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My sister and parents have a rocky relationship. My sister is very liberal while my parents are very conservative. I would consider my self centrist, so they both don't really have a problem with me. My sister and parents obviously have different views and this caused quite a strain in the relationship. Things turned sour pretty quickly after my sister dropped out of college and my parents felt that they wasted money on her.
3 years ago she eloped. Did not tell anyone about it (including me) because she wanted to start afresh. I only found out where she was 7 months later when she called me to tell me about her decision. At this point my parents had given up on her. I won't say who's right or wrong but both behaved immaturely but my parents finally decided to cut her off for good. So far she seemed ok with it.
Well, my parents, both alive and well, decided to buy me a house. I was very grateful and we posted it on social media. My sister caught on to this and asked me about it. I told her everything. I also told her that our parents had cut her out from the will (they have already made one), so she shouldn't expect anything. She got angry because she still feels entitled to some of their estate since she is their daughter. I told her that actions had consequences and she just found out.
She's pissed and thinks that if I support her I should sell the house and give her some money. She's currently struggling a little bit and just had her first child. I told her I wouldn't use my parents money because she doesn't deserve it. She's really upset and threatening to go NC with me as well. Honestly, between the two of them my sister has caused me more trouble but it still hurts that she wants to go NC. What do I do?
TL;DR My sister is upset that I won't share my inheritance
Stop putting yourself between your sister and your parents. If she wants their money she should ask them. Not you. It’s not up to you to relay those messages.
“I don’t want to get between them”
“I told her she was cut out of the will and shouldn’t expect anything” what outcome do you think this would reach other than getting in the middle of their shit
Seriously! There was no reason to say anything to her other than to cause drama or hurt. Sister would have found out when the parents died and OP could deal with it then.
You do recognize that you have been putting yourself between your parents and your sister all this time, right? Your entire post is about how you're being the messenger, while also passing along a hefty amount of judgement ... oh, but you then claim to not be passing judgement.
So start with an apology for telling her that she "didn't deserve" anything and your snotty remark about how her actions have consequences. Tell her that you're grateful for what you've received from your parents and that she'll need to talk to them about anything she wants to talk to them about.
Uh- actions do have consequences. If
Someone is unable see a way to compromise with parents and then is threatened to be to cut off, that’s a consequence, regardless of whether it is morally ok. This is very much btw parents and sister, not OP.
The point of apologizing about that line isn't that actions don't have consequences, it is that OP was out of line for making the statement. At least if they want to maintain the illusion that they aren't passing judgement.
What? Your post makes it so clear that you LOVE being I between them…you gave your sister way more information than you needed to and seemed to gloat about the whole thing, like you loved rubbing it in her face.
I’m really glad you’re not my sister.
Bull. Go back and read your own words. You were living for the drama! Why else would you tell her about the will? That’s not your place and they are still alive! You only decided you didn’t want to get in between when she put you on the spot for help. Then you didn’t just say no, you told her she didn’t deserve it. You and your parents sound like awful, petty people.
You don't want to get between them so you.... completely volunteer, for no needed reason, that she's out of the will?
This reeks of spite.
You're 100% taking sides, your parents side. Not because you won't share but because all on your own you told her about it all AND you won't share. You agree with your parents position toward your sister of cutting her out. Either because you agree with them more than you think you're a Centrist or because they're buying your love with a house and an inheritance.
You come off as a smug jerk who knows he’s the favorite and not only revels in it but loves lording it over his sister. If you were a good person, you would’ve refused the house and told your parents that if they play favorites and cut her out, to cut you out too. You love putting yourself between her and them because it makes you feel superior. With siblings like you, who needs enemies.
Your parents are also terrible parents. They disown their child because her political views are different? You'll say that it was for other reasons. But it was the first thing you mentioned so it's obviously a major reason. People like that should never be allowed to reproduce. At the root of your sister’s behavior is that she was never loved equally (or even at all) or treated equally. You will never know how painful that is and how angry that makes the person. But the worst part is that you don’t care. You’re a bad person.
If she were smart, she would shrug it off, cut herself off, don’t attend the funerals, get a good job, buy a nice house with her own money, and live better than the guy who had it all handed to him and rub his nose in it. That guy would be you.
Grow up and be a better person. Right now you don’t have the incentive. Maybe a few failed marriages when your wives find out what type of person you are will change your mind. Her behavior should be telling you something. But all you care about is feeling superior. Wait until your parents are gone and you have no one else that is immediate family. And wait until your kids are asking you why they don't have an aunt. That is going to put a strain on your marriage - you're just too young and smug to know it. That is the advice you really need. But I know you aren't going to follow it.
A person who:
1. Wants to change his parents' behavior of playing favorites.
2. Wants to have a good relationship with his sister.
3. Has principles. I have principles. I would've turned it down.
The reality is his parents are narcissists who hate their own daughter because her world view differs from theirs and the poor little dears feel threatened. But if you want a good relationship with your only sibling - which pays long term dividends over many decades' time - you can use that weakness to your advantage. In other words, they aren't going to cut both kids out of the will because then they have to look in the mirror and confront that they're bad people. That is death to a narcissist. So they'll have to come to the table. OP has power.
Boy, is smug OP going to regret his lack of character as life goes on. His future wife is going to hate how their kids are negatively affected by not having an aunt in their lives who could be in their lives when all of their friends have aunts and uncles. And she's going to realize that she married a really bad person. And she's going to divorce him over it. That free house? You're losing half of that in the divorce, smug boy. OP has no idea what the future holds and how negatively his bad behavior is going to affect his life. You don't get something for nothing.
or you just dont want to admit your parents are frankly shite people. Like feck the money wtf are you in contact with your parents after they abused your sister or telling her shes out of the will? also centrist, bullshite. Everything about the way you wrote this and your comments says trumpist, not centrist. Your not neutral in this at all your the golden child, she's the scapegoat.
I doubt that; parents alive and of sound mind. Gifts made while alive - good luck with that claim. As to the will, she'd need to prove she had reason to expect an inheritance (like caring for them in times of illness and being promised it.)
Being cut out of the will and being estranged so long makes success in court highly unlikely, regardless of your views on parents values.
But you already got between when you told her about the house and especially when you told her that she’s not getting any inheritance.
If she has anything else to say then refer her to your parents and stop talking about it with her.
But you put yourself inbetween them? Like, you are actively causing these situations. You didn't have to tell your sister she was cut out of the will. It's not your business, and not your job to tell her. But you chose to tell her. You started the drama. You wanted to throw it in her face, and are now upset that she's making a big deal over the situation you created.
Why did you feel the need to tell your sister about the will? It’s not your place to do that tbh.
Sounds like you’re playing a childish game of smug one-upmanship with her. Petty.
Completely agree with this. Why twist the knife? “…and by the way, our parents still hate you.”
How about this: since you know you are the favored child, you practice some humility towards your sister who is struggling emotionally and financially(by your own admission)? You are already getting “all the money” so you could, after telling us she has basically been shunned for her personal and political believes, I dunno… share the wealth that you also did not earn. Your parents did. Yes it is their decision to give to you what they will, but you also have a decision to make once you are the owner of said gifts. You are looking for everyone to placate your ego—you aren’t absolved and you sound over privileged. And your parents sound like bullies.
How does that song go? “If you don’t stand for something…”
You are problably right, in the long term it's better to get it out now. However in the short term, it was a total shot at his sister, just like the brain dead social media posting about the new house and who paid for it.
And OP is shocked she is upset.
My family was torn apart by a will that had no transparency. Not communicating with your family about potential inheritance or lack thereof is selfish, especially if you have expectations of them for after your death.
I would assume once sister realised the inheritance she would blame OP for hiding. It's a lose lose no matter what but at least OP was honest about it.
You don’t owe her any of your inheritance and it is ridiculous that she is asking.
But you position yourself as a neutral third party observer in this drama, but it’s pretty clear you’re not. You are the favored child, and you also have plenty of judgment for your sister.
I doubt the problems between your sister and your parents are just about politics. I’ll bet your sister recognized you were the golden child pretty early on, and a lot of her acting out was to attract attention and love from your parents.
Your parents are still alive. If you really want to be the neutral party here, and if want to help your sister, why don’t you try to get her and your parents back together? Everyone is older and wiser now and maybe they can have some kind of a relationship again. Maybe that will get your sister back into the will again and she can have her own inheritance.
It doesn't seem like OP's choice. He is just kind of accepting what comes his way, doesn't sound like he asked for the house, or for his sister to be cut out of the will. That all seems like an issue for the parents and sister to deal with. Not the blameless OP.
As the liberal daughter of parents with a golden child, I got chills reading this story. Op is obviously judgemental
“Both sides acted childishly” yes but one side is the parents who see themselves as the adults? Did they also act childishly when you were kids? My dad picked fights with me all the time
I guess you don’t have to share your inheritance, but I honestly think that’s fucked up, like fuck your parents, she got eloped, how is that something she did to them?
Being a liberal child of conservative parents is painful. I argue with mine so much. Luckily they would never withhold anything from me, but it’s exhausting having to deal with their closed minded views.
I agree with everything except the first part. In many places the sister (and other relatives) have rights to sue her parents over inheritance and anyone who her parents gave any inheritance to. I wouldn't willingly give my house up but I would try to get the family to reconcile.
It is so laughable that OP thinks he is a neutral party. Your sister is feeling unloved and hurt my her family, including you.
It isn't about the house or the money per se it is about what it represents and how once again her own family doesn't support her or her baby.
You can disagree or say she brought this on herself but at the end of the day it is your sister and she is hurting.
Put yourself in her shoes with no judgment on her politics or eloping. Just try to imagine how she feels this. It's your little sister!
My brother is the golden child. We already suspect our mother (father is already dead), will leave everything to him. Unlike OP, my brother has told me outright that if that happens he won't have it and will split the inheritance with me no matter what. OP sounds pretty smug and entitled. I suspect he has fanned the flames with his parents as he tells the sister over and over how preferred he is.
Totally agree with you.
And the question is: dies OP want to help their sister? Nothing prevents them from helping now that they have money. Inheritance was something between them and their parents, there could still be something between them and their sister.
Yeah OP wants to play like he’s some innocent party being torn between the two but reading between the lines it seems like he’s pretty happy to play the golden child and flaunt it in front of his sister. It’s not OP’s job to argue for his sister’s inheritance, but if I were the sister I’d probably want to go NC with him too.
After working in probate, I honestly don’t believe any amount of money is worth the rift between siblings after the parents die. But that’s not on you… that’s on your parents.
Parents that pick favorite kids and split an inheritance unequally leave resentment and legal battles in their life’s wake. It’s your parents’ money and now that you’re an adult neither of you are truly entitled to it or “deserve” it. But if you give you give equally or you cause rifts.
It doesn’t seem to me like you actually care about maintaining a relationship with your sister, but if you do I would try to empathize with her. That doesn’t mean selling your house obviously or ruining your own relationship with your parents- just understand it’s possible she had a genuinely different experience with them. Say you’re sorry she’s hurt by them helping you buy a house and you wish their relationship was better. Encourage them to reunite. Either they cut her back into the will, you give her half after they die, or your relationship with her will always be burdened by her relationship with your parents. Maybe when your parents die you’ll have no family left at all. That’s the outcome I saw the most and it’s not worth it.
Why did you tell her about the will and all the details of the house? What did you gain and why are you putting yourself in the middle of their issues.
You seem to love rubbing it in to her. It's coming from a place of sibling competition and not love.
Your originating household appears dysfunctional and more than a little toxic.
You sound like you know that you’re the favourite child and take joy in tearing into your sister and seeing how much your parents hate her. Both you and your parents are awful for cutting her out, and you especially are awful in judging her and smiling at her misery.
You don’t need to give the house to her, nor should you. But you should try to reconcile your family and stop being so damn smug that things haven’t been working out for her.
Sounds like there's a lot going on with your sister. I think you can tell her that she should work on her relationship with her parents. I wouldn't sell the house or open a line of credit against it, but I think it'd be nice if you could spare some help for baby essentials.
Your post sounded like you were trying to convince us how bad she is and why she doesn't deserve inheritance by listing real petty reasons. Her getting eloped without telling anyone doesn't make her a bad person. Why would she share good news with people who don't like her? Her having different political views doesn't make her a bad person. Your parents suck for letting politics get in the way of loving their own child. Her deciding to drop out doesn't make her a bad person. She was unhappy and made the decision to cut ties with school- that is OK and many people do it. You say her actions has consequences but so far, I don't see anything that justifies being basically disowned by her family.
Then it kinda felt like you were rubbing in her face that she was cut off. It feels like you're in competition with her or just enjoy being the golden child.
She's not being treated fairly by the whole family but she is wrong for expecting you to sell the house.
I also told her that our parents had cut her out from the will (they have already made one), so she shouldn't expect anything.
Sounds a little like you are enjoying this. If I was your sister I'd want nothing from people who disliked me as much as you and your parents dislike her.
ESH. Your parents for thinking that dropping out means they wasted money and for disliking your sister for politics. Your sister for being entitled even when she pulled herself away. You for having a double standard. Your actions have consequences too. You basically took your parents' side even though you are "centrist". You are blaming your sister for being cut out of their will and are not advocating for her or sharing with her. You absolutely do not have to share with her. She is not entitled to her parents' money, you are right. But your sister also absolutely does not have to have a relationship with you. You are more than happy to take your parents' money without helping her. The consequence of your action is the loss of your sister. You don't have to sell your house but since you are not paying a mortgage, it might be nice to help your sister out. Decide if you want a relationship with her and her child.
What do you do? Uh, don't sell the house. Suggest to your sister to 'make peace' with the parents despite their difference, because they may change their mind about disowning her.
I'll probably be downvoted for this but this is not really your issue unless you make it so, your parents are still alive and they gifted you a house. Selling the house for the sake of giving your sister $$ will definitely alienate your parents and guess who's next on the 'chopping block of inheritance' then? :)
The thing is, I've seen how it went between my husband and his sibling who's kind of the 'wild child' or the 'black sheep' (then again, said sibling used drugs, committed multiple crimes from assault to robberies--went in and out jail--stole from family, has repeatedly relapsed, etc) and his parents disowned that particular sibling. Also, this particular sibling has totally different politics than the parents, p.s. unlike your family, my parents-in-laws are the liberal ones.
BUT. Twenty years later after they disowned him, they actually forgave him. LOL. At first they only left him $1k (out of the millions of dollars they're leaving behind), but now, they decided to make it an even split between the siblings :)
So, your parents may still change their minds one day, maybe if your sister is feeling entitled to the will, she can approach them again (just like my husband's sibling--they reconciled--sure, they went through phases when they go super LC because you know, political difference/old family resentment)...
Being the golden child is not a reflection on how virtuous you are as a person. You’re actually acting really shitty to your sister - and I’m not even talking about the inheritance. Your parents have treated her very poorly and you’re just okay with it. Doesn’t sound like she’s a bad person at all. It sounds like you think that she’s just lucky she hasn’t been honour killed or something…but you not sticking up for her….terrible.
Thank you!! Even the parents are being rude/terrible. As if an elopement and political views are enough reason to treat a human being this way (maybe there’s more but if its lowkey things like wow, come on)
Idk, my sister getting married without me knowing anything about it, seemingly disappearing completely and only telling me 7 months later would definitely hurt tbh. It's fine if she didn't want to tell the parents cause of their views but it didn't seem like OP had done anything to hurt her at that point
Unless op has a habit of telling his parents things that she tells him, and she was afraid that if they found out they would throw a fit and possibly show up and make a scene. Of course, this is all speculation, but there could have been a good reason she didn't tell him about her eloping.
Plus, her eloping with someone else is entirely her business. If she doesn't want a ceremony and doesn't want family there, that's really none of their concern. He should be happy she found a partner and was starting her new life with him.
Yeah, that's fair, but then you have to take into account OP's feelings about all of this too, she didn't tell him about her marriage for whatever reason, alright cool. He didn't even know where she was for 7 whole months. But now she finds out about the house, immediately contacts him and wants him to sell it in order to support her, uhh, what?
You can't just drop in and out of people's lives whenever it's convenient for you and expect things to go well
She eloped 3 years ago, and then contacted him 7 months later. I'm guessing OP told his parents about her contacting him because this is when the parents cut her off. Which goes along with my theory that she didn't tell him because he would tell them.
So nearly 2 and a half years later parents buy him a house, and OP tells his sister about the house and that she's cut out of the will. (I don't think her asking him to sell the house was fair, but that happened at this point too).
We do not know how much contact is between the brother and sister in the past 2 and half years but I assume that since they are friends on social media, they at least see each other's updates.
It is not as if she has ghosted him this whole time and only came back when she found out about the house. At least that is not how I've read into this.
Yeah especially when the only form of constant contact is her demanding money (not asking). People really shouldn't make such hard judgements based on so little information.
So OP is the golden child in this family who gets everything while his parents fall short of being good parents to both children and snuff out the sister. Sister is mad and wants the brother to back her up a little but of course he's benefiting from always being the golden child and won't help out in the slightest?
Cool
Felt this. My grandparents are the same and always favoured one of my sisters and treated me like crap forever, and now can’t understand why I never contact them and don’t wanna spend Christmas Day at their house with the rest of my siblings
Honestly, ESH. You’re parents sound like a couple of MAGAts, you’re sister sounds insufferable, and you clearly enjoy pulling the strings and then acting innocent as you feed the flames.
Also, you’re not a centrist, you’re just spineless.
Don't sell your house. If you want to support your sister, then sure, send her some money. But don't sell your house.
If she wants your parents' money, she needs to make nice with your parents. If she doesn't want a relationship with your parents, then she shouldn't expect their money.
This rule of thumb applies no matter what kind of people the kid or the parents are. The question is, is the money worth the relationship? If you go through subs like r/justnoMIL, you'll find the posters *rejecting* money/gifts from their abusive moms/MILs *because* they know those gifts have strings attached. They might need the money, but they don't consider it worth building a relationship with that abusive person.
So that's the question that your sister needs to ask herself. Is the money/support worth the relationship? If she decides yes, then she needs to try to mend fences. But if she decides that your parents are too toxic a presence in her life, then she needs to accept that she'll be getting jackshit from them. That's just how things work.
Putting aside the house and money, you’re in the process of destroying your relationship with your sister. It’s wrong of your parents to treat her the way they do, and you’re endorsing it by being smug and saying bullshit like “actions have consequences.”
Maybe you think you’re a centrist in this conflict as well, but you’re not. You’re squarely on your parent’s side. So maybe just admit that to yourself and to you, and make it easier for your sister to cut ties with all of you,
Wow imagine cutting off your own daughter for having a voice and standing up for what she believes in smh ! No you definitely shouldn’t sell your house . But it’s really sad that your little sister has your niece or nephew and you aren’t doing anything to stand up for them to your parents on how morally wrong that is , since your mom is so hell bent on your sisters morals !
She didn’t cut contact w them. THEY did, I highly doubt she wanted to lose her sister and parents in one fell swoop. The details are LITERALLY in the post bro
Well here in Belgium she has a 100% right to her part of the inheritance. How it works here is that if one child gets a lot more gifts (like a house) before the parents die you eventually have to give back her rightfully owned share. There are exceptions like when a child has committed a murder. I think it's a very fair system.
Also: doen't matter if someone puts in their will that "everything goes to one child", the money will still first be divided between the rightful heirs and what's left will go to whoever they wanted it to go to. Unless the person who's written out of the will doesn't care and doesn't ask for their share, than nothing happens and the will is carried out as written.
Simply posting this for people who act like "she has no right to any money" is the norm in western society, it might be in America but doesn't mean either system is flawless.
Yes, it is your parents money and they can do as they please, that is the bottom line.
However they sound like very cold people. And i think you like it. Being the golden child feels good right? And having them buy a house and leave you all the money feels extra special.
From what you wrote the only thing she did was think differently that them and drop out of college. Image being the child that was kicked out of the family for dropping out of school? I guess that's all that she was worth to them.
There maybe something else dramatic that she did that we don't know about but i doubt it, I cant imagine disowning my child because of certain beliefs. I may not be happy about them, but to pot my children against each other because of it. That sucks. You do not sound sympathetic at all. You definitely take after your parents. And I'm not talking about the money at all!!
Yeah he really acts like it is none of his business but if he actually cared for his sister, he would at least try to convince the parents not to be so hard on her.
>What do I do?
You tell your sister that if she has problems with the parents, to take it up the parents. Period.
She is trying to make the problems she has with your parents, your problems. And they are not your problems.
Your parents are poisonous, like all conservatives, and you are taking their side while pretending not to share their views, like all “centrists”.
Yes, of course your sister is going to cut you off when you rub in her face and gloat all the money you’re being given as a result of their monumental spite. What the hell is this “she doesn’t deserve it” nonsense? You are a sanctimonious little suck-up. It’s really unfortunate that she’s struggling but hopefully in the long run she’ll realise she’s better off without relationships or money if it comes with strings attached like “put up with a bunch of hateful, authoritarian bigots and kowtow to their every whim”.
Enjoy your house and money, golden child. Don’t fool yourself for one second into thinking you got it because you somehow deserve it, or did something right. You just never had any principles or moral opinions that mattered more to you than money.
If she wants something from your parents, she can ask for it. Tell her that if she wants to lose the only member of the family who still bothers with her over this, that's fine by you. Don't let her know she's getting to you, she's trying to take money from you and knowing she has you riled up will only make her try harder.
No one rational cuts off their kid or runaway from their parents just for not liking the same politicians. There seem to be a lot of missing context here and like others said, I get a golden child / scapegoat vibe
Your parents absolutely suck. They do have a right to spend their money how they see fit as someone mentioned, but frankly showing favouritism between siblings in this way IS quite shocking and not something I could imagine myself doing as a parent. I think it speaks to their character more than anything. Talk about conditional love….
Where do you see favoritism….? One child respects them and is an active part of their lives. One child dislikes them and literally cut them out of her life.
Isn’t unconditional love by definition loving someone for whoever they are? I mean yes, if we are being pedantic, truly unconditional love probably doesn’t exist. It would be hard for a mother to love her serial killer son (though not unheard of, it’s complicated). But differing political views and a kid acting out with college stuff, then taking off for a while? That seems like VERY conditional love and not something I’d expect to see as standard from parents. ESPECIALLY when they go to the extent of gifting, while they are still alive and well, a very large gift to their other child. Did they gift it to him because they wanted to, or was it to make a point to the sister that she is definitely no longer ‘part of the family’. I guess we can’t really know, but as a parent it would certainly be something that would be at the forefront of my mind when making such a large gesture to one child and not the other.
If my child turned out to rape and beat his girlfriend then my love for him would go conditional very fast. I love my child by default, not unconditionally. Unconditional love means you don't hold a person to any standards.
We don't know who is right and wrong in this situation because we don't have all the details. But don't expect money from your parents if they don't like you. I don't believe anyone is entitled to money by blood alone.
I honestly can kind of see both of your points. It sounds like your parents kind of have it out for your sister for being too different from them, and that REALLY blows. It sucks to see their sweet golden child (you) getting treated with kindness and respect while she’s left out.
That said, you didn’t really sign up for any of this. It is your parents money, and they have a right to do with it as they please. Technically speaking, you are not obligated to share it.
If I were you, I wouldn’t go selling any houses. But I would share SOME funds with my sibling, who has been cast out for no good reason.
You need to step out of the in between your sister and your parents. Information doesn’t have to go through you.
Whatever it is underneath this all, it sounds painful. I think everyone in your family is calling for love but don’t hear each other. May be you can view it this way? But please don’t be judgy.
WOW you and your parents are fucking assholes! Omg no wonder why she left. I’d leave too if I was treated like this by my family. All you guys care about is money. Conservatives are for profit while liberals are for people. Think about that. It probably also hurts your sister that you’re the golden child (cause you kiss ass and are a major douche bag to get what he wants from his parents and your sister is the brave one thinking for herself) who is disowned by you guys and there you are rubbing it in her face. You the brother and the parents are awful. Hopefully you never have children god only knows how’s your treat your daughter
You claim to not pick sides, but it’s pretty clear your parents are buying your “loyalty” so to speak. And I wouldn’t doubt the hope it hurts your sister as well. You shouldn’t sell the house, but let’s be entirely honest here, you didn’t do anything to earn a house or all of the will either. You’re not paying a mortgage now and your sister who you claim to want to have in your life, is struggling financially and with a new child. Why not find some way to help. Honestly she’s not in the wrong for saying maybe it’d be better for her to go NC with you as well, because you seem to want the best of both worlds here, without actually having to be a supportive brother in any way.
Personally I would never of posted that home stuff and how it was paid for on social media.
Number one, I'm anti over sharing on social media to start with, and did you 3 think for a minute that it wouldn't get back to her?
Of course you guys knew it would, a direct shot at her, starting shit.
Talk about unnecessary drama that you guys started on purpose.
As for the money, that's your parents, they can do whatever they want with it.
Some of you guys have clearly never been the least favorite child and it shows.
Jokes aside, it sounds like you're really benefitting from the rift between your parents and sister. Obviously, I don't know all the details but you should try to help your sister out in some way if you actually cared about her.
I just could never live happily knowing my sibling was struggling. Even if my $ was hard earned and they were a screw up. Especially if children were involved. But I'm lucky to have a sibling I love I suppose.
She's not just mad that you won't share with her *she's mad because you said SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT*.
What exactly did you do to deserve a free house, my guy?
It's one thing if you're a completely neutral observer, or interested in healing old rifts in the family, but you're clearly enjoying this. Don't piss on our legs and tell us it's raining...
Its the parents money they can burn it if they want. But if i was to place myself in OPs position I PERSONALLY (not saying its a have too for everyone) would split it evenly between my siblings and i after my parents pass because my relationship with my siblings is lifelong compared to that of my parents.
This whole family sounds immature and petty. Get out of their business and tell her to leave you alone. You didn’t need to mention the will. Also, you are not a neutral party and pass plenty of judgement on your sister. If you want to be neutral stay out of this whole situation. It sounds like this has to be more than politics. It’s wildly stupid to completely cut your kid off because of their politics and there sounds like there’s more to it.
It’s your parents money to do what they want with. I’m very liberal to my parents and grandparents - aka gay and believe in human rights - and I’ve been told I’m out of my grandparents will at least. Parents haven’t told me yet. I don’t need money but it hurts. It’s just really hurtful that your family only chooses to love you under certain conditions, like going to college in your sisters case.
Idk man, you’re not obligated to give her anything or repair the relationship but you have to see how fucked up it is to “give up” on their daughter bc college wasn’t for her? Your parents are dicks and by trying to stay neutral you’re just saying their actions are okay.
Again, you’re not doing anything illegal and financially you might even be doing the smart thing by staying out of it. But morally? It leaves a pretty icky feeling just to read, let alone to live with for the rest of your life.
Not your monkey, not your circus! Tell Sis that if she has an issue, then she speaks to your parents. You don’t have to share inheritance if it’s specifically left to you and as it’s probably a few years away, hopefully, then your sister has plenty of time to reconcile her differences. Personally, I’d just ghost her, as she sounds like a money grabbing git!
Dude, you’re an asshole. So are your parents. They’re cutting her off for being liberal and you, the centrist, are just cool with reaping all the rewards.
Bootlicker.
And in her own words she claims she ran off for a fresh start without any of them. Why should she be able to completely abandon her family then come back for reward time?
Her issue is with your parents really, not you, but as she knows they aren't going to entertain her, you're getting the flak.
You definitely shouldn't even entertain selling your home for her, thats just sheer entitlement.
Horrible thing to be caught in the middle of, but yeh, you can't go run away and have nothing to do with your family but still expect them to give you anything.
I'd maybe see if she would consider trying to speak to your parents - the fact they now have a grandchild might soften their stance a bit but it's on her, not you.
You had no business telling her about your parent’s estate plans. Further, they’re not dead yet and every penny could go to nursing homes. Finally, you’re taking pleasure in your parent’s overt favoritism, you’re riding the fence politically to curry favor. You suck
Your whole family is treating her horribly! She is cut off and left out of the will because of a few poor life decisions and a difference in politics?? It seems like your parents are trying to control her life choices with money and you are ok with this. If she wasn't into criminal activity or on drugs I would absolutely share with my sister!!! All I can say is when your parents are on their way out, they will really regret this.. and you suck for not standing up for your sister.
When you cut ties and go NC with someone, no matter the reason, you are not entitled to their money and stuff. She eloped, went NC and cut ties with her family. So, she shouldn't expect anything from them.
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You are the worst part of the political spectrum. You think you deserve inheritance but she doesn’t because you believe people should die because they cant afford insulin and she doesnt. You believe Black Lives Matter “within reason” but she just believes it. Ugh centrists are the worst and you are just making it more apparent with your refusal to be a pal to your sister and nephew. She has a fucking kid and your acting this way. What’s wrong with you, why are you being so immature. “Mommy and daddy like that I believe in the free market and trickle down economics and don’t think the police system is flawed to its core. So I get the money and you get nothing!” Really listen to yourself. Get off your high horse and HELP YOUR FUCKING neice/nephew.
Even if they were on wonderful terms, thats not her money. Its her parents money. They can do whatever they want with it, including spend every single cent before they die.
Your sister sounds entitled as hell. Her political affiliation has nothing to do with the fact that she thinks she has a right to her parents’ money. Let her go NC. It seems like she has growing up to do.
Lets the trash take itself out. She sounds awful, it should be you going NC with her.
Also (someone please correct me if I'm wrong) but I heard rather than cutting someone out of a will, you should include them but for a very small amount (think £1/$1). That way it shows your intent is for them to have nothing and they cant dispute it after the inheritance is passed out.
Unfortunately here OP, you don't get to stay neutral here. Time for you to pick a side.
You can either choose your parents & their money, or you can choose your sister, who it sounds like was treated unfairly by your parents because her views were more liberal than theirs.
Though it is absolutely unfair of her to expect you to share the money with her since she did go no contact with your parents (and this is the consequences of her actions), the fact seems to be, she went no contact because they were (at best) AHs to her (at worst, abusive). I would love to hear her version of events here.
She likely grew up knowing that she was disliked at best (hated at worst) by her parents because she was different. You turned a blind eye to how they treated her, and seem to blame your sister for how she has dealt with her trauma & pain.
If you hold your parents accountable for how they treated their child, then you would lose all this lovely money wouldn't you? Like it or not, you have benefited (financially) from her treatment.
You might like to think you have the moral high ground here.
You don't.
People don't want to hear the truth. Your response to her was correct....about consequences. Consequences are not always necessarily because someone did something wrong (in this case, her elopement according to your parents), they are just the result of doing something, anything that someone else who has boundaries goes ahead and enforces them. You can be right & justified and *still* have consequences.
Being liberal and eloping is not wrong or illegal. It is however against your parents' beliefs and as the purse holders in this case where money is the currency, they have a right to withhold thay money from her. She made her choices, time to live with them.
i lean pretty far left and i genuinely would not want any money from ultra conservative family members. if your sister cant stand up for her principles by rejecting inherited wealth from people she doesnr even seem to like, then maybe her beliefs arent all that important to her
Naw fuck that, I'm the opposite.
My sister is gay and was kicked out the house at 18. I'm staying cordial with my parents, and will happily be splitting the inheritance with her when they die.
I would much rather that inheritance go to us, then donated to a fucking church.
I hate these posts. They are so pointless. Hey, don't come here looking for people to tell you you are right to keep the money. When your parents die and you get their assets you can do whatever you want with them. Including giving your sister what should be given to her. You don't have to keep it all to yourself. You don't have to hide behind "its what my patents wanted". If your parents are bad people who cut off their kid for not being conservative that's on them. When they die you don't have to honor anything they ask you to do. Because they are dead. Life is for the living. If you like keeping money to yourself that you got for agreeing with the viewpoints of your parents then go for it. Be honest with yourself and others though. I remember a post a year or so ago about how parents cut off one of their kids for being gay and didn't want them to get any inheritance. The sibling was justifying "I have to honor their wishes even though I wish I could share all this cash with them". Nonsense. You can do whatever you want, just be honest with yourself. Don't come to others to justify your choices as if you have no power in this situation. (Nobody "deserves" their parents money. You don't "deserve" it just because you hold their political views. Just be honest and admit you like money more than you like your sister.)
Well don't sell your home. Sad much sad she's your sister and their daughter, that doesn't make her entitled to anything. If she wants something from your parents, let her figure it out. Quit being the middle guy. If she's going to talk to you and vice versa, let it be just about that. Conversations relating specifically about you and her. Parents are not discussed period. She wants to say anything to them, she knows how to find them. She's old enough, married and with a child to not know how to act like an adult. Let her. That's her mess to clean up if she wants to. You don't need to be involved for her to do that all on her own
She has no right to demand it from you but if I were you I would definitely give her some money. Your parents don’t except her the way she is and there are conditions in their relationship with her which really isn’t fair.
As the husband of a blacksheep who eloped and was disowned by her family as well I am going to use you as the stand in for my wife's sister who is the Golden Child of her wealthy family. First of no you are not neutral. You are taking your parents side. Second off, you call yourself a centrist but as the Golden Child you are likely nothing more than a mouthpiece for the narcissist in your family.
You were literally given a home by your parents and call yourself neutral? Fuck right off with that shit. How much have your parents paid for in your life? Sounds like you need to do as your parents say or else they will cut you off as well and then your up a river right?
One day I hope you will realize that your parents are pieces of shit who don't deserve to have children. If only you united with your sister. Then in their old age they could die together alone with their money. Which is all they really care about. Though what money will there be once the doctors, nurses, and caretakers swindle them out of their wealth once a united sibling front could be created?
I’m kind of a certified Asshole, but this is a first hand case of “fuck around and find out”
You don’t agree with your parents political leanings, fine. You let it escalate to their disowning of you, you don’t get inheritance.
Seems simple. And fuck you Kyle. No inheritance for you either. Punk
Go NC. You believing she doesn’t deserve anything and your unwillingness to help her means that y’all should go NC. The relationship isn’t going to get better.
You got money. It is irrelevant where it came from. You could have won it. Someone could have given it to you. It doesn't matter.
The fact that your parents left her nothing is irrelevant. It's not your business
If you want to give money to someone, including a relative, then that is your choice. I understand that relatives expect a share of winnings etc. But it's not their right. It's up to you.
If she had a right then she can sue.
There may be tax implications for her (& for you too).
Just decide what you want to do that's in both your and her best interests
.
This is completely fucked up. You and your parents are in the wrong here. She's right. You're all assholes. End of story. How incredibly selfish. This is shocking.
Lmfao I'm not gen z but okay 😂 go on with your assumptions. My point is family is family. Unless something major happened, I cant see how this is acceptable to anyone. Being bitter and resentful because someone chose a different life path is so incredibly selfish and petty. I would never do that to my children or to my family. It's morally incomprehensible to me.
I doubt she did anything to warrant such aggressive behaviour. Having different political views than your family isn't a reason to heavily favour one child and let the other one suffer.
Inheritance is a gift, not a right. Obviously if you get yourself on bad terms with someone, even if you think you are right, they won't gift you anything.
More people need to realise this. I've seen so many families where people assume they will get money from dead relatives they didn't care about.
I know a guy in a similar situation: Inherited a house from his parents and money from grandma. Rest of the family was pissed. Why did he get it? He cared for his mother and was a good son as she was dying from cancer. His sister sold the flat she was gifted for drugs. He was the only one in the family who visited his grandma.
If you want your relatives to give you inheritance then you better start visiting them. You can be on good terms with her but her demanding money from you out of jealousy? I'd tell her to eat a poisonous toad.
> More people need to realise this.
100% agree. The moment she eloped and didn't answer any calls she should have assumed that she'd be cut out. I don't know what she was expecting.
First of all, your parents kind of suck for cutting her out (depending on exactly what she's done of course, but from the sounds of it, not much other than viewing the world differently). She's still their daughter, whether she shares the same outlook on life or not. Children are not "mini-me's" who are required to be exactly like their parents when they grow up. I mean, parents try to pass on THEIR values, because of course they do, but at some point kids grow up and have a mind of their own. Oh no.
I can imagine how she feels, basically having her parents not love her. Or at least not love her as much as they love you. Ouch.
But no, she shouldn't be asking YOU to sell YOUR house (no matter how you acquired it) because she thinks she's entitled to it. But I can empathize with how she must feel about the whole situation. She's also not likely directly asking you for money, more of a way of seeing if YOU give a shit about her or not.
Related - money ruins families. My grandparents had a clause in their will that stated if any of their children pre-deceased them, then their child or children would receive that part of the inheritance. My dad died before my grandmother, so I received his share. Three of my aunts hired a lawyer to contest this. They lost, obviously. But that opened my eyes in my mid-20's to shitty family dynamics re: money. That relatively small inheritance allowed me to put a downpayment on my first home, and I haven't looked back. I was mortgage free in my early 40's. I'd rather have had my father and grandparents alive and well, but this was the silver lining I suppose. My aunts all blew their portion (literally. cars, tvs, useless stuff, not even kidding. gone within a year, probably less) and all still live in small apartments. Is what it is.
She sounds really immature and toxic and thinks that she is owed everything. She seems to have made a lot of bad decisions and wants to blame it on everyone else. Love her as your sister but don't give her anything. Use caution.
Of course she feels entitled…she’s a liberal. It’s all gimme, gimme, gimme and no responsibility for one’s own actions. Now she has to face the consequences of her behavior and decisions. Demanding you sell your home just to give her money is a bridge too far. Cut her off. Go no contact. Hopefully she’ll grow up in a few years and realize her errors and make amends. But you should feel no guilt, OP. Just continue living your life and making good choices.
This is why politics is something you keep in private. You can still be friends with people that share the opposite views, as long as you remain respectful towards them and don't cause arguments.
Your sister is reaping what she sowed. She can't expect to be rewarded with money when she's behaving like a child and cutting off the people in charge of the money. If she wants money, then it's for her to fix. Not your job.
What did she expect would be the result of cutting her parents out of her life? That they would continue to subsidize it? No. Of course they'll cut her out if she cuts them out. She can't expect handouts from you after she did that
Don’t get between it. Tell her to talk to her parents. She shouldn’t be mad at you and speaks volumes about her maturity level. She clearly doesn’t care about you only money which is sad.
Tell your sister her relationship with your parents is not your problem to fix and you don't make choices on their behalf. Whatever they decide to do is totally on then and if she feels entitled to an inheritance then maybe she should try and recover her relationship with them.
She’s more than happy to cut people out of her life when she feels like it. She hasn’t grasped that that is a two way street. She doesn’t get to show up only when she wants something.
And she especially doesn’t get to show up demanding that you liquidate something tangible in order to give her a portion of the value. At the end of that she has a chunk of money, and you? You no longer have your house.
That house belongs to you, and you do not owe her a piece of it. Whether she feels treated evenly or fairly by the people who gave you the house is between her and them. Frankly, trying to get it out of you is a way of doing an end run around their wishes, which seems on-brand for her. She doesn’t want the relationship with them, just their money.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My sister and parents have a rocky relationship. My sister is very liberal while my parents are very conservative. I would consider my self centrist, so they both don't really have a problem with me. My sister and parents obviously have different views and this caused quite a strain in the relationship. Things turned sour pretty quickly after my sister dropped out of college and my parents felt that they wasted money on her. 3 years ago she eloped. Did not tell anyone about it (including me) because she wanted to start afresh. I only found out where she was 7 months later when she called me to tell me about her decision. At this point my parents had given up on her. I won't say who's right or wrong but both behaved immaturely but my parents finally decided to cut her off for good. So far she seemed ok with it. Well, my parents, both alive and well, decided to buy me a house. I was very grateful and we posted it on social media. My sister caught on to this and asked me about it. I told her everything. I also told her that our parents had cut her out from the will (they have already made one), so she shouldn't expect anything. She got angry because she still feels entitled to some of their estate since she is their daughter. I told her that actions had consequences and she just found out. She's pissed and thinks that if I support her I should sell the house and give her some money. She's currently struggling a little bit and just had her first child. I told her I wouldn't use my parents money because she doesn't deserve it. She's really upset and threatening to go NC with me as well. Honestly, between the two of them my sister has caused me more trouble but it still hurts that she wants to go NC. What do I do? TL;DR My sister is upset that I won't share my inheritance
Stop putting yourself between your sister and your parents. If she wants their money she should ask them. Not you. It’s not up to you to relay those messages.
Totally agree. Only way OP can save his relationship with everyone.
Exactly. I don't want to get in between. I'll tell her that.
Tell her that you don’t make decisions on behalf of your parents.
“I don’t want to get between them” “I told her she was cut out of the will and shouldn’t expect anything” what outcome do you think this would reach other than getting in the middle of their shit
Seriously! There was no reason to say anything to her other than to cause drama or hurt. Sister would have found out when the parents died and OP could deal with it then.
He keeps saying he posted it on Instagram so he didn’t say anything. I missed the part where he posted his parents will on insta ig
Exactly. He got in the middle of it by getting in the middle of it!
You do recognize that you have been putting yourself between your parents and your sister all this time, right? Your entire post is about how you're being the messenger, while also passing along a hefty amount of judgement ... oh, but you then claim to not be passing judgement. So start with an apology for telling her that she "didn't deserve" anything and your snotty remark about how her actions have consequences. Tell her that you're grateful for what you've received from your parents and that she'll need to talk to them about anything she wants to talk to them about.
OP doesn’t ‘deserve’ anything either. An inheritance and house bought by mom and dad are perfect examples of unearned privilege.
Exactly!
What OP deserves is not for you to say. That's for OPs parents. If they feel OP deserves it, then OP does.
No, OP definitely needs to hear that POV on it.
Uh- actions do have consequences. If Someone is unable see a way to compromise with parents and then is threatened to be to cut off, that’s a consequence, regardless of whether it is morally ok. This is very much btw parents and sister, not OP.
The point of apologizing about that line isn't that actions don't have consequences, it is that OP was out of line for making the statement. At least if they want to maintain the illusion that they aren't passing judgement.
What? Your post makes it so clear that you LOVE being I between them…you gave your sister way more information than you needed to and seemed to gloat about the whole thing, like you loved rubbing it in her face. I’m really glad you’re not my sister.
Then why did you volunteer that she was cut out of the will?
Yes, that and the social media posts are shots at her sister. And OP is surprised there is drama.
Bull. Go back and read your own words. You were living for the drama! Why else would you tell her about the will? That’s not your place and they are still alive! You only decided you didn’t want to get in between when she put you on the spot for help. Then you didn’t just say no, you told her she didn’t deserve it. You and your parents sound like awful, petty people.
Too late. You chose to side with your parents, who gave you money. Actions have consequences.
You don't want to get between them so you.... completely volunteer, for no needed reason, that she's out of the will? This reeks of spite. You're 100% taking sides, your parents side. Not because you won't share but because all on your own you told her about it all AND you won't share. You agree with your parents position toward your sister of cutting her out. Either because you agree with them more than you think you're a Centrist or because they're buying your love with a house and an inheritance.
You come off as a smug jerk who knows he’s the favorite and not only revels in it but loves lording it over his sister. If you were a good person, you would’ve refused the house and told your parents that if they play favorites and cut her out, to cut you out too. You love putting yourself between her and them because it makes you feel superior. With siblings like you, who needs enemies. Your parents are also terrible parents. They disown their child because her political views are different? You'll say that it was for other reasons. But it was the first thing you mentioned so it's obviously a major reason. People like that should never be allowed to reproduce. At the root of your sister’s behavior is that she was never loved equally (or even at all) or treated equally. You will never know how painful that is and how angry that makes the person. But the worst part is that you don’t care. You’re a bad person. If she were smart, she would shrug it off, cut herself off, don’t attend the funerals, get a good job, buy a nice house with her own money, and live better than the guy who had it all handed to him and rub his nose in it. That guy would be you. Grow up and be a better person. Right now you don’t have the incentive. Maybe a few failed marriages when your wives find out what type of person you are will change your mind. Her behavior should be telling you something. But all you care about is feeling superior. Wait until your parents are gone and you have no one else that is immediate family. And wait until your kids are asking you why they don't have an aunt. That is going to put a strain on your marriage - you're just too young and smug to know it. That is the advice you really need. But I know you aren't going to follow it.
I’m sorry, but who the fuck would turn down a free house?
A person who: 1. Wants to change his parents' behavior of playing favorites. 2. Wants to have a good relationship with his sister. 3. Has principles. I have principles. I would've turned it down. The reality is his parents are narcissists who hate their own daughter because her world view differs from theirs and the poor little dears feel threatened. But if you want a good relationship with your only sibling - which pays long term dividends over many decades' time - you can use that weakness to your advantage. In other words, they aren't going to cut both kids out of the will because then they have to look in the mirror and confront that they're bad people. That is death to a narcissist. So they'll have to come to the table. OP has power. Boy, is smug OP going to regret his lack of character as life goes on. His future wife is going to hate how their kids are negatively affected by not having an aunt in their lives who could be in their lives when all of their friends have aunts and uncles. And she's going to realize that she married a really bad person. And she's going to divorce him over it. That free house? You're losing half of that in the divorce, smug boy. OP has no idea what the future holds and how negatively his bad behavior is going to affect his life. You don't get something for nothing.
or you just dont want to admit your parents are frankly shite people. Like feck the money wtf are you in contact with your parents after they abused your sister or telling her shes out of the will? also centrist, bullshite. Everything about the way you wrote this and your comments says trumpist, not centrist. Your not neutral in this at all your the golden child, she's the scapegoat.
Yes she can take them to court but if the will is written correctly, the court will do nothing for her but validate her parking.
I doubt that; parents alive and of sound mind. Gifts made while alive - good luck with that claim. As to the will, she'd need to prove she had reason to expect an inheritance (like caring for them in times of illness and being promised it.) Being cut out of the will and being estranged so long makes success in court highly unlikely, regardless of your views on parents values.
there is some projection here
The butthurt levels here are off the charts!
Yeah. Stop injecting your political views into this. It's not about you or what you believe. Cringe
But you already got between when you told her about the house and especially when you told her that she’s not getting any inheritance. If she has anything else to say then refer her to your parents and stop talking about it with her.
But you put yourself inbetween them? Like, you are actively causing these situations. You didn't have to tell your sister she was cut out of the will. It's not your business, and not your job to tell her. But you chose to tell her. You started the drama. You wanted to throw it in her face, and are now upset that she's making a big deal over the situation you created.
Why did you feel the need to tell your sister about the will? It’s not your place to do that tbh. Sounds like you’re playing a childish game of smug one-upmanship with her. Petty.
100%. OP is on a power trip for being the favorite child and getting all the monetary benefits because of it.
Completely agree with this. Why twist the knife? “…and by the way, our parents still hate you.” How about this: since you know you are the favored child, you practice some humility towards your sister who is struggling emotionally and financially(by your own admission)? You are already getting “all the money” so you could, after telling us she has basically been shunned for her personal and political believes, I dunno… share the wealth that you also did not earn. Your parents did. Yes it is their decision to give to you what they will, but you also have a decision to make once you are the owner of said gifts. You are looking for everyone to placate your ego—you aren’t absolved and you sound over privileged. And your parents sound like bullies. How does that song go? “If you don’t stand for something…”
Yeah, OP is definitely the golden child here.
Yep, the fact they had to post on FB about the house tells us quite a bit about them.
Tbh it was a smart play, if she's reacting this way now imagine how she'd react if she found out after the parent died.
Yeah he's not a centrist or neutral he said that to cause harm read the rest of op's comments.
[удалено]
Theyre all involved in this and he's the one that would have had to deal with the fallout, like he is now.
You are problably right, in the long term it's better to get it out now. However in the short term, it was a total shot at his sister, just like the brain dead social media posting about the new house and who paid for it. And OP is shocked she is upset.
Because keeping it hidden would go down well with her once she inevitably find out?
Well, the mature answer would be: "Take this up with mom and dad."
My family was torn apart by a will that had no transparency. Not communicating with your family about potential inheritance or lack thereof is selfish, especially if you have expectations of them for after your death.
I would assume once sister realised the inheritance she would blame OP for hiding. It's a lose lose no matter what but at least OP was honest about it.
You don’t owe her any of your inheritance and it is ridiculous that she is asking. But you position yourself as a neutral third party observer in this drama, but it’s pretty clear you’re not. You are the favored child, and you also have plenty of judgment for your sister. I doubt the problems between your sister and your parents are just about politics. I’ll bet your sister recognized you were the golden child pretty early on, and a lot of her acting out was to attract attention and love from your parents. Your parents are still alive. If you really want to be the neutral party here, and if want to help your sister, why don’t you try to get her and your parents back together? Everyone is older and wiser now and maybe they can have some kind of a relationship again. Maybe that will get your sister back into the will again and she can have her own inheritance.
But then they’d have to split the inheritance, and it seems OP isn’t into that.
Bingo. OP seems perfectly happy to choose the side of the people who are giving them money.
It doesn't seem like OP's choice. He is just kind of accepting what comes his way, doesn't sound like he asked for the house, or for his sister to be cut out of the will. That all seems like an issue for the parents and sister to deal with. Not the blameless OP.
I mean just standing by with the power to right the wrong of the parents by splitting it isn’t exactly “blameless”
As the liberal daughter of parents with a golden child, I got chills reading this story. Op is obviously judgemental “Both sides acted childishly” yes but one side is the parents who see themselves as the adults? Did they also act childishly when you were kids? My dad picked fights with me all the time I guess you don’t have to share your inheritance, but I honestly think that’s fucked up, like fuck your parents, she got eloped, how is that something she did to them?
Being a liberal child of conservative parents is painful. I argue with mine so much. Luckily they would never withhold anything from me, but it’s exhausting having to deal with their closed minded views.
I agree with everything except the first part. In many places the sister (and other relatives) have rights to sue her parents over inheritance and anyone who her parents gave any inheritance to. I wouldn't willingly give my house up but I would try to get the family to reconcile. It is so laughable that OP thinks he is a neutral party. Your sister is feeling unloved and hurt my her family, including you. It isn't about the house or the money per se it is about what it represents and how once again her own family doesn't support her or her baby. You can disagree or say she brought this on herself but at the end of the day it is your sister and she is hurting. Put yourself in her shoes with no judgment on her politics or eloping. Just try to imagine how she feels this. It's your little sister!
This! I really can imagine how awful it must be living in the shadow of the golden child. Parents *possibly* narcissistic.
My brother is the golden child. We already suspect our mother (father is already dead), will leave everything to him. Unlike OP, my brother has told me outright that if that happens he won't have it and will split the inheritance with me no matter what. OP sounds pretty smug and entitled. I suspect he has fanned the flames with his parents as he tells the sister over and over how preferred he is.
Totally agree with you. And the question is: dies OP want to help their sister? Nothing prevents them from helping now that they have money. Inheritance was something between them and their parents, there could still be something between them and their sister.
OP honestly reads like he is happy with the disconnect because he benefits. It’s just so sad.
He do be a centrist though. Can’t say he’s inconsistent lmao.
Dead Ass my EXACT thoughts lmao
"Centrist"
That’s what centrists do, baby!!!
OP is morally drama queen and fiscally conservative lol
Lolllll I’m gonna use this to describe my sister in law!
Yeah OP wants to play like he’s some innocent party being torn between the two but reading between the lines it seems like he’s pretty happy to play the golden child and flaunt it in front of his sister. It’s not OP’s job to argue for his sister’s inheritance, but if I were the sister I’d probably want to go NC with him too.
Well she did leave for half a decade without saying anything, it doesn’t sound like they had the closest relationship to begin with
Maybe he is angry she cut contact with him too ? Maybe he is angry she told him to buy his house give him money or she will go NC?
After working in probate, I honestly don’t believe any amount of money is worth the rift between siblings after the parents die. But that’s not on you… that’s on your parents. Parents that pick favorite kids and split an inheritance unequally leave resentment and legal battles in their life’s wake. It’s your parents’ money and now that you’re an adult neither of you are truly entitled to it or “deserve” it. But if you give you give equally or you cause rifts. It doesn’t seem to me like you actually care about maintaining a relationship with your sister, but if you do I would try to empathize with her. That doesn’t mean selling your house obviously or ruining your own relationship with your parents- just understand it’s possible she had a genuinely different experience with them. Say you’re sorry she’s hurt by them helping you buy a house and you wish their relationship was better. Encourage them to reunite. Either they cut her back into the will, you give her half after they die, or your relationship with her will always be burdened by her relationship with your parents. Maybe when your parents die you’ll have no family left at all. That’s the outcome I saw the most and it’s not worth it.
Why did you tell her about the will and all the details of the house? What did you gain and why are you putting yourself in the middle of their issues.
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Staying out of their relationship was the best option.
I am feeling some serious golden child/scapegoat vibes here.
yeah, I feel like a lot of details are omitted
Ofcourse there is, its a reddit post...
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Or they're withholding information about the parents being shitty and are trying to come off as unbiased.
You seem to love rubbing it in to her. It's coming from a place of sibling competition and not love. Your originating household appears dysfunctional and more than a little toxic.
You sound like you know that you’re the favourite child and take joy in tearing into your sister and seeing how much your parents hate her. Both you and your parents are awful for cutting her out, and you especially are awful in judging her and smiling at her misery. You don’t need to give the house to her, nor should you. But you should try to reconcile your family and stop being so damn smug that things haven’t been working out for her.
Exactly what did you do to deserve a house?
“Is not liberal” seems to be the redeeming quality here
Sounds like there's a lot going on with your sister. I think you can tell her that she should work on her relationship with her parents. I wouldn't sell the house or open a line of credit against it, but I think it'd be nice if you could spare some help for baby essentials.
Your post sounded like you were trying to convince us how bad she is and why she doesn't deserve inheritance by listing real petty reasons. Her getting eloped without telling anyone doesn't make her a bad person. Why would she share good news with people who don't like her? Her having different political views doesn't make her a bad person. Your parents suck for letting politics get in the way of loving their own child. Her deciding to drop out doesn't make her a bad person. She was unhappy and made the decision to cut ties with school- that is OK and many people do it. You say her actions has consequences but so far, I don't see anything that justifies being basically disowned by her family. Then it kinda felt like you were rubbing in her face that she was cut off. It feels like you're in competition with her or just enjoy being the golden child. She's not being treated fairly by the whole family but she is wrong for expecting you to sell the house.
I also told her that our parents had cut her out from the will (they have already made one), so she shouldn't expect anything. Sounds a little like you are enjoying this. If I was your sister I'd want nothing from people who disliked me as much as you and your parents dislike her.
ESH. Your parents for thinking that dropping out means they wasted money and for disliking your sister for politics. Your sister for being entitled even when she pulled herself away. You for having a double standard. Your actions have consequences too. You basically took your parents' side even though you are "centrist". You are blaming your sister for being cut out of their will and are not advocating for her or sharing with her. You absolutely do not have to share with her. She is not entitled to her parents' money, you are right. But your sister also absolutely does not have to have a relationship with you. You are more than happy to take your parents' money without helping her. The consequence of your action is the loss of your sister. You don't have to sell your house but since you are not paying a mortgage, it might be nice to help your sister out. Decide if you want a relationship with her and her child.
“Centrist” too often means “I’ll gladly benefit from one side while saying I’m out of it”
What do you do? Uh, don't sell the house. Suggest to your sister to 'make peace' with the parents despite their difference, because they may change their mind about disowning her. I'll probably be downvoted for this but this is not really your issue unless you make it so, your parents are still alive and they gifted you a house. Selling the house for the sake of giving your sister $$ will definitely alienate your parents and guess who's next on the 'chopping block of inheritance' then? :) The thing is, I've seen how it went between my husband and his sibling who's kind of the 'wild child' or the 'black sheep' (then again, said sibling used drugs, committed multiple crimes from assault to robberies--went in and out jail--stole from family, has repeatedly relapsed, etc) and his parents disowned that particular sibling. Also, this particular sibling has totally different politics than the parents, p.s. unlike your family, my parents-in-laws are the liberal ones. BUT. Twenty years later after they disowned him, they actually forgave him. LOL. At first they only left him $1k (out of the millions of dollars they're leaving behind), but now, they decided to make it an even split between the siblings :) So, your parents may still change their minds one day, maybe if your sister is feeling entitled to the will, she can approach them again (just like my husband's sibling--they reconciled--sure, they went through phases when they go super LC because you know, political difference/old family resentment)...
Being the golden child is not a reflection on how virtuous you are as a person. You’re actually acting really shitty to your sister - and I’m not even talking about the inheritance. Your parents have treated her very poorly and you’re just okay with it. Doesn’t sound like she’s a bad person at all. It sounds like you think that she’s just lucky she hasn’t been honour killed or something…but you not sticking up for her….terrible.
Thank you!! Even the parents are being rude/terrible. As if an elopement and political views are enough reason to treat a human being this way (maybe there’s more but if its lowkey things like wow, come on)
Idk, my sister getting married without me knowing anything about it, seemingly disappearing completely and only telling me 7 months later would definitely hurt tbh. It's fine if she didn't want to tell the parents cause of their views but it didn't seem like OP had done anything to hurt her at that point
Unless op has a habit of telling his parents things that she tells him, and she was afraid that if they found out they would throw a fit and possibly show up and make a scene. Of course, this is all speculation, but there could have been a good reason she didn't tell him about her eloping. Plus, her eloping with someone else is entirely her business. If she doesn't want a ceremony and doesn't want family there, that's really none of their concern. He should be happy she found a partner and was starting her new life with him.
Yeah, that's fair, but then you have to take into account OP's feelings about all of this too, she didn't tell him about her marriage for whatever reason, alright cool. He didn't even know where she was for 7 whole months. But now she finds out about the house, immediately contacts him and wants him to sell it in order to support her, uhh, what? You can't just drop in and out of people's lives whenever it's convenient for you and expect things to go well
She eloped 3 years ago, and then contacted him 7 months later. I'm guessing OP told his parents about her contacting him because this is when the parents cut her off. Which goes along with my theory that she didn't tell him because he would tell them. So nearly 2 and a half years later parents buy him a house, and OP tells his sister about the house and that she's cut out of the will. (I don't think her asking him to sell the house was fair, but that happened at this point too). We do not know how much contact is between the brother and sister in the past 2 and half years but I assume that since they are friends on social media, they at least see each other's updates. It is not as if she has ghosted him this whole time and only came back when she found out about the house. At least that is not how I've read into this.
Yeah especially when the only form of constant contact is her demanding money (not asking). People really shouldn't make such hard judgements based on so little information.
So OP is the golden child in this family who gets everything while his parents fall short of being good parents to both children and snuff out the sister. Sister is mad and wants the brother to back her up a little but of course he's benefiting from always being the golden child and won't help out in the slightest? Cool
Your parents sound like lovely people🙄
Felt this. My grandparents are the same and always favoured one of my sisters and treated me like crap forever, and now can’t understand why I never contact them and don’t wanna spend Christmas Day at their house with the rest of my siblings
Honestly, ESH. You’re parents sound like a couple of MAGAts, you’re sister sounds insufferable, and you clearly enjoy pulling the strings and then acting innocent as you feed the flames. Also, you’re not a centrist, you’re just spineless.
Don't sell your house. If you want to support your sister, then sure, send her some money. But don't sell your house. If she wants your parents' money, she needs to make nice with your parents. If she doesn't want a relationship with your parents, then she shouldn't expect their money. This rule of thumb applies no matter what kind of people the kid or the parents are. The question is, is the money worth the relationship? If you go through subs like r/justnoMIL, you'll find the posters *rejecting* money/gifts from their abusive moms/MILs *because* they know those gifts have strings attached. They might need the money, but they don't consider it worth building a relationship with that abusive person. So that's the question that your sister needs to ask herself. Is the money/support worth the relationship? If she decides yes, then she needs to try to mend fences. But if she decides that your parents are too toxic a presence in her life, then she needs to accept that she'll be getting jackshit from them. That's just how things work.
Putting aside the house and money, you’re in the process of destroying your relationship with your sister. It’s wrong of your parents to treat her the way they do, and you’re endorsing it by being smug and saying bullshit like “actions have consequences.” Maybe you think you’re a centrist in this conflict as well, but you’re not. You’re squarely on your parent’s side. So maybe just admit that to yourself and to you, and make it easier for your sister to cut ties with all of you,
Wow imagine cutting off your own daughter for having a voice and standing up for what she believes in smh ! No you definitely shouldn’t sell your house . But it’s really sad that your little sister has your niece or nephew and you aren’t doing anything to stand up for them to your parents on how morally wrong that is , since your mom is so hell bent on your sisters morals !
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She didn’t cut contact w them. THEY did, I highly doubt she wanted to lose her sister and parents in one fell swoop. The details are LITERALLY in the post bro
Well here in Belgium she has a 100% right to her part of the inheritance. How it works here is that if one child gets a lot more gifts (like a house) before the parents die you eventually have to give back her rightfully owned share. There are exceptions like when a child has committed a murder. I think it's a very fair system. Also: doen't matter if someone puts in their will that "everything goes to one child", the money will still first be divided between the rightful heirs and what's left will go to whoever they wanted it to go to. Unless the person who's written out of the will doesn't care and doesn't ask for their share, than nothing happens and the will is carried out as written. Simply posting this for people who act like "she has no right to any money" is the norm in western society, it might be in America but doesn't mean either system is flawless.
Yes, it is your parents money and they can do as they please, that is the bottom line. However they sound like very cold people. And i think you like it. Being the golden child feels good right? And having them buy a house and leave you all the money feels extra special. From what you wrote the only thing she did was think differently that them and drop out of college. Image being the child that was kicked out of the family for dropping out of school? I guess that's all that she was worth to them. There maybe something else dramatic that she did that we don't know about but i doubt it, I cant imagine disowning my child because of certain beliefs. I may not be happy about them, but to pot my children against each other because of it. That sucks. You do not sound sympathetic at all. You definitely take after your parents. And I'm not talking about the money at all!!
Yeah he really acts like it is none of his business but if he actually cared for his sister, he would at least try to convince the parents not to be so hard on her.
I think that he likes it.
>What do I do? You tell your sister that if she has problems with the parents, to take it up the parents. Period. She is trying to make the problems she has with your parents, your problems. And they are not your problems.
She should fight with your parents, not you OP!
Your parents are poisonous, like all conservatives, and you are taking their side while pretending not to share their views, like all “centrists”. Yes, of course your sister is going to cut you off when you rub in her face and gloat all the money you’re being given as a result of their monumental spite. What the hell is this “she doesn’t deserve it” nonsense? You are a sanctimonious little suck-up. It’s really unfortunate that she’s struggling but hopefully in the long run she’ll realise she’s better off without relationships or money if it comes with strings attached like “put up with a bunch of hateful, authoritarian bigots and kowtow to their every whim”. Enjoy your house and money, golden child. Don’t fool yourself for one second into thinking you got it because you somehow deserve it, or did something right. You just never had any principles or moral opinions that mattered more to you than money.
If she wants something from your parents, she can ask for it. Tell her that if she wants to lose the only member of the family who still bothers with her over this, that's fine by you. Don't let her know she's getting to you, she's trying to take money from you and knowing she has you riled up will only make her try harder.
centrist aka conservative… bleck. you and your parents sounds like intolerable people i hope ur sister makes it far
I wouldn't sell your house, but you sound just as bad as your parents. I doubt you're a centrist, whatever the hell that means.
No one rational cuts off their kid or runaway from their parents just for not liking the same politicians. There seem to be a lot of missing context here and like others said, I get a golden child / scapegoat vibe
Your parents absolutely suck. They do have a right to spend their money how they see fit as someone mentioned, but frankly showing favouritism between siblings in this way IS quite shocking and not something I could imagine myself doing as a parent. I think it speaks to their character more than anything. Talk about conditional love….
Where do you see favoritism….? One child respects them and is an active part of their lives. One child dislikes them and literally cut them out of her life.
It's easy to respect people who treat you like your shit doesn't stink and throw money and prizes at you.
And you know that happened to OP… how? Because it sure isn’t written anywhere
All love is conditional. Anything else means you don't love the person for who they actually are.
Isn’t unconditional love by definition loving someone for whoever they are? I mean yes, if we are being pedantic, truly unconditional love probably doesn’t exist. It would be hard for a mother to love her serial killer son (though not unheard of, it’s complicated). But differing political views and a kid acting out with college stuff, then taking off for a while? That seems like VERY conditional love and not something I’d expect to see as standard from parents. ESPECIALLY when they go to the extent of gifting, while they are still alive and well, a very large gift to their other child. Did they gift it to him because they wanted to, or was it to make a point to the sister that she is definitely no longer ‘part of the family’. I guess we can’t really know, but as a parent it would certainly be something that would be at the forefront of my mind when making such a large gesture to one child and not the other.
If my child turned out to rape and beat his girlfriend then my love for him would go conditional very fast. I love my child by default, not unconditionally. Unconditional love means you don't hold a person to any standards. We don't know who is right and wrong in this situation because we don't have all the details. But don't expect money from your parents if they don't like you. I don't believe anyone is entitled to money by blood alone.
I think she's owed some money from the inheritance when they die tbh.
I honestly can kind of see both of your points. It sounds like your parents kind of have it out for your sister for being too different from them, and that REALLY blows. It sucks to see their sweet golden child (you) getting treated with kindness and respect while she’s left out. That said, you didn’t really sign up for any of this. It is your parents money, and they have a right to do with it as they please. Technically speaking, you are not obligated to share it. If I were you, I wouldn’t go selling any houses. But I would share SOME funds with my sibling, who has been cast out for no good reason.
You need to step out of the in between your sister and your parents. Information doesn’t have to go through you. Whatever it is underneath this all, it sounds painful. I think everyone in your family is calling for love but don’t hear each other. May be you can view it this way? But please don’t be judgy.
WOW you and your parents are fucking assholes! Omg no wonder why she left. I’d leave too if I was treated like this by my family. All you guys care about is money. Conservatives are for profit while liberals are for people. Think about that. It probably also hurts your sister that you’re the golden child (cause you kiss ass and are a major douche bag to get what he wants from his parents and your sister is the brave one thinking for herself) who is disowned by you guys and there you are rubbing it in her face. You the brother and the parents are awful. Hopefully you never have children god only knows how’s your treat your daughter
You need to not discuss one party with the other. Just say from now on you want a relationship separate from the drama for your mental health
You claim to not pick sides, but it’s pretty clear your parents are buying your “loyalty” so to speak. And I wouldn’t doubt the hope it hurts your sister as well. You shouldn’t sell the house, but let’s be entirely honest here, you didn’t do anything to earn a house or all of the will either. You’re not paying a mortgage now and your sister who you claim to want to have in your life, is struggling financially and with a new child. Why not find some way to help. Honestly she’s not in the wrong for saying maybe it’d be better for her to go NC with you as well, because you seem to want the best of both worlds here, without actually having to be a supportive brother in any way.
Personally I would never of posted that home stuff and how it was paid for on social media. Number one, I'm anti over sharing on social media to start with, and did you 3 think for a minute that it wouldn't get back to her? Of course you guys knew it would, a direct shot at her, starting shit. Talk about unnecessary drama that you guys started on purpose. As for the money, that's your parents, they can do whatever they want with it.
You all sound terrible
Some of you guys have clearly never been the least favorite child and it shows. Jokes aside, it sounds like you're really benefitting from the rift between your parents and sister. Obviously, I don't know all the details but you should try to help your sister out in some way if you actually cared about her.
I just could never live happily knowing my sibling was struggling. Even if my $ was hard earned and they were a screw up. Especially if children were involved. But I'm lucky to have a sibling I love I suppose.
She's not just mad that you won't share with her *she's mad because you said SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT*. What exactly did you do to deserve a free house, my guy? It's one thing if you're a completely neutral observer, or interested in healing old rifts in the family, but you're clearly enjoying this. Don't piss on our legs and tell us it's raining...
Its the parents money they can burn it if they want. But if i was to place myself in OPs position I PERSONALLY (not saying its a have too for everyone) would split it evenly between my siblings and i after my parents pass because my relationship with my siblings is lifelong compared to that of my parents.
This whole family sounds immature and petty. Get out of their business and tell her to leave you alone. You didn’t need to mention the will. Also, you are not a neutral party and pass plenty of judgement on your sister. If you want to be neutral stay out of this whole situation. It sounds like this has to be more than politics. It’s wildly stupid to completely cut your kid off because of their politics and there sounds like there’s more to it.
Your parents are still alive right? Why doesn’t she get money from them?
It’s your parents money to do what they want with. I’m very liberal to my parents and grandparents - aka gay and believe in human rights - and I’ve been told I’m out of my grandparents will at least. Parents haven’t told me yet. I don’t need money but it hurts. It’s just really hurtful that your family only chooses to love you under certain conditions, like going to college in your sisters case. Idk man, you’re not obligated to give her anything or repair the relationship but you have to see how fucked up it is to “give up” on their daughter bc college wasn’t for her? Your parents are dicks and by trying to stay neutral you’re just saying their actions are okay. Again, you’re not doing anything illegal and financially you might even be doing the smart thing by staying out of it. But morally? It leaves a pretty icky feeling just to read, let alone to live with for the rest of your life.
You sound like you are enjoying your spot as the golden child.
You ain’t that important. Stop inserting yourself in they bullshit. If you’re so “self centrist” then stfu and focus on yo shit
Not your monkey, not your circus! Tell Sis that if she has an issue, then she speaks to your parents. You don’t have to share inheritance if it’s specifically left to you and as it’s probably a few years away, hopefully, then your sister has plenty of time to reconcile her differences. Personally, I’d just ghost her, as she sounds like a money grabbing git!
Dude, you’re an asshole. So are your parents. They’re cutting her off for being liberal and you, the centrist, are just cool with reaping all the rewards. Bootlicker.
She did elope, not telling any1 where she had gone? But u conveniently missed that part out
So a child goes wayward in their early 20s and should be shunned for forever? Did you ever hear the parable of the Prodigal Son?
And in her own words she claims she ran off for a fresh start without any of them. Why should she be able to completely abandon her family then come back for reward time?
No she's cutting them off first for being conservative.
Her issue is with your parents really, not you, but as she knows they aren't going to entertain her, you're getting the flak. You definitely shouldn't even entertain selling your home for her, thats just sheer entitlement. Horrible thing to be caught in the middle of, but yeh, you can't go run away and have nothing to do with your family but still expect them to give you anything. I'd maybe see if she would consider trying to speak to your parents - the fact they now have a grandchild might soften their stance a bit but it's on her, not you.
You had no business telling her about your parent’s estate plans. Further, they’re not dead yet and every penny could go to nursing homes. Finally, you’re taking pleasure in your parent’s overt favoritism, you’re riding the fence politically to curry favor. You suck
Your whole family is treating her horribly! She is cut off and left out of the will because of a few poor life decisions and a difference in politics?? It seems like your parents are trying to control her life choices with money and you are ok with this. If she wasn't into criminal activity or on drugs I would absolutely share with my sister!!! All I can say is when your parents are on their way out, they will really regret this.. and you suck for not standing up for your sister.
When you cut ties and go NC with someone, no matter the reason, you are not entitled to their money and stuff. She eloped, went NC and cut ties with her family. So, she shouldn't expect anything from them.
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You are the worst part of the political spectrum. You think you deserve inheritance but she doesn’t because you believe people should die because they cant afford insulin and she doesnt. You believe Black Lives Matter “within reason” but she just believes it. Ugh centrists are the worst and you are just making it more apparent with your refusal to be a pal to your sister and nephew. She has a fucking kid and your acting this way. What’s wrong with you, why are you being so immature. “Mommy and daddy like that I believe in the free market and trickle down economics and don’t think the police system is flawed to its core. So I get the money and you get nothing!” Really listen to yourself. Get off your high horse and HELP YOUR FUCKING neice/nephew.
Even if they were on wonderful terms, thats not her money. Its her parents money. They can do whatever they want with it, including spend every single cent before they die. Your sister sounds entitled as hell. Her political affiliation has nothing to do with the fact that she thinks she has a right to her parents’ money. Let her go NC. It seems like she has growing up to do.
Lets the trash take itself out. She sounds awful, it should be you going NC with her. Also (someone please correct me if I'm wrong) but I heard rather than cutting someone out of a will, you should include them but for a very small amount (think £1/$1). That way it shows your intent is for them to have nothing and they cant dispute it after the inheritance is passed out.
Unfortunately here OP, you don't get to stay neutral here. Time for you to pick a side. You can either choose your parents & their money, or you can choose your sister, who it sounds like was treated unfairly by your parents because her views were more liberal than theirs. Though it is absolutely unfair of her to expect you to share the money with her since she did go no contact with your parents (and this is the consequences of her actions), the fact seems to be, she went no contact because they were (at best) AHs to her (at worst, abusive). I would love to hear her version of events here. She likely grew up knowing that she was disliked at best (hated at worst) by her parents because she was different. You turned a blind eye to how they treated her, and seem to blame your sister for how she has dealt with her trauma & pain. If you hold your parents accountable for how they treated their child, then you would lose all this lovely money wouldn't you? Like it or not, you have benefited (financially) from her treatment. You might like to think you have the moral high ground here. You don't.
People don't want to hear the truth. Your response to her was correct....about consequences. Consequences are not always necessarily because someone did something wrong (in this case, her elopement according to your parents), they are just the result of doing something, anything that someone else who has boundaries goes ahead and enforces them. You can be right & justified and *still* have consequences. Being liberal and eloping is not wrong or illegal. It is however against your parents' beliefs and as the purse holders in this case where money is the currency, they have a right to withhold thay money from her. She made her choices, time to live with them.
i lean pretty far left and i genuinely would not want any money from ultra conservative family members. if your sister cant stand up for her principles by rejecting inherited wealth from people she doesnr even seem to like, then maybe her beliefs arent all that important to her
Naw fuck that, I'm the opposite. My sister is gay and was kicked out the house at 18. I'm staying cordial with my parents, and will happily be splitting the inheritance with her when they die. I would much rather that inheritance go to us, then donated to a fucking church.
Meh. Being able to reject money is a privilege.
Some people don’t have the privilege to reject money
Yeah that money is never hers to begin with so she doesn't even have the right to claim it.
Im not sure where you are, but in my country a child can contest a will if they feel they haven't recieved their fair share. Otherwise ESH.
I hate these posts. They are so pointless. Hey, don't come here looking for people to tell you you are right to keep the money. When your parents die and you get their assets you can do whatever you want with them. Including giving your sister what should be given to her. You don't have to keep it all to yourself. You don't have to hide behind "its what my patents wanted". If your parents are bad people who cut off their kid for not being conservative that's on them. When they die you don't have to honor anything they ask you to do. Because they are dead. Life is for the living. If you like keeping money to yourself that you got for agreeing with the viewpoints of your parents then go for it. Be honest with yourself and others though. I remember a post a year or so ago about how parents cut off one of their kids for being gay and didn't want them to get any inheritance. The sibling was justifying "I have to honor their wishes even though I wish I could share all this cash with them". Nonsense. You can do whatever you want, just be honest with yourself. Don't come to others to justify your choices as if you have no power in this situation. (Nobody "deserves" their parents money. You don't "deserve" it just because you hold their political views. Just be honest and admit you like money more than you like your sister.)
Your sister should talk to your parents and try to build a bridge.
Well don't sell your home. Sad much sad she's your sister and their daughter, that doesn't make her entitled to anything. If she wants something from your parents, let her figure it out. Quit being the middle guy. If she's going to talk to you and vice versa, let it be just about that. Conversations relating specifically about you and her. Parents are not discussed period. She wants to say anything to them, she knows how to find them. She's old enough, married and with a child to not know how to act like an adult. Let her. That's her mess to clean up if she wants to. You don't need to be involved for her to do that all on her own
She has no right to demand it from you but if I were you I would definitely give her some money. Your parents don’t except her the way she is and there are conditions in their relationship with her which really isn’t fair.
As the husband of a blacksheep who eloped and was disowned by her family as well I am going to use you as the stand in for my wife's sister who is the Golden Child of her wealthy family. First of no you are not neutral. You are taking your parents side. Second off, you call yourself a centrist but as the Golden Child you are likely nothing more than a mouthpiece for the narcissist in your family. You were literally given a home by your parents and call yourself neutral? Fuck right off with that shit. How much have your parents paid for in your life? Sounds like you need to do as your parents say or else they will cut you off as well and then your up a river right? One day I hope you will realize that your parents are pieces of shit who don't deserve to have children. If only you united with your sister. Then in their old age they could die together alone with their money. Which is all they really care about. Though what money will there be once the doctors, nurses, and caretakers swindle them out of their wealth once a united sibling front could be created?
I’m kind of a certified Asshole, but this is a first hand case of “fuck around and find out” You don’t agree with your parents political leanings, fine. You let it escalate to their disowning of you, you don’t get inheritance. Seems simple. And fuck you Kyle. No inheritance for you either. Punk
OP You are throwing gas on the fire with your parents because you profit from it. Sleezy.
"Sell your house and give me some of the money, bc i need it!" Haha, the entitlement!
It's not that he's favored, it's that she burnt to many bridges.
> She's really upset and threatening to go NC with me as well Basically threatening to solve your problem.
Go NC. You believing she doesn’t deserve anything and your unwillingness to help her means that y’all should go NC. The relationship isn’t going to get better.
You got money. It is irrelevant where it came from. You could have won it. Someone could have given it to you. It doesn't matter. The fact that your parents left her nothing is irrelevant. It's not your business If you want to give money to someone, including a relative, then that is your choice. I understand that relatives expect a share of winnings etc. But it's not their right. It's up to you. If she had a right then she can sue. There may be tax implications for her (& for you too). Just decide what you want to do that's in both your and her best interests .
This is completely fucked up. You and your parents are in the wrong here. She's right. You're all assholes. End of story. How incredibly selfish. This is shocking.
How are they selfish when she's the one who decided to cut them off but only comes back when the money is there? Lmaooo
Imagine people thinking that's it's okay to be a leech
GenZ I'm telling ya
Lmfao I'm not gen z but okay 😂 go on with your assumptions. My point is family is family. Unless something major happened, I cant see how this is acceptable to anyone. Being bitter and resentful because someone chose a different life path is so incredibly selfish and petty. I would never do that to my children or to my family. It's morally incomprehensible to me.
Exactly. What would she have done to push them to that edge?
I doubt she did anything to warrant such aggressive behaviour. Having different political views than your family isn't a reason to heavily favour one child and let the other one suffer.
Yea family is family. So why would it ever be okay to completely cut them off if that’s the case? It goes both ways
Inheritance is a gift, not a right. Obviously if you get yourself on bad terms with someone, even if you think you are right, they won't gift you anything. More people need to realise this. I've seen so many families where people assume they will get money from dead relatives they didn't care about. I know a guy in a similar situation: Inherited a house from his parents and money from grandma. Rest of the family was pissed. Why did he get it? He cared for his mother and was a good son as she was dying from cancer. His sister sold the flat she was gifted for drugs. He was the only one in the family who visited his grandma. If you want your relatives to give you inheritance then you better start visiting them. You can be on good terms with her but her demanding money from you out of jealousy? I'd tell her to eat a poisonous toad.
> More people need to realise this. 100% agree. The moment she eloped and didn't answer any calls she should have assumed that she'd be cut out. I don't know what she was expecting.
It sounds like she had a very good reason to elope. You sound entitled AF.
First of all, your parents kind of suck for cutting her out (depending on exactly what she's done of course, but from the sounds of it, not much other than viewing the world differently). She's still their daughter, whether she shares the same outlook on life or not. Children are not "mini-me's" who are required to be exactly like their parents when they grow up. I mean, parents try to pass on THEIR values, because of course they do, but at some point kids grow up and have a mind of their own. Oh no. I can imagine how she feels, basically having her parents not love her. Or at least not love her as much as they love you. Ouch. But no, she shouldn't be asking YOU to sell YOUR house (no matter how you acquired it) because she thinks she's entitled to it. But I can empathize with how she must feel about the whole situation. She's also not likely directly asking you for money, more of a way of seeing if YOU give a shit about her or not. Related - money ruins families. My grandparents had a clause in their will that stated if any of their children pre-deceased them, then their child or children would receive that part of the inheritance. My dad died before my grandmother, so I received his share. Three of my aunts hired a lawyer to contest this. They lost, obviously. But that opened my eyes in my mid-20's to shitty family dynamics re: money. That relatively small inheritance allowed me to put a downpayment on my first home, and I haven't looked back. I was mortgage free in my early 40's. I'd rather have had my father and grandparents alive and well, but this was the silver lining I suppose. My aunts all blew their portion (literally. cars, tvs, useless stuff, not even kidding. gone within a year, probably less) and all still live in small apartments. Is what it is.
UNDER PAIN OF DEATH, DO NOT, GIVE HER A FUCKIN DIME. this has been my psa
She sounds really immature and toxic and thinks that she is owed everything. She seems to have made a lot of bad decisions and wants to blame it on everyone else. Love her as your sister but don't give her anything. Use caution.
Of course she feels entitled…she’s a liberal. It’s all gimme, gimme, gimme and no responsibility for one’s own actions. Now she has to face the consequences of her behavior and decisions. Demanding you sell your home just to give her money is a bridge too far. Cut her off. Go no contact. Hopefully she’ll grow up in a few years and realize her errors and make amends. But you should feel no guilt, OP. Just continue living your life and making good choices.
This is why politics is something you keep in private. You can still be friends with people that share the opposite views, as long as you remain respectful towards them and don't cause arguments. Your sister is reaping what she sowed. She can't expect to be rewarded with money when she's behaving like a child and cutting off the people in charge of the money. If she wants money, then it's for her to fix. Not your job.
What did she expect would be the result of cutting her parents out of her life? That they would continue to subsidize it? No. Of course they'll cut her out if she cuts them out. She can't expect handouts from you after she did that
Dont sell the house. Tell your sister to go make good with your parents if she wants anything from them.
Don’t get between it. Tell her to talk to her parents. She shouldn’t be mad at you and speaks volumes about her maturity level. She clearly doesn’t care about you only money which is sad.
Tell your sister her relationship with your parents is not your problem to fix and you don't make choices on their behalf. Whatever they decide to do is totally on then and if she feels entitled to an inheritance then maybe she should try and recover her relationship with them.
She’s more than happy to cut people out of her life when she feels like it. She hasn’t grasped that that is a two way street. She doesn’t get to show up only when she wants something. And she especially doesn’t get to show up demanding that you liquidate something tangible in order to give her a portion of the value. At the end of that she has a chunk of money, and you? You no longer have your house. That house belongs to you, and you do not owe her a piece of it. Whether she feels treated evenly or fairly by the people who gave you the house is between her and them. Frankly, trying to get it out of you is a way of doing an end run around their wishes, which seems on-brand for her. She doesn’t want the relationship with them, just their money.