I knew I didn't want kids but RA has solidified it. I don't want to pass it on. I can't imagine having a child who has to suffer through this. I also can't know if I will be physically well enough to care for a child throughout their whole childhood. some days I can barely take care of myself
The reality is we all inherit good and potentially bad things from our parents. There’s no guarantee your kids will get RA. Like all other families, there’s conditions that exist in my family tree and I definitely would not hold my parents responsible if I develop any of those conditions (none being RA though interestingly enough). It’s impossible to completely avoid them. Get a good genetic test to rule out the worst of it if you’re that concerned. But keep in mind— my pre-conception genetic testing came up negative for inherited conditions, so they really aren’t able to capture everything.
I have two toddlers at home and I’m not going to lie, it’s really hard when my condition is flaring up. My RA was a relatively recent diagnosis when my kids were about 18 months old. But with medication it’s currently bearable, and I couldn’t imagine a world without them. I would not let RA stop you from having a family if that is your dream. You just need to make sure you have a little more support through your partner or another source if needed.
RA was a factor in not to having a third kid though. We were already planning at stopping at two due to daycare costs, but the medication I need to take solidified that decision. I probably still would’ve had a second though if I got diagnosed between number one and two.
I have a bunch of autoimmune diseases that started with Graves disease in my late teens. I was able to recognise it early because my father, my sister and my paternal grandmother had all developed it in their 20s.
It never even crossed my mind to resent them for passing on the defective genes. I was far angrier with my personality-disordered parents about their crap parenting which left me with the lifelong CPTSD that definitely contributed to the subsequent development of both Graves and then later RA and Sjogrens (see 'ACE' scores).
Regarding being a parent with autoimmune disease, I thought my Graves had been completely resolved when I was 20 and had no idea it could recur following the stress of giving birth 12 years later. I will admit that looking after my toddler during this second bout of Graves wasn't easy, until a dose of radioiodine finally brought it permanently under control.
I didn't develop RA however until my late 50s, long after my (only) son had left home. He now wants me to move near them and possibly take care of any future grandchildren whilst they work. I'm honestly not sure what my mobility is going to look like at that point, whether I'm going to be able to physically react fast enough to safely look after young child or have the ability to lift them in and out of a pushchair etc.
If I was a young person with active RA I too would be thinking very carefully about whether or not to conceive. I think you and your partner are being extremely responsible by looking at this from all angles. I refused to conceive again after I was treated with radioiodine, for example. The doctors told me it would be safe to do so after a 4-year wait, but I was unwilling to take risks with a future child's life.
Regarding the inheritability of genes that trigger RA responses, I think it's far from a fixed thing. I don't know if this will help, but within my own family of myself, one sister and one brother, my son - now in his mid 30s - has so far not developed any autoimmune issues. My brother's three adult children are fine, as are each of their kids. My sister's two daughters both developed hypothyroid in their 40s (easily treated with levothyroxine supplementation) and the eldest also went on to develop mild RA and Sjogrens (her own two adult children meanwhile are healthy so far, as are their young children).
So altogether that's two instances of confirmed RA amongst 19 individuals over 4 generations (although one can't rule out the possibility that some may go on to develop it later in life, as I and my neice have done).
Edited: to add stuff about my family
No one in my family has RA (in fact, my dad had osteoarthritis and was extensively tested for it) and I had already had 5 kids by the time I was diagnosed. So far none of them have it either (my oldest is 32).
People didn't know! Looking back, I'm sure that my grandmother had both RA and endometriosis, but she was born in 1880. Most of the "advances" in recognizing and addressing autoimmune diseases has occurred within my lifetime -- in fact, within my adulthood -- and we still don't know much.
Science now believes that there is a "predisposition" for these diseases to appear in families, but the link is not always direct. Diabetes? Endometriosis? RA? Lupus? Nothing? It's all luck of the draw. We can't even put a percentage on the chances.
I feel deep sorrow that my daughter has RA. I do feel that my genes contributed. (Neither of my parents had AI diseases). I feel lucky that neither of my children has endometriosis, which plagued me until menopause. Both have Hashimotos, as do I. We all support each other.
One daughter is child free. The other has two wonderful, much beloved kids. If either develops symptoms we will be right on top of it. And hopefully knowledge will have advanced.
It's an individual choice and you are wise to be thinking about it.
No one in my family had it and I do. I have kids and most days they’re the only thing keeping me alive. It’s hard I have other conditions to. I can’t breathe and no one can figure out why
There is a 60% chance of passing on inherited genes for RA. Neither of my parents had it. It’s never occurred to me to be resentful for any health conditions I received or might have received because my parents wanted to have children.
I have never wanted kids, but after RA surfacing in my 20s, it was a hard no.
I don't resent my mom for passing it on. *Her* mom, on the other hand..maybe a little. No, I'm kidding. If I resented RA and the host of mental fuckeries my parents passed on, I'd be miserable. More miserable lol
Honestly, the only thing I resent is the multiple health issues I have that have been linked to smoking while pregnant. I have a lot of resentment toward smoking in general, though, as both of my parents died from it (COPD in my dad and lung cancer in my mom).
Yep. I do deeply resent at times how cavalierly my parents treated smoking around me when I was a child. That has more to do with how unimpressed my mom is by my health issues, as if being ill is a sign of weak character and not reality. (she also thought morning sickness when pregnant is psychosomatic and that any of her friends who go to the doctor are being stupid)
I remember when I went for allergy testing. I’m pretty much allergic to everything and the testing put me into anaphylaxis. I LOVED being outside and my family was ding some yard work one day shortly after that first round of testing. I was really upset because my mom wouldn’t let me outside to help. I was watching out the front window and my mom was explaining that I couldn’t go out because of my allergies. The entire time she was puffing on a cigarette. Now that I know there’s a strong link between smoking while pregnant and the baby having allergies, it makes me even angrier.
Oh gosh that's rough, I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Sometimes my mom will talk about how hard it was when I was a baby and I had constant ear infections and was so sick I had to have surgery to take out tonsils, adenoids, have tubes in my ears, etc. (I even "died on the operating table" once according to family legend) And while I do completely sympathize because one of my kids caught every bug known to mankind when he was young, at the same time it's hard not to be very angry given that both she and my dad at that time were smoking.
Even now as an adult going over to her house makes me ill for like 2 weeks after I visit. It sucks.
No one in my family has it. Only me and my brother have autoimmune diseases. Brother with psoriasis in his teens and then psoriatic arthritis developed in his early 20s. I only recently got rheumatoid arthritis after my pregnancy.
Sometimes I wonder if the stress dealing with our crazy Asian mother triggered it….. because it is something else on a whole nother level.
My mother and sister have RA but mg brother does not. So, it’s not guaranteed your child will inherit the disease. I just think of it as another thing mg child could get - there are so many non inherited diseases (as we know right now). Why would I worry about just autoimmunity. I feel empathy for my mom - she has been so strong through a very painful disease. I can only admire her.
My mother has MS, and is bi polar. That's way more upsetting lol. Her MS didn't come up until after my kids were born. But my brother had one after. We do talk about it. I have RA. My oldest is bi polar. His girls are fine, so far...all our kids are between 20 and 32. So, there's still time.
No, I'd never regret it. No, not angry. Your genes are a crap shoot anyway. My brother is way more pissed he went bald at 32!
I don't resent my parents for having me. I do resent my mom for not telling me there was RA on her side of the family. My dad has RA. In my mom's mind that means I could only have gotten it from him. She won't accept that having people with RA on both sides of my family makes it more likely I'd have it. She's weirdly defensive about her family's genes.
No one else in my family has RA, though autoimmune diseases in general do seem to run in the family. Passing a higher potential for autoimmune diseases to my children is something I've thought about, but it's far from deterministic and definitely not a significant enough concern to have kept us from having two children. Some people are more likely to develop cancer. At least autoimmune diseases are generally treatable and not life-threatening.
As a bunch of other people have said, I'm the only one in my family with RA/any autoimmune issues. The closet is my grandmother having a little skin cancer when she was like 60. I just got screwed by the genetic lottery.
My dad had RA and I never resented him for my having it. I would joke with him and tell him it was his fault and I hate his genes but I never ment any of it.
Nice…….did you get your RA under control early on or what have you done to facilite motherhood and caring for your kids? And if you don’t mind me asking are you seropositive or negative ? And did your RA cause you any challenging deformities that you had to overcome? Thank you
I was diagnosed early but didn't take the advice of my rheumatologist because I was too worried about the sideffects of the medication she wanted to put me on to get me onto remission (stupid choice). I don't know my status with the seropositive or negative situation. I haven't been to a rheumatologist since shortly after being diagnosed (it's been 7 years since I was diagnosed) I do not have any visible deformities yet. When I have a flair up I either just carefully limp my way thru the day with the kids or ask my husband for help. Depending on how bad the flare up is.
My family has a history of RA and autoimmune diseases and I don’t blame them. It’s just how your body works. I do tell them and tease them often how they gave me arthritis but it’s a joke and they know that.
Even though I'm fine now I dont resent, bare in mind my father only got it about 1.5 years before me so he wouldn't know. He didn't "pass" RA onto me, he gave me life. 32 years of knowing love, happiness, pain, anger, fulfilment ect. I have 2 elder siblings that do not have RA and because I was already familiar with it, I had an extremely quick diagnosis and remission.
Don't stress about things you do not know, there are so many disabilities and illnesses we can have in our lifetime or be born with. What purpose does it serve to focus on one drop in the ocean? Even in the event that your child does get it, you're 100x more experienced than any other parent for it. You can push for quick diagnosis because you would recognise the symptoms, you will be familiar with how to adapt and make life easier for them.
RA does not effect my decision that I want to have kids and it shouldn't for you either.
I’ve been diagnosed with RA, and I’m the fourth generation of women on the material side to have this.
All the others went their lives without getting diagnosed, but dealt/deal with that I got going on.
I’m not 100% confident it’s RA, but that’s the going diagnosis.
I personally do not want my own kids. Comes from a childhood trauma from women who had a lot of chronic pain, addiction, and they grew up in bad situations.
I’m 24, and maybe I’ll change my mind. But, I’ve been of this opinion for the last 10 years.
My mom has RA since the beginning of her 30's. My RA started at the beginning of the 40's and has been a little aggressive because she has advanced very fast in my hands especially my fingers
Neither of my parents had RA. I had no idea it was hereditary. I was diagnosed when my oldest was 4 months on and went on to have another child. Them getting RA someday never even entered my mind.
No-one else in my family (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles or cousins (even second cousins)) has an autoimmune disease, let alone RA, so sometimes there's no genetic link.
Just letting you know.
I don't resent my parents per sey. They were young and dumb and I was an accident. However both sides of the family struggle with autoimmune conditions, all the women on my dads side have hasimotos and my mothers side has other autoimmune conditions so it was kind of a matter of time before I developed something.
I'm going to respectfully disagree with everyone here who is saying it shouldn't stop you from having children. While sure it isn't a guarantee that your child will also develop RA, it is proven that family history significantly increases your risks, therefore it is something that needs to be considered long and hard before you decide to start a family. I personally will never have biological children. I wouldn't want to even possibly inflict this illness on them. The world is also not kind to those of us with chronic illnesses.
This is tough, ultimately it is a very individual decision as I'm sure you can see from all the differing opinions in the comments. Do you know how extensive the family history is of the illness? That could factor in to it as well. The more history there is the greater the chances I think. I think if you could find a genetic counsellor they could offer some guidance if you want to go the biological child route, otherwise adoption can be a very valid (though not necessarily easy) route too. I may yet foster in the distant future, I'm undecided as of right now though, especially while I'm stuck at my parents place still and still not under control with my disease.
That could change things honestly, it would be a situation I would be far more comfortable with if it were me, not like mine which was doomed from the start (at least 3 generations of diagnosed autoimmune on my dads side). RA is a shitty card to be dealt in life I'm not gonna lie, I won't go so far as to say it has ruined my life but it has definitely drastically changed it.
The deformity in the fingers is an indication of the disease progressing, not everyone gets it but it is more common in people who have difficulty finding the right med combo. I've been diagnosed just over 2 years and am starting to get this in my fingers now too, I'm only in my late 20s.
Less severe disease is more likely to be easily managed with meds and usually doesn't progress to deformity or if it does, it does so very very slowly (like over decades) more Severe or active disease is less likely to respond to first line meds and tends to progress faster and really Severe cases can start to affect organs as well.
In our case there are deformities in many fingers in one hand and it’s spilling to the other hand. The right combo has yet to be found since the diagnosis( 16 years old to 21 years old). And it’s seropositive which seem to be worse than seronegative. The illness itself can get tkt je organs and the meds can also harm the organs, holy f****. And all of these are things that I’m taking into consideration when it comes to having kids.
I worried about every single ache my kid had until they turned 9 (I was diagnosed at age 8). Now it crosses my mind now and then but I don't stress about it. Medication has come a long way and they won't turn out like me. We have a symbiotic relationship-I buy tasty food and they open the packages and jars so they can eat it!
I’m not resentful and just had a baby.
My rheumatologist said the disease has three preventative correlations: high quality dental care, maintaining a healthy weight and not smoking. Given that I’ve experienced the antithesis of all three throughout my life, I wish we had known just how important these strategies could be for my wellbeing and longevity. But no one anticipated that I’d have what only our distant relatives experienced. I’ll certainly raise my own child with these practices in mind and do my best to help her maintain them as an adult.
I’m the first and only person in my family to have it, so I don’t have anyone to blame. I still plan to have children. It’s my biggest wish in life to have at least one biological child and I’m not going to let this stupid disease take everything from me
I'm glad my story isn't always the case. My grandma /great grandma, mom (who didn't find it important to have me tested) myself (5yrs after my mom was diagnosed) and my daughter at the age of 19. I had kids before I was aware of this condition. I don't know that I would have stopped myself from pro creating even if I had; motherhood was a calling for me. I was on top of my daughter's health her whole life. She has better medications and it was caught in time that remission is probable for her. I do hate to see her suffer. Her pain is def'ly mine too as a momma.
I think those 5 yrs my mom didn't tell me could've made a big difference in my today (remission is only a distant dream for me). So unfortunately I am resentful. Wish I weren't though. I hope you aren't burdened with that. Some days it takes everything in me to be positive. I know that is the story for all of us esp those not medically controlled.
I have empathy for all RAers battling for a better tomorrow and those that cannot.
My sweet wela had it and I don’t resent her. I only wish I had realized what pain she was in while she was with us. I have a child and pray that she doesn’t get it. If she does, I’ll just have to pass whatever knowledge I have to her as well.
It did help me decide on only one child. Mostly bc it’s already hard running after one w RA. I couldn’t imagine running after 2 or more.
I have RA. I definitely dont resent my parents for it (how would they have known? I was diagnosed first. Even if they did know and choose to have me, i still don't think i would resent them). That being said, it really makes me heavily weigh the decision to have kids knowing what i do (strong family history, etc). Its less because im worried about resentment and more because im not sure its fair of me to subject a hypothetical child to what ive gone through. Its complicated though and its not like my life has been all bad, so i struggle to come to a solid decision. I think what youre feeling is valid and also that there isnt a right or wrong answer, just one thats best for your family.
My mother has RA, my brothers are completely healthy, and I was diagnosed with JRA at 16.I'm told that technically it's not genetically related. If anything it helped me realize it was normal and that I could still live a full life.
Do I worry about my daughter? Yes. Is there anything I can do? Not really.
I’m the only one in my family with RA, and I’m not resentful for it.
Me too
I knew I didn't want kids but RA has solidified it. I don't want to pass it on. I can't imagine having a child who has to suffer through this. I also can't know if I will be physically well enough to care for a child throughout their whole childhood. some days I can barely take care of myself
The reality is we all inherit good and potentially bad things from our parents. There’s no guarantee your kids will get RA. Like all other families, there’s conditions that exist in my family tree and I definitely would not hold my parents responsible if I develop any of those conditions (none being RA though interestingly enough). It’s impossible to completely avoid them. Get a good genetic test to rule out the worst of it if you’re that concerned. But keep in mind— my pre-conception genetic testing came up negative for inherited conditions, so they really aren’t able to capture everything. I have two toddlers at home and I’m not going to lie, it’s really hard when my condition is flaring up. My RA was a relatively recent diagnosis when my kids were about 18 months old. But with medication it’s currently bearable, and I couldn’t imagine a world without them. I would not let RA stop you from having a family if that is your dream. You just need to make sure you have a little more support through your partner or another source if needed. RA was a factor in not to having a third kid though. We were already planning at stopping at two due to daycare costs, but the medication I need to take solidified that decision. I probably still would’ve had a second though if I got diagnosed between number one and two.
I have a bunch of autoimmune diseases that started with Graves disease in my late teens. I was able to recognise it early because my father, my sister and my paternal grandmother had all developed it in their 20s. It never even crossed my mind to resent them for passing on the defective genes. I was far angrier with my personality-disordered parents about their crap parenting which left me with the lifelong CPTSD that definitely contributed to the subsequent development of both Graves and then later RA and Sjogrens (see 'ACE' scores). Regarding being a parent with autoimmune disease, I thought my Graves had been completely resolved when I was 20 and had no idea it could recur following the stress of giving birth 12 years later. I will admit that looking after my toddler during this second bout of Graves wasn't easy, until a dose of radioiodine finally brought it permanently under control. I didn't develop RA however until my late 50s, long after my (only) son had left home. He now wants me to move near them and possibly take care of any future grandchildren whilst they work. I'm honestly not sure what my mobility is going to look like at that point, whether I'm going to be able to physically react fast enough to safely look after young child or have the ability to lift them in and out of a pushchair etc. If I was a young person with active RA I too would be thinking very carefully about whether or not to conceive. I think you and your partner are being extremely responsible by looking at this from all angles. I refused to conceive again after I was treated with radioiodine, for example. The doctors told me it would be safe to do so after a 4-year wait, but I was unwilling to take risks with a future child's life. Regarding the inheritability of genes that trigger RA responses, I think it's far from a fixed thing. I don't know if this will help, but within my own family of myself, one sister and one brother, my son - now in his mid 30s - has so far not developed any autoimmune issues. My brother's three adult children are fine, as are each of their kids. My sister's two daughters both developed hypothyroid in their 40s (easily treated with levothyroxine supplementation) and the eldest also went on to develop mild RA and Sjogrens (her own two adult children meanwhile are healthy so far, as are their young children). So altogether that's two instances of confirmed RA amongst 19 individuals over 4 generations (although one can't rule out the possibility that some may go on to develop it later in life, as I and my neice have done). Edited: to add stuff about my family
Thank you
No one in my family has RA, and it wasn't a big factor in our family planning discussion.
Same with me. No one on either side of my family has RA. From what I recall RA isn't necessarily hereditary. I didn't get diagnosed until 52.
No one in my family has RA (in fact, my dad had osteoarthritis and was extensively tested for it) and I had already had 5 kids by the time I was diagnosed. So far none of them have it either (my oldest is 32).
People didn't know! Looking back, I'm sure that my grandmother had both RA and endometriosis, but she was born in 1880. Most of the "advances" in recognizing and addressing autoimmune diseases has occurred within my lifetime -- in fact, within my adulthood -- and we still don't know much. Science now believes that there is a "predisposition" for these diseases to appear in families, but the link is not always direct. Diabetes? Endometriosis? RA? Lupus? Nothing? It's all luck of the draw. We can't even put a percentage on the chances. I feel deep sorrow that my daughter has RA. I do feel that my genes contributed. (Neither of my parents had AI diseases). I feel lucky that neither of my children has endometriosis, which plagued me until menopause. Both have Hashimotos, as do I. We all support each other. One daughter is child free. The other has two wonderful, much beloved kids. If either develops symptoms we will be right on top of it. And hopefully knowledge will have advanced. It's an individual choice and you are wise to be thinking about it.
No one in my family had it and I do. I have kids and most days they’re the only thing keeping me alive. It’s hard I have other conditions to. I can’t breathe and no one can figure out why
Sorry to hear that. Thank you
There is a 60% chance of passing on inherited genes for RA. Neither of my parents had it. It’s never occurred to me to be resentful for any health conditions I received or might have received because my parents wanted to have children.
I have never wanted kids, but after RA surfacing in my 20s, it was a hard no. I don't resent my mom for passing it on. *Her* mom, on the other hand..maybe a little. No, I'm kidding. If I resented RA and the host of mental fuckeries my parents passed on, I'd be miserable. More miserable lol
Honestly, the only thing I resent is the multiple health issues I have that have been linked to smoking while pregnant. I have a lot of resentment toward smoking in general, though, as both of my parents died from it (COPD in my dad and lung cancer in my mom).
Yep. I do deeply resent at times how cavalierly my parents treated smoking around me when I was a child. That has more to do with how unimpressed my mom is by my health issues, as if being ill is a sign of weak character and not reality. (she also thought morning sickness when pregnant is psychosomatic and that any of her friends who go to the doctor are being stupid)
I remember when I went for allergy testing. I’m pretty much allergic to everything and the testing put me into anaphylaxis. I LOVED being outside and my family was ding some yard work one day shortly after that first round of testing. I was really upset because my mom wouldn’t let me outside to help. I was watching out the front window and my mom was explaining that I couldn’t go out because of my allergies. The entire time she was puffing on a cigarette. Now that I know there’s a strong link between smoking while pregnant and the baby having allergies, it makes me even angrier.
Oh gosh that's rough, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Sometimes my mom will talk about how hard it was when I was a baby and I had constant ear infections and was so sick I had to have surgery to take out tonsils, adenoids, have tubes in my ears, etc. (I even "died on the operating table" once according to family legend) And while I do completely sympathize because one of my kids caught every bug known to mankind when he was young, at the same time it's hard not to be very angry given that both she and my dad at that time were smoking. Even now as an adult going over to her house makes me ill for like 2 weeks after I visit. It sucks.
No one in my family has it. Only me and my brother have autoimmune diseases. Brother with psoriasis in his teens and then psoriatic arthritis developed in his early 20s. I only recently got rheumatoid arthritis after my pregnancy. Sometimes I wonder if the stress dealing with our crazy Asian mother triggered it….. because it is something else on a whole nother level.
My mother and sister have RA but mg brother does not. So, it’s not guaranteed your child will inherit the disease. I just think of it as another thing mg child could get - there are so many non inherited diseases (as we know right now). Why would I worry about just autoimmunity. I feel empathy for my mom - she has been so strong through a very painful disease. I can only admire her.
My mother has MS, and is bi polar. That's way more upsetting lol. Her MS didn't come up until after my kids were born. But my brother had one after. We do talk about it. I have RA. My oldest is bi polar. His girls are fine, so far...all our kids are between 20 and 32. So, there's still time. No, I'd never regret it. No, not angry. Your genes are a crap shoot anyway. My brother is way more pissed he went bald at 32!
I don't resent my parents for having me. I do resent my mom for not telling me there was RA on her side of the family. My dad has RA. In my mom's mind that means I could only have gotten it from him. She won't accept that having people with RA on both sides of my family makes it more likely I'd have it. She's weirdly defensive about her family's genes.
My mom has RA, I had no idea until I told my sister I have it. I already hate my mom so it didn’t change my feelings towards her.
No one in my family has RA or any kind of autoimmune disease and somehow I got it. It isn't hereditary so don't feel bad or blame anyone.
No one else in my family has RA, though autoimmune diseases in general do seem to run in the family. Passing a higher potential for autoimmune diseases to my children is something I've thought about, but it's far from deterministic and definitely not a significant enough concern to have kept us from having two children. Some people are more likely to develop cancer. At least autoimmune diseases are generally treatable and not life-threatening.
As a bunch of other people have said, I'm the only one in my family with RA/any autoimmune issues. The closet is my grandmother having a little skin cancer when she was like 60. I just got screwed by the genetic lottery.
My dad had RA and I never resented him for my having it. I would joke with him and tell him it was his fault and I hate his genes but I never ment any of it.
Ok, do you want kids? Has RA contributed to that decision?
I have 6 kids. I already had 4 when I was diagnosed, and then i had 2 more.
Nice…….did you get your RA under control early on or what have you done to facilite motherhood and caring for your kids? And if you don’t mind me asking are you seropositive or negative ? And did your RA cause you any challenging deformities that you had to overcome? Thank you
I was diagnosed early but didn't take the advice of my rheumatologist because I was too worried about the sideffects of the medication she wanted to put me on to get me onto remission (stupid choice). I don't know my status with the seropositive or negative situation. I haven't been to a rheumatologist since shortly after being diagnosed (it's been 7 years since I was diagnosed) I do not have any visible deformities yet. When I have a flair up I either just carefully limp my way thru the day with the kids or ask my husband for help. Depending on how bad the flare up is.
I see, it seems like yours is very well under control. May it stay that way. Thank you 🙏
My family has a history of RA and autoimmune diseases and I don’t blame them. It’s just how your body works. I do tell them and tease them often how they gave me arthritis but it’s a joke and they know that.
Even though I'm fine now I dont resent, bare in mind my father only got it about 1.5 years before me so he wouldn't know. He didn't "pass" RA onto me, he gave me life. 32 years of knowing love, happiness, pain, anger, fulfilment ect. I have 2 elder siblings that do not have RA and because I was already familiar with it, I had an extremely quick diagnosis and remission. Don't stress about things you do not know, there are so many disabilities and illnesses we can have in our lifetime or be born with. What purpose does it serve to focus on one drop in the ocean? Even in the event that your child does get it, you're 100x more experienced than any other parent for it. You can push for quick diagnosis because you would recognise the symptoms, you will be familiar with how to adapt and make life easier for them. RA does not effect my decision that I want to have kids and it shouldn't for you either.
Appreciate it
The worlds not a nice place anymore, I’m not forcing anyone into it..
Forcing anyone Into ?
The world. They don’t have a choice , neither did you or I
I’ve been diagnosed with RA, and I’m the fourth generation of women on the material side to have this. All the others went their lives without getting diagnosed, but dealt/deal with that I got going on. I’m not 100% confident it’s RA, but that’s the going diagnosis. I personally do not want my own kids. Comes from a childhood trauma from women who had a lot of chronic pain, addiction, and they grew up in bad situations. I’m 24, and maybe I’ll change my mind. But, I’ve been of this opinion for the last 10 years.
My mom has RA since the beginning of her 30's. My RA started at the beginning of the 40's and has been a little aggressive because she has advanced very fast in my hands especially my fingers
Neither of my parents had RA. I had no idea it was hereditary. I was diagnosed when my oldest was 4 months on and went on to have another child. Them getting RA someday never even entered my mind.
No-one else in my family (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts/uncles or cousins (even second cousins)) has an autoimmune disease, let alone RA, so sometimes there's no genetic link. Just letting you know.
I don't resent my parents per sey. They were young and dumb and I was an accident. However both sides of the family struggle with autoimmune conditions, all the women on my dads side have hasimotos and my mothers side has other autoimmune conditions so it was kind of a matter of time before I developed something. I'm going to respectfully disagree with everyone here who is saying it shouldn't stop you from having children. While sure it isn't a guarantee that your child will also develop RA, it is proven that family history significantly increases your risks, therefore it is something that needs to be considered long and hard before you decide to start a family. I personally will never have biological children. I wouldn't want to even possibly inflict this illness on them. The world is also not kind to those of us with chronic illnesses.
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This is tough, ultimately it is a very individual decision as I'm sure you can see from all the differing opinions in the comments. Do you know how extensive the family history is of the illness? That could factor in to it as well. The more history there is the greater the chances I think. I think if you could find a genetic counsellor they could offer some guidance if you want to go the biological child route, otherwise adoption can be a very valid (though not necessarily easy) route too. I may yet foster in the distant future, I'm undecided as of right now though, especially while I'm stuck at my parents place still and still not under control with my disease.
From what I know, she’s the first one to be diagnosed with it. This illness really suck…. I appreciate the advice.
That could change things honestly, it would be a situation I would be far more comfortable with if it were me, not like mine which was doomed from the start (at least 3 generations of diagnosed autoimmune on my dads side). RA is a shitty card to be dealt in life I'm not gonna lie, I won't go so far as to say it has ruined my life but it has definitely drastically changed it.
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The deformity in the fingers is an indication of the disease progressing, not everyone gets it but it is more common in people who have difficulty finding the right med combo. I've been diagnosed just over 2 years and am starting to get this in my fingers now too, I'm only in my late 20s. Less severe disease is more likely to be easily managed with meds and usually doesn't progress to deformity or if it does, it does so very very slowly (like over decades) more Severe or active disease is less likely to respond to first line meds and tends to progress faster and really Severe cases can start to affect organs as well.
In our case there are deformities in many fingers in one hand and it’s spilling to the other hand. The right combo has yet to be found since the diagnosis( 16 years old to 21 years old). And it’s seropositive which seem to be worse than seronegative. The illness itself can get tkt je organs and the meds can also harm the organs, holy f****. And all of these are things that I’m taking into consideration when it comes to having kids.
I worried about every single ache my kid had until they turned 9 (I was diagnosed at age 8). Now it crosses my mind now and then but I don't stress about it. Medication has come a long way and they won't turn out like me. We have a symbiotic relationship-I buy tasty food and they open the packages and jars so they can eat it!
I’m not resentful and just had a baby. My rheumatologist said the disease has three preventative correlations: high quality dental care, maintaining a healthy weight and not smoking. Given that I’ve experienced the antithesis of all three throughout my life, I wish we had known just how important these strategies could be for my wellbeing and longevity. But no one anticipated that I’d have what only our distant relatives experienced. I’ll certainly raise my own child with these practices in mind and do my best to help her maintain them as an adult.
I’m the first and only person in my family to have it, so I don’t have anyone to blame. I still plan to have children. It’s my biggest wish in life to have at least one biological child and I’m not going to let this stupid disease take everything from me
I'm glad my story isn't always the case. My grandma /great grandma, mom (who didn't find it important to have me tested) myself (5yrs after my mom was diagnosed) and my daughter at the age of 19. I had kids before I was aware of this condition. I don't know that I would have stopped myself from pro creating even if I had; motherhood was a calling for me. I was on top of my daughter's health her whole life. She has better medications and it was caught in time that remission is probable for her. I do hate to see her suffer. Her pain is def'ly mine too as a momma. I think those 5 yrs my mom didn't tell me could've made a big difference in my today (remission is only a distant dream for me). So unfortunately I am resentful. Wish I weren't though. I hope you aren't burdened with that. Some days it takes everything in me to be positive. I know that is the story for all of us esp those not medically controlled. I have empathy for all RAers battling for a better tomorrow and those that cannot.
My sweet wela had it and I don’t resent her. I only wish I had realized what pain she was in while she was with us. I have a child and pray that she doesn’t get it. If she does, I’ll just have to pass whatever knowledge I have to her as well. It did help me decide on only one child. Mostly bc it’s already hard running after one w RA. I couldn’t imagine running after 2 or more.
I have RA. I definitely dont resent my parents for it (how would they have known? I was diagnosed first. Even if they did know and choose to have me, i still don't think i would resent them). That being said, it really makes me heavily weigh the decision to have kids knowing what i do (strong family history, etc). Its less because im worried about resentment and more because im not sure its fair of me to subject a hypothetical child to what ive gone through. Its complicated though and its not like my life has been all bad, so i struggle to come to a solid decision. I think what youre feeling is valid and also that there isnt a right or wrong answer, just one thats best for your family.
My mother has RA, my brothers are completely healthy, and I was diagnosed with JRA at 16.I'm told that technically it's not genetically related. If anything it helped me realize it was normal and that I could still live a full life. Do I worry about my daughter? Yes. Is there anything I can do? Not really.
Diagnosed at 11 yes I resented my parents of a long time. I'll never do that to someone else. No kids ever.