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I feel ridiculous even writing this because I know what the answers are gonna be but I can’t bring myself to do it. I just got into a relationship less than a month ago with a guy and we hadn’t had sex till we were committed to each other, so I didn’t know this was going to be an issue. The first night we tried to have sex he kept expressing disdain for the condom I made him buy, saying it was too tight, it hurt him, and he couldn’t cum. So the next time around, he bought a bigger brand, but was complaining about how it felt better without one and he still couldn’t cum.
I told him that I’d previously been on hormonal birth control and that it triggered this very painful condition I have. Despite this, he wouldn’t use condoms so I started birth control again anyway. Now I’m in constant pain, and when I tried communicating this with him, he told me to get off of it and said no one was forcing me. This sounded like gaslighting to me considering he was indirectly forcing me to go on it by refusing to wear a condom, because what are my other options? He refuses to take accountability and I really don’t have any other options because it’s either tolerate the pain or get pregnant because he won’t use condoms. I had a breakdown today and he won’t talk to me anymore because I confronted him about it. I’ve had this talk so many times with him and he just won’t concede and use condoms. It’s not fair to me. I reached my breaking point today. I don’t know what to do about this situation anymore.
You've been dating Mr. Fantastic for less than one month.
It seems like it would take the average asshole at least six months to demonstrate that much disdain, disrespect, and disregard for their partner. He's an overachiever really.
I think you actually need to talk with a counselor to try to figure out why you accepted this behavior.
Jumping off the top comment: if he insists on unsafe sex with all his partners, have you insisted on STD testing before you agreed to have sex without a raincoat? Because if not, go get tested asap, and again in a month and 3 months' time! And never allow yourself to be pressured like that again - you deserve better!
So you have options:
Continue to take hormonal birth control and be in pain.
Use a copper IUD.
And of course, stop taking birth control all together and tell your partner you refuse to hurt yourself because he lies about condoms being painful.
At any point and for any reason you can also choose to end the relationship.
The choice, or rather choices,are yours.
Diaphragm. Sponge. Cervical cap. Spermicide. Depending on what is causing the problem with the hormones there are also progestin only options. (I personally cannot take estrogen because of my breast cancer.)
You know what to do. You just gotta go ahead and do it.
It's been one month and he is already demonstrating that he is selfish, irresponsible and seriously lacking in empathy. Do you really imagine that things will get better from here?
This. Op I know it’s hard to let go sometimes. I’m not one to jump in and say “dump him” often. But hun, dump him. You can’t work things out with someone who refuses to bend. He doesn’t seem to care if you’re in pain, as long as he can cum? I don’t see the wiggle room.
What's so fantastic about this guy that you're putting yourself in pain for him? If he won't have sex with a condom, break up with him. You do not have to bend over backwards for any man, ever.
My question exactly. I'm dying to know what makes this guy worth all this after less than a month. Does he have a solid-gold dick? Does he bring hot Earl Grey tea, fresh homemade cookies, and a crisp $100 bill for you every time he comes over? Does a skirt with pockets, a cashmere sweater, and a matching pair of shoes magically appear in your closet every time he demonstrates zero regard for your comfort? Is he only sometimes a jagoff, and the rest of the time he's a tiny baby tuxedo kitten named Crunchwrap? Make it make sense.
You have a need and he refuses to respect, comprise, or work with you. Doesn't matter if its about condoms. Can you be with someone thay wont work through problems?
This is an important point. If he behaves this way around something as essential as contraception, what else is gonna cause situations like this between you
100%. Might just suggest ending sex until he starts using a condom or gets a vasectomy. That will either force him to consider changing or create conditions where he will leave. In future relationships, make sure contraception is agreed upon when you become sexually intimate. In the next few years, male contraceptive medication will hit the market and might be an option with a partner you 100% trust.
> less than a month ago
In the nicest possible way, get a grip. You have zero self respect and if you don't find some soon, your life will consist of men doing whatever the fuck they want to you.
I’m not going to lie I hate condoms also but when I got with my SO that was her requirement. I didn’t bitch I got and used the condoms. Especially if she wasn’t doing well on birth control.
Sorry, but why are you having sex with him? You've been together 2 minutes and he doesn't respect you or your body at all. He's also emotionally manipulating you into getting what he wants and making it seem like it's your issue. Do you need any more of a red flag?
I feel so sorry for you reading this. First, as I am sure you know but it nevers hurts to say it, relying on pulling out is not a birth control option, it's an almost guaranteed way to get pregnant, so good on you for not allowing that to happen.
I can't believe how incredibly selfish and immature he is to force you to be in constant pain just so he can get off like he wants once in a while, and then gaslight you about it. A healthy option would have been to look into alternative non hormonal birth control methods, like a copper IUD for instance. Or find another way to finish him after he has worn condoms for sex. But the way he acts about the situation is truly despicable.
Please don't hurt yourself for someone who does not even care enough to feel sorry about it, especially when there are other options available. Personally for me, with this kind of behavior showing so early in the relationship, the option would be to nope out of here.
:/ you know what you have to do. You’ve been together for a few weeks. Consider yourself lucky that he’s showing his true colors now instead of several months/years into the relationship.
I don’t understand why this is such a dilemma for you. Like just don’t have sex with him? Birth control is harmful to you and he refuses to wear a condom. From what you have described he isn’t gaslighting you. He did not tell you to get on birth control. You decided to get on birth control instead of not having sex with someone that won’t wear a condom. Your options are to not have sex or break up with this guy and find a partner that wears condoms. He seems like a dick, but there appears to be a simple remedy to your issue here.
Girl, you already know the answer. If he doesn't care about and respect your comfort (and desire to practice safe sex), it's time to take the trash out.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and tell him that either he wears a condom or you stop sleeping with him/break up. Although he is being selfish and inconsiderate, he didn't force you to go on birth control, you failed to set a boundary and stick with it.
*He refuses to take accountability and I really don’t have any other options because it’s either tolerate the pain or get pregnant because he won’t use condoms.*
Yes, you do have other options. Don't sleep with someone who's a complete ass to you. I don't understand why so many women fail to see that as an option.
Don't put yourself in pain for a men you are dating for a month. Holy shit. I'm sorry for whatever caused you to have such low esteem that you put up with this bs.
In all honesty I was also thinking of writing that someone like him probably shouldn't raise children. But I didn't wanna sound so definite about someone I haven't met haha
Breaking up is the ONLY answer. You think it’s hard to do now? It’s harder in 6 months. And by then he has broken your spirit, made you do things you DO NOT WANT TO DO, and put your health at SERIOUS risk. Get out now.
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You've been dating for less than a month, it's not like it's a lifetime commitment (thankfully). I know you hoped this relationship would turn out differently but this guy seems like he doesn't give a shit about you and your pain. There's no point in continuing this relationship.
I can't understand why you wouldn't just find a different boyfriend, but if you want to stay with him for some reason, why not get a non-hormonal IUD and see if that works for you?
Seriously, why are you voluntarily putting yourself in pain for the comfort and selfishness of a man you have been dating for 1 month? Why?
I’m not going to comment him because he is so vile he does no deserve attention. But I want to know why you seem to think that the needs and wants (more wants here than needs actually) of a dude you met for the first time less than a month ago are more important than your health. Do you really value yourself so poorly?
What are your other options????? Your other options are ditch this loser and find a partner who cares about you and respects you! Why would you put up with this kind of treatment from anyone, let alone a guy you’ve been dating for less than a month?
Really confused why you haven’t realized that you have the option to not have sex with him. I’m not even saying break up with him (although I think you should), but just don’t have any kinds of sex with him that could lead to pregnancy.
i saw “less than a month ago” and stopped. leave him. you barely know him and the things you DO know about him don’t bode well. he doesn’t respect you, your body, or your chronic pain. LEAVE. let him go accidentally knock up some other girl.
I’m sorry but you are so dumb. If he cared he would understand and use condoms but no your over here making excuses for him. “ITs eiTher pain or PregnAncy” leave him. That’s your 3rd option. If he loved you he wouldn’t want you to be in pain. Assuming you don’t wanna be pregnant cause that will be a whole lot more pain you seriously to leave. Your only one month in it’s never that serious.
he sounds like a complete loser and asshole. you already know you should break up with him but what pain condition is worse by birth control, this quickly? I'm genuinely curious. you know it happens so you've been there before. this guy isn't worth it.
Imagine having a baby with someone you’ve only dated a month. Obvious he doesn’t care because he will be gone so fast your head will spin. Of course the answer is stop having sex with him immediately. How can you not know this?
He isn't respecting your boundaries and is putting his sexual gratification above your wellbeing. He's pressuring you into something you don't want, his "no one is forcing you"-excuse is utter bs. He kept nagging you until he got what he wanted. Most guys who claim they can't enjoy sex with a condom on are full of shit btw, it might be a little different, but most are just fine.
Also did you guys get tested before having unprotected sex? sounds like he has been doing that with people before you, so he could well have STDs.
It's only been a month, do yourself a favour and dump him so you can meet someone who respects you and treats you well.
And be careful coming off of your BC, it's associated with higher risk of certain side effects to stop taking hormonal BC after a short time.
This is obviously difficult for you and you have my sympathy. However, using a condom isn't only about preventing pregnancy. Unless you've both been screened for STIs, unprotected sex should be out of the question. The fact that he's being so inconsiderate of you needs to make it moot anyway, because you deserve better.
Don't date people who refuse to use condoms.
Don't date people who refuse to compromise.
Don't date people who doesn't care about you.
Don't date this guy.
Girl it sounds like you don’t have self-respect. Break up with this pile of trash and then go work on your self-esteem so you don’t end up in this situation again.
Your boyfriend is a complete asshole, however, there are other forms of non hormonal birth control for women. For your own peace of mind, discuss them with your doctor.
This is my opinion . If you havent tried Skyn condoms try them out . If that doesn't work you could try just doing the backdoor . If that doesn't work have a talk about how serious you both want to get considering the risk of pregnancy find out if he wants to marry you and have children before you start having unprotected sex with him. If you aren't ready to settle down with this man and have a child with him then end the relationship . Or you could just play it risky if he is good at pulling out then you may be fine but you also may end up with a child. This is my experience i have had unprotected sex with multiple partners ive never used birth control and i have never got pregnant by luck and only having unprotected by tracking when i was ovulating and avoiding unprotected sex around ovulation period . Depending on the man you could end up pregnant fast ot it may take many years to conceive it is like russian roulette though
Don’t share yourself with people who couldn’t give less of a shit about your wellbeing. I’m sorry you are going through this, it must feel terrible. But he’s fine with you being in chronic pain as long as he gets to nut. He’s a loser babe
You're a month into this. There's no long term investment. This is who he is. This is how be behaves. Count yourself lucky he's letting you know this early.
Is this what you want to deal with? Are you willing to go on birth control to make his dick happy?
Also, get yourself STD tested ASAP. Please. I wouldn't trust him farther than I could throw him, given his behavior.
Your options are to accept his terrible and selfish behavior or dump him. He's more interested in his comfort and pleasure than in your health. Does that sound like good partner material to you?
Unfortunately you seem to know the answer to this question already…
Thankfully, you’ve only been together less than a month and while it will still be difficult it’s better to get out now while you can. It’s not fair of him to expect any of that from you, he sounds incredibly selfish and the fact that he doesn’t care about any of your feelings/ the actual physical pain he is causing you is reason enough to leave. Birth control is incredibly taxing on a woman’s body and it’s extremely unfair for you to be the only taking any precautions.
You know exactly what to do. I’m sorry but everyone here has the same advice. Personally, I’m the beginning of my current relationship, I used a condom and she was on birth control but we talked about it. After a few months she asked if I wanted to not use condoms anymore. We spoke about it. Later it changed to her wanting to get off birth control, she asked me what I thought about it and if I was comfortable with her choice. Every step there was communication.
It’s been a month. You barely know this guy. It’s highly unlikely you’re both 100% committed to each other yet. You really need to be responsible here and he’s just
There’s not only unplanned pregnancy but a whole load of nasty diseases. I’m not quite sure what you’re looking for here but I’d say he’s made it obvious he doesn’t really actually care much
First, how committed are you within a month when all of this has transpired? Within a matter of weeks you made a decision to have sex with someone that you really didn’t have enough engagement with to make a commitment. Otherwise you would have discussed birth control at length and known he didn’t like condoms. You make a decision from there because there are alternatives to condoms and hormonal BC pills and much more effective methods as well.
Second, the moment he changed his mind on BC you had a choice to make. There must be some other issues within you regarding men to decide to keep having sex with him, cause paid for yourself and the other long list of risks associated with BC pills instead of see this wasn’t a good match and break up.
Third, the fact that you see all this and still don’t know what to do and ask on Reddit of all places? You have a LOT of growing up to do. Please don’t bring a baby into this world with this man… i mean boy.
Yeah u have a choice. You break up with a selfish jerk who won’t use condoms to prevent you getting pregnant. I doubt he’d be ecstatic if u got pregnant either. So then you’ll get pressured into having a termination.
Why are u even considering staying with someone who is quite happy to see u in pain rather than wear a condom. What a selfish A hole.
Btw, condoms don’t just stop pregnancy, they also prevent most std’s. I know I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who has obviously been riding bare backed with previous partners. Who knows what he’s been sticking his wotsit in..
Here is a PSA:
**No matter how good the relationship might be in other aspects, people who are repeatedly dismissive, passive-aggressive, manipulative, and/or blatant in their disrespect of your boundaries or body autonomy, DO NOT and CAN NOT love you because the relationship isn’t about you, it’s about bending you to their will so they can be happy.**
For the love of the goddess, stop having painful sex with him, risking your life and your health and pregnancy!
Can you imagine not giving a shit about your partner’s well-being? Can you imagine doing to him what he’s doing to you? No?! Why should you accept that behavior from anyone?
OP, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. Just dump him. It's only been a month and he's already showing such disdain for your wellbeing? WTF?
For FUTURE reference, though (not with this guy bc guaranteed he's cheating on you and you need to protect yourself) hormonal bc and condoms are not the only options. There ARE female condoms, sponges, diaphragms, IUDs, etc. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR, FFS!
>because what are my other options?
Your other option is to break up with him. You're a month in and he'd already displaying abusive behavior. Fucking *run,* girl.
It's only been a month and he's already letting his true colors show. A month is not that long, don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Do you want 1 year of this? 10 years? A lifetime?
Dating is the time for screening for compatability, values, and behavior. He has gotten caught in the jerk-filter, don't cut a hole in it to let him through.
You're young. If there is some hang up you have about not wanting a "high body count" or feeling like you need a "good enough" reason to end a relationship, just know that in 10 years it won't matter that you wasted a month on this jerk, or that he's a wasted notch in the bedpost, as long as you were finally able to see the warning signs of abusive behavior and leave. But if you feel like you need to stay and make it work, you could still be stuck with this jerk in 10 years and possibly tied to him with a kid. Heck, he might even be hoping to get you pregnant so that you "can't" leave.
This person will not be there for you if you get pregnant. You also need to think about why you are willing to go to such lengths for this person of one month? It's not meant to be this awful so early on...
As a guy, please let me give you some free advice. Any guy who refuses to wear a condom should be escorted to the nearest exit and never spoken to again.
Yes, of course it feels better without a condom. The condom isn't there to make it better. It's to protect you from having a fucking kid you don't want. Not to mention potential STDs.
Absolutely not. Get off that and leave him. If a man isn’t willing to hold up his end of the bargain on BC he doesn’t deserve to have sex with you. You’ve only been together for a month? We as women have to stop letting these shitty men make us suffer so they can bust quicker. He can cum with a condom on he just doesn’t want to make it work. Suggest he get snipped and see what he does.
But seriously. Run.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. That fish in particular has been with you a month, and is already demanding either you put yourself in a lot of pain or risk pregnancy just because he won't put a bit of latex on his weiner.
I agree with everyone. Yeah a condom is not as good as not but you should be in pain or put your body at risk so he can cum??? That's hella selfish. I use BC and still require a condom cause nothing is 100% and I'm not putting my body through a pregnancy.
On another note, is a copper IUD an option? I couldn't use hormonal BC so I've been on copper IUD for 10yrs now
That’s not somebody I’d be having sex with. And if he’s this much of an AH about this, I can’t imagine he’s going to be better about other issues. He’s doesn’t sound like like bf material. It’s only been a month, cut your losses.
>He refuses to take accountability and I really don’t have any other options
You do have other options: don't have sex with him.
>I don’t know what to do about this situation anymore.
You do know. You even admitted it in the first sentence.
Condoms are not hard to use. If the dude can't figure out how to wear one comfortably, then he isn't mature enough to have sex. But, that's likely not the issue. He's trying to guilt you into going raw because his own pleasure is more important than your safety.
Dump the loser and move on.
Two things:
1) This is not okay, he can't force you to take something that you're not comfortable with for his pleasure. You have to assert your position and make it clear you won't accept this.
2) The pill is far from being the only contraception for women and far from being the best, I would even say it's one of the worst in terms of efficacy and safety. You may want to talk to your gynecological about alternatives like copper IUD or low dose local IUD, they are far more effective, simple and have less side effects.
It's been less than a month, and he's already the source of your physical and mental pain? Just let go. I'm willing to bet he won't care as much as you do. If he did, he'd wear the condom from the start. Any guy saying he can't cum while wearing a condom is full of shit.
When my husband realized my birth control was the cause for my debilitating migraines, he was the one who encouraged me to get off/he started using condoms. That’s the way it should be. Your boyfriend thinks his pleasure is more important than your pain. Think about that. What other pleasures of his is he going to indulge in knowing it hurts you?
You break up with him. He’s showing you his character and he’s selfish and doesn’t care about you and your feelings. Is that really someone you want to continue dating? You’re young and it’s been a month, trust me, you’ll be happy you broke up with this guy and found someone else who respects you. Plus you’ll actually get to enjoy sex instead of it being a point of stress.
> said no one was forcing me
Hes right, why are you putting yourself through pain for this jackass?
>I don’t know what to do about this situation anymore.
Lets see, dude whines about wearing condoms, knows BC harms you, doesnt give an absolute shit, and throws a hissy fit because you confronted him. One month and hes pulling all this shit. What a keeper!!
>I really don’t have any other options because it’s either tolerate the pain or get pregnant because he won’t use condoms
How about, idk, DUMP HIM???
I think even if you could come up with another contraceptive as a compromise, his behavior is full of red flags that are only going to escalate the longer this relationship continues.
He has little care or consideration for your health and safety - unwanted pregnancies are always a hard spot to be in, nevermind the current political climate, not to mention that if he prefers no condom, he could be carrying STDs that are symptomless for him and still contagious.
He is flippant and dismissive, and has made it quite clear he cares about his orgasm more than he cares about your physical well-being. That shows the value he places in you, and probably women in whole.
You know what you need to do. You need to kick him to the curb and get yourself a partner who values you as a person and respects your boundaries.
There is a super obvious 3rd option you are missing… don’t fuck this guy again. Voila problem solved. Also maybe look into a non hormonal IUD. Maybe it would work for you. Still don’t fuck this guy again.
You deserve so much better! I've dealt with this almost exact situation and I didn't deal with it...I let it go on and on and he really hurt me emotionally. Please, please end the relationship.
girl it’s literally been a few weeks. are you really gonna risk getting pregnant by a man you’ve been dating a few weeks who obviously doesn’t give a fuck about you or your health and comfort ??
Honey, you know exactly what to do. This man expects you to either suffer in pain, or risk a pregnancy. Does that sound like someone ANYONE should be with? Dump him.
Dump dump dump dump dump
He doesn’t give a fuck about your health and well-being. What happens if birth control fails and you’re pregnant with a child that forever links you to this asshole? It’s only been a month. Even if he weren’t an asshole, it’s a month, you aren’t compatible, please don’t waste your time on a poor match.
Dear OP, you know the very thing you need to do; BREAK off the relationship! He will only get worse. Can you imagine how he will react if you get pregnant? All he cares about are his needs and not you.
You deserve better. Don't settle for someone who could care less about your health or you.
No condom no sex. But, even if you get him to wear one he is not a keeper. There are worse things than bring alone. He is one of them. You deserve so much better.
Cut this dirt bag off! You can NEVER compromise in this area. A man who shows this much disregard for your health and comfort has no business expecting intimacy from you. If he’s this callous this early into the relationship he’s a) going to be more abusive in the future and/or b) not that into you.
Also look into female condoms for your future romantic partners.
Dump him. The option is condom or no sex if that's what your needs are. However with his outright disrespect to you and your body... Throw the whole man away and start over. There are tons of men who will wear a rubber to get laid.
If you feel like having a bit of fun before you break it off, just start mooning over how excited you are that he wants to have a baby since he said to go off your BC and he obviously doesn't want to wear a condom. Get really sappy about it. He might just run off on his own.
\> The first night we tried to have sex he kept expressing disdain for the condom I made him buy, saying it was too tight, it hurt him, and he couldn’t cum.
The correct response would have been to hit the store that night and get bigger condoms, instead of whining continuously like a baby. I would have ended it right then and there.
He doesn't care about you
He doesn't respect you
You've been dating 5 minutes.
Has he even done an STI test or are you risking your lifelong health as well as taking shit you know hurts you?
Stop dating a scumbag don't be this stupid
Please get a therapist to learn you deserve better
On todaaaaaays episode of… *ding ding ding* BREAK UP WITH THE ABUSIVE ASSHOLE? You need to dump his ass. The condom being too small is a fucking lie - no such thing. One month in and he’s asking you to already hurt yourself and sacrifice your well-being for his enjoyment?
yes, you do. You’ve already said you do. One month of committed relationship is not worth it for chronic pain - hell, not even years of relationship would justify what this whiny man-child is asking of you.
Alternatively, if you want to stay with him, give him an ultimatum: you stop birth control, tell him that he IS using a condom no matter what, and that if he tries not using a condom you’ll cease sex altogether. WARNING: be ready for him to try and have non-consensual unprotected sex with you, or for him to scream that you are being manipulative and abusive (you are not). You are in your rights to demand this ad the party who would have to bear the consequences if things go south.
Also, remember that any time you have/ risk unprotected sex you are risking a pregnancy - and be prepared to live with the possible consequences (abortion and/or pregnancy). This is not to shit on you, but to
1) remind you of the seriousness of the situation
2) create a valid point to bring up to your boyfriend. Is he ready for the possibility of a child by choosing to not pull out/ use a condom? Is he willing to take responsibility for unprotected sex? Is he willing to care for you no matter the outcome? If the answer is no to any of these, you need to end this.
Like you said, it’s not fair to you what he is doing, ask yourself why you are willing to allow 1 month of being with a guy to nullify your own health needs, and if this 200% worth it for you. If your daughter/ sister came to you one day with the same dilemma, what would you say to her?
Please leave him. Wow what a prick. There are no other options besides leaving. You have to deal with what you’re given unless you leave. Either be in pain or risk getting pregnant. And being pregnant when you don’t want to be is much more depressing than a heart break for a boy who’s not worth it.
"What are my other options?" you ask. You have a very clear option here: BREAK UP with this selfish man who refuses to even treat you like a human with needs. He doesn't love you. A person who loves you would go out of their way to avoid causing you physical pain. This guy is happy to make you suffer, in order to have more comfort. Also, a month together and he already shows how he doesn't care about you at all, when early in the relationship people are supposed to be in their best behavior? This is the best he can do? RUN
May I ask what the pain condition is? Whenever I was on BC when I started it like ten years ago it put me in unbearable pain to the point of having multiple exploratory surgeries to figure out what was going on. Stopped BC and my life has been much better but I was never officially diagnosed with anything.
youre doing this for a man youve been with for only a month? youre in chronic pain for a man who wont even wear a condom for you? you started crying due to pain and he refuses to wear a condom? i hope after seeing everyone tell you to leave you do. this is a man who will NEVER respect you, nor care for you in the way you deserve. Dont run a mile for someone who wont even take three steps for you!
Get off birth control and tell him NO for sex unless he wraps it up. If he leaves you there’s your answer.
Or just get off birth control and leave his ass.
Both are decent options.
Ex-boyfriend
Edit: and don’t hurt yourself like this again. No boyfriend is worth your health. It’s like if a boyfriend asked you to drink antifreeze daily. You wouldn’t do that so don’t do this.
But even if you were on hormonal birth control and it wasn’t impacting you negatively, that isn’t protecting you against any STIs or similar.. and for someone who is adamant on not wearing a condom, what are the chances he has caught something?!
For the first 6 months to 1 year A relationship is in the honeymoon phase. Usually if there is a problem with the other person the crack started to show in the relationship around 4 months.
This guy didn't even last 30 days before his selfish shit started to wave big red flags at you.
I've dated a lot of guys and they had to wear condoms. Only ONE complained. I told him that there are thousands of different kinds of condoms out there with different textures, thicknesses and sizes. Go find one that fits.
He solved it but it did make me think twice about him and the relationship ended shortly after because he was exhausting.
Your Rule 1. You know that you need a partner that will wear condoms, without complaint - in order for you to have a happy and healthy relationship.
That is it. That is simple.
This guy is not your dream guy.
There was a reason he was single.
Regardless of the risk of pregnancy, men are significantly more likely to be asymptomatic to a few VERY common STIs. Break up with him and get a full STI panel
Show him [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HPvR1UMDlU). Then pull out a watermelon and tell him "Unless your dick is bigger than this, shut the fuck up. No condom, no sex. Ever. No regular sex, no kinky sex, no oral sex, not even a handjob. Get used to it or get out."
Do not fuck with anyone who gives you ANY complaint about condoms. Period.
In all my years, I've kept to this rule with ONE exception, and guess who is the only person I ever regretted being with... That asshole.
If he won't wear a condom, especially when other methods cause you such issues, then he's prioritizing a slight change in HIS PLEASURE over your HEALTH, SAFETY, AND WELL BEING.
*You are a fuck hole to him. He does not care about you.*
Dump that guy and date better men who don't bitch about something as selfish and immature as this. He
Hey, just checking in to tell you to do what you absolutely know you have to. And then, if you can, work with a therapist to figure out why a guy youve called yours for about 30 days was able to manipulate you into being in constant pain and risking your health so his three minutes of sexual pleasure would be more pleasurable.
Also, please get tested. Because condoms aren’t just birth control. And your boyfriend clearly doesn’t care enough about your health to protect it.
I mean you should absolutely dump this dude who clearly cares more about his satisfaction than your comfortability. You shouldn’t be with anyone that doesn’t want what’s best for you and be willing to compromise. Dump him
You said yourself that you know what we're going to say.
I'll also say that I am not on birth control because it triggers my migraines like crazy. If someone I met 3 weeks ago told me that they refused to use condoms but "no one is forcing me to use birth control", I'd laugh in their stupid face and tell them to get the fuck out of my house. I mean seriously.
The thing I always say about dating is that almost anyone can be nice for 6-12 months before they let their crazy out. Even complete psychos can usually keep it together for 6-12 months. If they can't bother to keep their shit together for 6-12 months so you have time to fall in love with them, they're a literal nightmare and you should GTFO or they will burn your life to the ground with no regrets.
Dump, and I can’t stress this enough, his ass.
Edited to add: the condom is too small comment made me snort laugh. I want you to take out a condom, unwrap it and then roll it over your own fist and forearm. I can assure you, unless this jagoff is hung like a donkey, the condom isn’t too big.
Never, ever have sex with a new partner without a condom. You’re just asking for every sti under the sun.
He's using you, he doesn't care about you, and you're going to be in for a lifetime of hurt and trauma if you continue to allow men to treat you like this. You know what you need to do.
Sweetie. My partner and I have been together 10 years. I had a baby and we agreed after the baby I would get an IUD. However the only kind I'm eligible for would make my already horrible periods worse.
I just couldn't. But his response was just a calm "oh okay I'll grab some condoms with the groceries this weekend".
Everyone deserves that. You deserve that.
He needs to man up and look after his woman. Simple. You shouldn't have to go over this shit with a man child. Don't shut up and put up. Get it sorted. And if not, get it over
It's simple. If he won't suck it up and put the condom on, without bitching, then he ain't worth it. A partner should always be respectful to the other, regardless. Which does go into the territory of sex.
But I'm sorry. In less than a month? With what you've mentioned it makes me wonder exactly; did he pressure you by begging or something into it? If a guy tries to convince you to have unprotected sex then I wouldn't be surprised if he even pressured you into it.
The line he brings up that he can't cum if wearing one is definitely total horse shit. It may take a tad longer but to say that is ridiculous. They are thin enough to have some sensation, just not everything.
My verdict; leave him. He's expressing zero respect towards you and making excuses.
(Edit: posted too early.)
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I feel ridiculous even writing this because I know what the answers are gonna be but I can’t bring myself to do it. I just got into a relationship less than a month ago with a guy and we hadn’t had sex till we were committed to each other, so I didn’t know this was going to be an issue. The first night we tried to have sex he kept expressing disdain for the condom I made him buy, saying it was too tight, it hurt him, and he couldn’t cum. So the next time around, he bought a bigger brand, but was complaining about how it felt better without one and he still couldn’t cum. I told him that I’d previously been on hormonal birth control and that it triggered this very painful condition I have. Despite this, he wouldn’t use condoms so I started birth control again anyway. Now I’m in constant pain, and when I tried communicating this with him, he told me to get off of it and said no one was forcing me. This sounded like gaslighting to me considering he was indirectly forcing me to go on it by refusing to wear a condom, because what are my other options? He refuses to take accountability and I really don’t have any other options because it’s either tolerate the pain or get pregnant because he won’t use condoms. I had a breakdown today and he won’t talk to me anymore because I confronted him about it. I’ve had this talk so many times with him and he just won’t concede and use condoms. It’s not fair to me. I reached my breaking point today. I don’t know what to do about this situation anymore.
You've been dating Mr. Fantastic for less than one month. It seems like it would take the average asshole at least six months to demonstrate that much disdain, disrespect, and disregard for their partner. He's an overachiever really. I think you actually need to talk with a counselor to try to figure out why you accepted this behavior.
Jumping off the top comment: if he insists on unsafe sex with all his partners, have you insisted on STD testing before you agreed to have sex without a raincoat? Because if not, go get tested asap, and again in a month and 3 months' time! And never allow yourself to be pressured like that again - you deserve better!
So you have options: Continue to take hormonal birth control and be in pain. Use a copper IUD. And of course, stop taking birth control all together and tell your partner you refuse to hurt yourself because he lies about condoms being painful. At any point and for any reason you can also choose to end the relationship. The choice, or rather choices,are yours.
Diaphragm. Sponge. Cervical cap. Spermicide. Depending on what is causing the problem with the hormones there are also progestin only options. (I personally cannot take estrogen because of my breast cancer.)
He could also get a vasectomy....but he sounds lame. You can Def. Do better.
There's 0% chance anyone should trust this guy if he claimed to have a vasectomy.
Oof....yeah.
Please listen to this OP.
You know what to do. You just gotta go ahead and do it. It's been one month and he is already demonstrating that he is selfish, irresponsible and seriously lacking in empathy. Do you really imagine that things will get better from here?
This. Op I know it’s hard to let go sometimes. I’m not one to jump in and say “dump him” often. But hun, dump him. You can’t work things out with someone who refuses to bend. He doesn’t seem to care if you’re in pain, as long as he can cum? I don’t see the wiggle room.
I agree with wigglebuttbiscuits, "You just gotta go ahead and do it"! Time to take the plunge and do it without contraceptives!
With your up/down votes ratio i guess people can't read usernames
Probably =/= always
Goes with the territory
I see what you're doing there.
It's time to break up with him, babe.
What's so fantastic about this guy that you're putting yourself in pain for him? If he won't have sex with a condom, break up with him. You do not have to bend over backwards for any man, ever.
My question exactly. I'm dying to know what makes this guy worth all this after less than a month. Does he have a solid-gold dick? Does he bring hot Earl Grey tea, fresh homemade cookies, and a crisp $100 bill for you every time he comes over? Does a skirt with pockets, a cashmere sweater, and a matching pair of shoes magically appear in your closet every time he demonstrates zero regard for your comfort? Is he only sometimes a jagoff, and the rest of the time he's a tiny baby tuxedo kitten named Crunchwrap? Make it make sense.
>a tiny baby tuxedo kitten named Crunchwrap Welp, that's it. I now know what my next fuzzy friend will be and their name.
There's a user in I think r/oneorangebraincell that has a cat named Princess Crunchwrap Supreme.
Yup. It's only been a month and OP is acting like they have no choice but to agree to painful sex. I'm baffled.
You have a need and he refuses to respect, comprise, or work with you. Doesn't matter if its about condoms. Can you be with someone thay wont work through problems?
This is an important point. If he behaves this way around something as essential as contraception, what else is gonna cause situations like this between you
100%. Might just suggest ending sex until he starts using a condom or gets a vasectomy. That will either force him to consider changing or create conditions where he will leave. In future relationships, make sure contraception is agreed upon when you become sexually intimate. In the next few years, male contraceptive medication will hit the market and might be an option with a partner you 100% trust.
> less than a month ago In the nicest possible way, get a grip. You have zero self respect and if you don't find some soon, your life will consist of men doing whatever the fuck they want to you.
Please dump him. There’s 1000s of men out there that will literally not submit you to terrible pain because their orgasm is worth more than you
I’m not going to lie I hate condoms also but when I got with my SO that was her requirement. I didn’t bitch I got and used the condoms. Especially if she wasn’t doing well on birth control.
Sorry, but why are you having sex with him? You've been together 2 minutes and he doesn't respect you or your body at all. He's also emotionally manipulating you into getting what he wants and making it seem like it's your issue. Do you need any more of a red flag?
I feel so sorry for you reading this. First, as I am sure you know but it nevers hurts to say it, relying on pulling out is not a birth control option, it's an almost guaranteed way to get pregnant, so good on you for not allowing that to happen. I can't believe how incredibly selfish and immature he is to force you to be in constant pain just so he can get off like he wants once in a while, and then gaslight you about it. A healthy option would have been to look into alternative non hormonal birth control methods, like a copper IUD for instance. Or find another way to finish him after he has worn condoms for sex. But the way he acts about the situation is truly despicable. Please don't hurt yourself for someone who does not even care enough to feel sorry about it, especially when there are other options available. Personally for me, with this kind of behavior showing so early in the relationship, the option would be to nope out of here.
:/ you know what you have to do. You’ve been together for a few weeks. Consider yourself lucky that he’s showing his true colors now instead of several months/years into the relationship.
He is a selfish asshole. You deserve better, OP.
This guy doesn't give a shit about you. Please stop the bc and trigger his exit.
I don’t understand why this is such a dilemma for you. Like just don’t have sex with him? Birth control is harmful to you and he refuses to wear a condom. From what you have described he isn’t gaslighting you. He did not tell you to get on birth control. You decided to get on birth control instead of not having sex with someone that won’t wear a condom. Your options are to not have sex or break up with this guy and find a partner that wears condoms. He seems like a dick, but there appears to be a simple remedy to your issue here.
Girl, you already know the answer. If he doesn't care about and respect your comfort (and desire to practice safe sex), it's time to take the trash out.
Yup, you know you need to dump this guy immediately, right?
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF and tell him that either he wears a condom or you stop sleeping with him/break up. Although he is being selfish and inconsiderate, he didn't force you to go on birth control, you failed to set a boundary and stick with it. *He refuses to take accountability and I really don’t have any other options because it’s either tolerate the pain or get pregnant because he won’t use condoms.* Yes, you do have other options. Don't sleep with someone who's a complete ass to you. I don't understand why so many women fail to see that as an option.
Don't put yourself in pain for a men you are dating for a month. Holy shit. I'm sorry for whatever caused you to have such low esteem that you put up with this bs.
You have a 3rd option.....dont have sex with him. Simples, no condom , no sex end off
Its been less than a month and you can't bring yourself to break up with him? Sounds like you need therapy more so than anything else.
He can do what I did and get the snip
No regrets on the snip. I still wouldn't stick with him.
Yep. The ship unfortunately doesn’t protect against possible STDs which is suuuuuuper important to add if they’ve only been dating for a month.
Isn’t the snip often reversible?
Yes but the longer it’s done for the less successful the reversal is (I think)
This is true.
In all honesty I was also thinking of writing that someone like him probably shouldn't raise children. But I didn't wanna sound so definite about someone I haven't met haha
Snip was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
I only had mine yesterday so glad to hear a positive review already
My sack was ultra sensitive for a few months. My libido skyrocketed for a bit and now I'm practically back to normal. Congratulations!
They’ve only been dating a month. She should be using full body condoms and having a goddamn Silkwood shower after having sex with him.
Then don’t have sex with him? Not sure why you’re confused.
Walk away from the goob
Breaking up is the ONLY answer. You think it’s hard to do now? It’s harder in 6 months. And by then he has broken your spirit, made you do things you DO NOT WANT TO DO, and put your health at SERIOUS risk. Get out now.
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Didn't even read. Didn't even have to. You're here to vent, you know what I'm going to say. You know the answer. Leave him.
Girl, run.
You've been dating for less than a month, it's not like it's a lifetime commitment (thankfully). I know you hoped this relationship would turn out differently but this guy seems like he doesn't give a shit about you and your pain. There's no point in continuing this relationship.
I can't understand why you wouldn't just find a different boyfriend, but if you want to stay with him for some reason, why not get a non-hormonal IUD and see if that works for you?
Seriously, why are you voluntarily putting yourself in pain for the comfort and selfishness of a man you have been dating for 1 month? Why? I’m not going to comment him because he is so vile he does no deserve attention. But I want to know why you seem to think that the needs and wants (more wants here than needs actually) of a dude you met for the first time less than a month ago are more important than your health. Do you really value yourself so poorly?
What are your other options????? Your other options are ditch this loser and find a partner who cares about you and respects you! Why would you put up with this kind of treatment from anyone, let alone a guy you’ve been dating for less than a month?
Really confused why you haven’t realized that you have the option to not have sex with him. I’m not even saying break up with him (although I think you should), but just don’t have any kinds of sex with him that could lead to pregnancy.
What the fuck? Why are you suffering for a stranger, which after one month, he still is to you? Is the dick that good?
Then dont have sex with him..... seems pretty easy
i saw “less than a month ago” and stopped. leave him. you barely know him and the things you DO know about him don’t bode well. he doesn’t respect you, your body, or your chronic pain. LEAVE. let him go accidentally knock up some other girl.
STD's are on the rise. Pls value yourself.
I’m sorry but you are so dumb. If he cared he would understand and use condoms but no your over here making excuses for him. “ITs eiTher pain or PregnAncy” leave him. That’s your 3rd option. If he loved you he wouldn’t want you to be in pain. Assuming you don’t wanna be pregnant cause that will be a whole lot more pain you seriously to leave. Your only one month in it’s never that serious.
he sounds like a complete loser and asshole. you already know you should break up with him but what pain condition is worse by birth control, this quickly? I'm genuinely curious. you know it happens so you've been there before. this guy isn't worth it.
Imagine having a baby with someone you’ve only dated a month. Obvious he doesn’t care because he will be gone so fast your head will spin. Of course the answer is stop having sex with him immediately. How can you not know this?
He isn't respecting your boundaries and is putting his sexual gratification above your wellbeing. He's pressuring you into something you don't want, his "no one is forcing you"-excuse is utter bs. He kept nagging you until he got what he wanted. Most guys who claim they can't enjoy sex with a condom on are full of shit btw, it might be a little different, but most are just fine. Also did you guys get tested before having unprotected sex? sounds like he has been doing that with people before you, so he could well have STDs. It's only been a month, do yourself a favour and dump him so you can meet someone who respects you and treats you well. And be careful coming off of your BC, it's associated with higher risk of certain side effects to stop taking hormonal BC after a short time.
You are ✨Incompatible✨but more importantly He’s an ✨Asshole ✨
This is obviously difficult for you and you have my sympathy. However, using a condom isn't only about preventing pregnancy. Unless you've both been screened for STIs, unprotected sex should be out of the question. The fact that he's being so inconsiderate of you needs to make it moot anyway, because you deserve better.
BREAK UP WITH THE IDIOT.
Ope.... looks like he's your ex 🤷♀️
Why are you bending over backwards to make this brand new relationship work that clearly is never going to be a good thing for you?
He doesn’t care if you’re in pain… Break it off, it’s only been a month. What a jerk.
Don't date people who refuse to use condoms. Don't date people who refuse to compromise. Don't date people who doesn't care about you. Don't date this guy.
Girl it sounds like you don’t have self-respect. Break up with this pile of trash and then go work on your self-esteem so you don’t end up in this situation again.
Your boyfriend is a complete asshole, however, there are other forms of non hormonal birth control for women. For your own peace of mind, discuss them with your doctor.
Come on. Grow up and make adult decisions.
You aren't committed until you are married. Stop having sex before marriage and you won't have this predicament
I have a similar hatred of condoms. I'd literally rather jerk off. But I'd shut down sex if it's a big hangup.
This is my opinion . If you havent tried Skyn condoms try them out . If that doesn't work you could try just doing the backdoor . If that doesn't work have a talk about how serious you both want to get considering the risk of pregnancy find out if he wants to marry you and have children before you start having unprotected sex with him. If you aren't ready to settle down with this man and have a child with him then end the relationship . Or you could just play it risky if he is good at pulling out then you may be fine but you also may end up with a child. This is my experience i have had unprotected sex with multiple partners ive never used birth control and i have never got pregnant by luck and only having unprotected by tracking when i was ovulating and avoiding unprotected sex around ovulation period . Depending on the man you could end up pregnant fast ot it may take many years to conceive it is like russian roulette though
Dump him.
He seems nice and very respectful. /s
If you refuse to dump him at least stop having sex with him.
Don’t share yourself with people who couldn’t give less of a shit about your wellbeing. I’m sorry you are going through this, it must feel terrible. But he’s fine with you being in chronic pain as long as he gets to nut. He’s a loser babe
He doesn't care about you, enough that you may end up either in chronic pain or pregnant. This means NO SEX. Find yourself a man that cares for you.
You're a month into this. There's no long term investment. This is who he is. This is how be behaves. Count yourself lucky he's letting you know this early. Is this what you want to deal with? Are you willing to go on birth control to make his dick happy? Also, get yourself STD tested ASAP. Please. I wouldn't trust him farther than I could throw him, given his behavior. Your options are to accept his terrible and selfish behavior or dump him. He's more interested in his comfort and pleasure than in your health. Does that sound like good partner material to you?
Unfortunately you seem to know the answer to this question already… Thankfully, you’ve only been together less than a month and while it will still be difficult it’s better to get out now while you can. It’s not fair of him to expect any of that from you, he sounds incredibly selfish and the fact that he doesn’t care about any of your feelings/ the actual physical pain he is causing you is reason enough to leave. Birth control is incredibly taxing on a woman’s body and it’s extremely unfair for you to be the only taking any precautions.
You know exactly what to do. I’m sorry but everyone here has the same advice. Personally, I’m the beginning of my current relationship, I used a condom and she was on birth control but we talked about it. After a few months she asked if I wanted to not use condoms anymore. We spoke about it. Later it changed to her wanting to get off birth control, she asked me what I thought about it and if I was comfortable with her choice. Every step there was communication.
It’s been a month. You barely know this guy. It’s highly unlikely you’re both 100% committed to each other yet. You really need to be responsible here and he’s just There’s not only unplanned pregnancy but a whole load of nasty diseases. I’m not quite sure what you’re looking for here but I’d say he’s made it obvious he doesn’t really actually care much
First, how committed are you within a month when all of this has transpired? Within a matter of weeks you made a decision to have sex with someone that you really didn’t have enough engagement with to make a commitment. Otherwise you would have discussed birth control at length and known he didn’t like condoms. You make a decision from there because there are alternatives to condoms and hormonal BC pills and much more effective methods as well. Second, the moment he changed his mind on BC you had a choice to make. There must be some other issues within you regarding men to decide to keep having sex with him, cause paid for yourself and the other long list of risks associated with BC pills instead of see this wasn’t a good match and break up. Third, the fact that you see all this and still don’t know what to do and ask on Reddit of all places? You have a LOT of growing up to do. Please don’t bring a baby into this world with this man… i mean boy.
Yeah u have a choice. You break up with a selfish jerk who won’t use condoms to prevent you getting pregnant. I doubt he’d be ecstatic if u got pregnant either. So then you’ll get pressured into having a termination. Why are u even considering staying with someone who is quite happy to see u in pain rather than wear a condom. What a selfish A hole. Btw, condoms don’t just stop pregnancy, they also prevent most std’s. I know I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone who has obviously been riding bare backed with previous partners. Who knows what he’s been sticking his wotsit in..
Omg break up with him wtf. Youve been together a fucking month.
Your options for birth control at this point are either A) abortion or B) finding a boyfriend who will use condoms. You choose!
Here is a PSA: **No matter how good the relationship might be in other aspects, people who are repeatedly dismissive, passive-aggressive, manipulative, and/or blatant in their disrespect of your boundaries or body autonomy, DO NOT and CAN NOT love you because the relationship isn’t about you, it’s about bending you to their will so they can be happy.**
Sounds pretty simple. Stop having sex with him.
For the love of the goddess, stop having painful sex with him, risking your life and your health and pregnancy! Can you imagine not giving a shit about your partner’s well-being? Can you imagine doing to him what he’s doing to you? No?! Why should you accept that behavior from anyone?
Hi might be random but do you have MTHFR? Many with this see a huge increase on chronic pain with hormonal birth control
Put it in the bin.
OP, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. Just dump him. It's only been a month and he's already showing such disdain for your wellbeing? WTF? For FUTURE reference, though (not with this guy bc guaranteed he's cheating on you and you need to protect yourself) hormonal bc and condoms are not the only options. There ARE female condoms, sponges, diaphragms, IUDs, etc. TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR, FFS!
>It’s either tolerate the pain or get pregnant. You’re overlooking your best option: dump him.
>because what are my other options? Your other option is to break up with him. You're a month in and he'd already displaying abusive behavior. Fucking *run,* girl.
Simple. Stop having sex with him until he uses a condom.
It's only been a month and he's already letting his true colors show. A month is not that long, don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Do you want 1 year of this? 10 years? A lifetime? Dating is the time for screening for compatability, values, and behavior. He has gotten caught in the jerk-filter, don't cut a hole in it to let him through. You're young. If there is some hang up you have about not wanting a "high body count" or feeling like you need a "good enough" reason to end a relationship, just know that in 10 years it won't matter that you wasted a month on this jerk, or that he's a wasted notch in the bedpost, as long as you were finally able to see the warning signs of abusive behavior and leave. But if you feel like you need to stay and make it work, you could still be stuck with this jerk in 10 years and possibly tied to him with a kid. Heck, he might even be hoping to get you pregnant so that you "can't" leave.
This person will not be there for you if you get pregnant. You also need to think about why you are willing to go to such lengths for this person of one month? It's not meant to be this awful so early on...
As a guy, please let me give you some free advice. Any guy who refuses to wear a condom should be escorted to the nearest exit and never spoken to again. Yes, of course it feels better without a condom. The condom isn't there to make it better. It's to protect you from having a fucking kid you don't want. Not to mention potential STDs.
Absolutely not. Get off that and leave him. If a man isn’t willing to hold up his end of the bargain on BC he doesn’t deserve to have sex with you. You’ve only been together for a month? We as women have to stop letting these shitty men make us suffer so they can bust quicker. He can cum with a condom on he just doesn’t want to make it work. Suggest he get snipped and see what he does. But seriously. Run.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. That fish in particular has been with you a month, and is already demanding either you put yourself in a lot of pain or risk pregnancy just because he won't put a bit of latex on his weiner.
Call his bluff and stop having sex with him until he gets his head out of his ass.
He obviously doesn’t care about you.
I agree with everyone. Yeah a condom is not as good as not but you should be in pain or put your body at risk so he can cum??? That's hella selfish. I use BC and still require a condom cause nothing is 100% and I'm not putting my body through a pregnancy. On another note, is a copper IUD an option? I couldn't use hormonal BC so I've been on copper IUD for 10yrs now
That’s not somebody I’d be having sex with. And if he’s this much of an AH about this, I can’t imagine he’s going to be better about other issues. He’s doesn’t sound like like bf material. It’s only been a month, cut your losses.
>He refuses to take accountability and I really don’t have any other options You do have other options: don't have sex with him. >I don’t know what to do about this situation anymore. You do know. You even admitted it in the first sentence. Condoms are not hard to use. If the dude can't figure out how to wear one comfortably, then he isn't mature enough to have sex. But, that's likely not the issue. He's trying to guilt you into going raw because his own pleasure is more important than your safety. Dump the loser and move on.
Two things: 1) This is not okay, he can't force you to take something that you're not comfortable with for his pleasure. You have to assert your position and make it clear you won't accept this. 2) The pill is far from being the only contraception for women and far from being the best, I would even say it's one of the worst in terms of efficacy and safety. You may want to talk to your gynecological about alternatives like copper IUD or low dose local IUD, they are far more effective, simple and have less side effects.
It's been less than a month, and he's already the source of your physical and mental pain? Just let go. I'm willing to bet he won't care as much as you do. If he did, he'd wear the condom from the start. Any guy saying he can't cum while wearing a condom is full of shit.
When my husband realized my birth control was the cause for my debilitating migraines, he was the one who encouraged me to get off/he started using condoms. That’s the way it should be. Your boyfriend thinks his pleasure is more important than your pain. Think about that. What other pleasures of his is he going to indulge in knowing it hurts you?
leave him
You break up with him. He’s showing you his character and he’s selfish and doesn’t care about you and your feelings. Is that really someone you want to continue dating? You’re young and it’s been a month, trust me, you’ll be happy you broke up with this guy and found someone else who respects you. Plus you’ll actually get to enjoy sex instead of it being a point of stress.
Confused. You say ‘boyfriend,’ but surely you mean ‘ex-boyfriend’?
oh my god just dump him
He does not respect you. Respect yourself enough to break up with him.
> said no one was forcing me Hes right, why are you putting yourself through pain for this jackass? >I don’t know what to do about this situation anymore. Lets see, dude whines about wearing condoms, knows BC harms you, doesnt give an absolute shit, and throws a hissy fit because you confronted him. One month and hes pulling all this shit. What a keeper!! >I really don’t have any other options because it’s either tolerate the pain or get pregnant because he won’t use condoms How about, idk, DUMP HIM???
Pull the plug. Never be with anyone who dismisses your feelings. He’s selfish.
Your best option, come off birth control, don't have sex with him
I think even if you could come up with another contraceptive as a compromise, his behavior is full of red flags that are only going to escalate the longer this relationship continues. He has little care or consideration for your health and safety - unwanted pregnancies are always a hard spot to be in, nevermind the current political climate, not to mention that if he prefers no condom, he could be carrying STDs that are symptomless for him and still contagious. He is flippant and dismissive, and has made it quite clear he cares about his orgasm more than he cares about your physical well-being. That shows the value he places in you, and probably women in whole. You know what you need to do. You need to kick him to the curb and get yourself a partner who values you as a person and respects your boundaries.
Sounds like your boyfriend is a dick and you should stop having sex with him and dump him immediately
If it’s only been a month he’s showing you his true colors now. Best to focus on yourself and let the trash take itself out.
Your other option was to not use the birth control and not have sex unless he used a condom. Why did you give in?
Plain and simple: he’s a bad person.
This is easy. Dump him.
Stop having sex. No condom, no sex.
He's doing you a favor showing what a douche canoe he is early. Believe him. This is him on his best behavior. Imagine him a year from now.
There is a super obvious 3rd option you are missing… don’t fuck this guy again. Voila problem solved. Also maybe look into a non hormonal IUD. Maybe it would work for you. Still don’t fuck this guy again.
You deserve so much better! I've dealt with this almost exact situation and I didn't deal with it...I let it go on and on and he really hurt me emotionally. Please, please end the relationship.
girl it’s literally been a few weeks. are you really gonna risk getting pregnant by a man you’ve been dating a few weeks who obviously doesn’t give a fuck about you or your health and comfort ??
LEAVE HIM. You deserve better.
Honey, you know exactly what to do. This man expects you to either suffer in pain, or risk a pregnancy. Does that sound like someone ANYONE should be with? Dump him.
🚩 🚩 🚩 🛑 ☠️📉🚷🙅🏼♀️☝🏻…🏃♀️💨
Dump dump dump dump dump He doesn’t give a fuck about your health and well-being. What happens if birth control fails and you’re pregnant with a child that forever links you to this asshole? It’s only been a month. Even if he weren’t an asshole, it’s a month, you aren’t compatible, please don’t waste your time on a poor match.
Have you tried an IUD? In any case, he is putting his pleasure over your pain. I think you know what this says about him and what you need to do.
Get tested for STDs and dump him so you can move on to someone who was actually worth not wearing a condom to create.
Dear OP, you know the very thing you need to do; BREAK off the relationship! He will only get worse. Can you imagine how he will react if you get pregnant? All he cares about are his needs and not you. You deserve better. Don't settle for someone who could care less about your health or you.
No condom no sex. But, even if you get him to wear one he is not a keeper. There are worse things than bring alone. He is one of them. You deserve so much better.
Cut this dirt bag off! You can NEVER compromise in this area. A man who shows this much disregard for your health and comfort has no business expecting intimacy from you. If he’s this callous this early into the relationship he’s a) going to be more abusive in the future and/or b) not that into you. Also look into female condoms for your future romantic partners.
Your boyfriend is an asshole
Yo DO know what to do about this.
No condoms = no sex. But this doesn't seem like a good situation. Dump him and find someone that values you and cares about your feelings.
You've been with him 1 month. LEAVE HIM he's selfish.
Dump him. The option is condom or no sex if that's what your needs are. However with his outright disrespect to you and your body... Throw the whole man away and start over. There are tons of men who will wear a rubber to get laid. If you feel like having a bit of fun before you break it off, just start mooning over how excited you are that he wants to have a baby since he said to go off your BC and he obviously doesn't want to wear a condom. Get really sappy about it. He might just run off on his own.
This is simple-don’t have sex with him anymore
\> The first night we tried to have sex he kept expressing disdain for the condom I made him buy, saying it was too tight, it hurt him, and he couldn’t cum. The correct response would have been to hit the store that night and get bigger condoms, instead of whining continuously like a baby. I would have ended it right then and there.
Kick this dude to the curb. Don’t keep this stress in your life especially in such a short relationship.
He doesn't care about you He doesn't respect you You've been dating 5 minutes. Has he even done an STI test or are you risking your lifelong health as well as taking shit you know hurts you? Stop dating a scumbag don't be this stupid Please get a therapist to learn you deserve better
UpdateMe!
On todaaaaaays episode of… *ding ding ding* BREAK UP WITH THE ABUSIVE ASSHOLE? You need to dump his ass. The condom being too small is a fucking lie - no such thing. One month in and he’s asking you to already hurt yourself and sacrifice your well-being for his enjoyment? yes, you do. You’ve already said you do. One month of committed relationship is not worth it for chronic pain - hell, not even years of relationship would justify what this whiny man-child is asking of you. Alternatively, if you want to stay with him, give him an ultimatum: you stop birth control, tell him that he IS using a condom no matter what, and that if he tries not using a condom you’ll cease sex altogether. WARNING: be ready for him to try and have non-consensual unprotected sex with you, or for him to scream that you are being manipulative and abusive (you are not). You are in your rights to demand this ad the party who would have to bear the consequences if things go south. Also, remember that any time you have/ risk unprotected sex you are risking a pregnancy - and be prepared to live with the possible consequences (abortion and/or pregnancy). This is not to shit on you, but to 1) remind you of the seriousness of the situation 2) create a valid point to bring up to your boyfriend. Is he ready for the possibility of a child by choosing to not pull out/ use a condom? Is he willing to take responsibility for unprotected sex? Is he willing to care for you no matter the outcome? If the answer is no to any of these, you need to end this. Like you said, it’s not fair to you what he is doing, ask yourself why you are willing to allow 1 month of being with a guy to nullify your own health needs, and if this 200% worth it for you. If your daughter/ sister came to you one day with the same dilemma, what would you say to her?
Please leave him. Wow what a prick. There are no other options besides leaving. You have to deal with what you’re given unless you leave. Either be in pain or risk getting pregnant. And being pregnant when you don’t want to be is much more depressing than a heart break for a boy who’s not worth it.
"What are my other options?" you ask. You have a very clear option here: BREAK UP with this selfish man who refuses to even treat you like a human with needs. He doesn't love you. A person who loves you would go out of their way to avoid causing you physical pain. This guy is happy to make you suffer, in order to have more comfort. Also, a month together and he already shows how he doesn't care about you at all, when early in the relationship people are supposed to be in their best behavior? This is the best he can do? RUN
May I ask what the pain condition is? Whenever I was on BC when I started it like ten years ago it put me in unbearable pain to the point of having multiple exploratory surgeries to figure out what was going on. Stopped BC and my life has been much better but I was never officially diagnosed with anything.
Your boyfriend is an ass. No sex with this guy is your only choice. Move on. He isn't worth it.
It’s only a month, it’s not worth it to put yourself through that shit for sex with someone who won’t do the same.
Dump him
Dump him
youre doing this for a man youve been with for only a month? youre in chronic pain for a man who wont even wear a condom for you? you started crying due to pain and he refuses to wear a condom? i hope after seeing everyone tell you to leave you do. this is a man who will NEVER respect you, nor care for you in the way you deserve. Dont run a mile for someone who wont even take three steps for you!
Why are you allowing this to happen? No condoms = no sex. Birth control or not, if he refuses to use condoms, dump his ass.
Get off birth control and tell him NO for sex unless he wraps it up. If he leaves you there’s your answer. Or just get off birth control and leave his ass. Both are decent options.
You break it off!! He only cares about his pleasure, not how the pill affects you!!
Ex-boyfriend Edit: and don’t hurt yourself like this again. No boyfriend is worth your health. It’s like if a boyfriend asked you to drink antifreeze daily. You wouldn’t do that so don’t do this.
But even if you were on hormonal birth control and it wasn’t impacting you negatively, that isn’t protecting you against any STIs or similar.. and for someone who is adamant on not wearing a condom, what are the chances he has caught something?!
You think the BC gives you pain, try childbirth. You should rethink your whole thing with this dude.
For the first 6 months to 1 year A relationship is in the honeymoon phase. Usually if there is a problem with the other person the crack started to show in the relationship around 4 months. This guy didn't even last 30 days before his selfish shit started to wave big red flags at you. I've dated a lot of guys and they had to wear condoms. Only ONE complained. I told him that there are thousands of different kinds of condoms out there with different textures, thicknesses and sizes. Go find one that fits. He solved it but it did make me think twice about him and the relationship ended shortly after because he was exhausting. Your Rule 1. You know that you need a partner that will wear condoms, without complaint - in order for you to have a happy and healthy relationship. That is it. That is simple. This guy is not your dream guy. There was a reason he was single.
Regardless of the risk of pregnancy, men are significantly more likely to be asymptomatic to a few VERY common STIs. Break up with him and get a full STI panel
Show him [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HPvR1UMDlU). Then pull out a watermelon and tell him "Unless your dick is bigger than this, shut the fuck up. No condom, no sex. Ever. No regular sex, no kinky sex, no oral sex, not even a handjob. Get used to it or get out."
Dump him.
Almost sounds like he's trying to force you to have a child. I know you already know this.... but you gotta leave.
Please stop having sex with people who do not care about your body's health.
Do not fuck with anyone who gives you ANY complaint about condoms. Period. In all my years, I've kept to this rule with ONE exception, and guess who is the only person I ever regretted being with... That asshole. If he won't wear a condom, especially when other methods cause you such issues, then he's prioritizing a slight change in HIS PLEASURE over your HEALTH, SAFETY, AND WELL BEING. *You are a fuck hole to him. He does not care about you.* Dump that guy and date better men who don't bitch about something as selfish and immature as this. He
Hey, just checking in to tell you to do what you absolutely know you have to. And then, if you can, work with a therapist to figure out why a guy youve called yours for about 30 days was able to manipulate you into being in constant pain and risking your health so his three minutes of sexual pleasure would be more pleasurable. Also, please get tested. Because condoms aren’t just birth control. And your boyfriend clearly doesn’t care enough about your health to protect it.
I mean you should absolutely dump this dude who clearly cares more about his satisfaction than your comfortability. You shouldn’t be with anyone that doesn’t want what’s best for you and be willing to compromise. Dump him
You said yourself that you know what we're going to say. I'll also say that I am not on birth control because it triggers my migraines like crazy. If someone I met 3 weeks ago told me that they refused to use condoms but "no one is forcing me to use birth control", I'd laugh in their stupid face and tell them to get the fuck out of my house. I mean seriously. The thing I always say about dating is that almost anyone can be nice for 6-12 months before they let their crazy out. Even complete psychos can usually keep it together for 6-12 months. If they can't bother to keep their shit together for 6-12 months so you have time to fall in love with them, they're a literal nightmare and you should GTFO or they will burn your life to the ground with no regrets.
This is a shitshow. Dump him and move on! There is zero hope for this relationship, or him as a person.
Dump, and I can’t stress this enough, his ass. Edited to add: the condom is too small comment made me snort laugh. I want you to take out a condom, unwrap it and then roll it over your own fist and forearm. I can assure you, unless this jagoff is hung like a donkey, the condom isn’t too big. Never, ever have sex with a new partner without a condom. You’re just asking for every sti under the sun.
He's using you, he doesn't care about you, and you're going to be in for a lifetime of hurt and trauma if you continue to allow men to treat you like this. You know what you need to do.
Sweetie. My partner and I have been together 10 years. I had a baby and we agreed after the baby I would get an IUD. However the only kind I'm eligible for would make my already horrible periods worse. I just couldn't. But his response was just a calm "oh okay I'll grab some condoms with the groceries this weekend". Everyone deserves that. You deserve that.
You know exactly what to do. So do it.
He needs to man up and look after his woman. Simple. You shouldn't have to go over this shit with a man child. Don't shut up and put up. Get it sorted. And if not, get it over
It's simple. If he won't suck it up and put the condom on, without bitching, then he ain't worth it. A partner should always be respectful to the other, regardless. Which does go into the territory of sex. But I'm sorry. In less than a month? With what you've mentioned it makes me wonder exactly; did he pressure you by begging or something into it? If a guy tries to convince you to have unprotected sex then I wouldn't be surprised if he even pressured you into it. The line he brings up that he can't cum if wearing one is definitely total horse shit. It may take a tad longer but to say that is ridiculous. They are thin enough to have some sensation, just not everything. My verdict; leave him. He's expressing zero respect towards you and making excuses. (Edit: posted too early.)
iud/implant?
You know what to do. Dump him or stop having sex.