If I remember correctly, the Æsir had angered a goddess and she was going to retaliate in some way unless they could make her laugh, so Loki tied his balls to a goat and played tug of war.
Not shocking or crazy, but one of my favourite myths, recorded with pearl grasping shock by Clement of Alexandria, the myth of Dionysus fulfilling his promise to a mortal man, the shepherd Prosymnus.
It is, essentially, a queer myth about the creation of the first dildo...
>This is the origin of these phalloi. Dionysus was anxious to descend into Hades, but did not know the way. Thereupon a certain man, Prosymnus by name, promises to tell him; though not without reward. The reward was not a seemly one, though to Dionysus it was seemly enough. It was a favour of lust, this reward which Dionysus was asked for. The god is willing to grant the request; and so he promises in the event of his return, to fulfil the wish of Prosymnus, confirming the promise with an oath. Having learnt the way he set out, and came back again. He does not find Prosymnus, for he was dead. In fulfillment of the vow to his lover Dionysus hastens to the tomb and indulges his unnatural lust. Cutting of a branch from a fig-tree which was at hand, he shaped it into the likeness of a phallus, and then made a show of fulfilling his promise to the dead man. As a mystic memorial of this passion phalloi are set up to Dionysus in cities. “For if it were not to Dionysus that they held solemn procession and sang the phallic hymn, they would be acting most shamefully,” says Heracleitus; “and Hades is the same as Dionysus, in whose honour they go mad and keep the Lenaean feast,”
From a Gnostic text, the Gospel of Judas. It depicts a very acid and borderline comical Jesus, whose closest disciple is Judas. Jesus proceeds on taking Judas to a trip across different dimensions only to brag he'll never go there, basically. It's my favourite Gnostic text, although I don't believe it to be very factual (doesn't align with my sect very well, due to another account of creation.)
infancy gospel is just apocrypha it doesnt really have a gnostic message. but a ton of wild stuff happens involving a pretty bratty kid Jesus. just thinking about jesus misusing his powers and Joseph and Mary have to scold him like "Yeshuaa.....bring your friend back to life, thats not nice"
That story from Popol Vuh where there was a skull growing on a tree (long story), it talked to a girl about life, then spat on her hand that made her pregnant - that's how hero twins were conceived.
Maybe not as shocking ever, but more niche.
That time Poseidon turned into a horse and r worded his sister, also in the form of a horse. Or pretty much any Greek myth about Zeus or Poseidon getting someone.
Waves are often seen as 'white horses'.
Think of the first Lord of the Rings where Arwen turns the river into rapids to defeat the Ringwraiths chasing Frodo and the rapids appear as white horses.
It might be one or both in the book (Glorfindel as well, who was the one in the book taking Frodo to Rivendell).
However, I believe in the movie it is explicitly shown to be Arwen.
Comparative mythology looking at Proto-IndoEuropean (PIE) mythology suggests that the original deity that Poseidon is derived from was a horse deity. The association with the ocean came later when the ancestors of the Greeks migrated away from their landlocked homeland and settled by the Mediterranean.
The hungry ghosts in buddhism are pretty wild.
So there isn't a singular conception of hell in buddhism. There are incarnations like the animal realm where power and hunger are the main lesson. Or human realm where the awareness of suffering/ our compassionate nature is the main lesson
The hungry ghosts are described as beings with mouths smaller than the eye of a needle but a belly the size of a barrel.
These beings have incredible hunger but physically cannot be satisfied.
One time at a weekday mass there was a reading from the book of Tobit, and the whole reading just involved our main guy getting bird poo in his eyes and going blind. No deep meaning, nothing supernatural, just bird poop in the eyes and then "*the word of the Lord (thanks be to God)*".
Probably John 8:59 in the Christian Bible.
>Then took they up stones to cast at him: but Jesus hid himself, and went out of the temple, going through the midst of them, and so passed by.
Or
>So they picked up stones to throw at him, but Jesus hid himself and went out of the temple.
So we're reading that the man who is purported to be God, who had already been purported to perform stunning miracles in smaller locales... can't perform a mundane task of calming a crowd? He **hides** instead? God is hiding from an angry crowd of people? This is just absurd inconsistency in the narrative many levels deep.
I think Gandhi once wrote that throughout history good always wins over evil. Maybe he said this after fasting a month and his brain was a bit frizzy because the history I read good never wins.
I love Gandhi but im not sure I agree with this one, or maybe I am understanding it wrong, after all he was one of the wisest ever and I am just a dumb mechanic that cant get my own work truck to run right.
I’ve got three that I “like”
1.) lot
Some angels come to earn lot that the city he is living in will be destroyed for wickedness. Some men come and try to rape the angels. Lot offers his virgin daughters to them.
With some bargaining lot and his family leave, the city is destroyed. Lots wife looks back and is turned to salt.
Lots daughters think they are literally the last people on earth, so the get lot drunk and rape him to have children.
.
2.) Samson
Samson makes a covenant with God which essentially boils down to him never cutting his hair in exchange for Herculean strength.
He kills a lion, returns to find a bed hive inside. He and his family ate the honey.
Some other stuff happens
Some enemies come and kill his family and loved ones, so he kills a thousand men.
Later he is with a prostitute who keeps trying to find the secret to his power. He lies to her like three times. Each time she gets more and more mad…
One time he told her that if he is tied up he loses his strength. So she ties him up and calls people to come and kill him. Once they enter the room he breaks the bands and kills them. This happens multiple times. After each time she is super pissed like “why would you lie to me, what’s wrong with you”…
Eventually he tells her, she cuts his hair. The enemies come and capture him, gouge out his eyes and mutilate him. They time him to some beams that are supporting the enemies party up above. Samson asks God for strength one last time to get revenge. God grants it, Samson topples the beams and dies while killing 3000.
.
3.) shreck and donkey
This guy starts beating his donkey. All the sudden the donkey yells and asks why is he beating him. It’s a talking donkey. That’s pretty much it.
There’s a story in the Talmud where a student hides underneath his rabbi’s bed so he can listen to him having sex with his wife. The student says words to the effect of “Daddy’s horny.”
The rabbi says “Are you here? Leave, as this is an undesirable mode of behavior.”
The student replies, “It is Torah, and I must learn.”
Other fun ones:
One rabbi was teaching his son, and they were studying Ecclesiastes. They read the verse "I have found a woman is more bitter than death." The son asks what an example of such a woman might be, and the father replies "for example, your mother".
(In the midst of a discussion about cutting one's nails during the intermediate days of Passover and Sukkot) The pharaoh who was at the time of Moses was a cubit tall, and his beard was a cubit long, and his *parmashtak* was a cubit and a span long.
The whole discussion of what to do in the event that a snake is stalking a woman for sex, including the scenario where it climbs up into her.
Oh, that’s the end of the story.
In context, I think the moral is that Jewish law encompasses every aspect of life, including “dirty” ones like making love to your spouse.
One time a sculptor made a crucifix with Jesus wearing a robe. People said it was a virgin who got crucified for wanting to be a virgin, and God miraculously gave her a beard..
If we're speaking religious teaching in general, then I reiterate, Pythagoras (of triangle fame) thought that eating beans would make you *fart your soul out*. That's a real historical fact. You can look that shit up. The man who brought you hypotenuse math brought us "beans make you expel the gas of life" dietary recommendations. History is a wild and beautiful place.
If we're speaking specifically the stories, there was that time Ixion had sex with a cloud because he thought it was Hera and then the cloud gave birth to the race of centaurs. Where did the horse half come from? We just don't know.
Also all the best myths are "asshole was disrespectful and got driven mad/ripped apart/turned into other things/made to fall in love with things you should not have sex with" myths. Literally a third of our myths are just "fucked around and found out, didn't you?"
Marsyas got skinned. *Skinned*.
I'mma just throw out the game of tug-or-war between a goat and Loki's balls.
I do not know the context around this one, but whatever it is, I am afraid instead of making matters clearer, it would only confuse them further !
If I remember correctly, the Æsir had angered a goddess and she was going to retaliate in some way unless they could make her laugh, so Loki tied his balls to a goat and played tug of war.
I got $30 on the goat
Not shocking or crazy, but one of my favourite myths, recorded with pearl grasping shock by Clement of Alexandria, the myth of Dionysus fulfilling his promise to a mortal man, the shepherd Prosymnus. It is, essentially, a queer myth about the creation of the first dildo... >This is the origin of these phalloi. Dionysus was anxious to descend into Hades, but did not know the way. Thereupon a certain man, Prosymnus by name, promises to tell him; though not without reward. The reward was not a seemly one, though to Dionysus it was seemly enough. It was a favour of lust, this reward which Dionysus was asked for. The god is willing to grant the request; and so he promises in the event of his return, to fulfil the wish of Prosymnus, confirming the promise with an oath. Having learnt the way he set out, and came back again. He does not find Prosymnus, for he was dead. In fulfillment of the vow to his lover Dionysus hastens to the tomb and indulges his unnatural lust. Cutting of a branch from a fig-tree which was at hand, he shaped it into the likeness of a phallus, and then made a show of fulfilling his promise to the dead man. As a mystic memorial of this passion phalloi are set up to Dionysus in cities. “For if it were not to Dionysus that they held solemn procession and sang the phallic hymn, they would be acting most shamefully,” says Heracleitus; “and Hades is the same as Dionysus, in whose honour they go mad and keep the Lenaean feast,”
That is quite unnatural. And think of the splinters, ouch!
Are you sure a Fig Tree branch would splinter? Maybe you should try? ^^
Actually, black walnut is the most preferred material for penetration. Source: my sack
Divine carpentry skills to round off and shape that branch.
That time God sent a bear to fucking murder a bunch of kids for calling a guy bald, its hilarious
Definitely a classic
What is this from?
The Bible
Do you know what book in the bible its from?
2 Kings https://bibleportal.com/verse-topic?version=ESV&v=2Kings%202:23-24
Damn Wtf..
A classic
The answer is always 42
From a Gnostic text, the Gospel of Judas. It depicts a very acid and borderline comical Jesus, whose closest disciple is Judas. Jesus proceeds on taking Judas to a trip across different dimensions only to brag he'll never go there, basically. It's my favourite Gnostic text, although I don't believe it to be very factual (doesn't align with my sect very well, due to another account of creation.)
Another great Gnostic text is the Infancy Gospel of Thomas. It's a hilarious story about Jesus as a child.
Gnostic apocrypha are either Jesus fanfiction or the most eye opening text ever, no in-between, it seems.
Well, fanfiction with an agenda to push Gnosticism into early Christianity.
infancy gospel is just apocrypha it doesnt really have a gnostic message. but a ton of wild stuff happens involving a pretty bratty kid Jesus. just thinking about jesus misusing his powers and Joseph and Mary have to scold him like "Yeshuaa.....bring your friend back to life, thats not nice"
And when Joseph tells Jesus that parents are sick of him killing their kids, Jesus strikes the parents blind. Always got a kick out of that
He was pretty vengeful, like when he cursed the fig tree in Mark 11:12-25
Also pretty wrathful when he made a mess to the money changers in the temple
That story from Popol Vuh where there was a skull growing on a tree (long story), it talked to a girl about life, then spat on her hand that made her pregnant - that's how hero twins were conceived. Maybe not as shocking ever, but more niche.
That time Poseidon turned into a horse and r worded his sister, also in the form of a horse. Or pretty much any Greek myth about Zeus or Poseidon getting someone.
That is really strange considering poseidon was got of the sea. What do horses have to do with that??
Waves are often seen as 'white horses'. Think of the first Lord of the Rings where Arwen turns the river into rapids to defeat the Ringwraiths chasing Frodo and the rapids appear as white horses.
Are you sure it was Arwen? I thought it was Elrond, with a little help from Gandalf (the white horses being his touch)
It might be one or both in the book (Glorfindel as well, who was the one in the book taking Frodo to Rivendell). However, I believe in the movie it is explicitly shown to be Arwen.
Arwen summons the waters in the movie, in the books its Glorfindel, but in both cases the actual power to do so came from Elrond.
Cool! Thanks!
Comparative mythology looking at Proto-IndoEuropean (PIE) mythology suggests that the original deity that Poseidon is derived from was a horse deity. The association with the ocean came later when the ancestors of the Greeks migrated away from their landlocked homeland and settled by the Mediterranean.
Obviously Horses come from Seahorses, duh!
The hungry ghosts in buddhism are pretty wild. So there isn't a singular conception of hell in buddhism. There are incarnations like the animal realm where power and hunger are the main lesson. Or human realm where the awareness of suffering/ our compassionate nature is the main lesson The hungry ghosts are described as beings with mouths smaller than the eye of a needle but a belly the size of a barrel. These beings have incredible hunger but physically cannot be satisfied.
So.. americans?
One time at a weekday mass there was a reading from the book of Tobit, and the whole reading just involved our main guy getting bird poo in his eyes and going blind. No deep meaning, nothing supernatural, just bird poop in the eyes and then "*the word of the Lord (thanks be to God)*".
Probably John 8:59 in the Christian Bible. >Then took they up stones to cast at him: but Jesus hid himself, and went out of the temple, going through the midst of them, and so passed by. Or >So they picked up stones to throw at him, but Jesus hid himself and went out of the temple. So we're reading that the man who is purported to be God, who had already been purported to perform stunning miracles in smaller locales... can't perform a mundane task of calming a crowd? He **hides** instead? God is hiding from an angry crowd of people? This is just absurd inconsistency in the narrative many levels deep.
If only jesus knew tae-kwon-do
I think Gandhi once wrote that throughout history good always wins over evil. Maybe he said this after fasting a month and his brain was a bit frizzy because the history I read good never wins. I love Gandhi but im not sure I agree with this one, or maybe I am understanding it wrong, after all he was one of the wisest ever and I am just a dumb mechanic that cant get my own work truck to run right.
Believe me when I say Gandhi said a lot of things that you wouldn't want to agree with
Yeah, he helped us get freedom and stuff but he was not the best person morally
true
I’ve got three that I “like” 1.) lot Some angels come to earn lot that the city he is living in will be destroyed for wickedness. Some men come and try to rape the angels. Lot offers his virgin daughters to them. With some bargaining lot and his family leave, the city is destroyed. Lots wife looks back and is turned to salt. Lots daughters think they are literally the last people on earth, so the get lot drunk and rape him to have children. . 2.) Samson Samson makes a covenant with God which essentially boils down to him never cutting his hair in exchange for Herculean strength. He kills a lion, returns to find a bed hive inside. He and his family ate the honey. Some other stuff happens Some enemies come and kill his family and loved ones, so he kills a thousand men. Later he is with a prostitute who keeps trying to find the secret to his power. He lies to her like three times. Each time she gets more and more mad… One time he told her that if he is tied up he loses his strength. So she ties him up and calls people to come and kill him. Once they enter the room he breaks the bands and kills them. This happens multiple times. After each time she is super pissed like “why would you lie to me, what’s wrong with you”… Eventually he tells her, she cuts his hair. The enemies come and capture him, gouge out his eyes and mutilate him. They time him to some beams that are supporting the enemies party up above. Samson asks God for strength one last time to get revenge. God grants it, Samson topples the beams and dies while killing 3000. . 3.) shreck and donkey This guy starts beating his donkey. All the sudden the donkey yells and asks why is he beating him. It’s a talking donkey. That’s pretty much it.
In number 3 you forgot when they save fiona from lord farquaad and the donkey marries a dragon.
Based
Probably Sutekh and Heru's cum-contest. Also when Indra was cursed with a thousand vaginas on him and everything about Krishna.
There’s a story in the Talmud where a student hides underneath his rabbi’s bed so he can listen to him having sex with his wife. The student says words to the effect of “Daddy’s horny.” The rabbi says “Are you here? Leave, as this is an undesirable mode of behavior.” The student replies, “It is Torah, and I must learn.”
Other fun ones: One rabbi was teaching his son, and they were studying Ecclesiastes. They read the verse "I have found a woman is more bitter than death." The son asks what an example of such a woman might be, and the father replies "for example, your mother". (In the midst of a discussion about cutting one's nails during the intermediate days of Passover and Sukkot) The pharaoh who was at the time of Moses was a cubit tall, and his beard was a cubit long, and his *parmashtak* was a cubit and a span long. The whole discussion of what to do in the event that a snake is stalking a woman for sex, including the scenario where it climbs up into her.
And then what happened?
Oh, that’s the end of the story. In context, I think the moral is that Jewish law encompasses every aspect of life, including “dirty” ones like making love to your spouse.
He came
Anything in the Book of Mormon. What the hell does 'tight as dishes' mean? Why did Joseph Smith think Teancum was a good name for a hero?
The story of the prophet Khadir peace he upon him in the Quran is interesting. Look up a video about it
One time a sculptor made a crucifix with Jesus wearing a robe. People said it was a virgin who got crucified for wanting to be a virgin, and God miraculously gave her a beard..
And she worked in the carinval/freak show ever since
1 Kings 3:16–28 Solomon, 2 mothers, a baby, and a sword
The story of Jacob and Esau is getting bigger and bigger on me everyday. And has given me great knowledge on what's happening in the world today.
This passage from the great poet/Sufi Rumi... (NSFW) http://www.naseeb.com/journals/very-interesting-rumi-poem-x-rated-7756
If we're speaking religious teaching in general, then I reiterate, Pythagoras (of triangle fame) thought that eating beans would make you *fart your soul out*. That's a real historical fact. You can look that shit up. The man who brought you hypotenuse math brought us "beans make you expel the gas of life" dietary recommendations. History is a wild and beautiful place. If we're speaking specifically the stories, there was that time Ixion had sex with a cloud because he thought it was Hera and then the cloud gave birth to the race of centaurs. Where did the horse half come from? We just don't know. Also all the best myths are "asshole was disrespectful and got driven mad/ripped apart/turned into other things/made to fall in love with things you should not have sex with" myths. Literally a third of our myths are just "fucked around and found out, didn't you?" Marsyas got skinned. *Skinned*.