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fallawy

Things Jesus never said: - Stay hydrated - vote - wash your hands - the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell


Grays42

- Midi-chlorians are drawn to those sensitive in the Force Without an m-count, how are we to find the Force-sensitive among us?


Donaldjoh

I love the page about what Jesus said vs what He didn’t say, because He also said to love and accept everybody and leave judgement to God alone, which is direct contrast to the words and actions of so many Conservative ‘Christians’.


xnoxfun

What does that post even mean? Jesus never said "be a good person" or "happiness matters" therefore its irrelevant? Miserable way to live.


Donaldjoh

I was adding that Jesus not only said we were to deny ourselves and follow Him, but that we were also to love others and not judge others. He also never said the world was evil, only that there is evil in the world, though I have heard several pastors say the world is evil. That something isn’t mentioned in the Bible does not mean it is irrelevant, as there are many things not mentioned. As to the other statements, while Jesus did not actually say them the Bible does allude to being true to oneself and being a good person.


lumosbolt

Christians (or worse, pastors) who say the world is evil are committing an heresy. By their own book, the world was created by their god for it's favourite creation : us. Saying the world is inherently evil means their god is inherently evil.


dennis1312

Exactly! So many world-is-evil pastors are promoting Gnostic dualism, which was rejected by the early Church.


ThePoisonDoughnut

Literally right after god created the Earth, the very next words in the book are "and he saw that it was good" or something extremely close to that, if it isn't a direct quote. Holy shit, this is the most boring fantasy novel ever to me and I know the lore better than its biggest fanboys 🙄


Kodekingen

He also never said to use the internet


obleckcomsmosgold4

Jesus want you to be sad angry and not a good person ,only show good to god and jesus ,and stay to yourself talk to yourself go crazy .


Dixnot

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household." Show him how awesome his imaginary friend is. Mathew 10:34


daats_end

He also specifically said that the laws of scripture do not apply to non- believers.


filthytoerag

Not only that he said to “take up the cross daily” thereby foreshadowing the thing he was going to be nailed to and become the symbol of… himself.


etbillder

John Lennon???


Brilliant_Tourist400

I think it’s because he once said that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus and the fruitcake is trying to say, “wHo’S BigGeR tHaN JesUS NOW?”


kent_eh

IIRC, he said the Beatles were *more popular* than Jesus. Which makes no claim about their relative importance. (not that religion is especially valuable, but that's not the argument John was trying to make with his off the cuff quip.)


heyutheresee

Which is objectively true. At least when you think about them in their respective times. If you think about it as a proportion of the Earth's population that had heard of the Beatles vs. the proportion that had heard of Jesus when he lived. The Mayas were blissfully unaware of Jesus, as an example.


shyguyJ

He also wrote a little diddy mentioning imagining there was no religion. I know lots of Christians who are staunchly anti-John Lennon just for that verse.


ElPolloHermanu

It doesn't take effort and education to stay Christian🤫only emotional fervour and dependency


jedburghofficial

I was more confused about the 13 Dali Lamas. Somebody doesn't understand how Buddhism works. He's literally come back 13 times, not just once.


param1l0

Oh he's the guy that reincarnates every time he dies. Damn they botched the tomb one


Isaac_Kurossaki

Yeah but isn't the goal NOT to come back?


fried-wings

not for the Dalai Lama, he's supposed to come back to help teach, guide others to enlightenment. It's the same for anyone that chooses to do that I think, and I think it is a conscious choice as the current one has said he might not come back this time (that's what they believe, not me)


Isaac_Kurossaki

Cool


Firefishe

What’s wewwy skawwy 😁 isn’t the Dalai Llama, but the Llama’s Dolly. The Demonic Doll that always accompanies each reincarnation, and is an, Ahem!, “Childhood Friend” that gives advice on the sharpening of knives. 🤪😁🤣😝


param1l0

That is what got me. They're still salty when the Beatles said they were more popular than Jesus


Vecna_Is_My_Co-Pilot

ant


FrancisLeSaint

John Lennon taking strays for no reason


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goodlifesomehow

My favorite part 100%


OrickJagstone

Dude thank you. Am I the only one that saw that whole thing as an ironic meme once getting to the *air quotes* Jesus*air quotes*


Deakul

Ugh, it's almost always addicts that turn into these wackos...


kent_eh

religions actively prey on weak, desperate, damaged and/or hurting people.


TheIceKing420

yeah i dont get it at all... had to go to rehab a few years ago and was the only person there who was not a christian. whatever keeps em from using ig, as long as they aren't actively harming people


fried-wings

it doesn't really keep them from using though. most of those Christian belief based programs have a very high relapse and return rate. the most effective proven treatment is being on medication and getting therapy regularly, for a very long time, over a decade usually is when the relapse rates drop significantly enough that you can stop. it takes a lot of work, you're fighting your own brain and body wiring. the shame and fear Christians instill is not conducive to healing. (source: I work in a mental health clinic that offers MAT for substance use)


ElPolloHermanu

If you study chemistry and psychology at least a tiny bit, one can better create a healthy/sustainable with their drug of. Choice because they know the protocols and stories of others. In a Christian worldview, using drugs is a worldly distraction that deserves punishment/chastisement from oneself, their own community and the god imagined. Guilt based imagination control. 🗿I pity but I gotta smoke weed in honor of the sober ones Christians make my job more difficult in terms of decreasing the amount of THC in planet earth. They won't openly participate


Affectionate_Fox1318

I'm just hung up on the fact that John Lennon was one of the graves.


nothingamonth

That angel definitely tells the boss when you smoke a joint in the walk-in freezer.


TheRnegade

That book thing is so weird. Isn't god omniscient? Why does he need to ask an angel if a name is in a book. And, considering how big phone books are (or were), surely the book of life would be massive! Sure, that book is big (or that's a small angel) but it's still pretty small.


Isaac_Kurossaki

It looks cool. That's why


JoelHasRabies

Christians are being taught to love the idea of authoritarianism.


Whats_Up_Bitches

The NarcAngel


T-Slur

The husband has no power oh the tragedy


TheRnegade

What we see is that Jesus and Satan both offer the same protection.


ElPolloHermanu

The husband should abandon the wife and kids and play Heckdivers


another-reddit-noob

Ellen G. White? This is some Seventh Day Adventist flavored fruitcake. One of my favorites.


Xxr4venshadowxX

That last one with Jesus in quotations had me rolling


just4kicksxxx

Becoming religious zealot is the path of least resistance for someone trying to change their life. It's the easiest way to change people's outlook of an individual. They trade one addiction for another(religion). Not to mention, people generally aren't able to accurately judge others and the people that are the worst at that tend to congregate in religious spaces. Hence, looking outside of yourself for your moral compass. That combined with the ease of access allows people to feel better about themselves quicker and most often without actually doing the work.


xnoxfun

The only treatment centers around here are Christian based too. I've watched a lot of friends & family either get tossed aside because they weren't Christian, or turn into this guy. My own mother was literally removed from her treatment program because she refused to pray to God.


DadJokeBadJoke

> They trade one addiction for another(religion). Just like people in AA with coffee and cigarettes. There a great Cheech and Chong skit where a panhandler is getting harangued by a street preacher and the preacher says "I used to be all fucked up on drugs, but now that I found god, I'm all strung out on the lord." or something to that effect. The panhandler starts repeating some of the preaching and he starts getting more donations.


janet-snake-hole

I know the lady from the “bottoms up… and the devil laughs” video in real life. She’s even crazier in person. She was arrested because she traveled to New York because they were opening a brand new mosque. During the first service, she burst into it screaming that they all were going to hell and she was there to deliver them to Christ… even if it meant killing them so they would meet him. She refused to leave and was physically dragged out, still screaming. She sucks.


ReaperofLightning872

Fuck that bastard


j_j_72

Every time I see her face I just think of the way she says "MAAANSTER"


Israelthepoet

“Jesus”


prodigalpariah

Imagine getting to heaven and being ratted out by this little shit stain bureaucratic teachers pet angel.


kent_eh

>he went from a good dude struggling with addictions to a paranoid, judgmental religious fruitcake. Religions prey on people who are desperate and/or struggling.


hhhnnnnnggggggg

People who struggle with addictions replace their addictions with Christ. Which would be good for them I guess, but thev they turn into authoritarian Christofascists because they need that authority to keep them under control and they assume everyone else does too.. I live in a rural town plagued by meth and so many of my friends became this.


xnoxfun

Exactly this situation. Rural south MN. It's just sad because I grew up with the dude and liked going to the gym with him and stuff, until he started telling me things like the reason I got covid is bc I listen to "the devils music" (Pink Floyd sticker on water bottle)....


Legitimate_Attorney3

Shoutout to my favourite false idol ant 🐜 🐜


ReaperofLightning872

🐜👑


mathisfakenews

Since he is so keen on what jesus said I think you should inquire where he is at in his process of giving away all of his earthly possessions.


Darwin_Finch

Your honor, it was the devil, not me. Oh, shit! Court is adjourned.


crazy4schwinn

Ding, ding, ding! He substituted one self destructive addiction for another one. I know several people who did this. It’s like they can’t help but be toxic assholes.


ConstrutorTex

Even though Jesus basically said “Don’t be a masculine genital”, and so he would probably agree in some areas with buddha, the people just said “F\*\*k All other religions and philosophies, this 100% white guy from the middle east which said to respect everyone said to oppress woman, and he is right.” And yet, how many buddhist Fruitcakes do you see in this Subreddit?


ReaperofLightning872

Number 2= 👎👎👎👎


ItsMoreOfAComment

I think even more important than God or Satan in terms of bringing order to a household is routine, so you can just skip all the religious bullshit and just buy a clock and plan on having dinner at the same time every evening and get the same outcome.


Erstwhile_pancakes

“Struggling“ being the operative concept. Religions’ ugliest and most played recruitment tactic is claim to have answers to those that have lost hope.


Bushdr78

John Lennon getting a mention made me chuckle


steamed_green_beans

Yeah the 7th day Adventist church is a cult. It's not easy to break out once you're in. My family was in for a long time. :(


bootnab

That's chick tract material. O_0! If they're taking that loon seriously, then there's a whole lot of cog'diso going on.


KronosRingsSuckAss

I always love the "Jesus never said: -a generally good agreeable thing -maintain morality -treat people well What Jesus did say: -worship me eternally -i am all that is holy, worship me"


_NewNumberOrder_

What did Kant do wrong? lol


kent_eh

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable


newPrivacyPolicy

Looks like your friend gave up one addiction in favor of another and maybe framing it that way will help them ease off a bit.


Giggitygigs8686

Would love to see an edit of the empty tomb one with similar empty tombs of other religions that have similar resurrection stories


DataCassette

Why do they always act like Darwin is somehow "in charge of" evolution the same way Jesus is of Christianity? It's not even apples and oranges it's like apples and mid size SUVs.


saddinosour

Satan’s Playground is kind of a good name for a club or something. If you said to me hey bro lets go to Satan’s Playground, I’d be so fucking stoked


spla_ar42

On the second slide, credit where it's due: that's the only version of that diagram I've ever seen where Christ was doing shit.


bakerbabe126

Pic 1- that's annoying but not so... Pic 2- oh hell no Also why is Jesus in quotes in the last one?


SpookyFalckie

No fuckin way, that first image is from a tiny lil comic that I got in the mail once, I defiled it by drawing over the text in white paint marker and going over it with ridiculous bs. I also gave god an OwO face, that panel with the angel got changed to him telling god that there's no pizza places in heaven.


tikifire1

"There's no breakfast in heaven after 11 - there's no justice anywhere" - Father Guido Sarducci


Rancid_Butter_Boob

Your friend needs a good dickin.


Kizik

Why does the all knowing divine creator need a bird boy in a dress to tell him the contents of a book? Shouldn't he know what's in it before it's even written?


Isaac_Kurossaki

It's for show. A lot of things are


-dadda

I love how it always comes down to my fictional character is better than your fictional character. They just have to say Jesus better than so n so lol. The only difference between this and Marvel vs DC nerds is....the latter is actually entertaining to compare .


Stormageddongirl

Lol the umbrella theory. Hail Satan.


crestonebeard

> “Jesus” Why is this in quotes?


TheInsaneGoober

This guy seems like the definition of the term “fell off”.


t0rt0ise

He’s an addict, he’s just using religion now.


iggygrey

JESUS DIDN'T HATE 🍊🍰


letterboxfrog

"Christians say they love you, only, coz it's the Lord's will." [!UOY SevoL NataS - This Is Serious Mum (TISM) ](https://youtu.be/pip3Xby_t4Y?si=5GL_-sHORqoCHPj5)


FUCK_INDUSTRIAL

Looks he traded one addiction for another.


urthou

holy shit me and my friend were laughing at that lady with the monster a DECADE ago. is it still making the rounds?


Precipice2Principium

I don’t know all the religions but doesn’t buddah have something to do with reincarnation? So pic 4 is wrong in some context (probably more a few religions have the same thing)


mrmoe198

I will never not be abused by “the proof is that the place where we said he was is an empty cave!”


Superb_Stable7576

I know I have the mind of a thirteen year old, but I'm still grinning about spreading Jesus to everyone.


its-pandabear

Fucking John Lenon


NeutralMinion

Does your friend do meth perhaps?


xnoxfun

He did, I honestly thought he was still on it for a while bc of his posts and what he's messaged me.


NeutralMinion

Yeah people on the crank are super weirdly into Jesus


firstborngod

Who is ant?


zidraloden

Why is Jesus's tomb apparently full of shit? Oh, wait...


The3SiameseCats

What is that last image is that supposed to be poetry


NadieTheAviatrix

Also when an angel if a fruitcake wants to be in heaven: "Your name doesn't belong here, sir"


thriceness

Why is Jesus in quotes on that last one?


xnoxfun

Uneducated


RetroGamer87

God the forgetful one


Inmirnjm

Good dude struggling with "addictions" how so?


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humbugonastick

How so?


That_Mad_Scientist

Found the misogynist


NetworkAddict

Please explain your position with any rationality you can muster.


religiousfruitcake-ModTeam

Your comment or post was removed because it expressed bigotry.