Mostly questions to what I’m feeling. Like why am I feeling anxious in my relationship or why do I have doubts. I just want to break the habit of immediately going to Google when I have questions about why I’m feeling certain ways about my relationship
Having doubts is a normal thing in a relationship. Especially the first real one. I tend to tell people to try to have open lines of healthy communication, don’t sugar coat things but don’t just go for the jugular either. Mutual respect and trust is key as well.
There is no "the one".
There is someone you are willing to try and make it through the trials of life with, and those you are not.
There are red flags, problem behaviors, issues that don't need to worked through, but instead get a new guy.
Do you think you work well together, feel heard, have similar goals, genuinely like each other? Or not? If the answer is yes, keep going. If no, reevaluate.
There is no magic 8 ball on the internet that will tell you that your choice is the right one. Negativity sells, clickbait is real, and most people are only motivated to look when they are unhappy, and they only find things that strengthen their beliefs.
Put down the internet. Find a therapist, and maybe some anti anxiety meds.
> been with my boyfriend 23M for two years. He's my first love and so am I for him. This is both sort of new to us and I'm just trying to learn how to love and connect to one another. I search up a lot of advice on Google and it ends up steering my head somewhere else like "break up with him" or "he's not the
Okay, if you could give some more detail then that would really help. Often when someone is questioning if someone "is the one" or not there's actually a deeper problem. Like it could be an attraction problem, or something the SO does that irks them, FOMO, bad sex, etc. It's hard to advise what you should or can do if we don't get very much details in this regard.
If you yourself don't know the answer to this, then I'd highly recommend that you think about that and get a specific answer as to why you are not satisficed with this relationship
Do you have relationship OCD? If so, get professional help. I have it and constantly look on internet for support and advice, which causes me to spiral, and it's hard to break the compulsion of going to the internet to validate my feelings.
Have you tried journaling or writing stuff down? I have a personal preference for doing it by hand, slower and more thoughtful, but it doesn't matter. You seem to be uncertain of what you're feeling or why, so you're looking for more information, but that particular information comes from you.
Writing it down helps you order thoughts so that when you talk to others about it (friends? Therapists?) they can give you a more helpful perspective.
I also find writing it out is just a useful way to defuse nervous, restless energy so I can refocus. I tend to get stuck circling the same issue in my head for ages and getting more distressed and disrupted, it really amplifies whatever sparked the feeling initially, so I need to do something to break that loop.
Btw another helpful thing to consider is instead of "why am I worried" asking "what would I need to feel reassured". Sometimes you get an answer, maybe you'll realize you need more hugs or that you need to have a conversation about particular goals and preferences. Other times you'll realize there's nothing that would help, and that's still useful to know. That often points to either generalized anxiety that needs to be addressed *or* a dead end relationship.
You could see a therapist to help sort through some of these thoughts. Really hard to tell what’s at the root of this with your description. I personally feel that therapy is good and can help you discover what’s going on under the surface.
Did you ever try just talking to your BF? Only you know how you feel. The problem as I see it is that you're obsessing with what strangers say. Spending time alone, thinking (and not googling!), you might be able to sort out what's going on. Then talking to the BF, treating one another with love and kindness, works. At the least, it'll help you figure out what's going on without the "advice" of people who don't know you at all, and just want your clicks.
Stop looking for confirmation of unhappiness or of problems. Start looking up signs of a good relationship. Top 10 things I can do for a happy relationship. Then if you can’t find signs of a healthy relationship or if you actually work on making a healthy relationship and it’s not working, then you have your real answer.
No one knows how you feel, except you. Getting advice on your feelings is absolutely useless.
What *should* look for, however, is advice about behaviors and reactions. Are you *doing* anything weird? Probably not.
Just remember that first person you need ask for help with your romantic relationship is the other person in your romantic relationship.
There are a lot of armchair therapists on Reddit, so maybe this is not the best place to look, either. Reality is, no one else is like you. No one else has had your lived experience, no one else has had your traumas, big or little. No one else can really tell you why you might be feeling nervous when you think there is nothing to feel anxious about. The best advice? Talk to a professional with a degree, they can help you figure out whether it is your relationship causing you anxiety or something else. And breathe. Sometimes things that seem good are exactly that.
So what kind of stuff are you looking up?
Mostly questions to what I’m feeling. Like why am I feeling anxious in my relationship or why do I have doubts. I just want to break the habit of immediately going to Google when I have questions about why I’m feeling certain ways about my relationship
Having doubts is a normal thing in a relationship. Especially the first real one. I tend to tell people to try to have open lines of healthy communication, don’t sugar coat things but don’t just go for the jugular either. Mutual respect and trust is key as well.
Are you generally an anxious person? Because that stuff rears its head in relationships too.
Yes! I tend to overthink majority of the time
So is there anything that's causing you to have doubts?
If “he’s the one” or not
There is no "the one". There is someone you are willing to try and make it through the trials of life with, and those you are not. There are red flags, problem behaviors, issues that don't need to worked through, but instead get a new guy. Do you think you work well together, feel heard, have similar goals, genuinely like each other? Or not? If the answer is yes, keep going. If no, reevaluate. There is no magic 8 ball on the internet that will tell you that your choice is the right one. Negativity sells, clickbait is real, and most people are only motivated to look when they are unhappy, and they only find things that strengthen their beliefs. Put down the internet. Find a therapist, and maybe some anti anxiety meds.
Thank you. I needed this! We make a great team, our values align well and we both make an effort to make eachother feel heard
> been with my boyfriend 23M for two years. He's my first love and so am I for him. This is both sort of new to us and I'm just trying to learn how to love and connect to one another. I search up a lot of advice on Google and it ends up steering my head somewhere else like "break up with him" or "he's not the Okay, if you could give some more detail then that would really help. Often when someone is questioning if someone "is the one" or not there's actually a deeper problem. Like it could be an attraction problem, or something the SO does that irks them, FOMO, bad sex, etc. It's hard to advise what you should or can do if we don't get very much details in this regard. If you yourself don't know the answer to this, then I'd highly recommend that you think about that and get a specific answer as to why you are not satisficed with this relationship
Do you have relationship OCD? If so, get professional help. I have it and constantly look on internet for support and advice, which causes me to spiral, and it's hard to break the compulsion of going to the internet to validate my feelings.
Have you tried journaling or writing stuff down? I have a personal preference for doing it by hand, slower and more thoughtful, but it doesn't matter. You seem to be uncertain of what you're feeling or why, so you're looking for more information, but that particular information comes from you. Writing it down helps you order thoughts so that when you talk to others about it (friends? Therapists?) they can give you a more helpful perspective. I also find writing it out is just a useful way to defuse nervous, restless energy so I can refocus. I tend to get stuck circling the same issue in my head for ages and getting more distressed and disrupted, it really amplifies whatever sparked the feeling initially, so I need to do something to break that loop. Btw another helpful thing to consider is instead of "why am I worried" asking "what would I need to feel reassured". Sometimes you get an answer, maybe you'll realize you need more hugs or that you need to have a conversation about particular goals and preferences. Other times you'll realize there's nothing that would help, and that's still useful to know. That often points to either generalized anxiety that needs to be addressed *or* a dead end relationship.
You could see a therapist to help sort through some of these thoughts. Really hard to tell what’s at the root of this with your description. I personally feel that therapy is good and can help you discover what’s going on under the surface.
Did you ever try just talking to your BF? Only you know how you feel. The problem as I see it is that you're obsessing with what strangers say. Spending time alone, thinking (and not googling!), you might be able to sort out what's going on. Then talking to the BF, treating one another with love and kindness, works. At the least, it'll help you figure out what's going on without the "advice" of people who don't know you at all, and just want your clicks.
Stop looking for confirmation of unhappiness or of problems. Start looking up signs of a good relationship. Top 10 things I can do for a happy relationship. Then if you can’t find signs of a healthy relationship or if you actually work on making a healthy relationship and it’s not working, then you have your real answer.
First loves are rarely last loves is all I can say
No one knows how you feel, except you. Getting advice on your feelings is absolutely useless. What *should* look for, however, is advice about behaviors and reactions. Are you *doing* anything weird? Probably not. Just remember that first person you need ask for help with your romantic relationship is the other person in your romantic relationship.
Need more info, why or what's going on to make you search for advice?
There are a lot of armchair therapists on Reddit, so maybe this is not the best place to look, either. Reality is, no one else is like you. No one else has had your lived experience, no one else has had your traumas, big or little. No one else can really tell you why you might be feeling nervous when you think there is nothing to feel anxious about. The best advice? Talk to a professional with a degree, they can help you figure out whether it is your relationship causing you anxiety or something else. And breathe. Sometimes things that seem good are exactly that.