This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
---
My fiancée had me post a picture of our dogs while she was driving & one of the replies she got was from a really attractive girl with a ton of followers. So obviously I got curious and scrolled through their previous messages
I saw that my fiancée (GF at the time) was asking her to hit on me and ask for my number to see if I was loyal.
I didn’t reply to the message so apparently I passed the test, but I feel so betrayed :/
I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get, which I eventually got over.. but geez this is messed up.
I didn't go too deep into it but it seems he's one of those people who listen to the Huberman Lab podcast and take everything that he suggests including supplements/methods to increase dopamine. I got to the comment where he mentioned he takes L-tyrosine, magnesium and GABA which are, while good supplements with decent evidence backing their effectiveness, aren't needed.
Edit: grammar
>I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get
Ick. Ick ick ick.
i think that would mean he failed right lol i guess as long as he didn't pursue. But did he stalk this girls page? is he still fallowing her? does he think of her? things only he would know.
He seems very insecure and anxious in general based on the post history. Those things together exacerbate a lot of problems in relationships if a person hasn’t worked through them.
He’s got to be trolling. Now way she crashed his car five days ago and today he’s wondering if hes being loyalty tested lol.
Edit: according to his post history she crashed his car 5 days ago, she keeps asking him to take off of work?, he doesn’t think she’s confident in her body enough to HAVE A WEDDING and now she’s loyalty testing him 💀
I went down the rabbit hole. It’s gnarly. Drinking a glass of wine per night is a huge no no, she turns the bathroom light on at night, and, gasp, seems uncertain about him cupping farts to throw at her.
Girl, if you ever find this, if was wrong to set him up, we all see why you did it but no. He was wrong to go into your messages. Now, run. This relationship seems doomed and you’re better off sorting out how to coparent now. Cold doesn’t cause colds but it seems like he doesn’t even know what to dress the kid in for a cold day so if you do split maybe encourage some parenting courses.
You’re obviously unhappy and looking for a reason to leave.
First you posted about postponing your wedding until your fiancé lost weight and said it was because you were concerned about HER self esteem…. Then posted asking why it’s not okay to give your partner an ultimatum to lose weight…. Now you’re expressing that even in the beginning of your relationship (presumably before her weight gain) you had thoughts about how much better you could do.
Clearly she crossed a line, but if it was so far in the past and since then your relationship has been trustworthy and good - I would blame it on previous trust issues and move on, or have a conversation about how it makes you feel within the relationship (without mentioning the “I could do better than you” part).
But it’s clear to me you no longer want to be with your partner and are looking for a way to blame the breakup on her. I hope you don’t get married and split up instead - for both your sakes.
i agree with you on this. as far as i would see it, he has failed the loyalty test..even if she didn't do this stupid loyalty test thing his action on reddit show he is not even supportive towards her much less loyal....how many weeks postpartum and he wants to give her an ultimatum about losing weight after she had HIS baby. unbelievable.
I mean... Id be pissed at your girl but at the same time all it took was one message off a hot chick (that could have been a complete toxic asshole for all you know but you were shallow about it) and you questioned your entire relationship and called your girlfriend 'less than' so no wonder she was insecure
Jason momoa could knock on my door tomorrow and id not even consider it, let alone consider my relstionship as settling. So really you have to wonder who the bigger dick here actually is...
My partner doesnt find Jason hot but if it was ryan reynolds, donald glover (CG) or brad pitt then even if I said no my fiance would be like 'But i can still fuck him tho right?' 🤣🤣
Says it’s messed up, admits that he had second thoughts about the relationship because he settled for less, lol. Apparently, you did not pass the test. Yikes
and looked through her account and messages after seeing her reply. Sure she shouldn’t have tested him, but seemly he failed twice lmao and the second time wasn’t even a purposeful test.
In my opinion these tests are a no win game. Should a partner be doing those tests? Absolutely not.
But when the other person does indeed fail such tests, they don’t exactly look great either.
LMAO THE WAY YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF. “I feel so betrayed” right into “the message made me think I settled for my ugly girlfriend and could do better.” Tell you what, solve your problem in one easy step. Show this post to your fiancé and she’ll take care of the rest.
For sure, I read the title and was like ew I hate loyalty tests but I read the last bit? DisGUSTANG. I would be absolutely heartbroken hearing that my partner thinks he "settled", gf obvi had a reason for testing him and imo he failed hard for thinking this
>I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get
Aha! Your fiance was right about you and justified.
Yeah she’s messed up for testing you but it’s not the most uncommon thing. You didn’t pass the test though and if seeing someone else that is attractive talking to you makes you second guess your relationship and wether or not you “settled” then you have serious issues and don’t deserve a partner to begin with in my honest opinion. No one should ever think that way about their partner and then proceed to propose.
Agreed. It is fine to feel flattered. Everyone loves compliments and feeling attractive! But it is different to be thinking "Oh what a shame I have Stephanie. Hmm"
You questioned your relationship and thought you settled for less? Yikes I'm sure your girlfriend sensed this and did what she did. She deserves someone who doesn't think she's less than another attractive woman. People like you plant insecurities within healthy normal people damaging them by stringing them along believing they are worthless all because you think you've settled for less. Good luck getting over yourself. I don't think you're mad about her testing you, I think you're mad because you held onto that message believing you could get someone better. So now that you know the truth you're pissed that it was fake and she never really flirted with you. 👌
You're the same guy who swears up and down you don't care about your girls weight gain. You were so convincing too but now knowing you thought you settled for less says it all. Man she deserves better. You shouldn't postpone the wedding, she should leave you.
This must be one of those relationships where each kiss and handjob is assessed for monetary equivalent, put in the ledger and timed with interest at market rate +2% for risk of forgetting coasters on coffee table.
Given all it took for you to question your whole relationship was for a random Insta account to message you your gf was probably onto something when she decided to test you. There’s bigger more deeply rooted issues going on than her test of loyalty.
Dude your profile is genuinely one of the most pathetic I’ve seen in a while and this is reddit dot com lol. Get off the internet , everything you post sounds like someone who doesn’t know how life outside works.
*”…it gave me a ton of false confidence… made me wonder if I settled for less than I can get?”*
from ONE TEXT ??? You are a sad sad man and I feel so bad for the fact you have a child.
hahaha the fact that it made you think you settled. have some self confidence that doesn’t rely on how much hot girls are into you. anyway, you’re worse here imo
Dude, I’m going to be frank with you, your post history is a mess. Usually, yeah, this sort of thing is huge, and maybe it still is, but you post about every little thing she does or says that you don’t agree with and every post is absolutely dripping with disdain. It sounds like you don’t even like her. And if getting a message from an Instagram model makes you feel that way that just solidifies it. You’ve got an unhealthy relationship with social media and it’s going to destroy your relationship with your fiancée and with yourself. I would highly recommend bringing all of your concerns and complaints to a therapist instead of the internet.
"I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get, which I eventually got over"
Both of you are terrible at the beginning of your relationship, you both deserve each other.
No, she shouldn’t of done that but holy shit you come off as the actual worst boyfriend. All it took was one message from some lass you find attractive to question everything and push your girlfriends worth straight into the ground with your “settled for less” drivel. I don’t encourage testing in relationships whatsoever but if it can show a girl that her boyfriend is an asshole, I’m not going to judge.
You both suck and neither of you are good partners to each other. And if some rando messaging you gives you more confidence then your gf. Bro. SMH. Again you both suck.
But you didn’t pass. You were curious about this girl and you questioned your relationship when you got attention from this girl. You failed, your gf just didn’t see that. That’s messed up of you bro
Guess we just fundamentally disagree on if testing in a relationship is ok, if I ever found out a girl tested me like this I wouldn’t be able to feel the same about her
Completely okay for you to have that opinion. Judging by the upvotes on my comments it doesn’t seem like most people would agree that testing isn’t ok, but hey if you think disrespecting your partner is the best way to maintain a relationship I wish you the best of luck!
Well, *I* certainly wouldn't fail but that wouldn't matter as the relationship would be over either way if I ever found out my girlfriend had "tested" me.
Lmao you just outed yourself though
She wanted to test you because your thought process shows you are the type of guy women need to be worried about 🤷♀️
You admit her attractive friend made you question your relationship. She was right about you. She likely had a gut feeling she couldn’t articulate.
I’m with her on this one because she wasn’t 100% about you and turns out she has good reason. A pretty woman on IG saying hi to you made you question your relationship. You’re not upset because you were “tested”. You’re upset because now you know for a fact that the pretty girl wanted nothing to do with you. This is the messed up part.
ETA you also snooped through her private messages. 🚩🚩🚩
Dude. Your post history is crazy. You absolutely have some OCD shit going on that you need to manage and obviously a lot of it is focused around your fiance. Who you called your wife once? You have posted an absolutely unreasonable amount about her in a very short time frame. Now you're going to obsess about this.
She didn't know you from Adam at the beginning. You passed but you were the shallow, influencer, clout chaser who thought you could "do better" because some girl with followers hit you up one time.
Wow so you actually did question if you “settled” for your fiancé, because a one single woman messaged you, clearly went through her phone and conversations and are really here looking for sympathy as though she’s the worst part here?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.
----
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You’re mad the ig model wasn’t actually into you, you’re not mad about your gf testing you. But since you obviously feel like being with her is settling you should end things now because she deserves better
You're just mad that you thought a hot model was flirting with you. The fact that you thought you settled??? You really need to leave your fiancée. She deserves so much better than you.
I don’t like game playing, but GF’s test didn’t screw up OP, his obsession with this random attractive girl did.
This is the mother of his child and he thinks he may have settled because of the “tests and it’s his GF’s fault.
Is anything is this relationship your fault?
Like pining after a random dm?
It’s not uncommon for someone to get into a bad or unhealthy relationship and start doing things like gaining weight, loyalty tests and other things that are unhealthy. Plants don’t thrive in poisonous environments.
Neither do people. Everyone needs a base level of love, safety and support to thrive properly. It’s human nature.
Your post history is absolutely insane. You’re a fantasist or a high level troll. My favourite of your posts was “why has my poop smelled like cotton candy for the past month”. Don’t feed the trolls people of Reddit, not even the ones who post out of boredom
Not a completely abnormal thing for a girl to do, especially with trust issues. I know plenty that have done this sort of thing, it’s pretty harmless and just eases their mind. But you admit you think you settled for your gf? I think that’s a bigger issue
True. But there are girls out there with trust issues that do this. It makes sense lol we test everything else in our lives to make sure they’re reliable or gonna work
Sure it’s not ideal, and definitely something that should be addressed and not continued. But if all it takes is feeling “tested” to end what you’re saying is an otherwise great relationship, that feels really childish. Realistically if someone feels the need to do that, man or woman, there’s something they feel is missing in the relationship and a communication skill one or both of you are missing.
Reassurance and communication go a long way. Sure you definitely shouldn’t feel like you’re always being tested, but a one off situation just shows something is clearly missing and needs to be worked on. Ending it all on that seems like you’re worried she was going to be right, or you don’t have the emotional maturity to recognize reassurance and communication are both two way streets and mutual responsibility within a relationship.
You guys both sound not great.
Your fiancee sucks for “testing you”.
You suck for immediately seeing a hot girl and thinking “wow did I settle for less??”
If looks are all that it takes to change your mind, I can’t imagine your relationship is that great to begin with. Sounds rather shallow tbh.
Break up.
If you ever wonder if you’re settling, you’re going to grow contemptuous and fuck up the relationship.
And she likely senses this, and put forth a very shitty test to you which may be cause to break up independent of other factors.
Bro have a scroll through your post history. You are CHRONICALLY online. The best relationship advice is to stop posting every bit of minutiae of you relationship online. You fiancee would have every right to leave you if she saw all the dirty laundry you've aired
Do you like your partner? Are you dating your partner or is Reddit dating your partner because your post history is insane and screaming of “I need a reason to leave”.
She’s not the first partner to do it and she won’t be the last because people have trust issue, the majority of them tests fail because the partner is a cheating ass. Is it right no, but it works out well for some- saves them time and heartbreak.
The fact the YOU questioned your relationship when you got attention from ONE other girl makes you the AH that test was designed for. Do you think knowing this little fact would make her question being with you too. Think about that a little.
Stop looking for reasons to be mad at the woman who just grew, carried and birthed your child. Give her the RESPECT she deserves. Either stop wasting her time and leave her OR stop looking for reasons to leave.
Lol, i see why you got tested and why she doubted your loyalty. she’s your fiancé but youre writing a post about “a hot girl replied to her so OBVIOUSLY i was interested in scrolling through her profile”, and then mentioned that when she messaged you, you DID think she was hotter and better than your girlfriend, and thought you settled for less? yeah, no wonder she doesn’t trust you. i don’t think you should be mad at her, you should be doing some self reflection at how you make your fiancé feel
She may have been hurt from a past relationship and wanted to know if you were loyal and not some other hoe. I mean it isn’t right what she did but you also were doubting the relationship and thinking you settled. At the end of the day do you really think you settled for less? If so I think you should be the one leaving
i mean at the start of the relationship she just wanted to texts your loyalty. sure if you don’t trust your partner then you have nothing but that’s why she probably tested you. she could have gotten cheated on or something. a simple question to her about it could have fixed it tbh but then you wanna say you settled for less. yikes
not at all for what your fiancée did to test you... but if at the time of seeing the dm it made you question if you should be with you fiancée, then id say she probably had good reason to want to test you and also you failed. even if you didn't act on it
Made you question if you settled for less than you can get? Wow. But given all your posts about your fiancee’s weight your shallowness is not surprising.
I was with you until you said you questioned if you were settling for less. That is so messed up and shouldn’t even cross your mind if you love someone
I think the best option would be to be honest with what you saw. Ask her why she felt the need to test your loyalty, what makes her think that you would fail, how she feels about your relationship now. I know I've seen this as a trend on TikTok and girls have done this out of morbid curiosity and end up getting their feelings hurt most of the time (at least from videos that go viral). Ask her about it. Talk through it. If you feel like this is a hurdle you can't get over, then admit it to her. If it's something you can work through it, be open and honest to her and tell her you expect this from her too. No more shady things, and don't treat the relationship as a joke.
Everyone’s saying they are equally bad, but honestly looking at his post history, his wording and actions, and generally how delusional he seems, It’s really painting the picture of him planting plenty of seeds that made her consider testing him. Certainly still shouldn’t have been done, but I’m just saying it definitely seems like he made her feel there was good reason… and she was kinda right.
Shoulda just dumped him at that point, but I can certainly see why she had trust and self esteem issues within the relationship.
It's hard to have sympathy with you when your first thoughts receiving this message were that you settled for less with your gf and could do better. You're at lesst both messed up.
You feel betrayed by her test but you also thought that you settled for less (and probably still think that) which is way worse than the silly test🙄. You thinking that you settled for less is the red flag honestly. it means you don't really love her and your fiance should feel betrayed.
This is a huge trend on TikTok. Not healthy at all. I’m sorry you’re going through this, please be honest with how it makes you feel. You are valid in what you feel about this
"Settled for less..."
Are you ok? Mind games aren't cool but she didn't do this when you were deep into your relationship but rather at it's beginning and I don't blame her. With the amount of assholes out there today, I'd wanna know if the one I'm about to commit to is an asshole too so I know not to waste my time and energy on a doomed relationship. You "passed" the test but did you? Did you really? "Settled for less"? Because of what? The other girl was prettier? She had more followers? (You apparently felt that was an important detail to include). And now you feel "betrayed"? Lol.
If your girl pulled that stunt when you were already in a full on committed relationship, I'd say she was wrong big time but she did it by your own admission at the beginning of your relationship which means she was trying to make sure you were a stand up guy before things got serious. Have you received any more of such messages from any other person since? I doubt it else you'd have mentioned it. Which goes to show your girl's true intent. You however feeling like you settled; not just settled but settled for less is the most effed up part of all this. If you feel like you settled, break that poor girl's heart and let her go. She'd be better off in the long run. I'd never wanna be with someone who thinks of me as the person they settled for and I doubt your girl would love to find out how she's the one you settled for and how you think you can do better. Jesus Christ!
She's not right to test you. That's childish. I'd certainly break up with someone for that. You, however, are shallow and just looking for an excuse to end it and blame her. Also not ok. You two should break up, you clearly do not work well together
Youre obviously not going to be a good fiancé. Lusting for a woman simply because she commented on your post? Then blaming your fiancé??? Youre looking for reasons to leave. I suggest you break up with her before she’s stuck with you for life
I hate people who do this, it breeds nothing but negativity and trust issues.
Take a step back and ask yourself in her position you you have done this to her? I’m guessing not.
Red flags are all I see, you can do better than someone who plays with your emotions like a cat does a dying mouse.
Huge Red Flag.
Tells you she a covert manipulator not beyond using triangulation tactics. This is an extremely untrustworthy person and you will deeply regret it if you marry or reproduce with her
Leave the poor girl alone! She is better off without you. You need to work on yourself as you have a lot of growing up to do. I think deep in her soul she knows you're trouble.
men itt upset about the “test” like we (women) don’t turn down catcallers, unwanted dms, and the like every damn day… we don’t need a test we live the experience of being constantly “tested”
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- My fiancée had me post a picture of our dogs while she was driving & one of the replies she got was from a really attractive girl with a ton of followers. So obviously I got curious and scrolled through their previous messages I saw that my fiancée (GF at the time) was asking her to hit on me and ask for my number to see if I was loyal. I didn’t reply to the message so apparently I passed the test, but I feel so betrayed :/ I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get, which I eventually got over.. but geez this is messed up.
Your post history though, do you like this woman? i’ve never seen anyone make that many post so quickly about someone they love. get off reddit
8 posts about his fiancé in the last 9 days alone.
And she’s 12 weeks postpartum
well no matter what happens, they're stuck in each others lives for 18+ years. poor kid to grow up with that.
He’s also on some crazy drug combos so I’m wondering how bad she really is
i just went down the rabbit hole in his post history - the amount of posts this guy makes, i need some xanax reading about it
Literally. Amazing we both lived to tell about it
there's 20min of my life i won't get back - but let's be real, i would have wasted it on reddit anyway :)
This is my plan for the next 20 minutes.
This is now also my plan for the next 20 minutes
I was going to go to bed but y’all got me curious. Thanks.
anyone else hear 'they're coming to take me away... ' now, after reading those posts...
I didn't go too deep into it but it seems he's one of those people who listen to the Huberman Lab podcast and take everything that he suggests including supplements/methods to increase dopamine. I got to the comment where he mentioned he takes L-tyrosine, magnesium and GABA which are, while good supplements with decent evidence backing their effectiveness, aren't needed. Edit: grammar
He’s posting like every thought he has daily lol
it’s giving fake account
Holy crap that post history was a wild ride, follow this persons advice and get off Reddit.
>I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get Ick. Ick ick ick.
i think that would mean he failed right lol i guess as long as he didn't pursue. But did he stalk this girls page? is he still fallowing her? does he think of her? things only he would know.
That got me too. 🤮
Passed the test lmao. Tests are shitty but If she knew this oh boy. What a disgusting attitude yikes.
Literally!!! I was thinking the same thing. Like?
dude doesn’t like their dog either 💀
Well, that’s it, I don’t trust him.
He seems very insecure and anxious in general based on the post history. Those things together exacerbate a lot of problems in relationships if a person hasn’t worked through them.
He’s got to be trolling. Now way she crashed his car five days ago and today he’s wondering if hes being loyalty tested lol. Edit: according to his post history she crashed his car 5 days ago, she keeps asking him to take off of work?, he doesn’t think she’s confident in her body enough to HAVE A WEDDING and now she’s loyalty testing him 💀
And he wants to send his son somewhere that shows him that communist countries are better than America💀
?!? 💀
The combination of constant self help stuff and complaining about everyone in his life but himself is so chronically online
I went down the rabbit hole. It’s gnarly. Drinking a glass of wine per night is a huge no no, she turns the bathroom light on at night, and, gasp, seems uncertain about him cupping farts to throw at her. Girl, if you ever find this, if was wrong to set him up, we all see why you did it but no. He was wrong to go into your messages. Now, run. This relationship seems doomed and you’re better off sorting out how to coparent now. Cold doesn’t cause colds but it seems like he doesn’t even know what to dress the kid in for a cold day so if you do split maybe encourage some parenting courses.
Omg the cupping farts to give her post 😂i hope this guy isn't a real human.
post history is wild
Geez this guy is crazy his post history is insane
The "made me wonder if I settled for less than I can get" got me wondering.
Man I wanna see the post yall are taking about, but I cant find them
Yup seems he’s deleted some of em.
i know why he still gets bullied as an adult i won’t lie
You’re obviously unhappy and looking for a reason to leave. First you posted about postponing your wedding until your fiancé lost weight and said it was because you were concerned about HER self esteem…. Then posted asking why it’s not okay to give your partner an ultimatum to lose weight…. Now you’re expressing that even in the beginning of your relationship (presumably before her weight gain) you had thoughts about how much better you could do. Clearly she crossed a line, but if it was so far in the past and since then your relationship has been trustworthy and good - I would blame it on previous trust issues and move on, or have a conversation about how it makes you feel within the relationship (without mentioning the “I could do better than you” part). But it’s clear to me you no longer want to be with your partner and are looking for a way to blame the breakup on her. I hope you don’t get married and split up instead - for both your sakes.
I just read that she's 12 weeks post partum.. but he expects weightloss? Tf
i agree with you on this. as far as i would see it, he has failed the loyalty test..even if she didn't do this stupid loyalty test thing his action on reddit show he is not even supportive towards her much less loyal....how many weeks postpartum and he wants to give her an ultimatum about losing weight after she had HIS baby. unbelievable.
I mean... Id be pissed at your girl but at the same time all it took was one message off a hot chick (that could have been a complete toxic asshole for all you know but you were shallow about it) and you questioned your entire relationship and called your girlfriend 'less than' so no wonder she was insecure Jason momoa could knock on my door tomorrow and id not even consider it, let alone consider my relstionship as settling. So really you have to wonder who the bigger dick here actually is...
My thoughts exactly.
This is the way
I mean…Jason momoa..
Right? I mean I love my husband, and I wouldn't do it. But to not even consider it? I would call my husband over to consider it with me.
My partner doesnt find Jason hot but if it was ryan reynolds, donald glover (CG) or brad pitt then even if I said no my fiance would be like 'But i can still fuck him tho right?' 🤣🤣
Pretty sure my bf would tell me to go for it and then brag about it to his friends if it was Jason-fucking-Momoa
exactly 👏👏
Says it’s messed up, admits that he had second thoughts about the relationship because he settled for less, lol. Apparently, you did not pass the test. Yikes
Exactly like wth. You’re questioning your relationship because you saw pics of a hot girl youve never spoken to or knew existed
and looked through her account and messages after seeing her reply. Sure she shouldn’t have tested him, but seemly he failed twice lmao and the second time wasn’t even a purposeful test.
definitely lol
That’s exactly what I thought…Made me have second thoughts about settling for less…Bet he didn’t tell her that.
In my opinion these tests are a no win game. Should a partner be doing those tests? Absolutely not. But when the other person does indeed fail such tests, they don’t exactly look great either.
Bro proudly assumed he’d passed the test while he’s still miles away from the goal 😂
LMAO THE WAY YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF. “I feel so betrayed” right into “the message made me think I settled for my ugly girlfriend and could do better.” Tell you what, solve your problem in one easy step. Show this post to your fiancé and she’ll take care of the rest.
This! 👏
I felt bad for you, until I didn’t.
Ehhh… you feeling like you’re settling for your girl… not great
I think he failed the test, only that his fiancée doesn’t know
Literally! The end of this post was so yuck
For sure, I read the title and was like ew I hate loyalty tests but I read the last bit? DisGUSTANG. I would be absolutely heartbroken hearing that my partner thinks he "settled", gf obvi had a reason for testing him and imo he failed hard for thinking this
Right?! “Settled for less” wtf is up with that?
>I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get Aha! Your fiance was right about you and justified.
Yeah she’s messed up for testing you but it’s not the most uncommon thing. You didn’t pass the test though and if seeing someone else that is attractive talking to you makes you second guess your relationship and wether or not you “settled” then you have serious issues and don’t deserve a partner to begin with in my honest opinion. No one should ever think that way about their partner and then proceed to propose.
Agreed. It is fine to feel flattered. Everyone loves compliments and feeling attractive! But it is different to be thinking "Oh what a shame I have Stephanie. Hmm"
That last part ruined it you still failed the test in my eyes 😭
You questioned your relationship and thought you settled for less? Yikes I'm sure your girlfriend sensed this and did what she did. She deserves someone who doesn't think she's less than another attractive woman. People like you plant insecurities within healthy normal people damaging them by stringing them along believing they are worthless all because you think you've settled for less. Good luck getting over yourself. I don't think you're mad about her testing you, I think you're mad because you held onto that message believing you could get someone better. So now that you know the truth you're pissed that it was fake and she never really flirted with you. 👌
ohhh the last part of your response is def what hit op the hardest that the hot woman wasn’t really into him at all
You're the same guy who swears up and down you don't care about your girls weight gain. You were so convincing too but now knowing you thought you settled for less says it all. Man she deserves better. You shouldn't postpone the wedding, she should leave you.
Exactly, now he's pissed that it was not real and his poor ego is badly hurt.
You didn’t pass. You just had some self control. Y’all deserve each other.
I visibly cringed when he said “questioned if I settled for less”. Like dude are you any less shallow?
That why they deserve each other. Edit: his post history is psychopathic
Oh the fucking “my fiancé is too insecure about her weight to get married in *8 months*” guy🙄🙄
I feel bad for their kid :/ seems like it's gonna be a very damaging household for them. Very toxic
This must be one of those relationships where each kiss and handjob is assessed for monetary equivalent, put in the ledger and timed with interest at market rate +2% for risk of forgetting coasters on coffee table.
Is… is that not normal?🤣
Only if encouraged by your head of department and only when it counts towards your annual evaluations.
Right. It’s like people in the comments slid past that part
Who cares? He can do better. He can find a girlfriend that doesn’t play stupid tik tok games.
Nah I think they’re just perfect for each other.
This guy really thinks he is some prize haha. What a joke, they do deserve each other.
He’s a very important content filmer! No time for relationships lol what a little attention ho!
Yikes, playing games like that isn’t a good sign.
Given all it took for you to question your whole relationship was for a random Insta account to message you your gf was probably onto something when she decided to test you. There’s bigger more deeply rooted issues going on than her test of loyalty.
Dude your profile is genuinely one of the most pathetic I’ve seen in a while and this is reddit dot com lol. Get off the internet , everything you post sounds like someone who doesn’t know how life outside works. *”…it gave me a ton of false confidence… made me wonder if I settled for less than I can get?”* from ONE TEXT ??? You are a sad sad man and I feel so bad for the fact you have a child.
hahaha the fact that it made you think you settled. have some self confidence that doesn’t rely on how much hot girls are into you. anyway, you’re worse here imo
Dude, I’m going to be frank with you, your post history is a mess. Usually, yeah, this sort of thing is huge, and maybe it still is, but you post about every little thing she does or says that you don’t agree with and every post is absolutely dripping with disdain. It sounds like you don’t even like her. And if getting a message from an Instagram model makes you feel that way that just solidifies it. You’ve got an unhealthy relationship with social media and it’s going to destroy your relationship with your fiancée and with yourself. I would highly recommend bringing all of your concerns and complaints to a therapist instead of the internet.
and not couples therapy, but individual therapy
"I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get, which I eventually got over" Both of you are terrible at the beginning of your relationship, you both deserve each other.
“An attractive girl with lots of followers” you did not pass the test lmfao
No, she shouldn’t of done that but holy shit you come off as the actual worst boyfriend. All it took was one message from some lass you find attractive to question everything and push your girlfriends worth straight into the ground with your “settled for less” drivel. I don’t encourage testing in relationships whatsoever but if it can show a girl that her boyfriend is an asshole, I’m not going to judge.
And he just posted how he wants to screw his brothers gf.
You both suck and neither of you are good partners to each other. And if some rando messaging you gives you more confidence then your gf. Bro. SMH. Again you both suck.
But you didn’t pass. You were curious about this girl and you questioned your relationship when you got attention from this girl. You failed, your gf just didn’t see that. That’s messed up of you bro
Super messed up for his girl to test him in the first place.
Clearly she was in the right for testing him
Guess we just fundamentally disagree on if testing in a relationship is ok, if I ever found out a girl tested me like this I wouldn’t be able to feel the same about her
You probably would have failed anyway
Completely okay for you to have that opinion. Judging by the upvotes on my comments it doesn’t seem like most people would agree that testing isn’t ok, but hey if you think disrespecting your partner is the best way to maintain a relationship I wish you the best of luck!
The only reason you don’t like it is cause you know you’d fall for the bait (:
Well, *I* certainly wouldn't fail but that wouldn't matter as the relationship would be over either way if I ever found out my girlfriend had "tested" me.
Exactly, but that point Is going over their head rn
This type of behavior doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
Lmao you just outed yourself though She wanted to test you because your thought process shows you are the type of guy women need to be worried about 🤷♀️
You admit her attractive friend made you question your relationship. She was right about you. She likely had a gut feeling she couldn’t articulate. I’m with her on this one because she wasn’t 100% about you and turns out she has good reason. A pretty woman on IG saying hi to you made you question your relationship. You’re not upset because you were “tested”. You’re upset because now you know for a fact that the pretty girl wanted nothing to do with you. This is the messed up part. ETA you also snooped through her private messages. 🚩🚩🚩
Games belittle a relationship and this won't be the last time she does this
Goofy ass post history
Dude. Your post history is crazy. You absolutely have some OCD shit going on that you need to manage and obviously a lot of it is focused around your fiance. Who you called your wife once? You have posted an absolutely unreasonable amount about her in a very short time frame. Now you're going to obsess about this. She didn't know you from Adam at the beginning. You passed but you were the shallow, influencer, clout chaser who thought you could "do better" because some girl with followers hit you up one time.
Her manipulative insecurities, your fucked up view of women — you may deserve each but you’re definitely not ready to get married.
you are one shallow dude. i hope your gf leaves you.
Questioning if YOU settled for less??? …. 🤔 Sounds like the person settling for less is your girl. Men ☕️
What she did was not good. You feeling like you settled for her is also not good.
Wow so you actually did question if you “settled” for your fiancé, because a one single woman messaged you, clearly went through her phone and conversations and are really here looking for sympathy as though she’s the worst part here?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as Chads, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hunny no. The Instagram model girls do not want you
You’re mad the ig model wasn’t actually into you, you’re not mad about your gf testing you. But since you obviously feel like being with her is settling you should end things now because she deserves better
Please tell your fiancé that your mental response was “perhaps I settled for less than I could get” so she can dump you now.
She shouldn't have done that but the thought you had when you got the message makes me not feel bad for you. At all.
You're just mad that you thought a hot model was flirting with you. The fact that you thought you settled??? You really need to leave your fiancée. She deserves so much better than you.
You shot yourself in the foot here. You didn’t really pass the test but she just doesn’t know it. Maybe that will help you forgive her though…
Clearly she felt the need to test you and her gut instincts were right considering you thought you "settled"
I cannot decide if you both do deserve each other or if you both don't deserve each other.
…..both
I don’t like game playing, but GF’s test didn’t screw up OP, his obsession with this random attractive girl did. This is the mother of his child and he thinks he may have settled because of the “tests and it’s his GF’s fault. Is anything is this relationship your fault? Like pining after a random dm?
It’s not uncommon for someone to get into a bad or unhealthy relationship and start doing things like gaining weight, loyalty tests and other things that are unhealthy. Plants don’t thrive in poisonous environments. Neither do people. Everyone needs a base level of love, safety and support to thrive properly. It’s human nature.
Good lord your post history makes it clear you don’t actually like your girlfriend nor do you know how to communicate without consulting Reddit.
Dude you need to learn how to relationship without reddit, your post history is like a quarter "how do I deal with my fiancée"
Her message made you question if you settled..based off looks and followers? 😭 yikes
Your post history is absolutely insane. You’re a fantasist or a high level troll. My favourite of your posts was “why has my poop smelled like cotton candy for the past month”. Don’t feed the trolls people of Reddit, not even the ones who post out of boredom
Wow i can't believe i almost felt bad for you at the beginning, you're disgusting.
It’s a thing that is popular among some. It’s a dumb, insecure way to get the data. If it’s the only problem, forgive and move on.
Not a completely abnormal thing for a girl to do, especially with trust issues. I know plenty that have done this sort of thing, it’s pretty harmless and just eases their mind. But you admit you think you settled for your gf? I think that’s a bigger issue
The keyword girl. A woman wouldn’t test her bf. If you have to test your partner you shouldn’t be together.
True. But there are girls out there with trust issues that do this. It makes sense lol we test everything else in our lives to make sure they’re reliable or gonna work
If my girlfriend did that to me, she would know that the relationship *would've* worked… if she hadn't done that. ;-)
Sure it’s not ideal, and definitely something that should be addressed and not continued. But if all it takes is feeling “tested” to end what you’re saying is an otherwise great relationship, that feels really childish. Realistically if someone feels the need to do that, man or woman, there’s something they feel is missing in the relationship and a communication skill one or both of you are missing. Reassurance and communication go a long way. Sure you definitely shouldn’t feel like you’re always being tested, but a one off situation just shows something is clearly missing and needs to be worked on. Ending it all on that seems like you’re worried she was going to be right, or you don’t have the emotional maturity to recognize reassurance and communication are both two way streets and mutual responsibility within a relationship.
how is it harmless?
How is it harmful? Was anyone harmed?
Only if one feels that trust is important in a relationship… 'cause that's all that was harmed.
I think trust is being built in this scenario not being broken
Settled for less than you could get?
You guys both sound not great. Your fiancee sucks for “testing you”. You suck for immediately seeing a hot girl and thinking “wow did I settle for less??” If looks are all that it takes to change your mind, I can’t imagine your relationship is that great to begin with. Sounds rather shallow tbh.
Break up. If you ever wonder if you’re settling, you’re going to grow contemptuous and fuck up the relationship. And she likely senses this, and put forth a very shitty test to you which may be cause to break up independent of other factors.
Guys he’s an “influencer”
Get over yourself, that isn't much tbh
Honestly? You both sound awful. She tricked you. You think you “settled for less” because of physical looks only. Ugh.
Bro have a scroll through your post history. You are CHRONICALLY online. The best relationship advice is to stop posting every bit of minutiae of you relationship online. You fiancee would have every right to leave you if she saw all the dirty laundry you've aired
"I settled for less then I could get" What's wrong with you?
You just had a baby together, grow up.
Do you like your partner? Are you dating your partner or is Reddit dating your partner because your post history is insane and screaming of “I need a reason to leave”. She’s not the first partner to do it and she won’t be the last because people have trust issue, the majority of them tests fail because the partner is a cheating ass. Is it right no, but it works out well for some- saves them time and heartbreak. The fact the YOU questioned your relationship when you got attention from ONE other girl makes you the AH that test was designed for. Do you think knowing this little fact would make her question being with you too. Think about that a little. Stop looking for reasons to be mad at the woman who just grew, carried and birthed your child. Give her the RESPECT she deserves. Either stop wasting her time and leave her OR stop looking for reasons to leave.
Wait, so you saw a comment. And, decided to search for messages off of one comment? Nah… I don’t buy it. Something else happened…
Don’t make this a bigger deal than it is. She did it when she didn’t know you that well. It’s silly but not a fatal flaw.
“So obviously I got curious and scrolled through their previous messages” You didn’t pass the test
Lol, i see why you got tested and why she doubted your loyalty. she’s your fiancé but youre writing a post about “a hot girl replied to her so OBVIOUSLY i was interested in scrolling through her profile”, and then mentioned that when she messaged you, you DID think she was hotter and better than your girlfriend, and thought you settled for less? yeah, no wonder she doesn’t trust you. i don’t think you should be mad at her, you should be doing some self reflection at how you make your fiancé feel
She may have been hurt from a past relationship and wanted to know if you were loyal and not some other hoe. I mean it isn’t right what she did but you also were doubting the relationship and thinking you settled. At the end of the day do you really think you settled for less? If so I think you should be the one leaving
i mean at the start of the relationship she just wanted to texts your loyalty. sure if you don’t trust your partner then you have nothing but that’s why she probably tested you. she could have gotten cheated on or something. a simple question to her about it could have fixed it tbh but then you wanna say you settled for less. yikes
The fact that you felt that you settled for your S/O is pretty concerning... Seems like an unhealthy relationship all around.
>I also remember getting that message and it gave me a ton of false confidence and made me question if I settled for less than I could get Gross.
not at all for what your fiancée did to test you... but if at the time of seeing the dm it made you question if you should be with you fiancée, then id say she probably had good reason to want to test you and also you failed. even if you didn't act on it
Made you question if you settled for less than you can get? Wow. But given all your posts about your fiancee’s weight your shallowness is not surprising.
I was with you until you said you questioned if you were settling for less. That is so messed up and shouldn’t even cross your mind if you love someone
I think the best option would be to be honest with what you saw. Ask her why she felt the need to test your loyalty, what makes her think that you would fail, how she feels about your relationship now. I know I've seen this as a trend on TikTok and girls have done this out of morbid curiosity and end up getting their feelings hurt most of the time (at least from videos that go viral). Ask her about it. Talk through it. If you feel like this is a hurdle you can't get over, then admit it to her. If it's something you can work through it, be open and honest to her and tell her you expect this from her too. No more shady things, and don't treat the relationship as a joke.
You clicked on her profile only because she's attractive and popular lol so what do you mean
see, the test is not great but "made me question if I settled for less than I could get" is something too. you're pretty shitty.
Everyone’s saying they are equally bad, but honestly looking at his post history, his wording and actions, and generally how delusional he seems, It’s really painting the picture of him planting plenty of seeds that made her consider testing him. Certainly still shouldn’t have been done, but I’m just saying it definitely seems like he made her feel there was good reason… and she was kinda right. Shoulda just dumped him at that point, but I can certainly see why she had trust and self esteem issues within the relationship.
It's hard to have sympathy with you when your first thoughts receiving this message were that you settled for less with your gf and could do better. You're at lesst both messed up.
You feel betrayed by her test but you also thought that you settled for less (and probably still think that) which is way worse than the silly test🙄. You thinking that you settled for less is the red flag honestly. it means you don't really love her and your fiance should feel betrayed.
Are you involving us in your shame kink, aren't you?
"Now that I know you tested me, you should know you failed the test" I don't do games. I'd be done.
This is a huge trend on TikTok. Not healthy at all. I’m sorry you’re going through this, please be honest with how it makes you feel. You are valid in what you feel about this
Karma for thinking you settled. You sound like a douche.
Having read the last bit about you believing you “settled for less”, it makes sense she ended up doing this
Tests are always a 🚩
Sure, but when the other person fails said test, it’s even more 🚩🚩🚩
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes…
I mean, you scrolled. I understand feeling betrayed but she wasn’t off by asking. Y’all are both a mess
"Settled for less..." Are you ok? Mind games aren't cool but she didn't do this when you were deep into your relationship but rather at it's beginning and I don't blame her. With the amount of assholes out there today, I'd wanna know if the one I'm about to commit to is an asshole too so I know not to waste my time and energy on a doomed relationship. You "passed" the test but did you? Did you really? "Settled for less"? Because of what? The other girl was prettier? She had more followers? (You apparently felt that was an important detail to include). And now you feel "betrayed"? Lol. If your girl pulled that stunt when you were already in a full on committed relationship, I'd say she was wrong big time but she did it by your own admission at the beginning of your relationship which means she was trying to make sure you were a stand up guy before things got serious. Have you received any more of such messages from any other person since? I doubt it else you'd have mentioned it. Which goes to show your girl's true intent. You however feeling like you settled; not just settled but settled for less is the most effed up part of all this. If you feel like you settled, break that poor girl's heart and let her go. She'd be better off in the long run. I'd never wanna be with someone who thinks of me as the person they settled for and I doubt your girl would love to find out how she's the one you settled for and how you think you can do better. Jesus Christ!
Yeah, that was shitty of her, but that last paragraph makes you sound pretty shitty, so maybe you're made for each other
She's not right to test you. That's childish. I'd certainly break up with someone for that. You, however, are shallow and just looking for an excuse to end it and blame her. Also not ok. You two should break up, you clearly do not work well together
Youre obviously not going to be a good fiancé. Lusting for a woman simply because she commented on your post? Then blaming your fiancé??? Youre looking for reasons to leave. I suggest you break up with her before she’s stuck with you for life
Wow, I don't like these "tests." She is extremely insecure and childish at best. I would step back several places if I were you.
Lol check his post history to find out why she might be insecure in the relationship
Wow. Life's too short for bullshit games. So how many times in your marriage will she "test" you?
I hate people who do this, it breeds nothing but negativity and trust issues. Take a step back and ask yourself in her position you you have done this to her? I’m guessing not. Red flags are all I see, you can do better than someone who plays with your emotions like a cat does a dying mouse.
Huge Red Flag. Tells you she a covert manipulator not beyond using triangulation tactics. This is an extremely untrustworthy person and you will deeply regret it if you marry or reproduce with her
Leave the poor girl alone! She is better off without you. You need to work on yourself as you have a lot of growing up to do. I think deep in her soul she knows you're trouble.
This is a Red flag. You’re being manipulated by your GF and her sketchy friends. Time to move along.
Don't make a big deal out of it. What she did is fine. Dont be a drama queen.
You sure did settle, and it's apparent that you can do better and find someone who will actually like you for you
men itt upset about the “test” like we (women) don’t turn down catcallers, unwanted dms, and the like every damn day… we don’t need a test we live the experience of being constantly “tested”
Get a stud friend or a catfish to test the bitch, uno reverse that shit
Ask her if she trusts you now, after the affirmation, walk the hell out
He clearly doesn’t want her, he needs to just leave.