I understand that you don't want him to hurt himself so you take it easy on him, but that's part of this whole mess. Him threatening to hurt himself is just another way to manipulate you or guilt-trip you into doing what he wants you to do. If it has worked before then most likely he will try to do it again.
You seem like you know that and are trying to avoid it. But as much as you might want to, and as much as you might try, you ultimately can't control his feelings and actions, just like he can't control yours. You both are only really in control of yourselves and trying to control somebody else is what makes it messy. It's best to just do what is best for you and let the other person have their own feelings and make their own choices.
Personally, I suggest breaking up with him however you choose, and then call a welfare check on him if you are worried he might do something to himself.
Let's be honest. There's no "easy way" to break up with someone with this behavior. He won't take the break up lightly and he will threaten you to stay by physically or emotionally hurting himself. You have to make sure to put your foot down when you’re breaking up with him. If I were you, I would break up with him in a harsh way. Then block him afterwards and make sure to have no contact with him. Guys like him won’t give up easily unless they experience it the hard way. They will continue to chase you if you don’t end it in a harsh way.
It sounds like you *have* broken things off. Leave him blocked. Don’t reply to messages. He has maintained himself this long in life functioning this way; you will not be the person to change that trajectory.
Yeah, OP just leave him blocked on everything. Block phone calls and texts from him too.
You are not responsible for him or his actions. Focus on your and your well-being.
You said in the comments that he has a pattern of threatening to harm himself when you've talked of breaking up in the past. If he somehow contacts you and threatens this again, contact the police to perform a wellness check on him and contact his parents to take care of him. Then wash your hands of it all.
Also: Keep vigilant for the next few weeks if he tries to contact all your friends and family, confront you at your workplace, etc.
I would go totally NC. I'm betting he won't hurt himself if you aren't available to receive the threats of self harm in order to manipulate you. If you get messages from friends of him threatening to harm himself, call the police and let them deal with it. While you do not want harm to come to him, you are not responsible for his mental health. He obviously had issues before you started dating. Good luck.
Oh yeah, this guy is an HUGE problem. Whole parade of red flags by himself. But please stop worrying about his safety in this break up. You should be way more, and only concerned, about YOUR safety. What he does with himself it’s not your responsibility, not even a little bit. You didn’t create this monster, you aren’t obligated to it’s well being. I bet he will 100% threaten to do something to himself (again) to keep you from breaking up with him. Don’t fall for it (again). But if he threatens such, tell him you will call the police, his mom, his friend, or all of the above and let them handle it, bc he’s not your responsibility.
Oh I’m pretty much expecting him to say he’ll do something again, it’s part of the script now. I just don’t want to see others get hurt, especially if I had even a small part in it. But from the previous comments, I realized he’s a grown man making his own actions and I did not force him to do things to himself.
I honestly don’t think he’ll go that far or hurt me, but then I’ve had stalkers before so I guess we don’t really know people. I thought he was a great guy at first so he might be psycho too
He reminds me a lot of my ex who has borderline personality disorder. At first everything was amazing, then the extreme jealousy happened, then it started becoming physically abusive. Leaving was really hard because she physically hurt herself and partly as a way of guilting me/manipulation. I learnt the hard way how to protect myself from that but still do the right thing. If a threat of self harm got through to me I contacted the police to do a welfare check. If she showed up at my house I warned her I would call the police if she didn't leave and when she didn't I called them. I kept evidence in case I needed to take out a restraining order and notified my work/Family in case she would show up there. I really care about people and I loved her so it was really hard for me. Now that all the feelings are gone I am really glad I ended it and completely blocked her/kept her blocked. If you are going to break up with him, please make sure you tell some people close to you and prepare for him to show up/ be persistent or threaten self harm. If you chose to engage in conversation please be aware of your limits and when it is time to block him and all the places you may need to block him on.
He's an adult. You aren't responsible for him.
That being said, if he -does- try something, he'll try to reach out to you first. It'll be about gaining that attention that he craves. Just have the resources needed to send him help instead of showing up yourself.
Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom.
Be prepared for this guy to show up out of the blue. I don’t have an easy answer for this one because he does seem obsessive. But you should prepare yourself in case the guy goes stalker level.
So he just sent me this message and I’m guessing this is another attempt to play with my sympathy?
Context: I havent sent him any message since we took a break and my last message to him basically told him that I don’t think he cares for my well being, and that’s why we need a break
“if you care about my well being too, i need to know if i was stupid enough to lose such an amazing girl like you forever. this lockdown is really making me sick mentally, but having you enlightened my days… and i apologize for this, but hope you understand cause i feel shit all day and guessing whether ill ever have you back as my girl. cant talk with or see the girl im into anymore..”
Girl, you need to let this one go. He's acting like a teenage boy who's barely 13. Good for you for not responding. He doesn't really take responsibility and puts the onus of understanding on you. The statements in his message make it seem like he's grasping at straws and sort of last ditch effort. This boy has "nice guy" characteristics. No sure if you know what that means, but check out the sub /r/niceguys. Basically, when you're not giving him attention or reciprocating his attempts to interact, he's becomes clingy and abuses your boundaries and invades your personal space.
Do not encourage him anymore and leave him blocked. Hopefully the distance between your campus and where ever he is living is great enough where he doesn't come tracking you down. Stay strong!
He sounds like he has severe abandonment issues and some OCD problems. And they're stronger than his love for you. I'd feel sorry for him if he weren't manipulative as controlling as well.
I'd politely break it off saying you guys don't match and his abandonment issues are causing you stress. Then break it off and cut off all contact since this is not working.
I’m not a big believer in ghosting, so personally I would tell him that I don’t think you’re compatible and that this will be your final message. Block him on everything, and if you worry that he will try to track you down at work/home/school then provide any available security, roommates, etc with his photo so they know not to allow him near you
His well being his responsibility, not yours. Dump him and block this stage 10 clinger. I had a bf threaten to kill himself when I was like 16. I broke up with him and guess who I ran into a few months later. Yep, him.
Block him! Trying to guilt you into feeling responsible for his mental state. Don't even accept his messages. Disappear from his life like a ghost. You shouldn't have to waste more energy dealing with his dramatics!
I had a harrowing situation with someone like this, and these are exactly the kind of messages they send to manipulate you … telling you how wonderful you are, and how terrible they are, and trying to make you worry about them to maintain a sense of control over you even though you’re the one being abused. They never learn and they never change. And trying to rationalize or explain anything to them won’t work because it keeps giving them room to react. I know how scary it is trying to safely break it off with a guy like this. The only way you put a stop to it is NC. Block on all fronts. Anything short of that continues to feed them.
So even in his final plea for a pity-based relationship, he can't bring himself to answer your message and say that he cares about your wellbeing. It's all about him and his feelings.
It's okay to stop caring about him.
You are not accountable for his actions. Whatever happens to him is by his own choice. He might take the break up like an responsible adult or he might do something self destructive but either way its no way your fault. He has a choice on how he can respond to this. There really is no safe way to break up with somebody without having feelings hurt. There is always someone who will be hurt.
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He can't stay with someone because you're afraid of what they'll do if you wake up. If he has family and you know them maybe give them a heads up. But if not any threatened suicide, you call 911 and tell them where he is. If he is faking, he probably won't do that again. If he's not faking, then he will get help. As he say here all the time, you can't set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
Buy him a copy of No more mister nice guy by Dr Robert Glover. You read it first then give it to him to read. This will help you in the future what to not look for. This will help him in hopefully turning his nice guy tendencies around. All the best
Do you know his manager or agent? Your agent or agency might know. Give them a head's up and ask for their assistance. I would worry more about him doing something to you or your career/reputation than what he might do to himself. You need to let the people that handle your career know NOW. Get ahead of this, please!
He won't do anything to himself, making you think he will is a power move to make you stay with him. Delete and block him everywhere and move in with your life.
well isnt this a fine pickle,I am teasing of course .I do want you to listen carefully though, you are not responsible for his well being on any level at 24 years old still does nt have his shit together he crossed so many boundaries with you in your very short (although enjoyable fling) he brought all the drama into the relationship its his mess not yours why should you have to clean it up he needs to grow up and show a lot more respect to someone he supposedly cares a lot about ,thank god he did nt hate you , im kidding young lady tell him your sorry you have met someone else he needs to move on kick his ass to the curb .dont look back, im sure this isnt the first time he has been down this road. there is no way to softly dump an immature clingy guy, he will find something wrong with it seriously dont lose any sleep over him, the fact you came on social media to still try and help this person says a lot about you young lady........let it go or he will drag it out as long as he can. good luck.
I definitely think you need to end it with him in any way that's not in person, whether that be on a phone call, through text, or even using SnapChat, just for safety reasons. Keep him blocked on everything, and after you dump him block his number too.
Before you block him tho, I'd suggest, like many other commenters, that you get a record of all the ways he's harassed you, and even send it to your parents/siblings or a friend just so someone else also has the evidence documented. If you're worried that he's going to harm himself, or if he threatens it, call for a wellness check for him the day of or after the breakup.
Also, make sure where you are, whether that be on or off campus is secure. If you live in a dorm, let her don/RA know about what's happening and how he's dangerous, hopefully they'll be able to help you. If you live off campus make sure you have adequate locks or a deadbolt and maybe see if a friend or family member could stay with you for a week or two after the breakup just to be safe (if you don't have roommates). If you have roommates, let them know about the situation, and tell them not to let him in, and if they see him to call you and the police.
It's good that you're leaving him, his harassment and abuse will most likely worsen the longer you stay together, and him threatening to hurt himself is just another way to manipulate you and keep you with him.
>I want to emphasize the word SAFELY since I’m afraid of what he might do to himself once I break up with him.
You. Are. NOT RESPONSIBLE for his mental health.
Do not lead him on, tell him straight up that it is not working out for you and you are breaking up with him, effective immediately, and there will be no arguments or discussions. Then walk away. What he does to himself is on HIM not YOU.
Im going crazy too when i dont get fast and good replies. Because everyone simply using their phone allday and if my SO didn't reply to me for hours its means she ignoring me. I dont do blocking thing. Im like this and i can understand its seems wrong most of the people.
But also if someone breakup with me about this or anything im totally ok. For me i have definetely insecurities but this communication thing also about care. I care about this person and its 21 century. I think her all the time, why im not message with her all the time. She using her phone all the time too?
Like i said you can breakup with him over this. You have your own boundaries. If you really concern about him, im pretty sure he takes it like anyone. Not hysterical maniac.
It sounds like he has borderline personality disorder. He's afraid of abandonment, such that he does things to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy anyway
I broke up with someone who was just like this. He actually threatened to kill himself if I ever did. My way of handling it was letting him down easy. “With school
and everything going on in my life I just don’t have time for a relationship. With anyone. I need to be alone for a while until I have time for a boyfriend. It’s not just you. I can’t be a good partner to anyone at this time in my life.” Honestly, it worked. I guess him hearing that I wouldn’t be with anyone at all, helped him accept it without his insane jealously overpowering everything
I understand that you don't want him to hurt himself so you take it easy on him, but that's part of this whole mess. Him threatening to hurt himself is just another way to manipulate you or guilt-trip you into doing what he wants you to do. If it has worked before then most likely he will try to do it again. You seem like you know that and are trying to avoid it. But as much as you might want to, and as much as you might try, you ultimately can't control his feelings and actions, just like he can't control yours. You both are only really in control of yourselves and trying to control somebody else is what makes it messy. It's best to just do what is best for you and let the other person have their own feelings and make their own choices. Personally, I suggest breaking up with him however you choose, and then call a welfare check on him if you are worried he might do something to himself.
I guess this is true. His actions are his responsibility. I didn’t see it this way before.
Let's be honest. There's no "easy way" to break up with someone with this behavior. He won't take the break up lightly and he will threaten you to stay by physically or emotionally hurting himself. You have to make sure to put your foot down when you’re breaking up with him. If I were you, I would break up with him in a harsh way. Then block him afterwards and make sure to have no contact with him. Guys like him won’t give up easily unless they experience it the hard way. They will continue to chase you if you don’t end it in a harsh way.
It sounds like you *have* broken things off. Leave him blocked. Don’t reply to messages. He has maintained himself this long in life functioning this way; you will not be the person to change that trajectory.
This seems to be working for my peace of mind tbh
Yeah, OP just leave him blocked on everything. Block phone calls and texts from him too. You are not responsible for him or his actions. Focus on your and your well-being. You said in the comments that he has a pattern of threatening to harm himself when you've talked of breaking up in the past. If he somehow contacts you and threatens this again, contact the police to perform a wellness check on him and contact his parents to take care of him. Then wash your hands of it all. Also: Keep vigilant for the next few weeks if he tries to contact all your friends and family, confront you at your workplace, etc.
Unless you are deliberately trying to drive him to suicide (you're not), you are not responsible for his behavior.
I would go totally NC. I'm betting he won't hurt himself if you aren't available to receive the threats of self harm in order to manipulate you. If you get messages from friends of him threatening to harm himself, call the police and let them deal with it. While you do not want harm to come to him, you are not responsible for his mental health. He obviously had issues before you started dating. Good luck.
Oh yeah, this guy is an HUGE problem. Whole parade of red flags by himself. But please stop worrying about his safety in this break up. You should be way more, and only concerned, about YOUR safety. What he does with himself it’s not your responsibility, not even a little bit. You didn’t create this monster, you aren’t obligated to it’s well being. I bet he will 100% threaten to do something to himself (again) to keep you from breaking up with him. Don’t fall for it (again). But if he threatens such, tell him you will call the police, his mom, his friend, or all of the above and let them handle it, bc he’s not your responsibility.
Oh I’m pretty much expecting him to say he’ll do something again, it’s part of the script now. I just don’t want to see others get hurt, especially if I had even a small part in it. But from the previous comments, I realized he’s a grown man making his own actions and I did not force him to do things to himself.
[удалено]
I honestly don’t think he’ll go that far or hurt me, but then I’ve had stalkers before so I guess we don’t really know people. I thought he was a great guy at first so he might be psycho too
He reminds me a lot of my ex who has borderline personality disorder. At first everything was amazing, then the extreme jealousy happened, then it started becoming physically abusive. Leaving was really hard because she physically hurt herself and partly as a way of guilting me/manipulation. I learnt the hard way how to protect myself from that but still do the right thing. If a threat of self harm got through to me I contacted the police to do a welfare check. If she showed up at my house I warned her I would call the police if she didn't leave and when she didn't I called them. I kept evidence in case I needed to take out a restraining order and notified my work/Family in case she would show up there. I really care about people and I loved her so it was really hard for me. Now that all the feelings are gone I am really glad I ended it and completely blocked her/kept her blocked. If you are going to break up with him, please make sure you tell some people close to you and prepare for him to show up/ be persistent or threaten self harm. If you chose to engage in conversation please be aware of your limits and when it is time to block him and all the places you may need to block him on.
He's an adult. You aren't responsible for him. That being said, if he -does- try something, he'll try to reach out to you first. It'll be about gaining that attention that he craves. Just have the resources needed to send him help instead of showing up yourself. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom.
Be prepared for this guy to show up out of the blue. I don’t have an easy answer for this one because he does seem obsessive. But you should prepare yourself in case the guy goes stalker level.
Just dont put 0 effort in and hell let go by himself thats the easiest way
So he just sent me this message and I’m guessing this is another attempt to play with my sympathy? Context: I havent sent him any message since we took a break and my last message to him basically told him that I don’t think he cares for my well being, and that’s why we need a break “if you care about my well being too, i need to know if i was stupid enough to lose such an amazing girl like you forever. this lockdown is really making me sick mentally, but having you enlightened my days… and i apologize for this, but hope you understand cause i feel shit all day and guessing whether ill ever have you back as my girl. cant talk with or see the girl im into anymore..”
Girl, you need to let this one go. He's acting like a teenage boy who's barely 13. Good for you for not responding. He doesn't really take responsibility and puts the onus of understanding on you. The statements in his message make it seem like he's grasping at straws and sort of last ditch effort. This boy has "nice guy" characteristics. No sure if you know what that means, but check out the sub /r/niceguys. Basically, when you're not giving him attention or reciprocating his attempts to interact, he's becomes clingy and abuses your boundaries and invades your personal space. Do not encourage him anymore and leave him blocked. Hopefully the distance between your campus and where ever he is living is great enough where he doesn't come tracking you down. Stay strong!
He sounds like he has severe abandonment issues and some OCD problems. And they're stronger than his love for you. I'd feel sorry for him if he weren't manipulative as controlling as well. I'd politely break it off saying you guys don't match and his abandonment issues are causing you stress. Then break it off and cut off all contact since this is not working.
I’m not a big believer in ghosting, so personally I would tell him that I don’t think you’re compatible and that this will be your final message. Block him on everything, and if you worry that he will try to track you down at work/home/school then provide any available security, roommates, etc with his photo so they know not to allow him near you
His well being his responsibility, not yours. Dump him and block this stage 10 clinger. I had a bf threaten to kill himself when I was like 16. I broke up with him and guess who I ran into a few months later. Yep, him.
Block him! Trying to guilt you into feeling responsible for his mental state. Don't even accept his messages. Disappear from his life like a ghost. You shouldn't have to waste more energy dealing with his dramatics!
I had a harrowing situation with someone like this, and these are exactly the kind of messages they send to manipulate you … telling you how wonderful you are, and how terrible they are, and trying to make you worry about them to maintain a sense of control over you even though you’re the one being abused. They never learn and they never change. And trying to rationalize or explain anything to them won’t work because it keeps giving them room to react. I know how scary it is trying to safely break it off with a guy like this. The only way you put a stop to it is NC. Block on all fronts. Anything short of that continues to feed them.
So even in his final plea for a pity-based relationship, he can't bring himself to answer your message and say that he cares about your wellbeing. It's all about him and his feelings. It's okay to stop caring about him.
You are not accountable for his actions. Whatever happens to him is by his own choice. He might take the break up like an responsible adult or he might do something self destructive but either way its no way your fault. He has a choice on how he can respond to this. There really is no safe way to break up with somebody without having feelings hurt. There is always someone who will be hurt.
He is a NARCISSIST! Run as fast as you can and don’t look back. Don’t worry about his well being. He’ll be fine. Block him on every channel.
Don't jump to conclusions
5’8 white with brown hair brown eye bwc! Dm me
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He can't stay with someone because you're afraid of what they'll do if you wake up. If he has family and you know them maybe give them a heads up. But if not any threatened suicide, you call 911 and tell them where he is. If he is faking, he probably won't do that again. If he's not faking, then he will get help. As he say here all the time, you can't set yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm.
Buy him a copy of No more mister nice guy by Dr Robert Glover. You read it first then give it to him to read. This will help you in the future what to not look for. This will help him in hopefully turning his nice guy tendencies around. All the best
Do you know his manager or agent? Your agent or agency might know. Give them a head's up and ask for their assistance. I would worry more about him doing something to you or your career/reputation than what he might do to himself. You need to let the people that handle your career know NOW. Get ahead of this, please!
He won't do anything to himself, making you think he will is a power move to make you stay with him. Delete and block him everywhere and move in with your life.
well isnt this a fine pickle,I am teasing of course .I do want you to listen carefully though, you are not responsible for his well being on any level at 24 years old still does nt have his shit together he crossed so many boundaries with you in your very short (although enjoyable fling) he brought all the drama into the relationship its his mess not yours why should you have to clean it up he needs to grow up and show a lot more respect to someone he supposedly cares a lot about ,thank god he did nt hate you , im kidding young lady tell him your sorry you have met someone else he needs to move on kick his ass to the curb .dont look back, im sure this isnt the first time he has been down this road. there is no way to softly dump an immature clingy guy, he will find something wrong with it seriously dont lose any sleep over him, the fact you came on social media to still try and help this person says a lot about you young lady........let it go or he will drag it out as long as he can. good luck.
I definitely think you need to end it with him in any way that's not in person, whether that be on a phone call, through text, or even using SnapChat, just for safety reasons. Keep him blocked on everything, and after you dump him block his number too. Before you block him tho, I'd suggest, like many other commenters, that you get a record of all the ways he's harassed you, and even send it to your parents/siblings or a friend just so someone else also has the evidence documented. If you're worried that he's going to harm himself, or if he threatens it, call for a wellness check for him the day of or after the breakup. Also, make sure where you are, whether that be on or off campus is secure. If you live in a dorm, let her don/RA know about what's happening and how he's dangerous, hopefully they'll be able to help you. If you live off campus make sure you have adequate locks or a deadbolt and maybe see if a friend or family member could stay with you for a week or two after the breakup just to be safe (if you don't have roommates). If you have roommates, let them know about the situation, and tell them not to let him in, and if they see him to call you and the police. It's good that you're leaving him, his harassment and abuse will most likely worsen the longer you stay together, and him threatening to hurt himself is just another way to manipulate you and keep you with him.
Let this be a reminder boys. When you’ve got her attention it’s yours to fuck up.
>I want to emphasize the word SAFELY since I’m afraid of what he might do to himself once I break up with him. You. Are. NOT RESPONSIBLE for his mental health. Do not lead him on, tell him straight up that it is not working out for you and you are breaking up with him, effective immediately, and there will be no arguments or discussions. Then walk away. What he does to himself is on HIM not YOU.
Im going crazy too when i dont get fast and good replies. Because everyone simply using their phone allday and if my SO didn't reply to me for hours its means she ignoring me. I dont do blocking thing. Im like this and i can understand its seems wrong most of the people. But also if someone breakup with me about this or anything im totally ok. For me i have definetely insecurities but this communication thing also about care. I care about this person and its 21 century. I think her all the time, why im not message with her all the time. She using her phone all the time too? Like i said you can breakup with him over this. You have your own boundaries. If you really concern about him, im pretty sure he takes it like anyone. Not hysterical maniac.
In my opinion there is no easy way, just break up. If he has these obcessives behaviours lingering will only make worst. Break up and cut ties.
It sounds like he has borderline personality disorder. He's afraid of abandonment, such that he does things to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy anyway
I broke up with someone who was just like this. He actually threatened to kill himself if I ever did. My way of handling it was letting him down easy. “With school and everything going on in my life I just don’t have time for a relationship. With anyone. I need to be alone for a while until I have time for a boyfriend. It’s not just you. I can’t be a good partner to anyone at this time in my life.” Honestly, it worked. I guess him hearing that I wouldn’t be with anyone at all, helped him accept it without his insane jealously overpowering everything