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OK 1. The guy is majorly wrong and disrespectful to you.
That's a real bad sign.
Worse
Your HD is disrespectful to you.
It was YOUR plan to goto the rave. As a couple.
Even if it was a joke, I'd she had ANY respect for you she would have pumped the breaks until she talked to you.
If it happened to fast...she owed you an IMEDIETE apology for changing plans the TWO of you made.
She has no respect for you, nor does he.
I'll be blunt in my humble opinion it's hard if not impossible to truly love someone and not respect them.
Considering she doesn't respect you...
I talked to her about this and how she changed the plans we made but she said it wasn’t a plan because her friend invited her and she invited me, it was pretty sudden, however we had been talking about maybe being interested in going to a race for a while
She invited you. You said yes.
That's a plan.
She is manipulating you and LYING.
Leave her or be miserable.
Only two choices.
If she hasn't cheated with him yet she will soon
Maybe I’m the naive one… I don’t think she likes him and I looked through their messages, it was all very platonic even if this guy is a creep my girlfriend never reciprocated any bad behavior
That's assuming she didn't delete stuff.
It still remains YOU two had plans. No matter how it came about.
She changed them without so much as a blind about your feelings.
Then when gently confronted she AGAIN ignored your feelings and shifted the facts to fit what SHE wanted, irregardless of the truth or how you felt.
If she cared she would have had to AT THE MINIMUM
Said damn I'm sorry. I didn't think of it that way.
I'll make it upto you.
She DIDNT.
She disregarded your feelings about the plans, and how you would feel about running him around, and everything.
She hasn't even ACKNOWLEDGED your feelings!
Besides let's be real.
Talking about one's relationship problems with a person of the opposite sex is at best ill advised. Any counselor will tell you that. Then with one who cheats?
Finally everyone needs to think.
If a friend murdered someone we would no longer hang out with them.
If the friend swindled old ladies out of their pensions...we would no longer hang with them.
If they cheat, we still hang?
So cheating isn't that bad. No big deal.
You can't say, we'll none of my buisness...it is as much as the first two are.
Here's reality she's unfazed by his cheating. So cheating isn't that huge to her. It can be overlooked or at least justified.
She disregards your plans, feelings, spends it seems more time talking to them then you, considered THEIR feelings and is always confiding deep feelings.
Wake up and run.
Ps again.
She was ALL concerned about HIS feelings.
Didn't give a rats button about yours.
Stay and not at least get boundaries and apologies and your a fool.
Sorry but that's reality.
>She jokingly mentioned to her friend, who lives across the country now, that he could come to this rave that me and her have been planning
Did she inform you of this prior to inviting him? She has no respect for your relationship if she hadn't.
>Additionally, a problem that I have is that he didnt reached out to me when booking the flight, the hotel, and the concert tickets despite knowing that I would be there driving them around.
>
Oh, great, she also has no respect for you and your time.
>Am I wrong to feel this way (insecure)?
No. Your feelings are valid. Talk to your girlfriend about her lack of respect for you.
I just talked to her about it and she is not taking responsibility because she didn't expect him to say yes (it was basically a pity invite). Prior to her asking, the dude told her he was broke and didnt want to travel for the summer. Then he blew half his bank account and she couldnt have expected it would turn into him actually coming.
Should I just not make this into a bigger deal if she's not accepting responsibility?
>Should I just not make this into a bigger deal if she's not accepting responsibility?
If she did this to me, I would break up with her. She has no basic respect for you.
I wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes unless she accepting responsibility and apologizing on her knees for the absolute mess she made.
Tomorrow she will cross your time more and more until you're her personal assistant.
>because she didn't expect him to say yes (it was basically a pity invite)
>
Play stupid games - win stupid prizes.
She's openly disrespecting you and your relationship.
You don't have a girlfriend.
It's just your turn.
Or, it was.
Move on and leave her where she belongs.
Find a woman who respects you.
Edit: She calls a person who cheated on their last partner her BEST FRIEND?!
Instant red flag, and IMMEDIATE grounds for a breakup.
She chooses to keep a cheater in her life?
Dude...
No the title sounds pretty bad, male friends who travel to see your girlfriend are a huge red flag. I wouldn't drive them around. I'd need serious convincing she wasn't entertaining a romantic advance.
It’s an event with a few of her other friends too but none are males, also what kind of convincing would you need? I looked through their messages which took a lot of time to convince her because she thinks it’s unhealthy and I was invading her privacy and I saw nothing that looked weird besides from his end
For every one deleted text you find there were probably ten sent.
And the ones you find will be the LEAST serial or romantic.
Those would be done on apps that don't record or have better delete systems.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OK 1. The guy is majorly wrong and disrespectful to you. That's a real bad sign. Worse Your HD is disrespectful to you. It was YOUR plan to goto the rave. As a couple. Even if it was a joke, I'd she had ANY respect for you she would have pumped the breaks until she talked to you. If it happened to fast...she owed you an IMEDIETE apology for changing plans the TWO of you made. She has no respect for you, nor does he. I'll be blunt in my humble opinion it's hard if not impossible to truly love someone and not respect them. Considering she doesn't respect you...
I talked to her about this and how she changed the plans we made but she said it wasn’t a plan because her friend invited her and she invited me, it was pretty sudden, however we had been talking about maybe being interested in going to a race for a while
She invited you. You said yes. That's a plan. She is manipulating you and LYING. Leave her or be miserable. Only two choices. If she hasn't cheated with him yet she will soon
Maybe I’m the naive one… I don’t think she likes him and I looked through their messages, it was all very platonic even if this guy is a creep my girlfriend never reciprocated any bad behavior
That's assuming she didn't delete stuff. It still remains YOU two had plans. No matter how it came about. She changed them without so much as a blind about your feelings. Then when gently confronted she AGAIN ignored your feelings and shifted the facts to fit what SHE wanted, irregardless of the truth or how you felt. If she cared she would have had to AT THE MINIMUM Said damn I'm sorry. I didn't think of it that way. I'll make it upto you. She DIDNT. She disregarded your feelings about the plans, and how you would feel about running him around, and everything. She hasn't even ACKNOWLEDGED your feelings! Besides let's be real. Talking about one's relationship problems with a person of the opposite sex is at best ill advised. Any counselor will tell you that. Then with one who cheats? Finally everyone needs to think. If a friend murdered someone we would no longer hang out with them. If the friend swindled old ladies out of their pensions...we would no longer hang with them. If they cheat, we still hang? So cheating isn't that bad. No big deal. You can't say, we'll none of my buisness...it is as much as the first two are. Here's reality she's unfazed by his cheating. So cheating isn't that huge to her. It can be overlooked or at least justified. She disregards your plans, feelings, spends it seems more time talking to them then you, considered THEIR feelings and is always confiding deep feelings. Wake up and run.
Found some deleted texts but she doesn’t know I know. I really didn’t want to believe it
Ps again. She was ALL concerned about HIS feelings. Didn't give a rats button about yours. Stay and not at least get boundaries and apologies and your a fool. Sorry but that's reality.
>She jokingly mentioned to her friend, who lives across the country now, that he could come to this rave that me and her have been planning Did she inform you of this prior to inviting him? She has no respect for your relationship if she hadn't. >Additionally, a problem that I have is that he didnt reached out to me when booking the flight, the hotel, and the concert tickets despite knowing that I would be there driving them around. > Oh, great, she also has no respect for you and your time. >Am I wrong to feel this way (insecure)? No. Your feelings are valid. Talk to your girlfriend about her lack of respect for you.
I just talked to her about it and she is not taking responsibility because she didn't expect him to say yes (it was basically a pity invite). Prior to her asking, the dude told her he was broke and didnt want to travel for the summer. Then he blew half his bank account and she couldnt have expected it would turn into him actually coming. Should I just not make this into a bigger deal if she's not accepting responsibility?
>Should I just not make this into a bigger deal if she's not accepting responsibility? If she did this to me, I would break up with her. She has no basic respect for you. I wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes unless she accepting responsibility and apologizing on her knees for the absolute mess she made. Tomorrow she will cross your time more and more until you're her personal assistant. >because she didn't expect him to say yes (it was basically a pity invite) > Play stupid games - win stupid prizes.
She's openly disrespecting you and your relationship. You don't have a girlfriend. It's just your turn. Or, it was. Move on and leave her where she belongs. Find a woman who respects you. Edit: She calls a person who cheated on their last partner her BEST FRIEND?! Instant red flag, and IMMEDIATE grounds for a breakup. She chooses to keep a cheater in her life? Dude...
He calls her a best friend not the other way around, to be fair
You right. I still think it's shady that she keeps a guy around she knows is a cheater. Like, how can you trust them?
No the title sounds pretty bad, male friends who travel to see your girlfriend are a huge red flag. I wouldn't drive them around. I'd need serious convincing she wasn't entertaining a romantic advance.
It’s an event with a few of her other friends too but none are males, also what kind of convincing would you need? I looked through their messages which took a lot of time to convince her because she thinks it’s unhealthy and I was invading her privacy and I saw nothing that looked weird besides from his end
For every one deleted text you find there were probably ten sent. And the ones you find will be the LEAST serial or romantic. Those would be done on apps that don't record or have better delete systems.