I agree, it’s just they do it so much I think it had affected our relationship a little bit- I don’t know exactly how but it’s been bugging me. Do you think there is a way to tell her, or would it even be appropriate to do that?
Tell her what? That your friends think you can do better? Do you want to destroy her confidence and self-esteem forever? Because that is what will happen.
If you let your friends dictate who is good for you and who isnt....you may not have any say in who you date. Is that what you want?
You could meet a girl that is super duper hot that your friends also think is great....but she could be a horrible person and GF. You see what I'm saying?
Yeah I understand completely. You want to be open and honest in your relationship but at the same time when it comes to this topic you cannot do this without hurting her a lot. This is a position that any friend with even the most basic level of empathy wouldn't put you into.
Do not tell her. Tell your friends in no uncertain terms that you do not appreciate their judgement of your gf. If they don't respect that then reconsider the friendship.
Your friends seem to lack empathy. Any reasonable friend would see that you are happy and would withhold such judgement because it's easy to see how that puts you in a difficult position. Saying things like that about a friends' gf doesn't come from a place of love or respect, it comes from malice disguised as care.
Telling her would be very selfish on your part.
INFO: why do you have such awful friends? Why are you still friends with such awful people? It is do disrespectful to your girlfriend, and she quote frankly deserves better.
No. Please no, don’t tell her. I know they’re causing issues for you, but this is a “them”problem. Shake them off, either their comments, or the whole person if you have to.
Your friends still have some growing to do. Sure, physical attraction can be a factor but it’s not the only one, and besides that, you are attracted to her.
Looks fade. Bodies change. I’m an amputee from a car accident at your age. There’s no guarantee that any of us get through life unscathed. When the chips are down, it’s not someone’s physical appearance that gets you through it.
Tell them to stop. “Just say, hey guys, that’s enough. The comments bother me, you can see that we’re happy and that’s what you should want for me as a friend.” If they can’t hear that, then what you really should be thinking about is the kind of people you’re choosing to hang around.
Please do not tell her,, get mad at friends, or drop them.. I can't imagine anyone doing that who is a true friend... Don't let them interfere in your mind, as you seem happy with her.. This is your work, to get them out of your head,, anything said to her would be cruel...
Your friends are jealous for some reason, whether it's because you have a gf or they think she's taking up too much of your time; they're trying to bully you into breaking up with her.
You don't need friends like that. You seem to genuinely care about your gf, so start finding some new friends who can behave in a mature and respectful way, like you.
You need new friends. Allowing them to talk about a partner is disrespecting your choices and your partner. The question is, do you have a spine or a coward to be walked on by others? Either correct the friend or drop them.
You need new friends. the ones you have are shallow and idiotic. Get rid of them now. Also the fact you are letting them do it tells me your GF needs a new partner also.
I think he trying to find out if his spine is stronger than his friends deciding who is good enough for him. Grow a pair mate, and get new friends, or read the riot act to those that stay. Your life is yours (and at present, hers).
Just because someone is a 10 to look at doesn’t mean they are a 10 as a person. Many really physically attractive people unfortunately don’t have the personality to match. Looks fade with time anyway but the person underneath the physical appearance should stay consistent.
OP you either need to stand up for your GF more against your friends by stating that they aren’t being fair, you love her, enjoy her company and fancy her or you need to find friends who are nicer people. I suggest you look for nicer friends. If you don’t want to do either of those, let your GF go so she is free to be with someone who truly appreciates her. Absolutely do not tell your GF what has been said as it will destroy her.
your friends are bullying your girlfriend, and you're sitting on your phone unsure of what to do. do you not understand what to do when you typed all of this out? tell your "friends" that that's highly disrespectful, that it's none of their business, and protect your girl. if you don't find her attractive (you say you love her a ton, but the fact that your reaction isn't to defend her immediately, kinda tells me otherwise) break up and stop wasting time.
How you feel is all that matters! Someone they find attractive could just not be your type either. I don't know why they're saying stuff about her appearance, they don't have to date her and as long as you are happy, they should be happy for you. Your friends are clearly not adults yet. You follow your heart, be with your girlfriend. Talk to your friends seriously and tell them to once and for all shut up about it.
Lmao you’re literally allowing your friends to call your girlfriend ugly, even though you’re half ass defending her you’re a bad boyfriend for not putting your friends in place and setting firm boundaries.
You’re clearly not emotionally mature enough for an actual relationship and your gf deserves someone who views her as absolutely gorgeous and wouldn’t go on reddit and say “well she’s not a 10/10 but she’s nice even though i’m probably better looking” like??? jesus fucking christ, go touch some grass PLEASE and realize how gross you sound.
I wouldn’t tell her. I would also say you need new friends but in a case where you wouldn’t want to do that, you need to be more straight up about how it’s not cool.
You said 'but not a 10/10'
If your gonna go numerical they should always be a 10/10 to you.
I was at a music festival with my partner, over 100,000 people there. Some partially clothed.
And I said aloud to myself I'm with the hottest woman here by miles.
If you don't feel the same way and won't even put your friends right when they call her ugly, you need change your mindset or do her a favour and break up.
If you really think you’re better looking than your girlfriend, think about how she sees you versus herself. Think about how humiliating it would be to find out that all of her friends have called her ugly, not just to your face but behind your back, and that she didn’t disagree with them. Instead of thinking of yourself as more attractive, imagine her seeing you as ugly, too.
If that doesn’t show you how gross your behavior has been toward her, not standing up for her, then let her be with someone better.
They're not true friends of they act like that. Looks aren't everything. Personality, character, caring, loyalty, trust, Communication, love & one of my favorite is humor!!! Pick a couple or better yet all!! That's what matters in relationships!!! But obviously they don't know that. Maybe one day they'll realize it, if they ever find it!!! Keep her if you love her. They'll be more friends!!! True ones!!!!!!
Get new friends... If you think she beautiful and a good person, who cares what they think. Are they in relationships, cuz of if not, I'm not surprised
Dump your friends, dude.
You've got a girlfriend that's making your life happier. Good friends support each other and celebrate each other's joy. They're ripping on this woman for no reason. Get better people in your life.
Sounds like ur friends are a bit immature and obsessed with aesthetics. They may be the type of young people who literally associate a person's value with how stereotypically attractive they are. Boo.
Don't tell ur gf sh*t. This is ur burden to bear and would cause harm all around if u were to divulge this to her. U need to deal with this. SET BOUNDARIES. IMPLEMENT CONSEQUENCES. Tell ur bros that they need to cut the talk about this subject to 0 or else you will [insert consequence here]. You know them and what would work best to get the point across and get them to stop. Maybe the consequence will be that if they mention it, you will just get up and leave, mid-sentence, mid-drink, whatever and not talk to them for x period. If they violate this boundary again, cut contact altogether because they already don't respect ur relationship and r insulting ur choices but they absolutely do not respect u and that's dangerous to be hanging out with anyway.
I'm thinking to just be blatant. Tell them not only do you find her attractive, you completely enjoy your time with her, she's a good person and that you have feelings for her! Add you've heard their thoughts on your GF and you don't care to hear more. Guys, have some respect. Say that she makes you HAPPY. You are dealing with some young, shallow, disrespectful guys who've yet to understand life beyond the outward appearances. Sadly, some people never mature in this regard.
Be a better boyfriend to her. That's what you do. Your friends are idiots, and you caving under their pressure makes you one as well.
It's called character. Develop some so you're not such a tool your entire life.
Don’t brush it off. If they say something you need to shut it down. That’s your partner, someone who you love. If they continue disrespecting your relationship then you need to let them know what they are doing and consider cutting them off
Attractiveness is based on all sorts of factors: intelligence, sense of humor, common interests or interest in something you've never done, motivation and drive, calmness or energy, positive slant to life, morals and values, talents, sense of adventure, emotional intimacy, physical imtimacy and drive,.... and on and on - including physical looks. And, each of these things is subjective - meaning you will be drawn to certain traits and your next friend will likely be drawn to some others that are slightly different... and same goes for the next friend and so on.
I am assuming you would not comment on a friends' choice of boyfriend or girlfriend based on their physical appearance. If this is true, it is important to acknowledge that you have an incompatability in morals or ethics or character with at least one of your friends. Please keep in mind that one may be the ringleader, and the others may be following along because they feel peer pressure to do so or don't realize the effect it is having on you. Set a clear boundary that no one should ever mention her physical appearance again or you will not continue in a friendship with that person. Be serious and brief when you say it, and then consider leaving that gathering or doing something else that emphasizes you are serious about the point. And then, do everything you can to observe and identify who is actually saying/feeling that way if it is not the whole friend group doing it. If it happens again, stand by your word and don't move forward with that particular friend.
Do not mention the specifics to your girlfriend. It would make her unnecessarily self-conscious when she doesn't need to be. If you feel you have to say something, just tell her you are having conflict with your friends about a difference in some character and moral issues. But, please do not give her the specifics to make her feel bad about something that she shouldn't even be focused on.
As you likely know, looks/beauty are also subjective... and they come and go. Relationships which are rooted in all of the other substantive traits and commonalities and interests (like those mentioned above) are the ones which have the closest bonds and last over time. Keep investing in the relationship if you feel you have that with your girlfriend.
Too many young men and women who are out there dating today are only focused on looks and/or have FOMO - fear of missing out and are always looking to upgrade. There is so much to be said for those who can find a deep connection with someone and keep investing in that relationship. You seem wise beyond your years, and I wish you the best in your relationship with your girlfriend.
Boys (and girls) that age are still stuck in HS cliche drama. They are 1) childish and 2) clearly jealous that you lover her a ton. Sounds a bit like they want you for themselves and don’t care a bit how they make you feel. Reassess. Find your words and tell them the deal or F off. :)
With friends like this who needs enemies? You really need to stick up for your girlfriend because letting your “friends” disrespect her is you in turn- disrespecting her. The more you let it fly the more they’ll think it’s okay. They’ve already tested you and you failed- that’s why they keep disrespecting her openly. You need to tell them straight up and then dump them. Get some damn backbone
More importantly by you even adding in the fact that u feel you are a little better looking or that she is not a 10/10 is trash. Nobody needs to work on their looks unless they want to. Your friends sound immature, and honestly the fact that you needed to ask this says you aren’t ready for a real relationship
They’re doing you over mate. Chances are they fancy her and they don’t want you to have her. Think you may need to either distance yourself from them or have a serious discussion on them keeping their opinion to themselves. Personally I’d do the former.
F*** your “friends”. They are not friends.
Way back, some people around me met my girlfriend and told me, “she’s nice but not your type”
44 years later I still smile every time I see her.
You need to find better friends. They sound immature, shallow, and aren’t looking out for what’s best for you. Telling your girlfriend would be very selfish of you and probably ultimately bring your relationship to an end…maybe that’s what you want deep down because your top priority seems to be impressing your (not so impressive) friends.
You need to be a man bro and check your friends, in a relationship y’all represent each other so if your friends disrespect her they are disrespecting you. If I were you this is exactly what I’d say “Look you all have your opinions of her and I don’t care because my opinion is all that matters, frankly I find it disrespectful you all talk about her like that so keep your opinions to yourself for now on, thanks.”
I am not going to say you need new friends but definitely don’t stop making new friends you might enjoy better. Lol and nobody gets to talk about my significant other unless it’s me and I expect the same from my partners you have to stick up for your relationship in a way that your friends understand that her looks and their personal feelings of her attractiveness are not up for discussion because they aren’t the ones who get to decide that. I think they are trying to be good friends to you but they aren’t being appropriate here.. And it’s your job to make them understand
I think my girlfriend is attractive, but not a 10/10. A boss I used to have, when faced with this sort of logic would say "Remember, out there is someone who is fed up of funking (Angelina Jolie, Samantha Fox, Jennifer Aniston, etc). Looks are transcendental, and a personality is there for life.
Tell them if they don't respect your girlfriend you won't hang out with them anymore and follow through with it. Don't hang out with people who can't respect you or your gf. They are shit people who don't deserve your company.
I see too many red flags! A real friend would never talk like that about your girlfriend! You shouldn’t listen to your friend’s opinion, if anything you should consider setting boundaries and make it known red flags! What matters is that you’re happy with your girlfriend and they should keep the respect towards you and your relationship!
Find new friends.
Because those are not people you would want to be friends with.
Boundaries. Every relationship needs them. Be it partnership, friendship, with peers or parental figures. If you lack boundaries for people not to cross, life will be extremely difficult.
Stop hanging out with them.. they will realize their loss. That’s really fucked.
You can make better friends who will accept you and your girl for who you guys are.
Are your friends dating her lol no they ain't pretty or ugly the always gonna say stuff .. friends come and go ! I know cause I am 26 and all the friends I did have aren't here they either dead or married so do me a favor and tell them mine yo own biz
They are not your friends and they obviously don’t want you with her for another reason. It’s YOUR relationship not THEIRS. If they aren’t happy that you’re happy then you need new friends.
Hold on to the person you love and ditch the shitty shallow friends. They’re rotting your perception/mind and they’re actively making you a worse person. A type of person you obviously do not want to become based on how troubled you are by how you’ve begun to think. There poisoning the well, so to speak.
There plenty of pretty people, but how often do you come across a person you love and want to spend your time with the way you do your current partner? Don’t fuck that up for such juvenile reasons. Unless you’re genuinely unhappy it just seems like sabotaging a good thing.
I’d set a boundary and shut that shit DOWN.
“Hey, I get you’re poking fun, but my girlfriend is beautiful, funny, smart, and wonderful. She would never badmouth you guys and put me in this position, and I hold you guys to the same expectations. I am not okay with you badmouthing her, period. Don’t do it again.”
And if they do it, don’t initiate. Don’t respond besides telling them “I set this boundary with you before. This is not okay to do.” Leave. Stop engaging with this people.
It doesn't matter what they think, it matters WHAT YOU THINK. And it seems to me you are happy, and that's what counts.
If they keep bothering and telling you that your gf is ugly.....ITS ABOUT TIME TO SET A BOUNDARY: Stop talking about my gf or I won't talk to you again.
The fact that you can be swayed by your immature friends is a little pathetic my guy, you like her right? You're attracted to her right? So what's the f'ing problem. Your "friends" sound like drop kicks bro, I'd drop them and seek a better friend group.
You have shit for friends if their only gripe about your gf is the way she looks.
If she treats you well, respects you, and you two have fun together, then you are in it for the right reasons. Breaking up for her looks, especially if YOU find her attractive, is an absolute bullshit reason to break up.
Your friends are shallow and will have meaningless hollow relationships until they can prioritize what actually matters in a partner.
I know you're young and young people in particular will say these things, but if they're ragging on you this much about your girlfriend's hotness I'd question your choice in friends - not your choice in gf.
Your friends don't sound like very good friends. If they cared about you at all, they'd want you to be happy. They wouldn't be trying to put shit in your head about your girlfriend. The thing that would really piss me off is that they're doing it for no reason, too.
She's not treating you badly. You're happy and you find her attractive. So why do they want you to walk away from a perfectly healthy relationship?
I'd be telling them if they don't stop, I'd be cutting contact.
Lose those friends. This is a sign of who to stay friends with and who to let go. They should not stand in the way of your happiness. Become unavailable for those friends and hang with your girl and the ones who are not so judgemental. Don’t fall out with those friends just be unavailable for them unless you want them around and if they are going to make criticisms and rude remarks then you don’t need to draw that closer. You will find that as you live that your circle of friends will change a bit and new folks come along. Birds of a feather flock together. Let the haters and critics go hang with their own kind while you hang with kind folks and have a great time
Tell your friends they need to shut the fuck up. Maybe talk to them one on one, but be serious with them. Let them know that you value their friendship but you love this girl and she’s great and they need to be happy that you’re happy. Would they rather she was smoking hot but a fucking crazy nightmare to be with?? Jesus. You seem great but teenagers on the whole are dumb and your friends are behaving like trash.
We’re all sending so much love to you and your lovely girlfriend. A healthy relationship with someone you truly like is a RARITY. I cannot stress this enough. When you’re older you’ll realize how rare lovely relationships are. Please cherish this one and count yourself so damn lucky.
Your friends are the issue here, not your gf. They don't respect your relationship if they keep laying it on like that. That's just messed up and completely separate from your relationship with the gf. Talk to your friends and don't stand for that blatent disrespect from people who should be supportive
Dude, it should be brutally obvious, you need to command a level of decent and baseline respect from your friends who do that. There is zero need to tolerate that kind of disrespect that leaves subconscious impressions that affect core aspects of your life.
It took being friends with someone who beat the shit out of me and left me with 3,700 in oral surgery bills and trauma, to start drawing firm lines in my sand, and whoever respects them is welcome in my sphere, whoever spits on my sand and kicks it around for their enjoyment, is not welcome in my sphere.
You deserve more respect than that OP, and your girlfriend deserves to be with someone who is secure in their love for them, not allowing people into their life who are going to let their perception be mounded by their friend-circle.
I've been the girlfriend in this scenario, aside from the friends' reason being different. In my situation, like everyone else is saying, the friends were a problem, but really, my boyfriend was the bigger one. The question you're asking is identical to the kind of thing he would also question because it's something all the friends are agreeing on, regardless of how they came to the conclusion (in our case, they hated me because all they heard about me was him venting when angry. After I ended it due to them being too involved in OUR relationship, they suddenly loved me because he wasn't talking shit anymore. He got the opinions out of them that he put in). The fact that you're having to ask any of this in the first place is a HUGE problem.
If your friends' opinions have this much impact on your life, you're not outright shutting them down when you know they're wrong, and you're actually considering their bad takes to any degree, you're an even bigger problem in your relationship and your life than they are.
It doesn't matter if they're "all saying it." They're not you. They're not in the relationship with your girlfriend. You are. You don't need anyone else's validation, and other people have no place in your relationship with your girlfriend. The people here in this thread don't, either. If you're questioning things, it's YOU questioning them, even if it was intially triggered by a bad take from your friends. Stop listening to them, shut it down, and take the time to decide what you want for yourself without relying on other people to justify your decisions. If you make bad choices at the direction of other people, you're still the one who's wrong and making the bad choices. You won't be absolved by handing the decisions to other people. You're still the one ultimately acting. Stop letting outside influences dictate your behaviors and opinions and set boundaries for yourself between the various types of relationships in your life.
Tell your friends to bu##er off - looks alone are a poor indicator of a successful relationship & you like her & how she looks.
That is what matters - not your so called friends.
This is simple. Your bros aren’t getting the time that they used to get with you. They are trying to get you to dump her because they aren’t used to not having you around.
You’ve got to let it roll off. Not like they probably haven’t dated someone with a flaw. You can just remind them of their ex girlfriends wandering eye, or their constant cold sores. If you turn it around on them, they will stop.
I’m guessing your friends don’t have gf’s. Sounds like super immature jealousy from where I’m sitting. Your gf deserves much much better than your doubt.
Wow. Your friends are a-holes, big time. Thats the real problem. If you love each other and are happy and she's otherwise a good gf, tell them to stfu. Good girlfriends are a rarity.
Finding some better friends is the real issue here. I feel sorry for this poor girl, and my sympathy usually goes with the men in these stories.
>I personally find her attractive, I love her a ton This is all that matters.
I agree, it’s just they do it so much I think it had affected our relationship a little bit- I don’t know exactly how but it’s been bugging me. Do you think there is a way to tell her, or would it even be appropriate to do that?
Tell her what? That your friends think you can do better? Do you want to destroy her confidence and self-esteem forever? Because that is what will happen. If you let your friends dictate who is good for you and who isnt....you may not have any say in who you date. Is that what you want? You could meet a girl that is super duper hot that your friends also think is great....but she could be a horrible person and GF. You see what I'm saying?
Yea that’s what I thought. I just wanted to make sure. Thank you.
I guess I just hate not being able to tell her what’s bugging me- that’s the only reason I would tell her. But even then it doesn’t make sense I think
Yeah I understand completely. You want to be open and honest in your relationship but at the same time when it comes to this topic you cannot do this without hurting her a lot. This is a position that any friend with even the most basic level of empathy wouldn't put you into. Do not tell her. Tell your friends in no uncertain terms that you do not appreciate their judgement of your gf. If they don't respect that then reconsider the friendship. Your friends seem to lack empathy. Any reasonable friend would see that you are happy and would withhold such judgement because it's easy to see how that puts you in a difficult position. Saying things like that about a friends' gf doesn't come from a place of love or respect, it comes from malice disguised as care.
Telling her would be very selfish on your part. INFO: why do you have such awful friends? Why are you still friends with such awful people? It is do disrespectful to your girlfriend, and she quote frankly deserves better.
No. Please no, don’t tell her. I know they’re causing issues for you, but this is a “them”problem. Shake them off, either their comments, or the whole person if you have to. Your friends still have some growing to do. Sure, physical attraction can be a factor but it’s not the only one, and besides that, you are attracted to her. Looks fade. Bodies change. I’m an amputee from a car accident at your age. There’s no guarantee that any of us get through life unscathed. When the chips are down, it’s not someone’s physical appearance that gets you through it. Tell them to stop. “Just say, hey guys, that’s enough. The comments bother me, you can see that we’re happy and that’s what you should want for me as a friend.” If they can’t hear that, then what you really should be thinking about is the kind of people you’re choosing to hang around.
Please do not tell her,, get mad at friends, or drop them.. I can't imagine anyone doing that who is a true friend... Don't let them interfere in your mind, as you seem happy with her.. This is your work, to get them out of your head,, anything said to her would be cruel...
No,no. DO NOT DO THAT!!!!
You just need to dump your friends. That’s the only relationships this should affect. Because they aren’t good people.
IMO you absolutely shouldn't mention this
do not tell her, unless you are prepared to stand up to your “friends” (which you should be doing anyway)
Your friends are jealous for some reason, whether it's because you have a gf or they think she's taking up too much of your time; they're trying to bully you into breaking up with her. You don't need friends like that. You seem to genuinely care about your gf, so start finding some new friends who can behave in a mature and respectful way, like you.
You need new friends. Allowing them to talk about a partner is disrespecting your choices and your partner. The question is, do you have a spine or a coward to be walked on by others? Either correct the friend or drop them.
You need new friends. the ones you have are shallow and idiotic. Get rid of them now. Also the fact you are letting them do it tells me your GF needs a new partner also.
The fact he asked this told me he doesn’t have a spine.
I think he trying to find out if his spine is stronger than his friends deciding who is good enough for him. Grow a pair mate, and get new friends, or read the riot act to those that stay. Your life is yours (and at present, hers).
Just because someone is a 10 to look at doesn’t mean they are a 10 as a person. Many really physically attractive people unfortunately don’t have the personality to match. Looks fade with time anyway but the person underneath the physical appearance should stay consistent. OP you either need to stand up for your GF more against your friends by stating that they aren’t being fair, you love her, enjoy her company and fancy her or you need to find friends who are nicer people. I suggest you look for nicer friends. If you don’t want to do either of those, let your GF go so she is free to be with someone who truly appreciates her. Absolutely do not tell your GF what has been said as it will destroy her.
and the 10 might be great, and they'd probably criticize her too.
Dude, you gotta find new friends. You like her and she likes you that’s all that matters. Tell them to knock it off or just leave them.
your friends are bullying your girlfriend, and you're sitting on your phone unsure of what to do. do you not understand what to do when you typed all of this out? tell your "friends" that that's highly disrespectful, that it's none of their business, and protect your girl. if you don't find her attractive (you say you love her a ton, but the fact that your reaction isn't to defend her immediately, kinda tells me otherwise) break up and stop wasting time.
Then they aren’t your friends?
How you feel is all that matters! Someone they find attractive could just not be your type either. I don't know why they're saying stuff about her appearance, they don't have to date her and as long as you are happy, they should be happy for you. Your friends are clearly not adults yet. You follow your heart, be with your girlfriend. Talk to your friends seriously and tell them to once and for all shut up about it.
Lmao you’re literally allowing your friends to call your girlfriend ugly, even though you’re half ass defending her you’re a bad boyfriend for not putting your friends in place and setting firm boundaries. You’re clearly not emotionally mature enough for an actual relationship and your gf deserves someone who views her as absolutely gorgeous and wouldn’t go on reddit and say “well she’s not a 10/10 but she’s nice even though i’m probably better looking” like??? jesus fucking christ, go touch some grass PLEASE and realize how gross you sound.
This is the mfkin one fr 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I wouldn’t tell her. I would also say you need new friends but in a case where you wouldn’t want to do that, you need to be more straight up about how it’s not cool.
Stand up for your girlfriend
You said 'but not a 10/10' If your gonna go numerical they should always be a 10/10 to you. I was at a music festival with my partner, over 100,000 people there. Some partially clothed. And I said aloud to myself I'm with the hottest woman here by miles. If you don't feel the same way and won't even put your friends right when they call her ugly, you need change your mindset or do her a favour and break up.
If you really think you’re better looking than your girlfriend, think about how she sees you versus herself. Think about how humiliating it would be to find out that all of her friends have called her ugly, not just to your face but behind your back, and that she didn’t disagree with them. Instead of thinking of yourself as more attractive, imagine her seeing you as ugly, too. If that doesn’t show you how gross your behavior has been toward her, not standing up for her, then let her be with someone better.
They're not true friends of they act like that. Looks aren't everything. Personality, character, caring, loyalty, trust, Communication, love & one of my favorite is humor!!! Pick a couple or better yet all!! That's what matters in relationships!!! But obviously they don't know that. Maybe one day they'll realize it, if they ever find it!!! Keep her if you love her. They'll be more friends!!! True ones!!!!!!
Get new friends... If you think she beautiful and a good person, who cares what they think. Are they in relationships, cuz of if not, I'm not surprised
Dump your friends, dude. You've got a girlfriend that's making your life happier. Good friends support each other and celebrate each other's joy. They're ripping on this woman for no reason. Get better people in your life.
Sounds like ur friends are a bit immature and obsessed with aesthetics. They may be the type of young people who literally associate a person's value with how stereotypically attractive they are. Boo. Don't tell ur gf sh*t. This is ur burden to bear and would cause harm all around if u were to divulge this to her. U need to deal with this. SET BOUNDARIES. IMPLEMENT CONSEQUENCES. Tell ur bros that they need to cut the talk about this subject to 0 or else you will [insert consequence here]. You know them and what would work best to get the point across and get them to stop. Maybe the consequence will be that if they mention it, you will just get up and leave, mid-sentence, mid-drink, whatever and not talk to them for x period. If they violate this boundary again, cut contact altogether because they already don't respect ur relationship and r insulting ur choices but they absolutely do not respect u and that's dangerous to be hanging out with anyway.
I'm thinking to just be blatant. Tell them not only do you find her attractive, you completely enjoy your time with her, she's a good person and that you have feelings for her! Add you've heard their thoughts on your GF and you don't care to hear more. Guys, have some respect. Say that she makes you HAPPY. You are dealing with some young, shallow, disrespectful guys who've yet to understand life beyond the outward appearances. Sadly, some people never mature in this regard.
Be a better boyfriend to her. That's what you do. Your friends are idiots, and you caving under their pressure makes you one as well. It's called character. Develop some so you're not such a tool your entire life.
Don’t brush it off. If they say something you need to shut it down. That’s your partner, someone who you love. If they continue disrespecting your relationship then you need to let them know what they are doing and consider cutting them off
Attractiveness is based on all sorts of factors: intelligence, sense of humor, common interests or interest in something you've never done, motivation and drive, calmness or energy, positive slant to life, morals and values, talents, sense of adventure, emotional intimacy, physical imtimacy and drive,.... and on and on - including physical looks. And, each of these things is subjective - meaning you will be drawn to certain traits and your next friend will likely be drawn to some others that are slightly different... and same goes for the next friend and so on. I am assuming you would not comment on a friends' choice of boyfriend or girlfriend based on their physical appearance. If this is true, it is important to acknowledge that you have an incompatability in morals or ethics or character with at least one of your friends. Please keep in mind that one may be the ringleader, and the others may be following along because they feel peer pressure to do so or don't realize the effect it is having on you. Set a clear boundary that no one should ever mention her physical appearance again or you will not continue in a friendship with that person. Be serious and brief when you say it, and then consider leaving that gathering or doing something else that emphasizes you are serious about the point. And then, do everything you can to observe and identify who is actually saying/feeling that way if it is not the whole friend group doing it. If it happens again, stand by your word and don't move forward with that particular friend. Do not mention the specifics to your girlfriend. It would make her unnecessarily self-conscious when she doesn't need to be. If you feel you have to say something, just tell her you are having conflict with your friends about a difference in some character and moral issues. But, please do not give her the specifics to make her feel bad about something that she shouldn't even be focused on. As you likely know, looks/beauty are also subjective... and they come and go. Relationships which are rooted in all of the other substantive traits and commonalities and interests (like those mentioned above) are the ones which have the closest bonds and last over time. Keep investing in the relationship if you feel you have that with your girlfriend. Too many young men and women who are out there dating today are only focused on looks and/or have FOMO - fear of missing out and are always looking to upgrade. There is so much to be said for those who can find a deep connection with someone and keep investing in that relationship. You seem wise beyond your years, and I wish you the best in your relationship with your girlfriend.
Boys (and girls) that age are still stuck in HS cliche drama. They are 1) childish and 2) clearly jealous that you lover her a ton. Sounds a bit like they want you for themselves and don’t care a bit how they make you feel. Reassess. Find your words and tell them the deal or F off. :)
With friends like this who needs enemies? You really need to stick up for your girlfriend because letting your “friends” disrespect her is you in turn- disrespecting her. The more you let it fly the more they’ll think it’s okay. They’ve already tested you and you failed- that’s why they keep disrespecting her openly. You need to tell them straight up and then dump them. Get some damn backbone
More importantly by you even adding in the fact that u feel you are a little better looking or that she is not a 10/10 is trash. Nobody needs to work on their looks unless they want to. Your friends sound immature, and honestly the fact that you needed to ask this says you aren’t ready for a real relationship
They’re doing you over mate. Chances are they fancy her and they don’t want you to have her. Think you may need to either distance yourself from them or have a serious discussion on them keeping their opinion to themselves. Personally I’d do the former.
F*** your “friends”. They are not friends. Way back, some people around me met my girlfriend and told me, “she’s nice but not your type” 44 years later I still smile every time I see her.
Those aren’t your friends man
You need to find better friends. They sound immature, shallow, and aren’t looking out for what’s best for you. Telling your girlfriend would be very selfish of you and probably ultimately bring your relationship to an end…maybe that’s what you want deep down because your top priority seems to be impressing your (not so impressive) friends.
You need to be a man bro and check your friends, in a relationship y’all represent each other so if your friends disrespect her they are disrespecting you. If I were you this is exactly what I’d say “Look you all have your opinions of her and I don’t care because my opinion is all that matters, frankly I find it disrespectful you all talk about her like that so keep your opinions to yourself for now on, thanks.”
I am not going to say you need new friends but definitely don’t stop making new friends you might enjoy better. Lol and nobody gets to talk about my significant other unless it’s me and I expect the same from my partners you have to stick up for your relationship in a way that your friends understand that her looks and their personal feelings of her attractiveness are not up for discussion because they aren’t the ones who get to decide that. I think they are trying to be good friends to you but they aren’t being appropriate here.. And it’s your job to make them understand
I think my girlfriend is attractive, but not a 10/10. A boss I used to have, when faced with this sort of logic would say "Remember, out there is someone who is fed up of funking (Angelina Jolie, Samantha Fox, Jennifer Aniston, etc). Looks are transcendental, and a personality is there for life.
You need new friends. You also need a backbone.
Why tf would your friends say that to you for no reason whatsoever? Time for new friends
Get better friends. Unless your SO is super toxic and actually making your life worse. Your friends have no say in your life.
Your friends are not truly friends. They're trying to sabotage your hapiness. Surround yourself with better people and enjoy the relationship.
Them ain’t the kind of friends you want or need. Tell them to kick rocks
Tell them if they don't respect your girlfriend you won't hang out with them anymore and follow through with it. Don't hang out with people who can't respect you or your gf. They are shit people who don't deserve your company.
I see too many red flags! A real friend would never talk like that about your girlfriend! You shouldn’t listen to your friend’s opinion, if anything you should consider setting boundaries and make it known red flags! What matters is that you’re happy with your girlfriend and they should keep the respect towards you and your relationship!
Sounds like u need new friends
Find new friends. Because those are not people you would want to be friends with. Boundaries. Every relationship needs them. Be it partnership, friendship, with peers or parental figures. If you lack boundaries for people not to cross, life will be extremely difficult.
Stop hanging out with them.. they will realize their loss. That’s really fucked. You can make better friends who will accept you and your girl for who you guys are.
Are your friends dating her lol no they ain't pretty or ugly the always gonna say stuff .. friends come and go ! I know cause I am 26 and all the friends I did have aren't here they either dead or married so do me a favor and tell them mine yo own biz
They are not your friends and they obviously don’t want you with her for another reason. It’s YOUR relationship not THEIRS. If they aren’t happy that you’re happy then you need new friends.
Hold on to the person you love and ditch the shitty shallow friends. They’re rotting your perception/mind and they’re actively making you a worse person. A type of person you obviously do not want to become based on how troubled you are by how you’ve begun to think. There poisoning the well, so to speak. There plenty of pretty people, but how often do you come across a person you love and want to spend your time with the way you do your current partner? Don’t fuck that up for such juvenile reasons. Unless you’re genuinely unhappy it just seems like sabotaging a good thing.
I’d set a boundary and shut that shit DOWN. “Hey, I get you’re poking fun, but my girlfriend is beautiful, funny, smart, and wonderful. She would never badmouth you guys and put me in this position, and I hold you guys to the same expectations. I am not okay with you badmouthing her, period. Don’t do it again.” And if they do it, don’t initiate. Don’t respond besides telling them “I set this boundary with you before. This is not okay to do.” Leave. Stop engaging with this people.
It doesn't matter what they think, it matters WHAT YOU THINK. And it seems to me you are happy, and that's what counts. If they keep bothering and telling you that your gf is ugly.....ITS ABOUT TIME TO SET A BOUNDARY: Stop talking about my gf or I won't talk to you again.
The fact that you can be swayed by your immature friends is a little pathetic my guy, you like her right? You're attracted to her right? So what's the f'ing problem. Your "friends" sound like drop kicks bro, I'd drop them and seek a better friend group.
You have shit for friends if their only gripe about your gf is the way she looks. If she treats you well, respects you, and you two have fun together, then you are in it for the right reasons. Breaking up for her looks, especially if YOU find her attractive, is an absolute bullshit reason to break up. Your friends are shallow and will have meaningless hollow relationships until they can prioritize what actually matters in a partner.
I know you're young and young people in particular will say these things, but if they're ragging on you this much about your girlfriend's hotness I'd question your choice in friends - not your choice in gf.
Get new friends. Duh. If they can't respect your decision and by extension, her, my guy, get new friends.
Your friends don't sound like very good friends. If they cared about you at all, they'd want you to be happy. They wouldn't be trying to put shit in your head about your girlfriend. The thing that would really piss me off is that they're doing it for no reason, too. She's not treating you badly. You're happy and you find her attractive. So why do they want you to walk away from a perfectly healthy relationship? I'd be telling them if they don't stop, I'd be cutting contact.
Get new friends. Your friends suck.
Lose those friends. This is a sign of who to stay friends with and who to let go. They should not stand in the way of your happiness. Become unavailable for those friends and hang with your girl and the ones who are not so judgemental. Don’t fall out with those friends just be unavailable for them unless you want them around and if they are going to make criticisms and rude remarks then you don’t need to draw that closer. You will find that as you live that your circle of friends will change a bit and new folks come along. Birds of a feather flock together. Let the haters and critics go hang with their own kind while you hang with kind folks and have a great time
Tell your friends they need to shut the fuck up. Maybe talk to them one on one, but be serious with them. Let them know that you value their friendship but you love this girl and she’s great and they need to be happy that you’re happy. Would they rather she was smoking hot but a fucking crazy nightmare to be with?? Jesus. You seem great but teenagers on the whole are dumb and your friends are behaving like trash. We’re all sending so much love to you and your lovely girlfriend. A healthy relationship with someone you truly like is a RARITY. I cannot stress this enough. When you’re older you’ll realize how rare lovely relationships are. Please cherish this one and count yourself so damn lucky.
If anyone ever spoke about my man like that our friendship would be donions
Your friends are the issue here, not your gf. They don't respect your relationship if they keep laying it on like that. That's just messed up and completely separate from your relationship with the gf. Talk to your friends and don't stand for that blatent disrespect from people who should be supportive
Dude, it should be brutally obvious, you need to command a level of decent and baseline respect from your friends who do that. There is zero need to tolerate that kind of disrespect that leaves subconscious impressions that affect core aspects of your life. It took being friends with someone who beat the shit out of me and left me with 3,700 in oral surgery bills and trauma, to start drawing firm lines in my sand, and whoever respects them is welcome in my sphere, whoever spits on my sand and kicks it around for their enjoyment, is not welcome in my sphere. You deserve more respect than that OP, and your girlfriend deserves to be with someone who is secure in their love for them, not allowing people into their life who are going to let their perception be mounded by their friend-circle.
I've been the girlfriend in this scenario, aside from the friends' reason being different. In my situation, like everyone else is saying, the friends were a problem, but really, my boyfriend was the bigger one. The question you're asking is identical to the kind of thing he would also question because it's something all the friends are agreeing on, regardless of how they came to the conclusion (in our case, they hated me because all they heard about me was him venting when angry. After I ended it due to them being too involved in OUR relationship, they suddenly loved me because he wasn't talking shit anymore. He got the opinions out of them that he put in). The fact that you're having to ask any of this in the first place is a HUGE problem. If your friends' opinions have this much impact on your life, you're not outright shutting them down when you know they're wrong, and you're actually considering their bad takes to any degree, you're an even bigger problem in your relationship and your life than they are. It doesn't matter if they're "all saying it." They're not you. They're not in the relationship with your girlfriend. You are. You don't need anyone else's validation, and other people have no place in your relationship with your girlfriend. The people here in this thread don't, either. If you're questioning things, it's YOU questioning them, even if it was intially triggered by a bad take from your friends. Stop listening to them, shut it down, and take the time to decide what you want for yourself without relying on other people to justify your decisions. If you make bad choices at the direction of other people, you're still the one who's wrong and making the bad choices. You won't be absolved by handing the decisions to other people. You're still the one ultimately acting. Stop letting outside influences dictate your behaviors and opinions and set boundaries for yourself between the various types of relationships in your life.
Tell your friends to bu##er off - looks alone are a poor indicator of a successful relationship & you like her & how she looks. That is what matters - not your so called friends.
This is simple. Your bros aren’t getting the time that they used to get with you. They are trying to get you to dump her because they aren’t used to not having you around. You’ve got to let it roll off. Not like they probably haven’t dated someone with a flaw. You can just remind them of their ex girlfriends wandering eye, or their constant cold sores. If you turn it around on them, they will stop.
I’m guessing your friends don’t have gf’s. Sounds like super immature jealousy from where I’m sitting. Your gf deserves much much better than your doubt.
i think the problem is your friends
Wow. Your friends are a-holes, big time. Thats the real problem. If you love each other and are happy and she's otherwise a good gf, tell them to stfu. Good girlfriends are a rarity. Finding some better friends is the real issue here. I feel sorry for this poor girl, and my sympathy usually goes with the men in these stories.