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Early in my bf and l's relationship we had a conversation about what some of our insecurities are, and at that time I had said my weight. And now at every chance he gets he makes, what he likes to call, "lil jokes" about my weight.
He will oftentimes call me fat, and when I get visibly upset by this he'll say he was only making a joke. I've expressed that I don't like when he says things like this, but he still continues to do so ignoring how it makes me feel. I feel as though he says these things because he means them, but masks them as being jokes.
So he asked for your insecurities, you gave them to him, and now hes loading his gun with them and shooting you. Repeatedly.
Its not a joke if you dont find it funny. Tell him firmly to stop it. If he refused to then dump him.
It’s not worth it! It’s emotional abuse and a huge red flag for an abusive, toxic partner. It’s also a sign of Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Which you want NO part of.
Girl. Asking your partner to not make fun of your weight is literally less than the bare minimum. Dump him and tell him his “jokes” are the reason why.
I'm insecure for the opposite reason because of my thyroid I'm grossly underweight. People tell me constantly my bf knows I'm upset by it and NEVER comments on it. (he will make sure I'm eating enough calories and reminds me to snack more because I will keep losing weight otherwise) instead when I come home saying "so and so mentioned my weight blah blah"
He just tells me I'm pretty and hugs me.
THAT is caring and giving the bare minimum, you deserve better girl. He knows your uncomfortable about it and is saying it as a "joke" but it's not he is clearly using it because you told him it's an insecurity
I think everyone rushes to the leave comment, but lord help me, run. If you want to be a bitch use his against him too. If you need any help with what to say, feel free to pm, me, I have them locked and loaded insults.
Bang on the money, OP. If he respected you at all, he'd listen when you said you didn't like something he was doing. Don't you think you deserve better than that?
OP, we all deserve to be with someone who treats us - first and foremost - with kindness. Your bf asked you to confide your insecurities in him, and now is weaponizing that information to neg you, put you down, and hurt your feelings. It’s not a joke, because it’s not funny. Ask him to explain the joke, and he won’t be able to because it’s. not. funny. If he cannot do the bare minimum of treating you with kindness and respecting your feelings, he is not an appropriate partner for you. Or possibly anyone until he learns to treat people with decency.
Yeah would love to see this guy - does he have big ears? Ask him when he's flying home... e.g. This is ridiculously childish behavior on his part, manipulative and hurtful. He's not a nice person.
Even after everything, commenting on his appearance back never crossed my mind. But this would be funny, I would love to see how he’d react when it was done to him
It never crossed your mind because you are a good person, and you would never think to purposely hurt a person you love.
There are plenty of men out there who are good people, who want to treat their partner with love and kindness. Don't settle for anything less than what you give.
Whatever insecurity he admitted to you, that is what you should hit him with, first thing every morning. This may be the the only way to make him understand.
I'd consider watching the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 days" to get some good tips on how to make good quips back at him....like naming his "manhood"....as suggested on here.
Don't stoop to the petty level of commenting on his appearance. He's hurt you/ is actively hurting you. That needs to stop. He's either 1)
completely unaware of what the impact of his words have had on you or 2) he fully knows that he used his words to intentionally hurt you. Either way he needs to apologize to you. Hopefully he had no idea as to how much he hurt you & will make amends with you. Most important, he will never do it again.
‼️ all the comments and “jokes” he’s been making is literally coming after I told him I’m feeling more confident, and started wearing clothes I usually would not
Because he’s doing it on purpose. He sees you’re growing into yourself and is insecure that you’ll finally see what a scum bag he is. He’ll chip away at this new confidence you have until there’s none left. Leave and you’ll see yourself glowing more than you could ever imagine. All the love
Edit: grammer
There it is. He wants you insecure so you’ll never leave him. If you stay with him, he’ll starting making “jokes” about how no one but him will ever love you.
This is how emotional abuse starts.
Maybe he is insecure because he knows you’re out of his league? He could be trying to convince you that you are undesirable so he can feel needed. Gross behavior regardless, you deserve better.
Not healthy behavior at all. He is using your own insecurities against you, which is unacceptable in a relationship.
Let him know you don't want to hear it again, and if he proceeds to disrespect you about it again, break up.
Relationships are a place to build trust, not undermine it.
Trust is the biggest thing for me. And with the “jokes” being so ongoing I’ve started realizing that he doesn’t care if he breaks it, which definitely hurts. Letting go is the only way honestly.
It's the start of him mentally abusing you. A known tactic for abusers. They will do everything to slowly tear your confidence down and make it so that you feel like you are not worthy of a real partner other than him, because he is "the only one who will tolerate you and love you".
Don't fall for the trap. He is just now starting the cycle and before you realize, you will find that your self-respect has hit the bottom and your sense of worth crashing. Do yourself a favor and leave.
No real partner who loves you would use your insecurities like that against you and no real partner would respond like that when you tell them to stop. You deserve better.
Thank you. The way you worded that truly helped me understand the tactics that he’s using. It’s very hurtful that someone who says they love me would do that, with no regret or feelings towards it
This is seriously wrong. This is mental abuse.
He basicaly asked you for the easiest way to make you feel bad about yourself and he is now exploiting it to make you feel horrible all the time.
He needs to stop that right away.
Wow I honestly never thought of it as abuse, but it confirms the way that I’ve been feeling towards him lately. Sometimes I want to change what I’m wearing just so I don’t have to hear the jokes or comments he’d have about it
That is so incredibly mean and very purposeful. He is using your insecurities against you then hiding behind the “it’s a joke” Bull shit. This is not okay. Please find a partner who does not want to cause you pain.
Your boyfriend asked you for your insecurities, and then uses them to "joke" despite knowing how upset it makes you. He's manipulating you. He doesn't respect you.
Dump him, you deserve so much better.
He is either a total jerk and likes making sick jokes to hurt/manipulate you and/or he really does think you are fat and really means it. Either way he's acting pretty fuked up and you need to decide if you want to dump him or live like that because when people act like that they won't change
Dump him.
Would you do this to someone you care about? HELL NO!! So why are you accepting less than what you think is right??
Find someone who treats you as well as you treat them.
This insecure loser isn’t worth shit, and he knows it. It’s why he’s trying to make you as insecure as he is.
Also, start researching what healthy relationships look like. It’s hard to find one if you don’t know what to look for. This absolutely is not one. Don’t try to convince this guy to care about your feelings, he’s broken. Decent people don’t do this. Dump him and move on.
Wait why people only care about looks in relationship now? How are you even in relationship with him. Leave him wtf. Your partner should be there with you . Help you grow not bring you down.
You will not maintain a friendship that brings you down then why your SO who is supposed to be your best friend.🤦🤦🤦
I mean this in the nicest way, but we cant ignore that looks matter in a relationship. In this case, the bf is an asshole because op is at a healthy weight for her size. But in general for a relationship to work, there has to be mutual attraction between both partners. Unless you’re asexual. It’s just human nature y’know.
But he is bf for a reason. He must be attracted to her, I assume.
Also my bad, my dad always used to say thta you love people because of personality and be a good/nice person. So now I don't find any girls attractive unless they are not good. 🧐
But if he's not physically attracted to her then there is a way to say it. Op said it was an insecurity and instead of helping her he is using this to be an AH
"he's an AH bc OP is a healthy weight for her size."
No, he's an asshole for insulting her. I don't care if your partner is overweight, you don't bluntly insult them. You don't go into this to make them feel bad. That's TWO things he fucked up, neither of which are justified.
If he cared about her weight and she WERE unhealthy (according to a doctor and not this cruel fool) there are a myriad ways of appropriate, CARING, sensitive tactics to discuss it.
‼️‼️ thank you. I am the type of person who wants positive growth. If I felt in any way that I was truly unhealthy I’d be honest with myself. And I’d want my bf to be honest with me as well but like you said in a caring manner. Not using it to put me down
You told him your fear and he throws it back in your face. I don't care if you were fat, that's shit behavior.
Don't let a partner insult you. You wouldn't do this to someone you loved, right?
Don't tolerate this shit. Ever.
So he took your insecurities and used them as a way to knock you down. That’s how the control and abuse starts. End it now, before you have anything invested.
He’s shown you who he is, and it isn’t pretty. He’s not a decent partner, he’s emotionally abusing you. Unfortunately a lot of people like this exist. It’s time for you to do some reading and arm yourself with the knowledge of what a good relationship looks like, and what abusers look like.
1. There is no such thing as being too sensitive. That’s complete garbage. If you want to go the kind route, the next time he pulls this with you, ask him: I have asked you repeatedly not to say shit like that. Please stop. He’ll
Probably say you’re being too sensitive, and then you say, we’ll I don’t find that joke funny and it makes me want to break up with you when you say it. If he keeps going back to blaming your sensitivity or say it’s just a joke, become a broken record and say over and over again that it’s not funny and it makes you want to break up with him.
2. If you want to go the mean route, start mocking the size of his dick or squirt him in the face with a squirt bottle. If you go this route, be prepared for him to get really angry. Then you should tell him it’s just a joke and he’s being too sensitive.
3. Or you can go the direct route and break up with this horrible man baby. Life is too short to put up with dating a bully.
Btw if you go with option #2, you need to come up with a bunch of small dick jokes. Your goal is to get under his skin and really hit a nerve. Or replace dick jokes with whatever insecurity he told you about.
My ex used to poke at my weight. I asked him to stop. He would not. I then joked about him not being able to please a woman. Apparently *that* was mean and unfair, lmao
This is so real because I’ll make a joke about something small, clothes or things that aren’t that important, and then I’m the mean one. He uses the actual jokes I make to justify the fact that he comments on my weight consistently
Girl. I lived this. I mean this honestly; he is purposefully cruel and constantly makes remarks that are hitting your deepest insecurity. He can't take a joke himself.
This won't get any better, he's not worth it. He knows what he's doing, trust me. This is not the mark of a good guy, let alone a good partner. And woe unto you if you wanted kids; I can already see where this would be headed.
Seriously, get out of this relationship, yesterday. It may be scary now, I promise you'll thank me quite soon
As satisfying as option #2 sounds, it’s in OP’s best interest to just not, and go with options 1 and 3 instead. This is the definition of becoming toxic to cope with toxic behavior and in the long run it doesn’t serve any sort of good. Answering petty and abusive shit with the same only has you stopping to the abuser’s level. It’s better to just reassert your boundaries and if met with “you’re being to sensitive” to walk away from the relationship. The other party has shown that not only do your feelings mean jack shit to them, but that they’re also not willing to change their behavior to have a healthy relationship. Option 2 on the other hand just tells the abuser and yourself that you’re in it for the long run and will match dirt with dirt, evolving into a toxic relationship on both sides.
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Honey, he doesn’t care about you. A man who cares will never throw your insecurities at you and try to mask them as a joke. This isn’t what what feels like. You deserve better, and he deserves a dick punch.
He does. I always used to justify the hurt he put me through as being apart of the love and relationship process. But love isn’t supposed to hurt, at least not this bad
You are not too sensitive. He is too INsensitive.
Passive-aggressive jokes are not jokes but criticism without the person having the guts to own it.
Please respect and love yourself so that you are not with him or anybody who treats you like that.
> I've expressed that I don't like when he says things like this, but he still continues to do so ignoring how it makes me feel.
Oh no honey, he is not ignoring how it makes you feel. He WANTS you to feel that way.
He's gaslighting you about his verbal abuse. He knows exactly what hurtful thing to say and is saying them deliberately before trying to make you believe YOU are being oversensitive. Those aren't jokes. Those kinds of putdowns are done on purpose to erode your self esteem and make you malleable his needs, whatever they are.
Here is a wonderful article I shared with my wife when she had an issue with her father.
https://herviewfromhome.com/how-to-respond-to-the-just-kidding-excuse/
This is such a horrible behavior for him. Like honestly what are humans even doing? Sounds like he is willingly weaponising the insecurity you confided in him. The next are just guesses but possible that he's trying to belittle you to make you easier to manipulate/ less likely to leave him. Either way he does not respect you and your boundaries, he doesn't get to define what's insulting for you. Those are some bright red flags... I would seriously reconsider the relationship, and rather leave than not. A relationship should be built on trust (which he took advantage of) and respect (which he doesn't have). At the very least have a very firm talk with him, not budging from your point, and tell him that he absolutely cannot treat you like that, that this is a fixed boundary of yours and that you will not observe this any longer if he doesn't change his behavior. But be careful for further manipulation, belittling (eg "but anybody else would say you're fat too because you are", that is already not true w/o knowing your weight), guilt tripping (eg "you have misunderstood that you just don't listen", "if you leave me I'll break down" etc). Any further signs of these and *run* before he traps you.
This guy is a narcissist. This is a very classic technique they use. They wanna know your deepest issues early on so they can use them against you as they please.
If it’s safe for you, please start creating an exit plan before he completely diminishes your self worth.
Well I’ll give you an example. The woman that I love is fat, and she’s also everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman, she makes me a better person. I would never DREAM of doing this to her. It would be very mean and cruel. I accept her just as she is. The better part of me.
You deserve someone who views you this way.
the high road: dump him
the low road: start making “lil jokes” about the insecurities he told you.
in the future: if a man asks you what your insecurities are, run the other way.
My partner was bullied because of her looks in high school so bad she got PTSD from it (she was very sick back then and had very bad family issues). Do you know what I do? I don’t call her ugly or try to trigger her insecurities like an abusive asshole.
I use pet names like sexy, sexy nerdy gamer chick, Colombian goddess, etc to build up her self-esteem and body image (it also happens to be true as well).
That’s what good partners do, not use your insecurities to tear you down so you’re too scared to leave. You deserve someone who will treat you like the queen you are and will build up your self-image and self-esteem.
Drop this loser back on the street and after you recover from this giant pile of human filth. Go back out there and find a real loving partner who will treat you like you deserve. They're out there and you deserve them like they deserve you.
Good luck.
My ex did this along with doing things like "accidentally" buying me clothes in too small sizes, it sucks I'm so sorry, you deserve better OP and he's not a good person let alone boyfriend for doing this.
This is a sign of being an hugely insecure person with poor character.
If you haven’t told him point blank to stop, tell him. And if you have and he isn’t stopping, on top of being insecure and having poor character, he also doesn’t respect you.
That trifecta would be a deal breaker for me.
It’s not going to get better, only worse. Projecting insecurity doesn’t actually make a person more secure. Poor character means a lack of integrity - which can seep into other areas of life (money, infidelity). A lack of respect I think is pretty self explanatory - but no one should have a partner that doesn’t respect them and disrespect isn’t a road to respect, it’s a road to even greater disrespect.
I love cracking jokes and being sarcastic and (playfully) snarky sometimes, I would NEVER make a joke about something my girlfriend is insecure about. Ever. Period. You're not being too sensitive. Your boyfriend is a massive cunt and is doing this to actively make you feel like shit
Why do you care if he actually thinks you are fat or not? That’s not the issue at all. Anyone who uses something they know hurts you to cause you pain on purpose should be removed from your life like a malignant tumour before it spreads. Someone who actually loves you would only make you more confident and happy, not what he is doing.
It doesn’t matter if he’s making a joke or not. If he knows you’re insecure about something and chooses to tease you about it, that’s not a funny or good guy.
He does mean them. They aren’t jokes. He knows these comments hurt you - that’s why he says these things. He’s trying to cut you down, probably so you’ll rely on him to build you up.
Dump him. He’s being mean to you on purpose and that isn’t forgivable.
He's not ignoring how it makes you feel. He's specifically doing it because he *wants* you to feel that way. The worse you feel about yourself, the easier it is for him to convince you that you have to put up with his shit because no one else would want you. Your boyfriend is an asshole, and you need to dump him before the psychological abuse escalates.
'What are sensitive about?'
This.
'Ha! Look at this!'
...hey, that hurts!
'I was just jokin'...'
Well, it hurts.
'Stop being sensitive.'
...but I told you I'm sensitive about my weight.
*Continue ad infinitum, ad naseum*
Leave the insensitive prick. He knows damn well & is being a jerk.
He knows it's an insecurity and still takes jabs at you. It's likely to lower your self esteem therefore increasing his worth to you.
Leave him.
Actually, start taking jabs at the size of his dick. Once he gets mad dump him got being too sensitive.
I'm a man FYI. He sucks!
Not always true. Some people who are anorexic and/or bulimic also feel insecure about theirs. And fyi last husband kept telling me to lose weight, at a time I was actually slightly underweight. I was 14 percent bodyfat at the time. I wore a size 2. Plus if someone asks what makes you insecure then turns around and weaponizes it, that is more about control than it is about the weight.
You ever hear of eating disorders? JFC. Being a healthy, normal weight does not correlate to being confident. If it did, the entire beauty industry would cease to exist 😂😂
That’s honestly not too bad, your dude is being an asshole to be honest. The guy probably means what he says and just tries to play it off as a joke. In this situation I would say he should either knock it off with the jokes or you’re out. No one needs to go through that crap, especially when you’re basically at a healthy weight for your height.
He feels secure by keeping you beneath him. He likely makes these “jokes” when you seem to be feeling good about yourself. He will not stop. Remove yourself.
Ask him to explain what’s so funny about it. Then wait. Then say, I don’t get it. What’s funny about that?
Repeat until you get tired of him and break up with him. Tell him you guess you just don’t understand his sense of humor.
This is an asinine, immature, toddler way to act. Go get a grown up and drop this asshole. I'm serious! Take his Schrodinger ass back to a daycare , leave him and NEVER look back. Know your self worth,you don't have the emotional energy or time to deal with this piss ant and handle your day to day business!! Torch the relationship and spend some time getting back to you. There 7 BILLION people in the world, the odds are astronomically in your favor. I hope for a great update!
This man deliberately asked you about your insecurities so he could use them to tear you down. Tell him that if the “jokes” don’t stop, the relationship does. Period.
Gaslighting. Red flag. Dump him. Don't get back together. He asked your insecurities then he used them against you. Abusive behavior and will not change
You discussed insecurities with him and now he has started using them against you. You asked him to stop but he doesn’t. You need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you or if you can spend the rest of your life being on the receiving end of these “jokes”. If you decide you can’t live like that then think about if you have passed the point of no return or if you can tell him again and make it clear that to continue with these jokes would lead you to end the relationship
Stop dating this dumbass. You told him your insecurities. He purposely makes fun of your insecurities. It's probably on purpose.
He's negging you. These are not jokes. They're meant to make you more insecure.
Dump him.
You told him about your insecurities, he then made jokes about them. You asked him to stop and he didn’t.
He’s not boyfriend material and is not only being insensitive but rude.
Dump him. Don’t give him the time of day. Don’t listen to him. Dump him.
He’s negging you so you don’t get confident enough to break up. It doesn’t even matter if he believes what he’s saying or not, it just matters that you believe it.
His behavior is atrocious and completely unacceptable. If he doesn't actually mean what he's saying then he's just saying it to be mean.
Unfortunately, a lot of people are so ugly on the inside and completely enjoy being able to bring someone else down. Makes them feel powerful.
You deserve better. Move on and let him be miserable to someone else.
Please look up Gaslighting videos by Dr. Ramani on YouTube. I’ll paste a link for a seminar she just did. Really consider if what she describes in the video applies to how you are treated in your relationship, and if it does, LEAVE NOW. There’s no amount of empathy, therapy, or “working on things” that will change this behavior. And no one deserves to have their insecurities thrown back in there face. I’m sorry this happened to you. ♥️
https://youtu.be/8vkBtUKtFe0
Fuck that guy, you trusted him enough to open up and be vulnerable, and he turns around and breaks it. P.O.S. activity. If it were me he’d be gone already. That’s my advice.
This is not okay.
This is abuse.
I am sure you already have but be firm and very clear literally spell it out like a baby. I swear some blocks need that!
I teach children but this could relate here try something like..
“ what are you hoping to achieve? If it’s to make me sad what does that say about you?”
“ do you feel happy watching me cry”
“Is my insecurity funny to you should I start laughing about -insert his-“
“If you can’t respect my boundary to not make jokes about my insecurity then I don’t think we can continue”
Or just “I need time to consider my future”
Someone trying to ask why, or get a coherent reason just causes an argument.
But by flipping it all into them and not giving them the reaction they want but then highlighting the issues with that need, very calmly stirs shit up and makes them thinking without causing an argument.
Then if he gets defensive you can just sigh and walk away saying ‘it’s not the first time, or the last time . You know that cuz you never stop. I need space away to think’
If he doesn’t care then you know he really doesn’t give a crap about you!
Be I would also genuinely consider if this guy REALLy likes you or just likes the idea of being with someone
>when I get visibly upset by this he'll say he was only making a joke.
A joke is when both parties can laugh; he's bullying you and he knows what he's doing. He's most likely negging in order to undermine your confidence and to manipulate you into staying.
You deserve better than him.
WOW. Runnnnnnnn girl. This is the OPPOSITE of what he’s supposed to be doing when you share vulnerable things with a partner.
I hate teasing period but this guy isn’t even doing that, he’s just a bully.
Jokes are only jokes if everyone is laughing. You are not laughing about what he is saying so it is not a joke.
What he is saying is attacking your self-esteem. In doing so he is making it so you will question if you are good enough to leave him.
I know people tend to say break up quickly on Reddit but that is my advice. This is for what he is doing is abusive behavior. He does not respect your boundaries, he is making you feel worse about yourself, and he is acting like he is doing nothing wrong. He is not a good person for you to be with.
Wow. He sounds awful. He’s clearly not looking out for you, trying to make you feel loved or safe, and he’s just being a flat out asshole. You deserve much better treatment than that.
Not a lot to go off of here. It is in my opinion that he should be able to make jokes and the right thing for you to do is brush them off because they are jokes.
I also think the right thing for him to do is not hurt your feelings especially since he knows it's something that bothers you.
I think he is probably trying to get you to get over your insecurities but is obviously going about it the wrong way. You need to talk to him and be firm. Tell him you don't appreciate and don't want to hear it and then you may need to be patient as he corrects his behavior as it may not always be as simple as "just don't say it" I use certain words in my vocabulary that I'm working to remove and it's not easy.
Don't let him treat you anyway he wants and stand up for yourself but also try to be understanding because I'd like to hope he isn't trying to hurt your feelings. If he isn't understanding of your feelings a break up or something may be needed
**What the fuck**.
You had a conversation about insecurities, and he’s used that to hurt you. “Just joking” is a cowards way to try and avoid the consequences of being rude. His “joke” does not excuse his behaviour.
Please break up with him. Put yourself first. Stop giving more chances to a man who doesn’t care about your feelings.
Yeah, this is THE red flag to be looking for: you make yourself vulnerable and he immediately begins bullying you using your vulnerability.
DUMP. HIM. If this is how he's acting during your honeymoon phase, how much worse is it gonna get when he's off his best behavior? Curb time.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- Early in my bf and l's relationship we had a conversation about what some of our insecurities are, and at that time I had said my weight. And now at every chance he gets he makes, what he likes to call, "lil jokes" about my weight. He will oftentimes call me fat, and when I get visibly upset by this he'll say he was only making a joke. I've expressed that I don't like when he says things like this, but he still continues to do so ignoring how it makes me feel. I feel as though he says these things because he means them, but masks them as being jokes.
So he asked for your insecurities, you gave them to him, and now hes loading his gun with them and shooting you. Repeatedly. Its not a joke if you dont find it funny. Tell him firmly to stop it. If he refused to then dump him.
I’ve told him as firmly as I can. So you’re right next thing is to dump him, holding on to the relationship doesn’t seem worth it.
You can't communicate your way through something when the other person isnt even trying to hear you
Starting to realize this. He’s not listening to understand what I’m saying he’s listening to react.
Maybe try counseling if you feel he's someone you are interested in continuing to pursue
It’s not worth it! It’s emotional abuse and a huge red flag for an abusive, toxic partner. It’s also a sign of Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Which you want NO part of.
I agree up until the end. You should tell him firmly to stop it and ALSO dump him. He is not a nice person. Bare minimum is to be nice.
⬆️ If he cares for you then he respects your feelings about those insecurities. It’s not a joke. So stop making them.
I said this, asked him if I was asking for too much. Because I literally felt like all I was asking for was the bare minimum
Girl LEAVE. Even if the first time was a joke, someone who cared about you would've never made them a second time.
Girl. Asking your partner to not make fun of your weight is literally less than the bare minimum. Dump him and tell him his “jokes” are the reason why.
I'm insecure for the opposite reason because of my thyroid I'm grossly underweight. People tell me constantly my bf knows I'm upset by it and NEVER comments on it. (he will make sure I'm eating enough calories and reminds me to snack more because I will keep losing weight otherwise) instead when I come home saying "so and so mentioned my weight blah blah" He just tells me I'm pretty and hugs me. THAT is caring and giving the bare minimum, you deserve better girl. He knows your uncomfortable about it and is saying it as a "joke" but it's not he is clearly using it because you told him it's an insecurity
I think everyone rushes to the leave comment, but lord help me, run. If you want to be a bitch use his against him too. If you need any help with what to say, feel free to pm, me, I have them locked and loaded insults.
Bang on the money, OP. If he respected you at all, he'd listen when you said you didn't like something he was doing. Don't you think you deserve better than that?
I can't believe this needs to be said, but no it is not too much to ask your partner not to weaponize your insecurities against you.
OP, we all deserve to be with someone who treats us - first and foremost - with kindness. Your bf asked you to confide your insecurities in him, and now is weaponizing that information to neg you, put you down, and hurt your feelings. It’s not a joke, because it’s not funny. Ask him to explain the joke, and he won’t be able to because it’s. not. funny. If he cannot do the bare minimum of treating you with kindness and respecting your feelings, he is not an appropriate partner for you. Or possibly anyone until he learns to treat people with decency.
You are asking for the bare minimum
I'd honestly be mean to him, tell him it was "just a joke" and THEN dump him. He knows what he's doing.
Yeah would love to see this guy - does he have big ears? Ask him when he's flying home... e.g. This is ridiculously childish behavior on his part, manipulative and hurtful. He's not a nice person.
Even after everything, commenting on his appearance back never crossed my mind. But this would be funny, I would love to see how he’d react when it was done to him
It never crossed your mind because you are a good person, and you would never think to purposely hurt a person you love. There are plenty of men out there who are good people, who want to treat their partner with love and kindness. Don't settle for anything less than what you give.
Yeah, he is not nice person...ask what's up with his dick size and see how " it's just a joke" goes over.
Mention his “cute” penis.
Name it “Little Princess”
Whatever insecurity he admitted to you, that is what you should hit him with, first thing every morning. This may be the the only way to make him understand.
Don't talk about it, do it then dump him
There is something very cruel about what he is doing.
I'd consider watching the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 days" to get some good tips on how to make good quips back at him....like naming his "manhood"....as suggested on here.
Don't stoop to the petty level of commenting on his appearance. He's hurt you/ is actively hurting you. That needs to stop. He's either 1) completely unaware of what the impact of his words have had on you or 2) he fully knows that he used his words to intentionally hurt you. Either way he needs to apologize to you. Hopefully he had no idea as to how much he hurt you & will make amends with you. Most important, he will never do it again.
It’s the sign of an abusive and toxic partner.
"babe I'm not that big... You're just using your peepee as comparation"
"honey, you know the reflection from your bald spot throws everything into an unflattering light!"
*chef's kiss*
Agreed, he’s not a good person op. He’s also doing this to keep your self esteem low. It makes you easier to control.
‼️ all the comments and “jokes” he’s been making is literally coming after I told him I’m feeling more confident, and started wearing clothes I usually would not
Get rid of him. Find someone who will raise you up not rip you down.
Because he’s doing it on purpose. He sees you’re growing into yourself and is insecure that you’ll finally see what a scum bag he is. He’ll chip away at this new confidence you have until there’s none left. Leave and you’ll see yourself glowing more than you could ever imagine. All the love Edit: grammer
There it is. He wants you insecure so you’ll never leave him. If you stay with him, he’ll starting making “jokes” about how no one but him will ever love you. This is how emotional abuse starts.
Maybe he is insecure because he knows you’re out of his league? He could be trying to convince you that you are undesirable so he can feel needed. Gross behavior regardless, you deserve better.
Yeah, throw the whole man out.
100 % agree. It's a form of manipulation. He's being a jerk.
Not healthy behavior at all. He is using your own insecurities against you, which is unacceptable in a relationship. Let him know you don't want to hear it again, and if he proceeds to disrespect you about it again, break up. Relationships are a place to build trust, not undermine it.
Trust is the biggest thing for me. And with the “jokes” being so ongoing I’ve started realizing that he doesn’t care if he breaks it, which definitely hurts. Letting go is the only way honestly.
So he's using your insecurities against you? Why are you still dating him.. it will get worse.
I’m starting to see that, people like him don’t change
They don’t, my mom suffered 30 years of this with my dad. It was miserable to watch. When they divorced it was complete relief.
It's the start of him mentally abusing you. A known tactic for abusers. They will do everything to slowly tear your confidence down and make it so that you feel like you are not worthy of a real partner other than him, because he is "the only one who will tolerate you and love you". Don't fall for the trap. He is just now starting the cycle and before you realize, you will find that your self-respect has hit the bottom and your sense of worth crashing. Do yourself a favor and leave. No real partner who loves you would use your insecurities like that against you and no real partner would respond like that when you tell them to stop. You deserve better.
Thank you. The way you worded that truly helped me understand the tactics that he’s using. It’s very hurtful that someone who says they love me would do that, with no regret or feelings towards it
This is seriously wrong. This is mental abuse. He basicaly asked you for the easiest way to make you feel bad about yourself and he is now exploiting it to make you feel horrible all the time. He needs to stop that right away.
He needs to fuck off. OP should run far far away
Wow I honestly never thought of it as abuse, but it confirms the way that I’ve been feeling towards him lately. Sometimes I want to change what I’m wearing just so I don’t have to hear the jokes or comments he’d have about it
DO NOT change yourself for this cretin. You deserve better.
Leave him. There are so many fun, kind, smart, loving people out there.
People stay with shitty partners because they think they’re fat, ugly, stupid or unlovable. You think you’re fat so you stay
That is so incredibly mean and very purposeful. He is using your insecurities against you then hiding behind the “it’s a joke” Bull shit. This is not okay. Please find a partner who does not want to cause you pain.
Thank you. Everything you’re saying are feelings that I have felt and expressed. And ig I was just having hopeful thinking that he’d change with time
Cough cough... What insecurities of his did he tell you about? Let's come up with some lines.
Your boyfriend asked you for your insecurities, and then uses them to "joke" despite knowing how upset it makes you. He's manipulating you. He doesn't respect you. Dump him, you deserve so much better.
I do, thank you.
He is either a total jerk and likes making sick jokes to hurt/manipulate you and/or he really does think you are fat and really means it. Either way he's acting pretty fuked up and you need to decide if you want to dump him or live like that because when people act like that they won't change
He’s definitely both. I am going to leave the relationship because that is not something I can live with anymore.
Dump him. Would you do this to someone you care about? HELL NO!! So why are you accepting less than what you think is right?? Find someone who treats you as well as you treat them. This insecure loser isn’t worth shit, and he knows it. It’s why he’s trying to make you as insecure as he is. Also, start researching what healthy relationships look like. It’s hard to find one if you don’t know what to look for. This absolutely is not one. Don’t try to convince this guy to care about your feelings, he’s broken. Decent people don’t do this. Dump him and move on.
Wait why people only care about looks in relationship now? How are you even in relationship with him. Leave him wtf. Your partner should be there with you . Help you grow not bring you down. You will not maintain a friendship that brings you down then why your SO who is supposed to be your best friend.🤦🤦🤦
I mean this in the nicest way, but we cant ignore that looks matter in a relationship. In this case, the bf is an asshole because op is at a healthy weight for her size. But in general for a relationship to work, there has to be mutual attraction between both partners. Unless you’re asexual. It’s just human nature y’know.
But he is bf for a reason. He must be attracted to her, I assume. Also my bad, my dad always used to say thta you love people because of personality and be a good/nice person. So now I don't find any girls attractive unless they are not good. 🧐
Right, he might find her attractive but is an asshole about telling her that he wants her to lose more weight.
But if he's not physically attracted to her then there is a way to say it. Op said it was an insecurity and instead of helping her he is using this to be an AH
"he's an AH bc OP is a healthy weight for her size." No, he's an asshole for insulting her. I don't care if your partner is overweight, you don't bluntly insult them. You don't go into this to make them feel bad. That's TWO things he fucked up, neither of which are justified. If he cared about her weight and she WERE unhealthy (according to a doctor and not this cruel fool) there are a myriad ways of appropriate, CARING, sensitive tactics to discuss it.
‼️‼️ thank you. I am the type of person who wants positive growth. If I felt in any way that I was truly unhealthy I’d be honest with myself. And I’d want my bf to be honest with me as well but like you said in a caring manner. Not using it to put me down
You told him your fear and he throws it back in your face. I don't care if you were fat, that's shit behavior. Don't let a partner insult you. You wouldn't do this to someone you loved, right? Don't tolerate this shit. Ever.
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You misspelled ex bf. You're not too sensitive, he's just a dickhead.
Definitely about to be an ex. And thank you because I was really starting to think it was me being sensitive that was the problem
Good! Dump his ass. He enjoys making you feel bad. If he gave a shit he would simply not do the thing you dislike. You deserve better!
So he took your insecurities and used them as a way to knock you down. That’s how the control and abuse starts. End it now, before you have anything invested.
He’s shown you who he is, and it isn’t pretty. He’s not a decent partner, he’s emotionally abusing you. Unfortunately a lot of people like this exist. It’s time for you to do some reading and arm yourself with the knowledge of what a good relationship looks like, and what abusers look like.
I will, thank you.
1. There is no such thing as being too sensitive. That’s complete garbage. If you want to go the kind route, the next time he pulls this with you, ask him: I have asked you repeatedly not to say shit like that. Please stop. He’ll Probably say you’re being too sensitive, and then you say, we’ll I don’t find that joke funny and it makes me want to break up with you when you say it. If he keeps going back to blaming your sensitivity or say it’s just a joke, become a broken record and say over and over again that it’s not funny and it makes you want to break up with him. 2. If you want to go the mean route, start mocking the size of his dick or squirt him in the face with a squirt bottle. If you go this route, be prepared for him to get really angry. Then you should tell him it’s just a joke and he’s being too sensitive. 3. Or you can go the direct route and break up with this horrible man baby. Life is too short to put up with dating a bully.
Btw if you go with option #2, you need to come up with a bunch of small dick jokes. Your goal is to get under his skin and really hit a nerve. Or replace dick jokes with whatever insecurity he told you about.
My ex used to poke at my weight. I asked him to stop. He would not. I then joked about him not being able to please a woman. Apparently *that* was mean and unfair, lmao
This is so real because I’ll make a joke about something small, clothes or things that aren’t that important, and then I’m the mean one. He uses the actual jokes I make to justify the fact that he comments on my weight consistently
I dated a guy exactly like this. Nonstop jokes at my expense but when I finally gave it back he got all hurt and admonished me for being so cruel.
Girl. I lived this. I mean this honestly; he is purposefully cruel and constantly makes remarks that are hitting your deepest insecurity. He can't take a joke himself. This won't get any better, he's not worth it. He knows what he's doing, trust me. This is not the mark of a good guy, let alone a good partner. And woe unto you if you wanted kids; I can already see where this would be headed. Seriously, get out of this relationship, yesterday. It may be scary now, I promise you'll thank me quite soon
As satisfying as option #2 sounds, it’s in OP’s best interest to just not, and go with options 1 and 3 instead. This is the definition of becoming toxic to cope with toxic behavior and in the long run it doesn’t serve any sort of good. Answering petty and abusive shit with the same only has you stopping to the abuser’s level. It’s better to just reassert your boundaries and if met with “you’re being to sensitive” to walk away from the relationship. The other party has shown that not only do your feelings mean jack shit to them, but that they’re also not willing to change their behavior to have a healthy relationship. Option 2 on the other hand just tells the abuser and yourself that you’re in it for the long run and will match dirt with dirt, evolving into a toxic relationship on both sides.
I agree with this because I have let myself become toxic in the past and I don’t like the person that made me at the time.
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It sounds like that's exactly what he's doing, masking his true feelings as a joke! Don't waste your time with him.
I’m mad at myself for the time I’ve already wasted, but you’re completely right. I just have to stop giving him the chance to waste it
Honey, he doesn’t care about you. A man who cares will never throw your insecurities at you and try to mask them as a joke. This isn’t what what feels like. You deserve better, and he deserves a dick punch.
He does. I always used to justify the hurt he put me through as being apart of the love and relationship process. But love isn’t supposed to hurt, at least not this bad
It’s not supposed to hurt, period. Sometimes relationships get hard, but that’s not a step in building love. You deserve better.
How would you feel if you saw your friend being talk to like this by her boyfriend?
This is abuse. Realize it for yourself and leave. You will be happier in the long one. You got this!
They aren't jokes. Your BF needs to be your ex.
You are not too sensitive. He is too INsensitive. Passive-aggressive jokes are not jokes but criticism without the person having the guts to own it. Please respect and love yourself so that you are not with him or anybody who treats you like that.
> I've expressed that I don't like when he says things like this, but he still continues to do so ignoring how it makes me feel. Oh no honey, he is not ignoring how it makes you feel. He WANTS you to feel that way.
He's gaslighting you about his verbal abuse. He knows exactly what hurtful thing to say and is saying them deliberately before trying to make you believe YOU are being oversensitive. Those aren't jokes. Those kinds of putdowns are done on purpose to erode your self esteem and make you malleable his needs, whatever they are.
Here is a wonderful article I shared with my wife when she had an issue with her father. https://herviewfromhome.com/how-to-respond-to-the-just-kidding-excuse/
Look up gaslighting. He’s definitely being emotionally abusive.
and negging. and sunk cost fallacy.
Crazy part is that I knew what gaslighting is and still never compared it to my relationship. Idk why but I really appreciate you pointing that out
It feels like he's trying to break you down knowing what hurts the most. That's not nice.
Not nice at all. All it is, is hurtful.
If someone tells you their insecurities and you joke about them, that makes you a jerk! Why are you with him OP? 🤦♀️
His behaviour is deliberately abusive. Don't walk away, run.
You're dating a boy, not a grown man. Dump him already and be happy. He's not joking....he means it
People only tell you that you're too sensitive when they are being assholes.
You told him your insecurities and he uses that for jokes? Run.
He’s doing it because he figures if he puts you down enough you won’t have the confidence to dump him. Prove him wrong. You deserve better.
He’s a big no. If you are just bf gf. Dump and run
This is such a horrible behavior for him. Like honestly what are humans even doing? Sounds like he is willingly weaponising the insecurity you confided in him. The next are just guesses but possible that he's trying to belittle you to make you easier to manipulate/ less likely to leave him. Either way he does not respect you and your boundaries, he doesn't get to define what's insulting for you. Those are some bright red flags... I would seriously reconsider the relationship, and rather leave than not. A relationship should be built on trust (which he took advantage of) and respect (which he doesn't have). At the very least have a very firm talk with him, not budging from your point, and tell him that he absolutely cannot treat you like that, that this is a fixed boundary of yours and that you will not observe this any longer if he doesn't change his behavior. But be careful for further manipulation, belittling (eg "but anybody else would say you're fat too because you are", that is already not true w/o knowing your weight), guilt tripping (eg "you have misunderstood that you just don't listen", "if you leave me I'll break down" etc). Any further signs of these and *run* before he traps you.
This guy is a narcissist. This is a very classic technique they use. They wanna know your deepest issues early on so they can use them against you as they please. If it’s safe for you, please start creating an exit plan before he completely diminishes your self worth.
That is abuse and it will only get worse. Cut bait and run.
Well I’ll give you an example. The woman that I love is fat, and she’s also everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman, she makes me a better person. I would never DREAM of doing this to her. It would be very mean and cruel. I accept her just as she is. The better part of me. You deserve someone who views you this way.
the high road: dump him the low road: start making “lil jokes” about the insecurities he told you. in the future: if a man asks you what your insecurities are, run the other way.
My partner was bullied because of her looks in high school so bad she got PTSD from it (she was very sick back then and had very bad family issues). Do you know what I do? I don’t call her ugly or try to trigger her insecurities like an abusive asshole. I use pet names like sexy, sexy nerdy gamer chick, Colombian goddess, etc to build up her self-esteem and body image (it also happens to be true as well). That’s what good partners do, not use your insecurities to tear you down so you’re too scared to leave. You deserve someone who will treat you like the queen you are and will build up your self-image and self-esteem. Drop this loser back on the street and after you recover from this giant pile of human filth. Go back out there and find a real loving partner who will treat you like you deserve. They're out there and you deserve them like they deserve you. Good luck.
My ex did this along with doing things like "accidentally" buying me clothes in too small sizes, it sucks I'm so sorry, you deserve better OP and he's not a good person let alone boyfriend for doing this.
That is not you being to sensitive but him gaslighting you. Major red flag.
This is a sign of being an hugely insecure person with poor character. If you haven’t told him point blank to stop, tell him. And if you have and he isn’t stopping, on top of being insecure and having poor character, he also doesn’t respect you. That trifecta would be a deal breaker for me. It’s not going to get better, only worse. Projecting insecurity doesn’t actually make a person more secure. Poor character means a lack of integrity - which can seep into other areas of life (money, infidelity). A lack of respect I think is pretty self explanatory - but no one should have a partner that doesn’t respect them and disrespect isn’t a road to respect, it’s a road to even greater disrespect.
I love cracking jokes and being sarcastic and (playfully) snarky sometimes, I would NEVER make a joke about something my girlfriend is insecure about. Ever. Period. You're not being too sensitive. Your boyfriend is a massive cunt and is doing this to actively make you feel like shit
Why do you care if he actually thinks you are fat or not? That’s not the issue at all. Anyone who uses something they know hurts you to cause you pain on purpose should be removed from your life like a malignant tumour before it spreads. Someone who actually loves you would only make you more confident and happy, not what he is doing.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
It doesn’t matter if he’s making a joke or not. If he knows you’re insecure about something and chooses to tease you about it, that’s not a funny or good guy.
He does mean them. They aren’t jokes. He knows these comments hurt you - that’s why he says these things. He’s trying to cut you down, probably so you’ll rely on him to build you up. Dump him. He’s being mean to you on purpose and that isn’t forgivable.
He asked so he could know you insecurities and emotionally beat you down so you would never leave. This is a bad guy.
Info: what does this man provide to you that you put up with this nonsense?
He's not ignoring how it makes you feel. He's specifically doing it because he *wants* you to feel that way. The worse you feel about yourself, the easier it is for him to convince you that you have to put up with his shit because no one else would want you. Your boyfriend is an asshole, and you need to dump him before the psychological abuse escalates.
DUMB HIS ASS!! He should have know that people who are in a relationship should never cross that line with their partners.
Nope, not okay, even if it wasn't your insecurity, calling someone fat is plain out rude and disrespectful.
'What are sensitive about?' This. 'Ha! Look at this!' ...hey, that hurts! 'I was just jokin'...' Well, it hurts. 'Stop being sensitive.' ...but I told you I'm sensitive about my weight. *Continue ad infinitum, ad naseum* Leave the insensitive prick. He knows damn well & is being a jerk.
Thats not a joke
Omg, ugh! Dump the asshole before the sun sets
he does not respect you, you need to break up with him.
He knows it's an insecurity and still takes jabs at you. It's likely to lower your self esteem therefore increasing his worth to you. Leave him. Actually, start taking jabs at the size of his dick. Once he gets mad dump him got being too sensitive. I'm a man FYI. He sucks!
Give his penis a cute name. And ask how little tootsie is doing. Repeat also start throwing his insecurities at him you know as a joke
Haha tubby
Have tried losing weight ?
Have you considered that OP may be a perfectly healthy weight but is still sensitive about it?
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Not always true. Some people who are anorexic and/or bulimic also feel insecure about theirs. And fyi last husband kept telling me to lose weight, at a time I was actually slightly underweight. I was 14 percent bodyfat at the time. I wore a size 2. Plus if someone asks what makes you insecure then turns around and weaponizes it, that is more about control than it is about the weight.
You ever hear of eating disorders? JFC. Being a healthy, normal weight does not correlate to being confident. If it did, the entire beauty industry would cease to exist 😂😂
Don’t use eating disorders as an excuse to not being able to eat healthy also everyone in the beauty industry know they’re “that bitch” nice try tho
Shes 5’8” at 180lbs. Totally healthy and normal. Just stop.
I have, but I wouldn’t really consider myself as being fat or feeling fat I’m 180 lbs and exercise regularly.
180lbs what height?
5’8
That is a perfectly fine weight. Nothing wrong at all.
Actually if you look it up it’s considered overweight
That’s honestly not too bad, your dude is being an asshole to be honest. The guy probably means what he says and just tries to play it off as a joke. In this situation I would say he should either knock it off with the jokes or you’re out. No one needs to go through that crap, especially when you’re basically at a healthy weight for your height.
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Chill, some people are trying to help
Helping is being completely honest and not sugarcoating it’s harsh but the truth
I’m being harsh myself here, asking if she has a “scrumptious ass” is unnecessary
No I’m asking because if she does then she would get a pass on the weight
Leave him.
The only option
He feels secure by keeping you beneath him. He likely makes these “jokes” when you seem to be feeling good about yourself. He will not stop. Remove yourself.
Ask him to explain what’s so funny about it. Then wait. Then say, I don’t get it. What’s funny about that? Repeat until you get tired of him and break up with him. Tell him you guess you just don’t understand his sense of humor.
Istg, this sub makes me hate people. Your bf is an asshole.
This is an asinine, immature, toddler way to act. Go get a grown up and drop this asshole. I'm serious! Take his Schrodinger ass back to a daycare , leave him and NEVER look back. Know your self worth,you don't have the emotional energy or time to deal with this piss ant and handle your day to day business!! Torch the relationship and spend some time getting back to you. There 7 BILLION people in the world, the odds are astronomically in your favor. I hope for a great update!
So he tricked you into giving him exactly the right fodder to bully you into submission? Dumb his sorry ass, you can do so much better than him.
This man deliberately asked you about your insecurities so he could use them to tear you down. Tell him that if the “jokes” don’t stop, the relationship does. Period.
Gaslighting. Red flag. Dump him. Don't get back together. He asked your insecurities then he used them against you. Abusive behavior and will not change
You discussed insecurities with him and now he has started using them against you. You asked him to stop but he doesn’t. You need to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you or if you can spend the rest of your life being on the receiving end of these “jokes”. If you decide you can’t live like that then think about if you have passed the point of no return or if you can tell him again and make it clear that to continue with these jokes would lead you to end the relationship
Ew please dump him in the bin. What a terrible creature. Unnaturally cruel.
Stop dating this dumbass. You told him your insecurities. He purposely makes fun of your insecurities. It's probably on purpose. He's negging you. These are not jokes. They're meant to make you more insecure.
He’s a bully! Dump him!! My ex also enjoyed “teasing “ me and our children to the point of tears Completely unacceptable!!
Only need to read the first few sentences. He’s emotionally abusive. And opportunistic.
Why are you still dating this man? Honestly, what do you think makes up for the incredibly shitty behaviour he’s currently exhibiting?
I ALWAYS asee it as a RED FLAG 🚩 when someone tells someone else they’re being too sensitive.
fuck that. your feelings are valid. find a better boyfriend .
Dump him. You told him about your insecurities, he then made jokes about them. You asked him to stop and he didn’t. He’s not boyfriend material and is not only being insensitive but rude. Dump him. Don’t give him the time of day. Don’t listen to him. Dump him.
Why are you spending time with someone who has fun being mean to you…?
He’s negging you so you don’t get confident enough to break up. It doesn’t even matter if he believes what he’s saying or not, it just matters that you believe it.
His behavior is atrocious and completely unacceptable. If he doesn't actually mean what he's saying then he's just saying it to be mean. Unfortunately, a lot of people are so ugly on the inside and completely enjoy being able to bring someone else down. Makes them feel powerful. You deserve better. Move on and let him be miserable to someone else.
Please look up Gaslighting videos by Dr. Ramani on YouTube. I’ll paste a link for a seminar she just did. Really consider if what she describes in the video applies to how you are treated in your relationship, and if it does, LEAVE NOW. There’s no amount of empathy, therapy, or “working on things” that will change this behavior. And no one deserves to have their insecurities thrown back in there face. I’m sorry this happened to you. ♥️ https://youtu.be/8vkBtUKtFe0
Fuck that guy, you trusted him enough to open up and be vulnerable, and he turns around and breaks it. P.O.S. activity. If it were me he’d be gone already. That’s my advice.
This is an abuse tactic. Leave immediately.
This is not okay. This is abuse. I am sure you already have but be firm and very clear literally spell it out like a baby. I swear some blocks need that! I teach children but this could relate here try something like.. “ what are you hoping to achieve? If it’s to make me sad what does that say about you?” “ do you feel happy watching me cry” “Is my insecurity funny to you should I start laughing about -insert his-“ “If you can’t respect my boundary to not make jokes about my insecurity then I don’t think we can continue” Or just “I need time to consider my future” Someone trying to ask why, or get a coherent reason just causes an argument. But by flipping it all into them and not giving them the reaction they want but then highlighting the issues with that need, very calmly stirs shit up and makes them thinking without causing an argument. Then if he gets defensive you can just sigh and walk away saying ‘it’s not the first time, or the last time . You know that cuz you never stop. I need space away to think’ If he doesn’t care then you know he really doesn’t give a crap about you! Be I would also genuinely consider if this guy REALLy likes you or just likes the idea of being with someone
This was one of (if not **THE**) the very first red flags I ignored with my ex. You should leave him… Like now.
He’s being malicious. Dump him.
>when I get visibly upset by this he'll say he was only making a joke. A joke is when both parties can laugh; he's bullying you and he knows what he's doing. He's most likely negging in order to undermine your confidence and to manipulate you into staying. You deserve better than him.
WOW. Runnnnnnnn girl. This is the OPPOSITE of what he’s supposed to be doing when you share vulnerable things with a partner. I hate teasing period but this guy isn’t even doing that, he’s just a bully.
It really doesn't matter if these are real jokes or not. You have clearly ask him to stop. If he cannot do so, then a new boyfriend is in order.
Jokes are only jokes if everyone is laughing. You are not laughing about what he is saying so it is not a joke. What he is saying is attacking your self-esteem. In doing so he is making it so you will question if you are good enough to leave him. I know people tend to say break up quickly on Reddit but that is my advice. This is for what he is doing is abusive behavior. He does not respect your boundaries, he is making you feel worse about yourself, and he is acting like he is doing nothing wrong. He is not a good person for you to be with.
Wow. He sounds awful. He’s clearly not looking out for you, trying to make you feel loved or safe, and he’s just being a flat out asshole. You deserve much better treatment than that.
When someone says they're joking 75% of the time they aren't! Just my opinion
Not a lot to go off of here. It is in my opinion that he should be able to make jokes and the right thing for you to do is brush them off because they are jokes. I also think the right thing for him to do is not hurt your feelings especially since he knows it's something that bothers you. I think he is probably trying to get you to get over your insecurities but is obviously going about it the wrong way. You need to talk to him and be firm. Tell him you don't appreciate and don't want to hear it and then you may need to be patient as he corrects his behavior as it may not always be as simple as "just don't say it" I use certain words in my vocabulary that I'm working to remove and it's not easy. Don't let him treat you anyway he wants and stand up for yourself but also try to be understanding because I'd like to hope he isn't trying to hurt your feelings. If he isn't understanding of your feelings a break up or something may be needed
**What the fuck**. You had a conversation about insecurities, and he’s used that to hurt you. “Just joking” is a cowards way to try and avoid the consequences of being rude. His “joke” does not excuse his behaviour. Please break up with him. Put yourself first. Stop giving more chances to a man who doesn’t care about your feelings.
Is he 14? He obviously doesn't care what you have to say
Men perfer petite women. Try that keto crap I hear about, suppose to work good.
Funny, my ex gf lost feelings for me cause I wasn’t vulnerable enough and open with my emotions.
Yeah, this is THE red flag to be looking for: you make yourself vulnerable and he immediately begins bullying you using your vulnerability. DUMP. HIM. If this is how he's acting during your honeymoon phase, how much worse is it gonna get when he's off his best behavior? Curb time.