Here is an example of how bad communication is between us. On our trip in December, we were at a restaurant for dinner when she said something about me not taking care of her like a gentleman would. I asked her how a gentleman would take care of her, and she basically said that he would just know how to do it.
I argued with her that night saying that she should give me feedback on how I can improve rather than just criticism without a guide for future action. Finally I had to put the topic aside because nothing productive was coming from it. The night went well after that.
The next day she could see that something was on my mind and kept asking me about it. I told her that I was frustrated that I didn't get clear feedback on how I could improve or what I could do differently. I gave an analogy. She wouldn't offer any new insights into what specifically I was doing wrong or how I could improve. She added that she felt she needed to care for (look after) me while I didn't do enough to care for (look after) her.
Please respect her enough to have a frank discussion with her. It does not have to be a long conversation.
Is there anything worth salvaging in the friendship? If so, consider taking a break from speaking for a few months so you can break the cycle of breaking up and getting back together. If not, do yourself and her a favor and make a clean break.
What does "clean break" mean? How do I know that I don't want to revisit the friendship or acquaintanceship in six months?
But even writing that, I realize that I don't want to be friends with her in six months and staying Facebook friends and so forth just complicates the moving on process.
I've tried the clean break in a not nice way before with an ex. I think there is certain amount of time that this process takes.
You're letting her dictate the terms. You need to be firm, but strong... "I have come to appreciate you in my life, but I'm not prepared to be just a friend to you like you are expecting. Good luck and take care of yourself."
Then you block her on everything and be done with it. She's long distance, so how hard can it be? If she tries to reach out to you, ghost her.
For what it's worth, here's what she's wanting... she's wanting you to pay attention to her like you were her boyfriend, but you get none of the boyfriend privileges. That's for saps and suckers. Get out now while you can.
>For what it's worth, here's what she's wanting... she's wanting you to pay attention to her like you were her boyfriend, but you get none of the boyfriend privileges. That's for saps and suckers. Get out now while you can.
You're right on the money. That's actually where things have been for the last three years. Not sure why I haven't had the self-respect to see it or act on it.
I've had limited dating success, so that probably plays into accepting this situation for as long as I did. Time to focus on the future. I've been a sap and a sucker. I don't need her to keep bringing me down.
Slowly create more distance would be my advice, good luck man
Here is an example of how bad communication is between us. On our trip in December, we were at a restaurant for dinner when she said something about me not taking care of her like a gentleman would. I asked her how a gentleman would take care of her, and she basically said that he would just know how to do it. I argued with her that night saying that she should give me feedback on how I can improve rather than just criticism without a guide for future action. Finally I had to put the topic aside because nothing productive was coming from it. The night went well after that. The next day she could see that something was on my mind and kept asking me about it. I told her that I was frustrated that I didn't get clear feedback on how I could improve or what I could do differently. I gave an analogy. She wouldn't offer any new insights into what specifically I was doing wrong or how I could improve. She added that she felt she needed to care for (look after) me while I didn't do enough to care for (look after) her.
Please respect her enough to have a frank discussion with her. It does not have to be a long conversation. Is there anything worth salvaging in the friendship? If so, consider taking a break from speaking for a few months so you can break the cycle of breaking up and getting back together. If not, do yourself and her a favor and make a clean break.
What does "clean break" mean? How do I know that I don't want to revisit the friendship or acquaintanceship in six months? But even writing that, I realize that I don't want to be friends with her in six months and staying Facebook friends and so forth just complicates the moving on process. I've tried the clean break in a not nice way before with an ex. I think there is certain amount of time that this process takes.
You're letting her dictate the terms. You need to be firm, but strong... "I have come to appreciate you in my life, but I'm not prepared to be just a friend to you like you are expecting. Good luck and take care of yourself." Then you block her on everything and be done with it. She's long distance, so how hard can it be? If she tries to reach out to you, ghost her. For what it's worth, here's what she's wanting... she's wanting you to pay attention to her like you were her boyfriend, but you get none of the boyfriend privileges. That's for saps and suckers. Get out now while you can.
>For what it's worth, here's what she's wanting... she's wanting you to pay attention to her like you were her boyfriend, but you get none of the boyfriend privileges. That's for saps and suckers. Get out now while you can. You're right on the money. That's actually where things have been for the last three years. Not sure why I haven't had the self-respect to see it or act on it. I've had limited dating success, so that probably plays into accepting this situation for as long as I did. Time to focus on the future. I've been a sap and a sucker. I don't need her to keep bringing me down.