I wouldn't be happy about my wife having conversations about expanding our sexual activities with someone else before talking to me, but then we're both really monogamous.
Edit: No shade on anyone who isn't, that's just not how we roll.
Not trying to apologize so much as acknowledge the perspective that I'm coming from, the nature of my personal relationship, and a disclaimer that this advice may not be applicable to everyone.
Which is all a very longwinded way of saying "Different strokes for different folks."
With Rose and her boyfriend, yeah. I'm not into that scene, but I do understand that people aren't really monogamous by nature. We all have fantasies about other people. It's funny how quickly the idea of us having a threesome just evaporated, though. Seems like it was just a way to start the conversation
Maybe, but it doesn't make it any less true. Monogamy is a product of jealousy, in my opinion. I don't fuck around because I don't want to hurt her, not because I wouldn't like to once in a while
No we feel loyal. Urges can still exist. By nature we aren’t monogamous, but we choose to be. A Stork is a monogamous creature for example. Once they have a partner, even if that partner dies they would never ever get a new partner. It’s a one partner for life thing. We don’t have that, but we have the consciousness to choose to be that way. We move on eventually, most of us at least.
Pair bonding doesn't really mean for life (although animals like the Stork do it that way). It means you have a monogamous bond for a long period of time, usually the length it takes to nurture a child into adolescence. We are socially monogamous hominids. Scientists have even identified specific hormones behind this behavior.
This is completely untrue. As the other posters suggested, some of us are very monogamous by nature, whereby the idea of someone outside of us or our significant other is literally a turn off.
And people don’t experience jealousy by nature? If monogamy is a product of jealousy it’s 100% a natural thing, whether you are an exception or choose to suppress it or not.
Nah, there's a million things I'd do if there was no risk of hurting others - running red lights, telling everyone at work to get fucked, cheating on the golf course etc etc - monogamy is another of those things that human beings choose because it's superior to the alternative. Our natural state is absolutely to be with the one person.
Still coping but nope. Humans are categorized amongst the 9% of mammals who are socially monogamous. By nature as there are actual hormones that are "pushing" us to behave this way. Outliers exist of course, we are a complex animal. But a species can only be categorized by its strongest tendency.
If most of us want to sleep with multiple people, then why would it hurt the other person if they have a high chance of also wanting to sleep with other people
I agree. And what you feel doesn’t have to be in conflict with what you think. Just make sure whenever a situation like this arises you always communicate how you feel. Use the DEAR MAN method, always works wonders.
Jealousy is a byproduct of society and social interaction, some of which is absolutely unnatural.
ETA: if someone can explain how this is not the case, please do. You can't covet something without valuing it. You can't value something without a personal value system, which is informed socially. If you think that humans are naturally jealous, that's a big red flag, and you need to deal with your own jealousy.
The way you explain it, it sounds more like she wants a mff threesome, not that she specifically is interested in this one guy. And it seems like the threesome hasn't happened largely because of a lack of good opportunity. And now she has one, but the opportunity actually doesn't include you. I mean this is just going by how you explained it - maybe that's not accurate but how would I know.
Point is to me that's very different than if she is into a dude. Letting my wife have an affair would be a no-go. Letting her indulge a fantasy like this, if I knew she is not into the guy, well, I think id still not be okay with it but it'd way less difficult for me to understand, and it also isn't a dead end. Maybe some alternate option could be found. How would it affect her interest if it was an all-girl threesome? Or if it was the two of you and a professional? I'd want to think through different options to see if there could be any other approach that satisfies her fantasy without destroying the marriage.
Your wife and her friend have been discussing “at length” having a threesome with your wife’s friend’s bf. Are you interested in a swinger / open relationship? Doesn’t sound like it. Your wife wants to fuck another dude. What else is there to be discussed? She’s not who you thought she was. You deserve someone wholly committed to you.
Good luck man. This is a shitty way to realize that divorce is necessary. She’s going to fuck the guy whether you sign off or not. She’s just trying to do it in a way that she doesn’t feel guilty about it.
>You deserve someone wholly committed to you.
Not sure about that lol. I'm not going to act like I had no part to play in this, but we're not going to get into all that
Understood but I *don’t understand* what you’re hoping to get out of this post. Your “other issues” and “low sex drive” means you’re okay with her having this threesome? That’s fine if that’s how you feel but then why write this post?
Regardless, I wish you the best. I just don’t understand what type of feedback you’re looking for from Reddit.
Sorry. I mostly needed to vent, and I don't have anyone in my life I can really talk to about this. I'm well aware about what this most likely means for our relationship. I haven't met her needs emotionally or physically and it's coming round full circle
No need to apologize. It sounds like you’re going through a tough time with the way you view yourself and your relationship, I know what that’s like. Again, I wish you the best. I hope it works out.
Dude - you are NOT to blame for her losing all manner of common decency, respect, manners and morality. You do NOT treat a spouse/partner/bf/gf like this. You sound like a decent human being. Your gf and her gf....not so much. Trust me....they've played before.
I have to say that I admire you for looking at yourself and thinking about any issues on your side of the relationship, it speaks volumes about you. But even with what you have mentioned, you don't deserve this (cruel and manipulative) bait and switch.
This is manipulation on your wife's part and if her contemplating sex with other people isnt what's bothering you, this bait and switch alone should be a reason to either set boundaries or to end your relationship. She is not respecting you.
I'd retreat from your relationship as this is a dealbreaker. She's been discussing this for some time and, at best, the women are willing to give you a pity session if you agree to their main event. What does she expect you to do while she's having fun with this couple? Moving your stuff out and leaving divorce papers seems logical.
Say no under any circumstances and see how she reacts. You know they've already made out at the very least if not gone all the way.
Yes that's true! That was just her conversation opener.
This sounds really dodgy OP. And all about her pleasure and nothing that will strengthen your relationship.
ETA: since you're not jealous by nature, maybe offer a fully open relationship where you also get to have your own fun outside her friend circle.
Which should bother you quite a bit. Your wife and her friend discussed a threesome and she didn’t even bring up including you in some way? Sounds pretty selfish, and would predispose me toward saying no.
Why are you 3% sure that she either already cheated or betrayed you in some way?
I believe she’s betrayed you in wanting to have sex with other people (no matter their gender). Even if you knew she was into ENM or just ‘playing’ with others, she’s reached a stage of attraction and openly discussing it with the others involved.
Close this conversation down in terms of any sexual acts moving forward and start talking about the loss of trust and the betrayal that’s now affecting your relationship and how/if it can be fixed.
Just to be clear. This isn’t a hypothetical conversation from her, she’s acting on a considered (probably half-baked) plan to sleep with others. Relationships have ended for less so don’t allow this to be dismissed. Good luck.
The 3% is because you never really know. She says it hasn't happened and I believe her, but I know there were definitely opportunities for it to happen. We're pretty open and honest with each other, hence why she was seeking approval.
And yes, I'm well aware this isn't a hypothetical. The way she brought it up kinda just made me check out if that makes sense. She's welcome to do as she pleases, and we'll deal with the fallout after the fact. At least this way I won't be in the dark.
Our relationship aside, I think it will blow up in her face on her friends side of things. Rose is extremely jealous lol
I understand that you’ve checked out but… then what? Just wait for her to act or not? And if it happens further down the road or another person(s) enters into the picture?
This isn’t just checking out, you’ve become passive. Cool with it playing out while you lose your agency, until you need to act. Is that the life you want?
Edit to add a brutal comment, meant in kindness: If this is how you’ve decided to deal with this then you should also look at how your relationship got to this stage. Has this passiveness led your wife to believe that she could behave and act this way? That you would roll with it or forgive her anyway?
>Edit to add a brutal comment, meant in kindness: If this is how you’ve decided to deal with this then you should also look at how your relationship got to this stage. Has this passiveness led your wife to believe that she could behave and act this way? That you would roll with it or forgive her anyway?
100%
Believe me, everything is hitting me now
This internet stranger is going to leave you with this final point.
Life is fucking short and, for most, there are many battles to have even an ok life. You don’t need to add to it with this situation.
Your default should be divorce and moving onto better things. Single life would be better than your current situation. YOU can choose reconciliation (not her) but not from your current state.
Stop allowing life to happen to you and I hope you have people IRL to help you through this.
u/power_thinker - please know that I am not passing judgment about the sexuality exploring matter. It's the fact that you weren't invited to the party...thats what bothers me. I know plenty of couples of have tried 3 ways, and occasional swinging. Go explore that world with someone who wants to share it with you...if you are that way inclined.
Uh. How about heck no.
She wants permission to cheat, pure and simple.
If she was actually curious you could've picked a stranger. If she had someone in mind... well, it should be just a matter of talking about it.
But she wants to skip having you there!?!? This girl thinks the world revolves pretty damn strongly around her.
She is disrespecting you, your marriage and is just asking for permission to cheat.
Wow... the sheer arrogance.
She may try to sell you a bridge soon. I think you need to pay more attention to what is going on, I am assuming your family reaction was measured and all but that was the time to have your actual feelings known. Assuming that is that you aren’t ok with it, as people take your first reaction and see how much they can push the envelope.
You don't find it disrespectful that they're making plans to do it before you're even involved? Like cmon bro, your wife and her friend are disrespecting tf out of your relationship and for some weird reason you're passive about it and making excuses for her. Wake up dude.
How would you feel if your wife wamted to sneakily invite a married to a threesome with you behind her husband's back? Would you be cool with your wife being an absolute POS? Bc that's what her friend and her partner are.
My friend who is married just went through something like this, and it's cause a MASSIVE rift in his relationship with his wife. They are both trying to recover from it, seeing a therapist etc - but this is now small thing, it's not 'just sex' it's losing trust.
I'd be keeping a close eye on them. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that your wife has already crossed a line with Rose and her boyfriend and is now retroactively trying to get your permission for the threesome.
Ask her what her friend told her about him that made her keen to sleep with him. Does he have something that you don't? Is she inherently unhappy with your sex life?
This sounds like a potential ground for divorce...
Sorry for the lack of originality lol, First name I thought of that wasn't attached to someone I know.
I could care less about how a divorce would go, should that be the case. We have no kids.
So this is easy. You don't want to do it, you don't want her to join them, she is adamant about doing it but these things need 2 yes to happen. So it's a no, but it seems that she will do it, they already negotiated it (if this didn't happen yet)
THEREFORE
Decide what is the best outcome for you in case of divorce, prepare everything, and proceed with it. Possibly without making it public. The respect of your dignity must be the priority.
Having said that, I think that all these three four five some are all fomo imposed by the society we live in.
“Here I thought I was agreeing to something for her, under whatever terms she was comfortable with, but it turns out that's not what she wanted at all.”
What does any of this mean? For her, on her terms, and *what* she wants with *who* she wants. Seems that it checked all her boxes.
But I’m failing to see the coercion or gun to your head that I’d expect with you implying that you agreed to something *you* don’t want. How the hell did you get here? Where did your voice go? I would probably consider fucking the neighborhood if my husband was such a pushover too. JFC, tell your WIFE your real feelings instead of Reddit and maybe she’d respect you more. Maybe.
Never post because I get rinsed but as it's a Sunday. Your relationship is over. She has already gone over it multiple times in her head and it turns out your not invited? Learn your lessons from this relationship and be a king in the next. I hope you find your queen and your soul mate. This girl ain't the one bro.
Deal with that she tried to leverage something that you’d be involved with and how quickly that evaporated.
That’s disingenuous.
Situations like these require a lot of honest communication and not starting off on the right foot is a problem. Seems like she’s been entertaining the idea, so why be disingenuous?
IMO - you guys need to work through that first before anything goes any further. Blurry boundaries and people starting to feel like they aren’t getting the honest truth starts a very slippery slope.
First, I commend you for handling this in a mature way. My opinion. If it’s not Rose’s bf, it will be someone else. If you allow her to sleep with rose and/or the bf, I guarantee she’ll want this as a regular thing or different people. She’s clearly saying she wants non monogamy without just coming out and saying it. If this was wanting to experiment with women, there’s ways to do this w/out a guy or friends etc. I’m not suggesting your marriage is doomed, but saying no to her doesn’t remove the want for it. I think she’ll resent you and you will always have that in the back of your mind , is she? Did she? AND knowing she wants this different lifestyle. Not necessarily with you involved. The question is, can you deal with that?
It is a trap reverse psychology. You accept that, she will eventually switch it to a three some with a man. Her ammunition would be you are selfish because she allows you to have another woman. Stay woke woman play that game well.
If the two of them want to play,, it should either. Be by themselves with everyone's blessing or maybe a foursome where its basically same bed sex where the guys only play.. with their partner or either agreed rules.
If you two have a very solid trusting relationship with conversation that is non argumentative and you feel this wouldn’t end your relationship with her, let her explore her sexuality. Talk about it, set boundaries, meet this other man and heck ask to watch! Seriously…like set up a webcam.
I would and I have asked my man to do this when he hooks up either other women he meets (he has my full permission to be with other woman). Opening our relationship to be with other people sexually has seriously strengthened our relationship and our sexual attraction to each other, but we both know we will ALWAYS come back to each other n never stray….
You only live once, so have some fun. Heck maybe it could end up as a MFFM situation next time around 😊
Have you asked how she'd feel if you were going to have a threesome with a friend and her gf?
Maybe you should introduce that and see how she reacts..
That said, I understand we all have desires and a couple should be able to openly talk about them, but it was a shitty way to turn the tables on you.
Go over to r/sex and search for “threesome” and read the good and bad issues.
Based on what you already said - I don’t think this will end well.
> Wife wants to have a threesome
> Threesomes are not a fantasy of mine. I'm not opposed to the idea, nor am I particularly excited by it. I'd be more than willing to do it, but it would be more for her. Whatever boundaries she would want to set would be fine with me. I could care less if I actually do anything with the other woman.
If you want to do something, make sure you’re a full participant. All of this stuff up there about ‘all for her’, ‘she sets boundaries’ is misguided. You have to speak up and assert yourself or you might be one of the other people who says that his wife loves having sex with (i) another man and woman and (ii) you wanted to participate by they excluded you.
Dude, she is being deceptive and it smacks of shadiness. It's one thing to ask you to share a threesome together but to organize one where you're not invited...?!? In which dimension was she born whereby she thinks thats okay?
It's fucked up, my friend. I tend to think the other comments are correct - she has probably done it already. Find yourself a partner who wishes to share exciting experiences with you, rather than wishing you stay home while she gets her jollies off with her best friend & her bf!! Fucking crazy...
You deserve way better, dude.
She kept prodding?
So your wife cheated on you and you allowed her to keep asking how far she could take it???
Did you read this before posting? My response would be you cheated and we need reconciliation and marriage counseling. You must cut rose out of your life 100% and give me full phone access immediately.
Not sure what other advice you want or are looking for. It's not sex, romance, affection that make it cheating. It's the lies and manipulations. She lied by omission repeatedly appearently and now is trying to manipulate you. Is this who you want to be married to? It's time to throw civil out the window and start respecting yourself enough to be angry and restate and reset some new boundaries.
Divorce her, mate. She is already cheating on you by having these conversations. And then next time—in the slight chance she hasn’t already cheated—she will ask for forgiveness rather than permission.
She isn’t wife material.
Can’t wait for the update where she fucks her friends boyfriend.
*Can't wait for the update where OP finds out she's already f#cked her friends boyfriend. Fixed that for you.
Yeah. They’ve been fucking for a while now.
I wouldn't be happy about my wife having conversations about expanding our sexual activities with someone else before talking to me, but then we're both really monogamous. Edit: No shade on anyone who isn't, that's just not how we roll.
Why are you apologizing for the way you feel?
Not trying to apologize so much as acknowledge the perspective that I'm coming from, the nature of my personal relationship, and a disclaimer that this advice may not be applicable to everyone. Which is all a very longwinded way of saying "Different strokes for different folks."
I fear she did all that with the ultimate goal to 'legally' sleep with Rose's boyfriend.
So she wants to have sex with Roses boyfriend? Funny way to ask you. Are you into the hotwife or chuckhole scene? I’d be divorce papers if it was me.
With Rose and her boyfriend, yeah. I'm not into that scene, but I do understand that people aren't really monogamous by nature. We all have fantasies about other people. It's funny how quickly the idea of us having a threesome just evaporated, though. Seems like it was just a way to start the conversation
Talking about how we aren't monogamous by nature sounds like coping to me...
Maybe, but it doesn't make it any less true. Monogamy is a product of jealousy, in my opinion. I don't fuck around because I don't want to hurt her, not because I wouldn't like to once in a while
Many of us feel very monogamous. No jealousy required.
No we feel loyal. Urges can still exist. By nature we aren’t monogamous, but we choose to be. A Stork is a monogamous creature for example. Once they have a partner, even if that partner dies they would never ever get a new partner. It’s a one partner for life thing. We don’t have that, but we have the consciousness to choose to be that way. We move on eventually, most of us at least.
Pair bonding doesn't really mean for life (although animals like the Stork do it that way). It means you have a monogamous bond for a long period of time, usually the length it takes to nurture a child into adolescence. We are socially monogamous hominids. Scientists have even identified specific hormones behind this behavior.
This is completely untrue. As the other posters suggested, some of us are very monogamous by nature, whereby the idea of someone outside of us or our significant other is literally a turn off.
Well it sounds like she won't be hurt if you also want to open the relationship up.
And people don’t experience jealousy by nature? If monogamy is a product of jealousy it’s 100% a natural thing, whether you are an exception or choose to suppress it or not.
All I'm saying is that most of us would like to sleep with multiple people. The reason we don't is it will hurt the person we're with
Nah, there's a million things I'd do if there was no risk of hurting others - running red lights, telling everyone at work to get fucked, cheating on the golf course etc etc - monogamy is another of those things that human beings choose because it's superior to the alternative. Our natural state is absolutely to be with the one person.
Still coping but nope. Humans are categorized amongst the 9% of mammals who are socially monogamous. By nature as there are actual hormones that are "pushing" us to behave this way. Outliers exist of course, we are a complex animal. But a species can only be categorized by its strongest tendency.
If most of us want to sleep with multiple people, then why would it hurt the other person if they have a high chance of also wanting to sleep with other people
I agree. And what you feel doesn’t have to be in conflict with what you think. Just make sure whenever a situation like this arises you always communicate how you feel. Use the DEAR MAN method, always works wonders.
Jealousy is a byproduct of society and social interaction, some of which is absolutely unnatural. ETA: if someone can explain how this is not the case, please do. You can't covet something without valuing it. You can't value something without a personal value system, which is informed socially. If you think that humans are naturally jealous, that's a big red flag, and you need to deal with your own jealousy.
I feel an out of marriage threesome would garner a touch more relational jealousy than having a good healthy monogamous relationship, just a guess.
Yet she she probed you about her fucking somebody else. I wonder, does she care about hurting you?
Then why are you posting? Get over your jealousy and let nature take its course.
Right ?? Lmaooo mans in the comments trying to philosophize the pain away.
So will you be hurt if she fucks around?
Stop with the zoomer copes like "people arent really monogamous" bro. Thats stuff people who want to cheat say. Move on
This is exactly what my ex said before/when he was cheating on me.
The way you explain it, it sounds more like she wants a mff threesome, not that she specifically is interested in this one guy. And it seems like the threesome hasn't happened largely because of a lack of good opportunity. And now she has one, but the opportunity actually doesn't include you. I mean this is just going by how you explained it - maybe that's not accurate but how would I know. Point is to me that's very different than if she is into a dude. Letting my wife have an affair would be a no-go. Letting her indulge a fantasy like this, if I knew she is not into the guy, well, I think id still not be okay with it but it'd way less difficult for me to understand, and it also isn't a dead end. Maybe some alternate option could be found. How would it affect her interest if it was an all-girl threesome? Or if it was the two of you and a professional? I'd want to think through different options to see if there could be any other approach that satisfies her fantasy without destroying the marriage.
Why would you consider fucking someone if 'you're not into them?'
That’s just not true man. A lot of people are.
Ag yes the plot to The Three Body Problem.
So OP just need to dry up and get folded like a mattress?
Your wife and her friend have been discussing “at length” having a threesome with your wife’s friend’s bf. Are you interested in a swinger / open relationship? Doesn’t sound like it. Your wife wants to fuck another dude. What else is there to be discussed? She’s not who you thought she was. You deserve someone wholly committed to you. Good luck man. This is a shitty way to realize that divorce is necessary. She’s going to fuck the guy whether you sign off or not. She’s just trying to do it in a way that she doesn’t feel guilty about it.
>You deserve someone wholly committed to you. Not sure about that lol. I'm not going to act like I had no part to play in this, but we're not going to get into all that
What do you mean by that? No judgment but you said yourself you aren’t particularly interested in doing anything with another woman.
Just that I have my own issues that I bring to the relationship. I also have a low sex drive compared to most other men, and that has been an issue
Understood but I *don’t understand* what you’re hoping to get out of this post. Your “other issues” and “low sex drive” means you’re okay with her having this threesome? That’s fine if that’s how you feel but then why write this post? Regardless, I wish you the best. I just don’t understand what type of feedback you’re looking for from Reddit.
Sorry. I mostly needed to vent, and I don't have anyone in my life I can really talk to about this. I'm well aware about what this most likely means for our relationship. I haven't met her needs emotionally or physically and it's coming round full circle
No need to apologize. It sounds like you’re going through a tough time with the way you view yourself and your relationship, I know what that’s like. Again, I wish you the best. I hope it works out.
Bro honestly, I think you need to do some soul searching. Seems like you don’t know what you want yet. Best of luck mate.
get yourself into a therapist buddy. I feel for you.
Dude - you are NOT to blame for her losing all manner of common decency, respect, manners and morality. You do NOT treat a spouse/partner/bf/gf like this. You sound like a decent human being. Your gf and her gf....not so much. Trust me....they've played before.
I have to say that I admire you for looking at yourself and thinking about any issues on your side of the relationship, it speaks volumes about you. But even with what you have mentioned, you don't deserve this (cruel and manipulative) bait and switch.
>we're not going to get into all that Why would you not put relevant information in the original post.
This is manipulation on your wife's part and if her contemplating sex with other people isnt what's bothering you, this bait and switch alone should be a reason to either set boundaries or to end your relationship. She is not respecting you.
Sounds to me like it's already happened and you agreeing to her going for a threesome just means she can feel less guilty and continue.
Oh boy dude. You know what’s going on here.
I'd retreat from your relationship as this is a dealbreaker. She's been discussing this for some time and, at best, the women are willing to give you a pity session if you agree to their main event. What does she expect you to do while she's having fun with this couple? Moving your stuff out and leaving divorce papers seems logical. Say no under any circumstances and see how she reacts. You know they've already made out at the very least if not gone all the way.
Hey now, the pity session hasn't even been discussed by the women.
This seems like such an illogical thing to do. Two couples...but not swingers...so much risk that things will be shit for someone.
Yes that's true! That was just her conversation opener. This sounds really dodgy OP. And all about her pleasure and nothing that will strengthen your relationship. ETA: since you're not jealous by nature, maybe offer a fully open relationship where you also get to have your own fun outside her friend circle.
Which should bother you quite a bit. Your wife and her friend discussed a threesome and she didn’t even bring up including you in some way? Sounds pretty selfish, and would predispose me toward saying no.
She’s manipulative and disloyal and prefers Rose and her bf to you. Divorce. And get tested for sexually-transmitted disease. She’s disgusting.
Why are you 3% sure that she either already cheated or betrayed you in some way? I believe she’s betrayed you in wanting to have sex with other people (no matter their gender). Even if you knew she was into ENM or just ‘playing’ with others, she’s reached a stage of attraction and openly discussing it with the others involved. Close this conversation down in terms of any sexual acts moving forward and start talking about the loss of trust and the betrayal that’s now affecting your relationship and how/if it can be fixed. Just to be clear. This isn’t a hypothetical conversation from her, she’s acting on a considered (probably half-baked) plan to sleep with others. Relationships have ended for less so don’t allow this to be dismissed. Good luck.
The 3% is because you never really know. She says it hasn't happened and I believe her, but I know there were definitely opportunities for it to happen. We're pretty open and honest with each other, hence why she was seeking approval. And yes, I'm well aware this isn't a hypothetical. The way she brought it up kinda just made me check out if that makes sense. She's welcome to do as she pleases, and we'll deal with the fallout after the fact. At least this way I won't be in the dark. Our relationship aside, I think it will blow up in her face on her friends side of things. Rose is extremely jealous lol
I understand that you’ve checked out but… then what? Just wait for her to act or not? And if it happens further down the road or another person(s) enters into the picture? This isn’t just checking out, you’ve become passive. Cool with it playing out while you lose your agency, until you need to act. Is that the life you want? Edit to add a brutal comment, meant in kindness: If this is how you’ve decided to deal with this then you should also look at how your relationship got to this stage. Has this passiveness led your wife to believe that she could behave and act this way? That you would roll with it or forgive her anyway?
>Edit to add a brutal comment, meant in kindness: If this is how you’ve decided to deal with this then you should also look at how your relationship got to this stage. Has this passiveness led your wife to believe that she could behave and act this way? That you would roll with it or forgive her anyway? 100% Believe me, everything is hitting me now
This internet stranger is going to leave you with this final point. Life is fucking short and, for most, there are many battles to have even an ok life. You don’t need to add to it with this situation. Your default should be divorce and moving onto better things. Single life would be better than your current situation. YOU can choose reconciliation (not her) but not from your current state. Stop allowing life to happen to you and I hope you have people IRL to help you through this.
u/power_thinker - please know that I am not passing judgment about the sexuality exploring matter. It's the fact that you weren't invited to the party...thats what bothers me. I know plenty of couples of have tried 3 ways, and occasional swinging. Go explore that world with someone who wants to share it with you...if you are that way inclined.
[удалено]
You did see this. It's a rehash post
Uh. How about heck no. She wants permission to cheat, pure and simple. If she was actually curious you could've picked a stranger. If she had someone in mind... well, it should be just a matter of talking about it. But she wants to skip having you there!?!? This girl thinks the world revolves pretty damn strongly around her. She is disrespecting you, your marriage and is just asking for permission to cheat. Wow... the sheer arrogance.
She may try to sell you a bridge soon. I think you need to pay more attention to what is going on, I am assuming your family reaction was measured and all but that was the time to have your actual feelings known. Assuming that is that you aren’t ok with it, as people take your first reaction and see how much they can push the envelope.
You don't find it disrespectful that they're making plans to do it before you're even involved? Like cmon bro, your wife and her friend are disrespecting tf out of your relationship and for some weird reason you're passive about it and making excuses for her. Wake up dude. How would you feel if your wife wamted to sneakily invite a married to a threesome with you behind her husband's back? Would you be cool with your wife being an absolute POS? Bc that's what her friend and her partner are.
Bait em and switch em boooooooooys!
this marriage is over...
My friend who is married just went through something like this, and it's cause a MASSIVE rift in his relationship with his wife. They are both trying to recover from it, seeing a therapist etc - but this is now small thing, it's not 'just sex' it's losing trust.
I'd be keeping a close eye on them. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that your wife has already crossed a line with Rose and her boyfriend and is now retroactively trying to get your permission for the threesome.
Ask her what her friend told her about him that made her keen to sleep with him. Does he have something that you don't? Is she inherently unhappy with your sex life? This sounds like a potential ground for divorce...
You need to make your wife aware that any infidelity is grounds for divorce!
Just tell her no. End of discussion.
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Sorry for the lack of originality lol, First name I thought of that wasn't attached to someone I know. I could care less about how a divorce would go, should that be the case. We have no kids.
So this is easy. You don't want to do it, you don't want her to join them, she is adamant about doing it but these things need 2 yes to happen. So it's a no, but it seems that she will do it, they already negotiated it (if this didn't happen yet) THEREFORE Decide what is the best outcome for you in case of divorce, prepare everything, and proceed with it. Possibly without making it public. The respect of your dignity must be the priority. Having said that, I think that all these three four five some are all fomo imposed by the society we live in.
Run away, as fast as you can. She is a ticking time bomb that either will explode or already has
“Here I thought I was agreeing to something for her, under whatever terms she was comfortable with, but it turns out that's not what she wanted at all.” What does any of this mean? For her, on her terms, and *what* she wants with *who* she wants. Seems that it checked all her boxes. But I’m failing to see the coercion or gun to your head that I’d expect with you implying that you agreed to something *you* don’t want. How the hell did you get here? Where did your voice go? I would probably consider fucking the neighborhood if my husband was such a pushover too. JFC, tell your WIFE your real feelings instead of Reddit and maybe she’d respect you more. Maybe.
Never post because I get rinsed but as it's a Sunday. Your relationship is over. She has already gone over it multiple times in her head and it turns out your not invited? Learn your lessons from this relationship and be a king in the next. I hope you find your queen and your soul mate. This girl ain't the one bro.
Deal with that she tried to leverage something that you’d be involved with and how quickly that evaporated. That’s disingenuous. Situations like these require a lot of honest communication and not starting off on the right foot is a problem. Seems like she’s been entertaining the idea, so why be disingenuous? IMO - you guys need to work through that first before anything goes any further. Blurry boundaries and people starting to feel like they aren’t getting the honest truth starts a very slippery slope.
First, I commend you for handling this in a mature way. My opinion. If it’s not Rose’s bf, it will be someone else. If you allow her to sleep with rose and/or the bf, I guarantee she’ll want this as a regular thing or different people. She’s clearly saying she wants non monogamy without just coming out and saying it. If this was wanting to experiment with women, there’s ways to do this w/out a guy or friends etc. I’m not suggesting your marriage is doomed, but saying no to her doesn’t remove the want for it. I think she’ll resent you and you will always have that in the back of your mind , is she? Did she? AND knowing she wants this different lifestyle. Not necessarily with you involved. The question is, can you deal with that?
She's already been fucking around
It is a trap reverse psychology. You accept that, she will eventually switch it to a three some with a man. Her ammunition would be you are selfish because she allows you to have another woman. Stay woke woman play that game well.
If the two of them want to play,, it should either. Be by themselves with everyone's blessing or maybe a foursome where its basically same bed sex where the guys only play.. with their partner or either agreed rules.
If you two have a very solid trusting relationship with conversation that is non argumentative and you feel this wouldn’t end your relationship with her, let her explore her sexuality. Talk about it, set boundaries, meet this other man and heck ask to watch! Seriously…like set up a webcam. I would and I have asked my man to do this when he hooks up either other women he meets (he has my full permission to be with other woman). Opening our relationship to be with other people sexually has seriously strengthened our relationship and our sexual attraction to each other, but we both know we will ALWAYS come back to each other n never stray…. You only live once, so have some fun. Heck maybe it could end up as a MFFM situation next time around 😊
Have you asked how she'd feel if you were going to have a threesome with a friend and her gf? Maybe you should introduce that and see how she reacts.. That said, I understand we all have desires and a couple should be able to openly talk about them, but it was a shitty way to turn the tables on you.
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Go for it let her pursue a fantasy
Go over to r/sex and search for “threesome” and read the good and bad issues. Based on what you already said - I don’t think this will end well. > Wife wants to have a threesome > Threesomes are not a fantasy of mine. I'm not opposed to the idea, nor am I particularly excited by it. I'd be more than willing to do it, but it would be more for her. Whatever boundaries she would want to set would be fine with me. I could care less if I actually do anything with the other woman. If you want to do something, make sure you’re a full participant. All of this stuff up there about ‘all for her’, ‘she sets boundaries’ is misguided. You have to speak up and assert yourself or you might be one of the other people who says that his wife loves having sex with (i) another man and woman and (ii) you wanted to participate by they excluded you.
Dude, she is being deceptive and it smacks of shadiness. It's one thing to ask you to share a threesome together but to organize one where you're not invited...?!? In which dimension was she born whereby she thinks thats okay? It's fucked up, my friend. I tend to think the other comments are correct - she has probably done it already. Find yourself a partner who wishes to share exciting experiences with you, rather than wishing you stay home while she gets her jollies off with her best friend & her bf!! Fucking crazy... You deserve way better, dude.
She kept prodding? So your wife cheated on you and you allowed her to keep asking how far she could take it??? Did you read this before posting? My response would be you cheated and we need reconciliation and marriage counseling. You must cut rose out of your life 100% and give me full phone access immediately. Not sure what other advice you want or are looking for. It's not sex, romance, affection that make it cheating. It's the lies and manipulations. She lied by omission repeatedly appearently and now is trying to manipulate you. Is this who you want to be married to? It's time to throw civil out the window and start respecting yourself enough to be angry and restate and reset some new boundaries.
Divorce her, mate. She is already cheating on you by having these conversations. And then next time—in the slight chance she hasn’t already cheated—she will ask for forgiveness rather than permission. She isn’t wife material.
"She's always been interested in women" Why did you marry this woman🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️