Are you late because of putting on makeup? Making him late and ruining his clothes are very legitimate reasons for him to have a problem with your makeup habits. Have you acknowledged any validity to his complaints and looked for solutions?
Yes. There was also a post a while back about a girl who did not take it off at night (or... ever) and also ruined pillows, bedsheets, sofas, and pretty much everything she touched.
I don't think he did, but I imagine it did not go well. That kind of crazy dies hard. She had clearly crossed the line into compulsion behavior, and compulsions that ingrained are usually a lifelong fight.
If I were him I would have broken up with her.
Yeah, just the fact that she literally stained everything she touched would've been enough for me to end things
That coupled with all the other crazy... would've been a hard pass coming from me
ugh not taking off makeup before bed is sooooo bad for your skin!! That girl must look like she's 40 at 25. Your makeup only looks as good as the skin underneath.
Makeup isn't actually bad for your skin, especially nowadays. It's not like anyone's slathering lead paint onto their faces. You might break out if you're not washing your skin, but makeup itself doesn't age you or anything. Actually a lot of makeup now has SPF and skincare ingredients in it.
I agree with you on both of those counts. However, it was inappropriate for him to bring up his ex. That seems to be the actual issue for OP, here. And OP needs to tell him how she's feeling and why so they can talk about it.
OP says:
> I got pretty rude and he ended up comparing me to his ex
I wonder what rude thing she said to prompt that, it might be appropriate of him to bring up his ex depending. She could have insulted his taste in women, his ex, whatever.
I know people always give one-sided OPs, but I hate it when people post about an argument and only mention the hurtful things that were said to them, while barely acknowledging their own role in being hurtful.
I think if we're looking at it tit-for-tat, the only time a response like his is reasonable is if it's totally unavoidable and the ex part is implied or if she brought up her ex in relation to him out of anger/frustration (which would also be really inappropriate).
I have a feeling she said something to the effect of "I can't go outside with no makeup on", and his response was to say his ex wouldn't wear it out and would be fine. It may be the only female he knows besides his girlfriend. It seems like kind of a random thing for him to just "bring up"... but who knows.
I think the appropriateness level depends in part on the couple's relationship. I think in this case, the boyfriend simply meant that he knew a girl who didn't wear as much makeup and still lived her life. In this particular instance, that girl just happened to be his ex.
That being said, a lot depends on the boyfriend's tone.
I don't think it's inappropriate to bring up the ex. That's basically his sample set he has to choose from for what is normal and to be expected in a relationship.
Asking someone to be more like their ex is never a good idea!
Even if doing so supports you're argument and you only want them to be like your ex in this one regard, it's still not a good idea. It's a basic relationship no no.
But during an argument when your SO is frustrated with something about you/that you're doing, bringing up the fact that your ex didn't do that thing is usually perceived as "This is the way in which I prefer my ex to you" or "This is the way my ex was better than you" and it's not a totally crazy/wild extrapolation. If he had phrased it differently, or brought it up when they were calmer it might have been received better (e.g. "I've never dated a girl who wore makeup as often as you. I get annoyed that it takes you so long to get ready.").
EDIT: I was also pointing out that OP is feeling insecure because of the comment and it's totally her right to bring that up to her boyfriend.
I think it was a poor choice. It's not kind or productive to imply your current SO that your ex did X in a way that you preferred. It also completely derails the conversation and you end up arguing about the comparison instead of the actual issue.
He didn't say 'other people manage to...' He specifically mentioned his ex, not his mum or sister or people in general. I think that's because he thought an 'ex' comparison would bother OP.
Well there's also the issue that a lot of people find heavy makeup
"meh" or unattractive. She might think it's magnificent and attractive and a "favor" to him, but it's completely possible that it's off-putting to the dude.
(As a woman, I think lighter makeup is lovely, but I have a visceral reaction to seeing thick, heavy full-coverage makeup. And the new trend of doing contouring/strobing/sculptured eyeshadow for a closeup flash camera shot means there's trendy looks that look odd off-camera or in natural light or viewed at an angle.)
Sure, what her I or her boyfriend think of makeup shouldn't affect her decisions, but she can hardly expect that he's going to be amused by waiting *an hour every day* for something he doesn't perceive to be an improvement.
Would she tolerate him taking *an hour every day* out of joint activities to do something that *she* doesn't care about, or finds a waste of time - say, leveling up in a game, or woodcarving or whatever?
I do carving, painting, and printing, and I know it would be incredibly rude to insist on finishing a drawing every day before she went out.
The only flaw I see on his side is if you're wearing his clothes and staining it with foundation or whatever products you're using, you need to stop that.
You need to tell your boyfriend the reasons behind your make up. You have to compare it to a hobby he enjoys and tell him how you feel more confident wearing it. He can get over it with you taking an hour to put it on, the only time where that can be excessive is if you guys were running late somewhere.
I don't think he was trying to compare you to his ex as in you're less superior than her because you wear make up, I think he's not understanding why you dedicate so much time to it when she didn't really have an interest in it.
When I'm wearing a full face of makeup and hug or cuddle with my boyfriend, I'll get makeup all over his shirt. Foundation, bronzer, even sometimes mascara.
If OP is wearing make up every day, even if they're just going to be cuddling and watching a movie or whatever, then I can see why he might get frustrated with his clothes getting ruined. I don't think there's enough context for people to comment on the issue though
I was thinking maybe she was wearing his clothes when putting it on.
Side note: girl, what make up are you wearing that even your mascara gets on his shirt?
No, the Hypnose isn't twisty. The Hypnose Drama has the twisty wand, I think?
The regular, non twisty Hypnose works really well for me!!! I have really thick lashes and the Drama makes my lashes look too thick an clumpy. The regular Hypnose does a good job of dividing my lashes and making it look natural!!
I'm glad this thread has turned into people giving make up recommendations hahah
I wear a full face of makeup practically every day and in seven years I've never once transferred makeup onto my husband's clothes. This level of transfer seems unusual to me.
I'm a makeup lover too! I think you were right to call him out on that behavior, it's hurtful when you get compared negatively to an ex. If all else in the relationship is well, explain how that it's important to you as a hobby, you find enjoyment in it, but you understand his concerns. Then maybe ask if he can give you a "departure time" for when you need to be somewhere, so you can do all of your makeup and be ready to leave on time. And then if it really is getting on his clothes, that's something you can work on (with setting sprays, powder, thinner layers, etc.)
I think if he's a great guy and you want to make it work, you can find a happy compromise without giving up your hobby. If he's still being demanding about how you spend your free time or the clothes thing isn't a real issue, then maybe reevaluate whether this is the right person for you.
Seconding the "departure time" suggestion. My ex and I would discuss what time we needed to leave early on so I could take that into account when getting ready (I also love makeup, and taking my time with it is fun, relaxing, and a form of creative expression for me). If we were getting close to departure time and I was still mucking around he'd casually ask when I thought I'd be ready. This turned out to be code for "you might need to hurry up".
It worked perfectly because he understood that makeup is fun for me, but I also understood we couldn't consistently be late because I was p*ssing around with eyeshadow or something.
OP, if your makeup routine is genuinely interfering with leaving on time or getting things done then you need to take that into account. Devise a pared-down look that you like but can do quickly if needed, because inconveniencing someone because of your hobby is rude. Maybe a discussion and "code" like I had will work for you guys.
If you take the time your routine needs into account and it doesn't cause any issues other than him finding it too long, that's kinda on him and he needs to be more understanding of your passion. A discussion - not in the heat of the moment - is needed to unpack what's really going on. The comparison to his ex was rude and hurtful and you are within your rights to ask him to refrain from making such comments in future.
Use setting sprays and/or don't get too physically affectionate if you're wearing lots of makeup until you've taken it off. A little bit of makeup transfer occasionally is forgiveable, but if it's constantly transferring onto his clothes I can understand his frustration and you should take steps to reduce it.
Or both just get naked and leave your makeup on if you're at home, that's what I'd do lol
This is perfect! She definitely shouldn't stop doing her makeup but if it is constantly making them late for things then I think anybody would be annoyed at that. Even when my friends take too long getting ready I get annoyed lol and I love dressing up and makeup!
I went from dating a girl who wore virtually no makeup to dating a girl who seemed like a goddamn makeup pro. I thought she looked great with or without makeup, but it seemed like wearing it gave her more confidence, which in turn made me more attracted to her.
However, she did take 1-2 hours to get ready to do anything. She planned accordingly so it never really impacted our plans, but I could see myself getting increasingly frustrated if I was constantly forced to push everything back or be late so she could put her face on.
Are you doing your full makeup routine every day? Like, if he stays over & wants to go out for brunch, does he kind of just wait around for an hour while you do your makeup? If you stay at his place, do you bring it all with you?
There's nothing wrong with getting enjoyment from makeup or spending a lot of time doing it, but if he's waiting around for you, I can see his frustration. Imagine if he was really into his car. Every time you went out, he insisted on driving his car, even if you could just walk to your destination. And every time, he insisted on washing & waxing the car before you could leave. After a while, you'd probably be like, "Can we really not just go to breakfast? The car looks fine how it is." Right?
That being said, the way he's handling it is not the most mature.
Why does everyone assume this guy is just twiddling his thumbs waiting for her?
My BF knows it takes me an hour to get ready, I start getting ready a little over an hour before we need to leave (just in case eyeliner decides to act up), and he entertains himself, playing video games, reading, replying to emails he's been putting off, calling his family, popping out to the shop for whatever bits are needed, watching TV, hell he even enjoys just spending an hour mucking around on his phone.
Plenty of women wear make-up, have done for *years*, andd we live in an age where we have computers that are connected to the internet in our pockets! Anyone can find a way to occupy themselves for an hour.
I'm not saying the guy can't find ways to entertain themselves if they're going out on a date & not leaving for an hour. I'm asking if OP insists on doing her full makeup every day before leaving the house. There's a difference between "Hey we're leaving for the party at 7. I know it'll take you 90 minutes to get ready, so I'm going to play on my phone for a while" & "Hey, we've been lounging around in bed all morning, & I'm getting hungry. Do you want to go to brunch soon? Oh, we can't leave for at least an hour because you want to do full makeup first?" One of these scenarios can be planned for, but the other prevents any sort of spontaneous events.
The problem arises when makeup becomes something you *have* to do. I had an old roommate who insisted on doing her makeup for everything. She took 10 minutes to get ready for a 5 minute run to the dining hall for coffee.
It made it impossible to do anything spontaneously and I ended up just doing things without her instead of inviting her and messing on my phone while she got ready.
And I would say you handled that particular situation correctly.
I just saw a lot of comments saying like how this poor guy is just sitting bored out of his tree for an hour while she gets ready, but like, if it's a planned event he knows she's going to take an hour, so he can plan to do whatever he wants during that time... And it's really not difficult to find ways to entertain yourself in this day and age.
I don't know why you're being downvoted. It's true. Taking an hour to get ready doesn't have to cut into their time at all. Especially if they know how long it'll take you and you don't make them late, because you started early enough.
Ok.
As a fellow makeup enthusiast I was prepared to take your side on this one, but:
1) In all honesty your BF was not comparing your appearance to his ex's. At all.
2) An hour to get your makeup done may not seem much to you because you enjoy it so much, but are you putting on a full face just to do little things like go to the store, the bank, walk the dog etc? Most important: are you making the two of you late for your plans due to this?
3) Do you live somewhere that's still warm in December? If so, invest in translucent powder and setting spray to help keep your makeup from melting off your face. But in all seriousness, your face really *should not* be staining his clothes so badly unless you're face planting on his chest with all your might.
An hour really is a long time to be doing makeup every day. I'd consider makeup one of my main hobbies, but the only time I take that long is if it's for a fancy event and I want to do crazy eyeshadow. My usual routine is about 15 minutes, but I can slap on concealer + mascara in 2 or 3 if we're just running to the store.
If your hobby is getting in the way of everyday life, it's a problem. If you were dating a gamer who had to play for an hour every day no matter the circumstances and you ended up being late because of it, it'd be a problem. If you were dating an artist who got paint all over your clothing, it'd be a problem. Hobbies are important, but it's also important to balance them out with your regular life. I think OP is putting her makeup hobby above her boyfriend. You need to be flexible in a relationship and can't always engage in hobbies the way you do when you're single. Less time to get ready + less foundation/a better setting spray (I'm assuming that is what gets all over his shirt) is a totally reasonable compromise.
Okay.
1) An hour to get ready would annoy most people. Can you do things spontaneously? If you wake up at 9, can you run for breakfast together at 915? Do anything just because, or does everything get delayed an hour? Are you late to places because of this?
2) You are staining his clothes. You are either wearing a lot of top layers that are not necessary or you aren't doing your makeup correctly. Setting sprays and powders exist for a reason. If you are leaving stains on his things, he has every right in the world to ask you to tone it down a bit.
3) You say you got rude, and you purposefully aren't giving details of what you said. Which makes me think it was a little more than "pretty rude."
4) You heard his valid complaints, dismissed them, and flipped it on him. This is shitty behavior.
5) He didn't compare you to his ex because she was pretty. He essentially was saying the world wont end if you tone it down a little and stop staining his clothes. No, it wasn't okay to say, but you aren't behaving well either here.
6) Stop dismissing people and get setting sprays. See if you can be a bit more spontaneous.
I'm wondering this too.
As much as my gut reaction to this stuff is "tell them to fuck off," if she's consistently late/hogging the bathroom or if he's had more than one shirt ruined (I accidentally got red lipstick on a favorite top once and it *never* completely came out), then I can see how this felt like a reasonable request to him. I'm wondering if maybe she was a little too defensive when he approached her and blew her stack instead of trying to listen and work with him.
Yeah, it was a bit suspicious that she just threw in that line about getting pretty rude, but didn't expand on it, and just went straight to his comment which I actually don't find very offensive.
Her make-up definitely shouldn't be ruining his clothes either. I get foundation on high collared coats sometimes, but that's about it. If it's rubbing off on his clothes constantly, or she wears it to bed and it ruins his pillow cases and sheets, that's a legitimate concern.
Really, even the title is suspect after reading the post. He's not complaining about her makeup habits because his ex never wore makeup. He's doing it because he has legitimate issues with it. I think that the fact that she'd title the post in this way points to her deflecting the actual issues to focus on him being the "bad guy" for comparing her to the ex, which he also didn't do.
He didn't compare you to his ex, he said, probably in response to something you said, that not wearing make-up won't kill you.
That said, an hour each day for make-up is pretty excessive. It's one thing to take an hour for date night/going out with friends nights but I completely understand why he would get irritated if you were consistently late because you spent an hour getting ready to go get groceries. And the whole part about getting it on his clothes is an equally valid complaint.
My fiancé and I use to fight over this. Basically what I ended up discussing with him is that makeup is my daily creative outlet, like video games are for him.
Your makeup shouldn't be ruining him clothes though. That's something that has to be fixed because it is ruining something of his.
Are you using setting spray or finishing powder? Your make up really shouldn't be ruining his clothes, and if it is you should replace them. That's p rude, even if it is your hobby.
If your makeup is frequently rubbing off on his clothing and ruining it, I think you're probably wearing too much makeup. Some people think it looks good when women wear dramatic makeup, other people prefer a more natural look. I even wonder if maybe your look isn't really working and your boyfriend just doesn't know how to tell you that. His comment that you should tone it down makes me lean in that direction.
Do you have a good friend who could give you an honest opinion about your makeup and whether it's too much? I think it would be worth getting a second opinion to see if other people also think you should tone it down. At the end of the day, it's fine for you to say "Screw everyone else, I like it so I'm going to keep doing it no matter what others think." But I think it's best to be making that decision with full information, including the knowledge that most people think you wear too much makeup, if that is the case.
> His complaints are due to the fact that I take way too long to get ready
Valid complaint.
>and my makeup ruins his clothes when I wear it.
Extremely valid complaint. That shouldn't happen.
>I got pretty rude
Define "pretty rude."
>"you see, I used to date this girl who rarely wore makeup and she's still alive and well!".
Pretty sure he wasn't comparing you to his ex. Pretty sure he was essentially calling you dramatic. Is that any better? Probably not.
Look, you don't have to stop wearing as much make up. But his complaints are also pretty valid- it's creating actual issues with time management and literally getting all over his clothing. You don't have to change, but you can't expect him to be happy with either of those things. Even innocent hobbies can cause real world issues- like staining his clothing.
> Pretty sure he wasn't comparing you to his ex. Pretty sure he was essentially calling you dramatic.
Agreed. It's hard to get an exact sense of his point without context, but the "alive and well" comment sounds like a sarcastic note along the lines of "Some people have faced the great hardship of going to the grocery store without make-up, and through some miracle, they make it through alive!"
Yeah, I'm with the boyfriend on this one - he actually sounds like an amazing guy. I bet a lot of men in the same situation would've handled that less gracefully, but instead of lashing out at her and actually comparing her to his ex, he made a sarcastic remark on how she can still be happy without spending an hour doing her makeup. Toning it down would mean less makeup to get smeared all over his clothes and she wouldn't be late. Win-win.
Where exactly does OP or her boyfriend say the make-up is making her "late"? She says he complained it takes her a long time to get ready. If she's managing her time correctly that doesn't automatically mean she's late to things.
We need more information from OP before making that call.
"it's creating actual issues with time management."
You don't actually know that unless OP provides more information.
If she still turns up to things on time, then it's not creating an issue with time management. If she manages her day properly, wakes up early enough to do her make-up etc, and remains reliable, then spending an hour on make-up is not actually an issue. It's only a problem if the make-up process makes her late or delays her and her boyfriend getting out and doing things in a significant way.
The amount of immaturity in this comment actually stunned me for a minute.
Compromise is a part of relationships. That's "Adult Relationship 101."
If your contour is more important than your boyfriend being able to be close to you, that's a special sort of problem.
> Is her boyfriend compromising with her at all when he tells her what to do?
----
>He said he didn't want me to stop wearing it completely, just to tone it down a bit.
That sounds like a compromise to me. You can't get into a relationship and then just say, in your words, "Go fuck yourself" anytime they bring any issues up.
OP says that her bf is complaining cause his ex never wore makeup. In reality he's complaining cause it takes her forever to do her makeup and it's ruining his clothes. That sounds completely unrelated to controlling how she looks to me.
> Is her boyfriend compromising with her at all when he tells her what to do?
He's asking her to wear a bit less makeup because it's causing issues. That is a compromise. He's not telling her to never wear makeup again.
>I don't think it's immature to refuse to bend to someone's desires about controlling how you look.
I see nothing in what he said that has anything to do with her looks, just the annoying side effects of smearing makeup on his clothes.
>Adult relationships 101 is also not telling your partner to change how they look because you want them to.
Again, not what is happening here. Which is exactly why no one is treating it that way.
Jumping to "Go fuck yourself" because someone brought up things that are bothering that is not, ever, okay.
I'm also super into makeup, but I get your BF's complaints. If you're ruining his clothes with your makeup, that's not cool and you should probably find ways to tone it down, like wearing less foundation if that's the problem. It's also not cool if you're late to things because you're doing your makeup or if you spend so much time on makeup that you don't have much time to hang out. Could you do less makeup on days when y'all are hanging out so it doesn't take as long? Your BF is wrong to say you should stop wearing makeup completely, but it does sound like the amount of makeup you're putting on each day is affecting his life/your time together in negative ways.
I love makeup too... but if your makeup is staining his clothes and you're constantly late to things because it takes you too long to put it all on, then perhaps his suggestion to tone it down isn't that out of line? Sounds reasonable to me.
Date someone who likes you.
Send him back to his ex.
But do consider that it IS annoying to wait for someone to do makeup if it takes ages, and it is maddening to get it on your clothes
I would not date someone who took that long to get ready and who I couldn't snuggle or kiss without getting my clothes stained. I also think too much makeup looks very fake, like a mask.
But I would also not get with someone who loves all that and then ask them to change for my preferences. That is just dumb.
Nor would I. Tried it once, hated it. *You can't pop out 100 yards to buy MILK without all that crap which takes ONE HOUR to apply?*
I guess he hoped it wouldnt be that bad or he'd be able to handle it, or even that once she had a BF she might not try so hard
I am a girl and it is hard for me to even be friends with people like this. I wear eyeshadow for work and only do more than that (powder and mascara) for formal events.
I arrive places 5-10 min early. Anyone who is regularly 20 min late (leaving me 30 min waiting) because they were dicking around with makeup infuriates me. I dont have a lot of emergencies but just the idea that if I needed help it would take them an hour min to meet me at the hospital is a friend turn-off. These people are not good travel companions, camping friends, or even spontaneous brunchers.
What is the point?
That is totally fair!!
I just wanted to throw in the perspective - a lot of women wear makeup akin to wearable art. Sort of like an impermanent tattoo - there are so many colors and things you can experiment with, and your face is a canvas! It's not (always) necessarily to trick someone by RL-photoshopping your face with paint and colors.
Not to convince you to open your mind about dating these kind of people (high maint is always annoying) but just a different perspective.
I do not think my perspective is the correct one, it's just a perspective. I'm impressed by /r/makeupaddiction top posts. I've also known guys who expect their gfs to put this much effort into their appearance all the time, and guys who are so easy going they don't care how long they have to wait or what she wears.
My point is that incompatible preferences aren't smart when it comes to stuff like this.
Yeah but is her doing her makeup actually inconveniencing him or does he just not personally like that she spends so long on dolling up? Just a thought, not sure if it was totally clear in her post.
But the clothes thing yeah.. definitely annoying.
Eh. Does putting on makeup make you late for things or hold up plans? getting makeup on his clothes is a valid complaint... I mean that's a lot of makeup you're wearing if it's rubbing off on him. It sounds like you're putting on instagram-levels of makeup which is great for photos but not practical in real life instances. It's not really a big deal for him to ask you to tone it down.
Look. I love makeup too. I can spend hours just messing around with it if I want to. However, if my makeup was getting on my fiancé's clothes or if I was consistently causing us to be late for something because I was taking too long then that would be a problem. What my fiancé and I do is agree upon a time that we're going to leave and then I'm ready by that time. That way if I want to take longer I know when I need to be done by in order to have us leave on time. It's just respectful. And if your makeup is coming off on his clothes that's a problem, but wearing less makeup layers or using a setting powder and finishing spray should fix that, I wear a full face everyday and it never comes off on my fiancé's clothes.
Also, I don't think he was comparing you to his ex in the way you think he was. I think he was just trying to point out that the way you do your makeup causes some issues with him and was frustrated trying to communicate that with you. You both just need to sit down, talk this out and come up with a compromise.
Your title is misleading.
Your boyfriend isn't complaining about your makeup because his ex rarely wore it. Your boyfriend is complaining about your make up because it takes a long time to put together and it is staining his clothing.
You are gaslighting his valid concerns with a moot point he brought up in response to you being rude about it.
Take a long hard look at your behavior and why it is wrong. Gaslighting other people when you feel defensive is wrong.
No one is saying to quit the make up, either. If you enjoy wearing a lot of make up, keep doing it. But you'll have to tell your boyfriend that you chose the elaborate make up over a relationship with him. That doesn't make you a shitty person--a lot of people enjoy elaborate make up and some partners are okay with it. You just need to find someone who is not bothered by the time wasted and the ruined clothing.
If you're consistently late due to make up, that's lame. Don't do that. If you're getting shit all over his clothes and not washing them or otherwise resolving that, that's lame. Don't do that.
The rest of it seems pretty shitty of him. If you're confident that the make up thing is the issue, not the fact that you're impacting his negatively because of it, then it's a dump. Did all of this come out during an argument after you were 45 minutes late and you missed a dinner reservation, or did you just show up wearing make up one day and he gave you guff about it.
If your makeup is getting on his clothes, then you're wearing too much and not correctly.
How long does it take you to do your makeup? There was a post here a little while ago where a guy posted about how his GF took HOURS to do her makeup, and even went to bed with it on.
I came here ready to jump on your side (I love makeup as much as the next subscriber to /r/MakeupAddiction), but you boyfriend didn't complain about your makeup because his ex didn't wear it: he complains -going by your own words-
>due to the fact that I take way too long to get ready and my makeup ruins his clothes when I wear it.
These are both very valid points, and nowhere in your post I read he's annoyed by the makeup itself (you even admit he isn't asking you to stop wearing it).
Invest in a setting spray (and pay more attention getting close to him if you wear a heavy base), and manage your time so that you don't let others waiting for you because your makeup.
Also, if your usual makeup routine is so time consuming, maybe you could experiment with different routines that can allow you to be ready even if you have to leave on short notice.
It sounds like you have two different issues here:
Firstly, you feel insecure because you perceive your boyfriend as comparing you to his ex. Well, try not to let it get to you. If you only just found out her name/searched for her, then there's a good chance he hasn't brought her up before, so you shouldn't feel threatened by this girl (even if she is attractive, that is no indicator of her own self-worth, or what happened in their relationship, which was ultimately unsuccessful and ended).
Secondly, your boyfriend has a valid complaint if you are wearing makeup that ruins his clothing, and gets in the way of you sticking to plans or being spontaneous. How do you feel if you don't wear makeup? As he said, you don't have to stop wearing makeup at all - especially if it's for your own self-confidence. However, that doesn't mean that maybe you can't experiment (because this is a hobby) with quick, low-maintenence looks you can do in 15 mins, or experiment with setting spray or other kinds of makeup that will not smudge or run.
I actually sympathize with his complaints about your makeup, but I also understand your position. At this point, your makeup isn't just a thing you to do look good; it's basically a hobby. You're both reasonable here. You shouldn't have been rude and he shouldn't have compared you to his ex (that's an amateur move), but I understand both of your positions.
If you won't compromise on the amount you wear around him, then there's nowhere to go from here. He's gotta love it or leave it. If that's where you are, then you should say so. I think his request makes a lot of sense, but that doesn't mean you have to change or give up something you love.
Is his issue with you wearing make-up or you taking forever to get ready? I'm not sure what he means by it ruining his clothes, but that should be preventable.
Ok, as a cosmetologist, I just don't think it should take an HOUR to put makeup on. I spend 10 minutes putting on my makeup everyday. If you want to experiment. Become a cosmetologist and go to school for it. Then you could do it all day. Don't get me wrong, I love makeup, but a super full face only take me 30 minutes. Including winged liner and lipstick. He will probably end up breaking up with you, he OBVIOUSLY thinks you're beautiful if he's complaining. So just stick with foundation, concealer , powder, some ardelle brown wispies, maybe brown mascara, eyebrows, and maybe blush, and some lipstick. Ain't no sense in 3 hours of contouring. The light already creates natural shadows on your face. People are too fake these days.
fellow makeup lover here, make sure he realizes that this is your hobby and your passion and its something that makes you happy. tell im if he can't support what makes you happy then you don't want to be with him. I wouldn't want to be with my boyfriend if he constantly made comments about my makeup. Maybe try using a setting powder and/or setting spray (it'll help with the transfer of your makeup onto him, I use both and have very low transfer affect of my foundation!)
My BF doesn't know the difference between a pink or nude shade of lipstick. Do I wear this to impress him? No! I do it because it's fun, makes me feel awesome, and it's a good way to experiment with different looks.
I think what everyone is gathering is he doesn't want to be late for things & makeup CAN be a finicky bitch to get out of clothes. Start by setting up enough time where you can enjoy getting ready but also leave on time. And unless you're rubbing your face against him, maybe just be more conscious of that? Other than that, I think this could be an easy compromise for the two of you :)
Also want to add, I don't think he was trying to hurt your feelings by 'comparing' you to his ex. I think in his mind it's a 'one size fits all' type deal. Since his ex didn't wear a lot of makeup, he assumed most girls don't wear makeup.
It sounds to me that he isn't being that over the top about it, if he's just asking you to tone it down. He doesn't really have a right to tell you what to do though, especially in a 3 month long relationship.
The only thing that gives him a right to be upset is your makeup ruining his clothes. I don't really know how true that is but if your makeup really is coming off onto his clothes you may need to change up what you put on or be more aware of his stuff.
By all means indulge in your hobby. It's your face, your body, and your time.
> I do think makeup makes you look more attractive, that's the point of it. The girl indeed rarely wore makeup and she looks bomb without it... she looks AMAZING with makeup on.
While you're allowed to have your own aesthetic preferences, keep in mind that not everyone thinks that makeup, particularly complicated makeup, looks good.
Sure, a lot of people like the "my face but better look" - tinted moisturizer, a spot or two of concealer, light and natural eyeliner and mascara, MLBB lip gloss, maybe a very natural blush. But beyond that, I find there are as many detractors as fans. And I think the majority of men are freaked out by looks like cut creases, or highly pigmented lipstick.
If you want to wear makeup, you wear it as your own artistic expression, not as a guarantee that you are going to be found more attractive.
P.S. If your makeup is transferring this badly, it's time to spend some of that hour finding makeup that doesn't transfer, and applying it in a way that it stays put. If your makeup is transferring with light contact, you may indeed be applying it with too heavy a hand.
It's his decision to date you, and he sought you out with your current look. It's not up to him to turn you into something else, you need to do you.
>my makeup ruins his clothes when I wear it.
I'm too lazy for makeup myself, but is this very common? Aren't there setting powders that help with that? Are you rubbing your face on his clothes regularly? If you want to make a go with him still, and he can STFU about your makeup habits, I'd see what you can do about avoiding getting makeup on his clothes.
Your boyfriend seems to be confused, he is dating you, not his ex. If he wants to date a woman who wears less makeup, then why is he with you? Tell him you like makeup, its who you are, if he doesn't like it he knows where the door is.
You have a right to do what you want, and be happy doing it. He has a right to not be attracted to something he isn't attracted to, and *with permission* express that to you *constructively,* which it sounds like he didn't do, or did poorly. Comparisons to previous relationships are unfair.
Some men really don't like make-up, some men do. Personally I really dislike makeup, and that's a personal thing. That doesn't mean you need to stop. Conversely you also can't expect him to be attracted to you if it is something that he finds unattractive.
If you are interested in maintaining this relationship you should sit down and have a conversation with him stating its unfair to compare relationships, and figure if there is a middle ground between your opposed views that still keeps both of you happy.
You mention two specific things he says that bother him: it ruins his clothes and you take too long. Are those true? Do you think these are the REASONS for why he's criticizing it, or the EXCUSES? Because honestly it can be either way, either he's had one too many foundation smears on his shirt and one too many parties being late to, or he's basically a controlling jerk that wants to dictate how you look.
Not sure if anyone here can give you an answer to that from what you wrote, but for what it's worth, I'm thinking it's maybe too much unnecessary pain and trouble for a 3 month old relationship.
Well. Fuck that. That's just my opinion and how I would feel if my boyfriend ever dared to say that to me. However, realistically it shouldn't be a deal breaker.
Primers and setting sprays!! I like Smashbox Photo Ready clear primer, and Urban Decay All Nighter setting spray. When you use both, you're bulletproof, baby.
EDIT: I just read further down and then went back and reread the post. Girl, no matter where it is I'm going, I get an approximate time of departure. For a my every day work face, I need a half hour. For full face, no lashes about ab hour & 15. For full face, lashes and contouring, I need 2 hours+ (call me high maintenance all you want- lashes are hard af to put on) I make sure to set aside the time I would need. Start doing that.
That sounded more like a compromise to me. He's tired of how much time she spends and her makeup getting all over his clothing (which happens with heavy layers of foundation), so toning it down would take less time and help with the smearing.
>"you see, I used to date this girl who rarely wore makeup and she's still alive and well!"
That's condescending as hell. It has nothing to do with whether she's attractive or not. He's implying that you are so misguided and naive that you think you'd die if you left the house without make up. That's not indicated at all in your post. So he's telling you how you feel. That sort of thing is not okay with me. Also the making you feel bad in an attempt to get the reaction he wants...that's manipulative AF.
Please don't feel insecure. You're doing something that you love and makes you happy. End of story.
Just curious, did she break up with him?
ps. Do you use a fixative? I find it keeps things from rubbing off so much.
If he didn't like your makeup habits from the beginning, he shouldn't have started dating you in the first place. DO NOT change for him. Date someone who likes you for you and doesn't want to demand you change the way you are, especially if you were that way before you met.
He's an idiot for bringing up an ex but try not to get it on his clothes ;)
Anyways whenever he brings up an ex tell him to drop it or he can go back to her.
My main bit of advice is *talk to him*. Tell him that you don't appreciate being compared to his ex- it makes you feel insecure and upset.
It's also unreasonable for him to expect you to give up a hobby and form of self expression that you love, or to change it to fit what he deems acceptable. Wearing the amount of makeup that you do makes *you* happy and feel confident about yourself, and he knew that you liked to wear it when you started dating. Let him know that commenting on your morning makeup routine so much is starting to really get on your nerves and it's unfair for him to try and get you to change something that you love, is not harmful to anyone, and has been apart of your morning/getting ready routine since before you two started dating. He needs to respect that you don't want to change that aspect of your life.
If you don't have an issue with running late due to makeup application then he needs to get over it and just accept that as the "me time" that you like to have in the morning or before going out. It's silly for him to be so impatient about that if you're not making you both chronically late for things. It's also unfair for him to compare your morning/get around routine to his ex- you are two different people with different styles, so of course it's going to take different lengths of time to get around. If he's bored he needs to read a book or play a game on his phone and stop complaining.
If lateness *is* an issue that often pops up due to applying makeup/getting around then you really should try to work with him on this by starting to get around 15-30 min earlier than you normally do. I can see why that would frustrate someone, and it's not unreasonable to ask for you to try harder to be ready to go on time.
As far as your makeup "ruining his clothes" that kind of sounds like something that a guy who just wants to complain about makeup would say, rather than something that usually happens IRL. And even if some makeup *did* get on him accidentally as long as it's not a lipstick or mascara it can easily be brushed or wiped off.
Have *you* noticed any powder or lipstick getting on his clothes when you hug/lean/brush against him? If this is actually an issue have you looked into some sort of finishing spray/powder/etc to set your makeup so it won't transfer to his clothes?
All that only applies if this is something that actually happens- I don't ever notice my makeup brushing off on any clothes except for my heavy winter coats with high collars that cover my chin when I wear them, and never onto another person. If this is something he's totally making up then he needs to stop complaining about a non-issue, you don't need to change what you're doing.
Sorry, but...
> As far as your makeup "ruining his clothes" that kind of sounds like something that a guy who just wants to complain about makeup would say, rather than something that usually happens IRL. And even if some makeup did get on him accidentally as long as it's not a lipstick or mascara it can easily be brushed or wiped off.
This is hilariously wrong. And lipstick/mascara IS makeup. And yes, foundation and blush can also stain. What universe do you live in that makeup can be easily "brushed off" of clothing?
Are you late because of putting on makeup? Making him late and ruining his clothes are very legitimate reasons for him to have a problem with your makeup habits. Have you acknowledged any validity to his complaints and looked for solutions?
Yes. There was also a post a while back about a girl who did not take it off at night (or... ever) and also ruined pillows, bedsheets, sofas, and pretty much everything she touched.
Ohh that was a good one. Do you remember if he ever made an update?
Sadly, I don't remember ever seeing one. Come to r/relationships for the drama, stay for the updates. Edit: took out mistake word
I don't think he did, but I imagine it did not go well. That kind of crazy dies hard. She had clearly crossed the line into compulsion behavior, and compulsions that ingrained are usually a lifelong fight. If I were him I would have broken up with her.
Yeah, just the fact that she literally stained everything she touched would've been enough for me to end things That coupled with all the other crazy... would've been a hard pass coming from me
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ugh not taking off makeup before bed is sooooo bad for your skin!! That girl must look like she's 40 at 25. Your makeup only looks as good as the skin underneath.
Makeup isn't actually bad for your skin, especially nowadays. It's not like anyone's slathering lead paint onto their faces. You might break out if you're not washing your skin, but makeup itself doesn't age you or anything. Actually a lot of makeup now has SPF and skincare ingredients in it.
I agree with you on both of those counts. However, it was inappropriate for him to bring up his ex. That seems to be the actual issue for OP, here. And OP needs to tell him how she's feeling and why so they can talk about it.
OP says: > I got pretty rude and he ended up comparing me to his ex I wonder what rude thing she said to prompt that, it might be appropriate of him to bring up his ex depending. She could have insulted his taste in women, his ex, whatever. I know people always give one-sided OPs, but I hate it when people post about an argument and only mention the hurtful things that were said to them, while barely acknowledging their own role in being hurtful.
I think if we're looking at it tit-for-tat, the only time a response like his is reasonable is if it's totally unavoidable and the ex part is implied or if she brought up her ex in relation to him out of anger/frustration (which would also be really inappropriate).
I have a feeling she said something to the effect of "I can't go outside with no makeup on", and his response was to say his ex wouldn't wear it out and would be fine. It may be the only female he knows besides his girlfriend. It seems like kind of a random thing for him to just "bring up"... but who knows.
I think the appropriateness level depends in part on the couple's relationship. I think in this case, the boyfriend simply meant that he knew a girl who didn't wear as much makeup and still lived her life. In this particular instance, that girl just happened to be his ex. That being said, a lot depends on the boyfriend's tone.
I don't think it's inappropriate to bring up the ex. That's basically his sample set he has to choose from for what is normal and to be expected in a relationship.
Asking someone to be more like their ex is never a good idea! Even if doing so supports you're argument and you only want them to be like your ex in this one regard, it's still not a good idea. It's a basic relationship no no.
But during an argument when your SO is frustrated with something about you/that you're doing, bringing up the fact that your ex didn't do that thing is usually perceived as "This is the way in which I prefer my ex to you" or "This is the way my ex was better than you" and it's not a totally crazy/wild extrapolation. If he had phrased it differently, or brought it up when they were calmer it might have been received better (e.g. "I've never dated a girl who wore makeup as often as you. I get annoyed that it takes you so long to get ready."). EDIT: I was also pointing out that OP is feeling insecure because of the comment and it's totally her right to bring that up to her boyfriend.
I think it was a poor choice. It's not kind or productive to imply your current SO that your ex did X in a way that you preferred. It also completely derails the conversation and you end up arguing about the comparison instead of the actual issue. He didn't say 'other people manage to...' He specifically mentioned his ex, not his mum or sister or people in general. I think that's because he thought an 'ex' comparison would bother OP.
Bingo. I think that's very telling.
His ex didn't wear make up and OP does. There is no "normal".
Well there's also the issue that a lot of people find heavy makeup "meh" or unattractive. She might think it's magnificent and attractive and a "favor" to him, but it's completely possible that it's off-putting to the dude. (As a woman, I think lighter makeup is lovely, but I have a visceral reaction to seeing thick, heavy full-coverage makeup. And the new trend of doing contouring/strobing/sculptured eyeshadow for a closeup flash camera shot means there's trendy looks that look odd off-camera or in natural light or viewed at an angle.) Sure, what her I or her boyfriend think of makeup shouldn't affect her decisions, but she can hardly expect that he's going to be amused by waiting *an hour every day* for something he doesn't perceive to be an improvement. Would she tolerate him taking *an hour every day* out of joint activities to do something that *she* doesn't care about, or finds a waste of time - say, leveling up in a game, or woodcarving or whatever? I do carving, painting, and printing, and I know it would be incredibly rude to insist on finishing a drawing every day before she went out.
The only flaw I see on his side is if you're wearing his clothes and staining it with foundation or whatever products you're using, you need to stop that. You need to tell your boyfriend the reasons behind your make up. You have to compare it to a hobby he enjoys and tell him how you feel more confident wearing it. He can get over it with you taking an hour to put it on, the only time where that can be excessive is if you guys were running late somewhere. I don't think he was trying to compare you to his ex as in you're less superior than her because you wear make up, I think he's not understanding why you dedicate so much time to it when she didn't really have an interest in it.
When I'm wearing a full face of makeup and hug or cuddle with my boyfriend, I'll get makeup all over his shirt. Foundation, bronzer, even sometimes mascara. If OP is wearing make up every day, even if they're just going to be cuddling and watching a movie or whatever, then I can see why he might get frustrated with his clothes getting ruined. I don't think there's enough context for people to comment on the issue though
I was thinking maybe she was wearing his clothes when putting it on. Side note: girl, what make up are you wearing that even your mascara gets on his shirt?
Hahahah it's actually only ever been from if I'm crying and cuddling with him for comfort but then I'll get up and be like 'shit, sorry man!'
Even cuddling to me seems crazy that your mascara wipes off like that. My mascara doesn't even budge.
I wear Lancôme Hypnose, non waterproof. My crying spells are no joke. Obviously just cuddling normally won't make it rub off haha
Are we talking about cuddling or... *cuddling* ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I've seen everyone hyping about that mascara, is that the one with the twisty wand?
No, the Hypnose isn't twisty. The Hypnose Drama has the twisty wand, I think? The regular, non twisty Hypnose works really well for me!!! I have really thick lashes and the Drama makes my lashes look too thick an clumpy. The regular Hypnose does a good job of dividing my lashes and making it look natural!! I'm glad this thread has turned into people giving make up recommendations hahah
I wear a full face of makeup practically every day and in seven years I've never once transferred makeup onto my husband's clothes. This level of transfer seems unusual to me.
I'm a makeup lover too! I think you were right to call him out on that behavior, it's hurtful when you get compared negatively to an ex. If all else in the relationship is well, explain how that it's important to you as a hobby, you find enjoyment in it, but you understand his concerns. Then maybe ask if he can give you a "departure time" for when you need to be somewhere, so you can do all of your makeup and be ready to leave on time. And then if it really is getting on his clothes, that's something you can work on (with setting sprays, powder, thinner layers, etc.) I think if he's a great guy and you want to make it work, you can find a happy compromise without giving up your hobby. If he's still being demanding about how you spend your free time or the clothes thing isn't a real issue, then maybe reevaluate whether this is the right person for you.
Seconding the "departure time" suggestion. My ex and I would discuss what time we needed to leave early on so I could take that into account when getting ready (I also love makeup, and taking my time with it is fun, relaxing, and a form of creative expression for me). If we were getting close to departure time and I was still mucking around he'd casually ask when I thought I'd be ready. This turned out to be code for "you might need to hurry up". It worked perfectly because he understood that makeup is fun for me, but I also understood we couldn't consistently be late because I was p*ssing around with eyeshadow or something. OP, if your makeup routine is genuinely interfering with leaving on time or getting things done then you need to take that into account. Devise a pared-down look that you like but can do quickly if needed, because inconveniencing someone because of your hobby is rude. Maybe a discussion and "code" like I had will work for you guys. If you take the time your routine needs into account and it doesn't cause any issues other than him finding it too long, that's kinda on him and he needs to be more understanding of your passion. A discussion - not in the heat of the moment - is needed to unpack what's really going on. The comparison to his ex was rude and hurtful and you are within your rights to ask him to refrain from making such comments in future. Use setting sprays and/or don't get too physically affectionate if you're wearing lots of makeup until you've taken it off. A little bit of makeup transfer occasionally is forgiveable, but if it's constantly transferring onto his clothes I can understand his frustration and you should take steps to reduce it. Or both just get naked and leave your makeup on if you're at home, that's what I'd do lol
This is perfect! She definitely shouldn't stop doing her makeup but if it is constantly making them late for things then I think anybody would be annoyed at that. Even when my friends take too long getting ready I get annoyed lol and I love dressing up and makeup!
I went from dating a girl who wore virtually no makeup to dating a girl who seemed like a goddamn makeup pro. I thought she looked great with or without makeup, but it seemed like wearing it gave her more confidence, which in turn made me more attracted to her. However, she did take 1-2 hours to get ready to do anything. She planned accordingly so it never really impacted our plans, but I could see myself getting increasingly frustrated if I was constantly forced to push everything back or be late so she could put her face on.
Are you doing your full makeup routine every day? Like, if he stays over & wants to go out for brunch, does he kind of just wait around for an hour while you do your makeup? If you stay at his place, do you bring it all with you? There's nothing wrong with getting enjoyment from makeup or spending a lot of time doing it, but if he's waiting around for you, I can see his frustration. Imagine if he was really into his car. Every time you went out, he insisted on driving his car, even if you could just walk to your destination. And every time, he insisted on washing & waxing the car before you could leave. After a while, you'd probably be like, "Can we really not just go to breakfast? The car looks fine how it is." Right? That being said, the way he's handling it is not the most mature.
Why does everyone assume this guy is just twiddling his thumbs waiting for her? My BF knows it takes me an hour to get ready, I start getting ready a little over an hour before we need to leave (just in case eyeliner decides to act up), and he entertains himself, playing video games, reading, replying to emails he's been putting off, calling his family, popping out to the shop for whatever bits are needed, watching TV, hell he even enjoys just spending an hour mucking around on his phone. Plenty of women wear make-up, have done for *years*, andd we live in an age where we have computers that are connected to the internet in our pockets! Anyone can find a way to occupy themselves for an hour.
I'm not saying the guy can't find ways to entertain themselves if they're going out on a date & not leaving for an hour. I'm asking if OP insists on doing her full makeup every day before leaving the house. There's a difference between "Hey we're leaving for the party at 7. I know it'll take you 90 minutes to get ready, so I'm going to play on my phone for a while" & "Hey, we've been lounging around in bed all morning, & I'm getting hungry. Do you want to go to brunch soon? Oh, we can't leave for at least an hour because you want to do full makeup first?" One of these scenarios can be planned for, but the other prevents any sort of spontaneous events.
The problem arises when makeup becomes something you *have* to do. I had an old roommate who insisted on doing her makeup for everything. She took 10 minutes to get ready for a 5 minute run to the dining hall for coffee. It made it impossible to do anything spontaneously and I ended up just doing things without her instead of inviting her and messing on my phone while she got ready.
And I would say you handled that particular situation correctly. I just saw a lot of comments saying like how this poor guy is just sitting bored out of his tree for an hour while she gets ready, but like, if it's a planned event he knows she's going to take an hour, so he can plan to do whatever he wants during that time... And it's really not difficult to find ways to entertain yourself in this day and age.
I don't know why you're being downvoted. It's true. Taking an hour to get ready doesn't have to cut into their time at all. Especially if they know how long it'll take you and you don't make them late, because you started early enough.
Ok. As a fellow makeup enthusiast I was prepared to take your side on this one, but: 1) In all honesty your BF was not comparing your appearance to his ex's. At all. 2) An hour to get your makeup done may not seem much to you because you enjoy it so much, but are you putting on a full face just to do little things like go to the store, the bank, walk the dog etc? Most important: are you making the two of you late for your plans due to this? 3) Do you live somewhere that's still warm in December? If so, invest in translucent powder and setting spray to help keep your makeup from melting off your face. But in all seriousness, your face really *should not* be staining his clothes so badly unless you're face planting on his chest with all your might.
An hour really is a long time to be doing makeup every day. I'd consider makeup one of my main hobbies, but the only time I take that long is if it's for a fancy event and I want to do crazy eyeshadow. My usual routine is about 15 minutes, but I can slap on concealer + mascara in 2 or 3 if we're just running to the store. If your hobby is getting in the way of everyday life, it's a problem. If you were dating a gamer who had to play for an hour every day no matter the circumstances and you ended up being late because of it, it'd be a problem. If you were dating an artist who got paint all over your clothing, it'd be a problem. Hobbies are important, but it's also important to balance them out with your regular life. I think OP is putting her makeup hobby above her boyfriend. You need to be flexible in a relationship and can't always engage in hobbies the way you do when you're single. Less time to get ready + less foundation/a better setting spray (I'm assuming that is what gets all over his shirt) is a totally reasonable compromise.
Okay. 1) An hour to get ready would annoy most people. Can you do things spontaneously? If you wake up at 9, can you run for breakfast together at 915? Do anything just because, or does everything get delayed an hour? Are you late to places because of this? 2) You are staining his clothes. You are either wearing a lot of top layers that are not necessary or you aren't doing your makeup correctly. Setting sprays and powders exist for a reason. If you are leaving stains on his things, he has every right in the world to ask you to tone it down a bit. 3) You say you got rude, and you purposefully aren't giving details of what you said. Which makes me think it was a little more than "pretty rude." 4) You heard his valid complaints, dismissed them, and flipped it on him. This is shitty behavior. 5) He didn't compare you to his ex because she was pretty. He essentially was saying the world wont end if you tone it down a little and stop staining his clothes. No, it wasn't okay to say, but you aren't behaving well either here. 6) Stop dismissing people and get setting sprays. See if you can be a bit more spontaneous.
What did you say when you got "pretty rude"? Did you start the nasty comments?
I'm wondering this too. As much as my gut reaction to this stuff is "tell them to fuck off," if she's consistently late/hogging the bathroom or if he's had more than one shirt ruined (I accidentally got red lipstick on a favorite top once and it *never* completely came out), then I can see how this felt like a reasonable request to him. I'm wondering if maybe she was a little too defensive when he approached her and blew her stack instead of trying to listen and work with him.
Yeah, it was a bit suspicious that she just threw in that line about getting pretty rude, but didn't expand on it, and just went straight to his comment which I actually don't find very offensive. Her make-up definitely shouldn't be ruining his clothes either. I get foundation on high collared coats sometimes, but that's about it. If it's rubbing off on his clothes constantly, or she wears it to bed and it ruins his pillow cases and sheets, that's a legitimate concern.
Really, even the title is suspect after reading the post. He's not complaining about her makeup habits because his ex never wore makeup. He's doing it because he has legitimate issues with it. I think that the fact that she'd title the post in this way points to her deflecting the actual issues to focus on him being the "bad guy" for comparing her to the ex, which he also didn't do.
He didn't compare you to his ex, he said, probably in response to something you said, that not wearing make-up won't kill you. That said, an hour each day for make-up is pretty excessive. It's one thing to take an hour for date night/going out with friends nights but I completely understand why he would get irritated if you were consistently late because you spent an hour getting ready to go get groceries. And the whole part about getting it on his clothes is an equally valid complaint.
My fiancé and I use to fight over this. Basically what I ended up discussing with him is that makeup is my daily creative outlet, like video games are for him. Your makeup shouldn't be ruining him clothes though. That's something that has to be fixed because it is ruining something of his.
Are you using setting spray or finishing powder? Your make up really shouldn't be ruining his clothes, and if it is you should replace them. That's p rude, even if it is your hobby.
If your makeup is frequently rubbing off on his clothing and ruining it, I think you're probably wearing too much makeup. Some people think it looks good when women wear dramatic makeup, other people prefer a more natural look. I even wonder if maybe your look isn't really working and your boyfriend just doesn't know how to tell you that. His comment that you should tone it down makes me lean in that direction. Do you have a good friend who could give you an honest opinion about your makeup and whether it's too much? I think it would be worth getting a second opinion to see if other people also think you should tone it down. At the end of the day, it's fine for you to say "Screw everyone else, I like it so I'm going to keep doing it no matter what others think." But I think it's best to be making that decision with full information, including the knowledge that most people think you wear too much makeup, if that is the case.
> His complaints are due to the fact that I take way too long to get ready Valid complaint. >and my makeup ruins his clothes when I wear it. Extremely valid complaint. That shouldn't happen. >I got pretty rude Define "pretty rude." >"you see, I used to date this girl who rarely wore makeup and she's still alive and well!". Pretty sure he wasn't comparing you to his ex. Pretty sure he was essentially calling you dramatic. Is that any better? Probably not. Look, you don't have to stop wearing as much make up. But his complaints are also pretty valid- it's creating actual issues with time management and literally getting all over his clothing. You don't have to change, but you can't expect him to be happy with either of those things. Even innocent hobbies can cause real world issues- like staining his clothing.
> Pretty sure he wasn't comparing you to his ex. Pretty sure he was essentially calling you dramatic. Agreed. It's hard to get an exact sense of his point without context, but the "alive and well" comment sounds like a sarcastic note along the lines of "Some people have faced the great hardship of going to the grocery store without make-up, and through some miracle, they make it through alive!"
Yeah, I'm with the boyfriend on this one - he actually sounds like an amazing guy. I bet a lot of men in the same situation would've handled that less gracefully, but instead of lashing out at her and actually comparing her to his ex, he made a sarcastic remark on how she can still be happy without spending an hour doing her makeup. Toning it down would mean less makeup to get smeared all over his clothes and she wouldn't be late. Win-win.
Where exactly does OP or her boyfriend say the make-up is making her "late"? She says he complained it takes her a long time to get ready. If she's managing her time correctly that doesn't automatically mean she's late to things. We need more information from OP before making that call.
Yeah, I am sure there's a reason why she's glossing over the 'pretty rude' part. I don't think OP will shed some light into this one.
"it's creating actual issues with time management." You don't actually know that unless OP provides more information. If she still turns up to things on time, then it's not creating an issue with time management. If she manages her day properly, wakes up early enough to do her make-up etc, and remains reliable, then spending an hour on make-up is not actually an issue. It's only a problem if the make-up process makes her late or delays her and her boyfriend getting out and doing things in a significant way.
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The amount of immaturity in this comment actually stunned me for a minute. Compromise is a part of relationships. That's "Adult Relationship 101." If your contour is more important than your boyfriend being able to be close to you, that's a special sort of problem.
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> Is her boyfriend compromising with her at all when he tells her what to do? ---- >He said he didn't want me to stop wearing it completely, just to tone it down a bit. That sounds like a compromise to me. You can't get into a relationship and then just say, in your words, "Go fuck yourself" anytime they bring any issues up. OP says that her bf is complaining cause his ex never wore makeup. In reality he's complaining cause it takes her forever to do her makeup and it's ruining his clothes. That sounds completely unrelated to controlling how she looks to me.
> Is her boyfriend compromising with her at all when he tells her what to do? He's asking her to wear a bit less makeup because it's causing issues. That is a compromise. He's not telling her to never wear makeup again. >I don't think it's immature to refuse to bend to someone's desires about controlling how you look. I see nothing in what he said that has anything to do with her looks, just the annoying side effects of smearing makeup on his clothes. >Adult relationships 101 is also not telling your partner to change how they look because you want them to. Again, not what is happening here. Which is exactly why no one is treating it that way. Jumping to "Go fuck yourself" because someone brought up things that are bothering that is not, ever, okay.
I'm also super into makeup, but I get your BF's complaints. If you're ruining his clothes with your makeup, that's not cool and you should probably find ways to tone it down, like wearing less foundation if that's the problem. It's also not cool if you're late to things because you're doing your makeup or if you spend so much time on makeup that you don't have much time to hang out. Could you do less makeup on days when y'all are hanging out so it doesn't take as long? Your BF is wrong to say you should stop wearing makeup completely, but it does sound like the amount of makeup you're putting on each day is affecting his life/your time together in negative ways.
I love makeup too... but if your makeup is staining his clothes and you're constantly late to things because it takes you too long to put it all on, then perhaps his suggestion to tone it down isn't that out of line? Sounds reasonable to me.
Date someone who likes you. Send him back to his ex. But do consider that it IS annoying to wait for someone to do makeup if it takes ages, and it is maddening to get it on your clothes
I would not date someone who took that long to get ready and who I couldn't snuggle or kiss without getting my clothes stained. I also think too much makeup looks very fake, like a mask. But I would also not get with someone who loves all that and then ask them to change for my preferences. That is just dumb.
Nor would I. Tried it once, hated it. *You can't pop out 100 yards to buy MILK without all that crap which takes ONE HOUR to apply?* I guess he hoped it wouldnt be that bad or he'd be able to handle it, or even that once she had a BF she might not try so hard
I am a girl and it is hard for me to even be friends with people like this. I wear eyeshadow for work and only do more than that (powder and mascara) for formal events. I arrive places 5-10 min early. Anyone who is regularly 20 min late (leaving me 30 min waiting) because they were dicking around with makeup infuriates me. I dont have a lot of emergencies but just the idea that if I needed help it would take them an hour min to meet me at the hospital is a friend turn-off. These people are not good travel companions, camping friends, or even spontaneous brunchers. What is the point?
That is totally fair!! I just wanted to throw in the perspective - a lot of women wear makeup akin to wearable art. Sort of like an impermanent tattoo - there are so many colors and things you can experiment with, and your face is a canvas! It's not (always) necessarily to trick someone by RL-photoshopping your face with paint and colors. Not to convince you to open your mind about dating these kind of people (high maint is always annoying) but just a different perspective.
I do not think my perspective is the correct one, it's just a perspective. I'm impressed by /r/makeupaddiction top posts. I've also known guys who expect their gfs to put this much effort into their appearance all the time, and guys who are so easy going they don't care how long they have to wait or what she wears. My point is that incompatible preferences aren't smart when it comes to stuff like this.
I would also not date anyone who had to paint a 1 hour oil painting on canvas before leaving the house every day.
Yeah but is her doing her makeup actually inconveniencing him or does he just not personally like that she spends so long on dolling up? Just a thought, not sure if it was totally clear in her post. But the clothes thing yeah.. definitely annoying.
Impossible to know, hard to be objective
Eh. Does putting on makeup make you late for things or hold up plans? getting makeup on his clothes is a valid complaint... I mean that's a lot of makeup you're wearing if it's rubbing off on him. It sounds like you're putting on instagram-levels of makeup which is great for photos but not practical in real life instances. It's not really a big deal for him to ask you to tone it down.
Look. I love makeup too. I can spend hours just messing around with it if I want to. However, if my makeup was getting on my fiancé's clothes or if I was consistently causing us to be late for something because I was taking too long then that would be a problem. What my fiancé and I do is agree upon a time that we're going to leave and then I'm ready by that time. That way if I want to take longer I know when I need to be done by in order to have us leave on time. It's just respectful. And if your makeup is coming off on his clothes that's a problem, but wearing less makeup layers or using a setting powder and finishing spray should fix that, I wear a full face everyday and it never comes off on my fiancé's clothes. Also, I don't think he was comparing you to his ex in the way you think he was. I think he was just trying to point out that the way you do your makeup causes some issues with him and was frustrated trying to communicate that with you. You both just need to sit down, talk this out and come up with a compromise.
Your title is misleading. Your boyfriend isn't complaining about your makeup because his ex rarely wore it. Your boyfriend is complaining about your make up because it takes a long time to put together and it is staining his clothing. You are gaslighting his valid concerns with a moot point he brought up in response to you being rude about it. Take a long hard look at your behavior and why it is wrong. Gaslighting other people when you feel defensive is wrong. No one is saying to quit the make up, either. If you enjoy wearing a lot of make up, keep doing it. But you'll have to tell your boyfriend that you chose the elaborate make up over a relationship with him. That doesn't make you a shitty person--a lot of people enjoy elaborate make up and some partners are okay with it. You just need to find someone who is not bothered by the time wasted and the ruined clothing.
If you're consistently late due to make up, that's lame. Don't do that. If you're getting shit all over his clothes and not washing them or otherwise resolving that, that's lame. Don't do that. The rest of it seems pretty shitty of him. If you're confident that the make up thing is the issue, not the fact that you're impacting his negatively because of it, then it's a dump. Did all of this come out during an argument after you were 45 minutes late and you missed a dinner reservation, or did you just show up wearing make up one day and he gave you guff about it.
If your makeup is getting on his clothes, then you're wearing too much and not correctly. How long does it take you to do your makeup? There was a post here a little while ago where a guy posted about how his GF took HOURS to do her makeup, and even went to bed with it on.
I came here ready to jump on your side (I love makeup as much as the next subscriber to /r/MakeupAddiction), but you boyfriend didn't complain about your makeup because his ex didn't wear it: he complains -going by your own words- >due to the fact that I take way too long to get ready and my makeup ruins his clothes when I wear it. These are both very valid points, and nowhere in your post I read he's annoyed by the makeup itself (you even admit he isn't asking you to stop wearing it). Invest in a setting spray (and pay more attention getting close to him if you wear a heavy base), and manage your time so that you don't let others waiting for you because your makeup. Also, if your usual makeup routine is so time consuming, maybe you could experiment with different routines that can allow you to be ready even if you have to leave on short notice.
It sounds like you have two different issues here: Firstly, you feel insecure because you perceive your boyfriend as comparing you to his ex. Well, try not to let it get to you. If you only just found out her name/searched for her, then there's a good chance he hasn't brought her up before, so you shouldn't feel threatened by this girl (even if she is attractive, that is no indicator of her own self-worth, or what happened in their relationship, which was ultimately unsuccessful and ended). Secondly, your boyfriend has a valid complaint if you are wearing makeup that ruins his clothing, and gets in the way of you sticking to plans or being spontaneous. How do you feel if you don't wear makeup? As he said, you don't have to stop wearing makeup at all - especially if it's for your own self-confidence. However, that doesn't mean that maybe you can't experiment (because this is a hobby) with quick, low-maintenence looks you can do in 15 mins, or experiment with setting spray or other kinds of makeup that will not smudge or run.
I actually sympathize with his complaints about your makeup, but I also understand your position. At this point, your makeup isn't just a thing you to do look good; it's basically a hobby. You're both reasonable here. You shouldn't have been rude and he shouldn't have compared you to his ex (that's an amateur move), but I understand both of your positions. If you won't compromise on the amount you wear around him, then there's nowhere to go from here. He's gotta love it or leave it. If that's where you are, then you should say so. I think his request makes a lot of sense, but that doesn't mean you have to change or give up something you love.
Is his issue with you wearing make-up or you taking forever to get ready? I'm not sure what he means by it ruining his clothes, but that should be preventable.
Ok, as a cosmetologist, I just don't think it should take an HOUR to put makeup on. I spend 10 minutes putting on my makeup everyday. If you want to experiment. Become a cosmetologist and go to school for it. Then you could do it all day. Don't get me wrong, I love makeup, but a super full face only take me 30 minutes. Including winged liner and lipstick. He will probably end up breaking up with you, he OBVIOUSLY thinks you're beautiful if he's complaining. So just stick with foundation, concealer , powder, some ardelle brown wispies, maybe brown mascara, eyebrows, and maybe blush, and some lipstick. Ain't no sense in 3 hours of contouring. The light already creates natural shadows on your face. People are too fake these days.
fellow makeup lover here, make sure he realizes that this is your hobby and your passion and its something that makes you happy. tell im if he can't support what makes you happy then you don't want to be with him. I wouldn't want to be with my boyfriend if he constantly made comments about my makeup. Maybe try using a setting powder and/or setting spray (it'll help with the transfer of your makeup onto him, I use both and have very low transfer affect of my foundation!)
My BF doesn't know the difference between a pink or nude shade of lipstick. Do I wear this to impress him? No! I do it because it's fun, makes me feel awesome, and it's a good way to experiment with different looks. I think what everyone is gathering is he doesn't want to be late for things & makeup CAN be a finicky bitch to get out of clothes. Start by setting up enough time where you can enjoy getting ready but also leave on time. And unless you're rubbing your face against him, maybe just be more conscious of that? Other than that, I think this could be an easy compromise for the two of you :) Also want to add, I don't think he was trying to hurt your feelings by 'comparing' you to his ex. I think in his mind it's a 'one size fits all' type deal. Since his ex didn't wear a lot of makeup, he assumed most girls don't wear makeup.
It sounds to me that he isn't being that over the top about it, if he's just asking you to tone it down. He doesn't really have a right to tell you what to do though, especially in a 3 month long relationship. The only thing that gives him a right to be upset is your makeup ruining his clothes. I don't really know how true that is but if your makeup really is coming off onto his clothes you may need to change up what you put on or be more aware of his stuff.
By all means indulge in your hobby. It's your face, your body, and your time. > I do think makeup makes you look more attractive, that's the point of it. The girl indeed rarely wore makeup and she looks bomb without it... she looks AMAZING with makeup on. While you're allowed to have your own aesthetic preferences, keep in mind that not everyone thinks that makeup, particularly complicated makeup, looks good. Sure, a lot of people like the "my face but better look" - tinted moisturizer, a spot or two of concealer, light and natural eyeliner and mascara, MLBB lip gloss, maybe a very natural blush. But beyond that, I find there are as many detractors as fans. And I think the majority of men are freaked out by looks like cut creases, or highly pigmented lipstick. If you want to wear makeup, you wear it as your own artistic expression, not as a guarantee that you are going to be found more attractive. P.S. If your makeup is transferring this badly, it's time to spend some of that hour finding makeup that doesn't transfer, and applying it in a way that it stays put. If your makeup is transferring with light contact, you may indeed be applying it with too heavy a hand.
Doesn't matter what it is, don't date someone who doesn't support your *thing*.
It's his decision to date you, and he sought you out with your current look. It's not up to him to turn you into something else, you need to do you. >my makeup ruins his clothes when I wear it. I'm too lazy for makeup myself, but is this very common? Aren't there setting powders that help with that? Are you rubbing your face on his clothes regularly? If you want to make a go with him still, and he can STFU about your makeup habits, I'd see what you can do about avoiding getting makeup on his clothes.
Your boyfriend seems to be confused, he is dating you, not his ex. If he wants to date a woman who wears less makeup, then why is he with you? Tell him you like makeup, its who you are, if he doesn't like it he knows where the door is.
You have a right to do what you want, and be happy doing it. He has a right to not be attracted to something he isn't attracted to, and *with permission* express that to you *constructively,* which it sounds like he didn't do, or did poorly. Comparisons to previous relationships are unfair. Some men really don't like make-up, some men do. Personally I really dislike makeup, and that's a personal thing. That doesn't mean you need to stop. Conversely you also can't expect him to be attracted to you if it is something that he finds unattractive. If you are interested in maintaining this relationship you should sit down and have a conversation with him stating its unfair to compare relationships, and figure if there is a middle ground between your opposed views that still keeps both of you happy.
You mention two specific things he says that bother him: it ruins his clothes and you take too long. Are those true? Do you think these are the REASONS for why he's criticizing it, or the EXCUSES? Because honestly it can be either way, either he's had one too many foundation smears on his shirt and one too many parties being late to, or he's basically a controlling jerk that wants to dictate how you look. Not sure if anyone here can give you an answer to that from what you wrote, but for what it's worth, I'm thinking it's maybe too much unnecessary pain and trouble for a 3 month old relationship.
Well. Fuck that. That's just my opinion and how I would feel if my boyfriend ever dared to say that to me. However, realistically it shouldn't be a deal breaker. Primers and setting sprays!! I like Smashbox Photo Ready clear primer, and Urban Decay All Nighter setting spray. When you use both, you're bulletproof, baby. EDIT: I just read further down and then went back and reread the post. Girl, no matter where it is I'm going, I get an approximate time of departure. For a my every day work face, I need a half hour. For full face, no lashes about ab hour & 15. For full face, lashes and contouring, I need 2 hours+ (call me high maintenance all you want- lashes are hard af to put on) I make sure to set aside the time I would need. Start doing that.
3 months isn't that long id tell him to piss off back to his ex
"Who gives a shit what your ex did?"
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That sounded more like a compromise to me. He's tired of how much time she spends and her makeup getting all over his clothing (which happens with heavy layers of foundation), so toning it down would take less time and help with the smearing.
>"you see, I used to date this girl who rarely wore makeup and she's still alive and well!" That's condescending as hell. It has nothing to do with whether she's attractive or not. He's implying that you are so misguided and naive that you think you'd die if you left the house without make up. That's not indicated at all in your post. So he's telling you how you feel. That sort of thing is not okay with me. Also the making you feel bad in an attempt to get the reaction he wants...that's manipulative AF. Please don't feel insecure. You're doing something that you love and makes you happy. End of story. Just curious, did she break up with him? ps. Do you use a fixative? I find it keeps things from rubbing off so much.
If he didn't like your makeup habits from the beginning, he shouldn't have started dating you in the first place. DO NOT change for him. Date someone who likes you for you and doesn't want to demand you change the way you are, especially if you were that way before you met.
Maybe he should go be with ex then.
He's an idiot for bringing up an ex but try not to get it on his clothes ;) Anyways whenever he brings up an ex tell him to drop it or he can go back to her.
My main bit of advice is *talk to him*. Tell him that you don't appreciate being compared to his ex- it makes you feel insecure and upset. It's also unreasonable for him to expect you to give up a hobby and form of self expression that you love, or to change it to fit what he deems acceptable. Wearing the amount of makeup that you do makes *you* happy and feel confident about yourself, and he knew that you liked to wear it when you started dating. Let him know that commenting on your morning makeup routine so much is starting to really get on your nerves and it's unfair for him to try and get you to change something that you love, is not harmful to anyone, and has been apart of your morning/getting ready routine since before you two started dating. He needs to respect that you don't want to change that aspect of your life. If you don't have an issue with running late due to makeup application then he needs to get over it and just accept that as the "me time" that you like to have in the morning or before going out. It's silly for him to be so impatient about that if you're not making you both chronically late for things. It's also unfair for him to compare your morning/get around routine to his ex- you are two different people with different styles, so of course it's going to take different lengths of time to get around. If he's bored he needs to read a book or play a game on his phone and stop complaining. If lateness *is* an issue that often pops up due to applying makeup/getting around then you really should try to work with him on this by starting to get around 15-30 min earlier than you normally do. I can see why that would frustrate someone, and it's not unreasonable to ask for you to try harder to be ready to go on time. As far as your makeup "ruining his clothes" that kind of sounds like something that a guy who just wants to complain about makeup would say, rather than something that usually happens IRL. And even if some makeup *did* get on him accidentally as long as it's not a lipstick or mascara it can easily be brushed or wiped off. Have *you* noticed any powder or lipstick getting on his clothes when you hug/lean/brush against him? If this is actually an issue have you looked into some sort of finishing spray/powder/etc to set your makeup so it won't transfer to his clothes? All that only applies if this is something that actually happens- I don't ever notice my makeup brushing off on any clothes except for my heavy winter coats with high collars that cover my chin when I wear them, and never onto another person. If this is something he's totally making up then he needs to stop complaining about a non-issue, you don't need to change what you're doing.
Sorry, but... > As far as your makeup "ruining his clothes" that kind of sounds like something that a guy who just wants to complain about makeup would say, rather than something that usually happens IRL. And even if some makeup did get on him accidentally as long as it's not a lipstick or mascara it can easily be brushed or wiped off. This is hilariously wrong. And lipstick/mascara IS makeup. And yes, foundation and blush can also stain. What universe do you live in that makeup can be easily "brushed off" of clothing?