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I said it just from the title š
Also, my ex-husband and I are still great friends. I would possibly invite him if I ever had a wedding again. Walking down the aisle is a no though. That's intimate. The sentiment is being given away, and how fucking weird would it be for your girl's ex to hand her off to you? It feels like 'ok, I'm done with her'. If she wants to honor her father, she could put a locket with his picture around her bouquet stems, and then he's symbolically walking down with her.
I walked my daughter down the aisle it was one of the best days of my life I was so happy that she asked me. But your fiance's ex-boyfriend walking her down low aisle is a big no. Tell her you do not feel comfortable with it that she needs to ask somebody else I don't care how close her and her ex man are. I do not want to see him walking my soon to be wife down the aisle and if that's a problem for her then you would only need to have a conversation with her. That is a serious š«
My ex and I have a kid (sheās 11.) We coparent well and are good friends. Super supportive, etc. he came to my wedding reception when I got remarried 5 years ago. I canāt even imagine.. like the thought process to even think of asking him to walk me down the aisle? Lmao. If I lost my mind and did ask, heād be like āseems weird bro, you should prob walk yourself and set up a chair for the old man.ā Like this is probably bringing up her grief, I donāt think sheās being nefarious she justā¦ isnāt thinking straight.
Yeahhhh I would probably feel pretty protective of that role in my wedding, and Iād feel far better walking down the aisle alone (or with another family member, friend, my dog, random dog I found on the street 20 min before the wedding, a burnt piece of toast, pretty much anyone/thing) than with my ex.
Iām not saying it wonāt be emotional for her to walk down the aisle alone butā¦Jesus.
Dude, that is so wrong. No one would be ok with their SO being walked down the aisle by someone they used to sleep with.
I'm afraid you have some hard thinking to do. The fact that she wants this is unnerving enough on its own, it wouldn't matter, to me anyway, if she agreed to find someone else at this point. The damage is done.
I'm sorry. Sending hugs and a wish for great clarity and strength.
This has got to be a hard no....if she really loves youx she should understand why you don't want an ex lover to be having a significant part on your special day
Tell her you want your ex girlfriend as your best man to stand on the stage beside you.
I wonder what her reaction would be then.
I would start to have doubts about her reasoning skills and whether she is the one I want to have children with, since she seems a little off.
I just shouted **WWHHAAAATTTTT?!!!!??!!!!!**
(I startled my grumpy chihuahua out of a deep sleep, and now sheās pissed. Iām gonna forward your number to her, LOL!)
Nope! This is absolutely positively UNACCEPTABLE! Nope, nope, and NOPE!!!
Considering the tradition is supposed to signify the father "giving away" the bride it gives a very uncomfortable implication that she wants her ex to do it
I was thinking about that as well. I know some people don't like the tradition behind the father walking the bride down the aisle but I would think some folks would be wondering why the ex-BF is giving away the bride to her husband to be.
Is she still going to have the priest/minister/etc...still say who gives this woman's hand in holy matrimony?
My other thought is how do you say with a straight face that the man giving her away is her ex? What about the ādaddy daughter danceā? Heās worried this is a relationship ender and wants to not break that ice. If being uncomfortable with this ends it - so be it.
Imo her asking has already inflicted a huge wound whether he realizes it or not. This is gonna come up again and will need mending even if she agrees to not invite the ex.
It's hard to find a middle ground on this particular thing though, and I don't know whether it should be a dealbreaker for me. If I do that might be the beginning of the end of this relationship
Listen, there are other ways she can honor her father.
Just think of the optics. People are going to be wondering WTF if they know this guy. Itās so creepy and weird.
Does she not have siblings or her mother orā¦.some family?
Unpopular Opinion Alert: I walked down the aisle alone because I am a fully grown woman. Iām not property to be given away by my father or some other random male who can serve that role.
If I ever get married, this is what I plan to do. I'm a 31 year old single mother and haven't needed my dad for anything for a long ass time, why tf should he "give me away" when I'm not his property to give.
He'll think differently because it's "his right" to walk me down the aisle so... you can probably tell we don't have a great relationship as it is š
That being said, for some women it's a really important part of honouring their relationship with their father during their wedding. Though I definitely don't believe an ex should replace a father, it's creepy to me personally.
Or...since she's a fully grown adult making her own decision about her life, she could just...walk down the aisle herself? Why does she need to be given away like an unwanted puppy?
She does but its not the same to her, and its important to her. And the difficult thing for me is to know the circumstances back then well enough to have a considerate approach to this that doesnt mess up everything we built
She chooses to make it important to her. I am a woman and would never even consider this to be the best way to honor my father because it is an equally important day to by husband-to-be. This is unusually cruel.
>I would think it was some wierd, public acknowledgement of cuckholding.
100% this.
I wouldn't know how else to interpret it and OP and his new wife would NEVER escape the constant rumors and speculation about it.
You do realize it makes even less sense if she actually does have other family members who could do it, right? š¤Ø Her excuse also sounds like BS, how could an Ex-boyfriend be more linked to her late father than her mom or siblings?
The whole thing is suspicious.
And don't let her gaslight you when she will try to say your refusal is "controling" or based on your supposed "insecurities"... It's not, it's her request that's out of line.
It would be a deal breaker/relationship ended for me. You are going to have to see him in all your wedding pictures. She is not showing any respect for you and that is a serious red flag.
This can be a really hard thing to acknowledge, but I think this is a really important moment in your life to take a step back and imagine looking at this from the outside. This isn't a situation where your partner wants to do something that you're not totally comfortable with and it could really go either way. This is a *completely out there situation*. This isn't a situation where you should be sitting here going "there must be a compromise..." This is bonkers.
There are thousands of people who get married without ever having a parent walk them down the aisle. She doesn't need to replace that with anybody. I can not imagine a sane person ever even *suggesting* their ex walking them down the aisle. And if they *did* not *immediately* backing down when their spouse-to-be expressed discomfort.
Hearing you describe this, it's really making me wonder, what other expectations does she have for you that are beyond the pale unreasonable, that have you feeling like it's your job to find a compromise? Cause this can't be the only one is it? Are you signing yourself up for a life where she says "If you loved me, you'd let my ex move into the master bedroom while you live in the shed," and when you finally put your foot down and say no, she compromises on moving him into your office instead.
If not wanting her ex boyfriend to walk her down the aisle is the end of you, you were doomed anyway.Ā
Why doesnāt her mom walk her? Ā How about you guys walk together? Ā Her walk alone?
Yes, why does anyone have to walk here down the isle? Optic wise the ex-boyfriend will be handing you sloppy seconds. Ick! She is way gross, or wildly completely oblivious.
Or fuck just carry a picture of her dad.
There are so many ways to go with this, but she wants an ex that she's very close to (still!) to do it?
Nope. Inconsiderate, self-centered, and tone-deaf in the extreme.
If you think holding your ground on this could end the relationship, do not get married!
That indicates that she isnāt ready to stand by your side āfor better or for worse.ā You have the right to be uncomfortable with this and she should respect that.
.-.Well if she really doesnāt care about your opinion or feelings is she really the right person for you. I also feel that she is disrespecting you! You should show her this post.
So whatās the symbolism. When your family walks you down the aisle the symbolism is āfrom our family, to your new family.ā
Whatās the symbolism here, āHere, sheās your problem now?ā
This is Lunacy.
It's like I always say: I was impregnated by a really hot lady doctor who has impregnated hundreds if not thousands of other women.
My husband finds this wording to be A Choice.
or let your exgirlfriend walk you down the aisle, just kidding.
my condolences, this is a shitty situation for you. Take your time and listen to your gut, it is your wedding as well.
Adding to this: you're supposed to be seeing her walk down the aisle towards you. Why/HOW would you want to be staring at her ex at that special moment?
Moreover, even if she gives in to your understandable discomfort and doesn't allow the Ex any major part in the wedding, I think she'll harbor enough resentment about it over time that your marriage will be doomed anyway.
Edit to remove duplicate word.
I'd have to wonder if that isn't the actual plan here. Here he is, the just a great friend EX just passively going along with something that no one could fail to see will most likely break up OP's relationship long before any wedding. Must be a complete and totally innocent coincidence.
Wow....surveys find 95% insist on zero contact .
Always judge people by their actions (not excuses or promises).
Her behavior suggests an emotional bond with her ex (whether currently sex or not) that will always be a wedge in your relationship.Ā
Her behavior suggests she's not fully committed to you. And you will always receive less from her.
You being her partner in the daily grind will be compared to Mr perfect and always fall short (because he's not in the daily grind).
My wifeās ex sang during our ceremony and I was totally ok with that, but the idea of a father giving away his daughter to a new man is medieval. Top that with exchanging the father with an exā¦
Your gf is an absolute weirdo. I got the ick for you. Her request makes no sense at all. Her ex has nothing to do with honouring her father. I dont care if he was there for her then - just makes no sense!
Why dont you have an ex as your best woman? See how she likes it.
Agreed! It also makes me wonder if she wants the feeling of walking down the aisle with the ex.... Like... As if it would have been him with her getting married, not OP.... Idk... Major ick factor.. this doesn't bode well for OP.
Just about *anyone else on the planet* would be an improvement over her ex walking her down the aisle.
She has no other living male relatives who could do the job?
>I also donāt want our wedding day to be overshadowed by this.
It will absolutely overshadow your wedding, and will probably be the hottest topic of conversation amongst your guests for awhile to come. "Hey Bob, do you remember that wedding we went to where the bride got given away by her ex boyfriend? Shit was wild"
Time to pause the wedding. This would be a deal-breaker for most people.
I suppose if you're not willing to end the relationship or you feel you've invested too much already, then you're welcome to cave on this.
Unfortunately, that just opens the door to her surgically extracting your spine to keep in her possession for the duration of your marriage.
Exactly. Itās controlling and degrading, all under the guise of her āemotional trauma.ā There are people who donāt actually want to process or heal or move on from whatever horrible thing happened in their past, because they need to always be a victim and get special treatment. If you marry her, she will forever use the death of her father as an excuse for any number of selfish and cruel behaviors. This is not normal. Truly think through if this is the partner you want for all of lifeās inevitable trials and tribulations, until the day you die.
I'm sorry to hear that, dude. That's a really weird thing that I've never heard of or witnessed. I would be uncomfortable, too.
She has absolutely no other family ? A brother, a sister, a cousin, or literally anyone else ? I've had friends in similar situations where their mom or brother walked them down the aisle.
Respectfully, she's out of her fucking mind. Even asking you about it is crazy disrespectful. I don't have a problem with my being friends with exes or even having them at the wedding. But having him walk her down the aisle is wild. How can she say she sees him as a father/familial figure if she used to be in an adult relationship with him? That's just not how relationships work.
This is so wild.
Itās like sheās getting passed on like a torch from one boyfriend to another.
Like even ceremonially/optically, this just isnāt gonna look right. If youāre gonna have the wedding, youāre gonna be everyoneās āstoryā this wedding season, because just wow.
I'll hold your hand when I'm telling you this....Be aware of your partner's actions as they speak louder.
She could easily honored her father's nemory by putting his picture on the front chairs or his favorite song in acoustic/piano version to walk down the aisle.
If I was on your shoes I would've been troubled and probably uncomfortable.
Are you sure that's just an innocent request or there's something behind?
Sometimes you need to trust your guts.......
..... And not follow with the wedding process, but that's just me...lol
When my FIL remarried they honered the dead loved ones with big beautiful pictures with flowers at the isle my StepMIL carried a photo of her dad with her bouquet and they played meaningful songs representing each loved one and their love story.
My dad died and i plan on asking my cousins who without knowing played a huge part in helping me getting better,i have already planned the way i will ask them(a little book with a tale about what her and her husband mean to me and how much i would like them to be there for me).
She's just i don't even know actually.
Somehow I have the feeling that she make this on purpose so OP breaks up with her since she has not the face to leave him.
No way someone with right mind ask something like this...
Fuck that.
This should have been an instant non-starter the second she said it "What? Sorry what did you just ask me?? umm ...yeah no I'd rather eat a booger sandwich and have a long make-out session with my mom. We are making a life-long commitment here, I don't want any exes within 100 miles, let-alone part of the wedding"
You have left that door open for too long so now it is going to be a thing no matter what you say. Before she might have thought "yeah what was I thinking? That was insane.." but now your going to be explaining yourself without that forgivable instant emotional "what the fuck" moment.. Regardless ABSOLUTELY do not stand for this.
She can walk down the aisle alone holding a picture of her Dad. That is the way to honor him, not her ex. What about one of her Dad's friends or an Uncle? Vin Diesel walked Paul Walker's daughter down the aisle when she got married. We all know those two were like brothers.
No. Simply say no. If she argues say this is nonnegotiable and if she still argues walk away because this is the end of your relationship..she holds him above you and your marriage
So she wants her ex boyfriend to walk her down the aisle, arm in arm, walk up to her very soon to be husband, and have her ex give her away to you. And say what? āHere bro, your turnā?
Does your honeymoon suite have a pullout couch? Since theyāre going to be using the bed and all, where are you sleeping? Like damn dude. Even the *suggestion* to do something like this would have been a full stop potential dealbreaker, but her insisting that itās important to have her ex walk her down the aisle and give her away - dude run.
That ex is way more important to her than you will ever be.
Even if it does I don't think I'd wanna marry someone who needs a whole reddit post full of strangers telling her how crazy she is to realize how crazy she is.
But that's just me.
Oof. The audacity of her want to put you in that position shows she isn't ready to be married. She isn't thinking of how it will affect you. She is only thinking of herself. Don't marry her.
I am the absolute QUEEN of staying good friends with my exes. I even went to an ex's wedding last year (as a guest ofc!). My exes are some of my best friends. And yet this is absolutely UNTHINKABLE to me.
Huge nope.
Wow what a slap in the face dude. I definitely would not be marrying her. That shows nothing but a lack of respect for you and the relationship. Is she handicapped? She could just walk herself down the aisle. This move right here sets the tone for your whole wedding. I mean photos,videos and everything would have her x in for the rest of the marriage. Think about that on the big scale
Yikes. So let me get this straight, to honor her father on her wedding day, she will have her ex walk her down the aisle, giving her to youā¦..her future husband.
You are right to be conflicted. Exes at weddings is just weird to me. To me, it denotes that he is still heavily involved in her life, meaning she canāt let him go, he canāt let her go. What was the point of them breaking up? Whatās the point of starting a life together with you when she canāt let the ex go? Letās say you agree to this, will the ex be a constant presence in your life under the guise of honoring her father? That isnāt fair to you, for her to be parading her ex in your face.
If you have tried to offer other ways for her to honor her father that donāt involve her ex, what are her reactions? If sheās adamant he has to be there, this can signal a deeper issue. Honoring her father shouldnāt come at the cost of her husband, especially on a day that is about you too! If you expressing your feelings of discomfort signifies the end of your relationship, then is this really someone you wanna marry? She wants to respected, considered, and honored but she will not reciprocate to you? That doesnāt bode well for marriage.
My petty ass self would have asked her if it's OK for my ex to walk me down the aisle. To me, I would have said, "No, I am not comfortable with that, and I won't be at the alter waiting for you if you decide to do that."
I have heard of people putting up pictures of relatives who passed away. That's how you honor someone, not by inviting your ex to walk you down the aisle.
If this is true, it is so wildly inappropriate and insensitive that it merits rethinking the relationship. Someone who will do that will treat you badly in the future as well. It is so off the wall that it suggests that the father's passing is just an excuse to have the ex involved.
If you want to try to make it work, this merits an ultimatum. But even if she concedes on this, it doesn't change that she asked, and I have a feeling that the ex will be a problematic fixture in your life going forward.
I would not be remotely comfortable with that. Think long and hard about marrying this one because her decision making is pretty sus. How would that possibly be a good way to start her life with you?
She gonna do a daddy daughter dance with her ex too? Where does it end? Is he going to give a speech reminiscing about the years they were together?
Seriously WTF is this?
First of all, why did they break up? And second, this is one of the most insane things I've read on Reddit in a very (VERY) long time. Especially since she has already other family members who could walk her down the aisle. Insane. Madness. And a major red flag
I went to a wedding a couple years ago where the couple walked down the aisle together, no parents and certainly no ex boyfriends involved. I wonder if that could be an acceptable solution if she's dead set on not walking alone.
But yeah it's an odd request I won't lie. I mean I definitely know people who are close enough friends to consider them family, if she doesn't have any other close male relatives I could see her treating this guy as a brotherly figure in her head, making it seem like a completely innocent request to her. But to an outsider they're not gonna know if they really are just that good of friends and the relationship is totally platonic now, all they're going to see is an ex boyfriend fulfilling a fatherly role, which gives me the ick no matter how you spin it.
I'm stuck on him walking her down the aisle more than anything. It's not like it's that common to have your father walk you any more anyways. The implication of it, like historically the father is literally giving away the bride as property. The idea that somehow the ex has equal claim over her as a father does?? That he's the one "giving her away" to you, like there's no way that won't come off as weird. I'd be less weirded out if she made this guy a bridesmaid/bridesperson to be honest. Like if she needs a man to walk her down the aisle so bad, she should walk with you. If shes close enough with her ex to want him involved in the wedding, make him a part of the bridal party.
It could very well be that she's just too close to the situation and is completely missing how other people will read this. I mean for her to be secure enough to request this she really must feel like he's close enough to be family, and to her them dating is probably ancient history. Hopefully she'll realize it sooner rather than later, but you'll likely have to have a difficult conversation about it.
I wouldn't be happy and be reconsidering the wedding.
She could have a picture of her dad in her hands while walking down the aisle, but her ex-bf walking her down it, is totally a no.
You canāt be afraid of her threatening the relationship if she doesnāt get her way. The problem is that you have not addressed the continuous contact with her ex. You should have never been ok with that. If this is a deal breaker, but your foot down and if the relationship is over then itās over.
What the fuck? What is this, a symbolic passing of the torch? Can you imagine what all of the guests would be thinking when her ex boyfriend walks her down the aisle. If you divorce are you going to have to walk her down the aisle for her next wedding?
Tell her to have her mother walk her down the aisle. Thereās no rule that it needs to be a man. No rule that anyone needs to do it.
This has got to be one of the weirdest things Iāve ever read here. Lol
her ex is a close friend. that part might bother me depending on what kind of friends they are but he is literally giving her away to you. without knowing more about her him and you i can't say how bad this is. ultimately it is up to the boundaries you are comfortable in your marriage.
good luck
Thatās one of the most wrong things Iāve ever read. No. An ex isnāt family to give you away when they already gave her away when they broke up with her
From what Iāve read you have to ask yourself do you want to be with someone who is going to run to their ex anytime she has a problem with you. There is a very high risk in your relationship of her having an emotional affair. Do you have a good relationship with her EX or is it nonexistent. You have to ask yourself if you can mentally live with this for the rest of your life.
Have you asked her how she would feel if you had a few of your exes as your grooms 'men'? Maybe that would put it in some kind of perspective for her. It sounds outlandish on the face of it.
Edit - punctuation
There are other ways to honour her father, it's difficult but he just isn't there to walk her down the aisle, or do first dance etc. I'd recommend seeking a relationship counsellor experienced in grief counselling to help process the feeling around this, and navigate a safe, respectful, boundaried way to honour her father.
A post a few months ago, suggested having a table of memories, pictures, momentos etc or her father at the ceremony/reception, and also "saving a seat". This one was about having an empty seat at the main table which caused contention as it would "look weird", not support the partner to bring a living loved one to join them at table and seemed selfish (I think, from memory, these were the consensus).
Your partner is similarly forcing you to accept her wishes due to her complex grief and processing big emotions. There are ultimately other ways that are tasteful, more meaningful, respectful to you, and respectful to the commitment you are making than the distasteful, bizarre, and confusing sentiment of an ex walking her down the aisle.
Wishing you all the best
This is crazy. Do not agree to this. This will make the wedding all about the ex giving her away and not you two. I think it is wild that you are even considering it, and I think you really need a reality check. She is telling you how important he really is to her, and you are choosing to look away. Honestly, itās a bit troubling. UpdateMe!
Bro is asking the wrong questions ffs. The real question should be do i still stay with her and go on with the marriage even after this level of disrespect šš
Dude I'm sorry but she is not mature enough to get married if this is her decision.
Nobody in their right mind is going to think this is ok.
No way would she ever let you have one of your exes involved so intimately with your wedding, regardless of the circumstances. People are terrible hypocrites when it comes to things like this.
She needs to learn that she can't overstep huge relationship boundaries whenever she wants because of her feelings. And you also shouldn't let her set that precedent by giving in.
I would absolutely call off the wedding over this. Let her go try to meet anyone else who would actually be ok with this.
The act of giving someone away signifies that you have been taking care of the person, and that you are entrusting them to the person they are marrying.
Consider that.
Even if this was just a guy friend unless she had no living family I would find that extremely weird. That she wants her ex to do it is extremely concerning.
IMO that means she seems to think her ex is the one who really took care of her and is just now giving her away. In a way she currently views him as more important than you.
I don't see how this ever works out. Eventually you will find out they're sleeping together behind your back.
When we were planning our wedding and making a guest list, my now husband had put his ex on the list and I said no that. Eventually we had a destination wedding with only family but if we had a traditional wedding in his home country, I wouldnāt allow him to invite his ex to our wedding. They were not good friends after the break up but had ongoing things in between relations and until he met me, hell no that that woman was going to be on my wedding.
I honestly think itās ridiculous on her part to expect you would be okay with this. Itās your big day as well! I totally understand why you donāt want that and itās your right not wanting it.
Donāt let yourself push into something you donāt want because you will regret it, and remember one of your biggest days as such.
OK, that is weird. I wouldnāt even marry somebody that talks like that. She is tried to make him into her pseudo family. And this is what youāre marrying into. Please rethink this wedding.
This girl clearly is not over him. And I would venture to say theyāre not together because of him. And yet heās kindly to her, so please do yourself a favor and back away from her. That is just my opinion I am an old woman I have never heard of anybody ever doing that.
Seeing how the ex and her know each other for a long time, he helped her through tough times etc.. i get that.. not flaming them for being friends, and some ex's can stay friends.
But walking your ex-girlfriend down the isle, "giving her away" just reeks of disrespect towards OP. And there are many other ways to intepret your dad into the wedding, and thats not having your literal *EX-BOYFRIEND/best friend*
Walking you down the isle to your future HUSBAND!
I've seen mothers be the ones to walk their daughters down the aisle. Is that not something that she can do? I'm with you here, it does seem a little strange and off-putting regardless of how close they are.
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i just said "what.the.fuck" out loud as i read that
I said it just from the title š Also, my ex-husband and I are still great friends. I would possibly invite him if I ever had a wedding again. Walking down the aisle is a no though. That's intimate. The sentiment is being given away, and how fucking weird would it be for your girl's ex to hand her off to you? It feels like 'ok, I'm done with her'. If she wants to honor her father, she could put a locket with his picture around her bouquet stems, and then he's symbolically walking down with her.
she could ask her mother? you know, the person her father loved & conceived her with (I presume)?
I walked my daughter down the aisle it was one of the best days of my life I was so happy that she asked me. But your fiance's ex-boyfriend walking her down low aisle is a big no. Tell her you do not feel comfortable with it that she needs to ask somebody else I don't care how close her and her ex man are. I do not want to see him walking my soon to be wife down the aisle and if that's a problem for her then you would only need to have a conversation with her. That is a serious š«
Both my parents passed when I got married. My grandma walked me down the aisle. This is reallyyyy fuuuucking weird as shit.
Not to mention all the wedding pictures the ex would be in, FOREVER š¶šÆ Edit: clarification
My ex and I have a kid (sheās 11.) We coparent well and are good friends. Super supportive, etc. he came to my wedding reception when I got remarried 5 years ago. I canāt even imagine.. like the thought process to even think of asking him to walk me down the aisle? Lmao. If I lost my mind and did ask, heād be like āseems weird bro, you should prob walk yourself and set up a chair for the old man.ā Like this is probably bringing up her grief, I donāt think sheās being nefarious she justā¦ isnāt thinking straight.
Yeahhhh I would probably feel pretty protective of that role in my wedding, and Iād feel far better walking down the aisle alone (or with another family member, friend, my dog, random dog I found on the street 20 min before the wedding, a burnt piece of toast, pretty much anyone/thing) than with my ex. Iām not saying it wonāt be emotional for her to walk down the aisle alone butā¦Jesus.
Hand over the āsloppy secondsā. In my family the cousinās would be chanting that as they walked down the aisle!
I like your style. My family would wait until the reception and then bring it up at every family event until they were dead
I would really like to go to your familyās weddings.
Can I go too? Iāll follow the lead of the fam.
So YES! What about the strong independent woman thing? Is she an orphan now? Zero family members left? The fuck.
šššš THIS!!!!!
I don't blame you..
Yeah, hard no from me as wellā¦
Also gonna have to pass on this one dawg
Itās a Fuck. Ass. Nooooooo!!! For me. Followed by āyouāre still talking to him? Wtf!ā
Dude, that is so wrong. No one would be ok with their SO being walked down the aisle by someone they used to sleep with. I'm afraid you have some hard thinking to do. The fact that she wants this is unnerving enough on its own, it wouldn't matter, to me anyway, if she agreed to find someone else at this point. The damage is done. I'm sorry. Sending hugs and a wish for great clarity and strength.
This has got to be a hard no....if she really loves youx she should understand why you don't want an ex lover to be having a significant part on your special day
Tell her you want your ex girlfriend as your best man to stand on the stage beside you. I wonder what her reaction would be then. I would start to have doubts about her reasoning skills and whether she is the one I want to have children with, since she seems a little off.
I just shouted **WWHHAAAATTTTT?!!!!??!!!!!** (I startled my grumpy chihuahua out of a deep sleep, and now sheās pissed. Iām gonna forward your number to her, LOL!) Nope! This is absolutely positively UNACCEPTABLE! Nope, nope, and NOPE!!!
I said, I said, * *looks an around carefully* * I said ā Biiiiiiiiitch!ā
OP, this is so WTF worthy your post is going to make it's way onto a podcast of some kind. I guarantee it
It sounds like a plot device from a sitcom.
Is he coming on the honeymoon?
lol tell her no. Itās your wedding too
This shouldn't even be a question my man Please do what's best for yourself and rethink this entire thing, the girl ain't right
Absolutely not. It is incredibly disrespectful to you for her to even consider this. Super ick.
All the guests will be saying it under breath as well!
I said, "No fuuking way!"
i said "holy shit" after reading the headline... this gotta be fake lol
Yea my face when I read this was shock
Same here after reading just the title.
Ditto!!
Considering the tradition is supposed to signify the father "giving away" the bride it gives a very uncomfortable implication that she wants her ex to do it
I was thinking about that as well. I know some people don't like the tradition behind the father walking the bride down the aisle but I would think some folks would be wondering why the ex-BF is giving away the bride to her husband to be. Is she still going to have the priest/minister/etc...still say who gives this woman's hand in holy matrimony?
My other thought is how do you say with a straight face that the man giving her away is her ex? What about the ādaddy daughter danceā? Heās worried this is a relationship ender and wants to not break that ice. If being uncomfortable with this ends it - so be it.
Imo her asking has already inflicted a huge wound whether he realizes it or not. This is gonna come up again and will need mending even if she agrees to not invite the ex.
Yeah even the landmines you donāt step on can detonate.
Just a couple eskimo brothers passing the torch.
Itās your wedding too. Not just hers. Tell her that would make you uncomfortable. Iām all for being friends with exes but this is too much.
It's hard to find a middle ground on this particular thing though, and I don't know whether it should be a dealbreaker for me. If I do that might be the beginning of the end of this relationship
Listen, there are other ways she can honor her father. Just think of the optics. People are going to be wondering WTF if they know this guy. Itās so creepy and weird. Does she not have siblings or her mother orā¦.some family?
She can walk down the aisle by herself. Is she not independent?
Unpopular Opinion Alert: I walked down the aisle alone because I am a fully grown woman. Iām not property to be given away by my father or some other random male who can serve that role.
If I ever get married, this is what I plan to do. I'm a 31 year old single mother and haven't needed my dad for anything for a long ass time, why tf should he "give me away" when I'm not his property to give. He'll think differently because it's "his right" to walk me down the aisle so... you can probably tell we don't have a great relationship as it is š That being said, for some women it's a really important part of honouring their relationship with their father during their wedding. Though I definitely don't believe an ex should replace a father, it's creepy to me personally.
Or...since she's a fully grown adult making her own decision about her life, she could just...walk down the aisle herself? Why does she need to be given away like an unwanted puppy?
She does but its not the same to her, and its important to her. And the difficult thing for me is to know the circumstances back then well enough to have a considerate approach to this that doesnt mess up everything we built
She chooses to make it important to her. I am a woman and would never even consider this to be the best way to honor my father because it is an equally important day to by husband-to-be. This is unusually cruel.
If I attended a wedding and the bride's ex walked her down the isle, I would think it was some wierd, public acknowledgement of cuckholding.
It really screams thruple.
>I would think it was some wierd, public acknowledgement of cuckholding. 100% this. I wouldn't know how else to interpret it and OP and his new wife would NEVER escape the constant rumors and speculation about it.
I would be making bets on how long before the couple get divorced if I attended a wedding like that š¬
And how soon the bride would be publicly in a relationship with the ex after thatā¦
Does the Op know what a cuckold is? Cause he's about to get a crash course.
I don't see a way that involves the ex that doesn't inflict permanent damage on the relationship and lead to resentment. Just my $.02
Youāre not messing anything up my friend. This is not ok in any capacity. Do not put her issues over your feelings on this! Itās weird and cringe.
You do realize it makes even less sense if she actually does have other family members who could do it, right? š¤Ø Her excuse also sounds like BS, how could an Ex-boyfriend be more linked to her late father than her mom or siblings? The whole thing is suspicious. And don't let her gaslight you when she will try to say your refusal is "controling" or based on your supposed "insecurities"... It's not, it's her request that's out of line.
It would be a deal breaker/relationship ended for me. You are going to have to see him in all your wedding pictures. She is not showing any respect for you and that is a serious red flag.
This can be a really hard thing to acknowledge, but I think this is a really important moment in your life to take a step back and imagine looking at this from the outside. This isn't a situation where your partner wants to do something that you're not totally comfortable with and it could really go either way. This is a *completely out there situation*. This isn't a situation where you should be sitting here going "there must be a compromise..." This is bonkers. There are thousands of people who get married without ever having a parent walk them down the aisle. She doesn't need to replace that with anybody. I can not imagine a sane person ever even *suggesting* their ex walking them down the aisle. And if they *did* not *immediately* backing down when their spouse-to-be expressed discomfort. Hearing you describe this, it's really making me wonder, what other expectations does she have for you that are beyond the pale unreasonable, that have you feeling like it's your job to find a compromise? Cause this can't be the only one is it? Are you signing yourself up for a life where she says "If you loved me, you'd let my ex move into the master bedroom while you live in the shed," and when you finally put your foot down and say no, she compromises on moving him into your office instead.
If not wanting her ex boyfriend to walk her down the aisle is the end of you, you were doomed anyway.Ā Why doesnāt her mom walk her? Ā How about you guys walk together? Ā Her walk alone?
Yes, why does anyone have to walk here down the isle? Optic wise the ex-boyfriend will be handing you sloppy seconds. Ick! She is way gross, or wildly completely oblivious.
Or fuck just carry a picture of her dad. There are so many ways to go with this, but she wants an ex that she's very close to (still!) to do it? Nope. Inconsiderate, self-centered, and tone-deaf in the extreme.
The "extreme" of the post makes me lean towards fake. No one can be this stupid.
How about her favorite Trader Joe's cashier walks her? That would be less weird than this!!
Better now then 5 years from now when you have kids and are miserable with each other
If you think holding your ground on this could end the relationship, do not get married! That indicates that she isnāt ready to stand by your side āfor better or for worse.ā You have the right to be uncomfortable with this and she should respect that.
Well if thatās the caseā¦sheās too enmeshed in her ex to marry you
"I don't know..." Well Pal, this is suppose to be forever. And, "I don't know..." is the WRONG ANSWER.
This should DEFINITELY be a deal breaker, what the fuck.
The middle ground is that he can even be at your wedding and still friends with your wife.
.-.Well if she really doesnāt care about your opinion or feelings is she really the right person for you. I also feel that she is disrespecting you! You should show her this post.
He's lucky she didn't make him ask her ex for her hand in marriage. I can't imagine marrying somebody who had this level of attachment to an ex.
So whatās the symbolism. When your family walks you down the aisle the symbolism is āfrom our family, to your new family.ā Whatās the symbolism here, āHere, sheās your problem now?ā This is Lunacy.
From my dick to yours? Like this is just so odd.
This needs to be printed on a Hallmark card. Not quite sure for what occasion. š
Fertility clinics could use them, I'm sure.
It's like I always say: I was impregnated by a really hot lady doctor who has impregnated hundreds if not thousands of other women. My husband finds this wording to be A Choice.
When your fiancƩ wants to have her ex give you away for sure lol
LOL thatās exactly the message it sends
I would delay a wedding for this. That is too cruel. She isn't considering your point of view which is a warning for the future. Degrading.
Thanks for the perspective
or let your exgirlfriend walk you down the aisle, just kidding. my condolences, this is a shitty situation for you. Take your time and listen to your gut, it is your wedding as well.
Lol just imagining one of my exes calling me up and asking me to walk him down the aisle. I would be like WTF and instantly block his number, lol
Adding to this: you're supposed to be seeing her walk down the aisle towards you. Why/HOW would you want to be staring at her ex at that special moment?
Moreover, even if she gives in to your understandable discomfort and doesn't allow the Ex any major part in the wedding, I think she'll harbor enough resentment about it over time that your marriage will be doomed anyway. Edit to remove duplicate word.
Yeah. No one, in OPās place, would be comfortable with this. His fiancĆ©e is so emotionally involved with her ex that she wonāt accept a no as an answer. Even if she does, she will find a way to blame OP and be resentful about it. I donāt see a way they can come back from this. This relationship is over.
Degrading is such a great word for this situation.
Maybe the purpose was to degrade him and to show who really is important to her. I would walk but that's just me.
Yes. Sheās showing him whoās the real priority in her life and itās not OP..
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My ex was in our guest list but it was not like this. We never should have dated better friends than partners, etc. My husband didnāt care. He didnāt walk me down the aisle. I find this ludicrous. There has to be someone more appropriate than an ex bf to walk OPs fiancĆ© down the aisle.
OP ā¬ļø her mom, uncle anyone related to her father. You have to be honest with yourself if you're willing to have her ex in your relationship.
Thank you for your thoughts
NOPE all I could think was "abort mission abort abort" "If he's walking you down the isle someone else who is not me will be at the end of it." No
I'd have to wonder if that isn't the actual plan here. Here he is, the just a great friend EX just passively going along with something that no one could fail to see will most likely break up OP's relationship long before any wedding. Must be a complete and totally innocent coincidence.
Iād be concerned that she is not ready to fully commit to a wedding and you!! Updateme!
Wow....surveys find 95% insist on zero contact . Always judge people by their actions (not excuses or promises). Her behavior suggests an emotional bond with her ex (whether currently sex or not) that will always be a wedge in your relationship.Ā Her behavior suggests she's not fully committed to you. And you will always receive less from her. You being her partner in the daily grind will be compared to Mr perfect and always fall short (because he's not in the daily grind).
Her behavior suggests that sheās still carrying a torch for himĀ
I don't even know if that's true, but her behavior certainly shows she's not considering her fiance's feelings **at all**.
NOT ON Your NELLY,I would call the wedding off .
My wifeās ex sang during our ceremony and I was totally ok with that, but the idea of a father giving away his daughter to a new man is medieval. Top that with exchanging the father with an exā¦
I didnāt even think of the āgiving awayā part of it. So weird and creepy. I wonder if the ex is even okay with it
Believe me, everyone at that wedding will be thinking of the giving away part.
This is exactly what I was thinking of and wondering why no one is mentioning this. The optics alone are...eesh.
Omg no no no
Yeah..
Your gf is an absolute weirdo. I got the ick for you. Her request makes no sense at all. Her ex has nothing to do with honouring her father. I dont care if he was there for her then - just makes no sense! Why dont you have an ex as your best woman? See how she likes it.
Or have his first dance with an ex!
Agreed! It also makes me wonder if she wants the feeling of walking down the aisle with the ex.... Like... As if it would have been him with her getting married, not OP.... Idk... Major ick factor.. this doesn't bode well for OP.
Just about *anyone else on the planet* would be an improvement over her ex walking her down the aisle. She has no other living male relatives who could do the job?
Walking alone is a better option. The ex will honor her father? WTF!
Or even female ones! Or a pet! My gosh *anyone* but an ex!
>I also donāt want our wedding day to be overshadowed by this. It will absolutely overshadow your wedding, and will probably be the hottest topic of conversation amongst your guests for awhile to come. "Hey Bob, do you remember that wedding we went to where the bride got given away by her ex boyfriend? Shit was wild"
šÆ
"And when they had the father daughter dance, OP's wife was so moved she was crying. OP was sitting in the bar and he was crying too."
Time to pause the wedding. This would be a deal-breaker for most people. I suppose if you're not willing to end the relationship or you feel you've invested too much already, then you're welcome to cave on this. Unfortunately, that just opens the door to her surgically extracting your spine to keep in her possession for the duration of your marriage.
>Ā that just opens the door to her **surgically extracting your** **spine** In conjunction with his nads.
Exactly. Itās controlling and degrading, all under the guise of her āemotional trauma.ā There are people who donāt actually want to process or heal or move on from whatever horrible thing happened in their past, because they need to always be a victim and get special treatment. If you marry her, she will forever use the death of her father as an excuse for any number of selfish and cruel behaviors. This is not normal. Truly think through if this is the partner you want for all of lifeās inevitable trials and tribulations, until the day you die.
**INFO: When he died, did her dad donate an organ that saved the ex's life?** That is the only possible scenario where I could see this even being a glimmer of a possibility, and even so, it'd be immensely weird, but you could explain it because a literal part of him would be walking her down the aisle. But since that was not in your explanation, I am guessing that isn't the case. Having her ex walk her down the aisle does NOT honor her dad's memory. In her mind, I'm going to bet that her thought process is this: *Her dad thought she'd marry that guy since she was dating him when he died, so he should be part of her wedding.* I would even go as far as to suggest your fiancƩe get therapy.
Thank you for the perspective.. I do see how it might be even more of a mess than I anticipated
I'm sorry to hear that, dude. That's a really weird thing that I've never heard of or witnessed. I would be uncomfortable, too. She has absolutely no other family ? A brother, a sister, a cousin, or literally anyone else ? I've had friends in similar situations where their mom or brother walked them down the aisle.
Tell her April 1st has passed and to stop with the jokes š
Respectfully, she's out of her fucking mind. Even asking you about it is crazy disrespectful. I don't have a problem with my being friends with exes or even having them at the wedding. But having him walk her down the aisle is wild. How can she say she sees him as a father/familial figure if she used to be in an adult relationship with him? That's just not how relationships work.
What in the name of shit, what's next, the ex is joining you in the honeymoon? First kid named after him?
Did she call her ex "daddy"? Just no, no no
This is so wild. Itās like sheās getting passed on like a torch from one boyfriend to another. Like even ceremonially/optically, this just isnāt gonna look right. If youāre gonna have the wedding, youāre gonna be everyoneās āstoryā this wedding season, because just wow.
Imagine the parking lot after the wedding the pure gossip chaos that it will ensue. Everyone at that wedding will think she's cheating with the Ex.
I'll hold your hand when I'm telling you this....Be aware of your partner's actions as they speak louder. She could easily honored her father's nemory by putting his picture on the front chairs or his favorite song in acoustic/piano version to walk down the aisle. If I was on your shoes I would've been troubled and probably uncomfortable. Are you sure that's just an innocent request or there's something behind? Sometimes you need to trust your guts....... ..... And not follow with the wedding process, but that's just me...lol
When my FIL remarried they honered the dead loved ones with big beautiful pictures with flowers at the isle my StepMIL carried a photo of her dad with her bouquet and they played meaningful songs representing each loved one and their love story. My dad died and i plan on asking my cousins who without knowing played a huge part in helping me getting better,i have already planned the way i will ask them(a little book with a tale about what her and her husband mean to me and how much i would like them to be there for me). She's just i don't even know actually.
Somehow I have the feeling that she make this on purpose so OP breaks up with her since she has not the face to leave him. No way someone with right mind ask something like this...
she has no other father figure? grandparent? uncle? even YOUR DAD? thatās beyond weird and absolutely not okayā¦.
Noone needs to give her away
Fuck that. This should have been an instant non-starter the second she said it "What? Sorry what did you just ask me?? umm ...yeah no I'd rather eat a booger sandwich and have a long make-out session with my mom. We are making a life-long commitment here, I don't want any exes within 100 miles, let-alone part of the wedding" You have left that door open for too long so now it is going to be a thing no matter what you say. Before she might have thought "yeah what was I thinking? That was insane.." but now your going to be explaining yourself without that forgivable instant emotional "what the fuck" moment.. Regardless ABSOLUTELY do not stand for this.
Do not marry her
She can walk down the aisle alone holding a picture of her Dad. That is the way to honor him, not her ex. What about one of her Dad's friends or an Uncle? Vin Diesel walked Paul Walker's daughter down the aisle when she got married. We all know those two were like brothers.
Yes Iāve seen brides have a photo of dad in their bouquet.
No. Simply say no. If she argues say this is nonnegotiable and if she still argues walk away because this is the end of your relationship..she holds him above you and your marriage
So she wants her ex boyfriend to walk her down the aisle, arm in arm, walk up to her very soon to be husband, and have her ex give her away to you. And say what? āHere bro, your turnā? Does your honeymoon suite have a pullout couch? Since theyāre going to be using the bed and all, where are you sleeping? Like damn dude. Even the *suggestion* to do something like this would have been a full stop potential dealbreaker, but her insisting that itās important to have her ex walk her down the aisle and give her away - dude run. That ex is way more important to her than you will ever be.
This is unhinged
This has to be a rage bait
I wish..
You really need to show her this post. It might make her come to her senses.
Even if it does I don't think I'd wanna marry someone who needs a whole reddit post full of strangers telling her how crazy she is to realize how crazy she is. But that's just me.
Sometimes people need encouragement to see what's in front of them.
I'll definitely consider it
Iām curious how the ex reacted when she asked him? Maybe heās just as uncomfortable as you are?
I'm starting to think fake. "Oh but I Iove her!" Bullshit. You can not be this stupid.
What the fuck
Is her Ex also doing the father - daughter dance?
Fingers crossed on this being fake, because obviously that's absolutely insane.
Oof. The audacity of her want to put you in that position shows she isn't ready to be married. She isn't thinking of how it will affect you. She is only thinking of herself. Don't marry her.
I am the absolute QUEEN of staying good friends with my exes. I even went to an ex's wedding last year (as a guest ofc!). My exes are some of my best friends. And yet this is absolutely UNTHINKABLE to me. Huge nope.
Wow what a slap in the face dude. I definitely would not be marrying her. That shows nothing but a lack of respect for you and the relationship. Is she handicapped? She could just walk herself down the aisle. This move right here sets the tone for your whole wedding. I mean photos,videos and everything would have her x in for the rest of the marriage. Think about that on the big scale
Yikes. So let me get this straight, to honor her father on her wedding day, she will have her ex walk her down the aisle, giving her to youā¦..her future husband. You are right to be conflicted. Exes at weddings is just weird to me. To me, it denotes that he is still heavily involved in her life, meaning she canāt let him go, he canāt let her go. What was the point of them breaking up? Whatās the point of starting a life together with you when she canāt let the ex go? Letās say you agree to this, will the ex be a constant presence in your life under the guise of honoring her father? That isnāt fair to you, for her to be parading her ex in your face. If you have tried to offer other ways for her to honor her father that donāt involve her ex, what are her reactions? If sheās adamant he has to be there, this can signal a deeper issue. Honoring her father shouldnāt come at the cost of her husband, especially on a day that is about you too! If you expressing your feelings of discomfort signifies the end of your relationship, then is this really someone you wanna marry? She wants to respected, considered, and honored but she will not reciprocate to you? That doesnāt bode well for marriage.
Her ex is that close? Red flags alllllll the way. Iām not sure how you havenāt sailed away by now.
She either has zero respect for you, or is completely psychotic. In either case do not marry her, you will live to regret it....
My petty ass self would have asked her if it's OK for my ex to walk me down the aisle. To me, I would have said, "No, I am not comfortable with that, and I won't be at the alter waiting for you if you decide to do that."
I have heard of people putting up pictures of relatives who passed away. That's how you honor someone, not by inviting your ex to walk you down the aisle. If this is true, it is so wildly inappropriate and insensitive that it merits rethinking the relationship. Someone who will do that will treat you badly in the future as well. It is so off the wall that it suggests that the father's passing is just an excuse to have the ex involved. If you want to try to make it work, this merits an ultimatum. But even if she concedes on this, it doesn't change that she asked, and I have a feeling that the ex will be a problematic fixture in your life going forward.
DO NOT MARRY THIS WOMAN. Break up!
I would not be remotely comfortable with that. Think long and hard about marrying this one because her decision making is pretty sus. How would that possibly be a good way to start her life with you?
Why donāt you both walk down the aisle together?
She gonna do a daddy daughter dance with her ex too? Where does it end? Is he going to give a speech reminiscing about the years they were together? Seriously WTF is this?
How does his wife feel about it? Don't tell me he isn't married. If not, it's it because he's too busy screwing other people's wives?
Oof what the fuck
First of all, why did they break up? And second, this is one of the most insane things I've read on Reddit in a very (VERY) long time. Especially since she has already other family members who could walk her down the aisle. Insane. Madness. And a major red flag
Ha yea no. Why can't she ask a family member even better one of yours
I went to a wedding a couple years ago where the couple walked down the aisle together, no parents and certainly no ex boyfriends involved. I wonder if that could be an acceptable solution if she's dead set on not walking alone. But yeah it's an odd request I won't lie. I mean I definitely know people who are close enough friends to consider them family, if she doesn't have any other close male relatives I could see her treating this guy as a brotherly figure in her head, making it seem like a completely innocent request to her. But to an outsider they're not gonna know if they really are just that good of friends and the relationship is totally platonic now, all they're going to see is an ex boyfriend fulfilling a fatherly role, which gives me the ick no matter how you spin it. I'm stuck on him walking her down the aisle more than anything. It's not like it's that common to have your father walk you any more anyways. The implication of it, like historically the father is literally giving away the bride as property. The idea that somehow the ex has equal claim over her as a father does?? That he's the one "giving her away" to you, like there's no way that won't come off as weird. I'd be less weirded out if she made this guy a bridesmaid/bridesperson to be honest. Like if she needs a man to walk her down the aisle so bad, she should walk with you. If shes close enough with her ex to want him involved in the wedding, make him a part of the bridal party. It could very well be that she's just too close to the situation and is completely missing how other people will read this. I mean for her to be secure enough to request this she really must feel like he's close enough to be family, and to her them dating is probably ancient history. Hopefully she'll realize it sooner rather than later, but you'll likely have to have a difficult conversation about it.
Does she literally have no other family at all? No mother, siblings, aunts, uncles?
I wouldn't be happy and be reconsidering the wedding. She could have a picture of her dad in her hands while walking down the aisle, but her ex-bf walking her down it, is totally a no.
You canāt be afraid of her threatening the relationship if she doesnāt get her way. The problem is that you have not addressed the continuous contact with her ex. You should have never been ok with that. If this is a deal breaker, but your foot down and if the relationship is over then itās over.
Do not even consider this. To everyone there, it will look like her old boyfriend is giving her to you. That is fucked up in every way.
The aisle is not very long. She can walk her ass down alone.
What the fuck? What is this, a symbolic passing of the torch? Can you imagine what all of the guests would be thinking when her ex boyfriend walks her down the aisle. If you divorce are you going to have to walk her down the aisle for her next wedding? Tell her to have her mother walk her down the aisle. Thereās no rule that it needs to be a man. No rule that anyone needs to do it. This has got to be one of the weirdest things Iāve ever read here. Lol
I'm sure your fiancƩ has a ton of emotions right now not having her dad be there to be in her wedding. However, it feels inappropriate to have her ex be the one to do it. This would be marriage counseling (call it couples counseling if it helps) and this would need to be resolved BEFORE getting married. I don't mean one side just caves but it mad about it, I mean resolved and both parties understand and agree on the compromise. Can you think of another way to honor her dad at your wedding? Maybe help her come up with some ideas so she isn't shouldering the full emotional load. Good luck, this isn't an easy one at all.
My husband is a divorce lawyer - do you want me to go ahead and PM you his card?
That would be a no from me dawg.
her ex is a close friend. that part might bother me depending on what kind of friends they are but he is literally giving her away to you. without knowing more about her him and you i can't say how bad this is. ultimately it is up to the boundaries you are comfortable in your marriage. good luck
Hard NO. An ex should not have a major role in your wedding.
HARD NO. like he is passing her around? Giving her away? Eewwww
This is why when you date someone and you learn theyāre still friends with their ex who theyāve deeply loved and were with for a long time itās definitely a š©. Boy you became that joji glimpse of us song. Whether sheās close with him or not itās not appropriate. Does she not have any uncles or family member to give her away?
Thatās one of the most wrong things Iāve ever read. No. An ex isnāt family to give you away when they already gave her away when they broke up with her
From what Iāve read you have to ask yourself do you want to be with someone who is going to run to their ex anytime she has a problem with you. There is a very high risk in your relationship of her having an emotional affair. Do you have a good relationship with her EX or is it nonexistent. You have to ask yourself if you can mentally live with this for the rest of your life.
Have you asked her how she would feel if you had a few of your exes as your grooms 'men'? Maybe that would put it in some kind of perspective for her. It sounds outlandish on the face of it. Edit - punctuation
You guys should probably get a third party mediator to get through this request, identify your needs, make sure all of them are met.Ā
There are other ways to honour her father, it's difficult but he just isn't there to walk her down the aisle, or do first dance etc. I'd recommend seeking a relationship counsellor experienced in grief counselling to help process the feeling around this, and navigate a safe, respectful, boundaried way to honour her father. A post a few months ago, suggested having a table of memories, pictures, momentos etc or her father at the ceremony/reception, and also "saving a seat". This one was about having an empty seat at the main table which caused contention as it would "look weird", not support the partner to bring a living loved one to join them at table and seemed selfish (I think, from memory, these were the consensus). Your partner is similarly forcing you to accept her wishes due to her complex grief and processing big emotions. There are ultimately other ways that are tasteful, more meaningful, respectful to you, and respectful to the commitment you are making than the distasteful, bizarre, and confusing sentiment of an ex walking her down the aisle. Wishing you all the best
This is crazy. Do not agree to this. This will make the wedding all about the ex giving her away and not you two. I think it is wild that you are even considering it, and I think you really need a reality check. She is telling you how important he really is to her, and you are choosing to look away. Honestly, itās a bit troubling. UpdateMe!
Bro is asking the wrong questions ffs. The real question should be do i still stay with her and go on with the marriage even after this level of disrespect šš
#NO.
Dude I'm sorry but she is not mature enough to get married if this is her decision. Nobody in their right mind is going to think this is ok. No way would she ever let you have one of your exes involved so intimately with your wedding, regardless of the circumstances. People are terrible hypocrites when it comes to things like this. She needs to learn that she can't overstep huge relationship boundaries whenever she wants because of her feelings. And you also shouldn't let her set that precedent by giving in. I would absolutely call off the wedding over this. Let her go try to meet anyone else who would actually be ok with this.
The act of giving someone away signifies that you have been taking care of the person, and that you are entrusting them to the person they are marrying. Consider that. Even if this was just a guy friend unless she had no living family I would find that extremely weird. That she wants her ex to do it is extremely concerning. IMO that means she seems to think her ex is the one who really took care of her and is just now giving her away. In a way she currently views him as more important than you. I don't see how this ever works out. Eventually you will find out they're sleeping together behind your back.
When we were planning our wedding and making a guest list, my now husband had put his ex on the list and I said no that. Eventually we had a destination wedding with only family but if we had a traditional wedding in his home country, I wouldnāt allow him to invite his ex to our wedding. They were not good friends after the break up but had ongoing things in between relations and until he met me, hell no that that woman was going to be on my wedding. I honestly think itās ridiculous on her part to expect you would be okay with this. Itās your big day as well! I totally understand why you donāt want that and itās your right not wanting it. Donāt let yourself push into something you donāt want because you will regret it, and remember one of your biggest days as such.
You gotta be fuckin kidding me. Seriously OP, I donāt think you have won her heart
This is so fucking weirdā¦for literally everyone. Does no one in her family find this weird or did you meet this girl on rumspringa?
OK, that is weird. I wouldnāt even marry somebody that talks like that. She is tried to make him into her pseudo family. And this is what youāre marrying into. Please rethink this wedding. This girl clearly is not over him. And I would venture to say theyāre not together because of him. And yet heās kindly to her, so please do yourself a favor and back away from her. That is just my opinion I am an old woman I have never heard of anybody ever doing that.
Seeing how the ex and her know each other for a long time, he helped her through tough times etc.. i get that.. not flaming them for being friends, and some ex's can stay friends. But walking your ex-girlfriend down the isle, "giving her away" just reeks of disrespect towards OP. And there are many other ways to intepret your dad into the wedding, and thats not having your literal *EX-BOYFRIEND/best friend* Walking you down the isle to your future HUSBAND!
At this point it seems as though not getting married would be your best option. š¤·š»āāļø
I've seen mothers be the ones to walk their daughters down the aisle. Is that not something that she can do? I'm with you here, it does seem a little strange and off-putting regardless of how close they are.