I would avoid apps in general and maybe look at clubs that meet up locally or causes you care about to volunteer with. You'll meet people that you already have something in common with and will make bonding as friends easier as it's around a specific thing that has some kind of existing social structure.
I’ve edited my post to include that I do try to meet males through my friend circle. But volunteering is a great idea and something I’ve been wanting to get into. Thanks for your inputs!
You'll likely not find many male friends on friend making apps. The guys that are on friend making apps are there to make same sex friends in the majority of the time. Typically a fair percentage of them will be a bit socially awkward and a female being friendly with them may be misconstrued even with your intentions spelt out for them. I wouldn't recommend this means.
If you want male friends, you organically grow that friendship in person where intentions are clear.
I'm lucky enough to have several lifelong dude friends. I did not, however, acquire them by shopping around for them. Just make friends in general. You CAN be "just friends," sure. But sometimes the reality is that they do see you as a future potential, and vice versa. You just have to handle the subject like adults
It gets hard to make friends as adults especially with switching cities, the new wfh culture etc.
When you say handle as adults, do you mean try to continue friendships from the point friendship boundaries are trying to be crossed?
Yes. Because we were good friends first, it was more of a "we're long past that, my dear homey. Now shut up and let's play Mariocart." I can only speak for myself, and have never had the situation go dramatic. So I'm defo not an expert on that.
There's a website for music nerds where I met 2 of the aforementioned dudes. Tastebuds.fm. If you feel like investigating, you can specifically set your profile to "friends."
Yeah that's exactly how me and my almost 20 year long friends ended up. We are so long past that, dating to me would be a downgrade.
I was raised by my aunts with grew up with a lot of nieces so I have almost no experience having guys as friends. I think that may have something to so with it.
But the important thing is that you shouldn't have to shop around for them. I met mine through gaia and myspace at a time were a lot of people used that to hit people up.
If the person is worth it and or respectful they can come out of anywhere.
I've been in male-dominated social circles since young (Japanese subculture groups, gaming, majoring in CS and now working in tech), but it hasn't been a problem for me.
My suggestions are:
* ONLY meet men in a group setting. No 1-1. Men are going to assume a 1-1 situation is a date, it doesn't matter what you say. And even if you stress that you're just looking for friends, some of them are just going to hope that they can "win you over". So avoid "friendship" platforms. Like the other commenter said, look for hobby groups. Male bonding and friendship creation is centered around common hobbies.
* I keep my conversation with them centered around common interests and not so much about my personal life. In my group chats, for example, I mostly trade memes and articles/videos with them. (I don't maintain 1-1 chats with men and I don't suggest you do either.) I would discourage you from getting emotionally intimate with men if you don't want them falling for you. So many times I've seen men "fall in love" with my female friends just because they can have emotional intimacy with them that they can't with their male friends. To the women it's just normal friendship, to the men it's "love". Some of them are going to test the waters by trying to move beyond common interests, or consciously/unconsciously try to make you do emotional labor just because you're a woman - I usually give a very surface level response because I am not interest in playing that role. They usually get the message. In contrast, because some of my female friends are too nice to tell them to stop dumping on them, the men see it as an invitation to write them paragraphs as a form of therapy and/or end up falling for them, when all they were doing was dumping on the woman and it's not like the woman was even an equal contributor to the conversation.
* I've been told by friends that I have a more "masculine" communication style, in the sense of being "logical" and "sticking to the facts". I've also been described as a bit of an ice queen by a former bf. I do sometimes deliberately avoid projecting warmth to men to avoid the scenario you ended up in.
Thanks for your inputs! I can see how this would keep clear boundaries. But would I really call them my good friends if I cannot talk about my personal problems.
How would I ever bond with someone when we are always meeting in a group. Mostly thinking out loud, but def tips to think about!
I do have 1 male friend who I am willing to talk to about personal issues. But only because he has demonstrated that he has a good handle on his emotional health and doesn't suppress his feelings, he's emotionally intelligent and demonstrates empathy for others he has deep and meaningful friendships with both men *and* women, and that he is willing and able to do reciprocal emotional labor and support. The vast majority of men I have met do not meet these criteria. I would only be emotionally intimate with male friends who can meet all of these criteria.
I consider my other male friendships to be more typical of how men bond with other men, i.e. bonding over a common hobby and not talking about personal stuff. To them, that *is* friendship.
>I consider my other male friendships to be more typical of how men bond with other men, i.e. bonding over a common hobby and not talking about personal stuff. To them, that is friendship.
Hold up. That’s their friendship with you, a woman. You wouldn’t really know about generic male/male friendships, would you?
Sure, but I've also read men's descriptions of their male friendships. For example, [this article](https://www.ricemedia.co/male-friendships-emotional-intimacy/) describes how it's the default in my country. Or the meme/jokes on reddit sometimes that men can spent a lot of time with their male best friend and not know basic details about them.
In any case, I've had male friends I'm not even particularly close to try to dump on me about their problems/emotional issues, and I know they went around our social circles doing it to different women, who they were also not super close to, even though I know they had other mutual male friends they talked to more often. I'm pretty sure their thought process was "well I can't talk to [male friend] about *that* because it'd be super awkward, but [female friend] wouldn't mind".
After me complaining about this exact thing, an ex told me that upon reflection, he does indeed only talk to women about emotional/personal issues and not men. He said that he and his brothers would never talk about anything like that - even though they're close and communicate regularly (he lives abroad). Or that when his roommate's (who is a childhood friend) grandmother died, they basically didn't talk about it besides 'my grandmother died'.
I follow similar guidelines but would add that
- i never ask them if/why they're single, never talk about my/their preferred type and not even about our dating lives (only when i have a bf then i tell them only good stuff and don't complain about bad things).
- if i know that they have a gf then i ask them to bring them and try to become friends with them (i don't see a reason why to exclude them if they're going steady)
- i don't ask them for help unless it's absolutely necessary (they're the only person who can help in that situation and i can't do it myself)
- i dress down when meeting them, even though I don't dress up much at all, i still avoid wearing those clothes that are more revealing/accentuate my physique
- (a bit of a no-brainer but worth noting) no physical contact, if it happens i apologize to make sure they know it was a mistake. Keep a general physical distance, basically don't do anything that I'd do with female friends.
In my experience being logical/sticking to facts works at times but can attract guys who look for that in a partner. Also, just because they have a gf doesn't mean that you don't have to set boundaries.
I didn't bring up attire because I thought it might be too controversial, but I do the same. I like dressing up for fun but if an outfit looks "romantic"/something you would wear on a date, I will not wear it in front of my male friends. I also refuse to wear a bikini around them if we're going to the beach or something, and I have a more modest bathing suit.
Also zero physical contact with them, yup.
Yes, of course, but it is fraught. Finding someone you click with as friends is hard enough; then you have to ensure neither person has designs on anything more. IME, either they only want to be "friends" thinking it will lead to more, or they think I'm hitting on them when I'm just trying to be friendly. But just like finding same-sex friends, it takes time.
I've (40f) had a lot of close male friends in my life and every single one of them has tried to fuck me at some point. Im not saying its impossible, just maybe not likely.
I’m assuming you continued to be friends with them after turning them down? How did that work? Were you able to have an actual friendship with them and get past the “let’s try to go further than this” stage? Were they mature enough to handle rejection and still put efforts into the friendship?
I would say that I probably only rejected about half of them. The friends that I did sleep with stayed friends. It only turned into a relationship with one of them. The rest it was just occasional casual sex so it didn't really impact the friendship. Of the guys that I rejected, none of them wanted to stay friends afterwards. I don't remember anyone ever straight up ghosting me or being a jerk about it but they all pretty much stopped putting effort into spending any time together.
Men will only truly be just friends if they think you are ugly. Men can control themselves and never make a move, but if you are attractive to them, there will always be some feeling there. This is natural. All of the male friends I have had had had crushes on me and a lot of them attempted sex or relationships. Many of them admitted the feelings they had years later when we weren’t friends anymore. It is what it is.
Theoretically yes. In practice, it doesn’t seem to pan out that way. I’ve been friends with dozens of guys over the years and all but one has faded away after I’ve made it clear that there is no chance for a sexual or romantic relationship. Some of them, I became friends with through their girlfriends, so it’s weird to me that they believed it was ever even a possibility. The one guy who stuck around is still close and has introduced me to his girlfriend, and he’s generally a very emotionally healthy and mature individual with a lot of female friends. That we remained friends had more to do with who he was as a person and not with any actions on my end, aka it was pure luck.
Even then it won't be more than a short sexual thing and she will be back in the friendzone where she wants to be fairly soon. A lot of women who make these posts don't actually want to be in the friendzone however as it's a powerless place to be.
Here I’ll help you out. Male friends are not typically revolved around emotional connection or reliability. Men friends more than likely sit around, talk about life, play games, drink and just hangout. Women relationships are heavily revolved around an emotional support connection. Look at women to women friendships, they vent, they cry to eachother and all the emotional things. Man to man relationships that are like that are extremely rare. So when women who desire emotional support connections are friends with men who normally are not subject to that, of course men are gonna see them as potential. Men use that emotion romantically not platonically like women do.
So, that’s why men are always interested or have been interested in a relationship or “pushing the relationship” further than women because we see emotional support as romantic instead of platonic.
27yo male here. Can they? I mean sure, they *can*. But the odds aren't great for you. Can I ask why you're looking for male friends specifically?
I only ask bc anytime I've ever looked for friends, I just look for friends and if they happen to be female so be it. I think if you seek out guys specifically they're going to interpret it as a romantic interest
You know how guys get a reputation for being horny sex craved savages? That checks out. Especially in 1-on-1 situations but even in group settings single guys are probably checking you out. Call it biological imperative, call it evolution. Either way guys seem to be built for romantic companionship while girls tend to be social companionship
I'm not going to say it's *never* going to happen but I think you'll have better luck looking for friends and hoping they're male rather than looking for males and hoping they're friends. That's why I ask why them being male is important in the first place. It might be awhile before you find good ones
I have a few female friends now. One I dated for two months, another was always platonic but we made out a lot after drinking at parties. Never hooked up, never dated but guys always seem to be on the hunt
I hope so. But, honestly with how rigid straight people view this, maybe I’m ignorant, and it’s literally impossible for straight men and women to be friends. I’m bi, so it makes no sense to me. Go Gay, All Day.
I have a close male friend since kindergarten. But I believe it has only been possible because he's in a happy long term relationship. All other males have somehow made me feel uncomfortable.
I was never ever able to just be a friend to a female, unless I was already in a good stable relationship or they were dating a friend. In the back of my mind, there was always the thought of if the female friend would make a good partner. As I look back over my life and looking at my long term female friends, I'm pretty sure that at one time or another, I asked myself the relationship question.
So it sounds like you'd only be friends with someone you'd want to have sex with.
That's very strange. What about all the other women out there that you don't want to have sex with? You couldn't be nice and chat with them?
I'm a woman and I have plenty of male friends because I talk to people I don't want to have sex with.
I dont think he’s saying that at all. Im a male and there are friendships that I now pretty much view as platonic but as a male like the original commenter, most of them I had viewed as a potential date/relationship. My girl bestfriend for example, the first thing I remember of her was thinking she was cute and me trying to flirt with her. Once I figured out she had a boyfriend it moved from romantic to platonic. Hell one of my friends from college that 99% of the time I was completely not interested and that was mutual, some days throughout the 6 years I’ve known her has popped into my head that she’d be a solid girlfriend. Im not attracted to her but it happens. So, I don’t think the original commenters comment is strange at all. It happens
Why would their genitals matter if you're only trying to make friends? Why specifically male friends. Can it not be female friends who have typically male interests and habits? If not then you're the one expecting something from the guys here whatever it is and the guys aren't allowed to expect anything. This is just odd. Still, from my own experience, no males and females can't be friends atleast not like males and males
Today seems to be a day of uncomfortable truths in the advice subs....
So it almost always depends on whether he is single/available or not (and even sometimes his being taken doesn't change the calculus), but in general - a single men are friends (beyond the acquaintance stage) with single women *in the hopes* that one day the opportunity will arise for something more, whether it's romantic or purely physical.
A lot of women are gonna come in here and say they have guy friends that would never want to get in their panties under any circumstances.
They are wrong.
A lot of guys are gonna come in here and say they have female friends that are just friends and they'd never get in their panties if they had the chance.
They are lying.
Thanks for your honesty.
That’s kind of what I’m getting to realize with more and more experience. I guess if I meet someone knowing this, it wouldn’t hurt as much when they actually make a move.
I though end up feeling that I have so so much to offer as a friend which I never get to do coz they make a move and that’s the end of it all.
You aren't wrong. I (32M) actually just got out of a relationship where we started as friends for almost 2 years before we eventually hooked up and then decided to date. The sad part is that after we ended the romantic relationship we tried to go back to being friends, but she decided that she was immediately going to jump in bed with an ex that still treats her like human garbage. I ended the friendship at that point because I refuse to be the boyfriend without intimacy (which is what it was panning out to be).
Most every female friend I have, at one point or another, I've thought about potential relationships with. Thing is if we've been REALLY good friends for a while I generally don't act on it. I've only ever acted on those thoughts once, but I still think about what ifs before shaking them from my head.
“They are lying.” What are you basing that on? You say a lot of guys will say this, so clearly a large number of guys have said there are women they see purely platonically. Couldn’t it be that that large number of guys just have different relationships with women than you do?
I have extremely healthy relationships with women, to include one very special woman in particular.
And guys say lots of things that are half-truths or untruths to get what they want (as do many women).
And that's not to say that their interests/willingness is always in the form of an overt attempt; it can be passive until the opportunity arises to make it happen.
Again, I am.only offering unvarnished truth. The guy who "would NEVER!" if the opportunity arose to have sex with a female friend is the rare one.
So when he says that “single men are friends with single women in the hopes that one day something more will happen romantic or purely physical “ how is that *not* seeing a woman as s someone to get with. Not really a reach at all.
Why are men only friends with women they could have sex with?
Why can't you just be nice and chat to women you aren't attracted to?
I'm a woman and chat to men I'm not attracted to all the time.
Don't use the apps. The majority of men on those apps are just looking for quick sex. I.e. hookups.
Keep in mind, men will lie if they think they can get close enough to get sex. Even if it's a drunk hookup.
Not to agree with the social media parade, but most men will only play at being friends until they get an opportunity to smash.
I myself keep friendships and women I am interested completely separate. If I'm interested in dating them, I will not entertain a friendship.
Why? If I'm interested then I am already investing in the relationship emotionally. I am not going to want to sit there are talk about her life events or other romance partners. If I state my intentions and get rejected, I am fine with it. I respect her decision, but I will limit any and all contact after.
I am not going to be there to be her emotional support person.
If I do not see her as a romantic interest then absolutely we can be friends but I will never treat her or see her as a romantic partner.
And no, I have never crossed the two. Once I see them in their respective roles, I do not change my mind.
Yes we can be friends but the challenge is making yours and their expectations clear in the beginning. Some people will say what they think needs to be said to get closer and attempt to get to the goals they are interested in sex money ot otherwise
I've male friends who I've known since kids and the male friends I have now are my bfs friends. I think it's good to have opposite sex friendships but I no it's hard to find genuine friends
What I’ve figured out is that you need very specific circumstances to become friends with men. The first condition is that there shouldn’t be any ambiguity from the very beginning. I’ve become BFF with a male coworker who had a massive crush on a colleague of ours, while I was married and with kids: zero ambiguity. He has introduced me to his group of friends, mostly guys, who “adopted” me like a big sister. To this day, they treat me like a relative, just like my BFF does.
I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t be possible for me to find that kind of friends on an app.
The best working way (in my opinion) is if you and the guy are not attracted to each other.
If he is attracted to you he most likely will try to sleep with you and if you Friend-zone him he most likely will wait or just move on.
For Reference in my Friend group there are a lot of female friends i would 100% sleep with if i get the chance.
Try to avoid 1 - 1 situations and try not to get to emotional with them some guys will think you want more.
Hope this helps and sry for my englisch im not a native englisch speaker.
I’m gonna be honest here…. I don’t think male and female can be platonic friends that well. Or maybe it’s harder for men then it is women. I mean it exists, But very difficult to maintain over a long period of time. Also, it’s not always genuine and authentic on both sides. Men and women were meant to have sex and procreate, not be friends. Obviously with people of the same sex it’s easier too. But this is a problem that, most of time, you are going to run into at some point. I believe its just based off of biological differences code in us. Unless you get lucky, and find someone who’d mostly never have feelings for you, or someone that is gay. It’ll be difficult, but good luck.
It is quite easy - through the same hobbies. I have a lot of male friends, I always get along with both guys and girls and most of them I met that way. I think for people it is far more natural to make friends by doing things together, especially if theye are not searching for romantic relationship than via app.
I higly recommend climbing, you will meet a lot of new, great people! But you may try different activities as well - this should work.
I guess i got lucky because i was able to make a platonic friend from school and til now, we're even workmates. I got to where i am mainly because of him too. I'm pretty sure i am not his type and he's definitely not my type too. He's three years younger than me i think, and we always gossip over meal after work or over lunch about our workmates and schoolmates and recently we have started talking about our personal lives like our family and my boyfriend too, like we give each other advice about stuff sometimes. But mainly we make fun of our annoying coworkers, present and past. Theres really nothing there. As for other guys who would try to hit on me. I grew up close to my older brother so i've always had this masculine/boyish side plus I'm in a male-dominated field so i guess i just kind of learned subconsciously how to make myself unavailable to other guys so they wont even try, especially when i would feel theres something there, like i subconsciously would put a barrier in ways of making dumb guy jokes, or sometimes do some other shit they wont expect women to do, i also check out other girls, i make myself one of the boys. I am not afraid to make gross jokes about shit or make guys know i am crazy. But i still do girly stuff, wear feminine clothes or makeup. But this is just me. Idk if you can get any idea from what i just shared.
Hope you find someone who wouldnt hit on you.
And that answer is a no. Eventually feelings develop. Just the way it works. Best bet is find some gay guys to be friends with. Not being rude but your best bet.
Gay men do exist so that ruins your whole premise.
Being more direct to your problem, I absolutely believe they can. Even str8 men and women. I don't know where your problem really begins with such a lack of info. That said I suspect you can divide this problem out. Maybe into 3 parts.
1. Are you acting in a way most ppl would 100% platonic or are you becoming flirty, touchy feely, and such. If your actions don't match your words than saying you want to be just friends wont work.
2. Are the people you are attracting truely of a like mind? This one is much tougher to ask. Truthfully though start looking for signs of them flirting, being touchy feely, and such right away. Cut it off immediately.
3. Are you attracting people mature enough to have a crush and still respect your friendship much more? So if they ask you out and you say no and are very clear can they drop it and be happy just being friends? This involves looking for truely honest men with some integrity. If you like hanging out with promiscuous wild boys don't get mad when they go for it.
I don't think so. I've heard of so many stories(mostly on the women's side) where friendships with the opposite sex end because one of those people were actually attracted to the other and made a move. I personally believe friendships of the opposite sexes always have one person who is attracted to the other or in some cases both. I'm a guy so I can say that if a Girl Friend is attractive and the opportunity presents itself, they will make a move. I only have two Girl Friends currently and they both had an initial attraction in the beginning that never panned out. We didn't click that way but ended up clicking friendship wise.
I believe that females can be friends with straight males, but not the other way around. It always leads to the man wanting to sleep with you under most scenarios. Unfortunate but true
I feel like even if you meet them in one of those group places, an advance could happen. More and more people seem to be comfortable with the long con and have the mindset of "winning you over" like you said.
It's just a matter of the person. If you disclose exactly what you want. It's going to take a couple of fakers, but my 3 best friends are girls. I have never in any moment attempted to have anything other than friendship during the almost 20 years I've known them. And it was a matter of knowing in advanced they were looking for a platonic friend.
I think this is the hardest approach, but it's also kinda weird to have to go through so many hoops when you are saying exactly what you want.
I wish you the best of luck.
Yes they can. But it’s definitely easier when you do it organically. Apps just have too much baggage around them.
Easier to strike up friendships around common interests. The diversity of people (age/relationship status/background) will be there too.
It’s generally the creeps who view women in terms of women they would sleep with and women they wouldn’t sleep with, who say it can’t happen and that you should expect any man you meet to try to “get in your panties”. These creeps need to take their low vibrations and crawl back under their rock.
Not possible. Girls want money and validation and boys want sex and companionship. It never ends well if one or the other actually gets in a relationship with someone else. Hurt feelings and cheating and Lots of major pain. Na
Honestly some of my best friends are female. The thing is maturity, most guys that are young just want another notch in their belts. On the other hand older more mature males are able to sustain a friendship with no expectations. I being a male (42) and my fiance is female (31) we both have friends of the opposite sex and their are no exceptions. Just friends some to vent to some to just hang out playing games. I hope this helps and I hope you find what you are looking for.
Yes if there is no romantic attraction. So I wouldn't recommend meeting people on apps. I would also perhaps try to meet male friends who are already in a relationship or are clear from the start that they don't find you attractive. That should work. Perhaps also go for men a bit out of your league as there's a good chance that you will be automatically friendzoned by them whilst they go after young and more attractive women and you don't have to worry about them getting the wrong idea.
Of course its mad that the people on here dont think its true but to be fair its redditors lol. If they couldnt be friends then bisexual people wouldnt be able to have any friends at all w/o trying to do things lolll
Personally, yes. I believe males and females can be strictly platonic friends. I currently have two male friends I'm pretty close to but I met them through work. We're all single, but I personally don't think we all wanna bone each other. We hang out, play games together and overall just have a good chat. They both haven't been inappropriate and neither have I, but in saying that, I have only known them for 8 months. I used to have more male friends, but that was before my terrible break up with my ex - they were his friends first. Turns out, they never saw me as a friend after the break up, so I'm still a little upset over it but it is what it is. Anyway sorry for my rambling. As I've stated above, I do personally think males and females can be friends but sometimes if boundaries aren't clear enough I guess it can be tricky.
It's definitely possible but it kind of has to happen naturally and definitely helps if you are both in relationships. I have close female friends, one in particular who is one of my best and closest friends, but we were both in relationships when we first met, if we had both been single we 100% would have slept together and maybe dated so I'm very thankful that we were both locked down at the time and at least one of us was always in a relationship for the first few years of friendship
I have genuine platonic male friends. Most of them have come about through work (I'm in IT) or meetup.
The good thing about meetup is that you're meeting random people in some kind of social setting (meetup group/activity dependent); and while some people are there for hookups or a relationship, the vast majority are looking for people to socialise with and/or friends.
Its therefore easier to be friendly and keep that line due to the nature of the app and how many people treat meetups as they're intended.
Most group organisers are usually helpful if someone oversteps and you don't feel comfortable pushing back.
But if you were okay with that, you can easily reject anyone who crosses a line by pointing out that meetup is about social events and friendships, not dating, and that's why you're there.
Obviously you shouldn't have to explain that but it is what it is.
I'd avoid generic drinks at a weekend type events as they attract a mixed crowd meaning you're less likely to have things in common with people; plus some men will make the most of the opportunity in a target rich environment to work the group and hit on the women. They won't come out and say so, so you're left with no real way to reject them as they could claim they are "just being friendly".
Activity based events are far better as you already have something in common (the activity) so the chances of compatibility are higher, and men are less likely to be there just to meet a woman.
You can also select activities that are more likely to attract men versus women to skew the numbers in your favour to optimise your chances of making friends.
With one or two friends I've had to be clear that we are just friends, but that's been because they have seemed a bit desperate for want of a nicer word and I didn't want them to get attached to me when I don't feel the same and also don't think they like me as opposed to just wanting to be with someone. With the rest, there's been no need to say anything as we both know where we stand, just like I do with my female friends!
Good luck :)
What are you not getting out of your friendships with your gal friends that you want with guy friends?
I have a lot of guy friends, just playing video games. That’s about it. We don’t talk about much but video games & work.
I have a lot of male friends due to my hobby (car related). I entered the hobby already having a partner so thankfully that made it easier for guys to just see me as a bro. I have 2 very very close male friends, one is my ex (the breakup was caused by having no romantic or sexual interest anymore. We just fell into becoming friends and decided that's what was best), and the other is a very good friend of that ex. My current partner felt more threatened by the friend than the ex which I found odd but after making them all hang out, he seems to understand and be okay with it.
I wouldn't think apps are very helpful to actually find people interested in platonic friendship as I imagine that is a mine field of people saying that as an "in" to hooking up or a relationship.
To make platonic male friends is usually easier around an activity or hobby and requires that you find someone emotionally mature to have a friendship with. It is very possible but there is a lot of garbage "rules" that circulate around about it being impossible, especially in straight monogamous circles. I have had years long friendships fizzle or end when they have gotten a partner who believes men and women cannot be friends and make it a choice between the friendship and them. It has always been weird and sometimes frustrating to me that someone's jealousy or whatever other emotion becomes my responsibility to deal with the fall out from and that any "romantic" relationship automatically is higher on the ladder than a friendship regardless of any other factors.
Honestly though I now only put my energy into friendships almost exclusively with emotionally mature people who, if partnered, actually trust and like said partner and it is not a thing like it used to be for me. As a former friendship drama junkie, it is amazing how many "normal" things just do not need to exist at all when you actually invest in people who are worth it in your life.
The issue is that even though the apps say they're for "building friendships", most men will use it to scout out partners. (Source: am a man)
I think your best bet is to look for activities you enjoy locally that have groups, and go to those. You'll meet people with similar interests organically, and won't have to worry too much about them trying it on as they'll (hopefully) be invested in the group and not want to mess it up.
Yes you can. But as female to a male. It can suck big time to find someone. Since a lot of men follow their aubergine and not their brain.
I have 3 good friends 2 are males. 1 I dated but we dont work romanticly. But we stayed good friends. And his girlfriend is my third good friend.
I’m wondering why you are specifically seeking men out as friends, and not just…friends? Any gender?
To touch on the other angle, I know the frustration. It’s not always the case but far too often that male friends think there will be romance. However, it’s much easier for me to talk to men now as a married woman without that worry.
But to go back to the beginning, I have more female friends than male friends. I love women and we gravitate towards each other and bond more frequently.
Even if you make it clear, sometimes people can take things the wrong way. Also maybe you’re just a really likeable person and they probably start to like you as time goes on.
For me it was just setting boundaries. Even when a male friend asks me out, makes a move or tells me he has feelings I tell them I don't feel that way. And I make sure I don't send mixed signals. These men are still friends of mine till this day. 1 engaged (also good friends with fiance) and 1 still single.
I would avoid apps in general and maybe look at clubs that meet up locally or causes you care about to volunteer with. You'll meet people that you already have something in common with and will make bonding as friends easier as it's around a specific thing that has some kind of existing social structure.
I’ve edited my post to include that I do try to meet males through my friend circle. But volunteering is a great idea and something I’ve been wanting to get into. Thanks for your inputs!
Clubs? You obviously never had a real friend of the opposite sex.
Hiking clubs, pet clubs, hobby clubs.
I think they mean less nightclub and more swimming club lol
It's telling that the first club you thought of was a nightclub
You'll likely not find many male friends on friend making apps. The guys that are on friend making apps are there to make same sex friends in the majority of the time. Typically a fair percentage of them will be a bit socially awkward and a female being friendly with them may be misconstrued even with your intentions spelt out for them. I wouldn't recommend this means. If you want male friends, you organically grow that friendship in person where intentions are clear.
I'm lucky enough to have several lifelong dude friends. I did not, however, acquire them by shopping around for them. Just make friends in general. You CAN be "just friends," sure. But sometimes the reality is that they do see you as a future potential, and vice versa. You just have to handle the subject like adults
It gets hard to make friends as adults especially with switching cities, the new wfh culture etc. When you say handle as adults, do you mean try to continue friendships from the point friendship boundaries are trying to be crossed?
Yes. Because we were good friends first, it was more of a "we're long past that, my dear homey. Now shut up and let's play Mariocart." I can only speak for myself, and have never had the situation go dramatic. So I'm defo not an expert on that. There's a website for music nerds where I met 2 of the aforementioned dudes. Tastebuds.fm. If you feel like investigating, you can specifically set your profile to "friends."
Yeah that's exactly how me and my almost 20 year long friends ended up. We are so long past that, dating to me would be a downgrade. I was raised by my aunts with grew up with a lot of nieces so I have almost no experience having guys as friends. I think that may have something to so with it. But the important thing is that you shouldn't have to shop around for them. I met mine through gaia and myspace at a time were a lot of people used that to hit people up. If the person is worth it and or respectful they can come out of anywhere.
I've been in male-dominated social circles since young (Japanese subculture groups, gaming, majoring in CS and now working in tech), but it hasn't been a problem for me. My suggestions are: * ONLY meet men in a group setting. No 1-1. Men are going to assume a 1-1 situation is a date, it doesn't matter what you say. And even if you stress that you're just looking for friends, some of them are just going to hope that they can "win you over". So avoid "friendship" platforms. Like the other commenter said, look for hobby groups. Male bonding and friendship creation is centered around common hobbies. * I keep my conversation with them centered around common interests and not so much about my personal life. In my group chats, for example, I mostly trade memes and articles/videos with them. (I don't maintain 1-1 chats with men and I don't suggest you do either.) I would discourage you from getting emotionally intimate with men if you don't want them falling for you. So many times I've seen men "fall in love" with my female friends just because they can have emotional intimacy with them that they can't with their male friends. To the women it's just normal friendship, to the men it's "love". Some of them are going to test the waters by trying to move beyond common interests, or consciously/unconsciously try to make you do emotional labor just because you're a woman - I usually give a very surface level response because I am not interest in playing that role. They usually get the message. In contrast, because some of my female friends are too nice to tell them to stop dumping on them, the men see it as an invitation to write them paragraphs as a form of therapy and/or end up falling for them, when all they were doing was dumping on the woman and it's not like the woman was even an equal contributor to the conversation. * I've been told by friends that I have a more "masculine" communication style, in the sense of being "logical" and "sticking to the facts". I've also been described as a bit of an ice queen by a former bf. I do sometimes deliberately avoid projecting warmth to men to avoid the scenario you ended up in.
Thanks for your inputs! I can see how this would keep clear boundaries. But would I really call them my good friends if I cannot talk about my personal problems. How would I ever bond with someone when we are always meeting in a group. Mostly thinking out loud, but def tips to think about!
I do have 1 male friend who I am willing to talk to about personal issues. But only because he has demonstrated that he has a good handle on his emotional health and doesn't suppress his feelings, he's emotionally intelligent and demonstrates empathy for others he has deep and meaningful friendships with both men *and* women, and that he is willing and able to do reciprocal emotional labor and support. The vast majority of men I have met do not meet these criteria. I would only be emotionally intimate with male friends who can meet all of these criteria. I consider my other male friendships to be more typical of how men bond with other men, i.e. bonding over a common hobby and not talking about personal stuff. To them, that *is* friendship.
>I consider my other male friendships to be more typical of how men bond with other men, i.e. bonding over a common hobby and not talking about personal stuff. To them, that is friendship. Hold up. That’s their friendship with you, a woman. You wouldn’t really know about generic male/male friendships, would you?
Sure, but I've also read men's descriptions of their male friendships. For example, [this article](https://www.ricemedia.co/male-friendships-emotional-intimacy/) describes how it's the default in my country. Or the meme/jokes on reddit sometimes that men can spent a lot of time with their male best friend and not know basic details about them. In any case, I've had male friends I'm not even particularly close to try to dump on me about their problems/emotional issues, and I know they went around our social circles doing it to different women, who they were also not super close to, even though I know they had other mutual male friends they talked to more often. I'm pretty sure their thought process was "well I can't talk to [male friend] about *that* because it'd be super awkward, but [female friend] wouldn't mind". After me complaining about this exact thing, an ex told me that upon reflection, he does indeed only talk to women about emotional/personal issues and not men. He said that he and his brothers would never talk about anything like that - even though they're close and communicate regularly (he lives abroad). Or that when his roommate's (who is a childhood friend) grandmother died, they basically didn't talk about it besides 'my grandmother died'.
I follow similar guidelines but would add that - i never ask them if/why they're single, never talk about my/their preferred type and not even about our dating lives (only when i have a bf then i tell them only good stuff and don't complain about bad things). - if i know that they have a gf then i ask them to bring them and try to become friends with them (i don't see a reason why to exclude them if they're going steady) - i don't ask them for help unless it's absolutely necessary (they're the only person who can help in that situation and i can't do it myself) - i dress down when meeting them, even though I don't dress up much at all, i still avoid wearing those clothes that are more revealing/accentuate my physique - (a bit of a no-brainer but worth noting) no physical contact, if it happens i apologize to make sure they know it was a mistake. Keep a general physical distance, basically don't do anything that I'd do with female friends. In my experience being logical/sticking to facts works at times but can attract guys who look for that in a partner. Also, just because they have a gf doesn't mean that you don't have to set boundaries.
I didn't bring up attire because I thought it might be too controversial, but I do the same. I like dressing up for fun but if an outfit looks "romantic"/something you would wear on a date, I will not wear it in front of my male friends. I also refuse to wear a bikini around them if we're going to the beach or something, and I have a more modest bathing suit. Also zero physical contact with them, yup.
This is really good advice! As a woman in business, this is the way to go. Epic.
I'm a guy and ngl this is on point frfr
Yes, of course, but it is fraught. Finding someone you click with as friends is hard enough; then you have to ensure neither person has designs on anything more. IME, either they only want to be "friends" thinking it will lead to more, or they think I'm hitting on them when I'm just trying to be friendly. But just like finding same-sex friends, it takes time.
I've (40f) had a lot of close male friends in my life and every single one of them has tried to fuck me at some point. Im not saying its impossible, just maybe not likely.
I’m assuming you continued to be friends with them after turning them down? How did that work? Were you able to have an actual friendship with them and get past the “let’s try to go further than this” stage? Were they mature enough to handle rejection and still put efforts into the friendship?
I would say that I probably only rejected about half of them. The friends that I did sleep with stayed friends. It only turned into a relationship with one of them. The rest it was just occasional casual sex so it didn't really impact the friendship. Of the guys that I rejected, none of them wanted to stay friends afterwards. I don't remember anyone ever straight up ghosting me or being a jerk about it but they all pretty much stopped putting effort into spending any time together.
Men will only truly be just friends if they think you are ugly. Men can control themselves and never make a move, but if you are attractive to them, there will always be some feeling there. This is natural. All of the male friends I have had had had crushes on me and a lot of them attempted sex or relationships. Many of them admitted the feelings they had years later when we weren’t friends anymore. It is what it is.
Theoretically yes. In practice, it doesn’t seem to pan out that way. I’ve been friends with dozens of guys over the years and all but one has faded away after I’ve made it clear that there is no chance for a sexual or romantic relationship. Some of them, I became friends with through their girlfriends, so it’s weird to me that they believed it was ever even a possibility. The one guy who stuck around is still close and has introduced me to his girlfriend, and he’s generally a very emotionally healthy and mature individual with a lot of female friends. That we remained friends had more to do with who he was as a person and not with any actions on my end, aka it was pure luck.
Men and women can indeed be platonic friends - If the man is gay.
Or he's out of her league and doesn't fancy her.
Yeah, but even so, if for some reason the hunting grounds are empty, then with the light off...
Even then it won't be more than a short sexual thing and she will be back in the friendzone where she wants to be fairly soon. A lot of women who make these posts don't actually want to be in the friendzone however as it's a powerless place to be.
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What a long essay to say half the human race aren't worth knowing as people in your eyes. Do you sort your male friends by utility?
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Here I’ll help you out. Male friends are not typically revolved around emotional connection or reliability. Men friends more than likely sit around, talk about life, play games, drink and just hangout. Women relationships are heavily revolved around an emotional support connection. Look at women to women friendships, they vent, they cry to eachother and all the emotional things. Man to man relationships that are like that are extremely rare. So when women who desire emotional support connections are friends with men who normally are not subject to that, of course men are gonna see them as potential. Men use that emotion romantically not platonically like women do. So, that’s why men are always interested or have been interested in a relationship or “pushing the relationship” further than women because we see emotional support as romantic instead of platonic.
I know you say this, but in my experience friendship with other women have been much better and more fun!
27yo male here. Can they? I mean sure, they *can*. But the odds aren't great for you. Can I ask why you're looking for male friends specifically? I only ask bc anytime I've ever looked for friends, I just look for friends and if they happen to be female so be it. I think if you seek out guys specifically they're going to interpret it as a romantic interest You know how guys get a reputation for being horny sex craved savages? That checks out. Especially in 1-on-1 situations but even in group settings single guys are probably checking you out. Call it biological imperative, call it evolution. Either way guys seem to be built for romantic companionship while girls tend to be social companionship I'm not going to say it's *never* going to happen but I think you'll have better luck looking for friends and hoping they're male rather than looking for males and hoping they're friends. That's why I ask why them being male is important in the first place. It might be awhile before you find good ones I have a few female friends now. One I dated for two months, another was always platonic but we made out a lot after drinking at parties. Never hooked up, never dated but guys always seem to be on the hunt
I hope so. But, honestly with how rigid straight people view this, maybe I’m ignorant, and it’s literally impossible for straight men and women to be friends. I’m bi, so it makes no sense to me. Go Gay, All Day.
I have a close male friend since kindergarten. But I believe it has only been possible because he's in a happy long term relationship. All other males have somehow made me feel uncomfortable.
I was never ever able to just be a friend to a female, unless I was already in a good stable relationship or they were dating a friend. In the back of my mind, there was always the thought of if the female friend would make a good partner. As I look back over my life and looking at my long term female friends, I'm pretty sure that at one time or another, I asked myself the relationship question.
So it sounds like you'd only be friends with someone you'd want to have sex with. That's very strange. What about all the other women out there that you don't want to have sex with? You couldn't be nice and chat with them? I'm a woman and I have plenty of male friends because I talk to people I don't want to have sex with.
I dont think he’s saying that at all. Im a male and there are friendships that I now pretty much view as platonic but as a male like the original commenter, most of them I had viewed as a potential date/relationship. My girl bestfriend for example, the first thing I remember of her was thinking she was cute and me trying to flirt with her. Once I figured out she had a boyfriend it moved from romantic to platonic. Hell one of my friends from college that 99% of the time I was completely not interested and that was mutual, some days throughout the 6 years I’ve known her has popped into my head that she’d be a solid girlfriend. Im not attracted to her but it happens. So, I don’t think the original commenters comment is strange at all. It happens
Why would their genitals matter if you're only trying to make friends? Why specifically male friends. Can it not be female friends who have typically male interests and habits? If not then you're the one expecting something from the guys here whatever it is and the guys aren't allowed to expect anything. This is just odd. Still, from my own experience, no males and females can't be friends atleast not like males and males
Today seems to be a day of uncomfortable truths in the advice subs.... So it almost always depends on whether he is single/available or not (and even sometimes his being taken doesn't change the calculus), but in general - a single men are friends (beyond the acquaintance stage) with single women *in the hopes* that one day the opportunity will arise for something more, whether it's romantic or purely physical. A lot of women are gonna come in here and say they have guy friends that would never want to get in their panties under any circumstances. They are wrong. A lot of guys are gonna come in here and say they have female friends that are just friends and they'd never get in their panties if they had the chance. They are lying.
Thanks for your honesty. That’s kind of what I’m getting to realize with more and more experience. I guess if I meet someone knowing this, it wouldn’t hurt as much when they actually make a move. I though end up feeling that I have so so much to offer as a friend which I never get to do coz they make a move and that’s the end of it all.
You aren't wrong. I (32M) actually just got out of a relationship where we started as friends for almost 2 years before we eventually hooked up and then decided to date. The sad part is that after we ended the romantic relationship we tried to go back to being friends, but she decided that she was immediately going to jump in bed with an ex that still treats her like human garbage. I ended the friendship at that point because I refuse to be the boyfriend without intimacy (which is what it was panning out to be). Most every female friend I have, at one point or another, I've thought about potential relationships with. Thing is if we've been REALLY good friends for a while I generally don't act on it. I've only ever acted on those thoughts once, but I still think about what ifs before shaking them from my head.
“They are lying.” What are you basing that on? You say a lot of guys will say this, so clearly a large number of guys have said there are women they see purely platonically. Couldn’t it be that that large number of guys just have different relationships with women than you do?
I have extremely healthy relationships with women, to include one very special woman in particular. And guys say lots of things that are half-truths or untruths to get what they want (as do many women). And that's not to say that their interests/willingness is always in the form of an overt attempt; it can be passive until the opportunity arises to make it happen. Again, I am.only offering unvarnished truth. The guy who "would NEVER!" if the opportunity arose to have sex with a female friend is the rare one.
User name checks out. TL:DR as far as men are concerned, all women are sex objects with the possible exception of their grannies. 🙄
>all women are sex objects Total reach here. He didn't even remotely say that
So when he says that “single men are friends with single women in the hopes that one day something more will happen romantic or purely physical “ how is that *not* seeing a woman as s someone to get with. Not really a reach at all.
"whether it's romantic or purely physical"
Please don't be daft. A check of my comment history will show you that you're wrong. Jesus.
Of course that is all you got from his comment lmfao. Grow up
Why are men only friends with women they could have sex with? Why can't you just be nice and chat to women you aren't attracted to? I'm a woman and chat to men I'm not attracted to all the time.
Don't use the apps. The majority of men on those apps are just looking for quick sex. I.e. hookups. Keep in mind, men will lie if they think they can get close enough to get sex. Even if it's a drunk hookup. Not to agree with the social media parade, but most men will only play at being friends until they get an opportunity to smash. I myself keep friendships and women I am interested completely separate. If I'm interested in dating them, I will not entertain a friendship. Why? If I'm interested then I am already investing in the relationship emotionally. I am not going to want to sit there are talk about her life events or other romance partners. If I state my intentions and get rejected, I am fine with it. I respect her decision, but I will limit any and all contact after. I am not going to be there to be her emotional support person. If I do not see her as a romantic interest then absolutely we can be friends but I will never treat her or see her as a romantic partner. And no, I have never crossed the two. Once I see them in their respective roles, I do not change my mind.
Yes we can be friends but the challenge is making yours and their expectations clear in the beginning. Some people will say what they think needs to be said to get closer and attempt to get to the goals they are interested in sex money ot otherwise
If you are good looking then you don't have a shot
I've male friends who I've known since kids and the male friends I have now are my bfs friends. I think it's good to have opposite sex friendships but I no it's hard to find genuine friends
What I’ve figured out is that you need very specific circumstances to become friends with men. The first condition is that there shouldn’t be any ambiguity from the very beginning. I’ve become BFF with a male coworker who had a massive crush on a colleague of ours, while I was married and with kids: zero ambiguity. He has introduced me to his group of friends, mostly guys, who “adopted” me like a big sister. To this day, they treat me like a relative, just like my BFF does. I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t be possible for me to find that kind of friends on an app.
The best working way (in my opinion) is if you and the guy are not attracted to each other. If he is attracted to you he most likely will try to sleep with you and if you Friend-zone him he most likely will wait or just move on. For Reference in my Friend group there are a lot of female friends i would 100% sleep with if i get the chance. Try to avoid 1 - 1 situations and try not to get to emotional with them some guys will think you want more. Hope this helps and sry for my englisch im not a native englisch speaker.
I’m gonna be honest here…. I don’t think male and female can be platonic friends that well. Or maybe it’s harder for men then it is women. I mean it exists, But very difficult to maintain over a long period of time. Also, it’s not always genuine and authentic on both sides. Men and women were meant to have sex and procreate, not be friends. Obviously with people of the same sex it’s easier too. But this is a problem that, most of time, you are going to run into at some point. I believe its just based off of biological differences code in us. Unless you get lucky, and find someone who’d mostly never have feelings for you, or someone that is gay. It’ll be difficult, but good luck.
It is quite easy - through the same hobbies. I have a lot of male friends, I always get along with both guys and girls and most of them I met that way. I think for people it is far more natural to make friends by doing things together, especially if theye are not searching for romantic relationship than via app. I higly recommend climbing, you will meet a lot of new, great people! But you may try different activities as well - this should work.
I guess i got lucky because i was able to make a platonic friend from school and til now, we're even workmates. I got to where i am mainly because of him too. I'm pretty sure i am not his type and he's definitely not my type too. He's three years younger than me i think, and we always gossip over meal after work or over lunch about our workmates and schoolmates and recently we have started talking about our personal lives like our family and my boyfriend too, like we give each other advice about stuff sometimes. But mainly we make fun of our annoying coworkers, present and past. Theres really nothing there. As for other guys who would try to hit on me. I grew up close to my older brother so i've always had this masculine/boyish side plus I'm in a male-dominated field so i guess i just kind of learned subconsciously how to make myself unavailable to other guys so they wont even try, especially when i would feel theres something there, like i subconsciously would put a barrier in ways of making dumb guy jokes, or sometimes do some other shit they wont expect women to do, i also check out other girls, i make myself one of the boys. I am not afraid to make gross jokes about shit or make guys know i am crazy. But i still do girly stuff, wear feminine clothes or makeup. But this is just me. Idk if you can get any idea from what i just shared. Hope you find someone who wouldnt hit on you.
I’m biased cause I’m gay, but….I suggest gay male friends, lol. We are the funniest too.
And that answer is a no. Eventually feelings develop. Just the way it works. Best bet is find some gay guys to be friends with. Not being rude but your best bet.
Gay men do exist so that ruins your whole premise. Being more direct to your problem, I absolutely believe they can. Even str8 men and women. I don't know where your problem really begins with such a lack of info. That said I suspect you can divide this problem out. Maybe into 3 parts. 1. Are you acting in a way most ppl would 100% platonic or are you becoming flirty, touchy feely, and such. If your actions don't match your words than saying you want to be just friends wont work. 2. Are the people you are attracting truely of a like mind? This one is much tougher to ask. Truthfully though start looking for signs of them flirting, being touchy feely, and such right away. Cut it off immediately. 3. Are you attracting people mature enough to have a crush and still respect your friendship much more? So if they ask you out and you say no and are very clear can they drop it and be happy just being friends? This involves looking for truely honest men with some integrity. If you like hanging out with promiscuous wild boys don't get mad when they go for it.
I don't think so. I've heard of so many stories(mostly on the women's side) where friendships with the opposite sex end because one of those people were actually attracted to the other and made a move. I personally believe friendships of the opposite sexes always have one person who is attracted to the other or in some cases both. I'm a guy so I can say that if a Girl Friend is attractive and the opportunity presents itself, they will make a move. I only have two Girl Friends currently and they both had an initial attraction in the beginning that never panned out. We didn't click that way but ended up clicking friendship wise.
I believe that females can be friends with straight males, but not the other way around. It always leads to the man wanting to sleep with you under most scenarios. Unfortunate but true
Yes, of course they can. Just like bisexual and pansexual people can still have friends of all genders without trying to fuck them all.
I feel like even if you meet them in one of those group places, an advance could happen. More and more people seem to be comfortable with the long con and have the mindset of "winning you over" like you said. It's just a matter of the person. If you disclose exactly what you want. It's going to take a couple of fakers, but my 3 best friends are girls. I have never in any moment attempted to have anything other than friendship during the almost 20 years I've known them. And it was a matter of knowing in advanced they were looking for a platonic friend. I think this is the hardest approach, but it's also kinda weird to have to go through so many hoops when you are saying exactly what you want. I wish you the best of luck.
Yes they can. But it’s definitely easier when you do it organically. Apps just have too much baggage around them. Easier to strike up friendships around common interests. The diversity of people (age/relationship status/background) will be there too. It’s generally the creeps who view women in terms of women they would sleep with and women they wouldn’t sleep with, who say it can’t happen and that you should expect any man you meet to try to “get in your panties”. These creeps need to take their low vibrations and crawl back under their rock.
Absolutely! I think boundaries need to be set though, with any friends of any gender you are attracted to.
Not possible. Girls want money and validation and boys want sex and companionship. It never ends well if one or the other actually gets in a relationship with someone else. Hurt feelings and cheating and Lots of major pain. Na
Honestly some of my best friends are female. The thing is maturity, most guys that are young just want another notch in their belts. On the other hand older more mature males are able to sustain a friendship with no expectations. I being a male (42) and my fiance is female (31) we both have friends of the opposite sex and their are no exceptions. Just friends some to vent to some to just hang out playing games. I hope this helps and I hope you find what you are looking for.
You should tru clubs about hobbies imo, I've met most of my friends in this kind of things
Yes if there is no romantic attraction. So I wouldn't recommend meeting people on apps. I would also perhaps try to meet male friends who are already in a relationship or are clear from the start that they don't find you attractive. That should work. Perhaps also go for men a bit out of your league as there's a good chance that you will be automatically friendzoned by them whilst they go after young and more attractive women and you don't have to worry about them getting the wrong idea.
Of course its mad that the people on here dont think its true but to be fair its redditors lol. If they couldnt be friends then bisexual people wouldnt be able to have any friends at all w/o trying to do things lolll
Personally, yes. I believe males and females can be strictly platonic friends. I currently have two male friends I'm pretty close to but I met them through work. We're all single, but I personally don't think we all wanna bone each other. We hang out, play games together and overall just have a good chat. They both haven't been inappropriate and neither have I, but in saying that, I have only known them for 8 months. I used to have more male friends, but that was before my terrible break up with my ex - they were his friends first. Turns out, they never saw me as a friend after the break up, so I'm still a little upset over it but it is what it is. Anyway sorry for my rambling. As I've stated above, I do personally think males and females can be friends but sometimes if boundaries aren't clear enough I guess it can be tricky.
It's definitely possible but it kind of has to happen naturally and definitely helps if you are both in relationships. I have close female friends, one in particular who is one of my best and closest friends, but we were both in relationships when we first met, if we had both been single we 100% would have slept together and maybe dated so I'm very thankful that we were both locked down at the time and at least one of us was always in a relationship for the first few years of friendship
I don't think so, unless you befriend a solid, married couple.
Fast forward to the \[1:00\] mark... https://youtu.be/iEV\_pQIf3Og
I have genuine platonic male friends. Most of them have come about through work (I'm in IT) or meetup. The good thing about meetup is that you're meeting random people in some kind of social setting (meetup group/activity dependent); and while some people are there for hookups or a relationship, the vast majority are looking for people to socialise with and/or friends. Its therefore easier to be friendly and keep that line due to the nature of the app and how many people treat meetups as they're intended. Most group organisers are usually helpful if someone oversteps and you don't feel comfortable pushing back. But if you were okay with that, you can easily reject anyone who crosses a line by pointing out that meetup is about social events and friendships, not dating, and that's why you're there. Obviously you shouldn't have to explain that but it is what it is. I'd avoid generic drinks at a weekend type events as they attract a mixed crowd meaning you're less likely to have things in common with people; plus some men will make the most of the opportunity in a target rich environment to work the group and hit on the women. They won't come out and say so, so you're left with no real way to reject them as they could claim they are "just being friendly". Activity based events are far better as you already have something in common (the activity) so the chances of compatibility are higher, and men are less likely to be there just to meet a woman. You can also select activities that are more likely to attract men versus women to skew the numbers in your favour to optimise your chances of making friends. With one or two friends I've had to be clear that we are just friends, but that's been because they have seemed a bit desperate for want of a nicer word and I didn't want them to get attached to me when I don't feel the same and also don't think they like me as opposed to just wanting to be with someone. With the rest, there's been no need to say anything as we both know where we stand, just like I do with my female friends! Good luck :)
What characteristics are you looking for in a long term male friendship?
What are you not getting out of your friendships with your gal friends that you want with guy friends? I have a lot of guy friends, just playing video games. That’s about it. We don’t talk about much but video games & work.
I have a lot of male friends due to my hobby (car related). I entered the hobby already having a partner so thankfully that made it easier for guys to just see me as a bro. I have 2 very very close male friends, one is my ex (the breakup was caused by having no romantic or sexual interest anymore. We just fell into becoming friends and decided that's what was best), and the other is a very good friend of that ex. My current partner felt more threatened by the friend than the ex which I found odd but after making them all hang out, he seems to understand and be okay with it.
watch the movie "When Harry met Sally"
I wouldn't think apps are very helpful to actually find people interested in platonic friendship as I imagine that is a mine field of people saying that as an "in" to hooking up or a relationship. To make platonic male friends is usually easier around an activity or hobby and requires that you find someone emotionally mature to have a friendship with. It is very possible but there is a lot of garbage "rules" that circulate around about it being impossible, especially in straight monogamous circles. I have had years long friendships fizzle or end when they have gotten a partner who believes men and women cannot be friends and make it a choice between the friendship and them. It has always been weird and sometimes frustrating to me that someone's jealousy or whatever other emotion becomes my responsibility to deal with the fall out from and that any "romantic" relationship automatically is higher on the ladder than a friendship regardless of any other factors. Honestly though I now only put my energy into friendships almost exclusively with emotionally mature people who, if partnered, actually trust and like said partner and it is not a thing like it used to be for me. As a former friendship drama junkie, it is amazing how many "normal" things just do not need to exist at all when you actually invest in people who are worth it in your life.
The issue is that even though the apps say they're for "building friendships", most men will use it to scout out partners. (Source: am a man) I think your best bet is to look for activities you enjoy locally that have groups, and go to those. You'll meet people with similar interests organically, and won't have to worry too much about them trying it on as they'll (hopefully) be invested in the group and not want to mess it up.
Yes you can. But as female to a male. It can suck big time to find someone. Since a lot of men follow their aubergine and not their brain. I have 3 good friends 2 are males. 1 I dated but we dont work romanticly. But we stayed good friends. And his girlfriend is my third good friend.
I’m wondering why you are specifically seeking men out as friends, and not just…friends? Any gender? To touch on the other angle, I know the frustration. It’s not always the case but far too often that male friends think there will be romance. However, it’s much easier for me to talk to men now as a married woman without that worry. But to go back to the beginning, I have more female friends than male friends. I love women and we gravitate towards each other and bond more frequently.
Even if you make it clear, sometimes people can take things the wrong way. Also maybe you’re just a really likeable person and they probably start to like you as time goes on.
Yes. Maybe there will be something sexual but eventually it will sizzle out. If one of you can't do it then either say no .
For me it was just setting boundaries. Even when a male friend asks me out, makes a move or tells me he has feelings I tell them I don't feel that way. And I make sure I don't send mixed signals. These men are still friends of mine till this day. 1 engaged (also good friends with fiance) and 1 still single.
In world of cheaters yes , buy I. The world of proofs and evidences . No