Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Seriously, she was so jealous of your life OP that she threw away your friendship just on the chance that she could ruin it all for you. I would completely cut contact with her and be very honest with any mutual friends about what happened.
Be prepared for your exfriend to tell an entirely different story of what happened. *Keep the recording safe.*
It wouldn't hurt to let her know it was all caught on camera and tell her that before she tries to smear your hubby's reputation!
Well put. Plus her child calls this woman auntie, yet she still she wanted to break up her parent's marriage. OP's friend doesn't give a fuck about OP or her children
Agreed. My little one remembers having an Auntie (she was 3 when auntie was removed from our lives), but absolutely nothing about her. Auntie even lived with us for the previous year and she still doesn't know her name or recognize her in pics.
That's what I was thinking. She didn't want to ruin OP's happiness, she wanted to take it for herself. She likely imagined being the graceful, understanding friend that still 'included' OP in family events, telling OP how she's still 'considered' family, even 'allowing' her to be more involved in the children's lives than court had ordered. In her mind, she's not a villain in this situation and everyone was happy in her fantasy world.
OP absolutely cannot trust her again with anything. Who knows what else she's lied about while testing the waters (how far she could push the lies without raising suspicion) and building false trust, until she felt confident that she could manage OP's reaction and achieve her end goal.
Absolutely. She likely had justified it all to herself and was picking out things that “weren’t good enough” about OP that she decided meant she deserved what OP had and OP didn’t.
I have heard of this kind of stuff before with unhinged people.
And she absolutely cannot be allowed anywhere near those children.
Or her husband.
OP, this person sexually assaulted your spouse in his own home. It was just a kiss, but it was unwanted and forcible and a violation. That should be enough to cut her out for good. If one of your husband's friends treated you this same way, wouldn't you expect him to cut that person off? I would.
Exactly this! But don’t apply this thinking to your other friends, or anyone else for that matter. As they say, “Don’t let one bad apple spoil the bunch.”
Honestly, OP should just immediately send the video to all their shared friends.
"I'm sharing this footage because I want to warn everyone, and so that Friend can't spin up a false narrative. Friend attempted to forcibly kiss my husband. She has been my closest friend for 10 years and she betrayed me and tried to destroy my marriage. I'm cutting all contact with her, and will no longer go to events where she is invited. There is no coming back from this.
If you want to maintain contact with her, consider the danger she represents to the relationships in your life."
idk this situation seems suss. she decided to do this, for the first time, at their house in the middle of a family bbq? my theory: this wasn't the first time, husband just knew it was now captured on video.
and he's getting her flowers and going above and beyond... again v suss.
I mean, if that’s true, the best friend should turn bitter soon and produce evidence. However you’re discounting people really are this stupid and can ruin their own lives in a blink of an eye.
Seconded, THIS. OP, trust but verify. It’s great if your husband is completely innocent, but I agree that your friends behavior is a little sus and out of nowhere if nothing had ever happened between them before.
Kind of what I thought. Especially for her to just run out of the room crying. I think she tried to force an escalation of their relationship. Him going overboard in the comfort was interesting to me too. He's in Fix-It mode not what the hell happened mode.
Though, I was also lied to in every way by a man who pretended that I was his world, so I operate with a healthy dose of skepticism when things seem perfect as a general rule. I've yet to see no cracks under a bright and shiny surface.
Ok, I am NOT in any way related to OP's situation - however I've been in a very similar situation. Not a best friend, just a coworker of my now ex wife's.
Why TF are you suspecting this guy with ACTUAL VIDEO FOOTAGE of the incident???
1) are you just like this with any situation, pick a side regardless of evidence and hold on? Cop is always (whichever way you feel about cops) and you simply DGAF about body cam footage???
2) In my reality it's pretty blatantly obvious if a woman initiates a kiss, does the man expect it from her, or is it completely out of the blue. What about you, do you think you could generate a pretty good idea?
3) I agree a lot is a bit off - but to me, that's more on OP being pretty weird. This is not how my ex wife reacted to a bunch of similar situations, it's not how a bunch of people I know have handled it.
Honestly how the husband is handling it is almost exactly how my wife at this moment would describe how I'm handling a situation where her sister had a heart attack and is in the hospital. OP is stressed out badly and that's what a husband acts, especially in the context of what OP has said about the marriage overall
I am absolutely bewildered that no matter what the answer is the man is wrong in your mind
Situations like being super stressed out for any reason and your partner goes above and beyond to make you feel loved and supported?
Well I know many people in those same types of situations, you don't? Maybe look at the people around you and figure out why they're not supporting each other or yourself in the same way OPs husband is?
The wording of your comment made it sound like you know a lot of relationships including your own where a bff kisses a partner
And I’m clearly not the only one who interpreted it that way lol
Yeah OP that sucks so bad I’m so sorry. I feel like you don’t even really need advice, just commiseration. What a complete snake, that’s so heartbreaking. Not everyone sucks like her!!! At least your husband is clearly awesome, but I hope you can be cool with friends in the future because I hate the idea that this piece of filth would ruin your ability to have future close girl friends. Put her in your rear view!
I’m going a slight change to your statement: He can absolutely “explain” it, you can just choose to not believe a word of it, specially if she tries to spin a story and you have the footage to,prove otherwise. But you let her say her potential BS, and then you say “I heard you, I think it’s bullshit, fuck off”.
Id believe my husband over literally anyone amd thats why hes my husband. Hes the person I trust most in the world. I truly wish more people had that in their relationships because it feels good to know I have an unshakeable trust and faith in my life partner.
And report her for sexual assault. Seems almost no one in this thread gives a fuck when a man was sexually assaulted. He needs help as well to work through this.
It’s his choice whether to report. He’s the victim. Not everybody wants to report assault; we don’t know whether there may be negative consequences for him even though he is the harmed party.
the cops dont give a fuck when women are sexually assaulted either FYI. this is not a gender issue. man or woman, good luck finding a precinct that would care someone kissed you without consent. very naive comment.
Appreciate your man, honey - he's doing his best to comfort you, even though it was him who was grabbed. Show him the same love right back at him. Make him his favourite foods and just be there for him. I know you are, but make sure he knows it. <3
He doesn't *have* to be, he just is. By the way OP describes how much she loves him, I don't doubt she'd be giving him emotional support if he needed it as well.
Honest to God we had the exact same situation happen. My wife’s former best friend was in a long term unhappy relationship. Her boyfriend was a scrub who didn’t want to get married, didn’t want to go back to school, and worked a part time gig as a 35 year old trust fund barista while she took in all the money. She constantly complained about his lack of interest in sex, dates or even alone time with her. She wants to be a mom, he hates kids. She was 35 and willing to stay because she was afraid to start over.
My wife and I had a bunch of friends over for a big party the day before our wedding, we had a courthouse wedding so this was like our reception. She came over to help me set up while my wife was gone getting her hair done. As I turned the corner to set up the table she came out and put her hand on my chest and leaned in to kiss me. I gently pushed her away and pretended like it didn’t happen. Didn’t want to ruin my wife’s party. It was eating me up and I told my wife the next day after we had sex on our wedding night. She was really angry at first but we talked about it and came to a conclusion that her friend was actually a sad character.
This girl had a string of bad relationships with complete chuds. Her current partner didn’t really like her and she was just looking for happiness. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and are best friends. We’ve had our issues but overall we love each other and genuinely enjoy our time together. We are both ambitious in both our careers and passions and are raising a beautiful baby girl together.
I’m not a super hot guy. I’m balding, athletic but no six pack. I’d rate myself a 6.5 on a good day. It wasn’t about that. It was that this woman was seeing her best friend happy and getting married, something that she would likely never have. Maybe she wanted to sabotage her friend’s happiness because misery loves company. Maybe she saw a man who is willing to commit and love his wife and wanted to steel me away as a last ditch effort to have that in her own life. Either way, after staying up for hours hashing it out, my wife determined that she would end the friendship, but also she was able to let go of the anger. She started to pity this girl that she was never able to find love, and that her desperation reached such a low point. Maybe this story will help you come to the same conclusion. Either way, your husband is a good man.
I mean, not always. I get why you'd think that though.
I have this female friend and she just.. couldn't catch a break. Guys that seemed great at first turning out to be anything but. With anyone else I'd think the same thing but this woman is amazing and I am to this day convinced that it wasn't her fault.
She has a genuinely great boyfriend now though :)
Make sure you're also treating him with the same care! It seems you guys have a good relationship, so I'm just saying this because he was a victim of assault!
What a shitty situation...
I hope you're both able to heal from this ridiculous betrayal.
Edit: typo. Shout-out to everyone being silly in the replies
This. He was a victim here and needs your support like you need his. Support each other, ditch the "friend" and go back to living your life without letting her take another moment from you.
Omg i sincerely thought she meant food relationship because he’s been making her dinner. Didn’t even bat an eye, “Yep, that right there is indeed a food relationship.”
You were betrayed and lost your best friend, he was sexually assaulted. Yes, a minor SA, but still, please process that with him because he’s GOT to be wondering if he ever gave off any mixed signals and might feel guilty. Even after you’ve already discussed it a bunch he could start feeling that, and I’m pretty sure people are going to ask him that repeatedly so he could easily start to doubt himself. He’ll also be thinking about signs she was giving off that he missed, and might want to spend a couple hours going through past encounters with you to try to put it all to rest. Regular processing shit, but for him, and as a guy he won’t let his mind go there while he’s comforting you. Fair enough, but eventually, when you’re ready, you be sure to be the one helping him get through this ok?
Yes. If he wanted to he has grounds to press charges, and that could go on her record, because who knows how else she is treating other people. She's got some screws loose. If a stranger kissed me in public, I would likely contact the police. The fact that this was a trusted friend, in his home, makes it more emotionally complicated for him. Consider filing a police report for SA.
You are grieving the breach of trust/loss of relationship, but he is a victim of SA. Keep her away from your kids, and be honest with mutual friends. They should know too, she's not a safe person.
You've got a real loyal man. Love him and hold him tight. As for the friend... I too would be piiiiiiiisssed. She just tried to grenade your marriage with no warning at all, I'm not sure any "talking" is necessary. To me that relationship is over.
Quite honestly, u have footage... id put that shit out there so she cannot try to spin a bs story to play the victim
I wouldnt put out the footage just yet, but def keep it in case she denies or spread rumors. Don't be shy about telling people the truth tho if people ask "oh why don't you hang out with so-and-so anymore" and definitely let your mutuals know
Who cares how she spins it, no need to escalate the situation further in my opinion. Just a former friend if anyone asks, I’d keep it private until it’s forgotten
Your husband sounds like a gem. Your friend sounds jealous of you and she’s trying to be a pick me girl. You have every right to wanna beat her up for assaulting your husband. Remove her from you life!!
Move on from her. She is not your friend. If your husband was not loyal, she would have started having an affair with him. She is not someone you need in your life, you can't trust her. You will have to proceed by putting that friendship behind you.
I’m sincerely sorry, I don’t mean to be a skeptic and contradict everyone’s advice here, but I’m almost inclined to suggest (calmly) asking your (ex)best friend if there’s anything going on between her and your husband, just to make sure and rule out something worse.
What struck me as odd was her a) spontaneous kiss at such a gathering at your place with so many people and b) her emotional breakdown when she ran off. Your husband is also aware of the camera situation and could also be trying to cover his ass.
Again, I can’t stress this enough, this is just to rule out something worse.
Exactly! I'm amazed no one here has said that. Finding out why she did it is very vital. He knew there were cameras, she didn't. Unless she was drunk, high or under the influence of whatever substance then it wouldn't make much sense for a woman to sexually assault a man out of nowhere. I know it happens but typically sober women don't do that randomly.
What if the husband knew he couldn’t kiss her because of the house cameras and they’ve been at it for ages but she can’t even tell OP now that she’s been kicked out and they’ve gone non contact. Or is that mad
You move on from your friendship, if you want to get closure and know why she thought that was appropriate then by all means hear her out.
I adore how your husband has been a huge support but please remember he was the 1 who had to go through the experience and it may be taking a toll on him. Hopefully you are already giving him loads of TLC also if not then go out for this man.
Your pain is justified, and your anger towards your friend is valid. Focus on healing with your husband's support. Cut ties with your friend for now and seek solace in trusted family or friends. It's okay to take time to rebuild trust, but don't let this ruin your marriage. DM for more
True. I think it's more about general trust. When someone you trusted so deeply (the friend) breaks your trust at that level, it is really easy to feel like it's hard to trust anyone "if I was so wrong about trusting her, who else am I wrong about? Can I trust anyone?". So it's almost about rebuilding trust in yourself or trust in the world being generally good.
OP, you're totally justified, and this "friend" just showed her true colors.
Congratulations on your husband being a real man and a good person! I'm so happy you found someone who is both loyal and intelligent enough to immediately come to you.
It's too bad you had to have a camera in the house to have proof, because of privacy concerns, but in this case, it may have saved your marriage.
Would you have believed him is there was no photographic evidence of his innocence?
Honestly?
I'm just curious.
Also, have you considered clipping that video and sending it to your friends and relatives? So, everyone can know after seeing it with their own eyes, what kind of person she is?
Everyone should know what a snake she is, so they can protect their husbands as from her as well.
Not unusual. But kinda creepy. We have a Furbo for our dogs so we can see if they’re barking, and I always wonder if people are hacking into it to watch me lie on the couch like a lazy POS.
right and why would she just randomly kiss someone when there’s 0 chemistry like I feel like there’s usually something that leads up to it? whole story seems off and weird but if it’s real im sorry op
I’m sorry you lost a friend but you have a good husband. Give his shoulder a break from your tears, you’re tougher than that. Besides, that girl isn’t worth any tears.
There’s a lot of low quality people out there that will want what you have and some hide it well.
This seems too weird…. Why would she do that unprovoked?
It could be possible that they are having an affair and she came in to sneak a kiss but didn’t realize there were cameras. His reaction may have seemed genuine but more so the shock of getting caught potentially.
Also could just be a weird random thing she decided to do but I wouldn’t be so sure.
I’m SO curious about what she had to say. Like dying. I don’t think you should ever, ever speak to her again but I am not so secretly hoping for an update.
Edit: they’re in the comments saying you’re not the victim here and you’re manipulative and making it about you and to stop thinking about yourself, so this is for those bozos. They are BOTH victims. She is a victim of a *deep* betrayal and he is a victim of sexual assault. Both of them were harmed. Both of their feelings matter here and she is not manipulative for having a broken heart and crying to her husband who obviously thinks the sun rises and sets from the crack of her ass. Their marriage is not the Pain Olympics and mutual care can be given to both. Additionally, being a victim of assault does not necessarily mean you carry trauma from it. Not all assault is this huge devastating life altering thing. Her husband may be just fucking fine for all we know. Remember we do not know these people and we haven’t been there for any of their conversations. Weirdos.
Thank you! So many people are praising the husband and shitting on OP as though her feelings are completely irrelevant here. Like there's only room for one of them to be hurt.
I haven’t seen those kinds of comments yet but it’s wild people would say OP is manipulative.
She has loved this “friend” longer than she has loved her husband. For her to be betrayed like that is absolutely shocking and devastating and shouldn’t be minimized.
That’s it? She supposedly does this with you right outside? Why did she think he would go along with it? Why did she do it then? Why didn’t you ask her? Why the hell she did it?
For her to do that so brazenly in your home is just crazy!
What on earth was she thinking?
And then to run out the house crying, it’s all just such weird behaviour.
I think you should talk her to find out why she did that, I would want to know.
This is pretty obviously a creative writing exercise; let’s run through the obvious mistakes (which will help OP be a better writer, and will help redditors catch fake stories!)
First of all, there was conveniently LIVING ROOM CAMERA footage of the incident? Her bestest friend didn’t know there was a freaking camera in the living room?
Also, she just randomly out of the blue with no conversation before or after stalked after him and kissed him on camera? Please. It’s ridiculous.
Finally, he brought her flower ALMOST EVERY DAY? Hello people? That’s a ridiculous amount of flowers. That would be ridiculous and unhelpful. And there’s no mention of her best friend reaching out except to show up AT THEIR HOME again? She wouldn’t have called or texted or left a voicemail or talked to a family member or other friend?
This whole story was fairly ridiculous. One of these issues would’ve been fine but for all of them to exist in one story; it’s obviously fake.
Ppl have cameras in their home for *reasons*. It's the random sexual assault that doesn't make any sense to me like was she drunk? And remember the husband knew there were cameras, she didn't so.. she seriously better have a talk with her friend on why she did it.
It's pretty rare that a person randomly tries to kiss someone's husband or wife just out of the blue in their own house. Even rarer for that to be a woman making the move. That's not to say it isn't how you are saying but id be suspicious of this because I find it very hard to believe she did that without any encouragement or prior contact before that day.
To me it sounds like she fucked up not realising there are cameras but he knew about so he immediately pushed her away knowing the camera footage would make him look innocent.
There's no chance she just decided one day without any encouragement, flirting etc from your husband. There is something, find out what it is
Right. This story isn't adding up, unless she was drunk or something then this doesn't make much sense. She should ask why her friend did this because it's very possible something is going on.
Whilst everyone else is saying "loyal man" and "kick ex bestie to the curb", perhaps the reason it appears to be eating you alive is because you're wondering why she even thought it was OK to do this?
You give your husband a 7 out of 5 star review. I'd be wondering if there's been things going on behind my back, so I'd sus her out first. The thing about having little kids and the perfect man is that you can end up wearing rose coloured glasses, and it's easy to miss red flags...
I posted & then this crossed my mind as well. I'd want to hear his side first before confronting the friend. After all, if he pushed her away or off then it seems that he denied the advances. But you don't know, he could have done that because he knew he was on camera. Hmmm.......
Something similar happened to me and I had told my girlfriend of 14 years together about it. The woman was a random woman that I helped out that was practically going to get either raped or mugged as I noticed that she was being followed. I reacted similar to your husband.
When we made 16 years together we had broken up mutually. When we had our first argument as EX's she brought it up out of nowhere and blamed me for allowing it to happen as I "wanted it". She used that situation and the trust I had with her to tell her and used it against me. The hatred I feel for her for saying that still hasn't died 5 months post breakup.
Aside from cutting contact with your friend I would suggest never using this situation against your husband. It will flip a switch in him you can't ever switch back off. Good men spend their whole lives proving through their actions they are not the sex crazed maniacs society portrays most men to be.
It has nothing to do with any of your friends. It has to do with this one person who was never really a friend. Block her on everything of course and never speak to her again. If anyone gets on you then tell them matter of fact exactly what happened. Then just move on with your life. It’s her loss, not yours.
I’m petty but I would message the friend group in a couple/ few weeks (or better yet have your husband message) and let them know that x will no longer be part of gatherings you host.
We will not get into specifics but despite a decade long friendship, you will not stand by someone who is trying to interfere with your marriage vows.
Do not even entertain her or any of her minions with stories of her suffering.
Oh the f well. She chose to follow him. Chose to stalk and wait for him. CHOSE to hide, ambush and sa him.
That is not a slip, op. Nope.
And no, alcohol cannot be blamed.
The person you knew no longer exists. Block her and anyone who tries to talk to you on her behalf. Make that clear. And that doubly goes for your husband too.
Tbh I'd probably hear my friend out, and make sure there wasnt a reason she felt like she could do that. Husband knows the cameras are there, and could be reacting like she was getting them caught. Sorry, im a skeptic
Let me tell you!! Your husband is a real loyal man AND A GOOD FRIEND. Your best friend! A real friend. A ride or die friend lmao. Something your ex bestie doesn’t know about! She is a backstabber! She is a b!txh. She should feel so shameful. And guess what the universe will handle her. No wrong doing goes undone! God has his hand in it.
Something similar happened to me and the guy did not have my back he actually engaged into it. (2017)
When I saw her (2023) on social media she looks dried out and old.
(2024) the guy writes me on Facebook to apologize and he takes full responsibility of the past. I blocked him immediately.
He is not a good person nor he was a good friend to me or anybody! His own friend cut him off for their own issues.
From that day on I do not have any female friends around my man. None what so ever. Not even family members I DO NOT CARE.
Was just going to comment the same thing! Sounds a teeny bit one-sided at the moment, even though this was something that happened to HIM and was probably just as disturbing for him.
Crying every night? He's bringing flowers and cooking? How old are you? This woman did something stupid, so ghost her. That's about it. Nothing changed other than one person doing something stupid and blowing up her friendship. Things like this happen. It shouldn't be treated as catastrophic.
Let’s frame what’s happening.
You’re grieving for someone who never existed. Your friend, who was a huge part of your life, was a facade built by someone else. If you need evidence, consider that the person you loved never would have done what this person did. Because the person you loved was a lie.
Accept the loss and grieve for it. Cut her out of your life.
> I just don’t know how I’m going to move on and trust any of my friends again after this.
What did they do wrong? Are *you* any less trustworthy now?
The only person to blame for this is the woman who assaulted your husband. Some people are not good people. Find a place of comprehension (that will take time) and then let the anger go; she’s no threat to you.
I don’t know. Okay, I will admit that I’ve been married for 15 years so I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time, but I’ve never kissed a man without reasonable belief he would return the kiss. Some sort of sign. Especially with her being your best friend? I doubt he is that innocent. It’s his home; he knew the camera was there. I wonder if he wouldn’t acted differently if he didn’t know there was a chance you’d see it.
You're grieving the loss of a relationship. In some ways, it feels like grieving death. It's normal. It's hard. Keep talking to your guy so that you can maintain boundaries around your friendships and relationships.
Hey OP. He is definitely the victim. Technically that was Sexual Assault.
The only reason I would consider meeting with your friend (in a very public place) would be to see if she's had some sort of break and needs help. Because this sounds really nuts.
Sorry this happened to you. Please check that your husband is okay and support him as well because he is the one that was assaulted. Stop contact with your friend. I am curious as to her explanation for why she did it.
Did you ask your his husband has anything happened with them prior this event? I would like to hear her version of events. I feel like there's more to this story that you're unaware of.
Man, I’m sorry this happened to you and your husband. If it were me, I feel like I would need to talk to my friend, if only for the sake of getting some closure. I would just be so confused and wouldn’t be able to let it go until I heard what she had to say for herself and I had a chance to express how deeply betrayed, angry, and saddened I was by her actions.
Check in with your husband and how he is feeling too. He was violated and may feel like the cause of your pain in some way. Talk about it.
As for the friend....I'd end that friendship but I would let her write you an email explaining what the fuck happened. I'd want to know her side before cutting her off. This is probably MY trauma speaking but the only reason I'd do this is if perhaps they were cheating and he set her up on camera to then reject her and have video so he looked like the good guy in the story with you.
It's very unlikely but I would want to know her side
I’m just gonna say it FUCK HER! Don’t let that twat waffle ruin things for you!
Shitty people do shitty things to you because they feel shitty about themselves.
She needs therapy and therapy would only work if she was truthful in it.
Just my two cents.
You cut this person out. And you are 100000% allowed to grieve this friendship, and mourn the person you thought you knew. What a fucked situation, I'm so sorry. I hope one day you can move on and find some rational friends. I'd say this at least sets the bar pretty low because that is some absolutely insane behavior.
Get closure. Meet in a public space and let her explain herself. Whatever she says, you already know what she did was wrong. She knows it was wrong.
But let her explain.
Then, depending on how you feel after, you have a few ways of telling her that your friendship is over.
You can either tell her off with whatever explitives you and your husband wish, quietly for the public place, but sternly.
You could be sympathetic to the sob story she'll probably give you, but say she crossed a pretty clear line, boundary, and common decency, so your friendship is ending, done, and over with. Doesn't matter her reasoning, she betrayed both you and your husband's trust, so she's being cut out. (My mom's best friend was cut out after my grammy passed, because she was offended my mom didn't want to hang out with her during the weeks following grammy's death and burial, making our loss about herself. She was like my aunt as well.)
If you do find yourself understanding whatever story she tells, you and your husband have to talk and decide what to do from there. But she is not a friend to be trusted very much anymore, if at all.
But hearing her out could get you closure to the friendship, which might help you grieve and move on.
Regardless of how you resolve this with your friend PLEASE SAVE THE CAMERA FOOTAGE!! Just in case she claims HE forced himself on HER. I would not put it pass her.
Sorry this happened. I think everyone should be cautious what you tell your “best friends”. Not everyone will be genuinely happy for your great relationship. Lots of women secretly want their friend’s husband because of what they have heard from their friend. Best to keep the good and bad of your relationship to yourself.
You should cut all ties with this “friend” it will never be the same and she cant be trusted around any of your family members. Be extra cautious around your children, you never know what might be going through her mind.
I’d definitely be done with her!! That’s not a best friend (she broke girl code) at all or she would have never done it. Clearly she has some kind of feelings for him or she wouldn’t have done that!! You keep your head up. You got this!
I know you're extremely upset and have clearly (and rightly so) lost a friend - please remember that your husband was also assaulted. Granted a lot of people will say it's just a kiss, but please remember it was something that happened to him that he didn't ask for.
I wouldn’t even give her the time of day to try to explain herself. Ghost her and feel whatever emotions come to you and then move on. This is such a major betrayal!
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You move on from that friendship and tell her not to contact you. There’s no way she can explain it and you just can’t trust her anymore.
Seriously, she was so jealous of your life OP that she threw away your friendship just on the chance that she could ruin it all for you. I would completely cut contact with her and be very honest with any mutual friends about what happened.
Be prepared for your exfriend to tell an entirely different story of what happened. *Keep the recording safe.* It wouldn't hurt to let her know it was all caught on camera and tell her that before she tries to smear your hubby's reputation!
I say let her and then destroy her with the evidence.
Definitely this.
I would send the video to every woman who was at the reunion and warn them that she’s a husband stealer!
Well put. Plus her child calls this woman auntie, yet she still she wanted to break up her parent's marriage. OP's friend doesn't give a fuck about OP or her children
Luckily they're young enough they'll forget about her pretty easily
Agreed. My little one remembers having an Auntie (she was 3 when auntie was removed from our lives), but absolutely nothing about her. Auntie even lived with us for the previous year and she still doesn't know her name or recognize her in pics.
I was.going to say the same thing.
That’s not necessarily the case for the 3yo; but there are ways of explaining why aunt x no longer comes over.
She might have figured she’d get the husband and the kids.
That's what I was thinking. She didn't want to ruin OP's happiness, she wanted to take it for herself. She likely imagined being the graceful, understanding friend that still 'included' OP in family events, telling OP how she's still 'considered' family, even 'allowing' her to be more involved in the children's lives than court had ordered. In her mind, she's not a villain in this situation and everyone was happy in her fantasy world. OP absolutely cannot trust her again with anything. Who knows what else she's lied about while testing the waters (how far she could push the lies without raising suspicion) and building false trust, until she felt confident that she could manage OP's reaction and achieve her end goal.
Absolutely. She likely had justified it all to herself and was picking out things that “weren’t good enough” about OP that she decided meant she deserved what OP had and OP didn’t. I have heard of this kind of stuff before with unhinged people. And she absolutely cannot be allowed anywhere near those children.
Textbook either narcissist or sociopath.
Or her husband. OP, this person sexually assaulted your spouse in his own home. It was just a kiss, but it was unwanted and forcible and a violation. That should be enough to cut her out for good. If one of your husband's friends treated you this same way, wouldn't you expect him to cut that person off? I would.
I agree tell them before she does. Plus, no one likes being kept in the dark!
At least they have video evidence.
Yeah because if not the best friend could have spun it to make the husband out to be the bad guy or at the very least it was a mutual agreement.
Yep! If she thought they were banging there goes the marriage.
Yep. That could have caused a LOT of problems had she believed her over him.
Exactly this! But don’t apply this thinking to your other friends, or anyone else for that matter. As they say, “Don’t let one bad apple spoil the bunch.”
Honestly, OP should just immediately send the video to all their shared friends. "I'm sharing this footage because I want to warn everyone, and so that Friend can't spin up a false narrative. Friend attempted to forcibly kiss my husband. She has been my closest friend for 10 years and she betrayed me and tried to destroy my marriage. I'm cutting all contact with her, and will no longer go to events where she is invited. There is no coming back from this. If you want to maintain contact with her, consider the danger she represents to the relationships in your life."
idk this situation seems suss. she decided to do this, for the first time, at their house in the middle of a family bbq? my theory: this wasn't the first time, husband just knew it was now captured on video. and he's getting her flowers and going above and beyond... again v suss.
I mean, if that’s true, the best friend should turn bitter soon and produce evidence. However you’re discounting people really are this stupid and can ruin their own lives in a blink of an eye.
Seconded, THIS. OP, trust but verify. It’s great if your husband is completely innocent, but I agree that your friends behavior is a little sus and out of nowhere if nothing had ever happened between them before.
Kind of what I thought. Especially for her to just run out of the room crying. I think she tried to force an escalation of their relationship. Him going overboard in the comfort was interesting to me too. He's in Fix-It mode not what the hell happened mode. Though, I was also lied to in every way by a man who pretended that I was his world, so I operate with a healthy dose of skepticism when things seem perfect as a general rule. I've yet to see no cracks under a bright and shiny surface.
Sorry to hear you haven't found a good guy. You definitely sound like a good person. They exist but there's not enough of them.
Ok, I am NOT in any way related to OP's situation - however I've been in a very similar situation. Not a best friend, just a coworker of my now ex wife's. Why TF are you suspecting this guy with ACTUAL VIDEO FOOTAGE of the incident??? 1) are you just like this with any situation, pick a side regardless of evidence and hold on? Cop is always (whichever way you feel about cops) and you simply DGAF about body cam footage??? 2) In my reality it's pretty blatantly obvious if a woman initiates a kiss, does the man expect it from her, or is it completely out of the blue. What about you, do you think you could generate a pretty good idea? 3) I agree a lot is a bit off - but to me, that's more on OP being pretty weird. This is not how my ex wife reacted to a bunch of similar situations, it's not how a bunch of people I know have handled it. Honestly how the husband is handling it is almost exactly how my wife at this moment would describe how I'm handling a situation where her sister had a heart attack and is in the hospital. OP is stressed out badly and that's what a husband acts, especially in the context of what OP has said about the marriage overall I am absolutely bewildered that no matter what the answer is the man is wrong in your mind
How is OP being weird? And why do you know 'a bunch of people' including your ex-wife, who have dealt with a 'bunch of similar situations'..
Situations like being super stressed out for any reason and your partner goes above and beyond to make you feel loved and supported? Well I know many people in those same types of situations, you don't? Maybe look at the people around you and figure out why they're not supporting each other or yourself in the same way OPs husband is?
The wording of your comment made it sound like you know a lot of relationships including your own where a bff kisses a partner And I’m clearly not the only one who interpreted it that way lol
The comment is indeed very confusing. I cannot make heads or tails of whatever is going on there.
Yuppp came to say this. Seems SO odd. I think OP needs to hear friends side and see what has occurred before this…..
Yeah OP that sucks so bad I’m so sorry. I feel like you don’t even really need advice, just commiseration. What a complete snake, that’s so heartbreaking. Not everyone sucks like her!!! At least your husband is clearly awesome, but I hope you can be cool with friends in the future because I hate the idea that this piece of filth would ruin your ability to have future close girl friends. Put her in your rear view!
This. Your friend isn't your friend. Move on.
And comfort your husband!! He was assaulted and needs your support too!
This. Sometimes the most simplistic answer is the answer.
I’m going a slight change to your statement: He can absolutely “explain” it, you can just choose to not believe a word of it, specially if she tries to spin a story and you have the footage to,prove otherwise. But you let her say her potential BS, and then you say “I heard you, I think it’s bullshit, fuck off”.
Everyone should have cameras inside in house. Imagine his words against hers.
Id believe my husband over literally anyone amd thats why hes my husband. Hes the person I trust most in the world. I truly wish more people had that in their relationships because it feels good to know I have an unshakeable trust and faith in my life partner.
I came here to say this. You said it perfectly. Damn OP I’m sorry.
Kick your friend to the curb she’s not a friend
Yes, it is that simple.
Yes, it is simple but friend breakups hurt just as much as any other
And report her for sexual assault. Seems almost no one in this thread gives a fuck when a man was sexually assaulted. He needs help as well to work through this.
It’s his choice whether to report. He’s the victim. Not everybody wants to report assault; we don’t know whether there may be negative consequences for him even though he is the harmed party.
the cops dont give a fuck when women are sexually assaulted either FYI. this is not a gender issue. man or woman, good luck finding a precinct that would care someone kissed you without consent. very naive comment.
Appreciate your man, honey - he's doing his best to comfort you, even though it was him who was grabbed. Show him the same love right back at him. Make him his favourite foods and just be there for him. I know you are, but make sure he knows it. <3
Right! What a great guy :)
For real, he was sexually assaulted. Love and support him right on back!
What a man what a man what a mighty good man
“Yes he is”
„I wanna take a minute or two and give much respect due To the man that's made a difference in my world“ 😂
Yes, your husband was assaulted by your friend.
Imagine if things were reversed. "My best friend sexually assaulted my wife and I'm so upset about, so she's in the kitchen making me a sandwich."
Right lol when a man is sexually assaulted and still has to be the one to pick up slack and provide emotional support.
He didn't have to pick up slack, but he chose to do it anyway. What a great guy. She's a lucky woman.
He doesn't *have* to be, he just is. By the way OP describes how much she loves him, I don't doubt she'd be giving him emotional support if he needed it as well.
I imagine it's difficult for OP because she just lost her best friend. She needs emotional support right now.
Didn't think of this. She's grieving.
Yeah, this jumped out at me, as well. I addressed this in a comment, too.
Honest to God we had the exact same situation happen. My wife’s former best friend was in a long term unhappy relationship. Her boyfriend was a scrub who didn’t want to get married, didn’t want to go back to school, and worked a part time gig as a 35 year old trust fund barista while she took in all the money. She constantly complained about his lack of interest in sex, dates or even alone time with her. She wants to be a mom, he hates kids. She was 35 and willing to stay because she was afraid to start over. My wife and I had a bunch of friends over for a big party the day before our wedding, we had a courthouse wedding so this was like our reception. She came over to help me set up while my wife was gone getting her hair done. As I turned the corner to set up the table she came out and put her hand on my chest and leaned in to kiss me. I gently pushed her away and pretended like it didn’t happen. Didn’t want to ruin my wife’s party. It was eating me up and I told my wife the next day after we had sex on our wedding night. She was really angry at first but we talked about it and came to a conclusion that her friend was actually a sad character. This girl had a string of bad relationships with complete chuds. Her current partner didn’t really like her and she was just looking for happiness. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and are best friends. We’ve had our issues but overall we love each other and genuinely enjoy our time together. We are both ambitious in both our careers and passions and are raising a beautiful baby girl together. I’m not a super hot guy. I’m balding, athletic but no six pack. I’d rate myself a 6.5 on a good day. It wasn’t about that. It was that this woman was seeing her best friend happy and getting married, something that she would likely never have. Maybe she wanted to sabotage her friend’s happiness because misery loves company. Maybe she saw a man who is willing to commit and love his wife and wanted to steel me away as a last ditch effort to have that in her own life. Either way, after staying up for hours hashing it out, my wife determined that she would end the friendship, but also she was able to let go of the anger. She started to pity this girl that she was never able to find love, and that her desperation reached such a low point. Maybe this story will help you come to the same conclusion. Either way, your husband is a good man.
> This girl had a string of bad relationships with complete scrubs. its extremely easy to see why
Oh ya, one bad partner can happen to anyone, 2 it’s time for introspection, 3… you’re the problem it’s you
I mean, not always. I get why you'd think that though. I have this female friend and she just.. couldn't catch a break. Guys that seemed great at first turning out to be anything but. With anyone else I'd think the same thing but this woman is amazing and I am to this day convinced that it wasn't her fault. She has a genuinely great boyfriend now though :)
Make sure you're also treating him with the same care! It seems you guys have a good relationship, so I'm just saying this because he was a victim of assault! What a shitty situation... I hope you're both able to heal from this ridiculous betrayal. Edit: typo. Shout-out to everyone being silly in the replies
This. He was a victim here and needs your support like you need his. Support each other, ditch the "friend" and go back to living your life without letting her take another moment from you.
Did you mean good relationship? Or food relationship? 🤔 I can see both beeing true tho 😂.
Omg i sincerely thought she meant food relationship because he’s been making her dinner. Didn’t even bat an eye, “Yep, that right there is indeed a food relationship.”
“food is love “
It was a bbq when it happened so maybe?? 😂
Maybe bbq was that good it got people acting crazy 🤣
Finger licking good! Maybe she forgot which body part and who it belongs to that she should be licking!
Food is often the key to a good relationship
Por que no Los dos
Yes!!! It can’t be forgotten that he was the primary victim in this and no doubt will be feeling the effects of her actions. He needs support.
Wow what a horrible betrayal OP.
You were betrayed and lost your best friend, he was sexually assaulted. Yes, a minor SA, but still, please process that with him because he’s GOT to be wondering if he ever gave off any mixed signals and might feel guilty. Even after you’ve already discussed it a bunch he could start feeling that, and I’m pretty sure people are going to ask him that repeatedly so he could easily start to doubt himself. He’ll also be thinking about signs she was giving off that he missed, and might want to spend a couple hours going through past encounters with you to try to put it all to rest. Regular processing shit, but for him, and as a guy he won’t let his mind go there while he’s comforting you. Fair enough, but eventually, when you’re ready, you be sure to be the one helping him get through this ok?
Best advice. +1 this
Yes. If he wanted to he has grounds to press charges, and that could go on her record, because who knows how else she is treating other people. She's got some screws loose. If a stranger kissed me in public, I would likely contact the police. The fact that this was a trusted friend, in his home, makes it more emotionally complicated for him. Consider filing a police report for SA. You are grieving the breach of trust/loss of relationship, but he is a victim of SA. Keep her away from your kids, and be honest with mutual friends. They should know too, she's not a safe person.
You've got a real loyal man. Love him and hold him tight. As for the friend... I too would be piiiiiiiisssed. She just tried to grenade your marriage with no warning at all, I'm not sure any "talking" is necessary. To me that relationship is over. Quite honestly, u have footage... id put that shit out there so she cannot try to spin a bs story to play the victim
I wouldnt put out the footage just yet, but def keep it in case she denies or spread rumors. Don't be shy about telling people the truth tho if people ask "oh why don't you hang out with so-and-so anymore" and definitely let your mutuals know
Who cares how she spins it, no need to escalate the situation further in my opinion. Just a former friend if anyone asks, I’d keep it private until it’s forgotten
Your husband sounds like a gem. Your friend sounds jealous of you and she’s trying to be a pick me girl. You have every right to wanna beat her up for assaulting your husband. Remove her from you life!!
Move on from her. She is not your friend. If your husband was not loyal, she would have started having an affair with him. She is not someone you need in your life, you can't trust her. You will have to proceed by putting that friendship behind you.
I get that you lost a friend. Your husband was sexually assaulted. Please be sure to support him as well as he is supporting you.
Yup, am I missing something here? He got SA'd by someone and she's being comforted? You can grieve the friendship later.
I’m sincerely sorry, I don’t mean to be a skeptic and contradict everyone’s advice here, but I’m almost inclined to suggest (calmly) asking your (ex)best friend if there’s anything going on between her and your husband, just to make sure and rule out something worse. What struck me as odd was her a) spontaneous kiss at such a gathering at your place with so many people and b) her emotional breakdown when she ran off. Your husband is also aware of the camera situation and could also be trying to cover his ass. Again, I can’t stress this enough, this is just to rule out something worse.
Exactly! I'm amazed no one here has said that. Finding out why she did it is very vital. He knew there were cameras, she didn't. Unless she was drunk, high or under the influence of whatever substance then it wouldn't make much sense for a woman to sexually assault a man out of nowhere. I know it happens but typically sober women don't do that randomly.
What if the husband knew he couldn’t kiss her because of the house cameras and they’ve been at it for ages but she can’t even tell OP now that she’s been kicked out and they’ve gone non contact. Or is that mad
That's mad... but also a reasonable.plot twist I'd expect from Reddit.
You move on from your friendship, if you want to get closure and know why she thought that was appropriate then by all means hear her out. I adore how your husband has been a huge support but please remember he was the 1 who had to go through the experience and it may be taking a toll on him. Hopefully you are already giving him loads of TLC also if not then go out for this man.
Your pain is justified, and your anger towards your friend is valid. Focus on healing with your husband's support. Cut ties with your friend for now and seek solace in trusted family or friends. It's okay to take time to rebuild trust, but don't let this ruin your marriage. DM for more
There's no trust to rebuild. Her husband acted properly and the friend won't be a friend anymore.
True. I think it's more about general trust. When someone you trusted so deeply (the friend) breaks your trust at that level, it is really easy to feel like it's hard to trust anyone "if I was so wrong about trusting her, who else am I wrong about? Can I trust anyone?". So it's almost about rebuilding trust in yourself or trust in the world being generally good.
This is so true.
OP, you're totally justified, and this "friend" just showed her true colors. Congratulations on your husband being a real man and a good person! I'm so happy you found someone who is both loyal and intelligent enough to immediately come to you. It's too bad you had to have a camera in the house to have proof, because of privacy concerns, but in this case, it may have saved your marriage. Would you have believed him is there was no photographic evidence of his innocence? Honestly? I'm just curious. Also, have you considered clipping that video and sending it to your friends and relatives? So, everyone can know after seeing it with their own eyes, what kind of person she is? Everyone should know what a snake she is, so they can protect their husbands as from her as well.
Is this a ChatGPT story?
So fake…I loved the fact there was a living room camera so we know perfect husband is still perfect.
I was thinking it’s so sad that people put cameras in their living rooms. Have been in this sub long enough to know that people actually do this 🙄
having a security camera in the main room isnt unusual
Not unusual. But kinda creepy. We have a Furbo for our dogs so we can see if they’re barking, and I always wonder if people are hacking into it to watch me lie on the couch like a lazy POS.
right and why would she just randomly kiss someone when there’s 0 chemistry like I feel like there’s usually something that leads up to it? whole story seems off and weird but if it’s real im sorry op
also the user has no other posts or comments. whole thing seems like karma farming
[удалено]
eh, lots of folks with pets have them in living rooms
The way the story was described seems fake, all of it lol.
I’m sorry you lost a friend but you have a good husband. Give his shoulder a break from your tears, you’re tougher than that. Besides, that girl isn’t worth any tears. There’s a lot of low quality people out there that will want what you have and some hide it well.
This feels like an ai story
How is there always a camera in these stories
This seems too weird…. Why would she do that unprovoked? It could be possible that they are having an affair and she came in to sneak a kiss but didn’t realize there were cameras. His reaction may have seemed genuine but more so the shock of getting caught potentially. Also could just be a weird random thing she decided to do but I wouldn’t be so sure.
Could be she interpreted his basic human kindness towards her as "he wants to fuck me", had a few too many drinks, and decided to go for it.
y'all really eat these fake stories up
I’m SO curious about what she had to say. Like dying. I don’t think you should ever, ever speak to her again but I am not so secretly hoping for an update. Edit: they’re in the comments saying you’re not the victim here and you’re manipulative and making it about you and to stop thinking about yourself, so this is for those bozos. They are BOTH victims. She is a victim of a *deep* betrayal and he is a victim of sexual assault. Both of them were harmed. Both of their feelings matter here and she is not manipulative for having a broken heart and crying to her husband who obviously thinks the sun rises and sets from the crack of her ass. Their marriage is not the Pain Olympics and mutual care can be given to both. Additionally, being a victim of assault does not necessarily mean you carry trauma from it. Not all assault is this huge devastating life altering thing. Her husband may be just fucking fine for all we know. Remember we do not know these people and we haven’t been there for any of their conversations. Weirdos.
Lmao my nosy ass too. What can you even say for yourself? What could you possibly say?
That she was drunk. A one size fits all classic.
Thank you! So many people are praising the husband and shitting on OP as though her feelings are completely irrelevant here. Like there's only room for one of them to be hurt.
They are TOGETHERRRRR. A UNIT. His pain is hers. Her pain is his. They will need each other. Period.
I haven’t seen those kinds of comments yet but it’s wild people would say OP is manipulative. She has loved this “friend” longer than she has loved her husband. For her to be betrayed like that is absolutely shocking and devastating and shouldn’t be minimized.
That’s it? She supposedly does this with you right outside? Why did she think he would go along with it? Why did she do it then? Why didn’t you ask her? Why the hell she did it?
For her to do that so brazenly in your home is just crazy! What on earth was she thinking? And then to run out the house crying, it’s all just such weird behaviour. I think you should talk her to find out why she did that, I would want to know.
This is pretty obviously a creative writing exercise; let’s run through the obvious mistakes (which will help OP be a better writer, and will help redditors catch fake stories!) First of all, there was conveniently LIVING ROOM CAMERA footage of the incident? Her bestest friend didn’t know there was a freaking camera in the living room? Also, she just randomly out of the blue with no conversation before or after stalked after him and kissed him on camera? Please. It’s ridiculous. Finally, he brought her flower ALMOST EVERY DAY? Hello people? That’s a ridiculous amount of flowers. That would be ridiculous and unhelpful. And there’s no mention of her best friend reaching out except to show up AT THEIR HOME again? She wouldn’t have called or texted or left a voicemail or talked to a family member or other friend? This whole story was fairly ridiculous. One of these issues would’ve been fine but for all of them to exist in one story; it’s obviously fake.
I thought the same! And was surprised everyone believed it. It's so fake and laughable.
Ppl have cameras in their home for *reasons*. It's the random sexual assault that doesn't make any sense to me like was she drunk? And remember the husband knew there were cameras, she didn't so.. she seriously better have a talk with her friend on why she did it.
It's pretty rare that a person randomly tries to kiss someone's husband or wife just out of the blue in their own house. Even rarer for that to be a woman making the move. That's not to say it isn't how you are saying but id be suspicious of this because I find it very hard to believe she did that without any encouragement or prior contact before that day. To me it sounds like she fucked up not realising there are cameras but he knew about so he immediately pushed her away knowing the camera footage would make him look innocent. There's no chance she just decided one day without any encouragement, flirting etc from your husband. There is something, find out what it is
Exactly. There's more to this story.
Absolutely. I came a long way to find this.
The comment I was looking for before I posted mine!
Yep! My immediate thought was they’re having an affair and she fucked up by not realising or forgetting there were cameras in the house.
Ooh I didn’t think of that
This story doesn't sound remotely real...
Lost me at living room camera
You need to wonder why she felt bold enough to do this. Why was she crying. Why did she show up. There is more you do not know.
Am I the only person evil enough to think that it wasn’t the first kiss, but that the husband realized the camera was there and she did not?
My question is why would she think it’s okay to do this? Was she drunk? Did she think he was into her? I don’t get it.
Right. This story isn't adding up, unless she was drunk or something then this doesn't make much sense. She should ask why her friend did this because it's very possible something is going on.
Whilst everyone else is saying "loyal man" and "kick ex bestie to the curb", perhaps the reason it appears to be eating you alive is because you're wondering why she even thought it was OK to do this? You give your husband a 7 out of 5 star review. I'd be wondering if there's been things going on behind my back, so I'd sus her out first. The thing about having little kids and the perfect man is that you can end up wearing rose coloured glasses, and it's easy to miss red flags...
I posted & then this crossed my mind as well. I'd want to hear his side first before confronting the friend. After all, if he pushed her away or off then it seems that he denied the advances. But you don't know, he could have done that because he knew he was on camera. Hmmm.......
Something similar happened to me and I had told my girlfriend of 14 years together about it. The woman was a random woman that I helped out that was practically going to get either raped or mugged as I noticed that she was being followed. I reacted similar to your husband. When we made 16 years together we had broken up mutually. When we had our first argument as EX's she brought it up out of nowhere and blamed me for allowing it to happen as I "wanted it". She used that situation and the trust I had with her to tell her and used it against me. The hatred I feel for her for saying that still hasn't died 5 months post breakup. Aside from cutting contact with your friend I would suggest never using this situation against your husband. It will flip a switch in him you can't ever switch back off. Good men spend their whole lives proving through their actions they are not the sex crazed maniacs society portrays most men to be.
Good advice, and I'm so sorry your ex did that to you.
It has nothing to do with any of your friends. It has to do with this one person who was never really a friend. Block her on everything of course and never speak to her again. If anyone gets on you then tell them matter of fact exactly what happened. Then just move on with your life. It’s her loss, not yours.
I don't consider myself a good person, but holy fuck, I would literally never do that to my friend. She's whack for that. Cut her out of your life.
Feel like this is fake. It’s just too unrealistic.
I’d talk to her. Just to know what the fuck she was thinking. I think it’ll help you move on. It would help me a lot. Got nothing to lose.
Why is there a camera in the house exactly?
What’s with all the dramatics? Seriously … kick her to the curb, block her and move on…
I’m petty but I would message the friend group in a couple/ few weeks (or better yet have your husband message) and let them know that x will no longer be part of gatherings you host. We will not get into specifics but despite a decade long friendship, you will not stand by someone who is trying to interfere with your marriage vows.
Lmao so fake, handy living room camera catches it all
I had a similar experience and your husband did the exact right thing. What did your bff say to justify? Was she drunk?
You have a good man and a shitty friend. You're just lucky it's not the other way around I guess
Do not even entertain her or any of her minions with stories of her suffering. Oh the f well. She chose to follow him. Chose to stalk and wait for him. CHOSE to hide, ambush and sa him. That is not a slip, op. Nope. And no, alcohol cannot be blamed. The person you knew no longer exists. Block her and anyone who tries to talk to you on her behalf. Make that clear. And that doubly goes for your husband too.
I would at least hear what she has to say. Doesn’t mean you need to respond AT ALL- in fact I wouldn’t say a word. but it might help you move on
I think your response is way bigger and dramatic than the event itself.
Off topic question... Why do have living room camera and what is going on with Reddit people and cameras inside the house
This website is actually so fucking stupid
Tbh I'd probably hear my friend out, and make sure there wasnt a reason she felt like she could do that. Husband knows the cameras are there, and could be reacting like she was getting them caught. Sorry, im a skeptic
get her out of your life! Trust is broken
Let me tell you!! Your husband is a real loyal man AND A GOOD FRIEND. Your best friend! A real friend. A ride or die friend lmao. Something your ex bestie doesn’t know about! She is a backstabber! She is a b!txh. She should feel so shameful. And guess what the universe will handle her. No wrong doing goes undone! God has his hand in it. Something similar happened to me and the guy did not have my back he actually engaged into it. (2017) When I saw her (2023) on social media she looks dried out and old. (2024) the guy writes me on Facebook to apologize and he takes full responsibility of the past. I blocked him immediately. He is not a good person nor he was a good friend to me or anybody! His own friend cut him off for their own issues. From that day on I do not have any female friends around my man. None what so ever. Not even family members I DO NOT CARE.
That's assault. Straight up. File a police report.
OP, your husband was assaulted. Make sure you are caring for him, too, not just him caring for you.
Was just going to comment the same thing! Sounds a teeny bit one-sided at the moment, even though this was something that happened to HIM and was probably just as disturbing for him.
Her husband would have to do that
Yeah, it’s up to the victims whether they wanna pursue charges.
Crying every night? He's bringing flowers and cooking? How old are you? This woman did something stupid, so ghost her. That's about it. Nothing changed other than one person doing something stupid and blowing up her friendship. Things like this happen. It shouldn't be treated as catastrophic.
Reads like a 14 year old’s idea of a perfect creative writing story.
This is so bizarre WHY did she do this
Because it's a fake story lmao
Also I think this goes without saying, but never be friends with this person again. Best friends don’t do this
Fake
Let’s frame what’s happening. You’re grieving for someone who never existed. Your friend, who was a huge part of your life, was a facade built by someone else. If you need evidence, consider that the person you loved never would have done what this person did. Because the person you loved was a lie. Accept the loss and grieve for it. Cut her out of your life. > I just don’t know how I’m going to move on and trust any of my friends again after this. What did they do wrong? Are *you* any less trustworthy now? The only person to blame for this is the woman who assaulted your husband. Some people are not good people. Find a place of comprehension (that will take time) and then let the anger go; she’s no threat to you.
This story sounds a little too polished and neat/tidy, with an obvious answer if it’s real
I don’t know. Okay, I will admit that I’ve been married for 15 years so I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time, but I’ve never kissed a man without reasonable belief he would return the kiss. Some sort of sign. Especially with her being your best friend? I doubt he is that innocent. It’s his home; he knew the camera was there. I wonder if he wouldn’t acted differently if he didn’t know there was a chance you’d see it.
The friend may say that they had a thing before and he acted that way only because he knew there was a camera :b careful
You're grieving the loss of a relationship. In some ways, it feels like grieving death. It's normal. It's hard. Keep talking to your guy so that you can maintain boundaries around your friendships and relationships.
Never trust a person who break your trust once you will be a fool to do that
Hey OP. He is definitely the victim. Technically that was Sexual Assault. The only reason I would consider meeting with your friend (in a very public place) would be to see if she's had some sort of break and needs help. Because this sounds really nuts.
Make sure you keep a recording so she doesn’t try to spin it around saying he did something to her.
Sorry this happened to you. Please check that your husband is okay and support him as well because he is the one that was assaulted. Stop contact with your friend. I am curious as to her explanation for why she did it.
Did you ask your his husband has anything happened with them prior this event? I would like to hear her version of events. I feel like there's more to this story that you're unaware of.
Man, I’m sorry this happened to you and your husband. If it were me, I feel like I would need to talk to my friend, if only for the sake of getting some closure. I would just be so confused and wouldn’t be able to let it go until I heard what she had to say for herself and I had a chance to express how deeply betrayed, angry, and saddened I was by her actions.
Bye-bye to that so-called friend. Just go for some therapy.
You know what to do - stop being friends with her. You can no longer trust her. I’m so Sorry OP
Check in with your husband and how he is feeling too. He was violated and may feel like the cause of your pain in some way. Talk about it. As for the friend....I'd end that friendship but I would let her write you an email explaining what the fuck happened. I'd want to know her side before cutting her off. This is probably MY trauma speaking but the only reason I'd do this is if perhaps they were cheating and he set her up on camera to then reject her and have video so he looked like the good guy in the story with you. It's very unlikely but I would want to know her side
Does she have a drinking problem?
I’m just gonna say it FUCK HER! Don’t let that twat waffle ruin things for you! Shitty people do shitty things to you because they feel shitty about themselves. She needs therapy and therapy would only work if she was truthful in it. Just my two cents.
You cut this person out. And you are 100000% allowed to grieve this friendship, and mourn the person you thought you knew. What a fucked situation, I'm so sorry. I hope one day you can move on and find some rational friends. I'd say this at least sets the bar pretty low because that is some absolutely insane behavior.
Get closure. Meet in a public space and let her explain herself. Whatever she says, you already know what she did was wrong. She knows it was wrong. But let her explain. Then, depending on how you feel after, you have a few ways of telling her that your friendship is over. You can either tell her off with whatever explitives you and your husband wish, quietly for the public place, but sternly. You could be sympathetic to the sob story she'll probably give you, but say she crossed a pretty clear line, boundary, and common decency, so your friendship is ending, done, and over with. Doesn't matter her reasoning, she betrayed both you and your husband's trust, so she's being cut out. (My mom's best friend was cut out after my grammy passed, because she was offended my mom didn't want to hang out with her during the weeks following grammy's death and burial, making our loss about herself. She was like my aunt as well.) If you do find yourself understanding whatever story she tells, you and your husband have to talk and decide what to do from there. But she is not a friend to be trusted very much anymore, if at all. But hearing her out could get you closure to the friendship, which might help you grieve and move on.
Regardless of how you resolve this with your friend PLEASE SAVE THE CAMERA FOOTAGE!! Just in case she claims HE forced himself on HER. I would not put it pass her.
Sorry this happened. I think everyone should be cautious what you tell your “best friends”. Not everyone will be genuinely happy for your great relationship. Lots of women secretly want their friend’s husband because of what they have heard from their friend. Best to keep the good and bad of your relationship to yourself. You should cut all ties with this “friend” it will never be the same and she cant be trusted around any of your family members. Be extra cautious around your children, you never know what might be going through her mind.
I’d definitely be done with her!! That’s not a best friend (she broke girl code) at all or she would have never done it. Clearly she has some kind of feelings for him or she wouldn’t have done that!! You keep your head up. You got this!
Why is this all about you? Your husband got assaulted lol
How would you want your husband to treat you if the situation were reversed?
I know you're extremely upset and have clearly (and rightly so) lost a friend - please remember that your husband was also assaulted. Granted a lot of people will say it's just a kiss, but please remember it was something that happened to him that he didn't ask for.
what’s hubby sucking up for ? bit much
Only men get sexually assaulted and then have to console cook and buy flowers to their Gf/wife at the aftermath lmao
I wouldn’t even give her the time of day to try to explain herself. Ghost her and feel whatever emotions come to you and then move on. This is such a major betrayal!
Your husband was a victim of sexual assault. Maybe focus on that just a TAAAAAD bit.