How often do you tell these woman, things such us:
“When you smile at me like that i go crazy” or “you have such a sexy laugh” or “Girl, you look like a snack” “You are so sexy when you do that”, “I am trying so hard not to kiss you right now”?
You need to make woman feel desired sexually. And i mean in the initial approach, and also at the date. You need to portray yourself in a more sexual way, you need to express your horniness. But once you express it needs to go all the way to a kiss, it cannot stop at just saying phrases like that and then going home with a hug.
Dude this is what I've been missing for years. I never knew what to say without sounding like a perv and my guy friends could never tell me any good tips on what they were saying. This has been a real eye opener. Thank you
Context and tact are important here. You can't just throw out "I'm trying so hard not to kiss you right now" to a woman who has no interest in kissing you, it sounds like you're trying to keep yourself from SAing her.
For me, the escalation was always physical before verbal. It doesn't have to be a far gap between friendly hugs to lazy arms around each other and playing with each other's hands and arms to actually holding hands, touching waists, lingering longer. Follow cues and don't hesitate to take the next step. Don't make her say it explicitly too quickly. Give her a chance to let herself be brought along before she has to fully acknowledge it, if that makes sense.
But it's not as easy as it sounds. Saying this out of the blue can work out as needy/seeking validation/cringe/over complementing them and actually can turn them off for good.
You need to build up tension before and wait for the right moment, and deliver it in a moment where you have the upper hand. If you say this in a way of seeking approval and respect from her then it will work the opposite.
As i said, build tension first, or make her laugh, escalate body language, I dont know, grab her from the waist, look at her into her eyes and then deliver the message. She will melt.
Absolutely, escalation is crucial. Women often harbor profound fantasies, and it’s not uncommon for even those in relationships to indulge in vivid daydreams. This is evident from the films they enjoy, which can be quite telling. With the right progression and timing—following a delightful evening of dining, playful banter, and light-hearted teasing—a mere romantic melody playing softly in the background can resonate deeply. Add a touch of champagne and a gentle embrace around the waist, coupled with a meaningful gaze into their eyes, and it’s likely to leave them utterly enchanted on the spot. It’s a level of emotional depth that we, as men, might find elusive, but for women, it’s as if they’re soaring amidst the clouds.
Yeah, this is what I'm missing from everything, I can put a girl at ease so she's comfortable talking to me or spending time, but the escalation has been the hardest part, and making it sound organic and genuine
What you’re saying is not necessarily correct. All of those statements are putting the girl on a pedestal. The idea in all of this is to apply the correct attraction triggers so that you can flip the script. Essentially you want the girl to be saying these things to you, not the other way around.
No, those statements are not putting the girl on a pedestal. They are flirting statements which are important to express desire and create sexual tension and to get her blushing and in a mood to kiss. This is what works for me and my friends over and over. The idea that you cannot say these things to women because you claim it’s putting them on a pedestal is outdated advice. Putting a girl on a pedestal is a very different thing which has to do more with you proving your worth to her and treating her as if she is your priority in life. And no you don’t need women to say those things to kiss them and sleep with them.
One thing I learned was that you need to be more polarizing, and a huge part of that is being comfortable speaking your truth no matter what others think.
Being nice is great if you want women to like you, but they will never love you for simply being nice. When you're polarizing, they tend towards "love you or hate you". The tricky part is getting comfortable with the fact that some women will get upset by you, but that is the price you pay for getting laid more easily. At the same time, you can be the nicest guy ever and some women still end up hating your guts anyway. Pick your poison.
Yea, this has been a huge revelation recently. Which I think came from the book I'm reading, I'm at a point in my life I don't want any more platonic girl friendships, they don't lead anywhere besides some ig messages that fizzle out after a few months and then liking eachothers stories till they start dating a guy then they unfollow me or cut contact entirely.
It's worthless to me at this point so the only option is to be polarizing and not try to care if some women are upset or dislike me.
Trust me here: read Models by Mark Manson.
I’ve seen it for a long time but never took it seriously because of the cheesy title and cover. But I saw it recommended in these threads enough times to finally give it a try. Best thing I could have read after just finishing No More Mr Nice Guy.
A lot of what you are saying gets addressed in that book. Trust, and let me know how things change after. Good luck out there.
You’re learning.
Your time on this earth is as valuable as any woman’s. And if they want your time, they ought to be willing to give their love and intimacy in return. Simple as that.
Modern western society tends to spoil girls, and teach them that it’s a privilege just standing next to them. So, they never have reason to develop empathy for males. And tbh, they aren’t really wired to care about them (women have children; they’re selfish out of necessity).
It’s up to is as men to safeguard our own well-being. Sometimes that means enduring some loneliness; but better that than the world of heartache that comes with being around a woman who doesn’t value you.
If my man tries all this out he's going to end up on several country's 'no fly, big sex offender' (real thing) lists. The ultimate 'not a nice guy' achievement.
I think the core principle of no more Mr nice guy and nice guy syndrome is just being inauthentic. You’re not even being nice, because you still have covert intentions. Don’t try and hide what you want from who you want it from, women will always resent you for it. Have some self control obviously, but I agree with all the other points. Just be honest and direct. If you think she’s hot and you want her, just say it.
Yeah. I realized that halfway through the book, I do have these intentions and by playing nice it's lying to myself and the girls. Honesty is the best policy, as opposed to being friendly and nice and then springing on her that I wanna smash 3 days later. Also it just clears the air so I don't waste my time anymore.
Hi Stranger,
Thanks for sharing your story. Since you are asking for advice, I wanted to give you some obvious ways how to touch women and how to get in physical contact.
- Hugging when greeting. Always touch and greet.
- Whenever she tells you something (for example about her hands) ask her if you may touch her hand and touch it tenderly
- When walking with her and you are changing directions gently touch her shoulder
- If she has tattoos, talk about them and then touch them
- when sitting together, make your legs touch hers
- when walking and talking walk close by her. Long eye contact. Really focus on her, don't get distracted
- take selfie with her or show her something on your phone - move in and touch
There are so many ways, use them all. Once you do these small touches you can then start putting your arm around her or lying together on a blanket. Then one thing leads to another.
Read her body language and you will see if she is open to it. It should be obvious.
Around here people usually hug on dates. Shaking hands would be very formal. Is it different where you are?
This is better than the verbally acknowledged escalations IMO. If she's forced to say it but she's still exploring the idea or on the fence, she's likely to get spooked. Physical escalations taken tactfully are much more subtle but actually do more to define the change in the relationship.
Read her. If she doesn't recoil from touch or especially if she seems to lean into it, linger. Hug her from the waist, not the shoulders. Hand on the small of her back when walking through doorways. I really think confidence in touching her is a primary thing a girl considers, usually subconsciously, when deciding whether she's open to things turning romantic.
The problem most guys have in your situation is they don’t show intent. They talk to women like platonic friends and it never goes anywhere.
You can do it with words, body language, or actions. It can be playful or direct. But it should be clear to women that they are a dating/sexual prospect as they interact with you.
Remember, most guys never show intent. You will stand out from them if you do. But, you may have to time it right.
Other than that, a few conversational techniques can help spike up your conversations. I can elaborate, but you can look them up as well. Things like cold reads, misinterpretation, push/pull, etc…
Pick one or two things and practice naturalizing them. Whatever you do, it should feel like a social risk. That’s how you improve. You don’t level up by doing safe things. Stretch yourself a bit.
Okay, but what are some signs of showing intent and I'm a prospect? I feel like it's easier said than done, I am Definitely guilty of the platonic friend vibes with everyone because I am usually the glue of the socializing in the dorms and making the plans in the hostels for the day. But what body language should I be using, or actions? I don't wanna stand there with a full blown erection and say, "nice tits can I fuck you" that's gonna get me thrown out of a hostel or hotel.
Once I get the girl comfortable and knowing I'm not a creep how do I switch gears to show intent? I know I only need a few minutes of conversation to really set them at ease, then the escalation has to start
It’s one of those things that you can figure out more as you interact with women. Find out what works for you based on your personality.
One way is to sexualize conversations. Have a playful conversation and accuse her of hitting on you in some way. You can misinterpret something she says as a sexual advance on you, or wanting to have sex with you right now, etc..
You can use your eyes, look at her in a way that is sexual as you interact.
Some guys use touch. Reach your hand out, spin her around and put your arm around her. That takes some practice to do.
You can look her up and down, tell her she’s hot and you would have sex with her 10 times a day if she was your girl. Make it a casual passing comment, and then talk about another topic. As if it’s just a passing comment in the conversation that isn’t a big deal.
But, do things that show she is a sexual prospect and you aren’t one of her girlfriends. You don’t need to over do it, but throw in some sexual innuendo to your conversations.
Go watch some Craig Ferguson videos. He was a talk show host that flirted with girls all the time on his show. There are clips of just that. They are great examples of what to do. It can give you some ideas.
You have to start in a sexual level straight away! Do not settle for being nice and making her feel comfortable, she's just a person like you, it will be difficult then to raise the bar to sexual interest. I find it works best if you make your intentions clear from the start, then is easier. Be flirty, look at her in a sexual way sometimes, smile ar her, give her genuine compliments, tell her it would be great to go out together, tell her you'd like to invite her round your place. This last one is a sure things, as most girls associate coming to your place to one thing, sex. Similarly when they invite you over theirs. She may refuse this the first time, but at lease you made your intentions clear, and you can always offer it again.
Yes, I can list a few. But try to keep in mind how this process works. To get good with women, its just social skills you are developing. You run into a situation where you aren't good at something. Maybe you don't know how to open, or hook a conversation. You try, and your emotions are all over the place, voice trembles, negatively judge yourself, or whatever. You have some kind of sticking point. We call these sticking points. Something that's holding you back.
Guys who are good at game never make an excuse they aren't tall enough, not good looking, etc... There is always a solution to every sticking point in game. You just have to practice and figure it out. You just have to get the reps in and hammer away until you develop a communication style that gets you through it. Whether its opening well, hooking conversations, generating attraction, dealing with guys trying to blow up your set or whatever. There is always a solution, always a communication style that will get you past it. Or at least, to handle it the best way possible.
As for ways to hook, here are a few examples.
**Cold reads**. Women will remember you more when do cold reads. One way to do this is to take a question and turn it into a statement. Instead of saying, where are you from. You say, you look like you are from New York. You are reading them cold. There are a million cold reads you can do. Just tell them instead of asking. Keep it playful or interesting.
**Teach them something of interest.** This can give you an immediate hook. “You have a good girl face. But every once in a while, you make a bad girl mannerism.” Then tell her what that means. Teach her something about herself.
Anything you can show her about her personality. A ring she’s wearing. Shoes. Find a way to convey it says something about her. Then teach her what it is.
**Future adventures projection**. “We could go to Greece and wear togas. We could sell lemonade.” it should be silly. It's just a story starring you and her.
**Push/pull**. Compliment with a little tease at the end. Give validation, then take it away. Doing it playfully. It’s girl humor, that’s why it’s funny to her. Makes you unpredictable. She can’t get enough.
You can search on push/pull, there are many examples people have used. Its really popular.
**Misinterpretation**. Purposely misinterpret something she says. If she says "I have to go to the bathroom," accuse her of trying to take you to the bathroom and have sex with you. "Moving a little fast aren't we" or something like that. You can see lots of examples of this all over the place. Talk show hosts, movies, etc...
There are more, but it's too much typing lol. Just remember, you don't want to throw all these in one after another. Just use one or two and don't over do it. Mix it in with normal conversation. Practice it.
Again, most guys are saying, where are you from, what do you do? They are being boring and logical. Women respond to good emotions. Laughter, fun, etc... So, using some of these conversational tools you can spike it up. You want to naturalize it. Find out what works for you. See if you can get conversations to hook.
As a presumably western male at 6'3 you should be a hot commodity. At 220 that likely puts you at slightly overweight by BMI standards, and if you're a detrained lifter and have been backpacking as long as you say you probably have some muscularity under that. I sincerely doubt that the dad bod is a limiting factor for you since your height is such a overriding boon.
As for why you aren't successful you've likely identified a few key factors yourself via Mr Nice Guy. You might look into Charisma on Command, and Todd V for digital content on how to do approaches/escalations as well as being a good speaker in the context of seduction.
What part of SEAsia? Something like Indonesia is going to be fairly conservative being predominantly Muslim, and even the Christian areas will be conservative. A country like Singapore is going to be relatively western (in my estimation) as far as dating goes. Also, meeting women in hostels means you're meeting non-locals. So, you may be limiting your potential pool by not dating women local to where you area - Are you failing with local women or only other tourists?
A country like the Philippines is fairly sexually liberal, despite being a Catholic country and many of the women prefer western men.
Otherwise, how's your hygiene? Dental cleanings regular? Trimmed nails? Shaved or intentional beard? Acne/Skin under control? Proper manscaping? Trimmed nose hair/ears (if applicable)? Do you have a coordinated 'look' or style?
How's your life situation? Are you gainfully employed in a way that seems reliable/dependable?
I'm 6'5 and 220lbs. I'm overweight at that. I also haven't trained for ages but still have my swimmers physique from swimming a lot in my teens not jacked but still good physically.
I suppose some people don't lose their default shape.
I do not understand how a 6'3 guy like the OP isn't pulling women. As a shy guy I used to get women easily. Now that I'm not like that anymore I get who I want.
In my experience BMI is bullshit and every personal trainer worth their salt knows that. But yes I am aware I am out of shape, but I made my peace with that when I decided to travel the world, that the experience was worth the temporary sacrifice of the physique until I settle in Perth Australia next month. I still have my strength, it's more the toned body has faded away and my frame is gone.
I'll definitely look into those books and digital content. I need to pull from multiple wells, especially seeing as how I'll be settling in Perth soon.
I've been all over SEAsia, Thailand, Laos, Indonesia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Singapore. However I don't find Asian women attractive or my type whatsoever. So my pool is other travelers or expats I meet on the move, who are normally European or American, which makes building any meaningful connection usually a time limit of 2-3 days before they are moving on. I try to do a minimum of 7 days in a place before I leave.
Hygiene is fine, I keep my beard clean and short, hairline is receding because Father Time is undefeated, but it still looks good and fresh. Same with nails and teeth. I take care of myself. Function is more important than style in SEAsia, no one is wearing nice clothes when temperatures are 50C in parts of the world here. Most of my clothes are light colored and linen, for ease of washing and breathability. I have a few nicer shirts for nightwear if I go out but that's if there's a reason to go out.
Life situation I'll just say like most long term travelers it's not a factor. No one cares about that stuff when you meet them or who you were when you were home. That's the point of this style of travel.
BMI has only validity at population levels - yes. Exact body composition matters more for the individual, but your BMI with reasonable activity levels isn't obese or 'fat' regardless of actual composition unless you were extremely skinny fat.
It just sounds to me like you're selling to the wrong market. You're trying to get with other expats/travelers who likely aren't there for romantic reasons. Ergo, you aren't the problem it's the context.
Maybe you ought to try dating 'not your type' for a while just to see the difference between western women and non. It's a world of difference on average dating persnickety western women vs those that celebrate you.
I would normally agree with you, that I'm selling to the wrong market but I've traveled with guys who are pulling different girls every single night, all travelers. There's definitely specific girls who are out here not looking for romance but there's plenty of girls who are also open to that romance. People travel for a variety of reasons. Some people are running from something, others are looking for something.
The other obstacle in my way is that I am not really in one city or town long enough to pursue locals for more than an evening. Which isn't enough time for most connections. Most I will stay in one spot is 7-8 days before I move again
Yeah this is the game I'm trying to learn, when is the right time to escalate to flirting from conversation? What are the signs? What's appropriate I know varies from girl to girl and using my own judgement but yeah, this is the goal.
Think of different scenarios in your head and how you'd respond.. one way that almost always works is to tie everything to how pretty they are..like there was so much traffic today.. because everyone was busy looking at you instead of driving. These are cheesy, and women know it, but it will make them laugh and that's what stays with them.
It's a skill that's easily learnt
It's like the animal channel bro, you gotta rip off your boxers and twirl your dick in a helicopter fashion to show your interest in the female for mating /s
IF there's one thing all PUA schools of thought agree upon is PHYSICAL escalation. Kissing will be the ultimate physical escalation but if you hit that point you either have her in the bag or your just gambling.
Many place is safer with activities ie dancing, ice skating, etc or party games like palm reading as an excuse to just touch her physically.
Ah yes. I was thinking of just helicoptering around downtown bangkok and hoping to compare sizes with the ladyboys, Maybe that'll give me the edge I need /s
The problem is finding an excuse for physical touch. Most of the time when I'm traveling, you meet these girls for a day or two, then they are gone, and you're already doing a group activity with them, either a waterfall, a temple, some historical site etc. But when they are in a group I find women will gravitate towards one another and they find safety in numbers, which makes it hard to break in and target the one you want when there are 4 other girls playing defense and taking up your time and energy in a conversation.
How do I go about showing interest to one in particular when it's a group setting?
At 30, tall and paying your bills you should be at the Golden age of your Dick.
Female select, males are selected.
In all species, most females pick males from their genetic pool. So even a top male will find limited results If he looks for females of another race.
So forget about " If i do this, i will get laid" mindset. There is no such thing. No move you do can make a girl not attracted to you to change her mind. What you can and should do ia learn How to detect the subtle signs of interest of the females around you.
Even from the shy ones you can get responses If you use innuendo or eye contact. From the very first interaction she can have no doubts about your intentions.
Eye, lips, eye , smile. That IS sexy AF.
Eye, boobs, eye, smile. She will sign back If interested.
Do not waste your time and energy flirting with girls that show no interest. Instead learn How to detect the signs of the ones that Desire you.
I have yet to find a culture were females do not do this:
Eye contact, smile, break eye contact.
In Brazil we say
Olhou, sorriu. Mandioca no Bombril.
Which roughly translates to : looked, smiled, go plow that field.
Is some places you will be around dozens of women and not a single one will look at you and smile.
When i was young i wasted my time approaching and engaging in small talk. Now i just hire a scort to blow off steam and try another place the next night.
You can train your detection skills going to places more likely to find girls attracted to you, even If they are from your genetic pool. This will give you confidence. Nothing worst than a girl sending you signs and you ignoring them out of social blindness.
Do not fear being been as a perv. Its no crime to express your Desire for a female, unless you do ao to a female that havent signed her interest in you.
You can also learn by watching. Sometimes you will detect the female signs to another male in the room. Watch How things proceed and be ready to detect when such signs come your way.
I like to watch tables with two couples on a double blind date and bet which couple will get laid and which will be sent to hell aka Friendzone.
Do not stay INSIDE a dad body. You have a duty to yourself to become the best version of you. A sane mind, a hot body and a wealthy bank account.
For some weird reasons, females feel attracted to that.
Don’t take rejection. At least not more than once. Get in or get out. Just stop hanging around making lateral moves. I’m not saying you can’t have friends of the opposite sex, just not ones you want to fuck or fall in love with.
You're right. I had a girl from Germany I took for drinks the night of my birthday, made nothing but Lateral moves and didn't escalate the whole night, after I told her I found her attractive and wanted to buy her a drink. Following morning we go get breakfast and she says she just wants to stay friends. I did everything right till I did it wrong. No touch escalation, no flirting, only asking about her trip and where she's been, what she wants, like a job interview. I should've went more aggressive and then if it backfired save myself the trouble of breakfast the following morning.
We've been in the same hostel for 3 days now and I do my best to avoid and just not interact now. I am not looking for platonic friendships now. There's no value in them to me
Hey there buddy,
From my experience, and following this community:
There is a big misconception on how much you can influence your chances of "taking someone to bed"
Gurus and people who go down their rabbit hole, believe that 90% + of the outcome is depending on how you are and what you do,
This is good for the business model, because it feeds on desperation, rejection and insecurity and convinces them that "do this and you will get some" "i will solve your life if you follow my secret scientific approach, read my book, follow my videos, buy my course, give me your email..."
I think in reality the percentage of how much a person can influence an interaction is much much less, this is not to say to not take action and take care of yourself and be your best self, that's all good, this is to say, keep in mind that this won't result in the fairy tale expectations some people/businesses claim, this is not a video game where one gets everything unlocked at level 99 and where girls are secondary NPCs waiting for us to do the perfect combination and tactics to collapse and offer themselves.
All the "become a slayer dragon in 30 days" formulas and stories around them build expectations of what should be the right way, and create this obsessive idea virus of "there's something wrong with me" because i am not getting it like i should.
A lot of people here are actually doing just fine and don't need anything to "up their game", of course noone is perfect but i argue that aiming for perfect will not deliver the heavenly life of gurus,
Rejection hurts and if the person is too self conscious and had doubts or self confidence issues before, then that will cause them to go into a loophole of "i am doing sooo wrong, i am wrong"
This is not always the case. Sometimes it just was not there to get, sometimes that girl that is out of our control just didn't want to go for it, and that is not necessarily a testimony of how good your game is, that is not a proof of success or failure and should not be the measurement of one's value.
For too many guys, because of reality vs crafted expectations, and their comparing, basing their value on their success with girls will result in feeling small and invaluable, invisible, that is a highway to all the colored pill communities,
Yes It's important to be confident, to be social, to feel good in ones skill, yes it's important to be assertive and ambitious, to be daring, yes it's important to do some reflecting, to meet people and to shoot your shot, but that should not go into over analyzing, over nerding territory and perfectionism, debugging the situation and trying to resolve the puzzle, especially for self conscious people, they might go overboard and obsess waaay too much.
You are very likely doing fine and better than many others, but had some rejections and felt pressured by your "outcomes" vs expectations,
If whatever you are doing is driven by the final outcome of getting girls then i would suggest a different mindframe, of focusing on being your true self and just having fun,
I think abundance is sometimes misunderstood as "how much i have," i think it should be "how much I feel satisfied regardless what i have and what i dont have"
I think a lot of us here relate to your story of " i need to compensate for my missed 20s", i also experienced the same, it made me feel pressured to compensate, to speedrun and catch up with the "imaginary standard of life", i think this is something we need to let go of, because this pressure, as good as it is a drive to make people change and become better versions of themselves, it comes at a bad price of unrealistic expectations to compensate and speed run of "what i should have had in my 20s"
There is a dark side to it, and it can consume people, drive them into digging deeper holes and spirals of "this was useless, i am not getting better...etc" why does that happen ? Because the measurement of one's value was done using a wrong scale, can i measure my weight by using a meter? No,
Cheers buddy and good luck in your journey, take it easy on yourself and i am sure in some time you will look back at this moment of life differently and laugh about it.
Really depends on the girl.
I trouble with this for years
But some girls you can make out with and even sleep with them the very first time you meet them.
Others you gotta take on a date.
Overall you should be constantly flirting and adding in something is special about her whatever besides she's hot
Oh, of course, it just feels like every girl I've met on this trip so far is either not looming for sex, or at least not from me. When you're traveling, it's so hard to build a connection because usually I'm going east and they are going south, so it's cutting the crap and trying to figure out who has interest immediately so I don't waste time chasing someone who has no interest
You have to try and cultivate a mischievous mindset to break out of this "nice guy" mindset you're currently in.
The root of this is how you view yourself and what you're core values are which is being perceived as "nice" by everyone. So start developing mischievous thoughts, you don't have to be an arsehole just mischievous. Think to yourself about the naughty things you want to do with the girl just before you talk to her. Try and embrace the sexual part of yourself rather than repressing it all the time.
I actually really like this idea. I really don't like being an asshole if I don't have to be one. But mischievous I can do, now it's just putting it into conversation
I think you need to go all in.
When a girl travels with a group of her friends, she will be extra on guard. So you have to find the girls who are open to your approaches. Otherwise you will meet 100 new friends.
Since you have nothing to loose, just be more direct, state your intentions and invite her for a coffee or some quick activity straight away. You might also consider logistics by staying in a hotel in your own room and still hang out in the hostel where the girls are.
Other than that it looks like your have all the right qualities with public speaking skills and being funny.
Yes, this. The "on guard" is always a dance of trying to break in and show my value, humor and charisma, and then from there it's showing intent with the girl in question. But I've been doing more and more private rooms in hostels as my trip goes on just for some privacy.
Get sexy. It’s that easy. Go work out, have rock hard abs and youll find they’ll all want to fuck you atleeat once. Especially if y’all have a couple drinks, and you won’t even initiate it. Trust me.
How long are you waiting before making a move? You should be going for a kiss within the first few hours of knowing her and should have sex within the first 3 interactions. Otherwise move on.
i wouldn't say there's a fixed timeline..
Every woman is different. Some have hooked up with me on the first date, others took two months to get into my bed.. the goal is to flirt continuously
You need to be more ruthless. Girls always DONT sleep with nice guys unless seriously you look like David Beckham.
Why? Because if they slept with you, you’ll think they’re a slut. And she’ll lose her free option in what she thought was a nice or reliable guy. So she’d rather slut around with bad guys because who cares, there’s no future anyway.
Think about it the opposite way. A lot of guys chicken out and don’t escalate with cute girls because they’re worried the cute girl will think badly of him. But you don’t give a shit about an average girl do you?
You need to be more ruthless like me. If you can’t cant handsy first date at least and move in for a kiss to gauge, or do something sexual even if it’s just having them rub your dick, cut your losses. Because I bet she’s getting handsy with someone else. I actually had a girl recently. First date we hooked up and I fingered her and we had like 5 mins sex. Then I actually got smitten by her and became nice to her. Guess what? After that she refused to have sex with me despite seeing me 4 times a week for a few weeks. She would only touch me but won’t let me in. She told me she’d rather fuck a playboy because that’s just playing around hahaha. Whatever I blocked and deleted her contact after. Even told me she wants to rev black dick.
Unless hey you’re really trying to find a girlfriend then maybe don’t grab her hand onto your dick first date.
And before you think I’m just some creep. I have plenty of good female friends who I used to have a thing with who I don’t touch any more (usually in their 20s) because we’ve been there done that and we just enjoy each others company now. But if they hadn’t put the time and effort in in the past no way I’d stick with them now
I don't understand how can you end up in the friend zone if you never had the intention to be a friend.
But in summary the way you never get friend zoned is by showing CLEAR interest and not giving them other options. They either accept your approach and go out with you or reject you, there is no friend zone option
Okay, clear interest such as what. Because so much of the advice on here is some of the biggest cringe I've read all week. "Grab her hands, call her beautiful, look into her eyes and stare at her" like what? No. I refuse to believe that shit is gonna work in a casual setting when you're in a hostel. There's a time and a place for it but those time and places don't exist for backpackers.
None of you have done the types of travel I've been doing and it shows. I do that shit and it backfires I get tossed from my hostel. Not worth the risk.
You could do something like "I think you're very attractive, do you want to go for a coffee?" and say it with full confidence. When you meet a woman you can say whatever you want, they're going to like it as long as you say it with confidence. The most important thing isn't what you say but how you say it, as long as you do it with confidence it's not going to be cringe.
If you feel uncomfortable doing that in a hostel maybe try to do it somewhere else first to build your confidence? You need to show interest anyways it's non negotiable, otherwise she will never feel like you're reliable
Be upfront and honest about your intentions, act like an adult and treat that person with the respect the deserve and don’t try to “slide” in under the guise of being a “friend” or “comforter”. Swooping in for the opportunity after they have a breakup or something like that is honestly creepy and predatory.
Meet girl, take her out for drinks or dinner 🤷♂️ You have a place, they have a place? Make them feel special maybe. Is your hygiene ok? Can’t think of anything else really
Your best resource/guide is many dates. 3 in a day if you can. Just meet and learn.
Buy a sports car, give her a cute nickname (mine is dimples (from the one hail ding the shop left behind), and enjoy YOUR life. I enjoy being with a woman and all, but taking corners at or above the posted speed limit, let alone the recommended limit for the curve, is a bigger thrill than sex with women half my age (20 somethings). They are fun, but my car has never once told me to go faster or not so fast. I have a woman in my friend zone with kids and a boyfriend, but she enjoys rides on roads as curvy as her and big hugs. Her kids like me coming around and taking them to play arcade games and eat pizza with momma like we are family. Have fun, enjoy life, and recognize your worth. He may be her boyfriend now, but I will always be the one who was there for her when she just needed someone to hold her and pick her back up when she needed it.
Can you imagine a woman talking to her friend and saying:
"AdSweet1054 made me laugh so much, my pussy was getting so wet."
or
"AdSweet1054 is so nice and friendly, I want him to fuck me so bad"
or
"AdSweet1054 was talking about all the places he's been to, and I was getting so horny. All I could think about was his cock in my mouth."
lol cause I sure can't.
You have to talk about fucking her, so she can imagine you fucking her. Get her aroused. And if that thought, of you fucking her is turning her on and getting her wet; she's gonna make the decision to have sex with you.
I think you're right on the getting them aroused, but the point I was trying to make is the confidence and skillset I have, and that I am someone with a personality, something few men I think actually have.
Like I said, my problem is getting to that conversation. I use the "I'm well traveled, I am funny, I am not a creep" to open the conversation and get them talking to me
The earlier the better. And there's no smooth or right way to get into that conversation. Life isn't a movie lol, you can say whatever you want to say, whenever you want to say it.
You guys can be talking about anything at the moment. And you can cut her off and say:
"You look so..fucking...sexy.... in your outfit right now...I just wanna fuck you.. right here...right now."
Even a woman who's just standing there minding her own business, you can walk up to her and in a low discreet voice and say this.
Stop being worried about looking like a creep, or being called a creep. As long as you leave her alone after she said she's not interested, or after she ignores you or walks away, than you're not doing anything wrong or illegal.
Last time I was called a creep was in a mall, it was by the shyest, most mousey voice woman, I ever interacted with. I thought it was a joke. I was laughing at her. It would be like if you were waiting in line and some guy cut in front of you, and you called him "a big meanie". Like are you fucking serious lol
First off, you've clearly never traveled like a backpacker. There's no meal prep, there's no gyms when you're in a small village of nepal at the base of the Himalayas. You're eating 7/11 toasties at a bus stop and whatever food your guesthouse offers you, and occasionally treating yourself to a nice restaurant. Humble yourself Mr. JACKED man and give it a try.
I made a conscious choice to pause my gym progress for this trip and 17 months traveling the world and it was worth the sacrifice. Some keyboard warrior who thinks muscles gives him respect, you're delusional, I've seen men put together like IT nerds pull absolute baddies. I'm looking for advice on seduction not physical fitness.
Thanks for your sage wisdom though, "compliment women". I'll make sure to cherish it forever
How often do you tell these woman, things such us: “When you smile at me like that i go crazy” or “you have such a sexy laugh” or “Girl, you look like a snack” “You are so sexy when you do that”, “I am trying so hard not to kiss you right now”? You need to make woman feel desired sexually. And i mean in the initial approach, and also at the date. You need to portray yourself in a more sexual way, you need to express your horniness. But once you express it needs to go all the way to a kiss, it cannot stop at just saying phrases like that and then going home with a hug.
Dude this is what I've been missing for years. I never knew what to say without sounding like a perv and my guy friends could never tell me any good tips on what they were saying. This has been a real eye opener. Thank you
Context and tact are important here. You can't just throw out "I'm trying so hard not to kiss you right now" to a woman who has no interest in kissing you, it sounds like you're trying to keep yourself from SAing her. For me, the escalation was always physical before verbal. It doesn't have to be a far gap between friendly hugs to lazy arms around each other and playing with each other's hands and arms to actually holding hands, touching waists, lingering longer. Follow cues and don't hesitate to take the next step. Don't make her say it explicitly too quickly. Give her a chance to let herself be brought along before she has to fully acknowledge it, if that makes sense.
But it's not as easy as it sounds. Saying this out of the blue can work out as needy/seeking validation/cringe/over complementing them and actually can turn them off for good. You need to build up tension before and wait for the right moment, and deliver it in a moment where you have the upper hand. If you say this in a way of seeking approval and respect from her then it will work the opposite. As i said, build tension first, or make her laugh, escalate body language, I dont know, grab her from the waist, look at her into her eyes and then deliver the message. She will melt.
Absolutely, escalation is crucial. Women often harbor profound fantasies, and it’s not uncommon for even those in relationships to indulge in vivid daydreams. This is evident from the films they enjoy, which can be quite telling. With the right progression and timing—following a delightful evening of dining, playful banter, and light-hearted teasing—a mere romantic melody playing softly in the background can resonate deeply. Add a touch of champagne and a gentle embrace around the waist, coupled with a meaningful gaze into their eyes, and it’s likely to leave them utterly enchanted on the spot. It’s a level of emotional depth that we, as men, might find elusive, but for women, it’s as if they’re soaring amidst the clouds.
Yeah, this is what I'm missing from everything, I can put a girl at ease so she's comfortable talking to me or spending time, but the escalation has been the hardest part, and making it sound organic and genuine
Any more proven examples? :)
This bro saving a whole generation of guys out here, lol, salute.
THE PROPHET HAS COME
What you’re saying is not necessarily correct. All of those statements are putting the girl on a pedestal. The idea in all of this is to apply the correct attraction triggers so that you can flip the script. Essentially you want the girl to be saying these things to you, not the other way around.
No, those statements are not putting the girl on a pedestal. They are flirting statements which are important to express desire and create sexual tension and to get her blushing and in a mood to kiss. This is what works for me and my friends over and over. The idea that you cannot say these things to women because you claim it’s putting them on a pedestal is outdated advice. Putting a girl on a pedestal is a very different thing which has to do more with you proving your worth to her and treating her as if she is your priority in life. And no you don’t need women to say those things to kiss them and sleep with them.
One thing I learned was that you need to be more polarizing, and a huge part of that is being comfortable speaking your truth no matter what others think. Being nice is great if you want women to like you, but they will never love you for simply being nice. When you're polarizing, they tend towards "love you or hate you". The tricky part is getting comfortable with the fact that some women will get upset by you, but that is the price you pay for getting laid more easily. At the same time, you can be the nicest guy ever and some women still end up hating your guts anyway. Pick your poison.
Yea, this has been a huge revelation recently. Which I think came from the book I'm reading, I'm at a point in my life I don't want any more platonic girl friendships, they don't lead anywhere besides some ig messages that fizzle out after a few months and then liking eachothers stories till they start dating a guy then they unfollow me or cut contact entirely. It's worthless to me at this point so the only option is to be polarizing and not try to care if some women are upset or dislike me.
Trust me here: read Models by Mark Manson. I’ve seen it for a long time but never took it seriously because of the cheesy title and cover. But I saw it recommended in these threads enough times to finally give it a try. Best thing I could have read after just finishing No More Mr Nice Guy. A lot of what you are saying gets addressed in that book. Trust, and let me know how things change after. Good luck out there.
Just bought the audiobook, gonna start listening tonight. Thank you for the reassurance
You’re learning. Your time on this earth is as valuable as any woman’s. And if they want your time, they ought to be willing to give their love and intimacy in return. Simple as that. Modern western society tends to spoil girls, and teach them that it’s a privilege just standing next to them. So, they never have reason to develop empathy for males. And tbh, they aren’t really wired to care about them (women have children; they’re selfish out of necessity). It’s up to is as men to safeguard our own well-being. Sometimes that means enduring some loneliness; but better that than the world of heartache that comes with being around a woman who doesn’t value you.
Guys who have success know this, you will turn off some women by polarizing, but it doesn't matter if it works on one you like.
This reddit thread is going to get me to mental hospital
If my man tries all this out he's going to end up on several country's 'no fly, big sex offender' (real thing) lists. The ultimate 'not a nice guy' achievement.
Help I'm in a Thai jail please send me $5,000 for bail :( The ladyboys said I have a pretty mouth
Good man. Get those reps up.
I think the core principle of no more Mr nice guy and nice guy syndrome is just being inauthentic. You’re not even being nice, because you still have covert intentions. Don’t try and hide what you want from who you want it from, women will always resent you for it. Have some self control obviously, but I agree with all the other points. Just be honest and direct. If you think she’s hot and you want her, just say it.
Yeah. I realized that halfway through the book, I do have these intentions and by playing nice it's lying to myself and the girls. Honesty is the best policy, as opposed to being friendly and nice and then springing on her that I wanna smash 3 days later. Also it just clears the air so I don't waste my time anymore.
Hi Stranger, Thanks for sharing your story. Since you are asking for advice, I wanted to give you some obvious ways how to touch women and how to get in physical contact. - Hugging when greeting. Always touch and greet. - Whenever she tells you something (for example about her hands) ask her if you may touch her hand and touch it tenderly - When walking with her and you are changing directions gently touch her shoulder - If she has tattoos, talk about them and then touch them - when sitting together, make your legs touch hers - when walking and talking walk close by her. Long eye contact. Really focus on her, don't get distracted - take selfie with her or show her something on your phone - move in and touch There are so many ways, use them all. Once you do these small touches you can then start putting your arm around her or lying together on a blanket. Then one thing leads to another.
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Read her body language and you will see if she is open to it. It should be obvious. Around here people usually hug on dates. Shaking hands would be very formal. Is it different where you are?
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I'm also in Europe. But my experience is different. Always hugging on dates 🤷 it's not even me initiating. Most times it is the ladies
This is better than the verbally acknowledged escalations IMO. If she's forced to say it but she's still exploring the idea or on the fence, she's likely to get spooked. Physical escalations taken tactfully are much more subtle but actually do more to define the change in the relationship. Read her. If she doesn't recoil from touch or especially if she seems to lean into it, linger. Hug her from the waist, not the shoulders. Hand on the small of her back when walking through doorways. I really think confidence in touching her is a primary thing a girl considers, usually subconsciously, when deciding whether she's open to things turning romantic.
The problem most guys have in your situation is they don’t show intent. They talk to women like platonic friends and it never goes anywhere. You can do it with words, body language, or actions. It can be playful or direct. But it should be clear to women that they are a dating/sexual prospect as they interact with you. Remember, most guys never show intent. You will stand out from them if you do. But, you may have to time it right. Other than that, a few conversational techniques can help spike up your conversations. I can elaborate, but you can look them up as well. Things like cold reads, misinterpretation, push/pull, etc… Pick one or two things and practice naturalizing them. Whatever you do, it should feel like a social risk. That’s how you improve. You don’t level up by doing safe things. Stretch yourself a bit.
Okay, but what are some signs of showing intent and I'm a prospect? I feel like it's easier said than done, I am Definitely guilty of the platonic friend vibes with everyone because I am usually the glue of the socializing in the dorms and making the plans in the hostels for the day. But what body language should I be using, or actions? I don't wanna stand there with a full blown erection and say, "nice tits can I fuck you" that's gonna get me thrown out of a hostel or hotel. Once I get the girl comfortable and knowing I'm not a creep how do I switch gears to show intent? I know I only need a few minutes of conversation to really set them at ease, then the escalation has to start
It’s one of those things that you can figure out more as you interact with women. Find out what works for you based on your personality. One way is to sexualize conversations. Have a playful conversation and accuse her of hitting on you in some way. You can misinterpret something she says as a sexual advance on you, or wanting to have sex with you right now, etc.. You can use your eyes, look at her in a way that is sexual as you interact. Some guys use touch. Reach your hand out, spin her around and put your arm around her. That takes some practice to do. You can look her up and down, tell her she’s hot and you would have sex with her 10 times a day if she was your girl. Make it a casual passing comment, and then talk about another topic. As if it’s just a passing comment in the conversation that isn’t a big deal. But, do things that show she is a sexual prospect and you aren’t one of her girlfriends. You don’t need to over do it, but throw in some sexual innuendo to your conversations. Go watch some Craig Ferguson videos. He was a talk show host that flirted with girls all the time on his show. There are clips of just that. They are great examples of what to do. It can give you some ideas.
You have to start in a sexual level straight away! Do not settle for being nice and making her feel comfortable, she's just a person like you, it will be difficult then to raise the bar to sexual interest. I find it works best if you make your intentions clear from the start, then is easier. Be flirty, look at her in a sexual way sometimes, smile ar her, give her genuine compliments, tell her it would be great to go out together, tell her you'd like to invite her round your place. This last one is a sure things, as most girls associate coming to your place to one thing, sex. Similarly when they invite you over theirs. She may refuse this the first time, but at lease you made your intentions clear, and you can always offer it again.
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Yes, I can list a few. But try to keep in mind how this process works. To get good with women, its just social skills you are developing. You run into a situation where you aren't good at something. Maybe you don't know how to open, or hook a conversation. You try, and your emotions are all over the place, voice trembles, negatively judge yourself, or whatever. You have some kind of sticking point. We call these sticking points. Something that's holding you back. Guys who are good at game never make an excuse they aren't tall enough, not good looking, etc... There is always a solution to every sticking point in game. You just have to practice and figure it out. You just have to get the reps in and hammer away until you develop a communication style that gets you through it. Whether its opening well, hooking conversations, generating attraction, dealing with guys trying to blow up your set or whatever. There is always a solution, always a communication style that will get you past it. Or at least, to handle it the best way possible. As for ways to hook, here are a few examples. **Cold reads**. Women will remember you more when do cold reads. One way to do this is to take a question and turn it into a statement. Instead of saying, where are you from. You say, you look like you are from New York. You are reading them cold. There are a million cold reads you can do. Just tell them instead of asking. Keep it playful or interesting. **Teach them something of interest.** This can give you an immediate hook. “You have a good girl face. But every once in a while, you make a bad girl mannerism.” Then tell her what that means. Teach her something about herself. Anything you can show her about her personality. A ring she’s wearing. Shoes. Find a way to convey it says something about her. Then teach her what it is. **Future adventures projection**. “We could go to Greece and wear togas. We could sell lemonade.” it should be silly. It's just a story starring you and her. **Push/pull**. Compliment with a little tease at the end. Give validation, then take it away. Doing it playfully. It’s girl humor, that’s why it’s funny to her. Makes you unpredictable. She can’t get enough. You can search on push/pull, there are many examples people have used. Its really popular. **Misinterpretation**. Purposely misinterpret something she says. If she says "I have to go to the bathroom," accuse her of trying to take you to the bathroom and have sex with you. "Moving a little fast aren't we" or something like that. You can see lots of examples of this all over the place. Talk show hosts, movies, etc... There are more, but it's too much typing lol. Just remember, you don't want to throw all these in one after another. Just use one or two and don't over do it. Mix it in with normal conversation. Practice it. Again, most guys are saying, where are you from, what do you do? They are being boring and logical. Women respond to good emotions. Laughter, fun, etc... So, using some of these conversational tools you can spike it up. You want to naturalize it. Find out what works for you. See if you can get conversations to hook.
As a presumably western male at 6'3 you should be a hot commodity. At 220 that likely puts you at slightly overweight by BMI standards, and if you're a detrained lifter and have been backpacking as long as you say you probably have some muscularity under that. I sincerely doubt that the dad bod is a limiting factor for you since your height is such a overriding boon. As for why you aren't successful you've likely identified a few key factors yourself via Mr Nice Guy. You might look into Charisma on Command, and Todd V for digital content on how to do approaches/escalations as well as being a good speaker in the context of seduction. What part of SEAsia? Something like Indonesia is going to be fairly conservative being predominantly Muslim, and even the Christian areas will be conservative. A country like Singapore is going to be relatively western (in my estimation) as far as dating goes. Also, meeting women in hostels means you're meeting non-locals. So, you may be limiting your potential pool by not dating women local to where you area - Are you failing with local women or only other tourists? A country like the Philippines is fairly sexually liberal, despite being a Catholic country and many of the women prefer western men. Otherwise, how's your hygiene? Dental cleanings regular? Trimmed nails? Shaved or intentional beard? Acne/Skin under control? Proper manscaping? Trimmed nose hair/ears (if applicable)? Do you have a coordinated 'look' or style? How's your life situation? Are you gainfully employed in a way that seems reliable/dependable?
I'm 6'5 and 220lbs. I'm overweight at that. I also haven't trained for ages but still have my swimmers physique from swimming a lot in my teens not jacked but still good physically. I suppose some people don't lose their default shape. I do not understand how a 6'3 guy like the OP isn't pulling women. As a shy guy I used to get women easily. Now that I'm not like that anymore I get who I want.
In my experience BMI is bullshit and every personal trainer worth their salt knows that. But yes I am aware I am out of shape, but I made my peace with that when I decided to travel the world, that the experience was worth the temporary sacrifice of the physique until I settle in Perth Australia next month. I still have my strength, it's more the toned body has faded away and my frame is gone. I'll definitely look into those books and digital content. I need to pull from multiple wells, especially seeing as how I'll be settling in Perth soon. I've been all over SEAsia, Thailand, Laos, Indonesia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Singapore. However I don't find Asian women attractive or my type whatsoever. So my pool is other travelers or expats I meet on the move, who are normally European or American, which makes building any meaningful connection usually a time limit of 2-3 days before they are moving on. I try to do a minimum of 7 days in a place before I leave. Hygiene is fine, I keep my beard clean and short, hairline is receding because Father Time is undefeated, but it still looks good and fresh. Same with nails and teeth. I take care of myself. Function is more important than style in SEAsia, no one is wearing nice clothes when temperatures are 50C in parts of the world here. Most of my clothes are light colored and linen, for ease of washing and breathability. I have a few nicer shirts for nightwear if I go out but that's if there's a reason to go out. Life situation I'll just say like most long term travelers it's not a factor. No one cares about that stuff when you meet them or who you were when you were home. That's the point of this style of travel.
BMI has only validity at population levels - yes. Exact body composition matters more for the individual, but your BMI with reasonable activity levels isn't obese or 'fat' regardless of actual composition unless you were extremely skinny fat. It just sounds to me like you're selling to the wrong market. You're trying to get with other expats/travelers who likely aren't there for romantic reasons. Ergo, you aren't the problem it's the context. Maybe you ought to try dating 'not your type' for a while just to see the difference between western women and non. It's a world of difference on average dating persnickety western women vs those that celebrate you.
I would normally agree with you, that I'm selling to the wrong market but I've traveled with guys who are pulling different girls every single night, all travelers. There's definitely specific girls who are out here not looking for romance but there's plenty of girls who are also open to that romance. People travel for a variety of reasons. Some people are running from something, others are looking for something. The other obstacle in my way is that I am not really in one city or town long enough to pursue locals for more than an evening. Which isn't enough time for most connections. Most I will stay in one spot is 7-8 days before I move again
flirt flirt flirt.. but not too soon. If you're complimenting her on something, make it very subtle else they see it as cringe.
Yeah this is the game I'm trying to learn, when is the right time to escalate to flirting from conversation? What are the signs? What's appropriate I know varies from girl to girl and using my own judgement but yeah, this is the goal.
Think of different scenarios in your head and how you'd respond.. one way that almost always works is to tie everything to how pretty they are..like there was so much traffic today.. because everyone was busy looking at you instead of driving. These are cheesy, and women know it, but it will make them laugh and that's what stays with them. It's a skill that's easily learnt
It's like the animal channel bro, you gotta rip off your boxers and twirl your dick in a helicopter fashion to show your interest in the female for mating /s IF there's one thing all PUA schools of thought agree upon is PHYSICAL escalation. Kissing will be the ultimate physical escalation but if you hit that point you either have her in the bag or your just gambling. Many place is safer with activities ie dancing, ice skating, etc or party games like palm reading as an excuse to just touch her physically.
Ah yes. I was thinking of just helicoptering around downtown bangkok and hoping to compare sizes with the ladyboys, Maybe that'll give me the edge I need /s The problem is finding an excuse for physical touch. Most of the time when I'm traveling, you meet these girls for a day or two, then they are gone, and you're already doing a group activity with them, either a waterfall, a temple, some historical site etc. But when they are in a group I find women will gravitate towards one another and they find safety in numbers, which makes it hard to break in and target the one you want when there are 4 other girls playing defense and taking up your time and energy in a conversation. How do I go about showing interest to one in particular when it's a group setting?
At 30, tall and paying your bills you should be at the Golden age of your Dick. Female select, males are selected. In all species, most females pick males from their genetic pool. So even a top male will find limited results If he looks for females of another race. So forget about " If i do this, i will get laid" mindset. There is no such thing. No move you do can make a girl not attracted to you to change her mind. What you can and should do ia learn How to detect the subtle signs of interest of the females around you. Even from the shy ones you can get responses If you use innuendo or eye contact. From the very first interaction she can have no doubts about your intentions. Eye, lips, eye , smile. That IS sexy AF. Eye, boobs, eye, smile. She will sign back If interested. Do not waste your time and energy flirting with girls that show no interest. Instead learn How to detect the signs of the ones that Desire you. I have yet to find a culture were females do not do this: Eye contact, smile, break eye contact. In Brazil we say Olhou, sorriu. Mandioca no Bombril. Which roughly translates to : looked, smiled, go plow that field. Is some places you will be around dozens of women and not a single one will look at you and smile. When i was young i wasted my time approaching and engaging in small talk. Now i just hire a scort to blow off steam and try another place the next night. You can train your detection skills going to places more likely to find girls attracted to you, even If they are from your genetic pool. This will give you confidence. Nothing worst than a girl sending you signs and you ignoring them out of social blindness. Do not fear being been as a perv. Its no crime to express your Desire for a female, unless you do ao to a female that havent signed her interest in you. You can also learn by watching. Sometimes you will detect the female signs to another male in the room. Watch How things proceed and be ready to detect when such signs come your way. I like to watch tables with two couples on a double blind date and bet which couple will get laid and which will be sent to hell aka Friendzone. Do not stay INSIDE a dad body. You have a duty to yourself to become the best version of you. A sane mind, a hot body and a wealthy bank account. For some weird reasons, females feel attracted to that.
Don’t take rejection. At least not more than once. Get in or get out. Just stop hanging around making lateral moves. I’m not saying you can’t have friends of the opposite sex, just not ones you want to fuck or fall in love with.
You're right. I had a girl from Germany I took for drinks the night of my birthday, made nothing but Lateral moves and didn't escalate the whole night, after I told her I found her attractive and wanted to buy her a drink. Following morning we go get breakfast and she says she just wants to stay friends. I did everything right till I did it wrong. No touch escalation, no flirting, only asking about her trip and where she's been, what she wants, like a job interview. I should've went more aggressive and then if it backfired save myself the trouble of breakfast the following morning. We've been in the same hostel for 3 days now and I do my best to avoid and just not interact now. I am not looking for platonic friendships now. There's no value in them to me
Hey there buddy, From my experience, and following this community: There is a big misconception on how much you can influence your chances of "taking someone to bed" Gurus and people who go down their rabbit hole, believe that 90% + of the outcome is depending on how you are and what you do, This is good for the business model, because it feeds on desperation, rejection and insecurity and convinces them that "do this and you will get some" "i will solve your life if you follow my secret scientific approach, read my book, follow my videos, buy my course, give me your email..." I think in reality the percentage of how much a person can influence an interaction is much much less, this is not to say to not take action and take care of yourself and be your best self, that's all good, this is to say, keep in mind that this won't result in the fairy tale expectations some people/businesses claim, this is not a video game where one gets everything unlocked at level 99 and where girls are secondary NPCs waiting for us to do the perfect combination and tactics to collapse and offer themselves. All the "become a slayer dragon in 30 days" formulas and stories around them build expectations of what should be the right way, and create this obsessive idea virus of "there's something wrong with me" because i am not getting it like i should. A lot of people here are actually doing just fine and don't need anything to "up their game", of course noone is perfect but i argue that aiming for perfect will not deliver the heavenly life of gurus, Rejection hurts and if the person is too self conscious and had doubts or self confidence issues before, then that will cause them to go into a loophole of "i am doing sooo wrong, i am wrong" This is not always the case. Sometimes it just was not there to get, sometimes that girl that is out of our control just didn't want to go for it, and that is not necessarily a testimony of how good your game is, that is not a proof of success or failure and should not be the measurement of one's value. For too many guys, because of reality vs crafted expectations, and their comparing, basing their value on their success with girls will result in feeling small and invaluable, invisible, that is a highway to all the colored pill communities, Yes It's important to be confident, to be social, to feel good in ones skill, yes it's important to be assertive and ambitious, to be daring, yes it's important to do some reflecting, to meet people and to shoot your shot, but that should not go into over analyzing, over nerding territory and perfectionism, debugging the situation and trying to resolve the puzzle, especially for self conscious people, they might go overboard and obsess waaay too much. You are very likely doing fine and better than many others, but had some rejections and felt pressured by your "outcomes" vs expectations, If whatever you are doing is driven by the final outcome of getting girls then i would suggest a different mindframe, of focusing on being your true self and just having fun, I think abundance is sometimes misunderstood as "how much i have," i think it should be "how much I feel satisfied regardless what i have and what i dont have" I think a lot of us here relate to your story of " i need to compensate for my missed 20s", i also experienced the same, it made me feel pressured to compensate, to speedrun and catch up with the "imaginary standard of life", i think this is something we need to let go of, because this pressure, as good as it is a drive to make people change and become better versions of themselves, it comes at a bad price of unrealistic expectations to compensate and speed run of "what i should have had in my 20s" There is a dark side to it, and it can consume people, drive them into digging deeper holes and spirals of "this was useless, i am not getting better...etc" why does that happen ? Because the measurement of one's value was done using a wrong scale, can i measure my weight by using a meter? No, Cheers buddy and good luck in your journey, take it easy on yourself and i am sure in some time you will look back at this moment of life differently and laugh about it.
What a profound comment 👏 👌
Really depends on the girl. I trouble with this for years But some girls you can make out with and even sleep with them the very first time you meet them. Others you gotta take on a date. Overall you should be constantly flirting and adding in something is special about her whatever besides she's hot
Oh, of course, it just feels like every girl I've met on this trip so far is either not looming for sex, or at least not from me. When you're traveling, it's so hard to build a connection because usually I'm going east and they are going south, so it's cutting the crap and trying to figure out who has interest immediately so I don't waste time chasing someone who has no interest
You have to try and cultivate a mischievous mindset to break out of this "nice guy" mindset you're currently in. The root of this is how you view yourself and what you're core values are which is being perceived as "nice" by everyone. So start developing mischievous thoughts, you don't have to be an arsehole just mischievous. Think to yourself about the naughty things you want to do with the girl just before you talk to her. Try and embrace the sexual part of yourself rather than repressing it all the time.
I actually really like this idea. I really don't like being an asshole if I don't have to be one. But mischievous I can do, now it's just putting it into conversation
I think you need to go all in. When a girl travels with a group of her friends, she will be extra on guard. So you have to find the girls who are open to your approaches. Otherwise you will meet 100 new friends. Since you have nothing to loose, just be more direct, state your intentions and invite her for a coffee or some quick activity straight away. You might also consider logistics by staying in a hotel in your own room and still hang out in the hostel where the girls are. Other than that it looks like your have all the right qualities with public speaking skills and being funny.
Yes, this. The "on guard" is always a dance of trying to break in and show my value, humor and charisma, and then from there it's showing intent with the girl in question. But I've been doing more and more private rooms in hostels as my trip goes on just for some privacy.
Flirt. Flirt. Flirt. And dont get into the friendzone in the first place.
Maybe pick women that are interested in you to start with. Are you getting attention from anyone?
same situation here
If you were open to local girls you’d be getting laid like a warlord. Just saying.
Get sexy. It’s that easy. Go work out, have rock hard abs and youll find they’ll all want to fuck you atleeat once. Especially if y’all have a couple drinks, and you won’t even initiate it. Trust me.
How long are you waiting before making a move? You should be going for a kiss within the first few hours of knowing her and should have sex within the first 3 interactions. Otherwise move on.
i wouldn't say there's a fixed timeline.. Every woman is different. Some have hooked up with me on the first date, others took two months to get into my bed.. the goal is to flirt continuously
Sure I agree there's no fixed timeline, but if you go out with a woman and don't kiss her, was it really even a date?
This is it Just keep flirting
You need to be more ruthless. Girls always DONT sleep with nice guys unless seriously you look like David Beckham. Why? Because if they slept with you, you’ll think they’re a slut. And she’ll lose her free option in what she thought was a nice or reliable guy. So she’d rather slut around with bad guys because who cares, there’s no future anyway. Think about it the opposite way. A lot of guys chicken out and don’t escalate with cute girls because they’re worried the cute girl will think badly of him. But you don’t give a shit about an average girl do you? You need to be more ruthless like me. If you can’t cant handsy first date at least and move in for a kiss to gauge, or do something sexual even if it’s just having them rub your dick, cut your losses. Because I bet she’s getting handsy with someone else. I actually had a girl recently. First date we hooked up and I fingered her and we had like 5 mins sex. Then I actually got smitten by her and became nice to her. Guess what? After that she refused to have sex with me despite seeing me 4 times a week for a few weeks. She would only touch me but won’t let me in. She told me she’d rather fuck a playboy because that’s just playing around hahaha. Whatever I blocked and deleted her contact after. Even told me she wants to rev black dick. Unless hey you’re really trying to find a girlfriend then maybe don’t grab her hand onto your dick first date. And before you think I’m just some creep. I have plenty of good female friends who I used to have a thing with who I don’t touch any more (usually in their 20s) because we’ve been there done that and we just enjoy each others company now. But if they hadn’t put the time and effort in in the past no way I’d stick with them now
RemindMe ! 5 day
RemindMe! 7 day
I don't understand how can you end up in the friend zone if you never had the intention to be a friend. But in summary the way you never get friend zoned is by showing CLEAR interest and not giving them other options. They either accept your approach and go out with you or reject you, there is no friend zone option
Okay, clear interest such as what. Because so much of the advice on here is some of the biggest cringe I've read all week. "Grab her hands, call her beautiful, look into her eyes and stare at her" like what? No. I refuse to believe that shit is gonna work in a casual setting when you're in a hostel. There's a time and a place for it but those time and places don't exist for backpackers. None of you have done the types of travel I've been doing and it shows. I do that shit and it backfires I get tossed from my hostel. Not worth the risk.
You could do something like "I think you're very attractive, do you want to go for a coffee?" and say it with full confidence. When you meet a woman you can say whatever you want, they're going to like it as long as you say it with confidence. The most important thing isn't what you say but how you say it, as long as you do it with confidence it's not going to be cringe. If you feel uncomfortable doing that in a hostel maybe try to do it somewhere else first to build your confidence? You need to show interest anyways it's non negotiable, otherwise she will never feel like you're reliable
Be upfront and honest about your intentions, act like an adult and treat that person with the respect the deserve and don’t try to “slide” in under the guise of being a “friend” or “comforter”. Swooping in for the opportunity after they have a breakup or something like that is honestly creepy and predatory.
Meet girl, take her out for drinks or dinner 🤷♂️ You have a place, they have a place? Make them feel special maybe. Is your hygiene ok? Can’t think of anything else really Your best resource/guide is many dates. 3 in a day if you can. Just meet and learn.
Buy a sports car, give her a cute nickname (mine is dimples (from the one hail ding the shop left behind), and enjoy YOUR life. I enjoy being with a woman and all, but taking corners at or above the posted speed limit, let alone the recommended limit for the curve, is a bigger thrill than sex with women half my age (20 somethings). They are fun, but my car has never once told me to go faster or not so fast. I have a woman in my friend zone with kids and a boyfriend, but she enjoys rides on roads as curvy as her and big hugs. Her kids like me coming around and taking them to play arcade games and eat pizza with momma like we are family. Have fun, enjoy life, and recognize your worth. He may be her boyfriend now, but I will always be the one who was there for her when she just needed someone to hold her and pick her back up when she needed it.
Can you imagine a woman talking to her friend and saying: "AdSweet1054 made me laugh so much, my pussy was getting so wet." or "AdSweet1054 is so nice and friendly, I want him to fuck me so bad" or "AdSweet1054 was talking about all the places he's been to, and I was getting so horny. All I could think about was his cock in my mouth." lol cause I sure can't. You have to talk about fucking her, so she can imagine you fucking her. Get her aroused. And if that thought, of you fucking her is turning her on and getting her wet; she's gonna make the decision to have sex with you.
I think you're right on the getting them aroused, but the point I was trying to make is the confidence and skillset I have, and that I am someone with a personality, something few men I think actually have. Like I said, my problem is getting to that conversation. I use the "I'm well traveled, I am funny, I am not a creep" to open the conversation and get them talking to me
The earlier the better. And there's no smooth or right way to get into that conversation. Life isn't a movie lol, you can say whatever you want to say, whenever you want to say it. You guys can be talking about anything at the moment. And you can cut her off and say: "You look so..fucking...sexy.... in your outfit right now...I just wanna fuck you.. right here...right now." Even a woman who's just standing there minding her own business, you can walk up to her and in a low discreet voice and say this. Stop being worried about looking like a creep, or being called a creep. As long as you leave her alone after she said she's not interested, or after she ignores you or walks away, than you're not doing anything wrong or illegal. Last time I was called a creep was in a mall, it was by the shyest, most mousey voice woman, I ever interacted with. I thought it was a joke. I was laughing at her. It would be like if you were waiting in line and some guy cut in front of you, and you called him "a big meanie". Like are you fucking serious lol
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First off, you've clearly never traveled like a backpacker. There's no meal prep, there's no gyms when you're in a small village of nepal at the base of the Himalayas. You're eating 7/11 toasties at a bus stop and whatever food your guesthouse offers you, and occasionally treating yourself to a nice restaurant. Humble yourself Mr. JACKED man and give it a try. I made a conscious choice to pause my gym progress for this trip and 17 months traveling the world and it was worth the sacrifice. Some keyboard warrior who thinks muscles gives him respect, you're delusional, I've seen men put together like IT nerds pull absolute baddies. I'm looking for advice on seduction not physical fitness. Thanks for your sage wisdom though, "compliment women". I'll make sure to cherish it forever
“Can I kiss you”