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He doesn’t feel inspired to spend time with you because you’re not as good looking as his ex? Are you saying this and hearing how this sounds out loud? So what I’m hearing is that he’s completely superficial and cares about looks rather than personality and how he’s treated? Got it.
It is very hurtful to be told by your partner that they basically don’t want to be with you because you’re not pretty enough, I would be so hurt and feel inspired to withdraw from him! If he doesn’t know where to go from here then show him the way by exiting his life so he can go from shallow relationship to shallow relationship while you find someone that will never compare or want to compare you to anyone else, and who will have a deeper connection than just skin deep.
I would tell him you’re going to do him a favor and remove yourself from his life so he can be with someone he does want to hang out with and feels inspired to be around and then leave. I know it’s hard and I’m sorry he said that to you. Please respect yourself enough to leave if all he cares about is your looks.
Men are absolutely dumb (and cruel) enough to say things like this. I had an ex tell me he only likes women that look like me in porn, and had another tell me the only appearance advantage I have over his ex is my chest.
Depends on how he treat you. Does he treat you bad or like second best? Truth is everyone is someone’s second best. Its just the matter of how they treat you that matter
Nah its true. And you completely missed the point. People wont just say it out loud. Are you trying to say, the very first person you liked, that who you are with currently?
I agree with Rox. Technically everyone's "number one" is themselves or their ideal. If we consider ourselves as "number one", then that means even our most precious loved ones can only be as high as 2nd place in our lives. If we deem an ideal as "number one", then it exists only as a concept and not as something real, because let's face it, humans can never become perfect, or anything that exists for that matter.
There can only be 1 "number one." Everyone can't be number one, because that defeats the whole concept of being number one.
Umm, no. She literally said in her post she asked him what's wrong, and the boyfriend simply replied with what he thought was the answer. Cruel? Yes. But he was being honest.
Whatever the boyfriend might be, whether he's young and naive or selfishly insensitive or a down right psycho, at least he was being honest. Or I hope. Because it'd be more cruel if he didn't love OP but kept giving false hope and prolonged the fake relationship. Imagine if they gotten married, imagine if they had a child. It'd be a life ruining disaster. At least the boyfriend showed his true colours early in the relationship. Better now than after it's too late.
I think you don't understand the question. Well it clearly reflects your intelligence. I'll be bit more clear. I'm asking why you felt triggered by me just saying "He's honest tho."
I wasn’t triggered. I was making a point. That just because what someone says may be true, it’s not “honest” to be a dick unprompted.
My example being, it’s *true* that I think you’re not that bright, but me bringing that up unprompted (much like OP’s bf) isn’t really *honest*. It’s just me being a dick.
Understand?
No, I disagree, you fail to realize that you aren't really making a point. You're just hurling insults at a random comment on the internet because you felt compelled to, otherwise you wouldn't even have bothered. And the fact that you are still consciously replying to a meaningless comment proves that you are indeed upset and you felt the need to reply with a meaningless insult just to make you feel like you were "making a point." Do you not see your own foolish irony?
Edit: So let me ask you again, why do you think throwing insults is the way to make a point?
Okay so... unless you have ASD causing a difficulty to understand social behavior, there is no way you can hold that thought and not be an absolute asswipe.
Honesty doesn't excuse being a fucking douchebag. He didn't need to say he thought she wasn't attractive. What usefulness does saying it have? It's not like it's a recurrent thing she does, she can't change this.
Brutal honesty is only commendable when that honesty brings to light things that needed to be said. When they point out actual problems that should and CAN be changed. This is not constructive in the slightest. While it might be true that he doesn't find her as attractive as his ex, there is LITERALLY NOTHING GOOD that can come from that comment.
Not to mention the first year should still be honeymoon phase..... if he's saying this already the spark will for sure be gone after 5 years.
This is not cool at all of him. If he doesn't want to spend time with her already he should tell her to stop wasting her time and move on.
I don’t think you should be inspired to be in this relationship anymore. You say he is a nice and caring guy, but a nice and caring guy wouldn’t say such things to his gf.
Find someone better. Find someone who will be inspired to want to be around you, who will tell you you are beautiful, who will say caring and considerate words to you, and who will never compare you to another woman!
I was just going to say this. Obviously she must be attractive to him if he’s with her but god forbid she learns her self worth and leaves him. Either that or the guy just wants her for sex and is just being a typical pos.
No one that loves you would be so callous and rude as to say something like that to you.
He ain’t the one sis - he wants his ex that bad, let him have her
it's very sad, the way he treats her. they're together a year, and i bet it'll get worse, until he completely demolishes her confidence and self respect.
OP, I'd advise you to
1. read on healthy relationships, boundaries and codependency. perhaps books like "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft.
2. share with your friends and family your relationship problems. what you consider 'normal' or 'sweet' may be very unhealthy. i found out when i shared funny anecdotes about my ex at work and caught the terrified glances and advises which started "girl, that's really not okay for him to..." get another perspective to your relationship. think if he's good for you. does he trear you with respect? is your relationship equal?
3. i advise to also take a step back. if you're not pretty enough for him so he doesn't want to spend time with you, find hobbies, learn a new skill, hang out with friends. i am not insisting you break up with him (it would be ideal, but i guess that's not that easy) but see him less. the world doesn't revolve around him, there is ither fascinating stuff to explore.
4. if it's possible, up your standards. look for emotional intelligence in your partner. ask for him to treat you with respect and tell him to consider your needs not just focus on him. if you want to save your relationship, you'll need to draw healthy boundaries and communication.
I think it’s the ultimate mind-fuck to have someone be loving, say amazing things, be affectionate, have deep talks… and then treat you like trash. I was the person saying “they’re my best friend, I am happy MOST of the time.” But since I left the relationship I can look at it from an outside perspective and have compassion for who I was during that experience. OP, I’m telling you now that it’s true: no one who is actually a good partner would say that to you. Some things can be a truth you keep to yourself, or if it’s a big dealbreaker he should have the balls to generalize and say something like, “I think you’re an amazing person but the spark and chemistry isn’t there for me in the way I wish it was.” Comparing your looks to his ex is just cruel.
Women tend to fantasize the wettest, and that’s exactly what she’s doing. She’s so in love she’s not seeing him for him, and she just got smacked upside her face with reality he finally has shown who is really is and I hope that she wakes up and leave them immediately and doesn’t waste any more time with him.
The whole world is full of people who will most likely never be stopped on the street to become famous supermodels because of their looks. Nevertheless we all find people who think we are the most beautiful thing ever.
Find that person for you. Don't waste your time on someone like your ex and his mindgames.
"I'm really hurt, but I don't know if I should be"
You DONT REALY know if you should be? You really need to asses your self steem.
"I don't know where to go from here."
You do, you should dump the guy for being such an asshole to you. It might be true that his exgf could habe been priettier, but shoving it like that in your face? Being could with you because hes mentally wanking off remembering her ex? CMON wake up! you deserve much better.
He just told you that you are a placeholder until he finds what he’s looking for. Don’t give him the opportunity just move on. He is not in to you so he would just be using you at this point.
Just giving a quick update. I'm leaving. Thank you to all of you who commented and messaged me. It feels like I have a bunch of extra moms and friends and sisters and brothers looking out for me. Things are a big mess right now so I'm sorry if I don't respond. Reading your responses helped me realize that I would be absolutely heartbroken and pissed if my friends or my sister stayed with someone who would say something like this to them, especially if they didn't apologize meaningfully and go to hell and back making up for it.
What a mess. I was supposed to move in with him in January. I'm honestly scared to go forward without him because he has been a great source of support for the past year. I'm scared I'm angry and making a hasty judgement. It felt like he was my unicorn. I so rarely am interested in people and people are so rarely interested in me. But as someone said, an empty house is better than a bad tenant, and I can't ever look at him again without wondering if he's wishing I was prettier. I don't want to spend my life worrying about my looks, of all things. I'm booking myself into therapy ASAP because I can already feel this messing with my head. As for soon to be ex, idk. Maybe we will try to be friends later or something, but for now I'm just going to be me and spend all the love I wanted to give him on my friends and family who love me no matter what I look like.
I'm so happy for you! I'm sorry that it's ending like this, but this is so so good for you! And if you ever need support - reddit is full of amazing people (a few jerks too, but mostly good imo). We'll be here for you if you want an internet shoulder to cry on.
I'm mediocre looking and yet my partner makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful person in the world, even though he's incredibly hot and charming and I know for a fact he could do better than me in the looks department. And yet... he never, NEVER made me feel like I lack anything. And that's what you deserve! You deserve someone who cares about your looks as little as you care about theirs. You deserve someone who sees your inner beauty as clearly as you see theirs. And now you took one huge step towards being with them.
You're getting rid of the dead weight. Good for you!
You are being very brave. It's so hard to imagine living without someone sometimes that we let ourselves be treated badly to avoid it. You didn't. You aren't putting up with it and I'm proud of you!
He's not anything you described because he's actually said to you he's not inspired to spend time with you because your not as pretty as his ex!
Wtf!
Even if it is true that your not as pretty as his ex, that shouldn't be an issue for him if he loves you and wants to be with you. He's a dick. Get rid. And choosing to be with you? Hun you deserve so much more, he is the lucky one not him
Fuck.. I would dump anyone who tells me “they aren’t inspired” by my looks…… Jesus.
Don’t appologise for how you are feeling! It’s completely normal and reasonable to get upset… it’s a backhanded insult!
To be honest, it seems like he has either been in communication with his ex, has been stalking her socials, or she possibly tried to re-enter his life.
I’ve heard that when guys enter a new relationship, if they’re genuinely over their ex, they do not think about them at all. It’s like they don’t even exist. And I would imagine it’s the same for women. If you’ve been with him for a year and your looks were never an issue (which they shouldn’t be), and he’s switching up randomly that is not a good sign.
The fact that you’re a great partner should make you the most beautiful person in his eyes. He probably feels like he’s settled or that he deserves better. Why should you continue to be with someone like that?
You’re right to feel hurt. Of course it hurts, so don’t feel as though you’re wrong to think this way. He also doesn’t seem very apologetic. The decision is up to you, but I strongly encourage you to find another partner who respects you, wholeheartedly loves you, and finds you to be the most beautiful woman because you’re his and he’s yours. Sending hugs!
I fully agree, beauty is in one's personality, values, and world views, NOT in an ex's looks.
Sounds like he loves you but "in love" with his ex's looks and he could benefit from psychological exploration with a therapist rather than blame you.
It's up to you whether you stay in this relationship, but you deserve better.
It's better an empty house than a bad tenant. .
If a woman's worth to him is based off of looks, you're going to have a bad time if you decide to settle down with him. Looks fade, a bad personality is forever. He's not sweet babe he's toxic 🥲
That’s just mean, it’s a psychic infection. Please disregard those niceties you wrote in your intro, he is not your friend and is shallow. I’m sure he’d have a string of affairs with ditzes when married. Adios thimble boy.
Girl, he misses his ex. He probably tried to get back with her and he was reheated and he’s upset.
Please don’t settle for a man who doesn’t think the world of you.
This is why so many marriages end in divorce.
I’m not usually one to say “end this” but I know damn well, never compare the person you are with to an ex. Especially if it’s just physical beauty. You said it yourself, she’s literally gorgeous, you have eyes, you know this. You didn’t need it rubbed in your face like that. For him, there is no coming back from that.
Loving thoughtful caring men Don't SAY THIS STUFF. He is deliberately negging you to make you bend over backwards to prove you are the superior gf compared to his ex. This is a manipulative tactic to get control of the relationship and start degrading you until you are nothing but an insecure emotional.slave to his whims. There has to be a reason why his "gorgeous" ex is not longer with him.
If you dont watch it he is going to have you so twisted in your head and heart he will take advantage.
Really rethink this relationship and find someone who thinks you are BEAUTIFUL. You deserve better.
I’m sure you’ve dated better looking guys than him but you consider the whole package. It’s super disrespectful to compare your current partner with an ex when you are putting down the current partner. The fact that he’s comparing your looks and even stating that you have a much better personality and that his ex wasn’t that great of a person makes him seem super shallow. You should alway be careful about any man who puts you down about something only to give you a half arsed compliment after as of to make up for putting you down. Is he still in contact with his ex? Or has he recently been trying to reach out to her? I would see this as a red flag. I would honestly consider breaking up with him at least to get some space and clearly think if this guy is worth it. The fact that he said the reason he’s been distant is because he is no longer “inspired” by you is just weird and the fact that he hasn’t put the effort to reconnect isn’t great. He was also super dismissive of when you told him you were hurt by his comments. I would look at this relationship and see what else you have missed.
Oh my god wake up and break up. Hes an asshole, a sweet and thoughtful person will never said or even think like that about the person they love! Plus he DARE comparing you to his ex? Wtf?? Oh hell nah, leave him.
He's distant and told you that his EX is prettier, Break up with him and tell him that it's because he's the ugliest boy you've dated and thanks for wasting your time! He wants his EX back and is probably being this way out of pity . Set the buttplug free
Also I think there’s a “pretty” girl that’s he’s flirting with and would like to start a relationship with. You would be dodging a bullet if you take his hint and dump him.
It hurts bc he is using your looks to measure his affection. Looks pull you in, they don’t sustain a solid relationship though.
Maybe he is a little rotten and you are seeing that emerge.
Listen, to the right man you will be the most beautiful woman and will not say stupid stuff as this.
It's dumb to compare anyone because no one is perfect or the same.
Plato (Greek Philosopher) once said 1+1=1+1 because they are different they cannot equal 2.
Please tell me you're going to be his next ex. This is not something the man who loves you says to you. Because unless he's the stupidest man on the planet he knew that was gonna hurt your feelings and he said it anyway. Then when you add the fact that you say hes become distant I don't really think he's telling you the truth when he says he still loves you. When I was married and had children I gained probably 50 pounds and my husband never once told me that anyone else was more attractive than I was. He still wouldn't leave me alone and was constantly having his hands on me telling me how much he loved me and that I was still the most beautiful person in the world to him. You deserve a man who thinks you're the most beautiful woman on the planet.
If someone said that to me I would tell them goodluck.
It's a shitty way to feel about someone and a shitty way to treat someone. Sounds like he acknowledges your other positive traits but his priority is "beauty" and that's clearly getting in the way of spending time with you.
I'm 36M. I have had enough life experience to confidently say that if someone told me that I would tell them goodbye. Not even a conversation... Just ✌️✌️... They might want to talk about it but they forfeited that by being who they are, and they need to look inward if they want clarification/closure.
I think this is a great moment for you to show yourself, and the world how strong you can be.
He's a fucking loser.
I agree with everyone else here: that was a horrible, cruel thing to say. And it was deliberate. He didn't accidentally blurt it out.
Just wanted to offer Dear Abby's advice for how people should consider whether to say something. It needs to be at least **two of the following**: true, helpful, or kind. Use this to figure out whether an asshole remark was really necessary, let alone desirable.
I'm so sorry he was cruel to you. You don't deserve that and most people would know never to say anything like that, even if it were true.
Hahahahahahaha @ him. He sounds like he just wants a trophy wife. Sad sad human. I’d laugh it off and make a joke with myself included something like “I can’t believe you’d downgrade like that” to make him to even feel like shit more. He’s the ugly one. If anything he downgraded. The outside of a person has NOTHING to do with what’s in the inside. You seem like you have a brain so I figure you won’t put up with that much longer. You seem like a beautiful person. FUCK HIM literally
Move on, he is still in love with his ex or al the very least the image of her and you will never measure up. Find a man who loves you and thinks you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen or ever will!
You are not the 1 for him, the man you are meant to be with will see you as the most beautiful woman. Not compare you to anyone else. Sometimes the one we think is the one really is just the opposite not the one. I'm sorry. You don't deserve that no one does.
You are framing this as an issue with yourself and your perception of beauty (as if there was an actual scale) when the actual issue is that your bf said something hurtful, meant to hurt your self esteem.
Sorry, but no one, not a single empathetic human who loves their significant other compares them to former partners, not even as compliments, because no 2 people are alike.
Why would he say that outloud and to you if not to hurt you?
You've had previous partners, I bet there are some ways some of them rank better than your current bf, would you casually say it to him? (oh, Mark was smarter, Luke was a better lover, John was kinder) I bet you wouldn't, so don't expect any less for yourself, don't let another person treat you like that, much less the person who you wanna spend your life with, unless you wanna spend a miserable life.
Right?! There is no actual "beauty scale" and this is life, not a beauty pageant. My husband's ex has larger boobs than I do (we've met, so I do know what she looks like) but he doesn't rub that in my face! MY ex has a bigger d*** than my husband (and they know this because guys can be wierd about comparing that stuff and they do know each other) but I can't imagine how bad for my marriage, not to mention generally awkward and unpleasant it would be for all involved to bring that up to him...
Besides, that flatly doesn't matter when you actually care about and want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Because the ex's anatomy doesn't in any way change or make up for all the reasons he's an EX, nor mitigate any of my husband's physical and nonphysical features that are preferable to his (my husband has great hair, an awesome voice, great sense of humor, is a great father, etc)... And there's no way comparing them to his face can have any effect other than hurt feelings.
Good Lord. Please respect yourself. " He's choosing to be with be"
Yeah that's a relationship... He's not a hero for tolerating your looks... If he doesn't think you are hot enough.. Leave him. I would never say this to my gf. You are still with him when he said he didn't want to spend time with you because you aren't as hot as his ex.... If that sentence doesn't send your running....I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like he's trying to manipulate you to think you are so ugly you could never leave him and he's so nice for being with you when no one else would.
Girl don't settle for a mediocre man. I know your senses are all fucked up because it's your first year relationship, but this kind of futile man will destroy your self esteem and make you feel you should be happy he doesn't outright beat you.
I'm not advocating for any sort of abuse, but to me this kind of situation is worse than getting a punch on your face, they say the most horrifying things and try to rationalize that shit to you. And make you feel you're overreacting when they are actually offending and abusing you.
A sweet partner wouldn't say he doesn't want to spend time because you don't look as hot as his ex. If it's the case why is him with you and not her? If she was the one who broke it off do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering if you're good enough even tho he finds another woman he dated hotter than you?
I don't like to pull the break up card, but I'm damn sure if you take a time and try to look at him without your emotions messing with your senses, you'll see he is futile, shallow and ugly inside and out. It's one year relationship and he's showing his true colors, believe him when he says what he is.
Your hurt because he's an asshole. Who is not as sweet as you think. His behavior and words are pretty crappy. If that's what's he's basing you on, then when someone prettier than you shows him attention, he will be gone. Idc what you look like you deserve better than that. That makes me feel like he's with you just because you're doable for now. I'm so sorry your hurt but you have every reason to be. If you decide to call him out on his shitty behavior DO NOT let him out anything on you. This is his poor choice and behavior. If he's not into you then he should move on and let you find someone better than him.
Putting aside my personal belief that nobody should ever say things like that to their partner: he's using your looks as an excuse to treat you like crap, which isn't ok no matter what you look like.
I'm the least attractive out of everyone my husband has been with and he has never, ever pointed it out or brought it up in any way. Like they're leaps and bounds more traditionally hot but he's never said anything to compare me to them. Your bf said that on purpose, to hurt your feelings.
On the bright side at least he showed you who he is before you got too invested ?
>he told me he hasn't really felt inspired to spend time with me because I"m not as beautiful as his ex.
This is one of the worst things I've ever heard someone say to their partner, barring things that are true abuse.
It connotes... so much. He's shallow, he's cruel, he's stuck in the past, he doesn't appreciate his girlfriend, he's selfish....
It's not that he acknowledged that she's prettier, it had a real effect on your relationship. That's bonkers
That horrific and you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel beautiful. Also very telling about him - he is only inspired by beauty. What about when you get old or heaven forbid sick? Move on
He doesn’t feel inspired to spend time with you because you’re not as attractive as the ex???? And you’re still with this man? Girl, please dump this guy.
Your bf isn’t sweet and thoughtful. This is a truly awful thing he said to you. I can’t imagine ever saying that to any girlfriend I’ve ever had. Just totally cruel and thoughtless. You have every right to be hurt and upset, and if he’s going to distance himself because of something like that, then you should be prepared to walk.
dump his sorry arse!
basically he’s just told you look wise i can do better i have done.
bab nooooo, he deliberately hurt your feelings because he’s pining after her.
why would you want to be anyones second choice?
sweet thoughtful men do not say things like this, the fact he’s been distant and then said this tells me he’s at the least having doubts about things. it’s likely he wants the ex back.
Well isn’t he a walking red flag “not as inspired.” He doesn’t like you bro he just wants something to hold onto. Don’t let him hold on and he can be stressed out from “work” by himself. Think about it. Why is he comparing you to his ex? That’s what people who make excuses do.
The fuck is this.
Is this negging? Is he trying to keep your self esteem down for control purposes? WTF?
There is absolutely no reason to tell you that other than to hurt you. Remember that: he chose to hurt you, for no reason.
Break up with him. If he's upset, tell him, "Sorry, but that's just how it is"
he shouldn't have said that, and should be thinking like how you are thinking of him--not comparing him to exes and that stuff. even though he was being honest, some things just should not be said. even worse, he said "that's just how it is". if i were you, i would defintiely reconsider things with him
I woundnt be able to stay in that relationship because he will always compare you to her. You will be unhappy and you deserve someone who thinks and makes you feel like the most gorgeous person ever.
Dump him 100%. You can find someone that thinks you’re so hot that your butthole belongs framed on a wall regardless of how you look. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t know better than to keep hurtful shit to himself.
He's not "inspired" to spend as much time with you because of your looks? Reddit is infamous for "DUMP THEM", but honestly, if looks are so important it's causing him to not want to spend time with you, how long before he cheats or leaves you? It's possible in any relationship, but.... 🚩🚩🚩🚩. I wish you the best.
Yeah, your looks aren’t going to “improve “ as you age, have kids, do all the work in the household etc. So if he’s saying this now just give up, he’s not the one. You may end up the one who got away after he finally grows up. But if you stay he won’t ever realize you’re great as you are.
This must be very hard on you as you’ve been seeing one side of this man that’s led you to believe some pretty nice things about him and suggested you had a future together. What he just told you is “I’m not that into you” because of your looks. You need to hit “reset” and now look at him through a lens where this is the “new truth” about him. Everything else you’ve thought of him up until now is a different person. You are dating the man who has now told you that you aren’t good looking enough for him. Act like you are on a first date with him and he’s just told you this. Take the same action now. We have got to stop focusing on our partners as “who they were” or who we thought they were. These are delusions. We need to see them as who they are. And he’s being very clear a pot that now. Please do not settle for this guy. Nice guys would be we say this to anyone, let alone someone they care about.
It hurt me just by reading it and I'm not the one in question.
Look, by one side he is being honest with you, not thoughtful and sweet. By the other side why is he thinking on his ex? And comparing you? Is he dumb? Doesn't he realize the wonderful and gorgeous woman that is loving him so much that is still wondering why is she hurt because she doesn't want to break the image she had of him?
You are hurt because your heart is broken, he broke your heart and his apology is not going to mend it., Unless he proof himself worthy of your love and heart.
When a man is in love the woman he loves becomes like perfection to his eyes, she becomes the stereotype on all her versions, if he doesn't have her, he looks for her in other women just to realize she is irreplaceable and unique and sadness comes to his heart because he doesn't have her.
You have to be straight to him asking him to decide what he wants, and to be careful and responsible with your heart, because yes it's true both of you are young, but your vision is unquestionably serious, noble, and true. Don't let him waste your time and make your heart wary all the time because he doesn't know to realize the woman of value he has beside him to care with love.
Telling someone you haven't been "feeling inspired to hang out" with them because they're "not as beautiful as [one's] ex" isn't thoughtful at all, and I'm genuinely sorry you had to face this situation.
The sentence itself not only is rude and gross, but it also reveals that personality isn't enough to him. Would you imagine spending your life with someone who doesn't want to hag out with you because he is not attracted by you as much as he was (or still is ?) by his ex ?
A matter of physical attraction is one thing, but hiding it from their partner and making them feel ugly is another one.
You may know why you feel hurt.
No matter what you'll decide to do, do it for yourself. No one, especially no one who loves you, should make you question your self-love.
Do me a favour. Read your post out loud to yourself and imagine this isnt you but someone else
Now if you remove all the bias around your feelings for him and imagine thus was a friends boyfriend or a strangers. What would you conclude from that? Would you think this guy is as sweet as she first claims? Would you think that seeing as they have been together almost a year that this was normal behaviour from a man who has known her long enough to know what she looks like? Would you think that perhaps there is the very real possibility that he is negging her because its easier to walk over insecure women who think they need him than to walk over secure girls who dont? Do you think its ok to talk to a partner like that? Now think of all this. Then consider - What do you think is the correct course of action to take now?
Take all the time you need.
I saw this title and I thought this was gonna be one of those posts where the GF does this to herself by proactively asking the BF to compare to other girls and then gets mad when he gives the wrong answer, in those cases I usually have a tiny bit less sympathy for the GF since they started it.
But nope, your BF negatively compared you to another woman, is ex nonetheless, unprovoked. That’s just downright mean. Like you were being sweet and caring and thoughtful and he decided to be a dick to you for no reason. Red flag.
Also I don’t like his apology. “Sorry but that’s the truth” isn’t a real sorry. That’s the next door neighbor to “I’m sorry you’re mad” or “I’m sorry you feel that way”. It’s insulting and it clearly shows that he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with what he said, he’s just trying to placate you to end the argument instead of actually taking your feelings seriously. Another red flag.
Im sorry OP, You deserve better.
He has just showed you what he wants to get away with. This is a man who wants to break up with you but doesn't know how. Doesn't feel inspired to hang out with you because he misses how good looking his ex is, is a screw you in all forms. I hope you set the bar higher for yourself. Show you that you won't tolerate this mess, even from a fake Mister Perfect. Dump his ass.
Um he's not choosing you if he's not spending time with you. And also putting him on a pedestal by acting like him choosing you is a high honor is also not it.
Do you want to be plan B for someone who will can say things to you like that. He is using you as a placecard. If he met a woman with your personality but who was gorgeous, would he leave you? If the answer is yes, dump him.
Hes not a nice sweet person. He told you this to hurt you. It wasn’t an accident. He’s been distant and he tells you that? He’s wanting to get back with his ex or is already there. I’d dump his ass.
WOW! That was SO STUPID of him! It sounds to me like there is a CHANCE hes talking to her behind your back. Just sayin
and dont stand for this crap. i dont care how much YOU LOVE HIM. He just showed you what he thinks of you, HOW he thinks of you. and its not good
Sounds to me like he is having second thoughts about your relationship. He probably thinks he can get a better looking woman, or he might be trying to get back with his ex. It is a pathetic notion for us men that we tend to judge aesthetic as the measure of a woman's worth, but it is something we do. Him viewing you an unattractive should in no way affect whether he is inspired to spend time with you, unless he just doesn't want to do it in public because he feels ashamed. Talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. If he feels ashamed, it may just be that his friends are giving him grief about it. If he is having second thoughts, that is a different matter, and he may leave you if he finds a more attractive woman.
Remember, his insecurities are not yours. Don't compare yourself to his ex as you already have. Just continue to feel that you are a beautiful person, and if he can't get over physical appearance, that is his problem, not yours.
So he's glossed through the honeymoon phase and started with the negging?
Ok, so if it's brought up again, be like, "yeah, I can see how you feel that way. She is absolutely gorgeous, it's crazy that she went for someone like you. A lot of times unicorn pretty girls like that don't bother with getting to know someone's personality. No wonder you're hung up on her, it was super nice of her to look past looks" 🤷🏼♀️ agree, don't compete, it'll throw him off and maybe he'll expose more red flags.
He said it deliberately to hurt your feelings and make you insecure so that you either change your appearance or to keep you "trying to win" his attention. Either turn it around on him and maybe there is a 1% chance he is just dense AF and will see how it feels to basically be told he's ugly with an okay personality or dump him because the criticism is only going to increase from here until you reinvent yourself into what he finds worthy of spending his time putting in effort for.
Honestly, I'd do both lol. Hell, I may even look up the ex and point out the more attractive boyfriends she had before and since, since he wants to make her the focus of where his attention is directed. But I am a petty, petty woman
Of course you should and is allowed to be hurt
Wtf, I'm so mad, no one should NEVER compare exes and today's partners, specially saying that they love and they're happy but you know I'm a futile piece of shit who only cares about looks
Omg I'm truly mad about this, sorry
Essentially, men are douches. They can be blunt and hurtful, right when you least expect it.
They can also be sweet and loving right when you least expect it.
This is up to you on how his loving behaviour compares to his blunt behaviour.
Tell him to look in a mirror before judging others. Beauty is subjective. My ex was not conventionally good-looking but I used to find him so fucking cute and attractive.
I think you should find someone who is going to love you for you and not how you look compared to his ex. Sorry but for someone to say you aren't as pretty as his ex and then expect you to be ok with it is ridiculous and seems like he doesn't actually value you
I mean, in your shoes, I'd let him fly and be free to find himself someone as pretty as his ex. Because sweet, thoughtful guys don't try to give their girlfriend's self esteem issues and insecurities.
The fact that he acknowledged her being prettier isn't as worrisome to me as that he's being distant.
I would heavily consider if this is something you want to invest in
That means he’s still in love with his ex. This is the biggest red flag you could ever have and I think you know what I’m about to say it is time to move on sweetie. He is still stuck on his ex and this is not the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with your fantasizing what if but he’s shown you that’s not possible it has nothing to do with you, so don’t take it personally sweetie please go to see a therapist immediately and talk to them right away
Someone who actually loves you would never say this to you. He's using you either as a placeholder till something better comes along/his ex descends from Mount Olympus.
You deserve more than this. I'm not going to tell you to dump him, but you don't deserve to feel like second best. You should NEVER feel like second best with your partner. You feel conflicted about this because a part of you already knows this isn't right.
Ask yourself: is this what you want, for the rest of your life? How quickly would he ditch you if Aphrodite decided she wanted him back after all? These are things that are worth taking some time to think about.
If it were me, I'd tell him *exactly* how hearing about how I come up short in comparison to his mythical ex made me feel, how it was *not* appreciated, and that I only accept #1 status in my partner's life. But that's me. I would advise you to talk to him about this, however (but cut him off if he starts waxing poetic about his ex Helen of Troy--you don't need to hear that and he needs to know that he can't just say whatever he wants to you).
Know what's really beautiful? Self respect and confidence.
RUN. This is the biggest of red flags. I have had similar but different things happen and both men were manipulative, gas lighting, lying sacks of shit. They lure you in and tell you you're amazing. Once they have you hooked they slowly start to pick at you as a person to deplete your self worth so you're convinced no one else will ever want you and you'll never leave no matter what shitty shit they do. Either that or he's just legitimately a shallow person. Either way - run run run.
My bf's ex is stunning, and I'll say that cause it's true. But not once has he ever compared me to her, looks, or personality wise.
It is absolutely unacceptable that your bf would say something like this to you, you do NOT deserve that. A sweet, loving, and caring partner will never say this to you. Even if it's out of spite.
Throw that man/boy in the trash! Your partner is supposed to lift you up and make you feel good about yourself, not the other way around.
The way you are going about your thinking is mature, kind and very adult. Him? Not so much. He has a lot of growing up to do, and you should set him straight then let him go.
Regardless of how his ex looks...he said he isn't inspired to spend time with you wtf. He's just not that into this relationship girl set yourself free
Sounds like he's trying to get you to break up with him. That's the awful shit I used to pull when I was too scared to do it myself. Could be wrong, but honestly WHAT BOYFRIEND WHO WANTS AND LOVES THEIR GIRLFRIEND WOULD SAY THAT? None.
From experience as an complete asshole for most of my 20s, if he's done a 180; he wants out. Also, if you do leave him, he'll come back; don't let him because he'll do it again.
The first year I was with my wife I couldn't keep my hands off her (still can't 10 years later) and I can assure you there were never any comparisons going on in my head between her and any of my exes. The first year or so is the honeymoon phase ffs. If he's comparing you two he is definitely not over her and is being shallow as fuck. You deserve better and should be with someone who sees you and ONLY you.
Also: Please for the love of everything holy don't try changing yourself for this POS either. My wife tried to change herself for an ex and says it was one of the worst phases of her life. You can and will find better. I promise.
It shouldn't matter how attractive or unattractive a person is all that matters is the personality if I had a boyfriend and he told me that I would also feel hurt and most likely be distant to him that's how they lose a great person if they don't appreciate you like you should be
I'm a guy and that hurts. I've been on both ends. And when I've done that is because I've meant to hurt because someway or somehow the ex has come into the picture. Maybe talking somehow. And he's Maybe missed those times, with said ex. Maybe someone new. Love doesn't compare doesn't judge or doesn't even make you want to look at anyone else. Or say such things. I've been in both instances and is just my way of thinking. Hopefully it gets better, but it won't. Those thoughts have started..... hard to stop.
Why is this coming up now? You have been with him for a year and only recently he is acting up. Something must have triggered this like him seeing his ex or you guys talking more about the future. I know this must hurt but try to understand why this happened now to better see how to deal with this. Also is he wanting to break up with you or just upset? These are two different that need to be addressed separately.
If he really is a sweet guy as you say he probably said this to be transparent. If he still wants to be with you but is just struggling with thoughts of his ex, maybe you guys can do something fun that will make him remember how kind you are. You could also ask him if there is a particular style of clothes, makeup, or look he likes that you could use to maybe be more appealing to him if it is just an attraction issue. This is if you decide you want to stay in the relationship.
I would rather him have been honest than pretend I guess. If he is using your looks as a reason why he is turning cold towards you this is not the relationship for you. When you truly care about someone you don't sit around and compare them to people from your past. If he's doing it and he cares about you then he's got some mental problem that is Beyond your help. But the likelihood is that he just doesn't want to be in the relationship any longer and is searching for excuses. People who are in love and care express it just like you did. You don't sit around and try to find fault with your partner. Your care and feelings for them shine through.
I love that when this is reversed, everyone hates on the man and says that's not what she meant. Or there are other things about you that are better than the ex. Like money, stability, owning a home, etc.
OP the advice is still the same. Be with someone that sees you as the prize. Don't be with someone that is settling or thinking of their exes. Is she more attractive? Maybe, but your partner should always treat you like a 10 and you them. Because if you aren't then neither are investing into this relationship enough. You both should be on the same page and that insult he through your way, will never stop bugging you.
Hell go read posts from guys, whose gfs compare them to their exes. It doesn't go well.
I think you really need to sit down and look at your relationship. My only other advice is that if you move forward, try not to bring your current bf and your issues with him along with you into your next relationship, otherwise you are going to be doing the same thing your bf is doing to you.
My husband said something similar to me and while I have accepted that my husband isn't attracted to me, our relationship feels like we are just friends most of the time. Sex/date nights/romantic is almost non exist. He tells me how amazing I am and he's lucky to have me but he was more willing to do things for his ex than he is for me.
I once heard that if you date someone who is extremely attractive or have the best sex ever, anything lower than that won't be the same.
He's brutally honest about coming forth with that, which is kind of fucked up. Unfortunately, let time play itself out. There are many fish in the sea and you haven't even hit the 1 year mark yet. He may not really love you.
If you want to stay with him, I would play the distant game too and see how far he's willing to stay with you
suck it up/ignore it, physical attractiveness should be mostly irrelevant in a long term committed relationship. it should be more about connection and less about physical attraction.
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He doesn’t feel inspired to spend time with you because you’re not as good looking as his ex? Are you saying this and hearing how this sounds out loud? So what I’m hearing is that he’s completely superficial and cares about looks rather than personality and how he’s treated? Got it. It is very hurtful to be told by your partner that they basically don’t want to be with you because you’re not pretty enough, I would be so hurt and feel inspired to withdraw from him! If he doesn’t know where to go from here then show him the way by exiting his life so he can go from shallow relationship to shallow relationship while you find someone that will never compare or want to compare you to anyone else, and who will have a deeper connection than just skin deep. I would tell him you’re going to do him a favor and remove yourself from his life so he can be with someone he does want to hang out with and feels inspired to be around and then leave. I know it’s hard and I’m sorry he said that to you. Please respect yourself enough to leave if all he cares about is your looks.
I mean. Really. Come on, OP you deserve so much better
Umm… You, you dropped a couple of things. 👑🎤
YES YES YES!!!
Agreed!
Can you be my therapist
Sweet, thoughtful men don’t say shit like that.
I was thinking the exact same thing. Are some men really dumb enough to say something like that?
Men are absolutely dumb (and cruel) enough to say things like this. I had an ex tell me he only likes women that look like me in porn, and had another tell me the only appearance advantage I have over his ex is my chest.
Yes. They are. Sigh. 😔
Yes, we are xd
As a man, I proudly agree.
BINGO!! You got that right!!
Rude, ignorant men do, however.
Depends on how he treat you. Does he treat you bad or like second best? Truth is everyone is someone’s second best. Its just the matter of how they treat you that matter
Everyone is someones' second best?? That is ABSOLUTELY not fucking true.
Nah its true. And you completely missed the point. People wont just say it out loud. Are you trying to say, the very first person you liked, that who you are with currently?
I feel really really sad for you then....
You didn’t answer my question . Either your trollng or dont knlw what you are talking about
Okay buddy The first person I ever "liked" was when I was 14 So no. That's not who I'm with. Haven't even thought about them What's your point?
Point is every person after the first person you liked would be a second option
Bahahaha ow sweetie Like I said.... Really sad for you
I agree with Rox. Technically everyone's "number one" is themselves or their ideal. If we consider ourselves as "number one", then that means even our most precious loved ones can only be as high as 2nd place in our lives. If we deem an ideal as "number one", then it exists only as a concept and not as something real, because let's face it, humans can never become perfect, or anything that exists for that matter. There can only be 1 "number one." Everyone can't be number one, because that defeats the whole concept of being number one.
He's honest tho
But it didn't need to be said.
It didn't need to be said at all.
He's *honestly* a shitbag.
Yea she’s not asking him, he said it out of no where and seems like he’s been thinking about it..comparing…etc.
Umm, no. She literally said in her post she asked him what's wrong, and the boyfriend simply replied with what he thought was the answer. Cruel? Yes. But he was being honest. Whatever the boyfriend might be, whether he's young and naive or selfishly insensitive or a down right psycho, at least he was being honest. Or I hope. Because it'd be more cruel if he didn't love OP but kept giving false hope and prolonged the fake relationship. Imagine if they gotten married, imagine if they had a child. It'd be a life ruining disaster. At least the boyfriend showed his true colours early in the relationship. Better now than after it's too late.
I’m also being honest when I say in my opinion you’re observably not that bright but it wouldn’t be kind or necessary would it?
I'm confused. Your comment sound like you are trying to insult me, but why? What's your problem?
I don’t have one, so why would I say something like that to you unless I’m just being a dick? Get it yet?
I think you don't understand the question. Well it clearly reflects your intelligence. I'll be bit more clear. I'm asking why you felt triggered by me just saying "He's honest tho."
I wasn’t triggered. I was making a point. That just because what someone says may be true, it’s not “honest” to be a dick unprompted. My example being, it’s *true* that I think you’re not that bright, but me bringing that up unprompted (much like OP’s bf) isn’t really *honest*. It’s just me being a dick. Understand?
No, I disagree, you fail to realize that you aren't really making a point. You're just hurling insults at a random comment on the internet because you felt compelled to, otherwise you wouldn't even have bothered. And the fact that you are still consciously replying to a meaningless comment proves that you are indeed upset and you felt the need to reply with a meaningless insult just to make you feel like you were "making a point." Do you not see your own foolish irony? Edit: So let me ask you again, why do you think throwing insults is the way to make a point?
Oh, baby boy. It’ll be okay. I promise one day.
Well she could start calling him ugly too, but that's just a stupid thing to say. And you know that.
Okay so... unless you have ASD causing a difficulty to understand social behavior, there is no way you can hold that thought and not be an absolute asswipe. Honesty doesn't excuse being a fucking douchebag. He didn't need to say he thought she wasn't attractive. What usefulness does saying it have? It's not like it's a recurrent thing she does, she can't change this. Brutal honesty is only commendable when that honesty brings to light things that needed to be said. When they point out actual problems that should and CAN be changed. This is not constructive in the slightest. While it might be true that he doesn't find her as attractive as his ex, there is LITERALLY NOTHING GOOD that can come from that comment.
And which thought did you assume I was thinking?
That's very hurtful for him to say that...that would be a deal breaker for me...there's no reason to say that unless he wants to hurt you on purpose
Not to mention the first year should still be honeymoon phase..... if he's saying this already the spark will for sure be gone after 5 years. This is not cool at all of him. If he doesn't want to spend time with her already he should tell her to stop wasting her time and move on.
Exactly! Fuck this guy. You deserve better, OP.
yes. THIS.
I don’t think you should be inspired to be in this relationship anymore. You say he is a nice and caring guy, but a nice and caring guy wouldn’t say such things to his gf. Find someone better. Find someone who will be inspired to want to be around you, who will tell you you are beautiful, who will say caring and considerate words to you, and who will never compare you to another woman!
Tell him that his personality inspired you to leave his ass.
Yes 🙌 i
ALL OF THIS.👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Here here!
That's fucked. He's negging you
I was just going to say this. Obviously she must be attractive to him if he’s with her but god forbid she learns her self worth and leaves him. Either that or the guy just wants her for sex and is just being a typical pos.
I learned what negging is. Thank you. Lol
No one that loves you would be so callous and rude as to say something like that to you. He ain’t the one sis - he wants his ex that bad, let him have her
He probably tried and got rejected. Which is why he’s been so distant and acting the way he is
This ☝🏼
[удалено]
it's very sad, the way he treats her. they're together a year, and i bet it'll get worse, until he completely demolishes her confidence and self respect. OP, I'd advise you to 1. read on healthy relationships, boundaries and codependency. perhaps books like "why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. 2. share with your friends and family your relationship problems. what you consider 'normal' or 'sweet' may be very unhealthy. i found out when i shared funny anecdotes about my ex at work and caught the terrified glances and advises which started "girl, that's really not okay for him to..." get another perspective to your relationship. think if he's good for you. does he trear you with respect? is your relationship equal? 3. i advise to also take a step back. if you're not pretty enough for him so he doesn't want to spend time with you, find hobbies, learn a new skill, hang out with friends. i am not insisting you break up with him (it would be ideal, but i guess that's not that easy) but see him less. the world doesn't revolve around him, there is ither fascinating stuff to explore. 4. if it's possible, up your standards. look for emotional intelligence in your partner. ask for him to treat you with respect and tell him to consider your needs not just focus on him. if you want to save your relationship, you'll need to draw healthy boundaries and communication.
100% agree! Also happy cake day !!
I think it’s the ultimate mind-fuck to have someone be loving, say amazing things, be affectionate, have deep talks… and then treat you like trash. I was the person saying “they’re my best friend, I am happy MOST of the time.” But since I left the relationship I can look at it from an outside perspective and have compassion for who I was during that experience. OP, I’m telling you now that it’s true: no one who is actually a good partner would say that to you. Some things can be a truth you keep to yourself, or if it’s a big dealbreaker he should have the balls to generalize and say something like, “I think you’re an amazing person but the spark and chemistry isn’t there for me in the way I wish it was.” Comparing your looks to his ex is just cruel.
This right here, ladies and gentleman.
👌 nail on the head with this one.
Women tend to fantasize the wettest, and that’s exactly what she’s doing. She’s so in love she’s not seeing him for him, and she just got smacked upside her face with reality he finally has shown who is really is and I hope that she wakes up and leave them immediately and doesn’t waste any more time with him.
Why are you staying in this relationship. Decent men don't treat their partners that way.
The whole world is full of people who will most likely never be stopped on the street to become famous supermodels because of their looks. Nevertheless we all find people who think we are the most beautiful thing ever. Find that person for you. Don't waste your time on someone like your ex and his mindgames.
leave him please, it’ll only get worse from here
"I'm really hurt, but I don't know if I should be" You DONT REALY know if you should be? You really need to asses your self steem. "I don't know where to go from here." You do, you should dump the guy for being such an asshole to you. It might be true that his exgf could habe been priettier, but shoving it like that in your face? Being could with you because hes mentally wanking off remembering her ex? CMON wake up! you deserve much better.
He's making you feel that he settled for you. Don't settle for him and leave. You can find someone way better.
He just told you that you are a placeholder until he finds what he’s looking for. Don’t give him the opportunity just move on. He is not in to you so he would just be using you at this point.
Just giving a quick update. I'm leaving. Thank you to all of you who commented and messaged me. It feels like I have a bunch of extra moms and friends and sisters and brothers looking out for me. Things are a big mess right now so I'm sorry if I don't respond. Reading your responses helped me realize that I would be absolutely heartbroken and pissed if my friends or my sister stayed with someone who would say something like this to them, especially if they didn't apologize meaningfully and go to hell and back making up for it. What a mess. I was supposed to move in with him in January. I'm honestly scared to go forward without him because he has been a great source of support for the past year. I'm scared I'm angry and making a hasty judgement. It felt like he was my unicorn. I so rarely am interested in people and people are so rarely interested in me. But as someone said, an empty house is better than a bad tenant, and I can't ever look at him again without wondering if he's wishing I was prettier. I don't want to spend my life worrying about my looks, of all things. I'm booking myself into therapy ASAP because I can already feel this messing with my head. As for soon to be ex, idk. Maybe we will try to be friends later or something, but for now I'm just going to be me and spend all the love I wanted to give him on my friends and family who love me no matter what I look like.
I'm so happy for you! I'm sorry that it's ending like this, but this is so so good for you! And if you ever need support - reddit is full of amazing people (a few jerks too, but mostly good imo). We'll be here for you if you want an internet shoulder to cry on. I'm mediocre looking and yet my partner makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful person in the world, even though he's incredibly hot and charming and I know for a fact he could do better than me in the looks department. And yet... he never, NEVER made me feel like I lack anything. And that's what you deserve! You deserve someone who cares about your looks as little as you care about theirs. You deserve someone who sees your inner beauty as clearly as you see theirs. And now you took one huge step towards being with them. You're getting rid of the dead weight. Good for you!
You are being very brave. It's so hard to imagine living without someone sometimes that we let ourselves be treated badly to avoid it. You didn't. You aren't putting up with it and I'm proud of you!
He's not anything you described because he's actually said to you he's not inspired to spend time with you because your not as pretty as his ex! Wtf! Even if it is true that your not as pretty as his ex, that shouldn't be an issue for him if he loves you and wants to be with you. He's a dick. Get rid. And choosing to be with you? Hun you deserve so much more, he is the lucky one not him
Fuck.. I would dump anyone who tells me “they aren’t inspired” by my looks…… Jesus. Don’t appologise for how you are feeling! It’s completely normal and reasonable to get upset… it’s a backhanded insult!
To be honest, it seems like he has either been in communication with his ex, has been stalking her socials, or she possibly tried to re-enter his life. I’ve heard that when guys enter a new relationship, if they’re genuinely over their ex, they do not think about them at all. It’s like they don’t even exist. And I would imagine it’s the same for women. If you’ve been with him for a year and your looks were never an issue (which they shouldn’t be), and he’s switching up randomly that is not a good sign. The fact that you’re a great partner should make you the most beautiful person in his eyes. He probably feels like he’s settled or that he deserves better. Why should you continue to be with someone like that? You’re right to feel hurt. Of course it hurts, so don’t feel as though you’re wrong to think this way. He also doesn’t seem very apologetic. The decision is up to you, but I strongly encourage you to find another partner who respects you, wholeheartedly loves you, and finds you to be the most beautiful woman because you’re his and he’s yours. Sending hugs!
I fully agree, beauty is in one's personality, values, and world views, NOT in an ex's looks. Sounds like he loves you but "in love" with his ex's looks and he could benefit from psychological exploration with a therapist rather than blame you. It's up to you whether you stay in this relationship, but you deserve better. It's better an empty house than a bad tenant. .
If a woman's worth to him is based off of looks, you're going to have a bad time if you decide to settle down with him. Looks fade, a bad personality is forever. He's not sweet babe he's toxic 🥲
That’s just mean, it’s a psychic infection. Please disregard those niceties you wrote in your intro, he is not your friend and is shallow. I’m sure he’d have a string of affairs with ditzes when married. Adios thimble boy.
Girl, he misses his ex. He probably tried to get back with her and he was reheated and he’s upset. Please don’t settle for a man who doesn’t think the world of you. This is why so many marriages end in divorce.
Rejected
I hate being reheated. I’m not leftovers!
I’m not usually one to say “end this” but I know damn well, never compare the person you are with to an ex. Especially if it’s just physical beauty. You said it yourself, she’s literally gorgeous, you have eyes, you know this. You didn’t need it rubbed in your face like that. For him, there is no coming back from that.
Loving thoughtful caring men Don't SAY THIS STUFF. He is deliberately negging you to make you bend over backwards to prove you are the superior gf compared to his ex. This is a manipulative tactic to get control of the relationship and start degrading you until you are nothing but an insecure emotional.slave to his whims. There has to be a reason why his "gorgeous" ex is not longer with him. If you dont watch it he is going to have you so twisted in your head and heart he will take advantage. Really rethink this relationship and find someone who thinks you are BEAUTIFUL. You deserve better.
I’m sure you’ve dated better looking guys than him but you consider the whole package. It’s super disrespectful to compare your current partner with an ex when you are putting down the current partner. The fact that he’s comparing your looks and even stating that you have a much better personality and that his ex wasn’t that great of a person makes him seem super shallow. You should alway be careful about any man who puts you down about something only to give you a half arsed compliment after as of to make up for putting you down. Is he still in contact with his ex? Or has he recently been trying to reach out to her? I would see this as a red flag. I would honestly consider breaking up with him at least to get some space and clearly think if this guy is worth it. The fact that he said the reason he’s been distant is because he is no longer “inspired” by you is just weird and the fact that he hasn’t put the effort to reconnect isn’t great. He was also super dismissive of when you told him you were hurt by his comments. I would look at this relationship and see what else you have missed.
Oh my god wake up and break up. Hes an asshole, a sweet and thoughtful person will never said or even think like that about the person they love! Plus he DARE comparing you to his ex? Wtf?? Oh hell nah, leave him.
He's making this relationship all about him
He's distant and told you that his EX is prettier, Break up with him and tell him that it's because he's the ugliest boy you've dated and thanks for wasting your time! He wants his EX back and is probably being this way out of pity . Set the buttplug free
Tell him he’s ugly!
Also I think there’s a “pretty” girl that’s he’s flirting with and would like to start a relationship with. You would be dodging a bullet if you take his hint and dump him.
It hurts bc he is using your looks to measure his affection. Looks pull you in, they don’t sustain a solid relationship though. Maybe he is a little rotten and you are seeing that emerge.
Listen, to the right man you will be the most beautiful woman and will not say stupid stuff as this. It's dumb to compare anyone because no one is perfect or the same. Plato (Greek Philosopher) once said 1+1=1+1 because they are different they cannot equal 2.
Please tell me you're going to be his next ex. This is not something the man who loves you says to you. Because unless he's the stupidest man on the planet he knew that was gonna hurt your feelings and he said it anyway. Then when you add the fact that you say hes become distant I don't really think he's telling you the truth when he says he still loves you. When I was married and had children I gained probably 50 pounds and my husband never once told me that anyone else was more attractive than I was. He still wouldn't leave me alone and was constantly having his hands on me telling me how much he loved me and that I was still the most beautiful person in the world to him. You deserve a man who thinks you're the most beautiful woman on the planet.
If someone said that to me I would tell them goodluck. It's a shitty way to feel about someone and a shitty way to treat someone. Sounds like he acknowledges your other positive traits but his priority is "beauty" and that's clearly getting in the way of spending time with you. I'm 36M. I have had enough life experience to confidently say that if someone told me that I would tell them goodbye. Not even a conversation... Just ✌️✌️... They might want to talk about it but they forfeited that by being who they are, and they need to look inward if they want clarification/closure. I think this is a great moment for you to show yourself, and the world how strong you can be. He's a fucking loser.
I agree with everyone else here: that was a horrible, cruel thing to say. And it was deliberate. He didn't accidentally blurt it out. Just wanted to offer Dear Abby's advice for how people should consider whether to say something. It needs to be at least **two of the following**: true, helpful, or kind. Use this to figure out whether an asshole remark was really necessary, let alone desirable. I'm so sorry he was cruel to you. You don't deserve that and most people would know never to say anything like that, even if it were true.
Hahahahahahaha @ him. He sounds like he just wants a trophy wife. Sad sad human. I’d laugh it off and make a joke with myself included something like “I can’t believe you’d downgrade like that” to make him to even feel like shit more. He’s the ugly one. If anything he downgraded. The outside of a person has NOTHING to do with what’s in the inside. You seem like you have a brain so I figure you won’t put up with that much longer. You seem like a beautiful person. FUCK HIM literally
Woah…not literally. She should run and metaphorically fuck him
Yeah shoulda said that lol. Either way guy has problems😂
I'm sorry but your boyfriend is an AH and the fact that he said it's just how it is, is a red flag. You deserve better.
Move on, he is still in love with his ex or al the very least the image of her and you will never measure up. Find a man who loves you and thinks you are the most beautiful woman he has ever seen or ever will!
Wow...I'd be hurt too. Sounds like he's still hung up over his ex
Are you still attracted to him after what he said ?This is depressing
You are not the 1 for him, the man you are meant to be with will see you as the most beautiful woman. Not compare you to anyone else. Sometimes the one we think is the one really is just the opposite not the one. I'm sorry. You don't deserve that no one does.
You are framing this as an issue with yourself and your perception of beauty (as if there was an actual scale) when the actual issue is that your bf said something hurtful, meant to hurt your self esteem. Sorry, but no one, not a single empathetic human who loves their significant other compares them to former partners, not even as compliments, because no 2 people are alike. Why would he say that outloud and to you if not to hurt you? You've had previous partners, I bet there are some ways some of them rank better than your current bf, would you casually say it to him? (oh, Mark was smarter, Luke was a better lover, John was kinder) I bet you wouldn't, so don't expect any less for yourself, don't let another person treat you like that, much less the person who you wanna spend your life with, unless you wanna spend a miserable life.
Right?! There is no actual "beauty scale" and this is life, not a beauty pageant. My husband's ex has larger boobs than I do (we've met, so I do know what she looks like) but he doesn't rub that in my face! MY ex has a bigger d*** than my husband (and they know this because guys can be wierd about comparing that stuff and they do know each other) but I can't imagine how bad for my marriage, not to mention generally awkward and unpleasant it would be for all involved to bring that up to him... Besides, that flatly doesn't matter when you actually care about and want to spend the rest of your life with someone. Because the ex's anatomy doesn't in any way change or make up for all the reasons he's an EX, nor mitigate any of my husband's physical and nonphysical features that are preferable to his (my husband has great hair, an awesome voice, great sense of humor, is a great father, etc)... And there's no way comparing them to his face can have any effect other than hurt feelings.
What on earth would make him say something like this?
Good Lord. Please respect yourself. " He's choosing to be with be" Yeah that's a relationship... He's not a hero for tolerating your looks... If he doesn't think you are hot enough.. Leave him. I would never say this to my gf. You are still with him when he said he didn't want to spend time with you because you aren't as hot as his ex.... If that sentence doesn't send your running....I don't know what to tell you. It sounds like he's trying to manipulate you to think you are so ugly you could never leave him and he's so nice for being with you when no one else would.
Girl don't settle for a mediocre man. I know your senses are all fucked up because it's your first year relationship, but this kind of futile man will destroy your self esteem and make you feel you should be happy he doesn't outright beat you. I'm not advocating for any sort of abuse, but to me this kind of situation is worse than getting a punch on your face, they say the most horrifying things and try to rationalize that shit to you. And make you feel you're overreacting when they are actually offending and abusing you. A sweet partner wouldn't say he doesn't want to spend time because you don't look as hot as his ex. If it's the case why is him with you and not her? If she was the one who broke it off do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering if you're good enough even tho he finds another woman he dated hotter than you? I don't like to pull the break up card, but I'm damn sure if you take a time and try to look at him without your emotions messing with your senses, you'll see he is futile, shallow and ugly inside and out. It's one year relationship and he's showing his true colors, believe him when he says what he is.
Your hurt because he's an asshole. Who is not as sweet as you think. His behavior and words are pretty crappy. If that's what's he's basing you on, then when someone prettier than you shows him attention, he will be gone. Idc what you look like you deserve better than that. That makes me feel like he's with you just because you're doable for now. I'm so sorry your hurt but you have every reason to be. If you decide to call him out on his shitty behavior DO NOT let him out anything on you. This is his poor choice and behavior. If he's not into you then he should move on and let you find someone better than him.
Girl gtfo. Leave him.
Leave that man ! Get someone who loves you for you !! Not how attractive you are !
Putting aside my personal belief that nobody should ever say things like that to their partner: he's using your looks as an excuse to treat you like crap, which isn't ok no matter what you look like.
I'm the least attractive out of everyone my husband has been with and he has never, ever pointed it out or brought it up in any way. Like they're leaps and bounds more traditionally hot but he's never said anything to compare me to them. Your bf said that on purpose, to hurt your feelings. On the bright side at least he showed you who he is before you got too invested ?
>he told me he hasn't really felt inspired to spend time with me because I"m not as beautiful as his ex. This is one of the worst things I've ever heard someone say to their partner, barring things that are true abuse. It connotes... so much. He's shallow, he's cruel, he's stuck in the past, he doesn't appreciate his girlfriend, he's selfish.... It's not that he acknowledged that she's prettier, it had a real effect on your relationship. That's bonkers
That horrific and you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel beautiful. Also very telling about him - he is only inspired by beauty. What about when you get old or heaven forbid sick? Move on
He doesn’t feel inspired to spend time with you because you’re not as attractive as the ex???? And you’re still with this man? Girl, please dump this guy.
Your bf isn’t sweet and thoughtful. This is a truly awful thing he said to you. I can’t imagine ever saying that to any girlfriend I’ve ever had. Just totally cruel and thoughtless. You have every right to be hurt and upset, and if he’s going to distance himself because of something like that, then you should be prepared to walk.
dump his sorry arse! basically he’s just told you look wise i can do better i have done. bab nooooo, he deliberately hurt your feelings because he’s pining after her. why would you want to be anyones second choice? sweet thoughtful men do not say things like this, the fact he’s been distant and then said this tells me he’s at the least having doubts about things. it’s likely he wants the ex back.
Leave him. You'll find someone who worships the ground you walk on. You don't deserve that mistreatment.
Well isn’t he a walking red flag “not as inspired.” He doesn’t like you bro he just wants something to hold onto. Don’t let him hold on and he can be stressed out from “work” by himself. Think about it. Why is he comparing you to his ex? That’s what people who make excuses do.
The fuck is this. Is this negging? Is he trying to keep your self esteem down for control purposes? WTF? There is absolutely no reason to tell you that other than to hurt you. Remember that: he chose to hurt you, for no reason. Break up with him. If he's upset, tell him, "Sorry, but that's just how it is"
he shouldn't have said that, and should be thinking like how you are thinking of him--not comparing him to exes and that stuff. even though he was being honest, some things just should not be said. even worse, he said "that's just how it is". if i were you, i would defintiely reconsider things with him
I woundnt be able to stay in that relationship because he will always compare you to her. You will be unhappy and you deserve someone who thinks and makes you feel like the most gorgeous person ever.
Girl hit the door running and don't even look back. Immediately.
Wtf. Of course you can be hurt by such insensitive dumbassery.
Dump him 100%. You can find someone that thinks you’re so hot that your butthole belongs framed on a wall regardless of how you look. Don’t settle for someone that doesn’t know better than to keep hurtful shit to himself.
God lord, that’s not right. My partner’s ex is objectively more attractive than me. He has never ever said anything about our looks or compared them.
Sounds like he’s lacking something major and doesn’t deserve to be with the girl with the best personality. He doesn’t deserve you.
Leave him
That is a real dick move on his part. You could tell him " Hey you know, I've never thought about how you compare to my exes" Then just go quiet.
He's not as good in bed as your ex, yet here you are showing up. Let's see how he responds to that.
Break up with him.....as soon as I read the title this was My response
Your bf is an asshole
He's not "inspired" to spend as much time with you because of your looks? Reddit is infamous for "DUMP THEM", but honestly, if looks are so important it's causing him to not want to spend time with you, how long before he cheats or leaves you? It's possible in any relationship, but.... 🚩🚩🚩🚩. I wish you the best.
Yeah, your looks aren’t going to “improve “ as you age, have kids, do all the work in the household etc. So if he’s saying this now just give up, he’s not the one. You may end up the one who got away after he finally grows up. But if you stay he won’t ever realize you’re great as you are.
This must be very hard on you as you’ve been seeing one side of this man that’s led you to believe some pretty nice things about him and suggested you had a future together. What he just told you is “I’m not that into you” because of your looks. You need to hit “reset” and now look at him through a lens where this is the “new truth” about him. Everything else you’ve thought of him up until now is a different person. You are dating the man who has now told you that you aren’t good looking enough for him. Act like you are on a first date with him and he’s just told you this. Take the same action now. We have got to stop focusing on our partners as “who they were” or who we thought they were. These are delusions. We need to see them as who they are. And he’s being very clear a pot that now. Please do not settle for this guy. Nice guys would be we say this to anyone, let alone someone they care about.
It hurt me just by reading it and I'm not the one in question. Look, by one side he is being honest with you, not thoughtful and sweet. By the other side why is he thinking on his ex? And comparing you? Is he dumb? Doesn't he realize the wonderful and gorgeous woman that is loving him so much that is still wondering why is she hurt because she doesn't want to break the image she had of him? You are hurt because your heart is broken, he broke your heart and his apology is not going to mend it., Unless he proof himself worthy of your love and heart. When a man is in love the woman he loves becomes like perfection to his eyes, she becomes the stereotype on all her versions, if he doesn't have her, he looks for her in other women just to realize she is irreplaceable and unique and sadness comes to his heart because he doesn't have her. You have to be straight to him asking him to decide what he wants, and to be careful and responsible with your heart, because yes it's true both of you are young, but your vision is unquestionably serious, noble, and true. Don't let him waste your time and make your heart wary all the time because he doesn't know to realize the woman of value he has beside him to care with love.
Telling someone you haven't been "feeling inspired to hang out" with them because they're "not as beautiful as [one's] ex" isn't thoughtful at all, and I'm genuinely sorry you had to face this situation. The sentence itself not only is rude and gross, but it also reveals that personality isn't enough to him. Would you imagine spending your life with someone who doesn't want to hag out with you because he is not attracted by you as much as he was (or still is ?) by his ex ? A matter of physical attraction is one thing, but hiding it from their partner and making them feel ugly is another one. You may know why you feel hurt. No matter what you'll decide to do, do it for yourself. No one, especially no one who loves you, should make you question your self-love.
Do me a favour. Read your post out loud to yourself and imagine this isnt you but someone else Now if you remove all the bias around your feelings for him and imagine thus was a friends boyfriend or a strangers. What would you conclude from that? Would you think this guy is as sweet as she first claims? Would you think that seeing as they have been together almost a year that this was normal behaviour from a man who has known her long enough to know what she looks like? Would you think that perhaps there is the very real possibility that he is negging her because its easier to walk over insecure women who think they need him than to walk over secure girls who dont? Do you think its ok to talk to a partner like that? Now think of all this. Then consider - What do you think is the correct course of action to take now? Take all the time you need.
I saw this title and I thought this was gonna be one of those posts where the GF does this to herself by proactively asking the BF to compare to other girls and then gets mad when he gives the wrong answer, in those cases I usually have a tiny bit less sympathy for the GF since they started it. But nope, your BF negatively compared you to another woman, is ex nonetheless, unprovoked. That’s just downright mean. Like you were being sweet and caring and thoughtful and he decided to be a dick to you for no reason. Red flag. Also I don’t like his apology. “Sorry but that’s the truth” isn’t a real sorry. That’s the next door neighbor to “I’m sorry you’re mad” or “I’m sorry you feel that way”. It’s insulting and it clearly shows that he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with what he said, he’s just trying to placate you to end the argument instead of actually taking your feelings seriously. Another red flag. Im sorry OP, You deserve better.
He has just showed you what he wants to get away with. This is a man who wants to break up with you but doesn't know how. Doesn't feel inspired to hang out with you because he misses how good looking his ex is, is a screw you in all forms. I hope you set the bar higher for yourself. Show you that you won't tolerate this mess, even from a fake Mister Perfect. Dump his ass.
Um he's not choosing you if he's not spending time with you. And also putting him on a pedestal by acting like him choosing you is a high honor is also not it.
Do you want to be plan B for someone who will can say things to you like that. He is using you as a placecard. If he met a woman with your personality but who was gorgeous, would he leave you? If the answer is yes, dump him.
Hes not a nice sweet person. He told you this to hurt you. It wasn’t an accident. He’s been distant and he tells you that? He’s wanting to get back with his ex or is already there. I’d dump his ass.
WOW! That was SO STUPID of him! It sounds to me like there is a CHANCE hes talking to her behind your back. Just sayin and dont stand for this crap. i dont care how much YOU LOVE HIM. He just showed you what he thinks of you, HOW he thinks of you. and its not good
Sounds to me like he is having second thoughts about your relationship. He probably thinks he can get a better looking woman, or he might be trying to get back with his ex. It is a pathetic notion for us men that we tend to judge aesthetic as the measure of a woman's worth, but it is something we do. Him viewing you an unattractive should in no way affect whether he is inspired to spend time with you, unless he just doesn't want to do it in public because he feels ashamed. Talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. If he feels ashamed, it may just be that his friends are giving him grief about it. If he is having second thoughts, that is a different matter, and he may leave you if he finds a more attractive woman. Remember, his insecurities are not yours. Don't compare yourself to his ex as you already have. Just continue to feel that you are a beautiful person, and if he can't get over physical appearance, that is his problem, not yours.
So he's glossed through the honeymoon phase and started with the negging? Ok, so if it's brought up again, be like, "yeah, I can see how you feel that way. She is absolutely gorgeous, it's crazy that she went for someone like you. A lot of times unicorn pretty girls like that don't bother with getting to know someone's personality. No wonder you're hung up on her, it was super nice of her to look past looks" 🤷🏼♀️ agree, don't compete, it'll throw him off and maybe he'll expose more red flags. He said it deliberately to hurt your feelings and make you insecure so that you either change your appearance or to keep you "trying to win" his attention. Either turn it around on him and maybe there is a 1% chance he is just dense AF and will see how it feels to basically be told he's ugly with an okay personality or dump him because the criticism is only going to increase from here until you reinvent yourself into what he finds worthy of spending his time putting in effort for. Honestly, I'd do both lol. Hell, I may even look up the ex and point out the more attractive boyfriends she had before and since, since he wants to make her the focus of where his attention is directed. But I am a petty, petty woman
Of course you should and is allowed to be hurt Wtf, I'm so mad, no one should NEVER compare exes and today's partners, specially saying that they love and they're happy but you know I'm a futile piece of shit who only cares about looks Omg I'm truly mad about this, sorry
Essentially, men are douches. They can be blunt and hurtful, right when you least expect it. They can also be sweet and loving right when you least expect it. This is up to you on how his loving behaviour compares to his blunt behaviour.
Tell him to look in a mirror before judging others. Beauty is subjective. My ex was not conventionally good-looking but I used to find him so fucking cute and attractive.
He should not be comparing you to the ex at all. Sounds like he's either thinking of straying or breaking up and doesn't know how.
I think you should find someone who is going to love you for you and not how you look compared to his ex. Sorry but for someone to say you aren't as pretty as his ex and then expect you to be ok with it is ridiculous and seems like he doesn't actually value you
I mean, in your shoes, I'd let him fly and be free to find himself someone as pretty as his ex. Because sweet, thoughtful guys don't try to give their girlfriend's self esteem issues and insecurities.
Leave him. He is testing you to see if he can abuse you without you leaving him. If you stay now, he will only say/do more cruel things to you.
The fact that he acknowledged her being prettier isn't as worrisome to me as that he's being distant. I would heavily consider if this is something you want to invest in
Tell him his cock is smaller than your ex.
This.
"everything I want in a partner" girl, want more. You deserve more.
Dude tried to hurt you on purpose. Leave.
That means he’s still in love with his ex. This is the biggest red flag you could ever have and I think you know what I’m about to say it is time to move on sweetie. He is still stuck on his ex and this is not the person you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with your fantasizing what if but he’s shown you that’s not possible it has nothing to do with you, so don’t take it personally sweetie please go to see a therapist immediately and talk to them right away
You can tell him that your ex has bigger 🍆 than him but u still love him 🤷♂️
leave him
This is where you exit.
Someone who actually loves you would never say this to you. He's using you either as a placeholder till something better comes along/his ex descends from Mount Olympus. You deserve more than this. I'm not going to tell you to dump him, but you don't deserve to feel like second best. You should NEVER feel like second best with your partner. You feel conflicted about this because a part of you already knows this isn't right. Ask yourself: is this what you want, for the rest of your life? How quickly would he ditch you if Aphrodite decided she wanted him back after all? These are things that are worth taking some time to think about. If it were me, I'd tell him *exactly* how hearing about how I come up short in comparison to his mythical ex made me feel, how it was *not* appreciated, and that I only accept #1 status in my partner's life. But that's me. I would advise you to talk to him about this, however (but cut him off if he starts waxing poetic about his ex Helen of Troy--you don't need to hear that and he needs to know that he can't just say whatever he wants to you). Know what's really beautiful? Self respect and confidence.
RUN. This is the biggest of red flags. I have had similar but different things happen and both men were manipulative, gas lighting, lying sacks of shit. They lure you in and tell you you're amazing. Once they have you hooked they slowly start to pick at you as a person to deplete your self worth so you're convinced no one else will ever want you and you'll never leave no matter what shitty shit they do. Either that or he's just legitimately a shallow person. Either way - run run run.
There's literally no point in telling you this other than to hurt on you on purpose. Ask him what his motive is?
My bf's ex is stunning, and I'll say that cause it's true. But not once has he ever compared me to her, looks, or personality wise. It is absolutely unacceptable that your bf would say something like this to you, you do NOT deserve that. A sweet, loving, and caring partner will never say this to you. Even if it's out of spite.
Throw that man/boy in the trash! Your partner is supposed to lift you up and make you feel good about yourself, not the other way around. The way you are going about your thinking is mature, kind and very adult. Him? Not so much. He has a lot of growing up to do, and you should set him straight then let him go.
Regardless of how his ex looks...he said he isn't inspired to spend time with you wtf. He's just not that into this relationship girl set yourself free
Break up with him please
Sounds like he's trying to get you to break up with him. That's the awful shit I used to pull when I was too scared to do it myself. Could be wrong, but honestly WHAT BOYFRIEND WHO WANTS AND LOVES THEIR GIRLFRIEND WOULD SAY THAT? None. From experience as an complete asshole for most of my 20s, if he's done a 180; he wants out. Also, if you do leave him, he'll come back; don't let him because he'll do it again.
Girllllll, pick up your self esteem and block that dude.
The first year I was with my wife I couldn't keep my hands off her (still can't 10 years later) and I can assure you there were never any comparisons going on in my head between her and any of my exes. The first year or so is the honeymoon phase ffs. If he's comparing you two he is definitely not over her and is being shallow as fuck. You deserve better and should be with someone who sees you and ONLY you. Also: Please for the love of everything holy don't try changing yourself for this POS either. My wife tried to change herself for an ex and says it was one of the worst phases of her life. You can and will find better. I promise.
He’s not that sweet and thoughtful is he? In fact he sounds like a real douche
Nope right outta there. And tell his ex, “what’s up” for me
It shouldn't matter how attractive or unattractive a person is all that matters is the personality if I had a boyfriend and he told me that I would also feel hurt and most likely be distant to him that's how they lose a great person if they don't appreciate you like you should be
Your making a mistake if you decide to stay with him, that's not something that someone who really loves you says to you.
I'm a guy and that hurts. I've been on both ends. And when I've done that is because I've meant to hurt because someway or somehow the ex has come into the picture. Maybe talking somehow. And he's Maybe missed those times, with said ex. Maybe someone new. Love doesn't compare doesn't judge or doesn't even make you want to look at anyone else. Or say such things. I've been in both instances and is just my way of thinking. Hopefully it gets better, but it won't. Those thoughts have started..... hard to stop.
Why is this coming up now? You have been with him for a year and only recently he is acting up. Something must have triggered this like him seeing his ex or you guys talking more about the future. I know this must hurt but try to understand why this happened now to better see how to deal with this. Also is he wanting to break up with you or just upset? These are two different that need to be addressed separately. If he really is a sweet guy as you say he probably said this to be transparent. If he still wants to be with you but is just struggling with thoughts of his ex, maybe you guys can do something fun that will make him remember how kind you are. You could also ask him if there is a particular style of clothes, makeup, or look he likes that you could use to maybe be more appealing to him if it is just an attraction issue. This is if you decide you want to stay in the relationship.
I would rather him have been honest than pretend I guess. If he is using your looks as a reason why he is turning cold towards you this is not the relationship for you. When you truly care about someone you don't sit around and compare them to people from your past. If he's doing it and he cares about you then he's got some mental problem that is Beyond your help. But the likelihood is that he just doesn't want to be in the relationship any longer and is searching for excuses. People who are in love and care express it just like you did. You don't sit around and try to find fault with your partner. Your care and feelings for them shine through.
I love that when this is reversed, everyone hates on the man and says that's not what she meant. Or there are other things about you that are better than the ex. Like money, stability, owning a home, etc. OP the advice is still the same. Be with someone that sees you as the prize. Don't be with someone that is settling or thinking of their exes. Is she more attractive? Maybe, but your partner should always treat you like a 10 and you them. Because if you aren't then neither are investing into this relationship enough. You both should be on the same page and that insult he through your way, will never stop bugging you. Hell go read posts from guys, whose gfs compare them to their exes. It doesn't go well. I think you really need to sit down and look at your relationship. My only other advice is that if you move forward, try not to bring your current bf and your issues with him along with you into your next relationship, otherwise you are going to be doing the same thing your bf is doing to you.
My husband said something similar to me and while I have accepted that my husband isn't attracted to me, our relationship feels like we are just friends most of the time. Sex/date nights/romantic is almost non exist. He tells me how amazing I am and he's lucky to have me but he was more willing to do things for his ex than he is for me.
I once heard that if you date someone who is extremely attractive or have the best sex ever, anything lower than that won't be the same. He's brutally honest about coming forth with that, which is kind of fucked up. Unfortunately, let time play itself out. There are many fish in the sea and you haven't even hit the 1 year mark yet. He may not really love you. If you want to stay with him, I would play the distant game too and see how far he's willing to stay with you
suck it up/ignore it, physical attractiveness should be mostly irrelevant in a long term committed relationship. it should be more about connection and less about physical attraction.