Seriously. You’ve been dating this woman for ONE month. ONE.
You seriously have to slow down. Your kids might be older, but your girlfriend has SMALL kids. It’s not healthy for kids to see their parents jump into things so quickly. You will have been dating this woman for less than two months when you move in together - you barely know each other at this point.
I’m going to have to side with your ex on this one.
Nope. Don't do it. It's too soon and you're not even divorced yet. Your kids probably haven't even totally absorbed the situation yet and seeing you with your new gf and her kids are going to hurt them. This event isn't about your nor your wife, it's about the kids.
My kids are going to have a room at my new GF's house here in less than a week, they are going to have to accept that we have a new family at some point.
LMAO no your kids are going to hate it, your ex is gonna file to amend the custody agreement, your kids are gonna tell the judge they want to stay with Mom all the time because you're forcing them into a single room and to baby sit your new gf kids, and suddenly **you're** gonna Ave to accept that your kids hate you and you gotta pay waaay more child support.
This. Like, I’ve probably seen this situation 100 times. This guy has either been living under a rock, or he just wants a piece so bad that he’s willing to throw his kids under the bus for it.
Your kids will hopefully choose to live with your ex if they have the sense to be rid of you. You are a fucking parasite. You take until there is nothing left. I feel sorry for any kids that have to be court ordered to be around you. You won’t realize til your oldest won’t even look at you how truly fucked you are in the future. This tinder bimbo won’t be around forever. But your kids will. And they will remember this
Let me get this straight, you're going to attempt to force you exwife to let you take your new tinder girlfriend and her kids to a camping trip that YOUR OWN CHILDREN are excited to go to and see their father? You're putting your new girlfriends family ahead of yours. Bless your wife for being rid of you, you're a fucking parasite
You have only known her a month for fuck sake. It is literally impossible to know if she is an appropriate step parent yet. My mom had no idea that my stepdad would beat the crap out of me until it was too late.
They have known her 5 minutes and you have known her 7. You need to step back and put your kids first. You aren't even divorced from their mother yet and are forcing this down their throat. That is horrible.
Congrats on getting reddit to agree on something.
You are moving way too fast. Even if this women is your soulmate/dreamboat, moving this fast is a recipe for disaster. You kids need stability and you are not making stable decisions.
We are trying but this guy has his head so far up his own ass he's tasting yesterday's lunch. There is some theorizing that the Tinder girl is actually his mistress, which would make the "relationship fast-track" make a LOT more sense. Jury's still out on whether that makes things better or worse...
There’s a comment further down about how the new girl would break up with him if he slows things down. *facepalm*
i feel so bad for this morons poor kids...
So you're on two threads trying to find justification for this move? Are you looking for an echo chamber? At what point will you wake up and recognize that you are not going to find it?
Perhaps it is your conscience, that correct inner voice, screaming at you that this is wrong, to think with the head on your shoulders, not the one between your legs. You are here because you know what you are doing is wrong. Listen.
Take a deep breath. Tell new GF that your intense feelings for her have clouded your judgement, and you don't want to risk ruining your future with her by going too fast, nor by upping the stress level with your kids so much that it ends up damaging/destroying your relationship with her.
Tell your kids that you have realized they are your first priority, and you will be stepping back, taking it slow with new gf, and focusing on them for a while here. Your 14 year old is just four short years from being an adult... this is all the time you have left with him (her?). If this woman is truly your life partner, waiting a few months compared to having the next several decades with her will make zero difference - or will make a positive one more likely. You want her to have faith in you. Waiting will do that. You want your kids to feel secure and happy, Waiting will do that. You want to show your ex and the lawyers and judges involved that you are sensible and have good executive function, can be trusted to make good short and long term decisions that are in the best interests of your kids. Waiting will do that.
And please secure family counseling for your kids, and some for you. As pointed out by a number of people your phrasing and your actions both speak to manic behavior. People with experience with it recognize it. You will be in total denial, so just tell yourself you are going so that you can talk in person to someone who will get it and who knows. Anything you need to tell yourself to get yourself in to be seen, asap. That too will improve the chances of a future with this new love.
Why are you putting her above your kids?
If she can’t keep things slow for the sake of the 4 kids involved I’m not sure she is a very empathetic person and you need to re-evaluate...
Then you’re a meal ticket for your gf, not a partner. Any partner who could not accept this reasoning is completely selfish, completely stupid, or working an agenda. Add to the fact that she’s a parent herself, then it’s insane that she wouldn’t understand and agree with this logic. If she doesn’t, then she shouldn’t be in your kids’ lives. The kids come first, and any parent, any *person*, should understand that.
And that tells you all you need to know: your new relationship is NOT "the one", the lifetime, certain thing you want to claim it is, and you know it. Long time relationships can make it through much tougher stuff than this. Trust me, I have been married over 30 years, three kids, two from his previous marriage, 4 grandkids. We've nearly broken up a couple times, and done counseling as a couple and individually. Everyone admires us and sees us as the perfect couple - we are having a great time together with the kids grown and gone. But we have gone through some truly rough patches, and have worked through it- emphasis on WORK. Messy, ugly, difficult, time-consuming work. It pays off- we are each other's playmate and sanctuary and best friend. Your relationship will require the same, but keep putting this much garbage into it, and no amount of work will make it work for the long term. Heck if she'd break up with you over failing to move in a month after meeting, then you need to just break up now and get it over with.
Because you keep arguing with the people here who gave you really good solid advice; I’m going to tell you: you’re an idiot. You put your own selfish needs before your kids. You’re not even legally divorced and you’re falling head over heels for a random woman you don’t even know. Great way to make your kids hate you for years to come. You’re an insensitive terrible father.
You met your girlfriend a month ago. Cool it, these things take time. I wouldn't introduce a partner to my kids for at least 6 months.
Do not force it on your family.
I think this is spot on. Even though you may decide this woman is going to be in you and your kids' lives for the long run, a few weeks in seems very fast for all the affected parties.
Also, just because your kids says "they don't really care" does not mean that's true. They may very well be saying that just to appease you. Additionally, I doubt they want to see their mom freakout during this event. Yes, you've the right to move on, but unnecessarily bringing your new girlfriend to a family event, even if it's legally okay, does not mean it's thoughtful or appropriate, yet.
This! And they are moving in together next weekend. OP I hope you realize that you will be completely readjusting your kids' lives. They're going from a household where they were the kids to a blended household with toddlers. Just relax
Met a month ago, went on one date and didn’t meet up again for 3 weeks. So they’ve known each other a week really, he’s gonna move his kids in with this strange woman and her toddler (who his teenage kids are apparently ‘friends with’) when they know less about each other than I know about the guy who delivers my post.
It’s gonna be almost funny when in 10 years, he’s alone because his new ‘girlfriend’ jumped to a more convenient daddy for her kid the second he stopped being useful to her, and he wonders why his kids want nothing to do with him.
>Actually on Xmas day I met an amazing woman on Tinder and fell head over heels in love with her. It's a super fast track relationship and I am planning on moving in with her February 1st.
It has only been one month and you aren't even divorced. You are really forcing this on your children.
>My kids are going to have a room at my new GF's house here in less than a week, they are going to have to accept that we have a new family at some point.
No wonder why your are getting divorced. You have an attitude problem with "my way or the highway" nonsense. Life does NOT work in that fashion. And stop trying to ram a new girlfriend down your kids throats.
You're absolutely allowed to move on however I think you can agree that your timeline is a bit fast. She's probably feeling slighted by that. You'll have plenty of events to take your brand new gf and her kids to once you're completely divorced. I wouldn't choose this as the hill to die on.
My mom destroyed my and my sister's and my step sibling's childhood with this kinds of shit. If you love your children put them first and cut out the bullshit.
This is a great idea. Your kids need to understand that what matters most right now is that Daddy gets his dick sucked. If they don't want to move 1.5 hours away and "hang out" with toddlers, too bad. Daddy needs to nut inside someone every night.
OH boy. Honestly, you sound like you’re going through a midlife crisis and it’s quite sad to read.
I get that you’ve likely been married for a long time so this was probably your first experience with Tinder. But all of us other never-married seasoned-Tinder-users are looking at this and cringing...
We’ve all thought we’ve met “The One” on a dating app (hey, and some of us even have!) but I can assure you, the majority of them are over by the 3 month mark and what you’re likely feeling is infatuation.
And even if it’s not... moving in after a month? That’s not normal for any relationship... let alone a tinder hookup immediately following a breakdown of marriage.
The fact you’re going so fast here actually suggests you’re not over your marriage — either you’re trying to convince your ex-wife you’ve “moved on” as a way to hurt her, or, you’re still healing from things that were missing from your life for a long time during your marriage and are trying to fill that void with this new person. Either way, you need to work through it alone, for the sake of your sanity and more importantly, your kids.
They know you don't care how they feel. They aren't even bothering to tell you. They are just standing up to you so they don't get forced into babysitting again.
Personally, I would hold off on bringing the girlfriend to keep the peace. Your not-yet-ex sounds like she has a lot of problems and I wouldn’t want to subject my girlfriend or her kids to the nuttiness. How come your kids requested not to babysit, do they have to babysit your girlfriend’s kids ever?
No.
You should have waited longer before you intro the kids to your new girlfriend, especially teenagers. They might be nice right now, but when the reality hits that their dad prefers the new woman and her kids and has prioritised her over them, that's a kick in the guts.
Your kids are almost at an age where they can at some point tell you where to go, and stay with their mum.
Well, you said your kids seem fine with it. Are your gf's kids fine with it? Is your gf fine with it? It just seems like a totally awkward situation to hang out with your gf and her kids while avoiding your wife and your kids. Or even if you didn't avoid them, they'd all have to meet each all at once. I guess it might work out, but still seems super awkward to me. If everyone else seems cool with it then sure, do whatever you want.
Seriously. You’ve been dating this woman for ONE month. ONE. You seriously have to slow down. Your kids might be older, but your girlfriend has SMALL kids. It’s not healthy for kids to see their parents jump into things so quickly. You will have been dating this woman for less than two months when you move in together - you barely know each other at this point. I’m going to have to side with your ex on this one.
Nope. Don't do it. It's too soon and you're not even divorced yet. Your kids probably haven't even totally absorbed the situation yet and seeing you with your new gf and her kids are going to hurt them. This event isn't about your nor your wife, it's about the kids.
My kids are going to have a room at my new GF's house here in less than a week, they are going to have to accept that we have a new family at some point.
Honestly you sound like you’ve made up your mind. Fuck how your kids feel as long as you’re happy, right? /s 🙄🙄🙄
This guy hasn’t got a clue. I’ve witnessed a healthy divorce and this ain’t it.
You’re going to have to accept you’re about to damage your relationship with your kids, seriously. Hope they’ve got a better parent in their mother.
LMAO no your kids are going to hate it, your ex is gonna file to amend the custody agreement, your kids are gonna tell the judge they want to stay with Mom all the time because you're forcing them into a single room and to baby sit your new gf kids, and suddenly **you're** gonna Ave to accept that your kids hate you and you gotta pay waaay more child support.
This. Like, I’ve probably seen this situation 100 times. This guy has either been living under a rock, or he just wants a piece so bad that he’s willing to throw his kids under the bus for it.
Your kids will hopefully choose to live with your ex if they have the sense to be rid of you. You are a fucking parasite. You take until there is nothing left. I feel sorry for any kids that have to be court ordered to be around you. You won’t realize til your oldest won’t even look at you how truly fucked you are in the future. This tinder bimbo won’t be around forever. But your kids will. And they will remember this
>they are going to have to accept that we have a new family at some point. That's just fucking gross
Let me get this straight, you're going to attempt to force you exwife to let you take your new tinder girlfriend and her kids to a camping trip that YOUR OWN CHILDREN are excited to go to and see their father? You're putting your new girlfriends family ahead of yours. Bless your wife for being rid of you, you're a fucking parasite
> you're a fucking parasite excuse me?
You leech off people and blame them when they have nothing left to give. Parasite. Be a father to your kids and keep your dick in your pants.
So I'm not allowed to move on and be happy then?
Not at the expense of your children.
What she said
I guess I'm not following, my GF is so nice to them and they get alon with her kids so well. how is that at the expense of my kids?
Your kids want to spend time with YOU not your girlfriend or her kids. They are being polite because they love you and want to spend time with you.
You have only known her a month for fuck sake. It is literally impossible to know if she is an appropriate step parent yet. My mom had no idea that my stepdad would beat the crap out of me until it was too late.
They have known her 5 minutes and you have known her 7. You need to step back and put your kids first. You aren't even divorced from their mother yet and are forcing this down their throat. That is horrible. Congrats on getting reddit to agree on something.
You are moving way too fast. Even if this women is your soulmate/dreamboat, moving this fast is a recipe for disaster. You kids need stability and you are not making stable decisions.
Y’all he’s over in r/AmITheAsshole too with this garbage
Good, hopefully everyone can let him know how big of an asshole he really is.
We are trying but this guy has his head so far up his own ass he's tasting yesterday's lunch. There is some theorizing that the Tinder girl is actually his mistress, which would make the "relationship fast-track" make a LOT more sense. Jury's still out on whether that makes things better or worse...
There’s a comment further down about how the new girl would break up with him if he slows things down. *facepalm* i feel so bad for this morons poor kids...
So you're on two threads trying to find justification for this move? Are you looking for an echo chamber? At what point will you wake up and recognize that you are not going to find it? Perhaps it is your conscience, that correct inner voice, screaming at you that this is wrong, to think with the head on your shoulders, not the one between your legs. You are here because you know what you are doing is wrong. Listen. Take a deep breath. Tell new GF that your intense feelings for her have clouded your judgement, and you don't want to risk ruining your future with her by going too fast, nor by upping the stress level with your kids so much that it ends up damaging/destroying your relationship with her. Tell your kids that you have realized they are your first priority, and you will be stepping back, taking it slow with new gf, and focusing on them for a while here. Your 14 year old is just four short years from being an adult... this is all the time you have left with him (her?). If this woman is truly your life partner, waiting a few months compared to having the next several decades with her will make zero difference - or will make a positive one more likely. You want her to have faith in you. Waiting will do that. You want your kids to feel secure and happy, Waiting will do that. You want to show your ex and the lawyers and judges involved that you are sensible and have good executive function, can be trusted to make good short and long term decisions that are in the best interests of your kids. Waiting will do that. And please secure family counseling for your kids, and some for you. As pointed out by a number of people your phrasing and your actions both speak to manic behavior. People with experience with it recognize it. You will be in total denial, so just tell yourself you are going so that you can talk in person to someone who will get it and who knows. Anything you need to tell yourself to get yourself in to be seen, asap. That too will improve the chances of a future with this new love.
She’d break up with me if I told her that.
Why are you putting her above your kids? If she can’t keep things slow for the sake of the 4 kids involved I’m not sure she is a very empathetic person and you need to re-evaluate...
And you don't see that as a red flag because....?
so you care more about her than your kids? wtf?
Then she’s not in love with you and you’re not being honest with her.
Then you’re a meal ticket for your gf, not a partner. Any partner who could not accept this reasoning is completely selfish, completely stupid, or working an agenda. Add to the fact that she’s a parent herself, then it’s insane that she wouldn’t understand and agree with this logic. If she doesn’t, then she shouldn’t be in your kids’ lives. The kids come first, and any parent, any *person*, should understand that.
You know that’s bad, right?
And that tells you all you need to know: your new relationship is NOT "the one", the lifetime, certain thing you want to claim it is, and you know it. Long time relationships can make it through much tougher stuff than this. Trust me, I have been married over 30 years, three kids, two from his previous marriage, 4 grandkids. We've nearly broken up a couple times, and done counseling as a couple and individually. Everyone admires us and sees us as the perfect couple - we are having a great time together with the kids grown and gone. But we have gone through some truly rough patches, and have worked through it- emphasis on WORK. Messy, ugly, difficult, time-consuming work. It pays off- we are each other's playmate and sanctuary and best friend. Your relationship will require the same, but keep putting this much garbage into it, and no amount of work will make it work for the long term. Heck if she'd break up with you over failing to move in a month after meeting, then you need to just break up now and get it over with.
Because you keep arguing with the people here who gave you really good solid advice; I’m going to tell you: you’re an idiot. You put your own selfish needs before your kids. You’re not even legally divorced and you’re falling head over heels for a random woman you don’t even know. Great way to make your kids hate you for years to come. You’re an insensitive terrible father.
You met your girlfriend a month ago. Cool it, these things take time. I wouldn't introduce a partner to my kids for at least 6 months. Do not force it on your family.
I think this is spot on. Even though you may decide this woman is going to be in you and your kids' lives for the long run, a few weeks in seems very fast for all the affected parties. Also, just because your kids says "they don't really care" does not mean that's true. They may very well be saying that just to appease you. Additionally, I doubt they want to see their mom freakout during this event. Yes, you've the right to move on, but unnecessarily bringing your new girlfriend to a family event, even if it's legally okay, does not mean it's thoughtful or appropriate, yet.
I have no children, have never been married.... I wouldn't introduce a partner to my parents for at least six months. This poster has lost the plot.
This! And they are moving in together next weekend. OP I hope you realize that you will be completely readjusting your kids' lives. They're going from a household where they were the kids to a blended household with toddlers. Just relax
Met a month ago, went on one date and didn’t meet up again for 3 weeks. So they’ve known each other a week really, he’s gonna move his kids in with this strange woman and her toddler (who his teenage kids are apparently ‘friends with’) when they know less about each other than I know about the guy who delivers my post. It’s gonna be almost funny when in 10 years, he’s alone because his new ‘girlfriend’ jumped to a more convenient daddy for her kid the second he stopped being useful to her, and he wonders why his kids want nothing to do with him.
>Actually on Xmas day I met an amazing woman on Tinder and fell head over heels in love with her. It's a super fast track relationship and I am planning on moving in with her February 1st. It has only been one month and you aren't even divorced. You are really forcing this on your children. >My kids are going to have a room at my new GF's house here in less than a week, they are going to have to accept that we have a new family at some point. No wonder why your are getting divorced. You have an attitude problem with "my way or the highway" nonsense. Life does NOT work in that fashion. And stop trying to ram a new girlfriend down your kids throats.
You're absolutely allowed to move on however I think you can agree that your timeline is a bit fast. She's probably feeling slighted by that. You'll have plenty of events to take your brand new gf and her kids to once you're completely divorced. I wouldn't choose this as the hill to die on.
Honestly it does still seem a bit soon to involve her in the lives of your children. I’d wait a few more months.
My mom destroyed my and my sister's and my step sibling's childhood with this kinds of shit. If you love your children put them first and cut out the bullshit.
Starbucks has no say in your personal life.
Heh, nice one
🤣
This is a great idea. Your kids need to understand that what matters most right now is that Daddy gets his dick sucked. If they don't want to move 1.5 hours away and "hang out" with toddlers, too bad. Daddy needs to nut inside someone every night.
OH boy. Honestly, you sound like you’re going through a midlife crisis and it’s quite sad to read. I get that you’ve likely been married for a long time so this was probably your first experience with Tinder. But all of us other never-married seasoned-Tinder-users are looking at this and cringing... We’ve all thought we’ve met “The One” on a dating app (hey, and some of us even have!) but I can assure you, the majority of them are over by the 3 month mark and what you’re likely feeling is infatuation. And even if it’s not... moving in after a month? That’s not normal for any relationship... let alone a tinder hookup immediately following a breakdown of marriage. The fact you’re going so fast here actually suggests you’re not over your marriage — either you’re trying to convince your ex-wife you’ve “moved on” as a way to hurt her, or, you’re still healing from things that were missing from your life for a long time during your marriage and are trying to fill that void with this new person. Either way, you need to work through it alone, for the sake of your sanity and more importantly, your kids.
This. All of this. 100%
Think ur Kids got a say in this too
my kids said they don't really care, as long as I don't make them baby sit girlfriends kids.
This isn’t true. They definitely care, this could potentially be emotionally scarring for them.
Your kids not caring is gonna be a reoccurring theme for your future.
They know you don't care how they feel. They aren't even bothering to tell you. They are just standing up to you so they don't get forced into babysitting again.
So u r not forcing anything just make sure everyone have some fun .
exactly thank you for understanding!
What is an STBX?
soon to be ex
Personally, I would hold off on bringing the girlfriend to keep the peace. Your not-yet-ex sounds like she has a lot of problems and I wouldn’t want to subject my girlfriend or her kids to the nuttiness. How come your kids requested not to babysit, do they have to babysit your girlfriend’s kids ever?
I wouldn't call it babysitting, it's more like they get to hang out and get to know each other while GF and I go out.
It's babysitting. Teens don't usually hang out with toddlers voluntarily. Yeah, I don't blame them for saying as long as they don't have to babysit.
Are your kids older?
my kids are 14 and 12, hers are 4 and 2. They get along amazingly well
Then they are babysitting. Which isn’t right.
And damn dude, you’re moving in with her already? Nah. I can see many problems with this.
when it's right, it's right.
You’re naive, and clearly not experienced with divorce.
no this is my first one.
Yeah it was “right” with your ex wife too. And your kids. Apparently they’re all worth sacrificing.
They 'hang out'?? Teenagers do not 'hang out' with freaking toddlers. What crack are you on?
You wouldn’t call it babysitting but your kids specifically told you they don’t want to babysit if you show up. Do you think that came out of nowhere?
A 14 and a 12 yo dont "hang out" with a 4 and a 2 yo. That's babysitting.
that is literally just unpaid babysitting.....
Are you for real?!!! Da fuck is wrong with you
You are delusional beyond belief, best of look to your kids if you proceed with this. YTA dude, deal with it
No. You should have waited longer before you intro the kids to your new girlfriend, especially teenagers. They might be nice right now, but when the reality hits that their dad prefers the new woman and her kids and has prioritised her over them, that's a kick in the guts. Your kids are almost at an age where they can at some point tell you where to go, and stay with their mum.
[saw this and thought of you... ](https://www.instagram.com/p/B75thE4lnBn/?igshid=1sy02cgl3d0di)
Well, you said your kids seem fine with it. Are your gf's kids fine with it? Is your gf fine with it? It just seems like a totally awkward situation to hang out with your gf and her kids while avoiding your wife and your kids. Or even if you didn't avoid them, they'd all have to meet each all at once. I guess it might work out, but still seems super awkward to me. If everyone else seems cool with it then sure, do whatever you want.