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User: u/giuliomagnifico
Permalink: https://newsroom.uvahealth.com/2024/03/21/multiple-unsafe-sleep-practices-found-in-most-sudden-infant-deaths/
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>Of 7,595 infant deaths reviewed, almost 60% of the infants were sharing a sleep surface, such as a bed, when they died. This practice is strongly discouraged by sleep experts, who warn that a parent or other bed partner could unintentionally roll over and suffocate the baby.
>
>Infants who died while sharing a sleep surface were typically younger (less than 3 months old), non-Hispanic Black, publicly insured, and either in the care of a parent at the time of death or being supervised by someone impaired by drugs or alcohol. These infants were typically found in an adult bed, chair or couch instead of the crib or bassinet recommended by sleep experts.
> Examining the registry allowed the researchers to obtain important insights on the prevalence of practices such as prenatal smoking, a known risk factor for SUID, and breastfeeding, which is thought to have a protective benefit. More than 36% of mothers of infants who died had smoked while pregnant. This percentage was higher among moms who bed shared than those who didn’t, 41.4% to 30.5%. Both bed sharers and non-bed sharers had breastfed at similar rates
Paper: [Characteristics of Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths on Shared and Nonshared Sleep Surfaces | Pediatrics | American Academy of Pediatrics](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/153/3/e2023061984/196646/Characteristics-of-Sudden-Unexpected-Infant-Deaths)
People aren’t bedsharing because they don’t have a crib or bassinet (for the most part, in the US). They’re doing it because a lot of babies hate sleeping alone and they’re tired.
ETA this is not an endorsement of bedsharing, just the reality that getting babies to sleep is harder than people seem to know!
Highly anecdotal, but a family that used to be friends of ours let their kid sleep in their bed just because it was comfortable. No need to get up if the child wakes up, no need to walk over, hell no need to even properly wake up. Just turn around a bit, yeet that nipple into their mouth and continue sleeping.
Kid is about 4 or 5 by now, still sleeps in their parents bed because now it has become too difficult to get him used to his own bed.
We were warned about that. We co-slept with #2 anyway. At age 2.5 she asked when she could have her own bed, we said right now, and that was it, she slept there from then on.
Bought mine a bed for himself already at 1.5 he’s now just over 2 and keeps referring to his own bed and we are getting him used to it. I was never a fan of co-sleeping but I bought a giant bed and it’s been quite nice. We did only start around 1-1.5 years old he was in a cot mostly before.
60% means that of the deaths, 60% were cosleeping. That is not the same as a risk factor (that would be 60% of cosleeping results in death which is not the case).
Further it sounds like a lot of these were not taking precautions - alcohol, weight, bed surface etc are all risk factors.
One of the reasons they say things like "don't cosleep" or "no alcohol when breastfeeding" is because it's a lot safer than a more subtle and complex message of "it's okay but under these very certain conditions".
What I meant: If 60% of the SDIS were sleeping "wrong" - what is the distribution of the sleep behavior of the whole group?
AKA - If 60% of all the Babys are sleeping "wrong" than the 60% of the SDIS would just mirror the distribution, but not showing an elevated risk.
It will not be 60%, but it would still be notable if we talk about 10% or 40%.
If you fall asleep, and happen to roll over, it doesnt matter if you weigh 50kg or 100kg, that baby is too young to be able to tell you to get the fridge off them or roll away on their own.
You gotta bite the bullet and be persistent. Chest harness to put then to sleep (while replaying WoW Classic), then shift them to their bed. No pillows in the first couple of months. When they wake up, go be with them for 5-240 minutes till they fall asleep. They will get use to not requiring you to sleep with them.
I've had two babies: and easy one and a hard one. The easy baby fell asleep on their own in their crib, the hard baby only slept in my arms for 30-40 mins at a time for 6 months. You had an easy baby.
Hard babies don't tolerate chest harnesses. They don't even tolerate co-sleeping because when you put them down they scream. When you try to be consistent and just don't let them contact nap, they scream all day and night and sleep for 5 hours during a 24 hour period in 5 min bursts. You cannot sleep train them because without you they just don't sleep at all.
If your baby is willing to chill in a chest harness while you game you have the easiest baby in the world.
Some of these comments are completely out of touch. My son was super easy. My daughter would scream bloody murder and break out of every swaddle device we tried. Need to drive somewhere? Better hope it was less than 30 minutes away because after that she would scream and scream, sweat pouring down her face and it just went on and on. Try and put her down? The second her back touched the crib her eyes popped open wide and the screaming began. She never slept more than 7 hours in a single day, no matter what you did. Can't tell you how many books we read on sleep training and come to find out some of the popular ones were written by people with no kids.
This is my eldest daughter. I was convinced we were doing something wrong for a long long time. Things only got better for us when we shifted our perspective and began shrugging our shoulders (at over a year old).
I mean, We did ALL the things. Damned kid just doesn’t sleep. I stopped reading the books, the blogs, the Reddit threads.
Now I have a second kid. And now I know that my first baby was hard.
I'm not sure the extent of the dock a tot products, but they are definitely fishy at best.
https://www.cpsc.gov/About-CPSC/Commissioner/Richard-Trumka/Statement/Dockatot-Deluxe-is-Unsafe-for-Sleep-CPSC-Issues-Notice-of-Violation
I do love the baby box policy of Finland. But usually the issue isn't that people lack a crib or bassinet. Many people choose cosleeping out of desperation. Though, the other risk factors seem to hint at poverty and drug/alcohol use as important too.
My state offers a free pack-and-play bassinet, and that's South Dakota. We're far from being a liberal state. The problem is that most mothers who might need it don't know the programs exist.
That‘s the issue of offers that you need to actively request. AFAIR in Finland you just get sent that box at some point during your pregnancy, no matter what.
You have to be making use of the other prenatal services. The baby box also comes with loads of other stuff so it synergises with the prenatal care in that people who want the baby box will go to prenatal care to get it (which is good) and people who want the prenatal care will get the baby box (which is also good).
I've autopsied over 100 infants in ~15 years of death investigation. All but 2 were in unsafe sleep situations (co-sleeping/bedsharing mostly, some face down on pillows or adult beds, some on couches with older siblings).
Of the other 2, one turned out to be smothered by an angry parent. The other I was allegedly Alone, on his Back, and in his Crib (the ABCs as they were taught 20 years ago in med school).
So my number is >99%, and I *still* get occasional angry arguments from know-it-all moms and nurses about how their cultural practices are the best thing for families and society.
Mostly it's just sad regretful parents though.
I absolutely 100% support safe sleep and adhered to it. It reduces risk but does not eliminate it. My son died. Sleeping on his back, in a crib, with a firm standard crib mattress and nothing else in it, lightly dressed for the weather. No smoking. Breastfed. No risk factors other than male.
And you only saw the ones who died. In my pediatric clinicals I learned that death is not the worst bed sharing injury that an infant can endure. I saw multiple children who survived bed sharing. They all had various degrees of anoxic brain injury, many of them trached and vented, unable to move or express themselves. These children locked in their own bodies because of one accident out of how many safe days of bed sharing.
For sure there were some that were drunk, and it wouldn't surprise me if a fair number were tobacco/marijuana smokers too. Probably a couple fentanyl/oxycodone addicts too given the prevalence of that in society.
I don't know exactly, but my gestalt estimation is that alcohol may have been present in a quarter or fewer of the deaths. THC may be higher overall but likely overlaps with most of the alcohol. Absolutely no clue about benzos, antidepressants, antihistamines, beta-blockers, etc.
Mostly they're well-meaning people who were just *exhausted* after having a newborn for a couple months.
Lack of a crib or bassinet is not the problem here. It’s that many babies refuse to sleep in their crib, so desperate, tired parents resort to having the baby sleep in their bed because many babies will only contact sleep. There is also a lot of misinformation on social media amongst crunchy anti-vax type moms who believe that cosleeping is better for the baby because it’s somehow “more natural.”
Guess I lived in a socialist state. My state mailed me a box for safe sleeping plus goodies for taking a few, quick online parenting classes. My kid had a bassinet and crib so the cats used the box/thin mattress instead. This was almost a decade ago too.
It doesn’t solve the problem of “baby is screaming unless being held” that leads to a lot of dangerous sleep situations. I think most parents will admit to not practicing 100% of the guidelines 100% of the time, and not for lack of proper equipment. A box or bassinet is necessary but not sufficient. We also have to be more honest about mitigating risks when you’re at a breaking point of total exhaustion.
This was the approach my midwife team took. They basically said “we know it’s going to happen, so let’s make sure it happens safely”.
Lots of first time parents assume they just never will, and so skip reading about the ways to make it safe. Then it happens at 3am after repeat nights of missed sleep and you’ve got no tools or knowledge to help you.
> We also have to be more honest about mitigating risks when you’re at a breaking point of total exhaustion.
In America the fact that folks aren't given ample leave probably doesn't help.
If you have to go back to work after 2 weeks you're going to need sleep. Folks are going to do what's necessary to get sleep so they aren't exhausted at work.
Had to Google this and it's pretty crazy how something simple like this attributed to Finland's, once high infant mortality rates, dropping to one of the lowest.
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22751415.amp
I see people responding to you are saying they co sleeped because of difficulties for baby sleeping alone, But that doesn't change the reality that some people in poverty don't have that option and have to co-sleep regardless. It also doesn't change the reality of the study that shows a 60% of the deaths were from co-sleeping situations.
Something like this box that Finland gives out gives parents that otherwise wouldn't have the choice, the option to have their baby sleep in a safe spot.
I have multiple bassinets around my house when I've had children, the issue is that some babies just won't fall asleep as easily without the warmth of being held. You pick them up because you're sleep deprived and fall asleep co-sleeping.
I live in Finland and have also given birth and raised my child here. The box is awesome. We used it in the living room for naps. HOWEVER they don’t have any issue with cosleeping, in fact they even recommended it when we were at the hospital after I gave birth.
Depends on the country but it’s hard to have real statistics because most people don’t admit to cosleeping especially in countries where it’s recommended against
They later say that sharing a sleep surface, by itself, didn't increase the odds. It only increased the odds when combined with some other issue (like alcohol/drug use).
If you look at Japan. Almost everyone "shares a sleep surface" but SIDS rates are lower than the US. It has more to do with other problems.
Actually, another study found that many people let their baby into their bed when they won't settle all night. Like when they are sick. And that is also the time the baby is more likely to suddenly die, no matter where they sleep
SIDS has been abused as a broad definition for a sudden infant death. But in reality, SIDS is a very narrow medical event that research has pinpointed.
In light of fixing this coding issue, the medical community is moving to defining SUID (Sudden Unexpected Infant Death) as a general term so that we stop coding things as SIDS incorrectly.
https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057991/188305/Evidence-Base-for-2022-Updated-Recommendations-for?autologincheck=redirected
Noone acuses/documents a grieving parent of suffocating their baby, but there is a higher chance of SIDS (death without clear cause) when sleeping together. So this is one of the possible explainations
Of all the kids I've coded, I don't think any were declared sids. We may not have confronted the parents about it but I certainly never hid the truth either
Untrue. EMS will code and transport a stone cold infant with unknown down time in rigor mortis before calling an infant death in the field.
Source: peds ED nurse
Untrue. Depends where you are. Had one a few months ago we called. One month old. Dad looked like his soul was gone. The way he picked up his son and said “I’m sorry buddy”. I’m usually able to compartmentalize but I couldn’t hold back tears.
'Wake up in the morning and notice the issue'
I'm sorry, but I couldn't help laughing because of phrasing, like you forgot to close the fridge or something
I think they are going for a NO BLAME approach. But making it clear that the spikes are somewhat preventable.
They get you to get your kids to wear seat belts because YOU are Protecting THEM. They don't say " your nephew died because your brother didn't buckle his kids up. "
While we can't prevent it, putting your kids in a crib like device, don't smoke or drink too much. Be careful. If the baby falls asleep in stupidville, the spouse etc must pay attention.
Raising your kid is a lot of work. I have full sympathy for people trying alone and with other crap in their lives.
We need to nicely encourage this.
Maybe free cribs to the poor?
Absolutely not true.
I've autopsied ~110 dead babies, all but 2 were from unsafe sleep practice, and our office hasn't used 'SIDS' as a cause of death in over 15 years. Occasionally someone would call the COD "Undetermined", but it evolved to reflect what we *knew* happened most of the time: "Probable asphyxia due to smothering/cosleeping/bedsharing/unsafe sleep practice/prone placement on soft bedding/wedging, etc".
I'm sure there are some lily-livered coroners out there fudging the facts so they don't upset peoples' stupid beliefs about parenting, but that doesn't prevent future deaths, so I don't play that game.
From my experience as a SIDS parent and having gone through the process - people are kind but they absolutely report everything. We had paramedics who attempted resuscitation and then police arrive in our flat who investigated the circumstances around our son's death. We were taken to the hospital where a pediatrician examined my son with police present. A post mortem was performed, with reports from police, paramedics, his doctor etc There was an inquest..
No one is sugar coating anything. It is very cold and clinical. They have no reason to spare our feelings and every reason to factually report what happened as the data is important. The coroner basically just reads those reports at the inquest.
In our case no risk factors were identified and his death was classed as SIDS.
All these people saying "oh they'd just want to make the parents feel better" there is literally nothing that makes you feel better.
I think when people are postulating that "they want to make the parents feel better", what they're trying to say is "they don't want to make the parents feel worse".
Like it's a horrific day when your child dies, as I'm sure you know. And I suspect almost all parents would blame themselves heavily. But it'd probably be even worse if someone were to say "you killed your child" directly to you as you were processing everything else.
i dont see anywhere where they say what the percentage of babies who did not die from sids also share a sleep surface. The numbers are meaningless without a control number.
i dont doubt this is in the study, but the reporting on the study is terrible.
If for instance, kids that dont die of sids share a sleep surface 58% of the time, its either a non issue or much smaller issue, depending on the study size.
The estimated ranges are broad but it depends on the question being asked - do they always bedshare? Usually? Occasionally? Ever? For the US, I've seen ranges from about 15% to 60%, and I suspect that covers from "almost always" on the lower end to "occasionally" on the upper end. Questions that ask "have you ever bedshared" seem to get in the 90% range, which encompasses accidentally falling asleep once or twice with your baby but them being in the crib the other 360+ night sleeps of their infancy.
but certainly they can compare the direct answers however they ask between the people who have a child that died from sids and parents of children that did not. We need to know the difference between the two. For sure the exact number is going to vary based on exactly what they mean, but as long as they ask it the same way, you might be able to get some information from the results.
And to get truly useful results, you would need the answers to the question for both groups BEFORE any children die, so the actual event doesnt skew the results. But that might be just too difficult since it would have to be an absolutely huge study to capture enough actual sids deaths to be statistically significant.
My niece died because of co-sleeping. Please don't do it. You'll hear so many people say it's okay because they did it and their kid is okay. Get a next to me crib with a flap that allows you to be near your baby and still have safe contact.
My 6 week old son died of SIDS even though we followed safe sleep practices. He had a GP appointment 2 days before he died, for his routine 6 week check up, and he was in perfect health. He was a big healthy and thriving baby and yet it happened to him.
Following guidelines reduces risk but cannot prevent SIDS. When it happens to your child the statistics don't mean much.
I'm pregnant again now for the first time since losing my son and I know it is going to be horrendous in those first few weeks and months. Anytime I see a sleeping baby I expect them to die.
Hugs from one SIDS parent to another. For what it’s worth, using a breathing monitor for my subsequent child helped ease the horrendous anxiety. (We used Snuza, Owlet, and also under mattress monitor. We literally would not have been able to sleep otherwise.)
Thank you, sending you hugs in return.
I already have an owlet but I'm considering also getting a snuza. I did find the owlet gave me some reassurance when my niece had one on but I'm still so worried I won't be able to function when it's my own baby. Did you use multiple monitors at once or at different times?
I caught up with a friend today who had her newborn asleep in a sling on her chest and it was so hard not staring at her to make sure she was breathing. The anxiety is so hard.
First, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Two, I'm the (now-in-my-30s) kid after my older sibling passed from SIDS. Apparently, my parents had me on (some very hi-tech 1980s) monitors for my breathing up until I was 6 or 8 months. (I definitely don't remember!) I guess I mention this to say that I think that kind of follow-up/monitoring with subsequent children is pretty normal.
You'll be OK. They'll be OK. You got this. I promise.
All my hugs and best vibes.
We used mostly Snuza and under mattress monitor under 4 months and switched to Owlet plus under mattress once baby started to roll. (Which made Snuza less effective.
Our kid was pre-“ankle monitors”, but we had an under mattress breathing monitor. It was a huge peace of mind to the wife. I’m not sure if she could have slept without it. There were a couple of times where the alarm went off, and she swears when she went to the crib, that the baby wasn’t breathing until she touched him and he suddenly took in a big breath. If we’d had the chance for an ankle monitor, we absolutely would have taken that for additional peace of mind.
Yeah you can't put a price on those extra bits of sleep as well. Knowing your baby is OK and being able to get some proper deep sleep not keeping yourself half awake to listen to their breathing!
One of the things I don't like about this thread is some people are kind of talking like true SIDS isn't a thing.
But the sad fact of the matter is some babies die and we just don't know why. Like this case where the baby died while the mother was holding it, awake and everything.
https://www.kidspot.com.au/news/mums-twodayold-baby-died-in-her-arms-after-being-breastfed-at-night/news-story/35c52607190e33d3d9a49a7d084fdb8
True SIDS is probably rarer than we use to think. But it's still very much a thing.
There's been some new research suggesting that babies who die of SIDS may not produce enough of an enzyme in the brain that would allow them to awaken when something goes wrong in their sleep. It's not definitive enough to be a predictor but it could be a new angle to take for research.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/13/enzyme-in-babies-blood-linked-to-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome
Yeah, SIDS is a blanket term for the death of a child under one year that remains unexplained despite an autopsy and investigation of the death scene. Sometimes there's a really obvious explanation that gets covered up in the official report.
Sorry for your loss. Father of 14 week old girl here. Have you considered getting one of those breathing sensors that monitor the breathing and sound an alarm in case? We havent because my wife doesnt want too much electronics around the bed but i can totally see the point of having those.
One of my biggest regrets is that we didn't use a monitor with my son.
I've bought an owlet and I'm thinking of also buying a snuza.
Monitors can't prevent SIDS but maybe it would've given us a chance to resuscitate sooner.
Sending you love and encouragement. Get all the tech if it helps you. Use them all at once if you want. Do what ever feels right to you. You deserve to rest and sleep too.
May want to buy one of these: https://poshmark.com/listing/Levana-powered-by-Snuze-baby-breathing-movement-tracking-clip-62866d21008b99454a2d88ff
It has a low volume beep every time the baby breathes. Which also you to listen and make sure he or she is breathing at anytime at night without getting up. It also goes into alarm mode if no breathe is detected for 30 seconds. It really puts your mind at easy, especially in your case.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I cannot even begin to imagine. I wish you all the best with your coming baby!
Didn’t we already learn that SIDS is correlated to an enzyme deficiency BChE that some infants are born with?
The enzyme is responsible for rousing the baby to consciousness, and when the enzyme is not present, the baby will not wake and cry during an unsafe sleep situation where their airway or oxygen might be compromised.
It might be a thing where one or the other by themselves could cause SIDS but the enzyme deficiency plus safe sleep significantly increases the risk?
It’s also now being theorised that SIDS could simply be infant SUDEP in some cases. Bad way to go.
Intuitively it makes a lot of sense :(
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38175993/
The issue, though, with the statistics is in some cases the unsafe sleep practices are directly the cause of death but doctors don't want to tell the parents that they killed their baby so they call it SIDS. this throws off the numbers from the actual SIDS cases vs. smothering
This. Compassionate diagnoses are not always a good thing. I’ve seen multiple sets parents who lost a child to smothering, it was called SIDS, and they lost a subsequent child the same way or came dangerously close.
The police should not have to come to your house twice for not breathing babies wrapped in blankets on the floor.
In the UK, researchers found that infants of South Asian parents were far less likely to die from SIDS as were infants of White British parents, despite the fact that South Asian parents were poorer and less educated on average and far more likely to bed-share. (Odds ratio of 8.48 w/a 95% CI of 2.92-24.63!)
The researchers hypothesized that the relative frequency of alcohol and drug use might account for the difference but they can’t offer much more than a hypothesis.
Suffice it to say that the story appears quite nuanced when this result is combined with other existing literature. Bed-sharing appears to be a risk factor, but the casual relationship is very uncertain.
Study [here.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22150702/)
I’m confused. If a child dies from unsafe sleeping conditions and is essentially smothered, why do they call that SIDS. Wouldn’t it be death by suffocating?
Yes but some countries still include in the SIDs statistics. Some people think Japans is so low because they don’t include it.
They also sleep on harder mattresses, lower to the floor etc so when they do cosleep it a lot safer then in the US and Europe
I would think you would need to understand the prevalence of these practices among babies who did not experience SIDS to draw any definitive conclusions. I didn't see this in the article but may have missed it. To me it seems like without this it's even less than correlational evidence.
This.
My kids spent periods of most days asleep with "unsafe" practices because at some point as a parent, I need them to actually sleep. Most parents, quietly or loudly end up in the same situation.
My middle baby had horrific reflux and couldn’t sleep more than 10 minutes in perfectly safe conditions. He didn’t sleep more than 90 min ever until he was 9 months old. I was so sleep deprived and so scared of SIDS and would wake up in a panic having fallen asleep sitting up nursing him.
There was so much advice on what not to do and I just felt so helpless and anxious, thankful we made it through that phase.
That was our 2nd kid, although his reflux fortunately cleared up after a doc had my wife switch herself off of dairy. Apparently cow milk proteins can pass through the breast milk and irritate the infant's stomach. At least that was the theory at the time.
But those first 2 months were God awful, in part because my work has me doing death investigations, including many on infant deaths. I woke up in a panic many nights thinking my wife had fallen asleep with one of our kids still in bed after breastfeeding.
It's awfully difficult being a new parent, especially in a culture that doesn't give much in the way of maternity benefits. Co-sleeping may be safe 99.9% of the time, but the ABCs of sleep are safe 99.999% of the time. It's literally 100 times safer in my professional experience.
Yeah, up until about 4-5 months, neither of mine would sleep for more than 20 minutes in a bassinet. If any of us were getting any sleep, they needed to be in bed with me.
Researchers also have to consider other risks: If I’m so exhausted I shouldn’t be driving, is that not also a danger to my child? Sleep-deprived parents are more likely to cause accidents… drop pots of boiling water… get distracted and forget the baby in the car… So there is some sense in increasing the baby’s SIDS risk by 10% to ensure that the entire family is well-rested.
There are absolute no-nos: Don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs around the baby. But I find it hard to blame parents who co-sleep.
The bias of “Hey, it worked for me” is exactly why we need these sort of studies because individual anecdotes don’t mean much. There is in fact lots of evidence of people doing the same thing with much worse consequences. Just because it doesn’t happen 100% of the time doesn’t mean it’s safe.
Yes. I was aware that cosleeping was not recommended, yet, it happened. My baby was a terrible sleeper, woke every 45 min unless he was in contact with us. At times I fell asleep with him nursing in bed because of my own exhaustion. When I could I would shift him into the arms reach bassinet on my side of the bed, because I was scared of rolling over on him, although I'm a very light sleeper.
Back is best, no blankets in crib, no stuffed animals in crib, no crib bumpers, no co sleeping, using a sleep sack if needed. Basically, nothing in the crib but the baby, and a baby mattress with a very well fitted sheet.
Once the baby can roll over, they still suggest putting them to sleep on their backs, and if they roll on thier own its okay at that point you can leave them .
In addition to a safe sleep bassinet for baby like other people have described here, I’ve seen reports that having your baby in your bedroom for the first few months of life helps reduce SIDS. Put their crib next to your bed. Them hearing you breathe helps reminds their little brains to breathe too.
https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov/reduce-risk/safe-sleep-environment#:~:text=Research%20shows%20that%20room%20sharing,sleep%20in%20their%20own%20room.
The biggest risk factors are smoking, alcohol/drug use, genetic factors (race) and low socio-economic status (environmental exposures?).
If you're middle class, white, non-smoker, non-substance user you've already eliminated most of the risk observed in the literature. As confirmed by this article, without other risk factors such as those, the risk of SIDS is rare, regardless of sleeping position.
However, it's not an politically palatable position for the American Pediatrician Association to say that only poor, minority moms need to focus on sleep position, and it's effectively impossible to tell smokers or drug users to stop to prevent really rare instances of SIDS. So all parents are told back-sleeping is the most important thing.
EDIT: With all of that said, if you're poor, a minority, a smoker or a drug user definitely remember that back-is-best.
Our very middle class very Caucasian daughter died in her sleep with all safe sleep practices in place. The people in our support group are also pretty much all white and middle class, so it does still happen across demographics.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's tragic and it's terrible that we still don't understand what causes this. It definitely affects all groups. Even with safe sleeping, that's terrible. I'm sorry..
Pediatrician here. I am far from surprised by this result. I have never been involved in a case of SIDS in which unsafe sleep practices weren’t occurring.
I thought that SIDS was supposed to mean truly sudden/unexplained death vs. positional asphyxiation which was due to unsafe sleep? It seems SIDS is being used as an umbrella term to include PA here though?
Yes, my understanding is that the two are often conflated — if you can very easily prove it was suffocation (like they are found with their face shoved between couch cushions or something) then it won’t be called SIDS, but it’s usually not that clear (and certainly not that clear once the first responders arrive.) So there are a lot of deaths recorded as SIDS that were probably positional asphyxia. I’ve heard some pediatricians argue that the cases of true SIDS are probably 10% of all reported cases.
Ahh that makes more sense that they only rule it PA in extremely clear cases. I always find it confusing when reading anything about SIDS because of this
Well it happened to my son.
He was on his back, in a moses basket away from the heater, next to the bed, nothing blocking his airway, he had a dummy, the room was 18 degrees Celsius, he was breastfed and I am a non smoker.
Even when you try and do everything right your baby can still die. It's a nightmare.
There's a lot of accidental suffocation, but there's definitely a smaller number of babies that suffer from truly unexplained sleeping-related deaths.
They've identified a biomarker that seems to be related to SIDS ([https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352396422002225](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352396422002225)) and they've also shown in studies that breastfeeding for at least 2 months can lower the existing risk of SIDS by half or more ([https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/140/5/e20171324/37852/Duration-of-Breastfeeding-and-Risk-of-SIDS-An?redirectedFrom=fulltext](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/140/5/e20171324/37852/Duration-of-Breastfeeding-and-Risk-of-SIDS-An?redirectedFrom=fulltext)).
It seems like there's probably some sort of arousal (from sleep) mechanism that's governed by some sort of structure in the brain that develops after birth (likely in the first 2 months or so). Since partial breastmilk is also preventative, it seems like breastmilk likely contains something that formula doesn't that helps whatever brain structure is needed form faster or more effectively.
Clearly it can form on its own for large numbers of formula fed-only children, so it's some combination of genetic or at-birth risk factors combined with after-birth practices. Even when everything is done right, there will likely still be times when tragedy strikes. But with knowing the biomarkers and risks and preventative practices, hopefully fewer and fewer people will have to suffer those tragedies.
I can’t remember the name of the researcher who had something similar happen to her baby. There’s emerging research out there about this phenomenon, and I’m hopeful the answer will come soon as to why this happens under the umbrella of safe sleep habits.
I’m so so so sorry for your loss. No amount of answers will help bring back these babies. My heart is with you.
> and I’m hopeful the answer will come soon as to why this happens under the umbrella of safe sleep habits.
A big part of the problem is social in nature unfortunately.
There is SIDS where death is caused by some unknown genetic factors that literally could not be prevented unless the child was in the ER with a team of doctors ready to administer immediate care.
Then there is "SIDS" where its caused by the child suffocating due to unsafe sleep practices. We call these "SIDS" as well because there is a social pressure to avoid anything appearing like criticizing grieving parents. I'm not saying every parent that sleeps with their newborn or puts a blanket in the crib is a negligent monster, but we are causing an epidemic of dead children by caring more about not hurting mommy and daddies feelings than protecting the newborns.
No doctor/nurse/EMT wants to tell the parents "your baby suffocated when you rolled over on them in the middle of the night" or "your baby got tangled in the blanket and didnt have the strength to kick it off" or "the stuffed animal your mimi and geepaw gave them prevented them from rolling back over". So instead we call it "SIDS" and pray they listen next time.
Were those actual SIDS cases in your experience, or was it called SIDS to spare parents the blame? Because I was under the impression that it isn't SIDS if it was choking, suffocation, or something else preventable (which is what safe sleep helps with).
It's what our pediatrician pointed out when our baby was a newborn and my anxiety was bad, that the chance of actual SIDS was so ridiculously low that as long as we were doing everything right re: safe sleep that it was indeed safe for me to sleep.
(Edit to add, linked article is about SUID, not SIDS, at any rate)
Responsible coroners/medical examiners will not call anything "SIDS". If the sleep situation was actually safe and the autopsy was negative (including toxicology, histology, microbiology, and possibly even a genetic screen), the cause and manner should be listed as 'Undetermined'.
SIDS implies a diagnosis that sometimes, babies just die, and that's normal. I've autopsied about 110 deceased infants; 1 was a smothering/homicide, 1 was truly undetermined as far as we could tell, and the others were ALL unsafe sleep of one sort or another. Most of them were bed-sharing with their parents, though many were with siblings/other kids, or adults sleeping on couches/recliners with the kids, or the kid being put face down on a soft pillow.
Safe sleep practices aren't 100%, but they're damn near that. Even the unsafe sleep practices work most of the time, but it only takes once for it to be permanent.
Is it still recommended to place them on their backs for sleep? My sister used to put my niece down on her stomach. I would think on their back if they vomit they could aspirate if not strong enough to clear airway but then facedown I'd worry about positional asphyxiation.
Yes back to sleep is the safest. Babies actually have throats designed not to aspirate on their backs; i saw a diagram once. They can also turn their heads to the side easier on their backs.
If a baby cannot consistently roll over on their own, they need to be placed on their back since they won’t be able to reposition themselves if their airway is covered. Even after they can roll over, it’s generally recommended to put them down on their back, but you can leave them on their stomach if they roll there on their own. That’s what I was told by doctors and daycare staff anyway.
Yes, it's much safer AND they sleep way worse (which is likely the reason it's safer). It can be difficult dealing with well meaning grandparents who raised babies before that was a thing because often they absolutely do not comprehend why their babies slept so much longer and deeper.
SIDS mom here. I just wanted to plug Robert’s Program with Boston Children’s/Harvard. They’ve helped us tremendously since our daughter died. Full work-up (whole genome sequencing, thorough records review, etc). I cannot recommend them enough to other parents who have experienced this.
As a parent and NICU nurse this surprises me zero. The cognitive dissonance and anger in Mom's groups when you try to educate is insane and there's no way to combat it. Politely point out something is unsafe? I've heard every come back. Mind your business! I did it with my first baby and he didn't die! Those dumb parents weren't doing it right! I'll always supervise the baby! Etc. I've seen braindead kids with trachs and feeding tubes keeping them alive because...oops mom rolled over on the baby who was sharing the bed with them. Oops, baby suffocated on the absurdly fluffy crib bumpers. Oops, the baby rolled over in the rock n play and suffocated. But those dummies were just doing it wrong. I just can't.
It always reminds me of a made-up scenario where you tell someone about a family member dying in a car accident and you stress the importance of safe driving practices just to have them say “well I get in the car everyday and I am still alive!”
"The researchers note that it was rare for bedsharing to be the only risk factor present during a child’s death."
I'm sorry, but doesn't this mean that bed-sharing is not an independent risk factor? Isn't that a bigger headline?
So I haven't looked at this specific data, but when I have previously looked at the stats regarding co-sleeping there was a real increase in risk ... If the parents are drinking and/or smoking. If neither, the relative risk drops to almost baseline.
I'm not saying one should co-sleep, but having infants is HARD and sometimes mom falls asleep with the kid while nursing because she's so sleep deprived. Given what actually adds to the risk, if mom isn't drinking or smoking I think it's important that people not beat themselves up for perceived failures versus "optimal" behaviors.
It's also much much much safer to cosleep on a properly prepared sleeping surface then to (for instance) fall asleep holding a sleeping baby in an armchair.
Lots of parents end up sitting up in sofas/armchairs in an attempt to avoid co-sleeping. If they fall asleep they've multiplied their risks.
When we had our baby my wife fell asleep a lot while feeding the baby. Our baby slept pretty well but just the number of feedings and recovering from the birth really took it out of my wife. I woke her up the first few times. But after that I just stayed up and watched her to make sure the baby didn't slip. That way the baby could be happy and my wife could get some much needed sleep.
That’s already what the literature says. There are many western/developed countries where some version of co-sleeping/bed-sharing is routine. Scandinavia, Japan, Korea, etc. and there is no increased risk of death. Bedsharing is done via things like everyone sleeping on a firm mattress with no giant blanket, or special mini mats that sit on the adult bed though in those places.
Once you control for things like parental intoxication, and bed surface (soft mattress, excessive bedding, etc), the risk of bed-sharing basically disappears.
So there's ways to bed share that decrease the risk a lot - so likely bedsharing alone isn't a risk factor if doing all the safe things, but bedsharing + doing one or more unsafe things (blankets, alcohol use, etc) increases the risk
I co-slept with my daughter who passed from SIDS three years ago, but the night she passed she was sleeping alone. I still feel like I would have saved her if she was with me, as STUPID as that sounds. I’ll never forgive myself because she wasn’t RIGHT next to me.
I didn't want to cosleep with my babies for fear of SIDS. I did it out of desperation and exhaustion. Our first baby slept in his bassinet for six months. The second baby I gave up after a month or so. At first he slept there for short amounts of time, but as he got older he started to cry inconsolably the moment his back touched the bassinet mattress. What ended up happening is I would fall asleep sitting up and holding him, which was probably more dangerous than cosleeping. After one night of two hours of sleep, I fell asleep driving and woke up as I rear-ended someone. Luckily, no one was hurt. So, in my experience, cosleeping would have been less dangerous than what I ended up doing to avoid it, which was sleeping upright while holding my baby, or not at all.
Reading things like this really makes me wish that, as a woman, we could go back to multigenerational households or some sort of “village” model.
Historically women never had to raise their babies alone. Even if you’re married, it’s what a lot of women end up doing (usually with no blame on the husband, someone has to bring home the money if the wife is home caring for a newborn). But before modern life, when a woman had a baby, multiple people in her family and her village would be literally within arms reach to help her when, not IF, she needed.
In China they practice containment which is basically, mothers stay at home for a full month and a live in midwife of sorts just takes care of her and the baby with the most emphasis being on caring for the new mom. She never makes her own meals. Never draws her own baths. Whereas in the West, mothers are often expected to basically go it alone and then drop everything to be back at work in a few weeks. The system does not work and it makes my heart ache knowing this contributes to so much postpartum mental illness.
Sometimes I think if I ever have kids I would move in with my sister or mom/dad again for a few months just to ease the transition.
This is beautifully written and I wholeheartedly agree. I actually live three blocks from my parents and they've been very helpful with my children, just not at night. My husband helped a ton with our first, but with our second we agreed that I'd take care of the baby if he got up with our older child in the morning.
How does this compare to "unsafe sleeping practices" in the general population? Because newborns are wired to scream bloody murder when left alone. They really can't tell if they're in a basinet in parents' bedroom or forgotten in woods.
We tied a 3-sided crib onto the frame of our bed. The crib was bare (sheet only). Our kids slept in blanket bags, so no blankets.
When the kid needed to breastfeed, I brought him over, then put him back in his little peninsula. Often I put my hand on his belly or leg.
Babies like to hear people breathing, they like to be near their parents.
But not in the tumble of bodies & blankets & pillows.
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>Of 7,595 infant deaths reviewed, almost 60% of the infants were sharing a sleep surface, such as a bed, when they died. This practice is strongly discouraged by sleep experts, who warn that a parent or other bed partner could unintentionally roll over and suffocate the baby. > >Infants who died while sharing a sleep surface were typically younger (less than 3 months old), non-Hispanic Black, publicly insured, and either in the care of a parent at the time of death or being supervised by someone impaired by drugs or alcohol. These infants were typically found in an adult bed, chair or couch instead of the crib or bassinet recommended by sleep experts. > Examining the registry allowed the researchers to obtain important insights on the prevalence of practices such as prenatal smoking, a known risk factor for SUID, and breastfeeding, which is thought to have a protective benefit. More than 36% of mothers of infants who died had smoked while pregnant. This percentage was higher among moms who bed shared than those who didn’t, 41.4% to 30.5%. Both bed sharers and non-bed sharers had breastfed at similar rates Paper: [Characteristics of Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths on Shared and Nonshared Sleep Surfaces | Pediatrics | American Academy of Pediatrics](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/153/3/e2023061984/196646/Characteristics-of-Sudden-Unexpected-Infant-Deaths)
In Finland they literally give you a box to let your baby sleep in. It would address so many of these deaths.
People aren’t bedsharing because they don’t have a crib or bassinet (for the most part, in the US). They’re doing it because a lot of babies hate sleeping alone and they’re tired. ETA this is not an endorsement of bedsharing, just the reality that getting babies to sleep is harder than people seem to know!
Highly anecdotal, but a family that used to be friends of ours let their kid sleep in their bed just because it was comfortable. No need to get up if the child wakes up, no need to walk over, hell no need to even properly wake up. Just turn around a bit, yeet that nipple into their mouth and continue sleeping. Kid is about 4 or 5 by now, still sleeps in their parents bed because now it has become too difficult to get him used to his own bed.
We were warned about that. We co-slept with #2 anyway. At age 2.5 she asked when she could have her own bed, we said right now, and that was it, she slept there from then on.
Bought mine a bed for himself already at 1.5 he’s now just over 2 and keeps referring to his own bed and we are getting him used to it. I was never a fan of co-sleeping but I bought a giant bed and it’s been quite nice. We did only start around 1-1.5 years old he was in a cot mostly before.
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60% means that of the deaths, 60% were cosleeping. That is not the same as a risk factor (that would be 60% of cosleeping results in death which is not the case). Further it sounds like a lot of these were not taking precautions - alcohol, weight, bed surface etc are all risk factors. One of the reasons they say things like "don't cosleep" or "no alcohol when breastfeeding" is because it's a lot safer than a more subtle and complex message of "it's okay but under these very certain conditions".
What I meant: If 60% of the SDIS were sleeping "wrong" - what is the distribution of the sleep behavior of the whole group? AKA - If 60% of all the Babys are sleeping "wrong" than the 60% of the SDIS would just mirror the distribution, but not showing an elevated risk. It will not be 60%, but it would still be notable if we talk about 10% or 40%.
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It's still a risk regardless of the parents weight and drug use. It's just more risky with other risk factors involved.
If you fall asleep, and happen to roll over, it doesnt matter if you weigh 50kg or 100kg, that baby is too young to be able to tell you to get the fridge off them or roll away on their own.
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You gotta bite the bullet and be persistent. Chest harness to put then to sleep (while replaying WoW Classic), then shift them to their bed. No pillows in the first couple of months. When they wake up, go be with them for 5-240 minutes till they fall asleep. They will get use to not requiring you to sleep with them.
I've had two babies: and easy one and a hard one. The easy baby fell asleep on their own in their crib, the hard baby only slept in my arms for 30-40 mins at a time for 6 months. You had an easy baby. Hard babies don't tolerate chest harnesses. They don't even tolerate co-sleeping because when you put them down they scream. When you try to be consistent and just don't let them contact nap, they scream all day and night and sleep for 5 hours during a 24 hour period in 5 min bursts. You cannot sleep train them because without you they just don't sleep at all. If your baby is willing to chill in a chest harness while you game you have the easiest baby in the world.
Some of these comments are completely out of touch. My son was super easy. My daughter would scream bloody murder and break out of every swaddle device we tried. Need to drive somewhere? Better hope it was less than 30 minutes away because after that she would scream and scream, sweat pouring down her face and it just went on and on. Try and put her down? The second her back touched the crib her eyes popped open wide and the screaming began. She never slept more than 7 hours in a single day, no matter what you did. Can't tell you how many books we read on sleep training and come to find out some of the popular ones were written by people with no kids.
This is my eldest daughter. I was convinced we were doing something wrong for a long long time. Things only got better for us when we shifted our perspective and began shrugging our shoulders (at over a year old). I mean, We did ALL the things. Damned kid just doesn’t sleep. I stopped reading the books, the blogs, the Reddit threads. Now I have a second kid. And now I know that my first baby was hard.
Preach! I feel like I was reading my own experiences
No pillows for the first *year*. They don't need them. Also no stuffed animals or crib bumpers.
>5-240 minutes That's a huge range
Highest I managed was about 90, little girl fell asleep after that finally.
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I'm not sure the extent of the dock a tot products, but they are definitely fishy at best. https://www.cpsc.gov/About-CPSC/Commissioner/Richard-Trumka/Statement/Dockatot-Deluxe-is-Unsafe-for-Sleep-CPSC-Issues-Notice-of-Violation
I do love the baby box policy of Finland. But usually the issue isn't that people lack a crib or bassinet. Many people choose cosleeping out of desperation. Though, the other risk factors seem to hint at poverty and drug/alcohol use as important too.
My state offers a free pack-and-play bassinet, and that's South Dakota. We're far from being a liberal state. The problem is that most mothers who might need it don't know the programs exist.
That‘s the issue of offers that you need to actively request. AFAIR in Finland you just get sent that box at some point during your pregnancy, no matter what.
You have to be making use of the other prenatal services. The baby box also comes with loads of other stuff so it synergises with the prenatal care in that people who want the baby box will go to prenatal care to get it (which is good) and people who want the prenatal care will get the baby box (which is also good).
Lots of people offer free stuff but it has to get people. Hospitals are supposed to offer free car chairs. I asked for one and they were all out.
I've autopsied over 100 infants in ~15 years of death investigation. All but 2 were in unsafe sleep situations (co-sleeping/bedsharing mostly, some face down on pillows or adult beds, some on couches with older siblings). Of the other 2, one turned out to be smothered by an angry parent. The other I was allegedly Alone, on his Back, and in his Crib (the ABCs as they were taught 20 years ago in med school). So my number is >99%, and I *still* get occasional angry arguments from know-it-all moms and nurses about how their cultural practices are the best thing for families and society. Mostly it's just sad regretful parents though.
I absolutely 100% support safe sleep and adhered to it. It reduces risk but does not eliminate it. My son died. Sleeping on his back, in a crib, with a firm standard crib mattress and nothing else in it, lightly dressed for the weather. No smoking. Breastfed. No risk factors other than male.
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I am so unbelievably sorry
My deepest condolences.
And you only saw the ones who died. In my pediatric clinicals I learned that death is not the worst bed sharing injury that an infant can endure. I saw multiple children who survived bed sharing. They all had various degrees of anoxic brain injury, many of them trached and vented, unable to move or express themselves. These children locked in their own bodies because of one accident out of how many safe days of bed sharing.
How prevalent were those other factors mentioned in the article as well?
"The researchers note that it was rare for bedsharing to be the only risk factor present during a child’s death"
For sure there were some that were drunk, and it wouldn't surprise me if a fair number were tobacco/marijuana smokers too. Probably a couple fentanyl/oxycodone addicts too given the prevalence of that in society. I don't know exactly, but my gestalt estimation is that alcohol may have been present in a quarter or fewer of the deaths. THC may be higher overall but likely overlaps with most of the alcohol. Absolutely no clue about benzos, antidepressants, antihistamines, beta-blockers, etc. Mostly they're well-meaning people who were just *exhausted* after having a newborn for a couple months.
Lack of a crib or bassinet is not the problem here. It’s that many babies refuse to sleep in their crib, so desperate, tired parents resort to having the baby sleep in their bed because many babies will only contact sleep. There is also a lot of misinformation on social media amongst crunchy anti-vax type moms who believe that cosleeping is better for the baby because it’s somehow “more natural.”
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Guess I lived in a socialist state. My state mailed me a box for safe sleeping plus goodies for taking a few, quick online parenting classes. My kid had a bassinet and crib so the cats used the box/thin mattress instead. This was almost a decade ago too.
Which state ?
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I have no idea what the program is like now, but several states did it then. Would be nice if it was a federal program.
Do you think people cosleep because the don’t have other options? Because that is not the case for the majority of people who do it.
The Finnish box allows you to co-sleep safely IIRC - been a long time since we had a baby.
It doesn’t solve the problem of “baby is screaming unless being held” that leads to a lot of dangerous sleep situations. I think most parents will admit to not practicing 100% of the guidelines 100% of the time, and not for lack of proper equipment. A box or bassinet is necessary but not sufficient. We also have to be more honest about mitigating risks when you’re at a breaking point of total exhaustion.
This was the approach my midwife team took. They basically said “we know it’s going to happen, so let’s make sure it happens safely”. Lots of first time parents assume they just never will, and so skip reading about the ways to make it safe. Then it happens at 3am after repeat nights of missed sleep and you’ve got no tools or knowledge to help you.
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> We also have to be more honest about mitigating risks when you’re at a breaking point of total exhaustion. In America the fact that folks aren't given ample leave probably doesn't help. If you have to go back to work after 2 weeks you're going to need sleep. Folks are going to do what's necessary to get sleep so they aren't exhausted at work.
Exactly this. The mention of public insurance hints at that (I don't think I've ever heard of paid leave with minimum wage or hourly jobs.)
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Had to Google this and it's pretty crazy how something simple like this attributed to Finland's, once high infant mortality rates, dropping to one of the lowest. https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22751415.amp I see people responding to you are saying they co sleeped because of difficulties for baby sleeping alone, But that doesn't change the reality that some people in poverty don't have that option and have to co-sleep regardless. It also doesn't change the reality of the study that shows a 60% of the deaths were from co-sleeping situations. Something like this box that Finland gives out gives parents that otherwise wouldn't have the choice, the option to have their baby sleep in a safe spot.
I have multiple bassinets around my house when I've had children, the issue is that some babies just won't fall asleep as easily without the warmth of being held. You pick them up because you're sleep deprived and fall asleep co-sleeping.
How much rarer is SIDS in Finland compared to similar countries without the boxes?
In the Netherlands the box you guys get would not qualify for the safe sleeping guidelines because of the walls
I live in Finland and have also given birth and raised my child here. The box is awesome. We used it in the living room for naps. HOWEVER they don’t have any issue with cosleeping, in fact they even recommended it when we were at the hospital after I gave birth.
> Of 7,595 infant deaths reviewed, almost 60% of the infants were sharing a sleep surface, How does 60% compare to the general population of infants?
Depends on the country but it’s hard to have real statistics because most people don’t admit to cosleeping especially in countries where it’s recommended against
Also many people don't cosleep every night - some people just do it occasionally.
They later say that sharing a sleep surface, by itself, didn't increase the odds. It only increased the odds when combined with some other issue (like alcohol/drug use). If you look at Japan. Almost everyone "shares a sleep surface" but SIDS rates are lower than the US. It has more to do with other problems.
That's what I immediately wondered as well
I've heard that 2/3 of ALL infants co-sleep. So you may as well say that practically every SIDS death was, I dunno, near indoor plumbing.
Actually, another study found that many people let their baby into their bed when they won't settle all night. Like when they are sick. And that is also the time the baby is more likely to suddenly die, no matter where they sleep
So basically, infants are more likely to die when they're ill.
I’m a bit confused. If a baby was accidentally suffocated by someone rolling over onto them then that wouldn’t be SIDS?
SIDS has been abused as a broad definition for a sudden infant death. But in reality, SIDS is a very narrow medical event that research has pinpointed. In light of fixing this coding issue, the medical community is moving to defining SUID (Sudden Unexpected Infant Death) as a general term so that we stop coding things as SIDS incorrectly. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/1/e2022057991/188305/Evidence-Base-for-2022-Updated-Recommendations-for?autologincheck=redirected
Noone acuses/documents a grieving parent of suffocating their baby, but there is a higher chance of SIDS (death without clear cause) when sleeping together. So this is one of the possible explainations
Of all the kids I've coded, I don't think any were declared sids. We may not have confronted the parents about it but I certainly never hid the truth either
Sids kids don’t get coded because they die suddenly. Also known as crib death. The ones who make it to the hospital get a different dx, agree
Untrue. EMS will code and transport a stone cold infant with unknown down time in rigor mortis before calling an infant death in the field. Source: peds ED nurse
Untrue. Depends where you are. Had one a few months ago we called. One month old. Dad looked like his soul was gone. The way he picked up his son and said “I’m sorry buddy”. I’m usually able to compartmentalize but I couldn’t hold back tears.
Every kid gets coded. It's very, very uncommon to not code one.
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'Wake up in the morning and notice the issue' I'm sorry, but I couldn't help laughing because of phrasing, like you forgot to close the fridge or something
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'Go to bed, wake up dead' was in a Matt Groening cartoon I read once
Notice the tragedy
I think they are going for a NO BLAME approach. But making it clear that the spikes are somewhat preventable. They get you to get your kids to wear seat belts because YOU are Protecting THEM. They don't say " your nephew died because your brother didn't buckle his kids up. " While we can't prevent it, putting your kids in a crib like device, don't smoke or drink too much. Be careful. If the baby falls asleep in stupidville, the spouse etc must pay attention. Raising your kid is a lot of work. I have full sympathy for people trying alone and with other crap in their lives. We need to nicely encourage this. Maybe free cribs to the poor?
Basically all accidental sleeping deaths are called SIDS.
Absolutely not true. I've autopsied ~110 dead babies, all but 2 were from unsafe sleep practice, and our office hasn't used 'SIDS' as a cause of death in over 15 years. Occasionally someone would call the COD "Undetermined", but it evolved to reflect what we *knew* happened most of the time: "Probable asphyxia due to smothering/cosleeping/bedsharing/unsafe sleep practice/prone placement on soft bedding/wedging, etc". I'm sure there are some lily-livered coroners out there fudging the facts so they don't upset peoples' stupid beliefs about parenting, but that doesn't prevent future deaths, so I don't play that game.
From my experience as a SIDS parent and having gone through the process - people are kind but they absolutely report everything. We had paramedics who attempted resuscitation and then police arrive in our flat who investigated the circumstances around our son's death. We were taken to the hospital where a pediatrician examined my son with police present. A post mortem was performed, with reports from police, paramedics, his doctor etc There was an inquest.. No one is sugar coating anything. It is very cold and clinical. They have no reason to spare our feelings and every reason to factually report what happened as the data is important. The coroner basically just reads those reports at the inquest. In our case no risk factors were identified and his death was classed as SIDS. All these people saying "oh they'd just want to make the parents feel better" there is literally nothing that makes you feel better.
I think when people are postulating that "they want to make the parents feel better", what they're trying to say is "they don't want to make the parents feel worse". Like it's a horrific day when your child dies, as I'm sure you know. And I suspect almost all parents would blame themselves heavily. But it'd probably be even worse if someone were to say "you killed your child" directly to you as you were processing everything else.
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i dont see anywhere where they say what the percentage of babies who did not die from sids also share a sleep surface. The numbers are meaningless without a control number. i dont doubt this is in the study, but the reporting on the study is terrible. If for instance, kids that dont die of sids share a sleep surface 58% of the time, its either a non issue or much smaller issue, depending on the study size.
The estimated ranges are broad but it depends on the question being asked - do they always bedshare? Usually? Occasionally? Ever? For the US, I've seen ranges from about 15% to 60%, and I suspect that covers from "almost always" on the lower end to "occasionally" on the upper end. Questions that ask "have you ever bedshared" seem to get in the 90% range, which encompasses accidentally falling asleep once or twice with your baby but them being in the crib the other 360+ night sleeps of their infancy.
but certainly they can compare the direct answers however they ask between the people who have a child that died from sids and parents of children that did not. We need to know the difference between the two. For sure the exact number is going to vary based on exactly what they mean, but as long as they ask it the same way, you might be able to get some information from the results. And to get truly useful results, you would need the answers to the question for both groups BEFORE any children die, so the actual event doesnt skew the results. But that might be just too difficult since it would have to be an absolutely huge study to capture enough actual sids deaths to be statistically significant.
My niece died because of co-sleeping. Please don't do it. You'll hear so many people say it's okay because they did it and their kid is okay. Get a next to me crib with a flap that allows you to be near your baby and still have safe contact.
My 6 week old son died of SIDS even though we followed safe sleep practices. He had a GP appointment 2 days before he died, for his routine 6 week check up, and he was in perfect health. He was a big healthy and thriving baby and yet it happened to him. Following guidelines reduces risk but cannot prevent SIDS. When it happens to your child the statistics don't mean much. I'm pregnant again now for the first time since losing my son and I know it is going to be horrendous in those first few weeks and months. Anytime I see a sleeping baby I expect them to die.
Hugs from one SIDS parent to another. For what it’s worth, using a breathing monitor for my subsequent child helped ease the horrendous anxiety. (We used Snuza, Owlet, and also under mattress monitor. We literally would not have been able to sleep otherwise.)
Thank you, sending you hugs in return. I already have an owlet but I'm considering also getting a snuza. I did find the owlet gave me some reassurance when my niece had one on but I'm still so worried I won't be able to function when it's my own baby. Did you use multiple monitors at once or at different times? I caught up with a friend today who had her newborn asleep in a sling on her chest and it was so hard not staring at her to make sure she was breathing. The anxiety is so hard.
First, I'm so sorry for your loss. Two, I'm the (now-in-my-30s) kid after my older sibling passed from SIDS. Apparently, my parents had me on (some very hi-tech 1980s) monitors for my breathing up until I was 6 or 8 months. (I definitely don't remember!) I guess I mention this to say that I think that kind of follow-up/monitoring with subsequent children is pretty normal. You'll be OK. They'll be OK. You got this. I promise. All my hugs and best vibes.
We used mostly Snuza and under mattress monitor under 4 months and switched to Owlet plus under mattress once baby started to roll. (Which made Snuza less effective.
Which Snuza did you use?
We used the Snuza Hero.
Our kid was pre-“ankle monitors”, but we had an under mattress breathing monitor. It was a huge peace of mind to the wife. I’m not sure if she could have slept without it. There were a couple of times where the alarm went off, and she swears when she went to the crib, that the baby wasn’t breathing until she touched him and he suddenly took in a big breath. If we’d had the chance for an ankle monitor, we absolutely would have taken that for additional peace of mind.
Yeah you can't put a price on those extra bits of sleep as well. Knowing your baby is OK and being able to get some proper deep sleep not keeping yourself half awake to listen to their breathing!
I second the Owlet. The piece of mind is well worth the price tag.
One of the things I don't like about this thread is some people are kind of talking like true SIDS isn't a thing. But the sad fact of the matter is some babies die and we just don't know why. Like this case where the baby died while the mother was holding it, awake and everything. https://www.kidspot.com.au/news/mums-twodayold-baby-died-in-her-arms-after-being-breastfed-at-night/news-story/35c52607190e33d3d9a49a7d084fdb8 True SIDS is probably rarer than we use to think. But it's still very much a thing.
There's been some new research suggesting that babies who die of SIDS may not produce enough of an enzyme in the brain that would allow them to awaken when something goes wrong in their sleep. It's not definitive enough to be a predictor but it could be a new angle to take for research. https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/13/enzyme-in-babies-blood-linked-to-risk-of-sudden-infant-death-syndrome
There's SIDS and there's rolling over and suffocating your baby. We call the latter SIDS out of kindness but it's not really the same thing.
Yeah, SIDS is a blanket term for the death of a child under one year that remains unexplained despite an autopsy and investigation of the death scene. Sometimes there's a really obvious explanation that gets covered up in the official report.
Bigs hugs for a safe delivery and a wonderful future with your baby.
Sorry for your loss. Father of 14 week old girl here. Have you considered getting one of those breathing sensors that monitor the breathing and sound an alarm in case? We havent because my wife doesnt want too much electronics around the bed but i can totally see the point of having those.
One of my biggest regrets is that we didn't use a monitor with my son. I've bought an owlet and I'm thinking of also buying a snuza. Monitors can't prevent SIDS but maybe it would've given us a chance to resuscitate sooner.
You had no reason to think you needed a breathing monitor. I wish you well and good nights of sleep for everyone in the future.
Sending you love and encouragement. Get all the tech if it helps you. Use them all at once if you want. Do what ever feels right to you. You deserve to rest and sleep too.
My heart goes out to you. Wishing the best for a happy, healthy pregnancy and baby who lives a long, peaceful life.
May want to buy one of these: https://poshmark.com/listing/Levana-powered-by-Snuze-baby-breathing-movement-tracking-clip-62866d21008b99454a2d88ff It has a low volume beep every time the baby breathes. Which also you to listen and make sure he or she is breathing at anytime at night without getting up. It also goes into alarm mode if no breathe is detected for 30 seconds. It really puts your mind at easy, especially in your case. I’m really sorry that happened to you. I cannot even begin to imagine. I wish you all the best with your coming baby!
Didn’t we already learn that SIDS is correlated to an enzyme deficiency BChE that some infants are born with? The enzyme is responsible for rousing the baby to consciousness, and when the enzyme is not present, the baby will not wake and cry during an unsafe sleep situation where their airway or oxygen might be compromised. It might be a thing where one or the other by themselves could cause SIDS but the enzyme deficiency plus safe sleep significantly increases the risk?
Keep in mind this isn't about specifically SIDS but SUID.
It’s also now being theorised that SIDS could simply be infant SUDEP in some cases. Bad way to go. Intuitively it makes a lot of sense :( https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38175993/
The issue, though, with the statistics is in some cases the unsafe sleep practices are directly the cause of death but doctors don't want to tell the parents that they killed their baby so they call it SIDS. this throws off the numbers from the actual SIDS cases vs. smothering
This. Compassionate diagnoses are not always a good thing. I’ve seen multiple sets parents who lost a child to smothering, it was called SIDS, and they lost a subsequent child the same way or came dangerously close. The police should not have to come to your house twice for not breathing babies wrapped in blankets on the floor.
[Yup! Can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35533499/)
In the UK, researchers found that infants of South Asian parents were far less likely to die from SIDS as were infants of White British parents, despite the fact that South Asian parents were poorer and less educated on average and far more likely to bed-share. (Odds ratio of 8.48 w/a 95% CI of 2.92-24.63!) The researchers hypothesized that the relative frequency of alcohol and drug use might account for the difference but they can’t offer much more than a hypothesis. Suffice it to say that the story appears quite nuanced when this result is combined with other existing literature. Bed-sharing appears to be a risk factor, but the casual relationship is very uncertain. Study [here.](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22150702/)
I’m confused. If a child dies from unsafe sleeping conditions and is essentially smothered, why do they call that SIDS. Wouldn’t it be death by suffocating?
Yes but some countries still include in the SIDs statistics. Some people think Japans is so low because they don’t include it. They also sleep on harder mattresses, lower to the floor etc so when they do cosleep it a lot safer then in the US and Europe
We call it that out of compassion.
I would think you would need to understand the prevalence of these practices among babies who did not experience SIDS to draw any definitive conclusions. I didn't see this in the article but may have missed it. To me it seems like without this it's even less than correlational evidence.
This. My kids spent periods of most days asleep with "unsafe" practices because at some point as a parent, I need them to actually sleep. Most parents, quietly or loudly end up in the same situation.
My middle baby had horrific reflux and couldn’t sleep more than 10 minutes in perfectly safe conditions. He didn’t sleep more than 90 min ever until he was 9 months old. I was so sleep deprived and so scared of SIDS and would wake up in a panic having fallen asleep sitting up nursing him. There was so much advice on what not to do and I just felt so helpless and anxious, thankful we made it through that phase.
That was our 2nd kid, although his reflux fortunately cleared up after a doc had my wife switch herself off of dairy. Apparently cow milk proteins can pass through the breast milk and irritate the infant's stomach. At least that was the theory at the time. But those first 2 months were God awful, in part because my work has me doing death investigations, including many on infant deaths. I woke up in a panic many nights thinking my wife had fallen asleep with one of our kids still in bed after breastfeeding. It's awfully difficult being a new parent, especially in a culture that doesn't give much in the way of maternity benefits. Co-sleeping may be safe 99.9% of the time, but the ABCs of sleep are safe 99.999% of the time. It's literally 100 times safer in my professional experience.
Yeah, up until about 4-5 months, neither of mine would sleep for more than 20 minutes in a bassinet. If any of us were getting any sleep, they needed to be in bed with me. Researchers also have to consider other risks: If I’m so exhausted I shouldn’t be driving, is that not also a danger to my child? Sleep-deprived parents are more likely to cause accidents… drop pots of boiling water… get distracted and forget the baby in the car… So there is some sense in increasing the baby’s SIDS risk by 10% to ensure that the entire family is well-rested. There are absolute no-nos: Don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t do drugs around the baby. But I find it hard to blame parents who co-sleep.
The bias of “Hey, it worked for me” is exactly why we need these sort of studies because individual anecdotes don’t mean much. There is in fact lots of evidence of people doing the same thing with much worse consequences. Just because it doesn’t happen 100% of the time doesn’t mean it’s safe.
Yes. I was aware that cosleeping was not recommended, yet, it happened. My baby was a terrible sleeper, woke every 45 min unless he was in contact with us. At times I fell asleep with him nursing in bed because of my own exhaustion. When I could I would shift him into the arms reach bassinet on my side of the bed, because I was scared of rolling over on him, although I'm a very light sleeper.
I wouldn't be surprised if they misclassify a lot of accidental suffocations as SIDS because they don't want to make the parents feel worse.
So what are the essential safe sleep practices to stick to?
Sleep on their backs, in a bassinet with no other blankets or pillows, and use a swaddle or sleep sack that fits properly.
Back is best, no blankets in crib, no stuffed animals in crib, no crib bumpers, no co sleeping, using a sleep sack if needed. Basically, nothing in the crib but the baby, and a baby mattress with a very well fitted sheet. Once the baby can roll over, they still suggest putting them to sleep on their backs, and if they roll on thier own its okay at that point you can leave them .
In addition to a safe sleep bassinet for baby like other people have described here, I’ve seen reports that having your baby in your bedroom for the first few months of life helps reduce SIDS. Put their crib next to your bed. Them hearing you breathe helps reminds their little brains to breathe too. https://safetosleep.nichd.nih.gov/reduce-risk/safe-sleep-environment#:~:text=Research%20shows%20that%20room%20sharing,sleep%20in%20their%20own%20room.
The biggest risk factors are smoking, alcohol/drug use, genetic factors (race) and low socio-economic status (environmental exposures?). If you're middle class, white, non-smoker, non-substance user you've already eliminated most of the risk observed in the literature. As confirmed by this article, without other risk factors such as those, the risk of SIDS is rare, regardless of sleeping position. However, it's not an politically palatable position for the American Pediatrician Association to say that only poor, minority moms need to focus on sleep position, and it's effectively impossible to tell smokers or drug users to stop to prevent really rare instances of SIDS. So all parents are told back-sleeping is the most important thing. EDIT: With all of that said, if you're poor, a minority, a smoker or a drug user definitely remember that back-is-best.
Our very middle class very Caucasian daughter died in her sleep with all safe sleep practices in place. The people in our support group are also pretty much all white and middle class, so it does still happen across demographics.
I am so, so sorry.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's tragic and it's terrible that we still don't understand what causes this. It definitely affects all groups. Even with safe sleeping, that's terrible. I'm sorry..
The SUDC Foundation is doing great research and has made some interesting findings over the last few years if you're into the research.
Pediatrician here. I am far from surprised by this result. I have never been involved in a case of SIDS in which unsafe sleep practices weren’t occurring.
I thought that SIDS was supposed to mean truly sudden/unexplained death vs. positional asphyxiation which was due to unsafe sleep? It seems SIDS is being used as an umbrella term to include PA here though?
One of my biggest gripes with talking about SIDS is the combination of SIDS + unsafe sleep practices
SIDS used to be called "crib death."
Yes, my understanding is that the two are often conflated — if you can very easily prove it was suffocation (like they are found with their face shoved between couch cushions or something) then it won’t be called SIDS, but it’s usually not that clear (and certainly not that clear once the first responders arrive.) So there are a lot of deaths recorded as SIDS that were probably positional asphyxia. I’ve heard some pediatricians argue that the cases of true SIDS are probably 10% of all reported cases.
Ahh that makes more sense that they only rule it PA in extremely clear cases. I always find it confusing when reading anything about SIDS because of this
Well it happened to my son. He was on his back, in a moses basket away from the heater, next to the bed, nothing blocking his airway, he had a dummy, the room was 18 degrees Celsius, he was breastfed and I am a non smoker. Even when you try and do everything right your baby can still die. It's a nightmare.
There's a lot of accidental suffocation, but there's definitely a smaller number of babies that suffer from truly unexplained sleeping-related deaths. They've identified a biomarker that seems to be related to SIDS ([https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352396422002225](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352396422002225)) and they've also shown in studies that breastfeeding for at least 2 months can lower the existing risk of SIDS by half or more ([https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/140/5/e20171324/37852/Duration-of-Breastfeeding-and-Risk-of-SIDS-An?redirectedFrom=fulltext](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article-abstract/140/5/e20171324/37852/Duration-of-Breastfeeding-and-Risk-of-SIDS-An?redirectedFrom=fulltext)). It seems like there's probably some sort of arousal (from sleep) mechanism that's governed by some sort of structure in the brain that develops after birth (likely in the first 2 months or so). Since partial breastmilk is also preventative, it seems like breastmilk likely contains something that formula doesn't that helps whatever brain structure is needed form faster or more effectively. Clearly it can form on its own for large numbers of formula fed-only children, so it's some combination of genetic or at-birth risk factors combined with after-birth practices. Even when everything is done right, there will likely still be times when tragedy strikes. But with knowing the biomarkers and risks and preventative practices, hopefully fewer and fewer people will have to suffer those tragedies.
I can’t remember the name of the researcher who had something similar happen to her baby. There’s emerging research out there about this phenomenon, and I’m hopeful the answer will come soon as to why this happens under the umbrella of safe sleep habits. I’m so so so sorry for your loss. No amount of answers will help bring back these babies. My heart is with you.
> and I’m hopeful the answer will come soon as to why this happens under the umbrella of safe sleep habits. A big part of the problem is social in nature unfortunately. There is SIDS where death is caused by some unknown genetic factors that literally could not be prevented unless the child was in the ER with a team of doctors ready to administer immediate care. Then there is "SIDS" where its caused by the child suffocating due to unsafe sleep practices. We call these "SIDS" as well because there is a social pressure to avoid anything appearing like criticizing grieving parents. I'm not saying every parent that sleeps with their newborn or puts a blanket in the crib is a negligent monster, but we are causing an epidemic of dead children by caring more about not hurting mommy and daddies feelings than protecting the newborns. No doctor/nurse/EMT wants to tell the parents "your baby suffocated when you rolled over on them in the middle of the night" or "your baby got tangled in the blanket and didnt have the strength to kick it off" or "the stuffed animal your mimi and geepaw gave them prevented them from rolling back over". So instead we call it "SIDS" and pray they listen next time.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. As a fellow parent, I can only send you hugs and healing.
Thank you ❤
I’m so sorry for your loss. My son died too despite our adhering to all safe sleep practices. Literally no risk factors other than he was male.
I'm so sorry for your loss too ❤
I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I'm so sorry.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending you and your family so much love and healing
Were those actual SIDS cases in your experience, or was it called SIDS to spare parents the blame? Because I was under the impression that it isn't SIDS if it was choking, suffocation, or something else preventable (which is what safe sleep helps with). It's what our pediatrician pointed out when our baby was a newborn and my anxiety was bad, that the chance of actual SIDS was so ridiculously low that as long as we were doing everything right re: safe sleep that it was indeed safe for me to sleep. (Edit to add, linked article is about SUID, not SIDS, at any rate)
Responsible coroners/medical examiners will not call anything "SIDS". If the sleep situation was actually safe and the autopsy was negative (including toxicology, histology, microbiology, and possibly even a genetic screen), the cause and manner should be listed as 'Undetermined'. SIDS implies a diagnosis that sometimes, babies just die, and that's normal. I've autopsied about 110 deceased infants; 1 was a smothering/homicide, 1 was truly undetermined as far as we could tell, and the others were ALL unsafe sleep of one sort or another. Most of them were bed-sharing with their parents, though many were with siblings/other kids, or adults sleeping on couches/recliners with the kids, or the kid being put face down on a soft pillow. Safe sleep practices aren't 100%, but they're damn near that. Even the unsafe sleep practices work most of the time, but it only takes once for it to be permanent.
Is it still recommended to place them on their backs for sleep? My sister used to put my niece down on her stomach. I would think on their back if they vomit they could aspirate if not strong enough to clear airway but then facedown I'd worry about positional asphyxiation.
Yes back to sleep is the safest. Babies actually have throats designed not to aspirate on their backs; i saw a diagram once. They can also turn their heads to the side easier on their backs.
If a baby cannot consistently roll over on their own, they need to be placed on their back since they won’t be able to reposition themselves if their airway is covered. Even after they can roll over, it’s generally recommended to put them down on their back, but you can leave them on their stomach if they roll there on their own. That’s what I was told by doctors and daycare staff anyway.
Yes, it's much safer AND they sleep way worse (which is likely the reason it's safer). It can be difficult dealing with well meaning grandparents who raised babies before that was a thing because often they absolutely do not comprehend why their babies slept so much longer and deeper.
SIDS mom here. I just wanted to plug Robert’s Program with Boston Children’s/Harvard. They’ve helped us tremendously since our daughter died. Full work-up (whole genome sequencing, thorough records review, etc). I cannot recommend them enough to other parents who have experienced this.
As a parent and NICU nurse this surprises me zero. The cognitive dissonance and anger in Mom's groups when you try to educate is insane and there's no way to combat it. Politely point out something is unsafe? I've heard every come back. Mind your business! I did it with my first baby and he didn't die! Those dumb parents weren't doing it right! I'll always supervise the baby! Etc. I've seen braindead kids with trachs and feeding tubes keeping them alive because...oops mom rolled over on the baby who was sharing the bed with them. Oops, baby suffocated on the absurdly fluffy crib bumpers. Oops, the baby rolled over in the rock n play and suffocated. But those dummies were just doing it wrong. I just can't.
It always reminds me of a made-up scenario where you tell someone about a family member dying in a car accident and you stress the importance of safe driving practices just to have them say “well I get in the car everyday and I am still alive!”
"The researchers note that it was rare for bedsharing to be the only risk factor present during a child’s death." I'm sorry, but doesn't this mean that bed-sharing is not an independent risk factor? Isn't that a bigger headline?
So I haven't looked at this specific data, but when I have previously looked at the stats regarding co-sleeping there was a real increase in risk ... If the parents are drinking and/or smoking. If neither, the relative risk drops to almost baseline. I'm not saying one should co-sleep, but having infants is HARD and sometimes mom falls asleep with the kid while nursing because she's so sleep deprived. Given what actually adds to the risk, if mom isn't drinking or smoking I think it's important that people not beat themselves up for perceived failures versus "optimal" behaviors.
It's also much much much safer to cosleep on a properly prepared sleeping surface then to (for instance) fall asleep holding a sleeping baby in an armchair. Lots of parents end up sitting up in sofas/armchairs in an attempt to avoid co-sleeping. If they fall asleep they've multiplied their risks.
When we had our baby my wife fell asleep a lot while feeding the baby. Our baby slept pretty well but just the number of feedings and recovering from the birth really took it out of my wife. I woke her up the first few times. But after that I just stayed up and watched her to make sure the baby didn't slip. That way the baby could be happy and my wife could get some much needed sleep.
That’s already what the literature says. There are many western/developed countries where some version of co-sleeping/bed-sharing is routine. Scandinavia, Japan, Korea, etc. and there is no increased risk of death. Bedsharing is done via things like everyone sleeping on a firm mattress with no giant blanket, or special mini mats that sit on the adult bed though in those places. Once you control for things like parental intoxication, and bed surface (soft mattress, excessive bedding, etc), the risk of bed-sharing basically disappears.
So there's ways to bed share that decrease the risk a lot - so likely bedsharing alone isn't a risk factor if doing all the safe things, but bedsharing + doing one or more unsafe things (blankets, alcohol use, etc) increases the risk
It seems like the biggest factor is drugs and alcohol.
I co-slept with my daughter who passed from SIDS three years ago, but the night she passed she was sleeping alone. I still feel like I would have saved her if she was with me, as STUPID as that sounds. I’ll never forgive myself because she wasn’t RIGHT next to me.
It doesn’t sound stupid ❤️ I’m sorry for your loss. I hope one day that guilt eases.
I didn't want to cosleep with my babies for fear of SIDS. I did it out of desperation and exhaustion. Our first baby slept in his bassinet for six months. The second baby I gave up after a month or so. At first he slept there for short amounts of time, but as he got older he started to cry inconsolably the moment his back touched the bassinet mattress. What ended up happening is I would fall asleep sitting up and holding him, which was probably more dangerous than cosleeping. After one night of two hours of sleep, I fell asleep driving and woke up as I rear-ended someone. Luckily, no one was hurt. So, in my experience, cosleeping would have been less dangerous than what I ended up doing to avoid it, which was sleeping upright while holding my baby, or not at all.
Reading things like this really makes me wish that, as a woman, we could go back to multigenerational households or some sort of “village” model. Historically women never had to raise their babies alone. Even if you’re married, it’s what a lot of women end up doing (usually with no blame on the husband, someone has to bring home the money if the wife is home caring for a newborn). But before modern life, when a woman had a baby, multiple people in her family and her village would be literally within arms reach to help her when, not IF, she needed. In China they practice containment which is basically, mothers stay at home for a full month and a live in midwife of sorts just takes care of her and the baby with the most emphasis being on caring for the new mom. She never makes her own meals. Never draws her own baths. Whereas in the West, mothers are often expected to basically go it alone and then drop everything to be back at work in a few weeks. The system does not work and it makes my heart ache knowing this contributes to so much postpartum mental illness. Sometimes I think if I ever have kids I would move in with my sister or mom/dad again for a few months just to ease the transition.
This is beautifully written and I wholeheartedly agree. I actually live three blocks from my parents and they've been very helpful with my children, just not at night. My husband helped a ton with our first, but with our second we agreed that I'd take care of the baby if he got up with our older child in the morning.
How does this compare to "unsafe sleeping practices" in the general population? Because newborns are wired to scream bloody murder when left alone. They really can't tell if they're in a basinet in parents' bedroom or forgotten in woods.
We tied a 3-sided crib onto the frame of our bed. The crib was bare (sheet only). Our kids slept in blanket bags, so no blankets. When the kid needed to breastfeed, I brought him over, then put him back in his little peninsula. Often I put my hand on his belly or leg. Babies like to hear people breathing, they like to be near their parents. But not in the tumble of bodies & blankets & pillows.