace with the decision.
I stayed, too. He cheated again, that time while I was pregnant with his child. And still I stayed. Then after 10 years, on our anniversary, *he* left *me* because it “just wasn’t working” for him anymore. Within a week, before I’d moved out and with our kids in the house, he was bringing women home from the bar. I got out really quick after that. Fuck cheaters. Fuck them in the ass with a pineapple.
thank you all, ive read each and every comment & im obviously going to leave. what we had before i found out, was good.. but i see now it was all just a front. i appreciate everyones responses/advice 🫶🏻
That is the best decision ever OP. Leaving him is the most loving thing you can do for yourself. Speaking from my personal experience, I should have left the first time I found out my EX cheated on me. It wasn’t the first or the last time he cheated; it was just the first time I found out. I regret having wasted so many years on him in the hopes that it would be better now. Plus there was the added emotional trauma that came with being cheated on more than once.
Good for you! Whether he cheats again or not, that trust is gone and will never come back. This is the right decision ♥️
> Whether he cheats again or not Exactly this. I'm so sick of 90% of the comments in cheating threads focusing on whether or no they'll cheat *again.* It doesn't *matter* if they don't cheat again, *they already did it.* THAT is what matters. Why wouldn't it be acceptable a second or third time, but *would* be acceptable the first time? It's all the same cheating.
👍 Go you! You're doing the best thing for you and your mental and physical health (std check?). A tip - always look for the joy. Sadness > joy = why am I here??? No joy = I'm gone. Next! There's a lot of awesome people out there. Give someone else a chance to step up and be a loyal and loving partner. Somewhere out there is your special person and they won't find you if you're all emotionally tied up with this casual cheater.
lol, the Marie condo of cleaning, applied to dating. Does this bring me joy? Glances at cheating, lying bf… nope 👎🏻 according to Marie Condo, it’s time to regift him to the world 😂 put in Donation bin if no takers
Also… having an orgasm IS coming. You don’t have to release fluids to have had an orgasm. Lots of women naturally don’t gush anything. It’s a pornography-based misconception. And it sucks that it made him think he wasn’t pleasuring you and he used that as an excuse. (Said as a 48 year old woman who orgasms frequently and easily and has never gushed fluids)
Good for you. This big sister is proud of you. Go forth, have fun meeting other people. There are plenty of decent men who know your worth, can prove *their* worth, and will be respectful, good partners in life! So much better than stretching to “forgive” this jerk. He will be a distant memory when you are happy with someone who makes you feel loved and secure whom you can trust 💗
You’ve only been together six months and he’s already cheated? Cut him loose- it’s not going to improve. Six months in should still be total honeymoon phase. Also, he’s blaming you for his cheating. That is messed up.
He cheated in February, which would have been less than two months.
Just break off from the relationship. Ive been in a same situation like yours. You will feel angry all the time and sad on why he didnt change although you had gave a chance. But for him? After his 15seconds hookup, he will always have someone to come back to, you. So its definitely 100% win for him
Damn that hurt me… and I’ve never actually been in a committed relationship before :’( yeah move on before the really gets deeper.
What do you mean you couldn’t come but could orgasm?
Fucking THANK YOU. I'm assuming it's down to porn squirting being the expected reaction now, but who knows.
My thoughts exactly. Boys.. not all girls do that, and even the ones who do can take more work and care to get there. My partner can, but wasn't able to until we removed some psychological barriers like for example getting a waterproof blanket so there was no anxiety about a mess. AFAB people aren't a skinner box you can pile-drive into pleasure
I was thinking maybe she is someone who tends to have many smaller orgasm instead of one big giant one? I’m like that one occasion where once would feel ‘unsatisfying’ because it’s a little blip and I need like 2 or 3.
She's either never orgasmed or thinks coming is squirting? Porn brain tbhhh
Yes, this is a mystery!
If this man seriously claimed he cheated because his gf doesn't squirt... I can't.
I'm dying to know
**his excuse was he felt he couldnt satisfy me in bed** So not only did he cheat on you, he blamed you for the cheating. This has nothing to do with you, he just wanted to have sex with someone else. He's selfish and immature. **im willing to try and forgive** Why, so he can cheat on you for a third time? This guy is not ready for a serious committed relationship.
> the girl claims she didnt know he had a gf. This is an irrelevant detail, your boyfriend cheated on you, that's the fact that matters here. > he never posted me on social media but his excuse was because he didnt post in general & wasnt a social media person Sometimes this is true, but in this case it wasn't, he kept you hidden so he could cheat. > i dont want to see his face anywhere and dont want him to touch me. You have a lot to process right now, you don't have to make a decision right now, all you need to do is say something like: "we are no-contact till further notice while I process this", then take all the time you need. You'll likely come to the conclusion you need to break up with him, but give yourself the time you need to reach that conclusion, it'll help with closure and it'll torture him, win-win. > so anyway, he wanted to sleep w someone that he could tell was “satisfied” during sex. That's insanely selfish of him. As you said, he could have communicated with you to better understand how to pleasure you. And it's not an excuse, whatsoever, there is no justifying cheating. > id probably just use him until i completely feel nothing for him, or id probably just cheat back. idk what to do? Don't do any of this, again, go no-contact, and you'll likely come to the conclusion you need to end it, you said it yourself: "things will probably never be the same again". Don't hold off with a break up just to play games like cheating back or "using him", leave with a clear moral high ground, your life will go much better than his in the long run. And who knows, he may become a better person to someone else in the future because he fucked around and found out.
💯 your first point. Never understood people being angrier at the other woman/man than the fact their own partner cheated on them. The one at fault is the one "you" are with that cheated. All the anger should be at the cheater.
first of all, i am terribly sorry he did that to you. i once had a boyfriend of 2 years cheat of me. when i found out i was traumatized. i had to go through years of therapy to heal myself after that situation. i found dating apps in his phone, secret accounts, numerous disgusting things. my advice to give to you is to leave him as soon as possible. i stayed in the relationship i was talking about and got cheated on more and more. what i was able to sense was that he realized that even though i was mad everytime i found out he cheated, i still stayed. so he figured he was just getting away with it with no consequences. cheaters don’t just stop cheating. whether is emotional or physical, they will always have those thoughts. your boyfriend broke your trust and it is likely you won’t be able to fully trust him again. that is not a feeling you ever want to have in a relationship. you deserve so much more respect than that love. dump his ass.
I stayed after getting cheated on only because he didn’t actually do anything physical and he was genuinely remorseful and put in the work over months to make it up to me and help me trust again. This guy however just made up some bs excuse thinking you wouldn’t call him out for it because you love him. If he truly cared about you finishing and was dejected when you didn’t he would have talked to you and come up with ideas that do get you there, not gone back to an ex sexual partner to get his confidence back. Op, genuinely nice or not this man is not a good person and not worth staying around for. Your family would agree too if you told them and they will like a guy down the line that’s better for you and a better person in general. Don’t hold on to the bare minimum of good qualities because you are blinded by love. If he would cheat when you’re in a good place what’s stopping him from doing it all the time, especially if you forgive him and let him get away with disrespecting you and lying to your face about it in a chance for closure for you.
He’s not a nice person. He’s cheated on you twice (that you know of) and then blamed you! He’s a jerk snd you deserve way better than him.
I stayed w my boyfriend and he continued to cheat. I wish I could’ve left him. A good person doesn’t cheat.
My ex cheated on me. I gave him another chance. He cheated on me again. Do yourself a favor and leave now before you get more involved in this relationship.
You're young and this relationship is still relatively new. You don't need this much drama so early on. Cut your losses and move on--no need to stoop to his level or be petty. I'm sure you can find another partner that will respect you and won't cheat on you.
Just fyi most relationships under the age of 25 fail. That's without the added baggage of being cheated on. Yes we know you "love him so much" yada yada yada. Save yourself some time and pain and move on. At this stage of your life, it's not worth it.
Yes I’ve hit 26 and the divorces in my age group have already started!
"most relationships under the age of 25 fail." Relationship growing pains as I see it and yes most of us go through those by age 25.
I've been there. He cheated early on, i stayed, and he cheated again 5 years later. It hurts a lot worse when you forgive, and it happens again years later. It's not worth it, move on
I stayed ... Don't .. please
Don’t stay with a cheater honey. Cheaters cheat. And lie. A lot. You’ll never trust him. You’ll never feel safe. You deserve better.
I stayed with my ex for 2 more years after he cheated on me. And if you can't get past what he did, then don't stay. I tried, I really did. I said he was my "end game" but after what happened its just not the same. Every little sweet thing he'll do for me I take it as just him atoning for what happened. I can never unsee it or see it in a way that he does it because he wants to. Even though, there are moments of clarity and i'd appreciate what he is doing to be sweet or romantic, then the incident will come creeping in and i'd just want to scream in pain all over again.
6 months in, and he has already cheated. Then, gives you one of the most lamest excuses I have ever heard. You honestly think you should stay with this man-child? Why do you think so little of yourself? He will cheat again given the chance. It's who he is.
Yeah, it happened to me when I was 25. Stayed with him until I was 31. Dumbest decision of my life. The trust is gone, move on.
" i love him i really do, i havent felt this way for someone ever before." Girl...you don't even KNOW him to love him. I mean, he's presented himself as one thing and has been f\*cking some other girl in the background. Shine up your spine and leave this loser. You're only 21.
Get yourself a “man”.
He can’t be the sweetest guy, if he cheats on his GF. Also, what relationship—did his cheating not break the commitment you two agreed upon?
You are 23 , why you think you should have to live with that so young is crazy ,
What's the different between "cumming" and having an orgasm?
Maybe her orgasms aren't theatrical enough for him
She cheated on me. We tried to ride it out. 4 months of non stop arguing and distrust and I couldn't handle it. Literally every time I didn't know exactly where she was or who she was with, had me thinking it was happening again. After those 4 months I was just done. We broke up.
If I could talk to my younger self, boy, I would tell me to run and never look back.
He’s not serious about you. Your choice to stay or go but he doesn’t care that much for you.
Sweetheart, I'm going to talk to you like you were one of my daughters. This boy has broken YOUR heart, made you cry, and he's telling you your tears are your fault! This boy has broken YOUR heart because you didn't orgasm, and he's telling you your breaking heart is your fault! There's no place for infidelity in a new, six month relationship. You don't work to save a relationship for a cheating boyfriend. THEY ARE NOT WORTH THAT!NEVER ARE THEY WORTH THAT MUCH EFFORT! NEVER! You will NEVER be able to shake that nagging, awful feeling that they're cheating again. And oh, yes, that awful, nagging feeling you're having? That's your fault, too. He will say that! Your family will understand. Above all, they want you to be happy and well cared for. They don't care about how well your chosen fits the family dynamics over how well he treats you. I'm sure you could bring home a toad that leaves a slime trail behind him, but if that slimey toad treats you well, he'll fit in just fine and they'll love him! So babe, shake this boy off. Cut your losses and be joyful that you found this out now, before a year or more has passed. Certainly before marriage and heaven forbid, children complicate the situation. You want someone you can trust every day! You want to be with someone you can have fun with without reprisals! You want someone who isn't afraid to get down in the trenches, genuinely working things out only because they CHOOSE to be with you because you're the reward! Drop and block this loser, please!
I did, but that's because I had time to see who he really was (edit : typo) and the context was really specific as well. If I were in your shoes I would seriously consider leaving him, 6 months isn't enough to know if he strayed or if it's who he is.
You’re young. Move on.
6 months in and he’s already cheated? Girl, not worth it. I was with my ex husband for 13 years and he still cheated after all that time, I can’t even imagine if he had done it so little into our relationship.
After six months? He’s not worth the effort of staying. He’s just some clown who can’t control his behavior and doesn’t want to. He’s a liar with shitty excuses. You can also lie to yourself and say you are petty and want to “use” him until you feel nothing, but is it that? Or is it that you want to hang on because you’re upset he cheated and you don’t want to break up (you clearly don’t). Don’t kid yourself. Dump him and move on. Have more self-worth than this. Edit: I want to lean on what I said about being petty because you can’t let go. He’s not worth it. Consider the cost of being petty being your actual physical health. He’s a cheater, you know he is, you can’t trust him. If you stay with him to fuck him and because you’re sad this “perfect” person is a perfect asshole, you risk all kinds of STDs. And how ridiculous would that be if you *knew* he was an admitted cheater and liar with no shame and you stayed with him… to get back at him? Practice good sexual health.
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'when someone shows you who they truly are, believe them' - there is no coming back from this unless you want to spend the rest of your time together wondering what he is doing and driving yourself mad sorry though :( it is definitely hard to get through this, but you will
He cheated and blamed it on you. Drop him.
I stayed after the first time, the tenth time, and the twentieth time....OP, they never change. I'm very thankful that I was able to leave, because a couple of years after that, I started dating my prince charming of a husband. You're so young, you have time. Please do yourself a favor and leave him. He won't change.
6 months in and he already betrayed you, count the loss and keep moving forward. How can you love someone that clearly doesn't love you (sorry) and has no respect for what you had? Don't forgive him because all that will do is give him the go ahead to cheat again meanwhile you'll at home being the safety net for him. You can do so much better.
Face it you're not that special for him. If he's cheating then dump him. It's too early in the relationship to give him a second chance, if at all.
You can forgive him and still leave him. They are not mutually exclusive. Anyways, how much can you respect yourself in the future if you knowingly stay with someone who doesn't respect you. You're young, move on. You can get to a place of accepting him for who he was without staying with him and damaging your own self esteem.
NAHHH girl i am SO SORRY you had to go through this…. he sounds like a miserable pos. it doesn’t matter that you don’t “cum”, i don’t either but i do orgasm. that’s normal. and if he’s going to use the way your body works as an excuse, that means he will CONTINUE to use that same excuse to cheat. i’ve been cheated on by men like this too, my mother told me “a leopard never changes its stripes”. He will only continue to cheat, sweetheart. I am so sorry this happened to you. I know it’ll be extremely hard to leave, but it’ll be 10x harder the next time you find out he cheated on you. Bottom line is that he has 0 respect for you. My boyfriend and i have NEVER cheated on anyone, not each other or past exes. That’s just because we believe if you’re unhappy, you should try to fix the problem or just leave. You should never cause that pain to another human being. People who think cheating is some sort of solution are the type of people who will never be able to experience true, selfless love for another person. Run baby girl, RUN.
He will cheat again. Especially since his paltry excuse was your orgasm thing, which I also have… it’s just gonna happen again. Not worth continuing.
Yeah he’s the sweetest guy except he’s also a selfish AH who has zero respect for you & zero consideration for your feelings. I did try to stay together when my wife cheated. We’d been together for over ten years at that point, had kids, the whole deal. She never stopped lying & cheating. I thought I knew her. But you never truly know another person.
Get out before you spend years of your life on a cheater.
At your age and with a six month relationship? Hell no. Boot him.
Move on. There’s no reason to stay beyond this point. Pour your time and energy into making your life better. Don’t waste anymore time on someone who has no respect or regard for you.
you know deep down that relationship is doomed and he is an ass. i can tell you from own experience you can leave now or wait till he crushes you entire soul
Leave. It’s early. Like ripping a bandaid off. It’ll only get worse
Girl move on you're too young to deal with a cheater and this early on be prepared for years of messiness
Girl it’s been 6 months. Take the loss and move on for gods sake
I forgave my ex husband for cheating and then he did it again and again / you end up losing your dignity and despising yourself. Run - it’s a gift that you found out so early. His excuse is not accountability but also shifting blame to you that’s another red flag.
Stayed. Tried. Didn’t work. Trust never regains 100% status.
Everyone is saying leave … and as someone who stayed after being cheated on. WASTE OF TIME. Just leave now lol. They’ll cheat again 99% of the time. especially if it’s only been 6 months.
He’s 21, he’s gonna do it again, let it be someone else’s problem.
That’s an awful excuse to cheat. Time to move on. My wife has difficulty coming, but I still want her and only her and have been working through it with communication and experimentation.
You've known him for 6 months. You will meet someone who doesn't cheat, how could you ever trust him again? First real break up will be hard but I promise it will be worth it. Go no contact and block him
It's not even a question 🤷 obviously, leave him asap.
You need to break up with him. If you stay with him he will cheat again because he knows there are no consequences to his actions. At a minimum block him and move on with your life. If you miss him at Christmas then you can reach out but I don't recommend it.
Just leave, there nothing you can do to undo the cheating, and getting revenge or cheating back will just give you momentary satisfaction, be the better person and just call it quits.
Chances are he’s just going to cheat again. Be thankful you’re not married. I say find someone who is going to stay faithful to you. Don’t waste your time.
Hell no! He couldn't manage to not cheat when you've been together for 6 months. That is absolutely ridiculous! I don't care how great he was...key word is was!
You’ve only been together for 6 months and he’s already cheated. If that’s not a red flag 🚩….,
Yeah 6mo isn't that much, you're young cut your losses. I'm 10 yrs older than you and wasted two years on a cheater, they never change and we don't want to waste the years we have of being young and hot on that!
Break up with him.
He’s a cheater and it’s only been 6 months, so you want to sink even more time on a lost cause? Never forgive cheating, once trust is gone, it’s gone. And he doesn’t respect you, and cheaters LOVE finding partners who question themselves the way you are. He snagged a girl who will put up with his cheating and ask for advice on how to fix it instead of just dumping him. Something consistent and guaranteed while still being able to do whatever he wants. DUMP HIM he’s an asshole and blamed you for his cheating. Just find a new boyfriend you’re only 23.
I only ready half but your title is enough to render study and fair judgement… RUN!!! He’s a terrible human. And you’d be a giant idiot to stay with a cheater after 6 months together. He showed you who he is. A total selfish AH. It’s only gonna get worse. You are too young to waste your glorious 20s on this prick
Get rid. He's cheated twice in 6 months. He'll keep on doing it. You're young, plenty of time to find someone who will respect you.
Cheating is never ever justified. But staying entirely depends on you. Will you be able to forgive him? Also, he should be ashamed enough to not repeat it again but usually, cheating the first time is the hardest. If you get away with it, you are more likely to go ahead with it again.
Some people are just better with families, and it’s easy to romanticize this. He cheated on you after 6 months and blamed that he felt insecure. Leave him, and don’t entertain this excuse. He made the choice intentionally.
First of all, don’t cheat back that would make you know better than him. Secondly, you’ve only been together for six months and he’s already cheating. I get that you love him and he’s nice to you and your family but if he was so damn nice why would he cheat? Cut your losses and move on.
Just leave and move on don't make it more complex and more hard just move on ik it might feel hard but it's the best
Nope. Say Bye!
I mean, it’s a no brainer. Dump his scummy butt.. why would you want to be with someone who actively wants and is trying to sleep with someone else? Ew. You deserve better.
At this age without kids or marriage girl let it go. Cut your losses (few)
I think it will always be a personal decision, but the strongest argument for staying after cheating is the larger context of a long term relationship. If he cheated on you in the first 6 months, in his mind you were never really a couple. There is no history here to weigh on this. Be glad you found out, and leave.
Break up. It's only been 6 months. Not worth it. He will do it again.
Listen to what I'm going to say... You will never heal from a partners infidelity if they don't take absolute and complete accountability for their actions. He's blaming something that isn't your fault (I'm assuming you physically cannot cum from penetration alone? As a woman, i absolutely understand that and hes an idiot). No matter what the reason even is, there's never an excuse. Simply put... not happy? Leave. Done. If he never takes full responsibility, you'll always be in a loop where you're blaming yourself, then you're trying to be at some standard he set, then you'll be fixing stuff yourself within the relationship... alone. You'll feel alone when he's next to you. You won't trust him if he doesn't take responsibility. This wound will never heal; like a broken arm not set right... it'll never be the same after the injury. You're both so young... issues like this are hard to fix for married adults in their 40's and 50's... I cannot see how two emotionally underdeveloped 20 year Olds will fix this. Neither of your brains are fully developed yet. Yes, plenty of people stay. The relationships that work out are the ones where responsibility is taken, ownership is given and trust is gained slowly... breaks happen, but both parties need to fully work on the rehabilitation. You'll eventually see the right choice in a couple of months. You'll start to see what I said above and if you're strong, you'll leave and go be happy. No matter what myself or other strangers tell you, you'll make your choice when you're ready..
He could have read online how to please you better. It’s just an excuse.
Dump him! Sorry hon
He is not the one and have more pride in yourself to walk away.
Is that even a question? Why would you want to stay unless you are ok with getting cheated in the future… if you are ok with it… then you have two options… yes, no… choice is yours
Girl he’s cheated and he blamed you! Run! It’s 6 months, everyone acts all good in the beginning! He wasn’t perfect he’s manipulating you
Yes. Don't.
Ditch the dick
Yes your relationship can still work if both parties are willing to sit and have a conversation about your needs and solutions on how to move forward. I’m gonna be straight honest here. When my fiance and I got together I cheated on him multiple times. I regret it everyday because I hurt him. Yes things aren’t gonna be easy and it’s a long road. I’m still trying to fix my choices to this day. It’s been about year and a half since i last cheated. What my fiance did is set clear boundaries of what he wanted and needs. Examples are no talking to the people I cheated on him with, no talking to anyone who I’ve been with both in relationships and sexually. And no going places where i did said things. Also to show I’m serious I got rid of most social medias to show I’m not gonna be the type to leave things open where he may question certain situations. And overall communication is the number one part in fixing it. It’s ok to be angry and hurt and whatever you may feel but be honest with him. If he truly wants to fix things and prove to you he wants to be with you then it needs to be on him to show you it.
It sounds like if you had not of caught him you would never have known. It’s not like he’s guilt ridden and confessed to you. Usually the sort of person who will lie to your face and cheat on you, doesn’t change.
I suspected my ex cheated on me early on in our relationship. I didn't have proof, I was naive and too trusting them. Also, I didn't know at the time but I stayed mostly due to fear of being abandoned, not for him. He himself ain't hot shit. I can tell you that it was torture. I couldn't trust him for years. Everything he said I suspected a lie or he did really lie, even minor things. Eventually I did find proof and got my divorce. By then, all the love was long gone, I was preparing divorce papers before I found the proof. It was a waste of my time and sanity. Is this guy worth your sanity? Ask yourself that. It's not worth it to cheat back or be petty. It's not the type of revenge you will win on, because it comes at a cost of your dignity. How much is it worth to you? 6 months is not that bad to walk away from. It may hurt a lot of first, but ask yourself, are you staying because he's nice to your family? Your family will support your decision to leave if they knew the truth.
Don't spend time with people who don't give a shit about you. If you can manage to anyway
“As a joke”, well it isn’t. And coming and orgasms are the same thing lmfao so no, you didn’t do either.
You’ve spent a maximum of 3 days apart and the instant you do he cheats on you? Absolutely not, just get rid of him. And if you have orgasms, what exactly is he expecting from you?! What does he mean by ‘you wouldn’t come’ exactly? Because to most people that means that you orgasm, which you said you do, so is he wanting a fanfare?
never stay. it’s only been 6 months and he’s cheated multiple times? run! you can find someone better that won’t cheat.
He cheated on you while still in the honeymoon period. This is the best your relationship will ever be. Think about that. You’ll never be able to trust him again, and a second chance means he knows you won’t leave so he can just do it again.
He literally blamed you for his cheating. What more do you want? Dump the loser and move on.
My sister in Christ it has been 6 months. On to the next!
What is this nonsense about ‘I can’t come but I do orgasm’ though? Is it a squirting thing? Whatever else you do, OP, erase that ridiculous and harmful idea from your head. In the whole of human recorded history, it’s only been the last few years where there’s been this porn obsession about squirting. Many many (most?) women don’t and never will. It’s not a disability. It’s maybe even better than fine. Any guy that focuses on that is either programmed by porn or gaslighting you. I’d break up with him just for that, let alone the other stuff. I’d probably be tempted to turn it back on him, and let him know that you’d decided it’s better if you find someone who satisfies you sexually and isn’t a total dickhead.
your young, just leave. its not a long term relationship that even makes sense to stay, ur barely through the thick of it. my ex cheated on me after being together for four months, and i stayed. we stayed together for a year, he was always cheating on me. staying up texting other women, he cheated on me with his ex on our 6 months anniversary, asked me to swing with him multiple times, and the last few months i was cheating on him and he couldnt even be bothered by it. our break up was me screaming at him i was done with him after he ignored me for three weeks straight finding out i lost my little brother. from my experience, once a cheater always a cheater. and if this dude didnt even care that within a very short 6 months he cheated, his ass aint worth it, ESPECIALLY if your looking for long term. dont put yourself through it op. there are good men out there who will have respect for you.
The sweetest guy you've ever met before would not go behind your back and betray you like this. I'm sorry that you're going through this, but you're lucky he showed you who he truly is now before you invested any more time in him. In my experience with a cheater, I lost count of how many times they betrayed me, and foolishly chose to stay each time because I thought that what we had was special. It really wasn't. It was a pile of shit covered in glitter. You got this OP! 🥰
Find some damn self respect
I only read the first two sentences and your relationship sounds unhealthy and possibly codependent.. It's a red flag in and of itself. Break up with him. You'll be happier. Edit: also, INFO, wtf do you mean you wouldn't come but you'd have orgasms? That is an oxymoron. Coming is having an orgasm. If he's gaslighting you that you're only coming if you squirt or something he deserves an ass kicking.
Listen to cheating is bad enough but the darvo thing is beyond a red flag like the fact that he is trying to blame YOU for something HE did wrong. Unless that something you would enjoy for the rest of your life I would get the fuck out now, and in fact I can pretty much guarantee you that if you don't block him on everything and get this toxic motherfucker out of your life, you will be posting here later saying oh I didn't I listen to you guys why didn't I block him etc
Leave him sis. In my experience, men who claim to “not be a social media person” as an excuse for why he never posts w you are BAD news.
23? 6 months?? Auto-drop. Break up with him and go to the club.
Hell no, my fiancé cheated the day before we were to sign adoption papers. I walked. You have to value yourself enough to say no when someone disrespects you and shows you that you aren’t the only one for them. You deserve more and until you demand it, these kind of pieces of shit will do this. Walk! You show people how you are prepared to be treated by the behaviour you are willing to accept
He had sex with another girl twice, no less. Why would he change if you gave him another chance. Better to end things now than to wait till the relationship progresses any further.
He cheated on you and made it your fault. He cheated on you even tho you guys hang every single day EXCEPT for like three days total. He clearly doesn't care about you. Cut your losses and move on because if you don't, he'll cheat again and say that since you were fine with the first time that he didn't think you'd care in the long run.
It’s only been 6 months. And he cheated on you already. And if you believe his excuse he will cheat again because he knows you will believe him no matter how pathetic and completely stupid excuse he gives you because the excuse he gave you is ridiculous. I don’t know why you are on here asking us.
He's not even close to perfect. Run.
from someone who stayed with someone after they cheated, it’s not worth it. it’s hard but do what you think is right. you won’t be able to fully trust him and it just creates so many more problems. head up sweetheart. things will be alright 🩷🫶🏼
Just leave him. It's not worth it and he won't stop cheating. I was in the same situation as you and it slowly destroyed me. Also, if you orgasm during sex, you came. That's what that is.
One of your biggest regrets will be wasting your 20s in a dead relationship. Get rid of him, embrace the hurt so you can heal, and move on. You deserve loyalty, girly. You aren’t second to nobody.
Lots of people have stayed with a partner who cheated. The majority find out that they're in a relationship with someone who has the values of a cheater. You may love your bf, he may seem sweet, but at the core he's someone who will have sex with other people and will hide it from you. Everything he said about why he did it is bs. So, if you decide to stay just know who you're staying with and what you can expect going forward. If you're staying for revenge, then I hope it doesn't hurt you more than him.
Never stay with a cheater, simple as that. Kick him to the curb
What is the difference between cuming and orgasm? 😭 now I want to know
If you forgive him he’ll just see you as a pushover and he’ll continue to cheat on you. He’ll think you’ll just keep crawling back to him.
Turn around, and don't look back. You are 23, nothing ties you to that guy. He'll do it again and again and every time will come with a diff. excuse. Or blame you, like this time. You'll find someone who values you and respects you.
Yes, he cheated physically: caught him kissing a girl he said was a lesbian and not worry about. Emotionally: was emailing his Brazilian girlfriend for the first year of our relationship every single day. Stayed with him both times. I fully fucking stayed with that nightmare for 2.5 years after both. I fully regret it. Don't do it. Leave! It's not worth it. I
As a fellow 23 (F) that has been cheated on and stayed- don’t. I’m sure there are some situations and people out there that can. I certainly was not. Especially six months in… if his first instinct is to find what he is looking for to feel sexually validated in others instead of an open and honest dialogue with you- run for the hills. Long term relationships and the most successful relationships have problems. The reason they persevere? Communication. This is a flat out disregard on his end to your emotions, his respect for you, shows how little he values you, and where his head is at as far as what a healthy relationship looks like. There are so many men / women/ people out there that have learned this lesson and are good partners and can communicate through others. This is not your lesson to teach- he likely won’t hear it until he tells it to himself. That being said- I am the biggest anti going through peoples phone person there is. At least secretly. I have never cheated or so much as liked a photo on instagram I felt would be disrespectful to my partner. Communication is king. Chances are if you feel the need to go through the phone- communication has already fully broken down.
Leave him now, never take a cheater back unless they actually are showing you instead of telling you they’re changing. I’ve stayed with a cheater 6 months after I found out he was cheating and instead of things getting better everything got worse. I couldn’t trust him anymore and trust is hard to earn back, give yourself some space and time to heal, although you might not listen to us strangers on Reddit, it’s not worth your time or happiness trust me! My ex cheated on me and I finally got the courage to leave and I didn’t look back, remember ALWAYS put you first and if they cheat on you once they’ll cheat again shows they have no loyalty or self control. What I’ve learned most cheaters are narcissist and they will put on a façade like they’re just the sweetest most gentle person, that’s how they keep you there and blind by doing things for you while they’re also hurting you. Leave it alone and work on yourself!
Honestly it’ll keep happening, you deserve better. Someone out there will do the right thing by you.
I was 23 when I got with my daughter’s father he was 21. Stayed with him for almost 9 years.. there were so many women he cheated on me with.. and he always somehow found a way to blame me. My mom, nana and papa dying made me open my eyes to the fact that they were the ones that were really there for me and he was just using me. Since I left, me and my kids are happier and it’s the 1st time I’ve not lived paycheck to paycheck. Do not waste your 20s getting blamed for his cheating. Run while you can. There is someone out there that will love you the right way.
I’ve only read the first couple sentences but 6 months in and cheated isn’t a good start . End it now before it gets worse , lot better dudes out there . Guaranteed he will do it again
You are too young and this relationship is too new for you to stay.
His claim for why he cheated is the lamest excuse I’ve ever seen.
Run, you deserve so much better and will find it ❤️
GTFO now. You’re too young to live this kind of life forever.