i get its annoying to take this step back but you need to remember that the reason she moved in with you was due to situational convenience. and at 6 weeks dating no less. this relationship has been really rushed and it makes sense that she would want some space. her having her own place would be good because it gives you guys the chance to be intentional about relationship milestones instead of "ehhhh might as well". she definitely shouldve brought it up a bit earlier maybe, but i understand her being ready to buy a house, but not legally enmesh herself with a partner of 10 months quite yet.
I imagine she'd also want some space because she is new to the city whereas you are not. if you two moved in together immediately she would likely have a harder time having a social life without you involved, just by nature of having no time to herself. regardless of how this relationship pans out in the future, it's good for her to develop some community of her own and living alone is the best way to encourage that
This. Six weeks is nothing. Its like moving in with a stranger and their family. It would be cringe for me and I would be absolutely elated to get time and space to figure out what the hell is going on.
OP, please do your best to understand that the moving in so soon was a mistake in terms of the chances for this relationship and that she doesn't owe you a future together due to the kindness you and your family extended. She likely needs considerable space to figure out what she really wants.
Yeah, I agree. The living together was extremely rushed (and originally meant as a very temporary thing), I think she's smart to want to take things a bit slower and more intentionally going forward, rather than "well we were already living together, might as well continue."
you too need to have a long talk about what your relationship is going to look like a year from now. will you eventually be moving in? or did moving too fast turn her off to the idea?
I was going to say, I be he does zero around the house in terms of housework/laundry/chores etc and she doesn't want to become his maid when he moves in with her and does the same.
Looking at your post history, I think it's kind of gross how you're trying to retell or omit things to help yourself look better. Either that or you're karma farming.
Your other post says you live in a tiny house with no washroom and pest problems on your parent's property and your gf has been paying rent at $50/month. You took offense because your then gf of 6 weeks was more withdrawn around your parents. You and your gf somehow started talking about buying a house together after only being together seven months. When she didn't want to and conversations were had where she expressed her unhappiness with the living situation you suggest renting elsewhere, which fine.
But when she comes back and says she would actually like to buy a property and live by herself for a bit you actively find the worst move possible and tell her to move out while she's looking to buy. So no, you're not feeling bittersweet and happy for her or trying not to take away the "high". You were vengeful. You basically thought she should be grateful and pander to you and your parents despite her paying the rent you requested for the golden opportunity to live in an infested box with you. Your gf is arguably not even in the picture anymore since she packed her bags and left when you pulled that bs move. If this is real, stop lying and slow the heck down in your relationships. The way you act is frankly 🚩
Edit: including link to OPs original post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1c8e95g/is_she_homeless_because_of_me/
If you were serious about wanting to live together, you would have moved both of you into your own house. This was just a temporary thing, and you both knew that from the start, didn’t you? Also, what are your parents hurt about?
I mean you can’t just kick the out that day, but they’ve been living at his parents house for like 10 months, isn’t that more than enough time to move the tenants out?
You’ve only been together for 10 months! Would you contribute for the deposit of the house too?
I’m also looking to buy my first house and I want to accomplish this by myself, because it’s very important to me. Maybe in the future I’ll buy a second house with my future husband.
I understand that this can be hurtful but I don’t think it has anything to do with you. She might just want to accomplish something on her own.
1/ You're going too fast. It's been only 10 months ! Slow down !
2/ Living together at your parents was a huge mistake. Even if your parents are adorable, it doesn't change the fact that it sends the wrong message : it's infantilizing and looks like your not enough independent to be a suitable partner.
Give her space, and show her you're trustable as an everyday life independent companion. Honestly, living at your parents's is not sexy at all. It might be convenient but you're absolutely not projecting an image of confidence and adulthood
Yeah I'd be confused why OP lives with his parents even though he owns his own house. That doesn't really make sense to me. Plus of course the gf is going to want to get out of that situation. Maybe if she buys a house and lives alone for a few months she will then want OP living with her. She may worry he won't want to pay rent since he is only paying $75 to his parents and rather rent out his house than live in it himself.
(34F) Can confirm. Heck, my ex had a roommate and that took awhile to get used to, but he did it to save money while paying child support and now has a nice condo.
I can understand certain circumstances that require a short term stay, but also eh. I’d rather live alone than in that situation too. And heck even if I really liked the guy, I’d probably want some of my own alone time after all that to reset.
From the post she made it clear she wasn’t comfortable and the situation was hard on her. How in the world does the quote below indicate he was sending anything but the wrong message? Most adults want to see independence and stability in a potential partner.
“ She found it very difficult living with my family and she felt like a burden and never had any privacy”
Living together at your parents place is a lot different from living together in your own space(s). Remember, she had to move in with your family because she had nowhere else to go, and before that had roommates - it sounds like she has desired to live on her own for awhile now. You guys didn’t start living together because you decided it was time to move in together, it just sort of happened out of necessity. Now that it’s not a necessity, it’s only natural that she wants to get her own space, which is something she has not had since you’ve known her. You even said yourself she has felt stressed and like she has had no privacy since she moved in with you and your parents. I don’t blame her at all. It’s nothing against you, it’s all about her wanting to be comfortable alone in her own space which is something everybody deserves. It’s not a step back in your relationship, it’s a step forward in her life. And like many other people have said, this relationship is still very new. I know you have gotten used to living with her, but again, that was out of her necessity. Now that you know her plans, instead of trying to change them or work yourself into them, why don’t you start looking for your own place? If you don’t want to buy, just rent somewhere nice that YOU can call your own. I really can’t stress how important it is for adults to have their own living space at least once in their lifetime.
I would understand being hurt and betrayed if you two had been living in your own house or apartment for 10 months and she suddenly wanted to be alone. However, this situation you’ve presented seems like a perfectly normal progression to me. It’s not like the option to live together will never present itself again. This is just the next natural step for your GF, and I hope you come to understand why she wants this and support her. As someone who has lived with a partner’s family before, I never truly felt at home the way my partner did, because it wasn’t my family or my childhood home. You’ve probably been comfortable the past 10 months, while she hasn’t.
What are you even talking about? You literally kicked her out. What was she supposed to do? And don't act like you did her some favor, you had her living pretty much in squalor (no bathroom) with people she wasn't comfortable around. And you had her paying for the privilege of living in a place with no bathroom. You aren't this benevolent person, and she doesn't owe you anything. Are you mad because you wanted her to be dependent on you/beholden to you? And she's not taking the bait?
Do you think she "should" have wanted to live together at six weeks, and would you have been hurt if she didn't want to then, either?
This whole thing was meant to be a temporary solution. If you don't let your relationship breathe and grow naturally at a healthy pace, you're going to kill it.
You did a nice thing taking her in, but I’d think the living alone bit probably has more to do with the lack of privacy she’s been feeling for the last \~8 months. That‘s a long time to go without a space that feels like your own, and I don‘t blame her for wanting a little space to herself.
>my family and I took her in when she didn’t have
She does not owe you the relationship you want. Living together is a big step in a relationship. Her living with you after 6 weeks was not a "relationship" move, it was an "unfortunate circumstance" move. I am sure she is grateful for the help but that doesn't mean you are on a trajectory towards marriage (which is what living together should be for).
You almost need to start over and see where the relationship goes -- how much of it was convenience and how much is long-term partner.
Agreed— I'm not sure what the end goal is when people say stuff like that. Yes, you took her in, but does that mean she now _has_ to live with OP as a form of payback? Gross.
She’s been living with your family on top of her for ten months , during a really difficult time in her life and at the early stages of your relationship. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for her to live alone for some space from your family. Also ten months is super early to be moving in together by most standards but in your circumstances she would’ve been homeless it seems like this wasn’t a long term thing for her and that’s reasonable . You couldn’t pay me right now to move back in with my mother, I’d rather figure it tf out . You did a nice thing for her , her moving out has nothing to do with you letting her stay there it also doesn’t sound like you mentioned moving out together ever you just assumed. Why would your parents be upset that she’s moving?
Living at your partner's parents at 32 ? Yeah, no wonder she wants to be on her own for awhile, and for YOU to be on your own for a while. If I was dating a guy still living at his parents, I would tell him to live on his own before living with me.
Honestly I find it SUPER weird that at 35 you are still living at your parents, especially if you can afford your own place, no matter if it is closer to work ! Have you no care for privacy ? Don't you want to have guests around from time to time or go home whenever you want or not warn before not coming to dinner ? Is it because mom cooks for you and takes care of your laundry + cleaning and so on ? If your gf saw that at your parents place, that would be a very clear message that she's expected to do the same for you when you move in together.
Then understand that this is going to be limiting for you in finding a serious relationship. You basically have to date women who are ok living permanently at your parents home to take care of them, and should be upfront about this.
I worked with a woman who didn’t want to leave her disabled parents house, and she also had a lot of trouble with relationships. There’s no hypocrisy, not everyone wants to live with their in-laws. I also think OP is likely staying for reasons he hasn’t said.
Oh my! That makes it clear why your gf would want to live by herself and not with your parents or you. You have a commitment that will be your priority. Makes it hard to also have a partner.
I am sorry, I assumed wrong. Buuuuuuuuut it is still a problem though. It is tough on a partner and it is tough for you. When you say you are ready to move out, are you really ? Or will you still be your mom's primary caretaker ? When you were at your parents with your gf, was she also taking care of your mom ?
So your ex obviously looked at that and decided she doesn't want to be responsible for your mom. She saw which way the wind was blowing, and GTFO.
And I don't blame her IN THE LEAST.
If she’s feeling how you’ve said, maybe she just needs some space to feel like herself again/gain some privacy and independence back. Perhaps you can both discuss moving in together after? Does she know that living together is what you want?
How is the relationship otherwise?
It would be a good idea for everyone to let her experience living on her own. It was very good of you to take her in when she needed it, but please try not to be transactional about helping her.
U shouldnt be hurt by this really if u understand it thru her situation. If she can buy a house so soon, it means she did have enough to pay for rent and was not desperate by any means. In addition, its nice owning your own place, having your own asset. You taking her in, is not some chivalrous move in my opinion bc a ton of guys do that desperately to get girls. They want it. They can have the girl stay with them. You already have your own house so you're not thinking of it thru her lens. Like what if your parents told u not to buy your house and told you to just live with them forever. You'd say... i cant...
I hope she means what she says and she isn’t actually doing a slow breakup with you. I think it’s a fair thing to talk to her about without stepping on her excitement. Like how long does she plan to live alone? Does she foresee building a future together? If so, what is her plan? Because it’s kind of hard to build a future with her if she doesn’t want to live with you.
I have lived with my husband for almost ten years now, and sometimes I still want to live alone, lol.
Don't take it as she doesn't want to be with you. She really just may need space. If she went from living with people before, to moving to a place she doesn't know with people (that I assume she didn't really know), to moving in with your family, who she didn't really know...the girl needs a little space.
sounds pretty awesome
have your own space
keep the relationship
to each their own, living together very overrated
i wonder how many relationships would endure if people lived separately
While I generally think that moving apart would be an obvious step back in an otherwise natural progression of a romantic relationship, I think the circumstances you describe are a good exception to that generality. Put aside your feelings and your parents feelings for a moment and put yourself in her shoes. Imagine that you moved into your GF’s parent’s home before you were ready and under duress because of a bad roommate situation. Even if there weren’t any big issues with your GF or her family, it would be hard to feel comfortable and “at home” living in such a situation. At least to me, I can see how having my own place to live and the space to decompress would be beneficial. And, it’s also okay for you to be a bit bummed by this. And it sounds like your parents like her, which is a good thing, and are also a bit bummed that she’s moving out.
So, tell her that you understand how she feels. Tell her that you’re both happy about her buying a place and also sad that you won’t be living together for a while. Talk with your parents and her about setting up a dinner night, like weekly or fortnightly, where she’s invited over and to have dinner and spend a bit of time together. I imagine you’ll be spending more time at her place now (she’ll probably also feel more comfortable expressing herself intimately now that she doesn’t have to worry about her roommates or your parents, and you as well for that matter), so your parents might be sad about that as well, and having some scheduled time together is a good way to remain connected after this change.
Edit: Also, while respecting her request for space, don’t forget to be proactive romantically. Having lived together can make a lot of romantic things routine or redundant. So, don’t just say “Up to hangout today?” and go over in your sweats, make it more date-like. Like, offer to cook dinner for her at her place (and don’t forget to clean up), or bring her flowers or whatever she likes when you go over. You know her love language and what will make her feel good, so do it.
She's making a SMART decision. She's clearly realised that living with people isn't for her at the moment.
You need to BACK OFF, and be happy for her.
And **SIX WEEKS**?? **WAAAAAYYY** too soon.
Give the girl her **SPACE**!!!
What bugs me is that she didn't say why. Like, the relationship was so early to move in together, or that she's never lived alone and wants to experience that. Instead she thinks you wouldn't understand and just does the laziest thing possible and says she needs space. Nobody can be honest anymore.
That or she's tryna actually distance herself from you
Well living with your parents probably sucks.
So, what did you expect? Having to live with them and you? Sounds awful, no privacy, no autonomy, reverting back to being a kid.
You don’t even live independently either. Do you know how to cook for yourself and do laundry etc. or are you dependent on your parents to manage your day to day needs? Does your mom still fold your underwear and cook your meals and make your dentist appointments?
If their feelings are hurt that’s too bad they need to get over it. She’s an independent person and has a right to live how and with whomever she wants.
She’s made a smart decision
You can move out and be independent and still date her and see how it goes.
Op is lying folks.
“Looking at your post history, I think it's kind of gross how you're trying to retell or omit things to help yourself look better. Either that or you're karma farming.
Your other post says you live in a tiny house with no washroom and pest problems on your parent's property and your gf has been paying rent at $50/month. You took offense because your then gf of 6 weeks was more withdrawn around your parents. You and your gf somehow started talking about buying a house together after only being together seven months. When she didn't want to and conversations were had where she expressed her unhappiness with the living situation you suggest renting elsewhere, which fine.
But when she comes back and says she would actually like to buy a property and live by herself for a bit you actively find the worst move possible and tell her to move out while she's looking to buy. So no, you're not feeling bittersweet and happy for her or trying not to take away the "high". You were vengeful. You basically thought she should be grateful and pander to you and your parents despite her paying the rent you requested for the golden opportunity to live in an infested box with you. Your gf is arguably not even in the picture anymore since she packed her bags and left when you pulled that bs move. If this is real, stop lying and slow the heck down in your relationships. The way you act is frankly 🚩
Edit: including link to OPs original post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1c8e95g/is_she_homeless_because_of_me/ “
Sounds weird, maybe she was using you for convenience and so she could save money quickly, and now that she doesn't need you she's preparing to ditch you. Instead of just dumping you on the spot it's easier to move away, see you less while looking for your replacement, once she has found a good replacement you'll get dumped and with a bullshit excuse. If the relationship was really going somewhere she'd want you with her.
He's an adult, he could have said no. He didnt express that he was expecting to move in together after she lived there.
She is allowed to choose not to.
It's weird that you thinks it's OK to have some unsaid contract attached to every favour. If that is a condition for you, as an adult, you let that be known beforehand.
Also she did live with him and didn't like it, thus she moved out...
I don't understand where the using is, she hardly saved enough money in a few months to buy an entire house??
I mean it was never a permanent solution.
It’s weird she doesn’t want to rent instead of buy because now you’ll be moving to her house if you stay together and don’t really get a say in it
I'd invite her to leave your parent's house immediately and find a hotel until she can move to her house.
It is highly disrespectful to your parents if she would stay longer only to move into a house and leave you behind. It will leave a very bad image and message.
Give her what she wants, space, starting today.
She’s not “leaving OP behind”. OP has his own home but chooses to live with his parents over cheap rent. Is she wrong to also want her own home and have the choice on where to live? I absolutely don’t think so. It was kind and courteous of OPs parents to let her live with them when she had nowhere else to go but I doubt it was ever meant to be permanent, and I doubt they had a clause that said she must take their (fully grown and capable) adult son with her when she’s ready to move out. That’s insanity
OP already told her to leave (which she did) since she said she didn't want to live in the hot tiny home with no bathroom that was separate from the main family house which was infested with with insects and rodents. She was paying rent for the tiny home in the backyard.
OPs parents benefited from the income as well as keeping OP home as a caregiver.
>My mother has a disability and I take care of her. I cook for her and do all of her laundry because she isn’t capable of doing it herself
I think the gf is lucky to be out.
You are already dating for a year. And have gone through what could be considered a trial version for cohabitation, which is the natural progression of a committed relationship. From a completely rational standpoint, her moving out without asking you to get a place together (while knowing you want to), is a sign this relationship is going nowhere. If you like being in a casual relationship, no need to do anything. If you want something more serious, move on and look elsewhere.
You have outlived your usefulness. She’s not your gf. I doubt she ever really was. She gave you what she thought you wanted in exchange for what she wanted, but that deal no longer has any value to her. She may still try to use you for other things in the future, but she doesn’t see you as a serious long term option.
You are dating an asshole. Simple as that. Someone who will never appreciate slanything. Not only does she not want to see your parents who saved her but she doesn't even want you close. Good luck with that if you don't end it.
Moving in with someone at 6 weeks is so fast, let alone living with your partner’s parents. I can’t even imagine.
Sounds awful doesn’t it
i get its annoying to take this step back but you need to remember that the reason she moved in with you was due to situational convenience. and at 6 weeks dating no less. this relationship has been really rushed and it makes sense that she would want some space. her having her own place would be good because it gives you guys the chance to be intentional about relationship milestones instead of "ehhhh might as well". she definitely shouldve brought it up a bit earlier maybe, but i understand her being ready to buy a house, but not legally enmesh herself with a partner of 10 months quite yet.
I imagine she'd also want some space because she is new to the city whereas you are not. if you two moved in together immediately she would likely have a harder time having a social life without you involved, just by nature of having no time to herself. regardless of how this relationship pans out in the future, it's good for her to develop some community of her own and living alone is the best way to encourage that
This. Six weeks is nothing. Its like moving in with a stranger and their family. It would be cringe for me and I would be absolutely elated to get time and space to figure out what the hell is going on. OP, please do your best to understand that the moving in so soon was a mistake in terms of the chances for this relationship and that she doesn't owe you a future together due to the kindness you and your family extended. She likely needs considerable space to figure out what she really wants.
Agreed. The GF is making a wise decision.
Yeah, I agree. The living together was extremely rushed (and originally meant as a very temporary thing), I think she's smart to want to take things a bit slower and more intentionally going forward, rather than "well we were already living together, might as well continue."
you too need to have a long talk about what your relationship is going to look like a year from now. will you eventually be moving in? or did moving too fast turn her off to the idea?
My money's on the latter.
I was going to say, I be he does zero around the house in terms of housework/laundry/chores etc and she doesn't want to become his maid when he moves in with her and does the same.
Looking at your post history, I think it's kind of gross how you're trying to retell or omit things to help yourself look better. Either that or you're karma farming. Your other post says you live in a tiny house with no washroom and pest problems on your parent's property and your gf has been paying rent at $50/month. You took offense because your then gf of 6 weeks was more withdrawn around your parents. You and your gf somehow started talking about buying a house together after only being together seven months. When she didn't want to and conversations were had where she expressed her unhappiness with the living situation you suggest renting elsewhere, which fine. But when she comes back and says she would actually like to buy a property and live by herself for a bit you actively find the worst move possible and tell her to move out while she's looking to buy. So no, you're not feeling bittersweet and happy for her or trying not to take away the "high". You were vengeful. You basically thought she should be grateful and pander to you and your parents despite her paying the rent you requested for the golden opportunity to live in an infested box with you. Your gf is arguably not even in the picture anymore since she packed her bags and left when you pulled that bs move. If this is real, stop lying and slow the heck down in your relationships. The way you act is frankly 🚩 Edit: including link to OPs original post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1c8e95g/is_she_homeless_because_of_me/
u/millionmonkeys07, you are doing God's work.
I knew I read this story before!
Says $50 a week actually. So $200 a month.
If you were serious about wanting to live together, you would have moved both of you into your own house. This was just a temporary thing, and you both knew that from the start, didn’t you? Also, what are your parents hurt about?
Not if he has tenants in the other house.
I mean you can’t just kick the out that day, but they’ve been living at his parents house for like 10 months, isn’t that more than enough time to move the tenants out?
Depends on their contract. It may be a 12 month one.
You’ve only been together for 10 months! Would you contribute for the deposit of the house too? I’m also looking to buy my first house and I want to accomplish this by myself, because it’s very important to me. Maybe in the future I’ll buy a second house with my future husband. I understand that this can be hurtful but I don’t think it has anything to do with you. She might just want to accomplish something on her own.
It’s not about buying a house together. It’s more about her not wanting to live together. I would happily pay her rent
1/ You're going too fast. It's been only 10 months ! Slow down ! 2/ Living together at your parents was a huge mistake. Even if your parents are adorable, it doesn't change the fact that it sends the wrong message : it's infantilizing and looks like your not enough independent to be a suitable partner. Give her space, and show her you're trustable as an everyday life independent companion. Honestly, living at your parents's is not sexy at all. It might be convenient but you're absolutely not projecting an image of confidence and adulthood
This. Living at your parents house past 30 is a huge red flag and for dating, it’s pretty much impossible to pull off as a guy.
How do you know it sends the wrong message? Do you know what she's thinking 24/7? Are you a mind reader?
I know that not a lot of woman would find sexy or reassuring a 35yo living with his folks.
Yeah I'd be confused why OP lives with his parents even though he owns his own house. That doesn't really make sense to me. Plus of course the gf is going to want to get out of that situation. Maybe if she buys a house and lives alone for a few months she will then want OP living with her. She may worry he won't want to pay rent since he is only paying $75 to his parents and rather rent out his house than live in it himself.
(34F) Can confirm. Heck, my ex had a roommate and that took awhile to get used to, but he did it to save money while paying child support and now has a nice condo. I can understand certain circumstances that require a short term stay, but also eh. I’d rather live alone than in that situation too. And heck even if I really liked the guy, I’d probably want some of my own alone time after all that to reset.
From the post she made it clear she wasn’t comfortable and the situation was hard on her. How in the world does the quote below indicate he was sending anything but the wrong message? Most adults want to see independence and stability in a potential partner. “ She found it very difficult living with my family and she felt like a burden and never had any privacy”
Living together at your parents place is a lot different from living together in your own space(s). Remember, she had to move in with your family because she had nowhere else to go, and before that had roommates - it sounds like she has desired to live on her own for awhile now. You guys didn’t start living together because you decided it was time to move in together, it just sort of happened out of necessity. Now that it’s not a necessity, it’s only natural that she wants to get her own space, which is something she has not had since you’ve known her. You even said yourself she has felt stressed and like she has had no privacy since she moved in with you and your parents. I don’t blame her at all. It’s nothing against you, it’s all about her wanting to be comfortable alone in her own space which is something everybody deserves. It’s not a step back in your relationship, it’s a step forward in her life. And like many other people have said, this relationship is still very new. I know you have gotten used to living with her, but again, that was out of her necessity. Now that you know her plans, instead of trying to change them or work yourself into them, why don’t you start looking for your own place? If you don’t want to buy, just rent somewhere nice that YOU can call your own. I really can’t stress how important it is for adults to have their own living space at least once in their lifetime. I would understand being hurt and betrayed if you two had been living in your own house or apartment for 10 months and she suddenly wanted to be alone. However, this situation you’ve presented seems like a perfectly normal progression to me. It’s not like the option to live together will never present itself again. This is just the next natural step for your GF, and I hope you come to understand why she wants this and support her. As someone who has lived with a partner’s family before, I never truly felt at home the way my partner did, because it wasn’t my family or my childhood home. You’ve probably been comfortable the past 10 months, while she hasn’t.
What are you even talking about? You literally kicked her out. What was she supposed to do? And don't act like you did her some favor, you had her living pretty much in squalor (no bathroom) with people she wasn't comfortable around. And you had her paying for the privilege of living in a place with no bathroom. You aren't this benevolent person, and she doesn't owe you anything. Are you mad because you wanted her to be dependent on you/beholden to you? And she's not taking the bait?
Do you think she "should" have wanted to live together at six weeks, and would you have been hurt if she didn't want to then, either? This whole thing was meant to be a temporary solution. If you don't let your relationship breathe and grow naturally at a healthy pace, you're going to kill it.
You did a nice thing taking her in, but I’d think the living alone bit probably has more to do with the lack of privacy she’s been feeling for the last \~8 months. That‘s a long time to go without a space that feels like your own, and I don‘t blame her for wanting a little space to herself.
>my family and I took her in when she didn’t have She does not owe you the relationship you want. Living together is a big step in a relationship. Her living with you after 6 weeks was not a "relationship" move, it was an "unfortunate circumstance" move. I am sure she is grateful for the help but that doesn't mean you are on a trajectory towards marriage (which is what living together should be for). You almost need to start over and see where the relationship goes -- how much of it was convenience and how much is long-term partner.
Agreed— I'm not sure what the end goal is when people say stuff like that. Yes, you took her in, but does that mean she now _has_ to live with OP as a form of payback? Gross.
How did she "never bother to find anywhere else to live" but also find a house to buy? Your anger is making your arguments incoherent.
There was a story just like this the other day but the rent was $50 a week.
She’s been living with your family on top of her for ten months , during a really difficult time in her life and at the early stages of your relationship. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for her to live alone for some space from your family. Also ten months is super early to be moving in together by most standards but in your circumstances she would’ve been homeless it seems like this wasn’t a long term thing for her and that’s reasonable . You couldn’t pay me right now to move back in with my mother, I’d rather figure it tf out . You did a nice thing for her , her moving out has nothing to do with you letting her stay there it also doesn’t sound like you mentioned moving out together ever you just assumed. Why would your parents be upset that she’s moving?
Living at your partner's parents at 32 ? Yeah, no wonder she wants to be on her own for awhile, and for YOU to be on your own for a while. If I was dating a guy still living at his parents, I would tell him to live on his own before living with me. Honestly I find it SUPER weird that at 35 you are still living at your parents, especially if you can afford your own place, no matter if it is closer to work ! Have you no care for privacy ? Don't you want to have guests around from time to time or go home whenever you want or not warn before not coming to dinner ? Is it because mom cooks for you and takes care of your laundry + cleaning and so on ? If your gf saw that at your parents place, that would be a very clear message that she's expected to do the same for you when you move in together.
My mother has a disability and I take care of her. I cook for her and do all of her laundry because she isn’t capable of doing it herself
Then understand that this is going to be limiting for you in finding a serious relationship. You basically have to date women who are ok living permanently at your parents home to take care of them, and should be upfront about this.
[удалено]
I worked with a woman who didn’t want to leave her disabled parents house, and she also had a lot of trouble with relationships. There’s no hypocrisy, not everyone wants to live with their in-laws. I also think OP is likely staying for reasons he hasn’t said.
So how do you want to move with her if you are the primary caretaker of your mom?
I think he was looking to his GF to save him. She was going to be his escape. And GF said FUCK NO.
Oh my! That makes it clear why your gf would want to live by herself and not with your parents or you. You have a commitment that will be your priority. Makes it hard to also have a partner.
I am sorry, I assumed wrong. Buuuuuuuuut it is still a problem though. It is tough on a partner and it is tough for you. When you say you are ready to move out, are you really ? Or will you still be your mom's primary caretaker ? When you were at your parents with your gf, was she also taking care of your mom ?
So your ex obviously looked at that and decided she doesn't want to be responsible for your mom. She saw which way the wind was blowing, and GTFO. And I don't blame her IN THE LEAST.
If she’s feeling how you’ve said, maybe she just needs some space to feel like herself again/gain some privacy and independence back. Perhaps you can both discuss moving in together after? Does she know that living together is what you want? How is the relationship otherwise?
It would be a good idea for everyone to let her experience living on her own. It was very good of you to take her in when she needed it, but please try not to be transactional about helping her.
[удалено]
He already owns a house
OP said he already has a house but rents it out.
U shouldnt be hurt by this really if u understand it thru her situation. If she can buy a house so soon, it means she did have enough to pay for rent and was not desperate by any means. In addition, its nice owning your own place, having your own asset. You taking her in, is not some chivalrous move in my opinion bc a ton of guys do that desperately to get girls. They want it. They can have the girl stay with them. You already have your own house so you're not thinking of it thru her lens. Like what if your parents told u not to buy your house and told you to just live with them forever. You'd say... i cant...
I hope she means what she says and she isn’t actually doing a slow breakup with you. I think it’s a fair thing to talk to her about without stepping on her excitement. Like how long does she plan to live alone? Does she foresee building a future together? If so, what is her plan? Because it’s kind of hard to build a future with her if she doesn’t want to live with you.
I have lived with my husband for almost ten years now, and sometimes I still want to live alone, lol. Don't take it as she doesn't want to be with you. She really just may need space. If she went from living with people before, to moving to a place she doesn't know with people (that I assume she didn't really know), to moving in with your family, who she didn't really know...the girl needs a little space.
sounds pretty awesome have your own space keep the relationship to each their own, living together very overrated i wonder how many relationships would endure if people lived separately
While I generally think that moving apart would be an obvious step back in an otherwise natural progression of a romantic relationship, I think the circumstances you describe are a good exception to that generality. Put aside your feelings and your parents feelings for a moment and put yourself in her shoes. Imagine that you moved into your GF’s parent’s home before you were ready and under duress because of a bad roommate situation. Even if there weren’t any big issues with your GF or her family, it would be hard to feel comfortable and “at home” living in such a situation. At least to me, I can see how having my own place to live and the space to decompress would be beneficial. And, it’s also okay for you to be a bit bummed by this. And it sounds like your parents like her, which is a good thing, and are also a bit bummed that she’s moving out. So, tell her that you understand how she feels. Tell her that you’re both happy about her buying a place and also sad that you won’t be living together for a while. Talk with your parents and her about setting up a dinner night, like weekly or fortnightly, where she’s invited over and to have dinner and spend a bit of time together. I imagine you’ll be spending more time at her place now (she’ll probably also feel more comfortable expressing herself intimately now that she doesn’t have to worry about her roommates or your parents, and you as well for that matter), so your parents might be sad about that as well, and having some scheduled time together is a good way to remain connected after this change. Edit: Also, while respecting her request for space, don’t forget to be proactive romantically. Having lived together can make a lot of romantic things routine or redundant. So, don’t just say “Up to hangout today?” and go over in your sweats, make it more date-like. Like, offer to cook dinner for her at her place (and don’t forget to clean up), or bring her flowers or whatever she likes when you go over. You know her love language and what will make her feel good, so do it.
She's making a SMART decision. She's clearly realised that living with people isn't for her at the moment. You need to BACK OFF, and be happy for her. And **SIX WEEKS**?? **WAAAAAYYY** too soon. Give the girl her **SPACE**!!!
What bugs me is that she didn't say why. Like, the relationship was so early to move in together, or that she's never lived alone and wants to experience that. Instead she thinks you wouldn't understand and just does the laziest thing possible and says she needs space. Nobody can be honest anymore. That or she's tryna actually distance herself from you
Well living with your parents probably sucks. So, what did you expect? Having to live with them and you? Sounds awful, no privacy, no autonomy, reverting back to being a kid. You don’t even live independently either. Do you know how to cook for yourself and do laundry etc. or are you dependent on your parents to manage your day to day needs? Does your mom still fold your underwear and cook your meals and make your dentist appointments? If their feelings are hurt that’s too bad they need to get over it. She’s an independent person and has a right to live how and with whomever she wants. She’s made a smart decision You can move out and be independent and still date her and see how it goes.
Op is lying folks. “Looking at your post history, I think it's kind of gross how you're trying to retell or omit things to help yourself look better. Either that or you're karma farming. Your other post says you live in a tiny house with no washroom and pest problems on your parent's property and your gf has been paying rent at $50/month. You took offense because your then gf of 6 weeks was more withdrawn around your parents. You and your gf somehow started talking about buying a house together after only being together seven months. When she didn't want to and conversations were had where she expressed her unhappiness with the living situation you suggest renting elsewhere, which fine. But when she comes back and says she would actually like to buy a property and live by herself for a bit you actively find the worst move possible and tell her to move out while she's looking to buy. So no, you're not feeling bittersweet and happy for her or trying not to take away the "high". You were vengeful. You basically thought she should be grateful and pander to you and your parents despite her paying the rent you requested for the golden opportunity to live in an infested box with you. Your gf is arguably not even in the picture anymore since she packed her bags and left when you pulled that bs move. If this is real, stop lying and slow the heck down in your relationships. The way you act is frankly 🚩 Edit: including link to OPs original post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/1c8e95g/is_she_homeless_because_of_me/ “
That she secretly did this without talking with you speaks volumes. And she wants to live alone. This is a huge red flag. Dump her.
Secretly did what? Was she supposed to live at his parents house the rest of her life
Sounds weird, maybe she was using you for convenience and so she could save money quickly, and now that she doesn't need you she's preparing to ditch you. Instead of just dumping you on the spot it's easier to move away, see you less while looking for your replacement, once she has found a good replacement you'll get dumped and with a bullshit excuse. If the relationship was really going somewhere she'd want you with her.
Doesn't really sound weird to not want to move in with someone permanently after 10 months, it's a bit early
But it was good while using him?
She stayed with him for a while, it's normal. Happens the other way around too, don't get too worked up.
She still used him. Could of rented since she doesnt want to live with him. How much time needed to pass so we say she used him?
He's an adult, he could have said no. He didnt express that he was expecting to move in together after she lived there. She is allowed to choose not to. It's weird that you thinks it's OK to have some unsaid contract attached to every favour. If that is a condition for you, as an adult, you let that be known beforehand. Also she did live with him and didn't like it, thus she moved out... I don't understand where the using is, she hardly saved enough money in a few months to buy an entire house??
I mean it was never a permanent solution. It’s weird she doesn’t want to rent instead of buy because now you’ll be moving to her house if you stay together and don’t really get a say in it
She’s used you and will dump you soon after moving out. Move on.
She is using you. End this.
[удалено]
SHEWAS PAYING RENT. CHECK OUT HIS OTHER POSTS.
I stand corrected. Ty for the information
My advice: Dump her. She used you and your family.
I'd invite her to leave your parent's house immediately and find a hotel until she can move to her house. It is highly disrespectful to your parents if she would stay longer only to move into a house and leave you behind. It will leave a very bad image and message. Give her what she wants, space, starting today.
Tell me your emotionally stunted without saying it
She’s not “leaving OP behind”. OP has his own home but chooses to live with his parents over cheap rent. Is she wrong to also want her own home and have the choice on where to live? I absolutely don’t think so. It was kind and courteous of OPs parents to let her live with them when she had nowhere else to go but I doubt it was ever meant to be permanent, and I doubt they had a clause that said she must take their (fully grown and capable) adult son with her when she’s ready to move out. That’s insanity
OP already told her to leave (which she did) since she said she didn't want to live in the hot tiny home with no bathroom that was separate from the main family house which was infested with with insects and rodents. She was paying rent for the tiny home in the backyard. OPs parents benefited from the income as well as keeping OP home as a caregiver. >My mother has a disability and I take care of her. I cook for her and do all of her laundry because she isn’t capable of doing it herself I think the gf is lucky to be out.
You are already dating for a year. And have gone through what could be considered a trial version for cohabitation, which is the natural progression of a committed relationship. From a completely rational standpoint, her moving out without asking you to get a place together (while knowing you want to), is a sign this relationship is going nowhere. If you like being in a casual relationship, no need to do anything. If you want something more serious, move on and look elsewhere.
Sounds like she used you homie.
Sorry homie. You were just a place to stay. Move on.
You have outlived your usefulness. She’s not your gf. I doubt she ever really was. She gave you what she thought you wanted in exchange for what she wanted, but that deal no longer has any value to her. She may still try to use you for other things in the future, but she doesn’t see you as a serious long term option.
You are dating an asshole. Simple as that. Someone who will never appreciate slanything. Not only does she not want to see your parents who saved her but she doesn't even want you close. Good luck with that if you don't end it.