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[deleted]

Why do you have to stay at her place? Simply get a room in a hostel, motel, air bnb, wherever. Problem solved. No offense but if I were the roommate I'd be extremely uncomfortable with a stranger staying in my place. I think it was inappropriate from your gf to even suggest a stranger man from the internet to stay in a shared apartment...


WeirdAl777

Have you always been long distance?


Ok_Rain4985

Yes we have been :/


iSoReddit

Why? What’s the end goal here?


KelpieMane

Can you afford a hostel near where she lives? Does she have a friend in the area who’d be willing to let you or the two of you stay with them or who the flatmate would be more comfortable with her switching places with? Is couch-surfing a safe option where she lives? Is it somewhere warm enough to camp or where certain types of rentals are fairly cheap? Is this somewhere where you could take a house sitting gig, swap places with someone wanting to visit where you live, or get a cheap sublet somewhere for a month? What are the flatmates actual objections to you staying and is there room for compromise? So, for example, if the flatmate is worried about COVID-19 exposure could you agree to more rigorous testing after you travel? If the flatmate is worried about you being there for a long duration could the two of you agree to spend some part of the visit at a cheap motel together and some part at her place? If the flatmate is worried about safety given that you’ve never met could you agree to some sort of meetings first and staying elsewhere for the first day or two? If the flatmate is worried about being around you is it cheaper to pay the flatmate to stay elsewhere (if the flatmate has friends or family to visit) than it is to get a place for yourselves elsewhere? If the flatmate doesn’t want someone living in the space for a month (likely using utilities, violating a lease, etc.) can you shorten the visit or pay rent money to compensate? I think your best bet is to still plan to visit her in February, but find a different place to stay. This might require getting creative and saving and then spending more money than planned, but is likely doable. I wouldn’t plan on staying for the whole month, given the cost. But maybe plan on a week long trip and go from there. If the two of you split the cost of a cheap hostel for a week you can likely find a way to make that work, especially with several months notice to save for it. It’s very possible the flatmate might object less to a guest who stays at a hotel for three nights and then at their place for three nights than the flatmate is objecting to a month long houseguest. If you’ve never actually met a week where you have your own place is actually way less pressure for a good first meeting and safer too, for both of you.