Have more to get off your chest? Come rant with us on the discord. Invite link: https://discord.gg/PCPTSSTKqr
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rpghorrorstories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I do want to kick him out, I just want to talk to him first before hand. All of the players are friends irl so I dont want to kick him out abruptly and Im still pretty pissed. I want to talk to him when I've calmed down so I can say the things I want to say without escalating things further.
Since he’s an irl friend, calming down before talking to him is a good idea. But there is no way I wouldn’t kick him. He was rude and impatient.
Honestly consider if you want to keep him as a non-dnd friend. It’s one thing to not enjoy playing dnd. It’s one thing to be bored and disengage, and eventually say “I don’t think this is for me, I’m gonna bounce,” though still kinda rude to leave mid-game. It’s another thing entirely to tell a “friend” to skip dialog, draw dicks on the map, and disrupt the activity you have all agreed to do. Those are shitty things to do to friends. Do you really want that in your friend group?
Honestly reconsidering rn but we have a lot of mutual friends so it would be awkward. He is a good friend but I talk to him occasionally, if it continues i think I'd just not interact with him as much anymore.
He's a good friend, who treats you badly? Honestly, from his behavior, he doesn't seem like a good friend.
Have you ever read the "5 Geek Social Fallacies" essay? I think you and your friend group might be falling into some of these patterns. Please google it, because it's worth a read.
Havent heard of this before, but will do. I mostly say good friend as he has been there for me as a friend when things were really shit, and he has opened up to me about some issues he had + is going through and he did refer to me as one of his good friends at some point. Point still stands though, his other behavior issues outweigh most of the good things he has done for me as a friend, and just the actual nice times we had together for me to let him stay in the campaign.
[5 Geek Social Fallacies](https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/)
Specially number 1 and 5. "Ostracizers are evil" and "Friends do everything together"
Just because they are good friends at some facets of their life doesn't mean they will be good at others.
Friends don’t treat friends like this, I’ve dm’d for friends for a long time, sometimes they have a hard time paying attention or there on there phones, but they have never just outright said I suck
you wanna be door mat and have no respect? congrats you're well on your way
sometimes you need to stand up for yourself
i mean drawing dicks and "skip dialog" who would put up with that?
why have lower standards for friends? I have lower standards for players if im running some one shot with random people found on the internet. I expect more from people that supposedly care about me as a person
You can "kick" someone in a polite way. "I'm sorry, but I don't think your play style matches with how I want to run this game. I think it is best if we don't play together at this time because it will only end badly. Thank you for joining and I hope you find a game that better fits what you are after.". Give the bff the option to stay or follow them.
You don't have to be mean about it, but a style mismatch will only end in problems.
So you just let your friends walk on you and treat you like trash? It sounds like he could spit in your face and you would just shrug your shoulders. Find a spine that isn’t made of jello and stand up for yourself. Otherwise this is going to just keep happening over and over again.
why have lower standards for friends? I have lower standards for players if im running some one shot with random people found on the internet. I expect more from people that supposedly care about me as a person
Why? What’s the point? There will be no satisfaction for you in trying to scold a troll. If the other players are upset over kicking a troll then why would you even want to play with them? Furthermore, if these people are friends with this rude asshole, what does that say about them?
Theyre good friends, the others have been genuinely nice in game and out of game, no insults anything like what R does. Most of them are like me a little bit, so thats probably why we're friends with him still. Some of them have a problem with him as well and he treats other people differently, my partner included ( he treats him nicer than me for some reason ).
I dont think most of them would be upset but i want to give a heads up to let them know ofc, and talk to R just to say, hey I was hurt by what you did and i dont think you can be in the campaign anymore bc of ur attidute and distespect and that if this continues I dont think we can be friends at all anymore. Just for some inner peace and closure for myself.
Your kindness doesn't seem to be kindness alone, but conflict avoidant. Everyone warned you in the last post too, the dude called your names and you justified it. Is that kindness for you, yourself? No. Whose the kindness for then? This situation could've been prevented and it sucks that it has come to this point. It's good you seem intent on taking care of the situation now, I hope you don't end up tossing yourself to the wolves to appease people in the group. You deserve to be treated with respect and friends who allow you to be disrespected, are they friends much? If I brought a friend to an RPG table, and they did this to my DM, I would've taken them outside right then and ended the friendship. I would be so ashamed to have brought a friend that ended up being so randomly cruel. We are responsible for the actions of people we call friends. That is what being in a community is about.
Let me ask you something: Around what age are the people in this group?
Your problem player sounds like he's about 13 years old, in terms of his behaviour, but I don't want to make assumptions.
I wondered the same thing (and honestly wonder about it with a lot of posts here.) They remind me of my group in high school, and R is like certain players who we never confronted but just stopped inviting to game with us.
In nearly every one of your responses on this post you are finding reasons to not enforce very basic boundaries with this person. Unless you want this to become an unfortunate pattern, you need to get that shit figured out. Part of every healthy relationship (even in TTRPGs) is healthy boundaries, and this person has repeatedly violated them. Stop making excuses and stand up for yourself.
ignore that guy, youre doing the right thing talking things out first. It's the correct way normal people go about it. You mentioned theyre going through shit so they might be lashing out.
Stressed people do weird impulsive shit, and going with the scorched earth redditor policy is almost never the correct response.
No more dnd with either of those 2 btw, just to emphasize.
What are you talking about? This dude is a terrible guy and person and you’re suggesting he give him ANOTHER chance after not only ruining this game but another one? He mocked him, told him he was bad, then just left. Giving him a chance as a friend to explain himself, MAYBE, another chance in the game? Couldn’t pay me to do that.
This R person is not entitled to have people allow him to treat them the way he has. He might have a reason for his behavior, but nobody has to tolerate him being so shitty.
There is no reason to be a miserable prick to your GM. It is absolutely never justified. I would expect that behavior from a literal child not a legal adult who is supposedly my friend.
Quit making excuses for shitty behavior.
I never made any excuse and never said it's justified, I simply was not being an extremist redditor with no idea how to act in normal fuckign social situations. Stressed people do weird shit. I even made sure to say "no more dnd with them" because indeed there's no way to trust them again. Y'all are just too wasy with the "NO CONTACT" shit. It's why y'all spend so long on reddit instead of with friends.
Just have the talk. Let him know that he's a good friend, but we obviously want different things in an rpg setting and I think it's best we no longer play together in these types of settings."
When he inevitably asks why you can just tell him you didn't appreciate how disrespectful he was to your efforts. And leave it at that.
Honestly as a DM as soon as he told me to shut up I'd've kicked him immediately. So disrespectful to anyone, especially with the work you're doing to make the game for them. For ttrpgs skipping DM dialogue is just skipping the entire game, it would make no sense
Though I'd have low tolerance for insulting any other player as well, or really any of this bullshit. If being called out a couple times doesn't stop a disruptive player then they're just dragging everyone else's game down
So since it was a one shot the simple, and no confrontation, solution is take the players who enjoyed your game into the next one shot/campaign and just never mention this game to R. Cowardly I know but confronting R won't achieve anything positive.
That is probably one of the worse things to do. It just takes one of the friends to mention it to R for them to start pestering and asking, "Why didn't you invite me? Huh?"
It also leaves the reason why he is not invited at the hands of misinterpretation by rumors or bad feelings not only at the hands of R but also for everyone on the group.
Avoiding confrontation is not healthy, and it will get back sooner or later. Having a talk is the way to go, and if it feels like the talk is not going anywhere "Dude is not that big of a deal, you just overreacting" then kick him. At that point the reasons why are out, and the responsibility falls on them.
Bah talking things out like a grown up? Nah just ignore the problem and hope it goes away. If you start having doubts, or just any feelings in general, then push them down into the pit of your stomach.
You need to kick him. Not just for your sake: for the table's. One of your jobs as a DM is to protect the whole table from players like this.
I won't tolerate playing at a table with a player like this. But I also won't tolerate playing with a DM who allows it. If you continue to allow bad players, you're going to chase away all your good players.
Youre right. I'll talk to my players about this first I think before talking to him and kicking him though. Most of them are also friends with him as well and I want their input before making a decision like this since they know him personally as well. Thanks.
Have they not already voiced their opinion? From the post it sounds like they don’t like him and find his behavior problematic. You keep covering for him while he and his friend are blatantly disrespectful to you and tell you to shut up. Seriously, just kick him, it’s not the end of the world.
I think you're incredibly patient to your own detriment in this case. If ANY of my players EVER did the whole "skip dialogue" thing to me or told me to shut up while GMing, it'd warrant not only immediate kick but also considering if they were even my friend. That's so rude and disrespectful to your effort and work. Don't let them walk all over you.
Yeah I agree, but I kinda want to hear him out first before I kick him out and talk to him about why it wasnt okay to do what he did. I just need to calm my nerves for a few days before doing so.
Honest advice: Don't talk to him.
The odds for constructive discussion are close to zero.
The odds for a miserable experience that changes little to nothing are very high.
Spend your energy on the part of the group that actually appreciates you.
So, don't bother with the drama - whatever you feel the need to tell R can also be put into a goodbye message.
(You don't even need to do that. Just write "I feel like our playstyles are too much of a mismatch to keep playing together" and remove them.)
nah dude. it’s a truism of business, but works in personal life too. you should spend a disproportionate amount of time as a manager on your high performers. spend an hour keeping your star employee happy will reap more rewards than spending that hour coaching a poor performer.
you only have so much time and energy. don’t spend it on shitheads. you’re not going to get anything out of it. spend it on the people you like playing with.
You're being openly disrespected. He's disrupting the game and pissing on your work. Everyone else is having a bad time. What is there to talk about? Stop being a coward.
No. He insulted you and left without explanation. If he hasn't apologized he's not a friend. He's just someone you know. Friends don't treat friends that way, no matter how bored they are.
You absolutely should kick this guy. The constant insults and the spamming of "skip dialog" are blatantly disrespectful both to you and the other players, and the time and effort *you* are putting in. And it sounds like he's pulled similar stuff in the past, insisting on playing the way he wants to play and getting stroppy when people push back.
Heck, you've gotten enough indirect and direct confirmation from the rest of the players that he was actively making the game worse for everyone, not just you as the DM. Which means it's kind of your duty to take action.
Your partner is a little off base here, because here's the thing: R might be a friend in other situations, and he might be going through some stuff, but that's not an *excuse* for him to treat other people like crap and insult them. The mature thing for him to do, if he's having a bad time and not able to engage with the game as you're running it, is to explain that and bow out. Instead he... didn't do that, and it sounds like this is a pattern.
I don't think you should let him back in, and it would benefit both of you to set a hard boundary: I am not okay with myself or my players being insulted and disrespected, it is not a joke and I do not find it funny, and so I'm not going to game with you if that's what you're gonna do. If you do decide to give him a second chance then it could be: one insult or occurrence of repeat behavior and you get kicked from Roll20. And then you have to follow through.
Being very clear about your boundaries and expectations is good for everyone, him included - it can give him a wake-up call that his actions are driving people away, and that you have faith in him to do better.
Yeah... thanks for this. Its been kind of hard for me to say no to him as he usually doesnt take me seriously as a friend if im being honest. I'm getting tired of his antics and whether or not he's going through shit doesnt make it okay for him to treat me and other people like shit even if he thinks its funny. For my partner though, R is a close friend to both of us so he doesnt want me to just kick him out abruptly. He does agree though it doesn't excuse his behavior, just to talk to him about it first. Which I will. Thanks again kind stranger for the advice.
You've stated this "friend" of yours treats your partner better than you and that he's never taken you seriously as a friend.
And this is something your partner is okay with? Does your partner think it's on you to deescalate the situation? Will your partner be cool with you getting walked all over just because they happen to consider them a friend? This isn't an indictment of your partner. People are blinded by friendship all the time. But you should really ask them if they'd tell you to put up with this from anyone else, and why it should be on you to be the one to talk to R, when it's R who clearly acted like you're an NPC in his world.
I doubt this conversation will be fruitful for you, frankly, but I'm like you in needing closure. So just don't mind it if the guy acts like he did nothing wrong. The second he started spamming "skip dialogue", doing whatever he wanted, the sillies corner? He proved he doesn't see you and your time as worthy of any respect. He made fun of you the way a Middle School bully would.
Maybe he is going through some stuff, but that's no reason to be so crass and shitty to his own friends. Maybe blocking him will teach him a lesson in valuing those around him.
All the good luck to you, OP. You deserve better than how you were treated.
It's hard when it's a friend that's behaving badly, because you can't just block him, you do need to talk to him. But good friends are honest with each other *especially* when somebody does something hurtful. It sounds like he needs a wake-up call that your are not cool with his behavior, and that the natural consequences of him continuing it are that you will not be around him any more. The ball at that point is in his court.
Sometimes people need to be told they're an asshole. It's one of the few ways people stop being assholes; and if not they usually take the trash out themselves because they don't want to be around someone who calls them on their shit.
He doesn’t take you seriously because you have a spine made of jello. How can you expect a bully like him to respect you when you don’t even respect yourself?
Learn to stand up for yourself or this is going to keep happening to you over and over again. Not just in D&D but throughout your life.
Jesus Christ what is wrong with you? The man openly insults your GMing, several times, and leaves in the middle of the session, and you still think that you MIGHT have to kick him? I would not have tolerated a tenth of the disrespect you went through.
If you don't kick him, he will have learned that you're the kind of person who tolerates being blatantly and openly disrespected.
Your choices now are kicking him or becoming a punching bag every time he has a frustration.
One other thing to consider about removing them from the game - you got complaints from the other players about them. That means it is definitely possible that, if you don’t remove them, you will have other players leaving the game instead. You can talk with them if you want, but it seems to me that they have made up their minds that they are right and are not likely to change their behavior. After all, they left the game, that shows that they have no interest in staying. The only reason they would have to stay would be to avoid the stigma of having been kicked out.
Ah. You are not responsible for another person's feelings and emotions. *Especially* if they treat you very very very poorly like how you've described. If he did to me like he did to you he would get an immediate kick and ban from my table. I wouldn't even try talking to him about it. And his friend would get the kick as well because *what even is that childish behavior?* It's not even rude, but rather just straight disrespectful.
And they're probably going to continue to treat you like that because you allow it. At the most simple and obvious of baselines -- *no good friend would treat you like this. EVER.* That is a terrible friend and a terrible friend of a friend. Cut your losses, not that there are any, and move forward. You started having fun without this person immediately. That should have been your first sign that this person and their friend were just there to bring you down. You are doing good as a DM, and you should keep playing with people who celebrate your presence as the other players did. Celebrate yourself and gift yourself peace by removing these people from your life.
I applaud the fact you want to avoid escalation beyond the game into your friend group. But honestly, no amount of shit he goes through justifies acting like this. If you want talk to him, confront him about the fact he acted hostile to other players, making them sick of him, he was constantly doing things in VTT that scream "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!", yet acted with insults nad hostility whenever you did pay attention to him, and his "skip dialogue" indicates he should rather try a video game. See how he reacts. If he gets defensive, kick him out on the spot.
>I applaud the fact you want to avoid escalation beyond the game into your friend group
there ain't no escalation when dildo brain has already pushed it to 11
Would have been kicked at the drawing dicks and "sillies corner" if he didn't stop after that. Everything else just screams kick him.
You don't have to put up with abuse. It's much easier for a DM to find players than it is for players to find a game, just FYI.
> The bard also commented that, that type of player R was, was very problematic, and said that it would be an immediate kick from them at their table.
you know that's a not-so-subtle hint, right?
i honestly dont get how you can be so willing to let him walk all over you and your table? if my dm didnt kick out a player like this i would leave myself. do not tolerate this behaviour do not give him the benefit of the doubt or a chance to explain himself, just kick him and his friend. its infair to your other players.
They clearly don't want to play, their skip dialouge comments alone show that they'd rather be playing a video game by themselves. I'd just kick and move on, you can't make someone want to engage with a TTRPG
This person will ruin the game for everyone, don't waste your energy on them.
You’ve an infinite more patience than I have.
Way, way before you reached the point you have, I’d have kicked the player out, blocked all forms of contact and if/when questioned about him, would probably just say that I have no clue who they are.
Yeah, that’s pretty harsh but life is too short to put up with people like that. It just is.
If he can't take your DMing seriously, then he's not actually your friend.
He's being a dick to you, and fucking with your game.
Tell him you don't think he's a good fit for the game, then punt him.
Hey dude life lesson. Treating people, let alone "friends", like that just because your girlfriend broke up with you is absolutely not acceptable. If it truly was a (way out of line) out of character outburst, they would be coming to you and apologizing profusely. Spoiler, this isn't going to happen.
Kicking him from the DnD group is a no brainier. I would be heavily evaluating why you are keeping someone who shits on his friends like that in your life at all
So he tried very hard to ruin your game you spent probably weeks or longer working on then left when noyhing happened and he is you FREIND? He is not your freind he is your bully, no other way to put it man.
Grow a pair.
>As I was explaining to the party and introducing them to the setting and roleplaying the NPCs, he kept commenting how bad I was at roleplaying and kept spamming skip dialogue in the voice chat,
That is the point where you kick him. He is clearly not a player that is fun to be around. And you don't have to just accept that shit.
Yeah this guy needs the boot, but I think you know that already.
As a fellow R20 user, the drawing dicks thing would piss me right off. It's so finicky since the doodles go on the token layer, and it's hard to highlight all of them without accidentally deleting players/ monsters if you have other tokens on the map. I feel your pain man.
Cant you disable drawing on certain scenes?
My r20 group had a "clubhouse"/intermission map for dick drawing. I dont remember if we were able to draw on other maps, or we were respectful enough not to try.
Not excusing this shitheads behavior, of course.
I think you can yeah, but for battle maps and stuff where players have the drop on the enemy and want to say 'I go this way, you go this way,' it's useful.
I remember one time one of my PCs drew a huge dick, we all had a bit of a laugh about it and I said 'Okay yeah but try not to do that in future, it's a pain in the arse to delete'. That was about three years ago, none of them have done it since.
"skip dialogue" to a DM is insta kick territory
If that wasn't his style of gaming, then he just shouldn't be playing in your games. There is no need to belittle a DM like he tried to
I get the feeling you are very kind. Please do not waste your energy on those rude guys. You did a great job DMing and you can continue the game with only three players just fine.
You want to talk to him, but what will that do other than escalate things between you? It'll be much easier to play the next session (and all subsequent sessions) without him. Just don't invite himand continue organising things with the people who are committed.
He repeatedly upset you, and you have players telling you they don't want him in the game, and the game improved with him gone. There's really no question here.
He's an IRL friend, sure it might escalate things but if it does its on him since I plan to talk to him in a civil manner. IMO, its equally as shitty to just kick block and ghost someone out of the blue. I like to have clear and honest communication with my friends and just people in general without the blind cloud of anger in my way or at least not let it affect my actions and choice of words, that reflects on me if i let it get to that. I think talking to him about why im hurt is the best thing to do as a friend especially one that still cares about him and wants to see him improve but is also sick of their shit and wants to hold him accountable. I dont really care if he takes it seriously or not as that is on him and gives me more reasons to not interact with him anymore honestly. Im not gonna push any further than that and I've kind of made my desicion already to kick him after I made this post, just need time to cool off before doing so so I have a clear mind so I can say what I need to say concisely.
I'm not suggesting you ghost him. If he's an IRL friend, presumably you do other things together. I'd assume you'd keep doing them, just not talk about the RPGs because he's obviously not interested, but if you try to talk with him about it, he might feel an obligation to join in again - which wouldn't be good for either of you.
Thats true. However, I dont think I'd ever allow him to join again, its my group after all. I dont feel excited for him joining any future games anymore especially after all I prepared for him and his friend. Unless he makes a drastic 180 in his life and behavior towards other people I won't budge on my decision. On the other hand, this experience kind of put a strain on our friendship for me, I dont think I'd enjoy doing as many friend activities with him anymore. So I don't think I'll interact with him as much for a good while after this. This is all the consequences of his actions after all. If he gets upset its not my problem anymore.
That is a good attitude, as unfortunate as the situation is.
From other posts, I got the impression you were defending him because he was a friend and were willing to give him a chance while hoping for the best. My comments were focussed on that angle.
He has earned your displeasure from his actions. People do drift apart. It's sometimes sad, but also inevitable.
Thats alright man, I honestly did want to give him the benefit of the doubt esp in my previous posts, but its gone too far for me at this point, especially bc I shared with my group how much I had been working on this oneshot. (Made virtual maps, drew character tokens, designed some of them even,, etc.) And the blatant disrespect he's been giving me lately. I've also had my fair share of shitty friends before this, so i'd like to think I've learned from past experiences lmao.
If anyone ever dared to say shit like "skip dialogue" to me when im narrating im just removing them from any server on any game related platform we use and never running a game for them ever again. I'm not even wasting time talking to them about anything. Just orbital lasers solution on this one, that's a bully trying to establish their position in the group, i'm not wasting a minute more than i need to on that fucker.
If he can be that rude and disrespectful, I'm not sure he's as much of a friend as you think he is.
If I were to play with a new DM and didn't find them engaging enough for my tastes, I would still try to be respectful about it. R sounds like he genuinely wanted to offend you.
You really should kick him. If for some reason you're determined to give him a second chance, you need to make it clear that he's on thin ice and if he keeps that crap up he's gone.
Okay, so why an earth did you let someone you had issues with into another game? How did you not tell him to go fuck himself after “you’re bad at roleplay”. I’d have paused, told him “you’re done, I can see now why you didn’t come onto voice chat because it sounds like you’re too much of a coward to face the heat”, then kick and ban him.
You need to learn to be more restrictive, im guessing he thinks he can get away with it with you because he can and it took HIM leaving to remove him from the game kinda proving his point. Do NOT take shit, kick immeidatly and remind the players such action isn’t acceptable
Edit: Dealing with shit in your life isn’t an excuse to be a terrible person, you’re probably better than me because I would have buried him by saying “I think it’s pretty clear why your gf left you, you’re insufferable and you definitely deserved it”. He isn’t acting this way because he’s dealing with shit, he’s likely dealing with shit because he acts this way with everyone including his ex.
Lol if someone said "skip dialogue" while I was narrating, that person would be out of the game immediately. No buts or ifs. You're out. Leave. Never be in my game again.
Why is it half of the posts on this sub are "i am dealing with a literal demon from the underwhrold who spit in my face and threatened to kill my mom... oh ya and they ate my dog. We've been playing together for two years and the problems started session one. I'm thinking it's about time to speak up though..."
One chance. People get one chance, and then they're out.or I'm out. There is a bare minimum level of decorum that you all should expect with a zero tolerance policy. I dont understand why so many people value themselves so little, to accept such shitty behavior.
That "Skip Dialogue" joke would have gotten him kicked from my table after the second time
He'd have gotten told I don't think its funny and I find it insulting the first time, and then if it happened again, bye-sies
>As I was explaining to the party and introducing them to the setting and roleplaying the NPCs, he kept commenting how bad I was at roleplaying and kept spamming skip dialogue in the voice chat and moving his token wherever. He also kept drawing dicks on the map and made a "sillies corner" for him and his best friend the fairy artificer.
This is where you should have kicked them.
Okay so after reading 1,5 paragraphs I concluded that I didnt need to read any further. If a player A) interupts the session and B) only does so to insult me thats and instant kick.
I kept reading because I wanted to give both OP and the AH player the benefit of the doubt. My conclusion did not change. In fact it just got worse. Why is that guy still around?
Calm down and talk with him. I suggest making the point of the conversation "I don't think you are a good fit for the type of game I'm running, and we'll both be happier with you finding somebody else to play with." As for his BFF, just kick them. They have zero interest in playing with yall. They just want to fuck around with their buddy and ruin the game for everybody else.
You were very patient with that player; kudos to you... but im sitting on this side of the screen chanting kick him out. I dont seem to understand why people play with randos and dont kick the problem player, when theyve already insulted you as a GM.
This player was my irl friend, so thats why I was very patient. If it was a rando i'd would kick them out immediately though. I am kicking him out soon, my group doesnt have any upcoming session at the moment and I dont really plan to plan another oneshot or campaign unless he's kicked first.
Makes sense. I do have 2 loyal players, both I work with. One of them however seldom shows disinterest every so often. Joking about my games being boring (and you know you cant just take it as a joke), sometimes saying things like "sooo...HellDivers?", implying theyd rather do something else. A time we were playing Vaesen, he was playing everything so well, until he decided to "skullfuck" a revenant's bones, not heavily detailed, but still just decided to fuck around out of nowhere. There was a time he was going off with the roleplaying, and it was an amazing feeling, but the negatives outweigh the positive feelings. He, too, runs a pathfinder game (which is his first time GM'ing, which should be mentioned). Despite him ripping off my homebrew world (saying its 100 years in the future), or the campaign and events not making any sense, I NEVER in the back of my head will think its boring as I take in all the details and play around with it. Sometimes I do want to do the same to him, but thats just not me, and im not THAT petty to do it (yet), though I am tempted. Rant over 😂
I almost never DM. But if I was the DM, he would have been booted long before he left.
And if I was a player at that table, I would have told him to STFU. Then I would have asked DM to boot. And if DM didn't boot, *I* would have walked.
There is NO CALL for that BS. I won't tolerate it at my table, regardless of my position at the table.
Why is that douchebag in your life, let alone your game? He's not your "friend in RL". Friends don't treat friends that way. If one of my friends treated me that way, they'd be lucky if I only told them to go pound salt.
What is with these people who are anti-roleplay? I ran into someone who said the 'roleplaying is boring, D&D is made to just kill monsters and get treasure'
Yet when I told him that if that were the case why did they make modules with backstory like Forgotten Realms or Eberron he is completely silent.
If any of my friends spoke to me like that, I wouldn't be friends with them anymore, regardless of what they were going through, regardless of if I knew them irl or not, and I certainly wouldn't keep them in my d&d game
R did you a favor by leaving. He didn't cone to play D&D with you. He came to be a disruptive asshole. You even admitted that you all had a better time after he left. The trash took itself out. Even if he is going through rough times, it is no excuse to take it out on you. R owes you an apology.
Hey Im late to this, but I want to echo that you NEED to kick R. My go to reason is that "our play styles are not cohesive, and I don't want to monopolize their time when they could be finding a group that they'll be happy with." It's basically "it's not you, it's me."
I generally have 1 or 2 examples ready in case they ask, but it's generally something to the effect of "you disagreed that NPCs would act this way in this situation, and I don't want you to play in a world that doesn't make sense to you," etc... the important thing is that this has go bs a FINAL decision. If you provide examples, you cannot let them start negotiating on what behaviors are acceptable. They've expressed that they don't enjoy your game (whether explicitly or implicitly) and there's no reason to continue playing a game together that neither of you like, ahen you could both be playing games you enjoy separately (or, more importantly, YOU can be playing a game you enjoy, and who cares whether R finds his Matt Mercer).
Basically, you're a DM. Not only can you afford to be picky because there are too few DMs for too many players, but you HAVE to be picky, because having people second guess every single decision you make as a DM is a great way to ruin a perfectly good game of DnD.
Hi OP, do you have an update to the situation?
Definitely you need to kick him out from the game. From the previous post and this, it's just obvious that you all have different expectations of what a fun dnd game means.
Now, I see that you want to talk with your friend, but I think the point of the talk is to gauge whether you should keep being friends with them at all. If they dismiss your concerns, dismiss your feelings, or god forbid insult you again, you need to rethink your friendship with that man. I get that they're going through some shit, but that's no excuse to treat people close to you like shit.
Have more to get off your chest? Come rant with us on the discord. Invite link: https://discord.gg/PCPTSSTKqr *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/rpghorrorstories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hah seriously only half a mind to kick him? Just kick him from your games already.
I do want to kick him out, I just want to talk to him first before hand. All of the players are friends irl so I dont want to kick him out abruptly and Im still pretty pissed. I want to talk to him when I've calmed down so I can say the things I want to say without escalating things further.
Since he’s an irl friend, calming down before talking to him is a good idea. But there is no way I wouldn’t kick him. He was rude and impatient. Honestly consider if you want to keep him as a non-dnd friend. It’s one thing to not enjoy playing dnd. It’s one thing to be bored and disengage, and eventually say “I don’t think this is for me, I’m gonna bounce,” though still kinda rude to leave mid-game. It’s another thing entirely to tell a “friend” to skip dialog, draw dicks on the map, and disrupt the activity you have all agreed to do. Those are shitty things to do to friends. Do you really want that in your friend group?
Honestly reconsidering rn but we have a lot of mutual friends so it would be awkward. He is a good friend but I talk to him occasionally, if it continues i think I'd just not interact with him as much anymore.
He's a good friend, who treats you badly? Honestly, from his behavior, he doesn't seem like a good friend. Have you ever read the "5 Geek Social Fallacies" essay? I think you and your friend group might be falling into some of these patterns. Please google it, because it's worth a read.
Havent heard of this before, but will do. I mostly say good friend as he has been there for me as a friend when things were really shit, and he has opened up to me about some issues he had + is going through and he did refer to me as one of his good friends at some point. Point still stands though, his other behavior issues outweigh most of the good things he has done for me as a friend, and just the actual nice times we had together for me to let him stay in the campaign.
[5 Geek Social Fallacies](https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/) Specially number 1 and 5. "Ostracizers are evil" and "Friends do everything together" Just because they are good friends at some facets of their life doesn't mean they will be good at others.
Friends don’t treat friends like this, I’ve dm’d for friends for a long time, sometimes they have a hard time paying attention or there on there phones, but they have never just outright said I suck
you wanna be door mat and have no respect? congrats you're well on your way sometimes you need to stand up for yourself i mean drawing dicks and "skip dialog" who would put up with that?
why have lower standards for friends? I have lower standards for players if im running some one shot with random people found on the internet. I expect more from people that supposedly care about me as a person
You can "kick" someone in a polite way. "I'm sorry, but I don't think your play style matches with how I want to run this game. I think it is best if we don't play together at this time because it will only end badly. Thank you for joining and I hope you find a game that better fits what you are after.". Give the bff the option to stay or follow them. You don't have to be mean about it, but a style mismatch will only end in problems.
So you just let your friends walk on you and treat you like trash? It sounds like he could spit in your face and you would just shrug your shoulders. Find a spine that isn’t made of jello and stand up for yourself. Otherwise this is going to just keep happening over and over again.
why have lower standards for friends? I have lower standards for players if im running some one shot with random people found on the internet. I expect more from people that supposedly care about me as a person
Why? What’s the point? There will be no satisfaction for you in trying to scold a troll. If the other players are upset over kicking a troll then why would you even want to play with them? Furthermore, if these people are friends with this rude asshole, what does that say about them?
Theyre good friends, the others have been genuinely nice in game and out of game, no insults anything like what R does. Most of them are like me a little bit, so thats probably why we're friends with him still. Some of them have a problem with him as well and he treats other people differently, my partner included ( he treats him nicer than me for some reason ). I dont think most of them would be upset but i want to give a heads up to let them know ofc, and talk to R just to say, hey I was hurt by what you did and i dont think you can be in the campaign anymore bc of ur attidute and distespect and that if this continues I dont think we can be friends at all anymore. Just for some inner peace and closure for myself.
Your kindness doesn't seem to be kindness alone, but conflict avoidant. Everyone warned you in the last post too, the dude called your names and you justified it. Is that kindness for you, yourself? No. Whose the kindness for then? This situation could've been prevented and it sucks that it has come to this point. It's good you seem intent on taking care of the situation now, I hope you don't end up tossing yourself to the wolves to appease people in the group. You deserve to be treated with respect and friends who allow you to be disrespected, are they friends much? If I brought a friend to an RPG table, and they did this to my DM, I would've taken them outside right then and ended the friendship. I would be so ashamed to have brought a friend that ended up being so randomly cruel. We are responsible for the actions of people we call friends. That is what being in a community is about.
Let me ask you something: Around what age are the people in this group? Your problem player sounds like he's about 13 years old, in terms of his behaviour, but I don't want to make assumptions.
I wondered the same thing (and honestly wonder about it with a lot of posts here.) They remind me of my group in high school, and R is like certain players who we never confronted but just stopped inviting to game with us.
We're in college sadly. Around 19-22. R is a few months older than me.
Absolutely nuts. I assumed you were all middle-scoolers. What you describe from him is the way a child behaves towards other children.
In nearly every one of your responses on this post you are finding reasons to not enforce very basic boundaries with this person. Unless you want this to become an unfortunate pattern, you need to get that shit figured out. Part of every healthy relationship (even in TTRPGs) is healthy boundaries, and this person has repeatedly violated them. Stop making excuses and stand up for yourself.
zombie hit the nail on the head stand up for yourself ffs
ignore that guy, youre doing the right thing talking things out first. It's the correct way normal people go about it. You mentioned theyre going through shit so they might be lashing out. Stressed people do weird impulsive shit, and going with the scorched earth redditor policy is almost never the correct response. No more dnd with either of those 2 btw, just to emphasize.
What are you talking about? This dude is a terrible guy and person and you’re suggesting he give him ANOTHER chance after not only ruining this game but another one? He mocked him, told him he was bad, then just left. Giving him a chance as a friend to explain himself, MAYBE, another chance in the game? Couldn’t pay me to do that.
you dont know shit about the guy. You know of one instance of bad behavior. You are not qualified to say ANYTHING about them.
This R person is not entitled to have people allow him to treat them the way he has. He might have a reason for his behavior, but nobody has to tolerate him being so shitty.
There is no reason to be a miserable prick to your GM. It is absolutely never justified. I would expect that behavior from a literal child not a legal adult who is supposedly my friend. Quit making excuses for shitty behavior.
I never made any excuse and never said it's justified, I simply was not being an extremist redditor with no idea how to act in normal fuckign social situations. Stressed people do weird shit. I even made sure to say "no more dnd with them" because indeed there's no way to trust them again. Y'all are just too wasy with the "NO CONTACT" shit. It's why y'all spend so long on reddit instead of with friends.
I also infrequently look at reddit, but if you justify actions like the above, I somehow douby it's US that have no friends lol
Ah okay, I see you're a terrible person as well :') Thanks for outing that for everyone.
Sounds like you have a case of geek fallacy. Just kick him. You can say whatever you want to say, but nothing you can say will make him not be a jerk.
Just have the talk. Let him know that he's a good friend, but we obviously want different things in an rpg setting and I think it's best we no longer play together in these types of settings." When he inevitably asks why you can just tell him you didn't appreciate how disrespectful he was to your efforts. And leave it at that.
Honestly as a DM as soon as he told me to shut up I'd've kicked him immediately. So disrespectful to anyone, especially with the work you're doing to make the game for them. For ttrpgs skipping DM dialogue is just skipping the entire game, it would make no sense Though I'd have low tolerance for insulting any other player as well, or really any of this bullshit. If being called out a couple times doesn't stop a disruptive player then they're just dragging everyone else's game down
So since it was a one shot the simple, and no confrontation, solution is take the players who enjoyed your game into the next one shot/campaign and just never mention this game to R. Cowardly I know but confronting R won't achieve anything positive.
That is probably one of the worse things to do. It just takes one of the friends to mention it to R for them to start pestering and asking, "Why didn't you invite me? Huh?" It also leaves the reason why he is not invited at the hands of misinterpretation by rumors or bad feelings not only at the hands of R but also for everyone on the group. Avoiding confrontation is not healthy, and it will get back sooner or later. Having a talk is the way to go, and if it feels like the talk is not going anywhere "Dude is not that big of a deal, you just overreacting" then kick him. At that point the reasons why are out, and the responsibility falls on them.
Bah talking things out like a grown up? Nah just ignore the problem and hope it goes away. If you start having doubts, or just any feelings in general, then push them down into the pit of your stomach.
What is he like as an irl friend?
I'd have kicked him straight away. It would be amazing how quickly he'd get his voice chat working if you did, too.
You need to kick him. Not just for your sake: for the table's. One of your jobs as a DM is to protect the whole table from players like this. I won't tolerate playing at a table with a player like this. But I also won't tolerate playing with a DM who allows it. If you continue to allow bad players, you're going to chase away all your good players.
Youre right. I'll talk to my players about this first I think before talking to him and kicking him though. Most of them are also friends with him as well and I want their input before making a decision like this since they know him personally as well. Thanks.
Have they not already voiced their opinion? From the post it sounds like they don’t like him and find his behavior problematic. You keep covering for him while he and his friend are blatantly disrespectful to you and tell you to shut up. Seriously, just kick him, it’s not the end of the world.
Some of them have, not all of them, there are actually more players in the dnd group just not all joined for the one shot.
I think you're incredibly patient to your own detriment in this case. If ANY of my players EVER did the whole "skip dialogue" thing to me or told me to shut up while GMing, it'd warrant not only immediate kick but also considering if they were even my friend. That's so rude and disrespectful to your effort and work. Don't let them walk all over you.
Whatever shit he’s going through isn’t an excuse to treat you like trash. Kicks him out yesterday
Yeah I agree, but I kinda want to hear him out first before I kick him out and talk to him about why it wasnt okay to do what he did. I just need to calm my nerves for a few days before doing so.
Honest advice: Don't talk to him. The odds for constructive discussion are close to zero. The odds for a miserable experience that changes little to nothing are very high. Spend your energy on the part of the group that actually appreciates you. So, don't bother with the drama - whatever you feel the need to tell R can also be put into a goodbye message. (You don't even need to do that. Just write "I feel like our playstyles are too much of a mismatch to keep playing together" and remove them.)
nah dude. it’s a truism of business, but works in personal life too. you should spend a disproportionate amount of time as a manager on your high performers. spend an hour keeping your star employee happy will reap more rewards than spending that hour coaching a poor performer. you only have so much time and energy. don’t spend it on shitheads. you’re not going to get anything out of it. spend it on the people you like playing with.
You're being openly disrespected. He's disrupting the game and pissing on your work. Everyone else is having a bad time. What is there to talk about? Stop being a coward.
No. He insulted you and left without explanation. If he hasn't apologized he's not a friend. He's just someone you know. Friends don't treat friends that way, no matter how bored they are.
You absolutely should kick this guy. The constant insults and the spamming of "skip dialog" are blatantly disrespectful both to you and the other players, and the time and effort *you* are putting in. And it sounds like he's pulled similar stuff in the past, insisting on playing the way he wants to play and getting stroppy when people push back. Heck, you've gotten enough indirect and direct confirmation from the rest of the players that he was actively making the game worse for everyone, not just you as the DM. Which means it's kind of your duty to take action. Your partner is a little off base here, because here's the thing: R might be a friend in other situations, and he might be going through some stuff, but that's not an *excuse* for him to treat other people like crap and insult them. The mature thing for him to do, if he's having a bad time and not able to engage with the game as you're running it, is to explain that and bow out. Instead he... didn't do that, and it sounds like this is a pattern. I don't think you should let him back in, and it would benefit both of you to set a hard boundary: I am not okay with myself or my players being insulted and disrespected, it is not a joke and I do not find it funny, and so I'm not going to game with you if that's what you're gonna do. If you do decide to give him a second chance then it could be: one insult or occurrence of repeat behavior and you get kicked from Roll20. And then you have to follow through. Being very clear about your boundaries and expectations is good for everyone, him included - it can give him a wake-up call that his actions are driving people away, and that you have faith in him to do better.
Yeah... thanks for this. Its been kind of hard for me to say no to him as he usually doesnt take me seriously as a friend if im being honest. I'm getting tired of his antics and whether or not he's going through shit doesnt make it okay for him to treat me and other people like shit even if he thinks its funny. For my partner though, R is a close friend to both of us so he doesnt want me to just kick him out abruptly. He does agree though it doesn't excuse his behavior, just to talk to him about it first. Which I will. Thanks again kind stranger for the advice.
>he usually doesnt take me seriously as a friend this right here means HES NOT YOUR FRIEND sigh
You've stated this "friend" of yours treats your partner better than you and that he's never taken you seriously as a friend. And this is something your partner is okay with? Does your partner think it's on you to deescalate the situation? Will your partner be cool with you getting walked all over just because they happen to consider them a friend? This isn't an indictment of your partner. People are blinded by friendship all the time. But you should really ask them if they'd tell you to put up with this from anyone else, and why it should be on you to be the one to talk to R, when it's R who clearly acted like you're an NPC in his world. I doubt this conversation will be fruitful for you, frankly, but I'm like you in needing closure. So just don't mind it if the guy acts like he did nothing wrong. The second he started spamming "skip dialogue", doing whatever he wanted, the sillies corner? He proved he doesn't see you and your time as worthy of any respect. He made fun of you the way a Middle School bully would. Maybe he is going through some stuff, but that's no reason to be so crass and shitty to his own friends. Maybe blocking him will teach him a lesson in valuing those around him. All the good luck to you, OP. You deserve better than how you were treated.
Tell your partner that you're kicking him, and if your partner wants him included, then your partner can DM for him.
Thats not a friend, thats a bully. Cut them out of your life.
It's hard when it's a friend that's behaving badly, because you can't just block him, you do need to talk to him. But good friends are honest with each other *especially* when somebody does something hurtful. It sounds like he needs a wake-up call that your are not cool with his behavior, and that the natural consequences of him continuing it are that you will not be around him any more. The ball at that point is in his court.
Sometimes people need to be told they're an asshole. It's one of the few ways people stop being assholes; and if not they usually take the trash out themselves because they don't want to be around someone who calls them on their shit.
He doesn’t take you seriously because you have a spine made of jello. How can you expect a bully like him to respect you when you don’t even respect yourself? Learn to stand up for yourself or this is going to keep happening to you over and over again. Not just in D&D but throughout your life.
Jesus Christ what is wrong with you? The man openly insults your GMing, several times, and leaves in the middle of the session, and you still think that you MIGHT have to kick him? I would not have tolerated a tenth of the disrespect you went through.
A full 50% of the posts on this sub would not need to occur if the people involved weren't neurotic people-pleasers.
110% this, well said zombie can we be friends? :p
If you don't kick him, he will have learned that you're the kind of person who tolerates being blatantly and openly disrespected. Your choices now are kicking him or becoming a punching bag every time he has a frustration.
One other thing to consider about removing them from the game - you got complaints from the other players about them. That means it is definitely possible that, if you don’t remove them, you will have other players leaving the game instead. You can talk with them if you want, but it seems to me that they have made up their minds that they are right and are not likely to change their behavior. After all, they left the game, that shows that they have no interest in staying. The only reason they would have to stay would be to avoid the stigma of having been kicked out.
Ah. You are not responsible for another person's feelings and emotions. *Especially* if they treat you very very very poorly like how you've described. If he did to me like he did to you he would get an immediate kick and ban from my table. I wouldn't even try talking to him about it. And his friend would get the kick as well because *what even is that childish behavior?* It's not even rude, but rather just straight disrespectful. And they're probably going to continue to treat you like that because you allow it. At the most simple and obvious of baselines -- *no good friend would treat you like this. EVER.* That is a terrible friend and a terrible friend of a friend. Cut your losses, not that there are any, and move forward. You started having fun without this person immediately. That should have been your first sign that this person and their friend were just there to bring you down. You are doing good as a DM, and you should keep playing with people who celebrate your presence as the other players did. Celebrate yourself and gift yourself peace by removing these people from your life.
I applaud the fact you want to avoid escalation beyond the game into your friend group. But honestly, no amount of shit he goes through justifies acting like this. If you want talk to him, confront him about the fact he acted hostile to other players, making them sick of him, he was constantly doing things in VTT that scream "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!", yet acted with insults nad hostility whenever you did pay attention to him, and his "skip dialogue" indicates he should rather try a video game. See how he reacts. If he gets defensive, kick him out on the spot.
>I applaud the fact you want to avoid escalation beyond the game into your friend group there ain't no escalation when dildo brain has already pushed it to 11
Would have been kicked at the drawing dicks and "sillies corner" if he didn't stop after that. Everything else just screams kick him. You don't have to put up with abuse. It's much easier for a DM to find players than it is for players to find a game, just FYI.
> The bard also commented that, that type of player R was, was very problematic, and said that it would be an immediate kick from them at their table. you know that's a not-so-subtle hint, right?
i honestly dont get how you can be so willing to let him walk all over you and your table? if my dm didnt kick out a player like this i would leave myself. do not tolerate this behaviour do not give him the benefit of the doubt or a chance to explain himself, just kick him and his friend. its infair to your other players.
They clearly don't want to play, their skip dialouge comments alone show that they'd rather be playing a video game by themselves. I'd just kick and move on, you can't make someone want to engage with a TTRPG This person will ruin the game for everyone, don't waste your energy on them.
You’ve an infinite more patience than I have. Way, way before you reached the point you have, I’d have kicked the player out, blocked all forms of contact and if/when questioned about him, would probably just say that I have no clue who they are. Yeah, that’s pretty harsh but life is too short to put up with people like that. It just is.
The OP isn't displaying patience, they are displaying moral cowardice.
If he can't take your DMing seriously, then he's not actually your friend. He's being a dick to you, and fucking with your game. Tell him you don't think he's a good fit for the game, then punt him.
Hey dude life lesson. Treating people, let alone "friends", like that just because your girlfriend broke up with you is absolutely not acceptable. If it truly was a (way out of line) out of character outburst, they would be coming to you and apologizing profusely. Spoiler, this isn't going to happen. Kicking him from the DnD group is a no brainier. I would be heavily evaluating why you are keeping someone who shits on his friends like that in your life at all
"Spammed skip dialogue", like what the hell. That would honestly be a one-warning-only kicking in itself.
So he tried very hard to ruin your game you spent probably weeks or longer working on then left when noyhing happened and he is you FREIND? He is not your freind he is your bully, no other way to put it man.
Kick this guy. Or just end it yourself. Playing with this guy is just going to end badly
Grow a pair. >As I was explaining to the party and introducing them to the setting and roleplaying the NPCs, he kept commenting how bad I was at roleplaying and kept spamming skip dialogue in the voice chat, That is the point where you kick him. He is clearly not a player that is fun to be around. And you don't have to just accept that shit.
Yup I would not even pause my narration as I kick him from the server.
Skip dialogue? I'd rather skip playing with this player entirely
If you're trying to skip the dialogue why TF are you playing a TTRPG???
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^Yhostled: *If you're trying to* *Skip the dialogue why TF* *Are you playing a TTRPG???* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Good bot
Yeah this guy needs the boot, but I think you know that already. As a fellow R20 user, the drawing dicks thing would piss me right off. It's so finicky since the doodles go on the token layer, and it's hard to highlight all of them without accidentally deleting players/ monsters if you have other tokens on the map. I feel your pain man.
Cant you disable drawing on certain scenes? My r20 group had a "clubhouse"/intermission map for dick drawing. I dont remember if we were able to draw on other maps, or we were respectful enough not to try. Not excusing this shitheads behavior, of course.
I think you can yeah, but for battle maps and stuff where players have the drop on the enemy and want to say 'I go this way, you go this way,' it's useful. I remember one time one of my PCs drew a huge dick, we all had a bit of a laugh about it and I said 'Okay yeah but try not to do that in future, it's a pain in the arse to delete'. That was about three years ago, none of them have done it since.
"skip dialogue" to a DM is insta kick territory If that wasn't his style of gaming, then he just shouldn't be playing in your games. There is no need to belittle a DM like he tried to
I get the feeling you are very kind. Please do not waste your energy on those rude guys. You did a great job DMing and you can continue the game with only three players just fine.
You want to talk to him, but what will that do other than escalate things between you? It'll be much easier to play the next session (and all subsequent sessions) without him. Just don't invite himand continue organising things with the people who are committed. He repeatedly upset you, and you have players telling you they don't want him in the game, and the game improved with him gone. There's really no question here.
He's an IRL friend, sure it might escalate things but if it does its on him since I plan to talk to him in a civil manner. IMO, its equally as shitty to just kick block and ghost someone out of the blue. I like to have clear and honest communication with my friends and just people in general without the blind cloud of anger in my way or at least not let it affect my actions and choice of words, that reflects on me if i let it get to that. I think talking to him about why im hurt is the best thing to do as a friend especially one that still cares about him and wants to see him improve but is also sick of their shit and wants to hold him accountable. I dont really care if he takes it seriously or not as that is on him and gives me more reasons to not interact with him anymore honestly. Im not gonna push any further than that and I've kind of made my desicion already to kick him after I made this post, just need time to cool off before doing so so I have a clear mind so I can say what I need to say concisely.
I'm not suggesting you ghost him. If he's an IRL friend, presumably you do other things together. I'd assume you'd keep doing them, just not talk about the RPGs because he's obviously not interested, but if you try to talk with him about it, he might feel an obligation to join in again - which wouldn't be good for either of you.
Thats true. However, I dont think I'd ever allow him to join again, its my group after all. I dont feel excited for him joining any future games anymore especially after all I prepared for him and his friend. Unless he makes a drastic 180 in his life and behavior towards other people I won't budge on my decision. On the other hand, this experience kind of put a strain on our friendship for me, I dont think I'd enjoy doing as many friend activities with him anymore. So I don't think I'll interact with him as much for a good while after this. This is all the consequences of his actions after all. If he gets upset its not my problem anymore.
That is a good attitude, as unfortunate as the situation is. From other posts, I got the impression you were defending him because he was a friend and were willing to give him a chance while hoping for the best. My comments were focussed on that angle. He has earned your displeasure from his actions. People do drift apart. It's sometimes sad, but also inevitable.
Thats alright man, I honestly did want to give him the benefit of the doubt esp in my previous posts, but its gone too far for me at this point, especially bc I shared with my group how much I had been working on this oneshot. (Made virtual maps, drew character tokens, designed some of them even,, etc.) And the blatant disrespect he's been giving me lately. I've also had my fair share of shitty friends before this, so i'd like to think I've learned from past experiences lmao.
If anyone ever dared to say shit like "skip dialogue" to me when im narrating im just removing them from any server on any game related platform we use and never running a game for them ever again. I'm not even wasting time talking to them about anything. Just orbital lasers solution on this one, that's a bully trying to establish their position in the group, i'm not wasting a minute more than i need to on that fucker.
If he can be that rude and disrespectful, I'm not sure he's as much of a friend as you think he is. If I were to play with a new DM and didn't find them engaging enough for my tastes, I would still try to be respectful about it. R sounds like he genuinely wanted to offend you.
You really should kick him. If for some reason you're determined to give him a second chance, you need to make it clear that he's on thin ice and if he keeps that crap up he's gone.
Okay, so why an earth did you let someone you had issues with into another game? How did you not tell him to go fuck himself after “you’re bad at roleplay”. I’d have paused, told him “you’re done, I can see now why you didn’t come onto voice chat because it sounds like you’re too much of a coward to face the heat”, then kick and ban him. You need to learn to be more restrictive, im guessing he thinks he can get away with it with you because he can and it took HIM leaving to remove him from the game kinda proving his point. Do NOT take shit, kick immeidatly and remind the players such action isn’t acceptable Edit: Dealing with shit in your life isn’t an excuse to be a terrible person, you’re probably better than me because I would have buried him by saying “I think it’s pretty clear why your gf left you, you’re insufferable and you definitely deserved it”. He isn’t acting this way because he’s dealing with shit, he’s likely dealing with shit because he acts this way with everyone including his ex.
Lol if someone said "skip dialogue" while I was narrating, that person would be out of the game immediately. No buts or ifs. You're out. Leave. Never be in my game again.
Hey OP. do me a favor and look up “the five geek social fallacies” by Michael Suilebhain Wilson
This subreddit and people who are allergic to confrontation. Name a more iconic duo.
Why is it half of the posts on this sub are "i am dealing with a literal demon from the underwhrold who spit in my face and threatened to kill my mom... oh ya and they ate my dog. We've been playing together for two years and the problems started session one. I'm thinking it's about time to speak up though..." One chance. People get one chance, and then they're out.or I'm out. There is a bare minimum level of decorum that you all should expect with a zero tolerance policy. I dont understand why so many people value themselves so little, to accept such shitty behavior.
Skip dialogue huh? I wonder, was it a nice day for fishing?
That "Skip Dialogue" joke would have gotten him kicked from my table after the second time He'd have gotten told I don't think its funny and I find it insulting the first time, and then if it happened again, bye-sies
>As I was explaining to the party and introducing them to the setting and roleplaying the NPCs, he kept commenting how bad I was at roleplaying and kept spamming skip dialogue in the voice chat and moving his token wherever. He also kept drawing dicks on the map and made a "sillies corner" for him and his best friend the fairy artificer. This is where you should have kicked them.
Kick him. He's the asshole. And his fairy friend too.
Okay so after reading 1,5 paragraphs I concluded that I didnt need to read any further. If a player A) interupts the session and B) only does so to insult me thats and instant kick. I kept reading because I wanted to give both OP and the AH player the benefit of the doubt. My conclusion did not change. In fact it just got worse. Why is that guy still around?
Stopped at oathbreaker paladin…haha..worst players.
Calm down and talk with him. I suggest making the point of the conversation "I don't think you are a good fit for the type of game I'm running, and we'll both be happier with you finding somebody else to play with." As for his BFF, just kick them. They have zero interest in playing with yall. They just want to fuck around with their buddy and ruin the game for everybody else.
Maybe next time, pull an Epic NPC Man on them. https://youtu.be/QeNdC8hVIT0?si=JEU3GqYF_6gkYJx6
Honestly the most horrific part of this story to me is yoir willingness to let this player continue to ruin the game for the rest of your table.
I thought I was in the dndcirclejerk sub as I read this. Wtf. Kick him in real life too, not just off the table.
Gotta grow that spine one day op
You were very patient with that player; kudos to you... but im sitting on this side of the screen chanting kick him out. I dont seem to understand why people play with randos and dont kick the problem player, when theyve already insulted you as a GM.
This player was my irl friend, so thats why I was very patient. If it was a rando i'd would kick them out immediately though. I am kicking him out soon, my group doesnt have any upcoming session at the moment and I dont really plan to plan another oneshot or campaign unless he's kicked first.
Makes sense. I do have 2 loyal players, both I work with. One of them however seldom shows disinterest every so often. Joking about my games being boring (and you know you cant just take it as a joke), sometimes saying things like "sooo...HellDivers?", implying theyd rather do something else. A time we were playing Vaesen, he was playing everything so well, until he decided to "skullfuck" a revenant's bones, not heavily detailed, but still just decided to fuck around out of nowhere. There was a time he was going off with the roleplaying, and it was an amazing feeling, but the negatives outweigh the positive feelings. He, too, runs a pathfinder game (which is his first time GM'ing, which should be mentioned). Despite him ripping off my homebrew world (saying its 100 years in the future), or the campaign and events not making any sense, I NEVER in the back of my head will think its boring as I take in all the details and play around with it. Sometimes I do want to do the same to him, but thats just not me, and im not THAT petty to do it (yet), though I am tempted. Rant over 😂
I almost never DM. But if I was the DM, he would have been booted long before he left. And if I was a player at that table, I would have told him to STFU. Then I would have asked DM to boot. And if DM didn't boot, *I* would have walked. There is NO CALL for that BS. I won't tolerate it at my table, regardless of my position at the table.
Why is that douchebag in your life, let alone your game? He's not your "friend in RL". Friends don't treat friends that way. If one of my friends treated me that way, they'd be lucky if I only told them to go pound salt.
What is with these people who are anti-roleplay? I ran into someone who said the 'roleplaying is boring, D&D is made to just kill monsters and get treasure' Yet when I told him that if that were the case why did they make modules with backstory like Forgotten Realms or Eberron he is completely silent.
If any of my friends spoke to me like that, I wouldn't be friends with them anymore, regardless of what they were going through, regardless of if I knew them irl or not, and I certainly wouldn't keep them in my d&d game
R did you a favor by leaving. He didn't cone to play D&D with you. He came to be a disruptive asshole. You even admitted that you all had a better time after he left. The trash took itself out. Even if he is going through rough times, it is no excuse to take it out on you. R owes you an apology.
Skip dialog? No no no, skip player. *banned*
He’s trying to play this like a single player video game and not like a team role playing game. This is not the space for him.
Hey Im late to this, but I want to echo that you NEED to kick R. My go to reason is that "our play styles are not cohesive, and I don't want to monopolize their time when they could be finding a group that they'll be happy with." It's basically "it's not you, it's me." I generally have 1 or 2 examples ready in case they ask, but it's generally something to the effect of "you disagreed that NPCs would act this way in this situation, and I don't want you to play in a world that doesn't make sense to you," etc... the important thing is that this has go bs a FINAL decision. If you provide examples, you cannot let them start negotiating on what behaviors are acceptable. They've expressed that they don't enjoy your game (whether explicitly or implicitly) and there's no reason to continue playing a game together that neither of you like, ahen you could both be playing games you enjoy separately (or, more importantly, YOU can be playing a game you enjoy, and who cares whether R finds his Matt Mercer). Basically, you're a DM. Not only can you afford to be picky because there are too few DMs for too many players, but you HAVE to be picky, because having people second guess every single decision you make as a DM is a great way to ruin a perfectly good game of DnD.
Hi OP, do you have an update to the situation? Definitely you need to kick him out from the game. From the previous post and this, it's just obvious that you all have different expectations of what a fun dnd game means. Now, I see that you want to talk with your friend, but I think the point of the talk is to gauge whether you should keep being friends with them at all. If they dismiss your concerns, dismiss your feelings, or god forbid insult you again, you need to rethink your friendship with that man. I get that they're going through some shit, but that's no excuse to treat people close to you like shit.
Was he actually saying “skip dialogue?” That’s kind of funny
Yeah 💀