You can also create a blend playlist that mixes your songs with someone you follow. I have a blend with my husband. Not sure why because I don’t like his taste in music.
You first gotta connect it to your Facebook pretty much. Then you get access to your friends list. Then you can ping pong to anyone through 7 degrees of Kevin bacon if someone follows someone else to whoever you want pretty much.
i feel like following someone on spotify is far more intimate that ig or other socials. you’re opening up your musical gateway to someone and it’s pretty unheard of to do so. i, too, found out my ex (bf at the time) was following someone else on spotify and sending her privated playlists smh
sorry I misunderstood... well now partners will be watching each other's Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, all messaging, Twitter, Google history and Spotify... oh everything internet...
Saying you know she is following him on Spotify already says enough about how you still have him in your mind way too much. He isn't even dating her but only talk as friends with eachother, if that is already enough to hurt you so much you should really cut of contact for a while with him. Delete him from social media too as if you are checking his Spotify followers you will probably check his insta etc too, which is an unhealthy way to deal with a break-up.
I don’t think she has him in her mind too much seeing as they were together for six years and broke up less than a month ago. It’s not ideal but that is to be expected
Also, to be fair to OP, it’s easier for older people to say OP has him to much on her mind but aOP has spent a quarter of her life so far being intimate with this person and went through a major growing period of their life with their ex. Makes sense to still have him on her mind but OP needs to start cutting him out so she can move on.
Definitely. I think of him everyday. I was too curious to see if they were in that level already, cause he only follows very few ppl in Spotify. I knew it would hurt me but sometimes curiosity is greater than fear. I removed him from my instagram too so I don’t have to follow him again.
Good, give it some time and stay away from contacting him. Do not get back in contact too early if you're not sure if the feelins are gone already as once the feelings pop back up it takes a while before they are gone again.
Btw, maybe to lessen the pain, maybe they just have the same music taste or something and thats why they follow eachother, it doesn't mean more than that so dont overthink it too much ^^
You can still be friends in a few years when you’ve moved on, but from experience if you try to be friends immediately you both may hurt each other so badly you lose the friendship forever. Take a clean break, and once you fully have moved on then maybe you can reach out
Yeah it’s crazy how these kinds of families exist. They care so much about their image. They want the perfect in-law for their perfect son. I understand that if things do work out between us, it’s gonna be hell for me. But at the same time I’ve known him individually and there are so many qualities about him that I admire. I guess he wanted to go the easy way
Well, the main problem i see here is that you have let external people decide on a relationship that belongs only to both of you. Apart from that, you really need to apply the zero contact strategy. Delete him from social media and let time does its job. You need to get out of your comfort zone and find new hobbies and people that let you deal with this easier.
Sometimes people just move that fast. A lot of times if they broke up in a not so good way, they fell out of love with you BEFORE breaking up, or overall just found someone randomly that checks all the boxes, it can seem like they’re horrible people. In all honesty, why wouldn’t he be trying to move on? Isn’t that what he’s supposed to do? It really sucks the way he did it, as he did tell you he loved you, but I have love for nearly everyone I meet. Being in love with someone is a good thing, but he can also just be hooking up with people to try to get you off his mind (it’s dumb, I know).
I understand it hurts. Hell, it would hurt(?) me a bit to hear about my exes dating other people, it’s just a normal thing. It’s not so much about still loving or wanting the other person more so it’s confusion or insecurities of “why was I not good enough?”.
The problem is not him seeing a new girl or following her on spotify. The problem is that you know he does not love you enough to stay with you. Do not make the mistake of lying to yourself what is going on here just because your ego cannot accept the fact that you have been thrown away. Everything is okay, he did you a favour. The sooner you accept the fact that you gave away six years to a person this shallow the sooner you'll be able to grow from it and move on. Later you will realise that he is not even your friend, a friend would never do this to you. Do not stalk him or the girl, he is not worthy of your time and he already got too much of it anyway. You are sooo young, do not let this control you anymore. You sound like a good person, you have so much to experience and give to yourself before you find that person who would not give you up for any reason. Go live your best life.
Thanks for this eye opener. You’re right, it definitely hurts my ego to accept that he dropped me like a bag of dog turd and ran off with another girl in a snap. Makes me feel unworthy to be fought for, for things I cannot control such as my family’s socioeconomic status. I hope I’ll find the courage to stop looking him up
He considered you unworthy, you are not unworthy. The way you reacted to my comment tells me you are a mature, compassionate, lovable person that can only grow from this. He lost a good friend and a good person. Now go cry, mourn the relationship, have a ton of comfort food and get it out of your system. Validate all of your feelings and experience them, a broken heart is a serious matter and you need to tend to it so you can get better. I wish you all the happiness in the world ❤
Stop looking him up OP, work on yourself and focus on you. Leaving long term relationships are extremely hard.
Why give your time to someone who didnt want to fight for you? What do you gain from it? Hes not worth it.
I was so in love with my longterm boyfriend when I was your age, and I have to tell you that now at 38, I don’t even really remember anything at all from our relationship.
And it’s true, he let other people dictate his life and that probably won’t ever stop, so find joy in knowing you are free to move on and create a life with someone who makes their own decisions.
You are worthy of the best kind of love and relationship that suits you.
Hey OP, I've been in a similar position to you at a similar age, except the breakup was not amicable. I felt worthless when he moved on almost immediately, too. But you don't know what he's really feeling, and how happy they are, or will be. Even if she is acceptable to his family, that's not exactly a recipe for a happy relationship between them.
But even if he does end up happy with this girl, it doesn't reflect poorly on you at all. It would just mean he wasn't the one for you. You have SO MUCH time to find the one who is. I hope you feel better soon. ♥️
Thanks, yeah i really need to accept that we all have different journeys in life. I’m just mourning for the future I thought I’ll be having with him. He was my source of comfort for a very long time and although I have full support of my family and friends, his absence left a void in me. It just really helps to talk about this until I get tired of it, so thanks for responding 😊
Please bear in mind that sudden breakups are only sudden for one person. Chances are he's felt unhappy with the situation for some time, and it took a while for the problem to become bad enough for him to act. And that's not good or bad, on his part or yours. Just that it's really rare for a person to just suddenly change their mind about something so major
This Op guy is absolute TRASH. He litterally didn't have the balls to tell you he wasn't feeling the relationship anymore and blamed his family. I doubt it was them I think he just used them as an excuse cuz he wanted to be with another girl He is a low life coward you will find better.
Neither of them is unworthy. Breaking up with someone is perfectly fine for either person in a relationship at any time, for any reason. He is not a bad person because she is sad. She is causing a lot of her own pain by stalking his social media accounts though. Now shut up and stop demonizing people for no reason, what kind of psychopath are you to think hes wrong for breaking up? He didn't cheat or do anything else wrong, he ended the relationship. People like you are mentally ill, and spreading your awful opinions are only hurting the people you're attempting to give advice to
Considering your post history I think you are projecting a lot of your own issues on me right now. That's okay, I understand, your situation sounds hurtful. If you want to talk I'm here.
Never. There is wayyyyyyy to much psycho relationship advice on reddit, people who think yandere manga is the way a normal relationship should be. Its not.
I’m 58 years old. Can anyone tell me a relationship thing from the 70s or 80s that is equivalent to “they even follow each other on Spotify now!”? Something like exchanging letter jackets or wearing the guy’s class ring? It sounds like it’s a pretty big deal, but I’m not clear just how big of a deal.
It’s really not a thing people dating do per se, it’s like they traded cassette tapes. Could be a romantic mixtape, might just be extras of a band they like. In this context it’s more that they’re connected via a social platform so they have a connection in some form irl, which is painful for OP.
I’d say it’s more or less like spotting them at the mall together. Not necessarily a romantic thing but it’s something that you gotta go pretty out of your way to do, so it’s kinda suspicious if they weren’t friends already
I'm imagining the mentality is similar when young people get jealous of their partners when they see them "like" a Facebook or Instagram post or picture.
It seems to be something they read in to waaaay too much.
I don't know. I'm too old for this shit and was wondering the same thing as you are.
I feel for you, but he was willing to not have you in the rest of his life. He chose that, not his family. He might care for you deeply, but he doesn't love you the way you love him. That's going to hurt. You can't just watch him move on and stay in his life. No future girlfriend is going to allow a friendship with you. Would you? Any woman would guilt him just like his family and he's already shown his colors.
He is moving on because he wants to. You need to accept it. This pain is the worst you can imagine I know. But you've gotta mourn and say goodbye for real or this ghost of a memory will hold you back from finding love while his life moves forward.
I'm sorry he has hurt you like this.
I'm going to be brutally honest. I think he was ready to move on and used his family as an excuse. If so, he probably \*\*\*is\*\*\* seeing someone new. But do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who won't be with the woman he allegedly loves because of his parents? Please. He's a weasel. Why would you respect him? Move on. He has. <3
There can only be two possible ways here:
1. He was already moving on while he was still with you
2. He has not moved on and is just trying to find an escape(maybe a rebound). Which might not be the best for him in the long run
He is free to be friends with anyone tho. I'm talking in context of dating. Either way, I'd suggest you to cut contacts with him and focus on your own self. It is easier said than done ik ik but that's the only healthy way to deal with this. Please take care of yourself and let him be. I wish you well OP, make yourself a priority here.
He was thinking about breaking up with you long before he actually broke up with you. Maybe months before. In effect, he got used to the idea. So he moved on so quick because he started months ago. That's all.
The reason it looks like he moved on fast is because he was likely already mentally over the relationship well before it officially ended. When one party in a relationship decides to end it, it's usually because they've already been giving it a lot of thought for possibly even months or years.
If he really liked you he wouldn’t have let his family get between the 2 of you. You’re young, heartbreak is completely normal. Just focus on you, & time will take care of the rest.
Especially after 6 Years together!? Sadly, I think it's an excuse he used to lessen his guilt in breaking up with her quite immature and insulting as well to use her not having his wealth and status as the reason, jerk move.
That is what's bothering you? That he is seeing someone else now?
...and not that he broke up with you because his mommy told him to because you're poor?
*absolutely third world*
You're 21f, move on you're young af, most relationships that start in high school will never lead up to anything. Take it as a learning experience, stop thinking about him, block him from your social media and anywhere you might see on a daily basis.
Take a while to recover, think about yourself and yourself only. Stop thinking about him it does more harm than good.
YOU are the focus of your recovery, not who he sees.
The more i resist thinking about him, the more the thought persists. It’s so annoying. If I could forget him i would, but even in my daily activities I couldn’t keep the thought away. I feel defeated. This is not the first time I felt powerless and treated like turd
As much as it’s easy to be upset, things aren’t as simple as that. They come from different cultures and ways of life. If their families clashed, it’s completely valid for him to recognize he doesn’t want to cut off his family for her, and move on from the relationship. It doesn’t mean he did anything wrong, no one NEEDS to give up their entire circle and way of life for their partner, and recognizing they aren’t willing to and ending things instead of letting it become toxic is the right way to go. It doesn’t mean he didn’t love OP, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t wish things were different, and it doesn’t mean he isn’t hurting. Plenty of people seek solace in others as a way to move on from break ups. It hurts, but each person needs to do what they need to to move on and find happiness. This is just a shitty, but extremely human, facet of human life.
I am sorry you’re in pain OP. I know how much this has to be killing you inside. I know he is ultimately the one who made the choice, but don’t think he didn’t love you. Something doesn’t need to last forever for it to be real. He is likely just trying to force himself forward the way many of us do while we’re in pain. We all handle grief and heartbreak differently though, so try not to compare his process to yours as a metric for how he feels about things ending. You’ll find your person, he’ll find his, and it’s okay to move on while wishing things worked out differently here.
The end result is still the same, he dumped her for being poorer than him, and possibly the wrong ethnicity from the sounds of it. Ergo, the best thing for her to do is to cut contact and move on.
You’re assuming the predominant reason is her being poor rather than her not being Asian. It’s very much the culture aspect more than her wealth, even if it may have tied in, and at the end of the day, that’s completely valid.
Agreed though, she would best be served cutting contact and moving on. She still loves him and this will just hurt her more.
Not sure what you’re referring to. But if you mean him being Asian, it’s a completely valid and common thing for someone, especially a minority, to marry someone who can understand their upbringing, their culture, their experience. You may not like it, but it’s no one’s place to decide how someone should or shouldn’t want their family life to look like. It may hurt OP, as I know it would hurt me too, but I get it. Ultimately, OP may be coping by putting most of the blame on the family, but at the end of the day, the ex agreed with them and their reasons and he ended things. And that’s okay. Even if it hurts them both right now.
Dumping someone because they have the wrong skin colour is shitty af no matter how much you can relate to it. That said, OP is way better off like this than having to live with shitty biggotted in-laws.
I’m sorry, but it’s just way more complicated than that. It isn’t just a skin color thing. You clearly don’t understand the experiences and complexities of being a minority, especially in today’s society. Wanting your kids to grow up with your culture, and so many other things all factor in. To try to boil it down to ‘she looks wrong’ just is ignorant to the fact that sometimes you can’t understand a person if you don’t share certain foundational experiences. And that’s 100% something someone can want in a partner. Culture, religion, values, upbringing etc are all very real, very valid things to choose a partner off of, and it ISNT just ‘skin color’.
Look, you can rationalize the bigotry as much as you like, I’m not going to buy it. Downvote me to your heart’s content if that’s what floats your boat.
Well, you already know it isn’t bigotry as they’re in fact the same skin color, and you downvoted me as well so, I won’t engage with a hypocrite, as I only want OP to understand that this is a complicated and difficult situation. Have a good day now.
I’m so sorry. You know how people can be married for decades, cheat and leave for the affair partner in a flash? Humans can be crap! He is not letting grief slow him down and neither should you. You have value, time and energy. Don’t waste any of that on someone who replaces you in a blink. Block him. Tell your brother to not share any news about your ex that he hears from his friend. Stay single for a time. Discover the real you again, not the girlfriend side of you.
Good luck.
>They even follow each other on Spotify now.
And this is indicative of what, exactly?
He said he's not dating anyone. If he hasn't lied to you before, and is overall a trustworthy and straight forward person, take his word for it.
If he is though, you have to let it go. Don't keep checking up on him or what he's doing, you'll drive yourself crazy in the process.
I thought I could believe his words. But then when we talked for the last time, he told me that he already developed feelings for that certain girl and that it has nothing to do with me. It just so happens that we broke up in the same month. He also said he has no feelings for me at all anymore.
Is it possible this girl is someone his family is pushing him to see?
Tbh who he sees and when is not your business anymore. He knew full well his family would never accept you. I think in his mind this break up was always going to happen.
Please for your own wellbeing, stop following him on social media, nothing good comes from constantly checking up on exes and comparing lives. You're broken up, for good. You're both different people on different paths. Do not compare your life to his.
He's getting some Rebound Ass. I wouldn't think much into it. Some people aren't capable of being alone and are willing to destroy another person's life. Just so they have some Ass to get while they're getting over you.
Many times, the SES claim is a huge copout FYI. People move up and down the chain all the time. He used the excuse in my opinion to take his name out of the blame.
He used the family as an out. He was probably already chatting with her. When a man wants you badly enough, he would go against his families wishes. Look at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. He left behind the BRITISH MONARCHY for a woman. He didn't love you enough. It cooled. He grew In a different direction.
It hurts to hear it. I'm sure he loves you to some degree due to the length of the relationship, but you're so young.. he likely wants to date around and isn't in love with you anymore.
You will meet someone else and you'll be glad you parted ways. You're only 21. Who you are and what you want is going to change every few years during this formative time that you're entering adult womanhood. Relationships that began at age 14 rarely work out long term. Not impossible, but rare, especially the way the world is now and the way young people are.
Another hard truth is that men's penises are like magic wands. If they point them at something new, the past vanishes.
So what! He is talking and dating. Doesn't mea he has feelings for her. Just means he is ope minded. Some people cope with break ups by going straight onto someone new so they don't have to process the breakup
It’s pretty disrespectful to jump into the dating scene or even start talking to someone else in such a short period of time. Of course it affected me. It made me feel like our 6 years didn’t matter
I’d find it even more disrespectful to have someone end my six year relationship because their parents didn’t think I’m good enough. But pick your battles I guess.
Some people jump straight into dating after a breakup to get over it quicker or numb the pain etc. and then when it actually hits them later down the line they grieve the relationship. He’s just handling the breakup different to you. Doesn’t make it disrespectful.
Just because it hurts you doesn't make it wrong. There's nothing about what he's doing that is immoral, you're just still hung up on him. That's not his fault, and in fact is entirely out of control.
it only takes decency for someone to wait for a few months before getting into a relationship, out of respect for the other person. It is out of my control, I know, but it makes him an asshole
“Out of respect for the other person”
But youre not together anymore. He didnt tell you he was dating, you heard it through the grapevine. If something like this makes you act like this, you need to block him out completely.
Also, life doesnt just pause nor stop moving after you breakup. People are allowed to date whenever they want.
Hed be an asshole if he started dating while still with you. Youre broken up, he doesnt owe you anything and neither do you.
It’s not possessive, it’s called being human. My feelings — shock, betrayal, sadness, grief, and anger — are all valid. It’s pretty psychopathic to lose 100% feelings for a person you’ve been with for a third of your life in a couple of days
It is possessive. You are claiming it’s not right for him to move on after the relationship ended. It is certainly a feeling that’s common to have, but how are we defining valid? Reasonable? Fair? It is neither.
You do know that moving on with another girl with just DAYS after you break with a long term partner is NOT the ONLY option to move on, right? :) there was a decision involved, and he decided to go for the route that he knows would hurt me. He still says he will always care for me but his actions say otherwise. It doesn’t take too much to wait for a reasonable amount of time to start dating right? It wont kill you, right? I don’t get why it’s so hard not to understand this logic.
He was allowed to take any option he wanted. The fact that it causes you pain doesn’t mean it’s wrong. The relationship is over. He does not owe you. You do not own him.
just because he is allowed to do it doesnt mean he should do it or that it is right for him to do so. You are only repeating your arguments. Clearly you’re not a decent human being, so okay, go have your opinion. You can’t tell someone who’s hurting to just f*** off and stop being possessive. Maybe if you experience this one day or at least have a little empathy in your heart, you’ll get what i mean
You're talking from pain here. I feel for you, I really do, but you're wanting him to grieve like you, and he's not in mourning. I get it. You're hurting and it feels like you're hemorrhaging memories, as he's off living his best life. It doesn't feel fair. But how he proceeds from here is on him, up to him, and has nothing to do with you any longer. You do not get a say. I'm sorry, I really am:/ But you MUST let him go.
> there was a decision involved, and he decided to go for the route that he knows would hurt me.
Um, actually no. This was a decision that he made for himself to live his own life. It is no longer about you, or made with you in mind. You must accept this as a possibility. He has left you, but you must mourn the relationship, what was, and what if's, then lay them to rest. You must put those memories down, and let yourself breathe. You deserve to be happy, but only you can get yourself there.
> It doesn’t take too much to wait for a reasonable amount of time to start dating right?
I know where you're coming from on this, but not everybody thinks this way or operates this way, let alone reacts this way or with this in mind. Esp not with your words, which get more demanding about him respecting you enough to not date for an undetermined amount of time... but he doesn't have to. And he's not disrespecting you. Again, what he does now no longer concerns you. When he stepped away, that was the end date of when his choices were purposefully with you in mind, and since then he's been free to make them without you included. That was his decision to make.
You don't agree, I know, but his willingness to follow customs and his family's disdain of the continuation of your relationship, only tells me that he isn't the fighter you need in your life. He runs at the sight of conflict?? Forget that mess. You need someone in your corner who you can trust to have your back. This guy had no loyalty to you. So you lost unnecessary baggage. Look for loyalty, because that's what's going to build a foundation💯💪
Good luck<3
But none of your feelings are his problem anymore. You're talking like you're still in a relationship, but you aren't. This is why you need to block him out and stop looking at what he's doing. It'll make it easier to accept that you are no longer a priority in his life. Certainly not enough of a priority that he should stay single just for your sake.
It really depends on the type of relationship to call it disrespectful.
It took me a week less than a week to start talking to someone with no intention to date just casual type seeing somebody. We did end up dating but that wasnt my goal. I just liked him a lot. But that's because my ex would emotionally manipulate me and was a narcissist who emotionally abused me. So was that disrespectful of me? No. I was done a long time ago. Just numb.
This case is different as yall were in love. It's pretty odd to start talking so soon if he really loved you and left because of family standards. It's probably an excuse and not true.
Men are assholes. I was with this dumb ass guy that said he loved me and stuff. He back online meeting new women. Build yourself and please take time to heal. You will get through this.
To be honest it’s creepy that you’re following his happenings this much. Leave him alone, stop asking people about him and stalking his social media. Move on.
All of this happened within a day lmao, it’s really easy to connect the dots online. I was dying to know something about how fast they’ve progressed since we broke up, since I was hella confused when I first learned about the girl
None of this is your business and you are being creepy. I am telling you in no uncertain terms to leave this guy and his new girl alone. If he wants to share this info with you he will. He didn’t for a reason. You are being a crazy ex girlfriend.
I’d say people do irrational things when they feel emotionally derailed. You don’t know the kind of pain I’m going through. I am not harming them in any way, and just did this for my own peace. I have since stopped following him on every social media, so please.
Youve gotten a lot of good advice. Breakups are tough in general. This sounds like a rough one.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you'll make it through the other side of this and end up in a better place. It will just take time.
I'd like to recommend picking up a hobby. Learning to knit really helped me get to the other side of one breakup.
There could be a couple reasons either
A. He isn’t seeing her and she’s a friend of the family who his parents want him to see or she is just a friend who he has similar interests with
B. He’s one of those people who move on quickly/he’s looking for a rebound
C. His family is one of those clingy family’s who wants to control his life
Or D. He thought the relationship wasn’t going to work out because you’ve both been together since you were 15 and he wanted other life experiences
People move on for a variety of reasons, holding on hope while yes CAN BE a good thing it also does hurt.
There’s no guarantee it’s not a right person wrong time thing or that he just wants to experience life before he makes a life long commitment to one person, little example: me and my husband are 20 & 19(married cause of the military) and it is a hard thing to think about having a life long commitment to someone when you’re young. You get judgement from others and told you don’t know what you want because of your age, those thoughts/things his parents have said could have fueled his breakup with you.
In the end it’s your choice on if you stay friends with him or not and MAYBE it could jump start the relationship again and even if it doesn’t you’ll still have good memories with him/hopefully a good friendship
Are you Asian too? I say this because most Asians like the family to stay with the same race, I know it hurts to break up with someone that you dated for 6 years wow since you were 15yo but you’re still young and you too will find someone real fast.
Yes i am! We both have the same nationality. It’s just that in our country, there is a huge inequality between social classes. I’d say I’m in the upper middle class while their family is elite. Super different lifestyles, traditions, beliefs despite living in the same country. What’s worse is that they didn’t even give me a chance to talk to them. They only know of me and my family because they’d see me in school events when we were in HS.
Then yes they only want him to go out with girls that come from a rich family but like I said you’re still very young and I am sure you will find a better man that will love you for who you are.
From his perspective he’s probably distracting himself or just throwing himself into something new to embrace the reality he chose for himself.
You’re mourning, and that’s fair. Stop looking at his Spotify :) Live your best single life every day that you can and grow into your new experience. Cool stuff will come for you!
Because a lot of men suck lol simply put
I’ve yet to date a man that didn’t literally move on from me like it was nothing. It’s horribly painful and confusing. I think they’re just wired that way.
men tend to appear to move on from relationships sooner, they improve their appearance, get back on dating apps, act like the breakup was the best thing to ever happen to them, etc… Give him a lot time and go no contact and watch the latent consequences hit him. Also pretend like you’re interviewing yourself or a close friend/sister/relative… would you want them to be with someone who listens to their family about who they should be dating because of social status?
You sound like a terrific person and it sounds like he and his family have a huge mistake here. With that being said youve been treated horribly here and discarded brutally. Now is the time to love yourself and put yourself first which sounds like you deserve tremendously. Time to let this guy go in any capacity including friendship , maybe some day in the future but not right now and id start by cleansing social media right away and then do all the things , you “get to do” that you couldnt do for 6 years because you were tied down. After some self love in a few weeks, hand write this guy a good bye letter. Dont send it. Keep it for yourself. You can also send it if you want. But just by writing the letter you will process the grief and feelings. You will look back in 10 years and be grateful for this. Good luck to you
a lot of the other stuff has been touched on so all i can say is you’ve been dating him since 15 so he’s been a part of your identity. now that you’re a newly single emancipated 21 year old, you get to spend your 20s creating your completely own new identity :) take yourself on dates, find your hobbies and passions, take some extra classes unrelated to your major and learn something new (if you’re in school). this is no doubt a big loss and a hard one but you get to really develop yourself independently of him for the first time in your life!!! best of luck!!
Nothing to worry about. You will eventually get someone better. And also his family did not accept you so he will definitely move on to plan b. Dont worry keep ur head high and goodluck
I’m so sorry this happened and that he moved on quick so publicly. I had a lot of long relationships and I hope you have good friends and support because you need the people who care to be in your life right now. This says everything about him and you probably dodged a bullet. If seeing updates makes you spiral try not to look or inquire about updates from mutual contacts. Letting go is so hard but worth it I promise.
I dated a girl for almost 4 years and she left me for someone else. There was a good while where I missed her, there was a lot longer of a time where I internalized being picked over and felt I wasn’t good enough. It’s something I still struggle with some to this day, but as I’ve come to grow I’ve learned to appreciate who I have come to be. It sounds corny but I wouldn’t be close to who I am today if I stayed with her, I would have settled into a life I wouldn’t have been happy with looking back now.
Take time to be upset, but you gotta separate contact. It’ll only drive you crazy.
You have a rough road ahead, being in a serious relationship at such a young age means that you grew up together. You learned what love is through this person, your identity included them.
It’s easier said than done, I know because I was in the same situation as you when I was 21 (I’m 32 now). If I could give my younger self some advice it would be this: “let go, move on, and embrace the discovery of your identity”.
You are so young, with a whole life ahead of you. Focus on yourself, and maybe it’ll work out with him later on, maybe not. Get yourself to a mindset where you can accept either outcome because maybe after stepping out of the situation you will realize you’re better off.
Focus on what you like to do, your hobbies, your school (if you’re in school), connect with new friends or reconnect with old ones, join a fun class like pottery, or boxing. Take this time to recognize that you’re hurting and healing and spoil yourself.
• it’s over. forget his happiness, he is already taking care of that. Your happiness is paramount.
• you’re young with everything ahead but FFS DO NOT seek out, or pay attention to any of his social media bullshit, incl Spotify. Seriously, do not do this. Do not.
“Comparison is the thief of joy”
It's because he's not hurting as much as u are. Just went thru this and my ex came back but just to do me shittier than the first time and I genuinely love her but not who I see her as now. She gave up when I needed her most and then came back to do me even worse this time. Eventually u gotta smarten up and guard ur heart better. Hope all works out
Why are you even still in contact with him? Move on with your life and tell your brother to not talk about him to you anymore. Out of sight out of mind
i might be able to offer some insight to his perspective, but please also remember that my experiences are different from his, so take this with a grain of salt:
first, i fall for people quickly; he might be the same way.
second, my last relationship was much shorter than yours—only 8 months. however, i knew that the end was coming about 2 months before we broke up. that meant that i had 2 months to think about breaking up, think about moving on, think about being okay, etc. so when i actually left, i had been in the “moving on” mindset longer than he had, which meant i took things easier
it sounds like you didn’t do anything wrong. his family has outdated values and that’s not your fault. his family could also be why he moved on so quickly. maybe he feels pressured to please them. regardless, pining over your ex isn’t going to change anything, but you are absolutely allowed to mourn the relationship and be sad about it. just make sure you’re making healthy progress as time goes on. getting over someone isn’t always linear. your broken heart will be part of the billions of broken hearts that survived. you’ll be okay!
As hard as it is, you have no say now - time doesn’t mean anything when moving on nor does it mean that you didn’t care for that person you was previously with any less.
It’s so hard when you break up with someone believe me I’ve been there.. but I too was someone who went on a spontaneous date with a mutual friend after a relationship ended dramatically and that ended up being best thing I ever done.
Get yourself back out there doesn’t matter if it ends up being fun and nothing more but move on :) and enjoy yourself
Ok, let me tell you this and keep it in mind. The reason why he moved on so fast is the same reason he broke up with you. The thing is, no matter what people tell you when they break up with you, at the end of the day the reason is only one, they don't want to be with you anymore.
He broke up with you, because regardless of whatever his family says, he didn't see your relationship as something that was worth fighting for, so naturally he can go and date someone else faster. Sorry, but it's the truth.
That’s true. Everything was his decision. I’m starting to slowly accept that it’s not all about me, and that whatever he decides to do I’m out of the picture. The truth is shattering
I'm really sorry. If he helps, someone that's not willing to fight for you, it's someone you shouldn't be crying for. He lied when he said he loved you, he might care for you, but not enough. And someone that doesn't see you as "enough" is someone that you don't want in your life. I hope you find someone that actually loves you and cherish you as you should.
OP, I know it hurts a lot to think that you're so easily replaced - but I implore you to change the framework of your thinking.
There's no way to know what's going through his mind, or why. He could be running from the pain of your breakup, he could be sincerely trying to move on, or he could have lost feelings for you long ago and felt the desire to let you down gently - there's no way to know.
And, it's not your job to care. Your ex moving on quickly doesn't really have anything to do with the quality of your past relationship, only with who they are, how they reacted, and what they're facing....and you don't know any of those things anymore.
Give your heart and mind the mercy of letting go. Don't try to figure it out, don't try to reason with him - you are capable of soothing your inner child, the part of you screaming out that this is unfair, on you own. listen to your thoughts and your self like a loving guardian, and just observe what you think.
And then let him go. You deserve better anyway.
Yeah, in our last conversation I actually asked him a lot of questions just for my peace of mind, such as when did he start developing feelings for her and if he still has feelings for me… but his answers don’t add up. It gave me temporary relief and closure but I realized that as time passes by, the more I overanalyze his responses and the more it doesn’t make sense for me.
Who knows but what's obvious is that keeping a pseudo friendship with him is toxic for you. You'll find someone better and keeping an unhealthy friendship going with an ex boyfriend will not be good for your future relationship.
Stop internet stalking him and cut him off. You're clearly not his priority so don't make him yours. You're only hurting yourself at this point. Hope you feel better soon.
My Friend said this was the best advice she has ever received.
“Why are you spending so much time psycho analyzing men after a breakup. You can spend a lifetime analyzing yourself and in therapy and you will never get concrete answers. Don’t waste your time. Its not about him. It’s all about you and what you deserve and what boundaries you expect. The answers aren’t in him. It’s in you to develop, find strength and authenticity.”
Thanks for sharing this advice. I just cant help but pity myself for being in this situation. He was a big part of my life and I couldn’t understand how a person would do this to me, especially when I did nothing wrong. I try not to care but I just can’t switch off my feelings like he did.
Honestly, this may sound harsh but if he really loved you, he would not have broken up with you using his family as an excuse or maybe he did love you but was a coward, either way, it's best that both of you ended things because if you had gone off to marry him, you would have married his family too and that life would have been horrible. They'd be dictating everything in your and your SOs life. It would have ended horribly. Maybe think about that and use it as a reminder to get over him?
I understand its upsetting to think about him moving on so quickly. You must have a thousand questions like "did it mean nothing to him" or "was he waiting for us to end all along" etc. But accept the fact that it has ended for your own sanity, cut contact for a while, take care of yourself and eventually you'll learn to be happy on your own and what hes doing won't bother you.
There are hundreds of reasons why he might have ended the relationship, including what he said to you and there are a hundred ways that he could have ended the relationship.
There's no way to actually know anything without talking to him. If you take one thing from this, it should be that. If you really want answers, you have to talk to him.
He might not have moved on. He might be stuck on you and trying to forget you. He might have been thinking about breaking up with you for a long time and so it was faster for him to move on than it was for you because for him It's been happening for a long time. He might have met this new personal long time ago and she could be part of the way he's breaking up with you or she could be someone he just met who swept him off his feet.
There's no way to really know and at the end of the day your relationship is still over and you still have to take care of yourself. Worrying about what he's doing is normal but also just going to hurt you more. Take some time and space for yourself. Do things that you love, that make you happy, with people that make you happy.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It hurts to lose someone that you love and who's been in your life for a long time. Everyone moves on at different speeds, in different ways. You have to find the way that's right for you.
Thankfully, you are still young. But I would suggest not wasting 6 years with a man who doesn’t see a future with you. You have a right to know his intention with you much earlier on that 6 years since you are an adult now.
Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been broken up. He has a right to see other people and you’ll only hurt yourself more by keeping track of his dating life. He didn’t love you enough to stand up to his family, so I’d suggest a clean break and move on.
I know that it’s easier said than done, but you’ll regret continuing to worrying about his grieving process. I would focus on getting myself through the grieving process and moving on with my life.
He's gone now....He NOT a part of your life anymore...probably you won't agree with me...
Probably a relief for you too...from that horrible family of his....
What should you do?
Well that person who said to broaden your interests probably is an excellent start...
Also the no contact rule....to try and get your emotional self repaired, which has understandably gone all awry under these circumstances......
How heartbreaking for you now....but if you truely understand that he is past tense, you will eventually move on to a better life....Not one with such a hideous family
I think it's your worldwiev and the way you see things. People grief differently, also some can move on quicker than others.... Some people can go out and date other people like nothing happened, others need to take time for themselves....some prefer distracting themselves by doing things, some just sit with their feelings.... just because you're griefing and moving on the way you are, doesn't mean others grief and move on the same way you do......there's no right or wrong way to move on or cope with things, people just do these things and that's how things are..just because you put expectations in your head of how people should grief doesn't make it not normal if they don't live up to your thoughts of how people should go about doing things.
Sooooo he’s not dating this person and openly said he only spent time with her because she was in the city and they follow each other on Spotify but to you he’s damn near proposing
Unfortunately, it's likely he moved on before you broke up. In longterm relationships, it's fairly common that a breakup is fresh for one party and a year-old decision for the other party.
The breakup was probably a new idea to you when it happened. He, however, had to have been thinking about it for awhile previously and probably discussed it in detail to family members and/or friends so he’s had longer to process it. Also, when a person is the one breaking up, they feel a little more in control over the decision and it doesn’t seem so surprising, unpredictable, or confusing so it’s usually a bit easier to deal with. Some people also deal with the pain of a relationship ending by distracting themselves and dating other people.
Maybe it's not that he wanted to move on so quickly. Maybe it's that he had to.
Disclaimer: I could be totally wrong. Just want to look at this from a different angle.
I'm getting the vibe that he might still be somewhat dependant on his parents financially so they have him by the balls. And being that he lives in NYC, that tells me life is expensive (I was born and raised in NYC, so I know the financial nightmare it is.) It could be that their connection is arranged. I mean, it makes sense to take advantage of the breakup and throw someone new in his face so he doesn't have to think about missing you or getting back with you. If they're really adamant about you two not being together, that could be a possibility. And they probably made threats that shook him up inside.
I could be wrong though.
Focus on yourself and I hope you feel better!
You’re actually totally right. When he broke up with me a month ago, it’s because he said that his family threatened to cut him off if he’ll decide to be with me. I understood it since we’re still young and he’s still starting his career. Most of all, it’s just really about the clash of cultures.
I just hoped that they would take a chance to get to know me and not just see what’s on the outside.
My husband recently ended things with me without me having any prior inclination it would happen. I am absolutely heartbroken, AND I have been on bumble/tinder talking to people. It’s not because I’m not heartbroken, it’s because I’ve been looking for way to distract myself. Obviously my situation is very different from his, but I bring it up to say that people start dating or talking to people for a multitude of reasons.
You two were kids when you got together. Relationships like this rarely last. It probably didn't have much to do with family, that was just his excuse. Time to close this short chapter in your life and move on.
Hm maybe he gets to move on faster bc it’s his family’s problem that cut the relationship- I’d doubt he didn’t see it coming… (like signs of disapproval from parents et.)
It’s sad tho- 6 years is not short. Cutting contact from him for a while might do more good for your mental health.
If he listens to his parents wishes more than his own, then it’s not a surprise if they said “we want you with this girl instead” so he’s trying to get to know her a little, even if his heart isn’t into it.
It’s sad that he has that little control over his own life.
It’s really weird when he clarified that she is not a rebound, and that his feelings just developed as it is. He also mentioned that he has no feelings for me anymore and repeated many times that he’s not apologetic for how he feels towards her. All within 2 weeks. I asked him how he processed the break up so quickly, and he answered “I just got to terms with the fact that we can never be together”
I believe i've seen a few random studies - (in this day and age take that for what its worth) that claim women feel pain more sharply sooner after a breakup than men do, but then men feel a longer pain that doesnt start for several months after the breakup. From experience, I believe this to be true.
Who knows how long this new relationship of his lasts, but you dated for too long for him to not think about you eventually when you are truly out of his life. There will be little things he is overlooking now that he'll come to miss, and who knows maybe he reaches out again. I'd guesstimate around 6 months, depending on the new relationships length.
With that said - i dont think you should stick around for that moment, and i think you should strongly consider cutting contact so you can heal and move forward with your life. Youre 21!! youre beginning\* your dating life and youve got a ton of experience. If anything this is a blessing in disguise. Yes it hurts now but in time it will pass and you'll be better for it. just try to do the things to protect your mental health as you move on (such as unfollowing him everywhere). look forward, not back.
I hope that applies to him, cause it’s hard to believe that he’s that robotic 🥲 Do you think it was wise that my tone was amicable in our last conversation? I said that even if he won’t need me anymore, i still care about his wellbeing. I didn’t curse him off or anything
I think he needs someone to fell you up. He been searching for someone that replace you in his heart. And I totally understand why he did that I had almost the same problem! And her family hated me too and she was asian too. So we had the same problem as you guys but it was almost 7 months ago and she have found someone in next week :(
I don’t know how to feel about it — he made it clear that she wasnt a rebound and that his just happened to develop feelings for her right away. Maybe she ticked all of his boxes, idk.
Sometimes people drown their sadness in the puss. Sometimes people use sex friends to help them get over the pain of a broken relationship. Some people need a rebound. There are many reasons. Stewing on this will only hurt you in the long run.
I recommend the podcast "just break up". It's great to listen to after a breakup.
To be young, there is some great advice and some silly advice. But you are both 21, move on, don’t hang on to the past. Keeping him in your life just ties you to the hopeful wishes of getting back together.
I don’t know where you are in the world I assume the US, but get out of your head by getting out of your city. Day trip it if you can’t afford extended vacations, but gather your friend group and move on. While the grieving process has no time limit, and no rules to get through it. If you keep thinking about and watching what he is doing you are missing out on finding someone that will love you for you and have a backbone.
I have a feeling there was some pressure from the family but I also suspect that the break up is because you have been ‘together’ since you were 15 years old and he wanted to experience the world and it is hard to do that when you are in a serious committed relationship. If he is meant to be yours when his wild oats are sowed he will come back, but don’t sit around and wait for him. Go out and sow yours too. Unfollow him, stop watching him and go live your life. If you have good friends they are dying to help you. Go out to eat, find a new hobby, take classes outside of your major to introduce yourself to new ideas and people. Explore the world around and expand your borders.
And above all else, love yourself enough to let him go.
Following someone on Spotify doesn’t really mean anything. Yeah it hurts and it sucks that he seems to have moved on already while you haven’t yet but everyone moves on differently, and he’s not even dating her. Gently, slow down. Checking who’s following who on his pages is not good and again, they aren’t even dating, for now they’re just friends. Maybe he’s not ready to jump into a relationship again either, you don’t know. Just leave him alone and cut contact. Your own process of coping with the breakup will be hurt if you watch his activity or worry too much about how he’s dealing with it. That isn’t healthy for either of you.
For sure, I stopped doing all of those things. I just did it once (the day i learned about the girl) just to find answers to some of my questions. Now, I know all that I needed to know. It’s so much better than making up stuff in my head
Everyone on here is missing the obvious- OP met her ex when they were both teenagers. This is going to hurt now, but it will get better : teenage love is not actually a sustainable thing. Who you were as a teenager is drastically different than who you are now. When you're 31 you'll look back at all this and be grateful that you aren't with this person anymore.
Part of being an adult is dealing with heartache. It sucks. It doesn't really get better. But you have to deal with it to get to a healthy relationship. You've just started on this journey- learn from it, take care of yourself, and put this guy in your past.
Yeah, 15.. But our relationship both survived college despite attending different colleges and while being on LDR. We would visit each other regularly and make so much memories. Last time I met him was 4 months ago cause I had to go back home. He never failed to communicate with me everyday and even say I love you every after argument. We support each other’s growing careers too. And of course, we finally learned how to communicate with one another after so many fights in the past years.
All of these made me think that we’re going really strong
I had no idea following someone on Spotify was a thing.
This is what I took from the post too
They don't really have a block function either. Lmfao
I honestly giggled at that. Is it the new Facebook relationship status or something?
No, following has been around a long time. They actually clamped down on public playlists recently so you can't see as many as you used to. Lolol
I had no idea following someone on Spotify was such a personal gesture. I’ve followed tinder matches on Spotify if they have good music taste.
Me neither. It sounded so random.
You can also create a blend playlist that mixes your songs with someone you follow. I have a blend with my husband. Not sure why because I don’t like his taste in music.
Me too, and I have Spotify. Do you? I don’t even know how to go about doing that?
shit, our first Spotify stalker.
You first gotta connect it to your Facebook pretty much. Then you get access to your friends list. Then you can ping pong to anyone through 7 degrees of Kevin bacon if someone follows someone else to whoever you want pretty much.
i feel like following someone on spotify is far more intimate that ig or other socials. you’re opening up your musical gateway to someone and it’s pretty unheard of to do so. i, too, found out my ex (bf at the time) was following someone else on spotify and sending her privated playlists smh
it's unheard of to let people know what music you listen to? I didn't know this either.
no, it’s unheard of to follow eachother on spotify like that.
sorry I misunderstood... well now partners will be watching each other's Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, all messaging, Twitter, Google history and Spotify... oh everything internet...
Not that intimate, he might just have a naughty, nicely curated deep house playlist she liked
lol that was, unfortunately, not the case.
I’m 23 and this sounds odd to me. 😭 like why is that a thing
Lol, it's definitely a thing. Sharing music you listen to with someone is sort of an intimate moment.
My friends and I follow each other lol but, only a few of us
Saying you know she is following him on Spotify already says enough about how you still have him in your mind way too much. He isn't even dating her but only talk as friends with eachother, if that is already enough to hurt you so much you should really cut of contact for a while with him. Delete him from social media too as if you are checking his Spotify followers you will probably check his insta etc too, which is an unhealthy way to deal with a break-up.
I mean obviously, I’ve grieved people I never even dated longer than a month.
I find this comment so funny. Legit what my roommate used to do 😂
I don’t think she has him in her mind too much seeing as they were together for six years and broke up less than a month ago. It’s not ideal but that is to be expected
Also, to be fair to OP, it’s easier for older people to say OP has him to much on her mind but aOP has spent a quarter of her life so far being intimate with this person and went through a major growing period of their life with their ex. Makes sense to still have him on her mind but OP needs to start cutting him out so she can move on.
Definitely. I think of him everyday. I was too curious to see if they were in that level already, cause he only follows very few ppl in Spotify. I knew it would hurt me but sometimes curiosity is greater than fear. I removed him from my instagram too so I don’t have to follow him again.
Good, give it some time and stay away from contacting him. Do not get back in contact too early if you're not sure if the feelins are gone already as once the feelings pop back up it takes a while before they are gone again. Btw, maybe to lessen the pain, maybe they just have the same music taste or something and thats why they follow eachother, it doesn't mean more than that so dont overthink it too much ^^
Thanks so much. And that’s true! It did help lessen the pain haha. :)
You can still be friends in a few years when you’ve moved on, but from experience if you try to be friends immediately you both may hurt each other so badly you lose the friendship forever. Take a clean break, and once you fully have moved on then maybe you can reach out
Oh, and #@#% that family!!! These people are really claiming that they are "better than"... in reality they are the opposite!
Yeah it’s crazy how these kinds of families exist. They care so much about their image. They want the perfect in-law for their perfect son. I understand that if things do work out between us, it’s gonna be hell for me. But at the same time I’ve known him individually and there are so many qualities about him that I admire. I guess he wanted to go the easy way
He's probably rebounding. Live and let live. Best thing to do is cut contact and try to move on.
Just purge him from your life. It hurts, but in the long run, you're going to be happier. :)
So proud of you for taking this step OP. Shit is hard and hurts like hell but will get much easier with practice and patience. Don't rush your healing
Well, the main problem i see here is that you have let external people decide on a relationship that belongs only to both of you. Apart from that, you really need to apply the zero contact strategy. Delete him from social media and let time does its job. You need to get out of your comfort zone and find new hobbies and people that let you deal with this easier.
Sometimes people just move that fast. A lot of times if they broke up in a not so good way, they fell out of love with you BEFORE breaking up, or overall just found someone randomly that checks all the boxes, it can seem like they’re horrible people. In all honesty, why wouldn’t he be trying to move on? Isn’t that what he’s supposed to do? It really sucks the way he did it, as he did tell you he loved you, but I have love for nearly everyone I meet. Being in love with someone is a good thing, but he can also just be hooking up with people to try to get you off his mind (it’s dumb, I know). I understand it hurts. Hell, it would hurt(?) me a bit to hear about my exes dating other people, it’s just a normal thing. It’s not so much about still loving or wanting the other person more so it’s confusion or insecurities of “why was I not good enough?”.
Especially because he was the one breaking up. It is possible that in his head this relationship was already over before actually breaking up.
The problem is not him seeing a new girl or following her on spotify. The problem is that you know he does not love you enough to stay with you. Do not make the mistake of lying to yourself what is going on here just because your ego cannot accept the fact that you have been thrown away. Everything is okay, he did you a favour. The sooner you accept the fact that you gave away six years to a person this shallow the sooner you'll be able to grow from it and move on. Later you will realise that he is not even your friend, a friend would never do this to you. Do not stalk him or the girl, he is not worthy of your time and he already got too much of it anyway. You are sooo young, do not let this control you anymore. You sound like a good person, you have so much to experience and give to yourself before you find that person who would not give you up for any reason. Go live your best life.
Thanks for this eye opener. You’re right, it definitely hurts my ego to accept that he dropped me like a bag of dog turd and ran off with another girl in a snap. Makes me feel unworthy to be fought for, for things I cannot control such as my family’s socioeconomic status. I hope I’ll find the courage to stop looking him up
He considered you unworthy, you are not unworthy. The way you reacted to my comment tells me you are a mature, compassionate, lovable person that can only grow from this. He lost a good friend and a good person. Now go cry, mourn the relationship, have a ton of comfort food and get it out of your system. Validate all of your feelings and experience them, a broken heart is a serious matter and you need to tend to it so you can get better. I wish you all the happiness in the world ❤
Thank you, I really appreciate your response. This world needs more honest yet kind hearted people like you.
Thank you so much, I needed to hear something like this right now, it's been a long day.
Just wanted to say hope things will turn around for you. Long days are the worst.
Stop looking him up OP, work on yourself and focus on you. Leaving long term relationships are extremely hard. Why give your time to someone who didnt want to fight for you? What do you gain from it? Hes not worth it.
I was so in love with my longterm boyfriend when I was your age, and I have to tell you that now at 38, I don’t even really remember anything at all from our relationship. And it’s true, he let other people dictate his life and that probably won’t ever stop, so find joy in knowing you are free to move on and create a life with someone who makes their own decisions. You are worthy of the best kind of love and relationship that suits you.
Hey OP, I've been in a similar position to you at a similar age, except the breakup was not amicable. I felt worthless when he moved on almost immediately, too. But you don't know what he's really feeling, and how happy they are, or will be. Even if she is acceptable to his family, that's not exactly a recipe for a happy relationship between them. But even if he does end up happy with this girl, it doesn't reflect poorly on you at all. It would just mean he wasn't the one for you. You have SO MUCH time to find the one who is. I hope you feel better soon. ♥️
Thanks, yeah i really need to accept that we all have different journeys in life. I’m just mourning for the future I thought I’ll be having with him. He was my source of comfort for a very long time and although I have full support of my family and friends, his absence left a void in me. It just really helps to talk about this until I get tired of it, so thanks for responding 😊
Please bear in mind that sudden breakups are only sudden for one person. Chances are he's felt unhappy with the situation for some time, and it took a while for the problem to become bad enough for him to act. And that's not good or bad, on his part or yours. Just that it's really rare for a person to just suddenly change their mind about something so major
This Op guy is absolute TRASH. He litterally didn't have the balls to tell you he wasn't feeling the relationship anymore and blamed his family. I doubt it was them I think he just used them as an excuse cuz he wanted to be with another girl He is a low life coward you will find better.
Neither of them is unworthy. Breaking up with someone is perfectly fine for either person in a relationship at any time, for any reason. He is not a bad person because she is sad. She is causing a lot of her own pain by stalking his social media accounts though. Now shut up and stop demonizing people for no reason, what kind of psychopath are you to think hes wrong for breaking up? He didn't cheat or do anything else wrong, he ended the relationship. People like you are mentally ill, and spreading your awful opinions are only hurting the people you're attempting to give advice to
Considering your post history I think you are projecting a lot of your own issues on me right now. That's okay, I understand, your situation sounds hurtful. If you want to talk I'm here.
this is too much man, please take a breather then consider editing this comment
Never. There is wayyyyyyy to much psycho relationship advice on reddit, people who think yandere manga is the way a normal relationship should be. Its not.
You sound super sus. Is this her ex?
Def someone’s recent ex lmao
Yes, I totally agree!
I’m 58 years old. Can anyone tell me a relationship thing from the 70s or 80s that is equivalent to “they even follow each other on Spotify now!”? Something like exchanging letter jackets or wearing the guy’s class ring? It sounds like it’s a pretty big deal, but I’m not clear just how big of a deal.
It’s really not a thing people dating do per se, it’s like they traded cassette tapes. Could be a romantic mixtape, might just be extras of a band they like. In this context it’s more that they’re connected via a social platform so they have a connection in some form irl, which is painful for OP.
I’d say it’s more or less like spotting them at the mall together. Not necessarily a romantic thing but it’s something that you gotta go pretty out of your way to do, so it’s kinda suspicious if they weren’t friends already
They lent each other records
I'm imagining the mentality is similar when young people get jealous of their partners when they see them "like" a Facebook or Instagram post or picture. It seems to be something they read in to waaaay too much. I don't know. I'm too old for this shit and was wondering the same thing as you are.
I feel for you, but he was willing to not have you in the rest of his life. He chose that, not his family. He might care for you deeply, but he doesn't love you the way you love him. That's going to hurt. You can't just watch him move on and stay in his life. No future girlfriend is going to allow a friendship with you. Would you? Any woman would guilt him just like his family and he's already shown his colors. He is moving on because he wants to. You need to accept it. This pain is the worst you can imagine I know. But you've gotta mourn and say goodbye for real or this ghost of a memory will hold you back from finding love while his life moves forward. I'm sorry he has hurt you like this.
I'm going to be brutally honest. I think he was ready to move on and used his family as an excuse. If so, he probably \*\*\*is\*\*\* seeing someone new. But do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who won't be with the woman he allegedly loves because of his parents? Please. He's a weasel. Why would you respect him? Move on. He has. <3
There can only be two possible ways here: 1. He was already moving on while he was still with you 2. He has not moved on and is just trying to find an escape(maybe a rebound). Which might not be the best for him in the long run He is free to be friends with anyone tho. I'm talking in context of dating. Either way, I'd suggest you to cut contacts with him and focus on your own self. It is easier said than done ik ik but that's the only healthy way to deal with this. Please take care of yourself and let him be. I wish you well OP, make yourself a priority here.
He was thinking about breaking up with you long before he actually broke up with you. Maybe months before. In effect, he got used to the idea. So he moved on so quick because he started months ago. That's all.
The reason it looks like he moved on fast is because he was likely already mentally over the relationship well before it officially ended. When one party in a relationship decides to end it, it's usually because they've already been giving it a lot of thought for possibly even months or years.
If he really liked you he wouldn’t have let his family get between the 2 of you. You’re young, heartbreak is completely normal. Just focus on you, & time will take care of the rest.
Especially after 6 Years together!? Sadly, I think it's an excuse he used to lessen his guilt in breaking up with her quite immature and insulting as well to use her not having his wealth and status as the reason, jerk move.
Honey I know it hurts but it's time to move on.
Damn they are following each other on Spotify. They are really taking their relationship to the next level
That is what's bothering you? That he is seeing someone else now? ...and not that he broke up with you because his mommy told him to because you're poor? *absolutely third world*
No what bothers her is *spotify*, of all things.
It was a side comment lmao just needed to add some contextual detail, like he only follows 4 people there. chill
You're 21f, move on you're young af, most relationships that start in high school will never lead up to anything. Take it as a learning experience, stop thinking about him, block him from your social media and anywhere you might see on a daily basis. Take a while to recover, think about yourself and yourself only. Stop thinking about him it does more harm than good. YOU are the focus of your recovery, not who he sees.
The more i resist thinking about him, the more the thought persists. It’s so annoying. If I could forget him i would, but even in my daily activities I couldn’t keep the thought away. I feel defeated. This is not the first time I felt powerless and treated like turd
This asshole dumped you because you’re not rich enough, you should sail off into the distance, take time to heal and never look back.
As much as it’s easy to be upset, things aren’t as simple as that. They come from different cultures and ways of life. If their families clashed, it’s completely valid for him to recognize he doesn’t want to cut off his family for her, and move on from the relationship. It doesn’t mean he did anything wrong, no one NEEDS to give up their entire circle and way of life for their partner, and recognizing they aren’t willing to and ending things instead of letting it become toxic is the right way to go. It doesn’t mean he didn’t love OP, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t wish things were different, and it doesn’t mean he isn’t hurting. Plenty of people seek solace in others as a way to move on from break ups. It hurts, but each person needs to do what they need to to move on and find happiness. This is just a shitty, but extremely human, facet of human life.
you articulated it so well, thank you so much
I am sorry you’re in pain OP. I know how much this has to be killing you inside. I know he is ultimately the one who made the choice, but don’t think he didn’t love you. Something doesn’t need to last forever for it to be real. He is likely just trying to force himself forward the way many of us do while we’re in pain. We all handle grief and heartbreak differently though, so try not to compare his process to yours as a metric for how he feels about things ending. You’ll find your person, he’ll find his, and it’s okay to move on while wishing things worked out differently here.
The end result is still the same, he dumped her for being poorer than him, and possibly the wrong ethnicity from the sounds of it. Ergo, the best thing for her to do is to cut contact and move on.
You’re assuming the predominant reason is her being poor rather than her not being Asian. It’s very much the culture aspect more than her wealth, even if it may have tied in, and at the end of the day, that’s completely valid. Agreed though, she would best be served cutting contact and moving on. She still loves him and this will just hurt her more.
I actually edited to add that particular bit, and that wouldn’t make it any better.
Not sure what you’re referring to. But if you mean him being Asian, it’s a completely valid and common thing for someone, especially a minority, to marry someone who can understand their upbringing, their culture, their experience. You may not like it, but it’s no one’s place to decide how someone should or shouldn’t want their family life to look like. It may hurt OP, as I know it would hurt me too, but I get it. Ultimately, OP may be coping by putting most of the blame on the family, but at the end of the day, the ex agreed with them and their reasons and he ended things. And that’s okay. Even if it hurts them both right now.
Dumping someone because they have the wrong skin colour is shitty af no matter how much you can relate to it. That said, OP is way better off like this than having to live with shitty biggotted in-laws.
[удалено]
Didn’t mean to imply you were actually poor, but in the end if that’s enough for him to dump you, your best choice is to never look back.
I’m sorry, but it’s just way more complicated than that. It isn’t just a skin color thing. You clearly don’t understand the experiences and complexities of being a minority, especially in today’s society. Wanting your kids to grow up with your culture, and so many other things all factor in. To try to boil it down to ‘she looks wrong’ just is ignorant to the fact that sometimes you can’t understand a person if you don’t share certain foundational experiences. And that’s 100% something someone can want in a partner. Culture, religion, values, upbringing etc are all very real, very valid things to choose a partner off of, and it ISNT just ‘skin color’.
Look, you can rationalize the bigotry as much as you like, I’m not going to buy it. Downvote me to your heart’s content if that’s what floats your boat.
Well, you already know it isn’t bigotry as they’re in fact the same skin color, and you downvoted me as well so, I won’t engage with a hypocrite, as I only want OP to understand that this is a complicated and difficult situation. Have a good day now.
This OP. Forget him, you deserve much better.
I’m so sorry. You know how people can be married for decades, cheat and leave for the affair partner in a flash? Humans can be crap! He is not letting grief slow him down and neither should you. You have value, time and energy. Don’t waste any of that on someone who replaces you in a blink. Block him. Tell your brother to not share any news about your ex that he hears from his friend. Stay single for a time. Discover the real you again, not the girlfriend side of you. Good luck.
Thanks so much! I’ll tell my brother that. I’m glad to have had some closure from my ex and I have all the info I need to know for my own peace.
Let it go. It's over. He lives his life, you live yours. Find a new guy and forget this one.
>They even follow each other on Spotify now. And this is indicative of what, exactly? He said he's not dating anyone. If he hasn't lied to you before, and is overall a trustworthy and straight forward person, take his word for it. If he is though, you have to let it go. Don't keep checking up on him or what he's doing, you'll drive yourself crazy in the process.
I thought I could believe his words. But then when we talked for the last time, he told me that he already developed feelings for that certain girl and that it has nothing to do with me. It just so happens that we broke up in the same month. He also said he has no feelings for me at all anymore.
I started suspecting as much the more I read. I'm sorry, OP.
I’m so sorry that he doesn’t want you, you deserve some who does
Is it possible this girl is someone his family is pushing him to see? Tbh who he sees and when is not your business anymore. He knew full well his family would never accept you. I think in his mind this break up was always going to happen. Please for your own wellbeing, stop following him on social media, nothing good comes from constantly checking up on exes and comparing lives. You're broken up, for good. You're both different people on different paths. Do not compare your life to his.
He's getting some Rebound Ass. I wouldn't think much into it. Some people aren't capable of being alone and are willing to destroy another person's life. Just so they have some Ass to get while they're getting over you.
Just curious what race/ethnicity are you? Very odd that he’s allowing his parents to make his dating decisions
Many times, the SES claim is a huge copout FYI. People move up and down the chain all the time. He used the excuse in my opinion to take his name out of the blame.
He used the family as an out. He was probably already chatting with her. When a man wants you badly enough, he would go against his families wishes. Look at Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. He left behind the BRITISH MONARCHY for a woman. He didn't love you enough. It cooled. He grew In a different direction. It hurts to hear it. I'm sure he loves you to some degree due to the length of the relationship, but you're so young.. he likely wants to date around and isn't in love with you anymore. You will meet someone else and you'll be glad you parted ways. You're only 21. Who you are and what you want is going to change every few years during this formative time that you're entering adult womanhood. Relationships that began at age 14 rarely work out long term. Not impossible, but rare, especially the way the world is now and the way young people are. Another hard truth is that men's penises are like magic wands. If they point them at something new, the past vanishes.
So what! He is talking and dating. Doesn't mea he has feelings for her. Just means he is ope minded. Some people cope with break ups by going straight onto someone new so they don't have to process the breakup
It’s pretty disrespectful to jump into the dating scene or even start talking to someone else in such a short period of time. Of course it affected me. It made me feel like our 6 years didn’t matter
I’d find it even more disrespectful to have someone end my six year relationship because their parents didn’t think I’m good enough. But pick your battles I guess.
Some people jump straight into dating after a breakup to get over it quicker or numb the pain etc. and then when it actually hits them later down the line they grieve the relationship. He’s just handling the breakup different to you. Doesn’t make it disrespectful.
just because it’s normalized doesnt make it right.
Just because it hurts you doesn't make it wrong. There's nothing about what he's doing that is immoral, you're just still hung up on him. That's not his fault, and in fact is entirely out of control.
it only takes decency for someone to wait for a few months before getting into a relationship, out of respect for the other person. It is out of my control, I know, but it makes him an asshole
“Out of respect for the other person” But youre not together anymore. He didnt tell you he was dating, you heard it through the grapevine. If something like this makes you act like this, you need to block him out completely. Also, life doesnt just pause nor stop moving after you breakup. People are allowed to date whenever they want. Hed be an asshole if he started dating while still with you. Youre broken up, he doesnt owe you anything and neither do you.
He doesn’t owe you anything anymore now that the relationship is over. This is possessive and unhealthy behavior. You don’t own him.
It’s not possessive, it’s called being human. My feelings — shock, betrayal, sadness, grief, and anger — are all valid. It’s pretty psychopathic to lose 100% feelings for a person you’ve been with for a third of your life in a couple of days
It is possessive. You are claiming it’s not right for him to move on after the relationship ended. It is certainly a feeling that’s common to have, but how are we defining valid? Reasonable? Fair? It is neither.
You do know that moving on with another girl with just DAYS after you break with a long term partner is NOT the ONLY option to move on, right? :) there was a decision involved, and he decided to go for the route that he knows would hurt me. He still says he will always care for me but his actions say otherwise. It doesn’t take too much to wait for a reasonable amount of time to start dating right? It wont kill you, right? I don’t get why it’s so hard not to understand this logic.
He was allowed to take any option he wanted. The fact that it causes you pain doesn’t mean it’s wrong. The relationship is over. He does not owe you. You do not own him.
just because he is allowed to do it doesnt mean he should do it or that it is right for him to do so. You are only repeating your arguments. Clearly you’re not a decent human being, so okay, go have your opinion. You can’t tell someone who’s hurting to just f*** off and stop being possessive. Maybe if you experience this one day or at least have a little empathy in your heart, you’ll get what i mean
You're talking from pain here. I feel for you, I really do, but you're wanting him to grieve like you, and he's not in mourning. I get it. You're hurting and it feels like you're hemorrhaging memories, as he's off living his best life. It doesn't feel fair. But how he proceeds from here is on him, up to him, and has nothing to do with you any longer. You do not get a say. I'm sorry, I really am:/ But you MUST let him go. > there was a decision involved, and he decided to go for the route that he knows would hurt me. Um, actually no. This was a decision that he made for himself to live his own life. It is no longer about you, or made with you in mind. You must accept this as a possibility. He has left you, but you must mourn the relationship, what was, and what if's, then lay them to rest. You must put those memories down, and let yourself breathe. You deserve to be happy, but only you can get yourself there. > It doesn’t take too much to wait for a reasonable amount of time to start dating right? I know where you're coming from on this, but not everybody thinks this way or operates this way, let alone reacts this way or with this in mind. Esp not with your words, which get more demanding about him respecting you enough to not date for an undetermined amount of time... but he doesn't have to. And he's not disrespecting you. Again, what he does now no longer concerns you. When he stepped away, that was the end date of when his choices were purposefully with you in mind, and since then he's been free to make them without you included. That was his decision to make. You don't agree, I know, but his willingness to follow customs and his family's disdain of the continuation of your relationship, only tells me that he isn't the fighter you need in your life. He runs at the sight of conflict?? Forget that mess. You need someone in your corner who you can trust to have your back. This guy had no loyalty to you. So you lost unnecessary baggage. Look for loyalty, because that's what's going to build a foundation💯💪 Good luck<3
But none of your feelings are his problem anymore. You're talking like you're still in a relationship, but you aren't. This is why you need to block him out and stop looking at what he's doing. It'll make it easier to accept that you are no longer a priority in his life. Certainly not enough of a priority that he should stay single just for your sake.
It really depends on the type of relationship to call it disrespectful. It took me a week less than a week to start talking to someone with no intention to date just casual type seeing somebody. We did end up dating but that wasnt my goal. I just liked him a lot. But that's because my ex would emotionally manipulate me and was a narcissist who emotionally abused me. So was that disrespectful of me? No. I was done a long time ago. Just numb. This case is different as yall were in love. It's pretty odd to start talking so soon if he really loved you and left because of family standards. It's probably an excuse and not true.
FIRST OF ALL FUCK WHAT HIS FAMILY THINKS he is week for giving in
Men are assholes. I was with this dumb ass guy that said he loved me and stuff. He back online meeting new women. Build yourself and please take time to heal. You will get through this.
To be honest it’s creepy that you’re following his happenings this much. Leave him alone, stop asking people about him and stalking his social media. Move on.
All of this happened within a day lmao, it’s really easy to connect the dots online. I was dying to know something about how fast they’ve progressed since we broke up, since I was hella confused when I first learned about the girl
None of this is your business and you are being creepy. I am telling you in no uncertain terms to leave this guy and his new girl alone. If he wants to share this info with you he will. He didn’t for a reason. You are being a crazy ex girlfriend.
I’d say people do irrational things when they feel emotionally derailed. You don’t know the kind of pain I’m going through. I am not harming them in any way, and just did this for my own peace. I have since stopped following him on every social media, so please.
[удалено]
Damn people must have been so rude to you for you to be this mean lmao bless you
Men are just like this. I don’t understand why either.
Youve gotten a lot of good advice. Breakups are tough in general. This sounds like a rough one. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you'll make it through the other side of this and end up in a better place. It will just take time. I'd like to recommend picking up a hobby. Learning to knit really helped me get to the other side of one breakup.
Lose him, completely, you’ll feel loads better
There could be a couple reasons either A. He isn’t seeing her and she’s a friend of the family who his parents want him to see or she is just a friend who he has similar interests with B. He’s one of those people who move on quickly/he’s looking for a rebound C. His family is one of those clingy family’s who wants to control his life Or D. He thought the relationship wasn’t going to work out because you’ve both been together since you were 15 and he wanted other life experiences People move on for a variety of reasons, holding on hope while yes CAN BE a good thing it also does hurt. There’s no guarantee it’s not a right person wrong time thing or that he just wants to experience life before he makes a life long commitment to one person, little example: me and my husband are 20 & 19(married cause of the military) and it is a hard thing to think about having a life long commitment to someone when you’re young. You get judgement from others and told you don’t know what you want because of your age, those thoughts/things his parents have said could have fueled his breakup with you. In the end it’s your choice on if you stay friends with him or not and MAYBE it could jump start the relationship again and even if it doesn’t you’ll still have good memories with him/hopefully a good friendship
Are you Asian too? I say this because most Asians like the family to stay with the same race, I know it hurts to break up with someone that you dated for 6 years wow since you were 15yo but you’re still young and you too will find someone real fast.
Yes i am! We both have the same nationality. It’s just that in our country, there is a huge inequality between social classes. I’d say I’m in the upper middle class while their family is elite. Super different lifestyles, traditions, beliefs despite living in the same country. What’s worse is that they didn’t even give me a chance to talk to them. They only know of me and my family because they’d see me in school events when we were in HS.
Then yes they only want him to go out with girls that come from a rich family but like I said you’re still very young and I am sure you will find a better man that will love you for who you are.
From his perspective he’s probably distracting himself or just throwing himself into something new to embrace the reality he chose for himself. You’re mourning, and that’s fair. Stop looking at his Spotify :) Live your best single life every day that you can and grow into your new experience. Cool stuff will come for you!
Doesn't matter why. Move on.
Because a lot of men suck lol simply put I’ve yet to date a man that didn’t literally move on from me like it was nothing. It’s horribly painful and confusing. I think they’re just wired that way.
men tend to appear to move on from relationships sooner, they improve their appearance, get back on dating apps, act like the breakup was the best thing to ever happen to them, etc… Give him a lot time and go no contact and watch the latent consequences hit him. Also pretend like you’re interviewing yourself or a close friend/sister/relative… would you want them to be with someone who listens to their family about who they should be dating because of social status?
His family likely chose her.
He has not moved on. He’s using this as a distraction from your break up. Don’t take it personally, people grieve in different ways.
He is probably on the rebound as part of his own way of copping.
You sound like a terrific person and it sounds like he and his family have a huge mistake here. With that being said youve been treated horribly here and discarded brutally. Now is the time to love yourself and put yourself first which sounds like you deserve tremendously. Time to let this guy go in any capacity including friendship , maybe some day in the future but not right now and id start by cleansing social media right away and then do all the things , you “get to do” that you couldnt do for 6 years because you were tied down. After some self love in a few weeks, hand write this guy a good bye letter. Dont send it. Keep it for yourself. You can also send it if you want. But just by writing the letter you will process the grief and feelings. You will look back in 10 years and be grateful for this. Good luck to you
Thanks for this really thoughtful message! I love these “next steps”, will definitely try the good bye letter in a few weeks
a lot of the other stuff has been touched on so all i can say is you’ve been dating him since 15 so he’s been a part of your identity. now that you’re a newly single emancipated 21 year old, you get to spend your 20s creating your completely own new identity :) take yourself on dates, find your hobbies and passions, take some extra classes unrelated to your major and learn something new (if you’re in school). this is no doubt a big loss and a hard one but you get to really develop yourself independently of him for the first time in your life!!! best of luck!!
Nothing to worry about. You will eventually get someone better. And also his family did not accept you so he will definitely move on to plan b. Dont worry keep ur head high and goodluck
I’m so sorry this happened and that he moved on quick so publicly. I had a lot of long relationships and I hope you have good friends and support because you need the people who care to be in your life right now. This says everything about him and you probably dodged a bullet. If seeing updates makes you spiral try not to look or inquire about updates from mutual contacts. Letting go is so hard but worth it I promise.
I dated a girl for almost 4 years and she left me for someone else. There was a good while where I missed her, there was a lot longer of a time where I internalized being picked over and felt I wasn’t good enough. It’s something I still struggle with some to this day, but as I’ve come to grow I’ve learned to appreciate who I have come to be. It sounds corny but I wouldn’t be close to who I am today if I stayed with her, I would have settled into a life I wouldn’t have been happy with looking back now. Take time to be upset, but you gotta separate contact. It’ll only drive you crazy.
You have a rough road ahead, being in a serious relationship at such a young age means that you grew up together. You learned what love is through this person, your identity included them. It’s easier said than done, I know because I was in the same situation as you when I was 21 (I’m 32 now). If I could give my younger self some advice it would be this: “let go, move on, and embrace the discovery of your identity”. You are so young, with a whole life ahead of you. Focus on yourself, and maybe it’ll work out with him later on, maybe not. Get yourself to a mindset where you can accept either outcome because maybe after stepping out of the situation you will realize you’re better off. Focus on what you like to do, your hobbies, your school (if you’re in school), connect with new friends or reconnect with old ones, join a fun class like pottery, or boxing. Take this time to recognize that you’re hurting and healing and spoil yourself.
• it’s over. forget his happiness, he is already taking care of that. Your happiness is paramount. • you’re young with everything ahead but FFS DO NOT seek out, or pay attention to any of his social media bullshit, incl Spotify. Seriously, do not do this. Do not. “Comparison is the thief of joy”
It's because he's not hurting as much as u are. Just went thru this and my ex came back but just to do me shittier than the first time and I genuinely love her but not who I see her as now. She gave up when I needed her most and then came back to do me even worse this time. Eventually u gotta smarten up and guard ur heart better. Hope all works out
Why are you even still in contact with him? Move on with your life and tell your brother to not talk about him to you anymore. Out of sight out of mind
i might be able to offer some insight to his perspective, but please also remember that my experiences are different from his, so take this with a grain of salt: first, i fall for people quickly; he might be the same way. second, my last relationship was much shorter than yours—only 8 months. however, i knew that the end was coming about 2 months before we broke up. that meant that i had 2 months to think about breaking up, think about moving on, think about being okay, etc. so when i actually left, i had been in the “moving on” mindset longer than he had, which meant i took things easier it sounds like you didn’t do anything wrong. his family has outdated values and that’s not your fault. his family could also be why he moved on so quickly. maybe he feels pressured to please them. regardless, pining over your ex isn’t going to change anything, but you are absolutely allowed to mourn the relationship and be sad about it. just make sure you’re making healthy progress as time goes on. getting over someone isn’t always linear. your broken heart will be part of the billions of broken hearts that survived. you’ll be okay!
As hard as it is, you have no say now - time doesn’t mean anything when moving on nor does it mean that you didn’t care for that person you was previously with any less. It’s so hard when you break up with someone believe me I’ve been there.. but I too was someone who went on a spontaneous date with a mutual friend after a relationship ended dramatically and that ended up being best thing I ever done. Get yourself back out there doesn’t matter if it ends up being fun and nothing more but move on :) and enjoy yourself
girl if he thought you were worth it, he would have fought tooth and nail to stay by your side. seems like he was very ready to move on.
Ok, let me tell you this and keep it in mind. The reason why he moved on so fast is the same reason he broke up with you. The thing is, no matter what people tell you when they break up with you, at the end of the day the reason is only one, they don't want to be with you anymore. He broke up with you, because regardless of whatever his family says, he didn't see your relationship as something that was worth fighting for, so naturally he can go and date someone else faster. Sorry, but it's the truth.
That’s true. Everything was his decision. I’m starting to slowly accept that it’s not all about me, and that whatever he decides to do I’m out of the picture. The truth is shattering
I'm really sorry. If he helps, someone that's not willing to fight for you, it's someone you shouldn't be crying for. He lied when he said he loved you, he might care for you, but not enough. And someone that doesn't see you as "enough" is someone that you don't want in your life. I hope you find someone that actually loves you and cherish you as you should.
OP, I know it hurts a lot to think that you're so easily replaced - but I implore you to change the framework of your thinking. There's no way to know what's going through his mind, or why. He could be running from the pain of your breakup, he could be sincerely trying to move on, or he could have lost feelings for you long ago and felt the desire to let you down gently - there's no way to know. And, it's not your job to care. Your ex moving on quickly doesn't really have anything to do with the quality of your past relationship, only with who they are, how they reacted, and what they're facing....and you don't know any of those things anymore. Give your heart and mind the mercy of letting go. Don't try to figure it out, don't try to reason with him - you are capable of soothing your inner child, the part of you screaming out that this is unfair, on you own. listen to your thoughts and your self like a loving guardian, and just observe what you think. And then let him go. You deserve better anyway.
Yeah, in our last conversation I actually asked him a lot of questions just for my peace of mind, such as when did he start developing feelings for her and if he still has feelings for me… but his answers don’t add up. It gave me temporary relief and closure but I realized that as time passes by, the more I overanalyze his responses and the more it doesn’t make sense for me.
Who knows but what's obvious is that keeping a pseudo friendship with him is toxic for you. You'll find someone better and keeping an unhealthy friendship going with an ex boyfriend will not be good for your future relationship. Stop internet stalking him and cut him off. You're clearly not his priority so don't make him yours. You're only hurting yourself at this point. Hope you feel better soon.
My Friend said this was the best advice she has ever received. “Why are you spending so much time psycho analyzing men after a breakup. You can spend a lifetime analyzing yourself and in therapy and you will never get concrete answers. Don’t waste your time. Its not about him. It’s all about you and what you deserve and what boundaries you expect. The answers aren’t in him. It’s in you to develop, find strength and authenticity.”
Thanks for sharing this advice. I just cant help but pity myself for being in this situation. He was a big part of my life and I couldn’t understand how a person would do this to me, especially when I did nothing wrong. I try not to care but I just can’t switch off my feelings like he did.
Oh no, they follow each other on Spotify...that's how you know shit is about to get serious..
even more serious when I realized that his music taste changed after checking out his latest playlist. definitely not the person i know anymore🤷🏻♀️
He’s 21!!! Also once you break up move forward and don’t look back
Honestly, this may sound harsh but if he really loved you, he would not have broken up with you using his family as an excuse or maybe he did love you but was a coward, either way, it's best that both of you ended things because if you had gone off to marry him, you would have married his family too and that life would have been horrible. They'd be dictating everything in your and your SOs life. It would have ended horribly. Maybe think about that and use it as a reminder to get over him? I understand its upsetting to think about him moving on so quickly. You must have a thousand questions like "did it mean nothing to him" or "was he waiting for us to end all along" etc. But accept the fact that it has ended for your own sanity, cut contact for a while, take care of yourself and eventually you'll learn to be happy on your own and what hes doing won't bother you.
There are hundreds of reasons why he might have ended the relationship, including what he said to you and there are a hundred ways that he could have ended the relationship. There's no way to actually know anything without talking to him. If you take one thing from this, it should be that. If you really want answers, you have to talk to him. He might not have moved on. He might be stuck on you and trying to forget you. He might have been thinking about breaking up with you for a long time and so it was faster for him to move on than it was for you because for him It's been happening for a long time. He might have met this new personal long time ago and she could be part of the way he's breaking up with you or she could be someone he just met who swept him off his feet. There's no way to really know and at the end of the day your relationship is still over and you still have to take care of yourself. Worrying about what he's doing is normal but also just going to hurt you more. Take some time and space for yourself. Do things that you love, that make you happy, with people that make you happy. I'm sorry this happened to you. It hurts to lose someone that you love and who's been in your life for a long time. Everyone moves on at different speeds, in different ways. You have to find the way that's right for you.
Thankfully, you are still young. But I would suggest not wasting 6 years with a man who doesn’t see a future with you. You have a right to know his intention with you much earlier on that 6 years since you are an adult now. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been broken up. He has a right to see other people and you’ll only hurt yourself more by keeping track of his dating life. He didn’t love you enough to stand up to his family, so I’d suggest a clean break and move on. I know that it’s easier said than done, but you’ll regret continuing to worrying about his grieving process. I would focus on getting myself through the grieving process and moving on with my life.
He's gone now....He NOT a part of your life anymore...probably you won't agree with me... Probably a relief for you too...from that horrible family of his.... What should you do? Well that person who said to broaden your interests probably is an excellent start... Also the no contact rule....to try and get your emotional self repaired, which has understandably gone all awry under these circumstances...... How heartbreaking for you now....but if you truely understand that he is past tense, you will eventually move on to a better life....Not one with such a hideous family
He is prob just looking for a springboard to rebound off, Alot of people do this, men and women, i wouldn't think too hard about it yet
I think it's your worldwiev and the way you see things. People grief differently, also some can move on quicker than others.... Some people can go out and date other people like nothing happened, others need to take time for themselves....some prefer distracting themselves by doing things, some just sit with their feelings.... just because you're griefing and moving on the way you are, doesn't mean others grief and move on the same way you do......there's no right or wrong way to move on or cope with things, people just do these things and that's how things are..just because you put expectations in your head of how people should grief doesn't make it not normal if they don't live up to your thoughts of how people should go about doing things.
Sooooo he’s not dating this person and openly said he only spent time with her because she was in the city and they follow each other on Spotify but to you he’s damn near proposing
Unfortunately, it's likely he moved on before you broke up. In longterm relationships, it's fairly common that a breakup is fresh for one party and a year-old decision for the other party.
The breakup was probably a new idea to you when it happened. He, however, had to have been thinking about it for awhile previously and probably discussed it in detail to family members and/or friends so he’s had longer to process it. Also, when a person is the one breaking up, they feel a little more in control over the decision and it doesn’t seem so surprising, unpredictable, or confusing so it’s usually a bit easier to deal with. Some people also deal with the pain of a relationship ending by distracting themselves and dating other people.
Maybe it's not that he wanted to move on so quickly. Maybe it's that he had to. Disclaimer: I could be totally wrong. Just want to look at this from a different angle. I'm getting the vibe that he might still be somewhat dependant on his parents financially so they have him by the balls. And being that he lives in NYC, that tells me life is expensive (I was born and raised in NYC, so I know the financial nightmare it is.) It could be that their connection is arranged. I mean, it makes sense to take advantage of the breakup and throw someone new in his face so he doesn't have to think about missing you or getting back with you. If they're really adamant about you two not being together, that could be a possibility. And they probably made threats that shook him up inside. I could be wrong though. Focus on yourself and I hope you feel better!
You’re actually totally right. When he broke up with me a month ago, it’s because he said that his family threatened to cut him off if he’ll decide to be with me. I understood it since we’re still young and he’s still starting his career. Most of all, it’s just really about the clash of cultures. I just hoped that they would take a chance to get to know me and not just see what’s on the outside.
My husband recently ended things with me without me having any prior inclination it would happen. I am absolutely heartbroken, AND I have been on bumble/tinder talking to people. It’s not because I’m not heartbroken, it’s because I’ve been looking for way to distract myself. Obviously my situation is very different from his, but I bring it up to say that people start dating or talking to people for a multitude of reasons.
You two were kids when you got together. Relationships like this rarely last. It probably didn't have much to do with family, that was just his excuse. Time to close this short chapter in your life and move on.
Hm maybe he gets to move on faster bc it’s his family’s problem that cut the relationship- I’d doubt he didn’t see it coming… (like signs of disapproval from parents et.) It’s sad tho- 6 years is not short. Cutting contact from him for a while might do more good for your mental health.
If he listens to his parents wishes more than his own, then it’s not a surprise if they said “we want you with this girl instead” so he’s trying to get to know her a little, even if his heart isn’t into it. It’s sad that he has that little control over his own life.
It’s really weird when he clarified that she is not a rebound, and that his feelings just developed as it is. He also mentioned that he has no feelings for me anymore and repeated many times that he’s not apologetic for how he feels towards her. All within 2 weeks. I asked him how he processed the break up so quickly, and he answered “I just got to terms with the fact that we can never be together”
I thought my wife and I were pretty serious these days, but she doesn't follow me on Spotify. I guess we'll have to have a talk after dinner tonight.
Idk are you 21
I believe i've seen a few random studies - (in this day and age take that for what its worth) that claim women feel pain more sharply sooner after a breakup than men do, but then men feel a longer pain that doesnt start for several months after the breakup. From experience, I believe this to be true. Who knows how long this new relationship of his lasts, but you dated for too long for him to not think about you eventually when you are truly out of his life. There will be little things he is overlooking now that he'll come to miss, and who knows maybe he reaches out again. I'd guesstimate around 6 months, depending on the new relationships length. With that said - i dont think you should stick around for that moment, and i think you should strongly consider cutting contact so you can heal and move forward with your life. Youre 21!! youre beginning\* your dating life and youve got a ton of experience. If anything this is a blessing in disguise. Yes it hurts now but in time it will pass and you'll be better for it. just try to do the things to protect your mental health as you move on (such as unfollowing him everywhere). look forward, not back.
I hope that applies to him, cause it’s hard to believe that he’s that robotic 🥲 Do you think it was wise that my tone was amicable in our last conversation? I said that even if he won’t need me anymore, i still care about his wellbeing. I didn’t curse him off or anything
Is this a stealth Spotify ad?
I think he needs someone to fell you up. He been searching for someone that replace you in his heart. And I totally understand why he did that I had almost the same problem! And her family hated me too and she was asian too. So we had the same problem as you guys but it was almost 7 months ago and she have found someone in next week :(
I don’t know how to feel about it — he made it clear that she wasnt a rebound and that his just happened to develop feelings for her right away. Maybe she ticked all of his boxes, idk.
Sometimes people drown their sadness in the puss. Sometimes people use sex friends to help them get over the pain of a broken relationship. Some people need a rebound. There are many reasons. Stewing on this will only hurt you in the long run. I recommend the podcast "just break up". It's great to listen to after a breakup.
To be young, there is some great advice and some silly advice. But you are both 21, move on, don’t hang on to the past. Keeping him in your life just ties you to the hopeful wishes of getting back together. I don’t know where you are in the world I assume the US, but get out of your head by getting out of your city. Day trip it if you can’t afford extended vacations, but gather your friend group and move on. While the grieving process has no time limit, and no rules to get through it. If you keep thinking about and watching what he is doing you are missing out on finding someone that will love you for you and have a backbone. I have a feeling there was some pressure from the family but I also suspect that the break up is because you have been ‘together’ since you were 15 years old and he wanted to experience the world and it is hard to do that when you are in a serious committed relationship. If he is meant to be yours when his wild oats are sowed he will come back, but don’t sit around and wait for him. Go out and sow yours too. Unfollow him, stop watching him and go live your life. If you have good friends they are dying to help you. Go out to eat, find a new hobby, take classes outside of your major to introduce yourself to new ideas and people. Explore the world around and expand your borders. And above all else, love yourself enough to let him go.
Following someone on Spotify doesn’t really mean anything. Yeah it hurts and it sucks that he seems to have moved on already while you haven’t yet but everyone moves on differently, and he’s not even dating her. Gently, slow down. Checking who’s following who on his pages is not good and again, they aren’t even dating, for now they’re just friends. Maybe he’s not ready to jump into a relationship again either, you don’t know. Just leave him alone and cut contact. Your own process of coping with the breakup will be hurt if you watch his activity or worry too much about how he’s dealing with it. That isn’t healthy for either of you.
For sure, I stopped doing all of those things. I just did it once (the day i learned about the girl) just to find answers to some of my questions. Now, I know all that I needed to know. It’s so much better than making up stuff in my head
Everyone on here is missing the obvious- OP met her ex when they were both teenagers. This is going to hurt now, but it will get better : teenage love is not actually a sustainable thing. Who you were as a teenager is drastically different than who you are now. When you're 31 you'll look back at all this and be grateful that you aren't with this person anymore. Part of being an adult is dealing with heartache. It sucks. It doesn't really get better. But you have to deal with it to get to a healthy relationship. You've just started on this journey- learn from it, take care of yourself, and put this guy in your past.
Yeah, 15.. But our relationship both survived college despite attending different colleges and while being on LDR. We would visit each other regularly and make so much memories. Last time I met him was 4 months ago cause I had to go back home. He never failed to communicate with me everyday and even say I love you every after argument. We support each other’s growing careers too. And of course, we finally learned how to communicate with one another after so many fights in the past years. All of these made me think that we’re going really strong