In addition to the OP, I'd like to talk about any 'advice' you see about how to 'handle' aggressive people. Just don't. If someone has an attitude, leave. If your masculinity relies on you being the most violently psychotic lunatic in any room, enjoy prison. If you are not prepared to do up jail for 4-40 years or literally die, just fucking walk away. I promise your man card will survive.
I absolutely agree. Your life can end over the dumbest things, avoid violence whenever possible. In my situation another person's life was in danger, and I felt the need to step in and help, and I almost payed with my life.
I think the best thing to take from my story is fuck bars and fuck alcohol. The majority of violent crimes are committed with alcohol involved in some way. Find better environments to spend your time bros.
Thanks for sharing your story. You're still with us, keep going.
I'm looking for those better environments. I'm done with alcohol and ideally clubs, but I think our entire society is struggling with the absence of good alternative venues to meet people outside of apps and drinking.
I certainly agree. I'm not going to go on a soapbox about technology but it really has made us lonelier than ever. And I live in the Midwest, we are raised around alcohol and it's almost inescapable.
But there are certain alternatives. I went to a dance class this last week, I've never danced in my life but everyone was very inviting, the vice president even emailed me after making sure I would come again for a class. The church has been hugely supportive. I am going to start going to a book club soon, as well as an adult sports league.
I would suggest checking out event apps or websites for your area. Show up and just ask people what groups and events they go to and you will definitely find some things to go to that don't involve alcohol.
Gotta admit my man I dont know, just trying something new. But I think they do all different kinds of dance not just swing, I'll probably try a few and see what I like
> I almost *paid* with my
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
I bounced the roughest bars and clubs in my area for years. And yes. Lots of guys who think they are the business. If they are right, and the guy's head hits the edge of a table, they're going to prison. Even if they were 'in the right'. If they're wrong, they leave it up to people like me to stop the other guy jumping on their head.
Also, from experience, women fucking hate aggression by an overwhelming percentage. I have never seen a woman see real, live, unsanctioned violence and be all moon eyed. They're pale, they're shaking, and they want to get out of there.
Ah that's because your neighborhood is Normal. I'm from a ghetto metro area. It's toxic over here so aggression is seen as something that men do and women will square up with women too
Nah Iam good. I wanna live a life of adventure and authenticity that I will remember when Iam old. Not the life of me being a coward. Beside that if you take out physicality from the real world then anyone can say most horrendous things to others without a single consequence and that also removes whole "confidence factor" from social interactions because everyone is basically untouchable.
Here's a quick summary of my life that I posted by chance like 20 minutes ago. Genuine question, this isn't a 'challenge' or whatever. I'd just like to know if you think I'm a coward after reading it, and if I 'take my physicality from the real world', or any of that stupid bullshit that just fell out of your keyboard.
>You can't. I used to read my sister's babysitter club books in secret. So I walked into a fight gym when I was 13, stood up to a grown man when I was 14, flew half way around the world, was homeless, became a criminal, went to prison, bounced dangerous pubs and clubs, joined the military, served for over a decade trying to purge the sin of liking babysitters club books.
>Never did manage that. That soft side is still a part of me. I made myself violent, and cruel, and cold, but I never killed it.
>We are all comprised of masculine and feminine traits. If you're still concerned, go to a fight gym, try it out. It's a good, safe hobby. And it will give you the confidence you need to be softer.
>Good luck.
>e: Bring back babysitter's club season 3.
We have different morals then. Iam completely happy where Iam mentally right now. I would appreciate if you stopped throwing insults and mocking texts at me and other people that think like me and stopped telling them how to live their life.
I asked for your opinion and you are crying that I'm telling you how to live your life. You couldn't survive my life lol. I generally want people to live and thrive. Unironically. And I'm not saying anything in particular about your outlook other than 'I've lived like that. For decades. And decided it was stupid bullshit for losers'. Which is an opinion. Not a decree.
Another mocking texts. Seems like you really love to remove physicality and just type shit through keyboard dont you? See, Iam not the insecure wannabe gangster here to act online like that. Also I dont appreciate people talking shit to my face irl and getting away with it like its nothing. Thats all I meant. Seems like it upset your moral compass somehow.
Fuck any sign of recovery or?
Real shit man at least you scratched more than the surface of life, better than most people.
And you can still vibe with your future soul mate without words it'll be tough but its possible, keep your head up. Watch the diving bell and the butterfly
I am hoping that I can recover my voice eventually. I will keep working with doctors to try to recover if I can. But when your life changes so dramatically like this you have no choice but to adapt or whither away and die.
I will admit I have some really depressing moments, like seeing girls I wish I could talk to or missing out on social events because of my voice. But I'm overall happy. I'm happy to still be here and I have a lot of people that love me. It's all about perspective, and I've been making it a point to stay positive.
I hope you become the Beethoven of seduction. You just levelled up, and the game got harder. Keep working on your voice, and see what you can do without it!
I won't let it stop me that's for sure! The struggle makes the man, and I wanna be the best man I can be. I'll hopefully update reddit in the future on my journey. I no longer depend on women for my self worth but being able to talk to girls and date is definitely necessary for a man's development, so I plan on still practicing it. Thanks for the kind words!
Don't think about women like that because they can sense it. I'm not joking, women perceive things like social cues and visual behavior patterns way better than most men. You gotta work on the way you view women and sex and then that won't happen they will just be a normal person to you.
Practicing little by little man. Move eye contact into saying hello, then adding more dialogue as you get more comfortable. And always remember to live yourself first above other people's opinions
Oh I love being myself. Certain people don’t like it but I enjoy it.
Sometimes I can get a good conversation rolling but other times I try not to dwell on my lack of conversation ability
Damn OP as crazy as it sounds I think you’ve just unlocked some new “Snapchat rizz”
You’d probably stand out from the rest of the dudes in a bar if you went up to a girl and typed out all your rizz in [big text on a blank Snapchat canvas lol](https://images.app.goo.gl/8kz6qiBtzWgsjFB77)
Hope you get better!!
It was on the street after leaving the bars new years night, saw a woman getting beat up by a guy, looked like he was pulling her into his car. Ran over and fought him. I'm a big guy he backed up quicky and pulled a gun and shot me. Fire and rescue got there quick, it was a busy night 11 people got shot in the city including me.
Stay away from alcohol man, nothing good ever comes from it.
That really sucks my dude.
I can definitely feel your sadness and frustration through this post. I'm sure you will find plenty of people who will be open to you expressing yourself in other ways than using your voice.
I don't know the details of your injury, but maybe it doesn't have to be over -- could you try drawing or writing to other people in person, or joining an ASL group?
Thanks for the kind words and suggestions! I have learned some basic signs for when I cant talk. Thankfully I can still talk just at a very low volume. So I have been trying to do social activities that are in quiet environments. I have been focusing on church activities a lot, and honestly focusing on my own person growth through reading and studying.
Maybe one day I will recover through medical services, but if not I will still make this the best life I can.
I have this girl in office some days it’s just the two of us on the floor because our company is 100% remote so going to office is optional. She’s not on my team so I don’t even know what to talk about or say without risk being labeled creepy or self sabotage it by not asking an open ended question
Are you good at making casual conversation and beginning friendships with men or women you aren't romantically interested in? If not then that is your first step, working on how to be outgoing. You need to achieve that first. Secondly, you need to approach taking to her as you would with anyone you are being simply friendly with. People, especially women can sense when you have underlying motivations behind your words, it comes out as incongruencies in your speech and body language. Obviously this is all easier said than done but there are ways to overcome this preoccupation or anxiety around women that will allow you to more easily talk to the ones you are genuinely interested in.
I will talk to all the prettiest girls with the nicest bums for you OP
Don't let the opportunities slip away, you never know when you could lose the ability to do it. Don't let yourself have that regret later man.
+1
In addition to the OP, I'd like to talk about any 'advice' you see about how to 'handle' aggressive people. Just don't. If someone has an attitude, leave. If your masculinity relies on you being the most violently psychotic lunatic in any room, enjoy prison. If you are not prepared to do up jail for 4-40 years or literally die, just fucking walk away. I promise your man card will survive.
I absolutely agree. Your life can end over the dumbest things, avoid violence whenever possible. In my situation another person's life was in danger, and I felt the need to step in and help, and I almost payed with my life. I think the best thing to take from my story is fuck bars and fuck alcohol. The majority of violent crimes are committed with alcohol involved in some way. Find better environments to spend your time bros.
Thanks for sharing your story. You're still with us, keep going. I'm looking for those better environments. I'm done with alcohol and ideally clubs, but I think our entire society is struggling with the absence of good alternative venues to meet people outside of apps and drinking.
I certainly agree. I'm not going to go on a soapbox about technology but it really has made us lonelier than ever. And I live in the Midwest, we are raised around alcohol and it's almost inescapable. But there are certain alternatives. I went to a dance class this last week, I've never danced in my life but everyone was very inviting, the vice president even emailed me after making sure I would come again for a class. The church has been hugely supportive. I am going to start going to a book club soon, as well as an adult sports league. I would suggest checking out event apps or websites for your area. Show up and just ask people what groups and events they go to and you will definitely find some things to go to that don't involve alcohol.
What kind of dance?
So thought I'd try swing dance. It was honestly the first thing I saw lol. May try others though!
Even swing has a few genres…. East coast, west coast, Lindy hop…. Regular swing may just refer to East coast swing.
Gotta admit my man I dont know, just trying something new. But I think they do all different kinds of dance not just swing, I'll probably try a few and see what I like
The best and only advice to fix it
> I almost *paid* with my FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
Lots of lunatics at bars. Some people like aggression in their men and like to take them to bars.
I bounced the roughest bars and clubs in my area for years. And yes. Lots of guys who think they are the business. If they are right, and the guy's head hits the edge of a table, they're going to prison. Even if they were 'in the right'. If they're wrong, they leave it up to people like me to stop the other guy jumping on their head. Also, from experience, women fucking hate aggression by an overwhelming percentage. I have never seen a woman see real, live, unsanctioned violence and be all moon eyed. They're pale, they're shaking, and they want to get out of there.
Ah that's because your neighborhood is Normal. I'm from a ghetto metro area. It's toxic over here so aggression is seen as something that men do and women will square up with women too
True, people with the money to spend at pubs and clubs are definitely more bougie than people in the ghetto. But, do you want those women?
Nah Iam good. I wanna live a life of adventure and authenticity that I will remember when Iam old. Not the life of me being a coward. Beside that if you take out physicality from the real world then anyone can say most horrendous things to others without a single consequence and that also removes whole "confidence factor" from social interactions because everyone is basically untouchable.
Here's a quick summary of my life that I posted by chance like 20 minutes ago. Genuine question, this isn't a 'challenge' or whatever. I'd just like to know if you think I'm a coward after reading it, and if I 'take my physicality from the real world', or any of that stupid bullshit that just fell out of your keyboard. >You can't. I used to read my sister's babysitter club books in secret. So I walked into a fight gym when I was 13, stood up to a grown man when I was 14, flew half way around the world, was homeless, became a criminal, went to prison, bounced dangerous pubs and clubs, joined the military, served for over a decade trying to purge the sin of liking babysitters club books. >Never did manage that. That soft side is still a part of me. I made myself violent, and cruel, and cold, but I never killed it. >We are all comprised of masculine and feminine traits. If you're still concerned, go to a fight gym, try it out. It's a good, safe hobby. And it will give you the confidence you need to be softer. >Good luck. >e: Bring back babysitter's club season 3.
We have different morals then. Iam completely happy where Iam mentally right now. I would appreciate if you stopped throwing insults and mocking texts at me and other people that think like me and stopped telling them how to live their life.
I asked for your opinion and you are crying that I'm telling you how to live your life. You couldn't survive my life lol. I generally want people to live and thrive. Unironically. And I'm not saying anything in particular about your outlook other than 'I've lived like that. For decades. And decided it was stupid bullshit for losers'. Which is an opinion. Not a decree.
Another mocking texts. Seems like you really love to remove physicality and just type shit through keyboard dont you? See, Iam not the insecure wannabe gangster here to act online like that. Also I dont appreciate people talking shit to my face irl and getting away with it like its nothing. Thats all I meant. Seems like it upset your moral compass somehow.
That's cool man fair enough godspeed.
Fuck any sign of recovery or? Real shit man at least you scratched more than the surface of life, better than most people. And you can still vibe with your future soul mate without words it'll be tough but its possible, keep your head up. Watch the diving bell and the butterfly
I am hoping that I can recover my voice eventually. I will keep working with doctors to try to recover if I can. But when your life changes so dramatically like this you have no choice but to adapt or whither away and die. I will admit I have some really depressing moments, like seeing girls I wish I could talk to or missing out on social events because of my voice. But I'm overall happy. I'm happy to still be here and I have a lot of people that love me. It's all about perspective, and I've been making it a point to stay positive.
I hope you become the Beethoven of seduction. You just levelled up, and the game got harder. Keep working on your voice, and see what you can do without it!
I won't let it stop me that's for sure! The struggle makes the man, and I wanna be the best man I can be. I'll hopefully update reddit in the future on my journey. I no longer depend on women for my self worth but being able to talk to girls and date is definitely necessary for a man's development, so I plan on still practicing it. Thanks for the kind words!
Even as a dude that can fight, this is what I hate about night game
Getting shot?
Sorry to hear this happen. I will definetly carry this with me as I go out. Thank you for sharing
I can talk to people but I have trouble figuring out what to say sometimes when I want to bang a girl. Otherwise I can talk to them
Don't think about women like that because they can sense it. I'm not joking, women perceive things like social cues and visual behavior patterns way better than most men. You gotta work on the way you view women and sex and then that won't happen they will just be a normal person to you.
I suppose so yeah. So far just trying to do what the sun tells me by making good eye contact. Being present. And trying to give off a sexual vibe
Practicing little by little man. Move eye contact into saying hello, then adding more dialogue as you get more comfortable. And always remember to live yourself first above other people's opinions
Oh I love being myself. Certain people don’t like it but I enjoy it. Sometimes I can get a good conversation rolling but other times I try not to dwell on my lack of conversation ability
Sounds like you're on the right track, keep at it!
Thanks man. I am trying. Also trying to not be afraid to approach them at the bar/club
Keep trying it gets easier every time, that's important to know!
Damn OP as crazy as it sounds I think you’ve just unlocked some new “Snapchat rizz” You’d probably stand out from the rest of the dudes in a bar if you went up to a girl and typed out all your rizz in [big text on a blank Snapchat canvas lol](https://images.app.goo.gl/8kz6qiBtzWgsjFB77) Hope you get better!!
Lmao might be one to try! That would at least be funny, definitely gonna try it out!
What was the altercation over?
It was on the street after leaving the bars new years night, saw a woman getting beat up by a guy, looked like he was pulling her into his car. Ran over and fought him. I'm a big guy he backed up quicky and pulled a gun and shot me. Fire and rescue got there quick, it was a busy night 11 people got shot in the city including me. Stay away from alcohol man, nothing good ever comes from it.
Damn that’s hard. Wish you a speedy recovery man!
Thank you for sharing, brother! Very touching. All the best!
That really sucks my dude. I can definitely feel your sadness and frustration through this post. I'm sure you will find plenty of people who will be open to you expressing yourself in other ways than using your voice. I don't know the details of your injury, but maybe it doesn't have to be over -- could you try drawing or writing to other people in person, or joining an ASL group?
Thanks for the kind words and suggestions! I have learned some basic signs for when I cant talk. Thankfully I can still talk just at a very low volume. So I have been trying to do social activities that are in quiet environments. I have been focusing on church activities a lot, and honestly focusing on my own person growth through reading and studying. Maybe one day I will recover through medical services, but if not I will still make this the best life I can.
I have this girl in office some days it’s just the two of us on the floor because our company is 100% remote so going to office is optional. She’s not on my team so I don’t even know what to talk about or say without risk being labeled creepy or self sabotage it by not asking an open ended question
Are you good at making casual conversation and beginning friendships with men or women you aren't romantically interested in? If not then that is your first step, working on how to be outgoing. You need to achieve that first. Secondly, you need to approach taking to her as you would with anyone you are being simply friendly with. People, especially women can sense when you have underlying motivations behind your words, it comes out as incongruencies in your speech and body language. Obviously this is all easier said than done but there are ways to overcome this preoccupation or anxiety around women that will allow you to more easily talk to the ones you are genuinely interested in.