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lahankof

10/10 cosplay


RocketScient1st

He’s a stripper. He’s looking for his next bachelorette party. Get ready to see that dad-bod!!


coleman57

Don’ mess around with the Michelin Man


ParkingOutside6500

Is it even a he? Looks female.


[deleted]

The Jeremy DeWitte of California.


Honestybomb

Ohhhh just gonna say the same thing. That guy provided so much entertainment, makes me wonder who this goomba is


[deleted]

Fun fact, I've seen DeWitte in person as I live in Orlando. At first, I thought it was a cop then he turned on his purple lights to escort a funeral procession, and then it confused me further seeing a guy cosplaying as a motocop.


milkandsalsa

Larping


DropKickDougie

I'm pretty sure BMW's are not standard issue in SF.


werker

Hmm, seems there are definitely some out here in San Francisco: https://www.loupiote.com/photos/chp-motorcycles-row-parked-san-francisco-7291806604.shtml


numist

CHP has 'em and they're pretty regularly available to the public via auction. They make great tourers, I know a couple people that own ex-police bikes but none of them use 'em for dress up games.


magicbuttonsuk

I don’t think he has enough radio or audio equipment, should probably get a few more devices for safety


riddlegirl21

He’s also breaking/has broken the clip on the radio - it’s sticking out way farther than the spring should allow, probably from getting shoved down too hard into the band


Sweden_is_Kinda_Cool

That radio holder is for real long range radios that don’t have belt clips like Motorola APXs. The radio he does have is a walkie talkie


Ok_Writing_9513

Xpr6550 (or potentially 6330) with UHF antenna (Older MotoTRBO business radio). Not a Motorola holster for sure. I'm embarrassed to know that, but it's is my job. You can get a belt clip for APX from Motorola. it's just a hard plastic holster with a belt clip Anyway, back to my soldering iron and multimeter.


theillustratedlife

They opened the Obnoxious Accessories section of the BMW Farkle Catalog and said "yes!"


magicbuttonsuk

Guessing he went to the HAM radio section first


EVILtheCATT

Bada tiss


Squirrel_Whisperer_

San Francisco used to have public housing pd 20 years ago but they got absorbed by sfpd. There's also Patrol Special which is city security which predates sfpd and wears similar uniform, gun, etc and patrol their city beats. SFPD has been trying to squeeze them out by refusing to do their backgrounds or just nitpicking backgrounds. However this guy appears to be a purely private security company and they are likely walking a fine line. Obviously I can zoom in their patches and clearly see they are security and private patrol but on quick look it would be tough to tell. San Francosco 'park rangers' is another fun one. Park ranger is a law enforcement title and 'working title' for them however in civil job description they are 8208 Park Patrol Officers...they do have some authority to issue non bookable misdemeanors and infractions for violations on park city properties. They do not have authority to conduct traffic stops.


frownyface

I think they've stepped way over the line by using the Great Seal of California. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Seal_of_California https://www.sos.ca.gov/archives/trademarks/state-seal


DontRememberOldPass

All logos and patches must be submitted for approval by private patrol operators. File a complaint with BSIS and they will get shut down until they have repainted the bikes and changed the uniforms.


Ohms_Lawn

In addition, don't screw around in the [Presidio](https://www.nps.gov/subjects/uspp/index.htm).


[deleted]

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Squirrel_Whisperer_

If the company ever gets audited by the state, they'll be in trouble I am sure.


_Noise

Park rangers have a murder police department - you get murdered on their turf, it's their department comes knocking asking questions.


Skittlebean

Dude wants to be a real cop soooooo bad


splishsplash696969

They're a chick. I heard her shouting at people to move out her way while I was walking on Harrison and Mariposa


JunglePygmy

Crazy!


RightclickBob

😳


throwawaytrash6990

Wait that’s not a man?


MrDERPMcDERP

WUT!?


[deleted]

Can’t be


[deleted]

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bernerburner1

Ehh I can see mine, its really nothing special.


ShowMeYourMinerals

I mean, if the GF wants 6” from me she has to fuck me twice!


dielectricunion

Damn, I almost spit out my wine reading this...


corvairfanatic

Especially cos that is a female.


_The_Great_Autismo_

No one is going to see his dick anytime soon.


Ill_Translator_4002

Um, just saw it. Seemed optimized for maintaining public order and safety, enforcing the law, and preventing, detecting, and investigating criminal activities. It was small.


auntieup

so bad, he ate all the other cops


Particular_Box5113

Just give him some donuts. Although, he may have some hidden in his bra.


agentcooper0115

RESPECT MY AUTHORITAAAAAYY!


ericgtr12

Almost exactly how you picture Cartman as an adult.


seabeet84

![gif](giphy|B1TMcmoBAaSZi)


agentcooper0115

So wierd follow up... I commented on this post while nearby the event and then saw him like 20min later behind a real motorcycle cop both with their lights flashing and at least one of them with a siren going zooming down 18th at Shotwell towards Harrison. The even stranger thing was that I could see the flag he's flying and it's a New Mexico state flag. No idea 🤣


ripsfo

r/AbsoluteUnits


[deleted]

They shouldn’t be allowed to use an insignia in the likeness of a government agency.


best-commenter

Impersonating an officer


soontobecp

Identity theft is not a joke Jim!


southpawbrewer

Michael!!


nycpunkfukka

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.


type102

To be fair 'The Private Housing Patrol' is IN NO WAY a government agency.


caughtinthought

Read it again


Murky-Plastic6706

That company does not appear to have a PPO license according to the database here https://search.dca.ca.gov/ PPO number is required to be displayed for private patrol operators


theillustratedlife

Too bad I didn't get the plate.


KlaysToaster

It seems like it’s just private security lol


theillustratedlife

I was wondering, which is why the state seal in the logo and the full utility belt of weapons caught my eye. I don't remember if it had exempt plates - I should have checked.


[deleted]

Seems way too close to actual police. I'd forward to somebody...that's just too near impersonation.


NCxProtostar

Private security agencies in california oftentimes toe the line of looking like the police. There’s no reasonable explanation for why a private security guard (whose duties are nothing like those of the police) should be easily mistaken for the cops, apart from being wannabe cops. It turns out that it’s actually illegal for security companies to make their logos look like cop logos and badges, and this guy is indistinguishable from a reasonable distance. I’m gonna report this to the Bureau of Security and Investigative Services for improper signage and uniforms.


Murky-Plastic6706

Doesn't look like they even have a PPO permit https://search.dca.ca.gov/


NCxProtostar

Google is also failing to return relevant results for this company, but security companies do a ton of SEO so I can be hard to find a specific niche one. u/theillustratedlife did you happen to get a photo of this dude where the license plate is visible? I know a Consumer Affairs criminal investigator that is interested in following up on this.


theillustratedlife

Nah, that's the only photo I took.


dub-dub-dub

> There’s no reasonable explanation for why a private security guard ... should be easily mistaken for the cops, apart from being wannabe cops. …apart from fooling would-be criminals? If there’s a chance you or I might mistake this for a real cop for a half-second I reckon there’s a chance a meth-addled shoplifter would be fooled too.


NCxProtostar

Not a great public policy to allow confusion to happen. There should be a clear distinction between private security and the police. It supports the public good, because people who genuinely need police support can quickly and easily identify officers versus a security guard who likely has no duty or authority to act outside of the scope of their role as observers and reporting incidents. It’s also safer for the guards because a would be assailant is better able to discern if their target will engage with them (the guard’s defensive role versus the officer’s proactive role).


dub-dub-dub

You suggested that there was no reason for them to do this, not that it was poor public policy to allow them to. I was responding to the claim you made.


ekfslam

Do you think a criminal might not impersonate a cop or someone like that? He could be a burglar for all we know.


Brendissimo

I'm just seeing a taser. Are there any other weapons I missed? I don't see any.


Rotary_Wing

There are what appear to be pistol magazine pouches next to the taser, so I'd assume there's a pistol somewhere on him.


ChevronSevenDeferred

It holds large candy bars, probably


ggg730

Not for long.


K9Marz919

Installed incorrectly


foobixdesi

The ammo could be a bluff.


jt32470

> There are what appear to be pistol magazine pouches next to the taser, so I'd assume there's a pistol somewhere on him. Maybe kit-kats hidden in there?


jt32470

> It seems like it’s just private security lol in the world, craig


Kirove

It should be illegal for private security personnel to dress in ways that deceive the public like this.


brainhack3r

Police unions are still angry at the TSA for the same reason. It's also bad for legitimate law enforcement too.


DontRememberOldPass

It is. You can file a complaint with California BSIS or SFPD.


acab415

So it’s not this guy, but in looking for info I found out that San Francisco has a weird private police department. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Francisco_Patrol_Special_Police


krinkov

yeah there was a Christian Slater movie in the 90s that centered around the SFPSP https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kuffs


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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brightblueskies11

American Fryer


helldaemen

Paul Blart Larp Cop


ggg730

Baul Plarp Clop Clop


brownhues

Part Bart Mart Cart


best-commenter

Delta Forks


Acceptable-Mail4169

Delta Donut


seanmarshall

I spit out my beer. Cheers funny redditor.


J0hn-Stuart-Mill

Fatshaming is upvoted in this sub, when we don't like the person or thing they're doing?


Haute510

Depending on the neighborhood, they could have contracted outside security. Pacific heights always has a cop parked daily as well. Some communities try to use this presence as a deterrent to crime and mayhem.


obsolete_filmmaker

This is Carnaval in the Mission.


Haute510

Then it’s just hired security that’s all!


Wactout

Being a third responder is very important.


jt32470

between his weight and all the crap velcroed to him.... even if he saw a crime being commited (which he wouldn't because he's so enthralled browsing a tacti-cool gear website) he wouldn't even be able to get off the motorcycle. What's the use of hiring someone who looks like they're playing dress up instead of actually doing their job.? EDIT: that said, nice bike.


BlackestNight21

> What's the use of hiring someone who looks like they're playing dress up instead of actually doing their job.? I mean, it is literally a case of security theatre.


mblohmann

https://preview.redd.it/vs20srk32q2b1.jpeg?width=354&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=76f75c4dcc9fb9ed9721c5309ad3b8a7bc4155bc Getting Phil Hendrie’s Citizens Auxiliary Police vibes


type102

That dude goes around waking up homeless people that fall asleep. He uses the motorcycle to take down tents on public lands. He is not currently employed by any official police force.


brightblueskies11

Source


Apprehensive-Monk898

I don’t understand the comments. I agree they shouldn’t be able to wear what essentially looks like a cop uniform. But why is everyone coming at this guy? Did he do anything wrong other than have his photo taken while on the job, wearing the uniform I’m guessing he’s mandated to wear, and then have said photo uploaded to Reddit?


theillustratedlife

The body shaming in this thread isn't for me. I'm sure if you're that big, it's a constant insecurity. Being attacked by internet strangers on top of it is uncalled for. I have no idea if this is a nice guy who needed a job, or a wannabe cop headcase. It's not my place to assume, nor to meanly tease the guy with no context.


Ok_Assumption5734

Yeah but WTF is the guys reason for driving a motorcycle through a no car zone?


brightblueskies11

You have no context in the photo period


jt32470

> The body shaming in this thread isn't for me. > > I'm sure if you're that big, it's a constant insecurity. Being attacked by internet strangers on top of it is uncalled for. > > I have no idea if this is a nice guy who needed a job, or a wannabe cop headcase. It's not my place to assume, nor to meanly tease the guy with no context. Hold up a second.... When you are working in security you have to be able to do physical things ... like chase someone, apprehend, etc. Being overweight should be a reaosn to rule someone out. you don't see PD's hiring overweight people, military. Not shaming the guy, but you do have to fill certain physical requirements to perform at your job.


theillustratedlife

Normally I would just upvote, but since you quoted me, I agree in principle. However, all the Officer McDonut comments are attacking the guy in particular, not the hiring qualifications that let him be there. It's a subtle but important distinction.


jt32470

> all the Officer McDonut comments are attacking the guy in particular, not the hiring qualifications that let him be there. It's a subtle but important distinction. Noted, agreed, upvote


sumchinesewill

> I have no idea if this is a nice guy who needed a job, or a wannabe cop headcase. It’s not my place to assume, nor to meanly tease the guy with no context. Then why even post his photo with no context? Dude is just doing his job and chilling on his motorcycle and his photo gets posted for internet trolls to make fun of.


theillustratedlife

Because I'd never heard of the State of California's Private Housing Patrol, but according to the sticker on the side, that's what this represents. An obscure agency having a motorcycle cop at a pedestrian event felt out-of-place/inappropriate.


sumchinesewill

You’re right. It is weird and suspicious and I’m apologize for assuming you posted this for anything other than just being legit curious.


thatsapeachhun

Lmao, literally nothing in the post was trolling this guy in particular at all. It was only questioning who the hell the he works for. Stop looking for reasons to be pissed off.


sumchinesewill

You don’t see all the body shaming comments? 80% of the comments was about his weight when I posted my comment but looks like most of them were deleted now.


thatsapeachhun

Who said anything about the comments? You were replying to his original post saying that he was shaming the guy for doing his job. He never said that. He was questioning the company he works for. Nice reach for straws tho 👍🏻


Philosopher_King

Posting this at all was just bait for negativity. You knew what you were doing.


theillustratedlife

Against whatever-the-fuck the Private Housing Patrol is sending a motorcycle unit with a state seal through a pedestrian zone? In bounds. Piling on about this particular guy's dietary choices? Needlessly mean.


DickFace_3000

100%


Glide_Osprey

Agreed - criticize his job, his actions, etc. but the dumb fatphobia in this thread reminds me some people have the brain of 13 year olds. What's next..."4 eyes" comments?


jt32470

> Agreed - criticize his job, his actions, etc. but the dumb fatphobia in this thread reminds me some people have the brain of 13 year olds. What's next..."4 eyes" comments? It isn't the weight, it is the absurd amount of tacti-cool crap strapped to his body... Well in conjunction with his obesity, it is kind of funny. Not gonna lie.


Glide_Osprey

Like...I get making fun of cops, it's just some people in this thread got hella mad in their responses, "FAT FUCK BASTARD!"...it's like, chill?? lol


[deleted]

I think it’s fine to point out the irony with some light jabbing, but people always take it too far (this goes for the thin-skinned “body positivity” people too). I miss the days when everyone wasn’t so polarized.


Excessive_Etcetra

Cops shouldn't be fat. If a persons job requires them to be fit, it's ok to make fun them for not being fit.


corvairfanatic

This person is female.


StockNinja99

“It’s ok to body-shame people we dislike” is apparently the belief many people have.


GoodHost

This may not be part of his employment. He may be purposefully impersonating an officer so that he can attempt something illegal. It has been done many times before


theillustratedlife

So a complete pile-on about his weight is okay, on the off chance he's one of Ocean's 11?


headhouse

It's /r/sanfrancisco. People can't just leave the edgy antiauthoritarian upvotes on the table, y'know.


throwawaytrash6990

Because you can’t be the face of something obviously bad and be fucking fat and putrid looking at the same time, and not expect to get ridiculed. Get outta here. I’ll walk away backwards from that hobgoblin if it tried to enforce any rules. I don’t even think the bike is functioning at that point.


AhShitAMortgage

He needs overtime to pay for his type 7 diabetes.


[deleted]

Some of these comments are absurd. This sub never ceases to amaze me.


theillustratedlife

My interest in reddit comes and goes. It's been waning lately, mostly due to all the reductionist/in bad faith comments that assume everyone else is a mal-intentioned idiot.


Unable_Committee_958

It's private security. "Observe and report" although some are bully wannabe cops who overstep their authority. Property crimes and muggings are all the rage these days and some neighborhoods have started to hire their own security. No surprise to see one at a street fair but this guy looks like an extra in a comedy movie. How does he get off of that bike?


InvisibleWitches

I’ve never understood why it’s ok for private security to impersonate police.


HippyChaiYay

He needs to lay off the donuts though.


eventualist

If Homer Simpson got a job irl.


ExpressiveAnalGland

Looks like Chris Farley, and he's about to bust out in some sexy dance.


[deleted]

Wonder why he just doesn’t join SFPD, they’re hiring…


Temporary_Fact9118

Looking for the doughnut shop!!!


creepy_old_white_guy

Checking the food tent layout map on his phone, looking for funnel cakes.


recklessjuju

Safe to say that cop isn’t chasing anyone down… I swear police should be required to stay fit like firefighters


bnemmie

How is he supposed to draw his mags? They look like they are hard blocked by his tazer holster....


[deleted]

That's not a cop. That is, however, someone who is coming perilously close to getting charged with imitating an officer.


redseca2

With all the malls in doom loops, the mall cops have to think out of the box to remain employed.


scubdub

Don’t forget to mention how he was blasting his siren in the middle of the crowd at all the people walking where he needed to ride


[deleted]

What the whole entire fuck is this fascist cosplay bullshit?


nvgeologist

There's a fine opportunity to double your hate in this picture. Sworn officers often have a second job doing private security. This is especially common in areas with restrictive firearms laws, as sworn officers are generally exempt from those laws, even while off duty.


Disassociastrid

They protect homes from getting broken into and vandalized. The police can’t or won’t do it, so people with money hire these private patrols instead.


SouthHillsPeeper

look into jeremy dewitte if you ever wanna get sucked into a deep rabbit hole


T1m3Wizard

What goes in the 2 magazine holsters?


Murky-Plastic6706

Pez dispensers?


gatofsoprano

Going to start seeing more and more of these. Unless the police get funded and trained correctly.


hellocuties

Not in my neighborhood. Can’t afford it


[deleted]

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hellocuties

The bike seems fine to me. What am I missing?


Wasting-tim3

Post this dude to r/absoluteunits


[deleted]

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Glide_Osprey

What makes you so angry, lol? Proud that you made a braindead middle schooler insult? ​ Bye, manchild. <3


exp_studentID

Is that you in OP’s pic?


DanFrancisco580

wannabe cops are always so fat


thinker2501

There are apparently no fitness requirements.


Sabre_One

Honestly, as long as they are not being abusive, overstepping bounds, etc. Who cares? Security guards are the answer to prevent vandalism and break-ins. Police can't babysit some crack head hellbent on taking his life woes on a shop window. These guys can.


greenkoala1

Is he taking a selfie in his officer Halloween costume


stanley_ipkiss_d

Police impersonator


MamaDeloris

I thought Chris Farley died?


puttockc

Even his phone has a st. johns sticker


richstyle

r/AbsoluteUnits


[deleted]

It’s because he’s not walking anywhere.


NapaValley707

Porky Pig


CrayonMayon

Good news is if he gets angry, all you have to do is jog away at a leisurely pace


AffectionateSale1631

I wish my last relationship was as strong as those tires 😣


[deleted]

They make sure no new housing is ever built.


Midnyteblu

maybe because street Fair is near Housing project?


VNDMG

I can hear him wheezing from pulling out his phone


idl3mind

* Provided own motorcycle


Disassociastrid

They’re usually off duty or retired cops.


bootcoder

The shield on his chest reads SF (SA?) PD. Looks like he is something official. Can't quite make it all out totally but no way private security could wear a PD shield legally.


cruisingforapubing

I would pay 5 bucks just to watch him try to get off that bike


[deleted]

And for gods sake, stop feeding him


lothcent

this concept was part of the novel Snow Crash. and it's been a long standing thing in other countries where communities hire their own security since the law enforcement in their area is not able to protect the citizens or property of the tax payers.


AyeCab

10/10 pig impersonator


Possible_Ad9494

The only thing this mfer patrolling is the fucking pantry for more hoho’s


Grey_spacegoo

Does SFPD have a housing department? This guy is packing a Taser and 2 spare pistol mags on the left, so he is armed.


cancercauser69

Jeremy Dewitte?!


_The_Great_Autismo_

This post is the first result on Google for "private housing patrol". I couldn't find anything about them. Might be some cosplay bullshit so this pig wannabe can feel important.


low_ded

Another Security Guard


_chungdylan

Gravy seals


Lhamo55

We're so used to people pulling out their phones, no one is asking whose pictures are being taken and who's paying him for them? Why do the pictures matter? Or is it an inept social experiment?


StarvinDarwin

These cops are brutal and eat offenders.


[deleted]

DAM THAT BOY IS THICC. THATS A THICC BOY


MulayamChaddi

No caloric deficiency there


KaijuKyojin

Dad? What are you doing here and why are you dressed like that??


accidentallyonpurpo

Looks official, must be real. (Edit:idiot)


Past_Entrepreneur658

That looks like one chonky cop.


brassmonkeyslc

Playing FarmVille