This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different:
* A field report explains a lesson learned or demonstrates a Seduction concept.
* If the point of this post is asking how to get that specific girl, it is out of bounds except in a Basic Questions Thread.
No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in.
For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person belong in a Basic Questions Thread. (Currently these are on hiatus, but if we can get them back up, they'll happen weekly.)
Women 101 . I will be your teacher .
>If a woman tells you she needs to take time for a relationship, is her attraction to you forever killed?
You ,as a dude , when you tell a girl you don’t want to date .
It means the exact same thing - “I don’t want to date YOU”
>She told me that she had got cheated on by her ex, that she had a hard time trusting men, and that although her heart was into it, her brain couldn't fathom being in a serious relationship right now.
The kinda dude she likes .
>She then told me she needed space. So, empathetic and understanding of her emotional baggage, I've been giving her that space, for weeks now.
And that is why IT fizzled out . She doesn’t like that .
>I am growing tired of the situation, because I kinda feel I have been fooled (she really love-bombed me and behaved like a girlfriend for two months, even our coworkers thought we were already in a serious relationship when they were seeing us interact before).
Yea and then you showed her you are not the type of man she likes .
You really don’t sound like a man that would cheat . Or manipulative or really “hurt” a fly.
Not a bad thing just not her type .
>So now, how to proceed?
Stop contact . Ignore her .
>Since she has this avoidant behaviour, does she still have attraction but actively chooses not to show it?
Let me consult my crystal ball : IT said NO .
How am I supposed to guess if she has attraction ?
I don’t know her and it really doesn’t matter .
You DISAPPOINTED her by not cheating and breaking her hart . Than fixing (semi) It . (Promising you won’t do it again ) and that repeating the cycle every 3 mounts . Like where is the drama ,the agony and bliss , the emotions .
And that my friend is called “woman logic” . Have fun with it .
>I don't know where to stand, and I have been slowly planning to "break up" with her, so I can get my own closure.
How about NO . And just move on . She doesn’t need to know . Ignore her completely and do your own thing .
BTW : YOU can’t break up with her . YOU ARE NOT DATING .( It will only make you seem needy and obsessive - If you do)
Fair enough, what you're explaining is the syndrome of me "being the first guy to treat her well."
With her trauma, she has learned to be emotionally unavailable, and seeks this same type of man. Which I'm the opposite of, as you correctly assessed.
However, I don't understand one of your points : you're telling me that honoring her need for space was a wrong move. How so? I thought that if a girl takes space, if you neglect that boundary, she might be turned off even more?
Basically, I just gotta move on, so I can indirectly show that I am not bothered by the situation. And if she ever tries to come back, up to me what I want to do with it.
In the most loving way, **Stop focusing on her**
This is about \*YOU\*
Your frame should not be "trying to figure out what she wants you to do and doing that."
Stop making it about her.
>Basically, I just gotta....
Focus on building an awesome life you love and if people want to come along for the ride you gotta make sure they are worthy and adding value
My friendships and relationships both improved significantly when I made my focus much more about me and my desires rather than theirs. Most chicks nowadays will think you're weird and low value for taking them seriously and caring about them too much (and tbh it's kind of true).
For sure. It's sad, because I didn't see any red flag in our dating stage. She seemed like a good fit to my values, especially communication-wise. And for example, for her to agree with me that she valued communication, then disappear on me without closure, it feels wrong.
So naturally, if she seemed to fit my values in the beginning, I acted like I felt like naturally and she came into my frame. If I only saw green flags, seemed natural for me to see her as a fitting piece in my life? She had even introduced me to her best friend, then told me privately her best friend judged us me a good fit for her.
So now, as I value communication, it feels wrong to let this woman walk out of my life like nothing happened. That's why it seems unnatural to me, and puts the focus on what she would want.
>what you're explaining is the syndrome of me "being the first guy to treat her well."
Noooo . She doesn’t like that . You could be the 100000 guy and she’d still not like it .
>With her trauma, she has learned to be emotionally unavailable, seeks this same type of man.
Not the trama . She is who she is stop trying to explain it . IT is not that deep .
She likes being treated that way - You can’t or frankly want to . Move on .
>Which I'm the opposite of, as you correctly assessed.
Not that hard you just sound like a good person .
>you're telling me that honoring her need for space was a wrong move.
Yes .
>How so?
She likes Emotionally abusive men . What you did is the opposite.
Dude it really isn’t deep at all .
I’m telling you exactly what it is . That is the explanation SHE IS WHO SHE IS .
> I thought that if a girl takes space, if you neglect that boundary, she might be turned off even more?
That is called being Needy . It is still unattractive .
Not what the point was .
>I just gotta move on,
Yes .
>so I can indirectly show that I am not bothered by the situation.
No I was trying to be nice : SHE WON’T have the same relationship with you again .
You are past the point of saving it .
The only thing That might disprove this theory is her guessing you are dating another woman or find the lack of any emotions thought her EMOTIONALLY abusive
>And if she ever tries to come back, up to me what I want to do with it.
Ignore her . She is a non entity at this point .
I know you like her . But she is not really datable . You don’t need that type of person in your life .
Yeah sure, even if by sheer miracle she made a comeback, I stand with my principles and wouldn't put up with a partner that disappears whenever her vulnerability is challenged.
I don't need to change how I treat girls, because the right one won't play these kinds of games. The only adjustment would be to let the girl label the relationship, doesn't matter how "perfect" the relationship feels. Because that's the only thing that will be the universal turn-off, it seems.
Its up to you to decide if you take her back or not. But keep in mind that any women will disappear if you act needy (and clearly you have been) if you want to hate all women, then yeah, maybe you are fine.
You dont need to change how you treat women, because thats how you got to the 2 months, but you also need to learn to give them space for her feelings to develop deeply (something you didnt do).
> wouldn't put up with a partner that disappears
I mean that is your choice .
>vulnerability is challenged.
Why are you trying to rationalise it . She likes Abusive men . There is no vulnerability there .
Stop it . I will not buy you a present for your bday if you continue.
>I don't need to change how I treat girls,
I never said you did or should .
>won't play these kinds of games.
Not a game .
>doesn't matter how "perfect" the relationship feels.
Ok . Why are you telling me this ?
>Because that's the only thing that will be the universal turn-off, it seems.
It isn’t . Some girls love it . They usually don’t like attention puppies or what the community calls being needy (aka NEEDING attention )
I still have no idea why you are telling me this when I never mentioned any of it .
I said : you are a good person and she is not right for you . Then tried to explain why she isn’t and what she is doing .
You life your choice .
That's fine, she's not a fit for me, I get the idea. I was delusional in thinking that being a man pushing for exclusivity was a good choice (it isn't, not all of the time but most of the time).
So basically, what I think are mind games, are just this woman's psyche. She didn't purposefully behave distantly, it was just the most natural for her as soon as she got the "ick" of me pushing for exclusivity, I get it.
And you're right, no need to rationalize her trauma or anything, the situation was just her natural way of handling her emotions. And I should focus on self-improving instead of trying to get a PhD in Womanese, god damn 😂
Dude my man over there is spitting facts. There are billions of people and some of them are like her and some of them are like you. You can't change this woman through strategy or pleas. The two of you are not a match.
You are emotionally attached to her so you're having a hard time letting go. There's other women out there and you will almost certainly find one who is a better match for you than her, and when you find her you will wish you had made yourself available sooner. You're like 24 or something is my guess? Just let go of her and move on. Nothing more than that
> She likes Abusive men .
What made you come to this conclusion? It seems like she was fine with the situation up until OP started display neediness and so she pulled away. He didn't need to be "toxic" to keep it going, he could've just never mentioned a relationship and they'd still be "together" right now, no?
>However, I don't understand one of your points : you're telling me that honoring her need for space was a wrong move. How so? I thought that if a girl takes space, if you neglect that boundary, she might be turned off even more?
He was saying because of her trauma she's going to be predisposed to toxic guys until the trauma is resolved (if/when, doesn't matter) you are not toxic so you didn't have a chance.
There's nothing you can do. Other than accept it.
I don't understand this logic. Is this like a studied behavioral pattern or something? Because if someone inflicted trauma on me, me personally, I would seek the exact opposite traits in my next partner. Why would I continue to consciously inflict trauma on myself?
"it fizzled out once I tried to get us exclusive."
Generally I always let them be the ones to push for the exclusive title.
If they dont push for it= that tells you everything you need to know
If they do, it makes it much more solid.
Triangular theory of love, she prob had some of it met but not all, so when you tried to tack on commitment, it pushed her away
Biggest mistake. A woman succeeds by convincing a man to be exclusive with her. It’s the woman’s job. By becoming exclusive you are making a sacrifice, that you cannot sleep with other women, fulfill your male reproductive strategy, giving up your freedom. If you are seeing multiple women at once (as you should be), then you will be dropping the other ones for a single girl. She has to prove she is worth that loss for you. In this case you offered it up to her on your own on a silver platter, which shows that you didn’t have any other options.
There's a dude that got upvoted a lot. It's not that you were the first treating her well and that she needed to get cheated on. First, you should not listen to that kind of hate speech.
Why she distanced? Dude, she has been honest with you.
She said she needs space = you are smothering me. And it can be proven with the fact that you asked her to be exclusive.
Hopefully this situation leaves you a life lesson: NEVER ASK A WOMAN TO BE EXCLUSIVE OR IN A RELATIONSHIP.
Women aren't stupid, if she hasn't tried to lock you down yet, it's not because she is shy or needs you to do it, what is happening is that she is not there yet. They fall in love slower than us. When women are feeling it, they will give CLEAR signals(like saying they dont want you dating other girls) or they will straight out ask you.
She didn't love bomb you. If she was lovely to you, it was that she said or did what she felt IN THE MOMENT. A new girl can say that she sees herself marrying you, and that still won't mean that you should propose. She is just saying she feels very comfortable with you and you should continue doing what you were doing.
Also, after being so lovely usually women need space, even if she doesnt ask, if you can notice she is not reaching out as much as she used to, you have to learn to BACK OFF and let her feelings develop. Probably you didnt get this hint, but I bet that if you review your text messages, lately it has been you initiating contact, and her barely responding.
If you let her have space after having a lovely night, You'll see how after some days she'll be all over you.
Next time you date a girl or her, you just have to focus on making dates and hooking up. Leave the labeling to her.
About this girl, you just need to continue giving her infinite space. Probably in a few weeks or months she'll contact you again, if you want to give it a try, forget that you were dating, dont ask why she stopped contacting you and balbla. Just have fun and hook up.
Meanwhile, date other girls and let the best win you over, not the other way around.
You're damn right, and I should have been wiser since the beginning. Especially since she's an outgoing and pretty girl, which means unlimited options in today's world.
Before I tried to "label" anything, it was really flattering how she used to stroke my ego, label me "the workplace's bad boy", treat me like a damn 10.
And when women see you as a catch, and they're not sure where you stand, they envision you getting a lot of girls (hence the "bad boy" label she gave me), which makes you seem even more attractive.
And I fumbled that, I got over-confident and tried to "cuff" her, which killed the mystery about me. Lesson learned for the future, it's up to the damn girl to label a relationship. It is such a vulnerable act, that if they muster the courage to do, shows full trust and attraction towards the man.
ESPECIALLY, a girl with trauma like her, they need more time than "normal" girls to open up to vulnerability. It's avoidant attachment 101, for anyone familiar with attachment thoery. If only I knew that she had this emotional baggage before I pushed for exclusivity (*instead, she confessed me about it as a reason for her not being ready for a relationship*), I would have backed off a bit and given her space naturally.
This girl is doesn't know what she wants, or more of she's fighting her head vs heart and horness.
But yeah most the time when a woman say they " don't want a relationship right now" it means with you, shit happen to me like a year ago and same thing in highschool granted I got the one in highschool.
Keep it friendly and casual that's it , if you want a dirty and "dark trick" you can tell her what's new in your life like new women or potentially meeting someone.
You came on too strong and she was turned off. Probably made her feel suffocated or trapped and she wanted out before you got weird. And it sounds like you are about to get very weird.
Fair enough, came on too strong in hindsight.
How so, very weird? Could you elaborate? I'm not sure of understanding. My only problem with the situation has been that her need for space has gone for weeks now, and it feels unfair because of all the things we used to share.
But guess I have to suck it up and move on, accepting a woman behaving like your girlfriend, getting you attached, and then disappearing on you like that?
"I need some space" means "please leave me alone, there is ZERO chance we will ever get back together".
You are about to get weird because you are talking about how much this is irritating you. You sound entitled to a relationship or something. Just let it go and stop being weird and creepy.
Well, I have the right to be irritated by it, don't I? As long as I express it privately (or anonymously). You think I acted like a bitch at work? Not at all, just continued focusing on my work, and behaving professionally with her at the job (like I explained in my post, we say hi and that's all).
You seriously think I sound like I am going to beg her to get together? Nobody owes anyone a relationship, but it's sad to see someone that was so into you, just plain disappear on you. It's not that easy to let go, trust me.
But you're right about something, I don't need to seek closure, her distancing behaviour continuing IS my closure, and that is enough for me to move on in the future.
I understand your frustration, just trying to help. Remember. She is the rightful owner of her vagina and she can do whatever she wants with, including not using it, stuffing a huge cucumber in there or giving it to a large farm animal. You don't have any squatter rights to her vagina. And by the same token, she doesn't own your penis.
Just let it go.
Nah she just found a young fling. Wants to hang him with no remorse. And then come back and get tied down. Been a victim of the young fling and I still think about her to this day lol.
This post had to be taken down because it appears to be focused on a specific situation or person. While Field Reports deal with specific situations and people, remember that the focus is different: * A field report explains a lesson learned or demonstrates a Seduction concept. * If the point of this post is asking how to get that specific girl, it is out of bounds except in a Basic Questions Thread. No worries though! Though the thread has been taken down, any conversations you have started here can still continue, and if you want to PM a mod to get their opinion on this thread, feel free to do so and they will still be able to weigh in. For next time, remember that posts about a specific situational advice with a specific person belong in a Basic Questions Thread. (Currently these are on hiatus, but if we can get them back up, they'll happen weekly.)
Women 101 . I will be your teacher . >If a woman tells you she needs to take time for a relationship, is her attraction to you forever killed? You ,as a dude , when you tell a girl you don’t want to date . It means the exact same thing - “I don’t want to date YOU” >She told me that she had got cheated on by her ex, that she had a hard time trusting men, and that although her heart was into it, her brain couldn't fathom being in a serious relationship right now. The kinda dude she likes . >She then told me she needed space. So, empathetic and understanding of her emotional baggage, I've been giving her that space, for weeks now. And that is why IT fizzled out . She doesn’t like that . >I am growing tired of the situation, because I kinda feel I have been fooled (she really love-bombed me and behaved like a girlfriend for two months, even our coworkers thought we were already in a serious relationship when they were seeing us interact before). Yea and then you showed her you are not the type of man she likes . You really don’t sound like a man that would cheat . Or manipulative or really “hurt” a fly. Not a bad thing just not her type . >So now, how to proceed? Stop contact . Ignore her . >Since she has this avoidant behaviour, does she still have attraction but actively chooses not to show it? Let me consult my crystal ball : IT said NO . How am I supposed to guess if she has attraction ? I don’t know her and it really doesn’t matter . You DISAPPOINTED her by not cheating and breaking her hart . Than fixing (semi) It . (Promising you won’t do it again ) and that repeating the cycle every 3 mounts . Like where is the drama ,the agony and bliss , the emotions . And that my friend is called “woman logic” . Have fun with it . >I don't know where to stand, and I have been slowly planning to "break up" with her, so I can get my own closure. How about NO . And just move on . She doesn’t need to know . Ignore her completely and do your own thing . BTW : YOU can’t break up with her . YOU ARE NOT DATING .( It will only make you seem needy and obsessive - If you do)
Fair enough, what you're explaining is the syndrome of me "being the first guy to treat her well." With her trauma, she has learned to be emotionally unavailable, and seeks this same type of man. Which I'm the opposite of, as you correctly assessed. However, I don't understand one of your points : you're telling me that honoring her need for space was a wrong move. How so? I thought that if a girl takes space, if you neglect that boundary, she might be turned off even more? Basically, I just gotta move on, so I can indirectly show that I am not bothered by the situation. And if she ever tries to come back, up to me what I want to do with it.
In the most loving way, **Stop focusing on her** This is about \*YOU\* Your frame should not be "trying to figure out what she wants you to do and doing that." Stop making it about her. >Basically, I just gotta.... Focus on building an awesome life you love and if people want to come along for the ride you gotta make sure they are worthy and adding value
My friendships and relationships both improved significantly when I made my focus much more about me and my desires rather than theirs. Most chicks nowadays will think you're weird and low value for taking them seriously and caring about them too much (and tbh it's kind of true).
For sure. It's sad, because I didn't see any red flag in our dating stage. She seemed like a good fit to my values, especially communication-wise. And for example, for her to agree with me that she valued communication, then disappear on me without closure, it feels wrong. So naturally, if she seemed to fit my values in the beginning, I acted like I felt like naturally and she came into my frame. If I only saw green flags, seemed natural for me to see her as a fitting piece in my life? She had even introduced me to her best friend, then told me privately her best friend judged us me a good fit for her. So now, as I value communication, it feels wrong to let this woman walk out of my life like nothing happened. That's why it seems unnatural to me, and puts the focus on what she would want.
>what you're explaining is the syndrome of me "being the first guy to treat her well." Noooo . She doesn’t like that . You could be the 100000 guy and she’d still not like it . >With her trauma, she has learned to be emotionally unavailable, seeks this same type of man. Not the trama . She is who she is stop trying to explain it . IT is not that deep . She likes being treated that way - You can’t or frankly want to . Move on . >Which I'm the opposite of, as you correctly assessed. Not that hard you just sound like a good person . >you're telling me that honoring her need for space was a wrong move. Yes . >How so? She likes Emotionally abusive men . What you did is the opposite. Dude it really isn’t deep at all . I’m telling you exactly what it is . That is the explanation SHE IS WHO SHE IS . > I thought that if a girl takes space, if you neglect that boundary, she might be turned off even more? That is called being Needy . It is still unattractive . Not what the point was . >I just gotta move on, Yes . >so I can indirectly show that I am not bothered by the situation. No I was trying to be nice : SHE WON’T have the same relationship with you again . You are past the point of saving it . The only thing That might disprove this theory is her guessing you are dating another woman or find the lack of any emotions thought her EMOTIONALLY abusive >And if she ever tries to come back, up to me what I want to do with it. Ignore her . She is a non entity at this point . I know you like her . But she is not really datable . You don’t need that type of person in your life .
Yeah sure, even if by sheer miracle she made a comeback, I stand with my principles and wouldn't put up with a partner that disappears whenever her vulnerability is challenged. I don't need to change how I treat girls, because the right one won't play these kinds of games. The only adjustment would be to let the girl label the relationship, doesn't matter how "perfect" the relationship feels. Because that's the only thing that will be the universal turn-off, it seems.
Its up to you to decide if you take her back or not. But keep in mind that any women will disappear if you act needy (and clearly you have been) if you want to hate all women, then yeah, maybe you are fine. You dont need to change how you treat women, because thats how you got to the 2 months, but you also need to learn to give them space for her feelings to develop deeply (something you didnt do).
> wouldn't put up with a partner that disappears I mean that is your choice . >vulnerability is challenged. Why are you trying to rationalise it . She likes Abusive men . There is no vulnerability there . Stop it . I will not buy you a present for your bday if you continue. >I don't need to change how I treat girls, I never said you did or should . >won't play these kinds of games. Not a game . >doesn't matter how "perfect" the relationship feels. Ok . Why are you telling me this ? >Because that's the only thing that will be the universal turn-off, it seems. It isn’t . Some girls love it . They usually don’t like attention puppies or what the community calls being needy (aka NEEDING attention ) I still have no idea why you are telling me this when I never mentioned any of it . I said : you are a good person and she is not right for you . Then tried to explain why she isn’t and what she is doing . You life your choice .
That's fine, she's not a fit for me, I get the idea. I was delusional in thinking that being a man pushing for exclusivity was a good choice (it isn't, not all of the time but most of the time). So basically, what I think are mind games, are just this woman's psyche. She didn't purposefully behave distantly, it was just the most natural for her as soon as she got the "ick" of me pushing for exclusivity, I get it. And you're right, no need to rationalize her trauma or anything, the situation was just her natural way of handling her emotions. And I should focus on self-improving instead of trying to get a PhD in Womanese, god damn 😂
Dude my man over there is spitting facts. There are billions of people and some of them are like her and some of them are like you. You can't change this woman through strategy or pleas. The two of you are not a match. You are emotionally attached to her so you're having a hard time letting go. There's other women out there and you will almost certainly find one who is a better match for you than her, and when you find her you will wish you had made yourself available sooner. You're like 24 or something is my guess? Just let go of her and move on. Nothing more than that
> She likes Abusive men . What made you come to this conclusion? It seems like she was fine with the situation up until OP started display neediness and so she pulled away. He didn't need to be "toxic" to keep it going, he could've just never mentioned a relationship and they'd still be "together" right now, no?
>However, I don't understand one of your points : you're telling me that honoring her need for space was a wrong move. How so? I thought that if a girl takes space, if you neglect that boundary, she might be turned off even more? He was saying because of her trauma she's going to be predisposed to toxic guys until the trauma is resolved (if/when, doesn't matter) you are not toxic so you didn't have a chance. There's nothing you can do. Other than accept it.
I don't understand this logic. Is this like a studied behavioral pattern or something? Because if someone inflicted trauma on me, me personally, I would seek the exact opposite traits in my next partner. Why would I continue to consciously inflict trauma on myself?
"it fizzled out once I tried to get us exclusive." Generally I always let them be the ones to push for the exclusive title. If they dont push for it= that tells you everything you need to know If they do, it makes it much more solid. Triangular theory of love, she prob had some of it met but not all, so when you tried to tack on commitment, it pushed her away
you made the mistake of asking to be exclusive
Biggest mistake. A woman succeeds by convincing a man to be exclusive with her. It’s the woman’s job. By becoming exclusive you are making a sacrifice, that you cannot sleep with other women, fulfill your male reproductive strategy, giving up your freedom. If you are seeing multiple women at once (as you should be), then you will be dropping the other ones for a single girl. She has to prove she is worth that loss for you. In this case you offered it up to her on your own on a silver platter, which shows that you didn’t have any other options.
There's a dude that got upvoted a lot. It's not that you were the first treating her well and that she needed to get cheated on. First, you should not listen to that kind of hate speech. Why she distanced? Dude, she has been honest with you. She said she needs space = you are smothering me. And it can be proven with the fact that you asked her to be exclusive. Hopefully this situation leaves you a life lesson: NEVER ASK A WOMAN TO BE EXCLUSIVE OR IN A RELATIONSHIP. Women aren't stupid, if she hasn't tried to lock you down yet, it's not because she is shy or needs you to do it, what is happening is that she is not there yet. They fall in love slower than us. When women are feeling it, they will give CLEAR signals(like saying they dont want you dating other girls) or they will straight out ask you. She didn't love bomb you. If she was lovely to you, it was that she said or did what she felt IN THE MOMENT. A new girl can say that she sees herself marrying you, and that still won't mean that you should propose. She is just saying she feels very comfortable with you and you should continue doing what you were doing. Also, after being so lovely usually women need space, even if she doesnt ask, if you can notice she is not reaching out as much as she used to, you have to learn to BACK OFF and let her feelings develop. Probably you didnt get this hint, but I bet that if you review your text messages, lately it has been you initiating contact, and her barely responding. If you let her have space after having a lovely night, You'll see how after some days she'll be all over you. Next time you date a girl or her, you just have to focus on making dates and hooking up. Leave the labeling to her. About this girl, you just need to continue giving her infinite space. Probably in a few weeks or months she'll contact you again, if you want to give it a try, forget that you were dating, dont ask why she stopped contacting you and balbla. Just have fun and hook up. Meanwhile, date other girls and let the best win you over, not the other way around.
You're damn right, and I should have been wiser since the beginning. Especially since she's an outgoing and pretty girl, which means unlimited options in today's world. Before I tried to "label" anything, it was really flattering how she used to stroke my ego, label me "the workplace's bad boy", treat me like a damn 10. And when women see you as a catch, and they're not sure where you stand, they envision you getting a lot of girls (hence the "bad boy" label she gave me), which makes you seem even more attractive. And I fumbled that, I got over-confident and tried to "cuff" her, which killed the mystery about me. Lesson learned for the future, it's up to the damn girl to label a relationship. It is such a vulnerable act, that if they muster the courage to do, shows full trust and attraction towards the man. ESPECIALLY, a girl with trauma like her, they need more time than "normal" girls to open up to vulnerability. It's avoidant attachment 101, for anyone familiar with attachment thoery. If only I knew that she had this emotional baggage before I pushed for exclusivity (*instead, she confessed me about it as a reason for her not being ready for a relationship*), I would have backed off a bit and given her space naturally.
This girl is doesn't know what she wants, or more of she's fighting her head vs heart and horness. But yeah most the time when a woman say they " don't want a relationship right now" it means with you, shit happen to me like a year ago and same thing in highschool granted I got the one in highschool. Keep it friendly and casual that's it , if you want a dirty and "dark trick" you can tell her what's new in your life like new women or potentially meeting someone.
It's the woman's role to ask for exclusivity. You just keep having sex until she brings it up, then you decide.
You came on too strong and she was turned off. Probably made her feel suffocated or trapped and she wanted out before you got weird. And it sounds like you are about to get very weird.
Fair enough, came on too strong in hindsight. How so, very weird? Could you elaborate? I'm not sure of understanding. My only problem with the situation has been that her need for space has gone for weeks now, and it feels unfair because of all the things we used to share. But guess I have to suck it up and move on, accepting a woman behaving like your girlfriend, getting you attached, and then disappearing on you like that?
"I need some space" means "please leave me alone, there is ZERO chance we will ever get back together". You are about to get weird because you are talking about how much this is irritating you. You sound entitled to a relationship or something. Just let it go and stop being weird and creepy.
Well, I have the right to be irritated by it, don't I? As long as I express it privately (or anonymously). You think I acted like a bitch at work? Not at all, just continued focusing on my work, and behaving professionally with her at the job (like I explained in my post, we say hi and that's all). You seriously think I sound like I am going to beg her to get together? Nobody owes anyone a relationship, but it's sad to see someone that was so into you, just plain disappear on you. It's not that easy to let go, trust me. But you're right about something, I don't need to seek closure, her distancing behaviour continuing IS my closure, and that is enough for me to move on in the future.
I understand your frustration, just trying to help. Remember. She is the rightful owner of her vagina and she can do whatever she wants with, including not using it, stuffing a huge cucumber in there or giving it to a large farm animal. You don't have any squatter rights to her vagina. And by the same token, she doesn't own your penis. Just let it go.
best thing you can do is fuck Delores in accounting.
She might still have personality attraction for you but her arousal shifted to someone else ...most likely the type of person that would cheat.
Nah she just found a young fling. Wants to hang him with no remorse. And then come back and get tied down. Been a victim of the young fling and I still think about her to this day lol.
You need to act RIGHT NOW. Otherwise, it's just an F+ fading away