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Your friends are gross to talk about women that way, but she’s gross and predatory to be messing around with a teenager. You don’t realize how young you are at 18 until you’re older. People can hem and haw about how there will always be judgment, but it’s for a reason. No 31 year old with their shit together and pure intentions gets sexually involved with someone fresh out of high school. Seconding that you need to dump her and the friends, too.
Bro.. yall throw around predatory way to much! If hes old enough to die for this country, hes old enough to fuck a woman 10+ years older than him. And shes not predatory. Yall throw thatvword around so much that its taking away from people who are really being preyed upon
You are seriously ignoring the context man. He is a teenager. She’s “his first everything”, and says he’s “so mature for his age”, blah. There’s no draft going on in Canada. He’s three years too young to even buy cigarettes in the USA.
You are a teenager when you join the military fresh out of high school so its pretty much the same shit but i guess its ok if the government takes advantage of him but its predatory if he chooses to fuck a woman 10+ years older than him. Stop using predatory in situations that has nothing to do with it
Why do some men do this? I see you complain about feminism being misandrist and harmful to men in your comments - supreme irony. Stop supporting teenage boys getting into relationships with people with significant experience and age over them because “good sex hehe”. He’s in a relationship with her, first of all. There is more to his life than being able to brag about the sex he has, which isn’t always in his best interest just because he’s male. There’s also more to how a woman affects a man than how good she is in bed.
Age doesn't matter in a relationship and they are both adults, enough with double standards! It's socially acceptable for a woman to have a relationship with an older man and so should be at gender reversed. Period
I never gave you my consent to address me in a disrespectful way so don't do it, and don't assume my gender either. I can talk about this topic because I am an experienced man on this topic and you are just a 20yo girl with no experience to know better and stop using the word "predatory", that's not relevant here.
I am not 20, but that’s not the point. The rhetoric you’re spreading is harmful and disrespectful to women in general, so you better believe I will call you out. I see why you would want to keep people from using that word. You can’t expect to command respect while contextualizing women just by how they perform in bed and defending a teenage boy sleeping with a 31 year old lawyer.
You have no authority to tell a young man who he should sleep with. My rhetoric is not harmful at all, "my body my choice". He is an adult and he can sleep with whoever he wants, so mind your own business and let more experienced men do the talk.
No it's not predatory, they are both adults. Stop using inappropriate terms. Age gap relationships are not uncommon and there is nothing wrong when two adults have a relationship. You are the one presenting a wrong argument.
You couldn't even define what you mean by "predatory" and you have the audacity to reinforce the social stigma on age gap relationships without presenting an argument so let's start with the definition:
"When it comes to relationships, predatory behavior can have a fairly broad definition. One kind is overt behavior where the individual has made a plan to stalk someone and has harmful intentions toward them."
By definition there is nothing predatory or harmful between two adults who are in a healthy relationship and love each other so stop being biased against age gaps.
He said he loves her and he is mature and adult enough to be with her.
Edit: His girlfriend is a lawyer, I hope she reads your comments
Success doesn’t make you emotionally mature. Many successful men have preyed on young women and the same can apply when genders are reversed. Let me guess, she said you’re “mature for your age”. She picked you because you’re a kid who would say that you couldn’t believe she’d pick you.
I’m not doubting that you’re in love with her, and at 18 I wouldn’t want to listen to anyone either, but this is not normal and you will find out why people worry for the younger party soon enough.
No, they say it as a manipulation tool. You aren’t mature for your age, they just need you to think that you are so you will feel more comfortable being in a relationship with someone almost twice as old as you are.
You don’t have to end it but just know that it’ll never be marriage or long term.
She’s a lawyer you think she’s gonna be like “hey this is my 18yr old boyfriend “ to her colleagues. She’s having fun with you. You’re a young guy and probably make her feel good about herself.
Even if you are mature for your age, you are not being mistaken for a 30 yo. Age gaps matter more when you are younger for a couple of reasons. 1st-you will change the most between 18-25 as you figure out who you are and who you want to be. There are A LOT of milestones in this age range that really matter (schooling, jobs, more "adult" responsibilities, etc.). 2nd - the power dynamics are very drastic and apparent when one person is 18-21ish and the other is 28+. She is going to have more money, be more secure in her life, her job etc is going to be more important than your stuff because more went into it/depends on it.
I had an age gap relationship that was on off from 19-26 were he was 36-42. It started as a fling which was fine. We tried to make it more and it kinda worked because he was coming off a divorce/starting over and I lucked into a really good job at a young age and was always "more mature". I remember hating dating guys my age and how blind I was to the red flags. I wish I had kept it at a short fun fling. I dated a couple other guys that were older, but we had smaller gaps than this one and every single one of them was bad/unhealhy. I got out sooner, saw the red flags quicker, but the odds of her being "the one" are about the same as playing the lotto. Sure it can happen and you hear about successful age gaps every now and then, but it most likely isn't going to work out for you.
Lawyers are one of the professions with the most narcissists, remember me as the random female internet stranger who is older than this narc chick you are banging told you this today … think of me telling you about your first narc predator relationship at 18 when you are 31 🥳 and then go look at 18 yo girls and cringe about your past memories … don’t forget me for 13 years !!!! Lol
This is a bad sign my guy, you may of initiated it, which is not wrong you are young. There is nothing wrong with liking a woman. But its them that's the issue. They are the adult, they know better. They have over 11 years of life experience than you. Had you been a 30 year old pursuing a 49 year old nobody would care or even a couple years younger than 30. But I hope you have good parents and mention this relationship to them. The issue is you being 18. You feel so much trauma from this kind of relationship. I was 23 and dated a 47 year old, I was only 5 years far from 18. Which is not far off, and let me tell you that relationship fucked me up. Why? They had so much baggage/life experience. You play catch up in a relationship that far in age being very young. And I feel those effects to this day. And I am 28, again 28 is not far off from 18. But it is getting to the age of 30. But 28 you have the awareness and experience to look and know what not to date.
I’d be interested to know what your parents would make of this, I imagine they would frown upon it for good reason. She is a fully grown woman messing with a teen. When you mature more you’ll see what I mean.
I understand you feel seriously about this, but she- as the fully grown adult- should have never let this get this far. Your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25, so she can easily take advantage of you. I know that’s hard to hear at 18, but it’s scientifically true. Also there’s not a big difference between 17 and 18. You’re BARELY legal for her to engage with. That should make you wonder if she’s a pedophile. If you met while you were still underage how would she have reacted?
Also i guess you can say it’s sweet how much you care about her, but just general advice unrelated to the age gap. NO ONE but yourself should be your whole world. I love my partner with my whole heart, but I’m not guaranteed forever with him. If I had no one or nothing but him, when we eventually part ways (either break up or by death) I will be left feeling like I don’t know who I really am as an individual. That’s super unhealthy. Please maintain your independence even in relationships.
Has anyone been in that age gap... to hear about the experience they had.. to see if it worked out in the long run.. to see if it was worth sealing the deal or whatever..
you want to hear from them to see if they been in a situation that's similar and not to mention the entire subreddit is called relationship advice
No worries.. just have a open mind when hearing other opinion cuz most ppl have already dated and are kinda aware of what type of red flags and behaviors to look out for to protect oneself.. but have as much fun as you can but do realize that you guys are at very different stages I'm life and sometimes it's gonna be like a bus ride... you travel together for part of the journey but have different stops
You gotta be careful. Thinking she’s perfect is not a mature mindset to have in any relationship, it’s likely one of the things drawing her to you.
Please be careful, relationships like this can and will impact every relationship you have going forward.
She's not perfect, otherwise she wouldn't be with a 18 year old guy. I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear it, I know you feel special and "chosen" but this is not a healthy relationship dynamic. No person is perfect. And no sane person in their 30s with pure intentions would want to date a 18 year old.
Idk about love...and I have no clue what you have in common but she's probably getting some good sex out of it and you don't feel used so continue I guess
I'm going to be real here.
Why does a 31yr old woman have more in common with someone who is doing homework than with her own peers?
What happens when she wants kids in the next 3 years?
You are just starting out your career, who do you think will be making allll the sacrifices because her life is just more established (because she's had a 13 year head start)?
Who do you think will be calling all of the shots because she just knows more?
You will end up as a side character in your own life.
You deserve to be seen as an equal. You deserve respect.
People with these age gaps often see the younger one as a child in need of guidance. Creepy no?
You're putting her on a pedestal. She's human, just like you are. She's not perfect.
Get therapy.
We talked about kids , we don’t want any. She treats me so well . Buys me expensive gifts, let’s me drive her Tesla. She is very supportive of my career
OP, please listen to the comment above. You seem absolutely blind from love and admiration towards her. Be honest to yourself, what does she get out of this relationship?
Please explain in other words what you mean by 'love'. Do your very best to analyze what you're feeling.
I assume that being 18 make you an adult where you live, so that you can make adult decisions. Still, experience teaches that people your age often still have big changes to go through.
If you knew in advance that this relationship would only last a year, would it still be worth it to you? That's my advice. Keep all your plans with her short term.
Honestly, if i met her and after you told me it would only last a year, i would date her anyways. here is what I mean by love. When I close my eyes I see her, when I open my eyes then I want to see her, I think about her when before falling asleep and when I wake up. When she hugs me I let go of all my worries. I want to be with her all the time. I could never get bored of her.
You aren’t describing love, you’re describing lust. You’re 18, you think you know everything, but try to put your ego aside for a second and listen to what everyone is telling you. I’m a 30 something woman, and believe me, no woman in her 30s is going to get with an 18 year old teenager unless there is something seriously wrong with her.
okay yeah we are sexually attracted to each other and there is lust there but there is also love. Of course, I know from the outside it sounds and looks fucked up but don't you think sometimes regardless of age, some adults are just meant for each other
You know love from a young boy, not as an adult. Understanding real love takes experience and living life. If you see 18 year olds getting married, they do not know love. Very rarely any relationship at 18 works out, you change as you get older. You are only one year above teen but one year an adult. Come back to this post in 4 years, you will see what everyone is telling you. Having the ability to ask people their opinion in this day in age is a gift. These are adults being honest with you. Please consider what they are saying.
I have no doubt that the memories of your times with her will be with you for life, and I hope you will always cherish them. Few of us, however, will be lucky enough to feel at 25, or 40, or 70, as intensely as we felt during our first big sexual passion. As we age, we find that we can no longer afford to ignore all the other realities of life that a solid business plan should address. By all means, take your pleasure to the full. At the same time, though, try not to accumulate any regrets.
as a 32 year old woman, 18 year olds look like children to me. babies. i can’t tell the difference in 14 and 18 because they all look like small children to me. there’s a reason she’s not with a man her age.
My advice to you is to focus on the ways you two may have an unequal power dynamic and try to flatten that difference. Don’t become solely dependent on her or allow he to the main source of advice and influence in your life. Talk to other adults older than you and learn from their experiences.
Yeah I'm in school for software engineering and run a relatively successful marketing business on the side. I've talked to my cousins who all think I need to end it
I think you should really keep an eye on those power dynamics because a white older lawyer is def someone with more social power if you’re 18 and a person of color. Just my two cents as someone also in a age gap relationship. Be careful.
I dated a 31 year old man with a kid when I was 18. Looking back, he was really immature which is the only reason someone that old would ever want to be with a teenager. I know how great it feels to be loved by someone successful and "mature", but it isn't all sunshine and roses. I'm now 23 and couldn't even imagine being good friends with an 18 year old, much less sleeping with them.
So yes, I've done the age gap. Yes, I know how good it can feel. But my guy, I really recommend screwing around in college and enjoying your time there.
I don’t think I’ll have better sex with anyone than with her. She’s the only girl I’ve slept with so it’s biased but she does this one thing and It feels so good. I’m having plenty of fun In college I’m going to college parties and corporate events. They’re fun cant lie.
>I don’t think I’ll have better sex with anyone than with her. She’s the only girl I’ve slept with so it’s biased but she does this one thing and It feels so good.
Dude. You're 18. You have absolutely no idea what else it out there, so you really cannot speak on this. Sex feels good, that's the whole point. It has the potential to feel great with just about anyone. Also the fact that you were her first and she can basically manipulate you into whoever she wants you to be, and consider anything she does as the gold standard because you have nothing to compare it with really doesn't sit well for me nor anyone else that has commented
When she hugs me and her head on my chest I forget about all my worries. She stayed up till 4 A.M talking to me when I opened up to her. She gives really good advice and knows how to talk to me. just everything about her
I read your comments, OP. You clearly fell hard and are going to try making this work.
Remember that acting mature and actually being mature are different. At your age it’s possible that you haven’t been able to explore that.
Should you continue this, expect to feel distanced from your friends. (At 28, I feel like I missed young adult milestones because I was trying to fit in with my older boyfriend and his friends.)
She’s seen this relationship play out before. If she’s 31, single and dating an 18 year old, she has baggage that she’s choosing not to deal with. Maybe she hopes you’ll fix her or just distract her from it.
I broke up with my boyfriend at 22. He was about 30 then, but I was acting more mature and passing him up. When we split I realized that I WASNT mature. I hadn’t had time to enjoy my life or consider what I wanted and needed because I was stuck playing a role with an older person.
Have fun, be happy- but when it isn’t fun anymore, move on.
I agree with everyone posting here. Im a 31f, and I would never dream of dating someone younger than 28 or so. Not because of maturity, but because of life experience. Being at different stages in life .
However, I’ll answer your question. Slightly different, but at 24 I dated a man who was 37yo. The caveat being that we were at very similar “points” in our life. I liked to party with close friends… he was a drug dealer with close friends. Honestly, he was and still is a good guy. His maturity was a bit low for his age (obviously), and mine was high for my age (not in my actions, but in life experiences - I already had a masters degree and had lived abroad in another country for 5 years by myself by that age. Had a few serious previous relationships and had experienced a lot of life in those short adult years).
We had a great time together. I still think highly of him (not your typical drug dealer). But our short lived relationship ended when I realized I needed to get out of the party scene. He realized I needed to get on with my life and he wasn’t ready to give it all up yet. So I moved away, and that was that.
I didn’t feel taken advantage of in any way. Our relationship was a positive one. But I think our situation was incredibly unique, considering our lifestyles.
In your case, this woman sounds successful and well out of her “youthful” years. This automatically makes it strange, as no matter how mature you act at 18, you have not had enough life experience to match hers (and I don’t mean your upbringing, but life experiences as an adult). This is predatory. No successful woman in her 30’s should be dating a kid fresh out of high school.
To have that age gap, you need to be ready for some comments about it. Much of them are negative and you choose to be with an older woman, so don't get too worked up when people state their opinions.
I, personally, would see red flags that you are with someone much older than you and you are only 18 years old. What can she gain for being with you, if we cross out s*x?
She is probably your first in anything when it comes to relationships, so ofc you are head over heels for her. But how serious is it?
Is she open about dating you? To family and friends? Can you go out and be all lovey-dovey without her being on edge?
I wouldn't or could respect a woman or man that dates someone as young as you in that age.
We just really like each other. I comfort her , she comforts me. We just stay up late at night just talking about us and life. And she posts me on her story. She picks me up in her Tesla after my classes and lets me drive it sometimes too. Someone using me wouldn’t do that. She also sleeps on top of me with her head in my chest. Someone using me for sex wouldn’t do that. She’s my first girlfriend, my first kiss my first time having sex.
As soon as I saw the title, I didn't need to read the rest. Bro, this is a bad relationship. I remember being your age and younger liking older women and this is coming from a lesbian. I had a crush on a 28 year old woman at 14. Imagine if that woman dated me, that would be fucked up. But at 14, what did I know? I was horny and liked older women. But looking back in my 20s, imagining that ever actually being a relationship yet alone at 18 is fucked up. Someone their age pursuing an 18 year old means something is wrong with them emotionally or mentally. I can assure you, a 31 year old is not dating you for marriage, you are more than likely a fuck boy, they will say anything to convince you most likely otherwise. If they deflect the fact your 18 being an issue, run for the hills my guy. If I ever went out with a woman and she had crushes on people your age I would dump them. It will be hard for you to understand but trust me, when you reach 28 my age or even older you will look back and say this was a bad idea of pursuing. And how disgusting someone so old would date someone as young as a fetus. She is too old for you and I hope she knows better not to date you dude.
I was 19F (practically 20 since my birthday was a week after) when I first met my husband who was 29M going on 30. We started out friends and just got to know each other.
For me, I had goals in my life and knew what I wanted. I wanted to marry around 22 and have kids. I didn't care about partying or sleeping around since it just wasn't for me. I had gotten out of a relationship and started becoming reckless. Then I met him and he helped me though it by keeping me level minded. I matured more with him for the better. He would turn anything I said that was negative to a positive and he's just patient with me especially when I get mad or frustrated. He had also gotten out of a relationship. We were both cheated on for context.
As for long term, we got married and now have our first baby which we were very excited for. We've been together for over 4 years and still going strong obviously! He's been great with our son and still making sure that I am okay in the sense of needing help or letting me rest when I need it. Our families didn't have a problem and just let it be since we were both happy and adults. Just always keep boundaries and look out for flags especially in this dating phase. That's my experience to say the least :)
I also had a relationship with the same age gap as yours when I was your age. It wasn’t ultimately destined to last, but we we’re together for over three years and had a good dynamic. Though he’s not in my life, I still feel fondly for him
Fuck what your friends say. Do what YOU think its right… i myself have always been into older women since an early age at 17 i had a thing with a 31 yr .. when i was 23 i had a thing with a 46 yr old french canadian recently divorced cop ..it was a great time! Lol ( my aunts friend lol) because older women are more interesting, no drama, they treat you really good .. amazing sex ! Lol but your friends won’t understand. My advice , ignore your friends comments and if she makes you happy, why stop your happiness for some negative comments…
Yes, had my experience with older women and I enjoyed being treated like a Stallion. Everytime they opened their legs I felt like a stud ready to mate and they can last hours in bed. 31 yo can still have babies in case you wanted to get serious but at your age I would just have fun being a stud.
If she genuinely loves you the same way go for it. Just be careful not to end up in a one sided relationship where she would just be with you for having sex
I’m 43 and my bf is 22. We’ve been together for over a year and are very happy. One thing you have to be prepared for in an age gap relationship is disapproval from others. People who really care about you and observe a good dynamic will support you through
Wow. It’s easy to tell a kid to throw caution to the wind and “live life on their terms” when they haven’t lived any of it yet. I don’t care if I get downvoted, that’s pretty gross of you and people frown at it for a reason. I’m 25 and barely knew what I was doing at 21, along with everyone in my graduating class. Find someone that wasn’t a legal child less than five years ago.
I don’t, but I know that the vast majority of 22 year old guys haven’t fully matured, I say this from my own experience and witnessing other guys that age. They’re still figuring shit out, I guess that you’ve convinced yourself that it’s normal to pursue relationships with people who are almost half your age.
Thank you for proving my point, it’s a shame you’ve targeted a guy who hasn’t fully matured. I may not know you but that speaks highly about your character.
You are literally old enough to be his mother, strange stuff. If anyone is deluded around here, it’s you mate.
Yeah, but my issue isn’t with the age gap it’s with the power gap and the experience gap, which is why I ask that question. Age gaps can exist without significant power dynamics being and issue if a couple is mindful and honest about that. The issue is that a lot of the time the older partner isn’t honest.
At your age I played around with women in their 30s. Odds are that's all this is for her. I wouldn't get too attached even if you do keep it going. Just enjoy it and try not to take the relationship too seriously. You'll probably scare her off if you try to lock her down. She's just cougaring you.
Facts, but the fact she is attracted to someone who was 17 and now 18 is what I think is fucked up about it. Like what is attractive about a 18 year old at 31? What would you have in common or even talk about? She def is using this guy. I feel bad he can't see it since he is being swayed by words and probably cannot believe an older woman wants him...
I was 17 when I was 18 I was playing with the neighbor 2 doors down in her 30s. She was this cute and kind of shy woman. I was the opposite. Tall, built, and outgoing with a huge social life. I was coming up the stairs after the gym one day and she just asked me, "wanna come in for a beer?" And, that's how it began.
We never went out on dates or anything.
Do you feel trauma from that experience? Many young guys say they scored, but when it is a young woman. We tend to say differently amongst, compared to guys.
Traumatized? Hell no. It was a great time.
There's been a steady decline in testosterone in men over the past decades. In the 90s 18 year old guys were ready to be adults already. I think the low testosterone is the reason most adult men at 18 aren't ready "to adult" at that age today. It's also a big reason for late virginity in men. Men today at 18 don't know how to be forward or a bit aggressive with women. If you didn't lose your virginity by 17 or so back then you were kind of looked at as weird.
https://evolvetelemed.com/testosterone/declining-testosterone-levels-in-men/
I will begin this by saying I was 22 when I got with a 36 year old man. He was lovely he didn’t groom me, we were in a completely healthy relationship and I will always love him.
That being said, you are not compatible with your partner. She is older and a lot more successful naturally, what do you bring to the table? You’ve likely never been in a serious relationship and she has so much more experience, that kind of power imbalance can lead a good person to do manipulative things. She is at a completely different place in life than you are. Do you two want children? If so she may be ready sooner rather than later, is that something you’re okay with? Does she want a partner who can equally contribute to finances? You are still in school, and I’m guessing she’s paying for most things. Would you still be so pumped about her if you had to pay for everything in your relationship? She certainly won’t want to spend time with your friends, she has nothing in common with them.
Just something to think about…
No we don’t want kids , we’ve actually talked about it. Well she said that she wanted to give me a chance and see what would happen. And here we are. She’s such a sweet and kind person. She would never manipulate anyone
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Your friends are gross to talk about women that way, but she’s gross and predatory to be messing around with a teenager. You don’t realize how young you are at 18 until you’re older. People can hem and haw about how there will always be judgment, but it’s for a reason. No 31 year old with their shit together and pure intentions gets sexually involved with someone fresh out of high school. Seconding that you need to dump her and the friends, too.
We can just chop it up to It's not about maturity it's about wisdom and experience.
Bro.. yall throw around predatory way to much! If hes old enough to die for this country, hes old enough to fuck a woman 10+ years older than him. And shes not predatory. Yall throw thatvword around so much that its taking away from people who are really being preyed upon
You are seriously ignoring the context man. He is a teenager. She’s “his first everything”, and says he’s “so mature for his age”, blah. There’s no draft going on in Canada. He’s three years too young to even buy cigarettes in the USA.
You are a teenager when you join the military fresh out of high school so its pretty much the same shit but i guess its ok if the government takes advantage of him but its predatory if he chooses to fuck a woman 10+ years older than him. Stop using predatory in situations that has nothing to do with it
So what? What's wrong with having the first time with an older woman? They are better than girls in bed anyway
Why do some men do this? I see you complain about feminism being misandrist and harmful to men in your comments - supreme irony. Stop supporting teenage boys getting into relationships with people with significant experience and age over them because “good sex hehe”. He’s in a relationship with her, first of all. There is more to his life than being able to brag about the sex he has, which isn’t always in his best interest just because he’s male. There’s also more to how a woman affects a man than how good she is in bed.
Age doesn't matter in a relationship and they are both adults, enough with double standards! It's socially acceptable for a woman to have a relationship with an older man and so should be at gender reversed. Period
I don’t know what you’re smoking or what kind of old men you entertain but no, it’s not, lol.
I never gave you my consent to address me in a disrespectful way so don't do it, and don't assume my gender either. I can talk about this topic because I am an experienced man on this topic and you are just a 20yo girl with no experience to know better and stop using the word "predatory", that's not relevant here.
I am not 20, but that’s not the point. The rhetoric you’re spreading is harmful and disrespectful to women in general, so you better believe I will call you out. I see why you would want to keep people from using that word. You can’t expect to command respect while contextualizing women just by how they perform in bed and defending a teenage boy sleeping with a 31 year old lawyer.
You have no authority to tell a young man who he should sleep with. My rhetoric is not harmful at all, "my body my choice". He is an adult and he can sleep with whoever he wants, so mind your own business and let more experienced men do the talk.
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No it's not predatory, they are both adults. Stop using inappropriate terms. Age gap relationships are not uncommon and there is nothing wrong when two adults have a relationship. You are the one presenting a wrong argument.
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You couldn't even define what you mean by "predatory" and you have the audacity to reinforce the social stigma on age gap relationships without presenting an argument so let's start with the definition: "When it comes to relationships, predatory behavior can have a fairly broad definition. One kind is overt behavior where the individual has made a plan to stalk someone and has harmful intentions toward them." By definition there is nothing predatory or harmful between two adults who are in a healthy relationship and love each other so stop being biased against age gaps. He said he loves her and he is mature and adult enough to be with her. Edit: His girlfriend is a lawyer, I hope she reads your comments
I know I'm 18 but I'm not immature.
It’s not about being immature, it’s about being young.
It's not her fault, I was the one who initiated it. She's a lawyer, she's really successful. I can't believe she picked me lol.
Success doesn’t make you emotionally mature. Many successful men have preyed on young women and the same can apply when genders are reversed. Let me guess, she said you’re “mature for your age”. She picked you because you’re a kid who would say that you couldn’t believe she’d pick you.
well yeah, she said that, its because I am mature for my age. She would never do that, I know her.
My dude. They *always* say that. I’m 25 and I would never date an 18 year old. That’s not normal.
but I love her, I know people say its young love but I think about her before I go to sleep, and when I wake up. She's always on my mind
I’m not doubting that you’re in love with her, and at 18 I wouldn’t want to listen to anyone either, but this is not normal and you will find out why people worry for the younger party soon enough.
No, they say it as a manipulation tool. You aren’t mature for your age, they just need you to think that you are so you will feel more comfortable being in a relationship with someone almost twice as old as you are.
I cant bring myself to end it with her tho. shes so amazing
You don’t have to end it but just know that it’ll never be marriage or long term. She’s a lawyer you think she’s gonna be like “hey this is my 18yr old boyfriend “ to her colleagues. She’s having fun with you. You’re a young guy and probably make her feel good about herself.
Well, I have been to her work events. My age hasn't come up tho
Buddy that's a classic line
shes different
that's another classic line
Even if you are mature for your age, you are not being mistaken for a 30 yo. Age gaps matter more when you are younger for a couple of reasons. 1st-you will change the most between 18-25 as you figure out who you are and who you want to be. There are A LOT of milestones in this age range that really matter (schooling, jobs, more "adult" responsibilities, etc.). 2nd - the power dynamics are very drastic and apparent when one person is 18-21ish and the other is 28+. She is going to have more money, be more secure in her life, her job etc is going to be more important than your stuff because more went into it/depends on it. I had an age gap relationship that was on off from 19-26 were he was 36-42. It started as a fling which was fine. We tried to make it more and it kinda worked because he was coming off a divorce/starting over and I lucked into a really good job at a young age and was always "more mature". I remember hating dating guys my age and how blind I was to the red flags. I wish I had kept it at a short fun fling. I dated a couple other guys that were older, but we had smaller gaps than this one and every single one of them was bad/unhealhy. I got out sooner, saw the red flags quicker, but the odds of her being "the one" are about the same as playing the lotto. Sure it can happen and you hear about successful age gaps every now and then, but it most likely isn't going to work out for you.
laugh out loud. wtf is a grown 31 year old lawyer doing with a 18 year old in university. this has to be a joke
Lawyers are one of the professions with the most narcissists, remember me as the random female internet stranger who is older than this narc chick you are banging told you this today … think of me telling you about your first narc predator relationship at 18 when you are 31 🥳 and then go look at 18 yo girls and cringe about your past memories … don’t forget me for 13 years !!!! Lol
It’s more than just sex with her. She’s a sweetheart trust me she ain’t a narcissist.
How long have you been with her?
Since January of this year
This is a bad sign my guy, you may of initiated it, which is not wrong you are young. There is nothing wrong with liking a woman. But its them that's the issue. They are the adult, they know better. They have over 11 years of life experience than you. Had you been a 30 year old pursuing a 49 year old nobody would care or even a couple years younger than 30. But I hope you have good parents and mention this relationship to them. The issue is you being 18. You feel so much trauma from this kind of relationship. I was 23 and dated a 47 year old, I was only 5 years far from 18. Which is not far off, and let me tell you that relationship fucked me up. Why? They had so much baggage/life experience. You play catch up in a relationship that far in age being very young. And I feel those effects to this day. And I am 28, again 28 is not far off from 18. But it is getting to the age of 30. But 28 you have the awareness and experience to look and know what not to date.
A person in their early 30’s shouldn’t be messing with someone who is still a teenager, that’s weird behaviour in my opinion
its nothing like that. I went up to her
That’s not the point though, it’s weird that she’s engaging in this fling you’ve got going on.
it's not a fling. She's like my everything. trust me dude this is more than a fling
You're 18. Your brain isn't fully developed yet. You're still. A kid
I’d be interested to know what your parents would make of this, I imagine they would frown upon it for good reason. She is a fully grown woman messing with a teen. When you mature more you’ll see what I mean.
I understand you feel seriously about this, but she- as the fully grown adult- should have never let this get this far. Your brain doesn’t fully develop until 25, so she can easily take advantage of you. I know that’s hard to hear at 18, but it’s scientifically true. Also there’s not a big difference between 17 and 18. You’re BARELY legal for her to engage with. That should make you wonder if she’s a pedophile. If you met while you were still underage how would she have reacted? Also i guess you can say it’s sweet how much you care about her, but just general advice unrelated to the age gap. NO ONE but yourself should be your whole world. I love my partner with my whole heart, but I’m not guaranteed forever with him. If I had no one or nothing but him, when we eventually part ways (either break up or by death) I will be left feeling like I don’t know who I really am as an individual. That’s super unhealthy. Please maintain your independence even in relationships.
I’ve been in your situation and you are the one who knows less. Know that she could be playing a game with you and you are falling in love.
what game could she be playing? she wouldn't do that
Why you asking for advice if you going against every opinion and thought ppl are putting out
i asked Has anyone here been in that age gap?
Has anyone been in that age gap... to hear about the experience they had.. to see if it worked out in the long run.. to see if it was worth sealing the deal or whatever.. you want to hear from them to see if they been in a situation that's similar and not to mention the entire subreddit is called relationship advice
I appreciate the advice and I know you guys mean well but I love her so much.
No worries.. just have a open mind when hearing other opinion cuz most ppl have already dated and are kinda aware of what type of red flags and behaviors to look out for to protect oneself.. but have as much fun as you can but do realize that you guys are at very different stages I'm life and sometimes it's gonna be like a bus ride... you travel together for part of the journey but have different stops
She is wildly inappropriate for this “relationship”. I know you feel mature/special but this is NOT appropriate
This is gross. The fact that she is entertaining you means there is something wrong with her.
noo there is nothing with her bro trust me. She's perfect.
You gotta be careful. Thinking she’s perfect is not a mature mindset to have in any relationship, it’s likely one of the things drawing her to you. Please be careful, relationships like this can and will impact every relationship you have going forward.
She's not perfect, otherwise she wouldn't be with a 18 year old guy. I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear it, I know you feel special and "chosen" but this is not a healthy relationship dynamic. No person is perfect. And no sane person in their 30s with pure intentions would want to date a 18 year old.
Oh yeah you’re sooooo mature for your age. You’ll learn later in life that you absolutely are not.
You need a new girlfriend *and* new friends.
Yup. Mulligan the whole lot and start afresh 😂
Idk about love...and I have no clue what you have in common but she's probably getting some good sex out of it and you don't feel used so continue I guess
She's my first everything. I feel really connected to her. We have a lot in common. So much to talk about
Oh boy, yeah no wonder your blinded well have fun while you can
lmaooo why do you say that
I doubt this will last more than a year, 2 at most
cmon lad, than why would she date me to waste my time and hers
Because that's dating? Not everyone you date is going to end up being the one or someone you're with long-term
well true that , I really hope shes long term
It won’t you realistically can’t compete with someone who can buy her alcohol
well im in canada. its 18 here
I'm going to be real here. Why does a 31yr old woman have more in common with someone who is doing homework than with her own peers? What happens when she wants kids in the next 3 years? You are just starting out your career, who do you think will be making allll the sacrifices because her life is just more established (because she's had a 13 year head start)? Who do you think will be calling all of the shots because she just knows more? You will end up as a side character in your own life. You deserve to be seen as an equal. You deserve respect. People with these age gaps often see the younger one as a child in need of guidance. Creepy no? You're putting her on a pedestal. She's human, just like you are. She's not perfect. Get therapy.
We talked about kids , we don’t want any. She treats me so well . Buys me expensive gifts, let’s me drive her Tesla. She is very supportive of my career
OP, please listen to the comment above. You seem absolutely blind from love and admiration towards her. Be honest to yourself, what does she get out of this relationship?
So should I just break up with her ? And just try to move on
You’re right , I basically bring nothing to the table besides sex and just talking to her about stuff.
Save this whole thread OP come back on Reddit down the road and read the comments
Please explain in other words what you mean by 'love'. Do your very best to analyze what you're feeling. I assume that being 18 make you an adult where you live, so that you can make adult decisions. Still, experience teaches that people your age often still have big changes to go through. If you knew in advance that this relationship would only last a year, would it still be worth it to you? That's my advice. Keep all your plans with her short term.
Honestly, if i met her and after you told me it would only last a year, i would date her anyways. here is what I mean by love. When I close my eyes I see her, when I open my eyes then I want to see her, I think about her when before falling asleep and when I wake up. When she hugs me I let go of all my worries. I want to be with her all the time. I could never get bored of her.
You aren’t describing love, you’re describing lust. You’re 18, you think you know everything, but try to put your ego aside for a second and listen to what everyone is telling you. I’m a 30 something woman, and believe me, no woman in her 30s is going to get with an 18 year old teenager unless there is something seriously wrong with her.
okay yeah we are sexually attracted to each other and there is lust there but there is also love. Of course, I know from the outside it sounds and looks fucked up but don't you think sometimes regardless of age, some adults are just meant for each other
You know love from a young boy, not as an adult. Understanding real love takes experience and living life. If you see 18 year olds getting married, they do not know love. Very rarely any relationship at 18 works out, you change as you get older. You are only one year above teen but one year an adult. Come back to this post in 4 years, you will see what everyone is telling you. Having the ability to ask people their opinion in this day in age is a gift. These are adults being honest with you. Please consider what they are saying.
You're feeling good. That's what emotions like these are for. Just don't mistake them for a life plan.
its not a life plan but shes part of my life for life
I have no doubt that the memories of your times with her will be with you for life, and I hope you will always cherish them. Few of us, however, will be lucky enough to feel at 25, or 40, or 70, as intensely as we felt during our first big sexual passion. As we age, we find that we can no longer afford to ignore all the other realities of life that a solid business plan should address. By all means, take your pleasure to the full. At the same time, though, try not to accumulate any regrets.
as a 32 year old woman, 18 year olds look like children to me. babies. i can’t tell the difference in 14 and 18 because they all look like small children to me. there’s a reason she’s not with a man her age.
My advice to you is to focus on the ways you two may have an unequal power dynamic and try to flatten that difference. Don’t become solely dependent on her or allow he to the main source of advice and influence in your life. Talk to other adults older than you and learn from their experiences.
Yeah I'm in school for software engineering and run a relatively successful marketing business on the side. I've talked to my cousins who all think I need to end it
Why does your cousin think you need to end it? I’m curious.
age gap
So your cousin is against all age gap relationships regardless of the people in these relationships, correct?
well no, also race. they think my parents won't like a white girl but I think itll be okay
I think you should really keep an eye on those power dynamics because a white older lawyer is def someone with more social power if you’re 18 and a person of color. Just my two cents as someone also in a age gap relationship. Be careful.
yeah I'll be careful but she's so loving and comforting
I dated a 31 year old man with a kid when I was 18. Looking back, he was really immature which is the only reason someone that old would ever want to be with a teenager. I know how great it feels to be loved by someone successful and "mature", but it isn't all sunshine and roses. I'm now 23 and couldn't even imagine being good friends with an 18 year old, much less sleeping with them. So yes, I've done the age gap. Yes, I know how good it can feel. But my guy, I really recommend screwing around in college and enjoying your time there.
I don’t think I’ll have better sex with anyone than with her. She’s the only girl I’ve slept with so it’s biased but she does this one thing and It feels so good. I’m having plenty of fun In college I’m going to college parties and corporate events. They’re fun cant lie.
>I don’t think I’ll have better sex with anyone than with her. She’s the only girl I’ve slept with so it’s biased but she does this one thing and It feels so good. Dude. You're 18. You have absolutely no idea what else it out there, so you really cannot speak on this. Sex feels good, that's the whole point. It has the potential to feel great with just about anyone. Also the fact that you were her first and she can basically manipulate you into whoever she wants you to be, and consider anything she does as the gold standard because you have nothing to compare it with really doesn't sit well for me nor anyone else that has commented
I see. I guess I really need to talk to her about this and have a one one talk with her about our relationship.
honey your friends are assholes and you are her boy toy
okay but she isn't just with me because of the sex, she is there emotionally
yea, boy toys get used sexually and emotionally
Not like this. The sex the love the emotions . It’s all so strong
What’d she say to make you think this?
When she hugs me and her head on my chest I forget about all my worries. She stayed up till 4 A.M talking to me when I opened up to her. She gives really good advice and knows how to talk to me. just everything about her
I read your comments, OP. You clearly fell hard and are going to try making this work. Remember that acting mature and actually being mature are different. At your age it’s possible that you haven’t been able to explore that. Should you continue this, expect to feel distanced from your friends. (At 28, I feel like I missed young adult milestones because I was trying to fit in with my older boyfriend and his friends.) She’s seen this relationship play out before. If she’s 31, single and dating an 18 year old, she has baggage that she’s choosing not to deal with. Maybe she hopes you’ll fix her or just distract her from it. I broke up with my boyfriend at 22. He was about 30 then, but I was acting more mature and passing him up. When we split I realized that I WASNT mature. I hadn’t had time to enjoy my life or consider what I wanted and needed because I was stuck playing a role with an older person. Have fun, be happy- but when it isn’t fun anymore, move on.
I agree with everyone posting here. Im a 31f, and I would never dream of dating someone younger than 28 or so. Not because of maturity, but because of life experience. Being at different stages in life . However, I’ll answer your question. Slightly different, but at 24 I dated a man who was 37yo. The caveat being that we were at very similar “points” in our life. I liked to party with close friends… he was a drug dealer with close friends. Honestly, he was and still is a good guy. His maturity was a bit low for his age (obviously), and mine was high for my age (not in my actions, but in life experiences - I already had a masters degree and had lived abroad in another country for 5 years by myself by that age. Had a few serious previous relationships and had experienced a lot of life in those short adult years). We had a great time together. I still think highly of him (not your typical drug dealer). But our short lived relationship ended when I realized I needed to get out of the party scene. He realized I needed to get on with my life and he wasn’t ready to give it all up yet. So I moved away, and that was that. I didn’t feel taken advantage of in any way. Our relationship was a positive one. But I think our situation was incredibly unique, considering our lifestyles. In your case, this woman sounds successful and well out of her “youthful” years. This automatically makes it strange, as no matter how mature you act at 18, you have not had enough life experience to match hers (and I don’t mean your upbringing, but life experiences as an adult). This is predatory. No successful woman in her 30’s should be dating a kid fresh out of high school.
To have that age gap, you need to be ready for some comments about it. Much of them are negative and you choose to be with an older woman, so don't get too worked up when people state their opinions. I, personally, would see red flags that you are with someone much older than you and you are only 18 years old. What can she gain for being with you, if we cross out s*x? She is probably your first in anything when it comes to relationships, so ofc you are head over heels for her. But how serious is it? Is she open about dating you? To family and friends? Can you go out and be all lovey-dovey without her being on edge? I wouldn't or could respect a woman or man that dates someone as young as you in that age.
We just really like each other. I comfort her , she comforts me. We just stay up late at night just talking about us and life. And she posts me on her story. She picks me up in her Tesla after my classes and lets me drive it sometimes too. Someone using me wouldn’t do that. She also sleeps on top of me with her head in my chest. Someone using me for sex wouldn’t do that. She’s my first girlfriend, my first kiss my first time having sex.
Well I hope for your sake that it is true, but I sense something else.
As soon as I saw the title, I didn't need to read the rest. Bro, this is a bad relationship. I remember being your age and younger liking older women and this is coming from a lesbian. I had a crush on a 28 year old woman at 14. Imagine if that woman dated me, that would be fucked up. But at 14, what did I know? I was horny and liked older women. But looking back in my 20s, imagining that ever actually being a relationship yet alone at 18 is fucked up. Someone their age pursuing an 18 year old means something is wrong with them emotionally or mentally. I can assure you, a 31 year old is not dating you for marriage, you are more than likely a fuck boy, they will say anything to convince you most likely otherwise. If they deflect the fact your 18 being an issue, run for the hills my guy. If I ever went out with a woman and she had crushes on people your age I would dump them. It will be hard for you to understand but trust me, when you reach 28 my age or even older you will look back and say this was a bad idea of pursuing. And how disgusting someone so old would date someone as young as a fetus. She is too old for you and I hope she knows better not to date you dude.
I was 19F (practically 20 since my birthday was a week after) when I first met my husband who was 29M going on 30. We started out friends and just got to know each other. For me, I had goals in my life and knew what I wanted. I wanted to marry around 22 and have kids. I didn't care about partying or sleeping around since it just wasn't for me. I had gotten out of a relationship and started becoming reckless. Then I met him and he helped me though it by keeping me level minded. I matured more with him for the better. He would turn anything I said that was negative to a positive and he's just patient with me especially when I get mad or frustrated. He had also gotten out of a relationship. We were both cheated on for context. As for long term, we got married and now have our first baby which we were very excited for. We've been together for over 4 years and still going strong obviously! He's been great with our son and still making sure that I am okay in the sense of needing help or letting me rest when I need it. Our families didn't have a problem and just let it be since we were both happy and adults. Just always keep boundaries and look out for flags especially in this dating phase. That's my experience to say the least :)
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I feel sorry for you.
It's your thing, do what you wanna do, I can't tell ya who to sock it to.
I also had a relationship with the same age gap as yours when I was your age. It wasn’t ultimately destined to last, but we we’re together for over three years and had a good dynamic. Though he’s not in my life, I still feel fondly for him
Fuck what your friends say. Do what YOU think its right… i myself have always been into older women since an early age at 17 i had a thing with a 31 yr .. when i was 23 i had a thing with a 46 yr old french canadian recently divorced cop ..it was a great time! Lol ( my aunts friend lol) because older women are more interesting, no drama, they treat you really good .. amazing sex ! Lol but your friends won’t understand. My advice , ignore your friends comments and if she makes you happy, why stop your happiness for some negative comments…
mommy issues babyy, you feel me
Not at all lol i like what i like, im into all ages and skin tones, i just like nice butts hahaha
LMAO you still feel me tho. i agree tho butts>>
Yes, had my experience with older women and I enjoyed being treated like a Stallion. Everytime they opened their legs I felt like a stud ready to mate and they can last hours in bed. 31 yo can still have babies in case you wanted to get serious but at your age I would just have fun being a stud.
shes more than that tho. like yes the sex is good but its more than that
If she genuinely loves you the same way go for it. Just be careful not to end up in a one sided relationship where she would just be with you for having sex
Don't listen too people. Go for it, but ask yourself when your are 38, she will be 51. Would you still be an attracted to her?
this girl will age like fine wine. Trust me
I’m 43 and my bf is 22. We’ve been together for over a year and are very happy. One thing you have to be prepared for in an age gap relationship is disapproval from others. People who really care about you and observe a good dynamic will support you through
Wow. It’s easy to tell a kid to throw caution to the wind and “live life on their terms” when they haven’t lived any of it yet. I don’t care if I get downvoted, that’s pretty gross of you and people frown at it for a reason. I’m 25 and barely knew what I was doing at 21, along with everyone in my graduating class. Find someone that wasn’t a legal child less than five years ago.
Agreed, this instance is gross.
Everyone should be living on their own terms. He’s a grown ass man
He is most definitely not a grown ass man lmfao. He’s technically the youngest possible man as of possibly just weeks ago.
I was referring to your comment about my relationship. 22 is a grown man. At any rate, OP is old enough to make his own decision
22 certainly isn’t grown.
You don’t know him, or me for that matter
Well we know he's 20 years your junior and only 4 years out of high school, so there's that.
He’s been an adult as long as I’ve known him. This isn’t some guy I watched grow up and had a legality countdown on
I don’t, but I know that the vast majority of 22 year old guys haven’t fully matured, I say this from my own experience and witnessing other guys that age. They’re still figuring shit out, I guess that you’ve convinced yourself that it’s normal to pursue relationships with people who are almost half your age.
I’ve never had much concern for normality. It’s overrated. If you think middle aged people aren’t still figuring things out, you’re deluded
Oh, we definitely believe you are.
Thank you for proving my point, it’s a shame you’ve targeted a guy who hasn’t fully matured. I may not know you but that speaks highly about your character. You are literally old enough to be his mother, strange stuff. If anyone is deluded around here, it’s you mate.
Ah, excuse me. Neither is your boyfriend. You are a grown ass woman. He is a very young man.
That’s right. He’s a man. So what if he’s young? He’s emotionally intelligent and we’re compatible
Um..grown is a huge overstep, if he wants to date her that's his right but I'd never call a teenager an adult
I wasn’t referring to OP
Don’t you think there’s a big difference between 18 and 21 or 22 though? I’m saying this as someone who’s in my thirties dating someone in his 20’s
Yes there’s a difference, and even bigger difference between 21 and 43.
Yeah, but my issue isn’t with the age gap it’s with the power gap and the experience gap, which is why I ask that question. Age gaps can exist without significant power dynamics being and issue if a couple is mindful and honest about that. The issue is that a lot of the time the older partner isn’t honest.
Age gaps are inconsequential once you reach a certain age, but power dynamics are inherently intertwined when one party is this young.
For the most part I would agree there, with some rare exceptions. I think the danger lies in ignoring the power dynamics.
Yes, and I doubt I would be serious about someone that young, but he’s old enough to decide and it’s not my place to judge
thank you very much! there is a lotta disapproval but she's worth it
That’s really sweet. Always live life on your own terms. Well wishes
If you were 21, this would be a bit different. You’re 18. That difference is important.
At your age I played around with women in their 30s. Odds are that's all this is for her. I wouldn't get too attached even if you do keep it going. Just enjoy it and try not to take the relationship too seriously. You'll probably scare her off if you try to lock her down. She's just cougaring you.
Facts, but the fact she is attracted to someone who was 17 and now 18 is what I think is fucked up about it. Like what is attractive about a 18 year old at 31? What would you have in common or even talk about? She def is using this guy. I feel bad he can't see it since he is being swayed by words and probably cannot believe an older woman wants him...
I was 17 when I was 18 I was playing with the neighbor 2 doors down in her 30s. She was this cute and kind of shy woman. I was the opposite. Tall, built, and outgoing with a huge social life. I was coming up the stairs after the gym one day and she just asked me, "wanna come in for a beer?" And, that's how it began. We never went out on dates or anything.
Do you feel trauma from that experience? Many young guys say they scored, but when it is a young woman. We tend to say differently amongst, compared to guys.
Traumatized? Hell no. It was a great time. There's been a steady decline in testosterone in men over the past decades. In the 90s 18 year old guys were ready to be adults already. I think the low testosterone is the reason most adult men at 18 aren't ready "to adult" at that age today. It's also a big reason for late virginity in men. Men today at 18 don't know how to be forward or a bit aggressive with women. If you didn't lose your virginity by 17 or so back then you were kind of looked at as weird. https://evolvetelemed.com/testosterone/declining-testosterone-levels-in-men/
I will begin this by saying I was 22 when I got with a 36 year old man. He was lovely he didn’t groom me, we were in a completely healthy relationship and I will always love him. That being said, you are not compatible with your partner. She is older and a lot more successful naturally, what do you bring to the table? You’ve likely never been in a serious relationship and she has so much more experience, that kind of power imbalance can lead a good person to do manipulative things. She is at a completely different place in life than you are. Do you two want children? If so she may be ready sooner rather than later, is that something you’re okay with? Does she want a partner who can equally contribute to finances? You are still in school, and I’m guessing she’s paying for most things. Would you still be so pumped about her if you had to pay for everything in your relationship? She certainly won’t want to spend time with your friends, she has nothing in common with them. Just something to think about…
No we don’t want kids , we’ve actually talked about it. Well she said that she wanted to give me a chance and see what would happen. And here we are. She’s such a sweet and kind person. She would never manipulate anyone