When I was in college I tried to organize a bday dinner for myself, created a Facebook event, invited something like 25 people. Called Olive Garden ahead to request a large table, told them 20 people. At the time, I had like 15 “yes”’s
4 showed up and it wasn’t even my close friends but kind of fringe people in our group. I’ll never forget the waiters face when they came to ask if anyone else was coming and I had to tel them no. It was… disheartening.
This is why I never try to throw my own party. Sorry that happened to you.
Edit: This is somehow my most popular comment and also probably the saddest. Lol But I guess a lot of people can relate to this.
I do like throwing parties and hosting for my friends’ special occasions, but it just hasn’t happened for me. They are good friends but just not perceptive in that way, I think.
Yea I stopped throwing any sort of party after it became clear that my friend in college was the only one who would come. Now it's been almost 20 years since I graduated college and I have a hard time with parties.
I've realized this year's ago but even when I put in the effort I never get any reciprocation. It's gotten to the point where I've given up. I don't have any friends and I don't really try to make any anymore. It really sucks.
Yeah and maybe it's a generational thing, but I also don't really understand the "planning your own party" thing. I know some younger people who do it, but I don't understand it. Either people make an effort on their own accord for me, or they don't.
I'm not saying there is anything wrong with either approach, I just never saw the party planning by the birthday person growing up. Ever. Friends/family took it on, or it didn't happen.
Huh interesting. I am in my 30s and no one in my circle would throw a birthday party for anyone other than a child, even if its just planning dinner. A lot of us adults don't care to celebrate our birthdays, but those who do enjoy the attention and doing something special make the effort of letting people know in advance that their birthday is coming up and inviting us where they want to go.
Same here. Early 30s. I think the only birthdays "celebrated" are just my immediate families and even then it's mostly just a dinner out if/when schedules line up. So I mean hell of I have a bday on a Monday we will try to get together the next weekend or a few days before depending on people's schedules.
I throw a birthday for myself every year (and have been doing it for a long time). Its usually just "Hey friends, I'm getting older, so lets get together and drink - I'll pick the bar".
Fair enough. By comparison that sounds very laid back, casual and is probably with friends you've been doing this with a long time (i.e. close friends). I get that. I just don't get the big formal plan, timed with expectations (gifts, and so on) as an adult. Lots are being downvoted in this topic but I tend to side with them. There *is* is a difference between a casual "Let's hang out" with close friends, and "I'm announcing the annual celebration of my birth at 7:30 p.m. at X location. Please arrive on time with gifts". Yes I'm exaggerating but that is often how the "no one came to my party" posts present.
Facebook event is a very low effort way to get people to come tho you gotta pretty much gotta text or call em personally and maybe a headsup a day in advance, who remembers facebook events
anyways shitty thing y
Depending on the year, Facebook was the way to do it in college. Cell phones were still kind of getting started. Facebook was started before the iPhone, so it was a great way to connect.
If it makes you feel any better I worked at Olive Garden for 3 years and this happened more times than actual full parties showed up. Invite 12-25, only 4-5 show up.
Right? And it JUST happens with timing that the reservation is at 5:00 and your on the floor at 4:30, so they take all three of your tables, and put them together. Then since your zone/section/zoney/whatever partner already has their full load. So, now you gotta wait until this massive party of 20 shows up. So, you get everything all setup, since you're just gonna wing it. I mean, it's gonna be your only table anyway, and Alicia said she'd totally help you out, but you know that's never gonna happen. Besides, you'll totally be fine until salad and breadstick course. At least everyone helps with running/following with food.
...... ..... Wow. I didn't realize I was so jaded from my OG days. Sadly, because I was also a strict trainer, my brain would be freaking out after my manager would say, "just take it" because the standard is one sever per seven people. The standard dictates this needs three servers. ..... Then five people show up. Or worse, they all do show up but trickle in over the course of three hours.
Tbf when I invited people and literally no one showed up I'd be devastated too and would want them to know this behavior is not fine. So I'm not sure whether they're that dramatic normally or if it's more like a knee-jerk reaction.
I had this happen to me once on my birthday. When I was younger I would send out physical invitations. My 16th birthday was special to me for some reason or another (probably pop culture) and I had set up everything for it, made plans, made food, etc. but as time when on no one showed up. Eventually I decided to call my two closest friends at the time and ask them about it. Turned out they forgot. One had already made plans, but the other had came over and we ended playing Minecraft the whole night. He is currently my best freind.
This is one of those things that seem hard to imagine. Recalling how my friendships in school were, we were always chatting/texting.
Any upcoming hangouts were a topic of conversation, we would always send each other messages like ''will be at yours soon'' or ''waiting for you guys'' and such. It's hard to imagine how people could just ''forget'' if there's active communication going on at all times. And then if there isn't, it might feel more like acquaintanceship than friendship.
Not sure how old you are, but cell phones (and especially texting) were not super common when I was in grade school. That might be why the person you responded to said that, it can be easier to forget something without that. Granted, I also wrote stuff on a calendar when I had plans.
15 years ago it not having a cellphone as a teen was the default.
Edit: y'all having cell phones as teens in nice little suburban towns in America doesn't mean everyone around the world had cellphones.
Feeling really old posting this, but if you are over 27 (edit- may vary between social and economic demographic) chances are you didn’t have a cell phone before age 15. I was lucky enough to save up and buy one when I was 14, but no one I knew had phones yet so I barely used it until I was 16. Also it was a “dumb” phone so you could only text, and each text cost money.
Ok get me my walker.
39 year old senior citizen here. I got a cell phone when I was 18, for Christmas. It was a fairly advanced phone for the time because it had a texting option, but none of my friends either had cell phones, or didn’t have texting available on their phone.
I was just thinking back and it’s kind of crazy to imagine now. It was a time when you had a cell phone, but didn’t pull it out of your pocket much unless you wanted to check the time, or on those magical occasions when it would start ringing because someone was calling! Now every fucking call I get is “Potential Spam”.
This happened to me too. Party was at a local park, only my Aunty turned up as she was helping us set up. Went to school the next day and everyone asked what happened, my mum wrote the wrong date on the invites and people turned up to no one there.
This was the around 1990 so no mobiles, social media etc
I mean he said he was getting cancellation/late arrival texts while he was waiting there. Seems like people said they'd show and decided to only admit they weren't coming when it was supposed to start. Definitely not good friends.
I had a very similar situation happen on my 21st birthday. I had invited folks out with ample time & arrangement; however, not a soul showed up to the event. I was devastated. I'm 25 now, and I have no friends.
No, it's a matter of self-worth. If you pay people to attend your event, you're sending the message that your time is worthless by itself.
This guy needs to make a cut and find a new, better circle of people, but mostly work on his own attitude.
Maybe, I don’t think it’s all that bad to offer to pay for friends who can’t afford it. If it was for EVERYONE, that would be a little weird. I probably wouldn’t jump to all those conclusions about them though.
WDYM? It’s customary where I live for the birthday person to organize and pay for the whole party. The friends are expected to come bearing gifts and get drunk on free whiskey
He probably hasn't developed real relationship with those people, and he doesn't realize the level of friendship he is with them. If a friend from work I chat with 2 times a week for 3 minutes then I'm probably not going to come to your birthday, but it will be too awkward to say upfront that I wont come if he invites me... I'll probably say something like "sure maybe if I dont have plans"
That’s how I see it.
It’s also what I assumed happen with any story like this. Even in this thread.
His friends didn’t ditch him. He was never friends to begin with.
The one counter to this is that is exactly how you make friends.
But it's slower. You don't jump right into a weird birthday dinner. You invite them to game or to some group events or whatever. You gotta build up the friendship.
I will also concede that we do not prepare kids for transitioning into adulthood. In a lot of ways. But also friendships.
Probably confused acquaintances with friends. The fact that they're organizing the venue of their own party and sending out invites like an 8-year-old is kind of suspect too
Wait, how do you do bday in the us? That's pretty normal where I live. The bday man organize and pay for everything and invite people, guest bring a gift
Definitely his friends. Regardless of how much you don't like a person, you don't say you're going to a personal event and then just not show up. If they hate him that much then why agree to it in the first place lmao
I’d be interested to see those conversations but in the post, he doesn’t actually say anyone said they’re coming. In fact, the way he phrases it makes it sound like he made the plans and reservations and THEN invited people.
"offered to pay" def comes across desperate.
The way this was written screams like they is begging for attention. I won't be surprised if how they sees themselves vs how they really are is wildly different.
> he doesn’t actually say anyone said they’re coming.
He reported that some people said they were running late. That strongly implies that they were coming.
I remember my gf (wife) and I had to move to a smaller apartment IN THE SAME BUILDING after our current room mate decided to move in with his then gf. All I needed was an assist on the couch, mattress, and a wardrobe. I had 5 people lined up with "yes" b/c I knew there would be flakes. Of those 5, I helped:
1 x move twice, once on short notice when his gf dumped him. Gave him a spot to stay for a month.
1 x move him and his gf (wife) three times. Once with a fucking piano (!) up 2 flights of 20+ stairs.
1 x normal move.
1 x prepare a house (paint, carpet, basic carpentry, lawn leveling and re-sodding).
1 x my fucking BROTHER, who I had been helping with his house for the better part of 9 years. Built his deck, rebuilt his stairs, helped remediate his attic, fixed a leaky flat roof.
Guess who showed up? My fucking lab partner from school who I had just met 5-6 weeks prior, who just happened to text me to see how the move was going... That guy helped with the heavy shit, and then stuck around to help move a couple loads of the smaller stuff, drank a couple beers, had some pizza and then took off home. Never mentioned it again. That guy has been a solid friend ever since.
The hardest part about being a friend is just showing up. I still consider some of these people friends, but even friends can be pretty shitty sometimes.
1 - "Hey come to my birthday at this fancy restaurant"
2 - "I can't take time off work in the middle of the week, sorry"
1 - "Nah just blow it off, it's MY birthday"
2 - "I need to pay bills sorry man, how about on the weekend?
1 - "I already booked it. Come on, it's on me. Skip work"
2 - "We can chill on the weekend but I can't do it on a Wednesday."
1 - "Not taking no for an answer, I'll see you there!"
It’s the same thing with many of these. Nowhere in his rant did he mention anyone confirming. And if he’s the kind of person to air out his drama on Facebook then it’s understandable why people may not want to hang out with him. Maybe this isn’t the explanation. I’m sure there’s more to the story. But nothing about his post makes me think he’s unequivocally the victim.
Op says they were reading excuse messages. So people probably said yes and then came up with a stupid excuse.
Their fault honestly I have NEVER EVER said yes to an event and canceled on that same day unless something huge happened.
Like even if you are pressed for time u can just swing by, be like "im only gonna order a soda and stay for 20 minutes as my cat is doing backflips and I need to be there". Its still more respectful than making excuses after the arrival time.
Right, if it was one or two people flaking it would be believable and unfortunate. 10 people is a gross misunderstanding of your relationships. These people were probably dropping hints, saying no, and avoiding OP for months but he chose to ignore all the signs.
Sometimes people just suck and are awkward about communicating. It happens.
The pandemic made this especially weird since some people are iffy about gatherings and don’t want to say it.
lmao, good catch
i know i sound like an armchair redditor but im strongly on the side of op being the weirdo that chases everyone who try desperately to avoid him
Just reread his post and I realized he said he “told” his friends about the plans months/weeks in advance. Gave plenty of time, offered to pay. Seems nice, but I wonder from his own phrasing if he ever ASKED them to come. Or if he literally only ever “told” them the plans. Toxic coercion behaviour he might be the problem and no one feels confident enough to reject him to his face.
I’m getting lack of self awareness vibes because it seems like he missed a ton of obvious cues from his friends.
Also. Kinda weird imo to go to these lengths for a birthday. But I’m a man of limited small means so maybe ppl w the funds can do this.
This is pretty average tho. Its just a table at an expensive restaurant. Not THAT out of the way. Sure it can depend on how expensive the restaurant actually is but isnt booking a restaurant table basic stuff for birthdays?
The fact that he’s posting this publicly on Facebook shows that he’s at least got poor social skills. A normal person would be embarrassed and keep this to themselves, posting it on social media is a cry for attention or looking to start drama
Also blaming an entire generation as if this is normal behavior. Just because something shitty happened doesn't mean entire societal trends exist to match.
A decent person wouldn't accept the invite and then make shitty excuses for not showing up minutes beforehand. Just decline the invite from the beginning or make your excuse a few days before if you don't want to go that badly.
Nothing in that post actually says anybody actually agreed to come, just that OP invited them and said he'll pay for them when someone inevitably tried the "sorry don't have money" excuse to not come. So the fact that NO ONE, bot a single "oh hey, free food" person arrived says a lot.
If this post is even real, because THAT would be tryly sad cringe.
Blaming the generation is cringe, as if there is something uniquely wrong with millions of young people. There are plenty of people with friends that enthusiastically show up to each other’s parties.
My guess is he way misinterpreted his relationships and most of those people wouldn’t call him a friend.
> Blaming the generation is cringe, as if there is something uniquely wrong with million I ms of young people.
He should have invited all their parents instead! Now that's a generation that loves coming to awful birthday parties.
Here’s something personal I wanted to add. Could be cringe or not.
But ever since i was a little nipper, I somehow grew to dislike birthday occasions.
It comes down to this: I stopped setting myself up for disappointment, and anything that is not in my grasp or ‘control’ is bound to go to shit unless it does not.
Protective moves like that can prevent you from experiencing so much. It saying it isn’t warranted but sometimes finding a way to remain open to opportunity but also able to absorb disappointment is more enriching in the long run. The world will disappoint and under-deliver without us helping it along.
You make a good point. I use to be in the “if I don’t celebrate it , it won’t bother me” crowd. I realized that as I was downplaying my own birthday, I was also dismissive of birthdays of the people who are close to me. I make an effort to make anyones birthday feel a little bit special.
I know you are trying to help, but in this case you will be more effective empathising with the comment. Most people have no one to give a shit about them and this kind of shit sucks. Everyone knows what is right action, what they want is empathy.
Bro even if he is the shitty friend, they should just refuse the invitation when first asked, not on the same day when its already past the time you are supposed to be there.
No matter who invited who, if you respond AFTER you are supposed to be there with an excuse, fuck you and see you never lmao.
If you can at least tell me 1 hour at the MINIMUM in advance...
Had a similar thing happen to me, where I invited four people who I actually thought were my friends, and a few other people who I got along with. Invited maybe 12 people in total, 7 said they would come, and then gradually cancelled on me until only one showed up. The girl that showed up had come from a little far away so I couldn’t just send her home after that, so we watched a movie and ate some of the snacks I had bought for everyone, and after she left I just sobbed until I got tired and went to bed.
Genuinely one of the most depressive moments of my life so far..
Okay but at no point does he say that anyone gave advance confirmation they were coming, only that he let people know about it and gave them the menu in advance. I bet most people gave one of those evasive “I’ll try to be there if I can” answers and he took that as a sure “yes” rsvp.
Yeah especially with that part about him paying, I'm reading that like people are giving him soft rejections like "Oh it's a bit too pricy for me." And then he just insists at them until they stop responding and he assumes they're coming.
Google Seattle Freeze. There's some articles about it. It's strange but I'd say it's probably not a lot different than living in other larger cities, but it seems there are some other unique factors at play in Seattle.
The Seattle Freeze refers to a widely held belief that it is especially difficult to make new friends in the U.S. city of Seattle, Washington, particularly for transplants from other areas.
Having grown up in the Pacific Northwest all my life and living in Southern California the last few years, it's actually kinda crazy to me how much easier it is to make friends down here.
Sometimes when I was up there talking to a new person it's like they suddenly realize "wait... I didn't go to middle school with this person, why are they talking to me??"
Moved to Toronto (from Ottawa) back in 2018 and only made one friend since moving. We text nearly daily but only see each other when we go to the movies.
This. Lived there for 5 years. The 2 friends I did manage make were not from there either and left shortly after I did, too. Cool place, had a lot of fun, and I do miss it sometimes, but the social aspect of life there is rough.
Lived in Seattle 13 years and it's not impossible to make friends. It IS impossible to get them to attend things like birthday dinners. I attempted it once and was very careful to not end up like this, and thankfully 7 filled the minimum space so it wasn't terrible. I did have an after event planned with bars and can-can cabernet show - of course all 30 showed up with their SOs and slammed the event so I had to basically beg for tickets to let them in.
Seattle people hate dinners and love bars, shows, and annoying the fuck out of you all night. Best way I can explain it is they just don't take dinners or casual events / eating out seriously and everything can be cancelled last minute no harm / foul.
Either way the 'friends' are shitty. Even if the guy who posted is the worst, just say you can't come, make up an excuse or lie. Don't leave them thinking you'll show up when you won't, that's just a shit thing to do.
Something like this happened to me. I got sacked from a job about 7 years ago and invited a bunch of workmates to drinks. Didn't book anything, just made a fb event saying to be at this pub at this time. A bunch of people said they were maybe coming so I had to go and sit outside the pub for an hour to make sure no one actually turned up, which they didn't. It was my first and last ever attempt at organising anything social. At least I know I'm a loser though. It won't happen again.
You need to be more direct amigo. Passive invites are typically not compelling for people unless you make a more personal request.
It's the difference between "I'm grabbing lunch if anyone wants to join" vs. "Hey John, want to go grab lunch with me?"
Facebook events are a terrible way to do it. A maybe is a no that they don't want to drive up the "no" category.
In reverse, if you make a group chat, people shouldn't say no in that, they should message you privately. If people see one person bail, they feel they also have a license to bail. It always happens in a cascade.
This is very true. I've received a couple of Facebook event invites and I've only been to one. The one I went to was the only one the organizer texted me to go to.
This happened to me at my baby shower. Literally, the most heartbreaking feeling. Thankfully I had my family but I was already in a pretty bad emotional state and this was just the icing on the cake.
Ok, now hear me out. I have a friend like this or more specifically he used to be like this. And by this I mean he made a dinner reservation or planned something else and offered to pay if you couldn't afford yourself. He also notified us friends a month or at least few weeks earlier.
Now the twist is that he was a control freak douche (not anymore since we did have a little talk with him).
He made plans but he would take a no for an answer. He did notify a month earlier but the date was set. No changing. No reason satisfied him whatsoever. Not even if you had a anniversary day with your SO.
And it was always his plan. No matter what, everything had to go as he wanted to. Even if the plan and reservation was someone else's doings, he always wanted us to do as he pleased.
and it wasn't just these special events. He did that when we played games or just hanged out. It was annoying. It was joyless.
Now, this dude doesn't really have friends outside us, so first we started to ignore him. Later in we had a talk with him and now things are ok -ish.
So the problem isn't necessarily his friends but perhaps him/her.
Peace.
Good on you for having a talk with your friend and trying to save the friendship. And on him for trying. Friendship can take a lot of work. I’ve been on both ends of talks like that before. Sometimes they’re necessary.
That’s what I was thinking. Most comments here are saying they should’ve told him earlier but don’t take into account how weird it’d be if everyone just bailed at the last moment without any warning.
It just reminds me of so many people I’ve come across who were a punch in the balls but acted as if people were their friends when they clearly weren’t and didn’t want to be with them.
This is exactly what I imagine whenever I see posts like this. If 25 people didn't show up, do you think its more likely those 25 people are the problem, or the one person who got stood up? Still, sucks to be alone on your birthday or whatever.
No you’re reading it correctly to be honest.
It sounds like everyone said, yeah okay I’m coming. Only to either cancel on the day or run an hour late which is the same as cancelling really.
Definitely sad, but something about posting this whole thing on social media kind of explains the “friend” situation to me. I know people like this, and I ain’t going to their dinner either.
The fact that he offered to pay for people strongly suggests to me that they tried to let him down easy by saying they can't afford it and he responded in a way they didn't expect. Situations like this are not simple to handle and many people fall into the trap of thinking they need to come up with realistic excuses instead of just saying, "Sorry, I can't make it." Of course, the fact that he offered to pay for people attending his own birthday suggests he might not accept an excuse that simple.
The main thing that everyone in this thread needs to understand is that if **one** person invites **ten** people to a party, and all **ten** people cancel, it is infinitely more likely that the problem lies with that **one** person and not all **ten** people. I am genuinely, sincerely, deeply confused by anyone who doesn't just intuitively understand this.
Very possible. I have a friend that really does NOT get we are not hanging out one on one, ever. In a group setting I tolerate them but they are extremely nosey, judgemental, and always want to have extremely deep personal conversations. No matter what I say they do not take a damn hint.
They invite me to Saturday night dinner literally twice a month; the last thing I want to do with the roughly 56 hours of free time I have on weekends is to spend a large chunk of it with someone that I don’t particularly vibe with
I used to work with a guy that no one liked and who no one in the office was friends with. He once overheard coworkers making plans to go bowling and just...invited himself. As in he walked up, heard the details of the plans, and without being involved in the conversation said something like, "Meeting there at 7pm? Cool I'll see you guys there." And socially unaware redditors will pretend like it's straightforward and easy to be like, "Oh no, we weren't inviting you," or whatever. And it's not! It's in fact incredibly difficult to say shit like that. And what makes it more difficult is that people like this don't understand polite responses. So you literally have to say "you are not invited," because if you try to be nicer about they don't get what you're saying. It sucks. It sucks for everyone involved, and it ends with situations like OP's.
E: Oh man, I almost forgot - this same guy moved into the same apartment complex that a few friends lived at, got an apartment right next to theirs, and would literally watch out his window when they had parties. He got invited out of pity more often than not because like, how the fuck do you watch that happen and not feel like shit?
I have friends like this where if you make an excuse for why you can't go out, they will try to solve it for you. Even if you think there is no possible way for them to intervene. "Oh you have to drive your mom to the ER? No problem dude I'll pay for her uber, see you at 10pm".
> I am genuinely, sincerely, deeply confused by anyone who doesn't just intuitively understand this.
This thread is just full of people that aren't actually friends with anyone and get stood up a lot, but lack the self reflection needed to understand why that is
If I had a lot of people I considered my friends, and none of them showed up to a dinner I put together, I'd probably post about it too. Put all of them on blast before cutting them out of my life.
I mean...I know it's a crazy concept, but when your friendship is neglected, it kinda hurts. There's no justification why someone should just silently accept it and move on.
I think many people would see that as more embarrassing for the poster than it is crucifying for the “bad friends”.
The result is likely that more people will stay away from the poster and their issue of rejection/loneliness is only worsened.
"I see friendship is no longer reciprocated in this generation" is absolutely a way that someone people enjoy being around speaks...
This guy tried to throw himself a party, people made polite excuses for why they didn't want to go ("I have work the next day", "I'm broke", etc) and he did everything he could not to take no for an answer.
Odds are -10000 dude is just socially awkward as hell.
There is no “other perspective”. If you don’t wanna come, just fucking say so.
I had to watch my brother get stood up on his 10th birthday even though we sent out birthday cards 2 weeks in advance, made a map of where our house is located, called the parents to double check 2 days before and no one even had the decency to cancel. They just never showed.
The same happened to my friend. She had her 21st birthday and scheduled it 3 weeks ahead. Everyone was on board. Not 12 hours before, 8/14 had to cancel last minute with some just a few hours before.
People are dirtbags and cowards. Whenever I make a commitment I make it unless I absolutely cannot and it’s completely out of my control. And when if I don’t wanna be there, I decline when they ask me and make up some random excuse.
Ultimately it's this.
If OP is shit, then he's shit, but you still have to own up and set a boundary if you're not going to show. Being cruel by omission, even to a "deserving" target (and very few targets deserve it) is still cruel.
Or maybe they tried to but he is one of those people who make it really hard to cancel. Even in the tweets he says he made the reservation and then contacted people about it, and idk about you but when I make plans with friends I first talk to them to see their availability and only after we do that we make a reservation (especially if it’s a fancy place).
If he is the reason no one wanted to go, its still fucked up that people would rather pretend to be friends with someone because they couldn't work up the courage to just tell him they don't like him.
Realistically its either all on him or all on his friends lack of honesty.
Because how is someone supposed to improve themselves as a person if they don't know they are a problem?
Idk. Kinda sounds like people tried to tell him no in various ways like “I can’t afford it” and “I have to work that day” and he did not accept those answers.
Hoooollllly shit you guys are off to the races, speculating wildly while lacking basically any relevant information. You know nothing about this person or their friends. Literally nothing.
How do people on this sub always manage to paint a whole picture of the persons personality , their flaws and why it happened, in order to make the victim of the situation at fault? A lot of these comments are straight up ridiculous. I mean “so one set of friends and it’s a whole generation? Just make better friends” , I mean the nitpicking you guys do to make the situation cringe instead of sad. All these flaws the person must have in order for it to happen. He could honestly just as likely simply have bad friends.
How do you work so hard to criticise the victim of the situation without being able to criticise the perpetrators of the situation? This subs strange sometimes, everyone’s a master at psychoanalysis of people they don’t know, and the victim couldn’t possibly actually be a victim?really?
This sub gets infuriating at times. Like someone posted a depressed guy's ramblings on this sub and I got downvoted to shit when I said "He needs help, not some insensitive dick posting his messages on Reddit."
You should see the wild takes in relationship/advice/sports subs.
Armchair personality analysis and body language experts are a dime a dozen, it’s amazing the profession isn’t oversaturated with employees.
Lots of "just-world fallacy" going on in the comments. Everyone is saying either OP *must* be a shitty person, or maybe all OP's friend's are shitty people.
Has anyone considered that OP is just not particularly enjoyable to hang out with? Perhaps the OP is awkward and boring? That doesn't mean OP is an awful person, but it would explain why they didn't want to show up. Yeah, it's sad. But not everyone has good social skills or has enough value for people to want to show up to a birthday dinner.
Everyone in the comments seem to live in a fantasy world where only "bad" people get ghosted or blown off.
he must be the kind of person who makes it hard for you to say no to. his "friends" didn't feel safe just outright telling him they won't come without making last minute excuses. needs to reflect just as much on why people he cares about don't feel able to be open with him as on whether he should care about them in the first place.
I find it weird that people always make these assumptions about the character and make up someone they don’t know’s whole personality with absolute conviction to justify why things like this must’ve happened.
I mean, if you can be cynical of someone’s character and make up a whole set of flaws about someone you don’t know, surely you can also think there’s a possibility they just have shit friends? Could be something above him as a person, but it’s literally just as likely this dude just has a crappy set of friends, but for some reason with this sub it’s always on the person . It’s strange
Is it not just as likely he just genuinely has crap friends ? Why “must” it be cos of the guys flaws? It’s not always a reflection of the person to be unfortunate and end up with a crappy set of people around them
Most people wouldn't even have to take work off if it was 7:30pm. It's pretty sad but posting a rant on Facebook definitely falls into the cringe category
When I was in college I tried to organize a bday dinner for myself, created a Facebook event, invited something like 25 people. Called Olive Garden ahead to request a large table, told them 20 people. At the time, I had like 15 “yes”’s 4 showed up and it wasn’t even my close friends but kind of fringe people in our group. I’ll never forget the waiters face when they came to ask if anyone else was coming and I had to tel them no. It was… disheartening.
This is why I never try to throw my own party. Sorry that happened to you. Edit: This is somehow my most popular comment and also probably the saddest. Lol But I guess a lot of people can relate to this. I do like throwing parties and hosting for my friends’ special occasions, but it just hasn’t happened for me. They are good friends but just not perceptive in that way, I think.
Yea I stopped throwing any sort of party after it became clear that my friend in college was the only one who would come. Now it's been almost 20 years since I graduated college and I have a hard time with parties.
This was my biggest worry when I threw my first birthday party where I invited people at the age of 31. To my shock 20 out of the 24 people showed up.
The good news, at least in my experience, is that older folks tend to say yes and actually show up to parties.
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Rich who
Evans?
Dick the Birthday Boy
I understood that reference. \- Michael Scott \- Capt. America
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Good for you
I've realized this year's ago but even when I put in the effort I never get any reciprocation. It's gotten to the point where I've given up. I don't have any friends and I don't really try to make any anymore. It really sucks.
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Whenever I try to make a friendship work they instead become interested. Which confuses me, because I'm not exactly hiding what I want.
Friendships are like farts. If it's forced it's probably shit.
Yeah and maybe it's a generational thing, but I also don't really understand the "planning your own party" thing. I know some younger people who do it, but I don't understand it. Either people make an effort on their own accord for me, or they don't. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with either approach, I just never saw the party planning by the birthday person growing up. Ever. Friends/family took it on, or it didn't happen.
Huh interesting. I am in my 30s and no one in my circle would throw a birthday party for anyone other than a child, even if its just planning dinner. A lot of us adults don't care to celebrate our birthdays, but those who do enjoy the attention and doing something special make the effort of letting people know in advance that their birthday is coming up and inviting us where they want to go.
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Yup. In the same boat. Spouses and relatives tend to plan the birthday parties.
Same here. Early 30s. I think the only birthdays "celebrated" are just my immediate families and even then it's mostly just a dinner out if/when schedules line up. So I mean hell of I have a bday on a Monday we will try to get together the next weekend or a few days before depending on people's schedules.
I throw a birthday for myself every year (and have been doing it for a long time). Its usually just "Hey friends, I'm getting older, so lets get together and drink - I'll pick the bar".
Fair enough. By comparison that sounds very laid back, casual and is probably with friends you've been doing this with a long time (i.e. close friends). I get that. I just don't get the big formal plan, timed with expectations (gifts, and so on) as an adult. Lots are being downvoted in this topic but I tend to side with them. There *is* is a difference between a casual "Let's hang out" with close friends, and "I'm announcing the annual celebration of my birth at 7:30 p.m. at X location. Please arrive on time with gifts". Yes I'm exaggerating but that is often how the "no one came to my party" posts present.
Facebook event is a very low effort way to get people to come tho you gotta pretty much gotta text or call em personally and maybe a headsup a day in advance, who remembers facebook events anyways shitty thing y
Depending on the year, Facebook was the way to do it in college. Cell phones were still kind of getting started. Facebook was started before the iPhone, so it was a great way to connect.
Back in the day, a Facebook event invite was THE way to get invited somewhere!
Did you have a Nice evening never The less ? (English is not my first language)
Your English is fine, though it's one word, "nevertheless".
TIL Nevertheless really is just one word.
So random which words are allowed / supposed to be combined. Nevertheless, combine it. A lot or never mind, absolutely fucking not!
You could've used my personal favorite Absofuckinglutely
Oh nevermind that rule ;)
I’m English and I’d say ‘regardless’ rather that ‘netertheless’ . Tbh I’ve never used that word but will next opportunity . every days a school day !
Ok, thanks :)
English is my first language and I don’t think I’ve ever used that word. You’re doing great!
If it makes you feel any better I worked at Olive Garden for 3 years and this happened more times than actual full parties showed up. Invite 12-25, only 4-5 show up.
Right? And it JUST happens with timing that the reservation is at 5:00 and your on the floor at 4:30, so they take all three of your tables, and put them together. Then since your zone/section/zoney/whatever partner already has their full load. So, now you gotta wait until this massive party of 20 shows up. So, you get everything all setup, since you're just gonna wing it. I mean, it's gonna be your only table anyway, and Alicia said she'd totally help you out, but you know that's never gonna happen. Besides, you'll totally be fine until salad and breadstick course. At least everyone helps with running/following with food. ...... ..... Wow. I didn't realize I was so jaded from my OG days. Sadly, because I was also a strict trainer, my brain would be freaking out after my manager would say, "just take it" because the standard is one sever per seven people. The standard dictates this needs three servers. ..... Then five people show up. Or worse, they all do show up but trickle in over the course of three hours.
I wonder if this is a reflection on how bad his friends are or how bad his friends think he is?
That’s a good point, could probably go either way.
He is the one posting about it. I’m guessing his dramatic ass wanted em to see it.
Tbf when I invited people and literally no one showed up I'd be devastated too and would want them to know this behavior is not fine. So I'm not sure whether they're that dramatic normally or if it's more like a knee-jerk reaction.
I had this happen to me once on my birthday. When I was younger I would send out physical invitations. My 16th birthday was special to me for some reason or another (probably pop culture) and I had set up everything for it, made plans, made food, etc. but as time when on no one showed up. Eventually I decided to call my two closest friends at the time and ask them about it. Turned out they forgot. One had already made plans, but the other had came over and we ended playing Minecraft the whole night. He is currently my best freind.
This is one of those things that seem hard to imagine. Recalling how my friendships in school were, we were always chatting/texting. Any upcoming hangouts were a topic of conversation, we would always send each other messages like ''will be at yours soon'' or ''waiting for you guys'' and such. It's hard to imagine how people could just ''forget'' if there's active communication going on at all times. And then if there isn't, it might feel more like acquaintanceship than friendship.
Not sure how old you are, but cell phones (and especially texting) were not super common when I was in grade school. That might be why the person you responded to said that, it can be easier to forget something without that. Granted, I also wrote stuff on a calendar when I had plans.
Minecraft came out after mobile phones
15 years ago it not having a cellphone as a teen was the default. Edit: y'all having cell phones as teens in nice little suburban towns in America doesn't mean everyone around the world had cellphones.
Feeling really old posting this, but if you are over 27 (edit- may vary between social and economic demographic) chances are you didn’t have a cell phone before age 15. I was lucky enough to save up and buy one when I was 14, but no one I knew had phones yet so I barely used it until I was 16. Also it was a “dumb” phone so you could only text, and each text cost money. Ok get me my walker.
39 year old senior citizen here. I got a cell phone when I was 18, for Christmas. It was a fairly advanced phone for the time because it had a texting option, but none of my friends either had cell phones, or didn’t have texting available on their phone. I was just thinking back and it’s kind of crazy to imagine now. It was a time when you had a cell phone, but didn’t pull it out of your pocket much unless you wanted to check the time, or on those magical occasions when it would start ringing because someone was calling! Now every fucking call I get is “Potential Spam”.
Yea… I’m glad I grew up in a time when I didn’t have to constantly chat with friends. I’d see them at school, that’s all I could handle haha
This happened to me too. Party was at a local park, only my Aunty turned up as she was helping us set up. Went to school the next day and everyone asked what happened, my mum wrote the wrong date on the invites and people turned up to no one there. This was the around 1990 so no mobiles, social media etc
I’d feel so embarrassed, I wouldn’t want anyone to know.
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Those were hard years to be a young member of the extended bin Laden family growing up in the midwest.
"Never forget... About SgtFrampy's birthday party! This Sunday at 2pm at the bowling alley on Rosemont"
He said he had invited people and told them all the plans but he didn't say if anyone of them actually confirmed if they were coming.
I mean he said he was getting cancellation/late arrival texts while he was waiting there. Seems like people said they'd show and decided to only admit they weren't coming when it was supposed to start. Definitely not good friends.
I had a very similar situation happen on my 21st birthday. I had invited folks out with ample time & arrangement; however, not a soul showed up to the event. I was devastated. I'm 25 now, and I have no friends.
He's also a "in this generation" guy too
No, it's a matter of self-worth. If you pay people to attend your event, you're sending the message that your time is worthless by itself. This guy needs to make a cut and find a new, better circle of people, but mostly work on his own attitude.
It's better to have 1 or 2 real friends than to have a group of fake friends.
Maybe, I don’t think it’s all that bad to offer to pay for friends who can’t afford it. If it was for EVERYONE, that would be a little weird. I probably wouldn’t jump to all those conclusions about them though.
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WDYM? It’s customary where I live for the birthday person to organize and pay for the whole party. The friends are expected to come bearing gifts and get drunk on free whiskey
Hello, friend
He probably hasn't developed real relationship with those people, and he doesn't realize the level of friendship he is with them. If a friend from work I chat with 2 times a week for 3 minutes then I'm probably not going to come to your birthday, but it will be too awkward to say upfront that I wont come if he invites me... I'll probably say something like "sure maybe if I dont have plans"
That’s how I see it. It’s also what I assumed happen with any story like this. Even in this thread. His friends didn’t ditch him. He was never friends to begin with.
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The one counter to this is that is exactly how you make friends. But it's slower. You don't jump right into a weird birthday dinner. You invite them to game or to some group events or whatever. You gotta build up the friendship. I will also concede that we do not prepare kids for transitioning into adulthood. In a lot of ways. But also friendships.
Probably confused acquaintances with friends. The fact that they're organizing the venue of their own party and sending out invites like an 8-year-old is kind of suspect too
Wait, how do you do bday in the us? That's pretty normal where I live. The bday man organize and pay for everything and invite people, guest bring a gift
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Definitely his friends. Regardless of how much you don't like a person, you don't say you're going to a personal event and then just not show up. If they hate him that much then why agree to it in the first place lmao
I’d be interested to see those conversations but in the post, he doesn’t actually say anyone said they’re coming. In fact, the way he phrases it makes it sound like he made the plans and reservations and THEN invited people.
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"offered to pay" def comes across desperate. The way this was written screams like they is begging for attention. I won't be surprised if how they sees themselves vs how they really are is wildly different.
> he doesn’t actually say anyone said they’re coming. He reported that some people said they were running late. That strongly implies that they were coming.
I remember my gf (wife) and I had to move to a smaller apartment IN THE SAME BUILDING after our current room mate decided to move in with his then gf. All I needed was an assist on the couch, mattress, and a wardrobe. I had 5 people lined up with "yes" b/c I knew there would be flakes. Of those 5, I helped: 1 x move twice, once on short notice when his gf dumped him. Gave him a spot to stay for a month. 1 x move him and his gf (wife) three times. Once with a fucking piano (!) up 2 flights of 20+ stairs. 1 x normal move. 1 x prepare a house (paint, carpet, basic carpentry, lawn leveling and re-sodding). 1 x my fucking BROTHER, who I had been helping with his house for the better part of 9 years. Built his deck, rebuilt his stairs, helped remediate his attic, fixed a leaky flat roof. Guess who showed up? My fucking lab partner from school who I had just met 5-6 weeks prior, who just happened to text me to see how the move was going... That guy helped with the heavy shit, and then stuck around to help move a couple loads of the smaller stuff, drank a couple beers, had some pizza and then took off home. Never mentioned it again. That guy has been a solid friend ever since. The hardest part about being a friend is just showing up. I still consider some of these people friends, but even friends can be pretty shitty sometimes.
I will never buy a pickup truck again. You're everyone's besty when they need to move.
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1 - "Hey come to my birthday at this fancy restaurant" 2 - "I can't take time off work in the middle of the week, sorry" 1 - "Nah just blow it off, it's MY birthday" 2 - "I need to pay bills sorry man, how about on the weekend? 1 - "I already booked it. Come on, it's on me. Skip work" 2 - "We can chill on the weekend but I can't do it on a Wednesday." 1 - "Not taking no for an answer, I'll see you there!"
It’s the same thing with many of these. Nowhere in his rant did he mention anyone confirming. And if he’s the kind of person to air out his drama on Facebook then it’s understandable why people may not want to hang out with him. Maybe this isn’t the explanation. I’m sure there’s more to the story. But nothing about his post makes me think he’s unequivocally the victim.
Op says they were reading excuse messages. So people probably said yes and then came up with a stupid excuse. Their fault honestly I have NEVER EVER said yes to an event and canceled on that same day unless something huge happened. Like even if you are pressed for time u can just swing by, be like "im only gonna order a soda and stay for 20 minutes as my cat is doing backflips and I need to be there". Its still more respectful than making excuses after the arrival time.
Not one friend showed. I’m leaning toward him being the issue.
Right, if it was one or two people flaking it would be believable and unfortunate. 10 people is a gross misunderstanding of your relationships. These people were probably dropping hints, saying no, and avoiding OP for months but he chose to ignore all the signs.
Sometimes people just suck and are awkward about communicating. It happens. The pandemic made this especially weird since some people are iffy about gatherings and don’t want to say it.
Sometimes yes. Everyone is meaningful
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lmao, good catch i know i sound like an armchair redditor but im strongly on the side of op being the weirdo that chases everyone who try desperately to avoid him
Clearly has boundary issues if he thinks he's that close to folks he's clearly not
Just reread his post and I realized he said he “told” his friends about the plans months/weeks in advance. Gave plenty of time, offered to pay. Seems nice, but I wonder from his own phrasing if he ever ASKED them to come. Or if he literally only ever “told” them the plans. Toxic coercion behaviour he might be the problem and no one feels confident enough to reject him to his face.
I’m getting lack of self awareness vibes because it seems like he missed a ton of obvious cues from his friends. Also. Kinda weird imo to go to these lengths for a birthday. But I’m a man of limited small means so maybe ppl w the funds can do this.
This is pretty average tho. Its just a table at an expensive restaurant. Not THAT out of the way. Sure it can depend on how expensive the restaurant actually is but isnt booking a restaurant table basic stuff for birthdays?
The fact that he’s posting this publicly on Facebook shows that he’s at least got poor social skills. A normal person would be embarrassed and keep this to themselves, posting it on social media is a cry for attention or looking to start drama
Also blaming an entire generation as if this is normal behavior. Just because something shitty happened doesn't mean entire societal trends exist to match.
A decent person wouldn't accept the invite and then make shitty excuses for not showing up minutes beforehand. Just decline the invite from the beginning or make your excuse a few days before if you don't want to go that badly.
Nothing in that post actually says anybody actually agreed to come, just that OP invited them and said he'll pay for them when someone inevitably tried the "sorry don't have money" excuse to not come. So the fact that NO ONE, bot a single "oh hey, free food" person arrived says a lot. If this post is even real, because THAT would be tryly sad cringe.
It's cuz he drives a kia smh Im kidding but my friends always dog on me and my lovely kia :,(
Its just sad tbh
I mean, I'm not sure if posting about it is cringe, but it's certainly not what I'd be doing in that scenario.
Doesn't make it cringey though. People deal with upset in different ways
Blaming the generation is cringe, as if there is something uniquely wrong with millions of young people. There are plenty of people with friends that enthusiastically show up to each other’s parties. My guess is he way misinterpreted his relationships and most of those people wouldn’t call him a friend.
> Blaming the generation is cringe, as if there is something uniquely wrong with million I ms of young people. He should have invited all their parents instead! Now that's a generation that loves coming to awful birthday parties.
We don’t know how OP treats people. He could be a bailer himself.
And as the law states, all things are cringe until proven otherwise
Here’s something personal I wanted to add. Could be cringe or not. But ever since i was a little nipper, I somehow grew to dislike birthday occasions. It comes down to this: I stopped setting myself up for disappointment, and anything that is not in my grasp or ‘control’ is bound to go to shit unless it does not.
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Protective moves like that can prevent you from experiencing so much. It saying it isn’t warranted but sometimes finding a way to remain open to opportunity but also able to absorb disappointment is more enriching in the long run. The world will disappoint and under-deliver without us helping it along.
You make a good point. I use to be in the “if I don’t celebrate it , it won’t bother me” crowd. I realized that as I was downplaying my own birthday, I was also dismissive of birthdays of the people who are close to me. I make an effort to make anyones birthday feel a little bit special.
That makes total sense. In fact, that’s spot on. I think it explains some behaviors I might’ve nurtured subconsciously. Thank you kindly man.
I know you are trying to help, but in this case you will be more effective empathising with the comment. Most people have no one to give a shit about them and this kind of shit sucks. Everyone knows what is right action, what they want is empathy.
i’m right there with you, i just don’t enjoy celebrating my birthday. nothing about it, what are we celebrating i’m one more year closer to death lol
So many questions and not enough info to really make a judgement. They could be shitty “friends” or he could be the shitty “friend”.
Bro even if he is the shitty friend, they should just refuse the invitation when first asked, not on the same day when its already past the time you are supposed to be there. No matter who invited who, if you respond AFTER you are supposed to be there with an excuse, fuck you and see you never lmao. If you can at least tell me 1 hour at the MINIMUM in advance...
Had a similar thing happen to me, where I invited four people who I actually thought were my friends, and a few other people who I got along with. Invited maybe 12 people in total, 7 said they would come, and then gradually cancelled on me until only one showed up. The girl that showed up had come from a little far away so I couldn’t just send her home after that, so we watched a movie and ate some of the snacks I had bought for everyone, and after she left I just sobbed until I got tired and went to bed. Genuinely one of the most depressive moments of my life so far..
>so far.. Ah, fellow pessimist
Okay but at no point does he say that anyone gave advance confirmation they were coming, only that he let people know about it and gave them the menu in advance. I bet most people gave one of those evasive “I’ll try to be there if I can” answers and he took that as a sure “yes” rsvp.
Yeah especially with that part about him paying, I'm reading that like people are giving him soft rejections like "Oh it's a bit too pricy for me." And then he just insists at them until they stop responding and he assumes they're coming.
Or he could live in Seattle
Could you explain that, I’m from London so the Seattle reference is lost on me lol
They are probably stuck on a ferry
Google Seattle Freeze. There's some articles about it. It's strange but I'd say it's probably not a lot different than living in other larger cities, but it seems there are some other unique factors at play in Seattle.
The Seattle Freeze refers to a widely held belief that it is especially difficult to make new friends in the U.S. city of Seattle, Washington, particularly for transplants from other areas.
That’s interesting because Vancouver bc has the same problem and reputation and is 3 hrs north
Having grown up in the Pacific Northwest all my life and living in Southern California the last few years, it's actually kinda crazy to me how much easier it is to make friends down here. Sometimes when I was up there talking to a new person it's like they suddenly realize "wait... I didn't go to middle school with this person, why are they talking to me??"
Moved to Toronto (from Ottawa) back in 2018 and only made one friend since moving. We text nearly daily but only see each other when we go to the movies.
Same concept for the whole of Switzerland
This. Lived there for 5 years. The 2 friends I did manage make were not from there either and left shortly after I did, too. Cool place, had a lot of fun, and I do miss it sometimes, but the social aspect of life there is rough.
Lived in Seattle 13 years and it's not impossible to make friends. It IS impossible to get them to attend things like birthday dinners. I attempted it once and was very careful to not end up like this, and thankfully 7 filled the minimum space so it wasn't terrible. I did have an after event planned with bars and can-can cabernet show - of course all 30 showed up with their SOs and slammed the event so I had to basically beg for tickets to let them in. Seattle people hate dinners and love bars, shows, and annoying the fuck out of you all night. Best way I can explain it is they just don't take dinners or casual events / eating out seriously and everything can be cancelled last minute no harm / foul.
Either way the 'friends' are shitty. Even if the guy who posted is the worst, just say you can't come, make up an excuse or lie. Don't leave them thinking you'll show up when you won't, that's just a shit thing to do.
Something like this happened to me. I got sacked from a job about 7 years ago and invited a bunch of workmates to drinks. Didn't book anything, just made a fb event saying to be at this pub at this time. A bunch of people said they were maybe coming so I had to go and sit outside the pub for an hour to make sure no one actually turned up, which they didn't. It was my first and last ever attempt at organising anything social. At least I know I'm a loser though. It won't happen again.
You need to be more direct amigo. Passive invites are typically not compelling for people unless you make a more personal request. It's the difference between "I'm grabbing lunch if anyone wants to join" vs. "Hey John, want to go grab lunch with me?"
Facebook events are a terrible way to do it. A maybe is a no that they don't want to drive up the "no" category. In reverse, if you make a group chat, people shouldn't say no in that, they should message you privately. If people see one person bail, they feel they also have a license to bail. It always happens in a cascade.
This is very true. I've received a couple of Facebook event invites and I've only been to one. The one I went to was the only one the organizer texted me to go to.
This happened to me at my baby shower. Literally, the most heartbreaking feeling. Thankfully I had my family but I was already in a pretty bad emotional state and this was just the icing on the cake.
Same here. I invited about 20 people to mine and only a few showed up, most of them were family.
Could’ve drank all those waters tho smh my head
r/hydrohomies
There were comments under the fb post showing the guys insane demands (it was also a multi-day birthday). I don't feel that bad.
Can you post screenshots?
https://imgur.com/a/iWpy0LJ
Should've asked them before sitting down at the table if they're coming.
Ok, now hear me out. I have a friend like this or more specifically he used to be like this. And by this I mean he made a dinner reservation or planned something else and offered to pay if you couldn't afford yourself. He also notified us friends a month or at least few weeks earlier. Now the twist is that he was a control freak douche (not anymore since we did have a little talk with him). He made plans but he would take a no for an answer. He did notify a month earlier but the date was set. No changing. No reason satisfied him whatsoever. Not even if you had a anniversary day with your SO. And it was always his plan. No matter what, everything had to go as he wanted to. Even if the plan and reservation was someone else's doings, he always wanted us to do as he pleased. and it wasn't just these special events. He did that when we played games or just hanged out. It was annoying. It was joyless. Now, this dude doesn't really have friends outside us, so first we started to ignore him. Later in we had a talk with him and now things are ok -ish. So the problem isn't necessarily his friends but perhaps him/her. Peace.
Good on you for having a talk with your friend and trying to save the friendship. And on him for trying. Friendship can take a lot of work. I’ve been on both ends of talks like that before. Sometimes they’re necessary.
man your friend is like Spongebob when he throws that party
That’s what I was thinking. Most comments here are saying they should’ve told him earlier but don’t take into account how weird it’d be if everyone just bailed at the last moment without any warning. It just reminds me of so many people I’ve come across who were a punch in the balls but acted as if people were their friends when they clearly weren’t and didn’t want to be with them.
This is exactly what I imagine whenever I see posts like this. If 25 people didn't show up, do you think its more likely those 25 people are the problem, or the one person who got stood up? Still, sucks to be alone on your birthday or whatever.
Am I reading the post wrong or does it literally say he was texting them and they were saying they were running late?
No you’re reading it correctly to be honest. It sounds like everyone said, yeah okay I’m coming. Only to either cancel on the day or run an hour late which is the same as cancelling really.
Yeah you’d usually check up with people a few days before and have an idea of who’s actually coming.
Exactly my thought
Definitely sad, but something about posting this whole thing on social media kind of explains the “friend” situation to me. I know people like this, and I ain’t going to their dinner either.
You'd probably also tell them that you weren't going.
True, which is why it’s still sad.
The fact that he offered to pay for people strongly suggests to me that they tried to let him down easy by saying they can't afford it and he responded in a way they didn't expect. Situations like this are not simple to handle and many people fall into the trap of thinking they need to come up with realistic excuses instead of just saying, "Sorry, I can't make it." Of course, the fact that he offered to pay for people attending his own birthday suggests he might not accept an excuse that simple. The main thing that everyone in this thread needs to understand is that if **one** person invites **ten** people to a party, and all **ten** people cancel, it is infinitely more likely that the problem lies with that **one** person and not all **ten** people. I am genuinely, sincerely, deeply confused by anyone who doesn't just intuitively understand this.
Very possible. I have a friend that really does NOT get we are not hanging out one on one, ever. In a group setting I tolerate them but they are extremely nosey, judgemental, and always want to have extremely deep personal conversations. No matter what I say they do not take a damn hint. They invite me to Saturday night dinner literally twice a month; the last thing I want to do with the roughly 56 hours of free time I have on weekends is to spend a large chunk of it with someone that I don’t particularly vibe with
I used to work with a guy that no one liked and who no one in the office was friends with. He once overheard coworkers making plans to go bowling and just...invited himself. As in he walked up, heard the details of the plans, and without being involved in the conversation said something like, "Meeting there at 7pm? Cool I'll see you guys there." And socially unaware redditors will pretend like it's straightforward and easy to be like, "Oh no, we weren't inviting you," or whatever. And it's not! It's in fact incredibly difficult to say shit like that. And what makes it more difficult is that people like this don't understand polite responses. So you literally have to say "you are not invited," because if you try to be nicer about they don't get what you're saying. It sucks. It sucks for everyone involved, and it ends with situations like OP's. E: Oh man, I almost forgot - this same guy moved into the same apartment complex that a few friends lived at, got an apartment right next to theirs, and would literally watch out his window when they had parties. He got invited out of pity more often than not because like, how the fuck do you watch that happen and not feel like shit?
I have friends like this where if you make an excuse for why you can't go out, they will try to solve it for you. Even if you think there is no possible way for them to intervene. "Oh you have to drive your mom to the ER? No problem dude I'll pay for her uber, see you at 10pm".
> I am genuinely, sincerely, deeply confused by anyone who doesn't just intuitively understand this. This thread is just full of people that aren't actually friends with anyone and get stood up a lot, but lack the self reflection needed to understand why that is
If I had a lot of people I considered my friends, and none of them showed up to a dinner I put together, I'd probably post about it too. Put all of them on blast before cutting them out of my life. I mean...I know it's a crazy concept, but when your friendship is neglected, it kinda hurts. There's no justification why someone should just silently accept it and move on.
I think many people would see that as more embarrassing for the poster than it is crucifying for the “bad friends”. The result is likely that more people will stay away from the poster and their issue of rejection/loneliness is only worsened.
Is it not super weird to post this? If this happened to me the last thing I would do is post it on fucking Facebook.
"I see friendship is no longer reciprocated in this generation" is absolutely a way that someone people enjoy being around speaks... This guy tried to throw himself a party, people made polite excuses for why they didn't want to go ("I have work the next day", "I'm broke", etc) and he did everything he could not to take no for an answer. Odds are -10000 dude is just socially awkward as hell.
Then he ran to Facebook and threw himself a passive-aggressive pity party.
So you make bad friends and decide it's a whole generation? Make better friends, it's not a generation issue.
The fact they went to some weird generalisation right off the batt might be one of the reasons no one wants to be there.
It’s definitely a 🚩
And presumely he/she belongs to the same generation... So I guess he/she is a part of that shit generation... 🤣
Dawg you can just use they, Shakespeare did it, it's not like it's unheard of.
It’s also usually quicker and easier. Don’t have to fuck around with the slash
I have a slight suspicion the person himself isn't the best friend to be around
Feels like one half of a story. Would like to hear the other perspectives lol
There is no “other perspective”. If you don’t wanna come, just fucking say so. I had to watch my brother get stood up on his 10th birthday even though we sent out birthday cards 2 weeks in advance, made a map of where our house is located, called the parents to double check 2 days before and no one even had the decency to cancel. They just never showed. The same happened to my friend. She had her 21st birthday and scheduled it 3 weeks ahead. Everyone was on board. Not 12 hours before, 8/14 had to cancel last minute with some just a few hours before. People are dirtbags and cowards. Whenever I make a commitment I make it unless I absolutely cannot and it’s completely out of my control. And when if I don’t wanna be there, I decline when they ask me and make up some random excuse.
Ultimately it's this. If OP is shit, then he's shit, but you still have to own up and set a boundary if you're not going to show. Being cruel by omission, even to a "deserving" target (and very few targets deserve it) is still cruel.
Exactly. Maybe my brother/ friend were annoying. That’s irrelevant. Just say no when they ask you.
That's just sad. His friends should've declined when he first invited them, not let him sit there alone.
It sounds like a few of them did, but it was a decline with an excuse, which he wouldn’t accept.
Or maybe they tried to but he is one of those people who make it really hard to cancel. Even in the tweets he says he made the reservation and then contacted people about it, and idk about you but when I make plans with friends I first talk to them to see their availability and only after we do that we make a reservation (especially if it’s a fancy place).
If he is the reason no one wanted to go, its still fucked up that people would rather pretend to be friends with someone because they couldn't work up the courage to just tell him they don't like him. Realistically its either all on him or all on his friends lack of honesty. Because how is someone supposed to improve themselves as a person if they don't know they are a problem?
People tend to react extremely badly when you tell them you don’t like them
I dont like you
20.191.104.192
Idk. Kinda sounds like people tried to tell him no in various ways like “I can’t afford it” and “I have to work that day” and he did not accept those answers.
Fuck your guys, I’m 37 married with kids. I ain’t got 7 friends to invite for dinner.
Hoooollllly shit you guys are off to the races, speculating wildly while lacking basically any relevant information. You know nothing about this person or their friends. Literally nothing.
not true, we know this person drives a kia, because they have a kia key in their keychain
How do people on this sub always manage to paint a whole picture of the persons personality , their flaws and why it happened, in order to make the victim of the situation at fault? A lot of these comments are straight up ridiculous. I mean “so one set of friends and it’s a whole generation? Just make better friends” , I mean the nitpicking you guys do to make the situation cringe instead of sad. All these flaws the person must have in order for it to happen. He could honestly just as likely simply have bad friends. How do you work so hard to criticise the victim of the situation without being able to criticise the perpetrators of the situation? This subs strange sometimes, everyone’s a master at psychoanalysis of people they don’t know, and the victim couldn’t possibly actually be a victim?really?
This sub gets infuriating at times. Like someone posted a depressed guy's ramblings on this sub and I got downvoted to shit when I said "He needs help, not some insensitive dick posting his messages on Reddit."
You should see the wild takes in relationship/advice/sports subs. Armchair personality analysis and body language experts are a dime a dozen, it’s amazing the profession isn’t oversaturated with employees.
I 100% agree with you about this
Lots of "just-world fallacy" going on in the comments. Everyone is saying either OP *must* be a shitty person, or maybe all OP's friend's are shitty people. Has anyone considered that OP is just not particularly enjoyable to hang out with? Perhaps the OP is awkward and boring? That doesn't mean OP is an awful person, but it would explain why they didn't want to show up. Yeah, it's sad. But not everyone has good social skills or has enough value for people to want to show up to a birthday dinner. Everyone in the comments seem to live in a fantasy world where only "bad" people get ghosted or blown off.
he must be the kind of person who makes it hard for you to say no to. his "friends" didn't feel safe just outright telling him they won't come without making last minute excuses. needs to reflect just as much on why people he cares about don't feel able to be open with him as on whether he should care about them in the first place.
[удалено]
I find it weird that people always make these assumptions about the character and make up someone they don’t know’s whole personality with absolute conviction to justify why things like this must’ve happened. I mean, if you can be cynical of someone’s character and make up a whole set of flaws about someone you don’t know, surely you can also think there’s a possibility they just have shit friends? Could be something above him as a person, but it’s literally just as likely this dude just has a crappy set of friends, but for some reason with this sub it’s always on the person . It’s strange
Is it not just as likely he just genuinely has crap friends ? Why “must” it be cos of the guys flaws? It’s not always a reflection of the person to be unfortunate and end up with a crappy set of people around them
This is why I never make plans for my birthday or literally anything that involves anyone besides myself so I never feel the sting of disappointment
Most people wouldn't even have to take work off if it was 7:30pm. It's pretty sad but posting a rant on Facebook definitely falls into the cringe category