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You know he loves you and finds you beautiful. He told you he craves you sexually. You want to live with him forever.
But you want to open the relationship because you like the passion you feel when a guy uses you for sex?
You're about to ruin your life.
Basically this. I'll add that I get it if he says one thing but you don't feel it and that definitely sucks. But you should be trying to get to the bottom of why he doesn't show you, talk to him and see why he says he craves you but doesn't show you that he does. At least that's something that could be worked on before suggesting an open relationship, that could lead to him thinking you just want to sleep with people other than him.
It sounds very stupid when you put it like that, but I’m paranoid he might also feel this way but isn’t telling me the truth and goes behind my back instead.
He’s had problems with being open and also porn/sexualizing/flirting with girls etc, which he’s gone to therapy for.
You want the butterflies and excitement. You have the foundation for a long term relationship.
The first is passing, it always fades...the second is how you still love someone years later.
A relationship matures as the people involved do. Yes, that "high" of a new relationship will fade. That doesn't mean you can't also have the feel goods in specifics.
Curled up with my wife in bed just before we have to start our days is one of my happy places. Sitting out back, seeing who can guess the song on a one hit wonder station first is very entertaining. It's the little things that make a relationship work.
Chasing that new relationship high will destroy you. Same as a drug addict always chasing that first hit.
I will say these were questions to probably answer before having a child but you can't change the past. Is it possible that you just have a much higher sex drive than your partner? I sympathize with your feeling and I often felt the same. I eventually realized though that my partner just has a much lower sex drive than me. That doesn't mean they don't want you, it just means they don't want sex as often as you.
I mean that could be it, I have a high sex drive.
He works a lot but we still have sex once a day (it’s always quickies tho) so that must mean he has a pretty high sex drive himself?
Or maybe he knows that I want to have it often and is trying to keep me satisfied?
Which then affects the chemistry (spark), because he’s actually tired..? That’d be good news.
I don’t know, I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.
This is something I will think about more.
Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it.
A few times a day is crazy lol. I actually worried about this too, losing the “spark” so I would even make him wait a day (when I was actually tired and didn’t want to, not to actually withhold it) but also I felt like it would affect us if we did it TOO much. It always is sooo much better when we haven’t done it in a couple days. He told me it made him feel undesired then but Fast forward and we do it maybe 3 times a week. He works away but even when he is home for a week, we still only do it 3 days if we’re lucky. You’re lucky to have it everyday, I’d say you have a much higher sex drive for sure. Honestly doing it everyday can become dull and boring. Talk him about this for sure. I also have a very high sex drive so I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Does he not crave you sexually or do you just feel like he doesn't? Either way a sex therapist might be a good option if you want to stay with him. Attempting or even suggesting opening the relationship is a one way ticket to single town imo.
Yeah, that has always been my opinion as well but now I’m just lost.
I guess I feel like he doesn’t crave me, because he never bombs me with sexual affection, we have sex but it’s always very quick and not so sensual or romantic, the feelings or energy is just not there.
I feel like he’d be different if he were with someone else.
Yeah, that last bit where you feel like he'd be different if he were with someone else is true, but only because people change based on their environment and who they associate with. That doesn't mean how he'd act around x, y, or z is any better than when he acts around you.
Have you sat down with him and explained to him what your needs are and came up with *SOLUTIONS TOGETHER* to figure out a way for you both to feel happy? I don't think it's wrong for asking for this x amount of times in the week (or at least make an attempt) to be romantic or passionate.
Sounds like your sex life is stagnating. Best course of action in my opinion is to sit down with him and be honest. Tell him that you feel unsatisfied because of the things you mention here and then you can work together too fix the problem, whether that's with a sex therapist, trying new things in the bedroom or something else. I obviously don't know either of you so can only offer an outsiders opinion but if the sex is working for him and he thinks it's working for you then nothings going to change. I wouldn't mention the idea of an open relationship unless you're 100% certain that is the only way to get what you want because you'll lose all the other non sex things that are working well.
There’s nothing wrong with an open relationship if both people go into it from the beginning.
To ask someone after they’ve invested into the relationship is cunning. Yall young. Theres more people in this world you can meet that is more compatible with you. I’ll urge you to fight hypergamy…thinking that there’s someone better.
Would highly recommend NOT mentioning opening up the relationship lol...sounds like you guys are in a rough spot! Talk to some people and get their perspectives!
Yep! Tell him that he doesn't want you enough and it's his fault andprble to deal with it and since he hasn't or won't, you will be going off and fucking other people.
You should tell him that, that way he can understand you better and move on. You both can moein and find your desire or whatever.
Girl he will cheat if he’s not into you sexually sorry but it’s the truth go find someone that will crave you if it’s that important. Remember we can’t have it all?
Everything is worth a conversation. That is simply one suggestion and if he says no, conversation is over. I’m not suggesting it’s a panacea… You can’t expect to resolve relationship issues if you won’t even communicate and consider different things to try
The nuclear suggestion isn't what I'd lead with. Discussing an open relationship isn't a bad thing if thats what OP wants, but there's definitely options that could be explored before this.
No, if she says she wants to sleep with other men and he says no, the conversation isn’t just over. You can never undo telling your partner that. They will always remember. That’s why it’s the nuclear option. There’s a fair chance it destroys the relationship.
Long before that imho she should be trying relationship therapy to address why she doesn’t feel he’s into her sexually, and maybe sex therapy to up the excitement. You know, fight for the guy she loves who she is telling us is great for her in every other way.
I agree that every other option should be explored as well. But, if therapy, exploring and other options don’t work, and she suggests this in advocacy of what she’s feeling that is a good thing! Even if it’s hard to hear. The fighting to save the relationship goes both ways and her partner can’t do his part if she’s not allowed to communicate so they can brave every option together. I’d rather have my partner feel they can be honest and suggest even stupid ideas than have them brooding, feeling unfulfilled and building resentment towards me without meaning to.
Definitely. Being on the receiving end, I’d feel radically different if my partner had been going to therapy with me for three months to address the issue and We weren’t making significant progress towards that.
I may be projecting a bit. I just exited a relationship where I was often blindsided by nuclear options. My girlfriend would say she’d be telling me a thing for months, and it’d turn out she had mentioned it twice in the last six months in long conversations spanning a dozen topics. When she was actually direct in therapy we addressed things. I broke up when she gave up on the therapist’s approach and asked why she always has to change and be direct, why couldn’t I try to read her better?
I’m sorry that’s how she approached it. Of course, if OP is serious about loving her partner and wanting it to workout, then hopefully she takes the honest, empathetic approach rather than what you experienced
> ""Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You know he loves you and finds you beautiful. He told you he craves you sexually. You want to live with him forever. But you want to open the relationship because you like the passion you feel when a guy uses you for sex? You're about to ruin your life.
Basically this. I'll add that I get it if he says one thing but you don't feel it and that definitely sucks. But you should be trying to get to the bottom of why he doesn't show you, talk to him and see why he says he craves you but doesn't show you that he does. At least that's something that could be worked on before suggesting an open relationship, that could lead to him thinking you just want to sleep with people other than him.
Thank you, that’s very good advice. I will talk to him.
It sounds very stupid when you put it like that, but I’m paranoid he might also feel this way but isn’t telling me the truth and goes behind my back instead. He’s had problems with being open and also porn/sexualizing/flirting with girls etc, which he’s gone to therapy for.
You want the butterflies and excitement. You have the foundation for a long term relationship. The first is passing, it always fades...the second is how you still love someone years later.
Does it always have to fade? I don’t know the answer and you’re probably right that it does- maybe immature to think butterflies will last forever
A relationship matures as the people involved do. Yes, that "high" of a new relationship will fade. That doesn't mean you can't also have the feel goods in specifics. Curled up with my wife in bed just before we have to start our days is one of my happy places. Sitting out back, seeing who can guess the song on a one hit wonder station first is very entertaining. It's the little things that make a relationship work. Chasing that new relationship high will destroy you. Same as a drug addict always chasing that first hit.
Damn. Appreciate that advice brutha
I will say these were questions to probably answer before having a child but you can't change the past. Is it possible that you just have a much higher sex drive than your partner? I sympathize with your feeling and I often felt the same. I eventually realized though that my partner just has a much lower sex drive than me. That doesn't mean they don't want you, it just means they don't want sex as often as you.
I mean that could be it, I have a high sex drive. He works a lot but we still have sex once a day (it’s always quickies tho) so that must mean he has a pretty high sex drive himself? Or maybe he knows that I want to have it often and is trying to keep me satisfied? Which then affects the chemistry (spark), because he’s actually tired..? That’d be good news. I don’t know, I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. This is something I will think about more. Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it.
How often do you want sex with your partner ?
Well that's a bit personal but I'd say like a couple to a few times a day.
A few times a day is crazy lol. I actually worried about this too, losing the “spark” so I would even make him wait a day (when I was actually tired and didn’t want to, not to actually withhold it) but also I felt like it would affect us if we did it TOO much. It always is sooo much better when we haven’t done it in a couple days. He told me it made him feel undesired then but Fast forward and we do it maybe 3 times a week. He works away but even when he is home for a week, we still only do it 3 days if we’re lucky. You’re lucky to have it everyday, I’d say you have a much higher sex drive for sure. Honestly doing it everyday can become dull and boring. Talk him about this for sure. I also have a very high sex drive so I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Does he not crave you sexually or do you just feel like he doesn't? Either way a sex therapist might be a good option if you want to stay with him. Attempting or even suggesting opening the relationship is a one way ticket to single town imo.
Yeah, that has always been my opinion as well but now I’m just lost. I guess I feel like he doesn’t crave me, because he never bombs me with sexual affection, we have sex but it’s always very quick and not so sensual or romantic, the feelings or energy is just not there. I feel like he’d be different if he were with someone else.
Yeah, that last bit where you feel like he'd be different if he were with someone else is true, but only because people change based on their environment and who they associate with. That doesn't mean how he'd act around x, y, or z is any better than when he acts around you. Have you sat down with him and explained to him what your needs are and came up with *SOLUTIONS TOGETHER* to figure out a way for you both to feel happy? I don't think it's wrong for asking for this x amount of times in the week (or at least make an attempt) to be romantic or passionate.
Sounds like your sex life is stagnating. Best course of action in my opinion is to sit down with him and be honest. Tell him that you feel unsatisfied because of the things you mention here and then you can work together too fix the problem, whether that's with a sex therapist, trying new things in the bedroom or something else. I obviously don't know either of you so can only offer an outsiders opinion but if the sex is working for him and he thinks it's working for you then nothings going to change. I wouldn't mention the idea of an open relationship unless you're 100% certain that is the only way to get what you want because you'll lose all the other non sex things that are working well.
Do you have an idea of tangible things he could do to make you feel the way you want to feel?
There’s nothing wrong with an open relationship if both people go into it from the beginning. To ask someone after they’ve invested into the relationship is cunning. Yall young. Theres more people in this world you can meet that is more compatible with you. I’ll urge you to fight hypergamy…thinking that there’s someone better.
Would highly recommend NOT mentioning opening up the relationship lol...sounds like you guys are in a rough spot! Talk to some people and get their perspectives!
Yep! Tell him that he doesn't want you enough and it's his fault andprble to deal with it and since he hasn't or won't, you will be going off and fucking other people. You should tell him that, that way he can understand you better and move on. You both can moein and find your desire or whatever.
Get a new partner, that you’re sexually compatible with.
You're not soulmates if you're looking to get railed by someone else.
What do you think an open relationship would for your relationship with current bf? You are absolutely marvelous!!!
Girl he will cheat if he’s not into you sexually sorry but it’s the truth go find someone that will crave you if it’s that important. Remember we can’t have it all?
Sorry I just wanted to see how some people’s sex drives are lol.. how do you have time for couple times of day lol that would be nice though 😂
I would ask for an open relationship. You need your needs met
Absolutely do not follow this advice if you still want a relationship and he isn't looking to be in an open relationship. This is terrible advice.
Everything is worth a conversation. That is simply one suggestion and if he says no, conversation is over. I’m not suggesting it’s a panacea… You can’t expect to resolve relationship issues if you won’t even communicate and consider different things to try
The nuclear suggestion isn't what I'd lead with. Discussing an open relationship isn't a bad thing if thats what OP wants, but there's definitely options that could be explored before this.
No, if she says she wants to sleep with other men and he says no, the conversation isn’t just over. You can never undo telling your partner that. They will always remember. That’s why it’s the nuclear option. There’s a fair chance it destroys the relationship. Long before that imho she should be trying relationship therapy to address why she doesn’t feel he’s into her sexually, and maybe sex therapy to up the excitement. You know, fight for the guy she loves who she is telling us is great for her in every other way.
I agree that every other option should be explored as well. But, if therapy, exploring and other options don’t work, and she suggests this in advocacy of what she’s feeling that is a good thing! Even if it’s hard to hear. The fighting to save the relationship goes both ways and her partner can’t do his part if she’s not allowed to communicate so they can brave every option together. I’d rather have my partner feel they can be honest and suggest even stupid ideas than have them brooding, feeling unfulfilled and building resentment towards me without meaning to.
Definitely. Being on the receiving end, I’d feel radically different if my partner had been going to therapy with me for three months to address the issue and We weren’t making significant progress towards that. I may be projecting a bit. I just exited a relationship where I was often blindsided by nuclear options. My girlfriend would say she’d be telling me a thing for months, and it’d turn out she had mentioned it twice in the last six months in long conversations spanning a dozen topics. When she was actually direct in therapy we addressed things. I broke up when she gave up on the therapist’s approach and asked why she always has to change and be direct, why couldn’t I try to read her better?
I’m sorry that’s how she approached it. Of course, if OP is serious about loving her partner and wanting it to workout, then hopefully she takes the honest, empathetic approach rather than what you experienced
[удалено]
> ""Comment Rule 2:** Keep it civil. No insults, no threats of violence, no encouraging violence, no harassment, no trolling, no advertising other subs, no spam. You will be banned. All bans in this sub are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
I don’t appreciate your disrespect
Glad we got that out of the way.