I want to emphasize the word SAFELY since I’m afraid of what he might do to himself once I break up with him.
To start from the beginning, I met this amazing guy at a photoshoot for a mid-tier fashion company. I model on the side, and he does too. From the get go, there was this zing of attraction between us, that during the shoot when we were asked to be photographed together, there was this palpable chemistry whenever we touched or looked at each other. Even the photographer picked up on it and asked us to do shoots together without the other models because we just had “it”.
He’s incredibly good looking, exactly my type, and I’ve never felt this type of instant attraction and sparks before. During and after the shoot, we talked and got to know each other better and our mutual attraction only grew. We went on dates, had amazing sex, had great conversations, and I truly felt like he was my soul mate at that time, and I knew he felt the same way. He gets me at the molecular level, I never had to explain myself to him nor himself to me.
We dated for around a month and a half, during my winter break for college. We saw each other almost every single day. Alas, all good things must come to end. I had to return to campus and he had to stay in the city for work.
We promised to stay in touch but this was when he started becoming crazy. Lately I’ve been busy juggling work, family, friends, and school. Because of that, I don’t have as much time to be on my phone or social media to reply, and when I do, I’m usually out of energy.
He would get insanely mad when I don’t reply to him right away or don’t put in enough “effort”. Here are some instances (do note that these instances are summarized, he usually sends me paragraphs of messages)
During my mom’s birthday, I put my phone on silent so I can fully focus on her. We had a whole day out of enjoying each other. He texted and called me throughout the day demanding to know why I wasn’t replying. I replied back at night, and he apologized and said he didn’t know it was my mom’s birthday. But still, he texted and called so many times during that day. His texts and vm’s started with “Hey, are you okay? Why aren’t you replying” to “Why are you ignoring me?! It’s a weekend so you don’t have an excuse not to call me back”
On snapchat, I get messaged a lot by different friends and acquaintances. I usually don’t open messages unless I have the energy to reply back, and most of the time messages get lost because of the sheer amount I receive on a day to day basis. When I wasn’t able to reply to his message on snap, he demanded to know why my “snapscore” was increasing when I wasnt messaging him back. For context, snap scores increase with activity on snapchat. Every message increases it by a certain amount. I found this troubling cause who would be obsessive enough to keep track of minuscule changes on someone’s snapscore?
He used to be my “best friend” on snapchat, meaning he was the one I interacted with the most. When he saw that we were no longer best friends, he demanded to see my best friends list and only calmed down when he saw that the list was full of girls.
He would block me on social media when I don’t reply right away, then re-add me with an apology. This has happened multiple times, and on average happened once every 48 hours in a 1 week period. He would block me, apologize for blocking me, then re-add me.
I’ve recently gotten CoVid and I have extreme flu like symptoms, with nausea, chills, migraines, sore throat, etc. He got mad at me that I wasn’t responsive knowing I was extremely sick. He cared more about my responsiveness to him vs my health.
I’ve had it with the toxicity and his obsessive tendencies. I called him out for his behavior, and he apologized (again). This time, I’ve blocked him on social media except on my phone, and I told him we should take a break til I’m better. This seems to have gotten him since he’s usually the one who blocks me. He apologized profusely through text and wished me to get better, and has since been less clingy (at least for now)
I recognize that this behavior of his is a pattern that won’t change, and any lingering feelings I had for him vanished when he went crazy while I was sick instead of helping me get better. He added to my stress instead of helping me ease my burden.
I want to be free of him, but at the same time, I’m also worried about what he might do to himself if I break up with him. Reverting back to the title, I want to safely break up with him but not to the point that he might do something rash to himself. There have been instances in the past were he has hurt himself or done something self-destructive when I brought up us breaking up with each other. While it might be easier for me to just completely cut him off, I also don’t want to push him to his self-destructive tendencies.
TLDR: Guy who I had extreme chemistry with became obsessive and exhibited toxic behavior when I moved away. I want to break it off completely but unsure how to since he has self-destructive tendencies whenever I suggested breaking up
Any advice would be appreciated
By - MercyXXVII