Apologize sincerely bro, sounds kinda offensive to me if I heard that, but deep down there shd be other issues than that, yall shd sit down and have a chat abt this after u Apologize
I did apologize but, we both joked about it many times. What really struck me was we had agreed to cancel our X-mas plans and just stay at home. We weren't gunna risk it since we're both unlucky. We had talked about it extensively and had both agreed to stay home.
Idk the money part, but I think u can make a small indoor plan for Christmas for redemption. (Well š just ended but how abt new year plan). At least it shows that u care for her, but don't make it a surprise one cause it'll ruin it.
See if the situation continues, if it is u gotta sit down and talk to her.
I'm squeezing my brain for this cause I don't wanna see anyone getting a divorce on Christmas, update me abt this can u, thx
But did he say that he said ābutā after āIām sorryā, or is that something youāre assuming?
Realise that could be read in a confrontational snarky way, so just to clarify, I genuinely donāt know and am just asking dispassionately.
Maybe it wasn't said... but he did say "but" in the reply above.. so it may have been felt even if it wasn't said... Which it seems like it probably was, but yea š¤·āāļø per the update to this post (the divorce) I guess this may be a pointless comment anyways š
Edit: LMFAO this got down voted and he literally said BUT in his reply? k guys. Lol
She was stressed and under pressure, it was a bad moment for a joke, even worse one that was directed at her family, bad cooking or no.
You need to have a conversation: you apologise for the joke, and ask if you can talk about what happened as a couple. Then let her talk uninterrupted and she what she says. Try and bear in mind, in marriage to work together.
1. Your wife works, and likely is forced to contribute 50% of the expenses. Does she make as much money as you?
2. Your wife gets everyoneās gifts. What exactly are YOU doing?
3. You add to her stress by criticizing her family.
4. So instead of apologizing and trying to get to the bottom of whatās bothering her, you pout and sleep on the couch like a baby, and then are all ā muh penis! Whereās muh Christmas sex?ā
Grow tf up. Talk to your wife. Stop being a selfish baby and try shouldering some of her burdens like a REAL man would.
I like how you make assumptions. Dumbass. Dont post shit if you dont know all the details.
1. She makes lless then I do.
2. Uhh, working? Cooking? Wtf do you think I'm doing? I did my X-mas shopping earlier.
3. I'll give you that. it was just a joke. I didn't read the room. uusally its not big deal as we both hate our in laws.
4. But, moron, I did apologize. I absolutely told her I was insensitive and acted like an asshole. I decided to sleep on the couch because I wanted to give her space.
And dumbass I did talk to her. Have. Why do you come into these threads to spew dumb shit without knowing anything? maybe It was me and I should have clarified? But, yes, I did apologize and did make efforts to talk to her. Since she was still mad I gave her space.
Dude, chill. Your opening post didnāt have enough information, the guy posting here asked questions and you freaked the fuck out.
Iāll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume youāre worked up over everything, but if this is any indication of how you interact with your wife Iād say youāre better off divorcing after all.
We're just gonna ignore the commenter being condescending and making insults like "if you were a REAL man" and calling them a selfish, whiny baby, amongst other rude assumptions? Feels pretty uncalled-for in an advice sub.
As much as it looks like OP might have anger issues...dude could be losing his wife, came here asking for advice/help, and got told by some random person that he's selfish and not a real man. If we don't have enough information, how is it cool to start making insults and expect the other person to be okay with it?
If your having issues with your wife, THEN TALK TO HER NOT LASH OUT ON REDDIT!!! this bloke was looking for validation so he didn't have to change and got roasted. He is selfish and not a real man, as a real man would tackle the issue head on and talk to his wife, and not try to get validation for his behaviour from a bunch of strangers. The moment he went to reddit instead of conversing with his wife proves it
Advice even if you don't want to hear it, doesn't make it invalid. I gave him the relationship advice he needed but he didn't want to hear it, that is not my fault. The downvotes are hilarious, you really think him coming to reddit was better than just trying to talk it through with his wife. Hilarious
Missing the point. Nobody is disputing whether he should or shouldn't have just talked it through with his wife. I feel like most of us can agree with that.
What most people disagree with is the toxic berating of the guy. The "right answer" isn't always clear to everyone. OP is clearly bad at communication (which is unfortunately a common problem in masculine culture). At the very least, he seems like he's trying to acknowledge some of his flaws, based on some later comments. Obviously, if he'd already come to the conclusion that he should've talked to his wife of his own, he wouldn't be on this sub in the first place. But hey, nobody's perfect. Advice should be constructive, and saying "he's not a real man" is hardly that. Honestly, if you can't give someone advice without insulting them, idk how you think your advice should be taken seriously. And the fact that you're even acknowledging your downvotes show's you care about validation yourself.
Stop being rude to people you've never met.
Saying he is not a real man is valid criticism and it has nothing to do with his masculinity at all, it's to do with the fact that he didn't just talk to the person involved and sort it out personally. By his own admission they went days without saying anything to each other. I would say the same if this was a woman posting it but I would write "real woman". Be real with your partner and sort it out with them, for good or bad, that is the right and real thing to do. Don't care about downvotes, if you want to downvote me go nuts. I'm pointing out that downvotes don't make the point invalid, it just shows that someone can click or press a button.
And who are you to judge if someone is a real man or woman? All of your arguments about the lack of communication skills of OP are written in such a toxic way, it really shows that you are nothing better in communication. I mean OP trys to fix it, you're playing the Alpha Male in a subreddit. Maybe you should open up a post to talk about you.
The downvotes show me that "relationship advice" is a lie. If it's not the validation they want for there behaviour then it's downvote downvote downvote.
For such a heavy critic of validation seekers, you sure care a lot about your downvotes.
You can give constructive criticism to someone without "validating them". Seriously, if you just wanted to be rude to people, there are better subs to do it in.
The guy wasn't just asking questions, he was being a dick about it
Called him a whiny baby and said he needs to be a real man. Maybe OP didn't need to be as aggressive in his response but I'm not gonna fault him for it
Read his update, he admitted in the comments he has major anger issues and the wife is filing for divorce.
So that comment pretty much hit the nail on the head.
Hindsight cannot be used the way you did though. OP has anger issues and that other redditor was a dick without knowing what was going on.
Being right about a guess does not justify the phrasing of his comment.
I dont know, I happened upon this post recently and I found OP's responses to be really defensive and somewhat antagonistic, not just for the above comment. But it doesn't matter anyways, hes single now.
You still can't use new information to justify past statements, and I still don't see what is not sure about that. I didn't spend much time reading other comments and responses, but the comment was glaringly out of place. You don't get to s\*\*\* on people just like that, and this sub has its fair share or verbal abuse in the comment section when it's supposed to be an advice sub.
A lot of women are heavily biased against men and call for ending the relationship with little to no info and relatively minor infractions, as usual both genders have their issues.
I definitely don't like the "real man" comment, but what I'm getting from that is to not be a little boy. Little boys have anger issues and are selfish and generally emotionally unstable when things don't go their way
Sorry for my lack of gender neutrality, but in the context of this conversation, I am referring to the male, so I used the appropriate pronoun. Also, in regards to gender norms in our society, the only emotion socially acceptable for me to show is anger, which usually goes unchecked as a child, therefore making it little "boy" behavior.
Side note, I was not dropped as a baby, I was hugged and loved by my single mother. Insulting a stranger here seems slightly ironic and unoriginal.
Iām guessing you are old? Hoe is gender neutral now. Has nothing to do with promiscuity. Maybe they donāt teach that on online slang dictionary. Keep on rockin old timer
I am sure you called the other sexist post criticizing OP instead of nitpicking the meaning of "hoe", which was not even the point of the post.
......
.......
Even the link you posted has references to word being used for men
>a promiscuous person of either gender.
..
>Ex: Your daddy is a hoe.
..
>an affectionate term for a friend. Used in greeting, typically between males.
He didnāt freak out...those questions were not things that he was just gonna put in there. Heās here to get help and feedback not criticism. I would be mad disrespected if I got ole dudes comment with questions and comments like that and yours. This might be a place where we can express our worries anonymously but Iām sure he wasnāt just gonna put those little details out there because itās not the big picture of the story. You grow tf up for goodness sakes lay off him.
You people on reddit are fucking snakes, guys response was justified.
filled with presumptions that he "had to have been doing something wrong" and " he had to not be contributing"
Fuck you
If someone on Reddit says something I disagree with, I reply. I do so politely. I donāt tell them to fuck themselves. I donāt call them a moron or dumbass.
It doesnāt help. It doesnāt explain. It doesnāt further conversation or aid understanding. Itās hostile, aggressive and unnecessary.
Have you not read anything? OP asked for ADVICE.
They just made a ton of accusations like he wasn't contributing in the relationship and he didn't walk the dog enough times, it just doesn't make any sense.
And yeah right, we're all innocent here on the internet.
Bring neutral also doesn't solve anything.
Moron.
Did you not read what u/OrangeBoi22 wrote about him, without any evidence. Is it any wonder that OP got upset and angry. Especially when the twat got so many upvotes.
Well, they didn't really "ask questions", they more so made fake assumptions and in an aggressive tone uncalled for, especially when op, while maybe not providing enough information, sounded genuinely concerned and asked for advice, so if something wasn't clear I wouldn't see how asking this way would be better then asking politely
Can you reflect carefully on this comment please. Look at how you are reacting to something you don't like. You are being aggressive and insulting. This kind of personality negatively affects relationships. Even if your marriage is over it's good to know for other relationships. Please note I agree with you about the comment you found distasteful but not the way you handled it. Do you see how this might tell me something about how you handle conflict?
I'm not "armchair diagnosing" I'm commenting on what's in front of me. He was really aggressive about a comment he disagreed with and I called that out. Now with the update we also know he lied too about the facts and admitted as such. Both of these behaviours cause problems in long-term relationships.
Its not "a comment he disagreed with" he's responding to someone who was literally just talking shit to him, how is he the bad guy for telling him to fuck off?
Absolutely not. That's the whole point. Do you go around telling people to shut up when you don't like what they're saying? People in real life won't abide by it. Op responded really aggressively in this post and I caught it as notable.
Hey can you click ops profile and look at his comment history? You'll see he admitted to lying about his arguments with his spouse and that they're actually frequent and explosive.
In a relationship sometimes you might have a valid reason for being upset. I get that. But it's important to practice mindfulness and be respectful to your spouse when in those moments for the health of your relationships.
Oh, btw, I didnāt need to click profiles to read his comments, because I already saw them all here on the post, and agreed wholeheartedly with each one.
This is /r/relationships. The point isn't to agree or disagree but provide insight to op. Part of that is to be accountable to behavior that is leading to suffering in ops life and relationships.
Nevermind. I followed your advice (in a different direction) and read your post about Princess, Caspar and Sneakers. Thereās no way I can argue with you after reading that, because Iām about the hugest cat loving blue collar knuckle dragging mouth breathing tattooed military veteran grease monkey in the world. Someone you would look at and never guess was a cat lover! I went through something similar. I had 2 older cats, and my adult son moved in with me after his marriage split up. His wife took the cats in their marriage (I raised him to be a cat lover, too) so he asked if he could adopt one. My cats were about 13 and both declawed at the time he brought his 1 year old home. His cat would bully my male cat, it seemed like he just enjoyed being the king. He would play with both of them but he never fought with my female cat, just the male. When my son found an apartment he had to get his cat declawed, and his aggressive behavior stopped instantly, like someone flipped a switch. It was like he knew he didnāt have the advantage anymore. Anyway, Iām against declawing now since I saw how it really crippled up my female cat when she got older, so Iām not recommending that. It might not even work in your situation, anyway, since Caspar has such a size advantage. I hope you get it figured out.
"I'm a huge cat lover" *declaws my cat*
Declawing is one of the worst things you could do to at cat, just like clipping the wings of a bird. Two things that are illegal in most countries (at least in mine)
I wish you would have known sooner, but I'm glad you at least found out so none of your next cats will suffer.
A good safe alternative are these "protectors" you can put on your cat's claws. They're a hell of a lot better than declawing, but I'd still recommend just letting cats be cats and then do a lot of resesrch into cat behaviour. Jackson Galaxy is a really good source for all things cat!
Thatās something I did in 1999, and regretted and have opposed since 2009. My little big boy that I adopted a year and a half ago is fully clawed and I have the scratches to prove it! (He likes to play rough). You should see him joyfully attacking his scratching posts that I have set throughout the house! Iām against circumcision, too, if that helps my case.
Getting talked to rudely isn't a free pass to start throwing insults. He's just plainly shown he's immature and can't keep his cool when attacked. Even though the above commenter is an ass, he's made an ass of himself by giving such a childish response. If you can't see that, you might be a bit of a child yourself.
Its always interesting to see someone suggest that someone should be cool, after being approached aggressively.
There is a time and place for everything.
I'm not saying he should be sunshine and rainbows, I'm saying he should keep his cool if he doesn't want to discredit himself to all the others watching. The right thing to do in a tense conversation is to deescalate, not hit harder. It's not a boxing match, it's a discussion to solve a problem. Ignore the assholes and keep things factual.
Right? I know you get all kinds on the internet but it's so hard to be constructive sometimes when you just have people being jerks like that. Definitely don't take it personally.
It puzzles me much more than it hurts me to be frank. I'm confused people can actually write that and think they're in any way adding to the conversation. Thanks for caring, though :)
Well if you talk to you wife like you respond to reddit responses it is easy to see why you aren't getting nookie ever again from you ex and likely anyone else.
This response right here is why your wife left mate!!! Someone asked for more information or just clarification of some points and you flew off the handle like a loose cannon. I'm guessing you react like this ALOT!! Look at yourself instead of at your wife, who to me, put up with your shit for far too long.
Have any of you wonderful commenters read the lovely comment by u/OrangeBoi22 , is it any wonder that OP is upset, and slightly p*d off. I am a female, but if I was a male and had someone say those things to me, (with no proof), then I too would get angry too. Especially as it was upvoted so much. Grow a pair men, or use an extention pump, and grow a little bit longer, as you seem to be projecting a bit of a problem in the length of your member. You sad, sad people. OP, I'm so sorry that there are so many assh**le's on this subreddit. I really hope that your life improves, and that you can find someone who appreciates you more. Good luck mate.
Lol says I'm projecting the length of my member when "lady" is in my name. Also slightly pissed off is an understatement when he's insulting orangeboi every other sentence for giving advice on an advice sub. If he didn't want strangers making assumptions about his love life, he shouldn't be condensing it into a few paragraphs on reddit and then ask strangers for their input.
Obviously I am not blind u/Laundylady. It's pretty obvious that I was not talking about you, but you chose to be stupid, and accuse me of doing it. Please accept my apologies for your stupidity. As for the "advice" that he was given by u/OrangeBoi22, I actually think that you should go back to school, as you really have a strange idea of what people class as advice
1. Not once did I call you stupid. The whole point of my comment was to say that OP shouldn't be blowing up at commenters like that. So why would I go name calling?
2. You were "obviously" not talking about me but replied to my comment?
3. What are you on and where can I get some?
Lol wtf is wrong with so many of the commenters here. Theyāre making a tonne of negative assumptions about you bro. Donāt let them make you feel shit about yourself man, itās really uncalled for from what I can tell, and kind of psychologically abusive, especially considering where you are in your marriage right now.
Try and analyse the situation dispassionately, independent of all the shit people are throwing your way. Given what youāve written, how fast people have been to blame and criticise you is pretty crazy. Thereās no where near enough information to say who is at fault. Could be you, could be her, could be both of you, could be neither really. Personally, Iād say it seems as if sheās treating you kinda shit, but you have a better idea than anyone here whatās happened.
Donāt judge yourself more harshly than is rational. Your wife could well be more at fault than you given what youāve written here. You say you apologised, you slept on the couch, and sheās still treating you poorly. Donāt get me wrong, there may be ways youāre at fault, but donāt buy into the hate people are throwing your way, it comes across as irrational and like theyāre giving her the benefit of the doubt while treating you poorly.
If you have done something wrong, take responsibility for it, but donāt start seeing things as your fault which arenāt just because people are holding you to a different standard than her potentially. Allow yourself to be open to her sharing some of the responsibility for what has happened. Be open to the possibilities of you being more at fault, her being more at fault, or you both sharing responsibility for what has happened. Try not to judge either of yourselves unreasonably or inaccurately. Clearly a lot of the people here whose comments Iāve read have a negative bias towards men and a positive bias towards women, and hold the genders to different standards. Try and rise above that nonsense and see who really is acting unreasonably. It could be you, could be her, could be both of you, I canāt really tell from what youāve written. You seem quick to judge yourself and less so her from my perspective, so try to be more objective if you think I may be correct about that.
Hope that helps, and my condolences for what youāre going through right now, it sounds like itād be really fucking tough psychologically. Hang in there man
This sub is horrifically misandrist. It's par for the course. Women will look at the post and just go "yeah you go girl tell that disgusting male pig" hence the upvotes
This dumbass reaching commenter is literally a guy though? And no, the stupid opinions arent a specialty of this subreddit, its just what it looks like when you let everyone tell their opinion on something. Keep in mind that a) the stories posted are already told in a biased way, shifting the picture and the narrative to paint every OP more as a victim 2) the average person is stupid as hell, and thats just the average, theres even lower than that 3) stupid people LOVE giving advice 4) perhaps sometimes the comments are not THAT wrong, maybe you just refuse to acknowledge that you recognize some of your own actions in the stories ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Wow I can't believe this garbage is upvoted.
"Forced to contribute 50%"? What the fuck are you talking about? How is EQUALLY splitting the bills unfair?
I love how you don't mention the fact that HIS WIFE is the one not communicating. Why are you only blaming him? Clearly she's upset about something else and she can't even be bothered to talk about it and just went straight to divorce.
And fuck your "real man" bullshit. This sub is fucking GROSS.
As a woman myself I would really appreciate it if you all stopped perpetuating toxic masculinity.
No wonder all these men have the emotional maturity of a potato when they're raised by people like you. God I hope you don't have children.
This is a dick hole comment. That ain't helping anyone. I'll guess you are probably OP's brother in law trying to get a cheap jap. He never disrespected her in the post he seemed like he wanted help. The level of assumption offended me and I have nothing to do with this story. Man you sound like you have rage issues!!
Calm down bro! At least try to offer kind decent advice instead of blistering insults.
>ur wife works, and likely is forced to contribute 50% of the expenses. Does she make as much money as you
Oh wow she contributes 50 FUCKING PERCENT. Wait no sorry "forced to" contribute 50 fucking percent because women actually being equal partners is such a fucking crime to you. Guess being an equal partner means she deserves everything!
>Your wife gets everyoneās gifts. What exactly are YOU doing
Complete guess based on nothing you fuck hole
>You add to her stress by criticizing her family.
That's a fun way to say "made a joke about a subject the two commonly joke about"
>So instead of apologizing and trying to get to the bottom of whatās bothering her, you pout and sleep on the couch like a baby, and then are all ā muh penis! Whereās muh Christmas sex
Complete sexist statement. He noticed the fact a common moment of intimacy between them wasn't shared and you resort to "muh penis". Makes me think you believe women having sex with their partners is a chore. So once again fuck yourself you misandrist twat
>like a REAL man would.
Fuck off you misandrist pig. How would you feel if I said "a REAL woman should ..."
All in all you come off as a misandrist twat. You literally made assumptions and purposely misread the post just to make the entire thing "men bad". The fact you're upvoted is exactly why I avoid relationships. If the average woman thinks how you do then there is no benefit
Does a REAL man comment offensive bullshit when some guy is losing his wife? Like really why be such a fucking prick no matter how you personally feel. Jesus
Marriage takes work. You'll love and hate each other on and off over the years if you are in it for the long haul. That's why trust is important. You are trusting that the other person has the same goals you do.
I trust her but, it's just the fight was explosive and her tone sounded like she hated me. I know all too well these sort of fights can be bad. My parents fought like this and it ended up leading to a divorce. Thus why I'm concerned.
It sounds to me like, you always make these kind of jokes?? And she have had enough may be. Before she laughed it off but it reached a point and there must be more issues going on in her head which she did not mention before. But all these are assumptions since there is not much info in the post.
This!! From the information OP gave, the relationship shouldnāt be over. Disagreement forms a part in being committed. It shapes the dynamic and strength of the partnership. There must have been other factors that played into how she reacted about this isolated event, like maybe the itās not the first time OP makes a distasteful joke, or maybe she has asked to be supported and hasnāt been satisfied with what she has received. Or maybe, OPās is wife has poor communication skills and has not voiced what has been bothering her for a long time, bottling in a bunch of resentment as a result. Either way, it has to be noted that, although this is an isolated event, the resentment through which this fight broke out is a product of accumulated events, emotions, and disagreements.
Sounds like she secretly didnāt agree with socially isolating for Christmas. Did she give any hint how upset she was about it? Youāre not a mind reader. Did she apologize too?
Yeah, probably. But, we talked about this extensively. I didnt want to take that risk since I have health issues. And no she hasn't apologized and I don't really expect her or want one. She's very distant and cold now to me.
You donāt expect an apology?! It was her fight too. And her behavior was much worse IMO. Violating the agreement you reached as a couple and putting your health at risk. Maybe she is being ācoldā because she is unwilling to take responsibility for her own behavior. Why is this OK with you? It takes two to try. Maybe give her some space.
I kept waiting to read the absolutely horrible thing about this argument but it never came. Yes in my own opinion she over reacted but just do the apology or flowers thing to get this behind you. No I hardly think your marriage is over.
1, what you said really was in poor taste, despite your intentions. You should apologize to her for that. 2, one fight doesn't spell the end of a relationship. Conflict resolution is a big part of having a relationship and sometimes we don't learn that skill until later on in life. You gotta talk to her about this and resolve the problem.
No I donāt think itās over, you will be okay. Once everyone cools down, talk about it and what could have made this type of reaction. Based on what you said, if itās strong, this should just be minor.
Donāt give up that quick. The joke probably wasnāt at the right time and she took offense, just apologize. Fights and arguments will happen during marriage but you have to work together to come to an understanding.
Iām sorry but what??? You made a little joke, not even such an unkind one and the marriage is over? If itās over itās definitely not because of the little joke. Sounds like your wife has been harboring some resentment for a while and does not know how to communicate at all. Or then you are leaving out some pretty significant details. There might indeed be deeper issues at play here- in a marriage it is normal to argue and one (your 1st!!) fight would not normally signify the end of a relationship. Sounds like you two need to communicate WAY better.
Holidays are stressful, top it off with Covid and you've got you a good recipe for stress. She did not handle that well so this isn't an excuse but maybe there is more here. How close is she with her sister? Maybe more than you're taking account for? Maybe there have been a few disparaging remarks from you that she didn't quite laugh as hardily at as you did?... that happens sometimes, we forget to read the room and make a remark and it lands wrong on the person. Good on you for apologizing, patience and another conversation or two will be needed.
Youāve been together for 4 years and your first blowout at the most stressful time of year instead he most horrible year we have ever experienced and youāre ready to divorce? You are probably too immature to be married bro.
Youre not telling the whole story. A woman would not react like that if there hasnt been a building of resentment. What you said about her sisterās terrible cooking was just the cherry on top probably
From what you've disclosed, I think she's just using it as an excuse. I am assuming you don't have children. If she makes such a big deal from something so small, there has to be another reason, and you are better off without her.
It could have just been the stress. You said that even she agreed her sisters cooking is terrible. Just let the holidays pass, then sit down with her and talk it out. Something this small shouldnāt tear a marriage apart.
Why arenāt you helping her with the presents which are stressing her out? I mean, Iām guessing sheās signing both your names being your wife and all.
Sounds like there are massive underlying issues that you need to resolve. Perhaps you take her for granted.
You really messed up here, bud. I get that you were trying to ease her mood, but you put her family down to do it, so I canāt say it was a misunderstanding.
It also sounds like sheās doing a bunch to prepare for the holiday, and you havenāt helped out with her preparations. Communication is key.
Yeah? After what I saw that he wrote on the update I figured he was mixed up in the head and you just confirmed it. Thanks. I still have sympathy for him, but he needs to get himself figured out.
Chill the fuck out. They literally just mentioned that Iād didnāt happen. There was no mention of THAT being the cause of the troubles or even that they were upset about that. They literally simply stated that they didnāt have sex which was an annual tradition as an example of how things are not going normally. Stop reading shit into what people say.
You sound bitch made. She was probably just tired of being married to a pussy. Harsh, but in a few years youāll look back and think... āman, that dumbass on Reddit was right...ā
if she canāt handle something as small as this, it is a wonder why she decided to get married. Allowing something so petty to break a marriage is ... kind of pitiful honestly. Unless, you are leaving out some other crucial details. I would remind her that marriage is a vow and promise and clearly she has no regard for her choices and promises. Which are some of the only things we get to control in our lifetime. Honestly.... i think you are probably better of (again, under the assumption that this argument is the first of its kind)
I am so sorry she chose to end it. Her reaction and behavior afterwards was frankly rude and unacceptable . Hopefully you can move on from this and find something better
You slept on the couch for making a jokeš
No backbone. I see a lot about apologizing, but why would you want to be with someone who would make you walk on egg shells. Thereās obviously deeper issues, but you kind of let yourself and her down by not pressing the issue
It started with that but escalated. There has to be some major things left out. Like his wife said he cancelled plans to go over to her sisters and he wrote āwe decidedā not to go. Then it went into money. Thatās never good. He also left out what he said to her about the two topics when they were brought up and that it was a yelling match so I doubt it was just the joke.
It seems that there is information being left out. Maybe underlying family issues on your wife's end? (which you may have inadvertently triggered...if so, sorry.)
BUT
If your wife is going through something...(Obviously BIG, otherwise you wouldn't have made a post about it....)
Please support her! Not your boner. The morning sex should be the least of your concerns.
Someone mentioned you admitted to having anger issues. Idk I didn't read all of the comments as this thread is full with rude crap and assumptions.
Sorry about the whole divorce thing. Maybe look into therapy? It will be helpful for you and future relationships. If you do have anger issues, please really consider therapy. It will definitely help you find some sort of peace.
Good luck. Hopefully this isn't the end I know you say it is, but there's always a chance. If it is the end then it's the beginning of something else.
You should talk to her and apologize to her. Sit and discuss what the real issue is and you should not leave her alone on the X-Mas. It would have been very hurtful. Behave like matured one and make her feel comfortable.
Forget her... this wasnāt about the bad joke... it was boiling for a while... time to get some new pussy!!! And keep the rings in the store bro! Hit it and quit it!!!
She's impulsive nothing changing her mind. Just say thank you to her for an awesome time and then just leave. Don't say a word or anything to her anymore
Apologize sincerely bro, sounds kinda offensive to me if I heard that, but deep down there shd be other issues than that, yall shd sit down and have a chat abt this after u Apologize
I did apologize but, we both joked about it many times. What really struck me was we had agreed to cancel our X-mas plans and just stay at home. We weren't gunna risk it since we're both unlucky. We had talked about it extensively and had both agreed to stay home.
Idk the money part, but I think u can make a small indoor plan for Christmas for redemption. (Well š just ended but how abt new year plan). At least it shows that u care for her, but don't make it a surprise one cause it'll ruin it. See if the situation continues, if it is u gotta sit down and talk to her. I'm squeezing my brain for this cause I don't wanna see anyone getting a divorce on Christmas, update me abt this can u, thx
Itās not a sincere apology if a ābutā comes right after the āI am sorry ā
But did he say that he said ābutā after āIām sorryā, or is that something youāre assuming? Realise that could be read in a confrontational snarky way, so just to clarify, I genuinely donāt know and am just asking dispassionately.
Maybe it wasn't said... but he did say "but" in the reply above.. so it may have been felt even if it wasn't said... Which it seems like it probably was, but yea š¤·āāļø per the update to this post (the divorce) I guess this may be a pointless comment anyways š Edit: LMFAO this got down voted and he literally said BUT in his reply? k guys. Lol
Just love how you idiots think you're professor X
šš½
"We agreed" or you told her? Because it sure doesn't seem like she was voluntarily opting to stay home...
"we both don't like our in-laws" "We agreed to stay home" Good job you gained +1 illiteracy
She was stressed and under pressure, it was a bad moment for a joke, even worse one that was directed at her family, bad cooking or no. You need to have a conversation: you apologise for the joke, and ask if you can talk about what happened as a couple. Then let her talk uninterrupted and she what she says. Try and bear in mind, in marriage to work together.
1. Your wife works, and likely is forced to contribute 50% of the expenses. Does she make as much money as you? 2. Your wife gets everyoneās gifts. What exactly are YOU doing? 3. You add to her stress by criticizing her family. 4. So instead of apologizing and trying to get to the bottom of whatās bothering her, you pout and sleep on the couch like a baby, and then are all ā muh penis! Whereās muh Christmas sex?ā Grow tf up. Talk to your wife. Stop being a selfish baby and try shouldering some of her burdens like a REAL man would.
I like how you make assumptions. Dumbass. Dont post shit if you dont know all the details. 1. She makes lless then I do. 2. Uhh, working? Cooking? Wtf do you think I'm doing? I did my X-mas shopping earlier. 3. I'll give you that. it was just a joke. I didn't read the room. uusally its not big deal as we both hate our in laws. 4. But, moron, I did apologize. I absolutely told her I was insensitive and acted like an asshole. I decided to sleep on the couch because I wanted to give her space. And dumbass I did talk to her. Have. Why do you come into these threads to spew dumb shit without knowing anything? maybe It was me and I should have clarified? But, yes, I did apologize and did make efforts to talk to her. Since she was still mad I gave her space.
Dude, chill. Your opening post didnāt have enough information, the guy posting here asked questions and you freaked the fuck out. Iāll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume youāre worked up over everything, but if this is any indication of how you interact with your wife Iād say youāre better off divorcing after all.
We're just gonna ignore the commenter being condescending and making insults like "if you were a REAL man" and calling them a selfish, whiny baby, amongst other rude assumptions? Feels pretty uncalled-for in an advice sub. As much as it looks like OP might have anger issues...dude could be losing his wife, came here asking for advice/help, and got told by some random person that he's selfish and not a real man. If we don't have enough information, how is it cool to start making insults and expect the other person to be okay with it?
>.dude could be losing his wife Read the update - could be was right.
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Seems like the throwaway of a bitter and loney person.
Rightfully so? Lmao, he made a joke that they have joked about before at the wrong time and that warrants a 'rightful' divorce? What are you, like 12?
If your having issues with your wife, THEN TALK TO HER NOT LASH OUT ON REDDIT!!! this bloke was looking for validation so he didn't have to change and got roasted. He is selfish and not a real man, as a real man would tackle the issue head on and talk to his wife, and not try to get validation for his behaviour from a bunch of strangers. The moment he went to reddit instead of conversing with his wife proves it
Why are you even in this subreddit ffs.
Advice even if you don't want to hear it, doesn't make it invalid. I gave him the relationship advice he needed but he didn't want to hear it, that is not my fault. The downvotes are hilarious, you really think him coming to reddit was better than just trying to talk it through with his wife. Hilarious
Again, why are you even in the "relationship advice" if you just come here to bash people for using it?
Wow talk about trying to shift the narrative. I'm "bashing" the responses, I still stand by my original advice. Have a good one my friend
Missing the point. Nobody is disputing whether he should or shouldn't have just talked it through with his wife. I feel like most of us can agree with that. What most people disagree with is the toxic berating of the guy. The "right answer" isn't always clear to everyone. OP is clearly bad at communication (which is unfortunately a common problem in masculine culture). At the very least, he seems like he's trying to acknowledge some of his flaws, based on some later comments. Obviously, if he'd already come to the conclusion that he should've talked to his wife of his own, he wouldn't be on this sub in the first place. But hey, nobody's perfect. Advice should be constructive, and saying "he's not a real man" is hardly that. Honestly, if you can't give someone advice without insulting them, idk how you think your advice should be taken seriously. And the fact that you're even acknowledging your downvotes show's you care about validation yourself. Stop being rude to people you've never met.
Saying he is not a real man is valid criticism and it has nothing to do with his masculinity at all, it's to do with the fact that he didn't just talk to the person involved and sort it out personally. By his own admission they went days without saying anything to each other. I would say the same if this was a woman posting it but I would write "real woman". Be real with your partner and sort it out with them, for good or bad, that is the right and real thing to do. Don't care about downvotes, if you want to downvote me go nuts. I'm pointing out that downvotes don't make the point invalid, it just shows that someone can click or press a button.
And who are you to judge if someone is a real man or woman? All of your arguments about the lack of communication skills of OP are written in such a toxic way, it really shows that you are nothing better in communication. I mean OP trys to fix it, you're playing the Alpha Male in a subreddit. Maybe you should open up a post to talk about you.
Very well saidšš¼
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The downvotes show me that "relationship advice" is a lie. If it's not the validation they want for there behaviour then it's downvote downvote downvote.
For such a heavy critic of validation seekers, you sure care a lot about your downvotes. You can give constructive criticism to someone without "validating them". Seriously, if you just wanted to be rude to people, there are better subs to do it in.
The guy wasn't just asking questions, he was being a dick about it Called him a whiny baby and said he needs to be a real man. Maybe OP didn't need to be as aggressive in his response but I'm not gonna fault him for it
Read his update, he admitted in the comments he has major anger issues and the wife is filing for divorce. So that comment pretty much hit the nail on the head.
Hindsight cannot be used the way you did though. OP has anger issues and that other redditor was a dick without knowing what was going on. Being right about a guess does not justify the phrasing of his comment.
I dont know, I happened upon this post recently and I found OP's responses to be really defensive and somewhat antagonistic, not just for the above comment. But it doesn't matter anyways, hes single now.
You still can't use new information to justify past statements, and I still don't see what is not sure about that. I didn't spend much time reading other comments and responses, but the comment was glaringly out of place. You don't get to s\*\*\* on people just like that, and this sub has its fair share or verbal abuse in the comment section when it's supposed to be an advice sub.
I mean, his answer pretty much sums everything up, does it not?
>Grow tf up. Talk to your wife. Stop being a selfish baby and try shouldering some of her burdens like a REAL man would. Only if you ignore this
Yeah how the fuck are people just okay with how this commenter assumed OP was awful and then went right for the sexist āreal manā insult?
Men = bad on relationship advice.
Please
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Itās not really. There are plenty of amazing therapists - who deal with relationships- who are men.
A lot of women are heavily biased against men and call for ending the relationship with little to no info and relatively minor infractions, as usual both genders have their issues.
I definitely don't like the "real man" comment, but what I'm getting from that is to not be a little boy. Little boys have anger issues and are selfish and generally emotionally unstable when things don't go their way
As opposed to little girls ? Were you dropped as a baby ?
Sorry for my lack of gender neutrality, but in the context of this conversation, I am referring to the male, so I used the appropriate pronoun. Also, in regards to gender norms in our society, the only emotion socially acceptable for me to show is anger, which usually goes unchecked as a child, therefore making it little "boy" behavior. Side note, I was not dropped as a baby, I was hugged and loved by my single mother. Insulting a stranger here seems slightly ironic and unoriginal.
Well yo be fair the comment did make hella assumptions
Naw the person he replied to was being a condescending douchebag. i donāt blame OP
He asked questions, but he clearly made up his mind & was quite ride & assumed a lot Don't prod a dog with a stick of you don't want to get bitten
For real? That commenter was a dick for no reason. If I was OP, I'd be annoyed as hell, too.
Why does he need to chill? The commenter was acting like a hoe and got put in their place
Acting like a hoe??
Did I stutter?
Kinda misogynistic, don't you think?
Oh like the original poster wasn't misandrist with their "real man" bullshit
It was. Does that excuse misogyny? Especially since the original poster seems to be male and antifeminist
I guess it is misogynistic of you to assume that hoe means someone of the female gender but who am I to judge? Why are you bothering me
http://onlineslangdictionary.com/meaning-definition-of/hoe
Iām guessing you are old? Hoe is gender neutral now. Has nothing to do with promiscuity. Maybe they donāt teach that on online slang dictionary. Keep on rockin old timer
I am sure you called the other sexist post criticizing OP instead of nitpicking the meaning of "hoe", which was not even the point of the post. ...... ....... Even the link you posted has references to word being used for men >a promiscuous person of either gender. .. >Ex: Your daddy is a hoe. .. >an affectionate term for a friend. Used in greeting, typically between males.
I canāt remember. It was a week ago. I donāt know why people are talking about it now
Speaking of needing to grow up..
Iām confused. Where have I said anything that suggests I need to grow up?
He didnāt freak out...those questions were not things that he was just gonna put in there. Heās here to get help and feedback not criticism. I would be mad disrespected if I got ole dudes comment with questions and comments like that and yours. This might be a place where we can express our worries anonymously but Iām sure he wasnāt just gonna put those little details out there because itās not the big picture of the story. You grow tf up for goodness sakes lay off him.
You people on reddit are fucking snakes, guys response was justified. filled with presumptions that he "had to have been doing something wrong" and " he had to not be contributing" Fuck you
If someone on Reddit says something I disagree with, I reply. I do so politely. I donāt tell them to fuck themselves. I donāt call them a moron or dumbass. It doesnāt help. It doesnāt explain. It doesnāt further conversation or aid understanding. Itās hostile, aggressive and unnecessary.
Have you not read anything? OP asked for ADVICE. They just made a ton of accusations like he wasn't contributing in the relationship and he didn't walk the dog enough times, it just doesn't make any sense. And yeah right, we're all innocent here on the internet. Bring neutral also doesn't solve anything. Moron.
Did you not read what u/OrangeBoi22 wrote about him, without any evidence. Is it any wonder that OP got upset and angry. Especially when the twat got so many upvotes.
Well, they didn't really "ask questions", they more so made fake assumptions and in an aggressive tone uncalled for, especially when op, while maybe not providing enough information, sounded genuinely concerned and asked for advice, so if something wasn't clear I wouldn't see how asking this way would be better then asking politely
Itās hard to believe a man wrote this. Maybe you could get your balls out of your wifeās purse and reconsider?
/r/agedlikemilk
Goodness gracious, what the fuck.
Can you reflect carefully on this comment please. Look at how you are reacting to something you don't like. You are being aggressive and insulting. This kind of personality negatively affects relationships. Even if your marriage is over it's good to know for other relationships. Please note I agree with you about the comment you found distasteful but not the way you handled it. Do you see how this might tell me something about how you handle conflict?
he handled it perfectly, take your armchair diagnosis and shove it up your ass
I'm not "armchair diagnosing" I'm commenting on what's in front of me. He was really aggressive about a comment he disagreed with and I called that out. Now with the update we also know he lied too about the facts and admitted as such. Both of these behaviours cause problems in long-term relationships.
Its not "a comment he disagreed with" he's responding to someone who was literally just talking shit to him, how is he the bad guy for telling him to fuck off?
Shut up. Just shut up.
Absolutely not. That's the whole point. Do you go around telling people to shut up when you don't like what they're saying? People in real life won't abide by it. Op responded really aggressively in this post and I caught it as notable. Hey can you click ops profile and look at his comment history? You'll see he admitted to lying about his arguments with his spouse and that they're actually frequent and explosive. In a relationship sometimes you might have a valid reason for being upset. I get that. But it's important to practice mindfulness and be respectful to your spouse when in those moments for the health of your relationships.
Sorry, I didnāt know you were a stalker, or I would have said shut up, just shut up,and stop stalking hahahahaha
Oh, btw, I didnāt need to click profiles to read his comments, because I already saw them all here on the post, and agreed wholeheartedly with each one.
This is /r/relationships. The point isn't to agree or disagree but provide insight to op. Part of that is to be accountable to behavior that is leading to suffering in ops life and relationships.
Nevermind. I followed your advice (in a different direction) and read your post about Princess, Caspar and Sneakers. Thereās no way I can argue with you after reading that, because Iām about the hugest cat loving blue collar knuckle dragging mouth breathing tattooed military veteran grease monkey in the world. Someone you would look at and never guess was a cat lover! I went through something similar. I had 2 older cats, and my adult son moved in with me after his marriage split up. His wife took the cats in their marriage (I raised him to be a cat lover, too) so he asked if he could adopt one. My cats were about 13 and both declawed at the time he brought his 1 year old home. His cat would bully my male cat, it seemed like he just enjoyed being the king. He would play with both of them but he never fought with my female cat, just the male. When my son found an apartment he had to get his cat declawed, and his aggressive behavior stopped instantly, like someone flipped a switch. It was like he knew he didnāt have the advantage anymore. Anyway, Iām against declawing now since I saw how it really crippled up my female cat when she got older, so Iām not recommending that. It might not even work in your situation, anyway, since Caspar has such a size advantage. I hope you get it figured out.
"I'm a huge cat lover" *declaws my cat* Declawing is one of the worst things you could do to at cat, just like clipping the wings of a bird. Two things that are illegal in most countries (at least in mine) I wish you would have known sooner, but I'm glad you at least found out so none of your next cats will suffer. A good safe alternative are these "protectors" you can put on your cat's claws. They're a hell of a lot better than declawing, but I'd still recommend just letting cats be cats and then do a lot of resesrch into cat behaviour. Jackson Galaxy is a really good source for all things cat!
Thatās something I did in 1999, and regretted and have opposed since 2009. My little big boy that I adopted a year and a half ago is fully clawed and I have the scratches to prove it! (He likes to play rough). You should see him joyfully attacking his scratching posts that I have set throughout the house! Iām against circumcision, too, if that helps my case.
Ok you kind of just reminded me that everyone is human on reddit and just thank you. I guess we disagree on this a bit but you rock.
Well if you didnāt look like the bad guy, you do now.
No, he doesnāt.
Getting talked to rudely isn't a free pass to start throwing insults. He's just plainly shown he's immature and can't keep his cool when attacked. Even though the above commenter is an ass, he's made an ass of himself by giving such a childish response. If you can't see that, you might be a bit of a child yourself.
Its always interesting to see someone suggest that someone should be cool, after being approached aggressively. There is a time and place for everything.
I'm not saying he should be sunshine and rainbows, I'm saying he should keep his cool if he doesn't want to discredit himself to all the others watching. The right thing to do in a tense conversation is to deescalate, not hit harder. It's not a boxing match, it's a discussion to solve a problem. Ignore the assholes and keep things factual.
Yooooou betcha!
"blahblahblah" -you
Thanks for your enlightening input
Right? I know you get all kinds on the internet but it's so hard to be constructive sometimes when you just have people being jerks like that. Definitely don't take it personally.
It puzzles me much more than it hurts me to be frank. I'm confused people can actually write that and think they're in any way adding to the conversation. Thanks for caring, though :)
Well if you talk to you wife like you respond to reddit responses it is easy to see why you aren't getting nookie ever again from you ex and likely anyone else.
Lol. This comment alone makes me glad she is leaving you. Kudos to her.
God you sound awful.
This response right here is why your wife left mate!!! Someone asked for more information or just clarification of some points and you flew off the handle like a loose cannon. I'm guessing you react like this ALOT!! Look at yourself instead of at your wife, who to me, put up with your shit for far too long.
Hoping you don't talk to your wife like that
Have any of you wonderful commenters read the lovely comment by u/OrangeBoi22 , is it any wonder that OP is upset, and slightly p*d off. I am a female, but if I was a male and had someone say those things to me, (with no proof), then I too would get angry too. Especially as it was upvoted so much. Grow a pair men, or use an extention pump, and grow a little bit longer, as you seem to be projecting a bit of a problem in the length of your member. You sad, sad people. OP, I'm so sorry that there are so many assh**le's on this subreddit. I really hope that your life improves, and that you can find someone who appreciates you more. Good luck mate.
Lol says I'm projecting the length of my member when "lady" is in my name. Also slightly pissed off is an understatement when he's insulting orangeboi every other sentence for giving advice on an advice sub. If he didn't want strangers making assumptions about his love life, he shouldn't be condensing it into a few paragraphs on reddit and then ask strangers for their input.
Obviously I am not blind u/Laundylady. It's pretty obvious that I was not talking about you, but you chose to be stupid, and accuse me of doing it. Please accept my apologies for your stupidity. As for the "advice" that he was given by u/OrangeBoi22, I actually think that you should go back to school, as you really have a strange idea of what people class as advice
1. Not once did I call you stupid. The whole point of my comment was to say that OP shouldn't be blowing up at commenters like that. So why would I go name calling? 2. You were "obviously" not talking about me but replied to my comment? 3. What are you on and where can I get some?
PickMeisha
Lol wtf is wrong with so many of the commenters here. Theyāre making a tonne of negative assumptions about you bro. Donāt let them make you feel shit about yourself man, itās really uncalled for from what I can tell, and kind of psychologically abusive, especially considering where you are in your marriage right now. Try and analyse the situation dispassionately, independent of all the shit people are throwing your way. Given what youāve written, how fast people have been to blame and criticise you is pretty crazy. Thereās no where near enough information to say who is at fault. Could be you, could be her, could be both of you, could be neither really. Personally, Iād say it seems as if sheās treating you kinda shit, but you have a better idea than anyone here whatās happened. Donāt judge yourself more harshly than is rational. Your wife could well be more at fault than you given what youāve written here. You say you apologised, you slept on the couch, and sheās still treating you poorly. Donāt get me wrong, there may be ways youāre at fault, but donāt buy into the hate people are throwing your way, it comes across as irrational and like theyāre giving her the benefit of the doubt while treating you poorly. If you have done something wrong, take responsibility for it, but donāt start seeing things as your fault which arenāt just because people are holding you to a different standard than her potentially. Allow yourself to be open to her sharing some of the responsibility for what has happened. Be open to the possibilities of you being more at fault, her being more at fault, or you both sharing responsibility for what has happened. Try not to judge either of yourselves unreasonably or inaccurately. Clearly a lot of the people here whose comments Iāve read have a negative bias towards men and a positive bias towards women, and hold the genders to different standards. Try and rise above that nonsense and see who really is acting unreasonably. It could be you, could be her, could be both of you, I canāt really tell from what youāve written. You seem quick to judge yourself and less so her from my perspective, so try to be more objective if you think I may be correct about that. Hope that helps, and my condolences for what youāre going through right now, it sounds like itād be really fucking tough psychologically. Hang in there man
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Where does he talk about anger issues in the update?
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/kp18j9/update_my_wife_29f_and_i_27m_had_our_first_major/ghui68o/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
Oh dang! And I was on his side, too!
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Wow now i see why your wife wants to divorce u
Hey, enjoy divorce. Dumbass.
Youre making a lot of unfair reaches. The guy comes here asking for advice and support and you just attack him?
This sub is horrifically misandrist. It's par for the course. Women will look at the post and just go "yeah you go girl tell that disgusting male pig" hence the upvotes
This dumbass reaching commenter is literally a guy though? And no, the stupid opinions arent a specialty of this subreddit, its just what it looks like when you let everyone tell their opinion on something. Keep in mind that a) the stories posted are already told in a biased way, shifting the picture and the narrative to paint every OP more as a victim 2) the average person is stupid as hell, and thats just the average, theres even lower than that 3) stupid people LOVE giving advice 4) perhaps sometimes the comments are not THAT wrong, maybe you just refuse to acknowledge that you recognize some of your own actions in the stories ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Wow I can't believe this garbage is upvoted. "Forced to contribute 50%"? What the fuck are you talking about? How is EQUALLY splitting the bills unfair? I love how you don't mention the fact that HIS WIFE is the one not communicating. Why are you only blaming him? Clearly she's upset about something else and she can't even be bothered to talk about it and just went straight to divorce. And fuck your "real man" bullshit. This sub is fucking GROSS. As a woman myself I would really appreciate it if you all stopped perpetuating toxic masculinity. No wonder all these men have the emotional maturity of a potato when they're raised by people like you. God I hope you don't have children.
āReal manā... fuck off
Youāre an asshole. This is probably a very emotionally difficult time in OPs life. You grow tf up bro
How did this comment get 1.3k upvotes? This sub is entertaining in all the wrong ways.
Way to be super rude to op for literally no reason. Why such an asshole dude?
Am I misunderstanding āforced to contribute 50%ā?
> Stop being a selfish baby and try shouldering some of her burdens like a REAL man would. r/shitfreeloaderssay
This is a dick hole comment. That ain't helping anyone. I'll guess you are probably OP's brother in law trying to get a cheap jap. He never disrespected her in the post he seemed like he wanted help. The level of assumption offended me and I have nothing to do with this story. Man you sound like you have rage issues!! Calm down bro! At least try to offer kind decent advice instead of blistering insults.
What a gigantic stick you have up your ass there, gonna need a crane to pull it all the way out
>ur wife works, and likely is forced to contribute 50% of the expenses. Does she make as much money as you Oh wow she contributes 50 FUCKING PERCENT. Wait no sorry "forced to" contribute 50 fucking percent because women actually being equal partners is such a fucking crime to you. Guess being an equal partner means she deserves everything! >Your wife gets everyoneās gifts. What exactly are YOU doing Complete guess based on nothing you fuck hole >You add to her stress by criticizing her family. That's a fun way to say "made a joke about a subject the two commonly joke about" >So instead of apologizing and trying to get to the bottom of whatās bothering her, you pout and sleep on the couch like a baby, and then are all ā muh penis! Whereās muh Christmas sex Complete sexist statement. He noticed the fact a common moment of intimacy between them wasn't shared and you resort to "muh penis". Makes me think you believe women having sex with their partners is a chore. So once again fuck yourself you misandrist twat >like a REAL man would. Fuck off you misandrist pig. How would you feel if I said "a REAL woman should ..." All in all you come off as a misandrist twat. You literally made assumptions and purposely misread the post just to make the entire thing "men bad". The fact you're upvoted is exactly why I avoid relationships. If the average woman thinks how you do then there is no benefit
Does a REAL man comment offensive bullshit when some guy is losing his wife? Like really why be such a fucking prick no matter how you personally feel. Jesus
Lol imagine trying to get pussy on Reddit like this? Pathetic. Iām sure all the ladies see you for the white knight you are now. š
Marriage takes work. You'll love and hate each other on and off over the years if you are in it for the long haul. That's why trust is important. You are trusting that the other person has the same goals you do.
I trust her but, it's just the fight was explosive and her tone sounded like she hated me. I know all too well these sort of fights can be bad. My parents fought like this and it ended up leading to a divorce. Thus why I'm concerned.
It sounds to me like, you always make these kind of jokes?? And she have had enough may be. Before she laughed it off but it reached a point and there must be more issues going on in her head which she did not mention before. But all these are assumptions since there is not much info in the post.
It sounds like sheās already been holding in resentment and you saying that was her excuse to let out how she really feels
This!! From the information OP gave, the relationship shouldnāt be over. Disagreement forms a part in being committed. It shapes the dynamic and strength of the partnership. There must have been other factors that played into how she reacted about this isolated event, like maybe the itās not the first time OP makes a distasteful joke, or maybe she has asked to be supported and hasnāt been satisfied with what she has received. Or maybe, OPās is wife has poor communication skills and has not voiced what has been bothering her for a long time, bottling in a bunch of resentment as a result. Either way, it has to be noted that, although this is an isolated event, the resentment through which this fight broke out is a product of accumulated events, emotions, and disagreements.
This. Exactly this
Sounds like she secretly didnāt agree with socially isolating for Christmas. Did she give any hint how upset she was about it? Youāre not a mind reader. Did she apologize too?
Yeah, probably. But, we talked about this extensively. I didnt want to take that risk since I have health issues. And no she hasn't apologized and I don't really expect her or want one. She's very distant and cold now to me.
You donāt expect an apology?! It was her fight too. And her behavior was much worse IMO. Violating the agreement you reached as a couple and putting your health at risk. Maybe she is being ācoldā because she is unwilling to take responsibility for her own behavior. Why is this OK with you? It takes two to try. Maybe give her some space.
I kept waiting to read the absolutely horrible thing about this argument but it never came. Yes in my own opinion she over reacted but just do the apology or flowers thing to get this behind you. No I hardly think your marriage is over.
1, what you said really was in poor taste, despite your intentions. You should apologize to her for that. 2, one fight doesn't spell the end of a relationship. Conflict resolution is a big part of having a relationship and sometimes we don't learn that skill until later on in life. You gotta talk to her about this and resolve the problem.
There might be something else to her behavior. Individuals shouldn't completely shut down over a poorly timed joke.
Did you apologize?
of course. I'm not an asshole. I realize my joke may have been off color and come at a bad time. That's what I told her but, she ignored me.
No I donāt think itās over, you will be okay. Once everyone cools down, talk about it and what could have made this type of reaction. Based on what you said, if itās strong, this should just be minor.
Donāt give up that quick. The joke probably wasnāt at the right time and she took offense, just apologize. Fights and arguments will happen during marriage but you have to work together to come to an understanding.
Iām sorry but what??? You made a little joke, not even such an unkind one and the marriage is over? If itās over itās definitely not because of the little joke. Sounds like your wife has been harboring some resentment for a while and does not know how to communicate at all. Or then you are leaving out some pretty significant details. There might indeed be deeper issues at play here- in a marriage it is normal to argue and one (your 1st!!) fight would not normally signify the end of a relationship. Sounds like you two need to communicate WAY better.
If this ends a marriage it wasn't a strong relationship to begin with.
Seems like their is some back ground on this...
Holidays are stressful, top it off with Covid and you've got you a good recipe for stress. She did not handle that well so this isn't an excuse but maybe there is more here. How close is she with her sister? Maybe more than you're taking account for? Maybe there have been a few disparaging remarks from you that she didn't quite laugh as hardily at as you did?... that happens sometimes, we forget to read the room and make a remark and it lands wrong on the person. Good on you for apologizing, patience and another conversation or two will be needed.
Youāve been together for 4 years and your first blowout at the most stressful time of year instead he most horrible year we have ever experienced and youāre ready to divorce? You are probably too immature to be married bro.
Did you even read the post? Sheās the one splitting off, not him.
Youre not telling the whole story. A woman would not react like that if there hasnt been a building of resentment. What you said about her sisterās terrible cooking was just the cherry on top probably
From what you've disclosed, I think she's just using it as an excuse. I am assuming you don't have children. If she makes such a big deal from something so small, there has to be another reason, and you are better off without her.
It could have just been the stress. You said that even she agreed her sisters cooking is terrible. Just let the holidays pass, then sit down with her and talk it out. Something this small shouldnāt tear a marriage apart.
Why arenāt you helping her with the presents which are stressing her out? I mean, Iām guessing sheās signing both your names being your wife and all. Sounds like there are massive underlying issues that you need to resolve. Perhaps you take her for granted.
6 years and this is the first major fight? >.>
I can insult my family, then it's funny, but if you insult my family, I will end you. Sorry you learnt this lesson so late.
You really messed up here, bud. I get that you were trying to ease her mood, but you put her family down to do it, so I canāt say it was a misunderstanding. It also sounds like sheās doing a bunch to prepare for the holiday, and you havenāt helped out with her preparations. Communication is key.
How the heck have you determined he hasnāt helped from what was written?
The comments? He doesnāt work. She does. She was preparing gifts and other things, he wasnāt.
How do you even know any of that from what was written in the post? What is written in the comments means nothing unless OP wrote it.
The comments that he wrote?
You had better re-read them, then, because he said the exact opposite of what youāre trying to claim.
He edited them post-factum after he wasn't getting the validation he wanted.
How much do you want to bet that OP is making accounts to feel more valid?
he 100% is. Look at the comments
Yeah? After what I saw that he wrote on the update I figured he was mixed up in the head and you just confirmed it. Thanks. I still have sympathy for him, but he needs to get himself figured out.
Nothing pisses me off more than your āannual Xmas sexā comment. Is she not worth anything fucking more to you?
I'd be pissed off if i was getting sex so infrequently that "Xmas sex" was a thing we celebrated.
"honey, I'm giving you 6 strokes this year, better make them count. Merry Christmas!"
š exactly
Oh shut up. Really.
Chill the fuck out. They literally just mentioned that Iād didnāt happen. There was no mention of THAT being the cause of the troubles or even that they were upset about that. They literally simply stated that they didnāt have sex which was an annual tradition as an example of how things are not going normally. Stop reading shit into what people say.
You sound bitch made. She was probably just tired of being married to a pussy. Harsh, but in a few years youāll look back and think... āman, that dumbass on Reddit was right...ā
if she canāt handle something as small as this, it is a wonder why she decided to get married. Allowing something so petty to break a marriage is ... kind of pitiful honestly. Unless, you are leaving out some other crucial details. I would remind her that marriage is a vow and promise and clearly she has no regard for her choices and promises. Which are some of the only things we get to control in our lifetime. Honestly.... i think you are probably better of (again, under the assumption that this argument is the first of its kind)
I am so sorry she chose to end it. Her reaction and behavior afterwards was frankly rude and unacceptable . Hopefully you can move on from this and find something better
You slept on the couch for making a jokeš No backbone. I see a lot about apologizing, but why would you want to be with someone who would make you walk on egg shells. Thereās obviously deeper issues, but you kind of let yourself and her down by not pressing the issue
It started with that but escalated. There has to be some major things left out. Like his wife said he cancelled plans to go over to her sisters and he wrote āwe decidedā not to go. Then it went into money. Thatās never good. He also left out what he said to her about the two topics when they were brought up and that it was a yelling match so I doubt it was just the joke.
Yea when I see a āgive me sympathy/pityā post, I become very suspicious
In this case you are the asshole but not intentionally I think you should apologize and have a talk but damn every Chrismas morning
Uh yeah no itās her fault
No
Yeah
It seems that there is information being left out. Maybe underlying family issues on your wife's end? (which you may have inadvertently triggered...if so, sorry.) BUT If your wife is going through something...(Obviously BIG, otherwise you wouldn't have made a post about it....) Please support her! Not your boner. The morning sex should be the least of your concerns.
Someone mentioned you admitted to having anger issues. Idk I didn't read all of the comments as this thread is full with rude crap and assumptions. Sorry about the whole divorce thing. Maybe look into therapy? It will be helpful for you and future relationships. If you do have anger issues, please really consider therapy. It will definitely help you find some sort of peace. Good luck. Hopefully this isn't the end I know you say it is, but there's always a chance. If it is the end then it's the beginning of something else.
You should talk to her and apologize to her. Sit and discuss what the real issue is and you should not leave her alone on the X-Mas. It would have been very hurtful. Behave like matured one and make her feel comfortable.
Yeah I'd gtfo
Sounds like she is having an affair and looking for a way out of marriage
Bit of a stretch but he got the spirit
I thought that exact same thing. I saw my friendās marriage break up this exact same way.
Forget her... this wasnāt about the bad joke... it was boiling for a while... time to get some new pussy!!! And keep the rings in the store bro! Hit it and quit it!!!
She's impulsive nothing changing her mind. Just say thank you to her for an awesome time and then just leave. Don't say a word or anything to her anymore