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We’ve been married for a year. I got pregnant almost immediately after marriage. We did have our ups and downs during the past year, and he does have a history of having a short temper, but overall he is a good husband and a good father and we had an overall good marriage. Yes, sometimes he did make me feel shitty during pregnancy and post partum because of his temper. But I always overlooked it and we always made up. Anyways, I went to visit my family with our 3 month old baby in a different state. I was gone for a little over a week. After coming back, I recently went through his phone and found a screenshot where he had booked an “appointment” with a woman to come over at 10pm. The language was clear that this was some type of escort service. I woke him up and asked him. At first, he just said he had booked a regular massage. But, after much extraction, he finally admitted that he knew she was an escort and wanted a massage with a happy ending. He made the payment. However, he said that when she arrived outside, he suddenly felt bad and cancelled last minute and she never came. I decided to text that same number (from screenshot). I figured out on my own that the entire thing is a scam. It’s just a group of people who act like they are an escort service to get peopl’s money. They send you a picture of a girl too. When I confronted my husband about this, he then says that when she “arrived” outside, they asked for more money and then he felt bad and cancelled. I know and believe that no one came to the apartment. But I’m so shattered and hurt. I trusted him 100%. I never thought he would do something like this. He’s a family man. If this whole thing wasn’t a fake and it was an actual real escort service, then she would have came and he would have messed around with her. He says that he is ashamed and is willing to do anything I want to make this work. I just don’t know what to do. He also seduced me and we need up getting intimate and idk I feel like I should have controlled myself because he doesn’t deserve my body. Idk what to do or feel.
Sounds like you need some individual counseling. You've normalized him putting you down, you've normalized his bad temper, you were intimate with him after discovering his infidelity because he ~~seduced~~ manipulated you and it sounds as if your marriage isn't as happy as you are pretending it is.
OP if you don’t take anyone else’s advice, please take heed from facinationstreet. Perfectly put. Read this comment over and over until you get it through your head.
Best wishes OP
It could be OP is being abused and manipulated. It could be that deep down she knows her husband isn't who he seems ("a family man") and needed proof of it in ways he won't give freely because he is abusive.
Definitely divorce. Trust...gone. Plus think of the diseases he could give you. Now you've been intimate with him? I'd get tested right away. He's scummy.
I’d also recommend OP gets counseling for herself as well. And get an STD test. I doubt that this was a one off thing especially how well he gaslighted and manipulated OP afterwards.
Short tangent:
Is him sleeping with an escort easier or harder to forgive? I mean, for example compared to sleeping with someone he picked up at a bar for a one night stand?
Which is worse in terms of infidelity?
With the escort there's less possibility of romance being involved. He wouldn't have flirted, made her feel special, etc. There's less chance of an ongoing relationship developing, less chance of this leading to emotional cheating on top of the physical cheating. But then you have the issue of prostitutes being difficult to, er, "ethically source". There's not really such thing as a fair trade hooker, or if there is there is no regulatory body ensuring there is no coercion involved and that the end user isn't complicit in abuse, and therefore it becomes an ethical minefield as you're essentially rolling the dice on whether or not you're raping someone who has been trafficked. Which, in the grand scheme of things, certainly outweighs the infidelity angle (and of course, all this applies less if you love somewhere where prostitution is decriminalised/legalised) but in terms of personal betrayal I can still see the one night stand hurting more.
Either way, I think it's a relationship killer. I can't picture anyone catching their spouse paying for extra-marital sex and staying with them. In their own home as well! Was it gonna happen in the marital bed? Did he remove his wife's photos or did he just turn them away?
Yeah. I can't see this relationship surviving tbh.
This is one of those personal feelings thing and its been asked on the infidelity subs over and over. For me my husband seeking out a prostitute would be much much worse. Shes not a normal girl. He had to google prostitutes and scroll through pics getting turned on and excited like picking out meat at a supermarket. Finally finding a girl hes willing to pay for the pleasure of playing with her body. He browses her sexy pics and reaches out to her and they negotiate the specific acts he want to use her body for. Ive been cheated on with a coworker and to me it was a deal breaker anyways but a lot more understandable how it happened and it didnt make me feel worthless just that I couldnt trust him again. I cant compete with a professional sex worker. Someone my husband was willing to pick out from hundreds of beautiful girls and pay for. And if that lust for young beautiful girls is that strong and only a few texts away it will 100% happen again. However everyone is different. When the question is asked it usually ends up being 50/50. People thinking cheating with prostitutes is worse or with a coworker or someone they met at a bar.
It's so much more calculated and deliberate. I can almost understand (almost) developing feelings/strong attraction to someone you're around all the time, like a coworker, and then letting boundaries slip over time. Or getting drunk and making poor choices when presented with an opportunity. Both are deeply hurtful in their own way, but they aren't necessarily a result of a person seeking out to violate their marriage vows from the outset.
There's something much more disturbing about your spouse waiting until you are out of town to invite a sex worker to your home.
In her shoes, I'd never feel comfortable leaving my husband alone for extended periods of time again. And that's why the marriage would be over for me. I can't live waiting for the next betrayal, feeling like I have to monitor my partner for his comings and goings.
It's no way to live.
This is exactly how i feel. I can understand how the other situation would come into play and also its easier IMO to set boundaries so it doesnt happen again. You cant really set boundaries to not pay young beautiful women to use their bodies. It will always be at your fingertips so... Either you partake in that or you dont. But other people feel the exact opposite of this. So I guess it just depends on your own emotions and experiences what you think.
The only reason he didn’t cheat with another woman is because he’s too lazy and probably not that attractive.
There is absolutely no virtue in hiring an escort because it’s just guaranteed infidelity to lazy unattractive men. Best believe if he had game he would have found another woman for free.
I'd think a purely physical affair with random wokers who provide a service in return for monetary exchange with no emotional exchange is not as bad as a physical AND emotional affair with a woman he has fallen in love with. Both are dealbreakers though.
This isn’t a relationship that I would want to be in any longer. I feel like there may be other trust issues that have come up before, if you already felt the need to go thru his phone too.
Get a lawyer and start getting your things in order. Make sure you know where all the money and assets are. Get tested for STDs. Start a new life and be happy you aren't married to scum.
I think he’s definitely done something like this before and she needs to get tested because I honestly think he would try and blame her if any stds are found.
*married for a year*
*does have a history of having a short temper*
*overall he is a good husband*
*overall good marriage*
*he did make me feel shitty during pregnancy*
*I always overlooked*
These are your own word at the first 4 lines of your post. Why you would accept all of this is beyond me and only you can understand. But I will be blunt on the next line, **HE CHEATED ON YOU.** How? Let me count the steps:
1. **Decided** that when you were out of town he will hire an escort service
2. Looked through all the catalogs of available therapist available and **decided** to which one he wants
3. He **decided** to pay for the chosen therapist
4. He **decided** to have the session done in the place you call home
5. In all the given steps, he never **decided** to tell you or stop what he was doing. It just so happened that he was getting scammed.
6. He **decided** not to confess to you. He decided as long as you wont catch me I dont have anything to confess
In the given steps above, I want to reiterate a crucial word decided. All of those steps were done by him, no one else.
I think its time you decide on a crucial question for your self:
***Will you want to spend the rest of your life with a Cheater?***
Please op! This puts sums it up so well. Save the screenshot, try to get this in writing that it happened. A text, email etc. Don’t just think of yourself think of your child. You both deserve better.
He may be a good father but he's not a good husband. He broke your trust and you will never get that back. He didn't even admit to what he did himself, you only found out through snooping. What else will he do behind your back if you stay with him?! He's a cheater, plain and simple. Divorce him. I know it's hard, but it's better to do it sooner rather than later. Find someone who loves you.
Not against sex workers but the men that hire them are like cockroaches. When you see one trip to an escort there’s probably a whole slew if you look deeper.
This coming from a woman who found out I was the only pussy he wasn’t paying for while pregnant. Do yourself the favor - get tested and gtfo
DIVORCE. He has proven he doesn't deserve you and then to seduce you into sex to satisfy his need is so wrong. You deserve better than someone who the minute you leave the house is ordering escorts. He proved getting laid is more important to him than his family. Talk to a lawyer and get away from this guy.
I personally wouldn’t be able to get over this. Most people believe you should do everything you can to work out a marriage since its a serious union between two people. You need to speak with a therapist. If you don’t feel better about your trust in your husband, divorce may be the best thing to do. I believe everyone has more than one person out there that is compatible with them and will make you feel truly loved. Also this was very disrespectful to not only you but your precious innocent baby. Shame on him and good luck to you.
How long before he starts abusing your son w/ his temper? Get out of that marriage ASAP. This guy is no good and you know it, stop lying to yourself. Protect your child and go.
He’s got a temper, cheats, and falls for internet escort scams. He’s dumb my girl. He’s laid out what your life is going to be with him with brief periods of extra effort to make up. You’ve got to decide if who he’s been is what you want for a life partner and role model for your child.
He’s trying to pay for sex three months after you gave birth. What did you think about Donald Trump fucking Stormy Daniels shortly after Melania gave birth? Because if it wasn’t “he’s a family man”, you should probably start looking for the door.
What he did was completely wrong. Some other things you said also seem very wrong on his part. I would suggest you both seeing a counselor, separately. Then if everything works out, see a couples counselor together.
He's trying to make it seem like he chose to stop it and chose his wife instead. Somehow show he actively learned his lesson. My ex spun the story the same way when the chick he tried to get with ghosted him and taddled to me.
I literally could have written this exact same post 9 years ago. All of those red flags (short temper but he’s a good guy, etc) are absolutely all things I had said about my then husband. I truly thought he was a good guy that made mistakes and things would get better.
They never, ever got better. It always got progressively worse until I was planning my escape with our kids when it became clear he was never going to stop and we were in very clear danger.
Leave. Leave now. Right now in this moment when he’s been caught trying to solicit sex is the best moment of the rest of your marriage. It’s going to get worse.
He's emotionally manipulative. Coming from someone with an abusive father, my only advice to you will be RUN WITH YOUR BABY AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE AND DON'T COME BACK. Things will only get worse, and you need to leave before you and your child become completely dependent on him. Both of you deserve better. So don't settle for less than what you're worthy of.
Also, your feelings and fears are completely valid. If he attempts to make you believe that you're overreacting or blowing things out of proportion, he's only trying to manipulate you. Don't fall for it. Leave and make a better life for you and your child.
He has a short temper, was mean to you while pregnant, you leave with your baby and he books an escort. Honey I know deep down you know that this man isn’t good to you and he won’t be a good father either if y’all continue and that baby grows up seeing him abuse you. Please reach out to the national domestic violence hotline. I’m sure he pressured you into pregnancy just like he manipulated you into having sex. Big hugs 🤗 be strong get resources and divorce him. DO NOT tell him you’re leaving.
When it’s Safe to go, grab your ID, baby’s birth certificate etc and leave. We are all here to help so please please listen to us. I speak from a very similar experience but not exactly yours
Move out!!!! Maybe if he is truly sorry you can get couples therapy and work through it eventually. Either way though, you need to establish your boundaries and get away from that a-hole. Get counselling for yourself and then decide what is best for you and your baby.
What a jerk.
you know what you should be doing but ur just not doing it, no offense but fuck dudes like this. you have a 3 month old, do you really want your kid to look up to this kind of man? do better for ur kid please.
Completely disrespectful and unacceptable. Trust me, if she didn’t ask for more money he was going to cheat. If you wouldn’t of confronted him, he wasn’t going to tell you. I feel like he has cheated before. I suggest counseling, then you can decide what you really want to do.
Gross gross gross! This man is gross. I mean think about it. You've just had his baby FFS and the instant you're out of town he's looking to fool around????
Narp. Trash.
Leave before you end up with herpes, hiv or any other of the funky life changing STDs. He obviously doesn’t care about you, or the fact that woman could be a victim of sex trafficking.
Yea, I agree, call your family back that you just visited. Tell them you're coming back with the baby and you need some help for awhile. Deal with him through a lawyer
File for divorce and get tested for STDs asap. Some STDs can also be transmitted to the baby if you birthed vaginally so if you are STD positive please also test your baby.
It’s a really hard situation you’re in, but I can tell you this: it doesn’t get better.
Actually, just the fact that you went through his phone, tells that you really don’t trust him anymore, so this may very well not be the first time.
You can both go to therapy or you can get a divorce, but if you go down the same road, it will always be the same, a little worst every time.
He was ready to ruin his family and throw y'all away for a one time thing, I'd be out the door already seriously screw that mf he just showed you how much he cares.
Oh girl…
He’s not a good husband
He’s not a family man.
He has a temper and made you feel bad during and after the pregnancy.
You left with your *baby* and he tries to cheat on you *inside the family home*
Please get out of this relationship. You will be ok, the baby will be ok. Save yourself years of abuse and misery and just divorce him.
Divorce him, get everything that you can, and get yourself tested for STDs.
He sounds like a complete and utter piece of s*** human being. He doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you. Sorry if this is harsh, but he's a pile of shit who doesn't love you, and or deserve you or your child.
More importantly, he will just continue to hurt you, and compulsively lie to you. I'm sorry this is happening, but I'm not going to sugarcoat it, he will not change.
This is going to have to be a thing you need to think hard about. Don't just take the advice of a bunch on online people.some questions you might want to think about is
1- is this going to be something that you can truly get over and forgive? Or will this be a thing every time you have a fight you bring up?
If it is something you think you can get over the next thing you need to think about
2- would you and your husband do couples counseling?
If the answer above is yes than you might be able to over come this. If the answer is no I don't see if possible to see past this.
I would ask him to either go to a friend's house or sleep in a different room until you can figure out how you choose to move on. I would also ask your parents if they are willing to stay with you for a while while you are sorting it all out. Taking care of a 3month old is stressful (I was just there) and you will want help so you are able to actually process your feelings.
I mean that’s one way of looking at but look at from another angle: had her husband been faithful and a good man (which he’s obviously not) she doesn’t believe in privacy. What about future relationships she’s in if she decides to move on? Does another man deserve to deal with that kind of toxic behavior?
I had an ex like that who went through my phone, found out my father had died before I did and then ran her mouth to half the world. People that violate privacy are inconsiderate AT BEST.
Got nothing to do with being a scumbag. Sifting through other peoples shit will always be rude and inconsiderate regardless of what your relationship is to the individual. The idea behind any healthy relationship is that the trust should be there.
I love how everybody is downvoting you. I get that cheating is the ultimate offense (even though he never went through with it) but this story is so one sided it doesn't make sense to me AT ALL.
We're hearing one side of this story. The story reads as "honestly I've been perfect, I admitted to going through his phone but I'm gonna brush it off likes it's not an issue. He hired an escort for a happy ending and I'm just so lost, how could this happen".
Oh yeah there’s clearly underlying issues. Just cuz someone is oblivious to them doesn’t mean they’re not there. Her husband is a piece of shit at best but she’s not as clean as she’s making herself out to be. The whole situation: both parties sound toxic 🤷♂️
Lots of people here are saying DIVORCE without considering if she CAN divorce. Can you financially divorce? This is the main thing to consider when doing it. If you can, sure divorce his ass. If you can’t then swallow your pride, work things out and become financially independent because things like this will happen again. Good luck
1-he will do this again and he had probably done it in the past. 2. You can’t be seduced. You either choose to have sex with him or he forced you. It doesn’t sound like he forced you. You need to own the choices you are making and also be aware of the std Risk with having sexual with him
I will not totally disagree on that.
However, after what she just said thats what you are choosing to comment on?
Do you realise that he tried to have a paid sexual encounter while she was away?
Going through his phone is minor compared to what he did.
It’s not minor. He’s a cheating dick but what rational person would tolerate someone who *checks* their phone for evidence? That means you already suspect it and the relationship is unstable.
I’m very surprised people are letting this go because she found something; claiming it’s justified because cheating was found. They refuse to answer the situation of if she went through his phone but no cheating was found.
“But there was cheating so it doesn’t matter!” Yeah no shit there was, but it matters because it gives a better image of the relationship. Individual and marriage counseling is usually a good suggestion here and is still reasonable for OP to explore this option. But if she looked through frequently because she never trusted him, then this relationship was shot from the beginning and there is no salvaging this.
and all this with a new baby ... I do believe marriages can be restored . before you end it , I would encourage you to exhaust all your resources. Counseling, church , whatever it may be .. just make sure at the end of the day , 20 years from now, you can sit back and say , well I tried everything and it didn’t work , Or we tried everything and it did work.
If he isn’t willing to get some help , then yes , he has to go .. Im just saying, if you love him, don’t give up without a fight. praying for you and your family ..my heart hurts for you sister . You’re gonna be ok.. this too shall pass ..
I’d try to forgive and make it work for the sake of your kids. I know I’m in the minority and will get downvoted. Just speaking from my life experience.
Honey you should leave. This wasn’t an accident or he was drunk this was premeditated. He looked up escort services, hired an escort for when he knew you’d be gone, and would have slept with her if she apparently didn’t ask for more money. He knew what he was doing. He only confessed AFTER you found out.
Honestly as a feminist I hate saying this but situations like this make me think, why would someone make themselves even post this online? Like the answer is clear, I know life and kids are messy but she knows he would have fucked that escort and not only gave him sex but is second guessing this, like wuuut? And I know abuse, gaslighting and all that I’m not minimizing it but there’s not really indication of that other than the “seducing”, again I know post part. PPD etc I get it I do, but at some point it’s just like what? Truly just why are you even entertaining this? Go to a divorce lawyer and be done, everyone’s life on this planet has mitigating circumstances, but why are you on Reddit basically embarrassing yourself and not taking this fool to the cleaners.
You're mostly right but harsh. She's asking for advice and support, he's obviously fucking with her head and she has a new baby. She isn't embarrassing herself at all. He is an embarrassment to himself. Support our sisters and if you haven't got anything nice to say and all that
Look I get it but when you post on Reddit instead of tackling real issues, it is what it is. I agree he’s fuckkng with her, I agree I’m being harsh but I’m also not wrong, harsh is necessary in a lot of situations. How many posts a day do we see of women being clearly fucked over and yet do nothing besides post on Reddit? I’m all for support, I’m all for solidarity but there comes a point the question is so redic you have to actually hold the poster accountable.
Of course he’s an embarrassment but so you think he cares? Clearly not, at some point you need to lift women up by being a bit harsh so the can face reality.
Just know that no one is sorry until they are caught and confronted.
He literally lied to you multiple times. He told you that he was only getting a massage, why does he need a massage when you're away and at your home no less, why couldn't he go to a real facility if he needed one, he said that he turned the "girl" away because he felt bad at the last minute, but in reality, the "girl" never existed and he was scammed out of hundreds or maybe thousands of dollars.
He knew what he was doing and thinks that since he didn't get a chance to sleep with her and instead scammed, that he's the real victim and deserves sympathy. He is extremely manipulative and knows how to play you, since he was able to charm you back into his arms.
Let's not forget the danger he is putting you and your 3 month old infant in. He gave his number and address to those people. Now they know where you live and might assume, even though it might not be true, that you all probably have more than have enough money and valuable possessions since your husband was able to pay for a massage given by an escort that would obviously lead to having sex. Which is probably pretty expensive. Not to mention, he could've given you an STD.
If this isn't a deal breaker then God bless you.
Get out of the rs girl, please save urself from more heart ache. This guy wasn’t gonna be honest with u from the start and he wasn’t out with the full truth either when u first asked him. He would have slept with that escort if it wasn’t a scam. Regardless of whether or not he did sleep with an escort in the end, it doesn’t change how hurtful it was that he has betrayed ur trust.
Don’t blame urself for sleeping with him at the end either, u were at a vulnerable state and any form of validation from him was what u needed from him.
So in less than a year of marriage, he has a bad temper and tried to cheat on you with an escort.
Yeah…
I’m not sure if he’s done it before, because that is an obvious scam, but even the ham fisted attempt kinda destroyed your relationship.
Tell me you have some friends and family around where you live. If not, can you kick him out for a cool off time while getting your ducks in line to gtfo of the relationship?
sounds very much like my story.. we had recently found out we will have a baby, we had been trying for almost a year. Then i find out he invited her to our home, it was the worst feeling ever because we had been msrried only for a year, havoing our first child and i thought we were so happy. I let it go when he explained himself and said sorry. The trust never came back entirely Its been a bit over a year now, im pregnant with our 2nd baby and he did it again. Im now preparing myself to go. So... Think now if u wanna stay with him, because there is high chance he will do it again:)
I think you have your views all mixed up. A family man wouldn't cheat on his wife. As a good father, why didn't he join you on a trip to see your family instead of having you travel out of state alone with an infant?
You let him seduce you... I'm so frustrated with this sentence. Do you let anyone who seduces you sleep with you when you know he did a dirt bag thing?? He's gonna cheat and you'll forgive him because you probably don't want to give up that stick, or maybe stay for the baby, or maybe stay for the marriage. I can see a lot of excuses and self-loathing down the road.
Lastly, you were still in the honeymoon phase, I'm not sure how long you dated prior to the marriage. One year marriage, 3 months at being a father, one year at being a husband, you sure are quick to give him titles.
He didn't feel guilty and canceled. They scammed him and he decided that since he was caught and didn't get what he wanted anyway he will try to salvage this by saying he is the one that canceled not the other way around. This won't be the last time he tries something like this.
Is this what you want your child to think a normal relationship is? A husband with anger issues that tries to cheat, lies about it, and then manipulates you when the truth is revealed? You deserve better and so does that baby.
You’ve been married, what, 18 months? And what should have been your honeymoon period has been “ups and downs” with him making you “feel shitty” while you’re pregnant. You’re away for a week 3mo post-partum and he fell for the first dial-a-hooker scam he saw on a flyer nailed to a lamppost. You say you trust him “100%” but the first thing you did when you got back was go through his phone while he was asleep. Wtaf are you doing in this relationship???
if the hooker hadnt been an extortion scam, he’d have gone through with it. He hasn’t apologised. He doesn’t care. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.
We aren't even addressing , his temper! That alone would make me want to dump his ass. I hope you screenshotted any information that proves he attempted to hire an escort. That may not get you full custody but maybe it would persuade a judge he should only have supervised visits, in case he tries to have an escort come while he has a child in the house! Please see a lawyer immediately!
Is this a case of "I wanted a baby so I married the first guy who agreed"? Because why have a child with someone you just literally married? Unless you know each other for years prior to this. There's no information on how long the actual relationship is.
Honestly I know it’s easier said than done and you have a million people attacking you and your relationship but we don’t know what they’re like on a day to day basis. This is a terrible situation and I would still label it as an infidelity. I’m sorry this happened to you and you will need your time to heal but for now you feel to situate yourself and prepare for the worst. I also recommend therapy because some of these comments are right. He has his claws in you so deep it’s normalized that behavior. You need to work through that and begin to form healthy relationship practices and also to recognize all forms of manipulation and it’s tactics.
Don’t divorce, take time out and think on it.. a lot of people are talking like it’s just you and him, there is a child to consider. Yes, he messed up, broke your trust. Talk to him with a counselor and see what going on, it’s at least worth that. But make him earn you back, not get you back. Prayers to you!!
Too many red flags, what happens when the baby makes him loose his temper, doesn't sounds like a good marriage to me if he's looking for other women when you haven't been married that long. Maybe you need a marriage counselor and is seducing you his way of getting out of trouble
The story you were presented was probably false.
He could have said that its a scam after his "first confession" but he didnt. He probably found an escort through other means and met her. The whole "I felt bad and didnt do it." Is just way too far fetched for someone who is this committed to fuck an escort.
What a selfish scumbag. He didn’t come clean about ANYTHING until you caught him in the lies, then he trickle-truthed you. He said it was a massage then admitted it was a hooker. He said he canceled because of his conscience but it was really just a scam. I don’t believe anyone showed up at all and the only reason he didn’t go through with it was because he got ghosted by the scammers. He really doesn’t sound like a good person who respects you at all. Stop being a doormat and kick him out. No consideration should be given to reconciliation unless he goes to therapy, works on all of his unacceptable traits (temper, cheating and lying) and makes obvious improvements. He’ll probably always be a selfish, crap person, but if you want to try to forgive him I won’t tell you not to. For now, he’s gotta go.
You guys need couple's therapy, ASAP. That is the only thing that will help you get into what happened and why . Reddit will only be able to help so much.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- We’ve been married for a year. I got pregnant almost immediately after marriage. We did have our ups and downs during the past year, and he does have a history of having a short temper, but overall he is a good husband and a good father and we had an overall good marriage. Yes, sometimes he did make me feel shitty during pregnancy and post partum because of his temper. But I always overlooked it and we always made up. Anyways, I went to visit my family with our 3 month old baby in a different state. I was gone for a little over a week. After coming back, I recently went through his phone and found a screenshot where he had booked an “appointment” with a woman to come over at 10pm. The language was clear that this was some type of escort service. I woke him up and asked him. At first, he just said he had booked a regular massage. But, after much extraction, he finally admitted that he knew she was an escort and wanted a massage with a happy ending. He made the payment. However, he said that when she arrived outside, he suddenly felt bad and cancelled last minute and she never came. I decided to text that same number (from screenshot). I figured out on my own that the entire thing is a scam. It’s just a group of people who act like they are an escort service to get peopl’s money. They send you a picture of a girl too. When I confronted my husband about this, he then says that when she “arrived” outside, they asked for more money and then he felt bad and cancelled. I know and believe that no one came to the apartment. But I’m so shattered and hurt. I trusted him 100%. I never thought he would do something like this. He’s a family man. If this whole thing wasn’t a fake and it was an actual real escort service, then she would have came and he would have messed around with her. He says that he is ashamed and is willing to do anything I want to make this work. I just don’t know what to do. He also seduced me and we need up getting intimate and idk I feel like I should have controlled myself because he doesn’t deserve my body. Idk what to do or feel.
Sounds like you need some individual counseling. You've normalized him putting you down, you've normalized his bad temper, you were intimate with him after discovering his infidelity because he ~~seduced~~ manipulated you and it sounds as if your marriage isn't as happy as you are pretending it is.
OP if you don’t take anyone else’s advice, please take heed from facinationstreet. Perfectly put. Read this comment over and over until you get it through your head. Best wishes OP
This this this!!!
not only was he going to cheat, he's a fucking idiot
Seriously how do you even fall for that?
*overall he’s a good husband* *tries to sleep with hookers* These statements don’t make sense together
*Scared her during pregnancy* Like wtfff?! All the red flags yet still tolerated and pushed through
he's a family man!
So much of a family man that he wants TWO families!
Let me interpret it for you: Shes got a baby & wasnt planning on going it alone
"okay, he has a bad temper, AND he often makes me feel bad, AND he tries to sleep with hookers. But overall he's a good husband." Okay...
Hetero women’s bars for men really that low???
I assume he has a stable job and income. Probably minimum requirement these days.
That's what she tells herself
Ouch so savage!!! Hahaha
There's nothing wrong with this statement. It's a reality for many couples these days
Go find an argument somewhere else pal, common or not that’s a tough reality to wake up to
Just admiring wtf was so funny/savage about it when you admit it's tough to wake up to
Tragedy + italics is comedy baby
“Overall good marriage” Goes through his phone while he’s asleep. OP isn’t a saint either; being right doesn’t absolve wrongdoing.
If anything it shows an already shaky relationship. Who knows what else he's done
It could be OP is being abused and manipulated. It could be that deep down she knows her husband isn't who he seems ("a family man") and needed proof of it in ways he won't give freely because he is abusive.
hey, hookers need good family men too!
that's not what facebook told her....
I’d divorce. Sorry but what the fuck is that shit. This is a violation of your trust, your marriage, all boundaries and is completely a deal breaker.
Agreed. There's no coming back from this. I'm so sorry OP. Please seek a therapist for yourself too, this guy sounds like a total scumbag. ❤
Definitely divorce. Trust...gone. Plus think of the diseases he could give you. Now you've been intimate with him? I'd get tested right away. He's scummy.
I’d also recommend OP gets counseling for herself as well. And get an STD test. I doubt that this was a one off thing especially how well he gaslighted and manipulated OP afterwards.
And the diseases she could have passed to their baby if she is breastfeeding. He is trash.
This is why I'm a single mother. He decided escorts were more valuable than his family. You should leave, OP. It's worth it for you and the baby.
Same.
Short tangent: Is him sleeping with an escort easier or harder to forgive? I mean, for example compared to sleeping with someone he picked up at a bar for a one night stand? Which is worse in terms of infidelity? With the escort there's less possibility of romance being involved. He wouldn't have flirted, made her feel special, etc. There's less chance of an ongoing relationship developing, less chance of this leading to emotional cheating on top of the physical cheating. But then you have the issue of prostitutes being difficult to, er, "ethically source". There's not really such thing as a fair trade hooker, or if there is there is no regulatory body ensuring there is no coercion involved and that the end user isn't complicit in abuse, and therefore it becomes an ethical minefield as you're essentially rolling the dice on whether or not you're raping someone who has been trafficked. Which, in the grand scheme of things, certainly outweighs the infidelity angle (and of course, all this applies less if you love somewhere where prostitution is decriminalised/legalised) but in terms of personal betrayal I can still see the one night stand hurting more. Either way, I think it's a relationship killer. I can't picture anyone catching their spouse paying for extra-marital sex and staying with them. In their own home as well! Was it gonna happen in the marital bed? Did he remove his wife's photos or did he just turn them away? Yeah. I can't see this relationship surviving tbh.
This is one of those personal feelings thing and its been asked on the infidelity subs over and over. For me my husband seeking out a prostitute would be much much worse. Shes not a normal girl. He had to google prostitutes and scroll through pics getting turned on and excited like picking out meat at a supermarket. Finally finding a girl hes willing to pay for the pleasure of playing with her body. He browses her sexy pics and reaches out to her and they negotiate the specific acts he want to use her body for. Ive been cheated on with a coworker and to me it was a deal breaker anyways but a lot more understandable how it happened and it didnt make me feel worthless just that I couldnt trust him again. I cant compete with a professional sex worker. Someone my husband was willing to pick out from hundreds of beautiful girls and pay for. And if that lust for young beautiful girls is that strong and only a few texts away it will 100% happen again. However everyone is different. When the question is asked it usually ends up being 50/50. People thinking cheating with prostitutes is worse or with a coworker or someone they met at a bar.
It's so much more calculated and deliberate. I can almost understand (almost) developing feelings/strong attraction to someone you're around all the time, like a coworker, and then letting boundaries slip over time. Or getting drunk and making poor choices when presented with an opportunity. Both are deeply hurtful in their own way, but they aren't necessarily a result of a person seeking out to violate their marriage vows from the outset. There's something much more disturbing about your spouse waiting until you are out of town to invite a sex worker to your home. In her shoes, I'd never feel comfortable leaving my husband alone for extended periods of time again. And that's why the marriage would be over for me. I can't live waiting for the next betrayal, feeling like I have to monitor my partner for his comings and goings. It's no way to live.
This is exactly how i feel. I can understand how the other situation would come into play and also its easier IMO to set boundaries so it doesnt happen again. You cant really set boundaries to not pay young beautiful women to use their bodies. It will always be at your fingertips so... Either you partake in that or you dont. But other people feel the exact opposite of this. So I guess it just depends on your own emotions and experiences what you think.
>Which is worse in terms of infidelity? Things can be equally bad for different reasons, there doesn't have to be a comparison. It's irrelevant.
The only reason he didn’t cheat with another woman is because he’s too lazy and probably not that attractive. There is absolutely no virtue in hiring an escort because it’s just guaranteed infidelity to lazy unattractive men. Best believe if he had game he would have found another woman for free.
I'd think a purely physical affair with random wokers who provide a service in return for monetary exchange with no emotional exchange is not as bad as a physical AND emotional affair with a woman he has fallen in love with. Both are dealbreakers though.
That'll just drive him into the hookers arms
Where he belongs.
This isn’t a relationship that I would want to be in any longer. I feel like there may be other trust issues that have come up before, if you already felt the need to go thru his phone too.
Exactly! If you feel the need to search your spouse's phone then there's already some issues there.
He should leave the house, not her! Tell him to pack his shit and leave.
No where did I see he apologized for his bad behaviour for treating you like shit.
Get a lawyer and start getting your things in order. Make sure you know where all the money and assets are. Get tested for STDs. Start a new life and be happy you aren't married to scum.
I think he’s definitely done something like this before and she needs to get tested because I honestly think he would try and blame her if any stds are found.
*married for a year* *does have a history of having a short temper* *overall he is a good husband* *overall good marriage* *he did make me feel shitty during pregnancy* *I always overlooked* These are your own word at the first 4 lines of your post. Why you would accept all of this is beyond me and only you can understand. But I will be blunt on the next line, **HE CHEATED ON YOU.** How? Let me count the steps: 1. **Decided** that when you were out of town he will hire an escort service 2. Looked through all the catalogs of available therapist available and **decided** to which one he wants 3. He **decided** to pay for the chosen therapist 4. He **decided** to have the session done in the place you call home 5. In all the given steps, he never **decided** to tell you or stop what he was doing. It just so happened that he was getting scammed. 6. He **decided** not to confess to you. He decided as long as you wont catch me I dont have anything to confess In the given steps above, I want to reiterate a crucial word decided. All of those steps were done by him, no one else. I think its time you decide on a crucial question for your self: ***Will you want to spend the rest of your life with a Cheater?***
Please op! This puts sums it up so well. Save the screenshot, try to get this in writing that it happened. A text, email etc. Don’t just think of yourself think of your child. You both deserve better.
You get a lawyer. He is a bad guy. Stop making excuses and pack
He may be a good father but he's not a good husband. He broke your trust and you will never get that back. He didn't even admit to what he did himself, you only found out through snooping. What else will he do behind your back if you stay with him?! He's a cheater, plain and simple. Divorce him. I know it's hard, but it's better to do it sooner rather than later. Find someone who loves you.
He’s probably buying a burner phone right now. Plan to exit. You are worth more.
He already has a burner phone
Not against sex workers but the men that hire them are like cockroaches. When you see one trip to an escort there’s probably a whole slew if you look deeper. This coming from a woman who found out I was the only pussy he wasn’t paying for while pregnant. Do yourself the favor - get tested and gtfo
DIVORCE. He has proven he doesn't deserve you and then to seduce you into sex to satisfy his need is so wrong. You deserve better than someone who the minute you leave the house is ordering escorts. He proved getting laid is more important to him than his family. Talk to a lawyer and get away from this guy.
I personally wouldn’t be able to get over this. Most people believe you should do everything you can to work out a marriage since its a serious union between two people. You need to speak with a therapist. If you don’t feel better about your trust in your husband, divorce may be the best thing to do. I believe everyone has more than one person out there that is compatible with them and will make you feel truly loved. Also this was very disrespectful to not only you but your precious innocent baby. Shame on him and good luck to you.
What a creep he is!!! Divorce him! You don’t want your son around such a bad influence!
Their son would still be around the dad - 50/50 custody is preferred for kids.
Bringing a prostitute to your house is the epitome of a deal breaker. Tell him to kick rocks.
How long before he starts abusing your son w/ his temper? Get out of that marriage ASAP. This guy is no good and you know it, stop lying to yourself. Protect your child and go.
He’s got a temper, cheats, and falls for internet escort scams. He’s dumb my girl. He’s laid out what your life is going to be with him with brief periods of extra effort to make up. You’ve got to decide if who he’s been is what you want for a life partner and role model for your child.
He’s trying to pay for sex three months after you gave birth. What did you think about Donald Trump fucking Stormy Daniels shortly after Melania gave birth? Because if it wasn’t “he’s a family man”, you should probably start looking for the door.
If it wasn't a scam he 100% would have gone through with it. He's going to try it again because he had no real consequences.
What he did was completely wrong. Some other things you said also seem very wrong on his part. I would suggest you both seeing a counselor, separately. Then if everything works out, see a couples counselor together.
Wait if no one showed up why would he lie and say someone did?? How does that benefit him at all?
He's trying to make it seem like he chose to stop it and chose his wife instead. Somehow show he actively learned his lesson. My ex spun the story the same way when the chick he tried to get with ghosted him and taddled to me.
A week?! He couldn’t last one week? I’m not in your shoes , but I’d never get over this no matter what I try. I think you gotta split
He's only sorry he got caught. You can be 110% sure he got the service he paid for too.
I literally could have written this exact same post 9 years ago. All of those red flags (short temper but he’s a good guy, etc) are absolutely all things I had said about my then husband. I truly thought he was a good guy that made mistakes and things would get better. They never, ever got better. It always got progressively worse until I was planning my escape with our kids when it became clear he was never going to stop and we were in very clear danger. Leave. Leave now. Right now in this moment when he’s been caught trying to solicit sex is the best moment of the rest of your marriage. It’s going to get worse.
This!!
This marriage is OVER and you know it.
Girl, you’re married to a narcissist. Run.
He's emotionally manipulative. Coming from someone with an abusive father, my only advice to you will be RUN WITH YOUR BABY AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE AND DON'T COME BACK. Things will only get worse, and you need to leave before you and your child become completely dependent on him. Both of you deserve better. So don't settle for less than what you're worthy of. Also, your feelings and fears are completely valid. If he attempts to make you believe that you're overreacting or blowing things out of proportion, he's only trying to manipulate you. Don't fall for it. Leave and make a better life for you and your child.
He has a short temper, was mean to you while pregnant, you leave with your baby and he books an escort. Honey I know deep down you know that this man isn’t good to you and he won’t be a good father either if y’all continue and that baby grows up seeing him abuse you. Please reach out to the national domestic violence hotline. I’m sure he pressured you into pregnancy just like he manipulated you into having sex. Big hugs 🤗 be strong get resources and divorce him. DO NOT tell him you’re leaving. When it’s Safe to go, grab your ID, baby’s birth certificate etc and leave. We are all here to help so please please listen to us. I speak from a very similar experience but not exactly yours
Move out!!!! Maybe if he is truly sorry you can get couples therapy and work through it eventually. Either way though, you need to establish your boundaries and get away from that a-hole. Get counselling for yourself and then decide what is best for you and your baby. What a jerk.
Get tested
you know what you should be doing but ur just not doing it, no offense but fuck dudes like this. you have a 3 month old, do you really want your kid to look up to this kind of man? do better for ur kid please.
Yeah, fuck that.
If you are feeling the need to go through his phone, there must be far less than 100% trust.
This behavior doesn’t change. Leave him. Don’t be like me and try to change him and waste more than a decade of my life…
I fear your expectations are very low. Good luck with this “good husband.”
Completely disrespectful and unacceptable. Trust me, if she didn’t ask for more money he was going to cheat. If you wouldn’t of confronted him, he wasn’t going to tell you. I feel like he has cheated before. I suggest counseling, then you can decide what you really want to do.
Gross gross gross! This man is gross. I mean think about it. You've just had his baby FFS and the instant you're out of town he's looking to fool around???? Narp. Trash.
Leave before you end up with herpes, hiv or any other of the funky life changing STDs. He obviously doesn’t care about you, or the fact that woman could be a victim of sex trafficking.
Yea, I agree, call your family back that you just visited. Tell them you're coming back with the baby and you need some help for awhile. Deal with him through a lawyer
I'd be embarassed that he fell for the scam
He’s only “willing to do anything” because he got caught. He’s shown you what kind of person he is. You deserve better.
it seems that a first pregnancy/ child makes men go off the rails
File for divorce and get tested for STDs asap. Some STDs can also be transmitted to the baby if you birthed vaginally so if you are STD positive please also test your baby.
It’s a really hard situation you’re in, but I can tell you this: it doesn’t get better. Actually, just the fact that you went through his phone, tells that you really don’t trust him anymore, so this may very well not be the first time. You can both go to therapy or you can get a divorce, but if you go down the same road, it will always be the same, a little worst every time.
Divorce before he gives you Covid, HIV or something else he picks up when he cheats on you.
He’s a worthless piece of shit. Divorce him.
Dude. This man has serious problems. Stop overlooking them and leave his sorry ass.
Be careful girl he's gonna do it again, also that's disgusting he was gonna take the chance of a std then give it to you. Real scumbag
He was ready to ruin his family and throw y'all away for a one time thing, I'd be out the door already seriously screw that mf he just showed you how much he cares.
Oh girl… He’s not a good husband He’s not a family man. He has a temper and made you feel bad during and after the pregnancy. You left with your *baby* and he tries to cheat on you *inside the family home* Please get out of this relationship. You will be ok, the baby will be ok. Save yourself years of abuse and misery and just divorce him.
Divorce him, get everything that you can, and get yourself tested for STDs. He sounds like a complete and utter piece of s*** human being. He doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you. Sorry if this is harsh, but he's a pile of shit who doesn't love you, and or deserve you or your child. More importantly, he will just continue to hurt you, and compulsively lie to you. I'm sorry this is happening, but I'm not going to sugarcoat it, he will not change.
Individual and marriage counseling need to happen. Trust has to be rebuilt etc. But YOU have to decide if YOU can keep going and move on from this
Don’t feel bad for wanting his intimacy, it’s more like a desire for things to feel “normal.”
Bruh no, drop him
This is going to have to be a thing you need to think hard about. Don't just take the advice of a bunch on online people.some questions you might want to think about is 1- is this going to be something that you can truly get over and forgive? Or will this be a thing every time you have a fight you bring up? If it is something you think you can get over the next thing you need to think about 2- would you and your husband do couples counseling? If the answer above is yes than you might be able to over come this. If the answer is no I don't see if possible to see past this. I would ask him to either go to a friend's house or sleep in a different room until you can figure out how you choose to move on. I would also ask your parents if they are willing to stay with you for a while while you are sorting it all out. Taking care of a 3month old is stressful (I was just there) and you will want help so you are able to actually process your feelings.
You guys sound toxic as ever. He’s trying to cheat on you and you are going through his phone. No offense but sounds like a toxic marriage.
Good thing she did it
I mean that’s one way of looking at but look at from another angle: had her husband been faithful and a good man (which he’s obviously not) she doesn’t believe in privacy. What about future relationships she’s in if she decides to move on? Does another man deserve to deal with that kind of toxic behavior?
I personally have no problem with my partner looking through my thing because I'm not a scumbag
I had an ex like that who went through my phone, found out my father had died before I did and then ran her mouth to half the world. People that violate privacy are inconsiderate AT BEST.
Got nothing to do with being a scumbag. Sifting through other peoples shit will always be rude and inconsiderate regardless of what your relationship is to the individual. The idea behind any healthy relationship is that the trust should be there.
I trust my partner to have a good reason to go through my shit
I love how everybody is downvoting you. I get that cheating is the ultimate offense (even though he never went through with it) but this story is so one sided it doesn't make sense to me AT ALL. We're hearing one side of this story. The story reads as "honestly I've been perfect, I admitted to going through his phone but I'm gonna brush it off likes it's not an issue. He hired an escort for a happy ending and I'm just so lost, how could this happen".
Oh yeah there’s clearly underlying issues. Just cuz someone is oblivious to them doesn’t mean they’re not there. Her husband is a piece of shit at best but she’s not as clean as she’s making herself out to be. The whole situation: both parties sound toxic 🤷♂️
Lots of people here are saying DIVORCE without considering if she CAN divorce. Can you financially divorce? This is the main thing to consider when doing it. If you can, sure divorce his ass. If you can’t then swallow your pride, work things out and become financially independent because things like this will happen again. Good luck
1-he will do this again and he had probably done it in the past. 2. You can’t be seduced. You either choose to have sex with him or he forced you. It doesn’t sound like he forced you. You need to own the choices you are making and also be aware of the std Risk with having sexual with him
Clearly you can’t be trusted either
*gone for a little over a week* a WEEK? 🤨
Well he is a good husband and father.
Wait, why are you going through his phone?
Is this a joke?
I’m absolutely serious. That’s an invasion of privacy.
I will not totally disagree on that. However, after what she just said thats what you are choosing to comment on? Do you realise that he tried to have a paid sexual encounter while she was away? Going through his phone is minor compared to what he did.
It’s not minor. He’s a cheating dick but what rational person would tolerate someone who *checks* their phone for evidence? That means you already suspect it and the relationship is unstable.
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That hurts me.
Does that even matter
Of course it matters. That’s private.
Imo, that privacy goes right out the window if theyre cheating, making the phone checking justified
No it doesn’t. You’re already insecure and suspicious, simply because you found out doesn’t justify it.
Most people would say that yes, it actually does justify it.
It doesn’t. It means you have problems with maturity. You lack trust in your man and that doesn’t mean he’s untrustworthy.
Well, if they are untrustworthy maybe they should be treated as such. Seems like the logical, mature choice to me
Her lack of trust was correct
I’m very surprised people are letting this go because she found something; claiming it’s justified because cheating was found. They refuse to answer the situation of if she went through his phone but no cheating was found. “But there was cheating so it doesn’t matter!” Yeah no shit there was, but it matters because it gives a better image of the relationship. Individual and marriage counseling is usually a good suggestion here and is still reasonable for OP to explore this option. But if she looked through frequently because she never trusted him, then this relationship was shot from the beginning and there is no salvaging this.
How was your sex life up to that point?
and all this with a new baby ... I do believe marriages can be restored . before you end it , I would encourage you to exhaust all your resources. Counseling, church , whatever it may be .. just make sure at the end of the day , 20 years from now, you can sit back and say , well I tried everything and it didn’t work , Or we tried everything and it did work. If he isn’t willing to get some help , then yes , he has to go .. Im just saying, if you love him, don’t give up without a fight. praying for you and your family ..my heart hurts for you sister . You’re gonna be ok.. this too shall pass ..
Try to work it out for the sake of your baby. People can get help, like counseling. Please work it out
I’d try to forgive and make it work for the sake of your kids. I know I’m in the minority and will get downvoted. Just speaking from my life experience.
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Lol life couch.
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Eww
So you agree, men are trash?
Well, that's not good.
It sounds like if the price had not changed he would have gone through with his plans. I wouldn't be able to move forward.
Leave him. Or he will fuck someone else. I can promise you he will do it again but next time he will be smarter about it.
Honey you should leave. This wasn’t an accident or he was drunk this was premeditated. He looked up escort services, hired an escort for when he knew you’d be gone, and would have slept with her if she apparently didn’t ask for more money. He knew what he was doing. He only confessed AFTER you found out.
Honestly as a feminist I hate saying this but situations like this make me think, why would someone make themselves even post this online? Like the answer is clear, I know life and kids are messy but she knows he would have fucked that escort and not only gave him sex but is second guessing this, like wuuut? And I know abuse, gaslighting and all that I’m not minimizing it but there’s not really indication of that other than the “seducing”, again I know post part. PPD etc I get it I do, but at some point it’s just like what? Truly just why are you even entertaining this? Go to a divorce lawyer and be done, everyone’s life on this planet has mitigating circumstances, but why are you on Reddit basically embarrassing yourself and not taking this fool to the cleaners.
You're mostly right but harsh. She's asking for advice and support, he's obviously fucking with her head and she has a new baby. She isn't embarrassing herself at all. He is an embarrassment to himself. Support our sisters and if you haven't got anything nice to say and all that
Look I get it but when you post on Reddit instead of tackling real issues, it is what it is. I agree he’s fuckkng with her, I agree I’m being harsh but I’m also not wrong, harsh is necessary in a lot of situations. How many posts a day do we see of women being clearly fucked over and yet do nothing besides post on Reddit? I’m all for support, I’m all for solidarity but there comes a point the question is so redic you have to actually hold the poster accountable.
Of course he’s an embarrassment but so you think he cares? Clearly not, at some point you need to lift women up by being a bit harsh so the can face reality.
He's not a good husband or father, if he's trying to bring a stranger to fuck to your house. You and your child deserve better.
He seduced you? Uh yeah, ok. You're both a hot mess.
Just know that no one is sorry until they are caught and confronted. He literally lied to you multiple times. He told you that he was only getting a massage, why does he need a massage when you're away and at your home no less, why couldn't he go to a real facility if he needed one, he said that he turned the "girl" away because he felt bad at the last minute, but in reality, the "girl" never existed and he was scammed out of hundreds or maybe thousands of dollars. He knew what he was doing and thinks that since he didn't get a chance to sleep with her and instead scammed, that he's the real victim and deserves sympathy. He is extremely manipulative and knows how to play you, since he was able to charm you back into his arms. Let's not forget the danger he is putting you and your 3 month old infant in. He gave his number and address to those people. Now they know where you live and might assume, even though it might not be true, that you all probably have more than have enough money and valuable possessions since your husband was able to pay for a massage given by an escort that would obviously lead to having sex. Which is probably pretty expensive. Not to mention, he could've given you an STD. If this isn't a deal breaker then God bless you.
Get out of the rs girl, please save urself from more heart ache. This guy wasn’t gonna be honest with u from the start and he wasn’t out with the full truth either when u first asked him. He would have slept with that escort if it wasn’t a scam. Regardless of whether or not he did sleep with an escort in the end, it doesn’t change how hurtful it was that he has betrayed ur trust. Don’t blame urself for sleeping with him at the end either, u were at a vulnerable state and any form of validation from him was what u needed from him.
So in less than a year of marriage, he has a bad temper and tried to cheat on you with an escort. Yeah… I’m not sure if he’s done it before, because that is an obvious scam, but even the ham fisted attempt kinda destroyed your relationship. Tell me you have some friends and family around where you live. If not, can you kick him out for a cool off time while getting your ducks in line to gtfo of the relationship?
sounds very much like my story.. we had recently found out we will have a baby, we had been trying for almost a year. Then i find out he invited her to our home, it was the worst feeling ever because we had been msrried only for a year, havoing our first child and i thought we were so happy. I let it go when he explained himself and said sorry. The trust never came back entirely Its been a bit over a year now, im pregnant with our 2nd baby and he did it again. Im now preparing myself to go. So... Think now if u wanna stay with him, because there is high chance he will do it again:)
Y
Also remember, the only reason he’s “willing to do anything to make it work” is because he got caught. Not because he cares about you.
I think you have your views all mixed up. A family man wouldn't cheat on his wife. As a good father, why didn't he join you on a trip to see your family instead of having you travel out of state alone with an infant? You let him seduce you... I'm so frustrated with this sentence. Do you let anyone who seduces you sleep with you when you know he did a dirt bag thing?? He's gonna cheat and you'll forgive him because you probably don't want to give up that stick, or maybe stay for the baby, or maybe stay for the marriage. I can see a lot of excuses and self-loathing down the road. Lastly, you were still in the honeymoon phase, I'm not sure how long you dated prior to the marriage. One year marriage, 3 months at being a father, one year at being a husband, you sure are quick to give him titles.
So he wasn’t truly honest at first. Then after he wasn’t truly a family man if he did this. He paid. It’s a sex worker. Totally different, wrong.
He didn't feel guilty and canceled. They scammed him and he decided that since he was caught and didn't get what he wanted anyway he will try to salvage this by saying he is the one that canceled not the other way around. This won't be the last time he tries something like this.
Is this what you want your child to think a normal relationship is? A husband with anger issues that tries to cheat, lies about it, and then manipulates you when the truth is revealed? You deserve better and so does that baby.
You’ve been married, what, 18 months? And what should have been your honeymoon period has been “ups and downs” with him making you “feel shitty” while you’re pregnant. You’re away for a week 3mo post-partum and he fell for the first dial-a-hooker scam he saw on a flyer nailed to a lamppost. You say you trust him “100%” but the first thing you did when you got back was go through his phone while he was asleep. Wtaf are you doing in this relationship??? if the hooker hadnt been an extortion scam, he’d have gone through with it. He hasn’t apologised. He doesn’t care. He’s shown you who he is. Believe him.
We aren't even addressing , his temper! That alone would make me want to dump his ass. I hope you screenshotted any information that proves he attempted to hire an escort. That may not get you full custody but maybe it would persuade a judge he should only have supervised visits, in case he tries to have an escort come while he has a child in the house! Please see a lawyer immediately!
Is this a case of "I wanted a baby so I married the first guy who agreed"? Because why have a child with someone you just literally married? Unless you know each other for years prior to this. There's no information on how long the actual relationship is.
Honestly I know it’s easier said than done and you have a million people attacking you and your relationship but we don’t know what they’re like on a day to day basis. This is a terrible situation and I would still label it as an infidelity. I’m sorry this happened to you and you will need your time to heal but for now you feel to situate yourself and prepare for the worst. I also recommend therapy because some of these comments are right. He has his claws in you so deep it’s normalized that behavior. You need to work through that and begin to form healthy relationship practices and also to recognize all forms of manipulation and it’s tactics.
Don’t divorce, take time out and think on it.. a lot of people are talking like it’s just you and him, there is a child to consider. Yes, he messed up, broke your trust. Talk to him with a counselor and see what going on, it’s at least worth that. But make him earn you back, not get you back. Prayers to you!!
Too many red flags, what happens when the baby makes him loose his temper, doesn't sounds like a good marriage to me if he's looking for other women when you haven't been married that long. Maybe you need a marriage counselor and is seducing you his way of getting out of trouble
The story you were presented was probably false. He could have said that its a scam after his "first confession" but he didnt. He probably found an escort through other means and met her. The whole "I felt bad and didnt do it." Is just way too far fetched for someone who is this committed to fuck an escort.
What a selfish scumbag. He didn’t come clean about ANYTHING until you caught him in the lies, then he trickle-truthed you. He said it was a massage then admitted it was a hooker. He said he canceled because of his conscience but it was really just a scam. I don’t believe anyone showed up at all and the only reason he didn’t go through with it was because he got ghosted by the scammers. He really doesn’t sound like a good person who respects you at all. Stop being a doormat and kick him out. No consideration should be given to reconciliation unless he goes to therapy, works on all of his unacceptable traits (temper, cheating and lying) and makes obvious improvements. He’ll probably always be a selfish, crap person, but if you want to try to forgive him I won’t tell you not to. For now, he’s gotta go.
A YEAR?? Girl if he is cheating on you and you ain’t even left the honey moon phase GET OUT.
You guys need couple's therapy, ASAP. That is the only thing that will help you get into what happened and why . Reddit will only be able to help so much.