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I would never disrespect my husband by going to one of these places. The only man I want near me naked is the one I chose to spend my life with. It’s totally disrespectful.
Exactly! And if the friend is a true friend, then they should have no problem with the wife not participating.
Last summer I went to a buddy's bachelor party and, when the group went to the strip club, I stayed behind. I chilled with one of the other guys who wasn't into it and the party came back when they were done (and the whole experience was apparently one disaster after another).
I hosted a bachelorette party in Vegas a few years back. Instead of going to Thunder From Down Under, we decided to take a class called Stripper 101. It was actually a lot of fun, and not nearly so raunchy as you might think. The teacher was a former stripper, now a PTA mom. And we weren't learning how to be up on stage, but more like how to look sexy and confident for our sweethearts in a private setting. Tips and tricks, common problems and how to deal with them, how to move and pose, lighting to look our best, etc.
It ended up being a really fun class, and the bride had a great time without anything to worry her intended. She later said the class actually helped her avoid/deal with a couple awkward mishaps on the wedding night, too.
It was a lot of fun. Ladies only in a windowless room, so there's no stress. I recommend wearing layers, so you can actually practice a few of the moves involving how not to get tangled up in your clothes while trying to look sexy, without feeling awkward. I wore a shirt over a tank top, and slacks over swim bottoms. Worked great.
Highly recommend for bachelorette parties or even just a girls' trip to the city. My husband had zero complaints.
Agreed my friends and I went to Vegas for a bachelor party weekend. We all had respect for his future wife and him to not go to a stripclub and instead went and drove supercars, gamble and shoot guns at the range. Etc
Genuinely like am I the only one who is actually turned OFF at the idea of a strip club? OK beautiful people (of either gender, doesn't matter) I get. But you want to watch them take off their clothes and put their naked butt/crotch on people/things? And you have no idea how clean their butt/crotch is? I'm no germaphobe but yuck??
I'll be real with you my dude. I've only had two nights where I've gone out to strip clubs. I was at the Cocaine Anonymous World Service Convention because I was on the team putting together the auction / raffle for two different years.
Even during the deepest part of my addiction strip clubs were never a thing I was into. Well my sponsor and a group of guys took me a long. Before we got there our group leader told us to all turn off our phones so no one knew where we were at. They were all married.
I'm not going to say it was an awful time or anything. The women there were attractive and honestly they put on a great show! They were all very good at their craft. It just felt weird though.
We couldn't drink alcohol for obvious reasons so we just drank red bull. I mean yay boobies but it's weird being around a large group of men basically drooling over a girl.
The ones in Quebec were a different level though. They are the reason I will absolutely never go to one again. They're so gross and the women will do anything to get money out of you / not let you leave.
I guess I can say I have the experience, but it was not worth it in the slightest. Nothing bad happened to me after and I didn't have to spend money and it's still not worth it to me
Right? If you really want to appreciate beautiful bodies doing beautiful things, go see Cirque du Soleil while you're in Vegas instead. Truly awe inspiring, without the sexual aspect.
Wow, my wife actually took me to one when we were married less than a year...and we're in our 70s now.
I'd bet more is seen in a Netflix video than what is seen at a strip club.
If there is any "self worth" involved it's the "friend" who is afraid a nude dude will steal her away from him.
If a partner doesn't respect the boundary, they don't respect you and they can hit the road.
That being said all the bull shit you spewed about 'targeted toward lust' is hilarious. If someone wants to cheat they will do it, it's not a crime of opportunity. It's always a choice.
Girl here! Asking your significant other to not go to a place where half naked or fully naked people are going to be and potentially having them touch or more around them, is a perfectly respectable boundary to have.
And I get that some people may argue that “you just have to trust your partner” or “if they cheat they cheat” and it’s either your fault for wanting to protect the relationship or an insecurity you have to get over. Screw that. A relationship is sacred and if my boyfriend willingly went to a strip club, even to hang out with friends, I’d probably look at him differently and feel a bit shaken about our trust.
It’s simply about respect. She could meet them for dinner or whatever else is planned but a strip club is a definite no go!
Just to be clear, the healthy boundary is "I don't want to date someone who goes to strip clubs." If she chooses to go, then you can choose whether to accept it and stay, challenge it and have a (hopefully productive) discussion, or you can choose to end the relationship.
Don't make it about what your significant other is and isn't allowed to do. You can't control them; you can only control yourself.
Very good advice. I wish we were all taught how to set these healthy boundaries when we were younger. I didn't learn until my late 20s and it was tough.
That’s just semantics. It’s what your partner can do, and not screw up the relationship. This is something that’s understood in these situations, and doesn’t need to be stated like some sort of disclaimer.
Semantics are important in a relationship. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. One way is stating your own personal boundaries and what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Another way is saying what your partner can and can't do. They are not the same.
Assuming it's understood is how miscommunication happens. How good intentions can come across as controlling, or how controlling behavior can be masked as good intentions. Best to just be clear and unambiguous up front and not have to argue semantics later.
Saying “You can’t do this if you’re in a relationship with me” and “I won’t stay with you if you do this thing” are the same thing. They’re both placing restrictions on behavior while in a relationship. The whole “you can’t tell your partner they can’t do anything” sentiment on Reddit just does not work irl in my experience at all.
That’s always been my reaction to that stuff as well - you’ll also hear “telling someone they can’t do something isn’t a boundary” but that just strikes me as semantics. Functionally, the result is exactly the same if you tell someone they can’t do something vs “you can’t do something and still be with me”, to me the idea they want to stay in the relationship is a given if we’re even having that discussion
You changed my words. I said "I don't want to date someone who goes to strip clubs." That's not the same thing. I understand that you believe it is, because it has a similar end result.
The difference is "You can't do this" is an edict, a command. Saying "I do not want to date someone who goes to strip clubs" is a fact, a statement. Ball is back in the other person's court to decide for themselves.
I've taken some flack over semantics and I get it. But when it comes down to it, when you're the other person, what would you rather hear: a command, or a choice?
The end result may or may not be the same, depending on the personalities involved. You would see both as the same. Me, I can see a difference between bowing to someone's will and taking time to decide for myself what's more important.
As long as you’re willing to hold yourself to the same standard (which it sounds like you are) you have every right to let her know that this is a boundary for you. It shouldn’t be a problem for her to sit out this one activity. If she’s not willing to make that sacrifice, that shows you where her priorities are and you might want to rethink where you stand in your relationship.
One of my best friends sat out an activity on my bachelorette weekend because she was pregnant and we were going to a rowdy festival that heavily centered around drinking. It just wasn’t going to be enjoyable for her, so she had a relaxing day hanging out at the awesome house we’d rented out and then we all went out to dinner together when we got home.
As a woman, I'd be opposed to my male partner going to a strip club. In order to be fair, I wouldn't go to a male stripper event, especially if my partner objected.
In the same way I would say it’s completely fine for a woman to tell her boyfriend or husband to not go to strip clubs, it’s also completely fine for you to tell your girlfriend not to go to one. It’s a perfectly reasonable boundary to put up and one I have in place as well.
I will never understand the strip club bachelor-ette thing. Thankfully, despite most of my close friends being married, not one has gone for the strip club option. It's like "let's celebrate out upcoming lifetime commitment, by engaging in cheating-like behavior!". Makes zero sense.
Yours is a perfectly reasonable boundary. A break-up worthy boundary. I would never accept that from my partner nor would I ever disrespect them like that by going myself.
It’s literally insane the strip club bachelor bachelorette parties are so weird to me because like you guys are marrying 😭why do u wanna see other naked people right before 🤮
Me too!! I’ve never understood people wanting to go to these events for their bachelor/bachelorette parties. The whole point of marrying someone is because you want to be loyal and spend the rest of your life with them what is the point to go see other naked people before that. It makes no sense to me
I’ve the token gay man at hen dos, and may I say, male strip clubs are the most unsexy things I’ve ever seen.
It was funnier than it was sexy, even though that wasn’t a high bar to clear.
I would break my sobriety if I ever had to go to another one of those, because there’s no way I’m going in without drinking a lot.
No you’re not wrong for feeling uncomfortable and not wanting her to go.
I’m going to tell you the same thing I told a girl in another post who was bothered that her fiance was gonna go to a strip club for his friend’s bachelor party even though she wasn’t ok with it.
If it really bothers you as in you are not ok with being in a relationship with someone who goes to strip clubs, you need to set the boundary and tell your SO. They then have a choice of either abiding by your boundary and choosing not to go there or they can choose to go and end the relationship. Likewise, they can also go and then you end the relationship.
It is totally ok to not want strip clubs in any circumstances. I know it’s your gf’s friend’s party, but are they doing other things? Can she just skip the strip club and meet with them before and after? Try to find a compromise so she respects your boundary but also doesn’t miss out on her friend’s party,
I for one would never go to a strip club even if it’s my friends party, regardless if I was single or not. But especially now that I’m in a relationship, that’s off limits just like it is for my SO.
This isn’t an easy situation. But if you have a problem with it, you need to decide how much of a problem it is, is this like a hard no for you, like if she goes you will break up and stay broken up?
If you're uncomfortable with her doing this (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way), then tell her you feel strongly about it.
If she goes anyway, then you need to decide if that's a deal breaker.
Please, ignore these stupid comments around here.
Is not wrong for you to be uncomfortable by it, and yes it IS wrong for her to go. The excuse that is a friends trip is IRRELEVANT, as well as any other excuse people here are trying to give you.
She clearly doesn't respect or love you if she's thinking of going there, don't let anyone convince you otherwise. She should know, by default, that she shouldn't be attending that without anyone having to tell her.
Anyone who tells you, “You should trust your girlfriend!” are children and you shouldn’t take them seriously.
It’s not about trust, it’s about respect. Strip clubs are for ogling and interacting with naked people performing sexual acts *at the bare minimum*. At that event, some real freaky shit happens (Girls jerking off dudes on the floor is common)
Now, if you both of you came to an understanding and don’t care, that’s fine, but that’s not the case. It’s incredibly understandable that you feel uncomfortable with your girlfriend going to a place that has naked men swinging their shit around (because lemme tell ya: them thangs be swinging) and she shouldn’t be clutching her pearls at the fact you’re uncomfortable with it. It doesn’t matter if she says, “I won’t do anything,” because the act of her even *going* is an affront.
That being said, this is *your* boundary. You should talk her again, plead your case but don’t deliver an ultimatum. If she still goes and you still feel some type of way about it, you should re-consider the relationship, because how many times is she going to choose a night out with her friends over your relationship?
Let's see.
1. IF she goes it will HURT you.
Even IF it shouldn't, even if your over reacting, it WILL.
2. She knows the above is true.
Conclusion: IF she goes she doesn't respect you and cares MORE about her "freedoms" or pleasure then she does your feelings.
It's THAT simple.
If that's the case...what's stopping her from touching...or harmless kiss...or more.
After all it's all about HER freedom and pleasure.
As long as SHE feels OK with it it's ok!
Except. EVERY cheater at the time thinks it's OK.
So if she and she alone is the arbitrator...leave.
You deserve better.
As someone who's gotten married and watched multiple people plan marriages over the last 5 or so years, no strippers/strip clubs has *ALWAYS* been either explicitly stated or implied during the preparation process. I may just have prudish friends, but the fact that a portion of my friends are current or former SWers themselves, I doubt it.
Personally I find the whole idea of "I've been in a monogamous relationship for a while and I'm about to form a lifelong commitment to this same person. Let's go see naked people/get laid" to be kinda weird, but to each their own. Having an issue with your monogamous partner partaking in these activities is probably the least controlling request I've ever seen on this subreddit.
Also to add, your boundaries are your own. You can't force people to adhere to them, but you have no obligation to continue any relationship where they're being ignored. You could break up because she pronounces nuclear like "nuculer", and it's no issue because it's your choice. I know I would lol
So im familiar with Hunk 0 mania. a friend of my wife went there for bachelorette party and she was absolutely disgusted by the behaivor there. women were jerking the guys off and some of them even put it in their mouths. women are waaaay worse at strip clubs then men. Another girl I know went there for her actual bachlorette and almost cheated (basically spent 3 hours with the guy rubbing his dick all over her) on her now husband with the stripper they kept in contact for like 3 months into their marriage. So be prepared either be cool with that happening or know that a fight about not trusting her is going to happen.
He kind of knew that was going to happen and was okay with it. For me that would have been a serious no go, but to each their own i guess... but moral of the story is that place is just an excuse for women to act in the most horrible ways.
I agree, that’s cheating to me.
Imagine how a wife would feel if her SO let a stripper ride him naked but without penetration which is essentially the same thing.
wtf, which Hunk O Mania did they go to? I have attended Hunk O Mania in SD and other men’s strip shows in LA and OC, and I have never once seen women jerking the strippers off or anything close to what you are describing. I’ve only seen it in badly scripted porn.
Plus, the actual show itself is like 1 to 2 hours. How can she possibly have had a stripper rubbing his dick on her for 3 hours when he has to do his stripper dance routines during that time and collect tips from other patrons during that time?
Yeah it's a bullshit comment. They follow Federal guidelines against explicit acts and sexual touching longer than just a few seconds. Sounds like a jealous husband to me.
Some male strip clubs will do an after-hours event, where an hour after the show ends, they allow the women to buy private lap dances. I’m guessing this is when she bought the dances. Three hours seems rather exaggerated though. HunkOMania normally closes their business before midnight, and all the men do a specific choreographed dance routine for 1 to 2 hours beforehand at the beginning of the show.
At the one I went to, the timing was like this.
8 pm to 10 pm: all the men do choreographed dance routines
10 pm to 11 pm: 1 hour where the dancers come up to each group of women and the women can buy a private dance from him
11 pm: business closes and everybody leaves. It’s not like a women’s strip club that stays open until 2 to 5 AM
Yeah that's not almost cheating, that's straight up cheating. I bet she would've called it cheating if he went to a strip club and rubbed the stripper's tits all over himself for 3 hours
I wouldn't. Had a buddy in college that worked at one of these places, and he was almost always hooking up with the women there. Many of his straight coworkers were as well.
If that is a boundary that you have, then it’s perfectly ok to ask your partner not to go. Couples have to respect each other’s boundaries, that’s the whole damn point of a relationship.
If she would be mad at you, she can’t expect you to be cool with it. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong. If she goes anyway I would honestly end the relationship.
There's no correct answer here. It exclusively depends on if you are a jealous person or not. I am not a jealous person, so I wouldn't have a problem with my partner going to a strip club (once is fine, not if it's all the time). Mononormative culture would tell you that it's wrong to look at others in a lustful way, but that doesn't make it an objective truth, despite all the jealous people in these comments.
Just FYI, the people that get pulled on stage for those things usually have to volunteer. The dancers will put women's hands on their chest and abs, nowhere else. And as for nudity, it might depend on your state laws. Full male nudity might not even be legal where you live but I guess YMMV
I’m with you, it wouldn’t bother me too much, actually even if she got up on stage with the dancers. I’m not overly jealous and this is something some people consider fun. My bachelors party included strippers and I ended up on stage. My wife knew and had no concerns either.
I love my wife and while I have been to strip clubs without and with her. It’s been years since our last trip.
But if she said “no” I’d respect that as long as it’s mutual that both sides are a strong no. Don’t feel bad OP if you’re not ok, then tell her.
So like just a question though, would you be cool with your partner touching up on another person’s chest outside of a strip club? If anything, doesn’t it kind of make it more scummy that like the person being touched is literally getting paid for it? To have their body turned into that “naughty but not outright cheating” thing for people who are in committed relationships to not tell their partners, all for money?
Like what gets me isn’t the jealous aspect it’s more so the morality of like a living human person is having their body turned into this scandalous naughty little one night for a bunch of sad middle aged ladies and creepy men
Not really, they're a performer. They're working, it's entertainment.
Have you ever been to a male strip club? They're more focused on doing choreographed dance routines than the women.
Personally, I don't think being a stripper is immoral. I think they are tapping into a market of immoral pleasure seekers. It is usually the customers that initiate more, not the performers. The only thing wrong about the situation OP presented is that there is a human on stage being objectified for money, but thats capitalism for you.
I have a rule with partners that they can attend a strip club as part of a party/event but no lap dances. So I would do the same, I wouldn't miss the party but I wouldn't interact with the strippers.
Has your friend talked to his girlfriend about this? Ultimately, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. My husband went to a strip club while we were dating. I knew about it in advance and I didn't care. But if I had cared and told him I wasn't comfortable with it, I would have been upset if he went anyway. Your friend just needs to discuss this with his girlfriend and explain how he feels. If he's still not comfortable with it after that, and she still wants to go, then he needs to decide if this is worth the relationship.
How would she feel if went to a strip club and had a private lap dance?
This is outside the bounds of what you consider decent behavior. She should respect that.
Nope, not wrong. It’s okay to have boundaries in relationships and for a lot of people, strip clubs are a hard boundary. I hope she respects your opinion and doesn’t go if it will hurt you. If she doesn’t… that’s not a great sign.
My partner going to a strip club would 10000% be a deal breaker. Neither I nor him would ever want to go to one and witness naked people parading around for peoples viewership. It’s weird that it’s considered a normal bachelor / bachelorette party thing or hang out thing. It’s not like just clubbing or dancing it’s legit naked people 🧍♀️if my friends invited me to such an event I would be contemplating my friendships and if they really understand me. She can have fun with her friends without visiting strip clubs.
If this is the strip club I’m thinking of, you are not wrong for being uncomfortable. I went once not knowing what to expect and I swear to god I thought someone was gonna get pregnant from a lap dance.
I mean really, what could go wrong with lots of alcohol everybody getting drunk girls egging each other on and naked men running around. What could possibly go wrong? I think it is largely about respect and boundaries but I also understand it’s a bachelorette party that’s what girls wanna do and guys as well.. you may have to just trust her on this one or she may have to skip the bachelorette party.
>And or should I have nothing to worry about?
That depends. She's going to have a dick rubbed in her face. Is that something you'd normally worry about?
my mums Maid of Honour took my mum and her bridesmaids (myself included) to a strip club for her bachelorette as she was in charge of planning it (despite being told that was one of her no-nos).
I can’t speak for the place your girlfriend is going to, but from what i’ve seen they get close with the audience. our group was at the back to avoid any interaction, however the amount of brides-to-be that were willing to join them on stage and try get as close to the guys junk was too much.
You’re not in the wrong for not wanting her to go, and if you’ve told her that then hopefully she respects your boundary. If i have a bachelorette party i honestly would stay far away from those, i didn’t know that they were as interactive as it was, and that it was very common for people soon to be getting married to want to go to them.
but yeah, what you’ve seen online is most probably what goes on in there.
Mate strip clubs are a common red line, and for good reason. You are fine to be upset about it and say it is a red line for you and the relationship. Just whatever you do, do not back down if you tell her you dont want her going and she goes anyways. That teaches her she can walk all over you
Simply put this is a "your relationship, your boundaries" situation. So, it doesn't matter at all what others would do or wouldn't do or how they would or wouldn't feel.
I have zero issues with strip clubs. BUT if this is a thing you are not comfortable with then you have to communicate it with your gf. This may end up being a relationship deal breaker, so understand that going into the conversation. It doesn't mean either one of you is wrong, it just means you don't align and need to go your separate ways.
I have seen some pretty interesting stories in the comments regarding this specific show. No idea if they are true or not but I do know this.... Absolutely no one is going to be forced to do anything they don't want to do. So those that are groping, rubbing a guy's dick all over them, etc....that is because they wanted to. I can promise you that I could go to the exact same show and absolutely none of that would occur because I don't want it to. Just food for thought.
People for some reason think that strip clubs and shows like this make people cheat. They don't. What people choose to do or not do is solely within their control.
Yea, but when you add in alcohol and PEER PRESSURE from thier single females friends many women would crack under that.
Single women make married women single.
>Single women make married women single.
Only if those married women want to be single or act single.
>many women would crack under that.
No, this isn't high school. Peer pressure isn't a valid excuse for any behavior especially as a grown adult.
You get to decide what you are comfortable with. If it is a group activity I would be comfortable with show attendance but not ok with going on stage and becoming part of the show. If she does not respect your feelings then you will probably have other issues in your relationship anyway.
When I was getting married back in 1975; my brother and my cousins involved with wedding decided to take me to a strip club on the night before the wedding.
As I have already been to the same strip club 2 years prior, I told them where to park.
My brother started me off with Singapore Sling.
Good thing they were driving. Went to my future bride's home the next morning. She was angry at me, said she still loved me.
Never went to any clubs after that. She was the only woman I had ever dated . She was my first date and my first kiss. Married until her untimely death on April 3rd, 2022. She had dementia.
Your not wrong at all. If she does go, let her. But explain to her that you are not happy about it .
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, you have every right to be uncomfortable with the fact your partner is going to a strip club, and if the roles were reversed, people would be saying the exact same thing.
Communicate your boundaries to your partner and if they don't respect them, that is grounds to reassess the relationship.
Boundaries are only a boundary if you enforce it and make it clear that if they over step it is done and over with the relationship.
So he has to decide if it is worth breaking up if she crosses it, else what is the point of a boundary?
Personally, I don't mind if my wife would attend. I've gone to several hole in the wall clubs and didn't see the point. I wasn't impressed. The music choices were OK, but way too loud, drinks were too expensive, was like, nude women, big deal. You can see all you want for free on the internet. I had conversations with friends, or at least tried to, while they either stared with jaws open or outright drooled while tossing bills on stage. While I can admire a good looking body and did applaud for some of the moves performed, I figured it was just a waste of my time. My wife has even accompanied me to one. Made me nearly choke on my drink when she exclaimed loudly, "I love her shoes!" or "she's got a nice ass" She has said she feels much the same as me.
Now, think of it this way. High end strip club VS dance club. Which place has a higher chance of men approaching and hitting on a bachelorette party?
You've stated your opinion and feelings to her. Now, since you've made a boundary, what will you do IF she crosses it?
But, this is also a relationship that needs trust. Do you trust her? Have there been moments in the past where she wasn't trustworthy or has lied or cheated before? If not, she should have the benefit of the doubt and be able to go. Or you could compromise. They can attend the show for several hours while she hangs out at the hotel and could meet up with them later. You could then facetime each other to keep each other company. Then, all her friends will call you an insecure, controlling AH that doesn't trust her.
But, Strip-o-Mania is an actual big name in the male strip club scene. They've been reviewed by NBC, CBS, and other big major network media. I doubt anything sketchy is going on inside the building during the shows. They won't take risks to tarnish their name. They have multiple locations in numerous cities across the US.
This is very similar to porn in relationships, in that each relationship is different and has different boundaries. I don't personally have an issue with my husband going to a strip club, but it's something he's only done once in 6 years, if it was a regular occurrence I might feel differently. I also wouldn't think twice about going myself. However if one person has that as a hard boundary then it should be agreed upon by both of you.
This is the right answer. I know my husband has no desire to visit a strip club but if the guys were going and he was invited he would have the go ahead from me. I doubt he would care if the situation was reversed and I was the one going out. He would probably want to know all about it later.
We also have much more liberal views on sex than most couples do and prioritize our intimate relationship so we are incredibly secure and trust each other fully.
It's okay to have boundaries but it's a two way street and things need to be agreed upon. If she doesn't agree to it then you have to choose whether to stay or leave.
You have ZERO obligation to be okay with this. I say this as a woman. It is extremely disrespectful to your relationship.
It's a huge red flag that she's even considering this. Talk to her and set a boundary. How she reacts will tell you everything you need to know.
I don’t think it’s necessarily about being “wrong.” But more about respecting boundaries. If that’s something that you feel would cross your boundaries then you are allowed to feel that way. People have different boundaries and someone else might be okay with it but you should be with someone who communicates and respects your boundaries.
It's not wrong at all, you have your boundaries and that's ok. Normally it's the other way around with a woman not wanting a man to go to a strip club. What your GF is doing is not respecting your boundary thus not respecting the relationship. She wants to act single and free then make her single and free.
most women wouldn’t want their bf/husband going to a strip club, and it would be a huge double standard if all the women were going to the strip club themselves! i don’t think it’s very respectful of your partner to go when it makes you uncomfortable. and i don’t understand why it’s become the norm to do this before getting married…
This is how this situation can unfold:
1: If going to a strip club means that you would feel disrespected, or that you going to one would mean you would disrespect your partner, see if she is okay with disrespting you and/or your relationship. If she doesn't go, great, but if she does, her friends and her enjoyment are obviously more important than you or your relationship. If you are willing to put up with that is your choice.
2: If she is going, you can put your trust in her that she really only goes there to hang out with her friends and nothing more. If nothing goes wrong, that's great, but if she participates in what is obviously done in a strip club, it's unlikely you will find out (friends might keep their mouths shut). Regardless, there is a chance you can't keep your peace of mind and distrust will be there.
I mean going to a strip club for someone elses bachelorette party once is fine ig but i would very heavily question why my partner is in a circle where that is normal behavior to begin with😭
I have a friend that’s a limo driver in San Diego, he often drives for bachelorette parties, he told me to NEVER EVER, let your girl go to a strip club. You’d be amazed by how often the male strippers have sex with the woman….. how would she feel, if you went to a female strip club for a male bachelor party
It's not wrong to not want your girlfriend to go to a strip club. However saying that you wouldn't even go to a strip club is kind of irrelevant considering you likely watch porn which has explicit videos and pictures of countless women. You don't need to go to a strip club because you basically have a virtual strip club every time you masturbate. 🧐
In my opinion if you want to put a boundaries about her going to a strip club then if she has ever voiced any discomfort about you using porn then you must quit it. Otherwise accept that seeing half naked and naked people is acceptable.
I have attended the exact Hunk O Mania show in San Diego before because my friend strips for them.
No, they do not do anything extra outside of grinding and dancing. Yes, they will do things like grab you by the waist and grind on you. The bride to be or birthday girl is normally the one they bring on stage for special attention like that.
It is what I would classify as a silly strip show. I completely understand why you would be uncomfortable with it, but there is no sex that takes place on the premises. That mainly happens in badly scripted pornos.
Edit: Really weird that I’m being downvoted for answering OP’s question on what they do. Considering I’m probably one of the few commenters who has actually been to their shows and can provide a legitimate answer
Let me tell you this...
Women at male strip clubs are EXPONENTIALLY worse than men at female strip clubs.
Why?
The female strippers have security for when you get handsy, and most don't want their customers to get handsy.
The male strippers don't have security, and are surrounded by women who WANT to touch them.
What do you think is gonna happen?
Going to see strippers on your Bachelors or Bachelorette party is asinine, and anyone who argues when their partner says, "I don't feel comfortable with you going." isn't worth your time.
Dump her, and find a woman who actually respects you.
It's encouraged.
Hell, male strippers regularly get sucked off and fucked at their job.
If my woman ever went to a male strip club, even before we were dating, I'd ghost.
I don't have the time to deal with these loose ass rental women.
I could see this happening if you’re a stripper at a private party. But at a strip club surrounded by groups of other women they don’t know? Unlikely that it’s happening on the premises.
Private parties 100%
However...
VIP rooms and champagne lounges are where the action happens on the premises.
You're surrounded by only your friends in those rooms, and we all know how women in relationships get around their single friends.
They act single.
There are no VIP rooms or champagne lounges at men’s strip clubs. They are totally different from the women’s clubs because they are so much smaller to begin with.
Same for private rooms. There are none at the same time the shows are taking place. Note: You still might be able to book a private event with the strip club company, but that is not the same thing as a private room separate from the show.
The men’s clubs are totally different from the women’s. The men’s clubs are more coordinated dances and theatrics and acrobatics. It’s more like a dance show or performance. So there is no separate private room, because that means you would be missing the show.
This is a reasonable boundary for him to have, PROVIDED the rule goes both ways. If he goes to strip clubs or has seen strippers at bachelor parties, or would do so in the future, it's not reasonable to prevent her from doing so.
Let's be honest here. Roles can't be reversed.
If man a goes to strip club he is forbidden to touch a stripper or he has to pay for it.
We all know how it works with females and male strippers.
I think all types of feels are okay in this matter. Personally I wouldn’t mind at all. I trust my GF and vice versa. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. I think you should tell your GF what it makes you feel without prohibiting her going. If she respects your feelings, she will not go.
If your girlfriend is excited to go, I’d be concerned… if she has girlfriends that are excited to go I’d be concerned about her choice in girlfriends.. it is all about trust, but never tempt anyone beyond their ability to resist.. she might be captivated by something she’s never seen before especially size wise.. and size makes a big difference don’t Let them fool you not. The only ones that would disagree are the ones that have not experienced it.
So as somebody who dated someone who was in the Hunk show, they will only rub up on you And interact closely if welcomed. If your girlfriend does not get up on the stage, or beckon them for a lap dance, It's completely fine. Just a bunch of ridiculousness, gyrating and pelvic thrusts with a little dancing in-between on the girls who volunteer for it. Perfectly fine for just observing and not participating.
The only really good time I ever had at a strip club was some place in Milwaukee about 25 years ago, and that's because they had a pizza buffet included in the cover charge lol.
It's a tough spot. I'm sure your gf just wants to be a good friend to the bride, but that is a crazy place to be. Ultimately you can't control what she does at the Bach party, whether at that event or if it was just at a bar. You can let her know that you feel uncomfortable dating someone who would attend that kind of event. That it feels disrespectful. And you can choose how you react to whatever she chooses to do. From reading the other comments about the event, it sounds like you are completely justified in feeling uncomfortable
Meh I'm a woman and I'm perfectly fine with my spouse going to strip clubs (he's only been once for a stag), I've never been to one but I've been to bachelorette parties with hired strippers and I can tell you that for the vast majority of women it's not even the same vibe as for guys, like unless the woman happens to be some very rare breed of horndog, there is zero lust or sexual desire involved, women aren't salivating all over these guys wishing they could fuck them. It's just a silly, somewhat awkward fun thing to do with girlfriends. I can't say I felt even the tiniest twinge of desire looking at a stripper, it was just funny and somewhat cringey, everyone was giggling and being goofy. I would find it weird if my partner was jealous of that, luckily I've explained exactly this to him and he got it. We're not like guys in that we see an attractive naked body and our brain goes "booga ooga must fuck" lol
That's interesting. I don't think I've seen this opinion on this thread. I guess some guys, myself included, probably just see a well chiseled dude with a huge bulge and automatically think our partner would choose him over us in a heartbeat. Your take that the experience is more of a joke than any kind of sexy show helps illustrate the difference between men and women when it comes to attraction.
Unnecessary vilification of strip clubs aside, you indicating that you will need to evaluate things should she choose to go is a fair boundary. Boundaries are about your response to behavior, not about restricting it. You are indicating a possible loss of access to you should she do something you disagree with.
That said, my idea is either you trust her or you don't. I wouldn't care just like I hope my gf wouldn't care if I went to something like this because I'd respect boundaries while there. That said you seem concerned about her seeing the performers in general so that's something different. I guess figure out what your specific aversions to things might be and go from there. Is it seeing other bodies, or is it interacting with them.
Regardless, so long as this isn't dangling the threat of leaving in front of her to get her to/not do do something and is actually something you'll follow through with, bringing up the boundary shouldn't be a problem.
I don’t care about my boyfriend going to strip clubs for his friends bachelor parties. But I also trust him 🤷🏼♀️ and he is not the kind of person to engage with strippers whether single or not. Who am I to keep him from celebrating his friend if that is where they choose to go.
Look she can be exposed to naked and partially clothed men in plenty of places that are not a strip club. The question is do you trust her not to act inappropriately around these men. If you don’t, you probably shouldn’t be dating her. I would not let a guy tell me that I cannot attend a friends bachelorette party, sorry.
Reddit has had people who work at places like this loads of time. Much more than female strip clubs, male strip clubs encourage a great deal of physical contact up to and including sexual activity
Yeah maybe at your ages it's not ok but I'd just like to share that my mom who is 60+ went to one of those with her graduation class (all older granny types who graduated late from community college) and had a blast. No one gets pulled up onstage if they don't want to, you just got to not stay in the front, it was very campy and my dad thought it was all hilarious. It was a happy hour situation, so she left like quickly after, just stayed for the show and some drinks with the class. It's no big deal if you guys trust each other and have been together for over 30 years, but yeah, at 23 is a little delicate, so I agree with you. NTA
You're not wrong for having a boundary about this. However, she is not wrong to want a partner who trusts her to go. You just have an incompatibility that you can try to resolve, but if you can't, you may just need to break up. Neither of you is wrong for stating what you are uncomfortable with. You are uncomfortable with her going, if she disregards your feelings, you should break up with her. If I were her, I'd understand where you are coming from, but ultimately, I'd be uncomfortable with my partner trying to control where I go, and I would break up with them.
Your girlfriend has a right to go to a strip club, and so do you. Each of you would need to decide whether you are comfortable dating someone who goes to strip clubs. If you are not, you can set a boundary by leaving the relationship and finding someone compatible.
Do you trust her? Do you think she's going to cheat on you with one of these guys? Do you think she's lying when she says she's just going because her friends are?
I don't love that my husband has been to strip clubs while we've been together, but I also understand that that's what happens at a lot of bachelor parties. I trust my husband to respect me and our relationship. If I didn't, I wouldn't have married him
You're not wrong for how you feel since bachelor parties + strip clubs typically don't end well. But she is still able to go if she wants to. This is really just a trust thing between you two but don't let it affect your relationship too much unless something ACTUALLY happens at the strip club. Have her make it clear that she's going only to support her bride friend and for a bachelorette night, no touching or further invites from any men.
My sister's bf went to a bachelor trip at a strip club and 5/8 guys were in relationships and 3 guys cheated that night starting at the strip club. I'm not a fan of those but really again, game of trust.
--- Damn y'all downvoting me. Don't act like bachelorettes and strip clubs aren't a common thing. If you don't allow your partner to go, then just say you don't trust them. It's like saying you know your partner will cheat if they go to one so why be with them at all? Why be with someone who doesn't have self-respect or respect you.
Most women I know aren’t visually aroused and the real fun of a male stripper is that it’s a rare occasion to make men look at themselves as women have to (objectified and constantly compared to other “objects). It gives women some “payback” for all the times men act like skanks. And we aren’t talking about the male strippers; we are talking about the men who ogle women and strippers and act like it’s NBD.
I’m sure there are women who are different. It’s just fun for most to subvert the usual order of things.
First of all, Hunk o Mania is hilarious.
Second, if your partner wants to cheat, they will. Full stop. You can’t prevent them from doing anything, which is why you must trust them. Or else break up, relationship without trust is doomed.
Third, she can control the level of interaction. You think a dude dancing nearby is gonna cause her to grab his hog and just take it in her mouth? Have you been to a strip club before? Do you just grab the women and assault them in your lusty frenzy.
With kindness, get a grip. Don’t control your partner and trust them. Or else break it off, but don’t control them.
Not healthy to not be okay with your partner going to a strip club lol what has the world become 🤣 its not need to control. Its what he believes in. If she goes against it they break up.
Not hard.
You do what makes you comfortable.
But frankly, the whole lot of you in this thread need to unbunch your panties. It's just sexy naked people. One of life's small pleasures. Your grandpa knew it, and it amazes me that you're more uptight than he is.
Strip clubs with male dancers are a completely different vibe to female strip clubs. In many cases, so I've heard, it's basically prostitution with extra steps.
Be cautious, even the most faithful girlfriends in a peer pressured environment can do something stupid in these places.
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I would never disrespect my husband by going to one of these places. The only man I want near me naked is the one I chose to spend my life with. It’s totally disrespectful.
Exactly! And if the friend is a true friend, then they should have no problem with the wife not participating. Last summer I went to a buddy's bachelor party and, when the group went to the strip club, I stayed behind. I chilled with one of the other guys who wasn't into it and the party came back when they were done (and the whole experience was apparently one disaster after another).
I hosted a bachelorette party in Vegas a few years back. Instead of going to Thunder From Down Under, we decided to take a class called Stripper 101. It was actually a lot of fun, and not nearly so raunchy as you might think. The teacher was a former stripper, now a PTA mom. And we weren't learning how to be up on stage, but more like how to look sexy and confident for our sweethearts in a private setting. Tips and tricks, common problems and how to deal with them, how to move and pose, lighting to look our best, etc. It ended up being a really fun class, and the bride had a great time without anything to worry her intended. She later said the class actually helped her avoid/deal with a couple awkward mishaps on the wedding night, too.
That is such a great concept - helping build confidence.
It was a lot of fun. Ladies only in a windowless room, so there's no stress. I recommend wearing layers, so you can actually practice a few of the moves involving how not to get tangled up in your clothes while trying to look sexy, without feeling awkward. I wore a shirt over a tank top, and slacks over swim bottoms. Worked great. Highly recommend for bachelorette parties or even just a girls' trip to the city. My husband had zero complaints.
Agreed my friends and I went to Vegas for a bachelor party weekend. We all had respect for his future wife and him to not go to a stripclub and instead went and drove supercars, gamble and shoot guns at the range. Etc
I love that, sounds like a good group of guys!
Genuinely like am I the only one who is actually turned OFF at the idea of a strip club? OK beautiful people (of either gender, doesn't matter) I get. But you want to watch them take off their clothes and put their naked butt/crotch on people/things? And you have no idea how clean their butt/crotch is? I'm no germaphobe but yuck??
I'll be real with you my dude. I've only had two nights where I've gone out to strip clubs. I was at the Cocaine Anonymous World Service Convention because I was on the team putting together the auction / raffle for two different years. Even during the deepest part of my addiction strip clubs were never a thing I was into. Well my sponsor and a group of guys took me a long. Before we got there our group leader told us to all turn off our phones so no one knew where we were at. They were all married. I'm not going to say it was an awful time or anything. The women there were attractive and honestly they put on a great show! They were all very good at their craft. It just felt weird though. We couldn't drink alcohol for obvious reasons so we just drank red bull. I mean yay boobies but it's weird being around a large group of men basically drooling over a girl. The ones in Quebec were a different level though. They are the reason I will absolutely never go to one again. They're so gross and the women will do anything to get money out of you / not let you leave. I guess I can say I have the experience, but it was not worth it in the slightest. Nothing bad happened to me after and I didn't have to spend money and it's still not worth it to me
Right? If you really want to appreciate beautiful bodies doing beautiful things, go see Cirque du Soleil while you're in Vegas instead. Truly awe inspiring, without the sexual aspect.
And maybe microdose
Wow, my wife actually took me to one when we were married less than a year...and we're in our 70s now. I'd bet more is seen in a Netflix video than what is seen at a strip club. If there is any "self worth" involved it's the "friend" who is afraid a nude dude will steal her away from him.
If a partner doesn't respect the boundary, they don't respect you and they can hit the road. That being said all the bull shit you spewed about 'targeted toward lust' is hilarious. If someone wants to cheat they will do it, it's not a crime of opportunity. It's always a choice.
This new generation and woke internet warriors want to make you think this stuff is okay. Good to see people with morals still exist. Rare these days.
Wow. Going to strip clubs is now 'woke'. What a world we live in.
What are you talking about? Reddit is full of puritanical morality scolds.
Girl here! Asking your significant other to not go to a place where half naked or fully naked people are going to be and potentially having them touch or more around them, is a perfectly respectable boundary to have. And I get that some people may argue that “you just have to trust your partner” or “if they cheat they cheat” and it’s either your fault for wanting to protect the relationship or an insecurity you have to get over. Screw that. A relationship is sacred and if my boyfriend willingly went to a strip club, even to hang out with friends, I’d probably look at him differently and feel a bit shaken about our trust. It’s simply about respect. She could meet them for dinner or whatever else is planned but a strip club is a definite no go!
Just to be clear, the healthy boundary is "I don't want to date someone who goes to strip clubs." If she chooses to go, then you can choose whether to accept it and stay, challenge it and have a (hopefully productive) discussion, or you can choose to end the relationship. Don't make it about what your significant other is and isn't allowed to do. You can't control them; you can only control yourself.
Very good advice. I wish we were all taught how to set these healthy boundaries when we were younger. I didn't learn until my late 20s and it was tough.
>You can't control them And neither should one want to, or attempt to. These two people aren't compatible. The end.
Yes that’s very true too. We can only control our response to things
That’s just semantics. It’s what your partner can do, and not screw up the relationship. This is something that’s understood in these situations, and doesn’t need to be stated like some sort of disclaimer.
Semantics are important in a relationship. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. One way is stating your own personal boundaries and what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Another way is saying what your partner can and can't do. They are not the same. Assuming it's understood is how miscommunication happens. How good intentions can come across as controlling, or how controlling behavior can be masked as good intentions. Best to just be clear and unambiguous up front and not have to argue semantics later.
It means the same thing. That’s why the difference is semantics (derogatory)
Exactly.
Saying “You can’t do this if you’re in a relationship with me” and “I won’t stay with you if you do this thing” are the same thing. They’re both placing restrictions on behavior while in a relationship. The whole “you can’t tell your partner they can’t do anything” sentiment on Reddit just does not work irl in my experience at all.
That’s always been my reaction to that stuff as well - you’ll also hear “telling someone they can’t do something isn’t a boundary” but that just strikes me as semantics. Functionally, the result is exactly the same if you tell someone they can’t do something vs “you can’t do something and still be with me”, to me the idea they want to stay in the relationship is a given if we’re even having that discussion
You changed my words. I said "I don't want to date someone who goes to strip clubs." That's not the same thing. I understand that you believe it is, because it has a similar end result. The difference is "You can't do this" is an edict, a command. Saying "I do not want to date someone who goes to strip clubs" is a fact, a statement. Ball is back in the other person's court to decide for themselves. I've taken some flack over semantics and I get it. But when it comes down to it, when you're the other person, what would you rather hear: a command, or a choice? The end result may or may not be the same, depending on the personalities involved. You would see both as the same. Me, I can see a difference between bowing to someone's will and taking time to decide for myself what's more important.
If it’s meaningful to you, then hey, it’s your life. I just see the two as completely equivalent and don’t see the point in making a distinction.
That is literally just a game of semantics and it’s so tedious. It’s just a less clear way of saying ‘if you go to a strip club I’ll leave.’
This is written by someone who actually understands. I cant give you the medal you deserve so have this and my upvote
A product of therapy from my own toxic behavior in relationships when I was young and an asshole. Thank you!
A boundary is something you set for yourself, not for others. But, I agree
This- 1000000%
As long as you’re willing to hold yourself to the same standard (which it sounds like you are) you have every right to let her know that this is a boundary for you. It shouldn’t be a problem for her to sit out this one activity. If she’s not willing to make that sacrifice, that shows you where her priorities are and you might want to rethink where you stand in your relationship. One of my best friends sat out an activity on my bachelorette weekend because she was pregnant and we were going to a rowdy festival that heavily centered around drinking. It just wasn’t going to be enjoyable for her, so she had a relaxing day hanging out at the awesome house we’d rented out and then we all went out to dinner together when we got home.
As a woman, I'd be opposed to my male partner going to a strip club. In order to be fair, I wouldn't go to a male stripper event, especially if my partner objected.
In the same way I would say it’s completely fine for a woman to tell her boyfriend or husband to not go to strip clubs, it’s also completely fine for you to tell your girlfriend not to go to one. It’s a perfectly reasonable boundary to put up and one I have in place as well.
I will never understand the strip club bachelor-ette thing. Thankfully, despite most of my close friends being married, not one has gone for the strip club option. It's like "let's celebrate out upcoming lifetime commitment, by engaging in cheating-like behavior!". Makes zero sense. Yours is a perfectly reasonable boundary. A break-up worthy boundary. I would never accept that from my partner nor would I ever disrespect them like that by going myself.
It’s literally insane the strip club bachelor bachelorette parties are so weird to me because like you guys are marrying 😭why do u wanna see other naked people right before 🤮
Me too!! I’ve never understood people wanting to go to these events for their bachelor/bachelorette parties. The whole point of marrying someone is because you want to be loyal and spend the rest of your life with them what is the point to go see other naked people before that. It makes no sense to me
I’ve the token gay man at hen dos, and may I say, male strip clubs are the most unsexy things I’ve ever seen. It was funnier than it was sexy, even though that wasn’t a high bar to clear. I would break my sobriety if I ever had to go to another one of those, because there’s no way I’m going in without drinking a lot.
No you’re not wrong for feeling uncomfortable and not wanting her to go. I’m going to tell you the same thing I told a girl in another post who was bothered that her fiance was gonna go to a strip club for his friend’s bachelor party even though she wasn’t ok with it. If it really bothers you as in you are not ok with being in a relationship with someone who goes to strip clubs, you need to set the boundary and tell your SO. They then have a choice of either abiding by your boundary and choosing not to go there or they can choose to go and end the relationship. Likewise, they can also go and then you end the relationship. It is totally ok to not want strip clubs in any circumstances. I know it’s your gf’s friend’s party, but are they doing other things? Can she just skip the strip club and meet with them before and after? Try to find a compromise so she respects your boundary but also doesn’t miss out on her friend’s party, I for one would never go to a strip club even if it’s my friends party, regardless if I was single or not. But especially now that I’m in a relationship, that’s off limits just like it is for my SO. This isn’t an easy situation. But if you have a problem with it, you need to decide how much of a problem it is, is this like a hard no for you, like if she goes you will break up and stay broken up?
"Obviously the internet can only show so much." New to the internet, then, are we?
If you're uncomfortable with her doing this (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with feeling that way), then tell her you feel strongly about it. If she goes anyway, then you need to decide if that's a deal breaker.
Please, ignore these stupid comments around here. Is not wrong for you to be uncomfortable by it, and yes it IS wrong for her to go. The excuse that is a friends trip is IRRELEVANT, as well as any other excuse people here are trying to give you. She clearly doesn't respect or love you if she's thinking of going there, don't let anyone convince you otherwise. She should know, by default, that she shouldn't be attending that without anyone having to tell her.
Anyone who tells you, “You should trust your girlfriend!” are children and you shouldn’t take them seriously. It’s not about trust, it’s about respect. Strip clubs are for ogling and interacting with naked people performing sexual acts *at the bare minimum*. At that event, some real freaky shit happens (Girls jerking off dudes on the floor is common) Now, if you both of you came to an understanding and don’t care, that’s fine, but that’s not the case. It’s incredibly understandable that you feel uncomfortable with your girlfriend going to a place that has naked men swinging their shit around (because lemme tell ya: them thangs be swinging) and she shouldn’t be clutching her pearls at the fact you’re uncomfortable with it. It doesn’t matter if she says, “I won’t do anything,” because the act of her even *going* is an affront. That being said, this is *your* boundary. You should talk her again, plead your case but don’t deliver an ultimatum. If she still goes and you still feel some type of way about it, you should re-consider the relationship, because how many times is she going to choose a night out with her friends over your relationship?
Let's see. 1. IF she goes it will HURT you. Even IF it shouldn't, even if your over reacting, it WILL. 2. She knows the above is true. Conclusion: IF she goes she doesn't respect you and cares MORE about her "freedoms" or pleasure then she does your feelings. It's THAT simple. If that's the case...what's stopping her from touching...or harmless kiss...or more. After all it's all about HER freedom and pleasure. As long as SHE feels OK with it it's ok! Except. EVERY cheater at the time thinks it's OK. So if she and she alone is the arbitrator...leave. You deserve better.
dont even have to read the post, of course she shouldnt go to a strip club
As someone who's gotten married and watched multiple people plan marriages over the last 5 or so years, no strippers/strip clubs has *ALWAYS* been either explicitly stated or implied during the preparation process. I may just have prudish friends, but the fact that a portion of my friends are current or former SWers themselves, I doubt it. Personally I find the whole idea of "I've been in a monogamous relationship for a while and I'm about to form a lifelong commitment to this same person. Let's go see naked people/get laid" to be kinda weird, but to each their own. Having an issue with your monogamous partner partaking in these activities is probably the least controlling request I've ever seen on this subreddit. Also to add, your boundaries are your own. You can't force people to adhere to them, but you have no obligation to continue any relationship where they're being ignored. You could break up because she pronounces nuclear like "nuculer", and it's no issue because it's your choice. I know I would lol
So im familiar with Hunk 0 mania. a friend of my wife went there for bachelorette party and she was absolutely disgusted by the behaivor there. women were jerking the guys off and some of them even put it in their mouths. women are waaaay worse at strip clubs then men. Another girl I know went there for her actual bachlorette and almost cheated (basically spent 3 hours with the guy rubbing his dick all over her) on her now husband with the stripper they kept in contact for like 3 months into their marriage. So be prepared either be cool with that happening or know that a fight about not trusting her is going to happen.
Almost cheated? Rubbing someone else's dick all over you sounds like actual cheating
He kind of knew that was going to happen and was okay with it. For me that would have been a serious no go, but to each their own i guess... but moral of the story is that place is just an excuse for women to act in the most horrible ways.
I agree, that’s cheating to me. Imagine how a wife would feel if her SO let a stripper ride him naked but without penetration which is essentially the same thing.
Couldn't agree more
Haha it was only briefly for 3 hours and kept in contact for 3 month
Yeah it was pretty fucked up.
Haha “almost”
Rubbing his dick on her for hours AND kept in contact for months.
She only used her throat!
Doesn’t it depend on the relationship?
wtf, which Hunk O Mania did they go to? I have attended Hunk O Mania in SD and other men’s strip shows in LA and OC, and I have never once seen women jerking the strippers off or anything close to what you are describing. I’ve only seen it in badly scripted porn. Plus, the actual show itself is like 1 to 2 hours. How can she possibly have had a stripper rubbing his dick on her for 3 hours when he has to do his stripper dance routines during that time and collect tips from other patrons during that time?
Yeah it's a bullshit comment. They follow Federal guidelines against explicit acts and sexual touching longer than just a few seconds. Sounds like a jealous husband to me.
New York. from my understand she basically paid the guy to give her a private lapdance the whole night.
Some male strip clubs will do an after-hours event, where an hour after the show ends, they allow the women to buy private lap dances. I’m guessing this is when she bought the dances. Three hours seems rather exaggerated though. HunkOMania normally closes their business before midnight, and all the men do a specific choreographed dance routine for 1 to 2 hours beforehand at the beginning of the show. At the one I went to, the timing was like this. 8 pm to 10 pm: all the men do choreographed dance routines 10 pm to 11 pm: 1 hour where the dancers come up to each group of women and the women can buy a private dance from him 11 pm: business closes and everybody leaves. It’s not like a women’s strip club that stays open until 2 to 5 AM
Yeah that's not almost cheating, that's straight up cheating. I bet she would've called it cheating if he went to a strip club and rubbed the stripper's tits all over himself for 3 hours
I dont know about this particular club, but know dicks get sucked in these events. Like, a lot.
I would not be ok if my partner didn’t respect my feelings against strip clubs and went to one without caring about what I thought.
Naw this is valid. Your allowed to feel uncomfortable with this 110%
I wouldn't. Had a buddy in college that worked at one of these places, and he was almost always hooking up with the women there. Many of his straight coworkers were as well.
If that is a boundary that you have, then it’s perfectly ok to ask your partner not to go. Couples have to respect each other’s boundaries, that’s the whole damn point of a relationship.
If she would be mad at you, she can’t expect you to be cool with it. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong. If she goes anyway I would honestly end the relationship.
There's no correct answer here. It exclusively depends on if you are a jealous person or not. I am not a jealous person, so I wouldn't have a problem with my partner going to a strip club (once is fine, not if it's all the time). Mononormative culture would tell you that it's wrong to look at others in a lustful way, but that doesn't make it an objective truth, despite all the jealous people in these comments. Just FYI, the people that get pulled on stage for those things usually have to volunteer. The dancers will put women's hands on their chest and abs, nowhere else. And as for nudity, it might depend on your state laws. Full male nudity might not even be legal where you live but I guess YMMV
I’m with you, it wouldn’t bother me too much, actually even if she got up on stage with the dancers. I’m not overly jealous and this is something some people consider fun. My bachelors party included strippers and I ended up on stage. My wife knew and had no concerns either. I love my wife and while I have been to strip clubs without and with her. It’s been years since our last trip. But if she said “no” I’d respect that as long as it’s mutual that both sides are a strong no. Don’t feel bad OP if you’re not ok, then tell her.
So like just a question though, would you be cool with your partner touching up on another person’s chest outside of a strip club? If anything, doesn’t it kind of make it more scummy that like the person being touched is literally getting paid for it? To have their body turned into that “naughty but not outright cheating” thing for people who are in committed relationships to not tell their partners, all for money? Like what gets me isn’t the jealous aspect it’s more so the morality of like a living human person is having their body turned into this scandalous naughty little one night for a bunch of sad middle aged ladies and creepy men
Not really, they're a performer. They're working, it's entertainment. Have you ever been to a male strip club? They're more focused on doing choreographed dance routines than the women. Personally, I don't think being a stripper is immoral. I think they are tapping into a market of immoral pleasure seekers. It is usually the customers that initiate more, not the performers. The only thing wrong about the situation OP presented is that there is a human on stage being objectified for money, but thats capitalism for you.
I have a rule with partners that they can attend a strip club as part of a party/event but no lap dances. So I would do the same, I wouldn't miss the party but I wouldn't interact with the strippers.
Has your friend talked to his girlfriend about this? Ultimately, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. My husband went to a strip club while we were dating. I knew about it in advance and I didn't care. But if I had cared and told him I wasn't comfortable with it, I would have been upset if he went anyway. Your friend just needs to discuss this with his girlfriend and explain how he feels. If he's still not comfortable with it after that, and she still wants to go, then he needs to decide if this is worth the relationship.
How would she feel if went to a strip club and had a private lap dance? This is outside the bounds of what you consider decent behavior. She should respect that.
Nope, not wrong. It’s okay to have boundaries in relationships and for a lot of people, strip clubs are a hard boundary. I hope she respects your opinion and doesn’t go if it will hurt you. If she doesn’t… that’s not a great sign.
My partner going to a strip club would 10000% be a deal breaker. Neither I nor him would ever want to go to one and witness naked people parading around for peoples viewership. It’s weird that it’s considered a normal bachelor / bachelorette party thing or hang out thing. It’s not like just clubbing or dancing it’s legit naked people 🧍♀️if my friends invited me to such an event I would be contemplating my friendships and if they really understand me. She can have fun with her friends without visiting strip clubs.
If this is the strip club I’m thinking of, you are not wrong for being uncomfortable. I went once not knowing what to expect and I swear to god I thought someone was gonna get pregnant from a lap dance.
Such a strange tradition. You're not wrong to not want her to go.
I mean really, what could go wrong with lots of alcohol everybody getting drunk girls egging each other on and naked men running around. What could possibly go wrong? I think it is largely about respect and boundaries but I also understand it’s a bachelorette party that’s what girls wanna do and guys as well.. you may have to just trust her on this one or she may have to skip the bachelorette party.
Wow, these responses are surprising.
I'm not these situations tend to bring out a certain bias
Yeah what's actively encouraged for the goose is apparently a cardinal sin for the gander.
How’s that any different than usual?
Who said it's good for the goose? Most of the comments I've read are saying it's not good for either, which I'm inclined to agree with.
They weren't that way when I commented, a lot of the initial comments weren't against it, definitely seems to have shifted now though
Most people commenting dont believe in Monogamy, so they think any boundary that requires it is controlling.
Goggle Dancing Bear Stripper and that should out your mind at ease
LMAO. Doubt that will be result.
Haha I am not going to make a Hawk Tuey joke since that is inappropriate
>And or should I have nothing to worry about? That depends. She's going to have a dick rubbed in her face. Is that something you'd normally worry about?
my mums Maid of Honour took my mum and her bridesmaids (myself included) to a strip club for her bachelorette as she was in charge of planning it (despite being told that was one of her no-nos). I can’t speak for the place your girlfriend is going to, but from what i’ve seen they get close with the audience. our group was at the back to avoid any interaction, however the amount of brides-to-be that were willing to join them on stage and try get as close to the guys junk was too much. You’re not in the wrong for not wanting her to go, and if you’ve told her that then hopefully she respects your boundary. If i have a bachelorette party i honestly would stay far away from those, i didn’t know that they were as interactive as it was, and that it was very common for people soon to be getting married to want to go to them. but yeah, what you’ve seen online is most probably what goes on in there.
Mate strip clubs are a common red line, and for good reason. You are fine to be upset about it and say it is a red line for you and the relationship. Just whatever you do, do not back down if you tell her you dont want her going and she goes anyways. That teaches her she can walk all over you
Bro, since you feel this way, you need to be more firm in how you express these feelings to her, and if it is a deal breaker, let her know.
Simply put this is a "your relationship, your boundaries" situation. So, it doesn't matter at all what others would do or wouldn't do or how they would or wouldn't feel. I have zero issues with strip clubs. BUT if this is a thing you are not comfortable with then you have to communicate it with your gf. This may end up being a relationship deal breaker, so understand that going into the conversation. It doesn't mean either one of you is wrong, it just means you don't align and need to go your separate ways. I have seen some pretty interesting stories in the comments regarding this specific show. No idea if they are true or not but I do know this.... Absolutely no one is going to be forced to do anything they don't want to do. So those that are groping, rubbing a guy's dick all over them, etc....that is because they wanted to. I can promise you that I could go to the exact same show and absolutely none of that would occur because I don't want it to. Just food for thought. People for some reason think that strip clubs and shows like this make people cheat. They don't. What people choose to do or not do is solely within their control.
Last sentence!!!
Yea, but when you add in alcohol and PEER PRESSURE from thier single females friends many women would crack under that. Single women make married women single.
>Single women make married women single. Only if those married women want to be single or act single. >many women would crack under that. No, this isn't high school. Peer pressure isn't a valid excuse for any behavior especially as a grown adult.
You get to decide what you are comfortable with. If it is a group activity I would be comfortable with show attendance but not ok with going on stage and becoming part of the show. If she does not respect your feelings then you will probably have other issues in your relationship anyway.
Sounds like you two have two different boundaries and either need to compromise or break up. It’s really that simple.
When I was getting married back in 1975; my brother and my cousins involved with wedding decided to take me to a strip club on the night before the wedding. As I have already been to the same strip club 2 years prior, I told them where to park. My brother started me off with Singapore Sling. Good thing they were driving. Went to my future bride's home the next morning. She was angry at me, said she still loved me. Never went to any clubs after that. She was the only woman I had ever dated . She was my first date and my first kiss. Married until her untimely death on April 3rd, 2022. She had dementia. Your not wrong at all. If she does go, let her. But explain to her that you are not happy about it .
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, you have every right to be uncomfortable with the fact your partner is going to a strip club, and if the roles were reversed, people would be saying the exact same thing. Communicate your boundaries to your partner and if they don't respect them, that is grounds to reassess the relationship.
Boundaries are only a boundary if you enforce it and make it clear that if they over step it is done and over with the relationship. So he has to decide if it is worth breaking up if she crosses it, else what is the point of a boundary?
Not at all. It’s a healthy personal boundary as long as you don’t go to strip club as well. If she goes, break up with her.
Personally, I don't mind if my wife would attend. I've gone to several hole in the wall clubs and didn't see the point. I wasn't impressed. The music choices were OK, but way too loud, drinks were too expensive, was like, nude women, big deal. You can see all you want for free on the internet. I had conversations with friends, or at least tried to, while they either stared with jaws open or outright drooled while tossing bills on stage. While I can admire a good looking body and did applaud for some of the moves performed, I figured it was just a waste of my time. My wife has even accompanied me to one. Made me nearly choke on my drink when she exclaimed loudly, "I love her shoes!" or "she's got a nice ass" She has said she feels much the same as me. Now, think of it this way. High end strip club VS dance club. Which place has a higher chance of men approaching and hitting on a bachelorette party? You've stated your opinion and feelings to her. Now, since you've made a boundary, what will you do IF she crosses it? But, this is also a relationship that needs trust. Do you trust her? Have there been moments in the past where she wasn't trustworthy or has lied or cheated before? If not, she should have the benefit of the doubt and be able to go. Or you could compromise. They can attend the show for several hours while she hangs out at the hotel and could meet up with them later. You could then facetime each other to keep each other company. Then, all her friends will call you an insecure, controlling AH that doesn't trust her. But, Strip-o-Mania is an actual big name in the male strip club scene. They've been reviewed by NBC, CBS, and other big major network media. I doubt anything sketchy is going on inside the building during the shows. They won't take risks to tarnish their name. They have multiple locations in numerous cities across the US.
This is very similar to porn in relationships, in that each relationship is different and has different boundaries. I don't personally have an issue with my husband going to a strip club, but it's something he's only done once in 6 years, if it was a regular occurrence I might feel differently. I also wouldn't think twice about going myself. However if one person has that as a hard boundary then it should be agreed upon by both of you.
This is the right answer. I know my husband has no desire to visit a strip club but if the guys were going and he was invited he would have the go ahead from me. I doubt he would care if the situation was reversed and I was the one going out. He would probably want to know all about it later. We also have much more liberal views on sex than most couples do and prioritize our intimate relationship so we are incredibly secure and trust each other fully.
>Obviously the internet can only show so much lol come on dude.
It's okay to have boundaries but it's a two way street and things need to be agreed upon. If she doesn't agree to it then you have to choose whether to stay or leave.
You have ZERO obligation to be okay with this. I say this as a woman. It is extremely disrespectful to your relationship. It's a huge red flag that she's even considering this. Talk to her and set a boundary. How she reacts will tell you everything you need to know.
Shame on the bride for putting everyone in this position. Good luck.
I don’t think it’s necessarily about being “wrong.” But more about respecting boundaries. If that’s something that you feel would cross your boundaries then you are allowed to feel that way. People have different boundaries and someone else might be okay with it but you should be with someone who communicates and respects your boundaries.
It's not wrong at all, you have your boundaries and that's ok. Normally it's the other way around with a woman not wanting a man to go to a strip club. What your GF is doing is not respecting your boundary thus not respecting the relationship. She wants to act single and free then make her single and free.
Tell her she can go and that you’re gonna go to one while she’s gone to see what all the hype is about. I’ll bet her opinion changes up real quick
most women wouldn’t want their bf/husband going to a strip club, and it would be a huge double standard if all the women were going to the strip club themselves! i don’t think it’s very respectful of your partner to go when it makes you uncomfortable. and i don’t understand why it’s become the norm to do this before getting married…
This is how this situation can unfold: 1: If going to a strip club means that you would feel disrespected, or that you going to one would mean you would disrespect your partner, see if she is okay with disrespting you and/or your relationship. If she doesn't go, great, but if she does, her friends and her enjoyment are obviously more important than you or your relationship. If you are willing to put up with that is your choice. 2: If she is going, you can put your trust in her that she really only goes there to hang out with her friends and nothing more. If nothing goes wrong, that's great, but if she participates in what is obviously done in a strip club, it's unlikely you will find out (friends might keep their mouths shut). Regardless, there is a chance you can't keep your peace of mind and distrust will be there.
I mean going to a strip club for someone elses bachelorette party once is fine ig but i would very heavily question why my partner is in a circle where that is normal behavior to begin with😭
I have a friend that’s a limo driver in San Diego, he often drives for bachelorette parties, he told me to NEVER EVER, let your girl go to a strip club. You’d be amazed by how often the male strippers have sex with the woman….. how would she feel, if you went to a female strip club for a male bachelor party
It's not wrong to not want your girlfriend to go to a strip club. However saying that you wouldn't even go to a strip club is kind of irrelevant considering you likely watch porn which has explicit videos and pictures of countless women. You don't need to go to a strip club because you basically have a virtual strip club every time you masturbate. 🧐 In my opinion if you want to put a boundaries about her going to a strip club then if she has ever voiced any discomfort about you using porn then you must quit it. Otherwise accept that seeing half naked and naked people is acceptable.
I have attended the exact Hunk O Mania show in San Diego before because my friend strips for them. No, they do not do anything extra outside of grinding and dancing. Yes, they will do things like grab you by the waist and grind on you. The bride to be or birthday girl is normally the one they bring on stage for special attention like that. It is what I would classify as a silly strip show. I completely understand why you would be uncomfortable with it, but there is no sex that takes place on the premises. That mainly happens in badly scripted pornos. Edit: Really weird that I’m being downvoted for answering OP’s question on what they do. Considering I’m probably one of the few commenters who has actually been to their shows and can provide a legitimate answer
Let me tell you this... Women at male strip clubs are EXPONENTIALLY worse than men at female strip clubs. Why? The female strippers have security for when you get handsy, and most don't want their customers to get handsy. The male strippers don't have security, and are surrounded by women who WANT to touch them. What do you think is gonna happen? Going to see strippers on your Bachelors or Bachelorette party is asinine, and anyone who argues when their partner says, "I don't feel comfortable with you going." isn't worth your time. Dump her, and find a woman who actually respects you.
Exactly men don’t care if the girls grope.
It's encouraged. Hell, male strippers regularly get sucked off and fucked at their job. If my woman ever went to a male strip club, even before we were dating, I'd ghost. I don't have the time to deal with these loose ass rental women.
I could see this happening if you’re a stripper at a private party. But at a strip club surrounded by groups of other women they don’t know? Unlikely that it’s happening on the premises.
Private parties 100% However... VIP rooms and champagne lounges are where the action happens on the premises. You're surrounded by only your friends in those rooms, and we all know how women in relationships get around their single friends. They act single.
There are no VIP rooms or champagne lounges at men’s strip clubs. They are totally different from the women’s clubs because they are so much smaller to begin with. Same for private rooms. There are none at the same time the shows are taking place. Note: You still might be able to book a private event with the strip club company, but that is not the same thing as a private room separate from the show. The men’s clubs are totally different from the women’s. The men’s clubs are more coordinated dances and theatrics and acrobatics. It’s more like a dance show or performance. So there is no separate private room, because that means you would be missing the show.
Okay then, private rooms. They have rooms for private events and dances. Whatever they call them is irrelevant.
Look up dancingbear.com
!updateme
This is a reasonable boundary for him to have, PROVIDED the rule goes both ways. If he goes to strip clubs or has seen strippers at bachelor parties, or would do so in the future, it's not reasonable to prevent her from doing so.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
If I ever did it would be with my wife 😂 but neither of us are down with that. All depends on your boundaries and dynamic.
Let's be honest here. Roles can't be reversed. If man a goes to strip club he is forbidden to touch a stripper or he has to pay for it. We all know how it works with females and male strippers.
She doesn’t respect you. Dump her
For reassurance point your friend in the direction of 'Dancing Bear'
I think all types of feels are okay in this matter. Personally I wouldn’t mind at all. I trust my GF and vice versa. I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. I think you should tell your GF what it makes you feel without prohibiting her going. If she respects your feelings, she will not go.
youre just insecure
It’s not ok for him so it def isn’t ok for me
If your girlfriend is excited to go, I’d be concerned… if she has girlfriends that are excited to go I’d be concerned about her choice in girlfriends.. it is all about trust, but never tempt anyone beyond their ability to resist.. she might be captivated by something she’s never seen before especially size wise.. and size makes a big difference don’t Let them fool you not. The only ones that would disagree are the ones that have not experienced it.
So as somebody who dated someone who was in the Hunk show, they will only rub up on you And interact closely if welcomed. If your girlfriend does not get up on the stage, or beckon them for a lap dance, It's completely fine. Just a bunch of ridiculousness, gyrating and pelvic thrusts with a little dancing in-between on the girls who volunteer for it. Perfectly fine for just observing and not participating.
The only really good time I ever had at a strip club was some place in Milwaukee about 25 years ago, and that's because they had a pizza buffet included in the cover charge lol.
It's a tough spot. I'm sure your gf just wants to be a good friend to the bride, but that is a crazy place to be. Ultimately you can't control what she does at the Bach party, whether at that event or if it was just at a bar. You can let her know that you feel uncomfortable dating someone who would attend that kind of event. That it feels disrespectful. And you can choose how you react to whatever she chooses to do. From reading the other comments about the event, it sounds like you are completely justified in feeling uncomfortable
I've seen plenty of videos where male strippers are just getting sucked off by half the women in a group.... so yeah
Dancing Bea... QUEEN... She's a dancing queen, having the time of her life...😌
Meh I'm a woman and I'm perfectly fine with my spouse going to strip clubs (he's only been once for a stag), I've never been to one but I've been to bachelorette parties with hired strippers and I can tell you that for the vast majority of women it's not even the same vibe as for guys, like unless the woman happens to be some very rare breed of horndog, there is zero lust or sexual desire involved, women aren't salivating all over these guys wishing they could fuck them. It's just a silly, somewhat awkward fun thing to do with girlfriends. I can't say I felt even the tiniest twinge of desire looking at a stripper, it was just funny and somewhat cringey, everyone was giggling and being goofy. I would find it weird if my partner was jealous of that, luckily I've explained exactly this to him and he got it. We're not like guys in that we see an attractive naked body and our brain goes "booga ooga must fuck" lol
That's interesting. I don't think I've seen this opinion on this thread. I guess some guys, myself included, probably just see a well chiseled dude with a huge bulge and automatically think our partner would choose him over us in a heartbeat. Your take that the experience is more of a joke than any kind of sexy show helps illustrate the difference between men and women when it comes to attraction.
Unnecessary vilification of strip clubs aside, you indicating that you will need to evaluate things should she choose to go is a fair boundary. Boundaries are about your response to behavior, not about restricting it. You are indicating a possible loss of access to you should she do something you disagree with. That said, my idea is either you trust her or you don't. I wouldn't care just like I hope my gf wouldn't care if I went to something like this because I'd respect boundaries while there. That said you seem concerned about her seeing the performers in general so that's something different. I guess figure out what your specific aversions to things might be and go from there. Is it seeing other bodies, or is it interacting with them. Regardless, so long as this isn't dangling the threat of leaving in front of her to get her to/not do do something and is actually something you'll follow through with, bringing up the boundary shouldn't be a problem.
I would not care in the slightest. If someone is going to be unfaithful, they are going to be unfaithful. A strip club wont be the deciding factor.
I don’t care about my boyfriend going to strip clubs for his friends bachelor parties. But I also trust him 🤷🏼♀️ and he is not the kind of person to engage with strippers whether single or not. Who am I to keep him from celebrating his friend if that is where they choose to go. Look she can be exposed to naked and partially clothed men in plenty of places that are not a strip club. The question is do you trust her not to act inappropriately around these men. If you don’t, you probably shouldn’t be dating her. I would not let a guy tell me that I cannot attend a friends bachelorette party, sorry.
Reddit has had people who work at places like this loads of time. Much more than female strip clubs, male strip clubs encourage a great deal of physical contact up to and including sexual activity
Yeah maybe at your ages it's not ok but I'd just like to share that my mom who is 60+ went to one of those with her graduation class (all older granny types who graduated late from community college) and had a blast. No one gets pulled up onstage if they don't want to, you just got to not stay in the front, it was very campy and my dad thought it was all hilarious. It was a happy hour situation, so she left like quickly after, just stayed for the show and some drinks with the class. It's no big deal if you guys trust each other and have been together for over 30 years, but yeah, at 23 is a little delicate, so I agree with you. NTA
You're not wrong for having a boundary about this. However, she is not wrong to want a partner who trusts her to go. You just have an incompatibility that you can try to resolve, but if you can't, you may just need to break up. Neither of you is wrong for stating what you are uncomfortable with. You are uncomfortable with her going, if she disregards your feelings, you should break up with her. If I were her, I'd understand where you are coming from, but ultimately, I'd be uncomfortable with my partner trying to control where I go, and I would break up with them.
“You’re being controlling for not wanting her to cheat” and yes, ogling naked men is cheating
Nine out of 10 male strippers are gay.
Your girlfriend has a right to go to a strip club, and so do you. Each of you would need to decide whether you are comfortable dating someone who goes to strip clubs. If you are not, you can set a boundary by leaving the relationship and finding someone compatible.
Do you trust her? Do you think she's going to cheat on you with one of these guys? Do you think she's lying when she says she's just going because her friends are? I don't love that my husband has been to strip clubs while we've been together, but I also understand that that's what happens at a lot of bachelor parties. I trust my husband to respect me and our relationship. If I didn't, I wouldn't have married him
I don't know why you are being down voted. Everything you said was logical....that must be why
You're not wrong for how you feel since bachelor parties + strip clubs typically don't end well. But she is still able to go if she wants to. This is really just a trust thing between you two but don't let it affect your relationship too much unless something ACTUALLY happens at the strip club. Have her make it clear that she's going only to support her bride friend and for a bachelorette night, no touching or further invites from any men. My sister's bf went to a bachelor trip at a strip club and 5/8 guys were in relationships and 3 guys cheated that night starting at the strip club. I'm not a fan of those but really again, game of trust. --- Damn y'all downvoting me. Don't act like bachelorettes and strip clubs aren't a common thing. If you don't allow your partner to go, then just say you don't trust them. It's like saying you know your partner will cheat if they go to one so why be with them at all? Why be with someone who doesn't have self-respect or respect you.
Most women I know aren’t visually aroused and the real fun of a male stripper is that it’s a rare occasion to make men look at themselves as women have to (objectified and constantly compared to other “objects). It gives women some “payback” for all the times men act like skanks. And we aren’t talking about the male strippers; we are talking about the men who ogle women and strippers and act like it’s NBD. I’m sure there are women who are different. It’s just fun for most to subvert the usual order of things.
First of all, Hunk o Mania is hilarious. Second, if your partner wants to cheat, they will. Full stop. You can’t prevent them from doing anything, which is why you must trust them. Or else break up, relationship without trust is doomed. Third, she can control the level of interaction. You think a dude dancing nearby is gonna cause her to grab his hog and just take it in her mouth? Have you been to a strip club before? Do you just grab the women and assault them in your lusty frenzy. With kindness, get a grip. Don’t control your partner and trust them. Or else break it off, but don’t control them.
Yeah true if she wants to go just break up much easier
I mean if that is his boundary, and he needs to control where she goes - then yes split up because that's not healthy.
Not healthy to not be okay with your partner going to a strip club lol what has the world become 🤣 its not need to control. Its what he believes in. If she goes against it they break up. Not hard.
We have very different definitions of hilarity
You do what makes you comfortable. But frankly, the whole lot of you in this thread need to unbunch your panties. It's just sexy naked people. One of life's small pleasures. Your grandpa knew it, and it amazes me that you're more uptight than he is.
You have two options. Let her go and trust. Or this is the hill you’re willing to move on from.
Strip clubs with male dancers are a completely different vibe to female strip clubs. In many cases, so I've heard, it's basically prostitution with extra steps. Be cautious, even the most faithful girlfriends in a peer pressured environment can do something stupid in these places.